I stretched out on Homage’s bed as she gave me a massage. Either she had learned a lot from our visit to the spa, or she’d had practice. Either way, it was wonderful! If I was a cat, I would have been purring.

I felt her press against me as she leaned close to whisper in my ear. “I know you’re under doctor’s orders to relax and not exert yourself. You listen about as well as most of his patients.”

I nodded, not wanting to really talk about that. Or really about anything. What she was doing with her hooves was divine. She was pressing them in circles against the back of my legs at the base of my rump. Not as skilled as the professional spa ponies, maybe. But unspeakably more delightful because it was Homage doing it.

“So I won’t apologize for helping you break them further.” I had no idea what she was… oh HELLO! I gasped as pleasure burst through my whole body... and she was just getting started!

This was definitely going to qualify as strenuous activity.

...

“Whoa,” Homage pulled her head back, licking her lips. “And here I was worried that I’d gotten rusty. Am I that good or are you just that sensitive?” I could hear the amusement in her voice.

“I’m sorry,” I wanted to slink out the room before she started laughing at poor Pip who couldn’t last for more than a minute.

She slid across the bed and laid down beside me. “Why are you sorry?” her voice was soft and her mane brushed against me. “It’s been a while for me too.”

“It’s been my whole life.” Oh shit, I did not just say that! I threw both forelegs over my mouth, trying to shove the words back in.

I braced for harsh, mocking laughter. Instead I felt her breath on my ear. “Your first time, and like this?” Was she moaning? “I can’t say I’m not jealous.”

“Well it’s not like it’s my first, I’ve had a lot of time alone and--” I had to shove a hoof in my mouth this time. Sweet sky-fucking Celestia, was there anything else I could say to embarrass myself? A very indignant voice shrieked in my head. Maybe I want to tell her about how I wet the bed as a filly?

“I meant with another pony.” She pressed her body against me and nuzzled my neck. “Just one thing. You’re not done, right?”

Oh Goddesses, was she kidding? Just listening to her voice and feeling her pressed against me was almost enough to...

I gave a little shudder and she laughed, "Well, that answers that." I felt a telekinetic field wrap around me and flip me on my back. "That's good, because I have so much more to do." I had never seen anypony look at me like that before. She leaned her head down and kissed me and I prepared for round two.

"So I have a question," she said casually, breaking the kiss.

“Now?” I managed to squeak.

Looking up at me, she pressed her chin against my chest. “No time like the present, and I want to know more about you. Understandable, given the situation. Right?”

She slid a hoof down and suddenly I was struggling to remember any words more sophisticated than 'what.'

"Ask!" I gasped.

“That Velvet is quite the looker.”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding.

“When you first left the Stable, I’d heard it was to look for her. So is there anything there?” 

“That’s- AH! That’s- It’s REALLY hard to focus when you’re doing that!”

“Do you want me to stop?” Her breath puffed in my face. “Do you need to figure out how to answer the question?”

“It’s just, this is a bit of an ambush,” I said as quick as I could before having to bite into my wrist to keep from screaming.

She finally sat up, allowing me to relax. Then she laid her hoof on my chest. “Let me back up, regardless of what you say, we’re still doing this.” To bring home the point, she pressed harder. “From the way she practically threw me at you and what you’ve already told me, I know there’s at least nothing actively going on. But you don’t go chasing across half the Wasteland for just anypony.”

“I had a major crush on her all my life.” No point in trying to play it cool. “But she was just a face, a voice on the radio. Something to fill my fantasies with.” I hadn’t really put my thoughts in order since she’d shot me, but this all rang true, even if it was all coming out under duress. “I really didn’t know her until I met her out here in the Wastes.”

“Oh?” She laid her head on my belly.

“The fantasy was nothing like the real thing.” I sighed, I’d miss those fantasies. They were my oldest companions. “She’s... special. But she’s not the mare I rushed out to rescue. That mare was just pretend, a voice on the radio.” Saying that hurt. It was like a goodbye to a part of myself.

She just looked at me for a long time. Then she cocked an eyebrow, “A voice on the radio, huh?”

I groaned. “Oh, don’t even start. I thought you were a stallion.”

She idly stroked my chest, “Well, you know better now.”

“And while we’re talking about stallions, Calamity’s just a friend too! And I met SteelHooves just before you!” I really didn’t want to have to think about either of them between orgasms.

She looked up at me with a pout. “Oh, sweetie, I know you only have eyes for mares. Every account I got about you made mention of you eyeing up some filly or another.”

I didn’t have long to be embarrassed before another damn wave of pleasure shot through me and cried out in tongues.

“I am loving playing with you.”

I noticed.

“One more question and I’ll let you be.”

“Fine,” I managed to squeak.

She hopped up, laid her forelegs on my chest and rested her chin on her forehooves. “So what’s a mare like you see in a mare like me?”

She was actually going to let me think about this one, of course.

“If you’re getting tired and need something to eat, help yourself.” She floated a fruit bowl over to the bedside table.

I realized how ravenously hungry I was, I took an apple from the bowl and devoured it. Licking my lips clean, I looked down at her, patiently waiting on my chest. I rolled my eyes up in mock contemplation for several seconds. "Is 'I was really really horny' a good answer?"

She burst out laughing, it was a wonderful sound. "What, none of the pretty raider mares give you a second look?"

"Well, there were more than a few that showed an interest in penetrating me, but I was holding out for a gal who'd buy me dinner first." I munched on another apple to drive home my point. "...Actually, I always really respected DJ Pon3. Somepony out here dedicated to helping everypony they possibly can? It was a constant reminder that not everypony had become raiders in the Wastes."

Homage kissed my chest, then smiled up at me, "I'd think you'd just need to look in the mirror for that."

It turns out, I could still blush. "Yeah, but you were helping everypony without..." I paused, a memory surfacing; I felt blood on my horn and saw a mare on the ground whispering that she didn't want to die. I swallowed a bit of apple in my mouth. "You don't kill anypony. You just help. That meant a lot to me." I saw the understanding on her face. I quickly moved on before she could ask if I wanted to talk about it. I didn't. "Of course, when I found out you were actually a gorgeous mare with a rump that just wouldn't quit, I was head-over-heels. I mean who wouldn't be?"

I felt her slide down off my chest and I took another hearty bite from my third apple. That's when I felt her lips on me. It was about a minute before I realized I couldn't breathe and not in the "ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh" way but in a "there's a large piece of apple in my windpipe” way. After some sputters and frantic hoof waving, she took notice of my peril and I guess she didn't want to be known as “the mare who killed the Stable Dweller with oral sex” because she sprang into action to help me cough up the lethal snack.

"Warn me before you do that," I hoarsely shouted after the offending chunk of apple fell to the bed.

"I'm sorry," she said, giving me a nuzzle on the cheek. "But after you called me your hero and then said I had a pretty butt, I couldn't resist." She floated a carrot from the nearby bowl and into her mouth, but rather than eat it, she held it out for me. I reached forward and bit into it, thinking she'd let go, instead she held fast and gave me a flirty look. She waited patiently as I chewed the carrot down until I reached her lips, only then did she swallow what was left in her mouth and I'm pretty sure she only did that to free up her tongue.

After a few minutes of that, I leaned back on the bed and patted my stomach with a contented sigh. "Man, those really hit the spot. So much more flavor than Stable food."

Homage cozied up next to me, pressing her face against my neck. "Do you miss it? The Stables, I mean."

The question caught me by surprise. Not so much because of the question itself - it was a perfectly reasonable thing to ask - but because the answer was, "No."

"Really?" She sounded shocked.

"I mean, I miss not being shot all the time," I added quickly. "And I miss having a comfy place to sleep consistently... but, I never really felt alive in there. It was like we were just waiting to die. I don't think ponies were meant to be cooped up all their lives." She made a noise in understanding and ran a hoof down my side. I kissed the top of her head, smelling her mane. "Also, I've met some really nice ponies since I got out."

We laid there for a moment, then a smile played across my lips, "I think that fruit has given me my second wind. You want to continue where you left off?"

She rolled off me and pulled her back legs under her to sit on her haunches. She looked at me like I was foal who made a social faux pas. "Um, Pip, I don't know what they taught you in the Stables," she leaned back and spread her legs, "but in the bedroom, you gotta share."

Part of me was embarrassed that I hadn't done anything for her tonight, but that wasn't the part of me that was staring in stunned paralysis at her crotch. Outside of health class, I had never seen another mare like this. It was fascinating. It was exciting. It was going to give me another orgasm. For Goddesses’ sake she wasn't even touching me!

She just watched me shudder and gasp. "You weren't kidding about the 'being really horny' thing, were you?"

"A few days ago I caught myself ogling a one-eyed griffon," I said after catching my breath.

"Well, at least I know you’re open minded," she said with a smirk. She laid there staring at me, "Hey Pip, are you gonna, you know, do something?"

Oh. Right. I rolled over to my belly bringing myself at eye level with her lap. I thought about all the things she had done with tongue and lips, then rolled my own tongue around in my mouth. It felt sluggish and clumsy. "Hey, um, do you have a book or something I could read with a few tips or hints or..." 

She closed her legs, took a deep breath and let it out in a quick sigh. I swear, I'd never been closer to heartbreak. "It's alright, next time I'll give you a full tutorial." She got off the bed; I wanted to cry. Then she started rummaging under the bed. "Until then, I just happen to have something we can do that'll work for both of us." She came back into view floating a narrow rectangular box. She popped the lid off. The inside was lined with tissue paper. "It's a bit of pre-war technology I found in my more traveled days. It's a device designed to allow two ponies to share their pleasure." Her horn lit up, and I saw the tissue being pushed aside. "Don't worry, it's been very thoroughly tested for safety." She floated the object out of the box with a look of pride on her face.

"It's two dicks stuck together end to end," I observed flatly.

"Isn't it though," she had the same look on her face that I’d seen Calamity wear after cleaning his guns. She finally pulled her eyes from it and looked to me, I had apparently failed to hide my horror. "Don't worry, it's not real." She gave it a poke and it wobbled in the air; I was suddenly nauseous.

"Homage," I said, staring at the floating phallus. "Remember when I said I like mares? That's... um... really really not a mare."

"It's just a toy Pip," she said patiently. She gave me a sideways look. "Do you mean that you've never seen anything like this before? Even back in the Stable?" I shook my head. "So what did you do for stress relief?"

"I got to know my hooves pretty well," I mumbled.

Homage opened her mouth looking like she had more to argue, but then just let it close. She let out a single laugh and said, "Oh well, don't worry about it."

I couldn't help but feel a little rotten. She had looked so happy at the chance to use her toy with another pony, and she'd already done so much for... and to me. I reached out a hoof to stop her from putting the box top back on. "Wait, you're right. I mean, it's just a toy and... I think I can be okay with it if it’s you." I realized as I said it, that I meant it. We hadn't known each other long, but she already meant a lot to me and I was willing to try and make her happy.

She smiled warmly and kissed me on the nose. "I so have you wrapped around my hoof." She giggled and started rummaging in the bedside table drawer. "I think this a new record for me when it comes to relationships. You can basically orgasm on command and damn if you don't make the best faces when you do. Now I just need to teach you how to return the favor and you'll be perfect."

I knew from that instant that she would forever wear the dress here. I had officially become the passive one in the relationship, and I really wasn't sure I was... Wait, relationship? This was a relationship. I, Littlepip, short for Pipsqueak, had an honest to Goddesses relationship. I was grinning like it was my birthday and Homage had just popped out of the cake. I had a relationship. She could shove whatever she wanted in me because I had a relationship!

...

“So what did you think of my toy?”

I tentatively touched my aching nethers. “It does its job,” I grunted.

She nodded and gave a whistle, “I noticed.”

I rolled onto my back, trying to move my legs as little as possible. “But to be perfectly honest, I liked it more when it was just you and me. That felt more like I was just masturbating while you watched. It was just... too artificial.”

She put the lid back on the box and slid it under the bed. “Fair enough,” she sighed. “Thank you for letting me really try it out, and I promise I won’t bring it out on you again.” She crawled over and kissed me on the cheek. “Except on my birthday.”

I sighed, floated a peach from the bowl and munched on it quietly for a few minutes. Eating helped calm me down and brought me back from exhaustion. A thought hit me as I recovered.

“So, time for your interview Ms. Pon3,” I said, trying to sound cool with arguable success.

“Turnabout is fair play,” she said rubbing her face against my neck.

“So what’s a well respected DJ’s assistant doing with a toaster repair gal like me?” I asked, half laughing at her joke.

She didn’t laugh. She slowly sat up and turned to face me. All expression had fled from her face. “Do you really want to know?” she said grimly.

“Well... yeah, I asked didn’t I?” I was getting nervous. Maybe I didn’t want to know if this was the effect my question had on her.

“It’s because you’re a hero.” She said it without any trace of mockery.

I’d have blushed if my face wasn’t still flush from what happened just moments ago. “Not this agai-”

“Let me finish,” she snapped, her tone surprisingly sharp. “You asked and now you have to listen to the answer, no matter how bad it hurts.”

I was starting to get scared.

“I’ve seen all kinds of things as DJ Pon3 and even before that when I was out in the Wastes. I’d seen horrors, as I’m sure you’ve seen.”

I only nodded, thinking of skinned and splayed open corpses used as decoration and the image of Calamity shooting that young foal raider from the other day popped in my head.

“But I’ve seen and heard about heroes too.” Her voice turned wistful as she continued. “Ponies who set out to help others and fight against anything that threatened their fellow pony. I loved them. I lived to see and hear about them. They gave me just a little hope that maybe we weren’t damned after all. That there might be a light at the end of this fucking tunnel we buried ourselves in.”

I was about to speak my agreement when she continued, her voice suddenly sharp again.

“And then I’d see their head on a spike outside a raider camp.” She looked at me hard. “You’re a hero Littlepip, and that means you’re going to die very soon because you’re a blight on the Wasteland. They’ll kill you because ‘what’s right’ doesn’t fit in this world any more, and I’m going to have to report it after.”

I backed away from her, sliding off the bed. I had thought about dying before, knew it was something that could happen so easily to me out here. But to be told it was a fucking certainty...

She wasn’t done. “Or you’ll give up. I’ve seen that too. Heroes who helped folks only for them to be slaughtered by some other threat or worse, for those they saved to go to do atrocities themselves in the name of survival. They just hang up their guns and go find some shit-hole to drink themselves to death in.”

I fell back on my haunches.

“You’re a good pony, Littlepip. An honest to fucking goodness hero. And I wanted to know you, to hold you, to love you... before you’re gone too.”

Something broke inside me. No. Not something. My heart. My heart broke. I’d searched and fought and killed and nearly died in the name of what I believed to be “right”. I’d found somepony who did the same, and she just told me that none of it would actually matter in the end.

I saw the Wasteland, not as a place, but as a giant razor clawed beast devouring ponies by the dozens. I saw myself attack it valiantly only to be smashed without it even looking. I saw a line of “me”s, each one attacking and dying without ever even slowing the monster’s grizzly feast.

I saw New Appleoosa burning, the townsponies all dead or being lead away in chains along with all the slaves I had fought so hard to free. I saw the Talon mercs laughing as they threw Monterey Jack’s foals down from the sky. I saw Gawd with her small army attacking a convoy for supplies and leaving no survivors.

I saw myself coming upon Silver Bell, so broken that she didn’t even have herself left anymore, in front of the graves of her family. She ran up to me and pressed against my chest, crying and asking me to tell her it would be okay. I saw myself bring out Little Macintosh and press it against her head. I said it would be okay, and then I pulled the trigger.

I wanted to scream, but I knew I’d just throw up if I opened my mouth. I fell, my forelegs unable to hold me up anymore.

I needed something. Anything to believe in. I tried to think of Celestia and Luna, but they were just shadows in my mind now.

I thought of Silver Bell again, but I thought of what had really happened. I saw Velvet bring her to Ditzy Doo. Ditzy Doo. My mind locked on to her.

I tried to imagine Ditzy before the war. I couldn’t keep a straight idea of what color her coat was, but I knew from the errant strands still clinging to her that her mane was straw colored. In my mind she was beautiful back then; she had to be. She was flying by, and everypony smiled up at her. With a vague imaginary voice that sounded like a fading echo, she apologized for not having any deliveries for them today.

Ditzy turned and looked out at Cloudsdale in the distance. It exploded. I saw the fire overtake her, and I saw her burning, and she leapt out to try to protect the nearest pony, but they were gone. I saw her fall to the ground as what she was now, a ghoul. I saw her wake up in the newly formed Wasteland. She walked, just looking in shock at the carcass of her world.

Then she’d have heard a noise. A foal crying. She’d have run to it. The foal would be too hurt to walk, but would have screamed and tried to run when it saw her. Ditzy smiled reassuringly, only making them scream worse. Then she’d have rolled her eyes independently of each other and the foal would have stopped crying, in confusion if nothing else. Ditzy would have thrown the foal on her back, picked a direction, and would have walked.

On the way, more crying, more screaming, all of them foals. She stopped to gather every single one. She finally came to a collection of huts. The ponies there shot Ditzy on sight. The foals gathered around her and screamed that she helped them, that she was a good pony. The ponies mended her wounds and took the foals in. Ditzy hears screams off in the distance and she leaves.

I see her much later. A slaver’s hoof is on her neck, across the room another slaver is looming over a filly. Ditzy screams, “Don’t hurt her, she’s just a foal. Please, I’ll do anything, just don’t hurt her! You don’t want to do this!”

The slaver by the filly yells at the one on Ditzy’s neck, “Shut that zombie bitch up! She’s killing my hard-on.”

The slaver on Ditzy’s neck, a unicorn, takes up a knife from a nearby table. “Oh, I’ll shut her up.”

I see Ditzy on the floor, gore pooling around her mouth. The two slavers on the other side of the room, laughing, their backs to her. She pulls herself up, two of her legs are broken. She picks up a piece of piping in her mouth.

I see her taking the filly she rescued to New Appleoosa. She’s helping Ditzy to write. I see Ditzy pouring over a large blank book, she titles it “The Wasteland Survival Guide.”

I see Ditzy making a delivery that takes her past Ponyville, she hears the screams of a filly.

I see her now, as I saw her then, a lifetime ago. She’s beaten, she’s caged, she’s sure she’ll die as soon her captors decide how. She’s wrapped around a foal, trying to help them stop crying. I free her, I thought she was a monster. I see her again, unarmed, about to be killed because there was another filly in pain.

I’m back in the present, and I can’t stop crying. I’m sobbing so hard my entire body hurts. Homage touches my back, and I stand up instantly. I sniff so I can talk and choke out as loud as I can, “You’re wrong.”

I’m still shaking, but I refuse to stop. “I’ve seen some fucking horrors too! I’ve seen things so ugly that it made me wonder if that fucking war only gave us half of what we deserved for having such shit inside us. But that’s wrong!” I wipe my eyes so I can see. “I’ve seen goodness too; I’ve seen a town that dealt with slavers for their livelihood give their lives to save the ponies they partially helped enslave. I’ve seen a band of raiders turn a prison into the beginnings of a trading post, a whole new town.” My throat tightened, but I couldn’t stop now. “I’ve seen a pony who watched her entire fucking world die; she’s suffered every fucking thing either of us can imagine, and the only thing she cares about is helping.”

I stamped the ground. “I will not listen as you or anypony tells me that goodness is a blight. GOODNESS IS NOT A FUCKING BLIGHT!” I screamed as loud as my throat would allow. “I’ve seen things, and I know in my heart that we’re not beyond hope. We can be good. We want to be good! It’s just that in a world so badly broken, darkness has been allowed to run free for so long that they’ve convinced everypony that that’s the way it is now. Ponies just need to be shown that they don’t have to be scared all the time, and they’ll fight against the darkness again, and one day foals will laugh at the idea that there were once monsters in the shadows.”

I stood my ground and looked at Homage; she was frozen. “You say that they’ll either kill me or I’ll give up. Well they’re going to have to fucking kill me, because their world is a lie and I will not give up. Ever!” I breathed heavily and the tears dried up in me. Homage just stared at me as though she’d never seen me before.

I didn’t know what I expected her to do, but I certainly didn’t expect her to kiss me and try to lead me back to the bed. “I believe you,” was all she said.

I blinked my burning eyes. “Come again?”

“I intend to as soon as you get over here,” she said with a half smile. I just looked at her. “I believe you. I was wrong. I thought I’d seen heroes before. I thought I’d seen everything before.” Tears streamed down her face, she ignored them. “But I’d never seen you before. I believe you, Littlepip. I believe in you. Things can change, and when they do, it’ll be because you reminded us all that darkness is just a passing thing and that our true nature is good.”

I guess I wasn’t out of tears after all.

“Now get your adorable ass over here. I’m going to give you that tutorial I promised.”

...

Homage lay sleeping beside me. I knew I should have joined her long ago, but I just laid there and ate the last apple from the bowl as I watched her sleep.

I felt something I’d only heard about in rumors and stories burning in my chest. Love, they always called it. I loved her. She had shown me that even a pony who thought they had seen it all could still have hope. And when there was love and hope, evil would never stand a chance. I made a mental note to give Ditzy a big squishy hug sometime for reminding me of that.

I laughed at my own cheesy thoughts. “Goddesses, I am so gay.”