>In the city of Canterlot there is an urban legend that is being told in hushed voices, be it in the castle or in the slums. >They say that there is a being, tall and gangly, yet sneakier than shadow and faster than lightning. >It sneaks on lone unsuspecting mares when they least expect it and drags them off in the shadows. >Caught mares are later found sleeping, their coats cleaned, their manes brushed, with only vague memories of being pet, snuggled and fed their favorite candy. >That is the legend of the... >The Serial Snuggler. >Be Anon. >Be ninja. >Be trained in guerrilla petting warfare. >Graduated at top of your class, have over three hundred satisfied mares. >You're Equestria's top snuggler. >And the only one. >Bullshit portal-based attacks are bullshit. >Despite all that you hit the ground running and soon enough you started improving your skills even further. >You displayed your power by having both princesses helpless and completely at your mercy for six straight hours. >Six hours of long, heartfelt bellyrubs, ear scritchies and mane brushing. >After that you were a wanted man. Well, wanted apelien. >Always on the run, chased to the end of Equus. >Ah, who are you kidding, you were parading under their literal noses for hours without them noticing anything. >Sometimes having ninja powers constantly on is super boring. >Your ninja powers don't work on magic, though. Entire castle was sure that magic alarm system was on the fritz. >So you covered your sneak suit in variety of anti-magic stones you attained from Queen of Pleasure in exchange for holding her hooves and giving them a little massage. >Never has once she mentioned kitchen, so you threw completely free ear-rub in to sweeten the deal. >Your trained ear catches a very quiet sigh. >In an instant you cross several city blocks and hang down the ledge to peek in the window the sigh came from. >Aha! Sad, lonely mare, hunched over some paperwork! >Perfect target! >You swing inside, and very soon she quietly purrs as palm of your hand traces concentric patterns on her belly, while you feed her her favorite chocolates. >Took you entire 0.014 seconds to find that out and 'buy' some from a shop! Getting sloppy! >And by the way, it's not a theft, you left the money on the counter! >Now that the mare finally succumbed to sweet grasp of sleep, you decide to finish off whatever pesky paperwork problem that made her frown. >You literally have seven thousand IQ. >At least, you think so. >Wouldn't be able to process your surroundings at superspeed otherwise! >You put your MIGHTY INTELLECT to find and fix whatever mistake was making the mare sad. >...hold on, it might take a while... >There it is, she forgot to carry two. The rest comes easy. >Now that the paper is done, time to turn your attention back to completely helpless mare! >Do you snuggle her or do you wiggle in her grasp? >Mares feel uncomfortable being little spoon for some unfathomable reason, so some concessions have to be made... >You tap your chin in thought. >Meanwhile, several rooftops over, a hanging bat mare unfurls her wings and starts whispering into dimly-pulsing crystal. >"Serial Snuggler took the bait, I repeat, Serial Snuggler took the bait!" >From her position she observes several shadows move in the dark. And then all Tartarus breaks loose! >Be Close Quarters, elite royal guard mare. >One second you were rappelling down to window, upset at lieutenant whisper-yelling at you to remember that you're dealing with a stallion. >And the next second you find yourself being tightly held as the little spoon of More Paperwork, your unwitting plant mare! "N-Nani?!" >You have no idea what you just said but it seems oddly fitting. >You also can't help it but feel incredibly relaxed, as if you spent entire day getting pampered. >But then the gravity of your situation hits you. >Oh no, you're going to be the laughing stock of entire platoon for this dyke shit. Damn you, Serial Snuggler, DAMN YOU! >Be Wearing Bars, the lieutenant mare, large and in charge. >Though you don't feel like it now... >In but a second, you lost visual with your entire squad! >You call out for Radio Contact to request reinforcements but she doesn't respond. >You whip your head to her last known position and see her splayed on the roof, grinning madly with partially eaten mango in her weak grasp. "Darn it!" >You catch movement in the corner of your eye and jump back instinctively. >By Celestia, you've got your eyes on the sneaky Serial Snuggler! A feat that very few mares can boast about! "Halt, apelien! Surrender and you won't be hurt!" >Be Anon, approaching the lieutenant mare purposefully slow. >You raise your pointer finger and with unyielding slowness aim for her snoot. >Her eyes cross as she struggles to keep them on your approaching finger. But it is too late. "You are already pet." >*boop* >The sensation of two hundred lightning-fast pets catches up to her! >And pomf=3 she goes on menagerie of pillows you snuck in during previous moments. >Giving her withers a few scritchies, you leave the scene. >Somewhere high above two pair of eyes armed with only one pair of binoculars fight to watch the whole scene unfold below. >There is a sigh. >"Perhaps We called dibs on him being our royal consort too early." >"I'm afraid we'll never have another petting session like that, sister..."