>Be Tripfag
>No wait, it's Anon
>Be Anon
>Be in Africa
>Wait no, it's Equestria
>Wait, didn't Equestria turn out to be in Africa?
>Well, this is MLP Equestria
>And you're Anon
>You're Anon in Equestria
>Copyright and Trademark 2011-2014 /mlp/
>Boy you sure do miss /mlp/
>You'd never thought the stories were true
>You still didn't know how many were true and how many were made up
>You weren't concerned about that though, because you had your own story in progress
>Anyway, you've just gotten off of work, and are tired
>Being that you can manipulate many objects with magic-like precision, yet have full human strength, you've been working as a general handyman contractor
>Most of your work involves fixing the town hall roof
>As you detour to ponyville park, you see your one of your favorite mares, Derpy Hooves
>Poor girl is clueless as to how you feel about her, but seems to like you enough
>You've tried going on a few dates before, but it hasn't seemed to really work out
>Mostly because she ends up sidetracking on nearly every conversation or activity
>It makes it impossible to have any romance
>You sigh, and wave to her
>"Hello, Anon!" she shouts in her bubbly voice
>Hehe, bubbly
>Because of her butt drawing
"Hi"
>You respond, seeing that she seems busy
>Probably has to go break the town hall roof
"How's it going gray horse?"
>"Anon, you know I'm not a- oh whatever, I know you're joking anyway."
"True. Nice day isn't it"
>"Yeah it is."
>She looks around and spies the time on the clock tower, which startles her a bit.
>"Well, I should go now. I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta go babysit Dinky again."
>Babysit
>Dinky
>Headcannon ruined
>Derpy isn't a MILF
>You pop a squat on the park bench, no longer able to stand
>As you sit there, momentarily shattered, you see three small creatures headed your way
>The CMC loved to get piggy back rides and play with you
>AJ and Rarity were hesitant to let Apple Cute and Cutie Belle go near you when you first arrived, but RD and Cutealoo were eager to see what you were made of.
>Curiously, you weren't the first Anon in Equestria.
>But you were the first one in THIS Equestria.
>Turns out the multiverse theory was correct, and sometimes different Anons will get sent to different Equestrias.
>Rarely two or more will be sent to the same one
>You only know this because of your adventures with the Discords
>You sigh, wondering what grand schemes the three mini horses had in store for you
>They nearly got you arrested for BnE once
>Sweetie had convinced you that Rarity said you could take some golden thread from the boutique, but Rarara had accidentally left the door locked
>Suddenly Scootaloo turned to the other crusaders and spoke, jostling you out of your thought space
>"Hey guys, do you, uh, mind if I hang out with Anon today?"
>She says with a slight red tinge in her face
>"Alone?"
>You, Apple, and Belle all looked at her with the same puzzled look
>"Ah guess so. Ah hafta help Sis with some chores anyway. She'll be mighty mad if'n ah don't git em done"
>"And I'm going to Princess Twilight's castle for extra magic lessons. we're starting intermediate levitation!"
>"Great. I'll see you later after dinner, right?" Scooterpony asked them
>"Yeah" they replied in unison
>You turned to her
"So, uh, what is it that you wanted to do?"
>"Well, I was hoping we could hang out together, you know, maybe, uh, get a bite to eat orsomethinglikethat"
>You notice she's blushing as she says this
>"And maybe you could tell me about where you come from"
>For a second there you thought she was asking you ou-
>No, that's silly
>She's just a filly
"Why couldn't the other crusaders join?"
>"Oh well, uh, you know, Applebloom would just question everything you say and Sweetie would keep barraging you with questions. This way I can actually hear what life for you back home is like"
>Fair enough
>Suddenly, you both hear an audible growl
"That lunch offer sounds good right about now. Where should we go? Just name a place and I'll pay for it"
>"Oh, uh, I know just the place. It's nearby, and cheap."
"Perfect. Hop on"
>Taking her cue, she leaps up on to your shoulders, using her wings to assist her jump height
>She's firmly in place, and you head off in the direction she tells you

>You're Scootaloo
>Pegasus, Filly, Daredevil
>Ever since this guy came to your world, you've adored him
>He's not like anypone around, and in more ways than one
>He's cool, funny, and he loves to play pranks
>The fact that he's twice as tall as a pony and four times as strong, means new possibilities
>Now, the moment of truth has passed
>You've successfully asked him out on a date
>Or at least you think you have
>You're not sure if he really sees you that way
>After all, you've already learned from him that ponies in his world are non-sapient
>That means non-talking in pony terms
>Plus the way ages work where he's from, he might see you as being too young to be his fillyfriend
>But you'll convince him
>As you make your way to the restaurant, ponies eye you suspiciously
>Are they judging you for having a boyfriend so young?
>You weren't exactly a baby, but you were a little on the young side to be dating already
>Not by much though, it wasn't unheard of for fillies your age to at least go on dates with other colts
>So why are they all so judgmental, as if this was some crazy sight playing out?
>Oh wait, you're riding a 6 foot tall ape-minotaur-beast
>Right
>The ponies in town had started to get used to him a little
>It still might make them nervous to have him carrying you through town
>Especially after the incident where he decided to let everyone know his people are natural omnivores
>He had assured everyone however that they usually don't eat equines if there's another option available
>It took a while for everypony to begin to trust him at all
>As you reflect on all of this, you soon arrive at an Itailian-style restaurant famous for their sandwiches
>It wasn't dirt cheap fast food fare, but it wasn't high-end and expensive either
>Perfect example of a happy median
"We're here"
>You hop down off anon's shoulders and prance inside, too proud of yourself for words
>Anon follows you, and the two of your head inside to begin your "date"

>Be anomymous (id:axqb5ym9)
>You've arrived at an Itailian-style family restaurant
>You're not sure whether you can afford it, but Scoots said it was "cheap"
>She might be secretly rich and have a different idea of "cheap" though
>Yeah, that's doubtful
>You make your way inside and see the menu
>Based on prices here, you worked out that 1 bit was about equal to 1 quarter back in 'Murrica
>Kinda hard to figure with some things being crazy expensive or dirt cheap compared to back home
>Single cherries: $0.50-0.75
>Anyway, the sandwiches all had prices ranging from 15-20 bits, plus a deal for an 8-inch sub with potato chips and a drink for 24 bits
>$6 for a meal like that wasn't a half-bad deal if the food was good
>You were about to find out

>You and orange small were seated with your food, nomming away and chatting about home
>Some of the things made scoots seem quite scared
>You decided to recount some of the faith-restoring HFY stuff you remember
>Charity, people laying down their lives for their friends, things like that
>People were giving you odd looks
>Standard
>But these looks were different
>They were similar to the looks you'd get when you took your friend's daughter places while he worked
>Those looks that can only come from brainless white knights waiting for their chance to be famous for catching a predator
>As bad as the 30's, 40's, 50's, and so on were from what you heard, what with all the racism and sexism and everything, there was one thing about them that you wish hadn't gone away
>A man could spend time with a little girl who isn't his own without get labelled with the "P" word
>One guy actually had the nerve to call the cops on you
>Good thing your friend worked for the DA or you'd be off to the slammer
>He managed to get both cops who arrested you on the spot fired
>You even started religiously playing the lottery every day since you were acquitted
>But that didn't last long
>He also helped you sue the would-be whistleblower for everything he had for libel and falsely reporting you for a crime
>Hence why you drive a Camaro and live comfortably despite being unemployed for almost a year
>No need to play the lotto now, you've already lucked out enough for one lifetime
>Of course that money wouldn't do you much good here in equestria
>That is, if you weren't on your way from the gold broker to the bank with a secret briefcase of gold bullion
>You heard gold was a good investment, and the fact that you had it with you when you went to Equestria was a God-send
>But none of that spared you the trauma that made you wary of ever being near a kid again
>Which reminded you


"Say, scootaloo, I've told you a lot about the situation with grown ups and children back home right?"
>"Yeah, so?"
"The looks these ponies are giving me are similar to those I got when I hung out with my friends daughter. Need I be worried about being arrested?"
>"Wha- no way dude, I mean it's not like we're doing anything, it's just food, right? Ehehehe..."
"Right, it's just that people back home were often times too quick to search for an ulterior motive"
>"I mean besides, even if we were on a date, I told you, I'm of legal age anyway, so you could do whatever you wanted with me"
>Your drink stops in your straw halfway up as you completely freeze up
>You sit there, absolutely speechless, and very uncomfortable with the sudden advancement
>Scootaloo at first seems to not think anything of it
>Once she looks at you, she can tell something was up with what she's just said, but couldn't figure out what
>"What, what did I-"
>Finally it hit her
>Fully realizing what she just said, she begins to look like she spray painted her face pink
>She starts playing with her mane and fires off words, trying to cover up for the mistake
>"Uh, I mean, theoretically it'd be legal I'm not saying you and I would no I just mean a filly my age and a stallion or any other talking creature for that matter like you just as an example could I mean yeah that's how the law works here so you have nothing to worry about yeah"
>It seemed by the embarrassment and the fact that it took her a minute to catch what she said that it was a genuine mistake
>She really did just slip up and make an unfortunate implication on accident
>Right?
>She looks away and begins sucking hard on her drink straw
>You realize how you just phrased that in your head and feel like hitting yourself
>But you remembered what that bully in elementary school told you about hitting yourself and decided to take his advice
"So, uh, anyway, I'm full now, so I better get going"
>You were actually still quite hungry, but needed an excuse to get out of here without hurting her feelings"
>"Okay, uh, I guess I'll see you around sometime"
>You realized that hanging out with her was actually pretty enjoyable
>She was a lot like your goddaughter: brash, tomboyish, and always talking without thinking
>Often times to her own embarrassment
>You decided that if she really enjoyed spending time with you like this, you;d just have to man up, get over your insecurities, and make her happy
"Sure thing. Oh and uh, if you ever want to hang out alone like this again, y'know wihout the distraction of AB and Sweetie, you can come to my house and we can plan another, um, thing, like this"
>Rudolph the reindeer's nose didn't have shit on Scootaloo's eyes after you said that
>"Really, does this mean you'll be my coltfriend. Uh, man-friend?"
"Boyfriend"
>You correct her without thinking
>"Right, 'boyfriend', gotcha"
>You realize what you'd just said and it only makes it worse
"Wait wait no, no. Hold on, no"
>And just like that her previously lit eyes appear to have been hid with a full-blown blackout
"Uh, I mean, let's just take it slow, alright. We can talk about it later, but for right now, let's keep it casual, 'kay?"
>You say, pointing and winking at her with your worst Fonzie impression, as if you were a cool dude not wanting to settle into anything serious
>"Right, gotcha. I guess I'll head home now"
>It hurt you to see the filly so hurt and embarrassed, but you had no choice
>There was no way you could ever have a kid as a girlfriend
>No matter how intelligent and mature may seem
>No matter that she was of age according to her society
>No matter how cute she was

>You'd think about it

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