Originally uploaded to Pastebin: January 26th, 2015
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I wrote a boatload of oneshots in one of the threads. This is all of those 'shots in one paste.

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"You guys want me to make a story, where Fluttershy breaks inside Anon's house and tries to rape him?"
 - Anonymous

>Wake up to the sound of smashing glass.
>Pull your covers up to your face and peer over the edge.
>The moonlight catches on shards of glass lying by your window.
>A gentle, but chilling breeze flows through the curtains.
>You shudder and look around the room.
>Only darkness and the sound of the world outside accompany you.
>An owl hoots in the distance.
>You feel yourself tense up.
>Just as you decide you should get out of bed and investigate, you hear a creak.
>You freeze.
>What was that?
>A quick scan of the room reveals nothing.
>But the implications that you're not alone are harrowing.
>Slowly, fear begins to take root in your mind.
>Every shadow appears a monster, and the umbra at the corners of your vision only exaggerate your anxiety towards the twisting horrors that may potentially await your next foolish movement.
>Shaking, you reach towards your bedside cabinet and take out a glass of water and a packet of pills.
>' Take in case of overcomplicated inner monologue. '
>You swallow two of them.
>Oh.
>That's better.
>Get out of bed.
"Hello?"
>Nothing.
>You walk towards the window and frown.
>Maybe you can get it fixed tomorrow.
>For now, you can sleep downstairs.
>Turn to leave for the do--
"GAH FUCK."
>"EEK!"
>Fluttershy jumps backwards and skedaddles into your bed.
>She hides under the covers and trembles, huge teal eyes peering out at you.
"Hey! Get out of my bed!"
>"N-no! It's mine now!"
"What? No! That's not how it works!"
>"I found it so I keep it. It's mine."
"Fuck you, give me my bed back!"
>"Y-you'll have to pry it from my cold dead hooves!"
>The tip of a large pink dildo pokes out from under the covers.
>"I'm armed!"
"Woah, take it easy, man. I don' wan' trabburr."
>"T-take off your pants then. Let's see those goods."
>You glare at her.
>"I mean it!"
>The pink cock is jiggled in your direction menacingly.
>Crack your knuckles and flex.
>Fluttershy trembles harder.
>Your shadow looms over her as you march towards your bed.
>"S-s-stay back! I mean it! I me-- AAAHH!"

"God dammit."
>Fluttershy clings to your chest, hearts in her eyes and mane a complete mess.
>"Oh my... Anon... Stay with me forever...!"
"Ugh..."
>...
>You shift uncomfortably and pull out the dildo from a place it really shouldn't have been.
>Fluttershy stares at it in silent glee, then shivers.
"Eww."
>"Hhaaaa~"
>Fucking Fluttershy.

---

"Error: This Bump is corrupted. Please contact your RapeStore manager."
 - Anonymous

"Hello you've reached the rape store; we sell rapes, grapes and methylated spirits!"
>"Uhh, hi, I bought some grapes from you yesterday, and today I found them pinning down my wife and violating her..."
"Did you try pouring methylated spirits on them?"
>"I don't--... No?"
"Ah, well I've found your problem. What are the grapes doing right now?"
>"They've cornered my kids and are about to violate them."
"Hmm. Describe the grapes to me."
>"...Uhh, small, round, green...?"
"Yes?"
>"...Well they're grapes. And they're about to-- No, wait, now they are -actually- raping my children."
"Ah, sounds terrible, have you tried -eating- the grapes?"
>"Umm, hold on."
>...
>...
>...
>"Hello?"
"Hi."
>"Yeah, I tried eating them, and the mass raping of my family seems to have stopped for now, anyway I can prevent this from happening again?"
"Always make sure to eat your grapes as soon as possible, and keep them stored in a cool place like your fridge."
>"Alrighty then, I still find it weird that grapes just raped my family."
"Yeah, we get a lot of calls about it, we're still looking into it."
>"Thanks for the help."
"No problem, take care, sir."
>Hang up.
"HEY FLUTTERSHY!"
>"WHAT?!"
"JUST HAD ANOTHER CUSTOMER CALL ABOUT THE GRAPES RAPING PEOPLE!"
>"WHAT THE HAY KEEPS HAPPENING?!"
"DID YOU TRY POURING METHYLATED SPIRITS ON THEM BEFORE SHIPPING THEM OUT?!"
>"THAT'S YOUR ANSWER TO EVERYTHING! ALSO NO!"
"WELL FUCK MAN, I DUNNO."
>You sit back in your chair with a huff.
>Pick up the remains of the sandwich you were eating.
>You frown as you see that it's gone kinda dry.
>Shrug.
>Pour meths over it.
>Much better.

---

"some greentext when?"
 - Anonymous, posting a picture of a sad-looking Derpy with a muffin under a dim light.

"Barkeep... Another muffin..."
>The bartender rolls his eyes and slides you a beer.
>You stick your silly straw in it and suck it down.
>Sigh wearily.
>That's the stuff.
"You know... I nearly had him."
>"I don't care."
"Lemmie tell you about my Anon..."
>The bartender looks at the clock.
>There are hours left until the joint closes.
>He cringes.
"It was months ago. I saw him in the post office and thought to myself: 'Ditzy, someday that weird gorilla looking thing is gonna stick his ponkadoo inside your Vegemite.' "
>You sigh and suckle on your silly straw.
"But he never did..."
>Throw down some second-class stamps on the counter and a green token from the game "snakes and ladders"
"Keep the change. Buy yourself something nice."
>You slide off your chair and head for the door.
>"Hey-- HEY! This money's no good here! It's not even money!"
"You know... You're right, barkeep. I -do- have to get him back!"
>"What the fuck are you even talking about oh my god why haven't I banned you from here yet."
"I'm gonna go to his house right now and touch his pinocchio!"
>"WHAT THE FUCK IS A PINOCCHIO?!"
"Thanks, barkeep. You're the best."
>Look back and wink at him before cantering out the door.
>The bartender bursts into tears out of sheer confusion.

Ah Derpy. She's a mare with a dream.

---

"You never fail to entertain me, good job. I wish I could give something back. Well, there is something... If you ever need lessons in writing, just ask me, I have no clue!"
 - Anonymous, posting a picture of Pinkie Pie pulling a silly face.

"You alright, Pinkie?"
>"Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!"
>Pinkie Pie is looking up at you, a dazed and utterly euphoric expression on her face.
>She seems incapable of speech.
>Crouch down and poke her.
>The mare squeaks like a chew-toy when you do so.
"Can you hear me?"
>"Huuuuuuuuh!"
"Are you able to speak?"
>"Huuuuuuuuuh!"
>...
>Look around.
>No one seems to be in the area.
>It's just you and Pinkie by the woods.
>Lean in closer.
"Are you a lewd pony?"
>"Huuuuuuh!"
>Poke her again.
>Really stick your finger into her plushy areas.
"Yeah, you like that, don't you."
>"H-Huuuuuuh..."
"You're a dirty pony, aren't you? You like being felt up like this."
>Progress to using your hands to grope and squeeze every part of her.
>She trembles as you do so, the look of ecstasy on her face has been subdued somewhat, and she seems more flustered.
>"Huhhh..."
"Still not talking? You're playing hard to get, aren't you."
>Move around the back of her.
>Gently move aside her tail.
>She's winking every so often.
"Mmm, looks like someone's enjoying this more than she lets on. Still feel like making silly faces and noises? There's some 'fun' in it for you if you stop."
>"...H-... HaaAAAAH!"
>You slip a finger inside her.
>It goes in easily what with her being so wet.
>Her walls drag your finger in further, desperate for any attention you can give them.
>"NNnggh..."
"What was that?"
>"...Huuuuhh."
"Hm. Still being stubborn. Guess I'll have to step it up a notch."
>You put your face close to her entrance and breathe heavily on her.
>The hot air touching her sensitive areas excites her even further, and her winking increases in pace.
"I wonder how you taste."
>Pinkie's mouth is now shut, she's trembling, whining, and silently begging you to bury your face into her and make her cum.
>You happily oblige.
>Slowly extend your tongue and--
>"OH HI ANON WOW WHAT ARE YOU AND PINKIE PIE DOING?!"
"JESUS-- OHHhhh hiiii, Twilight!"
>Twilight, master of fucking-things-up, waves a book around and gigglesnorts to herself.
>"OH I WAS JUST IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD. SO ARE YOU AND PINKIE PLAYING A NEW GAME? CAN I PLAY?"
>Glance back at Pinkie.
>Her vagina is clamped shut and totally dry.
"N-no, I was just checking her for something.
>"HAHA, WOW COOL, LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE ABOUT TO HAVE SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE OR SOMETHING."
>Look around.
>You're in the middle of nowhere.
>"WELL, I'D BEST BE GOING! GOTTA GO WRITE LETTERS FOR CELESTIA OR SOMETHING! BYE! BE SURE NOT TO PLAY ANY MORE GAMES WITH PINKIE, AH HA HA!"
>She teleports away.
>Or rather, into a nearby tree.
>You can see her tail dangling out and a pair of binoculars glued on you and Pinkie.
"Umm, I'll see you later, Pinkie."
>"pleasefistme."
"What?"
>"Huuuuuuuuh."
"God dammit."

>Stupid horses.

---

"You created and destroyed my tent in just a few seconds, are you a... legendary dick wizard?"
 - Anonymous, discovering my secret that I am in fact a legendary dick wizard, and also posting a picture of Pinkie Pie saying ">Not putting your dick in it."

"Yeah, I just don't know what to do, Pinkie. Fluttershy keeps knocking on my door and I just can't keep doing this routine every day, you know?"
>Pinkie Pie throws back her drink and gulps down the entire thing.
>Then slams it on the table, puts both her hooves on it, and glares at you.
>"Put your dick in her."
"W-what?"
>"Put your fucking dick in her, Anon."
"Pinkie, y-you're drunk!"
>"I don--"
>She hiccups.
>"I don't fuckin' care. Put your dick in her Anon. That'll solve everything. Just slip your cock inside her and see what happens."
>She orders another drink.
>A waiter quickly places it amongst the other empty glasses.
>"You know what I would do if I had a dick? Like, a massive, sweaty, veiny, musky hors-- ponycock?"
>She shudders, swaying slightly from the alcohol.
>"Fluttershy, Anon. She's got an ass I dream about at night."
"What."
>"I fuckin'... I love Fluttershy, Anon. I dream about ploughing that tender ass day in and day out. When I'm making cakes I think about sweeping the ingredients off the surface and nailing Fluttershy on the counter."
>She drinks some more booze.
>"When I'm throwing a party all I want to do is find Fluttershy, drag her into a backroom, and do horrible things to her mouth with the cock I don't have."
>Pinkie narrows her eyes at you.
>"And when I'm talking to her alone, my heart aches because I don't have a meat-rod I can thrust inside that tight virgin pussy of hers. I wanna make her scream, Anon."
"Sh-she's a virgin?"
>"Yeah she's a virgin. Pure and untouched."
>Pinkie swiftly chugs the rest of her drink.
>"Not putting your dick in it? You might as well hang up a sign saying you're the gayest thing in Ponyville, because I'm a mare."
>She reaches over the table, grabs your collar, and pulls you face to face with her.
>"And I would destroy. That. Ass."
>Pinkie faceplants the table and passes out.

Typical Pinkie, am I right?

---

"You're on fire today, Nebby. Not literally, don't panic."
 - Anonymous, being wron-- OH GOD I'M ON FIRE.

"Ugh."
>"H-hello."
>Nod at her.
"Begin..."
>She 'yaays' excitedly and quickly douses herself in something.
>The aroma of gasoline hits you.
"Uhh, Shy?"
>She pulls out a match.
"Shy what are you doing."
>She strikes it against the brick wall.
"Shy please don't."
>She sets herself on fire.
>You stare in horror as the flames burst into life.
>Fluttershy doesn't seem to mind as the inferno she created consumes her.
>"S-so what do you think, Anon? Pretty hot, right?"
>...
"DID YOU SET YOURSELF ON FIRE JUST TO MAKE A FUCKING PUN?!"
>"Y-yes."
>...
>Sigh in defeat.
>Douse her with a bucket of water.
>Grab her singed mane and use it to drag her into the house, unbuttoning your shirt as you go.
>Fucking Fluttershy.

---

"Great job Nebby, you should apply at the rape agency, you would drown in horsepussy."
 - Anonymous, giving me false hopes and posting a picture of a grizzled looking Cadence with an eyepatch and stubble.

"Hey, uhh, Cadence?"
>"Hmm?"
"I have a question, umm, I'm not really sure how to word it..."
>Cadence puts down her book and smiles at you.
>"Whatever it is, take your time, Anon."
"Uhh, okay, don't laugh, but... what -is- love?"
>Shining Armour drops his mug of bomb-ass tea.
>"OH FIDDLESTICKS."
>He scrambles to his hooves and takes off towards the window like an unstoppable rolling thunder.
>The last thing you see is him hurling himself through the stained glass and into the moat below, damning your name as he plummets to his watery grave.
>You slowly turn back to Cadence, and flinch.
>She's got a dirty, grizzled stubble, has a cigarette between her teeth, is wearing a black eyepatch and has huge bags under a pair of eyes that stare vacantly past you and into the distance.
>"...Love, kiddo?"
>She stubs out her cigarette in the ash-tray that's appeared out of nowhere.
>Then pulls a freshly lit cigarette out of her armpit and bites on it.
>"Love is the last thing I wanna talk about..."
"Uhh, w-well okay then, but when did you--"
>"It was way back during the hive wars. I was just a squaddie at the time; fresh faced and ready to scour the changeling vermin from our lands..."
>She takes a drag on the cigarette so hard she inhales the entire thing in one go.
>Then discards it.
>Then pulls a freshly lit one from behind her horn.
>"Was sent out to The Wastes to deal with newly discovered hive, the largest yet. Me and seven hundred other troops marched on that fucking place and..."
>She goes silent for a while.
>...
>"A-and only Shining Armour and I made it out alive."
"Shin--"
>"How did you think we met, through his sister?"
>Cadence stubs her cigarette.
>"Fuckin' hate that bitch."
>She pulls another from underneath her chin.
>Putting it between her teeth, she continues.
>"O' course, back then I knew nothing of love..."
>You realise now that the entire bedroom is dimly lit, the curtains are shut, and there are drunken ponies grumbling to each other at wooden tables in the darker corners of the room.
>There's not that much space though, so some of them are lying on her bed.
>The bartender is using the en suite as his serving area.
>Turn back to the rambling mare.
>"...All I knew of it was one-night stands and sucking off the largest cocks I could find behind dumpsters while I mashed my pussy like some deranged whore."
>Boner now isn't the time.
>"I didn't know what love really was. I didn't know what it could do to a mare. I didn't know it could do-- THIS!"
>She pulls back her eyepatch.
>You gasp in horror.
>Her iris has been replaced with a giant pink love heart.
>It throbs slightly.
>Cadence lets the patch down.
>Then sticks a second lit cigarette she got from under the table in her mouth with the other one.
>"We marched into that hive ready to kick some ass. But they..."
>She sighs deeply.
>"They were waiting."
>You shiver.
>"Before we knew left from right they were on us. Grinding--"
>You wince.
>"Mashing."
>Oh god.
>"Licking."
>...What?"
"Huh?"
>"I'm talkin' about RAPE, Anon. They RAPED us. All seven hundred. It was a mass raping the likes of which the military had ever seen."
"Uhh--"
>"I thought I knew what love was. But I had to suck and fuck my way through thousands of changeling scum to get to the entrance."
>Cadence wipes the tears from her eyes.
>The sticks another cigarette in her mouth.
>"The only other pony with the gag reflex, limber asshole and physical stamina to make it through was Shining Armour."
>Cadence bows her head in shame.
>"I still wake up at night screaming..."
>...
>"...Then I cough up a little bit of changeling cum..."
>Ew.
>Cadence gives you a weary look.
>"That was the first and last battle I ever fought in, Anon. We would later win the war... But..."
>She sticks a final cigarette, one she pulled out of a magic hat along with a rabbit to the applause of some of the other drunks, in her mouth.
>"At what cost..."

>"At what cost..."

---

"Great, now I have a craving for Ponut hole"
 - Anonymous, posting a picture of Sweetie Belle saying "I am so fucking hard right now".

>"Look at him."
>Scootaloo bites her lower lip.
>"He's so toned..."
>Applebloom nudges you.
>"L-look! He's applyin' suncream!"
>You all cram your heads together and peer out of the bush in Anon's back yard.
>He's lying on a deckchair, half naked and on show to the world.
>His pasty white skin and flabby rolls are just as glorious as you'd imagined them to be.
>You find yourself captivated by the way he jiggles with each slight movement.
>Hungry eyes follow his hands as they reach up and scratch his overgrown facial hair.
>He burps, and you almost wish you were in front of him when he did it.
>Scootaloo shudders violently next to you.
>You tear your eyes away from the Adonis before you to see her hoof between her legs.
>To your right, Applebloom is openly rubbing herself.
>You bask in the sight and smell of your friends getting off to your soul-mate.
>A smile forms on your face.
"I am so fucking hard right now."
>"...Sweetie Belle is that a penis?"
"Oh, yeah, I was a dude the whole time."
>"Woah."
"Yeah."
>"Never knew that."
"Well it's understandable to assume I'm a filly."
>"Weird."
"Yup."
>"...Can I touch it?"
"...No."

---

"Ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli."
 - Possibly fake quote from Anonymous who posted a picture of Celestia being pushed out of Anon's house.

"Every fuckin' Sunday..."
>"Anonymous, you're being unreasonable."
"Yeah. Sure."
>"All I'm saying is that we could be a good pair! You enjoy the feeling of warm vaginas, do you not? Well I happen to be in possession of the warmest in Equestria! Watch, I shall even measure its temperature!"
>Celestia bangs a hoof on the floor twice as you drag her towards your front door by her back legs.
>She clings onto a door-frame and refuses to let go.
>Your basement door slams open and 3 maids, 10 royal guard and the Royal Surgeon all tumble out.
>The surgeon dusts himself off, quickly checks his mane and moustache, and inserts a jewel-encrusted thermometer into Celestia's horsegina while the maids rush around her, touch up her make-up and ensure her flanks are plushy enough.
>The guards all root through your fridge and steal your beer.
>God dammit.
>After a while, the Surgeon removes the thermometer and clears his throat.
>"Her Highness' womb is a modest ninety degrees Celsius. Impeccable conditions for rutting, if I do say so."
>He nods at Celestia.
>She nods back.
>All the servants pile back into your basement.
>They even left your fridge door open.
>Fucks.
>Yank on Celestia's legs.
>She tears off a bit of the door-frame as she's pulled off.
>"Anonymous, please! We could make this mutually beneficial! You could fornicate with my anus!"
>Use your incredible human strength to hurl her out your house.
>She lands in a crumpled pile and looks at you sadly from her place in the dirt.
>Dust your hands off and slam the door.
>"Anon? Who was that?"
"Nothing, sweetie, go back to bed."
>"Can you make me breakfast?"
"Ugh, fine."
>"I love you, silly human~"
"...Love you too, Chrysalis."

---

">Fluttershy rapes ponies because she thinks Anon is gross? 
>inb4 Nebulus The Butt writes a one shot of this. You know you wanna~"
 - Anonymous, predicting the future.

"Oh. My. Goodness."
>You bring the frying pan down on the poor stallion's head, then toss it aside.
>He goes down like a sack of spuds and crashes to the floor, groaning.
>Quickly jump on him and get to work tying up his hooves, babbling on the whole time.
"Have you -seen- the human?"
>"Ahh fuck my head... w-what?"
"I swear to Celestia, I was at the market today buying apples-- you like, apples, right?"
>"Yeah? I think? What are we doing again?"
>You reach back and ruffle up your mane, letting it hang around you, still talking on.
"So anyway I was talking to Applejack when suddenly I turn around and see this... goodness, I almost don't want to say... -disgusting- creature walking around!"
>You pull out a tube of red lipstick and apply it carefully as you monologue.
"I ask Applejack what his deal was, and she just shrugs and says 'oh it's just Anon', and I was just thinking 'how can she be so calm around such a hideous abomination? Right?"
>"S-sure?"
>You reach down and stroke the stallion's face, not really looking at him.
>Dig your hoof into his shoulder, forcing him back down as he tries to sit up.
>Use a rear hoof to vigorously rub his crotch.
>He starts getting hard, and the stallion gasps.
>"Wait, no, I have a marefriend!"
"Aww, good! Not like that horrid creature I saw today. I said to Applejack 'Applejack, I'm just so mad that that thing exists I could just rape something!'"
>Clear your throat.
"I mean, then she looked at me like I was crazy, but eh, what can she do."
>You position yourself over the squirming stallion's cock as he tries to escape.
"Ahhn~ That's better..."
>"You're crazy! Get off me!"
"Oh, -I'm- crazy?! No one else in this town can see that we have a serious infestation of -ugly-!"
>"B-but loads of mares consider him sexy!"
"Well loads of mares are stupid! Now shut up and enjoy this, stud~"
>And with that, you lovingly rape the daylights out of some random stallion while he sobs and apologises to his marefriend.
>Little did he know, his marefriend was watching from the window above.
>And masturbating to the whole thing.

>And in the opposing window, Anon was watching her.

>And Mayor Mare was watching Anon through binoculars.

>And Twilight was watching the Mayor.

---

"Is simple art your fetish?"
 - Anonymous, posting Fluttershy art that is indeed simple.

>Fluttershy blows smoke out between her lips nonchalantly.
>"Yeah... It's pretty cool, I guess."
>She adjusts her beret and pushes her tiny red-tinted glasses up her nose.
>You scratch your head and look at the piece.
>"It's called Ambidexterity. It symbolises an everlasting struggle to obtain what you want. I gave it its name because it fits so well; everyone wants to be ambidextrous, right?"
>Cock your head sideways to look at it from another angle.
>"You like it? I mean, I don't care if you do, it's whatever, you know?"
>She rolls her eyes without a care in the world and looks away.
>"Whatever..."
>You open your mouth to speak.
>Then shut it, furrowing your brow and thinking a bit harder.
>"So like, the inspiration just came to me, you know? I was like, sat listening to my old vinyl when I just thought of it, you know? Was like, an epiphany, or something."
>She takes a drag of her cigarette.
>You finally figure it out.
>Point a finger slowly at the piece.
"...It's a picture of us having sex, isn't it."
>Fluttershy casts a sideways glance at the picture.
>Pink and yellow splotches of paint in a vaguely pony-shaped form are situated above a cross-shaped smear of green, with white patches near the middle.
>"Yeah, it's a metaphor. ...O-or it can be literal..."
"Fluttershy was this all an excuse to make a pass at me."
>"Umm, whatever, sure."
>She tries to appear careless, but fails miserably due to her intense blushing and the sudden sound of a dripping tap coming from somewhere.
>"I-I mean, if you maybe want to... we could--"
>"Where is ye, ye goddamn whippersnapper?!"
>You both look towards the door.
>An old white mare with an electric-blue mane using a walker stumbles into the room.
>"I need mah medication!"
>Fluttershy sighs.
>"Oh dear. It's my old vinyl, sorry, Anon, gotta go."
>And with that, she's gone.
>And the author of this story giggles madly to himself because he made a funny pun.
>Heh

---

"Wow neb your dick is huge"
 - Anonymous, who didn't actually say what was quoted above, but he -did- post a picture of Pinkie Pie looking adorable while cuddled up in Anon's hoodie.

>"Anonymous! For your crimes against ponykind you are condemned to the harshest and most terrible punishment we have to offer!"
>Ponies dressed in black garbs carry in a large iron box.
>Thick chains shackle it shut, and arcane enchantments bind the creature within from escaping.
>The box thrashes around, causing one of the ponies carrying it to stumble a bit.
>Everyone in the room seems to gasp.
>A single drop of sweat forms on your forehead.
>Celestia nods, and the box is placed on the floor.
>"Release the beast. Let him know fear."
>A cabal of unicorns enter and undo the binds, and the chains fall to the floor.
>The box's side falls open, and two giant blue eyes peer out at you.
>A large white grin forms in the darkness.
>You take a step back.
>Before you can run, she's upon you.
>Scream and struggle as the creature attempts to burrow into your flesh.
>It's the single most painful thing you've ever--
>...
>Wait no it's not.
>It's warm.
>Really warm.
>You look down.
>The pink creature, you now see is a pony, has buried itself under your hoodie and is snuggled against your chest.
"...Pinkie?"
>She looks up, adoring, attentive eyes looking into yours.
>"I got rid of the monster, Nonny. You're safe now."
>Wrap your arms around her under the hoodie and hold her close.
"Th-thanks Ponk."
>"I love you, Non non."
>The entire room d'awws.
>Celestia lets you go on account of too much cute.
>Go back to Ponyville and snuggle Pinkie for the rest of your days.

>You will never cuddle Pinkie Pie.

Oh god it hurts.

IT HURTS.

---

"You did it again, you just love my images don't you"
 - Anonymous, finally realising the dark truth behind my writings, and also posting an image of Applejack hugging Twilight with the caption "I know that feel".

>"You will never feel his hair against your muzzle..."
>Twilight sips her cider and holds her head in her hooves.
>You nod solemnly and wipe your mouth before sipping some more of your own drink.
"Ya'll will never feel his strong hands on your flanks..."
>Rarity shakes her head.
>"H-he will never comment on how pretty you look..."
>Mascara runs down her face as she gulps her own red wine.
>The whole gang is sat in Pinkie's room, drinking their own personal liquor and generally being sad.
>Rainbow Dash is curled up in the corner.
>"H-he'll never watch you perform tricks and call you awesome..."
>Fluttershy sighs with remorse.
>"He'll never break into your house in the middle of the night, tear off your bedroom door with his bare hands, rip you out of bed, pin you against the floor with his weight, lube up his hand with the cream in your bedside cabinet, push his fist straight into your asshole and piston it in and out, stretching you until you're gaping and ready for his cock as he plunges it as far into you as possible, rutting your aching and quivering asshole and filling it to the brim with hot sticky cum, filling the void inside you and leaving you a soggy mess on your bedroom floor with a gut full of human seed steadily leaking out of your tortured hole and creating a puddle of juices around you..."
>...
>Everyone stares at Fluttershy.
>...
>Then they all shuffle closer and wrap their hooves around her.
"Ah know that feel, Shy."
>"We all know that feel, darling."

>tfw no human bf

---

The following is a snippet written by an Anonymous poster.

>Decide to write another one shot cause who cares.
>You sit at a table in a small Ponyville café and pull out a pad and paper.
>In the corner of your eye you see Fluttershy in a crowd.
>She hasn't noticed you yet, although you're sure she's been following you.
>You grab a newspaper and open it wide in front of you.
>After a while you peek to see if she's gone.
>That's when she saw you.
>Your blood pressure starts to get higher as Fluttershy approaches your table.
>You don't get it, hiding behind a newspaper always seemed to work in the movies.
>"Hello Anon, what've you got planned for today?"
>You let out a big sarcastic laugh.
"Bullshit!"
>Everyone in the café was looking at you now.
>Fluttershy looked at the ground, "Anon, I-"
"Yeah! Just happened to be in the fucking NEIGHborhood huh?!"
>Fluttershy had tears in her eyes now.
>She places a card on the table and runs away embarrassed.
>It's an apology card; she had written something on the inside.
>The card goes into detail about how she's sorry for harassing you, and has finally decided to move on.
>She asks if you still consider her your friend.
>You think about the state you're in.
>Regrettably, there's only one way you can look at it.
>You sigh and put the note in your pocket.
"Bullshit."
>Today was just one of many times you've fucked up.

This inspired me to write something of my own.

>You find Fluttershy on a bench near the edge of Ponyville.
>She's staring at the lake before her and feeding the nearby birds.
>Her mind is clearly somewhere else, as evidenced by the dismissive nature of her actions towards her feathered friends.
>A soft breeze rolls over the hills, opting you to pull your jacket a bit tighter around yourself.
>Walking over the neatly trimmed grass, you take a seat next to her.
>Neither of you say anything.
>Fluttershy's gaze remains on the lake.
>Every so often she'll reach into a neat little paper bag and cast some seeds on the ground in front of her.
>The various birds around you happily peck at them without a care in the world.
>Apart from the shuffling of feathers and the odd tweet, there is a solemn silence in the air.
>You gently unfold a piece of paper you got from your pocket and give Fluttershy a weak smile.
"I... got your uh, note..."
>Fluttershy says nothing, instead just tossing down some more seeds.
>Her normal steady neutral face has been replaced by a forlorn look of something you could almost describe as weariness.
>She turns her eyes to you, blinking but still saying nothing; granting you her attention.
"Apology accepted."
>You give out a nervous laugh.
>She turns back to her birds.
"You know--"
>"It could have worked out, Anonymous."
>You shut your mouth, unsure of what to say.
>Fluttershy empties her bag into her hoof and casts the last of her birdseed onto the beaten path.
>The bag catches on a breeze and blows out towards the lake.
>She makes no effort to catch it.
>"I just hope you realise how happy you made me feel."
>You pick at your fingers and frown.
>"We could have made it work, all you needed to do was open up, but..."
>She trails off for a moment.
>Then sighs.
>"...But you're just too closed off."
>Your usual sense of wit and sarcasm is lost to you.
>Words have failed you when you needed them most.
>"It's like... you're scared. Scared of being loved. It was love, by the way."
>Your stomach turns.
>"All the times I waited out in the rain to make sure you got home safely from work when you first arrived, that was love."
>She wipes at her eye with a hoof.
>"W-when you told me you hated me, but I kept on bringing you medicine when you were sick, that was love."
>Fluttershy shakes her head.
>"I'm not... good... at this sort of thing, Anon..."
>The mare looks at you again.
>"This whole 'feelings' thing. I don't know what to make of it."
>She gestures lazily at the birds.
>"Animals I can do. Ponies... I was never any good. I just sort of drifted through life having crushes and secret passions."
>You glance at the birds, then back to Fluttershy, who stares at them longingly.
>"Then you show up, and for the first time I have an idea of what it means to care for something so much that you'd sacrifice anything to make them happy."
>She sniffs.
>"And that's all I ever wanted you to be, Anon; happy."
>You try to speak, but she gently raises a hoof to stop you.
>"When you spoke about food, I got you meat. When you spoke about sex, I tried to be sexy. When you said you only dated humans..."
>Tears well up in her eyes.
>"I-I let you go."
>Fluttershy turns back to the lake.
>The sun casts shadows over the low ripples on the water.
>Seems as though the whole area is more muted now.
>"And it was all... for you..."
>The mare sags in her seat and keeps her eyes forward.
>"I'm glad you accept my apology, but what does it matter..."
>Fluttershy raises some of her mane in front of her eyes.
>It's dusty, messy, full of split ends and generally looks a shambles.
>"Why would anyone ever want to go for an introverted zookeeper like me. You said it yourself, right? I smell like animals."
>She shrugs.
>"I suppose I do. I also don't know how to swim or that well, or fly, or talk to strangers, or make much money..."
>You're sitting completely still, carefully watching the demure pony.
>"I'm not all that perfect. I'm not like Rarity, or Twilight... But I can cook. I can sing a song, and I can give a nice warm hug."
>She manages a small smile.
>"All I could ever offer is myself as I am. I can't be a human. Or a super rich pony in control of her life... but I can be me."
>Fluttershy turns to you a final time, sorrow on her features.
>"And if you don't want me, then what use is there in trying anymore."
>With that, she slides off the bench and walks in the direction of her home.
>And in your silence.
>Your pitiful silence.
>All you can do is watch her go.
>The only pony who could ever truly love you.

---

"So who has problems with spoilers now,huh nebbyboboleinchen?"
 - Anonymous, being a little BITCH WHO THINKS HE CAN FUCK AROUND WITH ME WHEN IT COMES TO SPOILERS. I'LL FIGHT YOU ONE ON ONE MATE SEE WHAT HAPPENS SPIT DOWN SWEAR ON MY MUM I'LL WRECK YOU-- He posted a picture of Pinkie Pie using her face to type on a keyboard.

>"I found this super funny website, Non non!"
"Is it better than the socially abhorrent zoophilia website you found last week?"
>"Of course it is, silly! Come over here and I'll show you!"
>Walk across the living room and to Pinkie's garishly pink computer.
>She grins at you for a second.
>The slams her face against the keyboard seemingly at random.
>You jump at the noise.
>The keyboard makes a few unhealthy sounds.
>You think it might be broken.
>Yet as you look at the screen, she's typed in the address perfectly.
>' ewn.picturesofballoons.pnv '
>Sure enough, balloons are everywhere.
>Pinkie giggles with glee.
>"Heeheeee! Look! When you click on them they explode into glitter!"
>She starts trying to click on as many as she can.
>They all explode into the same shitty 5 FPS animation of glitter bursting from the balloons.
>You shake your head and smile.
>Only Pinkie could find such a stupid thing entertaining.
>' Winner! '
"Oh. Good job. You sure clicked on them."
>"I know! Isn't it awesome?! I wonder what I win!"
>' Click on the black balloon to claim your prize! '
>A woefully simplistic rendition of a carnival game starts on-screen.
>Rows of balloons surge from the sides of the screen.
>The black balloon bobs around behind them.
>Easy.
>Pinkie tries a few times, then eventually clicks on it.
>"Yaaaay! This is the best webs--..."
"..."
>"...Oh."
"Oh my god."
>' Congratulations! '
>A picture of Mayor Mare bent over a table, looking over her shoulder at the camera and her pussy dripping with cum flashes onto the screen.
>You and Pinkie stare at it for longer than you probably should have done.
>Pinkie's gone bright red.
>You've gone rock hard.
"...Click on another balloon."
>The screen is filled with rows of nameless balloons.
>Pinkie gingerly clicks on one.
>A picture of Mrs Cake taking on 3 cocks at once appears, the mare in question winking at the camera with streaks of cum across her face.
>Your pink friend robotically clicks on another.
>The pair of you stare on in silence.
>Big Mac displaying his cock in full view.
>Click.
>Rarity on top of one of the spa ponies - Aloe, the seamstress' hoof wedged between the other mare's legs as the two passionately kiss.
>Click.
>Fluttershy getting fucked by a gang of dragons and seeming to love every second of it.
>Click.
>You both gasp.
>Maud Pie showing off her enormous horsecock.
>Pinkie slowly puts her cursor in the top left and closes the window.
>For a while you stare in silence at the desktop.
>Eventually, Pinkie turns to you.
>"A-anon?"
"Y-yeah, Pinkie?"
>"...I kinda wanna go back."
"...Me too."
>Spend the rest of the day locked indoors with the curtains shut and looking at pictures of Ponyville's residents and other ponies being lewd.

>Why do things always get weird when you hang out with Pinkie?

---

"Please write more of this. I need it for science."
 - Anonymous, nursing his erection and asking for more of the above story.

>"Here you go!"
>Mrs Cake hands you your cookie.
>Walk back to your seat and sit down.
>You just sort of sit there with the cookie in your hand, blankly staring at Mrs Cake.
>Pinkie crawls out from under the table with an apple strudel in her mouth and shuffles over so she's sat next to you.
>"Hey."
"Hey. So were you just sat under the table or something?"
>"Yup."
"Cool."
>Pinkie watches Mrs Cake swan around behind the counter, beaming at ponies and serving them.
>You watch as her hooves handle the food.
>Then look at your cookie.
>Pinkie's doing the same.
>Mr Cake appears from the kitchen, places some fresh orders on the counter, then heads back in.
>Before he goes, Mrs Cake kisses him on the lips.
>You and Pinkie wince.
"Do... do you think he knows?"
>"I-I don't know."
>...
"Do you think -she- knows?"
>Pinkie Pie shudders.
>"I hope not..."
>She puts down her strudel.
>"He made this with his hooves..."
>You drop your cookie onto the table and stare at it.
"We can't go on like this, Ponk."
>"But Anon--"
"No, we can't. Everywhere we go... everyone is... tainted."
>"Not everyone, surely!"
>She doesn't look convinced by her own words.
>As she finishes speaking, a mare walks in.
>A cute green thing with a light blue mane.
>...
>Two nights ago you were watching her fist another mare's asshole.
>Pinkie shuffles closer to you.
>"What are we going to do, Anon?"
"We could tell them."
>"What do you mean?"
"Well... I don't know, alright? Seems that everyone in town is in on this."
>You look out the window.
>Every pony you see on the street has done things.
>Terrible things.
>Each action burned into your mind's eye.
>"But we're not on there, Anon! We're the only ones that are still pure!"
>You nod hastily.
"R-right, right. But... Does that mean we're next?"
>Pinkie freezes.
>"What do you mean?"
>Swallow the lump in your throat.
"Who's taking the pictures? Who's hosting the site? Who has managed to get photos of every single pony in Ponyville having weird nasty sex? What sort of deranged nymphomaniac mastermind could conjure up something like this?"
>You put an arm around Pinkie.
>She cuddles up to you fearfully.
"A-and who's to say they don't know we're the only ones in town who haven't... turned."
>The cafe door opens.
>You and Pinkie freeze.
"But--"
>"What's -she- doing here?"
>Pinkie looks at you, genuine terror in her eyes.
>"A-Anon! What if it's her! She's deranged enough!"
>You hold your pink friend close and steel yourself.
>The mare who just entered looks straight at you.
>And smiles.
>She strolls over and takes a seat.
>"Well! I haven't seen you two in a while. How are you both?"
"...Good."
>"We're f-fine."
>"Great! Sooo have you guys got a computer yet? Everyone in Ponyville seems to have one, isn't it great?"
"Yeah. Great."
>Pinkie nods.
>The mare continues.
>"You guys use the internet?"
>You start sweating.
>Pinkie trembles slightly, and you squeeze her closer.
"From time to time."
>The mare nods.
>"Wonderful! ...Seen any fun websites lately?"
>She stares straight into your eyes.
>You can feel her attempting to pry secrets from you.
>She knows.
>SHE KNOWS.
>Pinkie glances up at you for a second.
>She's caught on as well.
>The mare's smile widens.
>"Well... I know a site that you might both like. It's got fun pictures, and games... It's perfect, and it even has something I -know- you like, Pinkie: balloons!"
>Pinkie lets out a quiet whimper.
>"Why, I think everyone in Ponyville goes on it!"
>She laughs.
>"You two might just be the only two who aren't!"
>Panic fills you.
>Your sweating intensifies.
>You're gripping Pinkie close to you in a death-grip.
>She's trying her best not to start hyperventilating.
>The mare leans forward, placing her hooves under her chin and smiling the whole time.
>"Maybe we could take a few pictures and post them~"
>Her voice drops into a more husky, alluring tone.
>"I know a quiet place where we won't be interrupted."
"W-we have to go."
>You move to leave.
>But find that you can't move.
>Your legs are trapped in a light blue aura.
>"Aww, don't go! We can have so much fun together."
>The mare gives you one last brilliant smile and raises a camera from under the table.
>"You'll love love love it."
>It's only now that you realise that the shop is empty.
>The front door is shut.
>It's just you, Pinkie, and the mare.
>With a quick flick of her horn, the mare closes all the shutters, leaving the room dimly lit.
>"Ahh, that's better. Far more cozy, don't you think?"
>She stands up, forcing you to stand with her, Pinkie being levitated alongside you.
>The mare's magic flares again, and Pinkie shakes her head.
>"A-Anon... I feel... woozy..."
"Pinkie? Pinkie?!"
>When Pinkie looks at you again, her attitude has changed.
>She seems more frisky, alert, and carefree.
>"Oh wow, Anon, we should like, totally do something crazy right now!"
>Tears streak down your face.
"N-no..."
>Pinkie licks her lips, her body quivering.
>"I-I feel kinda strange, Anon. I feel like... like I need something from you!"
"Not you too... Not you too, Pinks..."
>The mare with the camera chuckles.
>"Come on, Anon. Loosen up! Pinkie's getting into it."
>She grins.
>"Now, smile for the camera!"
"Fuck you, Cadence."

Bad end?

---

"don't we all"
 - Anonymous, feeding my addiction to writing picture-based stories by posting a picture of Applejack reading a book.

"Whatcha readin', AJ?"
>"Jus' lookin' at some of our old photos!"
>Lie down next to her and rest your elbows on the floor with your chin in your hands.
>Applejack flips over a page and smiles.
>"Heh, this was when me an' Rainbow went campin' with Rarity. Scootaloo was so scared! But it was alright in the end."
>Chuckle at the picture of Rainbow tickling Scootaloo with Applejack and Rarity off to the side.
>On the other side, a picture of the Apple family stood in front of a barn seems to explode with colour.
"Holy hell, is that your entire family?"
>"Well, not all of 'em, but a lotta them, yeah."
>She jabs a hoof at one of the elderly ponies.
>"See her? That's Aunt Crabapple. She's over a hundred an' fifty years old!"
"Damn. Didn't know ponies lived that long."
>"Pfft, unicorns and pegasi don't."
>She swells with pride.
>"But us earth ponies are the longest lived by a mile!"
>She turns the page again.
>You, Pinkie, Twilight and Applejack are all lying next to a lake, soaking wet.
"Oh hey, I remember that! Man, that was ages ago..."
>Applejack nods.
>"Mmm, ah remember those trunks you were wearin'."
>...
"...What?"
>"W-well, you know, they just looked weird, ah remember weird stuff."
"Oh, right, yeah I guess they were a bit odd. They were pink, after all."
>You both giggle.
>Another page, another photo.
>This time it's just you and AJ.
"Aww, that's a precious one."
>"Yeah... it was a great night. Heh, ah remember how good you smelt."
>She smiles dreamily and lazily looks at the other page.
>Just you.
"Uhh."
>"Well well, look at this'un, ah think this was a few months back. You'd just tried out that new suit Rarity made ya."
"I umm, I don't remember you... being there. Where was this photo taken from?"
>Applejack clears her throat and laughs nervously.
>"O-of course ah was there, numbnuts."
>She quickly changes to the next page.
>It's all photos of you.
>One of them is when you and Rainbow went on a date and were lying under the stars.
"Applejack, why do you have a photo of me and Rainbow?"
>"Don'tcha remember? We all went out that evenin'."
"Me and Rainbow did, yeah. This was a pretty private spot... Were you follo--"
>"Haha! You're funny, Anon."
>She flips through a couple of pages, skipping entire sections.
>The page she lands on has a large photo of you sunbathing in your back garden.
>Little love heart stickers surround it.
>Taped to the bottom corner is a weird tuft of multicoloured hair.
"...Applejack."
>"..."
"Applejack."
>"Y-yeah."
"What the hell--"
>Jab a finger at the hair.
"--Is that."
>AJ wipes her forehead.
>"I-it's some of my hair. A-and yours. Mixed together."
>Stare at her.
>"Y-you gave it to me as a gift, remem--"
"No I didn't."
>"Anon please."
"AJ I've told you a million times--"
>"If you just give me a chance we can be great together!"
>Stand up.
>She drags you back down and starts pulling at your shirt.
>"I-If we get it on for a lil' while, you'll come around!"
"Applejack, get off!"
>"No! Ah need this!"
>Roll around on the floor with Applejack for a while.
>Manage to throw her off and run towards the door.
>A lasso snares your legs and you slam into the hardwood floor before you reach the exit.
"No!"
>You start getting dragged back into Applejack's bedroom.
"NNNNOOOO!"

>Fuckin' Applehorse.

---

(Updated 24/12/2020 for an Anon that liked this old story; originally posted on the 29th January 2015.)
"mmm, baby you can bump my bread whenever you liek~*gasping squeal*! Oh, youch me there again! mmmm feels good~"
 - Anonymous. I don't really have a witty comment for this one. Think it probably speaks for itself.

>"ANON!"
"FUCKINGSHITTERS--"
>You fall backwards off your chair.
>Stand up, clutching one of its legs like a truncheon.
"WHAT? WHAT?!"
>Twilight is stood on your kitchen, panic in her eyes.
>"I BROKE FLUTTERSHY!"
>...
"O-okay?! So what's the emergency?"
>The princess stamps her hooves in frustration.
>"No! You don't understand! I broke her!"
>Sit down on a chair that isn't broken and raise an eyebrow at Twilight.
"Alright then. Good."
>Twilight starts vibrating violently.
"You want to explain what you did wrong don't you--"
>"SO I WAS EXPERIMENTING WITH MAGIC--"
"--Ooof course."
>"--A-and I found a neat looking spell that would turn ponies into super geniuses!"
"Sounds easily abusable."
>"Totally! I was gonna use to make myself smarter then usurp Celesia, but that's not important! I needed a test subject in case something went wrong and I created another necrophage outbreak!"
>You glance at your basement.
>There are still blood smears leading to it.
>That necrophage outbreak was an unsettling time.
>"So anyway, Spike was away or something, I kinda forgot in the heat of the moment, so I used Fluttershy instead!"
"I'm liking this so far."
>"No! Bad! No like! I broke her!"
"So you keep saying."
>"Nnyyuuugh! Just -LOOK-!"
>A flash of purple light reveals a second figure standing on your table.
>Or rather, swaying slightly.
>"Ppppppfftptppfpttt... Heeeeello."
"Oh my god you fucking destroyed her."
>Fluttershy blinks each eye separately before focusing on you.
>Her mouth twists into a smile, and she withdraws her drooling tongue to make what you think are words.
>"Hiii pretty munkee!"
"...Actually, seems pretty normal now."
>Twilight bites her hoof in panic.
>"I don't know what to do! I broke her permanently!"
"Sucks. So did you need anything else?"
>"Anoooon! I need you to help me with this!"
"I'll help you as soon as you make her stop drawing on my table."
>Fluttershy looks up at you with a dopey expression and gives you a lopsided grin.
>"I maek draw-ing!"
"Yes. Yes you do. How dare you get your creativity all over my table. Twilight? Incinerate her."
>"I'm not doing that, Anon."
>You glare at her before looking back to Fluttershy.
>She's drawing complex looking equations all over the wood with a sharp bit of metal.
>They seem to be diagrams of planetary orbits and axis-tilt.
>...
"Twilight, Fluttershy's getting the theory of gravity all over my kitchen table."
>"What?! That was outlawed centuries ago! Fluttershy stop that right now, it's illegal!"
>That explains a lot.
>Fluttershy seems sad that her doodling was so short lived, and steps off the table to face-plant the floor.
>Twilight cringes and makes a scared noise.
>"I need to go and figure this out. Anon! Look after her while I'm gone!"
"No no no don't YOU FUCKING DA--"
>And she's gone.
>You grit your teeth and look back at Fluttershy.
>She's got her little knife out again and is scratching all over your wall.
>...
>Sip your coffee and watch her for a while.
>She turns to you once she's finished and blows a raspberry in glee.
>"I-I maed a smart!"
"Uhh... What kind of smart, Fluttershy?"
>She puffs up her cheeks, scratches her belly, then taps her chin.
>"Umm... newclar fishing."
"Nuclear fission, Fluttershy?"
>"Yuh huh!!"
"Riiiight."
>Sip your coffee.
"I think Twilight actually made you a genius."
>"HURRR."
>She starts drooling everywhere out of joy.
"Yup. Smartest mare that ever existed."
>Twilight pops back into reality on your table again.
"Can't you use the door?"
>"No time! What's she been up to while I've been gone?!"
"Uhh, she figured out how to harness the power of the sun into raw, sustainable energy."
>Glance at the yellow genius.
"And now she's... uhh... yeah, now she's inventing intercontinental ballistics."
>Shift in your seat.
"Starting to see a pattern, actually..."
>Twilight looks at all the doodles.
>"Oooh, she's an idiot! Look at all these drawings! They make no sense! I've made her insane! Anon, I hold this--"
>She dumps some books into your hands then teleports away again.
>Drop the books on the floor and look back to Fluttershy.
>She's sketching out the schematics to a multi-stage stratospheric flight-capable nuclear missile.
"Hey buddy, you planning world domination there?"
>She nods happily and bangs her hooves against the floor with gusto.
>...
>You should probably stop this.
>But you kinda wanna see how far she'll go with it.
>"Touch my no no place!"
"No, Fluttershy, I'm not touching your no no place. Can I do anything else for you? Tea? Coffee? Fudge?"
>"Pluto num!"
"Nooo, I can't get you that, silly!"
>"B-but pluto!"
"Yes! Pluto! Good girl!"
>Pat her on the head.
>She shudders and gives you an attempt at a seductive smile.
>Then gets to work on a new project.
>By now, half your kitchen has been carved into plans for advanced technological marvels.
>And all you can think about is how you're going to clean it up.
>Fluttershy picks up the pace, carving faster and faster, wood shavings starting to fly everywhere.
"Whatcha' workin' on, Shy?"
>"L-luuuuv."
"What."
>She steps back from her latest creation, and gives you a small smile.
>You study the new plans carefully.
>Furrow your brow.
>...
"Oh my god."
>She's drawn your fetish.
>She actually figured it out.
>...
>This knowledge must be burned.
>Rush to your emergency cupboard.
>Open it and retrieve your gasoline canister.
>Begin pouring it on Fluttershy's drawings.
>She makes a distressed noise at this.
"THE WORLD MUST NEVER KNOW!"
>Cover your mouth as you yawn.
>Twilight pops back into the world beside you.
>"W-what did you two do?!"
>Shuffle around on the grass and watch your house be consumed by the inferno.
"Shy did it."
>"SNNRRRGGG."
"See? She confessed."
>Fluttershy pouts and dribbles angrily at the same time in your direction.
>Ignore her and watch all your worldly possessions be consumed by fire.
>You're homeless, penniless, hopeless and hungry.
>But it's totally worth it.
>No one must ever know that your fetish is...
>Spoilers.

(Punchline doesn't really work here since you can't do spoilers on PonePaste)