>7:38 is when you check the clock after touching down at the bachelor pad
>2 fucking dumbasses got in a pileup and shut down three lanes of the highway
>but you got 6 keys made and confirmed they all work
>you take a deep breath, sprawled on the couch
>and open FB messenger
>"Hey, just got home. I have 6 keys for you all. You coming?"
>throw ur phone down and turn on the TV
>theres a buzz as you tap into sportsurge
>click through the 5 different jerkmate ads...
>fuck. panthers are down 1-3 to the ducks
>how the-oh. bobrovskys not in net. checks out
>pick up phone
>"Yeah! Well be there in 30 minutes."
>hit her with a thumbs up
>this is actually happening
>suddenly your condomlooks a lot more dirty
>dusty table you dont even use...
>blanket and pillow compressed into one side of the couch
>your grand total of 7 dishes in the sink
>plate, big ass spoon, blender, water cup, cereal bowl, all purpose skillet and pasta pot
>could stand to clean up a bit
>dont get too flustered tho, end of the day theyre paying you to live here
>8:10, as you dry off your pan, you hear a racket coming up the stairs
>theyre not footsteps though
>its... clopping
>hooves on concrete
>and a lot of them
>what the fuck?
>and a chorus of girls voices chattering to each other
>you drop your skillet and look out the front window
>you can *hear* them go to the front but cant see any of them-holy fuck
>you swear you saw a purple horn poking up over the bottom of the sill and bob up and down towards your door
>followed by extremely loud clops on your door that reverberate through all of your walls
>"IM HERE!" you yell out as professionally as you can
>you put your ear to the door
>theres at least 5 voices giggling and laughing to each other
>like rick harrison says, you never know whats gonna come through that door
>and your lifes about to change forever
>deep breaths now
>turn the knob
>open the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

>just kidding
>you swore this shit only happens on fimfiction
>and you havent even read one since high school
>but now you have the mane 6 staring up at you with their big ole' eyes
>5 seconds go by until you realize twilight intoduced herself
>even though you know exactly who they are
>"oh... yes. im anon, youre at the right place."
>you shake her hoof
>its so soft...
>pinkie giggles
>"come on in"
>you step aside
>the 6 mares worm their way in
>raritys flank brushes the fronts of your legs
>dontgetabonerdontgetabonerdontgetaboner
>twilight turns around to address you again
>"Oh! I shouldve introduced my friends
>"im Rainbow Dash! fastest flyer in equestria!"
>"dashie he doesnt know what that is!"
>you stifle a laugh with all your jedi training
>"ah'm applejack, thanks for lettin' us live here!"
>you shake her hoof
>soft fur, but tough as nails underneath
>"IM PINKIE PIE!"
>now theres 3 balloons and a few streamers on your floor
>"I'm Rarity~"
>where did, oh there she is, on the wall 
>"what's your name?"
>as if you didnt know
>"im fluttershy..."
>"can i call you flooter?"
>she giggles and nods slowly with her whole head and neck
>god shes so fucking cute
>the restless ponies are already curiously poking around at your furniture
>"so uhh,yeah. you saw the pictures i mean, thats the 2nd bathroom, thats my office with a spare bed. this is living room, kitchens down the hall, my rooms up there the door on the left, ive got a home gym in the other one you can use it if you want and... yeah, make yourselves at home"
>twilight and flooter were the only ones listening
>"we cant thank you enough mister anon"
>only your boss calls you that
>"were gonna take some time to get situated and bring our stuff in, do you wanna get a bite with us after?"
>its been a long fucking day
>"eh its kinda late and its only wednesday. maybe tomorrow?"
>"that's ok!"
>fuck, you just remembered you cant
>"so how much stuff do you... ponies... have?"
>cant let on how much you know
>you follow twilight back into the hallway
>and see a mountain of suitcases and beauty stuff piling up to the ceiling
>"dont worry, 80% of that stuff is Rarity's"
>like a bird on your shoulder, rainbow dash remarks from right beside you
>she hasnt touched the ground once
>"i shoulda guessed."

>the next morning you were woken up by a clop on your bedroom door
>at 5:30 in the morning
>after a long night of chattering and rearranging with the lights on
>you open it up and theres applejack, hat on and all
>"mornin' anon, uhh, i saw you had some eggs and bell peppers, can i make some breakfast?"
>this is gonna be a slippery slope
>"sure" you grunt out
>but stop yourself from slamming the door in her face
>"thanks! ill leave you some"
>she winks and turns back around to start cooking
>you peek over at the living room
>rainbow and flooter are curled up on opposite ends of the couch
>raritys sprawled out luxuriously on her fainting couch, diagonal in the center of the room amongst vanitys and other nicknack pieces of furniture
>gonna have to navigate around that in a few hours
>you go back to bed with the scent of of eggs and butter coasting into your nostrils

>iphonealarmtone.wav
>god damnit
>the three S's are muscle memory at this point
>grab the dirty skillet and wash it
>slap it on the stove, open the-
>oh, theres a plate of food
>thanks AJ
>shes nowhere to be seen though
>mozy out ot the living room so you can be closer to the mares
>because whos day isnt brightened by 6 mares
>your office door's closed, twilight and pinkie must be in there
>rarity and fluttershy are in the exact same position as earlier
>and a very done-with-this-shit dash eating a bowl of cereal at your table
>"sup, action figure" she drones out
>oh yeah, you dont have a shirt on
>"sup blue fast, you always loot peoples cereal on the first night?"
>"AJ said it was up for grabs"
>told you, slippery slope
>"whered she go, anyways?"
>dash shrugged as she slurped down a spoonful of your corn flakes
>"where do *you* go at this time?"
>"work. so i can, you know, exist"
>dash chuckled
>she was starting to wake up and get that spunk in her voice
>"ive got some clouds to shuffle around today, showers at 4 youknow?"
>"oy vey you just fly in from israel?"
>"huh?"
>"nevermind"
>"and then make a biiiiig awesome rainbow after it!"
>she makes a rainbow motion with her hooves
>you crack a smile
>dash picks up her bowl and starts drinking the rest of it like a true bro
>but then starts lapping up the inside of it like a dog
>you just wanna stick your arm out and ruffle that rainbow-
>'ahhhhhhh'
>-and milk covered muzzle
>"welp i gotta finish getting ready so if you fly outta here ill seeya tonite"
>"alright, seeya around!"
>about 15 minutes later you start to exit, as put together as you can get in that time
>rarity's gone, the fan's on in the guest bath, and the shower's running
>youre not one for irish goodbyes, but wagies gotta get in the cagie
>a ray of teal light catches your eye as you reach for the door
>the yellow pegasus quickly shutters her eye after tracking you across the hall
>"bye fluttershy" you say out, calling her bluff
>she grins and stops pretending to sleep
>"bye anon..." she quietly says back, starting to unfold and sploot out

>as dashie brushes her teeth, a staccato thumping starts to vibrate through the walls
>"ugh, what is that *racket?*" rarity melodramatically whined from the shower
>*pbbt* "better than the last place ill say that" dashie says
>and comes out to meet fluttershy eagerly staring out the window
>"look rainbow, its anon!"
>the thumping revved up and down like an engine backing out of a parking spot
>and the two pegasi watched as a black and blaze orange dirtbike banked left and rode off out of the condo complex
>"coool, what is that?"
>"i dont know, it looks like one of those, uhm, what are they called? 
>"cah-rrs i think"
>"but like half of one, on two wheels"
>"that's different though, the ones we always see are like, swoopy, or like those stupid scooter things"
>"i think theyre cute..." fluttershy said softly, her sensitive snowpity a bit hurt
>rainbow pulled her friend into a sidehug
>"sorry flutters, i didnt mean it"
>"goooOOOOOOOD MORNING EVERYPONY!!!!"
>oh celestia, pinkies awake
>"hey pinkster, you got the need?"
>"yeah i do, the need..."
>"FOR SPEED!" both of them yelled out and brohoofed
>somepony watched Top Gun recently