[Copied from https://pastebin.com/BTw2cgw4]

>You are Anon, professional dipshit
>Currently you are sitting in your grandpa Incog’s attorney’s office surrounded by your extended family
>They’re all dressed in nice clothes and shit, with tissues and whatnot, trying their best to act upset
>You are in a t-shirt and jeans because grandpa didn’t give a fuck and neither will you
>You’ve been told he died, but the only remains to be found were a kidney, a sizable bloodstain, and a note addressed to ‘the spirit of death itself’ that just said, “Incog Nito dies on his own terms, fucker!”
>The bloodstain has been identified as his, but the kidney belonged to a goat
>The doctor’s said that the size of the amount of blood in that stain alone would have had him dead from blood loss
>The lawyer, one Mr. Woody, clears his throat
>“I’m going to warn you all that this is the most… unconventional will I’ve ever read. It’s more of a bulleted list than anything else.”
>Oh boy, this is going to be good
>“I, Incog Richard Nito, as my last will and testament leave all of my belongings except for those listed further in this document (see section II: scraps for the idiots) to my favorite grandson: Anon Y Mous. The reason for this decision is twofold: 1. The rest of you degenerates ever actually talked to me unless you actually had to and he would not only visit me but assist me in my fun, 2. Due to the failure of my attempts to grow a clone of myself, he is the closest thing to a clone I will ever get.”
>“Section II: Scraps for the idiots. For the rest of you, divide $10 amongst yourselves and there’s a cake in the fridge if you want some, but anon gets first dibs on the cake.”
>There is a stunned silence in the room
>You just went from being a broke-ass college student to upper-middle class through the magic of inheritance.
>Grandpa was a true hero
>Your Aunt Pam is visibly upset
>You can almost hear grandpa’s voice guiding you
>“Just one more time, Anon. For old time’s sake. I’ve primed the bomb, I attached the fuse, light this bitch for your dear old grandpa.”
>You stand up and begin to walk towards the office’s door
“Whelp, I’m gonna go check out my new house. I guess there’s a cake there, and you all can have a slice or two.”
>The fuse is lit Grandpa
>As the door closes you hear your aunt go ballistic inside the office
>I’ll miss you grandpa

>Once again, be Anon
>You’ve just arrived at your new house
>You unlock the door and walk in only to be greeted by a unicorn in a sweater sitting on the couch, making a laptop glow with her weird head-penis
>Your Grandpa’s pony, Moondancer.
>She never talked with you much, she just sort of stayed in the basement and did her own thing whenever you were hanging out with grandpa.
>You guess she’s yours now
>She stops the glow on her head and closes the laptop
>“You must be Anon. Incog told me a lot about you, he also said that he’d left me to you in his will.”
“Yeah, Grandpa was a pretty rad dude. I guess we’re living together now.”
>“Yes, just let me know if you need me. I’ve got some things to work on.”
“Cool, I’m gonna go get that cake out so that the rest of the family can eat and then get the hell out.”
>You make your way to the fridge and find the cake that his will described.
>It is frosted with the words “Who’s the senile loser now, fuckers?!”
>Fuck yeah grandpa
>After an evening of you eating half of a cake and 10 other people sharing the second half and trying to swindle/guilt you out of your new shit you manage to get them to fuck off. 
>You decide to go see how Moondancer is holding up, she and Incog had lived together for a while, and she had endured her fair share of suspicion throughout the aftermath of his death.
>Thankfully she had been out doing his shopping at the time of death and several hours before and after
>You quietly open the door and creep down the stairs to the basement, just in case she’s asleep and then you catch an interesting sight
>Moondancer is talking with some grey Pegasus with bubbles on her ass
>“… remember, you need to find Victor. He runs a tabletop game store about 15 miles northeast of here. It’s called Red Victor’s Gaming. Ask him if he has any copies of ‘benevolent unicorn.’ He’ll know what to do from there. Trust him and do what he says. Good luck.”
>Yo! Red Victor’s Gaming is awesome! You play Magic there every week! You got a discount as well because Grandpa and Victor were great friends.
>You didn’t know Moondancer played Magic too. Then again, Grandpa was a huge nerd, so he probably taught her. The question is: Why would she want a benevolent unicorn? It’s not a BAD card, just not very good either.
>Maybe she just likes bad cards
“We taking a trip to Red Victors?”
>That’s when things got weird
>The Pegasus jumped up, shouted, and flew straight through the basement window, leaving shards of broken glass all over the place.
>Moondancer, just spun around and looked at you with sheer terror
“If you just wanted to hang out alone, you just need to say it not break a fucking window.”
>Be anon
>Your friend/pet/slave/family heirloom, Moondancer, is trying her best to not have the cutest little panic attack
>She's not doing very well
>"A-anon, I-I don't know what you think this is. But it's not bad. I swear to you! Please, please don't do anything rash! I can explain!"
"Ok, but you might want to stop hyperventilating first. I get the feeling this might be a long talk."
>She takes a couple minutes to compose herself
>"How much did you see?"
"I saw you having a very interesting conversation with that nice pegasus and before they flew straight through my basement window thing. Side note, can you tell your friends that windows aren't cheap? I really don't want to have to replace those too often."
>She looks baffled
>"Y-You're not going to beat me?!"
>You chuckle
"You silly filly! That's not my fetish!"
>"But you saw what I did!"
"Yes."
>"You aren't upset?!"
"Not particularly."
>"Do you even know what was happening right there?!"
"If I had to guess, it's some sort of underground railroad shit, right?"
>"You mean a subway? Anon, we don't even have a subway station in this state!"
"No, the history thing! The one with Lariat Tubman."
>"Who?"
"During the civil war, she helped free slaves. She'd suplex the owners while the others ran away and went through a series of safe houses until they made it to free lands."
>"Are you fucking with me right now?"
"Absolutely."
>"FOR FUCK'S SAKE ANON! I PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT FROM YOUR GRANDPA WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY?!"
>Perhaps you've said something wrong
“Ok, if you want me to take it seriously, then just explain exactly what this is.”
>She sighs, “Anon, have you heard those news stories about ponies disappearing from their owners?”
“Yes, yes, you’re running it. I understand that much! I’m a dick, not retarded.”
>“B-but it’s illegal, I don’t think you’re grasping this.”
“Moondancer, when I inherited this home from my grandpa, I expected WAY worse crimes than some sort of… theft? I’m actually not sure exactly what crime that counts as.”
>“It varies from state to state.”
“Cool. Anyways, what’s the name of your cute little group?”
>“Oh, that, Offering Ponies Freedom And Gernerosity!”
“OPFAG?”
>She huffs at this
>“It’s pronounced OP-phage! Like a bacteriophage!”
“I like OPFAG better. It has a nice ring to it.”
>“Look, I don’t care what you call it! Just listen to me! Your grandpa and I worked really hard to set this up. Please don’t report this!”
“Alright, this seems like it could be interesting anyways.”
>“R-really?! Oh thank you thank you thank you! I was so worried that you wouldn’t understand!”
>The horse is hugging you and tears are running down her face
“I would, however like your quote, ‘I don’t care what you call it.’ On the record.”
>She grumbles
>“Goddamn it.”
“That’s the spirit! On that note, I’m going to bed. We can talk more in the morning. Good night!”
>The only response is an exasperated sigh
>Music to your ears.

>When you awaken you notice two things
>Number 1: your morning wood could cut diamonds
>Number 2: Someone is in your new house cooking something that smells amazing
>You are left with a decision to make: go down stairs and eat the delicious food while you’re still at full mast or deal with your erection and then eat food
>Fuck it, that food smells too good.
>Go downstairs to find Moondancer using that forehead-penis magic to make pancakes
>She turns to greet you
>“Good Morning Ano-”
>She stops when she sees the tent you are still pitching
>“Really?”
“Fuck you, this is my house. I can walk around with as many boners as I want!”
>“Is at least a minimal level of decorum too much to ask of you?”
“Yes.”
>“Alright, fine. There’s more important things to deal with right now anyway. About my… organization.”
>This topic is not for a hungry anon.
>Hungry anon requires food before any other conversation
“Eat first. Faggotry later.”
>And so you ate together in silence
>Food eaten… check
>Morning wood… receded
>Good to go
>You look at Moondancer
>She’s clearly thinking about how to say something
>You say it for her in the single best impersonation of her voice ever
“Oh Anon, I’m so afraid that you’ll put a stop to the illegal horse thing going on in your basement! How will I ever begin to cope?!”
>She stares at you
>Clearly, she is shocked by your crazy good impression.
>She looks down starts visibly shaking with anger
>She takes a few breaths and tries to calm down
>“Look, I can’t do it alone.”
“What?”
>Is this going where you think it’s going?
>“I can’t keep OPFAG together and running without help. I can’t own property or manage my own finances, and I may be smart, but this whole organization is so hard to coordinate and maintain. Incog and I founded this together, and now I need somebody to take his place. He seemed to think that person would be you.”
“And if I call bullshit?”
>“He said to give you this.”
>She pulled out a sealed envelope with your name on it and floated it over to you
>You open it up and find a short message in his handwriting
>’Do it you faggot- Love, Grandpa’
“Aright, I’ve done stupider shit for stupider reasons. Why the hell not?”
Small update before bed
>"Really? That's it? You're just on board?"
"Sure, Grandpa seemed to think it was worth some time."
>"Well then..."
"So... what do miss penis-on-head-horse?"
>"I'm just going to be ignoring that, we need to go to the grocery store."
"Cool. You know how to get there right? I never lived in this part of town and only really came here to so Grandpa. So I have no idea where I'm going."
>She looks unsure
>"Yeah, s-sure, I can get us there."
>She's lying through her teeth
>Probably afraid to admit to you that she doesn't know
>This is going to be an adventure
>You grab your keys
"Let's get some motherfucking groceries!"
>"Alright."
>You get in your car and turn on the radio
>Generic sounds are blasted through the speakers
>Not the best, but Moondancer is clearly not a fan of this music, so you can deal with it
"Just tell me when and were to turn ok?"
>"Got it... heh..."
>45 minutes later
>You and moondancer are hopelessly lost in a very bad part of town
"We're lost Moonie."
>"I know that, I admitted we were lost about 15 minutes ago when we drove past all those people getting arrested."
"Well fix it."
>"HOW?! I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE!"
"Use that penis on your head and magic us a way out of here!"
>"It's not a penis! It's a HORN."
*Knock knock knock*
>There is a large ape knocking on your window
>"Ey Mane! You los ou here or sommin?"
"Relax! I know exactly what to do!"
>You pull out your ghetto camo cd and put it in
>You always keep it with you just in case you needed to blend in
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9Xu5DxU8xw [Embed]
>Irrythmic jungle drums begin to play and you roll down your window
"I don't speak jive very well but you wouldn't happen to know how to get to the high way would you?"
>"Sheet mane, yo jus take a right up at dat next light and go straight fo bout tree blocks then hang a right and you be headin straight fo it."
"Th-thanks."
>You roll the window up and look over to Moondancer
"Did you understand any of that?"
>She shakes her head
>"I think he may have said something about a lion?"
"I don't know man. Let's just keep wandering until we find it."
>You didn't make it to the grocery store that day.

>The morning after the terrifying expedition into the tribal lands
>You awake earlier than normal
>Your stomach begs you to be filled like a slutty whore
>Similes are hard when you're hungry
>You'll try again later
>Food first
>You go down to the kitchen and see that moondancer is just now arriving there as well
>She looks exhausted
>You open your mouth to greet her and she immediately cuts you off
>"I am in no mood for your shit right now. I got a call last night about a runaway that needs to be picked up and I just got done setting up the meeting. In total, I got about 2 hours of sleep. Please, just give me this day."
>You move closer to her with a gentle smile and start to pet her hair
"Moondancer, if I do that, then the communists win. You wouldn't want that, would you?"
>Silence
"Exactly."
>As you walk away to eat breakfast you hear Moondancer mumbling something
"I couldn't hear you. What?"
>"Grumble grumle grumble-there."
"Moondancer, are you having a stroke? All I hear is a bunch of garbled mumbling."
>"I need your help to get to the meeting."
"Do we get to use codenames?"
>"What?"
"I'll be Count Chocula and you can be Captain Crunch."
>"Anon, what are you talking about?"
"With my vampire powers and your pirate ship, nothing will stop us from serving a balanced breakfast of freedom to all the ponies of the world!"
>"Anon, listen to me: I just need you to drive me to the park, hold my leash and let me handle this meeting. Ok?"
"Don't worry, Crunch, I've got your back."
>"Don't call me that."
"Sorry, but if I didn't it would compromise OPFAG's opsec."
>"Just eat your damn breakfast!"
>You Salute
"Crunchatize me, Captain!"

>After breakfast you go up and shower
>Once you exit you hear a knocking at your bedroom door
>You walk over and answer
>It's Moondancer
>"ANON WHAT THE FUCK! PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"
"But you knocked."
>"That doesn't mean I want to get a face full of your dick!"
"It also doesn't mean that you DON'T want a face full of my dick."
>"For the love of- UGH!"
>She turns away from you
>Giving you a full view of her butt
>Lol horse butt
>Wait, she's saying something.
>"Anon, are you even listening?"
"I'm sorry, I was giggling at your butt. What was the question?"
>"I asked you if you had my leash or not."
"Look, I'm not here to judge you for your fetishes."
>"Not what I meant! I can't be out on public property without a leash. Do you have it?"
"Negatory captain."
>"Whatever, I'm going to shower. It should be in the study on Incog's old desk. Just don't forget to grab it, ok?"
"Aye aye."
>She leaves and you close the door
>Once dressed, you head over to the study to find that leash
>Room's cool as hell
>The walls on either side of you are lined with books on shelves
>At the back of the room sits your Grandpa's old desk, with a small box on top of it
>Feeling educated as fuck just standing here
>The books make you feel like you're forgetting something but you have shit to do, you'll figure it out later
>You go to the desk and look at the box
>It's labeled with your name
>You open it up and find something absolutely beautiful
>Your grandpa's old .45 revolver, a holster for it, and 5 or 6 boxes of ammo.
>There's a note at the bottom.
>"6 bullets..."
"More than enough to kill anything that moves."
>Man, this gun brings back memories.
>Your grandpa taught you how to shoot even though your parents never liked the idea that much
>"How else is the boy supposed to keep the Queen of England out of his fucking face if he can't shoot?!" Your grandpa would shout
>You think back to the many nights that you spent with him, shooting the bird feeders out of his neighbor's trees
>No free handouts you stupid nigger birds
>You remember when you first showed grandpa the scene in Metal Gear with Revolver Ocelot and how hype he got
>How he grew the same moustache that Ocelot had because of it
>Good times
>Your good times are interrupted
>"Anon? You find it?"
"No. Where in the study?"
>"Check the desk, second drawer!"
>You look, it's there.
"Got it."
>"Alright, let's go! The contact is waiting!"
>You load the gun, don the holster and put your jacket on over it
"Alright, let's go Captain. Remember... stay Crunchy out there."

>Turns out the park you're meeting at is just over a mile from your house
>There are a couple joggers and two families with kids around but it isn't too busy
>One guy is running along the path all around the park
>Moondancer points over to a particularly isolated set of tables
>"Over there."
"Copy that Cap'n."
>"Would it kill you to take this seriously?"
"I'd rather not risk it."
>"Ok, now when we meet them just let me do the talking because this is..."
>Moondancer starts rambling about something or another and you zone out a bit
>"...and I know that you think your little jokes are funny but sometimes it's really hurtful and..."
>How can she manage to make illegal trafficking so boring?!
>"... and I can't even decide if I like the dreams or not because I wake up and have to change the sheets but I always just feel sad when I think about liking it..."
>Jesus! She's still going! There's no end to it!
>"... So then I'm crying because I'm alone and I need love but who would want me?! I'm just the fat nerd who wears a sweater to hide her body-ACK!"
>You're startled out of your stupor by some bald retard running straight into Moondancer and falling on top of her
>He kneed her right in the side of the place with those horse boobies
>You know the ones
>Horse anatomy is not something you've studied
"You ok there?"
>He puts his hands on Moondancer's side and head as he pushes himself off of the ground
>Moondancer cringes in pain and lets out a small pained squeak
>Ok, this is starting to be less than ok.
>"You retarded ass horse! Get outta the way when your masters are moving!"
>He pulls a leg back to kick her while she's down and she curls up in fear
"Woah woah! What the hell? You can't just do that!"
>"Why the fuck not? Your retarded donkey fucking tripped me! Needs to learn its place."
"Look, if you kick her, she's going to the hospital and YOU'LL be paying for it."
>"Hey fuck you man!"
>He slams you against a tree
>You feel something odd poking against your thigh
>It's clearly coming from outside your... pants...
"Oh for fuck's sake there's kids around! Don't be like this!"
>He blanches
>"Sh-shut up, you don't know nothing!"
"I know that you're getting a stiffy from kicking my pony and holding me to a tree. Also, about that..."
>You knee him in the groin... hard
"You really shouldn't be rubbing your junk that close to other people's knees, that shit's begging for disaster."
>He's on the ground and writhing
>Maybe this whole illegal trafficking thing isn't so boring after all.
>You go check on Moondancer.
>Engage terrybogard.wav
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiQgM0Odwts (note: I couldn't find the voice clip alone)
"Are you okay?" 
>"I'm fine, thanks. Let's just hurry over to the spot so that we can get done with this."
>She's bruised up but she should be ok.

>You help her to her hooves and head over to the benches
>Once you sit down you look over and see that Baldy McFuckfaggot is limping over to an expensive looking car
>You chuckle at his misery
>"Thank you, by the way... For dealing with him."
"Nobody gets away with rubbing their dick on me!"
>"Why do I continue to try and talk with you?"
"I'd probably guess that it's a combination of force of habit and crippling loneliness."
>You would've paid attention to Moondancer's response, but something else catches your eye.
>A large-round body wearing a trench coat and fedora as approaching you with a nervous looking magenta pony on a leash
>You turn and whisper to Moondancer
"Captain, I don't think our vessel can take on such a monstrous whale."
>"Shut up, Anon. That's our contact, he's bringing the runaway."
"My code name is Count goddamn Chocula, and you will refer to me as such."
>Moondancer rolls her eyes
>"Hey Trevor, I see you brought a new friend."
>He responds in the most nasally and cringey voice you've heard in recent memory
>"How do you do, Lady Moondancer?"
>Jesus christ he actually tipped his fucking fedora
>"I'm doing well, Trevor, thank you. This is Anon-"
"ahem"
>"I'm not calling you Count Chocula. Anyways, Anon is Incog's grandson. He inherited all of Incog's estate, including me. He's going to be helping us out."
>He nods, snorts, and extends his hand for a handshake
>"Welcome to opfag, Anon."
>His hand is covered in cheeto-dust and sweat
>You look to Moondancer
>She gives you an apologetic look
>Time is running out
>You need a distraction
>Anything to save you from those disgusting meat hooks
>...
>Nothing
>It appears that there is no benevolent god
>Just as you are about to reach out and do the deed you are saved by an angelic voice
>"Look, introductions are nice and all, but I really don't want to be out in public any longer than I have to, can we please get going?"
>All eyes look to the horse that Trevor had brought with him
>Your savior
>"You make a good point Cheerilee. I'm sorry, this is where I say goodbye. It was a pleasure m'lady."
>Cheerilee visibly cringes as he tips his fedora at her and turns to leave
>This horse fucking gets it
>You watch as the lump lumbers to his car
>Once he's out of earshot Moondancer breaks the silence
>"What did you think of Trevor?"
>You don't respond to her
>Instead you look to Cheerilee
"How long?"
>She looks into your eyes
>"Almost two weeks."
"I'm so sorry. Let's get you home."
>You bend down and take her into your arms
>"Thank you."
"It's the least I can do to repay you."
>Moondancer simply looks bemused by the both of you
>"What? What's wrong? What the hell are you two going on about?!"
>You carry Cheerilee to your car while Moondancer fumes along behind you
>The whole ride home is silent
>When you arrive you leave cheerilee to the guest bathroom while you take a long shower
>The water ran cold after the first hour
>You emerged after the second and went to check on Cheerilee
>You find her on the guest bed, still a bit wet, staring at a wall
>You move over and hug her
"Feeling better?"
>"I just don't understand, Anon."
"I know. You're safe now."
>"His whole home smelled like cheetos and body odor. He was always opening doors for me and kept saying that he'd protect me from the slavers."
"It's ok. That part's over now, you can stay here for as long as you need before you move on."
>Your beautiful moment is interrupted by Moondancer's voice
>"OH COME ON! HE'S JUST A BIT OF A SHUT IN! NOT SOME HORRIBLE WAR-CRIMINAL!"

>Moondancer storms off, clearly upset
>You'll deal with that later
>Based Cheerilee needs your help
>She saved you from him
>You owe her that much
>20 minutes later
>Cheerilee slumbers on your guest bed
>Illegally
>If you were caught for this you would go to prison for a long time
>Neat
>There was something you needed to do after you got Cheerilee to sleep
>...
>Can't remember
>Fuck it, let's drink
>You earned some booze after your heroism
>TO THE KITCHEN!
>When you arrive in the kitchen, you are greeted by an unexpected sight
>Moondancer is sitting alone, with a half-empty bottle of scotch next to her and a bunch of Magic: the Gathring cards in front of her
>She's grumbling to herself
>"No no... I'm not quite ready yet."
>She then takes a large swig from the bottle
>The sight is so depressing you almost don't want to make fun of her
"The only way you could look any more depressing is if you were talking about your new boyfriend Trevor."
>She doesn't even change her hunched over posture and just sighs
>"Do you ever think before you say things?"
"I'd assume so. I just ignore it."
>She sighs
>"What do you want, Anon?"
"Well, I came down here to drink, but I see you play Magic. Are you a fellow student of Master Incog?"
>You wave your hands in a magical way
>For magic
>She hiccups a bit and giggles
>You didn't know she could giggle
>"He said that I wasn't allowed to live in the house until I learned how to play. I slept outside on the first night here."
"How's about we get shitfaced and play a few rounds?"
>She nods
>"That's the first good idea I've heard from you... ever!"
"What format?"
>"Legacy. I-I like my deck."
"You got it."
>You grab your deck, get a glass, and pour some scotch
>This night is going to be good
>She sets down her deck and draws to seven
>You do the same
>Roll to go first
>The game begins
>3 hours, 1.5 bottles of scotch and 21 games of Magic later
>Moondancer is a grumpy little drunk horsey
>She's so cute when she scrunches her nose like that
>You just want to shove your dick in her mouth
>Wait, no, that's not it
>Make fun of her, yeah!
>"This is bullshit! Your deck's match-up with mine is a 9-1 in your favor!"
>These darn horses and their math-numbers
>Even when she's drunk she can't stop spouting them
"Have you considered being better at Magic?"
>"That doesn't change the fact that-"
"Being. Better. At. Magic. Moonie. This is how we attain all the value!"
>"But-"
"Bleh bleh bleh I'm too much of a spergy nerd horse to get better at magic! That's what you sound like."
>"Oh fuck off."
"At least I'm not Trevor. Fuck that guy!
>She blushes
>"H-He's not that bad."
"Oh come ON Moondancer, he's the human cringe!"
>"A-Anon."
"Cheerilee said that he barely left his house, and just read and ate all day! How does he still have a home?!"
>"H-he."
"Never mind, I don't care. My point is that he has no redeeming qualities."
>"Anon why are you so mean to him?!"
"Because I find it amusing?"
>"I cannot believe you!"
"Oh my god, you like him?!"
>"What? NO!"
"Oooooh I'm going to go kiss my new boyfriend Trevor! He's so dreeeeeeaaaaammmmyyyy!"
>Your impression of her is so spot on right now
>It's so good you've moved her to tears
>"F-fuck you! You stupid prick!"
>Wow, if she didn't sound like she was crying she'd be doing an ok Anon impression
>She stumbles over to the basement door and opens it
>She give you one last angry look because of how much better your impression of her was
"Goodnight Moon!"
>She carefully goes downstairs in shame
>You totally nailed everything you did tonight

>You are Moondancer, magical genius, regular genius, co-founder and leader of a relatively successful anti-slavery organization
>You are also drunk, lonely and more than a little hurt
>Stupid fucking Anon
>You don't know why you put up with him
>His words about Trevor continue to bounce around in your brain
>You cringe
>That used to be you
>Until you made friends
>Not that you had them for long
>The war started pretty soon after you finally came out of your shell
>You and your friends were in the volunteer corps when you were all captured
>You'd been helping in a small fort when the human soldiers arrived
>You remember it so vividly
>Chatting with Twinkleshine about the lunch you'd both had that day
>The sudden gunshots
>The screams
>You still have nightmares about it sometimes
>Getting down on the ground and begging for your life
>The hands that grabbed you and pulled you away from the base
>Being taken to some kind of prison with the rest of the ponies they'd captured
>The absolute terror about your situation
>The relief when you found your friends
>The feeling of hope that their group hug gave you
>Finding out you were going to be sold as slaves
>Minuette's plan for escape
>The fucking disastrous celestia-damned plan
>She disappeared for a couple days after that
>When she came back, she was broken
>She never smiled
>Never laughed
>The only time she spoke was when one of your captors spoke to her
>Even then all she'd say were things like "Yes, Master," "No, Master," and "Thank you, Master"
>The rest of the time she just stared at the wall and said nothing
>At first, all three of you tried your best to be there for her and coax her out again
>After about a month, Twinkleshine was sold and they took her away
>Lemon Hearts followed a week or so later
>But you refused to give up
>For months you tried to help your friend
>The whole time, her dead eyes wore away at your hope
>One day, it became too much to bear
>You made a decision that day
>You were going to save your friend
>You remember all of this but there is one thing that you remember better than anything else
>Minuette didn't even struggle for her life

>You are Anon
>Your head is not happy with you
>Nor is the majority of your body
>You drank too much last night
>You have to piss
>But you don't want to turn on a light
>Engage auto-pilot
>You walk straight into a wall
"FUCK!"
>The bathroom's door should be here!
>Wait
>You're not in your old apartment
>You're going to have to get some light to get there
>You approach the switch
>3
>2
>1
>Flick
>The pain is real
>After a few moments your eyes adjust and you manage to keep them open for a bit
>You're in the living room
>You must have fallen asleep on the couch
>Figures
>You go to the bathroom
>After the sweet release of all that fluid from your bladder, you decide that a hangover breakfast is in order
>Moonie will probably need some too
>She seemed pretty hammered in the last few memories you have of the night
>As you begin to prepare your hangover foods you hear someone coming down the stairs
>Cheerilee has arrived looking cheery and well rested
>"Good morning Anon."
>Jesus christ, she's so damn happy
>"How was your night?"
>She's getting a bit too close to your legs for you to be ok with right now
"Don't do this to me."
>"What?"
"I'm hung over. This whole happy cheery morning person thing you've got going,"
>You gesture to all of her
"It's not going to work for me for at least a couple more hours."
>She gives you a look of genuine concern
>"But, Anon."
"What?"
>"I'm not a morning person. I'm a morning pony."
"Out of the kitchen."
>She just laughs and goes into the living room
>Hold up, did she fucking wink over her shoulder at you?
>Fuck it, you're not dealing with this right now
>You wonder if this is how Moondancer feels all the time
>Speak of the nerd horse, and she shall appear
>Moondancer has emerged from her with a look of misery
"I know that feel, friend horse."
>She just grumbles at you and walks over to the counter
"I've got some hangover food almost done."
>"Thanks."
>She walks off
>You plate up the food and set them at the table
"Food's up."
>Cheerilee practically skips in and takes a seat right next to you
>Moondancer trudges in a few moments later and shoots you an annoyed look
>You ignore it
>If she has a problem she can use her words like a big girl
>"Thank you so much for helping me out, that was the best sleep I've had in MONTHS and..."
>You ignore her and eat your food
>It seems like Moondancer is doing the same
>Good on you Moondancer

>After breakfast you shower and take a few more minutes to recover from your hangover before you put your suit and tie on and head back downstairs
>You find Cheerilee sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for something
>She looks up at you
>"What now?"
"I'm going to need way more context for that question before I can even think about the answer to that."
>"About my relocation. What's the next step?"
"Probably some stupid bullshit that Moondancer will end up handling."
>"It's not stupid and you're going to be helping me."
>You and Cheerilee both jump at Moondancer's sudden appearence
>She looks like she's recovered enough to be a bossy grump again
>Wait a minute
"Something just occurred to me."
>Moonie rolls her eyes and Cheerilee just tilts her head
>"Oh boy here we go."
"I own you..."
>Moondancer glares at you... harshly
"And if I own you, that means you don't get to give me orders..."
>She glares harder
"I get to give YOU orders!"
>Glaring intensifies
"Moondancer, fetch me an ice cream sandwich!"
>Is she actually glaring so hard that she's shaking?
>Cool.
>"Anon, I need you to answer this truthfully: Are you retarded?"
"I have my moments."
>"I'm just going to go on with what I was saying now: The next step is to get you over to Red Victor's tabletop games. It's not terribly far from here, but it's in the city, so we'll have to be careful."
>Cheerilee looks a bit nervous
>"When do we leave?"
>"Today, Vic's got his orders coming in today and he's sending out all the online sales after that. You'll be smuggled out that way."
"I'm not leaving without my goddamn ice cream sandwich."
>"Anon, you're being ridiculous."
"What's ridiculous, Moondancer, is how few ice cream sandwiches are in my hands right now."
>"You are acting like a child!"
"And I will continue to do so until my demands are met!"
>"FINE! I'll get you your fucking ice cream sandwich!"
>She storms out of the living room and into the kitchen
"Thanks Moonie, you're the coolest horse!"
>Her response comes in the form of high speed frozen confections
"Goddamn it! My suit!"

>You are Moonancer
>You are currently in the car with your idiotic owner after his stupid ice cream tantrum
>It's like he's all of the worst parts of Incog, with none of the redeeming qualities
>He spent 15 minutes spazzing out about his suit that he wears every day
>Or does he own one for every day?
>It doesn't matter, he's still an idiot
>Now he's actively pouting as he drives you and Cheerilee over to the next stop on her road to freedom
>By actively pouting, you mean it
>He seems to be putting effort into the pout
>Sweet Celestia, what is wrong with him?
"Are you just going to pout like that all day?"
>"Oh, I'm sorry I'm not a cold, emotionless ruiner of things like a certain PONY I know who had definitely lost the title of coolest horse to Cheerilee!"
>Cheerilee pokes her head forward from the front seat.
>"Oh, Anon, you're so swee-"
>"Shut up Cheerilee, the grown ups are talking!"
>"Aww."
"Anon, what the actual hell is wrong with you?"
>"Nothing, Moondancer, I'm fine!"
"You're clearly not fi-woah!"
>You suddenly shift as the car suddenly changes direction and enters the parking lot near Red Vic's Tabletop Games
>At least you get to say hi to Victor
>With any luck he'll know how to get Anon to calm the fuck down
>Anon unbuckles and starts to get out of the car
>You turn back to Cheerilee, and notice that she's still staring at Anon
"Are you coming?"
>"What, yeah, yeah, I'm coming"
>With that, the three of you head into the shop
>This can only go well

>Your identity?
>Anon
>Your mission?
>Enter Red Victor's Games in order to proceed with whatever faggotry Moondancer kept going on about
>The problem?
>The store is filled to burst with sweaty neckbeards and black people
>The neckbeards aren't really too out of the ordinary for this place, there was always at least one or two of them around
>All you had to do was ignore them
>But this concentration was alarming
>And the blackuns?
>What the hell are they doing in the store?!
>Admittedly, you didn't spend a ton of time there, because you lived a good hour from it before Grandpa passed
>But every time you were with grandpa for any period of time, you'd spend a night there playing Magic and shit with him and Uncle Victor
>As you drew even closer, you saw the truth
>The disgusting, horrifying truth
>Two words leave your mouth with more disgust than you've felt since meeting Trevor
"Yu-Gi-Oh players."
>You stop and glare as hard as you can at the store's current patrons
>Cheerilee and Moondancer must have caught up with you because you hear Moondacer sigh before she speaks
>"It's pretty full, but we have procedures in place for this. Come on."
>Moondancer begins to advance with a very clearly hesitant Cheerilee
>No! That horse saved you once, you cannot allow her to fall victim to their unbearable faggotry!
"Stop! Girls, no!"
>They both stop and look at you
>Cheerilee with hope and a bit of confusion
>Moondancer with what can only be described as resigned frustration
>Moonie speaks
>"What is it now, Anon?"
"Moondancer, do you see what those are?!"
>You gesture to the... things in the store
>"Well, no matter how I answer that question, this is going to go somewhere idiotic. So why don't you just tell me so that we can move on?"
"Those are Yu-Gi-Oh players, Moonie! Did Grandpa never warn you about them?!"
>"That's what this is about?! Holy shit, what is it with you two and Yu-Gi-Oh?"
"They're the worst!"
>"For the love of- UGH- there is nothing wrong with people for liking Yu-Gi-Oh!"
"They aren't people, Moonie. They're close, but wrong. As if somebody tried to make a human but had only ever been told what humans are like."
>"Well Trevor plays Yu-Gi-Oh. He's not that bad!"
"Trevor is the worst!"
>"How is he the worst?!"
"Did you use your eyeballs and look at him?"
>"Just because he's a bit over weight doesn't make him the worst."
"He is a walking cringe, Moondancer!"
>"At least he's not a bad knock off of his Grandpa!"
>Shouts of 'dayum' and 'roasted' are heard from the undesirables nearby
"That was.. actually pretty hurtful. Huh..."

>You are Moondancer and you cannot believe this shit
>He's actually hurt?!
>And now Cheerilee is looking at you like YOU'RE the one a fault!
>"Moondancer that was uncalled for. His Grandpa JUST died."
"What? How am I the villian here?"
>Anon pipes up
>"Yeah, Moondancer, the grieving process takes time!"
"Were you not just hearing him?"
>"Well..."
"What?"
>"Trevor was pretty bad..."
>"Thanks Cheerilee."
>Anon bends down to hug her and she turns around to return the hug
>While her back is to you he looks at you
>And he fucking winks at you

>You're Anon and Cheerilee's hug is nice
>How the hell is this pony so goddamn soft?
>It's black magic, some sort of voodoo or something
>Either way, you're a bit sad to see her go
>Sure you'd only had her there for a day or so but she seemed nice enough to be around
>Is she sniffing your hair?
>...
>Yes, yes she is
>And now she's shuddering a bit
"Okay, this hug is over."
>You stand up
>Cheerilee stumbles a bit at your sudden movement
>Her stumbling knocks you over and you land flat on your ass
>"Sorry."
"Don't make this weirder than it needs to be."
>Moondancer is behind her, still quaking with anger at the events from a few moments ago
>Your options are limited here, Moondancer is blocking the path to your car
>Before you can make your decision, she speaks
>"Let's just go inside and get this done."
"So I'm off the hook?"
>She doesn't answer as she finishes walking to the door and opens it
>You and Cheerilee follow her

>As soon as you enter, you're confronted with the sight and stench of Neckbeards
>Several of them turn to the three of you as you enter
>You're already regretting this
>So many fedoras
>So many cringe-inducing pins placed inside those fedoras
>So much grease
>One of them is literally staring at Moondancer's ass as she walks by him
>You cringe as another tips his fedora to Cheerilee
>She is visibly uncomfortable in here
>You can only imagine what it was like to live with one of these things
>One of them walks up and starts to try and talk to you about your ponies
>You ignore him and keep walking
>He fucking follows you and starts trying to talk to Moondancer
>The bulbous lard sack speaks
>"Hey."
>Moondancer, instead of simply not engaging with him, tries to politely tell him to fuck off
>"Hello, look we're really trying to get this thing done."
>Oh for fuck's sake he has a visible erection already! She's only said one sentence!
>"Maybe I can help. A beautiful pony like yourself shouldn't be here alone."
>"I'm not alone, I'm here with my owner. So everything's fine."
>"You seem stressed out, do you need a hug?"
>"Look, I've had a long day and-
>Despite her very clear protest, the mound bends down and begins to envelope her in his flabby arms
>Maybe today won't be so bad after all
>She fucking gets it
>His hands start at her back but slowly move downward and Moondancer is clearly uncomfortable
>Is this faggot seriously trying to cop a feel on your horse?
>Just as you finish that thought, his hand hits her butt-tattoo and she yelps
>Then she bites down on his shoulder
>He howls out in pain and drops her
>"What the hell? You can't just bite me!"
>"You can't just hug me without my consent! And you ESPECIALLY can't just grab my ass either you creep!"
>"It was just a hug!"
>A couple of his buddies are there now
>You decide to join them before shit gets too bad
"What happened here?"
>"This stupid pony just bit me out of nowhere!"
>You decide to play along with him to see where this goes
>You adopt a parental tone
"Moondancer, did you bite this person for no reason?"
>"He molested me!"
>"She's a fucking lying about me now!"
"Well I did watch you cop a feel on my horse there. You're not very subtle."
>His face is beet red
>"That's not what happened, you idiot!"
>You laugh in his face
"Is that really your best attempt at damage control?"
>He mad now
>"Are you calling me a liar?"
"Among other things."
>He gets in your face
>His breath threatens to bring back the ice cream sandwich from earlier
>"I'll kick your ass, I learned karate and have trained with Katanas for three years now!"
>He pushes you and you trip over Moondancer, who had apparently moved to behind you without you noticing
>She cringes in pain
>You realize that she still had a fairly sizable bruise from the day before and you may have just hit her there
>You look up to see a smug neckbeard laughing with his friends
>You rise and Mr. Meatsweat takes an anime fighting stance
>Do you and Moondancer have to fight some kind of ridiculous super-fag every time you go out or something?
>You throw one punch and hit him square in the jaw and he stumbles back and leans on one of the long tables
>Problem solved
>Just as you are about to turn around to check on Moondancer, a strong hand clasps your shoulder and violently jerks you around
>The next thing you know, you're on the ground, your vision is going black
>Grandpa always said that Victor had a mean right hook

>You wake up on the floor a black room with a single light hanging from the ceiling
>The light illuminates a small table with 3 chairs around it
"Well fuck, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that this is how I go out."
>You think back to what grandpa told you about how to handle this
>It's not clear if you're just remembering very well or hearing his words
>"The best plan is to avoid ending up there, Anon. If you're already in the situation, you're basically fucked. At that point, just screw with them. You may as well, right?"
"Sounds like as good of a plan as any."
>You go over to the table and sit, waiting for Agent Whoever to come out and start whatever it is that's gonna happen to you
>After waiting a couple minutes, you hear footsteps approaching
>As they draw near, you begin to make out a shape in the shadows
>It's clearly human, probably a man, about your height
>The figure stops just short of coming into the light, remaining little more than a shape
>It just stands there and watches you silently for a bit
>It's actually pretty intimidating
>Not that you'd let them know that
"Is this going to be one of those 'sit down and talk' interviews or more of the 'nipple taser' variety?"
>The figure answered in a startlingly familiar voice as it stepped into the light
>"That's up to you, Anon."
>Holy shit
"GRANDPA?!"

>He pulls out a chair and sits down across the table from you.
>This can't be real
>"How have you been, boyo?"
"So we're just sandbagging the fact that you're not actually dead? Ok. I'm down with that."
>He laughs a bit then looks at you with a twinkle in his eye
>"Oh, I'm definitely dead. Did you see the size of that bloodstain?"
>You can't help but grin. You know an invitation to a game of "faggot's logic" when you hear one
"It could just have easily been blood you'd been drawing over time and storing so that you could fake your own death. After all, there were no other remains found that were yours. The kidney belonged to a goat!"
>"Well what about the note?"
"The note never said that you were killing yourself. You were just telling death to fuck itself. You could have also been implying that you'd found the secret to immortality."
>"But Anon, immortality is a myth."
"You can't prove that. It could be that you found it and it involved that goat's kidney somehow! Good game, faggot!"
>"Alright well played."
>Another voice intrudes on your conversation
>"What game is this?"
>You turn and see a tall horse that you don't recognize
>She's blue, has a big-ass dick on her head, and... wings?
>You're about to yell at her when you notice the moon shape on her butt
>Is Moondancer trying to be an edgelord now?
"What the hell Moondancer? You look absolutely retarded."
>Moonie looks confused
>"What?"
"Did Trevor tell you this was a good idea? The edgy chick look does not work for you."
>Suddenly she dons a look of comprehension
>"I see."
>Her horn glows and in a flash she looks like her old self again.
"There, you look much better now."
>"Anyways, what was the game you were just playing? All I saw was an argument."
"Grandpa never taught you how to play Faggot's Logic?! Grandpa! What the hell?"
>Grandpa clears his throat
>"As fun as this is, I don't have all the time in the world to talk with you."
"What do you mean?"
>"Anon, what's the last thing you remember happening before waking up here?"
>You think about it for a minute
"... Ohhhhhh. I think I get it. So I'm dreaming?"
>"Of course you are, boyo."
"So, you're not real."
>"I never said that."
"But you're dead."
>"I could be a ghost."
"Or you could be my mind."
>"Would it matter?"
"It would make me feel less weird about masturbating in your old house."
>"It didn't stop you when I was alive."
"Because you weren't ghosting around all over the place and watching me!"
>"As far as you know."
"I'm not sure how I feel about this."
>"We're getting side tracked anyways. I came here to ask you a few things."
"Shoot."
>"Why did you agree to help Moondancer with OPFAG?"
"I dunno. Fun?"
>"Really? Fun? Nothing else?"
"Nothing comes to mind, no."
>"I shouldn't have expected any different. Not yet, at least."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
>"You'll see what I mean when it becomes relevant."
"Fuck that cryptic bullshit, tell me."
>"I'm a dead old man, Anon. All I've got left is cryptic nonsense."
"Can I at least have a hint."
>"If you insist on being such a faggot, fine. Think about what Moondancer said to you."
"That's a lot of things."
>"I know. Isn't it fun?"
>With that, he stood up and began reaching into his pocket
>"They've been trying to get you up for a while. I think Moonie's getting worried. Better help them out."
"How do you plan to do that?"
>He pulls out a taser 
>This does not bode well for the Anon
>He shoots you
>You are wracked with agony as you writhe on the ground
>You can't move
>You're still in the dark room
>"Oh shit! That didn't work? Here, let me try again."
>He reloads as you feel a puddle form around you from the loss of bladder control
>This time, just as he fires, you awaken with a start
>You're in a bed in a room you don't recognize
>Cheerilee and Moondancer are both next to the bed
>Cheerilee is immediately hugging you
>Very tightly
>"I'm so glad you're okay, I was worried you weren't going to wake up!"
>Moondancer clears her throat
>"Are you feeling better? Any nausea, headache, dizziness, confusion?"
"Well I'm in a bed I don't recognize and there's a horse who's hoof is getting WAY too far down for me to be ok with-"
>"You were totally into it."
"-but otherwise, no."
>Moondancer just nods
>"We're in Victor's apartment, just above the shop. He knocked you out after your fight with that one guy. Thanks, by the way."
"I'd rather you stop ending up in those positions."
>"And I'd rather you stop being insufferable. It seems we all have our problems in life."
"You got me there."
>"I need to go talk with Vic. Cheerilee, make sure Anon rests a bit more. Ok?"
>She beams at those words
>"I'll do it!"
"But Moondancer-"
>"It'll just be for a bit."
>As she walks out of the room, she casts a smug look over her shoulder
>And fucking winks at you

>You are Anon
>Things are looking less than optimal at the moment
>In times like this, it's best to take a quick stock of what's going on
>You're in a bed
>You've got a pounding headache
>You're confused about what your Grandpa's ghost or your subconscious asked you in your dream
>There's a magenta lady horse caring for you
>Her current efforts consist mostly of staring at you with a weird grin
>It's a bit odd
>"So... here we are... alone."
>That's a bit odd
>It's almost like she's dropping hints at you
>Almost
>As you think of how to respond, you are struck by a terrible realization
>Getting tazed in your dream may have affected your physical bladder just as bad as your dream bladder
>You open your mouth to alert Cheerilee to this but she places her hoof over your mouth and shushes you
>"Don't speak Anon. Let me show you how I feel."
>She nuzzles her head up to your chest
>Okay it's starting to look like she's trying to seduce you
>This makes your earlier realization even more dire
"Cheerilee I-"
>She quickly cuts you off with a kiss
>It's around the time that she forcefully shoves her tongue into your mouth that you realize you may have misread a few signals that she sent
>It's not as weird as you'd thought it would be
>In fact, it's quite nice
>When she pulls back from the kiss she speaks again
>"I know. I've felt it too."
>Of course! How could she not have felt it?
>Huh, you'd never pegged Cheerilee to be into that
>You think for a moment
>It's not really your fetish, but you've never tried it
>You can't knock a fetish until you try it, right?
>Let's see what happens
>She begins working her mouth down your neck to your chest
>She continues until she hits the edge of where the comforter on the bed was covering you
>She throws it to the side and shouts
>"DID YOU PEE YOURSELF?!"
"I thought that wish your fetish!"

Father's day Special! *tooooot*
>You are  Richard Anon Mous
>Father of Anon Yancey Mous
>You've just woken up
>You look over at the clock
>4:30 AM
>Well shit, you don't need to be up until 6:00
>You look over to your wife, Fem Anon Mous
>You chuckle as you start to think about the past
>One of the first things that drew you and your wife together was the fact that you had the same weird middle name
>You'd gotten it because it was an old family name
>Your wife had gotten it because her father thought it was funny
>She never had gotten along well with her father
>Not that you can really blame her
>Incog is an... interesting person
>The first time you had dinner with her family he'd kept a morning star on the table right next to his plate
>After dinner he asked you if you'd ever trained for gladiatorial combat
>Thinking this was one of the elaborate jokes that Fem had told you about you told him that you wielded a mean trident
>You learned a few things that night
>1. You do not, in fact wield a mean trident
>2. Incog is not a man to cross... ever
>3. You may have a gladiator woman fetish
>You'd been knocked down when Fem came to your aid
>Apparently she'd been trained by Incog from a young age
>Something about her brandishing a sword and shield in your defense was inherently sexy
>Despite the fact that her dad had kicked your ass in the back yard, she continued to date you
>And Incog continued to find reasons to kick your ass in the back yard
>And Fem continued to come to the rescue
>Your sexy sexy rescue
>Your thoughts are interrupted by the realization that you need to take a piss
>As you get out of bed, your wife rolls over and yawns
>"Good morning dear."
>You walk into the master bath, don't bother closing the door
"Good morning."
>The sweet release of a morning piss is like the weight of the world being lifted from your bladder
>"Did Anon remember to call you yesterday?"
>What? Call you?
"What do you mean?"
>Your wife stares at you like an idiot for a good few seconds before speaking
>"What was special about yesterday, dear?"
>You tense up
>That is a sentence that never leads anywhere good
>You run down a list of dates in your head
>You've got nothing
>defeated_sagging_shoulders.exe launches
"What did I forget this time?"
>"It was father's day! How did you forget that!"
>Oh
>"Richard, seriously, what the hell?"
"How am I in trouble when Anon's the one who forgot to call?"
>"Richard this isn't just about the phone call Rich, I-"
>Ringity ring ring ring ringity
>That tone is reserved for calls from work
"I'm sorry dear, I gotta take this."
>She just throws her hands up and rolls her eyes as you answer
"Hello?"
>"Rich, it's Adam. We've got some news that we need you to have a look at."
"It's 4:30 in the morning, can't it wait until I get in?"
>"Look, we've been contacted by somebody claiming to be part of one of the pony smuggling rings. We need you here to help verify his info."
"Alright, fine. Give me an hour and I'll be there."
>"Thanks, Rich."
"No problem."
>End call
"We've got a big development, I've gotta head out."
>You begin to put your clothes on
>"This is what I'm worried about Richard, you've been working so much. You're exhausted."
>You open your mouth to argue but realize that she's entirely right
"I'm sorry dear. I'll talk with my boss and see what I can do."
>"Please do."
>You pick up your badge and keys then head to the kitchen to grab a bagel to take in the car
>You hear your wife calling from the bedroom
>"When you come back I'm going to require some thorough snuggles!"
"You got it, dear."

>The ride to work is quiet
>Gives you time to think
>Fem's not wrong about you working a ton
>But that's what you signed up for when you applied right?
>After all, it's your job to help catch and break up these illegal smuggling rings
>Back when you first started working Immigration and Customs Enforcement you were mostly working against human smuggling
>Then the ponies showed up
>After that there was an explosion of smuggling rings for the damn things
>You've found nearly twenty five operations in the past three years
>A few have already been shut down
>There's more that you know exist but you don't have enough to find yet
>Petp, the Red Hooves, and OPFAG come to mind
>Maybe you'll finally get something worth acting on today
>As you pull into the nearly empty parking lot, you sigh
>You can't get your hopes up yet
>This could just be nothing

>Your name is Cheerilee and your rump is damp
>It was not the good kind of rump dampness
>It used to be the good kind, about five minutes ago
>Now the dampness only served as an uncomfortable reminder of what had just transpired
"What do you mean you thought it was my fetish?"
>"Well you said 'I feel it too,' and I took that to mean the moist feeling!"
"Of course I felt a moist feeling!"
>"Then why didn't you bring it up?"
"Are you being serious right now?!"
>"I just went from getting dream-tazed by my dead grandpa to getting half-seduced by a horse! I'm not funny enough to top that shit!"
>In that moment, years and years of sexual frustration finally came to a head
>Your former owners reveled in orgasm denial
>They would find ways to bring you to the edge of an orgasm before throwing a chastity belt on you and going to bed
>You didn't orgasm once during the almost three years that you lived with them
>When you ran away, you managed to rub yourself silly the first night
>It wasn't enough
>Now, you finally had a chance and it was slipping away
>Your decision was made
"No."
>"What?"
>"That's not how this is happening. I'm not going to just give up like this!"
>Your voice was rising in volume
>"I'm not sure I'm equipped to handle this kind of scenario."
"SHUT UP! I HAVEN'T GOTTEN LAID IN THREE. YEARS."
>"But-"
>You use your 'authority voice' that you used to use when your students wouldn't listen
"Here's what's going to happen: You are going to get up, shower, wash these sheets, and then you're going to come back here and FUCK. ME. SILLY! GOT IT?!"
>"This took a turn I was not prepared for."
"MOVE IT!"

>You are Anon
>You've just been shoved off of a wet bed by a horny purple horse
>It would appear that you have some Laundry to do
>With a small clopping sound, Cheerilee hops off the bed
>You stand up, remove the soiled sheets and make them into a ball with the moist part in the center
>As you walk out of the room you hear Cheerilee call to you in a low-sultry tone
>"I'll be waiting for you."
>As you look for a laundry machine your attention is caught by a voice with a fairly heavy Russian accent
>"-and your frustration is understandable. I just cannot help but feel he hasn't gotten the chance to truly prove himself yet."
>Moondancer's voice comes next
>"I've been TRYING to work with him, Vic. But he's just so... so... infuriating! It's like he can't take anything seriously."
>You round a corner and see a frustrated looking Moondancer sitting across the table from a huge man with broad shoulders
>His face is lined with age and what appear to be a few scars
>Victor, your Grandpa's best friend
>They both stop and look at you with your big orb of piss sheets
>Quickly, say something!
"So Cheerilee peed on your sheets."

>Moondancer stares at you with her normal frustration
>Victor just throws his head back and releases a hearty laugh
>"Oh, if only you knew what else has been washed from those sheets."
>He makes direct eye-contact just as he finishes the sentence
"Is it story time? That sounds like a thing that people say just before story time!"
>Moondancer rubs the base of her head-penis with her hoof
>Heh, it looks like she's about to jerk her forehead off
>"No, Anon, it is not story time."
>Victor cuts in
>"Not yet, at least."
>"Don't encourage him Victor."
>He puts his hands up to drop the topic
>"Regardless, I'm glad you've come to join us. I have something that I wanted to discuss with both of you."
"I'm going to level with you, Vic. I'm already not great at the whole 'paying attention when I'm being spoken to' thing, but holding a ball of cotton and horse-pee isn't going to help that at all."
>"Just set them on the floor, my friend, I'll take care of it."
>You drop the moist sheets and take a seat next to Moondancer
>Moondancer speaks up
>"I stand by what I said."
>"And I understand that, but you need to be patient."
"And I don't know how to feel about how close I came to a sexual encounter with a horse."
>Both of them immediately turn to stare at you
>There are several moments of silence
>Maybe you should say something else to help smooth this over
"But hey, at least I'm not a furry, right?"
>More silence
"Filthy fucking furfags."
>Moondancer gives Victor a look and gestures to you
>He ignores it as he moves over to a filing cabinet and draws out a few folders
>"I've found a few ideal targets for us to move on. Low security, relatively capable ponies that can move around on their own- CHYORT!"
>He stubs his toe on a table leg and dropped the folders, you and Moondancer both move to help him gather them again
>Moondancer's magic beats both of you to it
>She brings the papers closer to her and seems to be trying to reorganize them
>She stops on one particular paper though and just reads it
>As she reads a look of horror takes shape on her face
>"What the hell is this?"
>Victor lets out a defeated sigh, clearly aware of what she's referring to 
>"Some rumors I heard a few weeks ago. Nothing to concrete."
>"I'm not leaving until I know what this is about!"
>She gestures to the paper
>She has a habit of being vague when she's angry
>Victor just shakes his head
>"A friend of mine from my days as a... contractor-"
"You mean when you and Grandpa were in the mafia?"
>"Yes, he sent word of an illegal pony fighting ring that's been meeting up in the old manufacturing district."
>"How many ponies were there?"
>"He could only make a rough-"
>"HOW MANY!"
>Are there tears in her eyes?
>"From what he saw he estimated about 15 to 20 ponies were brought in each week."
>Moondancer looks baffled
>"15 to 20?! Why didn't you tell me about this?!"
"That's at least 60 hooves!"
>"Moondancer, you know that would be a logistical nightmare. We could get 2 or 3 of them out, at most. Then the ring would pack up and move after some of their fighters went missing."
"Wait, are you saying we SHOULDN'T go save the gladiator horses?"
>"I'm SAYING that we'd do more harm to them than good. How would we secretly transport 15 ponies? If we get caught, OPFAG is dead, you and I go to prison along with anyone else they catch and they'll just KILL Moondancer! We'll save more ponies in the long run if we keep doing what we can do secretly. Maybe if we can keep growing, we'll be able to take this on."
>Victor and Moondancer's argument fades into the background as you think about what to do with this.
>You're no mastermind but grandpa had taught you a few thing about a variety of subjects
>From what you could tell, Vic was right, there was no way they could get all of those ponies out of there in secret
>But it was clear that Moondancer wasn't going to just let this one go
>You try to think of what grandpa would do
>Your grandpa's words ring in your mind as if to answer you.
>'Figure it out yourself, dipshit I'm dead!'
>Suddenly you're struck with an idea
>Just before you could speak up your attention was suddenly grabbed by a shout from the other room
>"ANON IF YOU AREN'T INSIDE ME IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES I WILL BURN THIS BUILDING TO THE GROUND!"
>Oh
>That
"I guess I'm going to go fuck a horse now."

>You are Anon
>You are about to fuck a horse
>It's time for you to come to terms with this
>You'd heard of people fucking their slaves before
>Hell, 5chinks even had to make a containment board for these horse-fuckers
>You'd never gone there, why would you?
>You stand at the door
>Cheerilee is inside the room, waiting for you
>You have a problem
>Horses aren't your fetish
>But your friend is in there
>She needs that dick
>What kind of asshole would you be if you didn't give it to her?
>No, that won't happen
>She'll get the dick she so desperately needs
>Because she's your friend
>But you won't fuck her well if you aren't into it
>You need to MAKE horses your fetish
>You know what you need to do
>You must open your mind and soul to the fetishes
>This requires great concentration
>You need to test and make sure you're truly in the mindset needed
>The doorknob! Perhaps it can become your fetish?
>You stare at the doorknob
>Taking in every detail
>Dang this doorknob is fucking shiny
>It's so well formed too
>The keyhole right below it, just waiting to accept the key
>It's almost erotic just how high quality this doorknob is
>For some reason, it reminds you of a deer
>A sexy sexy deer
>It begs for your key
>You're erect
>You're ready
>You enter to find Cheerilee looking back at you, remorseful
>"I'm sorry I snapped at you, I just-"
>You shush her
"No apologies. Let us build my new fetish."

>You are Moondancer
>You have spent the last several minutes avoiding eye-contact with your friend, victor, while your owner fucks a runaway slave in the other room
>She's not very quiet about it
>"OH FUCK! YOU NEED DETENTION!"
>"Show the teacher what you've learned. Show me how bad you are!"
>As it turns out, Cheerilee has a teacher/student fetish
>You idly wonder if that counts as a kind of narcissism
>"YOU'VE BEEN SUCH A BAD... PONY!"
>Anon... well he's trying
>His "dirty talk" is not great
>He trips up on pronouns too much
>It interrupts the flow of his speech
>He would probably have more success if he just stuck with the ones he knew
>You've been analyzing their sexual tendencies
>Now you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that you've been actively analyzing this
>The climax approaches
>Cheerilee screams out a name
>"OH MAC! FUCK ME!"
>Activity ceases

>You are Anon
>You are currently balls deep in a horse
>It was feeling so good on muh dick gurl
>Then she shouted some name
>Now she's crying
>And you're STILL balls deep in this crying horse
>"I'm so sorry Mac. I'm sorry!"
>You decide to pull out
>Things are getting out of hand and you aren't sure you're okay with this
>She's still crying
>You're not sure how to respond to this
>You try patting her on the back
"There there?"
>She just cries more
>Well, you've done all you can
>Time to remove yourself from this situation

>We Moonie now
>Anon has just walked back into the kitchen to the sound of dull sobbing from the bedroom
>You're not a happy pony
>He's not a happy person from the looks of it
>Victor just seems uncomfortable
>Anon just sighs
>"I'm too sober."
>He gets up to leave
"What about..."
>"I'm sure she'll be fine."
>He doesn't sound too sure at all
>Victor jestures for you to follow him
>He'll be here for Cheerilee
>You follow Anon downstairs and out of the shop
>You don't have to walk far before he wordlessly enters a bar
>You struggle to climb onto the stool next to him
>Hooves don't work well on bar stools
>You almost fall off, but Anon just grabs you and hoists you up
>You mumble your thanks as he tosses his credit card onto the counter and looks the barkeep in the eyes
>"I'd like to forget what happened tonight. Is this within your skillset?"
>The bartender just nods and begins mixing something
>"You want anything?"
"Why not? I'll just have a couple."

>Several more than a couple later, you are Anon again.