Originally uploaded to Pastebin: January 18th, 2015
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Wrote this for a thread centred around a female version of King Sombra.
It's not exactly Rule 63, but more of a spin on the canon depiction of Sombra.

Hope you enjoy it, it was fun to write.

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"You're sending me to do what?"
>Celestia nods solemnly.
>"This is a grave task that only you can accomplish. Right, Luna?"
>Luna lets out a disinterested "uh huh" and continues openly flipping through her porn magazine.
"Yeah, but, assassination?"
>"Come on, it'll be easy, Sombra's a pussy anyway."
>Luna nods.
>"Verily, he art a sizable vagina."
"B-but I'm an ambassador, not an assassin! Hell, I'm not even an ambassador, you just pay me to represent my people!"
>Celestia jabs you in the shoulder.
>"Don't be a wuss, Anon. You're just going to the Crystal Empire, pretending to be his friend or ally or whatever, then sticking a dagger in his belly. What's hard about that?"
"Well killing someone, for starters, second, what did he do to deserve it?"
>"He owes me money, and also he stole the Empire away from Cadence or something. But mostly he owes me money."
"Christ, well when do I start?"
>"Right now! Come along, game faces on, this'll be a quick adventure."
"When can I expect to be back?"
>"I dunno, train ride is like a day, then you can spend four hours or whatever getting close to Sombra, then you shank the fucker and be back home for Wednesday."
>Luna grunts.
>"Be sure to kick him in the balls once you're through."
>She blinks a few times.
>"Uhh, verily."
>Celestia nods sagely.
>"The ball kicking is important."
"...Why?"
>"It's a symbol of Equestrian might. We kick all our enemies in the balls."
"That seems juvenile."
>"And yet I'm the immortal sun goddess with a nation under her hoof, what have you accomplished lately?"
>Luna snorts.
>"Being a dork."
>Celestia guffaws at this and hoofbumps her sister.
>"Alright, Anon, let's get you to the train station."
"W-wait, aren't I allowed to take anything?"
>"Nope. No time, Equestria hangs in the balance or something to that effect."
>She starts pushing you out the room.
"Can't I at least take my tooth brush?!"
>"I'm sure you'll look super imposing showing up to the Crystal Empire clutching nothing but a toothbrush. NOW GO!"

>Huff to yourself as you watch the snowy landscape zip by past your carriage window.
>The train is deserted apart from you.
>You think the conductor might even have hopped off.
>Craning your neck, you look into the driver's cabin.
>A 'be right back' note is taped to the controls.
>Sigh.
>Maybe this won't be so bad.
>You're only going to kill a tyrant.
>With absolutely no formal training, experience or even motivation to do so.
>You can pretty much expect to die here.
>Didn't even get to say goodbye to your favourite pony.
>Pony Joe.
>You see a large gleaming spire rise over the horizon.
>That must be the empire.
>You've never been before, but you've heard tales of how nice it is this time of year.
>Take another quick glance at the frozen desolation around you.
>Yup, sure is lovely.
>The train pulls into the station and you stand up, rubbing your eyes and preparing to meet your death.
>Hey, maybe Sombra will go easy on you.
>Perhaps you can appeal to his good nature.
>If he even has one.
>You pull a picture out of your pocket and unfold it.
>A jet black, red horned, psychotic-looking unicorn in a regal gown cackles whilst lightning strikes around him.
>Would he like sports? He looks like he might like sports.
>Step off the train as it comes to a stop.
>Around you you're surrounded by hundreds of... absolutely nothing.
>The platform is dead.
>You can't even hear the wind.
>Looking around, you see that there's a sort of artificial eco-sphere set up around the empire, because everything is lush, green, and warm.
>Frowning, you scratch your face and head towards the exit.
>There has to be someone around here.
>Yet as you reach the streets of the Crystal Empire, nothing changes.
>You peer through various windows, but see no cowering citizens like you expected.
>It seems as though the whole empire is a ghost town.
>Spooky.
>Push on towards the massive spire that towers above the houses.
>If you weren't here to perform an execution, you might find this quite nice.
>Stand beneath the spire and glance around.
>You see an entrance snaking up to the spire, but there's no one guarding it.
>Shrug and let yourself in.
>The whole situation is so surreal that you ask out of instinct:
"Hello? Anyone home? Your front door was unlocked!"
>Your voice echoes back at you.
>Pick a random direction and start walking.
>An evil tyrant would probably hang out in the throne room, right?
>Stick your hands in your pockets and whistle as you walk.
>Admire the architecture.
>Everything is made of crystal.
>Even the flowers.
>You pass into a large hallway, and a pair of great double doors lie at the end.
>They're slightly open.
>Briskly walk over and poke your head through the door to see--
>"HEY!"
"OHGOD."
>Leap backwards, tripping over yourself as you do so.
>You fall to the floor, banging your back hard against the crystalline surface.
>There's no time to rest, however, as King Sombra herself is immediately all over you.
>"Who are you?! How did you get in? Who sent you? Are you hurt? Why are you so weird looking?"
>You bat your hands at her and try to fend her off.
>Yet as your hands push at her fluffy chest and force the overbearing unicorn away from you, you pause.
>Sombra glares at you, her eyes filled with cautious anticipation.
>Slowly, you reach into your pocket and retrieve your picture.
>Unfold it and compare it to the mare before you.
>Same colour scheme, same red horn, same clothing, same look of extreme mania.
>But...
"Wait, you're a mare?"
>Sombra stares at you, then gives an indignant huff.
>"Of course I'm a mare! I'm Queen Sombra! Terror of the Crystal Empire!"
"...Oh."
>The queen's eyes narrow.
>"What, you were expecting something more? Am I not scary enough for you?"
"No no, it's not that, I just, uhh, I was told you were a stallion."
>"By who? It wasn't Celestia was it? Are you an assassin here to kill me?!"
>She presses her face close to you, so that her nose is touching yours.
>Her scrunched face and glare are enough to shut you up.
"N-No! I'm here to... visit?"
>Sombra eyes you for a second.
>"Visit."
"Yes."
>"From where?"
"Canterlot?"
>"So Celestia -did- send you to kill me?"
"No, I'm just, uhh, President of the Sombra Fanclub."
>What the fuck are you talking about.
>Sombra blinks a few times, then smirks.
>"The president of my own fanclub doesn't know what gender I am?"
"W-well to be fair, you don't exactly show up much."
>"No, I don't."
>She fixes her mane with a hoof.
>"I'm far too busy to attend such trivial things, but I appreciate the time you took to visit me."
>She puts on a haughty expression.
>"Tell me, how many legions of fans do I have in Canterlot?"
"Oh. Um, well it's just ahh, me."
>...
>Sombra looks crestfallen.
"But I'm looking for new members!"
>She deflates somewhat.
>"Right, yes, of course."
>The queen fixes you with her unsettlingly intense gaze again.
>"I suppose I should be a gracious host and show you around."
"Wouldn't the queen have a servant to do th--"
>You shut your mouth quickly.
>Sombra glares at you.
>"Yes. Well. All my servants are busy with important royal matters at the moment."
>In the silence that follows, you realise just how quiet the palace really is.
>It truly is completely deserted save for Sombra.
>You stand up and look down at the queen.
>She seems perturbed by your height over her.
>"You're too tall. Shrink."
"I can't, ma'am."
>She huffs and trots off down the hall, motioning for you to follow.
>You follow her.
>As you both walk, you think about what just happened.
>She's alone in a castle, doesn't have any guards, is way smaller than you are, is good-natured enough to not kill you on the spot, and is now showing you around.
>You get the horrible feeling that this is going to end in sex.
>Paintings of various important figures adorn the walls.
>Sombra sees you looking and tries to make small talk.
>"You like the paintings?"
"Yeah, who are they?"
>"I have no idea. I only moved in two weeks ago."
"...Oh."
>"Not very in-the-know, are you... Uhh--"
"Anonymous."
>"Anonymous."
"No, I'm not. How did you come to running the empire?"
>"I merely showed up and every pony was so scared of me that they just ran away."
"Really?"
>"Yes. That's what happened. Stop asking so many questions."
"So now that you have the empire, what are you going to do?"
>"Run it, obviously."
"Ah, good plan. But uhh, I didn't see... -many- ponies around. How are you going to gather wealth and power with so few followers?"
>"Hopefully that fanclub of yours might be able to throw me together an army. How does three months sound? I want an army ready to go in three months."
"Why do you want an army?"
>"I'm a tyrant, idiot, it's what tyrants do. You know, they build armies and stuff."
"And stuff."
>"Shut up."
>She pushes open a door and you find yourself in what looks like...
"Is this a kitchen?"
>Sombra pulls open the Royal Refrigerator and retrieves a Rich, Expensive and Hard-to-obtain Royal Beverage.
>She cracks open the soda and sips on it.
>"You want one?"
>Nervously accept and pierce the lid, sipping the flat soda inside.
"You're... Not really what I was expecting."
>Sombra goes red.
>"Yeah, well, why don't you just disappear like the others then?"
>Sit down on a chair.
>Sombra glares at you.
>You get an idea, and instead slide off the chair and sit cross-legged on the floor.
>This brings you to eye-level with Sombra.
"I think I'll stay."
>She seems pleased with this and sits herself down as well.
>"Good. I need more slaves."
"Slaves?"
>"Yes. I need slaves to build my empire."
>Look around you.
"Empire already seems built."
>"Shut up, you don't know what it's like, running a nation."
>You scratch your face in thought.
"Soo... What -is- it like?"
>She gazes blankly at the soda in her hooves.
>"It's... Nice."
>Frown.
"Just nice?"
>"Look, you came at a bad time, alright? It's a transitional period, I haven't got everything set up yet."
>She gulps down some flat soda.
>"Come back in a month, and there'll be black-armour-clad guards marching these halls, legions of servants fulfilling my every wish, and foreign nations will be tripping over themselves to pay tribute to me!"
>She angrily drinks more 'Fruity Punch' soda.
>"You'll see, Anonymous..."
>She leans back so that her back is resting against one of the table legs behind her.
>"They'll all see..."
>Sit awkwardly for a while, sipping on the gone-off soda and thinking about what to do next.
>You're in a kitchen, and there are knives everywhere.
>You could totally stab her right now and be done with it.
>Yet some strange cosmic force compels you to sit still.
>The thought yet again occurs that you're probably going to bang this mare.
>"So."
>Look up at her.
>"What do you like to do for fun?"
"I'm sorry?"
>She goes red and asks again.
"Uhh, well, reading. I like reading."
>Sombra nods.
>"Yes, yes, me too. I have a library, you know."
"Really? Is it big?"
>"It's huge. It's a -royal- library, see."
"Oh, cool."
>She gives you an unamused look.
>"Well don't get too excited."
"Sorry, it's just, uhh, I don't really know how to talk to royalty."
>She shrugs.
>"You've been doing well so far."
>That's encouraging.
>"Want to see it then?"
"Sure, lead the way."
>She stands up and gets two more sodas out the fridge.
>"So, um, this might sound weird, but do you like adventure novels?"

"The afternoon sun washed over the lands, shrouding all it touched in a silky orange glow. Firefall sighed happily as she could just about make out her home in the distance; the picturesque little village sat as happily as it always had on the side of the valley bowl..."
>You are in Sombra's library.
>For how long you've been there, you're unsure.
>But you're both under blankets and reading stories by lamplight.
>Sombra is curled up across from you, her red and green eyes flickering in the flame's light.
>You finish the book and yawn.
>Check your watch.
>You've been here for hours.
>Your throat kinda hurts from reading, and there are plates of food and empty drink cans scattered all around you.
>Sombra is watching you with utmost fascination.
>She'd taken off her crown sometime during your reading, and it lies forgotten on a small pile of chocolate wrappers.
>Her mane is wild and unkempt, a stark contrast to the pristine state it was in when you first met.
>She lazily plays around with an apple as you finish reading.
>Once you do so, she smiles.
>"That was... Great."
"Just great?"
>"Well, uh, passable, I suppose."
>She sniffs.
>"I used to have ponies read to me every night."
>You raise an eyebrow at her.
"You used to have ponies read you stories at night?"
>"Yes?"
"What, like a foal?"
>She glares at you.
>"If I wasn't so tired and full of chocolate I'd come over there and beat you like a dog."
>She snuggles in deep amongst her blankets and royal gown.
>It makes her look extremely cozy.
"It's past midnight, do you want to sleep?"
>"Sure, do you have a train you need to catch tomorrow? N-not that you can leave, or anything."
>...
>You briefly remember why you're here.
>Sombra studies your face as you think.
>It's not hard to tell that she's trying to figure you out.
>Eventually, you stretch out and let out a satisfied noise.
"Well I wasn't planning to go tomorrow. Didn't really plan my trip home yet."
>Which in a way is true.
>Sombra develops a small smile at this.
>"Oh. Good."
>She stands up, trying to keep the blankets close to her.
>The air in the library is chilly, though, and she quickly sits down again.
>"Ugh, I hate how cold it gets around here."
"Can't you heat the place up a bit?"
>"The old owners used to have enchantments that kept the place warm no matter what."
"And you can't do that?"
>"I don't know the spells for it. The eco-dome outside is fine, but the central heating isn't."
"Maybe it's in one of these books?"
>"Maybe."
"Don't you want to find out?"
>Sombra yawns.
>"I just want to sleep at the moment."
>You give her a curious look.
"What exactly have you been doing these last few weeks?"
>"Just... Planning."
"Planning for your armies, right?"
>"Of course."
"And not sitting around eating whatever you find in the fridge."
>"...Of course."
>She rests her chin on the floor.
"Not going to bed?"
>"Too tired and cold."
"Wow, some tyrant you are."
>"Just because I'm not what you would consider the ideal tyrant, doesn't mean that I'll put up with your sass, Anonymous."
"Oof, sorry."
>"Mmph. You'd better be..."
"You alright?"
>"Yes yes, just tired..."
>She closes her eyes and lets out a final, deep sigh.
>After a few seconds, you can hear her delicate snores drifting past your ears.
>You watch the sleeping mare for a good minute.
>This is it.
>You could kill her right now.
>Crush her throat?
>Snap her neck?
>...
>You look away from the queen and flip onto your back.
>Stare at the ceiling.
>You're not kidding anyone, Anon.
>You aren't a killer. Not even close.
>No way in hell are you killing someone you just met, least of all someone as sorry-looking as Sombra.
>Glance at her again.
>She looks troubled when she sleeps.
>Every so often she'll shift uncomfortably.
>Looking over her body, you see that one of her back legs is exposed.
>Readjusting yourself, you feel the cold air rush in for a moment.
>You don't blame her for shifting; the air is freezing.
>Shuffle over to her and gently wrap your fingers around her leg.
>Carefully slide it under her gown, then cover the gown in her blanket, making sure that none of her is exposed.
>"What are you doing?"
>You flinch and look at her.
>She's sat up slightly, her eyes glowing with ethereal light in the darkness.
"You looked cold, so I just, ah, moved your leg under the blanket."
>Sombra fixes you with her signature stare.
>Then gives you a small nod.
>"Thank you."
>She beckons for you to come closer.
>"Lie with me."
"Huh?"
>"We'll be warmer that way."
"We could always find a bed--""
>"Lie. With. Me."
"Right, yeah, got it."
>You settle down next to her and get comfy.
>She closes her eyes again and is asleep in seconds.
>You can smell her from here.
>She smells... quite musty, actually.
>Hardly 'smelling of lavender and vanilla' like the ponies back in Canterlot often do.
>Unwashed, even.
>You wonder if she's figured out where the shower is yet in this palace.
>Regardless, you get comfortable on your back and close your eyes.
>Never thought the day would end up like this.
>And with that, you drift off to sleep.

>Your eyes creak open.
>The first thought in your mind is how much warmer it is.
>Sunlight streaks through the arched windows, catching the floating dust and illuminating the library.
>A muffled groan makes you glance at the sleeping form next to you.
>Sombra's faintly glowing eyes flutter open and she groggily studies you with early morning confusion.
>"Snrrrrgg... Crryyyystlllss..."
"What."
>She smacks her lips and raises her head from the floor, about to reply.
>Then pauses.
>Look down at where she's staring.
>You didn't even notice it, but sometime in the night, Sombra's hoof had escaped the confines of her blankets.
>The same happened to your arm, and your fingers were lightly resting against her hoof.
>Both you and Sombra quickly pull your respective limbs back to each other and regard one another with caution.
>"Were you touching me last night?"
"I don't know, did you try anything funny?"
>"Do I look like I make a lot of jokes?"
"I don't even know who you are."
>She huffs and stands up, shedding her blankets.
>The tyrant grunts at the sight of the books, wrappers, plates and glasses.
>"Look at this mess... Who's going to clean this up?"
"You, presumably, it's your palace."
>"Ugh, such disrespect. You're lucky I need you here to carry out my orders."
"Say what now."
>"Last night you told me you had no plans to leave, and I need help cleaning up the palace."
"But that's not what I'm here to d--"
>"Silence, you will do this for me or I shall destroy you."
>Give her a flat look.
"I don't think you will."
>Sombra looks aghast.
>"How -dare- you! I brought this empire to its knees! You really think you can stand up to me?!"
"Yes."
>"Such insolence. Fine! Be that way! I shall grant you ten seconds to run before I obliterate you where you stand!"
>Her horn lights up.
>You stand your ground.
>She begins counting down.
>Fold your arms and wait for her to finish.
>"Three. Two. ...ONE!"
>A violent blast of red magic slams into your chest, sending you flying head over heels backwards.
>You roll several times and come to an abrupt stop at the foot of a wooden bookcase.
>To your horror, your weight was enough to knock a few books off the shelves above.
>They bounce painfully off you.
>But just as you think it's over, a large, heavy tome outlining the perks of mechanised farming crashes into your body.

>"Stupid moron."
>Sombra tears a drawer out of its compartment.
>"Idiot."
>She inspects your arm and flips through a medicinal book.
>"Imbecile."
"Alright, I get it."
>"Why did you make me do that?"
"I didn't -make- you do anything! You're the one who lost her shit and decided to try and kill me!"
>"Well I didn't mean to hit you! Your body is too large, it got in the way. I only meant to scare you."
>She prods your arm and checks the drawer of medical supplies she pulled out for various ointments.
"Is all this really necessary? It's just a big bruise."
>"You might have a fracture."
"Trust me, we'd know if I did."
>"Well fine then. You patch -yourself- up."
>She storms out of the room.
>You sigh and check your arm again.
>An ugly bruise has formed where the corner of the book hit you, but you've not broken anything.
>It'll heal.
>Now you just need to figure out what you're going to do with Sombra.
>So far you've shown up, fucked around in a library and slept next to her.
>Hardly the heroic assassination against the lord of darkness that you were promised.
>Come to think of it, a lot of what Celestia told you about Sombra has turned out to be bullshit.
>You were told she was a merciless overlord who had enslaved the entire kingdom.
>Who had returned from beyond death to wreak havoc in the frozen north.
>Who had dethroned Cadence and Shining Armour and once more brought the Crystal Empire under her control.
>But given what you've seen, you have no idea what could have possibly happened.
>One thing you can be quite sure of is that she isn't a monster.
>Right?
>She's angry, aggressive, and cold. 
>Maybe even a little bit conceited.
>And above all else, seemingly lonely.
>Of course, you can't conclude everything from spending just under a day with her.
>Some more observation will have to be in order.
>Even then, why observe?
>You're here to kill her. No matter what you do here, the reason you came here doesn't change. 
>Celestia tasked you to kill her.
>And you think maybe get back some money that she owes Celestia from about 1000 years ago.
>Old gambling debts aren't forgotten, apparently.
>"Hey."
>Look up.
>Sombra is holding two steaming cups in her magic.
>"Do you like hot chocolate?"
"Sure."
>"Right. Well, good. I made you some. Thank me later."
>She thinks for a moment.
>"Actually, thank me now."
"...Thanks for the hot chocolate?"
>"You're very welcome."
>The mare trots towards you and gently places your cup of steaming hot coco next to you.
>She sits on her rear and sips hers, staring into space as she does so.
>Once again you find yourself in awkward silence with her.
>And all you can think about is what makes her tick.
>So far she's been quite receptive to questions, so perhaps you can squeeze some more information out of her.
"Soo, when you took over, how did that go down?"
>You expect a story about how she fought her way to the throne.
>Or even more likely, that everyone in the Crystal Empire just took a two week holiday and she's taken over while they were gone.
>Maybe a funny story about--
>"I killed them all."
>...
>You stare at her, then frown.
"Come on, be serious."
>She sets down her mug and stares straight at you, her ethereal eyes letting out small wisps of purple energy.
>"I killed each and every one of them."
>Your blood runs cold.
>Seems Celestia was right all along.
>Sombra sighs.
>"At least, I think I have. Probably have. More than likely have. It was an accident, alright?"
>She fumes to herself and drinks some more chocolate.
>"Last time I was banished by Celestia and her fat sister, I cast a fail-safe that would banish the empire with me."
"Right."
>"It worked, and a thousand or so years later, I came back, along with the empire."
>She takes a slow sip and wipes her mouth on the back of her hoof.
>"So that time some pink flying thing and a dragon whelp literally explode me and I wake up in Tartarus."
"How does that work?"
>She taps her horn.
>"Artificial horn. Acts like a fail-safe for death."
>She smiles.
>"I'm big on fail-safes. I'm just a unicorn, after all. We're super squishy."
>You take note of her plush looking sides.
>Then immediately look back at her face.
>She's lost in her own little world as she recollects the story.
>"So my horn regenerated me, I tricked the guard-dog at Tartarus with rock I painted to look like a ball, and I escaped."
>Sombra shakes her head.
>"I made my way back here, and the first thing I do is try and cast that banishment fail-safe again to get rid of the pink flying princess thing whose name escapes me and her consort."
>She looks around, and you once again listen to the sound of silence in the palace.
>"I made a mistake, Anonymous."
>She looks at you sadly.
>"So now they're all banished. All of them. And I'm stuck here alone for a thousand years until they get back. That is, if they even make it back. Not sure if I applied the chrono-skip to the spell, so they might literally have to spend a thousand years in some forgotten temporal plane, rather than spending 20 minutes there like we did last time."
>Sombra gulps down the last of her milk and wipes her mouth.
>"Worst of all I don't have anyone to boss around or mine crystals for me..."
>She grows a small smile.
>"Well, until you showed up."
>The mare flashes you a sweet little grin.
>"Anonymous~ would you be a dear and head down to the mines and dedicate your life to harvesting magic crystals for me?"
>She bats her eyelids, then lets out a frustrated groan.
>You watch in bemusement as the tyrant flops backwards spread-eagled and stares at the crystalline ceiling.
>"Not going to lie, this is a really boring situation to be in."
"But... You've got magic."
>She scrunches her face up.
>"I don't know what you know about magic, but tyrants have to eat, Anonymous. They have to have people work for them, and maintain their empires, and fight their battles."
>The mare puffs out her cheeks.
>"Tyrants rule through fear. Not much use when there's no one around to scare."
>She looks at you.
>"And you don't even find me scary."
>You give the queen a long look, and after a long while, say:
"How the hell did you take over the first time?"
>She frowns.
>"I just said, fear. My special talent was scaring ponies. Well, that's putting it lightly, I was a magical prodigy really. But I was always good at spooking people. My foalhood friends used to call me Spooky Sombra before I imprisoned them in the crystal mines."
>She giggles to herself.
>"Good times~"
>Getting over how adorable that giggle was, you ask the final and most pressing question.
"But why are you always portrayed as a stallion?"
>"Don't know. Celestia was probably a massive bitch about winning and made everyone think I was a guy."
"...But why?"
>"Haven't you ever met Celestia? She's the worst."
"Yeah, she is."
>"Oh, you've met her then."
"Yeah, she..."
>Should you really tell her this?
>You look at the mare lying spread-eagled on the floor.
>She looks at you, nursing your arm and hot chocolate.
"She umm, sent me here to kill you."
>Sombra stares at you.
>Slowly, she sits up.
>"Oh."
>You set down the chocolate and keep your hands to yourself.
>The mare frowns at you.
>Then her face contorts into one of anger.
>Then back to just frowning.
>"O-oh."
"Are you okay?"
>"D-don't talk to me."
>She stands up and paces around.
>"So now they're sending assassins. Well some assassin you turned out to be!"
>Sombra seems to hype herself up for a moment, turning away and giving herself a sort of pep-talk before smoothing her mane out and readjusting her dusty robes.
>She spins around, eyes full of fury.
>"SO! You think you can claim my life, do you?!"
"What? No--"
>"You shall find only death here!"
>She points her horn at you and charges it up.
>You grab the closest thing to you in a bid to defend yourself.
>A drawer full of medical supplies.
>The two of you stand off.
>Sombra breathes heavily.
>Your mind works rapidly to try and figure a way out of this.
>"G-go on then! Try and kill me!"
"You first!"
>"You fi-- What kind of assassin are you?!"
"I'm not an assassin!"
>"But you just said Celestia sent you to kill me!"
"She did! And if I really was an assassin, then why didn't I kill you last night?!"
>"I don't know, because you're stupid!"
"Then how could I possibly kill -you-?!"
>She pauses.
>Then raises her horn slightly.
>"...Did you just imply that I'm smarter than you?"
"Well, I mean, you're the one with an empire, and I'm threatening you with--."
>You quickly glance at the drawer in your hands.
"Bandages, throat medicine and tea-leaves."
>Sombra blushes slightly.
>"Well, umm, you're still going to try and kill me though, right?"
"No, I'm really not."
>...
>She dissipates the magic in her horn.
>"Well. Good. I'm terrible at fighting."
>Sombra tries to force a smile.
>"You can put down my medicine now."
>You do so gladly, then sit back down.
>Sombra tentatively sits next to you.
>Then scooches over slightly so that you can feel her flank pressed slightly against your leg.
>"So now that I've forced you into submission, can you please look after me?"
"I-- what."
>"Well, I'm a tyrant, not a cook."
"You want me to cook you stuff."
>"Yes, and if you don't, I'll kill you."
"We literally just established that you won't kill me."
>"I showed you mercy."
"Oh here we go, mouthing off about being superior again."
>"Shut up, Anonymous, you can't understand what I'm going through."
"What sort of tyrant bitches about her emotional problems to would-be assassins?"
>"The kind that will slap said would-be assassin silly if he doesn't show her some respect!"
"I'll show you respect when you damn well deserve it, I didn't want to come to this shitty part of the country anyway!"
>Sombra gasps.
>"Don't call the palace I rightfully stole shitty! I spent years working towards this! I died! You could be at least a little bit more sympathetic towards my personal issues!"
"Personal issues?! You're a psychotic unicorn hell-bent on ruling an empire with no one in it! Why should I care about your personal issues?!"
>"It's not got no one in it! -You're- in it! And I thought you might care because you haven't left yet!"
"...Well of course I've not left! You haven't let me!"
>"Oh don't start with that 'waa you're imprisoning me' crap! I heard enough of that from the thousands of ponies I locked underground!"
"You're just an evil, self-absorbed bitch!"
>"Well you're just some... I don't even know -what- you are! You just turned up and started reading me stories!"
"Only because you asked!"
>"Yes! I did! And I really enjoyed it!"
"Yeah so did I, you whore!"
>"Don't call me a whore you sack of assholes! I could break you with my mind!"
"I could break you with my fists!"
>"Well go ahead!"
"Fine, I will!"
>"Then do it!"
"I'm going to!"
>"Good!"
"F--"
>Sombra grabs both sides of your head and forces her lips against yours.
>You grab her mane and wrestle her to the floor.
>Her crown and robes are torn off.
>Your shirt and pants follow suit, and in seconds you're both rolling around on the floor, locked in each other's embrace.

>"Woah."
"Holy shit."
>Sombra lies cuddled up against you on the floor.
>You stare blankly at the ceiling.
>"That was..."
"Yeah."
>Sit up.
>Rub your head.
"Jesus..."
>"What?"
"Nothing. So uhh, what happens now?"
>"Not... umm, not really sure. Never done that before."
"I noticed."
>She punches you in the ribs.
>"Not funny."
"It's a little bit funny."
>Sombra exhales deeply and runs a hoof through her messy, tangled mane.
>"Are you going to go back to... Well, you know."
"Canterlot?"
>"Yes."
"Not sure. Can't exactly do so since you're not dead."
>Sombra frowns.
>"She really wanted me dead?"
"Yeah, also you owed her money, apparently."
>"Ugh, she's -still- on that? I'm not giving her a single bit..."
"Well I can't go back until you're dead, and I can't leave because eventually you'll run out of food because you can't cook for shit."
>"Hey! ...Well yes, I can't cook, but tyrants aren't supposed to."
"So if I leave you'll die anyway."
>Her ears fall back slightly.
>"I-I suppose I would. There's enough food in the empire to last me a few months before it all goes bad. After than... well..."
>She trails off.
>You sigh and look at her.
>She's still panting from her 'exertion' and smells terrible.
"...First, you need a shower."
>Sombra nods.
>Then shakes her head.
>"I have no idea what that is."
"Uhh--"
>"Thousand year banishment. Only been back for a month at best."
"Ah. Basically, I'm washing you. You stink."
>She goes red.
"Second, we need to figure out how we're going to make food."
>"We also need an army."
"We can get to that later, you god damn maniac."
>"What do you propose we do, then?"
"I don't know, go back to Canterlot?"
>She snorts.
>"Celestia will have me killed on the spot."
"We could move somewhere more remote then?"
>Sombra give you a wry smile.
>"I just had a thought."
>You raise an eyebrow.
>"We've only known each other for just over a day and we've already slept with and are living together."
>You purse your lips.
>There's silence between you both.
"Has to be some kind of record, that."
>"Maybe... Or I'm just -that- attractive."
"Oh god not again."
>"You can't deny it though, can you? I always was desirable."
"We got caught up in the moment, it didn't mean anything--"
>"Oh shush, I know you liked me the moment we met. I could see it in your eyes."
>She bites her lower lip.
>"You devious creature, coming into my palace just to seduce me~"
"Did you smoke something while I wasn't looking? Snap out of it! This is a serious situation!"
>She clears her throat and apologises, but still gives you the half-lidded eyes.
>"You'll make a fine slave."
"First things first, lady, I'm no slave. What we have is a platonic relationship to further our mutual goals, me so I can go home, you so you can survive since you're apparently too inept to survive on your own."
>She flushes with anger.
>"Don't start this again, you damnable creature, you're the one who showed up to copulate with your assassination target!"
"It wasn't exactly fair! I've never killed anyone and you were in a really sorry state! I couldn't kill something so defenceless!"
>Oh. Whoops.
>"Defenceless?! I have conquered empires--"
"By jumping out of the fucking closet and saying "boogaloogaloo"! That's not something real tyrants do, Sombra!"
>"I apologise for not being a ruthless killing machine like you'd hoped!"
"It's not my fault I'm here! It's Celestia's fault!"
>"Well it's her fault I'm trapped in this frozen wasteland!"
"Oh boo hoo, so why don't we just dance along back to Canterlot and kill Celestia then?!"
>"Like that will ever happen!"
"Then what the hell do you want from me?!"
>"I want you to stay with me!"
"We've known each other for a day, woman!"
>"Is that supposed to change the fact that I've fallen for you?!"
"Oh suck my dick you fucking--"

"God dammit."
>"I don't even know what happened then."
"Twice. Twice in the same fucking day."
>"Damn, that thing you did with your hands was hot~"
"Shut up."
>Sit up again.
>Sombra giggles and enjoys her afterglow.
"What are we going to do, Sombra..."
>"Hmm?"
>Lie back and put your hands behind your head.
"Two days ago I was sat at home reading books and just existing. Now I'm lying on the floor of a palace after round two with an alleged 'diabolical overlord' that I was supposed to kill."
>"Wouldn't have happened if you'd just killed me."
"Fuck you."
>"Literally just did~"
>Grunt in response.
>"Look, I'm a simple mare with simple tastes. I want an empire, an army, and a hoof massage. So then you show up and turn that on its head."
"How have I turned it on its head?"
>"By... you know, being nice to me. Reading, making me smile. All that good stuff..."
"Jesus, you have the emotional depth of a teenager."
>Check your watch.
"It's been like... twenty hours since we met.
>She looks at you sadly.
>"Well what am I supposed to do? I feel like I need you in my life even though we've only known each other for a day."
"Maybe you're just lonely."
>"If I was, would that really change how I feel about you?"
>...
>"Let's just... stay together."
"But--"
>"We'll sort out the food problem when it happens, Anonymous..."
>The mare looks into your eyes.
>"What have you got to lose?"
>Hm.
>Not much, to be frank.
>No job, since no one will hire you and Celestia pays you since you're technically the ambassador to your people.
>A pretty dumpy house in the lower levels of Canterlot.
>You keep getting dragged into shenanigans by the royal family.
>At least here you can unwind a bit.
>Even if it is with an emotionally unstable, highly volatile, tyrannical wanna-be overlord.
>Look down at your smelly, flawed, bright-eyed partner.
>She lets out a short, soft laugh.
>"President of my fanclub... really?"
>You chuckle.
"It was the best thing I could think of on my feet."
>"You're weird, you know that?"
"So are you."
>...
"What, no venomous comeback?"
>"I don't feel like fighting."
>Blink.
"Well that's new."
>"Oh shush, we've been together a day, you don't even know me."
"No, I don't."
>"...But I'd like you to."
>...
>You sigh and squeeze her closer to you with an arm.
>Stare at the ceiling with what is apparently now your partner resting on you.
>Hell of a way to start the week.
>Food is going to be a serious issue soon.
>Celestia will no doubt want to track you down.
>And you don't even have any clothes.
>Then again, you also have an entire empire to yourselves.
>Look down at Sombra.
>She's snoozing against you.
>The unsettled look she wore the previous night has vanished.
>She seems almost content now.
>Still dangerously unstable.
>And angry.
>But content.
>You?
>Well, you just became the proud co-owner of an empire.
>That has to count for something, right?
>Sure, not everything turned out well, but at least it's an fun change of pace.
>Sombra coos softly in her sleep.
>She's an interesting mare.
>Certainly more so than the other partners you've had since you showed up here.
>And definitely more easily agitated.
>But she's got a weird sort of appeal about her.
>Maybe it's the eyes.
>Plus, you broke a world record and got yourself a marefriend within 20 hours of meeting her.
>If you had friends, they'd no doubt be patting you on the back.
>Throughout your thoughts, you find yourself smiling.
>Looks like you were right, though.
>This whole thing -did- end in sex.

The End.