>"You have so much acne on your chest... Didn't I tell you that you need to change your diet? A proper diet would do wonders for your skin- and you have such nice white skin, Anon."
>You glare at yourself in the mirror.
>Despite your displeasure at having to listen to your ponybot drone on about your poor decisions in life (yet again), you can't help but look at the red splotchy acne across your chest.
>Currently, you are standing in your bathroom, wearing only a pair of boxer-briefs.
>This is a normal everyday event.
>Not because you enjoyed it-
>But because your ponybot that you bought a month ago insisted upon it.
>Queen Celestial.
>That's what the Chinese company had produced at a marked-down value.
>Okay, so... Maybe the 'Queen Celestial' ponybot got good reviews.
>And for quality- it wasn't so bad.
>The only differences between the Queen Celestial Chinese model and the original (and substantially more expensive) Princess Celestia Japanese model, were the lack of wings on the Chinese model.
>And her cutie marks.
>Celestial had golden crowns stamped on her flanks.
>You had been rather pleased with the purchase initially.
>And you saved a few grand.
>Now the only issue was-
>"Anon, drop your underwear," Celestial says in a snippy tone.
"Why?"
>The ponybot squirts some more lotion onto her hoof as you watch her reflection in the mirror.
>"Obviously I'm going to lotion your whole body. God knows you lotion the front side enough every night, but I intend to get the back. So drop 'em."
>If you don't do as she says, she'll be in a pissy mood for the rest of the day.
>So you drop your underwear to the floor with a sigh.
>The issue with Celestial is not her appearance.
>It's not even the fact that she is incredibly moody, prone to angry tantrums and a bit condescending.
>No-
>The issue with your Celestial ponybot is...
>"Such a cute butt. It's a shame you refuse to do squats anymore... What a waste. Hmph."
>You flinch as Celestial's cold hooves make contact with your rear end, massaging lotion into the skin.
>Celestial gives you a haughty smirk in the mirror, enjoying your squirming under her hooves.
"..."
>The issue is that Celestial has only one setting in her personality selection.
>'Doting'.
>"You're thinking dirty thoughts right now, aren't you?" Celestial moves a hoof dangerously close to a place you don't want lotioned.
"Are you done, or what?"
>Her smirk only widens and she bucks your butt with a hard slap, making you flinch again.
>"I'm done. Now I'll pick out your outfit for work while you brush your teeth."
>You obediently pick up your toothbrush.
>Not because she said so.
>But because your morning breath is wicked.
"I can dress myself."
>Celestial walks out of the bathroom and into your bedroom.
>"Maybe. But why do such menial tasks when you have such a beautiful pony to take care of you?"
>She's definitely not a modest one.
>As you start to brush your teeth, you hear your cell phone start buzzing on the bedside table in your bedroom.
>Before you can even turn around, you hear Celestial answer it.
"God dammit..."
>"Hello?" Celestial's voice floats to you from the other room.
>You stand with your toothbrush hanging out of your mouth, staring at the doorway.
>"Who is this?"
>A moment of silence follows.
>"You have the wrong number."
>After that, you hear the ponybot's hoofsteps coming back toward the bathroom and Celestial pokes her head around the corner.
>Her eyes narrow at you and she holds up your cell phone.
>"Who is Jenny?"
>You roll your eyes and take your toothbrush out of your mouth.
"I work with her. She's in my department and-"
>Celestial starts fiddling with your phone again.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
>"I'm calling you out sick from work for the day."
"Celestial, please..."
>"Jenny? Jenny? What kind of stupid name is Jenny? I bet she's fat. Hmph."
>You can only watch as your ponybot puts your phone to her ear and glares at the ground.
"Do you even know which number to call for a sick day request?"
>"I'm not calling your work."
>You feel like you need to snatch the phone away from her.
>But suddenly she speaks up, the call finally going through.
>"Hello? Is this Jenny?"
"Fuck, Celestial don't-"
>"KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED, YOU DUMB FAT WHORE- I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"
>Celestial hangs up after her outburst and smiles up at you smugly.
>"Okay, what do you want me to make you for breakfast, Anon?"
>This is your life with a Celestia ponybot knockoff.
"Just eggs and some toast I guess..."
>This is the Hell your life has become.

>That catches you off guard and your eyes narrow at the wall.
"Been with? Like what?"
>Celestial sighs and runs one of her back legs up yours.
>"How many girls have you... Had sex with?"
>Wait-
>Was your ponybot trying to sexually shame you?
"Hey-"
>You turn around on the bed and look at her.
"Do you want me to just put you in sleep mode manually?"
>Celestial's eyes widen and she shakes her head.
>Manually putting her to sleep is a good way to punish her for the stupid shit she does.
>Really something that every guy should have as an option.
>"I was just curious..."
>You roll your eyes at her and lay back down.
"I've been with one or two girls. I'm not a virgin."
>Honestly, it seems pretty pathetic to be lying to a ponybot about your sexual life.
>But she would have no way of disproving your lie.
>"What were their names?" She asks softly, right next to your ear again.
>It almost makes you gulp.
>But you don't want to sound defensive- so you remember some of the names of girls you liked in high school.
"Robin and Hannah."
>The churchy girl Robin that gave you your first kiss in ninth grade and the super stacy, Hannah- the hot girl that for whatever reason used to laugh at your jokes in math class.
>Celestial burrows her face back into your neck and mutters.
>"Robin and Hannah, huh?"
>With that disaster avoided, you finally fall asleep.

>By the time you wake up at six in the morning, Celestial is already out of bed.
>You can hear her making breakfast in the kitchen.
>The smell of bacon and eggs wafts into the bedroom.
"Fuck yeah."
>You get out of bed and put on a shirt and a pair of shorts.
>Making your way to the kitchen, you stop in the doorway.
>Celestial sits on her haunches by the stove, holding up a butcher knife in one hoof.
>The two of you freeze, looking at each other in mirrored shock.
"Why do you... Have a knife?"
>Celestial looks at the knife and smiles.
>"I was... Slicing fruit."
>You can see that there are in fact slices of orange on the counter.
>With a sigh, you go over to the Keurig and start preparing a cup of coffee.
>"Hey Anon, do you have any old yearbooks?" Celestial asks suddenly.
>You can hear her flipping the sizzling bacon on the stove behind you.
"Yearbooks? Yeah. Why?"
>"I just wanted something to do while you're at work. I get bored."
>Bored?
>That was so untrue it was actually funny.
>Whenever you were at work- Celestial had the time of her life.
>She actually spent most of her time dicking around on the computer.
>While you were at an office slaving away, Celestial spent her days watching stupid Youtube videos and blowing up your cell phone with messages.
>But you really couldn't blame her.
>What else was a large pony robot supposed to do in her free time?
"I'll get 'em out before I head to work."