Transferred from https://pastebin.com/dmFF9qp3
Originally published MAR 22ND, 2016

>You live in Ponyville, and the only place to get clothing without going on a fucking adventure is Rarity's place
>Except Rarity is a dirty, dirty horse and doesn't listen.
>She sells you clothes really cheap, but they are always way, way more erotic than needed.
>At this point you would kill for normal, comfy underwear and not the sparkling studded lacey shit Rarara rarars in her rararacave.
>It would be nice if you didn't have to take a day-long train ride just to shop around, and shopping around while being an alien is a whole other thing entirely..

>One day, an associate of Rarity arrives in town.
>Supposedly she is half her worker, half franchisee, half student, all fashion horse.
>She looks way less pervy though. That's a plus.
>Taking your chances, you corner her away from Rarararara and place an order for some REAL UNDERPANTS at last.
>You know that kind of boxers, that are, like, really big?
>The kind that makes you feel like you're going commando?
>The kind your dad wore at home.
>And sometimes used to mop up a spill on floor
>And then dad wore them again be cause he gave zero fucks at all You miss the old fart
>The soft, 0% fancy ass, cock and ball privacy guards.
>You explain your forbidden desires to Coco. After taking some quick measurements, she agrees.
>"Anonymous, I can't promise anything, but I will try and do it by next week."

***

>A week later, Coco is in town again to discuss some horse clothing shit with Rarity
>You don't give a fuck, you just need your dadpants
>You barge into Rarara's rarousel rarotique
>"Welcome to Carousel Bout--"
""Did you bring the stuff?"
>"Anonymous, darling, it's not that I don't like seeing you, quite the contrary, but-"
"Coco! Do you have THEM?"
>"Yes, Anonymous, just let me-"
>You grab the parcel and head to a changing booth
>"...Coco, Anonymous? What is happening? Mon Chere, you commissioned clothing and didn't tell your good friend Rarity? Am I not good enough--"
>Ignoring everything, you drop your pants and tear the package apart.
>Inside are the most... plain-looking pink underpants you've ever seen.
>"Anonymous? I must admit that I chose a color that I've heard you might not like, but, ..but you told me that you don't care how they look, and this was the softest fabric I could get!"
"Blue, yellow pink, whatever, I just need proper pants"
>It's closer to salmon anyway.
>God they're soft. They are so soft it makes you want to rub your face in them.
>Your balls can't wait any longer, and you put the underpants on.

***

>Oh.
> ...ooh.
>Oh my god.
>There are no atheists in these pants.
>It's completely unlike the shit Squiggletail tries to pull.
>It feels like a gentle angel is protecting your scrotum from the harsh realities of the world.

>Taking a few tentative steps, you feel your junk rub against the soft fabric.
>Or, rather, barely feel it.
>It's like you're wearing nothing at all, and the air around you just stays warm and opaque out of courtesy and respect.
>Are these pants that good, or are your poor jimmies so rustled by Rarity's designs that even normal pants feel like this?

>There is only one thing to be done.
>You pull the privacy curtain away and come out, half-naked as you are.
>"Coco, really, is that the best you could possibly do? It looks like you just draped a sack-"
"Shut up."
>Rarity looks like she noticed a dead fly in her morning coffee
>Coco... like she is about to cry.
"Coco Pommel"
>"A-a-anonymous?..."
>Unable to contain yourself, you kneel before her, and take her hoof in your hands.
>Is this what love feels like?
"Coco Pommel, I thank you. I thank you from the bottom of my cock and balls."
>Coco is beet-red with lewd
>Rarity is beet-red with jelly
>Today was a "perhaps horsemarriage isn't that bad an idea after all" day