"My name's Anonymous, and welcome to Cut-Rate Jackass!"
>You've spent all day setting this up
>A shopping cart that doesn't lock up when you take it
>A highway next to a hill that looks busy enough to be dangerous but not actually busy enough to be 100% stupid
>And a willing cameraman that not only wants to see you fail, but also wants to see you not die while failing
>Thanks, Incognito.
>"You're gonna eat shit, Anon. I'm calling it, the gravel halfway down the hill. Not even to the road."
"Go fuck yourself, Incog, I got this."
>Brotherly banter, who doesn't love it?
"Now watch this shit!"
>You get your running start, and with practiced precision, you jump into your cart
>You were right to practice this part, it's a lot harder than it looks
>Almost immediately, you're going faster than expected
"Oh SHIIIIIIIIIIIIII-"
>You fly past the gravel, speeds yet unheard of by lesser men with weaker hearts [spoiler]or the tiniest smidge of intelligence[/spoiler]
>klaklaklaklaklaklak
>The cart keeps getting louder and wobblier
>But you can see it, the pavement
>The part that'll sell your shit video to the masses, that'll make it so you just have to do stupid shit for money
>"ANON, BAIL!"
>You look back, expecting Incog's signature shit-eating grin
>He has an expression you've never seen him wear before
>Pure, unadulterated terror
>You're confused of what could possibly make him so scared
>And then it hits you
>The world is dark
>Huh, you figured it would be less cliché
>"-ney? Hon? You okay?"
>That's a new voice
>Motherly, older
>Oh fuck, you hope that's not a cute MILF who saw you splat on her car or something
"Yeah, I'm okay. Feel a little weird though."
>Not only is that not you saying that, that's not your voice
>This one is much more saccharine, like a cold iced tea on a hot day
>Your eyes open, and you see a light purple horse face in yours
>You try to scream but your body doesn't obey
>"Well, that's good. That frisbee hit you nice and hard on the noggin."
>Oh fuck it's getting even weirder, the colorful horse is talking
>And wearing glasses
>And wearing her blonde mane in a bun
>What the FUCK
"Ay, ouch, I might have to see Nurse Redheart after all. My head hurts."
>-And for some reason, I'm hearing a voice...-
>Wait, you mean you can hear me?
>-Nope, not talking to it, that's how it gets worse.-
>"Well, Honey dear, do you need me to walk you?"
>-It's better that you don't come with. Getting all worked up isn't good for a mare your age.-
>What the fuck fuck fuckety fuck?
>Mare? Why do you... huh?
>What the hell am I? Why do I feel so wrong?
"It's fine, Violet, I can walk myself. Don't need you getting all worked up about me."
>"Well, if you say so, Honey. Tea again next week?"
"Yep, next week. Maybe in a spot with less flying frisbees."
>-A little humor should keep her off edge...-
>Her? What about me?! Why am I hearing voices? Why are they calling me the voices?! Who the fuck are you?!
>While you question the obvious problems here, you feel yourself get up, and start to walk
>A feeling you've never had before courses through you, as a natural trot heads you away from Valley Violet
>Huh, that's weird, you just... suddenly knew that name
>HOLD THE FUCK UP
>EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS WEIRD
>WHERE'S INCOG? WHAT ABOUT THAT CAR? WHY ARE HORSES TALKING?
"Ah, sheesh, stop yelling... voice? It's giving me a headache."
>AND WHO AM I- YOU- US- WHAT?!
"I can't believe I'm introducing myself to the voices in my head like some crazy pony. I'm Honeyed Dreams."
>Deep, internal breaths. Hi, I'm Anonymous, and I think I'm having a crazy coma dream where I'm trapped in a talking horse's body.
"And I've been hit so hard in the head that I think there's somepony in it."