> Be Anon, reclining on the divan
"It was more my parent's religion than my own, but there are a lot of teachings that still make sense to me, even after I left the church."
> Cloth rustles in the background, along with some soft panting
> Rarity sounds as dignified as always, though
> "Go on, darling."
> You sigh, trying to ignore the small intrusion
"Normal things like don't steal, don't lie, but also..."
> Rarity continues to float cloth around her inspiration room, searching for a spark in the folds and myriad of colors therein
> "Yes?"
> How to put this...
"Husband's and wives are only supposed to have sex with each other. That includes oral and anal."
> You can hear the bemused frown in the white mare's voice
> "I can see wanting to be the father of your wife's foals, but why would you stop being polite completely?"
> Behind her, you hear a small grunt, then a soft sigh
> Spike climbs down from her flank, his spunk glistening in Rarity's ponut
> "Thanks Rarity, that was great!"
> She smiles at him
> "It's the least I could do, after you helped out so much. Shall I see you tomorrow?"
> Spike nods eagerly
> "Of course! See you then!"
> "Until then, Spikey Wikey. Pleasant dreams."
> With that he scampers off, and Rarity turns back to you
> "Pardon me darling, I didn't mean to interrupt our conversation."
> You wave dismissively
"It's fine, I think I'm getting used to it, a little. To answer your question, where I come from, sex is a very intimate thing couples do. If two people are dating, it's a major betrayal to have sex outside of the relationship."
> Rarity finally drops the cloth she was levitating and turns her full attention on you
> "I could see how that would be a problem here, yes. Did you, ah, date any pony before you learned how things are done here?"
> You shake your head
"Thankfully not. It's just, even if I do find myself romantically interested in a mare, all I have to do is see her help out a stallion. Then I feel nothing but disappointment."
> And a little arousal, but you've restrained yourself for most of your life, it's not that hard to rein it in
> There's always time when you get home for a little masturbation
> Rarity sweeps over, cooing gently
> "Oh, you poor colt, come here."
> You barely manage to sit up when she wraps you up in a tight embrace, soothingly stroking your back
> You hesitantly return the hug, still not used to how physically affectionate ponies are
> After a few moments, you relax
> It's rather nice, after all the time you spent alone and untouched on Earth
> Rarity pauses, then looks up at you in worry
> "I'm not being improper, am I?"
> You smile, and squeeze her a bit
"No, hugs are fine. It honestly feels very nice."
> She smiles at that, and resumes stroking your back
> The sun sets an hour or so later, and you still don't know what to do, but you do feel better for the talk and the hugging
> You walk home under the stars, at peace for once


> Be Rarity, at the emergency meeting you called the next day
> The girls handle the news well, all things considered
> Applejack shakes her head
> "Ah still say he would be more reasonable after a nice, wholesome rutting session or two."
> You sigh
"The whole point is to get him used to polite behavior. If anypony would appreciate not accepting unsolicited aid, it ought to be you."
> She blushes a bit, but you can see her just get more stubborn
> "And Ah learned my lesson after y'all pestered me the whole day. Ah ain't sayin' it's the only solution, but it worked once."
> Twilight chews on her lip
> "We did wear you down, but only helped once you asked us to. Maybe if we got him aroused enough, he would just ask somepony for help?"
> Fluttershy swallows nervously
> "But, um, what of he regrets it? Does the mare he asks have to stop helping out other ponies and humanmarry Anon? Or does she just leave him, and he feels betrayed and disappointed?"
> Oh
> That would be terrible, absolutely terrible
> Even Pinkie Pie's mane is losing volume 
> Then it bounces back as she gets an idea
>  "We should set him up with mares that are rude, and don't help stallions!"
> Rainbow doesn't look too convinced, and you can't blame her
> "Pinkie, we want Anon to be happy, not stuck with a bad mare."
> Twilight sighs
> "So, what we need is a mare he can get along with, but one who is rude to stallions in general."
> That's a better plan than nothing, you suppose


> Be Anon, walking around town, pulling a cart of milk bottles
> You wish the cows wouldn't flirt with you so much when you milk them
> You already feel weird about grabbing what is essentially their nipples, you don't need all the sounds and casual offers to milk you
> Still, a job's a job, and you get to recite Fiddler on the Roof as you go around leaving bottles on ponies' doorsteps
> You pull up to Ms. Cheerilee's house, where she waits leaning against the doorway, mane slightly mussed
"Morning, Ms. Cheerilee. Long night?"
> She gives you a tired smile
> "Good morning, Anonymous. I really shouldn't have stayed up so late reading, but the new Daring Do book came out yesterday."
> You chuckle, fondly recalling the last time you really got into a book
"Real page turner, I take it? Oh, and would you like some cheese? I got some nice new pepperjack, if you like it spicy."
> As you talk, you pull a bottle of milk out of the cart and hand it to her
> She accepts it, and hesitates
> "No cheese for me, I'm still working on the cheddar wheel from last week. I know you have to get going, but would you mind sucking my clit for a little? I just need to wake up a bit, you know how it is."
> You sigh through your nose, a little weary, but still conflicted
"Sorry, I just don't feel comfortable doing that sort of stuff with ponies. Nothing personal."
> Cheerilee tilts her head, then sighs too
> "Still getting used to living here, I guess. Well, I don't want to pressure you..."
> She chews her lip, shifting her weight slightly
> "Maybe just pulling on my mane? Just for a bit?"
> Then she looks at you with big, pleading eyes
> Well, it's not as bad as the other thing, but still...
> In your minds eye, you point both fingers at the sky and yell
> 'Tradition!'
> You look into her eyes
> She's tired
> She needs this
> You huff
"So, do I just grab a handful, or what?"
> Cheerilee beams at you, and quickly trots around to face away
> "If you could gather it all up, and just pull steadily, I can do the rest."
> Right
> You scoop all the silky strands up and haul back on them until her mane is taught
> She hums happily, turning her head from side to side, a shiver stating at her neck travels all the way to her tail
> It's a little cute, if you ignore the way her tail is rising
> You pull back and down, forcing her head to tilt up and her neck to arch
> In for a penny, you suppose
> "Oh my!"
> Then you gently let her mane go
> She shakes her hair back and forth, before turning to face you with a smile on her face and a blush on her cheeks
> "Thank you, Anonymous, that was quite nice. Good luck with the rest of your route, and safe travels!"
> You nod in acknowledgement
"Good luck to you too. Until tomorrow, Ms. Cheerilee."
> As you walk away, you have the sinking feeling you may be getting corrupted
> Then you think of the teacher's innocent, smiling face
> Well, just a little corruption is probably fine

> It's about an hour before noon when you return to the dairy
> You pull the cart around the back, where Bo Vine, your employer, waits for you
> He's an older stallion, 47 years old if you had to guess by the grey in his mane
> He waves
> "Come inside when you get finished up, there's something I want to talk to you about."
> He smiles and disappears back into the house
> You wonder what it could be about
> You can't think of thing you've done wrong, but your talk with Rarity makes you wonder
> Are you being too rude, by pony standards?
> You set the wagon spars on their blocks and haul the milk cannisters to the hose
> Anxiety gnaws at you as you wash them out, and you finish your duties on autopilot
> You enter the house by the back porch door, scuffing your shoes on the mat
> Pail Complexion perks up at the sight of you, a maternal smile on her face
> She is about five years younger than her husband, and her mane is still a silky black, probably with the help of some dye
> "Make yourself comfortable dear, would you like some water, or a blow job?"
> You hesitantly sit in the rocking chair across from the couch, smiling politely, if a bit stiffly
"Water will be fine, Mrs. Complexion."
> Bo trots out from his study, a pipe in his mouth
> "You should take her up on it, son. My Milky Pail has the best mouth this side of Canterlot."
> She blushes, batting at him playfully
> "You flatterer. I'll be right back, Anon."
> You just nod silently
> Bo plops onto the couch with a sigh
> "I'm getting too old for this, Anon, I don't mind telling you. Nearly sprained a hoof when a cheese wheel tried to get away."
> Well, this doesn't sound like they are going to chew you out about anything
> In fact,
"Are you thinking about retirement then?"
> Bo smiles, nodding
> "You've always been keen, Anon. I reckon I have a few years left, but it's time I start thinking about my health."
> Pail comes back from the kitchen, a tall glass of water in her hoof
> "There you go, dear."
> You accept it gladly, both for the cool water, and for the time it gives you to process the news
> You're going to have to start looking for another job, looks like
> Bo eyes his wife speculatively
> "Sweetteats, would you mind..."
> He gestures at his stiffening member
> She giggles
> "Of course, dearest."
> You take another sip water, trying desperately not to stare at the mare as she gets to work
"So, is that what you wanted to talk about?"
> Please let you leave
> Please
> Bo pets Pail's mane, and takes a breath
> "Part of it. I want to say, you're a good worker, diligent and professional. What do you say to this: Tomorrow I start showing you the ropes of cheese making, and so on, and when I do retire..."
> He bucks his hips, thrusting repeatedly into Pail's mouth
> You ignore the way her hips sway as she drinks it down
> "Hnnnng, sorry. When I do retire, you can take over the business. How's about it, Anon?"
> You blink
"The whole thing?"
> It's enticing, the idea of a steady income with a familiar, not unpleasant job
> But you've only been working here for five months
"What about your kids, shouldn't they get a share?"
> Bo snorts
> "Have you seen any of my foals here? No, they have their own lives, and I'm right proud of what they have accomplished on their own. I want to leave the dairy in capable hooves, that know the business. That's you, Anon."
> You feel oddly flattered, and you suspect all those times he's called you 'son', he was being sincere
> You nod firmly
"I'll be proud to take over for you, Bo."
> "Glad to hear that, son. Oh, and Pail has something she wants to say too."
> She lifts her head from Bo's softening member, licking her lips
> Pail turns a look on you that is equal parts maternal pride, and maternal pity
> "If, in five years or whenever, you haven't found a mare, Bo and I have talked about it, and we would be happy to let you try to make a child with me."
> You choke on your water, coughing and spluttering
> She giggles
> "I might not be as young as I used to be, but I still have quite the childbearing hips. Just think on it, dear, you don't have to decide right now."
> You set the cup down on a side table, your hand trembling
"Right, well, I should get going, still have to buy groceries and things. See you all tomorrow!"
> You speedwalk right out of there, followed by their knowing laughter



> You walk through the market, soothed by the normalcy you see there
> The murmur of the crowd, the sunny sky, the cutie mark crusaders clambering over and around Big Mac's erection, the blue unicorn approaching you...
> Wait
> How young do they even start?
> Or is this the butt tattoo pilgrims trying to be precocious again?
> "Excuse me, the great and doubtful Trixie has been instructed to seek out the tall and musky Anon. You are he, correct?"
> You turn to look at a rather arrogant pony, feeling the need to be silly
"I am indeed, the grossly incandescent Anon. What is thy quest?"
> She scrunches
> "I can now see why they tell me to stop talking like that. Regardless, Twilight seems to think we will get along, or something."
> Twilight? Why would she-
> Dammit Rarity
"This isn't related to not sucking cock, is it?"
> Trixie huffs
> "For the last time, I am too important and too pretty to be bothered with some stallions needs. I do not need to suck cock!"
> There are a more than a few ponies looking at her now, with some whispering going on
> Big Mac walks into the center of attention, Sweetie Belle still gamely clinging on to his stallionhood
> He glares at the crowd
> "Eyup!"
> After a moment, the ponies disperse, muttering
> Trixie smiles at Big Mac
> "Thank you."
> Then she looks him up and down, her legs shifting slightly
> "The moist and humble Trixie would ask you for one more favor..."
> Big Mac chuckles, and good-naturedly noses under her tail
> You sigh
> Ponies will be weird
"Well, you can tell Twilight she is probably wrong. Now, if you don't mind, I have some shopping to do."
> Trixie looks conflicted, looking up at you, then over her shoulder at Big Mac as he eats her out
> "If you're sure...?"
> You nod
"Very. Good day, Trixie, Big Mac, Sweetie Belle."
> Trixie shrugs and leans back into the Apple stallion's ministrations
> Sweetie Belle drops off of his length, sighing in disappointment
> "Looks like my cutie mark isn't being polite to stallions."
> You pat her head
"You'll figure it out one day, kid. Just keep trying."
> She pouts, but you move on
> You'll never get anything done if this keeps up

> You're making good progress getting food
> Grains, veggies, now for some fruit
> When you first decided to settle in horsetown, you were worried you'd have to go vegetarian
> Instead, Fluttershy brings you some of her critter friends when they die of natural causes
> You've gotten pretty good at cooking squirrel
> But that's neither here nor there, Applejack is here
> She tips her hat as you approach
> "Howdy, Anon. What can Ah do you for?"
> You nod at here pleasantly
"Six Golden Delicious, please. And by the way,"
> She tilts her head as she hoofs over the apples
"You wouldn't know anything about some pony setting Trixie and I up?"
> She grimaces
> "Ah told them she's too selfish to be a good match. Ah hope she wasn't too rude..."
> You shake your head as you pay her three bits
"Big Mac took care of her before things got our of hand, or hoof, I guess."
> Applejack smiles fondly
> "Ah'll have to thank him when he gets home. Anyhow, to answer your question, it's exactly who you think is behind the whole fiasco. Ah reckon you just need a good rut or two, but you already heard mah opinion."
> You sigh
> You liked the girls, but sometimes it gets to be ridiculous
> Something still bothers you, though
"Tell me, how young do ponies start learning about, let's call it 'manners'."
> Applejack squints, remembering
> "Ah reckon ah was about, what, eight years old? Some folk start earlier or later, but that's about the middle of it. Is that what you're worried about? If'n you like, Ah can send Apple Bloom round to keep you company."
> You cough, not entirely surprised, but still a little shaken
"So, let's just say she and her friends were ganging up on Big Mac's big mac, that's normal?"
> She chuckles
> "Big Mac's big mac, Ah like that. And it's about time those little devils did something nice for him, for all the trouble they cause."
> You give up
> Ponies just aren't normal
"Well, it's been nice talking to you, but I gotta get this food home. See you around,  Applejack."
> She grins good-naturedly
> "Anytime, sugarcube. An' let me know when you do loosen up, Ah'll show you a time like you ain't never had."
> ...
> Is it bad that you are tempted?
> You turn away, hoping that you can make home before some overly helpful mare offers to help "take down your tent"
> After that, you are going to have a talk with a certain book horse
> You want to at least know about a blind date before a mare is sprung on you


> Be Twilight Sparkle, debating whether or not to bring Cadance into this
> It really is more of a matter under her domain, but you don't want to bother her with every little problem you come across
> Will it become a love emergency?
> Probably not, Anon seems pretty even-tempered
> ...
> You make a note for yourself a week from now
> The sound of the door opening and closing echoes from down the hall
> Moments later Trixie limps into the room, a satisfied smile on her face
> That's a good sign, right?
"I take it you had a good time with Anon?"
> She shakes her head
> "No, but the sore and stuffed Trixie believes she shall have to call upon Sweet Apple Acres more often."
> You sigh
> It probably wasn't the most well thought out plan, sending her, but at least she found somepony she did like
"Did Anon say anything? Does he just not like ponies, or..."
> Trixie frowns, concentrating
> "He said something about you being wrong. Honestly, it's all a blur once Big Mac got to work."
> You sigh
"Thanks anyway, Trixie. Good luck with Big Mac, he's a nice stallion."
> Trixie smiles and nods
> "The gre- that is, thank you. Until later, Twilight."
> You flip through some romance novels as she leaves, hoping to find some inspiration
> You are still searching when Spike digs his claws into your flanks, smelling slightly dusty
> You giggle as he slides into your marehood, taking full advantage of your safe day
"Worked up after all that cleaning, Spike?"
> He thrusts jerkily, humming in agreement
> "I wouldn't be, but with Celestia coming to stay, I wanted the place to look nice."
> You bend your forelegs slightly and lift your rump, letting him rest his weight on you as he ruts
"I really appreciate it, Spike. I know I can get a bit... crazy with preparations, and now I have one less thing to worry about."
> He pats your flank fondly, swelling slightly inside you
> "That's why I'm your number one assistant."
> You smile as he twitches, once, twice, three times inside of you
"That you are, Spike. That you are."


> Be Princess Celestia, officially on vacation
> After the trouble with the sky gremlin consortiate and the sea pony fishing grounds negotiation, you are beyond tired
> What you need is a good rut on a soft bed, but you do have an image to maintain
> And so it is that you are as regal and stately as ever when the sky chariot lands and Twilight comes out to greet you
> "Princess Celestia! I'm so glad you came, we have so much to catch up on!"
> You smile at her enthusiasm, even though more talking is the last thing you want to do
"Twilight, it's good to see you again. I'd love to hear all about how you and your friends have been, but-"
> You yawn, covering your mouth with your hoof
"excuse me, but I would much rather hear about it after a nice nap. That way I can give you my full attention."
> Twilight blushes slightly, tail flicking nervously
> "Of course, Celestia, right this way."
> She leads you to a spacious bedroom, reminiscent of crystal kingdom architecture, with a certain Canterlot touch
> The wide bed calls to you
> You leap onto the covers, rolling and moaning as you can finally relax far from the prying eyes of your subjects
> Twilight giggles at your antics
> "If I didn't know better, I'd say that bed has become your special somepony."
> You lay on your back, wings spread wide
> You can already feel the knots in your flight muscles loosen
"Mmmm, it very nearly has."
> Your most faithful student begins to leave, before hesitating
> "Is there anything I can get you? Warm milk or something?"
> You wriggle slightly, settling into the mattress
"A hard stallionhood would be nice. Other than that, I am quite content."
> She sighs
> "I really should retain a sleeping aide sometime, but there aren't many in this small a town. I'll see what I can find. Sweet dreams, Celestia."
> You hum in reply, your breathing slowing and deepening as you fall into Luna's domain


> Be Anon, at the door of the slightly absurd crystal castle 
> No one answered when you knocked, but that's hardly unusual
> After waiting a few more moments you let yourself in
"Twilight! You got some 'splaining to do!"
> Your voice echoes down the halls as you make your way up the stairs
> Maybe she isn't home?
> You check the library
> Empty
> Google friendship map room?
> Empty
> Kitchen? 
> Spike is tuckered out, napping by the oven
> You stand there, debating whether or not to wake the little guy, but it's not like you are going to chase after little miss matchmaker if he did tell you where she is
> You're pretty sure Twilight does useful and/or important things sometimes, and you wouldn't want to get in the way of that
> It's actually a little flattering that your love troubles fall in that category for her
> Your musing is interrupted by the sound of a yawn
> You turn to see Celestia walk into the kitchen, mane oddly mussed, eyes sleepily half-closed
"Ah, good afternoon Princess."
> Her eyes open fully and she offers you a pleasant smile
> "Good afternoon, Anonymous. I appreciate you waiting until I wake up. Now..."
> What does she mean by tha-
> She turns her back on you, lifting her tail and spreading her back legs
> Dat bountiful booty
> The barest shimmer of gold light spreading the lips of her glistening horsepussy
> You feel a little woozy as Anon Jr. monopolizes as much blood flow to become diamond
> Celestia sends a sultry gaze at you over her shoulder, wings at full mast
> "I've been hot and bothered for days with no relief. Would you help an old mare out? It's a safe day."
> You sway under the force of your arousal, clutching at the kitchen table for support
> You have to say something
> Do something other than stare at her ass
"Do you have a husband?"
> Celestia tilts her head
> "I do not. If you're worried about foals, I don't mind taking responsibility for them."
> You lick your lips
"Did Twilight tell you about how I..."
> She widens her stance, flanks jostling slightly
> You swallow
"How I want a wife who will only do sexual things with me, and vice versa?"
> She folds her wings and the turns to face you fully, frowning in confusion
> "She didn't say anything about that. Ah. Just so we are clear, did Twilight hire you to be my sleeping aide?"
> You feel, well, not better exactly, but calmer now that you aren't faced with...
> Glory
> Some part of you still notices that Celestia's tail is till flagging tall
"No, I actually came to talk to Twilight about her matchmaking attempt."
> Celestia blushes, ears folded back, her tail dropping and tucking between her legs
> "I'm very sorry, for so blatantly propositioning you. It's just... been a few days, you understand?"
> You smile politely
"Don't worry about it, Princess. I've sort of gotten used to mares being more up front about their desires than women are where I come from."
> She smiles a small smile at you
> "Thank you."
> You give her a friendly nod
> Silence stretches on in the kitchen
> Celestia ruffles her wings restlessly, looking down, then at you
> You feel oddly obligated to stick around
> It's so rare to see this side of the princess, and it's not like you really have anything else you need to do for the evening
> Finally Celestia takes a small step towards you
> "I don't know if you're used to helping out mares yet, but would you please bring me to release?"
> You lick your lips, heart beat rising
"I told you about the wife thing, right? Sexual fidelity, that sort of thing?"
> She nods
> "I heard you. However, neither of us are married, so it shouldn't be a problem. Is there something else? Are you... repulsed by me?"
> You shake your head, letting out a nervous chuckle
"Noooo, you are easily the sexiest person I have seen. It's just that sex is a serious commitment for me. I want to only have it with someone I can dedicate my life to, and who will dedicate their life to me."
> Celestia smiles wistfully 
> "That sounds very sweet, Anonymous. Odd, but very sweet."
> You sigh in relief
> It looks like you have successfully defended your virtue once again
> She smirks and raises an eyebrow at you
> "So I'm the sexiest you've ever seen?"
> You swallow
"You have an incredible body, Celestia."
> She giggles, hiding her mouth behind a wing
> "You are so sweet, Anonymous. I'm tempted to just eat you. All. Up."
> You wipe at the sweat that suddenly broke out on your forehead
"Please don't."
> She laughs then, wiping a tear from her eye with a pinion feather
> "Don't worry, Anonymous. I won't take advantage of you. Now, do you happen to know when Twilight will return?"
> You shrug
"I was hoping you knew. Mind if I sit down somewhere?"
> Celestia nods graciously
> "By all means."
> You wander back into the Google map throne room
> After a brief moment of indecision, you sit in Rarity's chair
> Celestia struts over to Twilight's seat, and tries to sit down
> You can see her flank bulge against the arm rests, but descending no further
> She immediately stands back up, blushing slightly
> "The floor will have to do, I suppose."
> You smile, but mercifully refrain from teasing her about it
> It is only a few minutes after the two of you are settled that you hear the doors open
> Twilight enters the room, looking back at her saddlebags
> "Celestia, I'm afraid I couldn't find anypony on such short notice. I do have some spells I'd like to try out tho-"
> Twilight looks up and sees you
> Her ears fold back, and she smiles nervously
> "Anonymous, how can I help you?"
> You glance at Celestia, who nods for you to go first
> You clear your throat, and begin
"Look, Twilight. I appreciate you trying to help me find someone to love, but I would prefer it if you didn't just arrange things without asking me."
> She lowers her head sadly
> "I'm sorry, I didn't really think things through. Is there anything I can do to help you though? I don't want you to be so lonely if you don't have to be."
> You sigh with a smile
"I'm not sure there is anything you could really do, aside from keeping an eye out for someone who feels the same way I do about sex."
> Celestia tilts her head at you, then looks at Twilight
> "Why don't you ask Cadance if she can do anything?"
> Twilight blushes
> "I was planning on doing that if my friends and I can't figure something out in the next week or so."
> You raise your eyebrows
"Who is this Cadance?"
> Celestia smiles at you reassuringly
> "The princess of love. If anypony can help you, it would be her."
> Huh
> You shrug
"Worth a try. Well, that's all I wanted to say, so I'll see you two around."
> Twilight dips her head at you
> "Good night, Anon!"
> Celestia winks at you
> "Pleasant dreams."
> These damn horses 
> These damn, sexy horses are going to be responsible for testicular detonation someday, you just know it

> Be Anon once again, rubbing one out at home
> You imagine that glorious moment when the Princess offered herself to you
> What if you had accepted?
> To touch that perfect flank, to bury yourself in her eager flesh
> You groan, cumming harder than you ever have before
> But there is one thing left to do
> You imagine Celestia thanking you, your seed dripping from her slit
> And then she walks away, leaving you cold and alone
> In a day or two, some stallion pumps her full, just like you did
> And now you sit in your home, spent and hating yourself a little
> Hating this world a little
> In some ways, it would be easier if the ponies weren't so nice, so understanding
> It would be easier to reject them, to despise them for being ugly animals
> But no, they are cute and nice and affectionate
> You sigh
> You need to sleep, to get you out of this funk
> You wash your hands, brush your teeth, and fall into your bed
> You don't pray, but you do silently hope that things will get better
> Sleep comes at last, mercifully 

> Be Celestia, belly down on your bed
> Thinking back, there have been others who have feared and desired you
> But they always feared your power, not your seductiveness
> It is a curious feeling, remembering Anonymous' reactions 
> That feeling lead you to politely decline your faithful student's offer
> Well, that and you learned your lesson about experimental spellwork for personal relief long ago
> As you begin rubbing your marehood with a hoof, you allow yourself a strange fantasy
> Tempting the lonely human
> Presenting yourself even more boldly
> Watching his will crumble as he takes you like a wild animal
> Your magic mimics your fantasy, golden fingers grasping at your flanks, a golden plow parting your fields
> You imagine him groaning in pleasure, worshipping your body with his
> But that isn't quite right, you feel
> What is missing?
> You play through the fantasy once more, panting at the stimulation
> Your subconscious answers your question
> In your mind's eye, you see Anon filling you with his semen, tears falling from his eyes
> Oh
> You dismiss your magic, falling to your side on the bed
> You honestly don't know how to feel
> At the very least, you are glad you did not pressure him for your release
> You wonder if this is how he feels all the time
> You sincerely hope not

> Be Rarity, doing something you should have done long ago
> Spike's eyes shimmer with unshed tears
> "What do you mean, I can't help you anymore?"
> You smile sadly at him
"Spike, you are too young for me. You are a good friend, and very helpful, but I can't return your romantic feelings."
> Tears fall from his eyes
> "Why? Is it because of Anon?"
> You sigh
> You had been expecting this
"It's because of how you treat me when he's around."
> Spike is visibly confused, the poor dear
"You are very helpful, but you always ask for your satisfaction right before Anon drops by. You're trying to claim me in front of him, and you have no right to."
> He shakes his head
> "That's not... "
"It is. I thought it was a coincidence at first, but well,"
> You lift him gently in your magic and set him down outside the beautique
"We could be friends, I think. But only when you are older, and learn some self-control."
> You close the door, and steel your heart against the sound of his weeping
> It is hard to be young and in love, but you must be firm


> Be Anon, milking the cows
> "Mmmmnnnggg I looove your hands, dontcha know!"
> It helps a little that they sound like middle-aged women from Wisconsin, but still
> Delores wears a conspiratorial grin
> "Don't be telling Bo, but we all like your touch better."
> You roll your eyes
"Funny, I remember you telling Bo the opposite thing last week."
> Delores shrugs shamelessly
> "Weeeell, I just like whoever's squeezin' my udder."
> You chuckle, and keep pulling on her teats
> Before long, the last drop falls into the pail
> You set it aside and give her rump a swat
"Go on and get, I don't have all morning."
> She giggles and trots off
> "Oooh yeah, I've been a bad cow and I need to be punished~"
> You ignore her and grab an empty milk pail
> The morning air is a little cool, just enough to keep you awake in the first hours of light in the morning
> Betsy pauses in front of you, staring at you with sultry eyes
> "Why don't I try milking you first? I'll be real gentle aboot it~"
> Betsy weaned her first calf off milk last month, and so this is the first time she's been on the milking schedule
> These are always the most difficult, particularly for Bo
> For you, well, you have your ways
> You move to crouch in front of her
> She tilts her head
> With a surge of motion, you brace your shoulder against her chest, your hands pressed against her soft hide
> You push with your legs, grunting from the exertion
> Betsy moos in surprise, flailing her forelegs as you push her upright
> You bare your teeth in a grin at the panicked expression on her face
"Let's get something straight, Betsy. I'm the predator here, and I will take whatever I like from you. Got it?"
> She stares at your canines in fascination
> You can see her fear slowly transmute into something else
> "I uh, understand, Anoon"
> You take a step to the side and let her fall back onto her forelegs
> You sit down on your stool and move the pail under her udder
"Now be a good girl, and I'll take your milk."
> Betsy shudders, her cum trickling down her hind leg
> You ignore that as best as you can
> In some ways, milking these cows is good practice
> Just about the only attractive thing about the cows is their voice and maybe personality, so it's easy to turn down their advances
> By the time you actually load up the milk cart, you are heavily desensitized to most lewd propositions
> You get lost in the task, and begin humming to yourself
> Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...


> Be Rarity, in your inspiration room
> Or perhaps your inspiration and counseling room
> At first, Anon just took a nap on your divan
> The poor darling was completely worn out by his new job on the dairy farm
> As days passed, he started telling you stories about how silly and flirtatious the cows were
> Then you noticed he didn't think the cows were being silly
> You started getting hints that Anon came from a cold, unfriendly place
> You tried to help him as best you could, and he does seem to be adjusting as well as could be expected
> But you can tell it's difficult for him
> You have gotten to know him over the months, and he is a sweet human for all that he lacks manners
> "The other day, I sorta helped out a mare."
> Or so you thought
> You smile and turn towards him
"That's wonderful, darling, I'm gl-"
> He looks troubled
> Oh
"Did you get, oh what was the word? Clucked?"
> He chuckles
> "It's cucked, but no, I did not. I mean, I've seen her help out stallions before, but I was never romantically interested in her."
> You feel odd
"Are you interested in her now, or did you find you didn't mind the sex as much as you thought you would?"
> You surely hope it's not the first, you would hate to see his heart broken like that
>Anon stares at the ceiling, shaking his head
> "I just pulled her mane, that's all. I'm just conflicted because I knew it was her kink, but I didn't feel... guilty about doing it."
> You shudder
"Such a messy kink. Getting somepony's saliva in your mane just for a moment of relief."
> Anon shudders too
> "Okay, that is gross. It's a good thing I can use my hands instead."
> You pause
> That is true, he can do that
> It makes you rather curious, what would that feel like?
> Well, you should probably address the other thing first
"Darling, you said you didn't feel guilty about it. Could it be that pulling a mane is something like giving a hug, and so you don't really see it as essentially sexual?"
> Anon's brow furrows as he thinks about what you said
> It's rather cute
> "Even where I'm from, hair pulling is mostly a kink. You might be right, though. It felt like massaging a friend's shoulders; a little intimate, but not inherently sexual."
> You watch him carefully, you may be crossing a line you can't see with what you are about to ask
"How would you feel about pulling my mane?"
> He looks at you in surprise
> Then he tilts his head, considering
> "I'm not sure. Are you asking, or is this just a what-if?"
> You blush slightly
"I must admit, I am curious about how it feels. It's perfectly fine if you don't want to, Darling, but it may help clarify things for you too."
> He slowly stands up
> "Well, I'm willing to try. I'll stop if things get weird, alright?"
> You nod solemnly
"By all means. Shall we begin?"
> "Yeah."
> He walks behind you, his presence strange and looming, yet oddly comforting
> You wait patiently, not really focusing on anything
> Then you feel his fingers snarl in your carefully styled mane
> You get the immediate urge to get a brush and fix the mess, but then he starts tugging
"Oh!"
> You feel strange, your heart beating oddly fast
> He stops as soon as you spoke, and for a moment you are disappointed that it's over
> "Did that hurt?"
"Don't worry darling, I was just surprised, that's all. Pray do continue."
> "Alright."
> He tugs your mane this way and that, your head turning with each pull
> It's truly strange, but you find yourself enjoying it
> It's like you are trusting him with some part of you, letting him play with your head and mane like this
> It's not quite sexual for you, you think
> It is certainly novel, and not unpleasant
> Anon tugs your mane back, steady and firm
> Your neck arches and strains as you try to move with the pull 
> Even when he pulls a little harder, you feel relaxed, taking deep breathes
> He gently lessens his grip until he finally lets go
> Once his hands are out of your mane, you immediately shake your head
> Your mane falls back into a small semblance of order, but you still fetch your brush with an absentminded spell
> You turn around to smile at Anon
"That was nice, Darling. I am somewhat reminded of letting a beautician style my mane."
> He nods slowly
> "It is about as intimate as getting a haircut, now that I think about it. Did it, um. 'Do' anything for you?"
> You shake your head, then start brushing your mane
"No, not as such. I think the kink comes from having the stallion bite your mane while he mounts you, which is simply out of the question for me."
> Anon smiles wryly
> "One mystery solved, I guess."
> You smile back
"Indeed. At any rate, how do you feel about doing this for mares in general?"
> He sits down on your divan and shrugs
> "It might feel different when they are noticably getting off on it, but for now... I can live with helping mares like this. Not that I expect too many to ask for it."
> You feel better as you brush your mane back into it's pristine state
"If you like, I could put the word out that this is what you are comfortable doing."
> Anon frowns
> "I actually wanted to talk to you about that. I know these talks are kind of informal, but I thought you knew they were... personal. Not the sort of thing to tell the girls."
> Ah
> You fold your ears back, understanding exactly what he was referring to
"I am sorry, darling. I thought it would help if they knew why you are so standoffish, but it completely got out of hoof. I promise not to say anything you tell me in confidence unless I have your permission."
> He nods 
> "Thank you. That said, maybe tell your friends about the hair pulling thing, and see if any of them are into it. If I end up weirded out about it, then it will be easier to let a small group of ponies know than if you told the whole town."
> You smile
"That does seem prudent. Very well, I shall let them know."
> Anon gets up with a small grunt
> "Thanks again, and for taking the time to listen to my problems. You're a good friend, Rarity."
> You beam at him
"I'm glad you feel that way, Anon. For what it's worth, I've enjoyed getting to know you as well. You're always welcome here."
> You walk him to the door
> He hesitates, then kneels before you
> "Mind if I hug you?"
> Once again, you wonder what strange, cold place he comes from
> Then again, perhaps you would be happier not knowing
> You spread your forehooves invitingly
"Darling, you don't even have to ask."
> He chuckles a bit ruefully, but wraps you in his arms nevertheless
> You sigh as you melt into his warmth 
> Mmm, and firm muscles
> All too quickly, he lets go and stands back up
> "See you later, Rarity."
"Until then, Anon."
> He opens the door and walks off, giving you a wave and a smile
> You respond in kind, and watch him walk away
> A tree down the street rustles, and you see Sweetie Bell's magic pull Spike from the branches
> You smile to yourself as the girls hustle him away
> Perhaps they can get his mind off of you



> Be Cadance, approaching Ponyville in a sky chariot
> You are definitely here for a consultation, and not because Celestia going on vacation sets a precedent you are taking advantage of
> Admittedly, you are not uninterested in this Anonymous' love problem
> It's the first you've heard of such a thing
> As the crystal castle draws closer, you spot Twilight and Celestia waiting on a balcony
> It's only as you land that you notice Celestia is completely without her regalia
> It makes her look more...intimate, almost motherly
> Twilight steps forward as you and your husband set hoof on the balcony
> "Welcome to the Castle Friendship. It's so good to see both of you again!"
> Shining gives her a quick, one-forelegged hug as the charioteers take off for the nearby garrison
> "It's good to see you too, Twily. And you too, Celestia."
> Celestia smiles serenely at you and Shining, a mischievous gleam in her eye
> "Indeed. We appreciate how quickly you flew out, far away from your paperwork and noisy foal, all to help a poor milk farmer find love."
> She truly means every word, but...
> No matter what, she always sees through you
> It would be incredibly intimidating if she didn't genuinely love all her "little ponies"
> As is, you just shrug, and notice her tail twitch upward slightly
"It's not as though I could ignore such a special case that requires my expertise. How have you been, Auntie?"
> She knows you know
> You grin
> Celestia clears her throat, her ears folding back
> "I hate to trouble you after your long flight, but I, ah... we haven't been able to find a suitable sleeping aide. It's been four days. Cadance, could I borrow your husband?"
> It's more than a little gratifying to have the eternal princess ask a favor of you
> Not to mention having a husband that can deliver military grade sex
> You quirk an eyebrow at Shining
"I don't mind if you don't, dear."
> He rolls his eyes
> "Mares."
> Twilight giggles 
> Shining trots by Celestia, slapping her flank with his tail
> "Come along, Princess. Let's see where you're staying and get you settled."
> She strides after him, her effortless grace marred by a high flagging tail
> You wrap Twilight in a quick winghug, pulling her close
"Hey Twilight, how's it been?"
> She leans into the hug for a moment, then nudges you toward the castle interior
> "It's been pretty peaceful, all things considered. I've finally gotten all the books in a sensible order in the library, and..."
> The two of you make your way through the castle, catching up
> "...And the crusaders have done a pretty good job of keeping Spike occupied whenever he loiters near the Carrousel Beautique."
> You raise an eyebrow
"Rarity finally put her hoof down?"
> Twilight nods, opening the door to her room
> "He was getting extra territorial when Anon was around, and it got to be too much."
> You nod approvingly
"You have to be firm about crushes like that. Are Anon and Rarity dating, then?"
> Twilight hesitantly shakes her head
> "She's his confidante, but it seems to be pretty platonic."
> You shrug 
> You can work with that, if it's necessary
"Celestia will probably be another hour or so. Why don't you introduce me to him, just to get things started?"
> The younger princess approaches a nearby potted plant
> "Hmm, that would be an efficient use of time. Here, let me find out where he is."
> You watch in bemusement as she levitates the plant out of the pot and yells inside
> "Pinkie! Where is Anon right now?"
> Twilight then lets the plant fall back into its container
> ...
"Is that a magic pot, or..."
> She shakes her head
> "It's just a good way to get Pinkie Pie to hear you. Give her a minute."
> Sometimes you forget Ponyville is the weirdness capitol of Equestria, then it does something like this to remind you
> Eventually, you hear hoofsteps clatter from around the corner, and the Element of Laughter slides into view, hooves skittering across the crystal floor
> She slides to a stop in front of Twilight, hoof raised in a crisp solute
> "Target sighted heading north from the market, hauling grass! ETA to Red Bo Dairy is 42 minutes!"
> Twilight salutes back
> "Thank you, Private Pinkie Pie. As you were."
> The pink mare relaxes and gives you a wave
> "Hi Cadance! Bye Cadance!"
"Likewise, Pinkie Pie."
> With that, she dives into the dirt of the potted plant, vanishing completely
> You turn to Twilight, the beginning of a headache forming
"Please tell me you know how she does that."
> Twilight sighs
> "It's like she's using chaos magic, but without using any personal or ambient magic. It's not like I've given up, but..."
> You are immediately reminded of many evenings, when Shining would rant about trying to ward Canterlot against Discord
"Chaos magic."
> She nods
> "Chaos magic."
> She snorts, then primes her horn
> "Anyways, shall I teleport us to the market?"
> You bow your head slightly to her
"It's your town, please take the lead."
> Twilight doesn't answer, but her horn does pulse and then-
> You are standing in the market, without even stirring your mane
> It makes you a little proud that your little Twilight has that much power and control
> You follow her as she starts to trot
> It isn't hard to find your quarry, head and shoulders taller than anypony else
> Anonymous gives you a polite nod as you pass his hoofcart full of hay, then raises an eyebrow as you match his pace
> Your nose twitches, filling with a strange, yet familiar scent
> Twilight clears her throat
> "Hi Anon, this is Princess Cadance. Cadance, Anonymous."
> He smiles briefly, and you can't help but notice his taut muscles as he pulls the cart
> "Nice to meet you, Cadance. I hear you might be able to help me with my problem."
> At last you figure out what you are smelling
> It's like the pheromones put out by stallions who have been lost in the wilderness for weeks
> But stronger, far stronger
> "Uh, Cadance?"
> You blink, and find Twilight and Anon staring at you
> You blush and laugh nervously
"Sorry, I was just... well, nice to meet you as well, Anonymous. I'll certainly do my best to help. I heard a bit about your problem from Twilight's letter, but do you mind if I do an empathic dowsing?"
> Anonymous shrugs
> "Fine by me, whatever that is."
> You prime your horn
"Try to remember the last time you lost interest in a mare, and the spell should help me see your deeper desires and conflicts."
> He frowns, then nods
> You push your magic through the spellform, feeling it wash over his heart
> The echo returns immediately, carrying his imprint
> The first thing that hits you is his roiling storm of suppressed lust
> You stumble, barely catching yourself
> It's almost overwhelming, like a foal's first awakening to physical desire, but far stronger
> Despite your expertise, you feel yourself moisten
> You ignore it for the moment
> A complex knot of fear, longing, and pain resounds against your heart
> This is far more familiar, often found in ponies pining after well-liked others
> Finally, you feel the impact of the root echo
> A dark and warped mirror on a distant island, surrounded by churning waves
> You let the spell fade, shaking your head to clear it
> It's not the worst you've ever felt, but Twilight was definitely right to tell you before things got too far
> You certainly have your work cut out for you
"Thank you, Anonymous. I'll need some time to think about how to go forward, but I am confident that if we work together, you will be able to find and accept love."
> Twilight smiles in relief
> Anon just shrugs, and continues pulling his wagon
> "That would be nice."
> Twilight is a little unsettled by his lack of enthusiasm, but you subtly shake your head at her
> After all, she has much more reason to believe in your words than he does
"I'd like to start tomorrow, what time would be best for you?"
> He tilts his head in thought
> "Four in the afternoon should be good."
> You smile
"Then I shall visit your home then. It was nice meeting you, Anonymous."
> He smiles politely at you
> "And you as well, Princess."
> Twilight says her farewells, and joins you as you head back into town
> Truth be told, you could definitely use some assistance
> Twilight asks a few questions, and you answer absently
> Mostly, you are looking out for a stallion who is to your tastes, and isn't busy
> Your eye catches on a middling young colt 
> You have a thing for white coats, and the brown spots are aesthetically intriguing
> You turn your attention fully to Twilight
"I'm going to get some relief, which may take some time. You don't have to wait up for me if you have things you need to do."
> She chews her lip
> "Are you sure? I don't want to abandon you when you just got here."
> You laugh
"It's fine. It's not like your castle is hard to find in this town."
> Twilight chuckles a little
> "That is true. I'll see you at the castle!"
> She disappears in a flash of purple light
> You approach the colt as he walks down the road
"Hey there young stallion, what is your name?"
> He stops and looks up at you with polite attention
> "My name is Pip, mam. Can I help you with something?"
> It's always nice to see a colt with manners
"Hi Pip, my name is Cadance. I was hoping you could have sex with me. Can you do that for me?"
> He puffs up with pride
> "Sure thing, mam. I once tended to Princess Luna, I did, and she said I did very good."
> You raise your eyebrows
"Is that so? Then I shall leave myself in your capable hooves."
> You turn your back on him and lay down on the ground, flicking your tail out of the way
> Pip sniffs at your marehood, growing aroused at your scent
> Then he hooks his forehooves over your hips, just barely big enough to reach over your haunch
> You think it's pretty cute
> "Miss Cadance, did you want it in the bum or in your flower?"
"Whichever you like."
> What a nice little gentlecolt
> He shifts his hips, and you feel his rod slide into your pussy, pushing up against the top of your passage
> You moan, tingling pleasure cascading from just that little stimulus
> Pip starts moving back and forth, scraping his cock against the wall of your marehood
> You pant happily, losing yourself in the sensation
> You love how he earnestly clings to you, his young body flexing and surging against yours
> The way he plows through your soft flesh, making you squirm beneath him
> You could definitely get used to having a cute little colt tend to you like this
> You make a mental note to talk to Shining about trying for a son next time you're ovulating
> He pulls out completely, and you are momentarily disappointed
> Did he get tired?
> Then you feel his dick prodding at your anus, slick with your juices
> You relax, letting his cock fill your tighter passage
> You moan as you finally feel every part of his erection inside you, hot and firm
> He makes little whimpering noises, small grunts that let you know he's reaching his limit
> You press up against him, wrapping your tail around his body
"Just a little more, Pip! A little more!"
> You feel yourself teeter on the edge of orgasm, your hooves scrabbling in the dirt
> Pip pulls back slowly, his breath shuddering
> You tremble in anticipation
> He pauses, only the tip still buried in your ass
> Then in one stroke, he thrusts his length into you, sparking lightning up your spine
> You cry out in pleasure, clamping around him, hips twitching and bucking
> He lets out a long moan, humping your flanks and spurting inside you
> You spend a moment just breathing, clenching and unclenching around the dick in your ass
> Pip slowly disengages himself, making you shudder as he slides out
> "Anything else I can do for you, mam?"
> You shakily get to your hooves and beam at the young colt
"Aren't you the sweetest little gentlecolt? Thank you Pip, I feel a lot better now."
> He blushes at the compliment
> "Just being polite, that's all. Um. You felt very nice, if you don't mind me saying."
> You give him a peck on the cheek
"I'm glad to hear that. I have to go now, but if things ever get hard, I'll be happy to return the favor."
> He nods eagerly
> "Thank you, Miss Cadance. Have a nice day!"
"You too, Pip."
> You make your way back to the castle, mind refreshingly clear of lustful interference
> You start planning out how you want to deal with Anonymous as you walk
> Before long, Pip's semen leaks out between your butt cheeks, dripping down your thighs
> You don't really notice it, other than a mild sense that you should probably bathe soon
> So many things to do, so little time

> Be Anon, hauling a canister of milk to the cellar
> You're looking forward to the chilly room, after a hot afternoon milking cows
> As you make your slow way down the ramp, you spy Pail having some trouble reaching the top of a stack of cheese wheels
> Now that you think about it, she's been moving oddly the entire morning
> You glance at the inside of her plump thighs, glistening in the dim light
> You set the canister by the wall and approach
"Want me to get that cheese for you so you can find Bo?"
> Pail Complexion smiles up at you
> "If you would just put it on my back, dear, that would be fine."
> You comply and follow her as she leaves the cellar
"Is he off on a special delivery or something?
> Pail shakes her head
> "It's actually our anniversary, so I've been edging all morning. Going to Bo now would just be wasteful."
> You blink
"Uh, congratulations?"
> She wiggles happily, the cheese wheel tottering dangerously
> You instinctively set your hand on the wheel to steady it
> "Thank you, dear. Oh, but you might want to avoid the kitchen tonight, since you probably don't want to watch."
> You nod
"Good to know. I think I'll be having dinner on my own anyways, I have some meat to use before it goes bad."
> Pail scrunches, shaking her head
> "That's probably for the best, dear. Mind getting the door?"

> Be Spike, feeling...loose? 
> Certainly more relaxed than you have ever been
> Your heart still aches, but it's hard to get too worked up
> Every time you think about your Rarity alone wi-
> Soft lips wrap around your member, making your hips jolt at the stimulation
> Sweetie Belle giggles to your left as Apple Bloom starts licking
> You groan, wisps of emerald flame escaping from your mouth
> "Don't worry, Spike! We'll suck the sadness right out of you!"
> You have to admit, all the attention they are giving you, and how long they've stuck with you...
> Feels nice

> Be Rarity, relaxing at the spa
> You have all the urgent orders finished and shipped, and quite frankly deserve a break
> You hum as skilled hooves knead at your withers, reducing you to a fabulous puddle of ponyflesh
> Delicate magic flows around your horn, wicking away build up around its irregularities
> You've had countless massages, and like all before, you find yourself moistening 
> Unlike before, you focus on the feeling
> It's a mild arousal, something easily fixed with a few minutes of rutting
> Lotus wipes her oiled hooves on a nearby towel
> "Shall I send for an aide?"
> You wonder
"No thank you, that shall be all."
> Lotus' expression remains professionally pleasant, but you think you can sense some confusion behind it
> "In that case, thank you for coming, and we hope to see you again soon."
> You slide off the massage table and nod politely to the mare
"Until then, Lotus."
> Outside, you set off for home
> Every step reminds you of the slick heat in your flower
> You pass by friendly mares and stallions, absently greeting them and exchanging brief pleasantries
> You notice some stallions' nostrils flare, no doubt reacting to your scent
> And yet, you don't ask them for a favor
> It's so strange, and your arousal only grows, distracting yet intriguing you
> When you get home, you stand in the parlor, uncertain
> Do you take care of it yourself, or see if you can go for longer?
> You feel restless, the idea of working on anything fills you with a mild dissatisfaction
> There is simply no helping it, you absolutely must tend to yourself if you wish to get anything done
> As you fetch your favorite dildo, you wonder how Anonymous functions at all
> Perhaps it's a matter of practice?

> Be Anon, tidying up your home
> Even after all these years, mom still influences you
> You might be living in a simple house on the edge of the Red Bo dairy, and you aren't even that messy
> But company is coming, therefore last minute cleaning is taking place
> You just barely finish sweeping the dirt onto the dustpan when there comes a knocking at the door
"One moment!"
> You dump the load into the trash can, scuff your foot over the remnants on the floor, and lean your broom in a corner
> You hurry over to the door and open it
"Come on in."
> Princess Cadance nods her head pleasantly
> "Thank you. This is a nice home you have, with good family nearby."
> You tilt your head at the odd wording, but motion for her to enter
"That's good to hear."
> As she closes the door behind her, you settle in your comfy chair
> You lean your elbows on your knees and clasp your hands together
"So, how do we do this?"
> The princess hops up onto the couch across from you and gives you a mild smile
> "Talking, mostly. There are obstacles inside and outside of you, so it will take some time to truly overcome them."
> You frown
"Inside? If you're just going to try and convince me it's all okay-"
> Princess Cadance shakes her head
> "No, though that certainly is the shortest path. It is also the most difficult one to take, in your circumstances. No, I want to help you correct some misconceptions you have about yourself and others."
> You relax slightly
"Such as?"
> She tilts her head 
> "Do you know why mares ask you for aid?"
> You aren't terribly impressed with what is supposed to be an insightful princess
"Because they got horny at some point."
> Cadance giggles
> "Yes, that is why they look for aid. But do you know why they come to you, specifically?"
> You sit back, considering
> Is there some sort of pattern?
> Are you doing anything special before?
> You honestly can't remember
"Because I'm exotic?"
> Cadance giggles again
> "There is that, but mostly it's because you are attractive and considerate."
> You cough
"I'm not really that-"
> "Stop."
> Princess Cadance stares at you, almost scowling
> "I know you don't believe me. You have been caught in a spiral of rejecting yourself and reading any lack of interest as rejection. There are doubtless any number of mares and female humans who are and were not interested in you, but there are far more than you realise that are attracted to you."
> You rub your face tiredly
"I... it's not like I don't know that, but I still find it hard to believe."
> Cadance smiles
> "Even after being propositioned so many times?"
> You grimace
"It would be one thing if they meant anything by it, but when it can just as easily be the next stallion down the street..."
> Cadance nods solemnly
> "You're getting mixed signals. You think it's supposed to be intimate, and they just treat your feelings like they are replaceable."
> You rock back in your chair
"Yeah, that's it exactly. Do you also..."
> She shakes her head
> "No, I just got a sense of how you feel yesterday. I don't know if it's any comfort, but there are ponies who get interested in popular ponies, and get twisted up in the same way. They try to express their feelings in some subtle way, but that tends to get lost in the shuffle."
> You shake your head
"Poor guys."
> "And girls, just as often."
> You shrug, acknowledging the point
"Not sure what to say about that."
> She shifts on the couch, laying on her side and supporting her head with a forehoof
> "The solution is actually fairly simple. Become better friends with more ponies, and send stronger signals when you are romantically interested."
> You frown
"Are we just ignoring the whole sex problem?"
> Cadance shakes her head
> "No, but you realistically won't find a mare who hasn't had sex before you met her, and she will almost certainly have sex after you get interested. What you need to do is get close enough to a mare that she will stop having sex for your sake."
"That-!"
> You cut yourself off, reining in your frustration
> You close your eyes and take a deep breath
"That doesn't help."
> Princess Cadance sighs
> "Barring meeting some mare in the alone in the wilderness, that's what will happen. Do humans ever marry again after their partner dies?"
> You look away
"Yes."
> "Would you marry someone like that?"
> Your jaw trembles
"It's not the same, I didn't have to see-"
> You hear some rustling
> A warm wing drapes across your shoulders
> "I know. I'm sorry that the way things are hurts you, but I promise you that you will find a love that will heal the pain."
> You feel your tense muscles slowly relax, melted by Cadance's gentle warmth and concern
> You lean on her shoulder
> Suddenly she shifts from under you with a squack, flapping wildly
> You pull back in surprise, just in time to see her hit the floor with a thump
"Are you alright?"
> Cadance giggles, laying on her side
> "I'm fine, just recovering my dignity."
> You smile 
"I don't know, I'm sure it was a very dignified swan dive you just took. Sorry about that, by the way."
> She rolls onto her hooves and stands, ruffling her wings
> "It's fine, now we know that a chair arm is not the most stable of perches."
> You nod with mock solemnity
"Words of wisdom."
> Cadance rolls her eyes with a smirk
> "You bet they are. Speaking of which, I think I have one last piece of advice for you today."
> You clasp your hands in your lap
"Yes?"
> She nods
> "You are sending mixed signals yourself. It's a friendly thing to 'help' somepony when they ask. Given your point of view, you need to do something else friendly so as not to appear standoffish."
> You furrow your brow
"Such as?"
> Cadance shrugs
> "Hugs are always nice, maybe a peck on the cheek? You could also have a sleepover with your friends, and cuddle. I'm sure Twilight has a list of friendly activities you can pick from."
> You rub your chin
"That's not a bad idea. Thanks, Princess."
> She smiles
> "You're welcome, and call me Cadance. I won't have my friends stand on ceremony."
> You feel a little warmth bloom in your chest
"I'll remember that."