Originally uploaded to Pastebin: January 18th, 2015
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>"HI ANON!"
"Oooooh... That's not what I needed to wake up to..."
>You cover both your eyes with the palms of your hands and try to block out the horribly grating voice in your ears.
>"I REPLACED ALL YOUR CEREAL WITH SOUP!"
>Remove your hands and stare blankly at Cadence, who is stood gleefully on your chest beaming down at you.
"Is it at least nice soup...?"
>"Nope! It's motor oil and tomato ketchup!"
>Reach up and grab her neck lazily.
>She doesn't really react as you try to choke her to death.
>You're too tired to squeeze very hard, so all you really end up doing is massaging her neck.
>"Oooh~ that's nice, Anon."
"Stop enjoying this. These are not fun times for you."
>"Can we do something fun now?"
"No. Fuck fun."
>You throw the covers aside and climb out of bed.
>Cadence sits happily on your bed and watches you lumber around looking for clothes.
"Where are my socks...?"
>"I fed them all to the dog!"
"I don't have a dog."
>"I also got you a dog!"
"NYYYUUGH."
>Stomp downstairs.
>Trip over the poodle at the foot of them.
>It squeals and starts running around in circles madly.
>As expected, it's pink, fluffy, and is covered in bows.
>You watch it dash around for a bit.
>It pauses for a moment and gives you a big dopey look.
"You aren't a dog. You're a sin against canine-kind."
>The poodle barks.
>Cadence appears next to you.
>"I called her Mistress Thunderbutts!"
"But why?"
>"Because!"
>She skips past you and into your kitchen.
>-Your- kitchen, that is.
>Step past Mistress Thunderbutts and shoo Cadence away from your fridge.
>Open it and behold the contents.
>"I replaced all your food with healthy alternatives!"
>It's just pictures of Cadence's vagina.
>Give her a sad look.
"I'm going to starve, Cadence."
>"Cool!"
"You don't even care anymore, do you?"
>Mistress Thunderbutts barks.
>Cadence gasps.
>"She wants feeding! Quick, feed her some pussy!"
>The princess grabs a hoof-full of selfies and stuffs them down the dog's throat.
>You watch the spectacle in awe.
>Glance outside for a second.
>Shining Armour is glued to the window, giving Cadence a longing look.
"Uhh, your husband's outside."
>"Pffft."
"What, you don't care about him either?"
>"All that matters is you and I, silly! Look, we even have a dog!"
>You look at Mistress Thunderbutts.
>She's twitching on the floor with scraps of marepussy on her face.
>Cadence turns to you.
>"Now all we need to do is get married!"
"But polygamy's illegal in Equestria."
>Her right eye twitches, though her demeanour stays the same.
>Hurriedly, she grabs a picture of her stuffing a cucumber down her throat, turns it over and scribbles something on the back in pencil.
>' polygamy legal now '
>"Th-there! Now it's legal! I'm the princess, I can do what I want!"
>"Cadence...? Can you come home and make me breakfast?" 
>"SHUT THE FUCK UP SHINING ARMOUR! Haha! Isn't he a joker, Anon?!"
>"But I'm hungry..."
>Cadence strokes your leg.
>"J-just come with me, Anon! We can be happy! We can even share the bed with each other! Shining Armour can watch!"
>Mistress Thunderbutts coughs a few times then goes limp.
"I think our dog just died."
>Cadence doesn't react.
"It's like a metaphor for our failing relationship."
>"OOOOH WHERE DID I GO WRONG?!"
>Cadence rushes over to the kitchen drawers and levitates out every single knife.
>"I SHOULD JUST KILL MYSELF RIGHT HERE!"
>Sip the tea that was apparently in your hand and watch her.
>...
>She looks between you and the knives before stuffing them back in the drawers.
>"B-but we can still save our relationship!"
"I used to have a normal life."
>"We just need to see a counsellor!"
"Think I even had a girlfriend once."
>"Wait! -I'm- a qualified counsellor! I'm a -love- counsellor!"
"She was brunette, I think. Lovely girl."
>"Anon I think we should fuck on the couch to save our relationship! You can even spank me with the dog!"
>She levitates Mistress Thunderbutts up to your face and waggles her lifeless body around.
"If I wasn't so jaded I might find this sorta distressing."
>You sip your tea.
"As it stands I just don't care."
>"Caaadeeence--"
>"NOT NOW SHINING ARMOUR!"
>The mare hovers up to your face and kisses you on the lips.
>"There! All better!"
>She twitches.
>"Can we go home now and fuck in the throne room?"
"No."
>"AAUUUUUUUGGGHHH!"
>The princess collapses, dropping the dog in the process, and starts sobbing at your feet.
>"I-I just want us to be happy!"
>Stare stoically into the distance.
"I was happy once..."
>Pick up the princess and carry her to the front door.
>She doesn't make any effort to resist as you gently place her on the front doorstep and pat her on the head.
"Shhh, little pony. That'll do."
>Shining Armour drags himself along the floor, clearly famished from the whole morning he's had to endure without his wife.
>He latches onto her like a limpet and the two both cry.
>You decide to place Mistress Thunderbutts on top of the quivering ponies for good measure.
>Slowly close the door and lock it.
>Walk back into the kitchen.
>Get out some motor oil and tomato ketchup soup.
>And eat it glumly.
>You miss Ponyville.