https://web.archive.org/web/20190219013458/https://8ch.net/pone/res/322000.html

>you suppose you've never really been the main character of the story you've been living in
>to be sure, you've been in situations like this more times than you can count
>but those stories have always been about...
>her
>a beam of dim starlight shines bright white through a gap in the forest canopy
>it lights up the woods just enough for you to pick out the purple in her coat
>Twilight Sparkle
>she's effortlessly beautiful
>brilliant
>favored by the princesses
>actually, she's a princess herself now
>or, technically, she was
>you see, that's just the reason you're watching over your sleeping friends in this forest tonight
>nothing unusual in the course of your life
>some artifacts you've never heard of were stolen by some megolomaniac
>the megolomaniac escaped into the Everfree Forest
>and now the six of you are sleeping in the dirt
>except for you
>it's your turn to stand watch
>not that you're eager to sleep in the dirt
>annoyingly enough these artifacts you've never heard of couldn't even have to decency to be jewels this time
>no
>they're some sort of apples
>but apparently, if they aren't sitting in a jar somewhere in Canterlot Castle
>then alicorns can't exist in Equestria
>frankly, you find the whole premise highly unlikely
>weren't Princesses Celestia and Luna supposed to have been alicorns when they first arrived in Equestria?
>you're sure if you asked Twilight Sparkle she'd have an explanation for you
>you're not really interested
>so it was a pair of perfectly ordinary unicorns, one white and one blue
>who commissioned another perfectly ordinary unicorn
>this one purple
>with the task of retrieving these apples
>and this perfectly ordinary purple unicorn asked her five best friends in the whole wide world to help her
>ah, but there are a few major complications that come from this
>in the first place, since ordinary unicorns Celestia and Luna have only ordinary unicorn power, they cannot raise the Sun or the Moon
>you seem to recall learning that before the two of them, ordinary unicorns would combine their powers and raise the Sun and Moon together
>but what do you know?
>so right now, neither the Sun nor the Moon are in the sky
>and your journey thus far has been lighted only by horns and stars
>in the second place, without the magical effects of the magic apples, the former alicorns are aging rapidly in a bizzare reversal of their immortality
>that's not such a problem for Twilight Sparkle
>she was barely an alicorn for four years, so the most she can age is another four years
>though you can't help noticing a pair of thin lines beneath her eyes
>but Celestia and Luna
>they're somewhat over one thousand years old each
>Twilight gives the two of them about a year to live
>and that's why you're sitting in the woods in a darkness that might be midnight
>but it could be noontime
>and there's mud on your hooves
>it's not the first time something like this has happened to you
>and it won't be the last
>and this isn't your story
>it's...
>where did she go?
>you see only four ponies asleep on the forest floor
>none of them are purple
>you stand on all fours
>and wheel around
>looking in all directions
>but a hoof gently lands on your shoulder
<"Rarity."
>oh
>there she is
<"It's my turn to stand guard. Get some sleep."
>you sigh
"Thank you."

~"Rise and shine, ladies! It's mornin' time now!"
>Applejack quints her eyes in the dim starlight
~"Er, uh, probably. Maybe. Jus' gettup, y'all."
>you've learned the art of packing lightly
>just an ordinary pair of saddlebags seated on your rump
>they're bulging and heavy
>but if this had happened a year or two ago, you'd be pulling a wagon loaded high with frivoloties
>this is about as minimalist as you're going to get
>even now, you can see the sillhouette of one of your friends stooping to take a mouthful of grass
>don't they know creatures step on that?
>sometimes they even… do other things on that
>it's much too icky to think about at this time of day
>or… night?
>fortunately, you don't have to worry about it
>with the blue glow of your magic, you whisk a scone out of your saddlebag
>you make quick, yet polite, work of it
>pretty soon the six of you are trudging through the near total-darkness once again
>except for hornlight, of course
>the magenta of Twilight's horn compliments the blue of your own in a way that fascninates you here in the dark forest
>maybe you can copy this effect in some of your works when you return
>it's a sort of introspective feeling
>too introspective
>you'd go so far as to call this silence somewhat grim
"Oh, Twilight."
<"Hm? Yes?"
"Doesn't this feel… poetic?"
<"What do you mean?"
"You're a unicorn, the Princess is in danger, Equestria is threatened with eternal darkness, and here the six of us are adventuring through the Everfree Forest once more. Doesn't it all sort of… rhyme?"
<"Uh…"
>a bounding figure appears at Twilight's side
>awash in the pink glow of magic, you'd almost imagine that she was actually white
/"Yeah! It's like destiny!"
>Twilight sighs
<"Pinkie, be quiet. This is serious. We don't know what could be out there listening for us."
>well
>just because it's true doesn't mean you can just out and say it like that
>they say that an artist's creations are only an outlet for the art she cannot live herself
>someone who actually lives art won't have much of an appreciation for it
>the thought makes you want to groan
>Twilight extinguishes her horn
>then looks at you and silently bids you to do the same
>the forest is dark once more
/"Whoah! Who turned out the-"
<"Quiet. Something is coming."
>sure enough, up in the canopy
>an orange light grows closer
>the forest grows imperceptably warmer
>as the sound of firey wings grows nearer
>somehow, you're not really worried about it
>it's much too early in the story for anything truly horrific
>indeed, when the creature comes into view, you feel
>at peace
>and you know that you're right when you hear Fluttershy squeal
_"Philomena!"
<"It is Philomena!"
>"And Spike!"
>yes, there he is
>dangling from the claws of the majestic phoenix
<"What? Spike!"
>"You didn't think you could just leave me behind, did you?"
<"I-, errr, this is dangerous!"
>"Relax, I've been on tons of adventures with you guys. Besides, the Princess wanted me to bring you this."
<"A… nut?"
>"Yeah, I don't really get it either. But the Princess said you'd find it useful…"
>their conversation turns to background noise when something fuzzy lands on your neck
>oh, ew! is it a bug?!
>it's a…
>a feather?
>yes, what you've grabbed off of your neck is a feather
>it's glowing a soft orange
>like a sunset
>or like coals in the dark
>Philomena is perched on a branch above you
>staring at you
>if you didn't know any better, you'd say she winked at you
>but you don't have time to tell for sure before she takes wing and disappears
>"Hey, wait! Philomena! You're my ride!"
~"Oh? I thought you wanted ta come along."
>"I-I do, it's just…"
>giggles
>you study the feather in your hoof
>it's very lovely
>you stick it in your bag
>maybe you'll be able to weave it into a piece after you get back

_"Ah! What was that?"
~"It's nothin'. Pipe down already."
>Rainbow Dash coughs
#"Isn't it kind of weird that we've been wandering abound the Everfree Forest for so long and still haven't met anything that wants to eat us?"
/"But why would we want to meet anything that wants to eat us?"
<"Rainbow's not saying she wants to meet any monsters. She's just saying it's strange that we haven't. And she's right. It's almost as if-"
*"-As if I was right behind you this whole time?"
#"Ha! Knew it!"
>from behind, a section of the woods lights up as bright as day
>and in the light stands a shadow
>a unicorn mare, a bit too tall to be perfectly ordinary
>her coat is glossy black like ebony
>her mane is a flowing mass of gold, emitting light like the Sun
>hm, yellow on black…
>it's eye-popping to be sure…
>but it's so unorthodox as to be jarring
>there's no way those are her natural colors
>there's no mistaking it
>this menacing figure is the maniac of the week
>now what was her name again…?
<"Idun!"
>right
>Idun
<"Give us back the apples!"
>Idun laughs
*"Why? So you can have them? No, I think I can put them to much better use."
>Twilight's horn lights up with arcane power
<"Then we'll have to take them."
>Idun laughs again
>why do they all laugh?
>always the same laugh, too
*"I own more magical artifacts than you own tiaras, princess. Did you really think I'd come unprepared? Be a good girl now and settle down. I'd hate to do anything drastic before you've led me to the Elements of Harmony."
<"You want the Elements?"
#"Never!"
>a blue blur races toward Idun at face-smashing speed
>but it never connects
>where did that sceptre come from?
>what was that noise?
>it's pitch black now
>and windy
>are you… falling?
>something hurts
>and then…
>nothing

>the first thing you see is green on the ground
>is the Sun back up?
>did you sleep through the whole adventure already?
>ah, no, if only
>the green is, in fact, not grass, but dragonfire
>a burning branch held aloft in Spike's claw is casting an eerie glow through what seems to be some sort of cave
>"Rarity! Guys, she's waking up!"
_"Oh, Rarity, thank goodness!"
/"Have a good nap, silly-head?"
>hm
>Spike, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie are crowding around you
>but where are the others?
"Mm, indeed not. I'd say it was a very dreadful nap indeed. Where is everyone else?"
>the cavern wall speaks
<"We're over here, on the other side. Now that you're awake, we can work on moving forward and regrouping."
"Oh, dear. However did we get separated?"
<"Another one of Idun's toys. I knew she had an extensive collection of artifacts, but I never guessed that she had the Staff of Sysyphus."
"The staff of who now, darling?"
<"The Staff of Sysyphus. It transports the victims to a monstrous underground realm."
"Oh, that's wonderful. How do we get out?"
<"As long as the victims are in the underground realm, the caster has to be there too. Idun is down here somewhere with us. If we can find her and get the Staff, we can go home."
"And I suppose you already have a plan?"
<"Well, it's not much of a plan, but we only really have one option. On either side of this wall, there's only one way to go: forward."
"So we just move along and hope for the best then?"
<"More or less. There's probably a junction somewhere further down where our tunnels come together. It might even lead us straight to Idun."
"And if, instead, we come across winding and treacherous paths that separate us?"
>Twilight pauses
<"We'll figure that out if we come to it. But there's really no choice but to keep moving until we find each other and then Idun."
"Well, in that case, I'm about as ready to be done with this week's adventure as you are. Let us proceed."
<"Agreed, let's go. Rarity, you're in charge over there."
"What? Me?"
<"Who else?"
>oh
>Twilight
>Applejack
>Rainbow Dash
>they're all on the other side of that wall
>oh, dear
>for all the adventures these friends of yours have gotten you caught up in
>this is one thing that's never happened before

>beyond the combined light of your horn and Spike's makeshift torch, the darkness is impenetrable
>pop

>the solid wall of black obscures the origins of a thousand subtle noises
>pop
>indeed, Twilight had called this place a "monstrous realm", and what monsters could be lurking just out of sight is a question you dare not imagine the answer to
>pop
>a sound of moving air could be merely a draft, or it could be the breath of some massive abomination
>pop
>a sound of dripping water could simply be  a leaky aquifer, or it could be the drool of a horrific creature
>poppop
"Pinkie Pie!"
/"Whaaaat?"
"Stop that!"
/"But it's soooo quiet down here!"
_"T-too quiet…"
<"Quiet over there! I think I hear something!"
>you hold your breath
#"Aw, come on, it was noth-"
>the cavern
>trembles
<"There it is!"
~"Hwat in tarnation!"
"Twilight! What's happening over there? How can we-"
>you're cut short by a very, very un-subtle noise
>some sort of roaring shriek, presumably from whatever the girls on the other side of that wall are seeing
<"Rarity! Keep moving forward! Try to stay near this wall, but staying out of harm's way is your number one priority. If you see any monsters, r-uagh!"
>"Twilight! Twilight!"
>a large chunk of boulder is loosed from the cavern wall and lands mere inches away from you
>you don't need to be told twice
>unceremoniously, you toss the panicking Spike onto your back
>then you shove the frozen Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy
>and the three of you run
>as fast as you can

>all
>is quiet
>gone are the drips
>the winds
>the subtle clackings in the distance
>even the suggestion of a constant roar in the background has given way to an oppressive wall of silence
>even your own hoofsteps have been muffled to the faintest sound of shuffling as the cave floor has graduated from rocky to earthen
>the path, at least, has been fairly straight
>your plan right now is to come to a point where your side of the cave merges with Twilight's
>and to wait
>and hope
_"You really think…"
>Fluttershy hesitates
>as though she's unsure if she really wants to break the silence
_"… they're okay?"
>you take a few silent steps before answering
"Of course, darling. Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash… they're all… very, very strong."
>the worst thing about the silence?
>Pinkie Pie is the number one source of it
>you regret telling her to stop making annoying sounds earlier
>you wish she'd tell her silly little jokes
>or do that bouncing-walk thing she always does
>or something
>claws wrap around your neck
>"Hold up, Rarity. It looks like the path splits off here."
>you stop looking forward for a second and see what's in front of you for once
>the path to your right would keep you nearest to the dividing wall that's separated you from the others
>but…
>it's strange
>it feels as though…
>it feels as though the silence is pouring out of that tunnel
>it makes you feel uneasy
>but a feeling is only a feeling
>rationally, that's probably the wiser path to take
"I suppose we'll have to-"
_"Wait."
"Hm?"
_"Sh."
>something like a lizard comes scampering out of the right-hoof tunnel
>there's nothing monstrous about it
>it's certainly small enough to be non-threatening
>but where are its eyes?
>Fluttershy crouches down in its path
>and lets it smack into her face
_"What's wrong, little guy?"
>the creature lets out a panicked chattering sound
_"Oh… my…"
>the creature chatters some more
>and then scampers past Fluttershy
>and vanishes from sight
_"Something down the right-hoof tunnel has been terrorizing the animals. Something has been…"
>Fluttershy looks at her hooves
"Something has been what, darling?"
_"… hurting them."
>the silence pouring out of the right-hoof tunnel intensifies
>it feels like something is getting closer
>it feels like something is only just out of sight
>and you're starting to trust in feelings
"We need to move. Down the left-hoof tunnel. Now, there isn't a moment to waste."

-"Rarity."
>you press onward
>quickly
>panickedly
>Spike is sitting on your back
>whispering into your ear:
-"Rarity."
"What?"
>"Something is following us."
>you know
"I don't hear anything behind us."
>"I don't hear anything either. But I see it."
"What do you see?"
>"It's kinda hard to explain. You should look at it for yourself."
"I can't very well stop and turn around if there's something frightening following us, now can I?"
>"I didn't say it was frightening."
"Is it not, then?"
>"No, it is."
"It's smiling at us, isn't it?"
>"Yeah. How could you tell?"
"I can feel it."
-"Rarity."
"Yes, Fluttershy?"
_"Um… that wasn't… me…"
>you know
"Oh, wasn't it?"
_"No."
-"Rarity."
"Pinkie Pie, darling, is that you?"
>your eyes are trained straight forward
>but you can feel PInkie Pie shake her head no
-"Rarity."
"Spike…"
>"Rarity…"
-"Rarity."
>you're not listening
-"Rarity."
>can't
-"Rarity."
>hear
-"Rarity."
>you
-"Rarity."
>you wheel around as though having a fit
>and you shout
"What? What do you want?"
>and it smiles
>and it waves
>and it says
-"Hi."
>and you see it for what it is
>it's the criminal who commits unthinkable crimes
>but it's also the nasty little school filly who annoys her teacher
>what you see is Cruelty
>you look at Fluttershy
>she sees it too
>and she knows what to do
>Fluttershy takes one step toward Cruelty
>Cruelty's smile falters
>how little did Cruelty expect to find its natural predator in a place like this
>Kindness embraces Cruelty in the sweetest hug you've ever had the privilege of witnessing
>and Cruelty whithers away pathetically
>Fluttershy giggles
>as though she's just witnessed a foal make a silly mistake.
_"Let's keep moving on."

>Fluttershy is glowing
>not literally, of course
>ever since Spike's torch went out, the only thing that's been glowing down here has been your horn
>but Fluttershy is standing a little taller
>walking forward with a quiet confidence
>Pinkie Pie, however…
>for lack of a better way of putting it
>she's still in a bit of a funk
>eyes downcast
>mouth closed shut
>all in all, she's being very un-Pinkie-like
>it's not so hard to understand
>Pinkie Pie develops very strong affections for almost everyone she knows even incidentally
>and she knows Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack much more than incidentally
>more than likely, the fact that the last she's heard from them was the three of you…
>well…
>abandoning them to some sort of giant moster
>that's probably what's got her feeling so gloomy
>truth be told, you're more than a little uneasy about the fate of your friends yourself
>your sense of reason is trying to tell you the three of them can more than handle most monsters
>but you've got a bad feeling
>and bad feelings can't be reasoned with
_"Why hello there, little one."
>hm?
>oh, you've been lost in thought again
>Fluttershy is crouching down to smile at…
>a little blue filly?
"Um, Fluttershy, I'm not sure that's quite a good idea…"
>the child begins to sniffle
_"Oh, don't say that, Rarity. You're hurting her feelings."
"Um…"
>the filly opens her mouth
>and begins to wail in earnest
_"Oh, there, there. Are you lost? We'll-"
>a stone strikes Fluttershy in the head
>a laurel of stars and birds whirls around your poor dazed friend
>and she stumbles her way back to you
_"I may need a moment to rest."

>the situation as far as you can tell:
>the little blue earth pony crying on the cave floor before you probably isn't, strictly, speaking an earth pony
>you say this because her crying seems to be causing rocks to fly about in the air
>your immediate reaction would be to turn around and try to go down the other side of that fork in the path you came to earlier
>however
>Fluttershy is dazed and confused from being hit with a rock
>she's currently leaning against the cave wall, her head swaying and her knees shaking
>she's not exactly in any shape to be making a speedy escape
>Spike is sitting on your back and screaming into your ear
>and if Pinkie Pie has any ideas, she certainly isn't voicing them
>that little filly needs to be cheered up
>you duck your head and barely dodge a stone that would have probably ruined your facial
>she needs to be cheered up immediately
>you use your magic to rummage about your saddlebags
>you should still have a few…
>pastries!
>this muffin should do the trick
"Ah, excuse me. Little filly? Are you hungry? I've got a nice banana nut muffin here for you, if you'll be a dear and stop crying for a moment."
>and for a moment
>she stops crying
>she looks at the muffin for a moment
>and then
>an ear-piercing wail
>and the rocks come flying again
>and for an instant everything is white
>and then everything is blurry
>and your head hurts
>you groan
"Ah, I'm sorry… You must be watching your weight…"
>you stumble over near Fluttershy
>did Spike fall off of your back?
>spinnking around, you catch a glimpse of Pinkie Pie
>it looks like she's smiling again
>that's… good…
>the next few minutes are odd
>you're definitely conscious
>but you can't really focus on anything beyond keeping your hoof on the spot where the rock hit you
>but you think you can hear…
>laughter?
>eventually, the pain dulls to tolerable levels
>you find yourself facing into the tear-stricken face of Fluttershy
>she's still cradling what looks like a nasty bruise on her forehead
>you force your hoof to the cave floor
>and you turn your body to see what's going on
>the rocks are all strewn about, but all calm
>Pinkie is sitting in the middle of them
>and the sad little filly
>not so sad anymore
>is sitting between Pinkie's forelegs
>giggling
/"And I said, 'That's no racehorse, that's my mother!'"
>the filly's laughter turns to squeals of delight
>and then
>she's gone
>she leaves behind a fleeting echo of merriment
>and that passes too
>Pinkie Pie smiles and waves at you
/"Hi, Rarity! Sorry I've been such a debbie-downer today. That joke you told earlier really cheered me up!"
"Joke?"
/"You know, the one about watching your weight."
>you scoff in disbelief
>then you grin
>and then
>you laugh

>maybe it was minutes ago
>maybe it was hours ago
>maybe it was yesterday
>but at some point you started hitting forks in the path rather frequently
>at the first fork there was something of a lengthy discussion as to which path to take
>which one was most likely to lead to Twilight's group
>which one had more air flowing from it
>which one sounded like it might have monsters in it
>which one looked the prettiest
>the second fork had a rather similar discussion
>the third might have as well
>but at some point the discussions stopped
>and at some point after that you lost track of how many paths you had to choose
>maybe it's been dozens
>maybe it's been over a hundred
>somehow you're not worried about it
>it's not that you've despaired of all hope
>no, you feel quite hopeful that you'll be home quite soon
>nor is it that you've lost your sense of reason
>it's as though you're operating on a sense of reason operating on a different level from your conscious thought processes
>the feeling of an arch in your back reminds of you of your cat, Opalescence, as she creeps toward an unfortunate pony's tail to claw at it
>there's just something about this place
>it makes you know exactly what to do, somehow, without telling you what exactly you need to do
>this is a realm of beasts
>and within it, you possess a beast's instinctual reason
>you're on the prowl
>you know that you've passed your last fork
>and that just around this next bend is…
"Idun!"
>a tall, garishly colored unicorn sits upon a shining throne, and pulls her chin away from her hoof
>she's seated in a vast chamber surrounded by what seems like hundreds of impressive magical artifacts
>and she's laughing
*"So it was you three who found me first. I'm so glad. I'll use you as hostages against the stronger three, and hopefully I can get my hooves on the Elements without anyone getting hurt."
>"Uh, there are four of us."
>Idun chuckles
*"Even better. The four of you then, be dears and get in that cage over there."
/"What?"
>Pinkie Pie leaps to her hind hooves and jumps about in exaggerated mock-fisticuffs
/"You think we're just gonna get in some cage and give up? What's with you? Most bad guys would at least do it themselves, you lazy-flank!"
*"You'd be foolish not to. None of you have the strength that the others possess, and you couldn't hope to defeat me. I'd much prefer to do this the easy way, so that noone has to get hurt."
_"I don't want anyone to get hurt…"
"Neither do I, but we aren't getting in any cage. Idun, I'll make a bargain with you."
*"Oh?"
>what are you saying?
>you're rummaging about in your saddlebag, looking for…
>a feather?
>oh
>oh!
>a shining, scarlet feather floats in the air, surrounded by your sparkling, blue magic
"This is the Feather of Philomena. With it, you may live forever just as surely as you could with Celestia's golden apples. I'd like to trade."
>Idun is blinking
*"The Feather… what? If it can make you live forever then why do you need the apples?… Is this a trick?"
>you're staring into her eyes
>and she's sweating
*"I can just take it from you without any trade. How will you stop me?"
"I'll trample this feather under my hoof, Idun, unless you give me the apples and send me and my friends home."
*"You wouldn't! You can't just trample… I won't let you!"
>the phoenix's feather is wrenched from your grasp
>Idun is smelling it
>rubbing it against her face
>salivating over it
"Idun. Will you let me have the apples now?"
>Greed glares at you with hatred, and its horn shines with ominous power
*"Of course not!"
"Very well then."
>with one hoof you grab Spike by the tail, and with the other by his neck
>"Whoah, Rarity, what are you- gak!"
>you yank on poor Spike's tail
>and a stream of dragonfire hits the Feather of Philomena
>and for a moment
>everything is green…

>six mares stand in a nighted forest
>with them is one baby dragon
>one jar of golden apples
>one magic staff
>and one newborn foal, with a pink coat and a silver mane
>you smirk
>you knew her hair was dyed
>Twilight's mane is mussed up and singed
>Rainbow Dash is splattered with some sort of green substance across her chest
>Applejack is breathing heavily and matted with sweat
<"Huh? What? Who? Where? Rarity? Pinkie Pie? Fluttershy? Spike! What happened?"
"Oh, nothing much, darling, I just defeated Idun for you."
>"With some help…"
<"What? You? But-"
"Why, I get to be the hero sometimes, don't I?"
>Twilight blinks
<"What happened?"
>you and your erstwhile companions explain the trials you all had to face
>Fluttershy's encounter with Cruelty
>Pinkie Pie's conquest of Tears
>and how Idun, when you got right down to it, was Greed
>and how you deafeated her
>with Spike's help, of course
>apparently, the adventure's of Twilight's group weren't nearly so poetic
>they mostly just had to fight with giant monsters
>Twilight scratches her chin with her hoof
<"But… there's one thing I don't understand."
"What's that?"
<"The thing you did with the dragon fire and the phoenix feather. I've never heard of that. How did you know it would work?"
>you shrug
"I suppose I just had a feeling."

>after a trip to Canterlot, the Princesses are young again and the Sun graces the sky once more
>after a train ride back to Ponyville, all you want to do is take a nap
>folks always suppose that these stories end with a quip, or a group laugh, or even a musical number
>but really, they end with about six additional hours of beauty rest
>adventures are exhausting
>you're about to push open the door to the Boutique when something tickles your neck
>oh, ew! is it a bug?
>it's a…
>a feather?
>you grin
>perched on the sign displaying the name of your business is a majestic, orange bird
>she winks at you
>you giggle
"Good night, Philomena."