Short greentext shitpost written by a good friend of mine for funsies. I was meant to bin this a long time ago but neglected and forgot.
Original post: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/40035442/#40054922
Originally written 2023-06-22
Status: Complete

=====

>My name is anon
>Somehow I have found myself transported to world of magical creatures, a land before time, before civilization
>I have taken residence with a tribe of local equines creatures, like early man eking out a survival in small enclaves,
>living primitive lives close to nature, dressed in rags and modern hygiene being nary a twinkle in their eyes
>our tribe is small, with only 7 members to speak. I dubbed them Pokey, Derpy, Lazy, Pushie, Bouncy, Thumper and Flapflap
>"aye-leggy fancy a cheekyshag af'er some bitters&dogseye?"
>They communicate in a primitive guttural language but in their eyes I see the spark of insight
>I will help them, they need me

===

>I hadn't spoken to another person in what felt like forever
>I ached to connect with another soul, but Lazy was always eager to lend her presence
>even when the others were busy
>"Thanks Lazy you always know how to cheer a guy up"
>I patted her shaggy head not knowing what she said but knowing she cared
>She was a dusky grey blue unicorn with hair like a sunset.
>"We got a lot of work to do today lazy and you're going to help"
>Something about that had her uneasy but I gave her a reassuring smile. I was going to repay these ponies for their kindness
>I motioned for her to come inside their cabin with me,
>She looked excied and followed, babbling in her language as I ducked through the low entrance on all fours
>"Oh leggsy I dinnae knew ye understood us aha..... ah me stars all the gibberin i said..." she blushed before shaking her head
>"I wanna see jus how far those legs go, lets grab the bitter"
>Inside she tried to pull me towards the kitchen but I stopped her
>First I had gathered the dirtiest fabrics I could find, and stacked it on her back,
>She looked at me quizzically
>When it looked like a good stack I led her back out and towards the nearby river
>Along the way I picked up a huge tub formed with the shell of an emptied and dried gourd
>Pushie who had been dragging a log looked at us as we went by, "Now wots all dis then?"
>Lazy shrugged "bloke's got a hankerin"
>"Ye'aint muckin about are ya?"
>Lazy rolled her eyes "Do I look like I'm growin moss? nae? then the stone is rollin innit?"
>"A stone can roll and still get nuffin done cannit?"
>Lazy waved her off "sod off ya ninny we're keepin busy"

>By the river we set the tub and fabrics down, an eclectic mix of rag clothing and mats
>Away from the trees the sun poured in warming the stones of the pebble beach
>I filled the gourd with water and tossed in an armful of fabrics
>"Oi! you got yer 'ead on backwards or summin? we cannae use wet clothes"
>I chuckled at her alarmed tone "Don't worry Lazy I'll show you what it does"
>I pulled out a large white clump from my bag
>Over the past couple days, I had gathered together wood ash and stolen butter to create something hitherto unseen in their humble home
>A clump of primitive soap, with some ground up flowers put in for a fresh scent.
>"Wot's that?" She sniffed it "Smells fancy it does"
>I wet and lathered it, producing foaming suds in the water
>Lazy perked up, watching with curiosity
>"Oh ya daft coltie goin to all this trouble fer a little dirt why'dn ya sayso"
>She lied down languidly on the warm stones, watching me work while soaking in sunrays
>After finishing I dumped out and a refilled a fresh tub of water and pointed to her tribal cloth
>It was some kind of plaid skirt, likely ornamental as most others forwent clothing alltogether
>"eh this?" she gestured to herself
>I nodded, gesturing again

===

>I nodded, gesturing again
>"oh ya cheekie coltie, thas naughty just askin fer a gals tartan out like that!" She looked around, spotting a small watch party of the othe mares snickering and smiling
>She hesitated, but I patiently held out my hand
>Reluctantly she bent down and slowly slid the skirt down over her hindquarters, her tail springing free as it passed under the waistband.
>She turned red suddenly feeling flushed all over, embarassed.
>Wolf whistles and whoops came from the audience

>She threw it at you and crossed her legs feeling exposed "doubletime it legsy"
>I grabbed her and tossed her in the tub

>"OI I dinnae agre-AGH YA BLEEDIN SOP" The others cheered and stomped
>She tried to climb out but she wasn't getting off that easy,
>"Dunk er 'ead!" came one of the ponies voices.
>I held her in and soaped her over, wrestling to keep her in the tub
>"Ya DAFT I ain't no FISH I dunnae need WATER"
>sudsy water came away brown as I massaged it in her fur.
>"Agh careful where ye stickin them PAWS"
>"BLARG it taste's AWFUL PTUH"
>"ME BLEEDIN EYES"
>She reached out to the others
>"Help he's doin me in! It's a soggy grave!-"

>They just continued their hollering as she dissapeard underneat the suds again
>I couldn't know what they said but from the other's mirthful expressions I guessed they weren't worried too much.
>Finally after ages of struggling it was done, I grabbed Lazy around the barrel and carried her out,
>The tub water was completely brown
>She panted heavily and jabbed me with her horn
>"That's better. Had enough ya sodder? There's another one where that came from if yer not careful"
>I was already soaked myself so I waded into the lazy river

>lazy spoke up again, struggling in my arms "Wait what'reya-"
>She neighed as I tossed her in
>Uproarous laughing, stomping and cheering came from the other ponies again
>Lazy walked out of the river pristine clean and dripping wet before collapsing defeated on the warm stones again, muttering to herself
>Panting and soaked through myself I stripped off my shirt and sat heavily next to her
>Whistles again came from the audience. The other ponies had come out of the treeline into the sun
>all the other ponies Pushie Pokey, Derpy FlapFlap and Thumper had watched

>"freshened up are ya?" Pushie asked
>"shut" Lazy said from the ground
>a new round of guffaws shook the group
>"Least ye can oogle legsy now eh? Should get em washin more often"
>I collected my breath and stood up again brandishing the soap "who wants to go next"
>in one moment their expressions turned from mirth to fear
>With neigns and whinnys they jumped up and scattered like spooked cats back into the forest
>"bleedin gits" Lazy said
>I can only assume in her language, it meant "thank you"