Author: BadGrammarFag
Pastebin URL: Em6XP4gt.html
Date: MAR 12TH, 2016

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>You sighed tiredly and quickly ran your hand through your hair.
"Man, when will she finally understand that I'm not fucking interested..."
>Taking a sip from the glass of AppleJack Daniels you were nursing, you adjusted your position on the bar stool.
>You're Anonymous and you're in a foul mood tonight.
>Luckily, the local bar was always opened when you needed to drown your sorrows in alcohol. 
>Slowly swirling the dark liquid inside the glass, you noticed that 'barmare' was looking at you questioningly. 
>"What's wrong cutie pie, what brings such a lovely colt like you, to a place like this? Does your mare knows you're here?"
>Hearing that last question for the upteenth time, you chuckled loudly.
"No, because I don't have any 'marefriend' at the moment."
>She raised both of her eyebrows in disbelief.
>"Are you kidding me?! Such a nice stallion like you can have any-"
>Before she could finish what she had in mind, you lifted your index finger in the air.
"Oh and to be clear, I didn't come here to look for one. Also, if you're thinking about a 'quick buck without obligation' in the toilet, forget it."
>A lot of well-oiled mares asked you about it already and the answer's still 'No'.
>The barmare hummed audibly. 
>"So, you're one of those strong, independent stallions, who need no mare?"
>You took another sip of your whisky.
"Nah, I'm just not looking to get my dick wet tonight. What I want, is to drink until I forget about some shit. Though, I think it won't happen until I drop on the floor totally shitfaced."
>You smiled smugly at her.
"Then, I guess you can do whatever you want with me."
>Yeah, like this ever happens.
>Poni poni alcohol was weaker than a retarded fruit fly.
>After drinking a whole fucking bottle of pony whiskey, you only got a little buzz going on.
>Nevertheless, a buzz was better than nothing.
>The barmare bit her lower lip and slammed the bar counter with her front hoof excited.
>"Really, now?! Then, I guess your drinks are on the house tonight, hot flanks!"
>You leaned forward and put already empty glass before her.
"Just don't let me ruin your business, you hear. I can drink a shitload of that stuff, you call whiskey and still walk straight afterwards."
>Pouring you another drink, she chuckled quietly and started mumbling something under her breath.
>"Yeah, right... I have yet to see a colt, who can drink more than a bottle of this liquor and stand on his hooves without help..."
>Welp, she's in for a quite surprise, ain't she?
>Handing erm, hoofing(?) you, your next drink, she set her fluffy ears in your direction.
>"Now tell me, what's the reason you need so much of my finest booze in your system tonight?" 
>Ah fuck it, you as well may tell her.
"Rather who's the reason. She's a friend of my, let's call her landlord. Her name's Rarity, or how I call her, Squiggletail, among many other things. Ever heard of her?"
>The barmare produced a soft cloth from under the counter and started wiping its wooden surface with it.
>"Of course, she's one of the mares, who along with our newest princess, saved this world a couple of times. She's the owner of the Carousel Boutique, right? What's your problem with her?"
>Putting the glass near your lips, you sighed loudly.
"Bingo, that's her and my problem is that she don't want to leave my happy human ass alone. I know that she's interested, if not obsessed with me, but I'm not..."
>You took a big sip of the dark liquor before continuing.
"Long story short. At the beginning she was just dropping subtle hints that she find me attractive and all that shit. Though, when I didn't answer to any of those, she went full Gaston on me... Yeah, in this crazy reversed geneder roles poni-poni land, I'm the Belle and she's fucking Gaston."
>The barmare raised her eyebrow questioningly.
>"Belle and Gaston? Like in that foal's story, 'Handsome and the Beast'?"
>Before you could say anything to that, you heard a bar stool squeaking beside you.
>You and the barmare looked at a cerise colored earth pony mare, who was trying hard to not fell from where she just clumsily sat.
>She was drunk as a skunk and looked at you, with a drunken smile on her muzzle.
>"Shoo, mah name's Berry Punshh, wha-*hic*-what's yoursh, h-handsomeee?"
>The barmare crossed her front hooves on her chest tuft and snorted audibly.
>"I think you had enough for tonight, Berry. Time to pay the bill and go home."
>Drunken mare wobbled on the bar stool, leaned in your direction and tapped your shoulder a few times with her shaking hoof.
>"N-Nahh, noth with-*hic*-wihout him. Comh-e on, I'll show youh how a rheeelly th-thight pusshy *hic* feels like'sh!"
>You grabbed her drunkenly swaying hoof with your hand and turned to the barmare.
"Great, another one. You know her?"
>She nodded her head.
>"Sadly, yes. Berry Punch is one of my regulars. When she starts drinking, she cannot help it and always ends up like this. Normally, she should be sleeping on the floor in her home right now, though."
>A classic alcoholic, if anyone ask you.
>The intoxicated mare in question was looking at you with half-lidded eyes, trying to look seductively.
>"S-Shoo, how it'sh gh-*hic*-gonna be, hot shtuff? Arhe youh coming *he he* c-coming withh mhe ho-*hic*-home?"
>The barmare crossed her front hooves on her chest tuft and snorted audibly.
>"I think you had enough for tonight, Berry. Time to pay the bill and go home."
>Drunken mare wobbled on the bar stool, leaned in your direction and tapped your shoulder a few times with her shaking hoof.
>"N-Nahh, noth with-*hic*-wihout him. Comh-e on, I'll show youh how a rheeelly th-thight pusshy *hic* feels like'sh!"
>You grabbed her drunkenly swaying hoof with your hand and turned to the barmare.
"Great, another one. You know her?"
>She nodded her head.
>"Sadly, yes. Berry Punch is one of my regulars. When she starts drinking, she cannot help it and always ends up like this. Normally, she should be sleeping on the floor in her home right now, though."
>A classic alcoholic, if anyone ask you.
>The intoxicated mare in question was looking at you with half-lidded eyes, trying to look seductively.
>"S-Shoo, how it'sh gh-*hic*-gonna be, hot shtuff? Arhe youh coming *he he* c-coming withh mhe ho-*hic*-home?"
>Suddenly, you heard a soft, high-pitched voice coming from the floor behind the inebriated mare.
>"Mommy, why are you still here? Please, come home with me, while you still can!"
>Leaning a little to the side, you saw a small unicorn filly standing on the ground, beside Berry's bar stool.
>She had a cute, little horn protruding from her rosy mane and a pink coat.
>The barmare waved her hoof in a greeting manner at her.
>"Hi, Pinchy! I see you're here for your momma... again."
>Little filly smiled widely and pushed her small chest forward.
>"Yes, Miss Margarita! I'm big and responsible and I'm here to help my mommy get home!"
>The barmare smiled and owww'ed quietly under her breath.
>You on the other hand, made a sour face.
>You never called yourself an SJW, but this wasn't fucking right for a little kid like her, to come to a place like this and beg her shitfaced mother to return home with her.
>Also, from what you just heard, this wasn't the first time either.
>Berry Punch finally noticed her daughter and swaying wildly on the bar stool, pointed her shaky hoof at her.
>"Nh-Not now *hic*, sweetie. Mhomma phromised y*hic*-you she'll find'sh youh a d-daddy soon. Aaa-aandd thish nice shtallion didn't run awhay... yeth. *Hic!*" 
>She tried to tap you with her front hoof again, but missed you completely and collapsed on the bar counter before her.
>You turned your head to look at her daughter, who was looking at her with a growing worry in her eyes.
"Hi, kiddo. My name's Anonymous, Anon in short, what's yours?"
>She averted her eyes from her intoxicated mother and looked at you.
>"I'm Ruby Pinch, Mr. Anon. Momma always says that it's a very marely name!"
>You nodded your head and smiled a little.
"That it is, Pinchy. Say, if I can ask, where's your dad? I think he should be the one to get Berry out of here, not you. No offense to your um 'mareliness', of course."
>Ruby looked at her mother once more, with an unsure smile on her muzzle.
>"Daddy... Daddy stopped living with me and mommy before I was born... I-I don't know where he is, s-sorry."
>You looked at Margarita, who was busy prodding Berry still lying on the bar counter. 
>"Hey, are you still with us here?"
>Drunken mare waved her front hoof weakly and mumbled something incoherently in response.
>You cleared your throat loudly to get the barmare's attention.
>"O-Oh right, I don't know the details, but from what I heard from Berry, Ruby's father was very self-centered. Even for a stallion. By some miracle he tolerated Berry's alcohol problems, though. Nevertheless, when she got pregnant, he left her. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life raising a foal, or so he said. Then, when Pinchie was born, she started drinking a lot more and... here we are."
>Your inner white knight was screaming bloody murder.
"Fucking shitbag, no honor at all."
>Margarita shrugged her shoulders and sighed.
>"Some stallions are just like that. I'm sure you know that there's a big gap between number of mares and stallions here. They just think they're something really special because of that and they don't have time to stick around when they got bored with a mare, or a herd they're with."
>You looked at Berry Punch.
"Still, he should have stayed long enough to at least keep her alcohol problems in check, knowing that she'll have a child soon."
>The barmare nodded.
>"Yeah, almost any stallion would do that and a lot more, but not him. Luckily, Berry managed to be sober throughout most of her pregnancy and as you can see, Ruby Pinch is a healthy and happy little filly."
>Ruby furrowed her small eyebrows hearing that.
>"Hey, I'm not little! I'm big, responsible a-and marely! Momma always says that!"
>Then she started pouting, looking at you with her big, round eyes.
>You stood up from your bar stool and crouched down beside Ruby.
>Watching to not hurt her little horn, you ruffled her rosy mane delicately.
"Of course, you are. No one is denying that, right Margarita?"
>The barmare nodded her head energetically in response.
>"Right!"
>Without warning, Ruby nuzzled your hand hungrily.
>After that, her eyes widened and she looked at the floor, embarrassed as all hell.
>She started drawing circles with her little front hoof on the ground.
>"D-Don't worry, Mr. Anon... I...I know you won't be my daddy, like mama said. N-No stallion was ever interested with me and momma... I-I'm accustomed to that."
>Your heart stopped there for a moment.
>To say the truth, you didn't know what to say.
>Luckliy, you didn't have to.
>Suddenly, Berry fell of her bar stool and crashed on the floor beside you and Ruby.
>You heard soft snoring coming out of her.
>Ruby started prodding her snout and shouting at her.
>"Momma, you can't sleep in here! I-I don't have enough strength to drag you home from here!"
>Berry giglesnorted and returned to her snoring without opening her eyes.
>The barmare leaned over the counter and looked at Ruby.
>"Just leave her here, Pinchy. I'll get her into the back room. She can spend the night there."
>Ruby's shoulders and head dropped.
>"A... A-Alright, Miss Margarita."
>You saw a hint of tears in the little filly's eyes.
>...
>You clenched your fists and teeth.
>Man, fuck that noise!
>You stood up, grabbed your glass of whisky and drinked it all in one gulp.
>After you loudly put it away on the bar counter, you turned to the barmare.
"So, how much do I owe you for the booze?"
>She looked at you dumbfounded.
>"I-I told you it's on the house, because you said that when-"
>You silenced her with your outstretched hand.
"Sorry, but I have to help that little filly get her mother home."
>To Ruby's great surprise, you scooped Berry up from the floor in your arms, as if she didn't weigh anything.
>Your previous job on earth involved lifting heavy things, so you were accustomed with some hard manual labour and all that crap.
>Margarita's eyes widened like crazy.
>"Y-You really going to do that?! A-A stallion is going to carry a mare to her house?! By the gods, where have you been all my life?!"
>You chuckled audibly.
"In another dimension. Where um, stallions are the marely ones. By the way,'Margarita', you have a lovely name."
>A red, hot blush bloomed on her cheeks and she suddenly became very interested with the cloth in her hooves. 
>"Y-You too... j-just get out of here, you don't own me nothing, you t-teasing colt, you."
>You looked at Berry in your arms.
>She was salivating a little and snoring loudly, totally drunk.
>Being a regular, she probably has a tab here, so you didn't ask Margarita about how much she owned her.
>Suddenly, you heard a loud laughter coming out from one of the tables in the bar.
>Two drunk mares were pointing their front hooves at you and berry, laughing like hyenas.
>"L-Look! Looks like Berry's gonna finally score some D! Shame she's too plastered to know it!"
>>"N-No way! She's gonna puke on him and the cutie will run away faster than she chugs a bottle of wine!"
>Ruby wasn't happy to hear such things about her mother.
>She stomped her little hooves on the bar floor and pouted some fierce.
>"Hey, that's my momma you're talking about!"
>They started to laugh even louder.
>"S-Sorry kiddo, your momma's a loser!"
>Welp, you could shout at them that they should go fuck themselves, but that would probably only added fuel to that fire.
>You decided to try something else.
>Knowing that Pinchie wasn't looking at you, you flipped Berry's unconscious form through your shoulder and looked at them with half lidded eyes.
>You stroked her flanks with your hands, licked your lips sensually and winked at them once.
>Thier jaws quickly fell on their table and you turn your head to Ruby.
"Come on, Pinchy, let's go. Open the door for me, like a true marely mare you are."
>Her ears flicked in your direction and she smiled adorably.
>"Of course, Mr. Anon! Right away!"
>She quickly went to get the door open and you showed those two mares your middle finger.
>The gesture was lost on them, but at least you felt better.
>When you and Ruby were standing outside, you heard one of those mares shouting at Margarita through the closing door behind you.
>"By Celestia, did that just happen?! Margarita, did you add something to our booze tonight?!"
>>"I-I'm asking myself the same question, you know!"
>Chuckling under your breath, you followed Ruby Pinch to her and her mother's home.

>Your short night stroll through the town was pretty uneventful.
>There was only this one mare, who saw you carrying plastered Berry on your shoulder, but she didn't say anything.
>She was simply too busy picking up her jaw from the ground.
>Ruby Pinch was bravely trotting in front of you with her head held high and her cute, little chest tuft pushed forward.
>With a concentrated expression on her features, she was trying hard to illuminate the path before you with her filly magic.
>Unfortunately for her, she couldn't keep up the light spell going on for more than a few short moments.
>After her last failed try, she flattened her little ears on her head and looked at you.
>"I-I'm sorry, Mr. Anon. My magic is too weak to lighten your path a-and it's so dark outside already..."
>You stopped walking and holding her mother with one hand, you crouched beside Ruby. 
>Without warning you stretched out your hand to her and scratched behind one of her flattened ears.
>She giggled and closed her eyes. 
>When you felt her pushing her head into your hand for more scratchies, you sighed quietly.
>Because of her mother's drinking habits, that little filly was really deprived of any positive attention, wasn't she?
>Not that the mares in this place were especially touchy feely with their foals over all, it was more of a stallion's schtick to do such things.
>No wonder she was so sad, when Margarita told her to leave Berry on the bar floor and go back home alone.
>When Ruby's ears were standing straight once more and she began humming happily, you smiled at her.
"Don't worry about illuminating the path, Pinchy. That strong moonlight is more than enough for me already. Us humans can see a lot better in the darkness than any pony."
>Her eyes widened when she heard that.
>"Wow, you're like one of the power ponies, Mr. Anon! Y-You're tall, strong and can see in the darkness!"
>Taking your hand away from her, you scratched your chin in thought. 
"Thanks, Pinchy. Say... as dark as it is right now, you can't see shit in front of you, don't you?"
>Still looking at you, she cocked her head to the side.
>"'Shit', Mr. Anon?"
>Ugh, maybe you should watch your words around her better.
"A-Anything! I-I meant anything, you can't see anything right now, don't you?"
>Her ears dropped again and she sadly nodded her head, this time looking at her little hooves on the ground. 
>"Yes... sorry about it..."  
>Not thinking much, you gently grabbed her by the nape of her neck, like you would a little kitten.
"Don't be afraid, Pinchy. I saw that you were tripping a lot and I think I know how to prevent that."
>Carefully, you placed her on the top of your head and stand up.
"Hold on tight, kiddo and just tell where to go."
>You felt her little back hooves hugging your neck and her front hooves buried in your hair.
>"Just go ahead, Mr. Anon. My and my mommy's house is not far away from here."
>You began walking slowly and heard her shout of excitement.
>"A-Amazing, I've never been carried so high before!"
>Chuckling loudly, you increased your walking speed.
"Just imagine that I'm a big, mean Jaeger and you're my pilot."
>"What's a 'Jaeger', Mr. Anon?"
>Oh right, they never heard about Pacific Rim[spoiler]job[/spoiler] in here.
"It's a big robot, Pinchy. Bigger than an Ursa Major."
>She giggled and nuzzled your head quickly. 
>"But you're too soft and warm to be a big, mean robot! I always thought that colts like to be delicate and um, colitsh!"
>You raised your hand above your head and ruffled her rosy mane with your fingers.
"Not where I come from, kiddo."
>Without further delay, you quickly found yourself standing inside her and Berry's house.
>It was a cozy little cottage, located not far away from the town centre.
>As carefully as before, you placed Ruby on the ground and grabbed her drunken mother with both of your hands.
"Alright Pinchy, show me where can I lay down your mother."
>She pointed at the white colored door beside you.
>"Her bedroom is behind that door, Mr. Anon. You can put her in her bed if you want."
>Then, she closed her eyes and her little horn glowed brightly. 
>She managed to open the door with the use of her magic and smiled widely.
>After that, she started dancing in place like... well, like a little filly.
>"I did it! I'm a marely mare! I'm... o-oh, g-go ahead, I opened the door for you."
>You nodded to her thankfully and walked inside the bedroom still carrying Berry bridal style.
>When you came up to her large bed, she mumbled something incoherently and suddenly shifted her position in your arms.
>Without any warning she quickly hugged tightly your neck with her front hooves and your mid section with her back hooves. 
>You tried to tear her off of you, but she didn't even budge.
>Shit wasn't cash, because it looked like your human strength was no match for her drunken earth pony strength.
>Aaand just like that, you were standing there in Berry's bedroom, with her hugging you like a fucking facehugger from the Alien movies.
"...fug."
>Maybe... maybe you should punch her a few times, in hopes that the pain wakes her up and she'll let go of you?
>...
>Naaah, you were an asshole sometimes, but you aren't some edgy faggot from edgeland, who constantly listens to Linkin Park. 
>Though, you always were a great fan of Korn, even when they went to shit with that one dubstep themed album...
>Without further ado, you walked out of Berry's bedroom and looked at Ruby Pinch, who was waiting for you outside.
"Um, listen Pinchy, how can I tear your drunk mother away from me?"
>When she saw how her mother was clinging to you, her muzzle opened and closed a few times without a sound.
>"O-Oh... y-you can't. At least not until she wakes up on her own."
>Tfw fug! intensifies.
"Please, elaborate."
>She looked nervously at her mother.
>"D-Did she say anything before hugging you like that, Mr. Anon."
>You nodded your head.
"Yeah, she mumbled something, but I didn't understand what she actually said."
>Pinchy blinked a few times and nervously scratched her little cheek.
>"W-Well, she probably said 'Good evening, Mr. Pillows' to you."
>You raised your eyebrow questioningly.
>Mr. Pillows?
>"She thinks you're her big pillow. She always sleeps hugging it in her bed a-and never let it go, until she wakes up. One time she hugged me along wit it and I needed to spend the night with her, until the early morning."
>You looked at Berry's snoring head on your shoulder.
>She was coating it with saliva, giggling drunkenly from time to time. 
"Fucking mother of the year, right here."
>Then, you turned your head to Ruby.
"Guess, I'm gonna spend the night here, then."
>Pinchy cocked her head to the side.
>"Thank you, Mr. Anon, but won't your special somepony be afraid for you, when you won't go back home tonight?"
>You just sighed softly.
"I don't think so, because I don't have anyone like that at the moment. My current 'landlord' could be a little nervous, but I think she'll manage to be mostly calm before I go back tomorrow."
>At least you hoped she would.
>After all, you were living in Twilight's castle and you heard legends about her irrational behavior when triggered.
>All in all, she should learn that in comparison to the local stallions, you knew how to defend and take care of yourself after dark.
>Yeah, that should be a good lesson for her.
>Berry snorted loudly in your ear.
"Though, I don't care about it right now. Right now, I need a drink."
>Pinchy brightened up immiedietly and started walking away from you.
>"Come, Mr. Anon! I'll show you where's the kitchen!"
>When you entered the kitchen, you were surprised.
>It was in much better state, than you thought it would be.
>Ruby quickly sat down at the table and you, with Berry still hugging you tightly, started looking for something to drink.
>When you open a few drawers, you found a whole bottle of wine just waiting there for you.
>Grabbing it, you saw in the corner of your eye, that Pinchy was looking at you closely.
>Damn, she probably sat there numerous times like that, watching like her mother was drinking herself into a stupor.
>... and you were about to do the same.
>Cursing your inner SJW, you put the bottle away into the drawer and closed it.
>Sighing loudly, you grabbed an empty cup and poured yourself some water from the sink.
>Taking a sip, you cringed a little.
>Ugh, you didn't like plain water - fish were fucking in it constantly...
>Before your thoughts had a chance to become even more retarded, you heard a strange growling coming from behind you.
>When you turned your head, you saw that Ruby Pinch was holding her little belly with her hooves.
>She had a rosy blush on her cheeks and was smiling silly at you.
>"S-Sorry, Mr. Anon."
>Your eyebrow pierced the ceiling.
"Did you eat anything at all today, Pinchy?"
>Still embarrassed, she nodded her head.
>"Y-Yeah, I ate an a-apple in the morning."
>You quickly looked at snoring Berry.
"I was fucking wrong. You're a mother of this millennium."
>Then, you turned your head back to Pinchy.
"Listen, I'll whip up something for you to eat. After all, supper is a very, very important meal of the um, night. Alright?"
>Her eyes widened and she started pumping her little hooves in the air in excitement.
>"Yes! My mommy always told me that stallions know their way around the kitchen! Thier food taste a lot better, than anything a mare would prepare!"
>Nodding to her, you turned away.
>At that moment, you knew one thing. 
>You were so fucked!
>Absolutely and undeniably fucked!
>You didn't know shit about cooking!
>What did you get her hopes up?!
>You started looking around the kitchen for anything, which could save your stupid ass.
>Checking everywhere, you found flour, milk, eggs, butter and sugar.
>Guess, it's time to make pancakes... for supper.
>Fuck.The.System!
>You're gonna make Pinchy some fucking pancakes and she's gonna love it, period!
>Berry snorted the snort of acknowledgment and you got to work.
>After burning some of them to pancake death, you presented a plate full of delicious golden discs to Pinchy.
>Sitting your human ass at the chair beside her, you pointed at those.
"Dig in, kiddo. Those are all yours."
>She took her first bite and her eyes widen.
>Without saying anything she started stuffing her little mouth with more and more pancakes.
>You put your hand on her head.
"Wow, slow down, Ruby. No one's gonna take those away from you. I'm not hungry, your mom's out cold and you got a whole night to enjoy those, if you want."  
>By some mirracle, she chewed and swallowed what she managed to put inside her mouth.
>"S-Sorry, mommy always says that everypony should behave at the table. E-Even when she sometimes don't listen to her own advices..."
>Then, her shoulders dropped and she flatten her ears.
>"Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon a-always laugh at me for having a mom like that, b-but I love her very much a-and I know that she loves me too..."
>School bullies, huh?
"Well, I see that you're good at listening to advices, Pinchy. So, let me give you one, which should help you with those two. My father told me it a long time ago." 
>Her ears perked up immediately.
>You cleared your throat and tried to make your voice as low as possible.
"Son, when someone's giving you shit, no matter what you told him, beat the living crap out of him! You're a man dammit! Act like one! Don't be a faggot!"
>Yep, your father was a big, mean motherfucker, but he loved you and your mom like nothing else in the world.
>For you, he always was the manliest man on the planet and... and you'll never gonna see his hairy, ugly mug again.
>A single small manly tear trickled down your chin and Ruby lost her shit, when she saw it.
>She jumped on the table and rushed at you, trying to hug you awkwardly, through her plastered mother.
>"Oh, Mr.Anon! Why are you crying?! I-I know that sometimes colts cry for no reason, b-but did something bad happened?!"
>You patted her on the head and pointed your index finger at your cheek.
"Calm down, Pinchy. This isn't a tear, it's just liquid pride, nothing else."
>She stopped trying to hug you properly and nodded her head.
>"Alright, I get it. Sometimes mommy's eyes are full of liquid pride as well. Especially, when she looks at the old pictures of her and daddy."
>You looked at the unconscious Berry once more and in your head, you heard one of your dad's sayings.
>"Life sucks, then you die. Deal with it, fag."
>She probably knows that truth well, ain't she?
>Though, this wasn't an excuse for making it even more miserable for her and little Pinchy.
>Before your inner white knight decided to go on another of his retarded crusades, you heard a loud yawn coming out of Ruby's direction.
"Looks like it's time to go to sleep, eh kiddo?"
>She adorably rubbed her big eyes with her little hooves and nodded.
>You stand up from the table and ruffled her rosy mane for the last time.
"I'm sure you know where your bedroom is. I... I'm gonna um, lay down with your mom in her bed, a-alright?"
>Holy shit, this was fucking awkward.
>Pinchy looked at you a little nervous.
>"Y-You're not gonna hurt my mommy, right Mr. Anon?"
>Where does this even came from? 
>You knew for sure that in this marshmallow horses candyland crime was almost non existent.
>Also, an 'owie' and a 'boo-boo' were one of the worser injuries most ponies were exposed to, because their very peaceful nature.
>You chuckled audibly.
"Don't worry, Ruby. From what I know about your society, the one who should be concerned here is me. After all, I'm a delicate, emo stallion and your mom can rape me in my sleep."
>Pinchy cocked her head to the side.
>"'Rape'? I never hear this word before."
>You pointed at her with your index finger.
"My point exactly. No one in this world have heard it either, so don't worry your cute head about it, kiddo."
>She yawned once more, hopped from her chair on the floor and started walking out of the kitchen.
>Before she reached the door, she turned around and looked at you with a big smile on her muzzle.
>"Thank you, Mr. Anon. Please take care of mommy and have a pleasant dreams."
>With your moves little slowed down by Berryhugger, you waved at Ruby.
"Good night, Pinchy."
>When you finally found yourself awkwardly lying on Berry's bed, with it's owner still hugging tightly most of your upper body, you sighted loudly.
>The shit you put up with in this crazy poni-poni land...
>You switched your eyes from looking at the ceiling, to look at the audibly snoring, plastered and salivating cerise colored earth pony mare.
"Berry, I sweare to God, if you pisss yourself in your sleep, I'm going to rip your ears off."
>Of course, she didn't respond.
>With your mind full of fuck, you closed your eyes and went to sleep.

"Oooh my head... it bucking hurts..."
>You're Berry Punch and you're trying to open your eyes.
>Oh and you have the worst hangover ever... again. 
>Because of it, your memories of the last night are all scrambled and unclear.  
>The only thing you remember clearly is that you were at the bar and there was that cute, tall hyumin stallion...
>Still not opening your eyes, you sniffed the air around you.
"Mmmmm..."
>What is that magnificent smell?
>It's so strong and... enticing.
>When you finally started feeling more of your body than just your pounding head, you noticed that you were lying on something soft and warm.
>This definitley wasn't this hard and unconfortable camp-bed in Margarita's back room.
>Lazily opening your eyes, you saw a familiar looking walls and furnitures around you.
>Very familiar... h-holy Celestia!
>You're in your own bedroom!
>By some crazy miracle you were able to get in here, drunk out of your mind!
>Ruby must have lead you home as always.
>Although she's still so small, she helps you so much, whenever you need it. 
>You love your little filly more than anything in this world.
>Hopefully she didn't have too much troubles with you last night.
>Nevertheless, everything's fine now.
>You're in your house, in your bedroom, lying in your bed, on a big, cute, warm hyumin stallion and it's morning already an-
"Wait..."
>Your eyes widen and you looked down.
"B-Buck me..."
>Then and there, you knew exactly where that enticing smell was coming from.
>You were lying on a tall, sexy and fully clothed hyumin stallion, who was snoring loudly, fast asleep.
>H-How did he get in here?!
>Did your sweet moves finally worked on a colt so fine a-and he followed you home?!
>More importantly, did you do it, did you give him the V?!
"Ugh..." 
>Your bucking hangover reminded you about itself and you instantly knew that this wasn't some wierd hallucination.
>Or, a dream so... maybe you did it?
>M-Maybe wearing clothes in bed was normal for his kind, even after a long, steamy session of hot se-
>You didn't end this thought, because he stirred suddenly under you a little and touched you under your tail with his thigh.
"U-Unf!"
>B-Bucking tease.
>You lowered your head and took a good whiff of his stalliony smell and your eyes rolled upwards.
"Oh yeah, that's the stuff!"~
>You felt a growing heat between your thighs.
>It was too long when you last time felt a smell of a male in your bedroom, o-or touched one.
>As much as your head-spinning headache let you, you slid off of him and grabbed one of his hands with your front hooves. 
>Bringing it closely to your snout, you looked at it with interest.
>It was a little smaller than Minotaur's, but at the same time a lot more dexterous in your opinion.
>An irresistible desire to nuzzle the hay out of his hand bloomed inside your pounding head.
>Without thinking much, you attacked it with your snout and rubbed it all over your muzzle.
"Mmmmm..."
>The feeling of his naked skin on your coat was so warm and soft... you need to know how his fingers taste!
>You were about to lick one of his long (u-unf) fingers, when your eyes widened in shock.
>S-Surley you didn't overstep any boundries!
>Y-You are not sexually aggressive towards him, no ma'am!
>After all, you did it last night and you finally scratched that itch and were content an-
>Without any warning, he pulled his hand out of your hooves and mumbled something, still asleep.
>"Leave me alone, Spike... you little... shit..."
>Then, he turned on his side and continued his peaceful snoring.
>He was lying with his back and flank presented to you.
"By Celestia's crotch tits, the fabric is hugging these buns sooo tight."
>You just couldn't help yourself, his flank was begging you to fondle it!
>Nervously, you raised your shaking hoof above it.
>Though, before you were able to touch it, the door to your bedroom exploded with motion!
>"Mommy! Mommy! The ponice is here! They're looking for Mr. Anon!"
>Your pupils turned to pinpricks and you looked at Ruby.
"S-Sweetie, d-did Mr. Anon came here o-on his own accord last night?"
>She nodded with a big smile on her little snout.
>"Yes, mommy! He carried you all the way here and made me pancakes for supper!"
>Anon stirred in bed and mumbled something again under his breath.
>"Are you ready... sunday... ...Cena ...supreslam..."
>He was probably dreaming about some sell-out in the local store.
>Typical stallion.
>Though, back to your big as buck problem with you!
>You knew that Ruby never lied to you, but you just couldn't believe her.
>A colt carring a drunken mare, who's a complete stranger to him, to her own house, in the middle of the night and he even stays for the night?!
>Ruby's filly imagination must have been acting up like crazy, there was no other explanation!
>What horrible things did you commit last night, that her undeveloped mind decided to cover it up with that unbelievable story and even threw some pancakes into the mix?!
>Slowly, like a soulless robot, you got out of bed and came up to your little filly.
>You hugged her gently and stroked her rosy mane.
"Mommy's going to talk to the nice ponice mares, you j-just stay here a-and try to delicately wake Mr. Anon up, alright sweetie?"
>She threw her hoof in the air.
>"Okay mommy!"
>With the speed of a hungry parasprite, she hopped on your bed and started jumping and giggling happily beside Anon.
>"Wake up, Mr.Anon! Wake up! I want more pancakes!"
>You slammed your front hoof into your forehead and slowly dragged it down your snout.
>Hopefully, he won't threw a temper tantrum, because a little filly woke him up from his beauty sleep.
>Gulping loudly, you walked out of your bedroom to confront the waiting ponice mares.

>"...Pancakes! Pancakes! Pancakes!..."
>You're Anonymous and you're getting more and more pissed with every passing second.
>What's the source of this ungodly noise!
>Also, why the bed started to tremble?
>It's probably Spike's fault... it must be Spike's fault!
>Little shit hates your guts, because of Rarity's obsession with you.
>Making you sleep deprived, would be a pleasure for him.
>Turning around, you clenched your teeth and opened your bloodshot eyes.
"Now you did it, you little faggot, I'm going to- oh? You're not Spike."
>There was this familiar pink unicorn filly giggling and hopping on the bed in front of you. 
>"Of course, I'm not Spike! I'm Ruby Pinch! Also, what's a 'faggot', Mr. Anon?!"
>Your brain started working properly and you remembered everything what happened last night.
>Yawning loudly, you patted her head, successfully stopping her excited jumping.
"It's an insult, Pinchy. Though, for some it's a way of life, a state of mind... the way of the fedora, trench coat and cheeto fingers..."
>She cocked her little head to the side.
>"Cheeto fingers?"
>Fuck it, you didn't want to dive into all that shit, so you gave her the next best explanation an adult could give to a kid. 
"You'll understand it when you're older. Don't worry about it for now, kiddo."
>She smiled widely and nodded.
>"Alright!"
>Without further ado, she resumed her efforts in jumping the stuffing out of the bed.
>You just shrugged your shoulders, it's not your bed, so fuck it.
>Looking around, you noticed a distinctive lack of a certian, cerise colored earth pony mare drunkard.
"Pinchy, where's your mother?"
>Still hopping like a small version of Ponko, she pointed her front hoof at the opened bedroom door.
>"The ponice mares came looking for you, Mr. Anon and she went to speak to them."
>The ponice?
>As in... oh, crap.
>You quickly grabbed Ruby in mid-air and placed her on top of your head.
>Excited, she burried her little front hooves in your hair.
>"Hurray, I'm a pilot again!"
>You chuckled and started walking.
"Come on, Pinchy. We must save your mother, before she says something stupid."
>Suddenly, you heard a loud shout coming from outside the bedroom.
>"Get her!"
>You sighed and began moveing your legs faster.
>"Woooo!"
>It seemed that Pinchy liked your sudden change of pace.
>When you found yourself in her and her mother's living room, you saw Berry lying on the floor.
>Her front hoof was being twisted and holded by a large earth pony mare, who was wearing a marshmallow pone version of a policeman uniform. 
>Similarly dressed pegasi mare was standing right beside her, busy with telling Berry her rights.
>When Pinchy saw what was going on, she started frantically tapping your head with her hooves and shouting.
>"Oh, no! The evil ponice ponies got mommy! Quick Mr. Anon, shoot magical lasers from your eyes at them!"
>Wot?!
>Guess, she still was in her 'I'm a pilot of a big, mean robot' role.
>Well, you could have started screaming "I'MA' FIRIN' MAH LAZOR!", scaring the crap out those mares, but decided against it.
>You didn't want to couse Berry more problems than she already had.
"Sorry, kiddo. I can't shoot lasers from any part of my body. Also, I don't have any control panel on my head, so you can stop your attempts to activate my 'armament' manually."
>Pinchie threw her hooves in the air.
>"Awwwww! How are we gonna save mommy now!" 
>Noticing you for the first time, pegasus ponice mare's eyes widen and she quickly turned to her partner.
>"Hold her still, Flower Power! I'm going to talk to the poor colt."
>When she came up to you, you felt Ruby's hooves tightening around your neck and head.
>Although she was acting bravely, you knew she was scared. 
>Before the pegasus mare had a chance to say something, you pointed your finger at Berry.
"You can let her go now. Disregard whatever stupid thing she just said, because she's innocent. I came here and stayed the night out of my own free will."
>Ponice mare called Flower Power had none of it. 
>"Sir, we've received a report this morning from Princess Twilight herself, that you've been abducted last night. Our investigation lead us stright to this mare." 
>Goddammit, Twiggles!
>And you really thought that she was saying the truth, when she told you that she believes you can take care of yourself alone.
>Unless... somebody else made her file that raport.
>Though, at that moment you didn't have time to think about it more, because you started laughing audibly.
"Do you really believe that she would have been able to abduct me last night?! I'm almost three times bigger than any of you. Look!"
>Being careful enough to not threw Pinchy off of your head, you quickly unbuttoned and took off your shirt and jacket.
>Then, you flexed your hard earned in your previous work muscles before them.
>You really thought you'll be looking more intimidating and convincingly that way.
>Three things happen though.
>Berry's eyes and pupils widened and her tongue escaped her mouth on the floor.
>Flower Power head and neck turned its color from earthy green to bright red and some blood flowed out of her nose. 
>Her pegasus partner's wings shoot straight in the air and started pulsating like crazy.
>Looking at that sumptuous wingboner, you slapped your palm on your forehead.
>Yeah, you should probably find some other way to convince them about Berry's innocence.
>Remembering that Pinchy was still on your head, you carefully crouched down to collect your clothes from the floor.
>The three mares in front of you were watching every move of your half uncovered body, with great interest.
>Huh?
>Where was that fishy smell coming from?
>You smelled the air and shrugged your shoulders gently, to not scare Pinchy with their sudden movement. 
>It didn't matter where this aroma was coming from, it was not the time to think about breakfast, or food in general.
>No, it was time to prove Berry's innocence.
>Before you could do, or say anything, Pinchy hopped off of your head on the floor.
>She came up to the pegasus ponice mare and pointed her little hoof at her lying mother.
>"Please, let my mommy go! She didn't do anything bad to Mr. Anon!"
>The ponice mare, who was sporting a massive wingboner, opened and closed her mouth a few times without making any sounds.
>Luckily for her, you quickly put your shirt on and the blood from her folding wings went inside her brain once more.  
>"S-Sorry, little one, but your mother is suspected to be a stallion abductor."
>Of course, Pinchy had none of it. 
>"No, my mommy is a good pony! She just fell asleep last night, after drinking too much of her drink for adults! Mr. Anon carried me and her home!"
>This time Flower Power was the one who answered Ruby.
>"Kid, you really want us to believe, that a stallion would carry a drunken mare in the night to her home and stayed there for the night? The barmare at the bar tried telling us the same likely story and guess what, we didn't believe her too."
>Alright, you heard enough.
>Without thinking much, you came up to the big earth pony ponice mare, who was practically sitting on Berry.
>She didn't have a chance to say anything, because you quickly scooped her in your arms without much effort.
>The cerise colored alcoholic sighed a sigh of relief.
>Before she could say anything, Pinchy jumped at her.
>"Mommy!"
>You chuckled audibly, watching a scene from the movie Alien happening before you.
>Though, instead of a facehugger, there was a little, happy pink filly hugging Berry's head and muzzle. 
>Flower Power started squirming in your arms, blushing like crazy.
>You just squeezed her tighter and she started stammering incoherently. 
>"I-I... uh.. I-I... I..."
>Not giving a fug about what she was trying to say, you turned to her pegasus partner.
"See?! You little pone, me stronk! I can carry you around for a long time, without breaking a sweat."
>You began holding Flower Power with only one arm.
>"B-By Celestia..."
>Oh yeah, to do this you needed to put your palm on her ass.
>It was definitely harder to hold her like this and your arm would probably get tired quickly, but you were trying to prove something there.
"If you want, I can carry the both of you at the same time?"
>Her wings started rising again and she squeeked something quietly.
>[spoiler]"U-Unf, yes please..."[/spoiler]
>You put you put hand to your ear.
"Please, speak up, I didn't exactly hear what you just said."
>She gulped audibly and cleared her throat.
>"Ukhm, y-ye... I-I mean no, no you don't have to, Sir. You've proven already that you're strong and willing enough to carry a mare without much problems."
>You nodded your head at her and her earth pony partner started squirming again in your arm. 
>Shit, at this rate one of your fingers could accidentally slip inside her butthole.
>[spoiler]Maybe that's her plan.[/spoiler]
>An 'accidental' sexual molestation of a ponice mare on duty wouldn't look good in your record, no siree.
>You quickly put her down on the ground and you could swear you saw her pouting for a second there.
>Nevertheless, she tried to look professional and asked you a question.
>"Th-That only proves you could actualy carried her here, b-but why did you stay here and didn't return home to your mare, or herd, Sir?"
>This interrogation was getting a little too personal for your tastes.
"Firstly, at the moment I'm not seeing any mare, or am a herd 'stallion'".
>Flower's and her partner's ears perked up immediately when they heard that.
"Secondly, Berry here was out cold and Ruby was hungry, so I prepared her some pancakes for supper and stayed for the night. It was getting really late, you know."
>A loud gasp to your right turned everyone's attention to Berry. 
>Gently holding Pinchy in her outstretched front hooves, she was looking at her daughter with wide eyes.
>"S-So that pancakes really wasn't your imagination, sweetie?!"
>Little filly started giggling immediately.
>"No, mommy! Mr. Anon's pancakes are hoof lickin' good!"
>Berry's pupils turned to pinpricks and she looked at you with a nervous smile on her muzzle.
>Though, before she could say anything, Flower power had one more personal question for you.
>"Sir, you said that Miss Berry here was out cold and you only spend your last waking hours with her filly. Why then you smell like if she, pardon my word choice, slept on you for the hole night? Maybe you're simply unaware that she faked her unconsciousness to lure you out here and when you were fast asleep she-" 
>You raised your hand in front of you, to shut her up and crouched beside Berry and her daughter.
"Sorry, Pinchy, you're far too young to hear, what I'm about to say."
>You delicately pressed your hands to her little, squishy ears to block her hearing.
>She smiled widely.
>"Your hoof spiders tickle, Mr. Anon."
>Then, you turned to the ponice duo and narrowed your eyes.
"Listen, if I say that Berry and I woke up late at night and fucked like wild pigs in the mud, would you be happy?! Also, before you ask, fucking with my clothes on is my fetish, that's why I smell like her. Now, would you be so kind and drop charges against her and stop asking all this stupid questions?!"
>Berry turned her color from cerise to deep red, with ponice mares not looking any better.
>Finally, the pegasus ponice mare got her voice back and turn to Flower Power.
>"I-I guess we can close this case, don't you think, Flower? Mr. Anon looks alright and he's not pressing any charges against Miss Berry, so I think our job's done here."
>The big earth pony mare nodded to her partner frantically.
>"Ye-Yeah, I think so too, let's go."
>Before they started to move, pegasus mare looked at you and Berry.
>"We're sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your cooperation. We'll see ourselves out now, have a nice day."
>When she was walking through the door, Flower Power whispered something in your direction and then quickly left Berry's living room.
>You didn't quite catch what she wishpered tho.
>It sounded like "call me pls", but you probably misheard it.
>After all, they don't have any telephones in this land of colorful, magic autism.
>When you heard the main door of Berry's house closeing behind the ponice duo, you took your hands away from Pinchy's little ears.
>Those stood up immediately, like if they had springs build inside of them and their owner's belly growled adorably. 
>Pinchy looked at you and started shouting excitedly.
>"Pancakes! Pancakes! Pancakes!"
>Berry put her down and she started hopping around you, still chanting the chant of her people.
>You leaned down and ruffled her rosy mane delicately.
"Pinchy, can you wait for the pancakes in the kitchen? Me and your mom have something to talk about alone."
>You heard Berry gulping loudly.
>"Alright, Mr. Anon. I'll wait in the kitchen."
>She nodded her little head and ran to the kitchen.
>When she was out of earshot, with a speed of a frog's tongue, you grabbed Berry's head with both of your hands and moved it closer to yours.
"Listen, you're going to go there and make your daughter the best, fucking pancakes in her life. After she eats them, you're going to walk her up to school, like the good mother you are. Do. You. Understand?!" 
>At first she blinked a few times and started blushing, but then she saw your hard gaze and sharp canines.
>Her pupils turned to pinpricks and she nervously nodded a few times. 
>"Y-Yes... best pancakes... school... g-good mother. I-I understand..."
>You smiled and took your hands away from her head. 
"Splendid. Now please, say 'sorry I didn't stay for pancakes' from me to Pinchy. I need to go and shout at some purple pony princess, like right fucking now."
>Without further ado, you left their house and began walking in Twilight castle's direction.
>Though, when you walked just a few steps, you heard Pinchy screaming behind you.
>"Mr. Anon, Mr. Anon! Wait!"
>You stopped in your tracks and turned around to look at her.
"Yes, what is it, Pinchy?"
>She jumped in the air and hugged your leg tightly.
>"Thank you, oh thank you for helping me and mommy, Mr. Anon! P-Please don't be mad at me!"
>You crouched down and delicately strokes the soft fur her back a few times.
"Why would I ever be mad at you, kiddo?!"
>She let go of your leg and looked at the ground embarrassed.
>"B-Because I want you to help us some more..."
>You raised your eyebrows questioningly.
"What do you need, Pinchy?"
>Still looking at the ground, little filly took a big breath and started talking.
>"L-Last night, at Miss Margarita's place, you told her that if you'd been on my daddy's place, you'd try to help my mommy with her drinking problems... C-Can I ask you to do it anyway..."
>You scratched the back of your head, a little dumbfounded.  
"W-Well... You see... I um, I don't know if I actually can help her and..."
>Pinchy moved her head and finally looked at you. 
>"Please, Mr. Anon!"
>Her puppy dog eyes power was way beyond 9000.
>You were hitting hnnng levels that wasn't even possible!
>A lesser man would start crying immediately then and there, his systems overloaded with the amazing mix of adorableness and sadness of her eyes.
"Ugh.. I-I... um, I..."
>"...please..."
>You heard your dad shouting in your head.
>~'And you're calling yourself a real manly man, you little faggot?! Fucking act like one!'~
>God dammit!
>God fucking dammit!
>... thanks dad, wherever you are.
>You clenched your butt cheeks and smiled.
"Alright Pinchy, I'll try to help with your mom's problem. Though, I don't promise it'll work."
>With tears in her big eyes, little filly jumped upwards and hugged your neck tightly.
>Nuzzling the shit out of your lower jaw, she screamed at you so many 'thank yous'', that you lost your count after twenty.
>When she finally calmed down you put her back on the ground and patted her head.
"Ok Pinchy, go back home, I'm sure your mom is waiting there for you, with a big pile of delicious pancakes. We'll see each other again after your school and my work."
>She quickly said her goodbyes and ran back home.
>You also began your journey 'home' and pretty fast found yourself inside the Castle of Friendship.
>Ugh... that name, bro, that fucking name...
>"Oh, you're back... and you're fine... bravo."
>Spike was the first one to 'welcome' you after your return.
"Thanks and fuck you too, Spike."
>He flipped you the bird with his claws.
>Unfortunately, he learned that from you and knew what it means to you.
>You pointed your index finger at him and with your other hand and mouth performed dick sucking motions.
>He cringed in disgust and you chuckled.
"Yeah, that's right, you little shit. You suck all the smelly dicks. All of them!"
>Finally ,Spike shrugged his shoulders and went to do his dragon chores, or whatever and you heard Twilight's voice.
>"Anon, is that you?!"
>She quickly trotted out form one of the rooms nearby and smiled seeing you.
>"I'm so glad you're alright! Where were you last night?!"
>You came up to her and put your hands akimbo.
"Maybe first you tell me why the ponice was looking for me, Purple Nurple? I wasn't here for like ten, or so hours and you instantly send the cops after me?! I thought, you believed that I can take care of myself alone?!"
>Twilight looked nervously behind her. 
>"I still do, Anon. I really do, but you see, I didn't have much choice, because somepony was very disturbed when she didn't find you here this morning."
>Oh shit, you don't like the sound of that.
>"Anon, mon petit homme, is that really you?!"
>As if on cue, Rarity ran out of the room behind Twiggles and looked at you with hungry eyes.
>"MINE!"
>Before you could react she jumped at you, like a tiger at it's prey.
>You fell on your ass and she started hugging the living daylight out of you, furiously nuzzling your chest and neck.
>"I'm so glad you're alright, mon chéri, mon amour, mon sperbe etalon!"
>When she was trying to flatter you with her fake Prench accent, you were fighting hard to not say out loud, what you were saying inside your head.
>'Let me go, come on, let me go.'
>She squeezed you tighter.
>'Do it faggot, fucking faggot Rarity, I fucking hate you. Fffffffffuuuuuu...'
>You gently grabbed her hooves and tried to pry them off of yourself.
"Alright, Rarara, that's enough. I'm fine, you can let me go now."
>She shook her head immediately, almost poking out your eye with her horn.
>"No, I'll never let-"
>Her nostrils flared suddenly and her eyes widened.
>"A-Anon, mon petit homme, h-have you made love to another mare, but me?!"
>You looked at her not amused. 
"I told you, Maximum Squiggle, that we're not an item. I don't stick my dick in crazy. Also, no. A mare only well... slept on me, that's all. We didn't fuck."
>Rarity almost kissed you then and there.
>"I knew it, I knew you wouldn't betray me like that! After all, you're mine and only mine ravageur de chatte and you're going to smell with my aroma only!"
>She started rubbing herself on you, trying to leave as much of her smell as possible on your clothes.
>Though, you must admit it felt rather nice, you started wiggling in her iron grip.
"Yeah, I'll call you back when I find out what that 'ravageur de chatte' means. Meanwhile, please let me go."
>Of course, she had none of it.
>"Darling, please tell me, who was that mare that slept on you? Who was this uncouth wench, who thought that she could so easily seduce mon petit homme?"
"Nope, let me go. I want to talk to Twilight and I don't have much time. I need to go to work soon."
>She leaned backwards and looked you in the eyes.
>"I... I'll do it, if you promise me that you'll visit me in my boutique, mon chéri?"
>Luckily for you, she didn't tell you when you should do it, so you smiled at her.
"Deal, now let me go."
>Reluctantly, she did and after a few moments you were standing on your two feet once again.
>Rarara waved at you and Twilight with her front hoof.
>"I'll be going back to my boutique now. Twilight, please take care of Anon for me. Ta-ta darling!"
>And just like that, she left.
>You quickly looked at Twilight, before she could start asking any questions.
"Twi, how can I help a mare, who has a massive alcohol problems and drinks herself unconscious every second she possibly can?"
>She looked at you with wide eyes and her lower jaw hit the floor.
>"Y-You want to do WHAT?!"
>Twilight couldn't believe what she just heard.
>You sighed audibly.
"I want to help a mare control her bad drinking habits, Twi."
>Maximum Purple took a few steps in your direction and put her hoof on your thigh.
>A faint blush bloomed on her cheeks when she touched you and you knew why.
>Normally, a stallion touched so casually by a mare, even a friend, would become flustered, or agitated very quickly and would try to leave the conversation asap.
>Twiggy knew you were different tho.
>"W-Who is she, Anon? How long do you know her, that you, a stallion, want to help her like that?"
>You gently grabbed her head with both of your hands. 
>Her blush became more visible and pupils grew in her eyes.
>Fuken princess of virginity, man.
"Listen to me, Twi. I'm gonna pretend that I didn't hear that "but you're a stallion" comment just now and skip the fact that you literally send ponice after my human ass this morning. Work with me here. That's all I ask for, alright?"
>Looking at you with her enlarged pupils, she didn't say anything, or even nodded.
>God dammit, Twiggles!
>You took your hands off of her head and snapped your fingers before her eyes.
>"Huh?! W-What? O-Oh, right! S-Sorry, Anon! I'm listening to you now!"
>To say the truth, you weren't convinced about it, but rolled with it nevertheless.
"Yeeeah... So, the mare's name is Berry Punch and I met her last night when-"
>All of a sudden Twilight became very loud.
>"BERRY PUNCH?! Anon, you want to help 'the' Berry Punch?!"
>You placed your hands akimbo and narrowed your eyes slightly.
"Yes! What's wrong with that?!"
>Twilight shook her head in disbelief and sighed quietly.
>"Anon, I know her. I'm sorry, but she can't be helped. A lot of ponies tried to help her before and all of them failed. If I didn't know any better, I'd thought that being drunk all the time is her special talent!"
>Crossing your arms on your chest, you raised your eyebrow at her.
"Really, now? Maybe those 'ponies' didn't try hard enough, eh? Maybe those 'mares' weren't interested enough to help her, when all they could see in her as was a 'lost cause'?"
>Twilight started rubbing her eyes with her front hoof.
>"Why, Anon? Why do you want to help the town's drunk? I'm aware that you're pretty marely for a stallion and you're not affraid of any challange... but you've just met her."
>You slowly crouched down to got eye level with her.
>She clenched her teeth, took a step backward and flatten her ears on her head.
>Yep, she probably thought you were going to start shouting at her to not tell you what's good for you etc., like one of those pansy stallions.
"Say, did you know that Berry is a mother of a little, cute filly named Ruby Pinch?"
>Your calm and collected tone once again reminded Twiggles that you were nothing like the other males in this cartoonish candyland.
>She set her ears straight and cleared her throat softly.
>"W-Well, of corse I know about it. Truthfully, I'm really surprised that she's taking such a good care of her, despite her alcohol problems."
>Hmm... it was time to shed some light on that bold statement of hers.
"Wrong, she ain't. Pinchy is a very self-sufficient filly and she practically takes care of herself alone. Not only that, she also takes care of Berry, when she's to drunk to walk straight. Nevertheless, she's just a little filly, who in my opinion deserves to have a normal, sober mother. A mother, who can give her more than just one, lousy apple to eat for a whole, fucking day, Twilight."
>Twi's eyes widened and she took a quick step towards you.
>"Really?! Just one apple for a whole day?! A-Also, thinking about it, she's proably neglecting her even more than I thought... Maybe... maybe it's time to take Ruby away from her. We... I place her in some other family, or herd that's more suitable to take care of a little filly, than Berry is at the moment. As a princess, I have the power to do it."
>Holy shit.
>Holy FUCKING shit!
>You and your fucking big mouth!
>Because of you Ruby can lost her mother, who she loves so much!
>Now you need to do everything you can to help Berry, but first you need to contain Twiggle's sjw autism!
>Faster than a cheetah on cocaine, you grabbed Twilight's shoulders, eliciting a quiet 'eep' out of her.
"No, Twi! Bad alicorn! You can't do this! If you take Ruby away from Berry, she'll drink herself to death. Also, if you separate Ruby from her mother, she's going to lose all of her will to live. Think about it, dammit!"
>Purple Nurple closed her eyes and after a moment of thinking sighed loudly.
>"Alright, Anon. I'm willing to give you one chance with Berry. However, remember that if you fail, I'm going to place Berry in a mental facility to help her and Ruby with some other ponies."
>You looked at her with wide eyes.
"You... You're really going to do something like this?"
>She deliberately averted your gaze and looked at the floor tiles.
>"I may... sometimes a mare, especialy a princess must make hard decisions like this, to help those around her, Anon."
>You stood up straight once again.
"That's bullshit and you know it."
>Her shoulders sagged a little when she heard you, but she didn't say anything.
"Listen, I don't have much time before work, so can you tell me how to help Berry, or no?"
>She looked at you with sad eyes.
>"Anon... before you can do anything for her, she need to confess that she knows that she has a drinking problem. She must admit before you and herself that she actually wants your help. Right now in her head the benefits of drinking are much larger than its costs."
>You hummed knowingly to yourself.
"I see what you're talking about, Twi. You can't help someone, who doesn't want any help, or didn't even know she needs it, right?"
>She nodded her head, without making any sounds.
>You turned on your heel and started walking to the castle's main doors.
"Welp, I try to come up with something, to show her just how deep in shit she and by extension also her daughter, actually is. Now I need to hurry up to work, see you later, Twi."
>When you pushed the door, you heard a gasp and the sounds of a quick gallop on the other side.
>You quickly pushed your head between the gap in the doors and saw a squiggly, purple tail disappearing in the bushes near the castle.
>Rarity was listening to your conversation with Twilight?!
>...fug.
>Coming outside the castle, you started shouting at the bushes general direction.
"And here I thought that a true lady would never lower herself to listen to someone else's private conversation!"
>The bushes rustled a little, but you didn't see anyone.
>Annoyed, you growled audibly.
"You're lucky that I'm in a hurry, or I would pull you out of those fucking shrubs myself!"
>Waving your hand dismissively at the bushes, you began walking forward, thinking about work.
>You were working at the town hall as a surprise, surprise mayor's secretary.
>The job itself was boring as fuck, but it paid well so you weren't complaining.
>You smiled when you remembered just how you managed to land it in the first place.
>During your job interview, you were a little nervous and there was pretty hot in the mayor's office.
>When you were in the middle of answering her questions, you loosen up your tie and took off your jacket. 
>Mayor Mare's eyes widened and her nostrils flared.
>Then and there you really thought you were fucked, because she must have smelled your sweat and saw just how nervous you were.
>She asked you only one more question.
>"Is there any mare, or herd in your life, Mr. Anonymous?"
>When you told her no, she stand up from her desk, came up to her office's door and opened those.
>You know that there were some other candidates waiting for their interviews and that all of them were mares.
>Some of them actually laughed at you when they heard that you were waiting with them for an interview.
>"A stallion doing an honest to Celestia job?! Don't make me laugh! Stallions are only good at spending their mares hard earned bits and looking handsome!"
>>"Yeah, maybe try something closer to your level of expertise. Like working in the kitchen or taking care of somepony else's house?"
>Mayor Mare was probably going to ask one of them inside, before telling you that you were no good and that she wishes you luck and all that.
>What she actually did surprised you and the overconfident mares outside. 
>Using less than appropriate vocabulary, she told them to get lost, because she found what she was looking for. 
>Before any of them could protest, she closed the door and turned to you.
>"Soo... when can you start, Mr. Anonymous?"
>And the rest is history.
>Though you must admit something. 
>You really thought that you'll be exposed to a lot of sexual harassment coming form the mayor during your work hours.
>To say the truth you had nothing aginst it.
>Mayor Mare is a fine piece of ass and you know that she isn't some old mare.
>She just dyes her mane to look more professional at her position.
>Nevertheless, the only 'sexual harassment' you noticed was her 'accidentally' brushing her tail against your legs, when there was no one around to see it.
>You really expected more from that charismatic mare.
>Well, maybe not Rararararararara's obsesion tier level, but still.
>Yeah, you knew fully well what was going on in this crazy poni-poni dimension.
>After all, you're not retarded and have IQ higher than the average vegetable, right?
>You know that as a somewhat rare male here, you were like a beautiful, amazing female back on earth.
>With all the benefits and downsides of being one.
>Though, you are still single...
>Not thinking much about it, you started humming a song from your world, still walking in the town hall's direction.
"...never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you..."


>You're Rarity and you didn't manage to get away from Anonymous just in time.
>At the moment you were sitting before a mirror in your room at the boutique, trying hard to brush the leaves and twigs out of your mane.
"Foolish, foolish, foolish mare!"
>Though he only saw the end of your tail, he instantly knew that it was you, who was eavesdropping at his conversation with Twilight.
>You knew that he was ready to leave Twilight's castle, but you still sat there like a heartstrucked little filly, listening to his beautiful voice.
>If not for those dirty bushes, you would have been totally exposed and didn't even know what to tell him in your defence.
>Looking at your disheveled visage in the mirror, you sighed audibly.
"How are you doing this, mon petit homme? I'm breaking my own rules of common decency just to listen to your voice for a little longer."
>After all, at the beginning you weren't even interested in him.
>Of course, he was tall and handsome, but he was a curiosity for you at best.
>Though, after the many days of talking to him, being in his company, or just looking at him, you saw a stallion under his well build facade, who could make any mare happy.
>He's strong, well-spoken, calm and a happy male, who's above the normally fussy and coltish behavior of your typical colts.
>Nevertheless, that wouldn't be enough to sweep you off your hooves like he did.
>To say the truth, after the 'Prince Blueblood fiasco' and after Trenderhoof choose Applejack instead of you, you had little hope to find a fine pony male for yourself.
>And you weren't really interested with the males from other species.
>Griffons - aggressive, uncouth brutes.
>Minotaurs - inelegant, pompous and loud slabs of meat on short legs.
>Dragons - you only know one and though he's interested in you, he's a baby and a 'son' of your best friend. 
>Dimond dogs - you'd rather eat every dress in your boutique than be with one of those... savages.
>You felt really lonely and lost all of your hope to find somepony special. 
>Then, without any warning you saw Anonymous in this new, beautiful light.
>He was like one of the finest pony stallions, without actually being one.
>Then and there, you decided that you had to be the mareliest and most courteous mare in all of Equestria to win his heart.
>You even swallowed your pride and asked your friends for advice on how to win his heart.
>"U-Um, maybe show him that you're a kind a-and caring mare, o-of course if you want it."
>>"Make him laugh! Stallions love mares, who make them smile!"
>>>"You gotta go fast, Rares!"
>>>>"Show him that you're an inteligent and mature mare. Stallions don't like to be with a stupid and childish mares."
>>>>>"Apples."
>You tried everything they told you and it simply didn't work on Anonymous!
>After some time you became more and more... desperate in your efforts to win his heart.
>You're not afraid to admit that your behavior bordered on obsession.
>It was unmarely and coarse, but... but at least Anon wasn't interested with any other mare and you felt that you still had a chance.
>However, that changed when you heard his conversation with Twilight.
>You knew the name of the mare who, oh so casually slept on 'your' stallion.
"Berry Punch..."
>All of a sudden, Anon decided to help the town's drunk?!
>Narrowing your eyes dangerously, you looked at your reflection in the mirror.
>What does she have that you don't?
>An alcohol addiction?
>Little, adorable filly?
>Why does Anon wants to help her with her bad drinking habits, but doesn't want to even look at your broken heart?
>You started breathing faster and your chest started hurting.
"She..."
>Your front hooves started shaking.
"...she..."
>You clenched your teeth and spoke through them, spraying the mirror with saliva. 
"...SHE..."
>Suddenly, you punched the mirror with your front hoof using all of your strength!
"SHE DOSEN'T DESERVE HIM! I DO!"
>A web of cracks appeared on the mirror and a dozen of your furious reflections looked at you.
"...I... do..."
>You felt tears coming into your eyes and you looked at your hoof, still pressed to the devastated reflective surface.
"W-What have I done? What is... wrong with... me."
>Y-You need to calm down, you need to redirect your thoughts.
"Ice-cream... yes, ice-cream, those should help..."
>Leaving your broken mirror behind you, you quickly found yourself rummaging through the fridge in your kitchen.
>When you finally found your sweet, ice cold remedy for all your ills and problems, you saw a bottle of wine 'smiling' at you from the bottom shelf. 
>Despite yourself you grabbed it and placed it on the table behind you.
"J-Just in case, Rarity...just in case."
>Without further ado, you grabbed a spoon with your magic and started eating your frozen treat.
>As always it tasted simply divine.
>Though, no matter how much you ate, you still had an image of Anon hugging that drunken floozy before your teary eyes.
"No, Anon... no..."
>Deep down in your heart, you knew that there was only one solution from this situation.
>You didn't even want to think about it, but it looked like you'll have to... share your petit homme with some other mare...
"B-but, I don't want to be in a herd with the town's drunk..."
>You placed the ice-cream on the table and clenched your teeth once more.
"By Celestia, get a hold of yourself, Rarity. Where is that marely mare, who fought with Nightmare Moon, Discord and others? Where is the element of generosity?!" 
>Generosity?
>Yes... who else but you can share her superbe etalon with a mare such as Berry?!
>You can do this Rarity, you know you can!
>M-Maybe you'll even help Anon in reforming her into a fine mare a-and he'll see just how much you really love him and he'll give you a chance?
>That's actually not a bad plan.
>You just need to somehow help Berry, who loves her alcohol more than... her own foal.
>...
>With a shaking hooves, you grabbed the bottle of wine from the table and opened it.
>Looks like you won't be opening your boutique today after all.
>
>Mayor Mare is looking at you inquisitively, so you must be Anonymous.
>"Can I ask you something, Mr. Anonymous?"
>Your day of boring work was coming to an end and you were about to leave, when she suddenly asked you to her office.
>As always before sitting behind her desk, she 'accidentally' brushed her soft, silky tail against your leg.
>Though, this time it felt more... aggressive, somehow.
"Sure boss, shoot."
>She sighted quietly and leaned in your direction.
>Without warning she smelled the air around you and nodded her head slightly, as if confirming something to herself.
>"Can you tell me why you come to work today smelling like if you had a roll in the hay with two mares at once?"
>Oh shit.
>You forgot to change your clothes, before going to work.
>Now you know why some mares, who came to see the mayor were winking at you that day.
>[spoiler]And not only with thier eyes.[/spoiler]
>Luckily for you, none of the few stallions, who also wanted to speak with your boss, didn't start shouting any obscenities at you.
>Wearing a suit that smelled like if you had a threesome with Berry and Rarity in it, was surely very unprofessional of you.
>The mayor herself looked a little angry and... disappointed?
"Erm... I'm sorry, boss. I forgot that you ponies have a really good sense of smell... This will never happen again."
>You gulped loudly.
>Maybe its boring, but you kind of like your job and you don't want to lose it.
>Especially, that there isn't many jobs for males around, because most of them simply don't need to work.
>Their mares, or herds took care of them instead, it's a social norm in this land of colorful autism.
"A-Also, in my defence, I didn't have sex with any of the mares you can smell on me. It's a... um... big misunderstanding, that's all it is."
>Mayor Mare leaned backwards on her chair and raised an eyebrow at you.
>"A misunderstanding, Mr. Anonymous?"
>She clearly wasn't convinced with your weak ass explanation.
"W-Well, you see boss, one of these mares simply erm, slept on me an-"
>Her eyes widened and she almost jumped at you.
>"What?! She slept on you like on a pillow?!"
>A small, angry blush bloomed on her cheeks and you straighten your tie nervously.
"Y..Yeah and I swear nothing happened between us. The second mare was, erm... jealous of the first. Though I don't return her feelings, she decided that I'm her 'stallion' and I should smell like her. She rubbed herself all over me, just before I went to work."
>Mayor Mare loudly hit her desk with her front hooves.
>"This... this is an outrage! Tell me, who is this mare?! To treat such a fine and cute stallion in such a disrespectful manner! I'm going to report her to the ponice for a sexual assault!"
>Oh no, not the ponice again.
>You raised both of your hands in the air in a calming gesture.
"Easy, boss. There's no need to do that. I'm... well, I'm more or less accustomed to her behavior. Though she's annoying most of the time, I don't think she wants to hurt me in any way."
>Then, you smiled and winked at her.
"Also, thanks for the compliment, boss. I appreciate it."
>The angry blush on her snout turned into a regular flustered one and she coughed loudly in her hoof.
>"I-It was my way to thank you for telling me a-all this. You didn't need to do it, Mr. Anonymous. A-After all, what you do after and before work i-isn't my concern, right?"
>Yeeeaah, right.
>Then and there, you felt that if you didn't tell her that, your 'smelly' fuck up could cost you your job.
>You could have been kicked out of her office faster than a common sense from /b/!
>Luckily it was over and you started standing up from your chair in front of her desk, to leave.
>She stopped you with her outstretched hoof.
>"W-Wait a moment, please. I have one more thing to ask you."
>You sat your butt with a pomf again and looked at her.
"Yes?"
>To say the truth you were in a hurry to meet with Ruby and Berry, before the second one became too drunk to listen to reason.
>Also, first you need to quickly get to your room in Twi's castle, to finally change those damn, stinking clothes.
>Mayor Mare took off her glasses and put them on her desk.
>"I know you're not stupid, Mr. Anonymous. I'm sure you've noticed me brushing my tail against your legs lately and I'm also sure you know what that means."
>You adjusted your collar nervously.
"I-I think so..."
>She began untying her cravat with her front hooves and the blush on her muzzle became even more visable.
>"G-Good, t-that means I don't need to beat around the bush..."
>When her cravat fell on the desk, she shook her head energetically.
>Half of her now ruffled white mane was covering one of her eyes and she looked at you with the other, which was half lidded seductively.
>Holy crap, it's just like in your office themed porn movies!
>U-Unf.
>Though, you truly didn't have time for any of this.
>Mayor Mare leaned slightly forward. 
>"Mr. Anonymous, can I call you 'Anon'?"
>Being a little overwhelmed with the whole situation, you just nodded your head.
>"So Anon, as I said before, I won't be beating around the bush. The way you smell and what you told me just now, showed me that I need to hurry, before any other mare, or heard will steal you away from me."
>She took the pen in her hooves and started to play with it nervously.
>"I-I'm going to say it out loud. I... I like you Anon and I want to invite you to dinner after the work sometime."
>You swallowed audibly.
"Mayor Mare, I don't know-"
>She interrupted you quickly.
>"Y-You don't have to answer me now, Anon! I-In truth, you don't have to answer me at all. I assure you that no matter what decision you're going to make, I'll never fire you, or start treating you badly because of it. I'm not a vengeful mare and I know that love cannot be compelled."
>Then she bit the pen she was holding, looking nervously and seductively at the same time.
>"Just think about it, Anon. That's all I ask. E-Even if you're interested with the other mares right now, please remember something. As a mayor of the whole town, I can be a fine alpha mare for your herd. Y-You can go now, if you wish."
>A little shaken, you stood up.
"I um... I admire your courage, Mayor. I'll... I'll think about your proposition and give you my answer as soon as I can. Now please excuse me, I'm in a bit of a hurry."
>She put on her glasses again and nodded her head at you.
>Finally, you found yourself practically running through town in Twi castle's direction.
>Your head was full of conflicting thoughts related to what you heard in the mayor's office.
>She's a fine mare, but will you give her a chance?
>Also, if you don't, will she truly keep her word and won't fire you?
>Even if you do, won't it be scandalous for her to be with her own secretary?
>Though, they probably didn't give a fuck about such things in poni-poni land.
>And that crap about herds and alpha mare?
>You know that here a male can be with up to five females, even from different species and that it was encouraged because there was a lot more females than males.
>Nevertheless, are you really interested in something like having a herd?
>On one hand it would mean a lot of happy sex in your life.
>You were mighty surprised when you heard than if a stallion lasted in bed more than one minute, he was considered a real treasure by his and not only his mares.
>Of course the mares themselves were, well, adjusted to that kind of stamina.
>You were afraid that if you ever ended up with only one mare, with your human stamina you could've accidentally and literally fuck her to death.
>On the other hand, herds are really possessive of their stallions. 
>They're like a private, trigger-happy bodyguards army.
>A stallion must always discuss his every decision with the alpha mare, in some cases even about what he's going to eat for a fucking breakfast. 
>Though the last word more, or less always belongs to the stallion, you really don't know if you want to deal with a shit like that.
>You started thinking about the mares that 'could be interested' to be in a herd with you, if you ever decided to have one.
>Of course Rarity and Mayor Mare came first to your mind.
>Chuckling under your breath, you thought that it would be interesting to see both of them in the same herd.
>They would beat the crap out of each other for the position of the alpha mare and you would laugh in the background.
>The next mare that came to your mind was Twilight.
>She never openly showed any interest in you, but you not once saw how she was looking at you, when she thought you weren't aware of it.
>If she ever wanted to join your herd, it would instantly became a royal herd and the position of the alpha mare wouldn't be a problem anymore.
>Also, Spike would probably get a stroke if he'd ever seen Rarity and Twilight both with you at the same time.
"Hmm... that whole herding business becomes more and more tempting."
>No more mares came to your mind at that time.
>Maaaaybe Berry, if she ever stops drinking so much.
>Yeah, you sort of knew what she was doing with you, when you were sleeping in her house that morning.
>Also, you don't know if you're able to have kids with those magical marshmallow pones and she already have a kid that seems to really like you. 
>Two birds with one stone, or so the say...
"A princess and a town's drunk in one herd? Fucking kek."
>There were also that big ponice mare and that barmare. 
>Flower Power and Margarita you think were thier names.
>Shit, it was like fucking shopping in the grocery store!
>You just go to the isle with single mares and choose whatever you like.
>Before you started to think about any other mares, you found yourself leaving your room in the castle, wearing a new, fresh suit.
>You were about to open the main doors, when nervously looking Twilight stopped you.
>"Anon, please wait a moment!"
>You turned on your heel to look at her.
"Please be quick, Twi. I need to get to Berry's house, before she'll become completely shitfaced again."
>Purple Hoers nodded, showing you that she understands.
>"Alright, Anon. Do you know what's going on with Rarity today? She didn't open her boutique. Also, she didn't want to see me and the other girls when we came to ask her what's wrong."
>You raised your eyebrow and scratched your chin.
>Maybe she thought you told everyone that she was listening to your private conversations and was simply embarrassed of that fact?
"No, not really. You know that I'm not the one to seek her company most of the time, right?"
>She blinked twice and sighed audibly.
>"Yes, yes I know. Maybe, I should just teleport myself inside the boutique and check on her? I know it's rude, but she's my frie-"
>You interrupted her with your outstretched hand.
"Say, Twi, if you want, I can check on her after I talk with Berry. She's well, 'crazy' about me, so maybe she'll tell me what's going on. Though, you'll owe me a favour for this."
>A big smile bloomed on her snout and she hugged you.
>A bright blush quickly appeared on her muzzle and she let you go almost instantly.
>"S-Sorry about it, Anon. Please check on her and I'll see what I can do about that favor, if it'll be reasonable enough of course."
>You nodded and went on your way to Berry's house.
>When you found yourself looking at the mentioned building, suddenly its door burst open. 
>A disheveled looking Berry came out from the house and looked at you with angry eyes.
>"YOU!"
>She was swaying delicately and you could feel a faint smell of alcohol coming out of her.
>Oh joy, she was already a little drunk, not to the point of speaking funny mind you, but still. 
>Also, you could clearly see that she wasn't a happy drunk this time.
>You pointed a finger at yourself and raised your eyebrows.
"Me?"
>She narrowed her eyes, as if making sure she was right as to whom she was speaking.
>"Yes, yes you! It's all your fault!"
>Wot?
"That you're drunk again?"
>She shook her head quickly. 
>It looked pretty comically, to say the truth.
>"No! That Ruby hit another filly a-and called her a faggot!"
>...oops.
>Looks like Pinchy really listened to your father's 'sound' advice.
>Well... good for her and actually good for you!
"Yes, you're right, it's my fault."
>Her jaw fell a little and she looked at you with wide eyes.
>"What, really? I-I mean... Yes! Yes, I knew it all this time, that it's your fault!"
>She pointed her hoof at her house.
>"B-But the ponies that came to my house, asking why Ruby became violent all of a sudden don't! Care to... enlighten them for me?"
>Wow, that was a complicated word to use for a drunk.
>Bravo, Berry.
"It will be my pleasure, Berry. Please, show me the way to them."
>She quickly led you to her living room, where two ponies sat on the couch and one on the armchair .
>The ones sitting on the couch were Cheerilee, Ruby's teacher and Filthy Rich, who was Diamond Tiara's father. 
>Of course you knew all this from Rarity's many stories about her little sister, who else.
>Pinchy was sitting on the armchair and was looking scared, with her ears flatten on her head.
>Saying your greetings to the surprised pair on the couch, you quickly came up to the little filly.
>When she saw you, she visibly brightened up and her sad ears sprang to life.
>"Mr. Anon, you're here! Hurray!"
>You smiled and as always delicately ruffled her rosy mane, looking out to not hurt her little horn.
"What's up, kiddo! I heard you showed that one stupid bully who's boss, right?"
>Pinchy looked uncertainty at the pair sitting on the couch.
>"Y-Yes?"
>You smiled even wider and raised your hand curled into a fist before her.
"Oh yeah, Pinchy! You're the mare! Quickly now, this fist won't bump itself!"
>She smiled and awkwardly bumped your hand with her little front hoof.
>You heard the sounds of three jaws falling on the floor behind you.
>Cheerilee was the first one, who came to her senses after your awesome display of 'parenting'.
>"Mr. Anonymous! I don't believe it! You, a stallion, actually encourage that type of behavior!"
>You turned to look at her and shrugging your shoulders.
"Well, if it comes to showing bullies their place, yeah, why not. Also, before you ask, it was me who suggested that 'solution' for her problems to Pinchy."
>Filthy Rich pointed his shaking hoof at you and narrowed his eyes.
>"You?! You were the one who told that little filly to hit and insult my precious, little gem?!"
>He mad, bro.
>Crossing your arms on your chest, you nodded your head vigorously.
"Yep! From what I heard, your daughter had it coming for a looong time."
>He started trembling all over and clenched his teeth.
>"H-How dare you! I let you know that me and my wife have connections that can bring you down like a rotten apple from a diseased tree!"
>Oooh, so that's how he wants to play.
>Asshole powers activate!
>Fucking sissy, hysterical colt won't know what hit him.
>First you laughed audibly making him even more mad.
>Then, you pointed your finger at him.
"Nah, man. Your precious, widdle gem is in truth a piece of ugly, smelly turd, who thinks she's better than anyone. Sorry to break it up to you like that, broseidon, but somebody got to tell you this already." 
>Filthy Rich's head became red like a ripe tomato.
>He started shouting at you, spraying the floor in front of him, with his saliva.
>"That does it! Me and my mare will destroy you, you will never get a-"
>You quickly clamped his snout with your hands, successfully shutting him up.
>This scared the crap not only from him, but also from Cheerilee, who was trying to not interrupt the 'colts quarrel'.
>Her pupils shrunk and she almost jumped away from you and Filthy.
>Still holding his snout, you leaned down and looked him deeply in the eyes.
"Before you start threatening me, please remember something. I got a PRINCESS and a MAYOR of this town on my side. If you don't believe me, check it yourself."
>You hated to use Twi and Mayor like this, but you couldn't help it.
>Noticing little droplets of sweat on his brow, you flashed him your canines.
>You know just how they work on those ponies when they saw them.
"Also, bare in mind that I'm not your typical, sissy male. I came from a very violent and brutal world. If you hurt me, I'll hurt you too, in ways you couldn't even imagine were possible."
>He gulped loudly and you touched your almost touched your nose with his.
"Teach that little brat of yours some humility, or I'll do it for you. Are we clear?"
>You let his snout go and he quickly nodded his head.
>"Y-Yes, of course."
>Smiling, you pointed your finger in the door direction.
"Good, now get lost. I'm tired of looking at your ugly mug already."
>Remember kids, don't piss off Mr. Anon, you're going to live a lot more happy lifes if you don't.
>Looking at you with wide eyes, Filthy Rich stood up from the couch. 
>Walking like a damaged robot, he came up to the slacked-jawed Berry.
>"I-I hope that I won't have to come here ever again and that y-yours and mine daughters will behave a-as they should from now on. G-Goodbye." 
>Then, without further ado, he left Berry's house, living her in an even bigger state of shock than before.
>Pinchy started hollering behind you.
>"Wow, Mr. Anon! You're so marely for a colt! It was super cool!"
>Before you could say anything, Cheerilee found her courage and her voice back.
>"N-No, Ruby! It was NOT 'cool'. Please, never behave like Mr. Anon just now!"
>Pinchy looked at her little hooves.
>"A-Alright, Miss Cheerilee. I'm sorry..."
>You looked at the frustrated teacher and she looked at you.
>"I know you like to act marely, Mr. Anon and frankly it doesn't bother me much. To each their own, or so they say and I know you're not exactly a typical stallion."
>Well, no shit pony sherlock.
>"However, please, for the love of Celestia, stop setting such a bad example, like you just did right now. Especially before the little ones eyes. Their minds are very absorbent and they will try to emulate everything they saw, what you did."
>It was a sound advice, alright.
>Though, unlucky for her, you were still in your asshole mode.
>You came up to Pinchy and covered her little, squishy ears with your hands.
>"He, he, he. That tickles!"
>Then, you turned to Cheerilee and frowned.
"Yeah, like you are the one to talk. I know from a good source that Filthy's brat was turning the lives of other kids into shit for a very long time now. Literally fucking years. You're surely aware of that, aren't you?"
>"W-Well, yes and I was always trying to-"
"Trying?! No, you didn't do shit about it! You couldn't contain that little, spoiled retard, admit it. Only after Ruby actually hit her, because she couldn't stand being insulted any longer, you finally moved that incompetent ass of yours and did something."
>Damn son, your edges were so sharp that day.
"Oh and what did you do?! You came here, with the father of that autistic brat and started flinging accusations at Ruby's mother, right? I think you're a shitty teacher... bitch."
>Miss Cheerilee snorted loudly, but didn't say anything.
>Without uttering a single word, she stood up from the couch.
>Just like Filthy before her, she came up to Berry, who practically became one with the wall behind her.
>"I'm sorry Miss Punch, I think it's time for me to leave. I... I come back, when your coltfrient will be in a better mood and will behave like a real grown up."
>>"H-He's not my colt-"
>"Please forgive me, I don't want to exacerbate the situation more than it already is. Goodbye, Miss Punch."
>When she was about to left the room, she turned around for a moment and waved to Pinchy with a smile on her snout.
>"Bye, Pinchy. Remember to behave well, little filly."
>You took your hands from Ruby's ears just before she said that.
>She waved energetically at her teacher.
>"I will! Bye, Miss Cheerilee!"
>Welp, maybe not all hope is lost on that teacher, after all.
>Crap... you'll have to apologise to her someday now, don't you.
>Not like you never used your big mouth, before using your brain in the past, right?
>Sighing loudly, you sat your needlessly edgy ass on the couch and looked at still shocked Berry.
>She probably sobered from seeing all that. 
"Hey, listen... I'm sorry, alright. I shouldn't have-"
>In a blink of an eye, she walked up to you and put her front hoof on your lips, silencing you.
>A small blush crept on her features.
>"N-Never in my life nopony, e-especially no stallion, came to my and my daughter's defense l-like you did. Th-Thank you."
>You opened your eyes as wide as you could.
>Howlie fack, you were not expecting something like that.
>Though, probably her life as the town's drunk saw to it that no one ever took her side, when something bad happened.
>When she took her hoof away from your lips, you managed to utter a few words.
"Sure, n-no problem, Berry."
>She shook her head and chuckled audibly.
>"Oh mare, I need a drink, or rather a couple after all this."
>Your mood became sour in an instant and you looked at her with a very serious eyes.
"No, no you don't."
>You turned to Pinchy and asked her to give you and her mother some time alone.
>Probably guessing what you were about to talk with her mom, little filly agreed with a big smile on her muzzle and galloped to her room.
>Berry sat her cerise colored ass on the carpet and huffed quietly.
>"Anon, I'm grateful that you stood for me and Ruby, but you can't tell me-"
>Once again, you used your hands to rudely shut a pony's snout and narrowed your eyes.
"Berry, I'm going to ask you a very, very important question, alright?"
>She nodded and you took your hands away from her muzzle.
"Do you love Pinchy?"
>"Y-Yes, what are yo-"
"Do you?!"
>"Yes, yes I do!"
"REALLY?!"
>"YES! What else do you want me to say?!"
>You leaned backwards on the couch and crossed your hand on your chest.
"Good, because to say the truth, I didn't come here today to argue with Cheerilee, or Filthy Rich. I came here to tell you that you're going to lose Pinchy. Princess Twilight have enough of you being constantly drunk around her and is going to take her away from you."
>Berry jumped in your direction and grabbed you by the collar of your shirt.
>"NO! You can't take my little filly away from me!"
>You gently threw her hooves off of you.
"Tough luck then, Berry. If you don't stop drinking soon, you're going to lose her, end of the story."
>She started trembling more than Filthy after seeing your canines.
>"I-I'll stop drinking. I'll stop it immediately!"
>You chuckled audibly.
"Yeah, right. Sorry to say that, but that's bullshit, Berry. You need help to stop drinking, a lot of it."
>She looked at you with angry eyes.
>"Do you think that I really don't know that?! Nopony wants to truly help me! The only thing they do is talk, talk and talk and that does nothing for me, Anon, nothing!"  
>You raised your hand before you, to calm her down.
"Easy there, I'll try to help you. First, you need to admit before me and yourself that you really want and need it."
>She looked at you with disbelief.
>"Y-You, a stallion, wants to help me, a drunken mare, which he barely knows?!"
>You smiled and pointed your finger at her.
"How many times do I have to say this. I'm not your typical stallion, so you better believe it. Though first, like I said, I need to hear something from you."
>She gulped loudly and turned her head where Pinchy had gone.
>Closing her eyes, she opened her snout.
>"I-I, Berry Punch, am aware that my alcohol problems hurt me and my daughter, R-Ruby Pinch and t-that I'm too w-weak to stop drinking by myself alone."
>She opened her eyes and looked at you.
>"I need help. Please, help me, I... I don't want to lose Ruby. I don't want to lose my little filly."
>You saw tears in the corners of her eyes and stood up from the couch.
>Placing a hand on her shoulders you smiled at her.
"Alright, Berry, I'll try to help you as best as I can. Tomorrow is the beginning of the weekend, so we'll start tomorrow."
>You noticed that it slowly getting dark outside and remembered that you promised Twiggles to check on Rarity.
"As for today, please don't drink too much before going to sleep. I know it's impossible to stop drinking just like that, but remember that it's your last chance. Really LAST chance."
>"I-I will..."
"Great. Please prepare some pancakes for Pinchy's supper. I think she deserves to eat those two days in a row, for being such a marely little filly today. Now please excuse me, I have some things to take care of and it's getting dark." 
>You quickly said your goodbyes to her and Pinchy and left thier house.
>When you found yourself standing before the famous Carousel boutique, you knocked loudly on the door a few times.
>"G-Ghet losth, the boutiqhhe is c..closed!"
>Well shit, that didn't sound like Rarity.
>That didn't sound like her at all.
"Oi, Rares! It's me, Anon!"
>You heard some strange noises and curses from inside, as if she was stumbling against her own feet.
>"A-Anonh?!"
>The door to the boutique glowed with blue magic and opened.
>You saw Rarity barely standing on her four hooves inside it.
>She looked like shit.
>Her normally prisine mane was a mess and her fur was dirty and disheveled. 
>Makeup was running and smeared all over her muzzle and there was an empty wine bottle smashed on the floor behind her.
"Dear God, what have you done to yourself Rarara?!"
>She chuckled drunkenly and pressed her front hoof to her muzzle.
>"Shhh-hhh-hhh... mhon petit h-homme. Yooh, mhe and B*hic*Berry Punh are ghoing to thhe SPhA tomorrow!"
>What?
"What?!"