>Another day in Equestria. 
>like any day, this one was bright, sunny, and filled with all kinds of shenanigans only a palette of technicolor horses could pull off.
>Today's highlight of which consisting of having a fortune reading by the one and only "Ma'dam Pinkie Pie".
>Basically just Pinkie Pie but with a crystal ball.
>Also a towel on her head. The fact that she could fit a finely cut and polished amethyst the size of your palm into one of her many outfits and no one says shit about how or when she got it; was proof that such things are commonplace here and just as well; proof that life here was far simpler then the world you come from.
>Either way it was one of the MANY things you had to chalk up to ever increasing list of things that entail: "ponies are fucking weird".
>Most of the time anyway.
>Normally visiting places like this or entertaining the idea of such things wouldn't even be an option in your mind but it was Rainbow Dash's idea to come here and visit "Ma'dam Pinkie Pie" too see your future.
>She thought it would make you feel better seeing as how you told her being the only alien human-monkey thing, whose closest parallel to sapient life were either a Minotaur or, to a lesser degree, Diamond Dogs, wasn't the most pleasant thought.
>Not that it bothered you too badly. In fact, it was more or less an afterthought.
>Dash however, being herself, made it her goal for you to "regain the confidence in your self-image".
>She must've thought if you could see yourself living a long and happy life in Equestria, then your self-image "problem" would disappear.
>Or some shit.
>So, she arranged a meeting with Pinkie Pie to read you your fortune.
>Which, to be honest, was awfully kind of her.
>Within her self made, mid-evil, fortune teller style tent, Pinkie sat at a round table directly across from you. Sitting next to you, was Rainbow Dash. It was a confine space with various baubles, gypsy type knick-knacks, dream catchers, and potion jars strewn about the shelves around you.
>In the middle of the table was her crystal ball. Glass, see-through, and sitting in a golden stand adorned with golden pony figures each rearing up with glass eyes. It was actually quite fancy looking.
>Pinkie begins waving and twirling her hooves around the ball, elongating the vowels in her words to sound more mystic...
"Pinkie, I don't think tha-"
>"Ah-Ah!" Pinkie halts you mid sentence, "Thats 'Ma'dam' Pinkie Pie to you!" and continues her fortune telling persona, "Now, gaaaze into my Ooorb of Fate's Destinyyyy and see your fuuutuuure!"
>"Do it Anon!" Dash taps the table in excitement, "I wanna know if you'll ever get your balls back!" 
"I regret teaching that expression to you..."
>"Oh c'mon!" Dash rolls her eyes and waves her hoof, "Just look!"
"Fine, fine."
>Adversely, you look into the ball, slowly craning your neck and leaning forward.
"Whoa..." Your eyes widen, as you slowly inch closer to the ball.
>"Yeees!" Pinkie says, still waving her hooves, "look deeeep..."
>"I wanna see, I wanna see!"
>Dash follows in turn, beginning to peer just as intently as you into the orb.
>You gaze ever deeper, getting inches near it's translucent surface.
>"Well, what do you see?" Pinkie says jovially, awaiting an answer.
"I see..." Your breathing grows heavy.
>"I don't see anything yet!" Dash says in frustration, practically groping the ball with hey eyes, "Is it the future? Are you with somepony? Somepony you like...?" 
>Dash bites her lip in anticipation.
"I see a..." You gasp, "oh my god!" Your breathing goes harder and you widen your eyes even more.
>Pinkie clops her hooves and audibly squees in excitement.
>"Tell me! tell me- uh, *ahem*." Pinkie twirls her hooves in circles, "What is Ma'dam Pinkie's ball telling youuuuu?"
"Hm? The ball? I can't see a damn thing."
>Pinkie and Dash both huff in exasperation, gawking at you with their jaws hanging.
"I was looking at my teeth."
>You dig around your gums with your tongue to get a piece of toast stuck to your tooth from the morning's breakfast.
"Got it!" You give a thumbs up.
>"Anon!" Dash throws her hooves in the air, glaring at you.
"What?"
>Her forelegs drop to her sides, "You didn't see anything?"
"I just told you."
>"The ball. The ball is what I meant!"
"Ohhh. Nope."
>Dash groans in defeat, resting her head on her hoof against the table.
>"Maybe I should get a new Orb of Fate's Destiny..." Pinkie taps her chin and then shrugs, "Oh well! I gotta go tend to the bakery anyway." 
>She throws off her outfit, "See ya later Nonny and Dashie!"
>Pinkie gets up from her cushion chair and casually hops away.
"So are we just gonna leave all this stuff set up? The tent and everything?"
>Dash sighs, "Pinkie will get it, lets go."
>You exit the tent, holding up the flap for her.
"Sorry it didn't workout like you planned."
>She huffs, "Whatever, lets get lunch."
 
>>
>Not but a few moments later you find yourselves outside one of the local food joints around Ponyville.
>Various miniature, pony sized tables arranged with haystacks for chairs outside an old cottage style structure. 
>It was quaint. Charming even. Like most places in Ponyville.
>You pick out a table and take a seat, making sure the hay doesn't get in your shoes or get stuck in the fabric of your socks.
>Rainbow Dash picks up the menu on her side of the table across from you and begins casually scanning its content.
>She sighs, heavily.
"Sorry again. But you don't need to worry about it. I was just making a comparison when I said that. Not like I have anxiety about it or anything..."
>"I didn't know you felt like that about yourself." Her shoulders sink and she lets the menu droop in her hooves, "I just wanted you to feel better, thats all! Who better to help with that than Pinkie Pie?"
"I'm honestly surprised she didn't throw a party like she normally would."
>Dash lets her menu lay on the table and scratches the back of her head, "Well... I was kinda curious as to what it would be. Your fortune I mean."
"Why?"
>Her ears droop down and she taps her hooves together, "No reason, no reason at all." She smiles sheepishly and picks her menu back up to cover her reddening face, "Still can't believe I thought Pinkie Pie would actually be able to tell somepony his fortune."
"Its all good. I've never really been into the whole 'fortune telling, crystal ball, palm reading' kinda stuff anyway." You shrug and begin glancing over your own menu, "I guess its fun for some people."
>"Heh, yeah..." Dash pauses, "Wait, what reading?"
"What?"
>"/What/ reading?" She twirls her hoof.
"Palm reading you mean?" You raise a brow.
>"Yeah whats that?" She narrows her eyes, "Is that some kind of egghead thing Twilight told you?"
"What? No! Holy shit. 'Palm reading' is another way of fortune telling." You tap your chin and mutter, "Although I guess it would be called 'hoof reading' here..."
>She shakes her head, still not knowing what you mean.
>"You human things sure are weird." She tantalizingly laughs and rolls her eyes.
"Okay, again, its just another way to-- you know what?" You lay down your menu and place your hand palm up on the table, "Here, lay your hoof on the table and have it face up like my hand."
>"Kay..." She begrudgingly agrees. Setting down her own menu, rolling her eyes, and laying our her foreleg on the table. Hoof up.
"Alright, so. The way it works is..." You point at certain sections of her hoof, "I would 'read' the lines and what-not on your hoof, and tell you your future based on that."
>She gives a puzzled look.
>"Still not following big guy."
"Yeah," You nod, "I can see that."
>Well fuck. So much for teaching something.
>Now you'll have made her disappointed and made yourself look incompetent all in the same hour.
>You scratch your chin, thinking of a way to explain as best you can.
>"Well, if you can't explain it then..." She begins to retract her hoof.
"Wait! Hang on!" You reach out and grab her hoof, bringing it back down to the table face up. 
>"Ah!"
"I'll just read your hoof to give a visual example."
>"Uhhh..." Her eyes go wide and her irises shrink.
>With her hoof firmly, yet gently, gripped in your palm, you trace around the side wall of her hoof to the median groove.
"So if I were reading YOUR hoof like so," You trace back and forth from the median around the sole and to the other side. Not paying attention to the reddening of Dash's face. 
>"Anon, h-hold on-"
"Wait, I'm not done."
>"We're in public!" She whisper yells, hiding her face and with her wings fully erect.
"So?" You shrug and continue explaining, "Anyway, as I'm tracing along the edge and lines of your hoof..."
>With both your pointer and middle finger, you trace along the median of her hoof to the outer edges till they meet in the middle. Going back and forth in this fashion.
>The bottom of her hoof was soft. Firm yet squishy. And warm to the touch.
>Her body shudders, making her foreleg shake in your hand.
>"Ah...Ahh~" Her voice cracks.
"I know, actually kinda cool isn't it?"
>With your focus on her hoof, you fail to notice her expression.
>Her face, flushed and her twitching, fully erect wings along with her steady increase in breathing.
"Y'know I never realized how soft the bottoms of your hooves can be..."
>You gently press in with your fingers.
>"Mmf... Hnn!" Dash huffs, her breathing becoming sporadic.
>You switch it up, "Maybe it should be done like this?"
>You make full circles in her hoof, continuing along the edge of the median and tracing the frog. 
>Dash becomes more anxious.
>"Anuh...Annn~" She breaths deep and bites her tongue. "Yeah..."
>Dash begins heating up, staring down at her hoof being explored by your fingers. Biting her lip to maintain control, she tries to calm herself down.
>Being so enthralled by exploring the unknown, not only can you not notice Dash's expression, but the citizens of Ponyville beginning to crowd around ogling and staring at whats taking place.
"Palm readers usually go by the length and width of the palm... so I guess I should go by the edges of this part?"
>You press your fingers down on the bulbs of her heel.
>"Anon, I think we should sto- ahhh~!" Her head reels back, jerking her hoof in the process and almost slipping out of her seat.
"Would you chill?" You tighten your grip, "I'm trying to figure this out..."
>You trace your finger from the bulbs of her heel to the tip of the frog, getting sharp breaths from her.
>"Yes..." She says, leaning back and shutting her eyes.
>With her free hoof she slowly rubs her chest fluff, tracing circles with her head gently lulling side to side.
>She closes her eyes, "Oh yes~."
"Dash, whats the deal-"
>"Ohhh yeah..." She whispers to herself.
>You look up.
>Her eyes had rolled back. She had a look of utter satisfaction and completion about her face. 
>Her tongue hanging out and a blush spread across her face along with the beads of sweat running down her forehead. Her wings would twitch ever second in rhythm with her breathing.
>It was clear that she was REALLY enjoying you reading her hoof.
>"Mmm...don't stop." She looks at her hoof, then at you and freezes. "AH!" She quickly retracts her hoof, holding it at her chest.
>Her face was beat red, along with that of everyone around you looking on in apprehension.
>You glance around, seeing some of them blushing nearly as hard as Dash. And others, mostly stallions, looking in shame or disapproval.
>To your left was Lyra with her wide eyes practically glued to your hands.
>Bon Bon clearly did not approve, glaring daggers into your soul...
"I uhh..."
>Dash sits there staring at you intently, catching her breath.
"Dash?"
>Her ears twitch.
>"Igottago!" She takes off full speed towards the clouds, leaving a burst of air in her wake and blowing apart all the outside restaurant decorations along with the orders of the patrons who were eating.
>The burst of air pushes you out of your seat.
"The fuck just happened??"
>Everyone around you looks pissed.
>Just another thing to chalk up to "Ponies are fucking weird".
>The list is ever growing.