Original Story Writer: Love and Powerlifting (ponepaste.org/user/lapsbin)
Reason this is posted here is because LaP regularly doesn't bin things. Will be removed upon or shortly thereafter being posted on his bin. Maybe.

Some initial spitballing from the thread:
>tfw you will never catch the eye of a prench noble
>tfw she's a duchess no less
>tfw she thinks you're crude, lewd, and the perfect person to make into a cute little househusband
>tfw you can't understand a fucking word that she's saying
>tfw you're pretty sure she wants you to eat fucking snail
>Or watch her do a magic trick
>tfw Equestria is weird
------------------------
>She's a duchess
>A war hero
>Maybe one of the more powerful magi currently living
>Her castle is deep in the mountains
>It had been standing over six hundred years, and not once had it fallen to a foe
>It was a big castle in northern Equestria, not a days ride to the Crystal Empire
>A lonely castle
>As wealthy and powerful as she was, Fleur could never find a colt that would want to stay with her for more than a few weeks
>Colts liked cities, the nightlife, things to do
>There was not too much there for her duchy
>Those nobles that lived in the cold, hard mountains were cousins or distant relatives
>Not suitable suitors; at least to her
>Those southern nobles were weaklings; too pompous and dignified to dirty their hands
>It was frustrating
>A frustration that no amount of fighting, hunting, or feasting could sooth
>But then you came
>A man from a different world so strange compared to her own
>The way you spoke was strange
>The way you moved was strange
>When you met her, you tried to hold the door open for her, like some young filly that had just gotten her first set of honor
>She had laughed, and never forgotten your face
>She made numerous trips to Canterlot, going out of her way to visit that bothersome city and those bothersome southerners just to see you
>Every little thing you did was fascinating, and you had such silly ideas as a stallion
>She invited you up to her castle, wishing you show you some of the countries' wildlands
>To her delight, you didn't seem to care much for city life, and agreed to join her
>Weeks passed
>She took you all through her lands
>You hunted, spoke with her little ponies
>She even allowed you to look through her family's famous armory and library
>Every single day she woke up expecting you to ask to return to Canterlot, and every single day that didn't happen
>The castle staff began to warm up to you, as did the ponies surrounding the little town not far from the castle
>Many said that their lady looked so much happier with you around
>They had never seen the usually solemn and grim mare smile so much
>Even when the winter came, and the Wendigos came from the very far north to cause mischief you didn't leave
>Not only did you not leave, you made snowponies with some of the castle's foals!
>You might have been a strange, alien stallion with an odd way of doing things, but the duchess wouldn't have you leave for all of the valuable suitors in her kingdom
>In fact, she was having scribes in Canterlot trying to find some sort of noble lineage in your family line
>If they couldn't--which was pretty much a guarantee since you weren't of this world--then they were told to make something up
>A noble such as herself couldn't just up and marry a commoner now, could she?
>She'd even give your mother a dowry fit for a prince, as it was the only proper thing to do
------------------------
>>In fact, she was having scribes in Canterlot trying to find some sort of noble lineage in your family line
>>If they couldn't--which was pretty much a guarantee since you weren't of this world--then they were told to make something up
I wonder how that exchange went. Like I bet you can't just outright say "make shit up" or "fabricate some legal documents" or "here's a bribe" despite all those things probably being necessary to be a successful noble.

"I would ever so appreciate it if you were to go back through Anonymous' past and try to find a noble line."
>"My Lady, I am afraid that that would be fruitless. He is not of this world."
"Ahem. Why don't you TRY TO FIND nobility in his PAST. In the DOCUMENTS."
>"It simply won't be there! My Lady, such an endeavor would be folly! Folly, I say!"
"Well, scribe, we won't know until we check. Try looking REALLY hard. In fact, here is a list of the personal details about Anonymous I have been able to acquire. Name, date of birth, parent's name, etc. Maybe with these DETAILS, you can FIND HIS DOCUMENTS with greater accuracy and validity."
>"I... am quite sorry, My Lady, but I cannot find what does not exi-"
"For fuck's sake."
------------------------
>She takes you back to Canterlot once
>It was for business, and she couldn't bear to leave you home
>Things were perfectly normal for the first few days
>She bought you all the fabric you wanted--you were learning how to sew from the castle's seamster-- as well as some other knickknacks
>While privately speaking with the princess, she was even congratulated on finding a nice stallion
>But then disaster struck
>A noble went and hit on you while Fleur was speaking to some old war buddies
>Fleur looked over at you just as the chubby, sleazy mare pinched your bottom
>She immediately borrowed a sword from a guard, stomping over to protect your honor
>The mare attempted to apologize
>Fleur wanted a duel to the death to settle matters
>Celestia attempted to step in, but the unicorn would not be calmed down
>You suggested the mare take you on a shopping spree to apologize, as well as "gift" you your weight in gold
>Fleur didn't like the idea, flat out refusing, but you were insistent
>The mare eagerly accepted, and the rest of your trip was on her pockets
>You, the poor mare, Fleur, and some guards Celestia sent to keep Fleur from murdering her fellow noble went out onto the town the next day, where you went on the shopping spree of the century
>Fleur's outrage turned to amusement as you nearly bankrupted the mare in two days
>Not buying jewelry or frilly things, but stuff that would help the castle out
>Different foodstuffs, paper, leather, types of gems and ore
>You had the mare buy ten barrels of wine that Fleur loved, as well as got yourself a helmet from one of the finest armorers in the city, whose pieces cost a small fortune
>All the while, you had a troupe of singers follow you, dancing and making merry as they were given ten times the normal rate
>There was a lot of talk when you and Fleur went home with twenty wagons full of goods
>The noble who had dishonored you was now humbled to the core
>The rest of the nobility were amused to bits
>Celestia sent some fine chainmail for you from the armorer you had gotten the helmet from as a gift; a thank you for keeping her nobles from needlessly killing each other
>The ponies back at the castle were delighted with all the fabric, fruit, and gifts you had gotten for them
>Fleur was happy that you had not only taken things in stride, but had been exceedingly clever in dishing out a rightful punishment
>The next time the two of you went to Canterlot, and forever after, nobles would go out of their way to be as polite as possible with you
>Not for fear of Fleur, but of what you'd do to them
------------------------
The story proper:

>Warmth and chill
>A furry body
>Quiet, steady breathing
>You were Anon
>It was early; just before the sun rose you reckoned
>As much as you had enjoyed sleeping in, living in Canterlot for all those months had turned you into an early bird
>There was also much do to, even this early in the morning
>The issue would be getting out of bed without waking its other occupant
>Fleur de Lis
>Duchess of Normarey
>The Spear Tip of Princess Celestia's Army
>Ruler of La Maison Sainte Dans Les Montagnes; a castle even older than the one in Canterlot, and with perhaps an even more colorful history
>Unlike you, Fleur wasn't an early bird in the slightest
>She disliked getting up before the sun was in the sky, and would be grumpy all day if she did so
>So, like most days, it took some tact to untangle yourself from her hooves and tail
>She liked to be as close as possible when you both slept, and while she wasn't exactly a light sleeper she would wake up if you weren't careful
>So you went slow, carefully wiggling yourself away from her furry chest, lifting her legs one at a time
>When you were out of her grasp she let out an unhappy snort, rolling onto her other side as you sat up onto the edge of the bed
>With a yawn, you hopped off, quickly putting on your slippers
>The stone floors were always cold, no matter what time of the year, especially in the mornings
>The ponies living here didn't notice, what with them having hooves and all, but you very much did
>Thankfully, Fleur had been kind enough to put some spells on various parts of her castle that would heat the floors
>It was only in a few places
>She might have been a powerful spellcaster, but it would have been a waste of time and magic keeping the whole castle warm just for you
>Still, the places she did keep the spell maintained were where it was needed the most
>The bathroom in her personal chambers for example
>As you made your way into said bathroom, you stretched, yawning
>Fleur's bathroom was actually pretty small, and relatively sparse save for some towels and a rack for you to put your clothing on
>Pony technology was always strange to you, what with them dancing around medieval and modern
>The castle was much the same way
>There wasn't much in the way of electricity, but they did have running water throughout the castle
>One of Fleur's ancestor had somehow figured out a spell that would not only warm and cool water as needed, it'd take any water you used--from waste water from the kitchens to piss and shit to everything in between--and purify and filter it for reuse
>Not even Fleur really knew how it worked, only that with a bit snow or rainwater the castle would be stocked up indefinitely
>Fleur's mother had installed a nice toilet and shower in these personal chambers
>You used the shower, quickly cleaning yourself up and dressing
>Just checking to see if Fleur was still asleep, you were out the door
>Servants were already up and starting the day's task
>You were greeted with hellos and bows as you walked by
>You responded with hellos of your own, and ear flicks to any pony that bowed
>None of them liked the ear flicks, and you got some scrunches as you walked by, making you chuckle
>Your first stop of the day was the kitchens, where the bakers were already hard at work
>The smell of dough and yeast was already in the air
>Mares chatted with each other in Prench
>You had been learning the language little by little in your months staying here, but you didn't have much of a tongue for it
>Your accent always made anypony listening to it laugh
>Still, you were beginning to understand most of what they said, and everypony at the castle spoke English well enough, so it wasn't too bad
>You made your way over to one of the bakers, a portly mare already covered in flower
>Like most ponies around here, she was a unicorn
>Her coat was thick, and her fetlocks were unshaven, as was the style around here
>Her name was Break Fast, and she was a sweet little horse
"Morning, Break," you said.
>The mare looked up at you
>"Bonjour mon seigneur," she said, bowing her head as she mixed the dough in front of her. "You've come into my kitchen to bother me again this morning, yes?"
"I have," you said with a smile
>The mare sighed theatrically
>"A kitchen is a stallion's place, but not this sort of kitchen," she said. "Still, I suppose I cannot deny you. You will knead bread with me."
>A big mass of dough was dropped in front of you, with a bowl of flour appearing right next to it
>"Vite, before the dough becomes stuck to the table," she said, nudging you. "Do as I've showed you before."
>Rolling up your sleeves, you got to work
>When you had first gotten to the castle, the whole staff had been a little leery about you, especially the cooks
>You eating meat they had no problem with; in fact fish and some types of bird were common up here
>Unicorns had a bigger taste for meat than even their pegasi cousins it seemed
>What they were concerned about was you coming in and trying to muck up their whole operation
>They had a way of doing things in the kitchens, and they didn't want some colt coming in to wreck that
>It took some doing to get them used to you, though things settled nicely once you expressed a desire to learn from them
>You had always wanted to learn how to bake things like sweets and bread, and Prench bakers were some of the finest in the world at doing both
>They took great pride in that too, and weren't afraid of chewing out anyone learning from them, even you
>You didn't mind though; just enjoying what you were able to learn
>After ten minutes of kneading, your dough was placed underneath a wet towel to rise
>You were then ordered to help some of the staff grind the flour for the next day
>The unicorns could do it much better with you, what with their magic, but you were much better at telling how fine the flour was
>After that, you helped make some butter, using wooden paddles to shape it into small bricks as Break Fast watched
>"You are doing a little better," she said. "Not very much so, and I wouldn't feed this to the goats, but someday your work might be edible."
"You're very kind," you said, bowing your head
>The unicorn snorted
>"Tu es une créature idiote. Now go, wake our lady. Tell her breakfast will be ready at her leisure."
>You saluted, wiping your hands off on the sides of your pants
>You ruffled the baker's mane, dodging the playful insults in Prench as well as a wooden bowl, laughing as you left the kitchens
>The sun was now beginning to creep over the mountains, the first rays of light coming through the colorful glass windows along the castle's hallways
>You walked back to your and Fleur's chambers with a pep in your step, opening the door and poking your head inside
>Fleur was still asleep, though it looked like she was clenching your pillow
>You smiled at the sight, making your way over to her
>You crawled into the bed, taking the pillow out of her hooves
>Fleur grumbled, muzzle scrunching
>She reached out, grabbing you and pulling you against her chest, her grumble turning into a content murmur as she sleepily nuzzled the top of your head
"Honey, it's time to get up," you said, voice muffled by chest fur
>Fleur didn't respond, her grip on you only tightening
>You lifted a hand, placing it on her side
"Come on, the cooks almost have breakfast ready?" you said, patting her
>The unicorn just grunted, but made no effort to move
>"Non."
>You sighed, placing your hand back down on her
>You began to scratch
>While Fleur was a warrior known throughout Equestria and beyond, even she had gotten injured over the length of her illustrious career
>Scars ran up the length of her body, some small, some inches long and thick
>Your fingers ran up one of these scars; the result of a spear thrust from a diamond dog bandit
>You touched another one; from a duel with another noble
>And another; from a gryphon's claws
>Fleur wiggled as your hand made it's way upward
>Her grip around you loosened
>You rolled her onto her back, both hands moving up and up
>When you were playing with her ears, her eyes finally opened, tired and annoyed
>"Au soleil, why must you torment me, mon amour?" she asked, her voice groggy
"Because if I didn't you'd sleep all day," you replied, kissing her snout
>She snorted, gently pushing your hands away and sitting up
>"Come, let's go and dine then," she said, rubbing an eye
>She tried to jump off the bed, but you stopped her with a hand
>She looked at you questioningly
>You responded by reached over to your nightstand and grabbing a comb
>Her eyes narrowed
>"Bien. Let's be done with this," she said, offering you her head
>Her mane, as usual, was a mess
>So was her fur and tail
>If you had your way, you'd have carried her big white butt to the shower whenever you went and you'd sort everything out there
>Unfortunately, again the waking her up early thing would have been a nightmare, and she didn't see the point in showering in the morning, insisting that she'd only get dirty by the time you both went to bed
>She wasn't a colt that needed to be clean all the time
>One shower was good enough, thank you very much
>While you didn't exactly agree, you had never pressed the issue, but you did press her looking somewhat presentable once she walked outside
>This might have been her castle, but she didn't need to look like some bum walking around it
>Fleur grumbled, as she always did, but you were allowed to brush her until her coat, mane and tail were gleaming
>All three had been a personal project of yours
>Before you had come to the castle, her coat had been dull, messy, even falling out in some places
>It was the stress of a soldiers' life and poor eating no doubt
>But, with a serving of eggs every morning, making sure she ate her grains and grasses, and a thorough brushing, she had a coat and mane that was top notch
>If you didn't know any better, you'd say she'd be right at home on a runway stage, not on a battlefield
"There, all done," you said, putting the brush away
>"Good, now let's be off, mon chéri," she said, nudging your shoulder with her snout. "I'm sure there's much to do today."
>She jumped off the bed, with you following right behind her
>The castle staff had been polite to you, but to Fleur there was nothing but the utmost respect
>All stopped, be they servant or guard, bowing or saluting their lady
>Fleur was brief yet kind to each she passed, giving each some sort of greeting
>As you both walked, you heard her stomach growling
>Hopefully the kitchen staff would be finished by the time the two of you made it to the dining room
>A tired and hungry Fleur de Lis was good for nobody
>"Remind me, love, what day is it?" Fleur asked
"Thursday," you said. "I believe Lockjaw asked you to come and inspect the new recruits before lunch."
>One of Fleur's ears perked up
>"Ah oui, I remember," she said, suddenly excited as she nuzzled your side. "More mares-at-arms to tear into."
"Remember dear, you don't need to put them in the ward. They're still learning."
>"There's no better teacher than a proper fight. Holding back does nopony any good," Fleur replied with a shake of her head. "This isn't some southern land duchy, this is Normarey. Our soldiers are without equal BECAUSE things are so harsh."
"...Dear, most are barely teenagers."
>"Then it is a perfect time for them to learn," Fleur said, looking up at you
>Seeing your expression, she deflated somewhat, looking away with a click of her tongue
>"...Though, I suppose they needn't be beaten to an inch of their lives. It would be good for their soul, but not so much their body I think."
>You smiled, giving her head a pat
"Very good."
>"And what will you be doing while I put the fear of Celestia into these young fillies, chérie?"
"Oh, I think I'll go ahead and go out to the village for a bit," you said. "I just wanna see how things are going."
>If the ponies in the castle had been leery about you, the ones in the village not ten minutes away from the castle had been much more so
>Stallions held foals close, you were watched closely, some didn't want you getting close, even if Fleur were around
>That all changed after that little ordeal in Canterlot with the noble
>You had come back with a lot of stuff and a lot of gold to throw around
>So, you had looked to see what was needed
>The castle didn't need much, but the village did
>Some of the older mares and stallions didn't have any kids
>Those that did didn't get the help they might have needed for various reasons
>There were also some ponies that were down on their luck, or not all there mentally
>You figured, with all of the stuff you had gotten, why not build a place to house them all?
>What did you need the gold for?
>Food? Clothing?
>Fleur saw to all that, and there was no internet to shitpost or buy dumb shit you didn't need, so why not do something good?
>It took three months, but with Fleur's help, a favor from Celestia, and every ounce of gold that you had gotten, you had built a great big building near the marketplace
>It even had a full staff to take care of everypony
>The staff you hadn't had to pay for
>Celestia had also been so pleased when you had told her about her little project that she had sent a group up from Canterlot, and said something about setting up a proper horsepital to tend to her little ponies up north
>She also said something about putting even more bits into your building
>Her and the rest of the princesses seemed really excited about the whole thing
>Apparently, ponies didn't have nursing homes, nor had the thought ever occurred to them
>Along with being a pretty darn good thing to do--not just for this place, but all over Equestria possibly-- it had helped endear yourself to the populace
>Many smiled when they saw you
>Foals ran up to you demanding to be picked up and carried
>Sweets were stuffed into your pockets when you weren't looking
>It was nice
>Sometimes you'd go to your little nursing home type thing to see how everything was going and read to the old ponies
>Most couldn't understand you, many just speaking Prench, but they liked to listen all the same
>Fleur smiled
>"I'll send some guards along with you then."
>She suddenly stopped, frowning
>"Anonymous?"
"Yes?"
>"L'amour de ma vie, you said it was Thursday, Oui?"
"Yep."
>"What day of the month is it?"
"The tenth, I think," you said with a small frown. "Why, is something going on?"
>Her ears did that wiggle thing they always did whenever she was trying to keep something from you
>"...I need you to come home before sundown," she said
"Okay. What for?"
>"For a very important reason."
"Really?"
>"Extrêmement important et nécessaire, yes. Princess Celestia is coming."
>You perked up
"Oh really? Why are you just telling me now? I'd have told the kitchen staff and--"
>"She wished to come discreetly, and she will not be long," Fleur said, looking everywhere but at you. "Now, lets be off to breakfast."
>You crossed your arms
"The princess is coming here, unannounced, and you don't want to tell me why?" you asked
>Fleur said nothing, though a bead of sweat did begin to make its way down her forehead
>"Oui. She wished for it to be a surprise."
>You relaxed a little at that
>If the princess wanted to surprise you with something that probably meant it wouldn't be bad
>Hopefully
>Being surprised wasn't just a good thing after all
>You just studied the unicorn
>If you wanted, you could probably grill her until she spilled the beans
>Fleur might have been a soldier, but she had a heck of a time keeping any secrets at all, so much so she was lucky she had never been captured by an enemy
>All she'd need was a few glasses of wine and a stallion bothering her and she'd have spilled all the nation's secrets
>You hummed, eyes narrowing as you toyed with the idea
>Fleur just stood there like a mare at the gallows, nervous but proud
>Finally, you smiled, leaning down to kiss her cheek
"Alright, you keep your secrets. I'll make sure to check up on you throughout the day like normal, and I won't stay out as long as I usually do."
>Relief came to Fleur's face as you stood back up
>"Tu as mes remerciements, mon amour."
>You bumped her rump with your hip
"Come on. Lets get something to eat. From the sounds of things we both have a long day ahead of us."

>Still be Anon
>The little town not far from the castle was busy this morning
>It looked like some merchants had come from the south, and everypony was taking advantage of some new and "exotic" wares
>There was, as usual, the normal sellers, who were giving the "foreign" earth pony merchants dirty looks
>They didn't care for earth ponies that much up here; something about ancient earth ponies trying to kick the unicorns out of these mountains to get at the gems below them
>They weren't welcome here even a thousand years later, and if these merchants weren't careful they'd be robbed on their way back home somewhere along the road
>Making your way into the marketplace, you were flanked by Ironside and Summer Song, your usual entourage whenever you wanted to leave the castle
>Both were squires, working up to their knighthoods
>They were both nice little horn heads
>Dorky, but nice
>Unlike the soldiery in Canterlot, they wore dark iron armor
>It was thicker than what Celestia's guard were equipped with, far more personalized and ornate, and extremely expensive
>Both mares also wore a pair of short swords on their back, which, thankfully, hadn't ever needed to be pulled whenever they were with you
>"Quelle belle journée," Ironside said with a nod, looking around before sniffing the air. "Will their be rain today, my lord?"
"I think the pegasi crew is supposed to be bringing up some storm clouds, but you know how they are."
>"Paresseuse bird brains," Summer said, sticking her tongue out
>You smiled, though that smile diminished as townsponies began looking over at you, ears perking up
>They were all sweet, really, they were, but they had a... quirk, and, from the look in their eyes, it seemed like they weren't going to be able to help themselves today.
>You watched as some of the ponies began to sway as if listening to some song
>The grumbling unicorns behind their stalls suddenly smiled
>Even your guards had a pep in their step that they hadn't a moment ago
>And then, as always happened, the singing began
>"Bonjour, good day."
>"How is your family?"
>"Bonjour, good day"
>"How is your husband?"
>"I need six eggs!"
>"That's too expensive!"
>"There must be more than this provincial life!"
>The singing stopped for a moment
>All turned toward you, including your guard
>They stared expectantly
>You just stared back
"Nope," you said, shaking your head, loud enough that they could all hear. "Never gonna happen."
>That should have been the end of it; or it would have been if these were earth ponies or pegasi
>But unicorns were the most magical, which meant that the magic of music that affected all of ponykind affected them the most
>So, despite your dismissal, the singing continued
>Including your guards no less, with Ironside trotting in front of you, tossing her head from side to side
>The traitors
>"Look there he goes, that colt is strange, no question."
>"Dazed and distracted, can't you tell?"
>"Never part of any crowd."
>"'Cause his head's up on some cloud."
>"No denying he's a funny boy that Anonnnnnn!"
"I'll show you strange if you keep that up, little filly," you said, giving her rump a nudge with your foot.
>The singing continued, but you tuned it out as you usually did, walking through the stalls
>Fleur had given you a bit of pocket money, which meant that you could buy some fruit or any little cakes that caught your eye
>You knew your guards had a bag of bits hidden somewhere in their armor as well
>They weren't supposed to buy anything while guarding you--Fleur wanted them to be focused--but why spoil the mare's fun?
>They didn't get to leave the castle all that often, what with their training, and when their training was finally done and they were knights they'd probably join the military and be sent to lord knows where
>Both of them were young; why not let them be kids for a bit?
>Summer in particular was eyeing the new merchants, no doubt hoping they had some of those little cards her and Iron liked to collect
>You whistled at her
>She perked up, looking over at you, ears folded against her skull
"Go see what they have," you said, gesturing toward the cart. "Iron can watch me for a bit. After you then she can have a turn."
>Both mares smiled
>"Merci mon seigneur," Summer said, bowing her head
>She then took off toward the cart, her armor clanging as she dodged and weaved through bodies
>You went from stand to stand, talking with the local merchants, asking about their business, how their families were doing, if their was anything that they needed
>The merchants were happy to talk
>There were some complaints, as usual
>Iron Cast still wanted you to have Pen Pad put in the stocks because the mare started selling celery; something the other mare always sold
>Some ponies were taking too much space in the market
>One mare didn't "like how that other filthy dyke was looking at her, and if she continued to do so a challenge of honor would be issued"
>Another poor mare just had her sixth foal, and her husband was already talking about having another
>You listened to mares and stallions vent, gave advice where you could, and even settled some arguments here and there
>Some things you made sure to write down to let Fleur know about for later, like some of the merchants seeing yaks snooping around at the edge of a farmers field
>Many of the merchants were talkers, as were the normal ponies that stopped you for a chat
>They'd get excitable too, meaning that they starting talking in Prench so quickly that you'd barely be able to understand them
>This was where Iron, and eventually Summer when the mare came back, came in
>They were able to give you the gist of what the heck they were talking about, which was extremely helpful
>After a few hours, you were able to untangle yourself from the crowds, making your way into each "bigger" business
>The blacksmith was having some issues with a mare that sold her coal
>Some young kids kept TP-ing the tanner's home
>The town's spellbook maker--easily the most esteemed job in a town full of just unicorns--was doing good, though you did get her to admit that she accidentally, almost, kind of, sort of, nearly opened a portal to a dimension of dark, evil, and maddening creatures because she used the wrong ink on the wrong side of parchment that she was writing on
>It was just a normal, average day all things considered
>You did your best to spend any of the bits that Fleur had given you, but, as usual, the townsponies resisted
>Things were given freely, and all refused your money
>When you placed bits on their counters and tried to leave they'd teleport it back into your bit bag
>It was weirdly frustrating giving money you didn't need to ponies who wouldn't take it
>The only ponies that would take your bits were the earth pony merchants, and the looks that the locals had given them told you they were absolutely going to be robbed if an escort wasn't sent along with them
>Another thing you'd have to speak to Fleur about you supposed
>Around lunchtime, you decided to head back up to the castle
>Usually, you'd spend a great deal longer in town, but the princess was coming, and even though Fleur said that things were to be kept under wraps, you still wanted the castle to look presentable
>You turned toward your guards
"Do you both have everything you bought tucked underneath your armor?" you asked
>The guards, having bags of all sorts of things crammed into every available space in their armor, nodded
>This caused Ironside's helmet to fall from her head, revealing that she had a big bag of cookies balanced on top of her noggin
>The mare, blushing, scrambled to grab the helm and put it back on her head before both mares saluted
>You just smiled
"Alrighty then, let's get back to the castle. I need to make sure our gallant lady hasn't murdered any recruits."
>The walk back to the castle was quick
>You tried carrying your own things, but Summer insisted you put everything onto her back
>As you approached the castle, the three of you were commanded to halt as you were inspected by the gate guard
>A senior knight that had been walking by had trotted over and cuffed the mare for doing so, followed by a thorough tongue lashing
>You had just laughed, diffusing the situation by giving the guard a cookie
>You might have stuck out in a crowd, and the mare should have known you were the duchess' special somepony, but she had been no doubt ordered to stop anypony coming into the castle
>Fleur was cautious by nature, and while her castle had never fallen to an enemy, there were still those itching to try
>Besides, hostile Changelings still roamed Equestria, and if they could disguise themselves as a princess one could no doubt easily impersonate you
>The knight was cowed, not apologizing to the guard, but you figured she'd be honor bound to make it up to the mare
>The knights--especially those of Normarey blood--were big on that sort of thing, whether the one they wronged was commoner or noble
>The guard herself looked proud as you gave her muzzle a pat and a "keep up the good work" before making your way into the castle itself
>The keep by now was a hive of activity
>Knights, guards, maids, cooks, smiths, and many more ran around
>You could hear pages and apprentices being screamed at; the smell of smoke and food was thick in the air
>You heard Summer's stomach growl, which was followed by a similar growl from Ironside
>You took your bag of goods from Summer's back
"You both can return to the barracks," you said, bowing your head. "Thank you for coming with me today."
>"Le plaisir est pour nous," both said, slapping hooves against their chest plates
>They bowed, before racing off toward the barracks
>A bag of chocolate fell out of a gap in Summer's armor
>The mare backpedaled, making sure nopony saw as she stuffed it back into her armor before following Ironside
>You shook your head
>If they were lucky, they'd be able to stash everything they had gotten before a Sergeant saw them
>If not, they'd probably be on night guard duty for the next month
>Again
>Switching your bag from one arm to another, you looked around
>As luck would have it, a maid was not ten feet from you, a feather duster held aloft in his magic
"Dawn, could you come over here for a moment please?"
>The stallion stopped, ears perking up
>When he saw you were the one calling he quickly made his way over
>"How may I serve you, monsieur?" he asked
>You knelt down in front of him
"I need you to do two things for me. One, if you could take this bag to my chambers I'd appreciate it."
>"Of course," Dawn said, taking the bag and placing it onto his back. "What is this second task?"
"I need you to find Swiffer for me. Please tell him it's important that he finds me as soon as possible. Also, there's some cookies in the bag there, fresh from Creme Brulee's. Make sure to give them out to the staff."
>The maid smiled, doing that weird cheek kissing thing these ponies liked to do on you
>"I'll find him without delay, monsieur. The cookies will also be shared."
>Bowing, the little stallion went off at a brisk pace toward your chambers
>Trying not to wipe your cheeks--pony whiskers were always so ticklish--you made your way toward the back of the castle
>There, among others things, was Fleur's pride and joy
>The training grounds
>They were massive; nearly three times the size of the castle itself, and with everything one would need to train in the art of combat
>Once upon a time, there had been a military academy of sorts here, when Equestria was a wilder place, and the nobility as a whole much more warlike
>Some nobles did send their heirs up here for Fleur to smack them around, but now it was mostly just to drag to other ponies at the gala
>Most were knights in training or mares-at-arms, being trained for the Equestrian army or for Fleur's own personal force
>As you made your way toward the fields, another smell began to mingle with those so familiar to the castle
>The smell of blood
>There was a group of armored ponies standing around in a circle
>You made your way toward it, and as you did you heard yelling
>"Poussez, POUSSEZ! Don't give me space, you foalish oaf! By the stars you are a slow one!"
>There was your Fleur, wearing padded armor like the rest, along with two mares
>Both were holding spears with their magic, though their grip looked shaky
>Panting and covered in sweat, they were doing their best to dodge Fleur's weapon of choice; a scythe
>This was a war scythe, with a thicker and shorter blade than it's more peaceful cousin, with a long, thick oak handle
>It was a training weapon, with a rounded edge and a dulled blade, but it probably didn't feel good getting hit with the thing, especially with how Fleur was swinging it around
>The unicorn was a blur, dancing around attacks as she swung at the ponies legs, never standing still, never giving any ground
>"Press forward, Gleaming! Yes, try to get behind me, Sworn! Attaque! ATTAQUE! Are you mares of the north, or some soft-furred colts?!"
>You watched for a few minutes with the rest of the mares, until you heard a pop
>Turning, you saw Swiffer, head maid of the castle
>He was an old stallion, his once black coat peppered with grey
>Everything about him was prim and trim and proper, and you were pretty sure he had never slouched once in his entire life
>"You asked for me, monsieur?" he asked, straightening his bowtie
>You nodded
>Making sure that all the mares were focused on the fight, you lead the unicorn a few feet away
"How goes the cleaning for the day, Swiffer?" you asked
>"Extremely well," the stallion replied, puffing his chest out. "There were some lazy colts strutting around trying to flirt with the guards, but they were sorted."
"Fantastic. Swiffer, is it alright if I gave you a hypothetical?"
>"Absolument, mon seigneur!"
>Once again, you looked around to see if anyone was watching before leaning close to the old stallion
"Let's say we had an important guest coming to the castle that didn't want her presence to be known beforehand. Let's say that I was told about this important guest coming and was told to keep quiet about it, but even so I'd like the castle to look in tip-top shape."
>Swiffer's ears perked up, and he stiffened
"Hypothetically, if I were to tell you such a guest was coming--not that they are of course--"
>"Of course."
"--Would you be able to get everything perfect in a few hours?"
>It was Swiffer's turn to look around before he leaned in
>"That would depend, my lord. With your hypothetical, how long would the staff and myself have?"
"I have absolutely no idea. I was just told, hypothetically, that they were coming today, and that they were of the royal sort."
>You made a vague hand motion around your head
"Very much so."
>The old stallion's eyes widened for a moment
>"Putain d'harmonie, I do so wish the lady would TELL ME THESE THINGS," he hissed, gritting his teeth
"I'm sure you'll have everything perfect before anyone comes. Whoever and whatever they may be," you said, patting the stallion's shoulder
>"Of course we will! There is no better staff than the one housed here!" Swiffer said with a stomp of his hoof. "That being said, I still would have liked some time beforehoof. Celestia's sake...."
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I was told this morning, and I wasn't told that much. I have a feeling that this guest is here on business not meant for the ears and eyes of malefolk."
>The stallion scoffed
>"You are a gem and a trésor, Anonymous," he said, bowing his head. "Thank you for the news. I shall gather the staff immediately."
>With that, he disappeared with a pop
>"Anonymous, mon amour!"
>You turned to see that the circle of mares had parted, revealing the "battlefield"
>Both of the mares that had been fighting were on their sides, covered in dirt and panting, weapons underneath or lying on top of them
>Fleur was trotting toward you, still holding her scythe in her magic, not a scratch on her
>"Did you come to watch this old mare fight?" she asked, nuzzling your side
"That didn't look too much like a fight," you replied, looking the fallen ponies over. "At least it looks like they won't need a trip to the castle's ward."
>"Oui. They did quite well," Fleur said, glancing over at them with a nod. "They will make fine knights if they build the proper endurance. Five minutes in their legs were like jello!"
>She spun her weapon around you, before making it disappear with a flash of her horn
>"I saw Swiffer. Was something the matter?"
"Oh no, I was just asking about the cleaning staff," you said. "I was actually coming from the town. There's a few things that need seen to later today when you get the time."
>"Oh bien sûr, mon coeur," Fleur said, smiling as you tucked a lock of sweat-soaked hair behind her ear. "Would you do this old mare a boon and come with her to lunch?"
"As long as you'll join me for a bath first," you replied. "If you come to the dining room like that you're going to give the chefs a heart attack."
>Fleur rolled her eyes, but nonetheless nodded
>You bent down to kiss her cheek, which had her grinning as she turned back around to the group of mares
>"You are dismissed!" Fleur said with a wave of her hoof. "See to your arms and armor, then to the kitchens. Afterward, you have the rest of the evening off."
>A cheer rose among the crowd
>Some mare threw her frilly hat into the air
>While nopony ran, they did walk very quickly away, all in different directions, probably thinking that Fleur would change her mind
>Fleur looked up at you, wiggling her eyebrows
>You laughed, giving her rump a smack
"Come on, lets get back to our room. I'll help you get this armor off."
>"Merci. I would also not be against the lord of the house allowing himself to be defiled in our washroom if he were so inclined."
>You bowed low
"If that is my lady's wish, I'll allowed myself to be defiled anyway you'd like."
>Fleur brushed her tail against your groin
>"Wonderful. If you would follow me then."

~_~_~_~_~

>Fleur always hated her showers, but you did your best to make sure she was entertained whenever she was in one
>The entertainment usually consisted of groping, heavy petting, and enough prench kissing to make your tongue almost fall off, but after twenty minutes or so the two of you were reasonably clean
>Fleur had announced that she had wanted to dine in your chambers
>The lunch was good, as was the company
>The two of you spoke for a bit
>Fleur talked about the upcoming harvest, about the knights she would be sending to Canterlot, a letter that she had gotten from some minor noble
>You listened to it all, giving advice here and there as you both ate
>When the plates were taken away, the two of you decided to relax for a bit
>Laying you down onto the bed, Fleur had laid herself on top of you
>Snuggling had quickly turned into tickling, which turned into playful biting, which then turned into wrestling
>She was still riled up from the training fields
>With a normal stallion, she'd have been worried about hurting them getting too rough, but with you she could really try and throw her weight around
>Fleur had her magic, and her years on the battlefield as made her a lean, mean fighting machine, but you were a lot bigger and heavier than her
>Your long arms meant wrestling you was a challenge for the mare, which she loved
>The two of you laughed, even when you fell out of the bed and onto the stone floor along with the pillows and covers
>There was some back and forth for a few minutes as you both tried to overpower the other one
>You did your best, giving as good as you got, but you were no warrior
>Fleur was also surprisingly flexible as a pony, and she always made sure to use that to her advantage
>All it took was you overreaching yourself for one second and you were on your back with her straddling you
>You were panting, looking up at her grinning, self-satisfied face
>"Ta perte, mon amour," she said
>You grunted, trying to wiggle and squirm
>When it was clear that Fleur wasn't going anywhere you went limp, nodding
"Ouais, ma perte," you said.
>With a laugh, Fleur leaned down and started to pepper your face with kisses
>After each kiss was some word of praise or an "I love you."
>Some of it was in English, most of it was in Prench, all of it put a great bit smile on your face
"You keep that up we're not getting anything else done today."
>"Good," was Fleur's reply, the tip of her horn glowing
>Your pants were unbuttoned and slowly pulled down
>Fleur's kisses made their way down your neck toward your chest
>You felt her magical touch on your underwear, when there was a knock on the door
>Both you and Fleur froze
>Eyes narrowing, Fleur whipped her head around
>"Que voulez-vous au nom de Celestia?!" she said, none too happily
>"Is that anyway to greet me, young filly?" a voice replied
>A very familiar voice
>A very Princess Celestia sounding voice
>Fleur's ears perked up
>"I... oh. My apologizes, your majesty," she said, bowing her head
>"Oh, it's perfectly fine, my dear," the princess said, amused. "May I come in, or do you and Anonymous need a minute to collect yourselves?"
>Both you and Fleur scrambled up to your feet and hooves
>The bedsheets were placed back onto the bed
>Your pants were pulled up, and your raging hard-on was tucked into your waistband
>After fixing Fleur's hair and giving the room a quick once-over, you gave the unicorn a thumbs up
>She coughed
>"Please come in, Votre Altesse," she said, opening the door with a spell, revealing the smiling princess. "We thought you'd be coming later today, otherwise we would have been ready to greet you."
>"If you knew the exact time it wouldn't be an unofficial meeting now would it?" Celestia said, trotting into the room. "Oh no, none of that bowing nonsense. Up, up, up, the both of you."
>Walking over, she nuzzled the both of you
>"I have to say though, your castle is spotless."
>She looked over at you, with a raised eyebrow
>"I don't suppose the lord of the house had anything to do about that, hmm?"
>You shrugged
"No idea what you're talking about, your highness. That castle staff are the ones that do the cleaning; I'm just here to look pretty."
>Fleur snorted
>You nudged her
>"Oh I'm sure," the princess said with a wink. "And how is that old ponies' home of yours? What did you call it?"
"A nursing home. Very well, I was just there this morning seeing how things were actually. It looks like the nurses you sent are right at home with us up here in the north"
>"Yes, yes, a nursing home. Very good, very good," Celestia said with a nod. "Luna's actually getting the ball rolling to have one built in Canterlot, and Cadence had shown great interest in building a few in the Crystal Empire."
"I'm glad to hear that," you said. "Good to know that noble's money went to a good place."
>"Far more good than even I know, Anon," Celestia said. "These nursing homes will take the strain off families, or give ponies without anypony the help they so desperately need. Your selfless act will help thousands, maybe far more than that if the other nations take notice."
>Fleur's chest puffed up in pride
>"Oui, I am proud to have such a stallion in my castle," she said. "I would not have him leave for anything in this world."
"Aw, that's sweet, hon--oh shit."
>As you looked back over at the princess, you saw that she was now holding a sword
>"Anon, please kneel," she said
"For what?" you asked. "Also, where did you get that?"
>You must kneel for your reward, and magic," she said, tapping the tip of the blade against the floor. "Now, please, kneel you silly colt."
>You looked over at Fleur, who gave you an encouraging nod
>Slowly, you knelt down.
>"Anonymous, you've done a great service for the crown and Equestria's people. For that service I, Princess Celestia, will give you a boon. A plot of land and a title."
>She tapped the flat of the blade against your shoulder, then lifted it over your head and tapped the other shoulder
>"By my might and by ancient laws I raise you up. Arise a Count, with all the powers and responsibilities that entails."
>The sword disappeared with a pop, and you rose to your feet
"Okay... I'm a Count now?"
>"Yep," Celestia replied with a nod. "You're Equestrian nobility. The first stallion that I've raised in three hundred years I believe."
"That's neat."
>"I think so as well."
"And you said that I had land?"
>"You do. A one-foot by one-foot plot in the Canterlot Gardens. You needed some kind of ownership to officially be considered a noble, and I didn't think you'd want a countship out in the west."
>You just looked at the princess, who looked awfully proud of herself
"Thank you for the title, but can I ask why?"
>"For your service with this nursing home, you silly colt," Celestia said, looking over at Fleur. "And now, there won't be a scandal."
"...A scandal for what?"
>Fleur coughed
>Her horn glowed, and a small box appeared in front of you
>She opened it, revealing an absolutely breathtaking ring
>"It is in poor form for a duchess to marry a commoner, no matter how much she loves him," Fleur said, not looking you in the eye. "Pardonnez-moi, mon amour. I wished to be proper and ask your mother to name her dowry before bringing this to the princesses, but--"
>That was all she was able to say before you, newly-made lord that you were, tears forming in your eyes, tackled the mare to the ground, much to Celestia's amusement
>You were Anon
>And life was good

Epilogue:
>Be Fleur de Lis
>Marchioness of Normarey
>You were in your office, leafing through some paperwork
>Yourself and your husband, the Marquis Anonymous had just come from the capital for the Gala
>You hated the Gala, and most of the bottom feeders that stalked the castle during that night, but even so you couldn't help but smile at the thought of Anon
>Your husband
>Your etalion
>Though you couldn't see it, a ring sat at the base of your horn
>You had your grandfathers ring adjusted for the human's finger, which he wore with the utmost pride
>The wedding had been lovely
>Simple, small, intimate
>Most of your cousins had been furious that you hadn't invited them
>They wanted it to be a lavish thing that you bankrupted yourself on
>A month of partying, fountains of wine and mountains of salt
>All nonsense
>There were a hundred ponies there, and if you were able there would have been less
>To your pride however, all four princesses had come to witness your union
>Princess Cadence herself had done the honor of marrying you
>You wished your mother and father could have been there to see it...
>You shook your head, picking up a quill
>As you did, your door opened
>Anon poked his head in
>"Hey honey."
>Your smile grew
"Oh mon amour, what do you need?" you asked
>Anon stared back at you with gorgeous, hopeful eyes
>"I need you to do the thing."
"Pardon?"
>"The thing. You know. THE. THING."
>It took several seconds, but realization came to mind, making you roll your eyes
"Really?"
>Anon just nodded
>You snorted
>Silly colts...
>Even so, you sat up in your seat and cleared your throat
"Hon, hon, hon!"
>Anon smiled
>"Thanks sweetie," he said. "Love you!"
>With that, he closed your door, going off to do Celestia knows what
>You chuckled, returning to your paperwork
>That was going to be the father of your foals someday...
>Harmony help you...