> You are Starlight Glimmer, concerned about Twilight Sparkle
> Despite her fame and position, or perhaps because of it, she doesn't have a coltfriend
> Worse, in the past couple of days, she's been acting odd
> Personally going to the post office and teleporting directly to her room
> Watching Spike closely and taking notes while he cooks
> And today, Hearts and Hooves Day, she ordered everyone to vacate the Palace of Friendship
> You were worried she would take advantage of Spike, but you saw him hanging around the boutique
> That just leaves summoning an incubus
> As somepony who had abused magic in the depths of loneliness, you owe it to Twilight to keep her from falling into darkness
> Hopefully this won't take too long, you do have a date planned with Sunburst
> You slip past the ward set at the entrance to the palace, modulating your aura to match Sparkle's
> Then it's a simple matter of casting a modified cloud walking spell to silently trot up the stairs to her private chambers
> She's been cagey about letting you in there before, and you had ascribed it to her need to schedule everything
> Now, you aren't so sure
> You crack open the door and take a sniff
> No sulfur, so she hasn't summoned the incubus yet
> The scent is a little musty, with a noticeable cheese aroma
> You ease the door open
> Unaware, Twilight levitates a spoon to the mouth of a My Industrious Human plush
> "Here you go Anon, it's your favorite! Mac and cheese, made with milk fresh from my teats."
> You can only stare in horror as she prods the fabric of the plush's mouth with the spoon, then pops it into her mouth
"What the actual buck."
> Twilight's head whips around to look at you, her pupils shrinking to pin pricks
> "I- uh,"
> Glance around, seeing MIH posters covering her walls, figurines posing on the shelves of her bookcases, a jar half filled with a cloudy liquid, a green figur-
> "You have failed me for the last time, my apprentice!"
> Oh Celestia, please not her Stellar Insurrection roleplay
> You break the shaky telekinesis trying to choke you
"Twilight, stop it. I know you're embarrassed, but it's not the end of the world. We both know what that looks like, right?"
> She groans
> "Shut up you normalnag! Don't you have a coltfriend to go be disgustingly happy with?"
> You sigh
> You really don't want to do this
"The circle is now complete. When you sent me to Canterlot to reconcile, I was but the learner; now I am the master."
> Twilight scrunches harder than she has ever scrunched before, her face a mass of wrinkles and disdain
> "Are you threatening me, Master Normalnag?"
> You raise an eyebrow
"That doesn't even make sense."
> "S-shut up!"
> You sigh again
"Look, I know it's hard finding a colt who isn't a golddigger, but this can't be healthy."
> Twilight lifts her chin
> "My love for Anonymous is true and pure!"
"Is that what Cadance says?"
> Twilight doesn't meet your gaze
> You gingerly step into the room
"If anypony can help you, she can."
> Your friend clenches her jaw
> "It's not that easy. She can check compatibility and encourage ponies to be honest about their feelings, but that's it. No way of finding my true love or anything like that."
> Your heart sinks
> You hesitantly pat her on her withers
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you had already talked to her about it."
> Twilight doesn't say anything
> You frown
> This isn't helping her, time to change the subject
"So, My Industrious Human, huh? I hear good things about it."
> Sparkle rolls her eyes at your "subtle" transition, but goes along with it
> "There's a lot to like, and something for everypony."
> She turns a speculative eye on you
> "If I turned you to the ape side, you'd be a powerful ally..."
> Well, at least she's feeling better
"I tell you what, I have some time before my... thing. Where do we start? I've seen a lot of porn for the slate game, it might be nice to get some context for it."
> Twilight snorts
> "Yeah, no. Not unless you want to lose half your bits in Builder Raffles. Honestly, I think the best starting point for you is one of the early spin offs, the one marketed towards little colts. You might recognize some things from your friendship lessons."
> You aren't thrilled to have to watch a show for little colts, but it's for a good cause
> Twilight shuffles through her crystal grid and plucks one to slot into the illusocaster
> An image forms on the far wall, text that reads, “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood” floats over small model houses as a xylophone plays
> How do mares even like this colty stuff?
----
“I’m a bad mare.”
> Twilight nods in mock solemnity
> “Yes you are. We all are.”
“He’s, like, the perfect father, gentle, patient, nurturing…”
> “Not to mention channeling his whimsy into telling creative stories that teach moral lessons.”
> You bite your lip
“They HAD to know what they were doing, starting and ending each episode with changing his clothes and shoes. Practically flaunting his socks and those long, foal-chasing legs.”
> Your evil friend pats you on the withers
> “There were some cultured gentlemares making the show, for sure.”
> You take deep breaths and try to will the fire in your belly to die down
“And I have an hour before I am going to be taking my coltfriend on a romantic date. He’s going to be smirking at me the whole time, teasing me about being a frisky mare who only wants one thing.”
> Twilight frowns at you
> “That’s what you get for being a normalnag. If you’re going to whine about that, get out of my room.”
> You glance at the clock again, then turn towards her
“I probably should. I...I don’t think I will thank you for corrupting me with your ape stuff, but it was kinda fun hanging out.”
> Twilight gives you a wry smile
> “I had fun too. Good luck on your date, and try not to think of socks.”
> You groan, and charge up your horn to teleport
> Maybe not directly to the Crystal Empire, you have some last minute shopping to do
----
> You are Sunburst, Royal Crystaller, pretty handsome, and coltfriend to one of the most powerful unicorns in Equestria
> Which is why you had so much fun trying to make her tail flag in the restaurant
> The poor mare was clearly affected by the holiday atmosphere, and you did your best to keep her distracted
> But as the day turns to night, it is time to pay the piper
> Not that you particularly mind, Starlight can do the most wondrous things with her magic
> You set your clutch wallet on the side table as your marefriend follows you into your home
> “Sunny, I have something for you…”
> You had been looking forward to that as well
> You turn and grin as you accept the bag she had been dragging around all evening
“Aw, now I feel like a bad coltfriend, I didn’t get you anything. Maybe I can give you something else...”
> You lift the contents into the air in a levitation field
> It’s a teal button-down sweater and a set of shiny black hoof covers
> You can’t help but smile in wonder
“These are perfect! Now I won’t have to worry about messing up my mane when putting on layers, and these hoof covers are so elegant!”
> There’s an odd hunger in Glimmer’s eyes as she perks up at your reaction
> “Why don’t you put them on, and we’ll figure out what I get in return~”
> You bite your lip at the tone in her voice
> It’s going to be a wild night, and you are nearly as impatient as she is
> You give her a show as you slide your hooves one at a time into the sleeves of the sweater
> She is visibly flagging as you button up from the bottom, leaving your tuft to peek out from the top
> You barely have time to slip into your new hoof covers before she pounces
> You love Hearts and Hooves day
----
> Cadance sits before a massive corkboard full of pictures, pins, and strings
> Shining lays wrung out behind her, a delirious smile on his face
> She carefully wraps a purple string around three pins to make a triangle 
> She cackles to herself
“Soon… soon…”