Part I: >You gulp nervously and take a step closer towards the town square. >Today's the day. >The other townsponies glance your way for a brief moment before returning to their business. >The day you move into Ponyville. >A fruit vendor calls out to you, eager for her first sale of the morning. >The day you officially join equestrian society. >You stop to buy some apples and place them in your weathered saddlebags. >The day you can finally feel...NORMAL. >You reach the town hall where a tan mare with white hair happily greets you. >"Hello there! Welcome to Ponyville!" >She trots up to you and extends a hoof. >"I'm Mayor Mare, the mayor of this happy little town! "Hi, I'm Anonymous." You reply while shaking her hoof. "But you can call me Anon." >Normally you'd bumble through conversations like this, but today is special. >"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Mous!" She exclaims. >Damnit, you told her to call you Anon! >"I take it you're ready?" She asks after eyeing your saddlebags. >You nod with a smile. >"Splendid!" She clops her hooves together. >The kind mare guides you through the maze of happy cottages and shops until you're standing in front of the old town windmill. >"Here she is!" The mayor exclaims. >You look the place over and physically cringe. >The door is faded and full of cracks. >The windmill's blades crack and groan as they struggle to rotate. >Hell, the entire building looks like a remnant of the last pony war! "Well, it's uh, very....rustic?" You scratch your chin. >Words fail to adequately describe the state of this absolute trainwreck of a structure. >"Oh, wait until you see the interior!" The mayor happily hops in place. >Mayor Mare grabs the key hanging around her neck and unlocks the door. >*GROOOOAAAAANNNN* >Holy bits, it sounds like this place is ready to crumble! >You duck for cover in a nearby bush, earning a playful chuckle from the old mare. >"Oh my, did something spook you?" She asks. >You frantically shake your head. >Don't get cold hooves now, you bleedin' idiot! Part II: >You cautiously follow Mayor Mare into the old windmill, its old floorboards creaking with every hoofstep. >The mayor stops and directs your attention towards a large room at the end of the entryway. >"This is the living room, perfect for those cozy little get-togethers with friends!" >You look around the rundown room in disbelief. >The floorboards are warped and splintered. >The curtains are torn and tattered. >The sofa is covered in dust and exposed springs. >The windows are muddy and dark. >Cozy for who exactly? Zombies? Ghosts? >The cheerful mare then trots past a winding set of stairs to the adjacent room. >"And this is the kitchen!" She declares. >Worn appliances huddle atop a grungy countertop while an old refrigerator hums against the opposite wall. >The stove is rusted with its door hanging open, revealing a small nest of mice among the debris. >You'll definitely be ordering takeout for the foreseeable future. >The more you see of this old place, the more you regret buying it. >You force a smile to avoid hurting the old mare's feelings. >After all, it's not like she was the one who ran this dump into the ground. >The mayor squees with delight at your reaction and continues the tour. >"And up here you'll find all the comforts of home." >Your ears perk up at the sounds of soft grunts floating down from the second floor. >Sounds like the poor mare and stairs don't get along very well. >You quickly trot upstairs after her and find yourself in a small windowless hallway lined with three doors. >Beyond the third door lies another, smaller set of stairs leading up to a dark room that's hard to make out. >"Phew! That counts as my workout for the day!" The mayor says in a huff. >You can't help but giggle at her joke. >"Y-You're too kind, Mr. Mous..." >The mare blushes and nervously plays with her gray mane. >"A-Anyhoo...this is the master bedroom!" >She quickly points to the faded blue door next to you. >The door almost flies off of its broken hinges as the two of you walk into the room. >She flips a switch on the nearby wall, flooding the room with a dim yellow light. >Your jaw drops. Part III: >You see a large red bed sitting in the middle of the room. >The windows are clean and adorned with navy blue curtains. >Beautifully crafted wooden furniture lines the east and west walls. >The carpeting is vibrant and soft to the touch. >There isn't a thing out of place anywhere in the area. >Aside from a thick layer of dust, this room is immaculate! >You turn to the mayor and stare at her with jaw hanging open. "How-?" You gasp. >"How what, Mr. Anon?" She asks in confusion. "How is this room so perfect when the downstairs looks like a-?!" >You stop short at the sight of tears forming in the old mayor's eyes. "Erm, w-when the downstairs areas look so dirty?" You quickly divert your train of thought. >The mayor sighs and turns towards the window. >"It's a long story." She confesses. "I wouldn't want to bore you with the silly details." >Okay, now she's DEFINITELY provoking your curiosity. "Tell me." You firmly respond. >The mare removes her glasses to look at the outside scenery. >"Once upon a time, a happy young couple moved into this windmill." >You stand by her side and pretend to look out the window. >"They were the sweetest lovers anypony had ever met, 'a match made in heaven' one might say." >Her voice suddenly drops to a whisper of sorts, compelling you to move closer. >"But one day something terrible happened." >Sheesh, what's with that cryptic undertone? "Well? What happened, Ms. Mare?" >She takes a deep breath and steels herself. >"One day, the stallion left without a word." >You swear she's fighting back sniffles as she speaks. >"The poor mare was *hic* heartbroken." She continues. >"As the days turned into weeks, weeks into months, she realized her husband was *sniffle* never coming back..." >You hand the sniffling mayor a tissue. >"Thank you, dear." She squeaks while blowing her nose. Part IV: >"The town knew right away that something was wrong." She continued. "M-Myself included of course." >The afternoon sun washes over her face through the window. >"At first the mare frantically searched every street in Ponyville, desperate to find any trace of her beloved." >She wipes her eyes and places a hoof on the window pane. >"But everypony she asked said they hadn't seen him." The mare bites her quivering lip. "It was as though he vanished from the world altogether." >You feel a chill running down your spine, mainly because nopony ever mentioned that Equestria was h-haunted! >"The mare eventually gave up her search and sold this old place back to the town." >Why does it feel like she's still hiding something? >"As for the mare, she was never quite the same." >The mare slowly turns to face you and forces a smile. >"Oh my gracious, you must be bored to death hearing such a...silly stor-" >You wrap your hooves around the startled mare and hug her close. >Mayor Mare's eyes widen in surprise, but soon she's returning the favor with a snuggle of her own. >"Mmmm...." She coos. >You feel a wet spot on your neck where her head now rests. >It's not like you to dish up compassion to ponies you just met, but deep down you know she needs this. >Judging by her reactions, Ms. Mare knows she needs this as well. >After what feels like hours, the mare reluctantly breaks off the embrace and stares at you in amazement. >"Anon, I-" >She struggles to form the right words, unintentionally dragging the two of you into an awkward silence. "It's okay, Mayor." You reassure her. "I think I understand now." >The mayor's face turns beet red as she begins to realize the gravity of the situation. >"Was it that obvious?" >You nod. >"Then I've said too much." She sighs. >Your ears perk up at the sound of a clock chiming four times in a row. >"Good heavens, is that the time?!" >Mayor Mare looks at the clock and begins to panic. >"I still have to review the new trade proposal!" >You raise a hoof to try and calm her down, but the mare is already galloping downstairs. >The mayor reaches your front door and practically rips the poor thing from its hinges. >"EEEK! I've also forgotten about Princess Celestia's royal visit this weekend!" >The mare is two hooves out the door before you manage to catch up to her. "Thank you for the home tour, Ms. Mare." >She stops in her tracks, seemingly aware of the reason she came to visit in the first place. >"Y-You're very welcome." She replies. "If there's anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask." "Of course." You calmly reply. "Oh, and Mayor?" >"Yes, Anon?" "If you ever want to talk, I'm here." >The frazzled mare thanks you with a warm smile and shuts the door behind her. >Silence falls upon the windmill, but you no longer feel alone in this world. Part V: >The next few weeks are a blur of unpacking, getting to know your new neighbors, and cleanup. >Lots and lots of cleanup. >With a little help from the townsponies, you were able to get the old mill up and running again. >Turns out that things like flour and gravel are fast-selling commodities in this world. >Thanks to the mayor's new trade deal, you were able to ship your goods out to all four corners of Equestria without too much trouble (or tax). >Life is good, if not a tad lonely at times. >There's no shortage of beautiful mares living here to woo, but your mind (and heart) continue drifting towards one particular mare. >The sun sets on the horizon just as you finish up the last of the house cleaning. >Its fading radiance bathes the entire town in a cozy swirl of orange and pink hues, a romantic sight if you've ever seen one. >It's almost as if Celestia herself is subtly telling you what needs to be done. >You enter Town Hall with a renewed vigor, eager to see a certain mayor about some personal business. >*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* >Your shaky green hoof taps on the door leading to Mayor Mare's office. >Wait a minute, why are your hooves shaking?! >Frazzled nerves were supposed to be a thing of the past! >The seeds of doubt quickly begin to take root in your mind. >What if you're not the mayor's type? >What if you do something stupid? >What if she only sees you as an acquaintance? >What if she's already seeing somepony? >What if she's not as nice as she seems? >WHAT IF SHE SAYS 'NO'? >WhAt iF- >"Anon?" >A soft voice snaps you out of the rabbit hole, causing you to stumble backwards in surprise. >Mayor Mare stands in the doorway of her office with a concerned expression on her face. >"May I...help you?" She asks. >Ah bits, you're already off to a great start. >You resist the urge to facehoof and clear your throat. Part VI: "Uh, hi there, Mayor Mare." You smile a bit too intensely. "N-Nice day today huh?" >If you had pockets, they would be spilling over with spaghetti right about now. >What the buck is happening?! >"Why yes, it was a beautiful day." The mare stares at you awkwardly. "Did you need something?" >The fear of rejection has you freezing in place. >Come on, it's not that hard to ask a mare out. >USE YOUR WORDS! >The mayor locks up her office and tries to avoid staring at your dumbstruck face. >"It's getting rather late, perhaps we can discuss what's on your mind tomorrow?" >Mayor Mare steps out into the town square and beckons you with an impatient hoof. >Your ears droop. >Your heart pounds in your chest. >Sweat begins dripping down the sides of your head. >This golden opportunity is slipping through your hooves! >You quickly gallop over to the mayor's side as she begins to lock up town hall for the night. >Accursed words, why do they fail you in this crucial hour of need?! >"Well, it's been...interesting...chatting with you Anon, but I need to head home-" >It's now or never, make your choice. "WAAAAAAIIIIT!" >Your thunderous neigh almost knocks the frightened lady onto her rump. >A wise pony always did say that confronting your fears head on is the best way to overcome them. "M-Mayor Mare, please forgive me for shouting." >You take a deep breath and slowly approach her. "But I need to ask you something." >The poor mare is still shaking like a leaf, but ultimately agrees to hear you out. >You look her right in the eye. "Miss Mare, would you like to have dinner with....m-me?" >The mayor's jaw drops at the implications of your question. >"What did you...s-say?" She asks in a trembling voice. Part VII: "I said: would you like to go out to dinner with me?" You ask again. >The mayor stumbles to her hooves and stares at you as though you've grown a second head. >You stand there eagerly waiting for the mare's answer. >Your burst of confidence begins to dwindle with each passing moment of silence. >Why doesn't she say something?! >Mayor Mare suddenly takes a few steps forward until her face is mere inches away from your own. >"You sure know how to flatter this old mare, Anon." She giggles. "But I'm afraid I have to decline." "Huh? W-Why not?" >You don't even try to hide the hurt in your voice. >The mare forces a smile, but it ultimately fails to soften the blow. >"It's nothing personal, Anon." She sighs. "It's just that, well, I-I'm simply not ready to date again." >Your heart sinks into the pit of your stomach. "Oh." >She places a hoof on your face. >"I'm sure a handsome stallion like you could easily find a younger, prettier mare to ask out." >She picks up her saddlebags and heads for the bridge behind you. >"Goodnight Anon." >Mayor Mare waves to you before disappearing over the bridge leading to her home. >Tears stream down your face. >She said no. >Your legs twitch. >SHE SAID NO. >Your spine tingles. >SHE SAID NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! >Soon you're galloping back to the old windmill with the intent of NEVER leaving it again. Part VIII: >What went wrong? >You toss and turn in bed as the morning sun warms your face. >WHAT THE BUCK WENT WRONG? >You want to lay in this bed for the rest of time, but the sun continues its relentless assault upon your body. >With a grunt of effort, you drag yourself out of bed and head for the bathroom. >Did you come on too strong? Were you too blunt? DID YOU FORGET TO WEAR COLOGNE? >*DING DONG* >Oh bits, not now! >You race downstairs to see who dares to interrupt your rejection crisis. >"H..llo? Mr...M...us?" A muffled voice calls out in between knocks. >You sigh and unlock the door to find a pink earth pony mare wearing a pilot hat. >"Oh, there you are!" She grins ear to ear. "Good morning Mr. Mous!" "Good morning, Cherry Berry." You do your best to sound pleasant. "And please, call me 'Anon'." >The cheerful mare's smile disappears after looking you over. >"Gosh, you don't look so good! Is everything okay?" She asks tenderly. >You turn to the conveniently-placed mirror in the entryway and gasp. >The vibrant green coat and black mane/tail combo you used to know are now pale and faded. >You turn to Cherry Berry and whinny in a nervous manner. "What's happening to me?!" You cry out. >"You might be coming down with something." Cherry Berry quickly steps back. "Wait, are you contagious?!" "How would I know?!" You snap back. >Of all the days to get sick, it has to be on a delivery day?! "Don't worry about me right now." >You dash past her and load up the wagon with today's deliveries. "We have a schedule to keep." >Cherry Berry scurries over and hitches herself to the wagon. "This load's destination is Hope Hollow." >You scribble out a receipt and stick it to the cargo. >Cherry Berry performs a cute little salute and begins trotting towards her hot air balloon. "Goodbye Mr. Mous!" She waves to you. "I hope you feel better soooooon~!" >You wave back and watch her disappear among the crowds of ponies. >"Dangit Cherry, I told you to call me 'Anon'." You mutter with a soft chuckle. Part IX: >With the day's first delivery squared away, you pack a few things and head for the hospital. >The townsponies stop to gawk at you and murmur amongst themselves as you trot through the streets. >Geez, is your condition THAT noticeable?! >You blush with annoyance and try to avoid eye contact until reaching the hospital entrance. >Hopefully the medical staff can offer more compassion than your fellow villagers. >You take one step into the lobby and all tartarus breaks loose. >The sick and injured ponies begin to panic and stampede all over the place. >Nurses pour in from every hallway and whisk you away to the emergency room. >Doctors quickly form a defensive line and try to calm the crowd down before somepony gets hurt. >You're ushered into a dimly-lit doctor's office, where a white mare waits patiently. >"Please have a seat, sir." She softly commands. "We need to get started right away. >She motions towards a nearby examination table. >Without a word, you quickly shuffle onto the cold slab of steel and wait. >"I am Nurse Redheart, the head nurse of this hospital wing." "Hello..." You nervously reply. >There's just something about doctors and nurses that give you the chills. >Could be their ice cold stethoscopes. >Could be the sharp needles they stab into your bare flesh. >It could even be the way they're so unnaturally stoic in the face of medical emergencies. >"Can you please describe the events leading up to your, erm, unique medical condition?" >The nurse pulls out a notepad and prepares to record your testimony. "Well, it all started when-" You begin. >*POOF* >You're immediately sent flying off the table by some kind of magic explosion. >The nurse screams and runs for cover with her assistants. >When the dust settles, you see a purple alicorn mare standing tall in the center of the room. >She takes one look at you and squees with delight. >"Yes! I KNEW I'd find you here!" She exclaimed. >You cock your head in a mix of surprise and confusion. "Princess T-Twilight?" You stammer. "What are you doing here?" Part X: >"Isn't it obvious?" She points at your faded coat. >Oh right your fading sickness, or whatever this is. "I appreciate your concern, but why would the royal family worry over a plain commoner like me?" >Princess Twilight sighs and steps closer towards you. >"What do you mean?" She narrows her eyes. "Should a princess NOT show concern for her subjects?" >Your ears droop as the gravity of your foolish words begin to set in. "I'm sorry Princess, that was a stupid question to ask." >You stare at the ground to avoid her piercing gaze. >The last thing you need is to be banished to Tartarus or turned into stone. >"It's okay, Anonymous." The purple horse smiles. "Let's focus on healing you." >She poofs a book out of thin air and carefully reads through a bookmarked section. "But Princess, what kind of sickness is this exactly?" >You tug at your faded coat, hopeful that the princess can find a cure in her book. >Twilight shakes her head and steps closer towards you. >"Anonymous, you're not suffering from any kind of medical illness." >Nurse Redheart pokes her head out from behind the makeshift barricade. "What do you mean, your highness?" >Yes, what DOES Princess Twilight mean by not calling this a typical sickness? >You and Nurse Redheart gather around Princess Twilight and anxiously wait for her response. >"The origins of your affliction are not biological, but instead MAGICAL." >Wait, you're sick with some kind of MAGIC? How is that even possible?! "I-I don't understand Princess..." Your voice trails off. >"My friends and I once traveled to a town full of ponies that were faded just like you." >Twilight turns the book around to show you an illustration depicting ponies with faded color schemes in a small town. >"We searched high and low to try and find out what was causing this strange epidemic." >You lean in closer with the eagerness of a young colt listening to his parents' wild stories. "Did you find out?" >The princess nods and poofs the book out of existence. >"Hope." The princess responds. "Or rather, the lack of it." >Your eyes widen in surprise. "Hopelessness, your majesty?" >"That is correct, dear Anonymous." Part XI: >"The official term is 'Hopeless Magic'." She continues. >Your thoughts immediately drift back to the events that unfolded last night. >Asking Mayor Mare out to dinner was indeed supposed to instill hope in your heart. >Unfortunately, that hope was quickly killed and buried when she said no. >It's all coming together, and you don't like the implications. >"Do you understand now, my dear subject?" The princess asks in a soft voice. >You nod. >"Good." >Princess Twilight places a hoof on your shoulder. >"Hopeless magic is a terrible thing, Anonymous." >Tears begin running down the purple mare's cheeks. >"NOPONY should ever have to experience it." >Damn, this IS serious if it's making a princess cry! >"Oh dear, would you look at the time?" >Nurse Redheart giggles nervously and glances at her bare wrist. >"I have to get back to my rounds! Please excuse me, your highness!" >The frazzled nurse bows to the princess makes a quick exit along with her assistants. >"Farewell Princess Twilight! Anonymous!" >Her voice trails off as the door closes, leaving you and the princess in a deafening silence. "Give it to me straight Princess, what's the cure for this hopeless magic stuff?" You ask bluntly. >"Anonymous-" "Please, call me Anon." You interrupt. "Everypony else does." >"Very well, Anon." >Twilight clears her throat and steps back. >"Anon, there is no magical cure for your condition." >You utter a whinny of distress and begin to panic. >There's no hope for you now, it's all over but the funeral! >"Wait Anon, please calm down!" The princess cries. >You ignore her and begin to gallop around the room as though you've lost your mind. >What's the point of living now?! >You can practically FEEL what little hope remains actively draining from your soul. Part XII: >Furniture and medical equipment fly in every direction as you continue your distressed rampage. >Your life is over. >"Anon..." >No self-respecting mare will ever want you now. >"ANON!" >You didn't even get to see Saddle Arabia- >"NEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIGHNOOOON!" >Your body freezes in place after a hoof stomp sends powerful purple shockwaves through the room. >The princess' powerful alicorn magic sends you flying through the air until you're once again standing before her. >"Anon PLEASE, calm down..." >You try to focus somewhere else, but the magic forces you to look directly at her. >The mare's eyes are ablaze with a mix of concern and irritation. >Oh bits. >"I want to help you, Anon." She sits on her hindquarters. "But I need to know one thing first." >Her magic dissipates, dropping you on your own butt. >"Why did you lose hope?" >Now it's YOUR turn to cry. >She leans in expectantly, seemingly eager to hear what ails you. >You take a deep breath and gather your thoughts. >If a literal princess wants to know what's wrong, then you're going to tell her exactly what's wrong. "I asked a mare out yesterday, and she rejected me." >Twilight blinks in disbelief, much to your dismay. >"That's it?" The princess chuckles. "And here I thought it was something serious!" >Princess Twilight gasps as your colors fade again, leaving you almost completely monochrome. >You should've known she wouldn't understand. >The royal family must be DROWNING in suitors on any given day. >For peasants such as yourself however, finding a good mate just isn't that easy. Part XIII: >"Finding a marefriend is really that important to you?" "Yes." >You look her square in the eye and snort. "It's every stallion's goal to find a nice mare and settle down, y'know?" >Princess Twilight is taken aback by your heartfelt response. "To love and cherish her every single day, to give her as many foals as she wants..." >Your train of thought crashes as HEARTS begin to form in the flustered princess' eyes. >Twilight bites her lip and turns around, presenting her bare purple rump in all its regal glory. >"P-Perhaps I can help you with that, just for today?" >It doesn't take long for you to become painfully erect after seeing such a shameless display of marebits. >Your primal instincts kick into overdrive, tempting you to rut this (admittedly beautiful) mare. >What sane stallion WOULDN'T mate with a princess if given the chance? >Your heart however, says the exact opposite. >You shake your head and step away from Princess Twilight. "I appreciate the offer, Princess." You reply. "But I want a future wife, not a one night stand." >"Oh, I...see..." >Twilight turns to face you and immediately loses herself in thought. >Oh no, what other harebrained schemes is she concocting in that royal head of hers? >You gulp nervously and turn towards the exit. >"A-Anon, wait!" >The panicked princess practically throws herself at you before reaching the door. >"I-I can still help...some...how..." >The alicorn's tear-filled eyes betray her words. >You sigh with disappointment and face the desperate mare. >"A princess is supposed to help her subjects..." >Princess Twilight utters a defeated whinny and buries her face in her hooves. >Damn, she's taking this harder than you. Part XIV: >On the one hoof, you want to just leave and wallow in misery alone. >On the other hoof, you can't stand to see a mare in distress. >After a little mental back and forth, you come to a decision. >You walk over and place a hoof on her trembling shoulder. >"Huh?!" Twilight snaps out of her distress. "A-Anon, I-" >You gently shush her with a hoof to the mouth and smile. "Wanna grab a hayburger? I think some food will clear our heads." >Twilight sits there in stunned silence, unsure of how to answer you. >*GRUMBLE* >Twilight blushes at the sound of her rumbling belly. >"That sounds like a great idea." She smiles bashfully. >You help the hungry princess to her hooves and together, the two of you head for the Ponyville Café. >The sun is shining brightly as you take your seats in the outdoor section. >Twilight squees with delight while looking over the menu. >"Hayburgers, salads, milkshakes, fries, onion rings...this place is heaven!" She happily exclaims. >You can't help but utter a chuckle at the princess' adorkable display of enthusiasm. >The waiter approaches and begins his usual greeting, but cuts himself short when spotting Princess Twilight. >"O-Oh my, Princess Twilight?!" >The stallion almost trips over his own hooves trying to bow in front of your lunch companion. >"To what do we owe the pleasure of your royal presence at our humble restaurant?!" >"It's nothing official, just an empty stomach and some good company." Twilight grins. >"Ohoho! Treating your date to some local Ponyville delicacies are we, your highness?" The waiter teases while glancing over at you. >Now it's YOUR turn to blush uncontrollably. Part XV: >The waiter takes one look at you and immediately drops the comedy act. >"Are you feeling alright, sir? You look rather...faded." "It's a long story." You confess. "But some good food should help me recover." >The waiter nods and pulls out a notepad. >"Very well." The stallion turns to face Twilight. "What would you like, your highness?" >"I'll have three triple hayburgers, two sides of horseshoe rings, and a chocolate milkshake!" >Your eyes widen at the ridiculous size of her order. >Dayum, this mare must be STARVING! >"All excellent choices, your highness!" >The waiter scribbles her order down on the notepad. >"And for you, sir?" >You skim over the menu, but it's hard to focus after everything that's happened. >Something in the back of your mind continues to assert itself over all else. >Is it a warning? A future vision perhaps? Or are you just losing your damn mind? "Uh, I'll have a regular hayburger and some iced tea." >To be brutally honest, you aren't all that hungry. >Feeling like a hollow shell tends to have that kind of effect. >"Very good! Your food will be ready momentarily." >The waiter puts away his notepad and heads towards the kitchen. >"So, Anon..." Twilight focuses her attention on you. "How is life in Ponyville treating you?" >You simply grunt and point at your faded coat with frustration. >"Oh, right. Well then, h-how's your mill business?" >Twilight nervously plays with her mane and tries to change the subject. "You know about my mill business?" You tilt your head. >The princess smiles awkwardly and nods. >"Of course! I do place orders from time to time." She explains. "Your flour is very high quality, perfect for cooking and baking!" >Why are you not surprised? Part XVI: >"Alright, Anon..." Twilight clears her throat. "How can I help you?" >You raise an eyebrow. >"R-Regain hope I mean!" She stammers. >"The direct approach certainly didn't work." >Twilight blushes with a wing over her face. >You sigh and take a sip of your tea. "Princess..." >"Please, call me Twilight." The mare smiles. "Everypony else does." >You can't help but chuckle as the princess uses your own quip against you. "As you wish, Twilight." >You smile and playfully bow in your seat, earning a cute chuckle from her in return. "As I was saying, it's not like I think you're ugly or anything." >"But-?" The Princess leans forward. "But we'd have to take things slow." You say firmly. >The quirky mare sits in silence, waiting for you to continue. "We'd have to get to know each other, go on some dates, meet each others' friends..." >You tap your hooves on the table to try and shake off the awkwardness of your one-sided conversation. "...and hey, if we're compatible, then we could get married, have some foals and-" >You stop short at the sight of Twilight panting like a dog in the summer heat. >Oh dear Celestia, you got her all worked up again. >The purple princess fidgets uncomfortably in her seat. "Twilight, are you in estrus or something?" >The other outdoor diners stop their conversations and stare at you. >You quickly stuff your hooves into your mouth. >What the hell were you thinking, saying something like that in front of the princess?! Part XVII: >The princess' face turns beet red as she struggles to explain herself. >"Well, I..uh, you see, the thing is-" >Truth be told, seeing her get all flustered like this is really cute. >"My sincerest apologies for the wait, your highness!" >The waiter shows up out of nowhere and quickly serves the food to your table. >"Bon appetit!" >The stallion blows a chef's kiss and quickly gallops back inside the restaurant. >"It all looks so delicious!" >Twilight happily clops her hooves together and dives face first into the small mountain of food on her plate. >*MUNCH* >You can't help but feel that she's dodging your question. >"Mmmmmmm~!" >Twilight's cheeks puff out with every bite she takes. >You slowly take a bite from your own hayburger and continue to watch the food carnage unfold. >Seeing a princess pig out like this is as cute as it is unsettling. >'Does Twilight always eat like this?' You wonder. >"Ishn't dish fewd da tashtiesht you'be ebah had?!" She squeals through a mouthful of horseshoe rings. >You slowly nod after taking another bite. >The food is top notch, as expected from a humble town like Ponyville. >You take a drink of ice tea and almost spit it out. >Twilight already cleaned her plate?! >She sighs with satisfaction and reclines back to rub her now swollen belly. >"Ponyville's rustic cuisine never fails to brighten my day!" >She sits upright and gives you the dorkiest smile you've ever seen. Part XVIII: >You notice some sauce and bits of bun stuck to her cheeks. "Twilight, you have a little something on your-" >The mare touches her own cheek and gasps. >"Oh how sloppy of me!" Twilight scrambles to grab a napkin and begins grinding it all over her face. >"Is it gone?" She asks nervously. >You try to contain your laughter and nod, much to Twilight's confusion. >"Heeeey, what's so funny?" She frowns. >It's amazing how oblivious Twilight is to her own quirky charms. >Behind that regal exterior beats the heart of a humble mare. >A mare that may very well be worth getting to know. "Oh nothing..." You lie. >The flustered princess snorts with annoyance and sips her milkshake. >"You really are hopeless." She sighs. >Ouch. >You immediately fall silent and stare at the remains of your ice tea. >Twilight realizes what she just said and tries to shift the conversation. >"I'm really sorry for that poor choice of words, Anon." She looks you in the eye. "Now how can we help you out of this funk you're in?" >You pause to ponder the purple pony's proposal. "Finding a special somepony would be a great start." >"That's it!" She exclaims. >Twilight's face lights up as she begins doing a little happy dance on top of the table. >You physically recoil at the mare's unusually sporadic behavior. "What's it?" You squint at her. >"The Hearts and Hooves Day festival!" She trots up to you and grins. "It's this weekend!" >You almost fall out of your seat. "Hearts and Hooves Day?" Your ears droop. "The heck is that?" >"It's the answer to your problem, my dear Anon!" Part XVIX: >She eagerly grabs you with her magic and the restaurant disappears in a poof of purple magic. >You find yourself standing in a massive library, complete with gilded staircases and fancy chandeliers. "Where...ARE we?" >You look around the library and stare in awe at the thousands of books covering every single wall. >"Welcome to my humble library!" She proudly announces. >Huh? There's nothing humble about this gaudy place! "So, why are we here exactly?" >Twilight begins flying too and fro, seemingly hunting for something specific. >"Why, we're here to prepare you for the Hearts and Hooves Festival of course!" She shouts from above. >How will scrolls and books help you with such a thing? >She soon grabs a book from one of the highest shelves and descends with it cradled in her hooves. >*WHOMP* "AIIIIEEEEEE!" >Her rough landing sends you flying into a pile of books on the floor. >"Oops, sorry about that." She bashfully flutters her wings. "I'm still getting used to the whole 'pegasus' thing." >You clutch at your head and stumble out of the book pile. "So am I." You shoot back. >It's still hard to believe that just a few moons ago, Twilight was a humble unicorn working on 'friendship' research. >Now she's the Princess of Friendship itself. >Imagine DATING such a cute princess... >"Uh, Anon? Are you alright?" >You snap out of your thoughts and spin around to face Twilight. "Yeah, I-I'm fine." You insist. >"Really?" She raises an eyebrow. "Because it looked like you were swooning just now." >NANI?! >You? Swooning? >Her eyes must be in backwards or something! >A strong stallion like you would never do such an embarrassing thing. >Wait, why does your face feel hot? Part XX: >"Anyhooo..." >She opens the book and flips through the pages. >"This book on pony courtship will no doubt help you find the mare of your dreams....hopefully..." >Your ears twitch when she practically whispers that last word. >'Hopefully' indeed. >Perhaps Twilight isn't being as sincere as she led you to believe... >... >Hearts and Hooves Day is finally here. >Ponies are happily trotting all over town, preparing for the main festival. >Large pink and red streamers hang from the cottages. >Heart decorations are EVERYWHERE. >Delicious Hearts and Hooves Day themed food and drinks line the numerous vendor carts scattered around the town square. >Pony couples affectionately nuzzle and kiss one another all over town. >You however, are knocking back pints alone at Applejack's cider wagon. >Twilight said she'd meet you here at the festival, but never showed up. >Did she stand you up? >You take another swig of cider to lessen the sting of loneliness. >"Beg yer pardon, sugarcube..." >You turn to see an orange earth pony pointing at a pile of empty mugs on the counter. >"But ah think ya've had enough fer one day." >You calmly set your mug down, face the nosey mare, and take a deep breath. "I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" >Your shouting knocks the applehorse right on her rump. >An awkward silence hangs in the air as you take another sip of cider, and this time you make sure to look her in the eye while doing so. >"Oh would'ja lookit that? Ah'm outta cider!" She smiles nervously. "Better head back to the farm an *heh* get sum moar..." >Applejack quickly scrambles to her hooves and gallops out of sight. >Damn applefolk, thinking they can tell you what you can and can't have. >You're not even sure why you choose to remain at the festival. >It's not like there's a special somepony waiting for you or anything. >Another mug empty. >You toss it into the pile and recline in your stool. >Dear Celestia above, you wish something would end your misery. Part XXI: >"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" >Your right ear perks up at the sound of a gentle voice approaching from the east. >There before you stands a gray pegasus mare with a yellow mane and tail. >Her legs are adorned with long black stockings and there's a red rose tucked on top of her left ear. >Two big yellow crossed eyes betray the friendly smile adorning her face. >Upon her neck you see a plain black choker, rather kinky if you're being perfectly honest. >Derp syndrome aside, she's looking mighty beautiful at first glance! >You stare at the blonde bombshell in disbelief, but ultimately wave her over to the vacant bar stool. >Misery loves company after all. >"Oh, thank you mister!" >The cute mare clops her hooves together and eagerly flies towards you. >*CLANK* >She lands on top of a table. >"Oof!" >You stifle a chuckle. >The flustered mare puffs her cheeks out and flaps her wings. >She takes off and then quickly lands inside one of Applejack's empty cider kegs. >"H-Huh?!" She cries out in surprise. >With a grunt of effort she takes flight once more, only to crash into the wagon facefirst. >*THUNK* >"Owie!" >She rubs her head and sighs in defeat upon the ground. >"I just don't know *sniffle* what went wrong." >Oh hell no, you are NOT about to let this poor mare cry! >You leap down from your bar stool and offer her a hoof, earning a gasp from the distressed pony. "Need some help?" You ask. >She nods and clings to your hoof for dear life. >One solid tug and the grateful mare is back on her legs. >"T-Thank you, mister." She blushes and averts her eye. "No problem, Miss...?" >The mare perks up and flutters her wings in the most adorable way imaginable. >"My name's Derpy!" She happily exclaims. "What's yours?" "Anon." You smile. Part XXII: >The two of you make some small talk to pass the time. >One minute you're telling Derpy about the joy (and misery) of owning a mill business. >The next minute, she's gushing over the perks of working at the post office. >She gets to travel a lot and meet all kinds of ponies wherever the deliveries take her. >This bubbly mare is nothing if not passionate about the life of a mailmare. >Speaking of travel, sometimes you wonder if moving to another town could alleviate this soul-crushing loneliness... >"Are you waiting for your special somepony?" >The smiling mare's innocent question makes your ears droop. "Yeah, you could say that." >You turn away from her and focus your sights on a group of ponies passionately dancing in the town square. "But...she never showed up." >Derpy gasps and firmly grabs one of your hooves. >"I'm so sorry, Anon!" >You're caught off-guard by the panicked pegasus' outburst. >"N-Nopony should have to *hic* spend Hearts and Hooves Day alone." >Where the hell did all this mushy stuff come from? >Just when you think you have this mare all figured out, she throws you a curve ball. "What about you?" You ask her. "Is there a Mr. Derpy waiting for you out there?" >You point towards a massive crowd of ponies gathering near the food wagons. >"I...I don't have a special somepony." She confesses. >So much for thinking you were the only single (and miserable) pony in all of Ponyville. >Hold the gramophone, something's not right. "Wait a minute, if you're single and sad, then why don't you look like this?" >You tug at your faded coat. >She looks you over and shrugs. >"Part of me keeps hoping, DREAMING, of the day I meet that special stallion who will sweep me off my hooves." >She blushes and clasps her hooves over her cheeks. >Celestiadamn this mare is too cute for her own good. "Well, we're never going to be happy sitting here all day." >You extend a hoof towards Derpy, eager to put a smile on that aderpable face of hers. "What do you say we be alone, together?" Part XXIII: >"Gee Anon, no stallion has ever asked me out before." >Derpy fiddles with her mane and partially stares at the ground. >It's almost scary how much you two have in common! "Really?" You raise an eyebrow. >She nods and wipes the tears from her eyes. "Welp, that's their loss." You grin. >You gently hold Derpy's hoof and begin walking her towards the heart of the festival. "Let's have some fun." >The flustered mare can't help but smile as you present her with a heart-shaped muffin from Mr. and Mrs. Cake's goodie cart. >"How did you know I liked muffins?" She asks teasingly. "I thought everypony did." You shrug. >She nibbles on the muffin like it's the most important thing in the world. >Note to self: learn how to bake muffins. >"Thank you, Anon." >You chuckle and wipe the crumbs from her snout. "Don't thank me yet, Derpy." You point towards the mini carnival. "The night is still young." >Your eyes widen when the sun literally starts setting on the horizon. >Geez Celestia, it was just a figure of speech. >Derpy gently nudges your shoulder, snapping you out of your weird funk. >"Are you okay, Anon?" >Her beautiful eyes are alight with concern. >"We don't have to keep going if you're feeling sick." >You quickly shake your head and trot in place. "Oh I'm fine, never been better!" You quickly reassure her. >You gallop over to a nearby carnival game booth and pay the vendor for a round. >Derpy takes flight and lands beside you after colliding with an inconveniently-placed balloon cart. >You chuckle and point at the tangle of balloon strings wrapped around her tail. >She pouts and frantically untwists the balloons, freeing them into the twilight skies hanging overhead. >"You gonna pay for those, lady?" >A chubby red unicorn trots up to your date and holds out his hoof. >"Oops, my bad." >She pulls out her wallet, but finds it completely empty. >"Sorry mister balloon stallion, but I don't have any money." Part XXIV: >"Then you're going to work for me until they're paid off, googly eyes." The fat unicorn snarls. >Derpy whimpers and hangs her head in shame. "There's no need to be rude, dude." >Without a second thought, you pull out a small bag of bits and present it to the obnoxious unicorn. "Will this cover it?" >The red slob begins salivating at the sight of your money. >"It just might." >You watch the greedy pony open the bag with his magic and thoroughly inspect every single coin. >"You're lucky, googly eyes." >The unicorn tucks the bag of coins under his hat. >"Don't expect all your debts to be paid so easily in the future." >The red unicorn laughs giddily and trots off to one of the food carts. >You take a step forward and prepare to chase down the fat bastard that insulted your date. >Just then, a gray hoof gently pulls on your shoulder. >"Please Anon, he's not worth it." >You spin around and look right into Derpy's eyes. >A strange sense of calm washes over you, and the hot-blooded desire for vengeance slowly fizzles out altogether. "That guy was a real prick." You snort. >Derpy nods with another of her trademark sheepish smiles. "Do ponies always pick on you like that?" >More tears drip from her beautiful eyes. >Oh bits, you just re-opened an old wound. >It's fairly obvious that Derpy got the short end of the 'gene pool' stick. >But for ponies to go out of their way and harass Derpy for something that isn't even her fault? >That's just downright DESPICABLE, especially considering she didn't become an axe murderer or anything like that. >Derpy's functional enough to hold down a job AND she's got a humble personality to boot. "Forget I asked." >You quickly pick up a skee-ball from the machine and hand it to Derpy. "Ladies first." You smile. >She blushes ever so slightly and aims her skee-ball towards the goals. >Derpy takes a deep breath, flicks her wrist, and tosses it up the wooden ramp. >"Nyagh!" >You watch in shock as the ball flies upward in a straight line and lands in the small center goal. Part XXV: >The machine lights up and plays a cute little victory tune. >Derpy cries out in surprise backs away from the skee-ball display. >"Uh oh, did I break it?" She asks nervously. >You chuckle and shake your head. >"We have a winner!" >The vendor grabs a stuffed bear from the prize rack and hands it to Derpy. >"Oh wow..." She cuddles the toy close. "It's so fuzzy!" >You walk over to the mare and gently pat her on the back. "Congrats Derpy, you earned it." >She smiles and pulls you in for a big hug with her free hoof. "W-Woah! Hey! What's this for?!" You cry out. >Derpy wraps her free wing around you, making escape all but impossible. >"Thank you." >Ah to be hugged by a mare, how you've longed for such an earthly delight. >You eagerly hug her back, earning a coo of appreciation from the adorable pegasus. >Wait, did she just thank you? "What are you thanking me for?" >You pull back and stare at her in confusion. >"This is the first time I've ever won at, well, ANYTHING!" She admits. >Wow, Derpy is trying really hard to take the title of "Ponyville's Biggest Loser" away from you. >"I have a feeling that this wouldn't have happened without you." >She smiles warmly and holds the teddy bear close to her chest. >Your face feels hotter than the sun as you struggle to come up with some kind of response. >The gray mare giggles at your buffoonery and leans in until her face is inches away from your own. >"You know Anon, you're kinda cute when you blush." >There's no way in Tartarus your face ISN'T red right now. Part XXVI: >The evening moves along at a brisk pace, but you're having too much fun to notice. >Derpy appears to be having the time of her life. >Carnival games, dancing, eating dinner, posing for silly caricatures, it doesn't matter the activity. >That beautiful derped smile of hers never disappears, not even for a moment. >Truth be told, you're having a great time as well. >That in itself is a bit strange, because Hearts and Hooves is the LAST thing you expected to bring ANY kind of happiness. >You look around the festival and see a lot of ponies resting at the nearby tables. >It must be getting late. >Damn, just when you were beginning to have some real fun. >You turn to Derpy, who's busy stuffing her face with a rice cereal treat shaped like a pink heart. >She notices you staring and quickly gulps down her food. >"Oh hey Anon!" She waves to you like a goofball supreme. "Is something on *MUNCH* your mind?" >Derpy's cheeks once again poof out with food. >You shake your head and try to match her smile. "Everything's fine, Derpy." >"That's good to hear." She replies between mouthfuls. "Did you have lots of fun too?" >You have no idea how right you are, silly mare. "Oh yeah." You grin ear to ear. >"Fillies and gentlecolts, may I have your attention please!" >Your right ear twitches at the sound of a VERY familiar voice booming over the loudspeakers. >"As Mayor of Ponyville, I hereby decree that the Hearts and Hooves Day festival is now officially concluded!" >Janitor ponies arrive on the scene with empty carts and begin taking down the colorful decorations. >"I sincerely hope you all found fun, food, laughs, and most importantly, love~!" >You immediately look away from Derpy after seeing her flushed cheeks. >C'mon Derpy, you can't be silly enough to fall in love after one measly day! >"I can't wait to see you all again at next year's Hearts and Hooves Day festival! Good night!" >The festivalgoers happily begin packing up and make their way home. >"Awww, is the festival over already?" >Derpy's ears droop with disappointment. "Looks like it." >You snag another muffin from the confection cart before the Cakes close up shop. >She squees and bites into the muffin as the two of you leave the festival behind. Part XXVII: >"This was the best Hearts and Hooves Day ever!" >Derpy happily skips alongside you with the teddy bear tucked under her wing. "I'm glad you had fun, Derpy." >The two of you leave the festival behind and head towards the town square. >The moon casts a soft glow over the riverbank, almost as if it were some kind of sign... >Derpy stares into the river and tilts her head in deep thought. >You join her at the water's edge, curious to know what's on the mare's mind. "What's up Derpy?" >"Oh it's nothing really..." She trails off while playing with her hair. >Yep, something's definitely up. >You gently nuzzle her with your snout. "C'mon Derpy, I can tell something's bothering you." >Despite your best efforts, the mare remains lost in whatever thoughts are bouncing around in that head of hers. >The two of you sit there for a while, each hoping the other would break the awkward silence. >Derpy finally snaps out of it and opens her mouth to speak. >"The moon looks so...beautiful...tonight." >She sighs and looks at the full moon hovering overhead. >That wasn't quite the answer you were expecting, but it does give you an opportunity to be super cheesy. "Not as beautiful as you." You tease. >You absentmindedly nuzzle Derpy again, a bit longer than last time. >She's warm to the touch and her coat is so soft. >And her scent, oh Celestia her bubbly scent! >This is something you could get used to... >"Mmmmh~!" She coos. >Wait a minute, what the BUCK are you doing?! >You quickly pull away and try to hide your blushing face. >"Wha-?!" >Derpy cries out from the sudden loss of affection and frantically leans towards you. >"Why did you stop, Anon?!" >The pain in her eyes sends a (metaphorical) knife plunging into your heart. >"I thought-" Part XXVIII: >You place a hoof on the worried mare's face and smile. >Derpy utters a confused whinny, but holds her hoof against your own. "I really do like you Derpy, but don't you think we're rushing things just a smidge?" >She shakes her head and pins you to the ground with a surprising amount of force, for a Pegasus at least. >"No Anon, not at all!" >You stare at her as though she grew a second head. >"Couples are supposed to do lovey-dovey things together!" She insists. >The flustered pegasus snuggles into you and happily sighs, desperately clinging to the affections you bestowed upon her mere moments ago. >You try to break free, but her big bubble butt holds you in place like some kind of squishy boulder. >Having a mare lay on top of you like this is seriously making you reconsider the whole "rushing things" schtick. >You wrap your hooves around Derpy and lock lips with her. >The amorous goofball moans into your lips and eagerly kisses you back. >If Derpy doesn't stop soon, you're going to end up rutting her right here and now. >Considering the circumstances, she might not be entirely opposed to that idea... >*POOF* >"There you are, Anon!" >Twilight emerges from a burst of magic and waves to you. >"Sorry I'm late, but there was some last minute royal business to-" >Twilight's smile disappears as her eyes fall on Derpy, who is still firmly snuggling against you. >"Oh, hi Princess!" >Derpy waves to the stunned alicorn and lazily rises to her hooves. >You quickly stand up and bow to the princess alongside your bubbly companion, but Twilight's shock does not wane. "Twilight?" You exclaim. "What are you doing here?" >The purple pony haphazardly trots over to you and Derpy. >"I'm here to be your date for Hearts and Hooves Day of course!" She exclaims. >The uneasiness in Twilight's voice betrays her courageous words. "But Twilight, Derpy is my date for Hearts and Hooves Day." >You hug Derpy close and happily nuzzle her cheek. "On top of that, the festival is over now." >You point towards the group of janitor ponies diligently disassembling the festival booths. >"Oh no, I AM too late!" >Twilight falls on her rump and utters a sorrowful neigh. Part XVIX: >You slowly approach the alicorn and sit next to her in the dirt. "I remember arriving at the Hearts and Hooves festival with a newfound hope." >You place a hoof on Twilight's shoulder in an attempt to calm her. "I was pretty hyped to have a literal PRINCESS as my date." >She looks up at you and tries to stifle her sniffles. "Minutes slowly turned into hours, and my excitement gradually reverted back into despair." >You take a deep breath and try to organize your thoughts. "Being stood up is a heart-wrenching experience, even more so when done by a pony of royal status." >"Anon, I-" >You silence Twilight's weak protests with a hoof over her lips. "I tried to salvage the evening with a few drinks, and then head home to wallow in more misery." >Twilight is shifting uncomfortably on the ground, no doubt desperate to apologize and explain herself. "Then this wonderful mare swooped in from nowhere and turned my night upside down." >You motion towards Derpy, who is now playfully nibbling the nearby blades of grass. "In a roundabout way, you kept your promise." >"W-What do you mean, Anon?" Twilight cocks her head to the side. "You helped me find a special somepony." >Derpy flutters over to join the conversation, but somehow ends up doing a barrel roll right into you. >*THUMP* >"Oops, sorry Anon." She blushes. "Don't be." You reassure her. >You nuzzle into the silly pony and chuckle. "I'm starting to like our cuddle sessions." >Twilight suddenly interrupts your romantic moment with a nervous chuckle of her own. >"Yes, well, I-I'm glad to see everything *sniffle* worked...out..." >Twilight wipes her eyes and begins to float in the air. >"I believe I have a few more *hic* royal matters to attend to." >You and Derpy are blinded by a bright flash of light as Twilight disappears into the night. >Her muffled cries fade with the last traces of sparkly magic. >You have a feeling this isn't going to end well. Part XX: >"Bye Princess!" >Derpy waves at the fading magic dust and smiles. >This mare is just too precious! "It's getting late, Derpy." >You stretch out and yawn, ready to hit the hay before you fall asleep right here and now. "You're probably tired too right?" >After a small pause, you turn towards the east bridge that leads home. >"Wait!" >You stop dead in your tracks. "Yes, Derpy?" You ask teasingly. >"Would you like to, um..." She twiddles her hooves. "C-Come hang out at my house?" >One the one hoof, she's DEFINITELY rushing things now. >On the other hoof, it somehow feels WRONG to turn down her invitation. "I'd love to." You blurt out. >Derpy's ears flicker as she lets loose another one of those adorable "Squee!" noises you've come to love. >"Oh thank you Anon!" >The mare grabs your hoof and flies off towards her house before you can even blink. >... >Her cottage lies westbound on the outskirts of town. >The little house doesn't look like much from the outside, but it does have a beautiful backyard view of the lower valleys. >At least, you THINK it does. >It's kinda hard to tell in the dark. >"I-It's not much..." She fiddles with the keys. "But it's home." >The front door swings open, revealing a cold dark living room. >*SLAM* >Derpy shuts the door behind you and locks it tight. "Uh Derpy, why did you lock the door so fast?" >Your gut is beginning to say "we're in trouble dude". >Derpy ignores your question and dives in front of the darkened fire place. >Soon the room is illuminated with a warm yellow glow. >You see a small couch positioned in front of the fireplace, surrounded by all manner of books, toys and other various knick-knacks. >The excited mare beckons you to sit on the couch. >"This is going to be so much fun!" Derpy says with a playful giggle. Part XXI: >You reluctantly sit on the couch next to Derpy, who immediately snuggles into your side. >"Thank you, Anon." >The mare nervously shuffles in place but refuses to leave you. >"Nopony ever wanted to hang out with me before." >She scrunches her snout and sighs with disappointment. "I....c-can't imagine why..." You gulp nervously. >Hopefully she doesn't notice the small beads of sweat forming upon your brow. >Many wild scenarios run through your mind, many of which might very well happen if you stick around too long. >"Wanna play a game?" The mare whispers into your ear. "Uh, sure?" >Derpy happily clops her hooves together and dives into the pile of junk next to her couch. >You immediately begin dodging and weaving through the wave of junk flying across the room. >Looks like housekeeping isn't this mare's strong suit. >"Ah, here it is!" >Derpy stumbles onto the couch holding...a box covered in question marks? >"Can you guess what's inside?" She asks cheerfully. >Well, you can't honestly say you were expecting to play guessing games at a strange mare's house on Hearts and Hooves Day. >Might as well humor her and play along, lest she become sad again. >"Um, it is a muffin?" >She yanks the lid off and retrieves, you guessed it, a blueberry muffin. >"You win, Anon!" Derpy leans closer. "And here's your prize~!" "Prize? What do you-MMPH?!" >She pushes the muffin into your snout. >"I made it myself." >You sniff at the fluffy confection and hesitantly take a small bite. >"H-How is it?" She asks expectantly. Part XXII: "Derpy, this is *munch* DELICIOUS!" >"Really?" >The mare's beautiful yellow eyes sparkle in the flickering light. "Yeah, it's even better than the ones we had at the festival!" >You're taking bigger bites now, eager to taste more of Derpy's delicious baking. >It's so fluffy, so chewy, so full of blueberry flavor. >Derpy could easily open her own damn bakery with skills like these! >"Hey Anon, there's something on your face." "Huh?" >Derpy leans in and licks your cheek without warning. >Your entire body shudders from the unexpected intimacy. >Her tongue slowly crawls along your face, savoring every last piece of flesh it touches. >Is it wrong that you DON'T want this to stop? >Then she reaches your lips. >Your whinnies of surprise mix with Derpy's soft moans as her tongue slowly tangles with your own. >She's quite the sloppy kisser, but that just makes her awkward foreplay all the more adorable. >Derpy suddenly pulls away and blushes hard enough to turn her entire face red. >"I'm not very good at this, am I?" >Her sorrowful eyes meet yours in a shared awkward silence. >"I-I've never had a coltfriend before, so these kinds of things are new to me." >You chuckle and shake your head before pulling Derpy closer. "Didn't anypony tell you?" >"Tell me what, Anon?" "Pure mares are the BEST KIND." >You reach down and playfully nibble on her neck, cutting off any objections your frazzled companion might've had. >There's no turning back now. >You are going to rut this mare's brains out. Part XXIII: >Derpy senses your intentions as well, and bends over the arm of her couch to give you proper access to- >"Daddyyyyyy, don't make it gross!" >Your concentration is shattered by a small voice near the fireplace. >Suddenly four foals are sitting on the rug, staring at you with varying degrees of disgust. >Wait a minute, this isn't Derpy's house... >Your eldest daughter, a gray pegasus sporting black hair, pouts at you with her forelegs folded. >Oh right, it's your turn to watch the foals today. "Whoops, sorry Downburst!" >You nervously grin and scratch the back of your head. "Daddy got a bit carried away with the *ahem* 'spicy' details." >Your foals collectively groan and fall on their backs. "Tough crowd." >"Okay everypony, it's snacktiiiiiiiiime~!" >Your beautiful wife Derpy emerges from the kitchen with a plate of freshly-baked muffins. >Awww, she tied her mane in a pony tail, just the way you like it! >The yellow apron she's wearing does almost nothing to hide her swollen pregnant belly. >It's hard to believe you're already on your fifth foal, but Derpy doesn't seem to mind at all. "Thanks for the save, babe." >You affectionately nuzzle Derpy as she places her plate of baked goods on the coffee table. >Your little ponies immediately attack the plate, sending muffin crumbs flying in every direction. >"Yay!" >"Snackies!" >"Yummy!" >Their little squeals of delight quickly fill the living room with a chaotic symphony of gratitude. >That's four more satisfied customers! >It's truly a blessing that Derpy knows her way around the kitchen. >You, on the other hoof, couldn't cook your way out of a paper bag. >It also helps that your mill provides a near endless supply of flour for Derpy to work her culinary magic. >Note to self: build another storeroom for excess wheat. >You would've used the empty space upstairs, but nearly all of it was converted into rooms for the foals. >Damnit, if only this mill/house was just a wee bit bigger... >Derpy offers you a muffin, briefly snapping you out of Thoughtville for a moment. >*MUNCH* >Mmmm~! Tastes like chocolate chip, your favorite flavor! >"How are they?" She asks expectantly. "They're delicious, as usual!" You proclaim while striking a dorky pose. >Derpy tries and fails to contain her laughter. Part XXIII: >Derpy senses your intentions as well, and bends over the arm of her couch to give you proper access to- >"Daddyyyyyy, don't make it gross!" >Your concentration is shattered by a small voice near the fireplace. >Suddenly four foals are sitting on the rug, staring at you with varying degrees of disgust. >Wait a minute, this isn't Derpy's house... >Your eldest daughter, a gray pegasus sporting black hair, pouts at you with her forelegs folded. >Oh right, it's your turn to watch the foals today. "Whoops, sorry Downburst!" >You nervously grin and scratch the back of your head. "Daddy got a bit carried away with the *ahem* 'spicy' details." >Your foals collectively groan and fall on their backs. "Tough crowd." >"Okay everypony, it's snacktiiiiiiiiime~!" >Your beautiful wife Derpy emerges from the kitchen with a plate of freshly-baked muffins. >Awww, she tied her mane in a pony tail, just the way you like it! >The yellow apron she's wearing does almost nothing to hide her swollen pregnant belly. >It's hard to believe you're already on your fifth foal, but Derpy doesn't seem to mind at all. "Thanks for the save, babe." >You affectionately nuzzle Derpy as she places her plate of baked goods on the coffee table. >Your little ponies immediately attack the plate, sending muffin crumbs flying in every direction. >"Yay!" >"Snackies!" >"Yummy!" >Their little squeals of delight quickly fill the living room with a chaotic symphony of gratitude. >That's four more satisfied customers! >It's truly a blessing that Derpy knows her way around the kitchen. >You, on the other hoof, couldn't cook your way out of a paper bag. >It also helps that your mill provides a near endless supply of flour for Derpy to work her culinary magic. >Note to self: build another storeroom for excess wheat. >You would've used the empty space upstairs, but nearly all of it was converted into rooms for the foals. >Damnit, if only this mill/house was just a wee bit bigger... >Derpy offers you a muffin, briefly snapping you out of Thoughtville for a moment. >*MUNCH* >Mmmm~! Tastes like chocolate chip, your favorite flavor! >"How are they?" She asks expectantly. "They're delicious, as usual!" You proclaim while striking a dorky pose. >Derpy tries and fails to contain her laughter. Part XXIV: >Your offspring quickly regather at the fireplace rug, eager to hear more of the tale that brought you and Derpy together. >"Anooooon, are you telling our silly love story agaaaaaaaain~?" Derpy teases. "What can I say?" You grin. "It's my favorite." >"Come listen with us, Mommy!" >Your son Lucky pats a spot on the rug and erratically flaps his little green wings. >Derpy tries to oblige him, but her massive belly is making that a bit of a challenge. >You scramble over to help your swollen wife lie down, being extra careful to not accidentally hurt her in the process. >"Oh thank you, love muffin~!" She bats her eyelashes at you. "Don't mention it, babe." You smile. >Lucky's derped green eyes light up like a Christmas tree when Derpy pulls him in for a snuggle. >Your other foals chirp excitedly and build a little pillow fort around their mother. >"Oh no, I forgot to get a muffin!" Derpy scrunches her snout and makes a sad face. >"I'll get one for you, Mommy!" >Lucky squirms out of her grasp and flies right into the coffee table. >"Oof!" he cries out. >Like mother like son. >You reach towards the plate and offer him one of the remaining muffins. >"Thank you, Daddy!" >You chuckle at his adorable clumsiness. "Anytime, champ." >You watch as the little colt haphazardly glides back to Derpy and gives her the muffin. "Alright, is everypony ready now?" >They all answer you with a cute little "Mmmhmm!" and settle into the mound of pillows. >You quickly gobble down the rest of your muffin and slip into the ol' 'storyteller' vibes. "Very well." You scratch your chin. "Now where was I?" >"At the gross part..." Downburst sighs. >You walk up to your daughter and lift her chin. "Don't worry sweetie, Daddy is skipping the gross parts from now on, okay?" >She looks into your eyes and smiles. >"Okay." She practically whispers. >You sit back in your comfy chair, ready to finish what you started. Part XXV: >One passionate night later... >You're awakened by a warm beam of sunlight peeking through the nearby window. "Ugh, morning already?" >You yawn and roll to the side, colliding with something soft. "Huh?" >Something stirs beneath the sheets. >"Mmmm~!" >Strike that, somePONY stirs beneath the sheets. >You immediately snap out of your half-asleep daze and begin to panic. >Who in their right mind would break into your home and sleep in your bed?! >You stare at the muffin pattern blanket and...wait a minute, you don't have muffin pattern blankets. >Then it dawns on you: this isn't your house. >Derpy's head pokes out from the covers, her frazzled blonde mane sticking out in every direction. >She slowly blinks each eye individually before looking up at you. >"Good morning, Anon~!" >That bubbly voice of hers somehow manages to calm your nerves. >"You really...*huff*...s-showed me a good time last night~!" She squeaks. "Thank you." >The amorous mare scoots over for a morning snuggle. >You instinctively snuggle Derpy back, pulling her in for a tender morning kiss. >Her ears twitch in response to the unexpected lip action. >She's so damn adorkable! >Frankly, it's bizarre how all of this affection feels...NATURAL... >You've only known Derpy for half a day, and yet you're already treating her like she's your wife. >This almost feels like being in a sappy love story or something. >"Want some breakfast?" >Derpy places a hoof on your face and smiles. Part XXVI: >The peppy pegasus dons a yellow apron, ties her mane into a ponytail, and invites you to take a seat at the dining room table. >She hums a cheerful tune as she works her culinary magic, trotting all over the kitchen on a hunt for various things. >You're soon treated to the smell of something truly delicious. >'What could she be making?' You wonder. >Pancakes? >French Toast? >An omelet perhaps? >"Special delivery, Anoooooon~!" >The mare slides you a plate stacked a foot high with pancakes. >You instinctively reach out a hoof to stop the tower of cakes from splattering all over your face. >Wow, Derpy's stronger than she looks. >The mare serves herself an equally tall stack of pancakes and joins you at the table. >"Lemme know what you think, o-of the pancakes I mean!" She sheepishly requests. >Derpy drowns her pancakes in maple syrup and then passes the bottle to you. >You're a bit more conservative with the syrup, opting for a thin layer that won't immediately vaporize your teeth with an ocean of sweetness. >One bite is all it takes to send you into a feeding frenzy. >*NOM NOM* >Dayum, this chick can cook! >You hungrily gobble down the breakfast as though you're on death row. "Dere berry dewishus!" You exclaim. "Sho fwuffy! Sho choohey! Sho fuww of fwavuh!" >"Huh?" Derpy tilts her head in confusion. >Oh right, mouthful of food. >You take a moment to swallow. "I said this is very delicious!" You clarify. "They're so fluffy, so chewey, so full of flaavor!" >Derpy replies with a delicate laugh that almost sounds like crying. >"That means a lot to me Anon, thank you." >You scoot your chair over and nuzzle her. >Damn, if you don't stop with the lovey-dovey stuff, you might begin to LIKE it. >Then again, Derpy certainly appreciates your affections, so why not just give the mare what she needs? Part XXVI: >The peppy pegasus dons a yellow apron, ties her mane into a ponytail, and invites you to take a seat at the dining room table. >She hums a cheerful tune as she works her culinary magic, trotting all over the kitchen on a hunt for various things. >You're soon treated to the smell of something truly delicious. >'What could she be making?' You wonder. >Pancakes? >French Toast? >An omelet perhaps? >"Special delivery, Anoooooon~!" >The mare slides you a plate stacked a foot high with pancakes. >You instinctively reach out a hoof to stop the tower of cakes from splattering all over your face. >Wow, Derpy's stronger than she looks. >The mare serves herself an equally tall stack of pancakes and joins you at the table. >"Lemme know what you think, o-of the pancakes I mean!" She sheepishly requests. >Derpy drowns her pancakes in maple syrup and then passes the bottle to you. >You're a bit more conservative with the syrup, opting for a thin layer that won't immediately vaporize your teeth with an ocean of sweetness. >One bite is all it takes to send you into a feeding frenzy. >*NOM NOM* >Dayum, this chick can cook! >You hungrily gobble down the breakfast as though you're on death row. "Dere berry dewishus!" You exclaim. "Sho fwuffy! Sho choohey! Sho fuww of fwavuh!" >"Huh?" Derpy tilts her head in confusion. >Oh right, mouthful of food. >You take a moment to swallow. "I said this is very delicious!" You clarify. "They're so fluffy, so chewy, so full of flavor!" >Derpy replies with a delicate laugh that almost sounds like crying. >"That means a lot to me Anon, thank you." >You scoot your chair over and nuzzle her. >Damn, if you don't stop with the lovey dovey stuff, you might begin to LIKE it. >Then again, Derpy certainly appreciates your affections, so why not just give the mare what she needs? Part XXVII: >Your ears perk up when the kitchen clock chimes nine times in a row. >Oh bits, the deliveries! "Sorry, but I gotta go Derpy." >You excuse yourself from the table and begin trotting towards the front door. "Thanks for everything, especially those pancakes!" You hastily exclaim. >How could you have forgotten about today's grain deliveries?! >Yeah yeah, you got swept up in a night of romance with a wonderful mare, but this is your livelihood. >It's pretty damn difficult to woo a mate when you're broke and homeless. >"You...don't have to leave, Anon." >Her somber voice has you stopping in your tracks. >"Last night... wasn't just a one-time thing, right?" She whimpers. >You turn to see the mare staring at her half-eaten breakfast. >Well, that's quite the unexpected reaction. >Time to course correct before this budding relationship crashes and burns. >Without a word, you gallop over to the distressed mare and practically smother her with the biggest hug you can muster. >"Oof~?!" >Derpy instinctively pulls away in surprise, but you reel her back in before she can get away. >The aderpable pegasus immediately melts in your embrace. >"Mmmmmm~!" >Now THAT'S the kind of sound you want to hear from Derpy. >She quickly wraps her forelegs around you and happily mewls. "Derpy, I have no intention of leaving you." >You loosen your grip on Derpy just enough to look her straight in the eye. >"Really?" >Her tone sounds like a mix of hope and skepticism. "Really." >You gently pat her on the head and smile. "But I do have some work to do back home." >You steal a kiss from her and gently break off the hug. >The blush on Derpy's beautiful face has you feeling all sorts of ways, but sadly there's no time for horsing around. >"Work?" Her eyes widen. "Oh my gosh, I'm gonna be late too!" >Derpy knocks over her chair and flies upstairs with surprising speed. Part XXVIII: >Your ears pick up on a strange series of thumping and clanking sounds coming from above the kitchen. >What on earth is she doing up there? >The panicked pegasus suddenly stumbles down the stairs and lands face first on the floor. >"Owwwwwwwww!" >You scramble over and help Derpy to her hooves. >Judging by the brown postal workers' uniform, it's safe to assume she works at the post office. >One can only imagine how a mare this clumsy can function as a mailmare, but crazier things have happened. >"Oh, thank you Anooooooon~!" >You chuckle and adjust her hat so she can actually see you. "Anytime, Derpy." >Together, the two of you trot into Ponyville to tackle the day. >"Hey Anoooon~?" "What's on your mind, babe?" >Damn, that nickname sounded way cooler in your head. >"You wanna get some dinner after work?" >There's no way in tartarus a stallion would say no, not with that radiant sparkle in her eyes. "I'd love to." >She clops her hooves together and squees with joy. >"Yaaaaaaay~!" >She stumbles over and nuzzles you until your face turns beet red. >"See you later, Anon!" >Derpy waves and takes off, only to fly head first into a low hanging sign on the other side of the street. >"Oops!" >You notice some nearby townsponies stopping to stare at Derpy as she tries to correct her flight pattern. >Geez, does everpony always stop to make a spectacle of the poor mare's clumsiness?! >Thankfully she recovers quickly and disappears somewhere downtown. >You stretch your wings and take to the skies, ready for this boring day of work to end before it even begins. >Soon the old windmill comes into view, its four wooden blades slowly turning in the morning wind. >You take a deep breath and give your wings a hard flap to gain some speed. >*MAGICK NOISES* Part XXIX: "What the buck?!" >You're sent hurtling towards the ground by a large purple...something. >You turn your wings upwards to try and regain altitude, but it's too late. >Some passersby scream and gallop out of the way. >Your body collides with a stone bridge before landing in the river below. >*SPLASH* >The cold water shocks you awake, temporarily numbing the pain that's chewing away at your nerves. >You scramble to the shoreline and gasp for air. >Before you can even blink, a familiar purple horse lands on the ground with enough force to create a small crater. >You rub your eyes and try to ignore the searing pain in your side. "Princess?!" >You stare in disbelief at the purple alicorn angrily staggering toward you with a bottle of...booze in her hoof? >"I shtill can't beliebe you *hic* chose that durpy dorkadoofus ovurr meeeee!" >Yep, that's definitely alcohol she's drinking. >Twilight utters a disgusting burp and trips over a rock. >"A'hm uh princhesh for Sheleshtia's shake!" >The drunk pony leans her body against yours for support, but even then she can barely stand. >"What shatllion WOULDN'T *urp* wan to date royaltee?!" >You take a closer look at the inebriated mare and gasp. >Her colors...they've faded. >What's even weirder is the fact that your own coat seems to be a lot brighter. >No time to figure out what's going on right now. >You try to pull away but she holds you in place with a sloppy blob of magic. >"Ohhhhhhhh no ya don't!" She shouts. >Ponies begin to gather around the two of you, further increasing the awkwardness of this bizarre situation. >You know you're going to regret this, but it's better than everypony thinking you're an asshat. "It's alright everypony. >You turn to address the concerned crowd. "Princess Twilight isn't feeling well, that's all." >The ponies murmur among themselves without taking their eyes off of you. "I'll let her rest at my place for the time being." >With a grunt of effort, you break free from her magic and sling her over your back. >"Wha-?!" Twilight cries out in surprise. >You ignore her protests and carry her towards your house. >"Whaddya thing you're doowing?! Lemme go dis *hic* instand!!!" Part XXX: >You gently drop the horse princess on your living room couch. >*POMF* >"Oof?! Wut is da meening uf dis, Anuuuun?!" >Twilight squirms around on the cushions, but alas, she is far too shitfaced drunk to even sit up straight. >You take this moment to snatch her bottle of booze away and head to the kitchen. >The foul-smelling liquid sizzles as it flows down the drain. >How do ponies drink this slop?! >With the deed done, you decide to grab a blanket from the hallway closet on the way back. >Upon returning to the living room, you're shocked to see Twilight opening a fresh bottle of...whatever it is she was drinking. >Oh right, she's magical. >You sigh and throw the blanket right in her face. >Twilight mumbles some unintelligible gibberish before pulling the blanket down just enough to take another swig. >Time to get to the bottom of this madness before YOU start drinking. "Okay Twilight, why the buck are you drinking yourself to death?" >More indistinguishable dialogue flows from her muffled snout. "Maybe we should talk later, when you can actually talk?" >You sigh and pull the blanket over her head. "Get some rest, you crazy purple pony." >Twilight squeaks and suddenly lurches forward. >The alicorn's quivering hooves barely graze your neck as you matrix dodge her surprise attack. >You sigh and trot back to the kitchen while she slumps back in defeat. >Twilight's groans of frustration are admittedly cute, but not cute enough for you to forgive her drunken rampage. >Five hours later.... >You help Cherry Berry load up her cart with the last of today's delivery orders. >"Thanks for the help, Anon!" She waves to you with a smile. "No prob." You wave back like a dingus. >"See you tomorrow!" >Cherry Berry once again trots off towards the landing platform. >Where the buck does that mare get all of her peppiness? >Your aching hooves stumble through the front door and practically collapse on the living room floor. >How could you have forgotten that today was going to be such a busy day for shipments? >"Hello, Anonymous..." >Your head bolts upright as the sound of Twilight's voice permeates the room. >At least she sounds sober this time. Part XXXI: >Twilight beckons to you with a hoof patting the empty couch cushion next to her. >If this is your chance to find out what the buck is going on, then you have to take it. >You reluctantly take a seat next to Twilight. >The distressed mare stares at the floor, her face awash with despair (and possibly a hangover). >"Anon, I-" She bites her trembling lip. >Oh boy, here it comes. >The sappy apology that's supposed to fix everything and make everypony live happily ever after. >"I still don't understand." "Understand what?" You cock your head in confusion. >Twilight's head slowly turns until her eyes meet yours. >"Why didn't you choose me to be your special somepony?" >Tears stream down her cheeks. >"Couldn't I make you happy the way Derpy does?" >This doesn't sound like an apology. AT ALL. >With the way she's behaving, one would think you cheated on her or something. "Twilight, we've been over this already." >You wipe the tears from her eyes. "I wasn't looking for a one night stand, especially when magical princesses are involved." >As much as you would've LOVED to rut this mare stupid at the time, it would've been pointless without the love to justify it. >You can't even BEGIN to imagine the PR problems that a princess marrying a commoner would create. >"It didn't have to be a one-off mating!" She protests. >You physically recoil from Twilight's unexpected shouting. >"My books on pony courtship didn't say to *hic* jump directly into mating b-but-" >She's beginning to lose her self-restraint. >"-it was all I could think of to help you in the moment!" >She throws her body into yours and completely breaks down crying. >"We could've *sniffle* made it work, Anon!" >She wraps her forelegs around you in a surprising vice grip that's impossible to escape. >Your shoulder quickly becomes soaked with the pony's tears. >Without even thinking, you hug Twilight close and gently pat her on the head. >The purple pony coos with approval and snuggles you even more. >Dear Celestia, give you strength. Part XXXII: >"I saw you, saw US, together." Twilight laments. "Our love was so beautiful..." >The words coming out of her mouth are making less and less sense. >Wait a minute, is she still drunk? "Please stop speaking in riddles you dorky dingus." >She pulls away from you and sighs. >"There exists a timeline where you chose me as your special somepony, and we became a happy couple...just like I wanted." >Her horn ignites with a burst of fiery purple magic. >"I can show you, if you'd like." The faintest smile crosses her lips. "Wait a minute Twilight, are you saying you can just create timelines out of thin air?!" >Your eyes widen until it feels like they're going to pop out of your skull. >Alicorns always were toted as the most powerful of the pony tribes, but time traveling is a whole new level of insanity. >The purple princess pony shakes her head, much to your personal relief. >"No Anon, these timelines are merely theoretical." >She jumps down from the couch and stretches her legs. >"If one knows where and how to look, one can find endless possibilities scattered across the infinite plane of spacetime." >Brain.exe has stopped working. >"But these infinite possibilities have one fatal flaw: they can be seen, but cannot be touched." >You raise a hoof to interject, but it's too late. >The thousand and one questions bouncing around in your mind are quickly silenced as Twilight's eyes begin to glow bright white. >Without another word, she tears open a strange portal right in the middle of your living room. >"Come, my dear Anon." >She points towards the portal, where something begins to take shape at its center. >"Witness the reality that could have been, but *sad noises* never will be." >She wipes her sniffling snout and tries to put on a brave face, but you know deep down that whatever's in this portal is tearing her apart on the inside. >You take a deep breath and move towards the glowing cosmic window of "infinite possibilities". >It's best if you humor the poor mare, lest she break down crying again. >You slowly peer into the portal, not quite sure of what to expect. "Holy bits." Part XXXIII: >Your mouth hangs open at the scene unfolding within the portal. >It starts off as a beautiful sunny day in Canterlot. >Thousands of ponies gather in the central courtyard, excitedly talking amongst themselves about some kind of "royal announcement". >Suddenly a purple alicorn dressed in her royal best walks out onto the royal balcony, accompanied by a tall purple dragon. >Is...Is that Twilight? Wow, she's almost as tall as Celestia! >The crowd erupts into a frenzy with loud cheers and thundering applause. >"Greetings, my faithful subjects!" The princess smiles. >Her audience responds with even louder shouts of joy. >"We are gathered here today for a very special occasion." >The crowd quickly falls silent. >"The Diamond Dog kingdom has officially signed our Equestrian Alliance treaty!" >She pumps her hoof into the air, sending the crowd into an enthusiastic frenzy. >"Yes, this miraculous diplomatic feat was made possible thanks to the efforts of my royal assistant Spike..." >Twilight gestures towards her dragon companion, who humbly waves to the crowd. >"...And my dear husband, Prince Anon!" >On cue, you emerge from the shadows and stand next to Twilight. >You hug her close and smile at the thousands of ponies celebrating the news. >"With this new alliance secured, Equestria is one step closer to a future that will make our foals and grandfoals proud!" She proudly declares. >No less than ten foals eagerly scramble out from the shadows to join you and Twilight on the balcony. >Their cries of delight are nothing short of adorable. >Some of them look like you, some of them look like Twilight, and some of them look like the result of putting you and Twilight in a blender. >Twilight affectionately nuzzles them and then turns to you with a sparkle in her eyes. >You grin and lean in to return her affections. >"We may need to sire a few more heirs to fully populate our castle, my prince." She whispers. >Twilight bats her eyelashes at you and utters a seductive whinny. >Both you and your alternate counterpart begin turning beet red. Part XXXIV: >"Do you see now, Anon?" >Twilight startles you with a surprise nuzzle. >"We were meant for one another." >You try to back away but end up tripping over your own hooves and falling to the floor. >"We can do great things for one another-" >The mare teleports on top of you before you can even react. >"-and for our great nation of Equestria..." >She leans in until her lips are mere inches away from yours. >Those purple sparkly eyes of hers have you completely entranced. >Oh no, this is getting bad. >You have to do everthing in your power to resist Twilight's regal/dorky charms, for Derpy's sake. >Her alicorn body is surprisingly heavy, easily keeping you pinned to the floor despite your copious amounts of struggling. >Either that or she's using magic to keep you from moving. "Derpy, please forgive me." You choke out. >You close your eyes and try to turn your head before her lips find yours. >*CRRREEEEAAAAAAK* >"Haiiiiii Anoooooon~!" >The sounds of a familiar voice quickly fill your living room. >"Is everything okaaaaaay~? I didn't see you at the rest-" >Her cheerful voice cuts off right as the door fully opens. >You and Twilight turn to face the visiting pony in stunned silence. >There stands your marefriend Derpy, her eyes wide with shock. >"A-Anon?! P-Princess Twilight?!" She cries out in surprise. "What the muffins is going on?!" >She stumbles forward and stares at the two of you in disbelief. >Twilight smiles nervously and quickly scrambles off of you. >"Greetings, Derpy!" She tries to mask her embarrassment with a bubbly tone. "W-What brings you to Anon's house at this hour? Heh heh-" >Derpy stares at Twilight for a few moments before ultimately focusing on you. >"Anon...w-were you trying to *sniffle* give love to Twilight?" >You frantically shake your head and try to respond, but she breaks down crying and crumples to the floor.