[verse]
I'm watching from the depths of darkness
this board is my domain
I strike fear into sliding ne'er do wells
driving them insane

This nocturnal burden is my duty
sworn to protect with my life
my oath to keep your thread safe 
from the archival strife

[prechorus]
I'll defend you against page ten
I'll bring you back to page one
with my tireless duty that begins 
under Celestia's setting sun

[chorus]
I am the board's lone vigilante
with my thread protecting might
beware my thread sliding foes
I am the bump in the night

[verse]
I watch as you wander
down that dark and unlit path
oh, you poor, poor mare,
you're walking into a bloodbath

before you know it, you're surrounded 
by the sliding gang of page ten
but, I'm already swooping in
to protect this fair maiden

[prechorus]
I'll defend you against page ten
I'll bring you back to page one
with my tireless duty that begins 
under Celestia's setting sun

[chorus]
I am the board's lone vigilante
with my thread protecting might
beware my thread sliding foes
I am the bump in the night

[bridge]
my actions are swift
my bumps are true
my sole focus
was on protecting you
I take my leave 
I'm on my way
before you can even say 
thank you

[solo]

[prechorus]
I'll defend you against page ten
I'll bring you back to page one
with my tireless duty that begins 
under Celestia's setting sun

[chorus]
I am the board's lone vigilante
with my thread protecting might
beware my thread sliding foes
I am the bump in the night

[outro]
I am the bump in the night!