>Be Fast Lane.
>The best damn runner in the city.
>At least that's what you tell the others in the business. You might be right, though.
>That doesn't matter all that much at the moment, though.
>What matters is where you're at currently, and who you're facing.
>Cap, or "The Boss", as she keeps telling everyone to call her, is currently sitting behind her desk, sneering at you.
>Your expression is more or less the same as hers, right back at her.
>You're pretty sure the little dry-cunt bastard's real name is something like Raspberry Cupcake, if the rumors are to be believed.
>You're fairly inclined to believe them.
"What the crap was that, Cap?"
>Her sneer gets harder.
>"It's either Capo or Boss, Lane. Learn it already, or I'll have to beat it into you one day."
>Her goons give you nasty grins, arranged in a rough semi-circle around the table. Two hornheads, one pegasus and an earth pony.
>You don't even blink, though. You're the best for a reason, and half of them owe you favors, anyway.
>You snort disdainfully.
"I asked you a question, Cap."
>Her sneer turns into an angry grimace.
>"Watch your tone, sky-rat. You're lucky I'm so patient, but if you keep testing that patience, you'll regret it. Now, I'll give you one chance to get out of my sight and cool down, before you say something really stupid."
>You roll your eyes.
"Uh huh. Right when I get my payment."
>She sneers again.
>"Payment? For a failed delivery? What, did you hit your head on the way back here? Oh no no, little bird. Not only you're not getting paid, you owe me a straight five thousand bits for the lost product now."
>You can't help but snort, barely holding in laughter at the incredulous number.
"FIVE THOUSAND?! HAHAhahah, how much was I supposed to be carrying, ten bricks of the crap? You're bucking with me. Do you seriously expect to pull a fast one on me? You'd need to be faster than that, and I'm the fastest around, you little bastard. That horn of yours must be pressing in on your brain."
>She grits her teeth this time, leaning forward and hissing.
>"Final warning, sky-rat. Don't. Test. Me. You owe me for the lost-"
"Nothing. I owe you nothing, since the package was empty," You retort disdainfully.
>"What?!"
>Even the goons look surprised.
"Yeah. I busted it open after I got clear. Looked inside. It was empty. I was wondering why it was so light. You couldn't even bother to pack it with sand to make it look heavier, or something? Pathetic. This was an obvious set-up from the start. You tried to get me caught. You probably didn't even expect me to get away, did you?"
>She stares at you for a few long seconds before chuckling.
>"Well aren't you smart. You were getting a bit too big for your horseshoes, bossing my mares around like you're in charge. Now-"
"Now you owe me two hundred for the run."
>You laugh on the inside at the look on her face.
>She's genuinely stunned by your audacity.
>"Did you huff a cup of the stuff before going, or what? What makes you think you're getting a single bit from this? Since you got away, I was thinking I'd pluck your wings, but it looks like we'll need to break some bones for you to straighten you out."
>You bark out a laugh, out loud this time.
"Because we had a deal. Two hundred for each run. And in this business, breaking deals means getting broken. Remember that, hornhead? You told me that yourself, if you'll recall. Which you probably don't. Can't fault ya, I suppose. The two working braincells in your head are too busy fighting for third place."
>She growls angrily, finally having had enough.
>"Alright, that's it. I heard e-"
"So have I."
>You have been tense this entire time, and it was good to release that tension. Specifically, by giving your wings a big flap.
>The goons start jumping back and forth, trying to cut you off. Two jump in front of the "boss" to protect her, while two more try to cut off the escape routes.
>All it does is make them knock into each other, as you don't actually move an inch from where you're standing.
>Instead, your target is the desk Cap is sitting behind.
>The cunt always liked to show off, having piles of bits on her desk like it was nothing.
>Now, though, there was also a big pile of breezie powder, with the whole measuring set-up: scales, tiny flasks to distribute it in, and so on. Loose, lightweight, powder. Key word being "was".
>Now, it's flying all over the room, a big, expensive pile of product pretty much wasted as the mares hack and blink from the sudden powder in their eyes.
>You follow up by pulling a smoke bomb from your saddlebag, laughing like a maniac as you toss it in Cap's face.
>The chaos in the room grows worse as the air gets polluted even more.
>You grin confidently as you plan your next move, spreading your wings wide again.
>You didn't become the best without learning a few tricks, after all.
>Most ponies called the smoke bombs childish novelties, but they saved your flank dozens of times. You always carried at least three, though that was the last one you had on you. Had to use the others to get away from that stupid set-up you were sent on.
>You leap into the air, doing your patented (It's not really patented, but whatever, you're the only one you know that does these kinds of tricks) aerial somersault, gathering momentum before launching yourself right at Cap, forehooves aimed right at her annoying face.
>"Aaaaargh- *hack, cough* - Damn, it, someone sto- *gragchk*!"
>You give her a good few solid hits as she falls over and goes down to the ground. Instead of following up, though, you land on the desk, quickly sweeping all the bits into your bags as you hold your breath in the smoke and powder.
>As much much as revenge and knocking the bastard down a few pegs is fun, you always were a practical mare.
>Also, smarter than the average ganger. You're fully aware that the element of surprise will only carry you so far. They might be disoriented for now, but you're not sure you could safely take out all five of them before they regroup.
>Best to just cut and run.
>Your next flap takes you towards the only window in the room, bits safely secured.
>It's sealed off tight, but you know that the glass is just regular stuff, and there's no bars on the window.
>You land with your forehooves hugging the walls, while you buck the glass out with your hindlegs.
>Unfortunately, your concerns begin to bear out as a pegasus blindly flies out of the smoke towards you.
>You dodge back as she slams into the wall, cursing quietly as you scan the room with squinted eyes. Even half-blind, they can still grab on to you, and then you'd be done for.
>A magical bolt whizzes by, missing you completely as it hits a wall.
>The pegasus shakes her head and gets up from the ground, blinking furiously as she snarls at you.
>The next moment, though, she gets blasted right in the chest by another magical bolt, getting slammed into the wall again.
>She wheezes, the wind brutally knocked out of her as she lays in a crumpled pile.
>"Watch where you're aiming that thing, you cunt!"
>No way was that an accident.
>"I can't see crap in this smoke, dumbflank! I just followed the noise of the breaking glass!"
>Your eyes meet the eyes of the unicorn that shot the blast.
>She's clear-eyed, probably having used some magic to clear her sight.
>She mouths "we're even now", before nodding towards the window.
>You nod back, giving her a salute before flapping your wings.
>Now and again, some mares told you that you were a bit too nice for someone in the business.
>Helping others out got you nothing in return most of the time, and could just as easily bite you in the flank later on.
>You really weren't, though. Well, maybe a little. But you always made sure to make them know that this wasn't a charity hoof-out. They *owed* you now, and everyone knew what happened to those that didn't pay their debts.
>And it certainly paid off to have a few of Cap's closest goons be in your debt after you pulled their flanks from some sticky situations. Situations that, now that you think about it, more than likely were more of Cap's idiotic set-ups to "keep them in line".
>Dumbflank kept sabotaging and shaking down her best mares the moment they got too successful for her liking. Did she think they'd try to overthrow her, or something? What a coward. And a moron. If they actually figure it out, you're pretty sure she's going to wake up to someone slitting her throat one day.
>Speaking of Cap, she slowly gets up from the floor as she rubs her eyes, spitting blood with an absolutely livid expression.
>"Where is-"
"Right here, clit-sucker!"
>You can't help but make a final fly-by instead of going straight for the window, slamming her face with your hindlegs as you kick off her and towards freedom.
>You're pretty sure you heard something crack. Nice.
>Hope she lost some teeth. The thought of her trying to look intimidating with half her teeth missing makes you laugh as you fold your wings close to your body, sailing outside.
>The other goons dive for you and the second unicorn tries to shoot you, but it's too late.
>You immediately dive low, using the momentum to bank left.
>Moments later, you're gone from their line of sight. A few more, and the house is no longer visible.
"Ha ha ha... Hahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
>You begin laughing madly from the adrenaline and the rush, feeling the weight of hundreds of bits in your saddlebags.
>They were bigger denominations, too, so you had a couple thousand's worth, probably.
>Teach that loser to buck with you! That's right, who's the best in the whole damn Portal Town?!
>You, that's who!
>Well, you're just a simple drug runner, but still.
>You were reasonably sure you were the best, or, at the very least, near the top. Not like other mares in your profession came together to have contests who's the best.
>Still, you didn't get by in the business for over a decade and not getting caught even once by being stupid or careless.
>You allow yourself to enjoy the rush for a couple more minutes before you immediately start planning your next steps.
>Despite constantly calling herself a "mafia boss", you're pretty damn certain Cap is just the head of a street gang.
>You're not really sure what's the official definition of a street gang or a mafia anyway, but you're fairly certain that actual "mafia" have bigger operations than what you were involved in.
>All she has are several dozen dumb-as-bricks thug mares and a few slut colts that are into tough fillies. Occasional pickpocketing, tourist traps, dropping some drugs that they bought off the actual big players, and so on.
>Still, doesn't mean they couldn't - or wouldn't - beat you to death if they caught you.
>Portal Town was like that. Lawless place, ponies from outside called it. Well, where laws were lacking, ponies always ended up going by street rules, and Portal Town certainly had its share, enforced by the local gangs.
>One rule was that you didn't buck around in public too much. Even if all the local cops were bribed to the nines, calling too much attention to yourself would get the big players to take you out faster than you could blink.
>As such, you felt pretty safe as you flew between the massive trees and the houses, deliberately using the main thoroughfares, with the most traffic.
>Of course, the moment you stepped into some dark alley, all bets were off. Plenty of ponies disappeared quietly in inter-gang fights, without the coppers so much as batting an eye.
>As you smell food from some surrounding eateries, your stomach growls.
>You bite your lip as you consider your options.
>If you don't eat, you'll become weak. If you do, you're going to use precious time you could be using to pack up your meagre possessions before skipping town.
>You always figured you'd leave Portal Town one day, and this time seemed as good as any. While you didn't think that Cap's gang was all that dangerous, you wanted to see more of the world, given that you lived most of your life here, and you didn't want to be a drug runner forever.
>However, you know that the trains to and from the city are not very frequent, and the next one out is at least a few hours away.
>Landing, you find yourself a pub.
>Not too expensive for the food to be fancy junk, not too cheap for you to get food poisoning. Perfect.
>You hesitate for a moment as you wonder whether to get a drink with your food.
>Eventually, you go for a mug of hard cider. Just something to steady your nerves.
>The bits in your bags are weighing you down, and you know better than to get smashed now. You saw plenty of morons that strike it big get wasted and brag about their loot, only to get mugged minutes later. By your own gang, sometimes.
>As you quickly eat, you keep glancing around, checking if someone is after you, or trying to swipe your bags.
>Nothing stands out, though you see a few bats fly by here and there outside, seemingly looking for something. Or someone.
>Couldn't be you, could it?
>The leatherbacks tended to keep to themselves and form their own, bat-exclusive gangs, so you're fairly certain that Cap couldn't really send them after your tail.
>Still, it's better to be careful.
>You make sure the coast is clear before stepping outside, flapping into the air and towards your place, avoiding any other fliers.
>When you reach the vicinity of your small flier's apartment, though, your eyebrows rise towards the very top of your head, before lowering down as you scowl at the sight.
>Your place was an almost literal hole in the wall - an apartment in a building with no stairs whatsoever, which only fliers or ponies with really tall ladders could access.
>Inconvenient if you had friends that didn't have wings, but it sure was cheaper than regular places. Safer too, though that safety clearly didn't bear out this time.
>The door is smashed wide open, and you see some figures milling about inside.
>You never told Cap where you lived, but it's not like it was too hard to find out. Even if she didn't know, there were always ponies that dealt in information that would gladly tell her everything she wanted to know, for a price.
>You guess that you pissed her off enough that she was willing to pay that price.
>Frowning, you quickly look around before beelining for the nearest tree, hanging upside down on a branch and hiding in the leaves.
>While you don't like the leatherbacks much, you did learn their methods and tricks. Never know when unorthodox tactics might come in handy, after all, and no one would suspect that the pony hanging upside down on a branch is actually a pegasus, unless they looked at your wings closely.
>You hang there for a while, flicking your ears and straining to hear something.
>The ponies inside are talking about something, but you only catch indistinct sounds and the occasional crashes and thumps as they smash your place up.
>Fortunately, you knew better than to stash your savings in your place, save for a small amount of spending money.
>An occasional bit of debris is thrown out through the broken door, landing on the ground.
>You consider leaving, but you're curious to see just who Cap managed to rustle up. You were one of only two pegasi in the gang, the rest being hornheads or ground-pounders , and there was definitely more than one mare in there.
>It doesn't take them very long. You hear one of them raise her voice sharply in some command, and soon after, three bats hop out of the door one by one and fly off.
"No way."
>You whisper to yourself with disbelief as you watch them fly off.
>How?
>How did that cunt get the leatherbacks to go after you?
>Was she more powerful than you actually thought?
>Your guts tighten a little with worry, but you shake off your fear. It's far too late to change anything now. The only way is forward.
>You're tempted to go in and check if they missed something, but you know that that's a bad idea.
>You're fairly certain you saw one of the three land in a tree in a similar fashion to you, so they're probably staking your place out.
>Which might have worked, if the idiots didn't leave the door smashed wide open. Anyone who's on the run would turn around the second they saw the damage. What kind of moron do they take you for - hold up.
>You slowly grin as an idea starts forming in your head.
>Well, if they're such idiots, then why not take advantage of that, and try to acquire some information?
>You thoroughly scan your surroundings, slowly and quietly taking to the air again.
>You don't manage to notice any other hidden sentries, so there's probably just the one.
>You double back a bit, deliberately approaching your place from the direction of the tree you saw the leatherback land in, looking at it through your peripheral vision the entire time.
>There's a rustle, and you see the almost glowing bat eyes go wide.
>Pfft. For a tribe that boasts about being sneaky, most of them really suck at stealth.
>Now, is she going to run back to her buddies, or chase after you alone?
>If she runs, you're going to fly off and leave whatever pursuers she manages to call in in the dust.
>But if she tries to go after you... Well, you're no fighter, but you're pretty sure you can take one leatherback. And then, you can ask her some questions.
>It's a risky plan, but you're feeling lucky today.
>You pretend not to notice her, beelining for your place, hoping to make her think that she could corner you inside.
>Flying through the door and landing, you quickly look around.
>As expected, the place is completely trashed. Bits of broken furniture litter the floor, feathers from ripped pillows, and so on.
>You don't particularly care, though, quickly sifting through the garbage to try and find some kind of improvised weapon.
>There's a chunk of a table leg with some heft to it, which you quickly pick up.
>Better yet, you find a couple intact smoke bombs near a box, the rest of them pulverized.
>picking up a shard of glass, you quickly rise to the ceiling with your new weapons in tow, glancing through the window as you do.
>To your delight, the bat did decide to try and take you alone, almost making it to the entrance as you press yourself to the ceiling.
>You quickly throw the shard of glass through the bathroom door, just as she lands and looks around.
>As she looks left and right, her ears twitch as the glass shard impacts the wall in the bathroom, clinking and making noise as it falls down.
>With a cocky grin, she cracks her neck and starts trotting forward, only for you kick off the ceiling and smash into her with your entire weight.
>"Wargh!"
>You follow up by immediately starting to liberally apply the broken table leg to her head, the mare wheezing as you mercilessly pummel her.
>Her wings aren't injured, though, and she manages to flap them hard and send herself zipping forward and slipping away from you, not that it improves her situation at all.
>Since she was facing the bathroom, that's where she ends up in, slamming hard into the wall with a pained wail.
>You don't give her time to recover, tossing a smoke bomb after her and listening with a smug grin as she hacks and coughs from the acrid fumes.
>You quickly take position next to the bathroom door, landing steadily on your forelegs and readying your hindlegs.
>The moment she stumbles out, you give her your best buck, hitting her square in the side and sending her flying across the room.
>Quickly galloping over, you put her in a chokehold, allowing yourself a smug victory chuckle.
"Thought you had me cornered, huh, leatherback? Really thought I'd be that stupid? Well, looks like the hunter became the hunted."
>She snarls furiously as she struggles, but between the beating and the choking, she's too weak to break free.
"Now, I think I'm going to leave your corpse here as a message, so the likes of you know not to mess with a mare of MY caliber."
>Her eyes go wide, and she struggles harder, though it's clear she's almost about to pass out.
"Orrrr.... You could tell me some things, and I might let you off easily... You want to live, leatherback?"
>She nods with the last of her strength, tears falling from her eyes.
>You're not really going to kill her, but it's best to let her believe that you would.
>You unceremoniously drop her, the bat hacking and coughing as she sucks in fresh air.
>You give her a few moments before biting her by the mane, lifting her up and pressing her against the wall, a hoof on her throat.
"Don't think I'm not going to change my mind if I don't like what I hear, though. Now, start talking. Who sent you here? Does Cap actually have cronies among you?"
>"Hkkkkkh-"
>You roll your eyes as she chokes.
"Sometime this century, please."
>"I- Bounty-"
>You raise your eyebrows.
"By who?"
>"Your - *hack* - boss..."
>You shake your head.
"Not my boss any more. How? I just got away and got some food, and you pests are already smashing my place up. How did the news spread so fast?"
>"F-fifty thousand for your head."
>You choke on your own spit as you hear the number. Yeah, with numbers like that, you bet the news would spread fast.
"Fif- HWAT?! Are you shitting me?!"
>She coughs and shakes her head, sniffling a bit as blood drips from her nose.
"You know that Cap's just a street rat, right?"
>She gives you a confused look, her eyes looking a bit dazed.
>"Huh?"
>You shake your head a little, though you don't take your eyes off the bat.
"Filly, I'm pretty sure she never had fifty thousand saved up in her entire life. She has, like... A couple dozen mares under her at most. She does NOT have that kind of money to throw around, or she'd be a way bigger player. "
>She frowns, looking pretty pissed.
>"...Huh."
"Yup, you got your flank kicked for imaginary money."
>You shake your head as you let go of her and consider the implications, the bat slumping on the floor.
>Making false promises like that would get Cap killed, no doubt about that.
>But before that happened, someone would actually need to try and collect on the bounty, which meant that you would be dead either way.
>And, who knows? Maybe if she shook her mares down extra hard or something, maybe Cap would actually be able to scrape up the fifty kay. Not likely, but again, you'd be dead either way.
>Looks like you REALLY need to leave town.
>Shaking your head, you give the bat a (hopefully) intimidating look.
"I suggest that you don't try to follow me. Next time, I won't be this nice."
>She spits some blood at your hooves with a scowl, but doesn't move to get up.
"Good mare. I'll be off, then."
>As you get ready to leave, you notice a piece of a mangled, shredded pegasus feather on the floor.
>You blink as you remember that you did maybe have one thing you wanted to save from this place - the feather.
>The only memento you have of your mother.
>Too late now, though. It's trampled and torn to bits. You shake your head as you force yourself to move, picking up speed.
>You gallop through the door, spreading your wings and moving towards the middle of the city.
>A bit counter-intuitive, perhaps, but you're hoping to take advantage of one of the street rules of the city.
>For fifty bangers, someone might even try to shank you in broad daylight - but not in front of Portal Keep, that's for sure.
>While everyone knew that the copper-armored ponice mares were bought and paid for to largely ignore the small-scale crime that the gangs engaged in, the other street rule was quite simple:
>You did NOT buck around with the Portal Guards.
>The garrison of the keep and the city guards were completely different beasts. The coppers were civilian recruits, while the Portal Guard were an elite military outfit, stationed there in case of an attempted invasion from the other side of the portal.
>And mare, they did NOT buck around. They didn't patrol the city, but if you approached the keep and so much as looked at them funny, they'd take you down faster than you could blink.
>As you keep flying, your thoughts are running almost as fast as your flight.
"Think, Fast Lane, think..."
>What should you do now?
>With that bounty, the train station is going to be chock full of gangers hoping to collect. After all, it was the only way out of the city, and the surroundings were either dangerous jungle full of venomous snakes and insects to the south and west, an arid, barren desert to the north, or the badlands some distance to the east. And wilderness survival is definitely not one of your skills.
>You'd be safe in the city center, but for how long?
>You can't just sit in front of the keep and have a stare down with whoever's after you until everyone gets bored.
>As you think, you notice a pair of bats flying in a parallel path to yours on your left some distance away.
>Coincidence?
>That notion gets dispelled when you notice a similar pair on your right, too.
>Great.
>You're pretty confident about giving them the slip if you feet like it, but how long can you keep it up? You'll need to sleep eventually.
>As you idly scan your surroundings while running various scenarios through your head, you notice an unusual form below.
>Tall and spindly, walking in that odd, two-legged gait. "Bipedal", you think the fancy word to describe it is.
>A human.
>The strange, nigh-incomprehensible, alien species that live on the other side of the portal.
>Your eyes widen and you almost fall out of the air as a crazy, audacious idea hits you.
>Flapping your wings to catch yourself, you grin like a madmare as you slowly start to descend.
>Not too fast, though. Wouldn't want the human to kill you because you spooked him, after all.
>Where not bucking with the Portal Guard was a local rule, not bucking with humans was a nation-wide rule. They were known to freak out if you so much as sneezed around them, and they were more than capable of killing just about anything that breathed with those alien weapons of theirs.
>This might just be your craziest, most risky, mad plan ever. But again, you're feeling lucky today.
>As you slowly bank down, you notice the iron dagger strapped to his waist, the ritualistic weapon signifying his ability and intent to immediately kill anyone and anything that threatens him.
>As expected, he is a stallion. You've seen a number of humans over the years, and they were all stallions, every time.
>Some mares say that they don't even have human mares at all, their entire species being only males.
>That's dumb as hay, of course. If they have stallions, that means that they must have mares, though the way their species works is clearly quite different from the way ponies work.
>There were some stories from the first years after the portal opened, about human mares coming through along with their stallions.
>Not a single pony could agree on what actually happened, but there were some incidents, which led to the mares not coming to Equestria any more.
>Which was probably for the best. A human stallion was more dangerous than a pissed off elder dragon already. With their mares inevitably being more powerful, one could probably level a city.
>You recall one of the stories about the incidents with the human mares as you slowly land.
>An altercation happened between a small group of human and pony mares for some reason or other, and it is said that one human mare let out a banshee screech so loud and terrible, it deafened a hundred ponies all around her, blood pouring from their ears.
>Her friends likewise screamed and chanted something about a "Slay Queen", which was probably the banshee's title.
>Tough as you are, you do NOT want to even get close to something with a title like that.
>Their stallions - men, you think they call themselves? They, at least, could be reasoned and bargained with.
>With how few human mares there were, some said that there were a hundred human men to each human mare, which made them expendable and worthless in their mare's eyes.
>Which apparently led them to do risky and dangerous things, though, with them being weaker than their mares, they were forced to be more cautious instead.
>You're banking on that caution as you catch the human's eye, meekly folding your ears as you slowly approach him.
"Hello there, sir. May I talk to you for a moment?"

>You swallow nervously as one of his hands immediately slides down towards his dagger, idly running a finger across the handle. At least, you're hoping that the action is idle.
>He takes a few moments to look you up and down before answering.
>"Perhaps, little fey. What do you want?"
>You purse your lips at the strange epithet. You knew about it, of course, having lived in Portal Town for most of your life, but knowing didn't mean understanding. Humans kept calling ponies all sorts of weird things even if they were entirely capable of pronouncing "pony", and no one truly knew their full meanings.
>From what you managed to piece together, it wasn't an entirely neutral way to address a pony, either. It meant that the human didn't trust you, though you're not sure if that really changed anything. Far as you knew, humans didn't trust *anything* while they were in Equestria, not even the ground they were standing on, or the air they were breathing.
>Steeling yourself, you start talking, doing your best to appear non-threatening. The second part doesn't take much effort, given that doing that would be a near-certain death sentence.
"W-well, you see, I, uh... Lived here in Portal Town for most of my life... Saw a bunch of humans over the years, heard the occasional bit of information or story about your world..."
>He tilts his head slightly, raising his eyebrows a touch.
>"Yes? Go on. Something you wanted to confirm or deny from those stories?"
"Well, actually, I was kind of interested in going one day."
>It's not entirely a lie. You did entertain some idle thoughts here and there, but it seemed a bit crazy to go to another dimension when you barely even knew what Equestria actually looked like.
>Some ponies absolutely insisted that humans knew if you lied, which was probably a load of manure, but you decide to play it safe and lie as little as possible either way.
>After all, though you could almost definitely lie to a human without them knowing, every pony knew that if they actually found out about it, it probably wouldn't end well for you, unless you were somewhere far away when they found out.
>He considers your words, scratching his chin.
>He seems to do that after every thing you say, like he's picking what you said apart in every way he can, to find any hidden tricks.
>Which is something you heard from other ponies when they talked about humans as well. Something about believing that words have some kind of hidden power, or something.
>"Alright, well... Something you want to know before you go?"
"Well, ah... I heard a bunch of broad, general stuff, but... What do I *do*? I mean, go through the portal, sure, but what about right after? I don't need to know about all the countries and stuff, just... Where do I go right after I step through the door?"
>"Well, it's not too different from here. Okay, it's actually a fair bit different. The climate... It's basically a desert. No jungle like here. All open and sunny and damned hot. Apart from that, though, there's a settlement on the other side, much like here. Except built by humans. There's hotels and eateries and stuff there too."
>You nod slowly, gears turning in your head.
"And are they easy to find? How many tourist traps do I have to get past before reaching them?"
>He chuckles, his forcefully neutral expression split by a small smile for a brief moment.
>"You're a sharp one. Yeah, I don't know the prices very well, but I bet some of them do charge you out the ass. Can't help you much in that department, unfortunately. You might be better off renting a room privately, though that depends on how long you're planning to be staying there."
>That's a good question. You don't know how long it would take for the heat to die down and for Cap to (most likely) get capped, but you're inclined for it to be at least several weeks, rather than a few days. You might be feeling lucky today, but you know that luck can turn at a moment's notice.
"And how would I find a place to rent?"
>He shrugs, not taking his eyes off you.
>"Ads. Those corkboard things with local services pinned to them. Talking to people."
"People like you?"
>He smiles faintly again.
>"Well, I do have a lot of space in my place, but I haven't really been looking for a tenant."
>You perk up, immediately forcing yourself to calm down again.
"Why not? I can pay, I'm not a slob, and, uh... I don't snore?"
>You're not entirely sure what kind of requirements a human would have for a tenant, but it shouldn't be too weird... right?
>You hope.
>He blinks before pursing his lips, looking at you through heavy, lidded eyes.
>You feel your heart rate go up, shrinking a little under his gaze as he rubs the handle of his dagger again.
>"...What is this the reason for this conversation? Why'd you pick me?"
"I just saw you walking down the street, I swear. It was a split-second decision!"
>"Right. No weird fey tricks?"
>You shake your head,
"I don't even know what that means."
>"Hm. Guess you're young... Or you look like it, at least."
>You snort.
"No one else that I asked knows either. What's fey?"
>He smiles faintly again.
>"You, perhaps, little fey. Or not. Can't ever be too careful with the skinwalkers, you know?"
>You sigh as he just tells you more nonsense words. That's pretty typical for a conversation with a human, from what you know.
"What's a skinwalker? Is it something that walks and has skin? Pretty sure you walk and have skin too."
>"Heh. No. I'm talking about those shapeshifter freaks. Changelings. You're not a changeling, are you?"
>Well, that part makes some sense, at least.
>The human's paranoia about changelings is legendary. You're surprised it took this long for him to ask you. Some ponies say that humans start every single conversation with asking a pony whether they're a changeling or not. Even those that they knew for months or even years.
>You shake your head.
"No, and it wouldn't matter on the other side, would it? The soul drain... It stops absolutely everything, doesn't it?"
>"Yeah... yeah, changelings included," He confirms quietly.
"Uh, so..."
>He thinks for another minute. From the corners of your eyes, you see a few bats circle around, though they're keeping an impressively healthy distance from the human. Just as you intended.
>"Tell you what. I'm not making any binding deals with a potential fey until I'm sure there's no shenanigans involved. If you're really serious about visiting Earth..."
"I am," You confirm.
>"Then we can talk this over when we're on the other side."
>That might sound acceptable for a regular pony, but you've been working the streets way too long not to know the myriad ways how that could go wrong.
"And what about me? Do I have any assurances that you won't just dump me, mug me or change your mind?"
>He ponders for a moment before shrugging and putting his hand on his chest.
>"I hereby solemnly promise that if I change my mind, I will, at the very least, bring you to a hotel, free of charge."
>Biting your lip, you nod slowly.
"Alright, that... That will have to do."
>You both go quiet, standing there slightly awkwardly.
>After a moment, you clear your throat.
"So, are you going now? I saw you walking towards the Keep, and I kind of assumed..."
>"Oh, yes, right. I'm going. Do you need to get anything?"
"Nope, I'm good. Got everything I need," You nod, patting your bags stuffed with bits.
>He nods, starting to walk.
>"So, were you going to go anyway? Even though you didn't know much about the other side?"
>You shake your head.
"Hey, I practically grew up here, I picked up enough tidbits from plenty of humans. And going there was totally planned, just a bit of a... Sudden choice to do it today."
>He glances at you as you try not to bend the truth too much.
>"Yeah? Can I ask what triggered it?"
>You ponder for a moment before shrugging and going with the truth.
"My place got broken into and smashed up. I've been thinking about skipping town for a while already. But then, I saw you."
>You leave out the part of why it gotten broken in to and the bit about you using him as a shield to not get yourself killed, of course.
>"Oh. Huh."
>The mention of the crime does out him slightly more on edge, though, and he looks around, glancing at all the gangers watching you from the distance.
>You look as well, noticing more than just bats now, at least a dozen in all, from all tribes. A few unicorns, a pegasus, a trio of earthers...
>All looking mighty put out by the fact you're accompanied by a human.
>You do your best not to laugh at their expressions. Some of them look like puppies that got their treats denied.
>A few seem impressed by the sheer ovaries on you, though, staring with wide eyes, one of them laughing before giving you a respectful salute and trotting off.
>More arrive, but even with a couple dozen of them trailing you, not a single one dares get any closer.
>They might think that you're going to go your own ways once you reach the keep, but mare are they wrong.
>As you approach, you regard the massive stone box in front of you.
>You saw it plenty of times before, of course, though you never went inside.
>You also saw some pictures of castles now and then, and despite officially being a fortress, the Portal Keep was completely different.
>As it was said, it was not built to keep people out, it was built to keep them in. As such, there were almost no external fortifications. Just big, thick walls with almost no windows.
>You can't help but turn your head around and give your pursuers a smug look once you reach the gates, wiggling your eyebrows mockingly before turning forward again and flashing them as you flick your tail.
>There's some kind of noise, like an angry scream, which immediately turns the guardsmare's that have been examining you and the human attention towards the small crowd in the distance.
>Turning back again, you think you see Cap among them, the mare's face bruised almost beyond recognition.
>The attention from the guards makes all of them scatter instantly, though, Cap remaining alone before spitting on the ground and wobbling away on unsteady hooves.
>Heh. Looks like she breathed in a bit too much of the powder when you sent it flying in her face.
>You follow the human through the gates before the guards figure out that you are somehow related to what happened, and turn their attention back to you.
>There's a wide corridor with more guards here and there, eventually ending in a large, but completely windowless and enclosed room.
>There's a number of doors, along with a bunch of desks, staffed by various ponies.
>"So, since you never went, I'm guessing you don't have any paperwork done?" Your companion asks.
>You shake your head.
"No, but I heard from others that went that it was shockingly easy to go. Just pay a few coins, a couple questions and tests, and they let you right through, right?"
>"Yeah, pretty much," He nods. "A far cry from our side, especially when it was locked down. Now, it's more or less the same, though... Well, the paperwork is still pretty huge compared to here. Be happy that your bureaucracy is not so advanced as ours."
"Uh... Yay?"
>Paperwork is hardly something you ever encountered yourself, given your less than legal line of work, but every pony that happened to mention it spoke of it as some kind of form of torture.
"So, you'll wait for me, right, uh... I never got your name."
>"Sure. Names have power, though," He smirks slightly.
>You scrunch your muzzle. You're fairly certain he's just bucking with you at this point.
"Really. Do they? What do I call you, then?"
>"You may call me... Anonymous," He says grandly, with an overdramatic wave of his hand.
"...Ha. Good one. Alright, in that case, Im... Uh..."
>You didn't really have a reason to have many fake aliases since drug running meant *not* interacting with ponies, so it takes you a few moments.
"You can call me Swift Sprint!"
>He nods.
>"Cute."
>You scrunch again.
"No it's not! That's a completely normal pony name."
>"Yes, and your names are cute. Now come on. Get going."
>He nudges towards a desk with a "REGISTRATION" sign hanging over it as you continue scrunching.
>The mare sitting behind it looks mildly bored, looking right through you.
>"First time visitor or returning?"
"First time."
>"The full registration procedure will be twenty bits. Fill this form, please. And this one. And sign here..."
>You want to know what you're signing, but in this case, being from the streets is a disadvantage.
>Reading is a bit hard since you didn't exactly get any formal schooling ever, but the forms are mercifully short. You manage to mostly skim over them, the longest one being something about you stating that you understand that Earth is not Equestrian jurisdiction, and that any bodily harm you might come to is your own responsibility, blah blah blah.
>Kind of obvious it's dangerous, since you're going to the human world, though from what ponies said, humans on their side are far less jumpy due to what happens to ponies when they cross over.
>Some ponies say that they even turn outright friendly, though you're not sure you're buying that.
>You spit out the pen as you finish.
"Done."
>"Thank you, stand still for the camera, please."
>She pulls out an odd-looking thing, which has to be of human make. Nothing like the normal cameras you see tourists carry.
>Your eyes go wide slightly in surprise, which makes the flash blind you for a moment.
"Gah."
>The mare makes no reaction, putting the thing down and inspecting the forms.
>"If you're ready to proceed, please pay the fee, and move on to the next desk."
>You fish out the bits from your bags, and move on without a word. It doesn't look like the mare cares much about your lack of manners.
>The next one has a "BAGGAGE INSPECTION" sign on it.
>The mare behind that one looks marginally less bored.
>"Anything to declare?"
"Uh..."
>She rolls her eyes.
>"Any exotic trade goods you're carrying on you? Deadly weapons?"
"No, just bits. Uh, what's this about, anyway? I heard that humans don't really care much what ponies bring with them."
>"Procedure," The mare sighs in tired exasperation. "Yes, they largely don't care, though they are iffy about stuff like explosives and some other things. And I still have to do this, pointless as it may sound. Please put your saddlebags on the table for inspection."
"Uh... Alright."
>You take off your bags, and the mare waves her horn over them, her aura surrounding the bags.
>You're fairly confident that you're going to pass fine, but there's a small ping from the magic, like a bell, and the mare frowns.
>She focuses her magic on a specific point, and pulls out the last remaining smoke bomb.
>Crap! You completely forgot about that!
>You tense up as the mare looks at you with a raised eyebrow.
>"What's this?"
"Oh, uh... Just a, uh... Toy I got for a prank. A smoke bomb. Totally forgot it was there."
>"Well... Even if it's not a real explosive, I'm not sure if I can let you carry that through."
"That's fine, you can... Keep it?"
>You have no idea what's going to happen. You're half afraid of the mare calling the guards on you and getting chained and jailed for this, so you're massively relieved when she just nods nonchalantly and tosses it in a bin nearby.
>You curse yourself in your head despite the relief, though.
>Flaming Tartarus, Fast Lane, you're a drug runner! You should be better than this! This is literally the first time you got caught carrying something you weren't supposed to!
>Not that you knew you weren't supposed to, but still.
>Speaking of drugs, though, the mare blinks as she pulls out a hoofful of coins from your bags and runs her magic across them.
>"Huh, that's odd..."
"Something wrong?"
>"Picking up some stuff, let's see... Is that... Breezie powder?"
>Double crap! Triple crap!
>The bits got coated in some of it when you sent it flying!
>Are you going to have to leave all of your money here?!
>Are they going to arrest you!?
>Buck! Buck it all to Tartarus! You are soooooo screw-
>"All right, you can go."
"Wh- huh?!"
>She gives you a curious look.
>"What's the matter? You weren't actually trying to smuggle breezie powder into the human world like this, right? There's barely a tiny dusting of it on the coins, and it'd be worthless on the other side."
"Well, of course not, I was just surprised. I don't even know how it got there," You lie through your teeth without blinking.
>"Yeah, this town is shady as buck in some places," She nods knowingly. "Let me guess, you got these from the bank? Big coins, all pretty new and shiny... Just shows how deep the drug trade runs here," She scoffs.
"Yup, the bank," You nod. "What's that about it being worthless, though? You mean you'd let ponies walk through here with piles of drugs?"
>She chuckles.
>"Wow, you're definitely new here. You know about the soul drain, right?"
"Hey, I lived in Portal Town most of my life, and yeah, I know. Pretty sure everyone that knows anything about Earth does, it's the first thing you learn, after all. All creatures completely lose their magic on the other side What about it?"
>"All magic loses its power, not just creatures. Artifacts, gems... Plants."
"Oh. Oooh... So breezie powder is magical? I barely know anything about it, only heard stuff in passing."
>She nods.
>"Yup, so it just becomes useless dust on the other side."
>You didn't really know that, but it makes sense, since you're pretty sure a good chunk of the customers for the stuff are actually humans. You figured they came here because the smugglers couldn't get contraband through the portal, but it turns out that it only works on this side.
"So... Is that all?"
>"Yup, proceed to the next desk, please."
"Thanks."
>Next one is a medical examination, and you have to step into a separate room for that.
>Fortunately, it is very quick as well, the doctor scanning you similarly to how the other one scanned your bags.
>That you need to do this at all is confusing, though, given how many ponies go through the portal to cure various magical ailments.
"What's this for? Don't all diseases die on the other side?"
>"Not all of them," The doctor explains in a voice with a similar level of boredom to the first desk mare. "Just the magical ones. Some can survive, and even infect humans. Anyway, you're clean. Off you go."
"Alright then."
>The final desk actually has a mare and a human working it together, the human giving you some familiar-looking forms.
>"Reason for visit?"
"Uh... Just to... Look around?"
>"I'll write down "tourism"," He nods.
>A few similarly pointless-sounding questions later, he hands you a strange necklace with a shiny plastic card on it. Examining it, you see your own face on it, likely from the photo the first mare took. There's also a bunch of really weird, shiny runes, official-looking seals, and other odd squiggles on it. It looks pretty fancy.
"Huh."
>"Yeah, the humans work fast with their magic. That's your passport. Keep it safe and keep it with you. You can come back if you lose it, of course, but you will have to pay for a new one," The mare says.
>"Stamp, it's technology, not magic," The human sighs, like he already said it a thousand times.
>"So you keep saying. I'll believe it when I see it."
>"You literally saw the process- forget it," He throws his hands up in exasperation. "Have a nice visit, ma'am."
"Uh, thank you, sir."
>You put on the necklace, nodding to the human and looking around for Anonymous.
>Remembering his thing about names, you turn the necklace around so that the side of the card with your name rests against your body.
>"All ready?" He asks.
"I think so, yes."
>"Let us away, then."
>You leave the room through a large door with a large sign saying "PORTAL" above them.
>As you enter the final room, pins and needles start racing all across your body. You tense and flex your wings, and you suddenly feel a cold sweat break out when you take in the details.
>The room is huge and box-shaped, much like the fortress that houses it. There are two more entrances on your left and right, one being for cargo that has a conveyor belt and tracks for some kind of magical carts that move silently along them, without any visible drivers or steam engines.
>The other one is for patients, several ponies slowly rolling two gurneys with prone figures on them towards the portal.
>The sections are cordoned off from each other by thick metal railings, and there is a final set of desks in the middle, staffed by an even number of ponies and humans. From what you see, arrivals go to the pony desks, while those going to Earth go to the human ones.
>None of that is what caused the reaction, though. Rather, it was the last, and final detail.
>The Portal.
>It doesn't look like much. In fact, it looks positively drab. A square tunnel of absolute gray, lit up by electric lights in regular intervals.
>However, the moment you step inside, you're not going to be in your universe any more.
>Not that you really know what most of the words mean, but you heard plenty of explanations of what it is. "A space between universes", it was called. "A spatial distortion, wedged open by magic, not of our universe."
>And it showed. While it looked like a boring tunnel, the whole thing was just... Wrong.
>It was like the world was a photo, and the tunnel was a weird hole someone splotched on it with a pen. You could *see* it, but it was like it just... Wasn't connected to this reality.
"Guuuuuh..."
>Your companion notices your distress.
>"Try not looking at the edges. Only look at the tunnel, or towards the floor," Anonymous suggests. "Makes the whole thing less wrong. If you focus only on one reality, it helps... A little."
"Yeah... Yeah. Thanks."
>You glue your eyes to the floor, and the two of you make it to the desks.
>Your shakes only subside a little, though.
>With the rush to get away alive and the whirlwind of activity, you haven't really stopped to think what you're doing through.
>Go to Earth, the world of the aliens? Seriously?
>Well, the alternative is an almost certain death, but still...
>No, no.
>You're Fast Lane! The best damn runner in the city!
>You're going to be fine. You're quick, you're smart, you can fly!
>...And you can't do any of those things on the other side any more due to the soul drain.
>Going through the portal didn't actually drain your "soul", though some ponies did insist that going to the other side forced your soul out of your body and made it wait by the portal until you returned, since only beings with souls had magic, and losing it also meant losing your soul.
>And if you died on the other side, your soul would be stuck waiting, forever and ever.
>You weren't even sure if you believed in souls, but it wasn't a fate you were interested in experiencing.
>Well, it wasn't like you were planning to die there.
>You mentally smack yourself.
>Get ahold of yourself, filly!
>You survived the streets of Portal Town! You'll survive this, too!
>The two of you reach the desks, and you present your "passport" to the human.
>He sticks it under a weird light, there's a beep, and he waves you through.
>Huh. Getting to Earth really is easy. You don't think the entire registration took more than half an hour.
>As you approach the portal, your legs shake a little, which doesn't go unnoticed.
>"Are you... Going to be okay?" Anon asks awkwardly.
>You laugh mirthlessly under your breath as you keep looking towards the floor.
"Well, I certainly damn hope so. All the ponies keep saying that it's unpleasant, but completely nonlethal, unless you're at death's door already. But will it... Will it hurt?"
>He shakes his head.
>"I don't know, but the ponies I pass in the tunnel sometimes mutter about how cold they feel. That's it."
"Alright then. Let's go."
>You briefly close your eyes, raising your head and looking into the Portal.
>It's still wrong, but not looking at the edges where reality and unreality intersects does seem to help a little.
>Glancing at each other, you both nod, taking a step over the threshold.
>It's bizarre, like stepping into a cloud. It's like there's sudden difference in the air pressure, and at the same time, not. You can move with the same ease as in Equestria, but your body just isn't equipped to properly tell you what doing this actually feels like, so it just feels weird.
>Step by step, you move your body inside the tunnel, feeling heavier with each one, your saddlebags weighing you down
>Anonymous is clearly completely unaffected, but he slows down for you as you slowly and deliberately take each and every step.
>It doesn't take long the aforementioned cold to set in as your magic is swiftly drained from your body.
>You shake and shiver, in a way that you never felt before in your entire life.
>Pegasi were very cold resistant both due to their coats and their innate magic, but you never knew just how much of it was actually magical.
>You manage to make it halfway through, the other side already visible.
>Your legs refuse to move, though, as you stand there, panting.
>"Take your time," Anonymous says quietly. "I'll wait."
"T-thank you," You whisper.
>You slowly start moving forward again, though it seems like every step takes you a minute.
>The sound of wheels on...
>What?
>You haven't noticed what the surfaces in the tunnel are actually made of. You assumed that it was some kind of gray stone or concrete, but it's not. It's just... Grayness.
>Trying not to think about it, you turn towards the direction your ears pointed you to, and see a pony being wheeled on a gurney in the other section of the tunnel. It's a stallion, obviously sick with some magical malady, strangely colored splotches dotting his coat. He's delirious, barely conscious as his eyes flutter open and closed.
>It's a fairly familiar sight to you. An unexpected side effect of a completely non-magical world was apparently the fact that it tended to kill off strange magical diseases that doctors didn't have cures for, and even completely nullify any curses or hexes, which turned the usually extremely dangerous world into a health destination for the desperate.
>Not that they stuck around for long, of course. They'd just go into a completely separate, quarantined building, stay there for a day or two, and get wheeled right back to Equestria.
>And the reason you knew about all of that was because they were easy targets for gangs like yours, and the cutpurses often bragged just how easy they were to rob.
>Most were sick to the point of delirium, and while patients obviously didn't tend to carry bits or valuables, they often came with relatives, who *did* carry cash and valuables, and were often too distracted with worrying about their sick family members to worry about getting their shinies nicked.
>The vast majority even survived and did, in fact, get better, though this stallion didn't look particularly well.
>Instead of scaring you, however, the sight invigorates you.
>If ponies like that go to Earth and make it out even better than they came in, you're going to be fine.
>You're going to be fine.
>Step by step, you make it to the second threshold, finally reaching Earth.
>Unlike leaving Equestria, there's practically no difference when you cross, save for the air feeling slightly warmer.
"Tartarus..."
>"No," Anonymous shakes his head. "Earth. Welcome to Earth."

"Right then..."
>You reflexively spread your wings wide, flapping a few times to hover above the ground a bit.
>Except, it doesn't happen. Your wings feel like they're filled with lead, and your hooves remain firmly attached to the ground.
>A long, quiet whine escapes your throat as you keep flapping, more and more frantically.
>"Um..."
"I can't- I can't-"
>Anon walks in front of you, grabbing your face with those alien appendages of his.
>The shock makes you freeze, your wings still spread wide and proud, quivering from the exertion.
>"You knew that this would happen... But you didn't really internalize it, did you?" He asks, his voice gentle.
"Y-y-ye-"
>"Shush. Breathe. Just breathe. It's going to be okay. You're not going to die from this."
"I'm- I'm not d- I'm a *flier*. F-fastest In P-portal Town. Flying is what I DO," You manage to stammer out, embarrassment at stuttering like a little filly slowly overtaking your panicked response.
>MARE UP, FAST LANE! MARE THE BUCK UP!
>"Well... You're going to need to come to terms with that. Unless you want to turn around and go back to Equestria. I saw ponies do that sometimes."
>Back to Equestria...
>You're tempted, until you remember what's waiting for you there.
>No. Not yet. Not until the heat dies down.
>No way but forward.
>You furiously shake your head, as much to dislodge the cowardly thoughts as to say no.
"No. Let's go. I'm not going to turn around now."
>He shrugs.
>"If you're sure."
>You nod resolutely.
"I am."
>Forcefully clamping your wings to your sides, you take a step forward, though with how tense all your muscles are, you stumble, falling flat on your belly.
"Oh bucking- Ugh..."
>"May I help?"
"Uh? Sure, I guess?"
>You're a bit dazed, so what Anonymous is offering doesn't really register properly in your befuddled brain.
>Moments later, two long alien arms snake around your torso, lifting you up from the ground.
>You whimper again, helplessly wiggling your legs as Anon lifts you in the air, pressing you against his torso.
>"Huh. Not as light as you look."
"You- you don't need to carry me..."
>He shakes his head, moving forward and taking you with him.
>"Just for a moment. Let's clear the passport control and go sit down for a minute, yeah? There's benches on the other side just for this occasion. You're not the first pony that got a bit overwhelmed."
>As you're getting carried, you idly scan the room. It seems to almost be a copy of the one in Equestria, the metal fences still segregating it into three parts, the sick ponies going left to a separate door, cargo to the right, and regular travelers going straight.
>The main difference is the fact that this room doesn't appear to be in the middle of a fortress. There's plenty of windows, with bright sunlight shining through.
>You guess the humans don't really feel threatened by an invasion from Equestria, given the whole soul drain thing.
>The process is identical to the one on the other side. Flash, beep, and you're through.
>The human at the desk smiles at you comfortingly.
>"Don't be afraid, ma'am, no one's going to hurt you here."
"Thanks," You squeak, nodding, though your eyes are still wide with barely contained panic.
>Anonymous carries you towards the aforementioned benches, and you collapse bonelessly into one.
"Hoooo... Well, this trip is certainly something."
>You can't help but flex your wings, spreading and folding them over and over as you try to get your body back under your control.
>"You're going to be fine, you know," Anonymous points out. "Some ponies even come to Earth for the magic drain on purpose, for strength training."
"Huh?"
>That's the first time you're hearing that bit of information.
>He nods, continuing.
>"Yeah, I guess it's something like the people that take ice baths to force their bodies to adapt and increase their endurance and stuff. It's pretty extreme, but it does seem to work, since there's a small, but dedicated amount of ponies that keep doing it. So if you tough through this, you should be even stronger when you come back."
>You'd be an even better flier? And you were the best in town already!
"Oooooh. I like the sound of that."
>"Yup, though from what little I know, you do actually need to train a bit to build up strength."
"So what exactly have you heard about that?"
>He shrugs.
>"I heard nothing, actually. I saw. There's a small building not too far from where the sick ponies go, and you can see pretty easily through the windows that it's a gym of some kind, and only ponies seem to go there. There's not many of them, but there's always some, doing pushups or lifting weights, or running and stuff. I can only assume that there has to be some kind of special advantage to working out on Earth. Why would they do that otherwise?"
"Huh. Okay."
>That puts a bit of a damper on your enthusiasm.
>Working out always looked super lame to you. Why bother pretending that you're running on some stupid machine or lift weights with your wings, instead of going for an actual run, or flight? It certainly worked for you, given how good you got without ever really working out.
>Still, becoming some kind of a supercharged flier does sound tempting, especially given that you're probably going to need to be real fast when you go back to Equestria.
>Something to consider, you suppose.
>You remain lying on the bench for a while, until most of the shakes subside.
>"Ready to go?" Anon asks.
>You raise your head to you look him in the eyes.
"Go where? To your place? We didn't agree on anything yet, remember? You wanted to be on the other side. Well, now we are. So now what?"
>He pauses for a minute.
>"Oh. Right. Well... You're probably not a changeling, at least."
>You snort, shaking your head a little.
"How many changelings did you even ever encounter, anyway? And what do you mean by probably? Look at me! I'm completely magicless."
>You flap your wings one more time for good measure, still to no effect.
>He purses his lips.
>"Well I don't bloody know. That's rather the point with those things, isn't it? It's impossible to tell who's who when they're disguised. Which is exactly why you need to always be vigilant."
"Don't you have pictures, or something? Pretty sure everyone in Equestria saw the photos after they were found out. There's even some posters and stuff hanging up in bars and the like."
>"Sure, there's loads of photos. The feds even released some videos from the first incident. Weird-ass, chitinous freaks."
"And... Do *I* look like one? Do you think I glued my coat on my shell? Go on, touch me."
>You're aware that being this aggressive with a human is a bad idea, but you don't feel like taking this crap after you already went to the other side of the weird Tartarus portal into this horror dimension with no magic, and he's still not fully convinced that you're not a changeling.
>"...Alright."
>He runs his hand across your entire body, starting from your mane, going down your neck, and towards your tail.
>What comes out of his mouth was not what you expected to hear, though.
>"Oooh... Sooo soft.." He coos quietly.
"Hey, what?! I'm not soft! I'm super tough! I'm one of the toughest mares in Portal Town! The best runner there is!"
>He looks at you with slight confusion as you scrunch at him, attempting to assert your dominance. Predictably, it fails completely against the powerful alien.
>Laughing, he shakes his head.
>"I meant your coat. It's really soft. And what do you mean by runner? I thought you said you were a flier?"
>You shrug.
"It's just what delivery mares are usually called, even though most of them are fliers, yeah. And my coat may be soft, but I. Am. Tough. "
>He grins.
>"Suuure you are, cute little pony."
>You scrunch harder than you ever scrunched, to no effect.
>Damned aliens and their magicless dimension. He wasn't so damn smug on the other side of the portal. Bet he feels pretty safe now that you can't do anything.
>At least he's probably not likely to attack you if he doesn't feel threatened.
"Don't believe me? Feel my muscles instead of my coat, then."
>"Wait, what are-"
>You force his hand that was near your backside onto your flank, his fingers reflexively closing and squeezing, as your own muscles likewise tense up from the unfamiliar contact.
>He stares for a few seconds, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, before yanking his hand back, looking away and coughing awkwardly.
>"Uh, w-well, uh, yeah, those are some impressive muscles, yeah. Nice. Real nice."
>You raise your snout in the air proudly, not that it does much given just how taller he is than you.
"Told you."
>"Right then, since you're definitely not a changeling..."
>He trails off, still looking a bit awkward.
>Did you do something wrong? At least he's not angry, you suppose.
>You stick your hoof into your saddlebags, pulling out one of the ten-bit coins.
"So if you don't have any more objections, how much are you going to charge me for the room?"
>He raises his eyebrows and takes the coin, examining it intently for a brief while before slipping it into a pocket.
>"That's your rent covered for a month, then. Let's go."
>What?
>WHAT?!
>You're completely flabbergasted until you remember that humans apparently value gold much more than ponies since it's rarer on their world, or something.
>You heard that tidbit before, but you never knew *just* how much more valuable it was.
>You were halfway expecting to have to sacrifice a good chunk of your loot for your safety, but now...
>Your head spins as you attempt to do some math.
>With the gold you have, you could stay here for... Years! Decades! Maybe even for the rest of your life!
>...And you'd never be able to fly again.
>What a tradeoff. Definitely not worth it, but it felt good to know that you weren't on a tight clock to leave.
>While all of that is running through your head, you remain sitting on the bench, Anonymous giving you a slightly concerned look.
>"You alright there, Swift? Still can't walk?"
>Swift?
>Oh right, your fake name.
>You shake your head as you get back to your hooves.
"No, I'm fine. Well, mostly fine. Just feeling a bit slower than usual."
>"Probably the lack of magic. I heard it messes with your head a bit, too," He nods.
>Now that he mentions it, you do notice a bit of a brain fog in your head. It's not entirely unlike the time you tried the breezie powder for the first time, only without making you giggly.
>Could be a problem. You certainly need to keep your wits about you in here.
>Forcefully focusing your thoughts, you look at him again.
"Where to next?"
>"Let's catch a bus, my place is a bit far to walk to, at least with you in your condition."
>Catch a... Bus?
>You're not sure you're up to catching anything right now. And how would that help you get to his home?
>None of what he said makes any sense at all, but you decide to just remain quiet, follow along, and keep your ears and eyes open to understand what those alien words mean.
>He leads you out of the building, and you get your first look at Earth.
>Everything seems a lot more... Built up, with paved roads, buildings, and hoof paths everywhere.
>There are some humans walking around, with the occasional pony.
>The sunlight is bright, but it's already cresting the horizon, which confuses you. It definitely wasn't that late yet.
>It takes you a minute to realize that that's not Equestria's sun, and that the times between the two worlds certainly don't match.
>It seems like a small detail, but the realization still makes a shiver go down your spine as the reminders that you're not only no longer in your country, but not even your home dimension just keep piling up.
>You do your best to clamp down on those thoughts and focus on Anonymous, trotting obediently at his side as he casually navigates the streets, bringing you to some kind of tiny, roofed shelter from the wind, several other humans standing around.
>He stops there, studying some kind of writing on a metal pole nearby as he glances at a clock on his wrist.
>Is this how you catch buses?
>He nods in satisfaction, turning to you.
>"Alright, looks like we won't have to wait long at all. The bus should be here soon."
"Okay."
>You really don't know what else to say or think, so you just stand there, carefully studying your surroundings from the corners of your eyes.
>Any runner worth their salt learns how to use their peripheral vision to its fullest potential. Those that don't don't last long in the business. Even if the coppers don't get you, rival gangs are more than happy to nab whatever you're carrying for themselves.
>The other humans all seem to be glancing at you with strange smiles now and then, though they don't appear to be threatening... You think.
>You notice one of them staring non-stop at you, which makes your instincts start screaming at you to scram.
>Except you can't exactly fly, or go anywhere, so you do your best to appear calm and unbothered, pretending not to notice him.
>As you keep studying him, though, you get more and more confused.
>He has this big protrusion on his chest, which is not something you ever saw other men have.
>And an unusually long mane.
>That means something, doesn't it?
>You dig through your memory, looking for forgotten tidbits about humans that you heard in passing.
>Long mane, big chest...
>A conversation you listened in on in the past comes back to you.
>"Yeah, I actually saw some of them back in the day. Those human mares are real weird. They have their teats on their chests, see? How weird is that? Imagine trotting around with your teats on your front!"
>Crap.
>That's not a him.
>That's a her. A *human* her.
>As you're reminiscing, you see her hands twitch, reaching in the direction of your mane for a split second before pulling back, a mad, hungry, desperate look in her eyes. Starved, even.
>CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP
>NOPE
>Whatever this is, you want no part of it.
>Would Anonymous protect you?
>Is he even capable of doing that? Against a mare of his kind? Is that even legal for him?
>Not like you have any other choice but to trust him right now.
>Pretending to stretch your muscles, you stretch out your back legs one by one, making a few steps in place before flexing your wings and moving slightly, putting Anonymous between yourself and the human mare.
>He glances at you, but doesn't seem concerned.
>You can't see the human mare's expression any more, but she doesn't move to follow you or push Anonymous out of the way, so that's good.
>Fortunately, the "bus" arrives pretty soon, ending the tense situation.
>You stare at the weird machine, trying to fit it into your understanding of the world.
>You think that it's like a carriage at first, but when you see its huge length, you decide that it looks more like a self-contained train car, only one that doesn't need rails. Human technology is really something.
>You guess that "catching" it must have been a euphemism of some kind.
>The other humans get on first, Anon paying for both of you with some kind of foreign coins.
>He notices you examining the money intently, waving it off.
>"Don't worry, it's on me. You can visit the money changers later, when you're feeling better."
"Thanks," You nod gratefully.
>He leads you towards an empty row of seats, mercifully far away from the other passengers.
>The human-style seats are a bit odd, but large, so you don't have much trouble finding a comfortable way to sit.
>The journey is uneventful, with a strange, mechanical voice announcing the names of every stop.
>You spend the time glued to the window, staring with fascination at the completely alien landscape.
>Just like the stories say, since humans have no magic, their entire existence is built on machines. Dozens of tiny buses that seem to only have four seats pass by on the other side of the road, with an occasional bus as large as yours.
>There's just so much... Machinery everywhere. And buildings. Flashing lights on large metal poles, roads, glowing signs on shops and restaurants...
>You think you even saw a flying machine of some kind high up in the sky, though you couldn't focus on it before the roof of the bus hid it from view.
>You're not sure how long the journey took, but by the time Anonymous nudges you, the Sun has already disappeared beyond the horizon, the last bits of orange light still coloring the sky.
>"This is our stop, Swift."
"Alright. Lead the way."
>Getting off the bus, the pair of you trot for a few minutes longer before he brings you to his house.
>As you take it in, you can't help but let out a low whistle.
>He grins proudly as he fishes in his pocket for his keys.
>"You like it?"
>You nod.
"It's like a damn fortress."
>And it is. Two - or three, there's a window in the part that looks like the attic - stories tall, with a massive fence made of really thick metal poles and concrete, with bars on the windows. You can't really tell from the outside, but the walls look extra thick as well.
>Cap would dream to have a hideout this fortified.
>He nods.
>"Yeah, it's been like the Wild West around here in the first years. It still is, sometimes, so I decided I'd rather not skimp on security. Pretty sure I'd be dead by now if I decided to be cheap. Anyway, let's get inside."
>He unlocks a whole bunch of locks, the workings of some of which you can't make heads or tails of.
>Some seem to use mostly normal-looking keys, while others do the same beeping thing that the passport scanning lights did when Anon does something to them.
>The thick, heavy door swings outward without a sound, and he comes inside, waving you in.
>You wipe your hooves on the mat next to the door as you look around.
>It's easy to see from how much larger the furniture is that it's most definitely not a pony home.
"Wow. This place is huge. Is your family around? Should I introduce myself?"
>He shakes his head.
>"Nope. Just me. You and me, now."
>You tilt your head in slight confusion.
"But this place is massive. What do you need so much space for?"
>He shrugs.
>"Well, I made a killing renting rooms in the past, before they built all the hotels and stuff. Afterwards, I used the rooms as a makeshift warehouse. There were lots of things people wanted to keep safe and secure without others sticking their noses into it, and my house was pretty damn secure."
>Huh. He almost sounds like he was some kind of drug runner too. Or kept a stash for the actual dealers.
>Couldn't be, though... Right?
>"Once everything got more and more built up around here and the city got bigger, though, I lost the exclusivity and the value of renting dropped considerably. I could still make a decent amount of money, but I kind of got tired with having a bunch of strangers living in my house. Too much stress. Same thing with keeping things for other people."
"And now, you have a huge, mostly empty house."
>"Pretty much, yeah. Totally worth it, too. I more than made back what it cost to build it. Could sell it for a pile of money, but I kind of like living here now. Anyway, let's pick out a room for you."
>He leads you across the house, showing you several rooms.
>There was living space on the third floor as you suspected, but the roof was a bit low, which made you feel claustrophobic.
>You decide to pick the one on the second floor, wanting to be somewhere higher up, even if you can't actually jump out the window and fly.
>Hopping on the bed, you knead the mattress for a few moments while Anonymous fetches the pillow and the other bedding stuff.
>Feels pretty comfy. Way better than what you had back in your hole in Equestria.
>"Everything good?" He asks, setting up the bed for you.
"Yup, looks great."
>"Alright, let's go to the bathroom. I hope it's not going to be too different from what you have in Equestria."
>The statement makes you a little nervous, though fortunately, your fears prove to be unfounded.
>When he said that, your mind started painting pictures of bizarre, massive machinery with dozens of levers doing Celestia knows what, where pulling a wrong one would get you cooked instead of washed.
>However, the bathroom looks normal, if fancy and rich as all buck.
>The tiles are shiny as heck, everything's big, the water flows instantly, and the hot water is even hot!
>For all your cold resistance, a hot shower is still nice.
>...And you don't have most of your cold resistance any more.
>After learning how (and using) the toilet, you trot out, thinking about what you should do next.
>Your stomach growls, telling you in no uncertain terms what your next action should be.
>Carefully cantering down the steep stairs meant for humans, you see Anonymous taking off his travelling clothes and hanging them up by the door, also pulling out a bunch of stuff from his pockets and belt.
>Holding your breath, you freeze, studying all the human artefacts.
>You know that some of them have to be the extremely deadly weapons that humans are known for, but as always, human stuff just looks weird and incomprehensible, the only easily recognizable weapon being the iron dagger.
>He holds it in his hand contemplatively for a moment, before putting most of the stuff in a cabinet by the door.
>You continue down the stairs, Anonymous turning his head towards you.
>"So, everything alright?"
>You nod.
"Yes. Way nicer than my place, too. If it wasn't for the soul drain, I think I'd like to stay here for a while. But I don't know how long I can last in this place without going crazy. No offense. I haven't gone a day without going for a flight for years."
>He nods sympathetically.
>"I understand. If I could fly, you can bet I'd be flying everywhere, non-stop."
>You purse your lips, hesitating at the next part.
>From what you heard, making a deal with a human was pretty ironclad. They rarely went back on their word if they agreed to do something.
>However, they also always insisted of the deals being very, very exact.
"So, uh..."
>You nervously rub one hindleg against the other.
>He raises his eyebrows.
>"Yeah? Something else you need? Did I forget something?"
"Well, I know that I only paid for rent, but... I don't have food with me, and I'm pretty hungry..."
>He blinks at you before laughing.
>"Well, I'd be a bad host if I let my guest starve. Come on, kitchen's this way."
>You follow along, your hooves clip-clopping on the tiles as you enter the kitchen.
>As with everything else, the equipment is overly large for a pony.
>Anonymous pulls out a bowl of fruits from the fridge, gesturing for you to sit down.
>"Help yourself to whatever you like while I whip something up."
>You study the offering curiously.
>There's some familiar things like apples and oranges, though there's also some things you never saw before.
"Uh, Anonymous? What are these things?"
>He looks at you in surprise before realizing.
>"Oh, guess you haven't seen some of these fruits before. The long yellow things are called bananas, you need to peel them first, like oranges. The brown ones are kiwis, you can bite through them, though you still shouldn't eat the skin. I guess you don't get many exotic fruits with how remote Portal Town is from Equestria?"
>You shrug, deciding whether to go with the safe option, or try exotic human stuff.
"There's fruit, the leatherbacks can't get enough of their mangoes, for example. Just not these ones. Say, isn't this town also called Portal Town?"
>Eventually you decide to try a "banana", picking it up and trying to figure out how to peel it.
>Meanwhile, Anon shakes his head.
>"No, actually. This place is called something totally different."
>You raise your head and look towards him with some surprise.
"Really?"
>He nods, his voice dead serious.
>"Yes. This is not known as Portal Town. The official name of this place is... Portal City."
>You stare at the back of his head, your mouth slightly open and your eyes narrowed, the banana still in your hoof.
>He eventually turns back to look at you, clearly barely holding in his laughter.
>"Snrk, hahahhaha, oh man, the look on your face..."
>You snort and roll your eyes as he notices the banana and shows you how to crack it open before going back to cooking.
>As you slowly chew on it, you ponder the strange, jarring transformation.
>Back in Equestria. he was paranoid, acting like he would get jumped and killed if he so much as let his guard down for even a second.
>Now, he was all smiles and jokes, seemingly without a care in the world.
>Is Equestria really that scary for humans?
>"Oh, by the way, what's a leatherback?"
>You almost choke on the banana, though you're saved by how soft the fruit is as you quickly swallow the remainder.
"Oh, er... It's a term for... You know. Bats. Batponies."
>He ponders it as he cuts some herbs.
>"Huh. Don't recall hearing that one before... How common is it?"
>You shrug.
"Oh, pretty much every pony around me used it. Not just other pegasi, but the hornheads and earthers, too."
>"...What's a hornhead?"
>Damn it!
"It's... Unicorns. It's a word for unicorns."
>"Right, that make sense. Huh. Wait..."
>He trails off, stopping what he was doing. As he slowly turns around, the huge, giddy smile on his face makes your hackles rise.
>"No way."
"Uh, Anonymous, what-"
>He gets closer, almost getting in your face, still holding the knife that he was cutting the herbs with, making your heartbeat rise rapidly as adrenaline floods you.
>"No way!"
"What?! Don't stab me! What did I do?"
>"Huh, what? Oh, chill, relax," He chuckles, putting the knife away. "I was just surprised to hear what you said! I never expected ponies to have, well..."
>You're still breathing hard, almost ready to jump out of your chair.
"What? Have what?"
>"Well. Racists. Leatherback, hornhead. Those were... Slurs, weren't they?" He asks you with a massive, manure-eating grin.
>You clear your throat, trying to calm down and appear nonchalant.
"I, uh, I don't know what that word means."
>He cackles, clearly not buying it.
>"Do you ponies call it something else, then?"
"....I'm not a tribalist!" You say defiantly, which just makes Anonymous laugh again. "I just... I just mind my own business and don't like it when others stick their muzzles in mine! And the leatherbacks like to act like they're as good as us, when pegasi are the true rulers of the skies! They can't even build cloud cities or do high-altitude flights!"
>At this point, Anonymous is howling with laughter, almost collapsing to the floor.
>"Ahahahahah, got a racist pony tenant, best decision ever, ahahahahahah!"
>...At least he's not berating you for "not following the virtues of Harmony" or some other manure.
>Your ears folded out of embarrassment, you crack open another banana while you wait for his laughter to subside.

>It takes a while for his giggles to subside.
>He goes back to making food without saying anything, though he still chuckles occasionally as he cooks.
>As you wait for the food, you wonder what his reaction meant.
>Was he laughing because he thought you were stupid due to what you said? Did he just actually find it funny? Or was there some weird alien reason for it?
>Eventually, once he's almost done, he speaks up again.
>"So, is the whole, what did you call it, tribalism thing a thing in Portal Town for some reason, or is it actually something that exists across your entire nation?"
>You shrug.
"Buck if I know. I spent most of my life in Portal Town. I can barely remember anything before that. Just... Vague bits of cloud cities that I don't even remember the names of. And it's not tribalism. Some ponies are just too stupid to know when to back the buck off and get out of my way."
>He sniggers again, nodding.
>"Sure, sure. Totally get that."
>He finally reveals the food, which turns out to be noodles with a whole bunch of herbs, and a plate with a ridiculous amount of grated cheese on it.
>"I like my pasta criminally cheesy, so add however much you want. And I don't know everything about ponies, but I know that all these herbs are edible for you, so don't worry about that."
"Thanks."
>The food is simple, but good. You're certainly happy that it's not some kind of weird alien stuff. You heard rumors about humans eating all kinds of weird things, from bugs to snakes.
>As you eat, you rethink what happened just then.
>You really need to watch what you're saying more closely. It looks like the soul drain really is making you dumber.
>Not that you actually said anything you wouldn't have said in Equestria, though. It's more to do that he's human.
>Ugh. This clearly won't be a trot in the park, but it's still better than the alternative.
>It looks like he was hungry as well, since he focuses entirely on eating. The dinner passes by without any small talk.
>Once you're done, you lean back in the chair, your wings involuntarily falling from your sides and drooping towards the floor, the strange, alien weight of Earth dragging you down.
>Anon looks you up and down as he collects your plate.
>"The magic drain is really hitting you hard, huh?"
>You nod, grimacing.
"Literally. I never felt so... Heavy before. Like my bones are made of lead."
>"Well, maybe you'll feel better tomorrow. Or not, I don't really know. I saw lots of ponies act like you are right now when they come to this side, but I don't know how long it takes to get used to it."
>You shrug.
"Doesn't matter. It'll take as long as it'll take, or I'll just leave eventually. I'm still strong enough to trot around... Probably."
>"So, anything you wanted to see for your first time on Earth?"
>Crap. You have no idea how to answer that.
>After all, you only really went here to hide, not to be an actual tourist.
>Still, you're pretty sure pretending to be clueless should work.
"Can't say that I'm really aware of what's interesting around here. I figured that just trotting through the city a bit and looking around would be interesting enough."
>He seems to accept that answer with no issues.
>"Alright. I actually forgot when we went through, but there's brochures with some maps for newcomers in the portal building. We can pick some up tomorrow."
>You nod, though you raise your eyebrow.
"We?"
>He thinks for a moment before shrugging.
>"Since you're so new here, I figured I'd at least show you the basics before setting you loose. Where to go, where to maybe not go..."
>You nod, listening intently. That's street knowledge he's talking about, which is always vital to know.
>"Anyway, it is kind of late already. Feel like going to sleep yet?"
"Definitely," You nod.
>"Alright, feel free to take the shower first."
"Thanks."
>He goes off to another room as you make your way to the bathroom, stretching your forelegs to reach the annoyingly high-up handles.
>You did fly around a lot today as well as getting into several fights, so washing off the built up dried sweat under the hot water feels amazingly good.
>There's a bunch of strange, colorful stuff in bottles, but you do manage to find a normal-looking, nice-smelling bar of soap to scrub yourself with.
>It feels almost too good, though, and you just barely catch yourself as you begin nodding off under the warm stream of water.
>Damned soul drain.
>Feeling this weak is pretty foreign to you. You've been sick before, but even then, you could still muster up enough energy to fly, even if just a little.
"Mare up, Fast Lane. Mare up," You whisper to yourself, not for the first time this day. "You survived the streets of Portal Town. You survived your mother dumping you when you were eight. You survived... Everything else. You'll survive this, too."
>Toweling yourself off, you trot to your room, collapsing into the delightfully comfortable bed, falling asleep almost instantly.
>You sleep deeply through most of the night, though strange, half-formed dreams start annoying you when you get close to morning.
>You keep waking up and falling asleep again, with no sense of the passage of time.
>Your body can't seem to decide how to feel, alternating between sweltering when you're under the blanket, and freezing when you kick it off.
>Vague thoughts about being sick form and immediately vanish before you can think any deeper on them.
>Eventually, you wake up enough that your consciousness fully returns, the combined sensations of thirst and your bladder being full preventing you from falling asleep again.
>It takes a few moments of blearily looking around for you to remember why you are waking up in a strange, unfamiliar place.
>You wanted to get away from the heat and you got away so hard, you escaped into another dimension.
>You smile sleepily as you imagine how pissed off Cap must be right now. If she didn't get shanked yet, that is.
>Stretching and spreading your wings, you hop off-
>*Splat*
"*Sigh*"
>Right. You forgot about that.
>Picking yourself up from the floor, you lazily canter towards the bathroom.
>"Morning, Swift," Anonymous calls out across the house.
"Am I really that loud?" You grunt back.
>Your main advantage was speed rather than stealth, but you could be sneaky when you wanted.
>You hear him laughing.
>"The sound of hooves on the floor is pretty distinctive, yeah. And easy to hear."
>Right. Another disadvantage of not being able to fly.
>You lick your teeth as you grimace a bit at the taste.
"Anonymous? Could I borrow a toothbrush?"
>"Didn't pack one? Sure, there's spare ones in the cabinet under the sink. No borrowing, though, I don't think I'll want a used one."
"Thanks."
>Opening the cabinet, you find the toothbrushes, packed in some weird, transparent stuff. It takes a bit of gnawing and wrestling until you pry one free.
>Once you do all the morning stuff, you go down the stairs, holding the torn package in your teeth.
>You might not be this meticulous otherwise, but it's probably better to be a model tenant for Anonymous.
>He glances at you as you enter the kitchen.
>"Damn, ponies carrying stuff with their mouths is just adorable."
>You give him a flat look as you grunt around the piece of garbage.
>He just grins, taking it from you and tossing it in a bin in one of the cabinets.
>"Anyway, it looks like I'm going to have to cook for you if you're going to eat here," He says, cracking eggs into a pan.
"Why's that?"
>"Can you use the stove?"
>You purse your lips at the somewhat insulting question.
"Hey, I figured out your human bathroom just fine, why would this be that different?"
>"I didn't ask if you know how. I asked if you could."
"What?"
>"Can you reach the top?"
"Uh..."
>You move over to him, eyeing the stove.
>Your head is over the surface of the stove, but it is pretty high up.
>You'd have to rear up to actually reach it.
>You reflexively flap your wings to give yourself an extra kick as you push off with your forelegs, but once again forget just how extra-heavy you are now.
>All that happens is a small hop, and you're standing on the floor again.
"Damn it!"
>He patronizingly pats you on the head as he flips over the eggs with a spatula.
>"Hey, it's okay. We can share, I don't mind making some extra stuff. And there's places you can eat or get takeout in, too."
"It's not that," You grumble. "I could do it just fine if I had my magic."
>You try to swipe an egg from the carton with a wing to show him, but your wing just passes over it.
"What the..."
>You try a few more times with no effect, as Anonymous watches you curiously.
"What's happening to me?"
>"Can't magically grab stuff with your wings any more?"
>You frown.
"That was magic?"
>He laughs.
>"Well obviously. How do you think pegasi grab things without actually grasping them?"
>You study his hands for a minute, his fingers wrapped tightly around the cooking utensils.
"We don't think about that. We just grab them."
>"I see. Still magic, though."
"Great."
>He pats you again as your ears fold in annoyance and embarrassment at being so helpless.
>Sitting down, you spend a few minutes flexing your wings and feathers, and though you still can move them more or less right, you really can't grab things any more.
>At least you can still wrap your foreleg around a fork, though you'd still prefer to be able to use your wings.
>Eating your portion of the eggs, you wonder what to do next.
>There'd always be runs to do back in Equestria, but right now, you're free. Free to do whatever you want. Nothing at all, even.
>You knew that ponies that had normal jobs had these things called "vacations", but the whole idea was pretty foreign to you.
>As Anon finishes, he looks at you thoughtfully as you eat.
"What's up?"
>"Nothing much, just... "
>You roll your eyes a bit.
>It's strange how easy it is to read him right now.
"You want something. Say it."
>"If you're not busy, could we talk about Equestria for a while?"
>You chew on it as you chew the last of your eggs.
"What specifically? And why?"
>He shrugs.
>"Anything. Everything. Your life, Portal Town, whatever else you feel comfortable sharing. I'm curious myself, though I'm not going to lie, I'm going to put it on my YouTube series. Been an extra source of income for a while."
>You shake your head as you drink some water.
"I have no idea what that tube series thing is, and you yourself told me not to make strange deals with fey."
>"Hey, I'm not a fey. You are."
>You wiggle your feathers at him.
"I'm a pegasus, doofus."
>He snorts as he grins.
>"Suppose you are. All I want is some information, though. Just a friendly chat, that's all there is to it."
>You ponder his words carefully as you take another drink.
"You just said that it's also a source of income. If you're getting money for it, then I want two things."
>"Yeah? Name them."
"First, you will explain to me what that "series of tubes" is. Secondly, if I tell you about Equestria, you're going to need to tell me about humans."
>"The Internet is not like a truck. It's a series of tubes," He says with a grin, like he's telling a joke.
>Obviously, though, you don't get it, but you do recognize one word from there.
>Meanwhile, Anonymous doesn't wait for you to ask what he meant, getting up and quickly walking out of the kitchen.
>A few moments later, he comes back with some kind of square thing, obviously human in make.
>"Right then, this thing is called a tablet. It can be used for all kinds of things, including connecting to the internet, originally called the world-"
"Wide Web," You finish for him, swiftly averting your eyes from the glowing screen as he shows it to you.
>Your reaction stumps him.
>"Wh- yeah. Why are you looking away like that?"
"I heard about the internet. Back in Portal Town, humans were the topic of conversation more often than not. I ended up learning lots and lots of things. Some of them are probably entirely made up, but definitely not all of them."
>You, of course, don't care to mention that some of those conversations were between your gang members about coming up with ways on how to rob humans. Many ponies knew that their weapons and artifacts were incredibly powerful, which made them valuable. But, they also knew that humans were incredibly dangerous, so those conversations didn't really end up going anywhere.
>He's all curious now.
>"Yeah? And what did you hear to make you look away?"
"I heard that it's powerful, and dangerous. One of, if not the biggest things that humanity has built with their alien technology. A web of technology and machinery that spans your entire world, full of knowledge of all kinds, including dark and cursed knowledge. It's so powerful, in fact, that, if you're not careful, it can consume your mind rather than you getting knowledge from it. You become completely lost in it, a gibbering nutcase that's just repeating random nonsense that you read in there. I think they called them an "an pea sea"."
>"Pffff..."
>As you're explaining what you heard, Anonymous puts down the tablet, cramming his hands over his mouth and trying not to laugh. He fails, his entire body shaking as he slowly falls forward, barely supporting himself on the side of the table as he eventually bursts out laughing.
>"AHAHAHAHAHAH, OH MY GOD, HAHAH..."
>It goes on for a while while you wait and sip your water. Eventually, he mostly manages to get control of himself, wiping the tears from his eyes.
>"Hooo... Damn, alright, that's actually a pretty badass description of the internet. Not... Not quite accurate, though, heh heh."
>You give him a flat look.
"Most of the things about humans are passed down from pony to pony, but I heard actual humans talk about that, you know. Are you saying that there's no cursed knowledge?"
>He rubs his chin with a grin.
>"Well, there's definitely lots of stuff many people would call "cursed"..."
"And it doesn't turn people into an pea seas?"
>He snorts.
>"Hrm, well, NPC's are definitely real, though it's a big question whether the internet turns them stupid, or if they're just stupid to begin with. There were stupid people looong before the internet, you know."
"Uh huh. I think I'll pass on your eldritch depository of forbidden knowledge. I don't know what my resistance to it would be, especially without my magic."
>That triggers another bout of laughter.
>"Look- Swift, listen. That's just not how that works. Technically, you haven't exactly said anything incorrect about the internet. At the same time, though, it's not magical, there's no will or consciousness in the internet. It's just knowledge. Not quite all, but quite close to the sum knowledge of humanity. And knowledge can be valuable, useful... And when there's so much of it, you can just get lost looking through it all. That's it."
>You ponder his words as you rub your chin.
>He's right in that knowledge is useful.
>After all, you asked him to talk about humans precisely for that reason. You were going to need some kind of income once you're back in Equestria, and knowing how to deal with humans was a highly sought-after skill.
>You yourself were occasionally offered drinks, food, and even decent amounts of bits just to tell ponies what you managed to learn about humans during your time living in Portal Town.
"Alright... Promise me this isn't going to turn my brain inside out?"
>"I promise that I'm going to cut your internet access the moment I see you doomscrolling through stupid crap," He says with a grin.
>Great. Doomscrolling. More terms that don't exactly inspire trust in what you're about to do.
>Muscles tense, you raise your gaze, looking at the square "tablet".
"Alright. No funny business, remember."
>He chuckles and shakes his head, poking the tablet.
>"Relax already, there's literally nothing dangerous about this."
>You shake your head.
"Hard to take your suggestion to relax seriously when humans are always walking around ready to kill everyone around them if someone sneezes near them."
>That makes his mirthful expression go away, Anonymous screwing up his face.
>"Hey, people don't start shooting for nothing. Equestria is a goddamn death world. Every single bit of it can be lethal."
>You look at him in disbelief, skepticism clear on your face.
"Yeah right. I don't know what a death world is, but Earth sure seems like a death world. No magic, and full of crazy humans and their deadly technology everywhere."
>"Oh please, technology is harmless if you know how to use it properly," He rolls his eyes. "You certainly won't get horrifyingly mutated and die and unspeakable death on Earth for smelling the wrong flower, unlike in Equestria."
"Huh?"
>"Oh, you don't know that one? Perfect. Here, I'll show you. Here's to hoping you have a strong stomach."
>He pokes the tablet a bunch more times, various little pictures showing up and disappearing, until he reaches something, types some stuff, and a large picture of a grove of trees near a pond takes up the screen. Then, the picture starts moving, sound coming out of the tablet as well as you watch it with some wariness.
>"This video right here is what we call "found footage". Before Equestria, found footage was just a way to tell a story. A completely made-up movie, deliberately presented in a way as if someone filmed it all and then met a gruesome end, and someone found the camera later on. Now, well... There's less need to come up with fake scenarios with all the real horrors people encounter in your dimension."
>Whoever is filming starts speaking, though he seems to be having serious trouble with that, hacking and coughing, a bunch of bubbles appearing in the field of view, before a sneeze is heard and a bolt of lightning pops the bubbles.
>"Th-these, *hack, cough* are the things that infected me, I think. The trees, *cough, cough* specifically, the flooooweeeerrrrssss..."
>He starts slurring, the camera shaking wildly before stabilizing.
>"It's- it's too late for me. I can barely move. There's... Jesus Christ, there's a root coming out of my foot. I'll wrap the camera in my coat so it doesn't get *cough*, damn it, damaged if it rains. If someone finds this, I have just one request..."
>The camera turns around, and you grimace at the sight. There screen is taken up by a human face, or what's left of it. There's disgusting orange blotches on it, with bark and branches growing out of them.
>"Get a flamethrower. Burn this place down. Including me. Do NOT smell the flowers. If you do, run like hell. Maybe the ponies have a cur-*hurk*"
>He loses his ability to speak as more and more of his face gets covered by more tree bark at a horrifyingly fast pace, the human fumbling with the camera before it goes dark.
>The ponies did not, in fact, have a cure," Anonymous says casually as he taps the tablet again. "The poor bastard got turned into a tree in roughly a day. There are some previous entries, but I think you get the gist of it. And how did that happen? He got too close to a flower. He didn't even smell it, it just spit pollen at him. The next poor bastard that found his camera got infected with the same shit, but he got the idea to run back to Earth after ponies told him that there is no cure for it. He figured that since that whole bullshit was clearly magical and all magic stopped on the other side, the infection should stop. And it did. So that's the guy all those sick ponies can thank for figuring that one out. He survived, but he did need to get a bunch of dead branches that were sticking out of him surgically removed."
>He shows you the tablet again, with several pictures of another human with the same condition, though not as highly advanced. The next picture shows him all bandaged up, with the final one of him smiling as the bandages are taken off, though he does seem to have collected a whole load of wicked scars.
"Yeeesh."
>You feel even happier now that you didn't decide to try and break out of the city through the jungle. Who knows what kind of manure you'd have ran in to?
>Anon nods, tapping the tablet again.
>"Yup. Your world is pretty damn messed up. Sure, nature is plenty dangerous Earthside, too. You can catch brain-eating amoebas and all sorts of horrible things in some places, but when you toss magic into it? Ho-lee crap, little pony, I'm surprised your people even managed to survive long enough to become sapient and build a civilization. Must be because you have magic yourself. Gives you a natural resistance to other dangerous magic the more magical you are, from what I heard. We humans, though? We don't. Guess what that makes us?"
>You shrink away from his hard gaze.
"...Vulnerable."
>He nods.
>"Precisely. For ponies, the final stages of that infection - swamp fever, I think it's called - takes around a week to manifest. Humans? Roughly a day. Everything else? Mind control, hell, even telekinesis? Have you heard about the guy that got his head ripped off?"
"...No?"
>"Uh huh. Some unicorn got the bright idea to choke a guy out and steal his things. No big harm, right? Just knock him out and steal some trinkets. Except with no magical resistance whatsoever, she tore right through his neck. There's no photos about this since ponies were the one who found the scene, but from the descriptions, the place was *quite* bloody."
>You grimace as you awkwardly take a sip of water, your throat feeling dry all of a sudden. Though you haven't heard about that specific instance, there were a number of stories about what happened when ponies tried to mug humans, though they rarely ended well for the ponies.
>The human's vulnerability to magic wasn't exactly a secret, though few ponies dared to try and exploit it, given that they themselves were just as vulnerable to getting their heads exploded in a shower of blood by the human's weapons. In the end, it all ended up on who could get a shot off first, and it usually ended in the human's favor, given that their weapons didn't have a charge up time. Which is why the first bit of advice you told to unicorns was to NEVER cast any magic around humans unless they trusted you.
"Is it really that bad? I know that there were some bad things that went down in the first years, but everyone's too bucking scared to even look at a human funny these days."
>He snorts.
>"And If I let my guard down for a second, someone will jump me. Yeah, no. When humans go to Equestria, they need to crank up their paranoia to eleven and treat every single thing like it can kill you, or they will get killed, no matter where they are. Nature's a horror show, and cities might be crawling with skinwalkers, without anyone even knowing."
>That word again.
"You're talking about changelings, right?"
>"Yeah. Guess it's not accurate to call them skinwalkers since they don't actually need to kill their victim to take their shape, but that's what people called them at first, and the name kind of stuck already."
>You shake your head
"Alright, look, I get it, but I still think you're overblowing it. I really don't think there's that many changelings around. With the way you're saying it, it's like there's not even any ponies left in the cities, and it's all just changelings pretending to be ponies."
>He shrugs, tapping the tablet again.
>"Who knows? They were able to infiltrate your highest echelons during the First Contact, and snag a number of people before it all went tits up. If even your queen-"
"Princess."
>"Right, princess. Even if your princess, the most important and protected pony in the land got bamboozled and her forces infiltrated, well. No one can actually tell how many changelings there might be, can they? After what happened back then, how could anyone trust any assurances of safety from your princess?"
>You shrug helplessly.
"I was still a foal back then. I don't actually know what even happened, except that a bunch of ponies, changelings, and humans died, and that it was a big mess."
>"Tell you what, you can read up all about it yourself. Here. I'll show you how to work the tablet, and you can fill yourself in while I go out to do some shopping. I need to stock up on more food, especially with another mouth to feed."
>You nervously reach out with your forelegs, pulling the tablet closer to yourself.
"...Alright."

>It takes a little while for him to explain things.
>It sounds simple enough, at least for this task.
>He also gives you a thing he calls a "stylus", which is what you can use to poke the tablet, since you lack fingers.
>As he leaves the house, you look at a list of articles that the "search engine" showed you.
>You don't feel any of it eating your brain yet, so you start reading.
>Once again, your lack of schooling shows. You managed to learn enough to at least be able to read menus and signs, and read the occasional newspaper now and then, but it was still very slow going.
>Apparently, the event that was named "First Contact" wasn't actually the first contact. It was just the first officially agreed meeting between the diplomats of humans and Equestria, and they obviously had to meet before that to organize the thing, and the reporters just called it that because it sounded cool, or something.
>Weirdoes. Whatever.
>There's a whole bunch of strange human names and descriptions how those humans were jockeying over who got to send their representatives to the meeting.
>It's only later that you realize that those names might have actually been the names of human countries, rather than people.
>Shaking your head at the useless information, you start skimming, trying to get to the important parts.
>You come across a few pictures, but they all look like they are just small bits of photos cut out of bigger ones.
>You faintly remember a conversation about a newspaper you had with a gang member back in Equestria.
>It was about some mare getting brutally beaten, but there were no pictures, and the gangster laughed about it, saying that newspapers were a bunch of sissies, and didn't allow photos with blood or dead bodies to be printed.
>Was the same thing happening here?
>Blinking in irritation as your eyes begin to burn from reading more in a few hours than you usually do in a month, you remember something Anonymous said the day before.
>"The feds even released some videos from the first incident."
>You start tapping into the search engine, trying to find something more concrete.
>Video... First... Changeling... Incident?
>Luckily for you, something comes up.
>You sigh as you strain to read the excessively long name.
>"UNCENSORED! Body camera footage of the agents present in the First Contact..."
>Good enough.
>You tap it, waiting with bated breath.
>The screen shows a huge, fancy corridor, presumably in Canterlot Castle.
>Damn, Celestia is rich. Marble, rugs, and gold everywhere.
>The camera suddenly turns a little, showing a similarly fancy-looking human. Black suit, black pants, black tie, white shirt...
>Also super stiff and serious-looking. Kind of looks like the Portal Guards, though if he's a soldier, it's odd that he's in fancy clothes rather than armor.
>"...What did you say?"
>The human's mouth doesn't move, so you assume that he one filming is the one talking.
>The other human smiles, his features relaxing.
>"I said calm down, colt. No need to get emotional. So I forgot the protocol for a moment. It's not every day you go to a new dimension, right?"
>You're not entirely sure, but you think you see the human's brown eyes glow green for a split second.
>Faster than you can blink, a pair of arms appear in the field of view, a chunk of fancy-looking metal held in the human's hands, pointed right at the other human.
>"Who the fuck are you and what did you do to Johnson?!"
>The other one raises his hands soothingly, oddly not reaching for his own weapon.
>"Whoa, easy there, what's with you all of a sudden? Careful with that thing, you-"
>"Humans don't call each other "colt", moron."
>"..."
>"..."
>There's a brief staredown as neither human makes the first move, until the one being filmed grins, a fire forming on his forehead as a curved changeling horn emerges, charged with a spell.
>The not-Johnson cackles as his form warps.
>"Should have just kept quiet, dumbflank stalli-"
>Whatever he was going to say next gets interrupted as the human starts blasting the changeling with his weapon, the shapeshifter screeching and howling in a multitude of voices as his - or her, you don't really know - body is engulfed by green flames.
>Unfortunately, it manages to release the spell it was charging, even if it's not well focused.
>It hits the human somewhere outside the camera's range, probably in the shoulder.
>He crumples to the floor with a curse as the screen goes dark, though you're pretty sure that, even with is vulnerability, he's going to live, unlike the changeling.
>The little streak of magic looked like it was barely holding together to begin with.
>Meanwhile, the stories say that humans can kill a pony with a single shot, and you count at least six loud bangs, if not eight.
>It takes a moment, but the human does get up with an angry hiss, examining his foe.
>As you predicted, the changeling is lying in a rapidly spreading pool of green blood, breathing its last breath.
>"JESUS HAROLD CHRIST, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!"
>It sounds like the human is pretty shaken, to say the least. You can't really say that you're not a little shook up yourself. This "video" is almost like looking through someone's eyes.
>It only takes a couple seconds for shouts to start coming from all sides, more humans quickly piling in, their attention quickly taken up by the changeling's corpse.
>"Agent! Report!"
>"Sir! Some kind of... Skinwalker has abducted and replaced Johnson, sir!"
>"Skinwalker?!"
>The human in charge is clearly in disbelief, but the camera guy just points towards the corpse.
>"See for yourself. That thing looked like Johnson just a second ago. More of this world's... Magic, I'm guessing."
>"What the bloody hell..."
>They don't get time to discuss what happened, more shouts and loud hoofsteps sounding out as Royal guards start pouring in from every door.
>An officer of some kind starts yelling, assessing the scene.
>"What is going on? Why did you all run- What is what thing?!"
>"That's what I want to know, stupid horse! That thing took and somehow replaced one of my men! Is that some trick of yours? Is that how you actually look?! It's certainly shaped like one of you ponies!"
>The two officers start screaming at each other and demanding explanations, the grunts on both sides staring at the corpse, though the humans quickly start moving again.
>Several of them get closer to the one filming.
>"What the hell happened?" They start asking in hissed whispers.
>"Joh- Not Johnson, that *thing* - it looked *just* like him, it was talking, mimicking his voice perfectly, but he didn't know shit. Didn't know protocol, slipped up and called me a "colt" which is the same word these ponies use, and I swear I saw the fucker's eyes glow green before he burst into green flames and attacked me," The human explains.
>The rest of them quickly share out the info, swiftly pointing their weapons towards the group of guards.
>They don't exactly take it well.
>"Lower your weapons and surrender immediately, or we will be forced to subdue you!" The Royal officer demands.
>"Like hell! You already took out one of us by stealth, so stand down, or we start firing! And what did you do with Johnson?!" The lead human snarls.
>"You forget yourself, impudent alien savage! You stand in the home of Princess Celestia herself, and you do not give orders to Her Guard! Take them down!"
>A second later, the scene turns into a slaughter as both sides unleash their weapons and magic on each other.
>There's more Guards than there are humans, but their armor doesn't seem to be helping against the human's weapons much.
>A few of them also burst into green flames as they get shot, including the officer, which sows confusion and panic in their ranks.
>Unfortunately, the fancily dressed humans aren't doing that much better, and they get wiped out one by one by magic blasts and thrown spears as more reinforcements arrive.
>You grimace as the screen glows white for a second, the next view being of the human's lower half of his body lying some distance away as he coughs blood, splattering on the camera and covering most of the view.
>The still visible part shows a horrified guardsmare standing some distance away, her horn still smoking from the spell.
>"Bu- but- th- that- stun strength spell-"
>There's a lot more shouting from the guards, but it sounds like all the humans were dealt with, their weapons silent.
>With that, the video ends.
>You blink in confusion as it starts again, this time in a slightly different corridor.
>You hear bangs in the distance, and the humans almost immediately start running towards it.
>It takes you a moment to realize that it's showing the same thing, only from the point of view of another human.
>Just then, the door to the house starts clicking as Anonymous starts unlocking it.
>You watch for a little while longer as you wait for him to enter the kitchen.
>He glances at the tablet as he carries his bags, setting them up on the kitchen counter.
>"Found the video, eh? Took them a while to release it, which made folks doubt that it's even real. Some people still claim that it's all faked even today despite multiple cameras, and all that stuff."
>You look at him with confusion.
"Is that possible? Can you just... Make something like that up?"
>He shrugs.
>"Well, we do that in movies all the time, yeah. But from multiple angles? Ehhh... I'm not an expert, but the experts usually say that it's near impossible without missing some detail."
>You stop the video once the shooting starts again.
>You think on what you saw as Anonymous puts his shopping away.
>So this is the reason why humans are so paranoid about changelings...
>And why, by extension, they're also always suspicious of ponies, ready to shoot first and ask questions later.
>You never thought about changelings much, but you find yourself being pretty pissed at them right now.
>"So, did you read about how the whole thing ended?"
>You shake your head.
"No, uh... The articles were vague and full of unimportant stuff. And using the tablet was a bit harder than I expected."
>Yup. Totally not because you just suck at reading.
>"In that case, I think I can summarize it for you. In total, there were twenty six humans in that delegation - ten diplomats and sixteen bodyguards. The diplomats were in a meeting and all survived, but out of the guards, only four got to live, ten got killed, and two were never found - they were the ones replaced by the changelings. Presumably, they're dead as well. Ponies... I think, what, fifteen guards dead and four more taken by changelings as well? A complete mess, right in the center of your capital city. It was a clusterfuck of epic proportions, in other words."
"And that's what made humans paranoid about changelings," You nod.
>"No, that's what made us entirely reasonably concerned about changelings," He replies with a roll of his eyes. "Anyway, after that, the diplomats wanted to get the hell out, for obvious reasons. Finding out that this world is full of not just cutesy ponies, but also some kind of insectoid skinwalker horrors made everyone freak the hell out. The guys that came back were put through just about every single medical scan and psychological test that exists to make sure they were actually human."
"But the soul drain-"
>"No one really knew for certain if that was true and if it would actually stop changelings back then, and they sure as hell weren't taking any chances. Anyway, the portal got locked down super hard for years after that. Maybe that was for the best, really. The slimy fuckers that would usually jump at the opportunity to scam your people out of their lands and natural resources for toilet paper money were too chicken to stick out their own necks, and the military kept everyone else away."
>You tap your chin as you dig through your memory.
>You do remember that time. All visits by humans stopped for the longest time, only starting up years later.
>On your side, Equestria's military did something similar, focusing on building the keep, with practically no attention to anything else.
>Of course, fortresses needed supplies and builders and soldiers wanted more things than just what the military issued them with, such as a cold drink after a long shift.
>Naturally, demand creates supply, and a bunch of ponies started moving in, though the soldiers didn't really have any orders to regulate anything outside the keep, so they didn't.
>Which is why the small city that grew up around the fortress ended up being completely lawless, the police force that was implemented later on being corrupt from day one.
>And when humans started moving around again, the population, amount of tourists wanting to see an alien, and, subsequently, the money flow increased a lot, which only made the local gangs stronger as they freely skimmed off the top, the law enforcement turning a blind eye as long as they got their cut.
"So, did something happen to calm you guys down? Did Celestia reach out with an apology, or something?"
>He smiles, shaking his head.
>"Not quite. I think she did make diplomatic overtures and apologies, but after she failed to secure a diplomatic delegation in her own capital, no one trusted her much. No, what happened was... Elections."
>You tilt your head at the only vaguely familiar word.
"Elections?"
>"Yup. And protests. See, we humans... We never met anything non-human that's sapient. That could talk, build civilizations, and all that. However, we have some pretty good imaginations. There were fictional scenarios about meeting aliens for hundreds, if not thousands of years. Many people were afraid that if we actually met them, they'd either wipe us out, or greedy people on our side would wipe them out, due to how much more advanced one side was. And when our first meeting was with cutesy, adorable ponies..."
"We're not cutesy," You scrunch.
>"You are to humans," He laughs. "Well, simply put, almost no one really believed them when the world's governments claimed that the portal was locked down due to how much of a horrible hellscape was on the other side. Everyone was worried that they were enslaving you ponies, abducting you for experiments, or doing who knows what else. Since many governments have a history of doing exactly that for profit, people eventually got sick of it and started protesting, big time. There were riots and protests... All over the world, really."
"...Really? Because they cared so much for us?"
>He shrugs.
>"More or less, yeah. No one wanted to see the adorable, precious ponies hurt."
>You scrunch again, to no effect.
>He only grins wider, reaching out and ruffling your mane.
>"Anyway, it's been a few years by that point, and all over the world, election cycles starting up again. A bunch of politicians saw an easy win, and started campaigning on opening up the portal if they got elected. Not that they cared about the situation at all, mind you, they just wanted to get the political positions. Which they did, and, unlike other times where politicians suddenly forget all their promises the second they get elected, they actually had to do it this time, given how fired up everyone was. So, they worked something out with Celestia."
>You nod, remembering that as well. The princess even visited Portal Town herself, though you barely got to see her during the dramatic procession as she went to the keep to talk to the humans.
>The buildings and the trees blocked most of your line of sight, the guards and the other onlookers blocking the rest. You could have seen more from the air, but you already fell in with a gang by the time, and were too nervous to call any attention from the patrolling pegasi guards to yourself.
"So if those politicians didn't really care, how did it all end on your side?"
>He shrugs again.
>"They pretty much lifted all restrictions on our side and let Celestia dictate the terms, fucking off to pilfer money from their taxpayers right after. The deal was shockingly lenient, honestly. I don't know if your princess felt sorry, or something, but there's less hassle in going through an interdimensional portal than going through an airport back home," He scoffs with disgust, looking off into the distance for a moment. "Hell, she even let people bring pretty much any guns they wanted for defending themselves, if they felt like it. Which most didn't at first, but when the news of all the horrible deaths from manticores and hydras and fucked up magical flowers and the occasional pony started rolling in, people changed their minds pretty quickly."
>You shake your head.
"Why come to Equestria at all, then, if it's so damned dangerous? For some kind of profit?"
>"No. For the danger, of course."
>You purse your lips as you consider the answer. Both from what you heard and from your own experience, many conversations with humans tend to go this way. They almost make sense for a while, until they suddenly drop something completely nonsensical.
>Crazy aliens.
"Why?"
>"Well, you know how our civilization is pretty advanced? Our technology is a fair bit ahead of yours?"
>You blink slowly as you look around, all sorts of machines filling the kitchen, not to mention all the stuff you saw on your way there during the bust trip.
"...Yeah?"
>"Well, for better or for worse, that means that most people's lives have become very, very safe. Incredibly safe. But also? Dull. Boring. And there's a lot of humans on this planet. Some of them get the craving for adrenaline, and get into all sorts of stuff. Extreme sports, mostly, but when news of an actual magical dimension full of strange creatures and monsters began spreading? They got an itch for adventure. We explored pretty much every corner of our planet except the depths of the oceans, you know? Some people wanted to be pioneers, see unseen places. Others wanted to look cool and have the head of a manticore on a mantle, or something like that."
>You nod slowly, at least partially understanding. Seeking out lethal danger for the kicks still seems stupid, but you do understand how taking down some monster would make you a total badflank.
>"And, of course, let us not forget that a large amount of people are really, really dumb. Back then, people were saying things like "Oh, it's like an actual D&D world, except we can bring guns! It'll be a breeze, we'll be like superheroes!" Except they forgot that it was a real world, and they couldn't exactly save their game and reload, or magically heal their wounds, or get revived if they died. So yeah. A bunch of people formed actual adventuring parties, and most of them met gruesome ends. Which, hey, is fairly accurate, I think. Someone has to die and leave a bunch of loot for the other bunch of adventurers to find," He chuckles.
"...What's D&D?"

>He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out.
>Tapping his chin, he thinks for a moment.
>"A game, essentially. But it's a game with a made-up fictional world of magic and monsters that's been worked on for... I don't know how many decades now. And it was one, if not the first of its kind, so it grew pretty big over time. The specifics don't matter too much, really. It's just one of the many, many fictional worlds humans made up for fun."
"How did humans come up with magic in all those stories if you don't have any yourselves?"
>He shrugs.
>"We have good imaginations, I guess?"
>Weird aliens.
>You run out of questions, so you lean back in your chair, idly glancing at the tablet.
>Now that you're no longer distracted, your bladder makes itself known, forcing you to get up.
>Glancing at a clock, you purse your lips.
>It might not have eaten your brain, but you still spent several hours on the internet without realizing.
>Best to be cautious with it in the future.
>As you do your business, you ponder what else to do today.
>You still feel weak, but that's probably a permanent effect while being on Earth.
>Should you go out?
>No, it'd probably be best if you went out with Anonymous, like he suggested.
>You make your way back to the kitchen, where he's doing something with unfamiliar bits of food.
>He glances at you as you reenter the kitchen.
>"So, you hungry yet?"
>You take a moment to listen to what your body is saying.
>You felt all kinds of strange, but your hunger stayed constant. If anything, it feels like it even increased somewhat, probably to compensate for the lack of magic.
"Yeah, I could eat something."
>"Alright. You might not have eaten some of these things before, but I know that they're safe for ponies, so don't worry."
"...Okay."
>You tap your hooves on the table as you watch Anonymous work.
"So, can you tell me about that tube thing?"
>"Sure. Essentially, it's really simple. Youtube is a website on the internet that people put videos on. It's a bit like a library, except just about anyone can add their stuff there, and how many people watch your videos depends on how good they are, and how many are interested in the topic. If lots of people watch them, you get a bit of money."
"And I'm guessing that ponies are a popular topic."
>"Pretty much."
>You hum as you think.
>You spent most of your life as a drug runner for the city's gangs. What could you even tell him that wouldn't be somehow incriminating?
>But would it matter? Would humans care enough to nark you out to the guards?
>Your instincts all scream at you to keep quiet, though.
>Excessive bragging and other kinds of inabilities to keep their stupid mouths shut often led to bad things happening to ponies, you saw that yourself plenty of times.
"I'm not sure if I'd be comfortable with talking about myself to potentially... Thousands of humans?"
>"Millions, more like."
>...Millions?
>You're barely even aware of how big that number is.
"Yeaaahh... I think I'd prefer to keep my identity and my life secret."
>Unfortunately, that only catches his curiosity.
>"Oh? Have you done anything bad?" He asks with a grin.
"...No," You shake your head resolutely.
>He laughs, clearly not buying it.
>"Well, we could do an anonymous interview."
"What do you mean by anonymous, Anonymous?"
>He pauses for a second as he re-runs what you just said in his head.
>Shaking his head, he continues,
>"I mean that we could do it in such a way that no one would know who you are. Put you in a dark corner so there's only your silhouette visible, maybe even use a voice changer as well. Completely blank out any distinctive features."
"Hmm..."
>On one hoof, running your mouth is still dangerous.
>On the other hoof, every proud pegasus mare gets an itch to brag about her achievements now and then, and with how cautious you were. you didn't get to scratch that itch pretty much ever, no matter how much you wanted to.
>And it might be a good way to get Anonymous to tell you more about humans, too.
"Yeah... Okay. I'll do it."
>"Great. Do you have any plans? If not, we can do it today."
"No, I'm free."
>"Perfect."
>He continues cooking, eventually presenting you with something he calls "baked potatoes" with a bunch of other vegetables.
>You don't know what potatoes are, but they're pretty good.
>Once you're done eating, he brings you to what he calls his "recording room".
>There's a whole bunch of unfamiliar machines there. The only ones you recognize are the cameras, and a glowing screen that's similar to the tablet.
>"Alright, let's set this up..."
>He messes around with his technology as you study the room.
>There's a few posters on the walls, one of which catches your attention.
"Anonymous? What's that?"
>There's one with what looks like a... Dead human, if you're not mistaken. It's hard to tell, since it looks like it's been burned to a crisp, and then stuck on a sharp stone spike.
>Stala... Something. You don't remember what they're called.
>He glances at it before scoffing and going back to what he was doing.
>"That's the price of stupidity, and the reason some dragons attack humans on sight now."
"Could you elaborate?"
>He sighs.
>"Alright, so... Ponies don't know humans very well, right? Especially, you're not too savvy on our weapons. Now, we have weapons of all kinds, from small and weak ones, to hardcore military stuff. Most of the things people take with them to Equestria are the civilian ones."
>They have even more powerful weapons?!
>It sort of makes sense, but it makes you feel a little scared.
>"And, since Celestia allowed people to bring pretty much whatever they felt like bringing, some genius decided to take an anti-materiel rifle with him. See, he had heard about dragons. How, much like in our own myths, they have nigh-indestructible scales, nasty attitudes, as well as huge hoards of gold... And so, he decided that he wanted to get rich and famous by becoming a dragon slayer. So he prepared everything he needed and set out towards where dragons supposedly live, though he forgot one tiny detail... He didn't bother to find out whether dragons in this world are sapient. No one knows if he actually managed to kill one or not, but... The REST of the dragons that were there clearly didn't take kindly to him attacking one of their own. You can guess what happened next."
"Damn."
>"Yup, exactly. Now, from what I heard, dragons aren't exactly the nicest bunch around. I don't imagine they exactly got their hoards of golden valuables by making it all themselves, after all. Still, he did shoot first, so... That's all on him, though what I don't like is that he made it harder for other humans as well. Anyway, I have it there so it's in the background when I make my videos. That's mostly what my channel is about... Interesting stories that I can manage to find, a lot of which end up being cautionary tales."
"What's interesting about me, though? You don't know anything about me... Do you?"
>He shrugs.
>"Not really, but I had nothing but humans on my channel. You'll be the first pony. Should be interesting either way."
>He ushers you to a chair, pointing a bunch of stuff at you.
>"That's the microphone, try speaking in its general direction all the time so there's no ups and downs in the audio... That's the camera, I guess you don't have to look at it since it's going to be dark anyway..."
>He dims the lights until there's only the faintest hint of light left in the room. All you can see are silhouettes.
>"Right, now no one will know who you are. I'll make an intro later by myself, so... Let's begin. Swift Sprint, what can you tell me about yourself?"
>You shrug.
"Anything, I guess?"
>"Alright, let's start at the beginning. Where are you from?"
"Portal Town. Grew up there."
>"Really? It's been ten years since the portal opened, though, and you look older than that."
"Yeah. I arrived there with my mother when I was eight. She heard about the huge opportunities and all that stuff in a new settlement, and came there with me, hoping to get work."
>"And your father? He remained back home?"
>You shake your heard, feeling silly when you remember that it's probably invisible in the dark.
"No. I don't have a father. My mother got pregnant from some slut back in the day. And we didn't have a home, either. She was a drifter, and I just... Tagged along. Not like I had much choice."
>"...Oh."
>There's a bit of a pause. Does he want you to keep talking?
"Anyway, the lack of work wasn't the problem. If she felt like it, she could have found work just fine everywhere else. The problem was that she was a complete deadbeat, and liked booze a little too much, spending all her bits on it the moment she got them, and showing up wasted the next day. So, predictably, it didn't take long for her to get fired from pretty much anywhere that would take her in the first place. My wings and flight magic were starting to properly develop by that point, and, without any supervision or anyone to tell me no, I started zooming all around the city, using everything as an obstacle course, including the construction sites. The builders were pretty pissed at me," You chuckle at the fond memories.
>"And what did you do for food? Did your mother at least feed you?"
"Barely," You grimace. "Fortunately, it's pretty hard for ponies to go hungry anywhere there's grass... Not that that's a pleasant thing, mind you, surviving just on raw grasses and plants. Still, when you're a foal and that's all you knew for your entire life... I didn't know any better, and subsisted off what I could."
>"Wow. Okay. What happened next?"
"Well, it didn't take long for a unicorn foremare to get pissed enough to yank me out of the air with her magic and smack me upside the head. It happened a few times, though one of them actually offered me a job while smacking me. Soon, I became a gofer, carrying messages and fetching stuff from one building site to another, and other similar tasks. Getting my own coins for the first time was... Exhilarating."
>You still remember it. Your heart was beating faster than after going full speed through a tight dive.
>Anon's voice becomes concerned.
>"And... How did your mother react?"
>You snort, confirming his suspicions.
"She tried to swipe them the moment she saw them, saying that I should be a good filly and give her the coins so she could keep them safe and that mommy really needed a drink after a long day. Fortunately, she was half-drunk already, so I was too fast for her."
>He sighs quietly, not saying anything else. You guess you should continue?
"I found a hole in a tree to hide them in, doing my best to be as sneaky as possible, and took a good hoofful to spend them on real food, just to piss her off. I... Ate way too much and got sick, but mare, it was delicious. After that, I resolved that she wasn't going to get a single damn bit of my money, ever. I was afraid she was going to try and beat me - she rarely did it before, but I was still nervous - but fortunately, it didn't come to that. Barely a few days after that, she just told me that I was now able to take care of myself, and clearly didn't need her any more. And after that, she just... Left."
>"An eight year old?! She really left you to fend for yourself?"
"Yup," You say, not without bitterness.
>"So, I'm guessing that you just... Continued on?"
"Pretty much. I was young, so I remained a gofer for much longer than ponies usually do, since it's usually an entry position before they give you training and stuff. By the time I reached my teenage years and they offered to train me in construction work, though, I had no interest in hammering in nails or whatever. My entire skill set consisted of flying fast through all kinds of obstacles, and mare, I bucking loved it. I became the best damn runner in town, and no one could keep up with me, not even those leatherback bastards!"
>Your triumphant declaration is interrupted by a faint snigger from Anonymous.
>"Hm? What are leatherbacks, Swift?"
>Oh crap, not again.
>Then again... To Tartarus with it. It's an anonymous interview, right?
"Bats! Since Portal Town is located in the jungle, the bat-winged freaks pretty quickly set up shop there, because it's their natural habitat or something. A good chunk of the population there are leatherbacks, and they like to act like they own the place. I had to sleep in trees for a long while until I saved enough to rent a place, and the favorite pastime of the bastards was chasing me around and using me as a punching bag. Now, I was fast, real fast, but there's only so much of getting chased around a mare can take, you know?"
>"Oh. Why did they do that? Because you were a pegasus?"
"There was little for foals and teenagers to do back then but make their own fun, since the city was still getting built. And not everyone's hobbies were as harmless as using construction sites as obstacle courses. Some of them made their own fun by hunting me down. One of them also saw me stash money in the hollow of a tree once, and, obviously, stole it. She made the mistake of bragging about it to me, though. Probably thought she'd make me cry, or something. Instead, she made me so pissed, I blasted at her at full speed and knocked one of her fangs out! Little bastard started crying herself! I'd have kept wailing on her, but a swarm of those scum quickly flew in to her aid. After that, she was super mad at me, swearing and screeching about revenge and putting me in my place, even though she robbed me first, and then literally asked for it! The leatherbacks are just scum, seriously!"
>"And did you ever manage to get them to stop chasing you, or was that a problem even recently?"
"Well, they had to stop as we all got older, and our chases became more and more serious. I was getting pissed, and we had a few midair scuffles now and then, where I knocked them out of the air REAL good. What really stopped them, though. was me getting some ranged support, though. One time, as I was getting chased, a few unicorns started blasting the manure out of them all of a sudden. I had no idea what was happening, and it was only after the bats ran away that they explained that they were "defending their turf". Without knowing it, I became involved in a territorial dispute between two gangs."
>"Oh, wow. Did you hightail it out of there once you learned what was going down?"
"Nope, they told me that they saw me fly around and get chased before and were impressed by my talent and how I never got caught, and offered me a job, far more than what random deliveries paid me. And so, I became a drug runner for their gang."
>There's an even longer pause this time, and when Anonymous speaks, his voice is full of disbelief and excitement.
>"/Really/?"
"Yeah. Don't know if you know this, but Portal Town is a pretty lawless place."
>"I actually didn't know that, but... Well, Portal City is certainly similar in some ways, though it's not really the gun-and-run style of crime."
"Neither is it there, at least, not in the open. The city guards are swimming in bribes up to their ears, but the Portal Guard is super serious, so no wants to attract too much attention to themselves, lest the actual soldiers start enforcing order. So, they try to remain quiet and clean up any evidence when there's a gang war or something."
>Anonymous whistles.
>"Damn, that's... Wow. Okay. Can I ask, uh... What sorts of drugs did your gang deal in?"
"Breezie powder, mostly."
>"Yeah, I have no idea what that is."
"Honestly, I'm not totally sure myself. I just know that it has something to do with plants."
>"And what does it... Do?"
>You lean back, trying to put the experience in words.
"It makes you... Giggly. Happy. Some say that it makes you feel like you're on a cloud, but I'd say that it's more like you ARE the cloud. But also, uncoordinated, and it loosens your tongue. You start blabbing, some ponies start singing, others start bragging uncontrollably, shouting, or talking crap about other ponies. That tends to get them in trouble if said ponies are nearby."
>"So you took some yourself?"
>You nod in the darkness again.
"Yeah. I mean, it's kind of inevitable, when you're surrounded both by the stuff, and by other gangsters that all use the thing. So yeah. The gang leader slid me some as a reward for an exceptionally fast run. And I snorted it. It... It was fun. It felt good. But..."
>"Yeah?"
>It takes a bit off effort to say the next part.
"...I came to on the floor, giggling my flanks off. I never felt so relaxed, and my mind went to my younger years. And I... Remembered my mother, collapsed on the floor, giggling her flanks off as she was too drunk to stand. And it suddenly felt like I was dunked in an ice-cold shower."
>"Ouch."
"Yeah. I actually liked it, I really did. Same with cider and other booze. But... I wanted to be the best. I AM the best. And I couldn't be the best if I was a drunk, drugged wreck. I enjoyed being the best runner in town more than I enjoyed the drugs. So... The next time I was given some of the stuff, I just quietly sold it off to another member of the gang with a discount."
>"You know, in those kinds of situations, young kids in gangs are given drugs to keep them addicted and loyal to their supplier, not really as extra rewards for a job well done. They just disguise it as such."
>You freeze as his words sink in, reflexively flexing your wings in anger a few moments later.
"That smartflank cunt... I didn't even think of that! Wait, how would you know about that?"
>"You can find all sorts of information on the internet, including how gangs work. Turns out, nearly all of them end up working by more or less the same principles. I guess that even applies to pony gangs... Though I'm honestly surprised by that fact."
"Huh..."
>There's a minute of silence again as you run out of things to say, and Anonymous thinks up more questions.
>"So... Any particular reason the drug trade is so strong in Portal Town? Are the locals all addicted, or is it some kind of big production or distribution center?"
"I don't have the foggiest about where it's made or where it comes from, but I think it's because the place is both lawless and a tourist destination to see humans, ponies arrive from other, more secure cities for more than just seeing an alien. Also, I think a decent chunk of the clients might be humans as well."
>"Really?! They use your weird magical pony drugs? Humans and magic really don't tend to mix well."
"Probably. I never saw any take them, but occasionally, it would be a human that was accepting the package, so I'm guessing that they do."
>"Damn. Okay. This is new and fascinating information. I'll have to ask around and try to dig into this... Anyway, uh..."
"Yeah?"
>"Um, what made you come to Earth all of a sudden? Wanted a new thrill?"
>Oh, filly, here's your chance.
>Should you?
>...Definitely.
"Well, it's a bit of a story. The leader of my gang, Raspberry Cupcake, decided that I was getting too big for my britches, and set me up to fail with a fake delivery run..."
>Anonymous can't quite contain his snorts and giggles.
>"Wait wait, your gang leader's name was RASPBERY CUPCAKE?!"
>You can't quite keep a grin off your face as you nod.
"She always insisted that everyone called her "boss" or "capo", but word on the street was that that was her real name, yeah."
>You don't know if she's even still alive, or if any of this will make it back to her, but you're going to make that cunt the laughing stock of every human that watches this video.

*******
"...And as my final goodbye, I kicked off her face like a springboard as I launched myself towards and through the window! Moments, later, I was out of sight."
>You finish recounting the story, catching your breath.
>Mare, that felt good.
>There's a massive grin on your face as you finally get to brag a little about just how much of a total badflank you are.
>Your heart is pounding, almost like you just relived the escape for real.
>And Anonymous also found Cap to be a total moron, which probably means that the other humans will think the same, too.
>"And then you found me and decided to go to Earth for a bit?"
"Not instantly, but pretty much, yeah. Nothing to interesting happened between that. Except, maybe, me having a fight with a leatherback and finding out that Cap set a price for my head after I beat her and got her to talk. After that, I figured that I needed to skip town, but the train would have been watched, so I changed my plan to laying low for a while on Earth."
>"I would certainly classify that as "interesting", but I guess that's it for the story. Thank you, Swift, that was absolutely fascinating."
>He gets up from the chair, clicking and tapping all of his human technology stuff.
"So, can I get up now?"
>"Of course, I stopped recording. Can you give me a few minutes? Or, you know, go if you want to. You don't have to wait for me here."
"Alright."
>You leave the room to use the bathroom, wondering what to do next when you're done.
>Should you try using the tablet again?
>Maybe best not to do it too much in a single day, though.
>Instead, you decide to try and work out a little, going to your room.
>There's a nice, soft rug on the floor there, which is perfect for lying down as you try to do a wing-up.
>You can't so much as lift yourself off the ground, though.
"Tartarus..."
>How much of everything that you can do is magical?
>How the hay did humans manage to survive in this crazy world? Not just survive, but become more powerful than ponies with their magic?!
>Shaking your head, you start doing push-ups, simply flapping your wings to get some exercise and some extra lift.
>It doesn't long for your muscles to start burning, and sweat to accumulate on your sides.
>By the time you flop down on the rug in exhaustion, you hear Anonymous walk out of his recording room.
>You keep lying there for a little while, catching your breath and recomposing yourself.
>Making your way downstairs, you wonder where to go, before going to the sitting room.
>You haven't spend time there yet, and you don't feel like sitting in the kitchen chair all day, waiting for dinner.
>As you hop on to the tall couch and get comfortable, Anonymous comes in.
>"Say, Swift?"
"Yeah?"
>"Do you want me to hold on to the video for a while before posting it? If you're still in danger, it might... I don't know, call attention to you?"
"Didn't you say you're going to remove all things that ponies could use to tell who I am?"
>"Sure, but the ponies that you mentioned in those events would know that it's you."
>You shake your head.
"There's no internet in Equestria, and I highly doubt anyone's going to find them and tell them. And even if they somehow found out, which is pretty much impossible, I highly doubt they'd have the teats to actually come after me on Earth. And even THEN, they wouldn't know where to look for me. You're not going to tell people where I'm staying, right?"
>"No, I try to keep my address secret."
"Alright, well... Would the humans try to arrest me?"
>He rubs his chin, almost immediately shaking his head.
>"No, no one would care. I mean, if you started bragging about how much of a criminal you are to some policeman's face, he might report you or try to kick you through the gate, but an anonymous video? Absolutely not. There's no agreement with Equestria to catch each other's criminals, far as I'm aware."
"Then I don't really care. Go for it."
>"Alright. Do you want to... Watch a movie, or something?"
>You look around the room. There is a pretty big screen by the wall.
>You scratch your head. Movies weren't something you really went to much before, save for one time when a small movie theater got built. Overall, you found it kind of boring, the real excitement of actually doing risky things in real life being more fun.
>Still, human movies might be different.
"Sure, I guess?"
>He nods, fiddling with the buttons for a bit before pausing.
"What to watch, what to watch... Want to see a completely fictional story about pirates?"
>You're only vaguely aware of what pirates are. If you ever saw the sea, you were too young to remember it.
"Sure."
>"Pirates of the Caribbean it is, then."
>The movie starts as Anon leaves the room, going back to the recording room.
>It's pretty interesting to see all the different humans, and how differently they're all dressed.
>And unlike the odd human names you usually hear, Jack Sparrow almost sounds like it could be a pony name, too.
>Once you get to the part where the pirates are all undead, though, you raise your eyebrows.
>Is this really fake? Humans don't have magic, but it looks so real!
>It looks a lot more realistic than the grainy movies back in Equestria, too.
>You end up getting into the movie far more than you expected.
>Eventually, the movie ends, and you follow your nose to the kitchen, where Anonymous has made dinner.
>"So, Swift. We should probably discuss our plans. Since you're actually just hiding here, do you actually want to go out, or just sit in the house for a while?"
>You think about it for a moment, nodding.
"Sure, I'd like to explore. I didn't really lie when I said that I was interested in seeing Earth, it just... Wasn't a very high priority for me. Not sure if I would have come here if it wasn't for the whole situation with Raspberry."
>Anonymous chuckles at her name again, shaking his head.
>"Alright, we can go out tomorrow. You should probably get a pre-paid card if you want to buy stuff. Maybe even a cheap flip phone if you want to call me for some reason while you're out, they cost practically nothing. Maybe..."
>You spend the dinner learning about the little knick-knacks ponies tended to get for comfort while on Earth.
>The pre-paid cards sound useful. Better than carrying lots of money when you're unable to quickly get away or defend yourself well.
>Once you're done with dinner, Anonymous casually mentions that there are more of those Caribbean Pirates movies.
>You end up watching one more before you go to bed, rubbing your tired eyes.
 
********
 
>The next morning, you wake up feeling somewhat better than the day before.
>You don't remember waking up or tossing about, even though your blanket is a bit tangled together.
>Shrugging it off yourself, you stretch your wings to their full extent with a satisfied groan, folding them back and flapping-
>Damn it, not again!
>This time, you stop yourself mid-way, though the momentum still carries you off the bed, and you're forced to quickly tip-hoof and hop off.
>At least you landed on your hooves and not your face this time.
>Finishing your morning routine, you go down and have breakfast with Anonymous.
>"So. Ready to see more of the city today?"
"Yup."
>Once you're both finished, the two of you gear up.
>Apparently, Anonymous refuses to go anywhere without getting "strapped", which is a human term for being armed.
>As for you, you only need one of the large, ten-bit coins from your bags.
>You go to your room and disassemble your saddlebags into two separate bags, leaving one bag with the rest of the coins under your bed, taking the other one with you.
>You rarely spent much on things, but you did make sure to acquire the sturdiest, most comfortable, and functional saddlebags that you could get.
>Tools of the trade, and all.
>Going back downstairs, you glance at Anonymous.
>He doesn't have the dagger, but you do notice some kind of leather sheath on his side.
>"All ready?"
"Yeah."
>"Let's get going, then, I think the bus should be here soon."
>You nod, following him outside.
>A breeze passes by, tickling your feathers as you reflexively spread your wings and flap them, idly calculating the strength you need to put in to fly over the fence.
>Nothing happens, of course.
>You sigh quietly as Anonymous glances at you.
>It'll probably take a while for you to stop doing things like that.
>You wait as he locks all of his locks, going to the fence and holding the outer gate open for you.
>As you trot over to the bus stop, you look around.
>As everywhere else that you saw so far (not that you saw much yet), the streets are incredibly uniform and identical. Some of the houses do seem to have some character to them, while others just look like copies of each other, like they were all cast in the same mold.
>You wonder if humans have machines that can just pop out identical houses in an instant.
>Anonymous pays for your fare again. To your pleasure, the bus is near empty.
>Just as before, you spend the journey glued to the window, looking at all the homes, businesses, and unknown structures as you pass them by.
>Some of them somehow look a bit off, like they don't quite fit with the rest of the cityscape.
"Say, Anonymous? What are those walled places with metal nets?"
>"Those are military installations," He explains after a glance.
"Really? I almost thought you guys don't guard your side of the portal. Your side is nothing like the Keep at all."
>He shakes his head.
>"Nah, the various militaries just took a different approach. If anything came through the portal that was a threat even despite the magic drain, they decided they'd need something heftier than guys with guns in the building. Instead, they built a bunch of outposts with artillery all pointed towards the portal. If anything happens, that place is getting bombarded to hell and back."
"Oh."
>Well, that certainly makes more sense than just not guarding it.
>Soon, you see some familiar sights again.
>Getting off the bus, you follow Anonymous into the portal building, though it's a different entrance than the one you left from last time.
>Instead, there's a long corridor, with all kinds of small shops on one side.
>The first one is the money changer, where you trade in your coin for a card, the shopkeeper showing you how the things work and how to enter the number combination, Anonymous lending you his stylus.
>The second one has various knick-knacks for ponies that are supposed to help them have an easier time on Earth. You end up buying a some stuff, like a band on your leg with a stylus of your own that you can easily reach with your mouth, a sheath with a strong strap to keep your money card in, and so on.
>All the extra stuff feels odd. Ponies usually wore things and accessories either for work, or to show off their wealth. Now, though, you're kind of like a human. Carrying a bunch of strange technological tools just for every day life.
>The next shop makes you raise your eyebrows.
"...What's this for?"
>It looks sort of like a human clothes shop, only the clothes have been adapted for ponies. There's an actual ponnequin wearing human-style boots and other accessories just outside the shop.
>"You might not need actual clothes, but ponies tend to buy some boots if they spend longer than a day or two on Earth. Trust me, you might want to get some."
>You flick your ears thoughtfully. You never needed to use horseshoes before, and your farrier visits were infrequent.
"Why? Because I can't fly any more?"
>"That too. But also, because everything here is paved over. The streets, the sidewalks, it's all very hard. Ponies end up wearing down their hooves or even cracking them, from what I heard."
>It sounds dumb, but you really don't feel like getting injured while you're here, and you don't actually know how mild or how bad cracking a hoof actually is.
"Alright, fine."
>The shopkeep obviously tries to sell you things you don't need like hats and coats and even socks (seriously, what do socks even have to do with clothes?), but you just shake your head as you keep saying that you only need a quartet of boots.
>Fortunately, it doesn't take very long to get him to relent and just show you the choices.
>You just shrug, picking them out by size and trying them on.
>"How is it?" Anonymous asks.
"Bucking weird. Like something just grabbed my hooves and doesn't want to let go. I never wore anything like this in my life," You huff, reflexively tip-tapping in place due to the weird sensation.
>"You'll get used it it," Anonymous says with a dumb grin.
>You narrow your eyes slightly at him. You've been watching him, and you're fairly certain he gets that smile whenever you do something he considers "cute".
"Whatever. I'll take these. Let's go."
>Paying for the boots with your new card, you exit the store and trot a few experimental circles around Anonymous.
>On one hoof, it still feels weird, but you do notice a few advantages.
>For one, you no longer clip-clop on the hard surfaces. The loud sound is replaced by a much quieter thump, almost indistinguishable from human footsteps.
>And secondly, the alien materials that the boots are made of seem extra springy, almost propelling you off the floor with every step.
>These would actually be useful if you're galloping at full speed, though you look even weirder now.
"Okay... What's next?"
>"Eh, well... Just in case, you should probably get a phone, like I said. And a map. Come on, through here."
>He leads you to yet another section of the building, swinging by the main chamber that houses the portal exit.
>Now that you're no longer freaking out and stumbling from the magic drain, you're able to take in more of the details.
>With your practiced eye, you notice that there does seem to be a number of guards standing about, though they're quite different from what you're used to.
>Back in Equestria, they're decked out in shiny armor and plumed helmets, strutting around like peacocks and making sure that everyone knows that they're there.
>Meanwhile, the human's uniforms seem extremely subdued by comparison, almost like they're trying to blend in with the background on purpose, ready to jump out and start shooting the moment something happens.
>...That's probably the exact reason.
>You try not to stare at them too hard as you keep looking.
>Something else that you apparently completely missed is a large stand by the exit, with a sign that says "Information" right above it.
>There's no people there, just a whole bunch of little shelves crammed full of all sorts of colorful flyers.
>Anonymous takes one of the larger ones, unfolding it for a moment and nodding. You manage to glimpse the map for a moment before he folds it back and slips it into your saddlebag.
>"We can take a look at it when we sit down. Let's keep going."
>Next, he leads you outside, to another small shop built into the side of a building.
>It seems to be full of human gadgets. You don't recognize a thing.
>There's actually a small line, so you end up standing and idly trying to figure out which thing is what while Anonymous waits to reach the merchant.
>"Oooh!"
>Unfortunately for you, instead of leaving, the small group of humans that were buying something begin to crowd around you the moment they see you.
>"Kawaiiiiii~"
>"Eeeee!"
>"Kawaii desu!"
>You nervously step back, folding your ears, but that only entices them even more, as they follow your every step.
>Anonymous, who was talking to the merchant, glances back at you, analyzing the situation for a moment before rolling his eyes with a smile and turning back to the man behind the counter.
>Hey, don't leave me here!
>Damn aliens.
>Does this mean you're not in danger? You certainly hope so.
>Blinking slowly, you glance between Anonymous and the group, trying to figure out what in the Tartarus is going on.
>It'd be easier if you could understand what the hay they were saying, but it just sounds like complete gibberish to you.
>Why? You've been talking to Anonymous just fine so far.
>As you slowly keep backing up and out into the street, you hear someone clear their throat behind you. Without noticing, you bump into some human's legs.
"Oh, sorry, I-"
>Your eyes meet the eyes of one of the human guards, his partner standing next to him.
>He doesn't even ask what's happening, taking in the scene with a practiced look before addressing the group of humans, authoritatively extending his hand as he points towards them.
>"I'm going to have to ask you to please stand back from the Visitor. You're scaring her."
>"Ooooh, I apologize-o," One of them says as they back up a little. A few more drop some quite accented "sorree", even... Giving you small bows? None of them go far, though, still filming you with their phones.
>Weird.
>"Are you alright, Ma'am?" The other guard asks.
>Having the guards be on your side and actually protect you feels bucking strange.
"I'm... Fine, thank you, sir. I was just confused by what was happening."
>"Well, some tourists can get a little overexcited at seeing a pony, I'm afraid. At least the adults mostly stick to photos, but, unfortunately, kids can get grabby. Try, ah... Try not to lose any feathers. I saw a less fortunate pegasus get swarmed before we could intervene in time a few weeks back."
>He nods at you as the pair continues on their patrol as you try not to gape.
>That was a heck of a warning. Human foals could try yanking out your feathers?!
>Come to think of it, you don't think you ever saw a human foal.
>You bite your lip as the sudden worry and mention of losing feathers sends phantom itches and tingles all across your wings.
>You puff out all your feathers, spreading your wings and giving them a good shake to get rid of the sensations, folding them back at your side.
>"Oooo! Kawaii!"
>Unfortunately, the show only gets the group all excited again.
>At least they keep their distance this time, which is fine enough.
>Anonymous comes out of the shop, giving them a flat look and wagging his finger at them.
>They say some words you don't understand and look a bit embarrassed, though you're really not sure if there's any honesty in that.
"Anonymous, what the buck was that?"
>"Tourists. You'd be surprised just how many people come for absolutely no other reason than just seeing a pony, even if they don't have to courage to go through the portal."
"Are ponies really that interesting?"
>He nods as he leads you away.
>"Yes, they are. Maybe it seems like nothing to you. since there's lots of talking creatures in your world. Here, though? Humans have been wondering if we're ever going to meet other sapient beings for... I don't even know. Centuries? Anyway, they didn't touch you, did they? Those were Japanese. Usually, they're a very polite and disciplined bunch. Probably the best kind of overexcited tourists you could meet, really."
"No, they didn't, though I couldn't understand a word of what they were saying."
>"Well, yeah. They were talking in Japanese."
"What *is* that?"
>He gives you a faintly amused look.
>"What do you know about all the countries on Earth, Swift?"
"Uh..."
>You flick your ears at the unexpected question.
>"Don't answer that. Thing is, ponies that haven't learned anything about Earth yet think that humans are just... Humans, and that we more or less all live together. Same way that ponies are almost all Equestrians. Catch is, as I just told you, we're the only people in this world that build civilizations. And we're spread across the ENTIRE world. There are some... Two hundred or so countries in the world right now. Just about all of them are distinct, with different people, different cultures and languages. Some of them are singular countries made up of a bunch of united, but completely different tribes, and they have several, if not several dozen different languages."
>You grimace as you take a minute to process what he just told you.
"...Why?!"
>He laughs.
>"Why what? Why not talk the same language? Why not unite the entire world in a single country?"
>You shrug, the questions way above the things you're usually pondering.
"I guess?"
>"Oh, some people would like to conquer the entire world, no doubt about that," He chuckles. "The question is, who gets to rule and dictate how everything works? Different cultures have radically opposing views on various matters. Who will need to roll over and surrender?"
"Are humans really that different from each other? You all look so alike..."
>That would explain all the wars the humans are supposedly having with each other all the time, though.
>He shakes his head.
>"Racist. And yes. Humans spread all across every continent tens of thousands of years ago, and developed all by themselves for a long, long time. It's funny. You ponies have such different tribes, yet you manage to maintain a cohesive culture and live in peace with each other... Mostly. Humans, though? We might look alike, but the differences depending on where we grew up... I could go on for months. The Japanese might be peaceful and polite now, for example, but the stuff they got up to a few generations ago... Heh. Best not to even get into it, like I said."
"Huh..."
>As foreign and strange as that sounds, this is actually quite useful information. It certainly helps to explain why there doesn't seem to be much consistency in how humans behave.
>You're not sure if you're going to get to somehow apply that knowledge, however. Learning about over two hundred countries and what the humans are like in every one seems like a terrible slog.
>As you're mulling on that, Anonymous leads you to some kind of eatery.
>"You look a bit overwhelmed. Want a cup of coffee while I explain things?"
"Sure, I guess."
>You think you tried coffee a few times, though you don't entirely remember if you liked it or not.
>Going inside, you order a few cups as well as a couple snacks. You decide to get a fat chunk of chocolate brownie.
>Getting your things, the pair of you sit down on a table by the window, a few tourists pointing at you and taking photos from the other side of the glass as you sigh.
>Looks like getting stared at is going to be par for the course while on Earth.
>Anonymous, meanwhile, ignores them completely.
>"Alright, let's start with the map..."
>You never looked at maps much, since you pretty much learned every route by yourself as you blasted back and forth across the city.
>Fortunately, it doesn't look like it's very complicated. Better yet, most things are marked with symbols and not words.
>Hotels, restaurants, toilets, a few entertainment venues like a large cinema...
>Anonymous points out all the symbols, explaining how to figure out where you are and showing you where the street signs stand.
>"So yeah, that's pretty much it. Did you get all that?"
>You nod as you sip your coffee.
"I think so. It's going to be a bit strange to have to actually get from point A to point B via streets and turns instead of flying in a straight line, but I'm pretty sure I'll manage."
>Plenty of your runs involved zig-zagging through different streets as well, after all.
>"Alright, good. The last thing is the phone, then."
>You stare at it with fascination as he explains the communications device.
"So I just press your name and it will call you?"
>"Yes, since I already added it to the contacts for you. If I hadn't, you'd need to memorize my number."
"Anything I need to know about it? Is it safe for me to use?"
>He shakes his head with a smile.
>"Yes, this isn't a weapon. Just don't get it wet or don't drop it, of course. And no, it's not going to kill you if you do. It'll just break, and you'll need to buy a new one."
"Can I... Try it?"
>"Sure."
>You pull the phone towards yourself and grab the stylus in your mouth, performing the arcane-sounding sequence of actions that Anonymous told you.
>It takes a few pokes with the soft end to remember that the buttons on the "flip phone" are not "touch sensitive", and you switch to the solid end of the implement.
>A few moments later, the phone starts making sounds.
"Is it... Working?"
>"Sure," Anonymous chuckles, pulling out his much bigger and fancier phone as it starts to play music. "Go on, pick it up."
"Right..."
>It takes a bit of wrestling with both your forelegs to press it against your face, sticking one end into your hear.
"Am I doing this right?"
>"More or less, yeah," Anonymous's voice rings out both from the phone and his mouth.
"Cool."
>You can't help but grin. Even though it took you lots of effort to do the same thing Anonymous manages to do in seconds, you still did it! You used human magic! Well, technology, but it sure bucking feels like magic.
>He chuckles at your expression as he taps his phone, yours beeping as the call ends.
>"Well, that's more or less everything regarding the basics. You remember the bus numbers, right? Not much else to tell you... Do you want me to stay with you, or do you want to explore on your own for a bit?"
>You lean back as you ponder your options, downing the last bit of your coffee.
>The sugar and the drink seem to have somewhat cleared the fog from your brain, and you're feeling fairly confident. Not to mention that you're used to going at it alone. Anonymous is useful, but you're not some small filly that needs someone to hold your hoof. Not anymore.
>Still, you're not reckless, and your lack of flight is an issue that's constantly looming in the back of your head.
"Am I going to be in danger if I go out alone?"
>He purses his lips as he shakes his head.
>"Depends on where you go. City center is incredibly safe, there's security everywhere. They can even chase obnoxious tourists away for you, if you ask them."
>You remember how the guard warded off the "Japanese". You thought that he felt sorry for you, and you just got lucky.
"Really, that's part of their job? Even if the tourists aren't grabbing my tail, or something?"
>"Sure. A good chunk of their pay comes from people coming here to see ponies, and there wouldn't be many ponies coming if they got harassed every step of the way. That's only the busy areas, though. I'm sure you noticed there's no security in the other streets while we were on the bus."
"Hmmm... Yeah."
>That sounds pretty good. Avoid suspicious alleyways and side streets where rival gangs might be lurking... Just like on the other side of the portal.
>"And if something does happen, don't be afraid to scream for help, or run to the nearest patrolling pair of guys you see. Remember, you're not a criminal... On this side," He whispers the last part.
"Yeah... Sure."
>Not avoiding guards still goes against your instincts, but he's right.
"What could even happen? Do ponies get robbed often?"
>He blows a long sigh through his lips as he shakes his head.
>"Here? Almost never, far as I know. Honestly, the much more likely outcome is that you get attacked by some nutcase thinking that you're a government conspiracy that'd try to crack you open to expose the machinery and circuits inside you, or something."
"I'm a, I'm a what?!"
>A number of the humans that have been looking at you from the corner of their eyes turn fully to stare at you as you shout.
>"A... Government... Conspiracy. They don't think you're real," Anonymous says slowly, seemingly both terribly amused and exasperated at what he was saying.
>You just hold your head in your hooves as you shake it.
"What does that even mean? Humans met ponies ten years ago! Ten years is not enough to realize that ponies are real?"
>"It means that some people are crazy, unfortunately. And with how easy travel and communications are due to modern technology, those crazies have an easier time getting together and encouraging each other's lunacy. Flat Earth theorists have followers all over the globe, as they said themselves," He chuckles.
>You purse your lips as he keeps talking about things that you don't know the meanings of.
"Just tell me straight: How dangerous is it for me to trot around without you?"
>He ponders for a minute as he strokes his chin.
>"Not at all, if you don't flash any of those golden coins. Pickpockets still exist, but they can't exactly steal the money off your card. You're almost definitely going to get annoyed by tourists, but almost definitely not going to get attacked, or anything like that."
"In that case, I should be pretty safe."
>"All right then. Guess I'll leave you to it. I think I'm going to go out and buy a few more things. You're going to be out for a while, right?"
"Probably."
>"Then I'll be back home before you do. Call if you get lost or into other trouble."
"Alright. Will do."
>Your heart starts beating faster as he gets up and leaves with a nod, but it's not a bad feeling.
>It's a lot like when you're flying through the trees and houses at "dangerously reckless" speeds.
>Just like every time in your life, there's risk, but with what you learned, you're fairly confident that you can handle it.
>Opening your map, you study the things nearest to you before folding it and slipping it, along with the phone, into your bag.
>Time to see more of this insane dimension.
>Finishing the last crumbs of your brownie, you leave your chair, puff up your chest, and go through the door leading outside.
>You stretch your wings as you take a deep breath, fluffing up your feathers and turning towards the nearest interesting spot that you saw on the map.
>"Oooh, kawaii!"
>Damn it!
>Slumping down and folding your ears in annoyance, you grumble as you trot away as another bunch of humans points their phones at you.
 
***********
 
>You spend a good while exploring all the tourist traps.
>Well, you're not entirely sure whether they're traps or not, but you know enough about those things to treat everything with a healthy dose of suspicion and skepticism.
>You're especially skeptical of the places that try to lure you in with dozens of flashing lights and other nonsense.
>Probably a good choice, since they appear to sell cheap jewelry and other useless flashy junk.
>You see a few other ponies staring at the eye-rending stores while out and about, but you trot on by.
>A few places you do spend time in are spots where humans are showcasing their things to ponies.
>There's some kind of place advertising "virtual reality" goggles, with a poster of a pony with a fascinated expression, wearing some kind of weird slab on her face that doesn't look like goggles at all.
>Wondering what the heck that's all about, you trot in, eventually paying for a short "journey through Earth experience", after the human running the place explains what the things actually do.
>It's like an even more realistic-looking movie that almost makes you feel like you're really there, showing off a few countries.
>Italy's Colosseum oddly reminds you of pegasus architecture.
>The narrator's voice in your earphones that's explaining what you're seeing is really, really dull, though.
>The human offers you a few brochures about travelling to those countries, but you shake your head. You don't feel like going somewhere far from the portal this soon.
>You examine the various hawkers selling human trinkets and gadgets, though you don't really buy any.
>No way for you to know what's actually real, and what's just a piece of plastic.
>Next up, you end up near the movie theatre.
>Pondering for a minute, you shrug, deciding to follow a group of ponies in.
>You end up watching a movie, the quality once again blowing the Equestrian theatres out of the water.
>As you leave, you hear a strange howling coming from the sky. Craning your neck, you see a large human flying machine pass by.
>Now THAT is something you'd be interested in taking a closer look at, but there were no marks on the map that denoted human airship yards, or whatever they call them.
>Probably not a tourist destination, really.
>After a short trip to the bathroom, you take stock of the time.
>The Sun is slowly setting, though not near the horizon yet.
>And you're quite hungry, the popcorn that you got in the theatre going right through you.
>Mulling it over, you decide to head in the direction of Anon's place.
>You'll either find someplace to eat along the way, or ask him to make dinner.
>...That might be rude or something, but you'll make sure to be polite when you ask.
>Retracing your path and dodging the tourists (some of which even try to touch you, but you gallop the hay away when that happens), you reach the portal building, finding the bus stop and following the route home.
>Glancing at the progressively less eye-grabbing buildings the further you get away from the central city hub, you notice a bus pass by.
>Number 4. Wrong one.
>Its passage stirs up some wind, though, and your nose is suddenly flooded by a delicious smell.
>Looking around, you notice a restaurant of some kind ahead.
>Trotting closer, you examine the signage.
>"Piero's Pizzeria and Italian restaurant"?
>Italian? You briefly remember the image of the Colosseum.
>You can't remember if you ever had pizza, but it certainly smells good.
>The place is full of humans, but they wouldn't start making a scene and start grabbing at you while shouting how cute you are in the middle of a restaurant... Right?
>The place is so far from the portal there's no more guards in the immediate vicinity, though. At least not ones that you can see.
>Pursing your lips and mentally mapping out potential escape routes, you enter the building.
>After a few seconds of looking around, a waiter shows up.
>"Table for one, ma'am?"
"Uh, yes please."
>"Follow me, please."
>As he leads you through the place, you relax a little when you notice a few ponies among the tables, their shorter frames hidden by the tall humans.
>As you sit down near a table with four chairs, he sets things up.
>"Here is the menu, would you like anything as an appetizer while you browse?"
>You shake your head.
"I've never been in a place like this before, and I have no idea what you guys offer. Honestly, I just want whatever's making that smell, it's amazing."
>He looks to the side, pointing to a sizeable oven.
>"That is almost definitely our pizza you're smelling, ma'am. The pizza selection starts on page three."
>You nod as you flip through the menu.
"Cool, thanks."
>The choice ends up being harder than you expected, though.
>There seems to be a ridiculous amount of stuff you can put on a pizza, apparently.
>Eventually, you find on one that doesn't have strange things you haven't heard of before.
>As you look around for someone to make your order, the same waiter brings a pair of unicorns and a human to your table.
>"Ma'am, I am so sorry, but all our tables are full, and you have three empty seats. Would you be willing to share the table?"
>The question takes you by surprise, and you find yourself nodding.
"Oh, uh... Sure, I don't mind."
>Should you have refused?
>Eh, whatever. Better not to make a scene and attract attention to yourself.
"And I know what I'd like to eat."
>As the waiter writes it down. the other three sit down.
>"Thank you, dear," One of the unicorns says.
>"Yes, we didn't think that such a quaint eatery might be so packed."
>Quaint?
>The human says nothing, just nodding politely at you.
>You try to put a place to their accents, but you can't quite figure it out.
>Some of the mares that worked the streets - pickpockets, specifically - were easily able to tell which cities ponies came from, bragging about their marks later. You never mingled with others much, though.
"Don't mention it. Not like I was using the space."
>They're dressed in a weird mix of pony and human clothing and look snooty as all Tartarus, so... Canterlot, maybe?
>The girls did always say that Canterlot unicorns were the biggest snobs, with their horns so far up their own tailholes that they couldn't even see as their cufflinks got levitated right off them.
>Except they also often brought private guards, in which case it was better to stay away.
>You give the human a glance. He's not super tense, but he's actively scanning the restaurant with a sharp gaze.
>Interesting.
>"So, darling, where are you from? And where are your companions? Surely you're not travelling alone?" The other unicorn asks.
"I'm from Portal Town, and yes, actually, I am... Mostly alone."
>That makes them focus suddenly, their snouts lowering down from that stupid, arrogant way they were holding them in the air as they look at you.
>"Oh my goodness! You must be a real veteran around here! How many times have you been to Earth now?"
>"And how far did you explore?"
"Eh, well... Nothing too big yet. I actually spent a lot of time learning about humans before gathering the courage to actually come. And what about you? Where are you from?"
>You give vague answers as you ask them the same questions, and mare, are they entirely too happy to answer.
>It's like they can't get enough of the sound of their own voices.
>Fortunately, your pizza arrives before long, and you have the excuse to talk even less, listening to them as they wait for their food.
>Apparently, getting a human bodyguard while you're on Earth is pretty "fashionable", though from what they're saying, he's hardly doing any guarding, and acting more like a guide.
>Seems like a waste of money, given how safe Portal City largely seems to be, and the unicorns aren't stepping a hoof anywhere further.
>"It's dreadfully dangerous out there, you know? I heard that some airhead decided she wanted to "explore some real, non-fake tourist areas that have been made up for show", and went past the safe limits with no clue what was out there. And, guess what happened? She got *eaten*," She hisses the last part in a whisper.
"What, did some animal jump her?" You ask with mild curiosity.
>"Oh no, that's the thing. Word is, the humans got her," The other unicorn shakes her head, staring wistfully at the pizza and glancing at her non-functioning horn before giving up with a despairing sigh and awkwardly bending down to eat like an earth pony.
>You purse your lips as you consider what she said.
>Humans are known to be dangerous, sure, but that's because of their weird mindsets and paranoia, not because they're predators that eat ponies. Hay, if they were simply predators, it'd make them easier to understand.
>Not only that, it really does look like they're far more placid on this side of the portal. The worst things you faced were some humans trying to grope you, at least you think that that's what they were doing. Certainly no lethal weapons pointed your way.
"I don't know, that sounds like a made-up rumor. I heard all kinds of stuff in Portal Town, and plenty of nonsense, too. Never anything about humans eating ponies, though, even if they're big on eating meat."
>"Well, humans that come to Equestria might not. But, some say that there are humans on Earth that are real savages!"
>You see the bodyguard's neutral expression shift for a moment as she says that, though you don't quite catch the emotion.
"Mmm."
>You make a noncommittal grunt as you eat.
>A species so far advanced as humans? You kind of doubt it.
>All the different countries you saw in that virtual reality thing looked plenty advanced as well, even if they were all different.
>You keep making small talk as you eat, the large pizza taking some time to destroy.
>Totally worth it, though. Your hunger really is stronger now.
>You order a drink to wash it down as you keep talking, sharing the tidbits that you learned about humans while living in Portal Town.
>Eventually, all the food is consumed, and you get up from your chair.
"Well, it's been a nice chat, gals, but I think I'm done for the day. Uh... Good evening to you two."
>"Oh, of course! Do stay safe out there, yes? Even if you're clearly brave, there's no need to be reckless," The first unicorn says.
>"Suppose we should get going as well, then," The second one adds, getting up as well.
>Their bodyguard remains silent.
>You pay for your food first, the trio stepping up behind you as you trot towards the exit.
>Unfortunately, as you step outside the restaurant and take a few steps away from the entrance, their warnings about humans prove all too true.
>Well, not exactly. It's not like you get jumped by a hungry human that tries to eat you.
>Instead, it's something you're a bit more familiar with. A beggar. A tall, large form suddenly looms over you as you leave the island of light coming from the restaurant's windows, the human's unusually dark skin camouflaging him in the night's gloom, only his teeth gleaming in the darkness.
>"Eyyyy, perrrty pony, you so perrrtty and so so nice, you must be so rich, spare hungry man coin, please? Just one coin, is nothing, right?" He says, his strange accent making him almost incomprehensible.
>All your instincts scream at you that this guy is full of manure as you pin your ears back, looking for a way to get past him.
>You didn't know all the details since yours didn't do that, but other gangs apparently had ponies, often their slut stallions working for them, pretend to be destitute and sit on the corners of streets and beg for spare coin. Supposedly, a sad-looking colt with a convincing sob story could make hundreds of bits a day just sitting around, and it was so profitable, gangs even fought over the best spots so they could stick their own ponies in them.
>You honestly had no idea whether any of the beggars in Portal Town were even "real". You certainly never resorted to begging, and you didn't really understand ponies that gave beggars bits. The guards didn't like it much either, and some even chased them away from time to time, though it depended on how much and which ponies were bribing them.
"I have no coins," You shake your head. "Step aside."
>"Aww, come on, pertty ponies always have nice, pertty coins," He keeps grinning, waving his hands and constantly moving in place like he's incapable of standing still, making you eyes dart back and forth.
"Nope, I spent my coins to get a card," You rebuff, carefully attempting to sidestep him.
>Unfortunately, you only end up almost maneuvering yourself into a corner between the restaurant and the building next door as he deftly follows you.
>"Eyyy, dat's just fine, if you can give me de card-"
>"Hey, what do you think you're doing? Leave her alone!"
>The two unicorns that you sat with leave the pizzeria as well, noticing what's going on.
>"John, what is that... Man doing?" The other unicorn asks the bodyguard, who frowns, looking your assailant up and down.
>"It looks like he's trying to shake the lady down for any coins or whatever other valuables she might have," He speaks for the first time, his voice full of disapproval.
>"Eyy boss, come on, noting like dat, I'm just a hungry man, I'm just nicely askin-"
>"For money? Why not ask for food, you're right outside a restaurant? I suggest you leave. Now."
>His smile vanishes, replaced with a sneer.
>"Ey now, dis is my country, you can't tell me-"
>"No, this is INZ, and your country - if you're even from this country - got paid an ungodly amount of money for the land sale. Now scram. From what I hear, the local security doesn't like vagrants much."
>You don't listen to what happens next, taking the chance when the two humans are fully focused on each other to put all your strength into your legs, jumping past the beggar and galloping off into the night.
>There's a few shouts and some noises, but you ignore them all, focusing all your strength and will into galloping away as fast as you can.
>Whatever that situation was, buck it to Tartarus.
>You only slow down briefly when you reach an intersection, checking the streets and galloping towards Anon's house.
>The boots really do turn out to be pretty comfortable, though your endurance is still lacking without your magic.
>Panting, you're forced to slow down to a trot, though you don't stop completely.
>Hearing a bus coming in the distance, you look around, noticing that you're almost there anyway.
>By the time you reach his home, though, you're an exhausted, sweaty mess.
>Once you think about it, though, it's not too bad. That was a hay of a workout, and still better than going to a gym.
>You could do without strange beggars shaking you down for money, though.
>Raising a shaky hoof, you press your boot against the button on the gate that Anonymous showed you earlier.
>There's a buzz and a few moments of silence before his voice sounds out from the device, oddly distorted.
>"Yes? That you, Swift?"
"Y-yeah, it's me."
>Something in your voice must have made him concerned, because he tears out from the door shockingly fast, running over to the gate.
>"Are you alright? Did something happen?"
>You shake your head.
"I'm fine. Just tired. Had to gallop all the way here. Something tried to happen, but I got away."
>"So... What "tried" to happen, then?" He asks you as you go through the gate, tiredly cantering towards the house.
"I ate a really great pizza for dinner in a restaurant, but just as I left, some really weird man jumped me and started begging for money."
>He scoffs.
>"Oh. Did he threaten you or try to hurt you?"
"Well, he didn't say it explicitly, but his behavior was very aggressive. I was also already on edge with how suddenly he jumped out at me in the dark. He was so darkly colored, I didn't even see him coming. So when some other ponies and a human intervened, I ran the buck away," You explain as you come inside, Anonymous locking the door behind you.
>"...Ah. I *see*."
>If there was disdain in Anonymous's voice before, now it's filled with... You're not sure what. Tiredness? Utter contempt?
>"Of course it was a nigger," You barely hear him mutter under his breath.
>You're fairly certain you weren't supposed to hear that.
>You idly analyze what he just said as you run it through your memories.
>You never heard that word before, but the way he said it...
>It takes a little bit for your magic-deprived brain to start putting the pieces together, but a realization slowly begins to crystallize somewhere in the back of your mind as you take off your boots and leave them by the door.
"Say, Anonymous?"
>"Yeah?"
"What's a nigger?"
>He suddenly freezes, his eyes darting all over the room as he avoids your gaze.
>"What- where did you hear-"
"From you. Just now. These ears are pretty good, and it looks like losing my magic hasn't dulled my senses, at least," You say as you flick your ears back and forth demonstratively.
>"Uh, well, it's, er..."
"It's, what did you call it, a slur, isn't it? Anonymous, you're not a racist, are you?"

>He crosses his arms as he gives you a flat look, pressing his lips into a thin line.
>"You're one to speak."
"Speak what? I'm just asking, Anonymous," You reply with fake innocence.
>He opens and closes his mouth, seemingly cycling through several answers before throwing his hands up and going to the kitchen.
>Blinking, you decide to follow him after a few moments of consideration.
>On one hoof, you're all too aware that you need to tread lightly around humans.
>On the other one, you're kind of curious, and you're banking on humans being less crazy on this side of the portal.
>Entering, you see him pouring wine into a glass from an open bottle, taking a gulp right after.
>You wait a few more moments as the two of you look at each other.
"So, uh..."
>"Yeah?"
>Not really sure what to say, you keep staring at him questioningly, until he groans, dragging a hand across his face before taking another swig.
>"The answer to your question depends on your definitions, Swift. But sure, I'm a racist. Me, I'd say I'm more of an enjoyer of noticing patterns and knowing forbidden knowledge, such as FBI crime statistics. But my fellow noticing enjoyers and I are pretty much branded "racists" by the clowns running the modern media circus, yes."
>You shake your head with a sigh.
"As usual, I understood less than half of what you're talking about."
>He nods.
>"Yes. I figured. Which is why I'm drinking."
"...You're drinking because me not knowing human stuff makes you angry?"
>"Ha! No," He barks out, his laugh only slightly mirthful. "No, I was drinking because I cooked a really nice steak for myself, and red wine is just so good with a steak. And I'm drinking now because it's because this is going to need an EXTENSIVE explanation, and I need to dampen down my filters a little bit. Hell, you might need it too. Want some?"
"...Okay."
>If he's going to impart some kind of "forbidden knowledge" upon you, you're not sure if it's better to drink so you'd actually forget it, or if drinking will help you understand his weird alien explanations.
>Either way, he pours you a glass as he hums thoughtfully.
>"Going to need the tabl- Nah, screw that. Let's get this shit going on the big screen."
>He hands you the glass as you extend a wing, yanking it back a moment later as you remember that you can't really hold things with them any more.
"Uh..."
>"Right, I'll... Let's go."
>Taking the bottle and his glasses, he carries them all to the room with the television as you follow along.
>Putting them down on a coffee table, he immediately walks out.
>You approach the glasses, sniffing them.
>Taking yours, you take a sip.
>Wine was never your thing, but after that heavy, cheesy pizza, it goes down pretty easy. You think you heard somewhere that wine helps with digesting greasy stuff, or something.
>Anonymous comes back with his tablet, poking and prodding all the technological stuff for a bit, until the big screen starts showing the same thing the tablet is.
>Carefully wobbling towards the couch with your glass, you manage not to spill any as you sit down and watch him.
>A few moments later, a large map shows up on the screen.
>Anonymous goes to take a gulp from his glass before sitting down and tapping the tablet again.
"So, does this have to do with that "there are two hundred countries" thing you mentioned before?"
>"Hm, well. Yes, and no. Not quite. It's more to do with continents, though those continents obviously have countries, and they often end up... Following certain patterns... Let's see, where- Aha!"
>The map is replaced by a map of Equestria, as well as the rest of the known world.
>"Now. Did you get a look at the map before this one? Notice anything?"
"I'm guessing it's a map of Earth. I didn't see any special details, though. Was there something in particular I was supposed to notice?"
>"I guess it's hard to understand since it's all put on a square, but that's the map of the entire world. ALL of it. Every continent, every island... Everything. We have explored everything. You ponies? You only know your own continent and a couple neighboring ones, and you haven't even explored yours fully yet!"
>He taps the "udiscovered west" part as he says that.
>"And you started interdimensional travel before even exploring your own world. Buncha nutcases," He chuckles, shaking his head. "Anyway. Remember what I told you? Ancient human nomads spread all over the planet, seeking empty lands that they could claim. Some of the paths they took disappeared over time, and they became isolated. And all of them developed independently of each other, and not all of them developed inventions and technology at the same pace, not at all. Some had great philosophers and inventors, leaders and conquerors, builders of massive empires and civilizations, the names of which are known to this day. And some... Did not."
>You take a sip as you mull it over.
"I'm guessing the "niggers" did not?"
>He snorts, holding in his laughter.
>"I'm going to get into so much trouble if this ever gets out... To hell with it. Yes, Swift, the niggers did not. Here, let's switch back to Earth. So, there's the two Americas, north and south, there's Europe and Asia - yes, it looks like one continent, but they count it as two - that's Africa, and the lonely one in the corner there is Australia. So, Af- nah, that's going to be a clusterfuck to explain. Let's actually start with the easiest one. Australia. It's both a continent and a country - only one country there in the entire continent. Only place in the world like that, so super easy to explain. Did you know that people often refer to Equestria as "magical Australia"? Incredibly fucked up and dangerous wildlife, though the locals are nice, if a bit crazy and dulled to how dangerous things are due to their environment."
>You feel like protesting him calling the Equestrians the crazy ones, but decide to keep quiet and just listen.
>"Former prison colony of the brits. Not much I can tell about aussies, honestly. Barely met any myself, but their reputation is that they're pretty good people if you don't try to screw with them. If you do..."
>As he explains, he keeps tapping the tablet, showing you various pictures of people and places of what you assume is Australia. As he explains the last part, he switches to a video.
>There's a human that looks a lot like the one that tried to shake you down, threatening a couple of other humans with a knife.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xnww12a6W8o
>"...That's not a knife. THAT's a knife."
>Anon cackles as the short video plays out.
>"Ahh man, gotta love the classics. So that's aussies... Or the stereotype of how they are, anyway. Now then... Might as well cover Africa, though I'll probably be jumping between the continents now and then since the histories are intertwined, and all that."
>You perk your ears as you take another drink, Anonymous pulling up all sorts of news articles with crazy headlines, reading them out.
>"Cannibalism, ritual murders to use people's body parts in "magical" potions, open air slave markets in current day, tribal warfare, constantly on the edge of famine, Africa has it all..."
>What follows is a long, long lecture about the multitude of the various human tribes that live on the various continents, or, as humans call them, "races".
>Anonymous teaches you about niggers, towelheads, kikes, chinks, pajeets, gooks, mongoloids, yanks, wetbacks, also briefly touching on several tribes in Europe, such as britbongs, frogs, krauts, and a few others.
>It's a pretty interesting bunch of info, and, since it's also accompanied by lots of photos and videos, far more engaging and easier to remember than if it was just text without examples of what the humans looked like, and what the countries that they managed - or haven't managed - to build look like.
>Those examples include things like the crime statistics that he mentioned, videos of riots with niggers burning down their own cities like a bunch of idiots, pictures of incredibly poorly built and disgusting-looking villages, designated shitting streets, and other things of a similar nature.
>It goes on long into the night, and Anonymous ends up opening another bottle of wine, the two of you giggling and snorting like a pair of foals as you get drunk and talk mad manure about all the crazy failed nations and other things Anonymous is showing you.
>"So yeah, it might look very strange to you ponies that a species that is seemingly "just humans" can be so radically different, since countries in your world are made from different species, but that's how it is. And, like I said, you haven't explored your world much. I bet you'd find some shitty places out there if you went out. Know anything like that?"
>You ponder as you sip your wine, your mind even more hazy from the alcohol.
>You manage to dredge up one memory, though.
"There was this one grifffon hen I overheard once... Was talking about how she came to Portal Town to hopefully make some coin, since Griffonstone is, and I quote, "Such a useless and bucked up dump that I wouldn't even TAKE a dump there.", end quote. I don't know much about it myself, but I'm guessing it might be like one of those "failed states" you talked about."
>"There you go, then. This is the part that trips up ponies that want to travel through Earth the most, I think. They think "oh, it's all humans, the countries must be all alike." Nope. Big nope. Couldn't be further from the truth."
"Mhhhm."
>Not really having anything to say, you tilt back your wine glass, only to find it empty. Noticing this, Anonymous looks at his glass, and then, at the second bottle of wine. There's barely anything left, and he yanks it towards himself.
>"Well, might as well finish this thing. Here. Last sip for you and me."
>He divides the wine as you stare at the pretty red color in your glass, your mind completely blank.
>"You okay there? I didn't get you too drunk, did I?"
"Naaah, I'm f-fiiiiiine," You trail off, waving vaguely with your forelegs as you sway a little.
>"Alright. Buzzed, but not wasted, then. Good," He chuckles, swaying a little himself. Was wondering if you might end up forgetting everything in the morning. Might have been for the better, honestly."
"Huh? Why?"
>"Saying almost any of the stuff I told you to most other humans could land you in deep crap. Some might even attack you."
"Some? You mean niggers?"
>He bursts out laughing, slapping his knee.
>"Yes, that's who I mean. Damn, Swift, be careful with that, alright? I'm serious. I don't want to get you into trouble."
>You wave him off.
"I'll have you know I'm completely ssss-seeriouss too," You slur a little. "I take knowledge about what might get me killed very seriously. I'm pretty good at not letting stuff like that s-slip. I've just been a bit overwhelmed while I'm here, is all."
>"All right, good."
>You stare at each other blankly as your brains sputter along. Slowly, both of your eyes drift down to your respective wine glasses, before rising up again.
>"Well, uh... This was fun."
"It was, yeah."
>He reaches out with his arm, clinking his glass against yours.
"Oh? What's that thing called... A toast?"
>Anonymous shrugs.
>"I haven't thought one up."
>You scrunch your muzzle, forcing your brain to get to work, despite the adverse conditions.
"...To Tartarus with niggers!"
>Anonymous doubles over with laughter, barely saving his wine glass from spilling.
>"And, uh- To hell with leatherbacks!"
"I'll drink to that!"
>You clink your glasses again, downing the final bits of the wine.
>"Alright, for real now... Party's over. I'll clean this up tomorrow. Let's go to sleep, before we collapse on the floor."
"Probably a good idea."
>Though you don't feel that drunk, once you get off the couch, moving in a straight line is a bit of a challenge, one that takes up the entirety of your focus.
>You don't hear or see Anonymous going to his room as you do your best not to fall down the stairs.
>One hoof in front of the other...
 
************
 
>The next morning, you have no memory whatsoever of making it into your room, but you do wake up in your bed, which is good enough for you.
>There's a barely perceptible headache, so you're fine in that regard, but your mouth feels drier than a desert.
>There's also a foul taste, so you assume you forgot to brush before you went to sleep.
>Or shower. That's right, you went straight to sleep.
>You grimace as you feel your coat as you shift in the bed. The mad gallop made you sweat, and now you're sticky and smelly.
>Well, that can be fixed later.
>This time, you don't try flying, bonelessly sliding down on to the floor.
>Going to the bathroom, you gargle and brush your teeth, glad to be rid of the disgusting taste.
>Returning to the room, you drain the entire pitcher of water you have there, glancing at the clock.
>Your eyes are gunked up, but it's still early.
>Not that it matters, you suppose. Yay, vacation!
>Climbing back up, you lie down on top of the blanket, quickly falling asleep again.
>It seems like only a few moments have passed when you suddenly wake up, your bladder screaming at you.
"Gah!"
>Flopping out of bed, you quickly trot to the bathroom, taking care of business.
>Might as well clean up, now that you're awake.
>After showering off the dried sweat, you flap your wings a bit to dry off, before going to your room to grab the empty pitcher and going downstairs.
>There's a smell in the air, one that you recognize as coffee.
>Anonymous silently salutes you with a cup as you enter.
>"Morning, Swift. How are you feeling?"
>You shrug with your wings, carefully depositing the pitcher on the table with your mouth.
"Pretty good. Was parched at first, but I'm mostly good now. Mostly. Could still use some water."
>"Huh. You ponies do have a higher resistance to alcohol. So, do you want some coffee or not?"
"Eh, sure, why not."
>He nods as he gets up with a grunt, pouring you some water, then a cup of coffee, and then, making breakfast.
>You eat quietly, Anonymous clearly not being in a chatty mood today as he sips on his second cup of coffee.
>Something niggles at the back of your mind, though.
"Say, Anonymous? About what you taught me yesterday, all those continents and stuff - where exactly is Portal City?"
>He blinks as he scratches his chin.
>"Huh, I didn't mention that? We're smack dab in the middle of Africa. Well, not exactly the middle... Not that it matters, really. It's almost all the same thing."
"Oh. So that explains the..."
>You trail off, giving him a meaningful look as he smiles widely with a chuckle.
>"Heh. Yup. It's their home continent, though, as I told you before, plenty of them spread out around other continents, too."
"Then what the hay is all this, then? How did you get here? Almost all of the humans that I saw around the city were the light-skinned kind."
>"Well, the INZ is a bit of a special thing."
"I heard that mentioned before. Is this the name of this... Country? Bit weird-sounding..."
>He shakes his head, taking a drink.
>"Nah. It's something more or less new. INZ stands for International Neutral Zone. Even though it's not really neutral, and... You know what, this needs a bunch of context as well. Let's just start at the beginning. Unless you're planning to go somewhere, because this will probably take a while again."
>You shake your head.
"Not really. Maybe won't go out at all today. Though I'd like to try another pizza from that restaurant, maybe."
>"We can check later and see if they deliver, or do takeaways. Anyway, INZ... Back when the portal was found for the first time, no one actually believed it. Especially since the news came from Africa. Things can be faked, like the "magic" in our movies, as you've seen yourself, and as I explained to you, the people here are still quite superstitious. Usually, with a find like this, whichever government found it first would hush it up harder than... Don't even know what. Super hard. Seriously, the portal was the event not of a century or millennia, but of our entire time as a species. So when the USA government confirmed that there's a literal hole in reality there and sent troops to secure it, a lot of people on the internet already heard about the supposed portal, and the sudden, nigh-on panicked military operation confirmed it as real."
"Magic really made humans freak out from the very beginning, huh?"
>He shakes his head.
>"No one thought it was literal magic at first. The portal... I don't know what it means for you, someone from a magical world. How rare or common things like that are. But for us, breaking the laws of reality like that offered up unspeakable possibilities. It was assumed that it was alien technology of some kind at first, and if someone could reverse-engineer it, harness it... The potential is insane. Everything from opening doors to Mars or even other star systems and just skipping the whole "build spaceships" thing, to opening a door to an enemy country leader's personal toilet and sticking a goddamned nuke in there. Just... Huge stuff."
"So at first, humans thought that whoever secured the portal would..."
>"Rule the world, more or less. Almost started world war three over that thing. USA has lots of fingers in lots of pies, all over the world. And one of their rivals, China, has lots of fingers stuck in Africa. Both of their agents managed to confirm that the portal is real, apparently. Both sent military to secure it, "for the security and prosperity of all mankind". Both only wanted it for themselves, of course."
"Did they fight over it?"
>"Barely avoided it. USA's military is way more used to foreign deployment, so they got there well ahead of the Chinese, and were met by ponies on the other side. The very first scouting trips their agents went on apparently showed nothing but jungle and some old ruins, but when the military got there and went to take a look for themselves, the Equestrians had already arrived there, somehow having found out about the portal themselves. They put up magical shields around the entrance and declared that "entrance to sovereign Equestrian territory is forbidden.". After finding out that not only was the other side inhabited by strange, powerful aliens that could generate literal forcefields, but also being unable to find any technology that was keeping the portal open or anything of the sort whatsoever, they eventually stepped back and let China take a look at it as well. Thus began a several month-long Mexican standoff, the soldiers staring at each other while the suits back in their respective countries were trying to figure out how to get a profit from this, and how to screw over the other guy without getting screwed themselves."
"I think you mentioned more big empires than just USA and China yesterday."
>He nods.
>"Yup. Russia, EU (even though it's not a country), the local powers, who was it... UAE? One of those rich as hell fucks... Anyway, literally all of the world got wind of things by that point. And even though most of them usually were largely inconsequential on the world stage, when almost all of them started screaming at USA and China to chill the fuck out, they did. Not that they really cared, I think. If there was some way to learn how to make portals, you can bet that they'd have started blasting. But by that point, it was pretty clear that the only way to learn more was to talk to the aliens on the other side. Not only was there no visible machinery, the Equestrians did some tests and found they could temporarily disrupt the portal, with the option of a permanent shutdown as well, showing everyone that they held all the cards. So, both sides pretended to be calm and reasonable."
"Just pretended, though."
>He grins.
>"Oh, absolutely. While still thinking about how to screw the other guys over, too."
"If they hated each other that bad, I'm surprised they didn't actually go to war. Was it really so even that neither side was sure if they could win?"
>He shrugs.
>"I'm pretty sure USA would have wiped the floor with the Chinese, honestly. Like I said, USA do lots of deployments all over the world. The Chinese... Don't. But that's just the troops they could actually mobilize and send to this particular place. If they felt threatened by USA holding the portal enough, they might well have nuked the damn place. Don't think there'd be all that much backlash either, if they came up with a convincing enough story about something nasty coming through the portal. Almost all of the nuclear-armed countries declared that they're ready to send nukes to the place the second there's even a hint of an alien invasion. It was a tense time. Was more serious than the usual sabre-rattling they always do."
"Nuked?"
>He takes a long breath and blows it out through his mouth.
>"Most powerful weapons in humanity's arsenal. A single bomb can wipe out a small city. Currently, the world's countries manufactured enough of them to wipe out most, if not all, life on Earth."
>You lean back from him slightly.
"...Your species is insane, Anonymous. Wait, I thought you said the other countries told USA and China NOT to use nukes and calm down?"
>He spreads his arms wide with a sarcastic grin.
>"What can I say? Everyone's insane in their own ways. As for that, yes. They didn't want them to start a war with *each other*, one that would end in mutually assured destruction and cause a nuclear winter. Nuking invading aliens, though? Totally acceptable. Suddenly, everyone was very cool with countries having nukes when a potential alien invasion cropped up."
"Right... So where were you in all of this? Were you some kind of soldier there?"
>"Oh, hell no. I was just a guy with little to lose and lots to gain," He laughs. "Long story short, I wasn't doing all that great financially. I mean, I wasn't doing bad or in debt, and I had some money in the bank, but I'd need to work non-stop for the next twenty years to get enough for a house, by which time it'd be twenty times more expensive, the way things were going. And I... Had nothing to make me stay back home, and reasons to get away as far as possible."
>You tilt your head at the vague non-answer.
"What? Seriously, what? You keep talking without actually saying anything."
>He sighs.
>"My mother... Is the type of mother that the psychologists have lovingly dubbed "The Devouring Mother". A real piece of work. A pain in the ass to live with that I would have hated even if she hadn't killed my old man."
>What the buck?!
"SHE KILLED YOUR FATHER?!"
>Devouring... Did she eat him, or something?!
>And he still lived with her?!
>He waves it off with a disgusted expression, looking at his coffee cup longingly, probably wishing that it was something stronger.
>"The autopsy said it was natural causes. Which is bullshit. She just rode his ass for every hour of his existence until he simply gave up on life. Hope the poor bastard is resting in peace, at least. He wasn't anything special, but he was... He was... My Dad."
"Celestia..."
>You're not sure which one of your situations are worse. Being a daughter born from a drunkard and a slut (or maybe even a whore) and getting abandoned, or having an actual father for a while and him getting killed off by some kind of cannibal mother.
>He shakes his head, his expression turning more neutral.
>"Anyway, this is not what this conversation is about. So, me. Young, hard working, not seeing any prospects for the future, possibly depressed, and angry at myself for missing all the big things that made people stupid rich, like buying Google stocks before they got big, or buying ten thousand bitcoins when they were worth cents, or something. And then, the portal appears. And I get an idea how to make money from it, and I make a promise to myself: To hell with everything else, might as well risk it all, or die trying."
"And the idea was...?"
>"Land," He replies simply, smiling again. "There were several ways this portal situation could have went. Alien invasion was one, world war three was another one, and peaceful contact was the third one. I'm sure there's variations, but those were the main ways. And I thought - If the portal was open for weeks or even months before it was discovered, then invasion is actually unlikely. If it was going to be an attack, there'd be portals opening in capital cities all over the world and armies would be pouring out, or something. And even if one happened, I figured I'd just get nuked and vaporized faster than I could realize what was happening anyway. "
>"If world war three started, I'd probably gotten drafted and sent to die regardless. Still, as much as all those clowns in charge love sending off their people to die for their profit, most of them do seem to have just barely enough braincells not to cause the apocalypse. So, I thought that peaceful contact was the likeliest option. And if that happened, the place around the portal would definitely become an important city. So, what I did was sell or gift off all my bigger things, end my rent contract, hop on a plane, and come here. The area around the portal was already getting locked down, but! Lucky days, I looked at the maps, and saw that there was actually a small village or city to the south of where everything was going down. And thing is, cities tend to grow. If a city was going to be built there, it would eventually creep its way towards that smaller village, and the value of the land would skyrocket. It was a big risk, obviously, but, it was a calculated one. While some countries in Africa can barely even be called countries, this one at least had a functional government and all that stuff, so it wasn't that dangerous here. Relatively speaking."
"Oh, so you bought this place back then?"
>"Nope, I got bought out, all according to plan. After the portal got locked from the other side and other countries started getting all up in their business, USA decided to try and speedrun a diplomatic win as fast as they could, with pretty much no clue what they were sending their people into. First Contact... You know how that went. After that, though, the portal remained open and the countries kept talking, even if it was almost entirely through letters. It was clear that things were going to be quite slow from that point on, which meant hunkering down for the long haul."
"Which meant building Portal City?"
>"Yeah. A lot more countries than just USA and China wanted a piece of the territory, too. When I first came to that village, the locals were all too happy to get a load (by their standards) of money and get out. Usually, when USA send their army to some desert, things turn to shit real fast, so a good chunk of them decided they'd rather bail. They laughed at me and called me a crazy bastard after I explained the reason I was buying the land, but it was pretty clear they respected the hustle. I wasn't even the only one that got the idea. Some others wanted to profit as well, while a bunch were alien enthusiasts and the like. Everything that was for sale around there got bought out, and we all spent a couple weeks with the locals that decided to stay just sitting and looking in the direction of the portal while shooting the shit and checking our phones to see if anything big was going down. The suits with big wads of cash arrived soon after, accompanied by guys with big guns. The message was pretty clear: take the money and get lost, or we're going to have problems."
"So your risky plan paid off. You got lots of money from that land?"
>"Pretty much, yeah. I'm sure they'd have loved nothing more than toss us out and give us nothing, but the entire world was watching. Every news organization, every independent, every youtuber with a camera... Everyone was there, including foreign enemies that would have loved to get incriminating evidence, so wealth seizures and war crimes were off the table. So instead, they paid everyone off. and off we went. Didn't go far, though. We just got together and bought more land right at the border of the new exclusion zone a second time," He laughs.
"And did you sell that one some time later too? How many times did you do that?"
>He shakes his head.
>"No, just the one. Second one, you're in it right now. After the stunt we pulled, it wasn't really possible to do it again."
"Why not?"
>"Because we can't exactly compete with governments in how much we can offer. The first time, we bought from other people, when the situation was still very uncertain. Second time, there were some grazing pastures we managed to find, along with a bit of government land. We got super lucky they even sold us that. I guess we managed to slip through the net in all the confusion. After that, though, it was all government-owned land, and once the local politicians saw what was happening, they weren't going to give it up cheaply. Things like that don't happen often, you know. I mean, a nation actually ceding land to another nation for money. Usually, it's all wars. The last time it happened was... When Russia sold Alaska, I think? Anyway, like I said, lots of countries were interested in setting up some kind of presence near the portal, and it triggered a bidding war, with big, big money being thrown around."
"And that's how that... INZ was made?"
>"Pretty much. So that's the secret of the place - INZ is not all that neutral, nor is it its own entity. The tourist maps show it as one, singular city, but it's actually made of a couple dozen chunks, all bought up by various countries. The only reason it actually works as a normal city is because they all (barely) managed to hammer out an agreement not to segregate it all into walled-off chunks and maintain a shared infrastructure for the sake of convenience. Which they claim was done out of the goodness of their hearts and peaceful intentions and for the sake of unity and all that crap, of course. So, you might cross a street and technically be in another country."
"Huh. Cool..."

>"Yeah, I never thought I could ever find politics fun, but watching a few of the negotiations where a bunch of suits from different countries were arguing and shouting like a bunch of children and sometimes barely holding themselves back from turning the meeting into a brawl was hilarious."
"So how did you keep your second house, then? You said the first time they came both with money and weapons."
>"There was no house yet. Empty land, remember? The whole area around the portal was mostly a wasteland, save for that first village and a couple struggling farms. And no one showed up with any offers for a while after that. All the sufficiently rich countries got good chunks of land, and were busy developing them, while the less wealthy ones were watching and hoping that the prices that the locals jacked up would eventually drop. So, the others and I got to building our own little slice of heaven. Well, not really building, more like hiring other guys to build it for us."
"And all those big, angry countries with nukes and stuff just let you build your houses right next to their territory?"
>He sniggers.
>"Well, they weren't happy about it. But hey, we bought our land fair and square, and our claim was no less legitimate than theirs. Also, we weren't a big priority and didn't do anything stupid like go where we weren't supposed to, so we mostly flew under the radar. Everyone was focused on the absolute clusterfuck that was happening inside, anyway."
"And what was happening there?"
>"Intense, heavy construction... By dozens of different building companies, with workers imported from a dozen different countries, all working with different styles and ideas, trying to build a functioning, cohesive city... Yeah. You could hear the construction workers swearing at each other in all kinds of languages. Watching that was even funnier than watching the politicians argue. And in all the mess, there wouldn't just be procedural differences, there'd be mistakes, too. Someone back home orders too many bricks, some manager accidentally tells two different people to mix up half a ton of cement for the same place, leaving half useless, someone that's been pouring the foundations for a fence suddenly has a troop of Russians pointing Kalashnikovs in their face and screaming to get out from their territory because someone drew a line wrong somewhere, and so on."
>You tap your chin as you remember flying through the construction sites in your youth.
"Huh. Wow. Now that you say it, I think even Portal Town was a bit of a mess when they rushed to build it. I can't imagine how bad it would have been if there were a bunch more countries there, all doing their own thing."
>"Exactly. All the wastage and errors worked in our favor, though. Why dump excess materials when you could use them? So, our group made some friends with some of the builders, and asked if they'd be interested in making some extra money on top of what they were already offered. Between the fact that there were days where they had nothing to do while some higher-ups argued and made sudden changes to the building plans, extra money, the excess materials, and us bringing the guys beers and smokes from the closest city, they sneakily built a nice little row of houses for us."
>You flick an ear, still remembering your foalhood.
"I didn't think construction could be done sneakily."
>He laughs, shaking his head.
>"Me neither, but they pulled it off. Because of how intense all the other construction was, we went completely unnoticed. Or, at least, no one bothered us. Hell, maybe they thought we were actually part of some other country's territory. Man, that was a wild time. No water, no air conditioning, barely any electricity from some solar panels, had to buy some ancient, beat-up truck to make trips to the nearest city just to survive, living in a junked trailer while the house was getting built... Damn, it felt like hell back then, but I miss it. Sitting in the sun with the other guys, drinking piss-warm beers, talking about stupid stuff while we tried to catch even a tiny bit of signal... Even with all the modern comforts, it still felt better than what I have to do now."
>You look around the house questioningly.
"Looks to me like you're living pretty comfortably right now. What's so bad that you have to do?"
>"Pay taxes," He grumbles.
"...Is it really that bad?"
>He throws his hands up in the air.
>"I mean, I have running water and electricity and internet now and all that, but still! Taxes... Argh! Fuck taxes."
"Okay then... How did that happen? Who are you paying to?"
>"Well, we got noticed eventually. Or, rather, we brought attention to ourselves when we sent some questions to the newly formed utility companies, asking if we could get connected to the electrical grid, water mains, all that stuff. Catch was, the INZ was made of national territories, while we were a bunch of private owners. So, if we wanted to join in, we had to play by their rules. They drew up special contracts for us, with all kinds of stipulations - we had to officially declare that we will remain neutral and not work for any country to the detriment of another, that we understand that we may get evicted and our homes used as staging grounds for soldiers in case of an invasion from the other side of the portal, any land sales have to be offered to the members of INZ first and foremost before selling to any other private entity... A whole bunch of restrictions, basically."
"That last one sounds like it would make your house worth much less?"
>"Eh, I'm pretty sure I'd still be able to get ten times what it cost me to build it, actually. There are a lot of countries operating in this place, after all. I think there'd be demand for it."
"So why don't you sell it? You did this whole thing for money, right?"
>He quiets down, going silent for a few minutes with a far away gaze.
>"...I don't know, honestly. One reason is that I don't want to be anywhere on the same continent with my mother. There's other places I could go to, but... This is where I succeeded, all by myself. I made it big here. I liked it. It felt good. I guess I just kept going without thinking much about it. And if I go someplace new, I'd be starting from scratch again."
"Hm... I guess I kind of get it, but starting from scratch is kind of what I've been wanting to do for a while now."
>"Ah, yeah. Lots of baggage, right? Want to get out of the gang life?"
>You nod.
"Pretty much. I had this idea... Doesn't matter now."
>"What was it?"
"Well, I had one feather from my mother's wings. She didn't even leave it on purpose, I just found it swept under the table a few days after she left. And I kept it. Preserved it. I wanted to use it, to travel Equestria and find her..."
>"Why did you need the feather? You don't remember what she looked like?"
"Not entirely, no," You confirm. "See, lots of pegasi have this very common, sky-blue coloration, including my mother. Same thing with cutie marks - lots of pegasi have clouds of some kind, and it's been ten years since I last saw her. At a glance, I'm really not sure I could even recognize her any more. But with the feather, I'm pretty sure I could. There's still subtle differences in the exact hues of color."
>He nods.
>"So you wanted to track her down and-"
"Punch the cunt right in the face, yeah."
>He snorts, putting his hand over his mouth. After a few moments of his body shaking with silent laughter, he shakes his head.
>"Okay. Not what I was expecting, but I can certainly understand the sentiment."
>You give him a long look, glancing around the kitchen afterwards.
"Well, I think I know a toast for when we drink something next time."
>"Yeah?"
"To surviving manure mothers."
>"...Yeah. I'll drink to that."
>A silence falls on the kitchen as you temporarily run out of things to talk about.
>It's a fairly comfortable silence, though, not an awkward one.
>You pour yourself a cup of water as Anonymous looks ponderingly at his empty coffee cup.
>After a moment, he gets up and goes to wash it, glancing at you.
>"So, staying home today?"
"Eh... Probably. Still think I'll go for a pizza for dinner, though. I should get some exercise if I want to keep in shape."
>"Not worried about running into more aggressive beggars?"
"Well, lightning rarely strikes in the same place twice, and I did get away... Hm. If I get cornered... I wonder how hard it is to tip a human over..."
>You give Anonymous's tall frame a measuring look.
>You can't fly, but you can still buck.
>He notices you looking at him, turning around and spreading his arms wide with a grin.
>"Yeah? You want to try and bowl me over, Swift? Come at me, little pony!"
"....Ehhh. With my wings, maybe. You are big, though. The way I thought of was actually to try and buck at a weak point. Like the knees."
>His smile disappears as he lowers his arms.
>"Okay, no testing. I don't want shattered knees at my age. I'm not old enough to have joint pain."
"Do you think it'd work? Even without any magic?"
>He looks you over, studying your hindlegs and hooves.
>"I think you could cause some real damage if you hit just right, yeah."
"Good to know."
>"Such a violent little pony," He says, shaking his head as he leaves the kitchen.
"Hey, I'm not violent! This is self defense I'm talking about!"
>"Fair enough, especially against niggers that are trying to mug you," He chuckles.
"I thought you said to try and not to say the forbidden words?" You ask as you get up, leaving the kitchen as well.
>"I did, but it's just so damned liberating to be able to talk freely with someone for once. Want to watch another Pirates movie?"
"Sure."
>You go to the sitting room, while he sets things up and briefly returns to the kitchen for some snacks.
>As before, the movie is both fun and engaging, as you watch and try to understand how humans manage to create all that fake magic stuff.
>Nothing obvious stands out. It's pretty clear that they're not just using props, but then, how do they do it?
>Maybe you should ask Anonymous later.
>The snacks are good, but your increased hunger burns through them pretty quickly.
>Between the talking and the movie, several hours pass, and you feel like eating something more serious.
>Stretching your legs one by one, you slide off the couch, glancing outside.
"Alright, well... Think I'll go for that pizza now."
>"Want me to come with?"
"What, as security? I already said I wasn't afraid, Anonymous."
>He shrugs.
>"Been a while since I had pizza. Guess I'll grab one too."
"Alright then, but I was planning to go on hoof."
>"Sure, might as well get some exercise in."
>You almost trot to the exit, until you remember that you need money, so you go to get your card.
>And the stylus, and then you remember that you should wear the boots, and then you're left wondering if you should take other things, like your phone.
>And all that is barely a few things, compared to what Anonymous is carrying with him.
>How do humans even remember to take every single little thing with them when they leave their homes?
>As you leave and he locks the door, he turns to you.
>"Would you like to get the keys? I could dig up the spares."
>You eye the absolute mess of locks with suspicion.
"It'd probably take me half an hour to open all these. I think I'll pass. Is it so dangerous here that you need so many?"
>"Well, this is Africa, and we're in a city that's rumored to be full of riches, so yes," He shrugs as the two of you move through the gate. "The real reason, though, is that we were on the very edge of the city for... How long was it, around eight years? The nords bought the strip of land on this border a couple years ago, so it is safer today. I decided I'd rather keep the locks anyway. Better safe than sorry."
"Hm. True."
>The trip to the pizzeria is uneventful, the residential areas surrounding the city center being of little interest to the tourists.
>You order your food, Anonymous telling you whether some of the toppings you haven't heard of before are safe for ponies or not.
>As you wait, you notice something a bit unusual.
>Anonymous keeps looking at you, in that odd, intensely inquisitive way tourists sometimes do.
>As you think about it, you remember him glancing towards you during the movie as well, though you assumed that it was because he was already saw it.
>The same happened during the walk to the pizzeria, when you were simultaneously trotting and flapping your wings, to get them some exercise.
>You're about to ask what's going on, the question dying in your throat as you suddenly feel something brush along the length of your tail.
>You reflexively flick your tail, looking behind you.
>Anonymous is sitting in front of you, so it couldn't have been him.
>No culprit presents itself, the humans at the next table over seemingly minding their own business.
>Seemingly.
>You narrow your eyes at them before turning back.
>Tabling talking to Anonymous for later, you focus on remaining alert as your food arrives.
>A little while after you successfully manage to wrestle a slice of pizza into your mouth, you feel something on your tail again.
>You twist your head all the way around, vaguely seeing some motion from the humans.
>One of them looks smaller than the others, though you don't think it's a foal.
>Teenager?
>Snorting, you turn back towards your table, flicking your tail back and forth.
>Noticing your irritation, Anonymous gives you a look.
>"What's up? Pizza not as good as yesterday?"
"No, someone keeps yanking my tail," You answer with a shake of your head, glancing behind you.
>This time, Anonymous's expression is confused.
>"Is that an euphemism for something, or..?"
"No, I mean it completely literally. I think one of those people on the table over is doing it."
>"Huh. Okay."
>He scoots forward a bit, narrowing his eyes and glaring slightly as he continues eating.
>It takes a few minutes, but you feel something touch your tail again, making you snort in irritation.
>"Ahem," Anonymous says. "She's not a stray cat. Stop grabbing her tail."
>You turn back as well, your eyes narrowed.
>You're almost certain that it was the teenager.
>The parents notice it this time, smacking the offender upside the head and chattering something rapidly in an unfamiliar language, gesticulating at you.
>Some of it might be an apology, but you can't understand a single word.
>Pursing your lips, you turn back to the food.
>So many humans talking unfamiliar languages still surprised you. You knew that humans insisted that they actually talked in "English" and it was nearly the same as Equish only by some cosmic coincidence, but you had no clue just how many other languages there were.
>Anonymous shakes his head.
>"How many others tried to do the same thing while you were out and about?"
"Not very many, but there were a few. I don't get what the fascination with my tail and mane is," You grumble.
>"Well, it is a pretty nice tail," He says with a small grin.
"...Thanks?"
>While you really want to know what's the deal with the constant grabbing, eating the pizza is taking enough effort to make talking quite difficult.
>Deciding to wait until you're done, you finish your pizza, leaning back in satisfaction and burping.
>Since humans are bigger, their portions end up being quite generous for you.
>The server notices your empty plates, taking them away.
>"Would you like dessert?"
"Nope, I'm good."
>"Same."
>As you pay for your food and exit the pizzeria, you look around to make doubly sure that there's no one lurking in the shadows.
>"Everything alright, Swift?"
"It is this time," You nod, spreading your wings and giving them a few flaps before starting to lazily canter back towards Anonymous' home. "But, I have questions for you."
>"Yeah? Go on."
"First of all, why were you staring at me like a tourist for most of today? And secondly, why are humans so grabby? What are they even trying to do? That one human guard back then warned me that some might actually try to yank out my feathers."
>He rubs his chin.
>"Well, those are two separate questions... I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I guess I haven't really went through the whole thing with ponies yet."
"Thing?"
>"Yeah. It takes some people some time to even internalize that you guys are really real. Seeing things on the Internet and seeing an actual alien with your own eyes is still quite different."
>You shake your head.
"Weren't you here from the very beginning? Isn't ten years enough?!"
>"Well, no," He huffs with a smile. "See, like I told you before... When I came here, I didn't really have any thoughts about the whole bigger picture, aliens, or any of that stuff. I was just an angry, bitter bastard that came to try and make some money from the whole thing. And... That didn't really change for a quite a long time. When I was renting rooms to journalists, or talking to people that went to Equestria, ponies were just this... Background thing that I barely gave any thought."
"Hmm... So you dealt exclusively with humans?"
>"More or less, yeah. Asking them to share stories or any of the messed up footage that they found, sometimes paying them for it... Never really had things fall together in a way that ended up with me talking to ponies, Certainly not with one living with me."
>It doesn't sound too different from you, given that humans were best observed from a distance in Equestria, but it sounds like you still learned more about them than Anonymous has about ponies.
>At the very least, you got over the staring at them part.
"So, did something change? Or was this just random chance?"
>"Well, if you recall, we did meet on the other side of the portal, so yes, something did change. My Youtube channel was a side gig of sorts at first, until I stopped renting and got into it full time. Bit by bit, though, content began drying up for it as well. There's only so many first-time encounters humanity can have with magical monsters and all that, after all. And once they figure out how to take something down, then it just becomes the same repetitive bragging about bagging a manticore, or something."
"So most of the stuff you talked about in your videos were stories about the monsters and mishaps humans got into?"
>"If it bleeds, it leads," He sighs, his tone unhappy. "It's a bit of a shit thing to do to focus on edgy content like that, but like I said, I wasn't really thinking of much besides taking control of my life and making money back then. Besides, it's not like I was making things up. People really were dying, and some even credited my videos with saving their lives later on. Cautionary tales are useful."
"Why do you sound so unhappy, then? What's so bad about what you did?"
>He shrugs, spreading his arms wide.
>"Hell if I know. Like I said, some outright said that I saved their lives. Others accused me of "ruining Equestria's reputation" and stuff like that, even though the vast majority of the things I reported on happened in the wilderness, and not in any of the settled areas. I mean, I did lean into it pretty damn hard. My videos were always on the very edge of what's allowed, and I posted the really gory stuff on other, less regulated websites, egging people on into going there. Might have went too far, really."
>You shrug.
"Hm... Eh. I'm pretty sure I did worse things for money than tell some overly bloody stories. The gals bragging in bars and stuff always embellish things to sound even more dramatic and bloody anyway. If you weren't just making stuff up, I don't see what's so bad about it."
>He gives you a long, thoughtful look, his expression blank.
>"...Huh. Thanks, Swift."
"You're welcome. So how'd you end up in Equestria, if all you focused on were the dangers?"
>"It was after a talk with one guy about just how easy it was to go back and forth through the portal. After content started drying up, after nine years of living here, it finally clicked for me that there's an interdimensional portal right there, one that I can go through, take a look around, and maybe find something interesting myself. Well, it was locked down for quite a few years, but you get the idea."
"So you only came to Equestria sometime in the past year?"
>"Yeah, and only a few times so far, and never further than Portal Town. The thought of going further out still makes me nervous," He chuckles.
"And you still haven't gotten over the "staring at ponies" phase."
>"Apparently. I'm honestly surprised at myself, really. But yeah, watching you cute aliens do things is just so cool. Can't tear my eyes away from you sometimes. Every thing you do is just amazing to watch," He smiles sheepishly.
"Oh. Well. That's fine, I guess," You reply, flexing your wings and watching as his eyes track the movements. "What's with the grabbing, though?"
>"Ah, that might be harder to explain. It's a human thing."
>You groan.
"Come on, Anonymous, you're smart, you can do better than that."
>He glances at you.
>"You really think I'm smart?" He asks, his voice unusually quiet.
>You tilt your head at him.
"Uh, yeah? You know all sorts of stuff, from human stuff to even how gangs work better than I do."
>"Thanks. I appreciate that."
>You just give him a blank look as he collects his thoughts.
>"Well, from what others have told me, ponies have pretty sharp noses."
"Okay...?"
>"And humans don't."
"...And?"
>"And to experience the world, we tend to grab things to examine them. We can see just fine, sure, but eyes can deceive," He explains, reaching towards your mane.
>You purse your lips, but you allow it to happen as he runs his fingers through it.
"So it's like when you instinctively get a whiff of a pony that you're talking with?"
>He hums thoughtfully.
>"Humans don't really do that, so maybe?. There's also simply the fact that ponies' coats look like they're really soft and fluffy. And the itch to examine if they really are that soft is pretty hard to resist. And obviously, people should ask you before touching you, but a large amount of them don't have any manners."
"Hm. I can deal with that. At least they're not trying to capture me, or anything like that?"
>He shakes his head.
>"Nah, don't think so. Not in broad daylight, and not in Portal City."
"Good to know."
>The rest of the journey goes by in silence, as you and Anonymous return to his house.
>Kicking off his shoes, he stretches his arms before patting his belly.
>"Well, I think I'd like a drink to wash all that down. Want something?"
"Sure."
>"So, another Pirates movie?"
"There's still more? How many *are* there?"
>"Five. You watched three so far."
>You think about it as you extricate yourself from your boots.
"Alright. Not like I was planning anything else."
>As you trot upstairs to stow away all your extra stuff, Anonymous goes to the kitchen.
>When you come back and make your way to the sitting room, there's a bunch of bottles and tiny metal barrels on the coffee table.
"What's this stuff?" You ask, poking the metal barrel.
>"Cider," Anonymous says, assuming that you're asking about what's inside and not the container itself. "I heard ponies like it. This is human-made cider, though, so you might end up hating it. We'll see. The bottles are beer, if you prefer that."
"I'll try some, at least."
>With a nod, he opens a barrel, pouring out the contents in a mug for you.
>As you get comfy with your drinks and Anonymous starts the movie, you notice that he still keeps glancing at you.
>Pursing your lips a little, you turn away from the screen, looking him right in the eyes.
>You stare at each other, Anonymous shuffling a little awkwardly after a minute.
>"Uh, something-"
>You sigh quietly.
"Still can't get over it, huh?"
>He shrugs.
>"Sorry. Can't help it."
>You hum, taking a deep pull of the cider and smacking your lips.
>It's... Odd, but not exactly bad. Just different.
"What was it you said? Humans like to touch things? Go ahead and touch me already, then. Work this out of your system."
>He grimaces.
>"Thanks, but I should try to get better control of myself. I don't want to be weird."
>That actually makes you bust out laughing. The only reason you manage not to spill your cider is the big gulp you took just then.
"Hahahahahahahah! Ahahaha, Anonymous, you're a weirdo alien in a weird dimension, constantly doing weird things. I don't think you could weird me out more if you *tried*."
>That makes him cross his arms, pursing his lips.
>"Hey, I'm a perfectly normal human, behaving in a normal way other humans do when they meet interdimensional aliens."
"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure," You draw out sarcastically, rolling your eyes and taking another gulp.
>"Yeah, okay. You know what? You brought this on yourself. Be right back."
>As he gets up from the couch and leaves, you actually feel a faint chill in your gut. And it's not from the cold cider.
>Did you make him mad somehow? What is he going to do? That's the main problem with humans, they sometimes get set off from the most innocuous things.
>You try to focus on the movie, though you're mentally measuring the distance from the couch to the door outside as you do, only to remember that it's locked up tighter than Cap's cunt.
>You instinctively pin your ears back as you hear his quiet steps, his tall form moving quietly through the house. As he makes his way around the couch, you blink at the object in his hand.
"...Is that a comb?"
>"Uh huh. Get comfortable, 'cause you're going to get *brushed*."
"..."
>You're really not sure what to say, so you turn back towards the screen, sipping on the cider as Anonymous sits down next to you, gently running the comb through your mane as he rubs your neck with his other hand.
>Your hackles rise a bit at the touch, though you manage to keep calm, more confused than scared.
>This goes on for quite a while, maybe even half an hour.
>He runs the comb and his fingers across your mane and coat, occasionally running the very tips of his fingers along your wings. The touch is so faint, you don't even feel it.
>Once your cider runs out, he refills it, chuckling at your expression.
>"You okay there?"
"Yeah?"
>"You sure?"
"...Yes? Why?"
>"Well, given how you grew up, I thought you might not... Be comfortable with physical contact. I'm really not bothering you?"
>You take a swig as you think about it.
"It's a little uncomfortable. But I'm fine. And hey, I got plenty of physical contact growing up. The leatherbacks never caught me, but they did get close sometimes, and I did have a bunch of dogfights in the air. Mostly me hitting them, but they got lucky a few times."
>"...Right. I see. Not quite the kind of physical contact that I meant."
>You glance at him as he says that, his voice sad.
>Human expressions are still hard to read, but you saw that look before plenty of times on ponies.
>Every time some outsider gave you a coin or bought you a drink for you to share your knowledge about humans and you let it slip that you were living in Portal Town all by yourself from foalhood, those looks started.
>Sympathy. Pity. "Ohhh, you poor dear!"
>You hated those looks.
>You didn't need pity. You were fast. Strong. Capable. Somewhat rich, even.
>Snorting and dismissively rolling your eyes, you keep watching the movie as he keeps brushing you.
>Eventually, he stops, opening a beer himself, and watching the rest of the movie with you.
>Once it's over, he opens another beer, offering one to you.
>You nod, arching your back as you fluff your wings a little to get rid of the phantom sensations of the comb against your skin.
"So, did you get what you wanted?"
>"Sure. That was fun," He nods.
>You shake your head.
"How? Why? Grooming is a time-consuming hassle, not fun."
>"....It was fun for me," He concludes with a shrug after a few moments.
>You mull it over as you try to understand his reasoning, but after a few minutes, you decide to give up.
>Understanding humans is useful, but this doesn't look like practical knowledge that you can use somehow. Not to mention that you can't make heads or tails of it anyway.
>Speaking of...
"So, do you think you could teach me a bit more about humans before we go to sleep?"
>"Sure, I don't feel like going to bed yet either."
>You spend the rest of the evening talking to him and learning more about the various countries that owned bits of Portal City.
>After the two of you decide to retire for the day, you go to wash up, absently running your hoof through your unusually smooth and tangle-free mane.
>Looking at yourself in the mirror, you turn your head left and right, examining your hair.
"Hm. Need a manecut soon."
>As you're leaving, you notice the same comb Anonymous used, chuckling quietly under your breath.
"Weirdo alien. Don't need his pity..."
>Climbing into your bed, you hug your pillow, drifting off.

>The next morning, as you're eating breakfast made by Anonymous, he suddenly raises his hand, making an odd snapping sound with it.
>You reflexively flick your ears, looking at him in surprise.
>"That's right, I forgot to mention. The video of your interview is really blowing up."
>You shake your head, lowering your muzzle towards your plate again.
"Blowing up?"
>"Right, human terms. It means that it's very popular. People liked it, and lots of them saw it."
>You consider the implications as you chew your food with a small smile.
"So, lots of people know what a moron Cap is, and how I totally kicked her flank?"
>"Heh. Was that your goal? Yes, they do, though they obviously don't know who you are."
"Good enough," You shrug.
>"Want to make another video? We could go through some of the comments."
"Comments?"
>"Yeah. You can do more than just watch the videos. You can leave comments on them. Some people ask questions and the like."
>Licking your lips, you slowly nod.
"Yeah... Okay."
>Once you're done eating, Anonymous leads you to his recording room, dimming the lights again while you sit down and wait.
>While he's doing his technomancy, you get an idea.
"Say, could I actually see the video myself? I'm curious what it looks like."
>"Oh, sure. Here."
>You switch to his chair, looking at your silhouette in the darkness. To your relief, it really is impossible to tell that it's you in there. Even your voice somehow sounds different, though the words come out just fine, without any distortions. Yet another thing human machines can do.
>Once everything's ready, you switch seats again.
>Anonymous sits by the screen, going through the comments.
>"So, by popular demand, and because I asked her nicely Swift Sprint is back for another video. Let's see... Well, this was quite predictable. There's lots of people asking where they can get some breezie powder, and whether you brought some with you from Equestria. Not sure you should even answer that. Promoting drugs would probably get this video taken down."
"I wouldn't have told them anyway," You shake your head. "I'm certainly not telling you where to find my former gang, and I don't actually know how dealers hook people in and where they do their thing. I just brought packages from place to place. As for the other thing, as I found out, breezie powder is magical, so it's useless on this side of the portal. It only works in Equestria."
>"There you have it, folks. No weird pony drugs for you. And since they're magical, I'd advise you to keep it that way. If you've been following my channel, you should know the dangers magic poses to humans. Now, let's see... MagneticTaco asks, "So how bad is it on the other side? You having to run away as they chased you sounded pretty harrowing. Is Portal Town just a den of murderers on every corner?"
>You slowly shake your head.
"It's really not, at least concerning murders. While the gangs act like they're the owners of their own fiefdoms in private, they know better than to act out in public. Which is why I think that there's a really good chance Raspberry might be dead already. Ponies that cause such a bad kerfuffle in public tend to get disappeared real fast. Not that anything actually went down since they were too afraid to attack Anonymous here, but I highly doubt her "fifty thousand bounty" stunt went unnoticed."
>Anonymous hums thoughtfully.
>"So who does the disappearing? Do the other gangs all watch each other? Are there some kind of unwritten rules? If they were, you'd think there wouldn't have been that many different ponies going after you..."
"There are, but it's not the street-level thugs enforcing them. There's some kind of... Mafia, I guess, or something. I hardly know anything real, they're usually talked about in whispers by the regular gang members. They're the ones supplying the breezie powder, you never see them, but if the gangsters get too big for their horseshoes and start having deadly street fights or something that might get attention from Canterlot and get the local, bribed guards replaced, they disappear without a trace soon after."
>"Huh. Alright. And since they're not running the gangs directly, there's literally no way to trace them, even if some gangsters get caught and are forced to rat them out."
"Yeah. I guess Raspberry had dreams of becoming as big as them, what with her insisting on being called "Capo". So much for that."
>"So what else do the gangs do, besides dealing?"
"Pickpocketing, stealing, dealing in weird artifacts, all that stuff. Occasional mugging, though that's a risky bet. Mostly, it's sleight of hoof, or scamming tourists with rigged street games and the like. If turf fights happen, it's always in out of sight areas, and they always clean up after themselves. If they don't, the mafia will come clean them up later."
>"What was that about artifacts?"
"Well, you know how ponies have been using Earth pretty much as a dump to neutralize dangerous and cursed artifacts, right? Sometimes it's some pony trying to get rid of something, sometimes it's the government itself. And sometimes, they don't make it to their destination. I don't know if someone on the inside is selling them off or if they get stolen, but there's the occasional bit of news about this or other that was supposed to go through the portal going missing. A few years back, there was some thing that was supposed to give you the strength of an alicorn, an amulet, I think... Anyway, it was supposed to go through the portal and get destroyed, but someone must've snatched it, 'cause the guards were combing the streets for days afterwards, shaking ponies down for it. Guess some collector paid for it, or something."
>Anonymous nods.
>"And knowing how gangs work, I'm guessing, a lot of "magical artifacts" they sell are probably just junk."
>You snort, grinning.
"My gang didn't deal in those, but probably."
>"Alright, next... Not related to your life, but Goatface2004 asks, "Is there any chance you could explain flight? Not the mechanics, but how it feels to wield magic and take off?"
"Ooh. That's a tough one. As much as I love flying, it's pretty hard to put it into words. Hmm... Well, I feel like I became heavier when I came to Earth..."
>You spend a while trying to describe the feeling of your magic getting removed as you stepped through the portal, and how it felt when you still had it.
>There's a number of other questions. Some interesting, some dumb, some confusing.
>After a while, Anonymous decides that he has enough material.
>"All right, let's wrap this up for now. CookieMonster asks... "So what are your plans for when you go back to Equestria? Find Raspberry Cupcake and have an epic showdown?"
>You blink at the absurd suggestion.
"What? No. Hay no. That's dumb. I already won. I kicked her in the face and made it out of her hideout laughing. Why would I go back just to specifically look for trouble? That's a dumb risk. I engaged in plenty risky things, sure, but not pointless ones, and not where my life was at stake. I'll just... Go back and immediately skip town."
>While it was a stupid question, it does get you thinking.
>How exactly should you go about it?
>Take off the moment you exit the Keep and blast your way towards the train station?
>Or take it easy and try to lose yourself in the crowd?
>Even though it should be fine, as you said yourself, you don't take unnecessary risks.
>As you're thinking, Anonymous nods, turning everything off one by one.
>"Alright, well... Wonder how this one will do."
>As you get up from your chair and stretch your legs and wings, you turn towards him.
"You humans have some strange names."
>"What do you- Oh. The online handles," He sniggers. "They're not actual names. Just, uh... Pseudonyms people make up and use online. In an effort to be original, most of them end up being ridiculous, instead."
"Oh. Huh. Like Anonymous?"
>"Hm. Yeah."
"Are you ever going to tell me your name?"
>He purses his lips as he thinks for a moment, tapping his machines.
>"I don't know. It's kind of fun."
>You roll your eyes.
"Weirdo alien. I'm out, then. Think I'll go for a trot. Could you get the door for me?"
>"Yeah, sure. One moment."
>You go get your things, meeting him by the door.
>Nodding to him, you go outside, unlocking the gate and closing it behind you.
>Taking a deep breath, you recollect your thoughts for a moment before trotting off.
 
***********
 
>As you're out and about, you're calmer than before.
>Between Anonymous' lessons and your own experience, you slowly learn which staring humans are just curious tourists, and which ones might try to yank your tail or wings.
>Your day passes by smoothly, though not entirely without having to gallop to the nearest human guards.
>It's quite different from Equestria, where the guards usually try to keep a respectful distance from humans, intervening more often to save a dumb pony from getting shot rather than protecting the aliens, who are more than capable of defending themselves.
>Still, bit by bit, you adapt to the other side.
>The days don't exactly fall into a routine as such, but at least you're not so tightly wound up that you're a second's away from a panicked gallop every time you're outside any more.
>You also become more comfortable around Anonymous as well.
>Weird as he is, none of the things he does seem to be malicious or threatening in any way.
>He still grooms you from time to time, combing and brushing your mane and coat.
>He oddly seems to ignore your tail.
>At first, you assume that it's because humans don't have tails and so he doesn't know how, but then you remember that they don't have fur either, and that doesn't stop him from brushing you.
>Well, whatever. Just another human oddity.
>After a few times that happens, you slowly manage to relax and not tense up when he does it, almost learning to enjoy it.
>Almost.
>Brushing is not something anyone ever did for you in the past, so it's still a bit confusing when it happens.
>The saved time from doing it yourself is nice, at least.
>Your days are filled with wandering about the sections of the city, learning various bits of knowledge about the different nations that own their slices, more lessons about humans from Anonymous, human food, human movies, and the occasional anonymous question and answer video.
>The vegetables and fruits taste a bit bland on this side, but the variety of cooked food in restaurants is pretty huge, even if you miss hay a bit.
>The fearful, tense escape to hide among the humans actually turns into a mostly pleasant vacation, at least for a short while.
>Unfortunately, the time that you spend enjoying yourself on Earth is indeed short.
>Movies, drinking, learning about humans...
>It's all fun and good for a few weeks, but you're really itching to go for a flight.
>While you adapt to the human style of living, every day becomes more and more frustrating as you're unable to engage in your favorite stress relief.
>As you now consciously stop yourself from falling face-first out of bed after a failed flight attempt every morning, the suppressed desire to fly screams at you ever harder.
>Going outside and flapping your wings madly until you're sweaty and exhausted helps for a while, but it's still not enough.
>During one of those sessions, you're trotting around the front yard of Anonymous' house, flapping away.
>*fwoomp fwoomp fwoomp fwoomp fwoomp*
>Eventually stopping, you pant, your wings limp against your sides.
>Anonymous opens the door, examining you curiously.
>"Can't quite get over it, can you? Don't think I'd be able to go without flying that long myself, honestly, if I was born with wings."
"Yeeaaah...."
>You take a few more deep breaths.
"The distractions are fun, but that's all they are. Distractions. Ponies don't usually stay on Earth this long, do they?"
>He thinks about it for a while before shrugging helplessly.
>"I don't think so, but I really don't know for certain. A couple weeks at a time, usually? Maybe?"
>You blink as you realize that you actually lost track of the days.
"Hey, how long have I been here now?"
>"Around three weeks, I think? Add a few days, maybe."
"Hmmm..."
>The rent you paid was for a month, so there's not much left. Not that you have to stay the entire time, of course. You could just go.
>You're pretty sure the heat should have died down by now.
>Shaking your mane out of your face, you trot back inside.
"I think I should start making plans to go back."
>Anonymous nods.
>"Fair enough. What's your game plan on the other side?"
"Well, I don't really stand out all that much, I think. If I just act normal and go through the main streets towards the train station, I'm pretty sure I should be able to get lost in the crowd."
>"So you need to time it with the train."
>You purse your lips as you remember that the dimensions are not aligned, time-wise.
"Oh yeah... I forgot the different times thing... How do I find out what time it is in Equestria?"
>"Internet," Anonymous grins, reaching for his phone.
>You shake your head.
"It's still insane how you can find every possible bit of knowledge in that thing."
>He smiles.
>"Not everything. Far from it. Just what humans put on there. And things like different time zones are actually one of the more basic things you can find. Anyway... Equestria is some... Hm, uneven number... Eight hours, twenty seven minutes behind the local time."
"Eight... Yeah, it was already late evening when I got here..."
>"So, do you know the train schedules?"
"Hmm, there's one around midday, I think, then the evening one is..."
>You tap your chin as you think.
>Anonymous sniggers under his breath as he taps his phone some more.
>"Nine in the morning for the first train, twelve-thirty, five-thirty and nine o' clock for the final one."
"Cheater," You grumble as you pin your ears back in irritation. "Why do you humans even need to know that?"
>"For the same reasons you do? So we could go there and not wait for hours."
"Right, duh. Silly me."
>He looks at you expectantly.
>"So, when are you going to go?"
>You canter into the kitchen to get some water as you think.
"Huh, well. I don't know. If I want to get lost in the crowds... I think... Midday or the one after that."
>"The other one would be around 1am at night here."
"Mmm... Better go earlier, then."
>He looks at you for a while, eyes slightly narrowed.
>You raise your eyebrows as you put the cup of water down.
"What?"
>"What if we do the same thing you did in Equestria?"
"...What thing? Fly like crazy? That'd be more dangerous than acting normal."
>He shakes his head.
>"What if I go with you? To scare off any overly ambitious gangers?"
>Your eyes go wide and a small smile blooms on your face as you imagine yourself trotting down the street with a human bodyguard.
"That'd be really badflank, but also, very attention-grabbing."
>He shrugs.
>"Refuge in audacity. You're sure you're going to be safe otherwise?"
"Pretty sure, yeah. And remember, even if something happens, I am the best runner in the city, and I know all the flight paths and side streets. I could get away."
>"Could you, after weeks of not flying?"
>You bite your lip as you consider the question.
>You did meet some ponies that have been on Earth already, and their descriptions of your magic returning weren't entirely pleasant.
>They said that you suddenly felt like you could take on the entire world as your strength returned to you, but fine control took a few hours to return as your body remembered how to work with magic again.
>Pegasi would hop into the air with excitement, only to slam themselves into the ceiling and shoot small electrical discharges everywhere. Unicorns would crush or throw things with their magic, while earth ponies would crack the rocks under their hooves, or suddenly made plants around them sprout.
>You thought that meant flight would be fine, if you could just take off somewhere without a roof.
>Still, there's no telling just what issues you might suddenly face.
>You slump down in a chair as you weigh your options.
"Uggggh... Why does this have to be so hard? If I was doing a run, it'd take me minutes to decide. Figure out the best route, map out the city in my head... Easy peasy."
>Anonymous puts his hand on your neck comfortingly.
>"Probably because you've been doing that for years. This is new for you, with things you never had to account for before."
>You lean into him, sighing.
"Yeah..."
>Wait, why did you lean into him?
>That's been happening lately, and you can't figure out why.
>...Whatever, his fingers feel nice as he slowly scratches your neck.
>Anonymous grins stupidly, in the way he does when he's about to make a dumb joke.
>"I mean, if you want complete safety, we could go totally crazy..."
>You blink.
"How? Go as loud and noticeable as possible?"
>He shakes his head.
>"No, the opposite. What if, instead of you running packages, you become the contraband this time?"
"Wot?"
>He sniggers at your expression as he walks away.
>You blink in confusion, getting off the chair and following him.
>He digs around in a closet, pulling out a huge suitcase.
>It's tall as heck, reaching his belly. Wide and thick, too.
>"Bet you could totally fit in this thing."
"..."
>You eye it critically, comparing its dimensions to yours.
"...Maybe."
>He unzips it and lays it out on the floor.
>Still eyeing it critically, you slowly put your hooves inside one by one, pursing your lips.
>"Are you claustrophobic at all? If you start freaking out while inside, it would definitely draw lots of attention."
>You shake your head.
"Not really. I used to hide in some pretty tight spots when I was little."
>You slowly lie down, curling up and folding yourself in ways to fit inside.
>"That doesn't look too bad."
>He zips it up again, and everything goes dark.
>It is actually somewhat uncomfortable, but you can deal with it.
>Considering all the other things you had to deal with in life, this is nothing.
>Things get more uncomfortable as he lifts it up and puts it on its wheels, though.
>You're shifted out of lying down to a half-sitting position.
"Grgh."
>Shifting your limbs a little, you get comfortable again.
>"So, how is it?"
"Less cramped than expected, honestly. This thing is huge."
>He unzips it and you awkwardly flop out of the thing, shaking your wings to realign your feathers.
>"So, what do you think?"
>You give the suitcase a side-eye.
"Anonymous, this is the weirdest, most ridiculous thing I ever knew anyone to come up with. Which is why it will probably definitely work. No one would think to look for me in there in a thousand years."
>"Heh. Yeah."
"The guards checked my bags, though. How-"
>"You can go in when we're through the portal, of course. It doesn't matter if the guards see you, right? You said the Keep guards aren't taking bribes."
"Oh. Right."
>"So, do you want to actually do it?"
>You take a few more minutes to think it through.
"You know what? To Tartarus with it. Yes, let's do it. Even if I'm ninety-nine percent sure that absolutely nothing would happen and that they already forgot about me, it'd be pretty damn embarrassing if I slipped up and something happened to me at the finish line. You'll get to be a runner with a package this time. Just don't actually run. I don't think getting jostled would be fun, and I don't want to throw up in there."
>"Sounds like a plan," he nods.
 
***********
 
>Once the two of you finalize the plan, you spend a couple days wrapping things up on Earth.
>You decide to leave all of your human-style clothes and stuff behind, intending to travel light.
>You're mildly tempted to buy some human gadgets, but since they run out of power and just become dead weight pretty fast, you decide against it.
>Sure, most of them are small, but the weight really adds up when you start counting all the things to get them to work, like wires, batteries, "solar panel chargers" and so on, not to mention how fragile and easy to damage they are.
>You're definitely going to be flying at breakneck speeds for a good while when you get clear of Portal Town.
>You make a final video with Anonymous, making an awkward goodbye to your apparent "fans".
>Having fans and obligations to them wasn't ever something you had to deal with before, though you did wonder what it would feel like it the past.
>With how fast you are, you did have some idle musings about trying out for the Wonderbolts once you left town.
>Probably not to join them for real, though. Just to see how you measure up to the "official" best flyers around.
>Once everything is done, you retrieve your bits and don your saddlebags, picking up your passport.
>The only memento you'll have of your time on Earth.
>Slipping it into your bag, you stop to think for a moment, digging your hoof in deeper, and trying to grab a few coins.
>Sighing as they slip away from your hoof, you stick your muzzle in, grabbing a few coins with your lips.
>Counting out five, you spit them out on top of the bed.
>You're planning on leaving them there, but Anonymous pokes his head in.
>"Ready to go?"
"Yeah," You nod, slinging the saddlebags on your back.
>"You forgot some coins."
>You shake your head, trotting towards the door and squeezing past him.
"They're for you."
>"Hey, you don't need to do that. You paid your rent-"
"And you provided a lot more than rent," You counter. "You made food for me most of the days, bought me lots of booze, and all that stuff. So yeah. Keep them. I pay my debts."
>"That's- Fine. It doesn't look like you'd take them back if I insisted."
"Nope," You confirm, cantering down the stairs.
>"Got everything else?"
"Yeah. Not like I came with much. I'm leaving more than I'm taking."
>You look at the boots by the door with some thought.
>Oddly comfy when you got used to them, but you'll have your wings back when you're on the other side.
>Grabbing the handle of the suitcase in one hand, Anonymous works the locks.
>"Go time, then."
>You nod, not saying anything else.
>A few moments later, you're outside, moving towards the bus stop.
>It's fairly empty, and you reach the portal building without any issues.
>Getting off the vehicle, you give one last look towards Earth as you canter through the wide doors.
>Given the time difference, there's few humans travelling, with several ponies exiting the portal with their ears pinned back and their expressions queasy.
"It gets easier. Try to sit down on those chairs for a moment," You advise them as you pass by a heaving unicorn.
>Once you get to the desks, the procedures are equally swift, at least at first.
>The humans scan your document with their machines, looking over their screens and double-checking that it's you.
>The portal itself is still disorienting, though, and you squeeze your eyes almost entirely shut as you slowly canter into the dimensional hole.
>Time gets confusing as you keep trotting, seemingly ending up at the end a second later, yet feeling like you've been putting one hoof in front of the other for hours.
"Mare, this thing is weird," You mutter under your breath.
>"Yeah, a real mindfuck every time," Anonymous agrees, rubbing his eyes.
>Your breathing gets quicker as you observe the threshold.
>On the other side is Equestria. Just a step, and...
>It starts slow, with tingles. Like your limbs fell asleep, except it's kind of on the inside.
>You shake yourself at the odd sensation of your internal organs experiencing the sensation of pins and needles.
"Hooo mare that's new."
>"Take a minute to acclimatize, I'll go through my check ups," Anonymous nods to you.
>Huh?
>Your buzzing brain takes a few moments to figure out what he said as you watch him approach a conveyer belt, taking off his weapons and emptying his pockets into a tray, putting the suitcase on it afterwards.
>As it slides off, a unicorn scans it with magic first, a pegasus and a human looking it over in a human screen afterwards.
>Cantering over, you try not to stumble, trying to figure out how this works.
"Do I...?"
>"Just put your saddlebags on a tray, ma'am," The unicorn says.
"This is different than going in," You mutter as you take off your saddlebags, happy that you finally can use your hooves and wings to their full ability again.
>"Magical scans are good, but we're trying to see if there's anything the humans can add with their machines that we miss," The unicorn explains as she scans your bags.
>The pile of bits in there gets some raised eyebrows, but no comments.
>Meanwhile, Anonymous stands off to the side a small distance away, as another unicorn picks his things up one by one, focusing the most on what you're fairly certain are the weapons.
>You turn to the mares as you retrieve your saddlebags as they exit the machine.
"Say, what is this about? I thought that humans were allowed to bring in just about everything?"
>"Just about, yes. Not everything. Besides that, we do actively try to understand and catalogue what they're bringing in, so that we know what not to allow. It's a slow process with just how much stuff the humans have made, but we're learning."
>As the unicorn examining his weapons taps something on a human device, you hear her mutter "Ammunition, small caliber fire-arm..."
"So there's weapons you don't allow? I heard humans need some pretty powerful stuff to take down some of the tougher monsters."
>"Sure. There's things like explosives, especially trigger-trap things they call "mines" and such. Apparently, there's cases on Earth where they're left forgotten, and blow up some innocent passer-by later on. Quantity matters too. The humans were worried about an "alien invasion" and stuff, but we're the ones that actually have to be wary. Their weapons work here, our magic doesn't on the other side. So we measure the inflow and outflow of weapons, and stop people that are trying to carry through enough to supply a small army. Princess Celestia doesn't want them making secret stockpiles, or selling their weapons off to questionable characters."
"Oh. Interesting. Say, I lived in Portal Town all my life, so I'm kind of used to them. What's it like in other cities? Are ponies afraid of humans invading?"
>The unicorn and the pegasus hum in thought, glancing at each other.
>"Well, ponies don't like it very much when they flaunt their arsenals in the cities for no reason," The unicorn supplies.
>"The frontier towns can't get enough of them, though. Usually, taming an area takes many generations, with some ponies inevitably getting dragged away and eaten by some nasties before either the Royal Guard are asked to help, or the locals band together to hunt the beasts down, which inevitably costs more lives and bits. Humans, though? They do it for free. Happily, even!" The pegasus adds.
>"Not just free, they actually pay guides and stuff so they know where to go and what they're facing. Can't say I understand it, but we ponies are not predators, so I guess I'll never will. But hey, it's their funeral, and they seem all too happy to risk their hides for the glory of the kill. Win-win for everyone," The unicorn finishes with a shrug.
"I see... Thanks."
>They nod, their expressions still mildly bored. You guess they heard questions like that many times already.
>Meanwhile, the second unicorn finishes examining Anonymous' stuff, nodding to him as he re-equips his things.
>Trotting over to him, you reflexively flex your tingling wings, a few sparks snapping in the air around you.
"Whoa."
>You twitch, reflexively flapping and almost falling over sideways.
>Anonymous reaches out with a hand, grabbing your foreleg and wincing as a few sparks hit him.
>The unicorn also grabs you, pressing your hooves down to the floor with her magic.
>"We recommend you go outside to practice your flying, ma'am."
"I wasn't- Yeah, thanks. Just slipped up a little. First time coming back from Earth."
>Taking quick, shallow breaths as your heart beats faster, you nod gratefully to Anonymous as you right yourself.
"Thanks. Let's go. I need- let's just go."
>"Sure."
>Grabbing his suitcase, he follows behind you as you trot forward, weaving to the sides a little as your body keeps feeling weird.
>You almost trot past the sign as Anonymous clears his throat, pointing at it.
>Bathrooms.
>Right, of course.
>Quickly going inside, the two of you look around and listen.
>All quiet.
>With a small grin, Anonymous quickly puts the suitcase down, zipping it open.
>You can't help but grin a little as well, the absurdity and the fun of the plan almost making you giggle.
>It takes a little more effort to fit in with your saddlebags, but you manage.
>Moments later, you're zipped inside, with just a small gap left for air.
>You take the chance to hug yourself as tightly as possible, taking deep, but not too loud breaths, hoping to get your body to get through the weird sensations by the time you reach your destination.
>Your ears perk and flick reflexively as you hear the wheels roll on different surfaces.
>The smooth floor of the Keep turns into the uneven, bumpy cobble road of the town.
>You frown as your teeth rattle from the vibration, but it's not too bad.
>There's also the usual sounds of the city, the clip-clops and voices of the ponies, often moving a short distance away when they see Anonymous pass by.
>Good so far...
>It's quite a trot, but no one tries to accost him in any way the entire time.
>You shouldn't be surprised, really. Everyone knows not to bother humans without a good reason.
>Eventually, the hubbub of many voices grows louder.
>That must be the crowd waiting for a train.
>Anonymous slows down for a while, probably looking around for a quieter spot where he can let you out without attracting attention.
>There's a whistle, a conductor shouting something about the train leaving that you can't entirely hear.
>Was it five? Fifteen?
>From the sounds of hooves, the crowd begins to move, Anonymous going in the other direction.
>Moments later, he lays the suitcase down, unzipping it.
>"Quickly," He hisses.
>You hop out almost flaring your wings, managing to clamp down on it the last moment, courtesy of the many times you had to do that back on Earth every morning.
>Looking around, you notice that he went behind a stand with a huge map of Equestria on it, the crowd filing into the train on the other side.
>"Well... This is it, partner," He nods to you, his expression inscrutable. "Where are you going to go, exactly?"
"Eh. I always figured I'd just go to the nearest stop. Just need to get out of the damn jungle and desert, and I can fly between the other cities myself, when I'm in Equestria proper. So, Ponyville. And... Partner?"
>He shrugs with a small smile.
>"I had fun. We worked together on some videos."
>You nod slowly, your ears folding a little.
"I... I had fun too, Anonymous. You were... You were a good..."
>He tilts his head in mild confusion at your inability to say it.
>"Friend?"
"Maybe. I never had friends," You sigh, lowering your gaze.
>He squats down, gently raising you by the chin with a hand.
>"Really, never?"
>You shrug.
"I had mares that owed me. Mares that I had... I'd guess it would be a "Professional relationship" or some other fancy crap like that. Friends? Not really. But... Yeah. I'd... I think I'd like to call you friend."
>He nods, smiling gently as he rubs your chin.
>"I'd like that too. Will you ever come back? You can drop by any time you want, you know."
>You shrug. You did discuss the possibility while you were back on Earth, but you weren't sure, and you're still not sure now.
"I have no idea. I have no idea what's life like outside Portal City, Anonymous, and I don't know what sort of stuff I'll get in to. I'm still going to write, though."
>You do have his address written down, as well as his phone number.
>"That's as good as I'm going to get, I suppose. So, ah..."
"What?"
>"What do pony friends do when they say goodbye? Hug?"
>You snort, rolling your eyes.
"As if I have a clue. I... Uh..."
>Uncertainly, feeling an odd heat in your face, you stretch your neck out, poking his nose with yours before slowly rubbing your muzzle all over his face.
>"Ah. Nuzzling. That works," He mutters.
>Reaching out with his hands, he gently runs his fingers across the tips of your feathers.
>"Stay safe out there. Don't let the leatherbacks get you," He mutters into your ear with a stupid grin.
"You too. Watch out for niggers," You whisper with a nod, disengaging from him.
>Both of you snigger at each other, a shout interrupting the mood.
>"Train leaves in two minutes! Last call!"
>With a final nod, you turn around and gallop towards the ticket booth.
"One ticket to Ponyville, please!"
>The stallion managing it nods, retrieving a ticket and punching it as you hoof him the coins.
>Ticket in mouth, you gallop towards the train, hopping through the doors.
>Glancing around, you notice that the window seats are already taken, so you stay by the doors as the train begins to move, waving goodbye to Anonymous.
>Once he's out of sight, you sigh, releasing the tension.
>This is it. You made it. You're out of Portal Town. You're free.
>You may well come back there some day, but for now...
>Time to see what the rest of this world is like, first.
>It's the first day of the rest of your life.