>”Thank you kindly for dropping by, Anon!”, Granny Smith beams at you from the end of the table
Oh no, the pleasure is mine, Ms. Smith! After all, it’s not often I get…invited, to dinner.
>You let the word “invited” slide out of your mouth like rotten fruit
>Big Mac is too busy wrangling Applebloom into her seat to notice your disgust
>Applejack, or rather your kidnapper for the evening, notices all too well, and hoofs your shin under the table
OW!
>”Something the matter, sonny?”
Oh nothing! Just uh, this cider is a bit stronger than I’m used to. Very good stuff, Ms. Smith!
>”Oh, pshaw you.” The elder mare blushes and twirls her hair
>If she had thumbs, you’re pretty sure AJ would be using them for a thumbs-up right now
>Fuck
>There’s got to be a way out of this dinner
>You don’t want to end up forcibly married to APPLEJACK of all ponies
>Trixie maybe, but not AJ
>You mull things over quietly, thinking of a way out as the family settles into what sounds like usual Sunday dinner conversation:
>Big Mac talking about a squirrel he saw on a date with his marefriend that week
>Applebloom going on and on about some new math they’re being taught in school
>You feel a light tapping on your shoulder
Hmm, huh?
>”Anon,” Big Mac whispers, “Granny Smith asked you something.”
Oh. Oh! Sorry Granny, I was just busy thinking about this cider, aha. What was your question again?
>”Oh you’re fine, sonny. I was askin’ AJ, what exactly does your fiancé do for work?” Granny chuckles, “After all, raisin’ a family is easier when everyone can pitch in somehow. So whatcha do, monkey boy?”
>The thought of marriage sends shivers down your spine
Well Ms. Smith, if you must know, I’m a stand-up comic.
>”Yer a funnyman?”
Yes ma’am. I’ll admit the money could be better, but it keeps the roof from leaking.
1 / 4

>”Hrmm.”
>Granny closes her eyes, her brow furrowed in thought
>Applejack looks ready to break out in a nervous sweat
>Under the table, however, she's rubbing her hoof up and down your leg
>Granny, eyes still closed, finally speaks "I'm not sure I can give my blessing to this."
>AJs hoof smashes into the floor, narrowly missing your toes
>"But Granny I love him!"
>"Quiet down, Applejack."
>Reluctantly, and with a heavy pout, she goes quiet
>You feel like getting up and leaving right away, but you've also seen enough tv to know you're not quite out of the fire yet
>Granny resumes, "I'm not sure I can give my blessing to this...unless your beau here can make me laugh."
>AJ smiles harder than you've ever seen her smile before, and you've got a smile on your face as well, because
As it turns out, I actually have a joke I've been saving for just such an occasion!
>The Apple Clan, as if on cue, hushes and stares at you with great intensity, and you begin:
>Okay, so there are two men, a cowboy and an indian. And they're walking across a vast desert with nothing but a train track running through it
>The sun is high, the air is dry, really parched these two men are, yeah
>And they're walking by the tracks, they've maybe been walking for a few hours now, when the indian stops the cowboy with his arm and says "wait"
>The indian man gets down on his hands and knees on the hot desert sand, and he puts his ear to the ground
>And after a moment he stands back up and says to the cowboy, "train come"
>The cowboy, bewildered, looks up and down the line and sees not a sight of any train
>So he shrugs it off and the two men continue walking through the scorching desert
2 / 4
>After another hour or so, sure enough, a train rolls on by, and a kind child on board throws them a canteen full of cool, delicious water
>But the cowboy, he's baffled now, he turns to his companion and says "how did you know about the train?"
>And the indian, with a wry smile, responds "shaky ear"
>He was able to feel the distant vibrations, you see
>Now the two men continue walking through the heat, their thirst satisfied
>Only now they have a new problem: they've been walking so long, so many hours in fact, that they begin hankering for a meal
>So the cowboy and indian draw their rifles as they walk, hoping for a sign of maybe a stray deer, or perhaps an unbranded calf that they can shoot for supper
>And the two men, they walk on and on , for another hour or so
>And their bellies are rumbling, and they're so hungry
>When, suddenly, the indian man stops the cowboy with his hand
"wait"
>Just like before, the indian man gets down on his hands and knees
>And he stays there a moment
>And then he gets back up and says "deer come"
>The cowboy, incredulous, demands of his companion, "how do you know"
>And the indian, with a wry smile, responds
3 / 4
"sticky ear"
4 / 4