Original paste date: Apr 7th, 2016
Green inspired by the very title question

>You are Anon
>And you just lost the game
>You never asked for this
>But a certain purple pony princess did
>And just like all the other times you couldn't say no
>And now you're married to Twilight Sparkle
>Goodbye little shack I used to call home, hello castle of friendship™
>Goodbye odd jobs for bits, hello governmental financial support
>Goodbye freedom, hello darkness my old frien-
>"Don't you dare do it anon!"
"Gah Pinkie! Where did you come from?"
>"That doesn't matter, drop that thing right now mister!"
>You were holding a scroll
>The scroll that ended your old life and was going to start this new one
>The one that said you were now married
>You've no idea how long you've been standing there just looking at it in the throne room
>And you really weren't planning to do anything to it
>Well, maybe you had been thinking about tearing it apart and fleeing afterwards
>But then again Twily cuteness would break your heart once for all
>Still maybe you could run far away enough before-
>"ANON!" - the pink pony shouts, leaping and tackling you to the ground
>"Gimme this!"
"What the fuck are you doing?"
>Pinkie only grunts a response while she bites down on the scroll
>You hold the scroll for your dear life, you're never sure what goes in this crazy pony's mind
>You start trying to struggle to get away from under her
>But she manages to pin you down and goes back to trying to take the paper from you
>Suddently you see the doors behind Pinkie open and none other than Twilight herself coming inside
>"Good morning Anon, today is a special day so I called...Pinkie! How did you get here so fast? You were just with me in the kitchen"
>Undeciphrable words come from the pink pony as she s still trying to take the scroll from you
>"You know if you wanted to congratulate Anon you could have asked me, no need to rub the scroll aro-"
>While Twilight has Pinkie's attention you decide its a good time to try and get the scroll once and for all
>Too bad Pinkie Pie thought the same
>Riip
>Silence fills the room as the ripping sound echoes across it
>"Pinkie PIE!!"
>She mad
>"Twilight I can expla-"
>Before she can finish she is turned to stone by an angry god
>"Thanks, but no thanks!"
>She then levitates the statue from the top of you and places her onto the friendship table
>"I simply ask for your help to make the best breakfast possible for MY Anon and you come in, harass him and TRY TO RUIN MY MARRIAGE SO YOU CAN TAKE HIM FOR YOURSELF?"
"Twilight I think-"
>"SILENCE! I M NOT DONE YET"
>You've never seen Twilight this angry before
>She also turned one of her best friends into a statue
>You could say she was trying to rape you and be free from whatever Twilight will do to you after
>Again she turned one of her best friends to stone, you simply cannot imagine what she will have for you later
>"-and that s why for now own you're staying as a statue right there for as long MY Anon lives"
>Fuck you missed her monologue
>Those are always entertaining to listen to
>Unless you re on the receiving end
>You notice you're still on the ground and quickly get on your feet, just in time for Twilight to turn around
>The look on her face is not one of those that brought you to the place you are today with her gosh darned diabeetus
>No, this look is so filled with rage and you can't help but freeze in place
>The smile she s carrying along doesn't help to ease you up as Pinkie's statue creeps eerily from behind her as if it was looking directly into your soul
>"Well now that that's done, let's go eat breakfast shall we Anon?"
>Unsure what to do your brain decides its a good time to blackout
>But Twilight quickly grabs you with her magic before you can hit the ground
>"Aww this must've been a traumatizing experience but don't worry, momma Twilight will not let anything happen to her Anon"
>"Nothing!" - Twilight says while leaving the room, levitating the now unconscious Anon with her
>Just as Twilight closes the door a pink pone can be seen coming out from behind the chair with ballon marks
>"Well this can't be good"
>Is the only thing heard before the screen fades to black
>To be continued...
 
The End