Part 1

>Day 5 +3 weeks on Earth, basement/study of Addams household
>Sunday, March 17th, 6:52pm
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>And it’s going to snow AGAIN on Tuesday, according to the radio
>It’s forecasted to return to spring-like conditions after a second possible snowfall later this week
>Humans seem to have absolutely no control over the weather
>Which makes sense, considering that there does seem to be nothing magical here
>You’re thankful for the cloak Rarity sent you
>The basement doesn’t have any radiators and the blankets you were given get in the way of your hooves when you’re studying
>You’ve been brainstorming ideas of how to prove magic exists
>You’re trying to find things that are easy to demonstrate and can only be done with magic
>You can hold up a book from Equestria for several minutes at a time now
>You showed that to Jon, but he felt around for wires supporting it and only gave a tentative “maybe” when he couldn’t find any
>The weirdest thing about that demonstration was that the book seemed slightly harder to manipulate while he was around
>You haven’t been able to replicate that
>You’ve chalked it up to divided attention and your recovering magic until and unless you find a better reason


>You would be using your magic to write if you hadn’t run out of ink
>You’re considering including a request for more ink in your report about computers
>However, the Addams seem more than willing to provide for you
>The only downside to this is that anything they give to you seems to actively resist magic
>So, despite your continued lack of familiarity with hoofwriting, you’re using a ‘ball point’ pen made of mostly artificial materials that Eliza gave to you
>She said she had plenty of those pens and could get more of them cheaply
>Most restaurants back home charge for straws, but plastics are so common on ‘Earth’ that humans treat them as nearly disposable
>At least you’re starting to get an understanding of this world
>They have a good understanding of matter, so it makes sense that they might be able to make artificial materials more easily
>You don’t know exactly how it was made, so you can only guess
>You’ve had to take the Addams at their word for a lot of things, but there isn’t much of an alternative to that
>At least not one that you’ve confirmed


>This ‘internet’ is being described as a method of transmitting large amounts of information quickly in the form coded pulses of electrical and light energy
>It’s described as a worldwide network of ‘computers’
>Simple probability dictates that there would be at least a small repository of knowledge on a ‘server’ somewhere in a system that large
>Or at least that’s the assumption you’re under at the moment
>You haven’t really seen the ‘internet’ in practice
>Or if you have, you didn’t realize it and didn’t understand what was happening
>You haven’t had much chance to watch a ‘computer’ in use for something other than Spike’s entertainment
>Whenever you approach a human that’s using a ‘computer’ they tend to stop what they’re doing to pay greater attention to you
>It’s nice of them, but your current assignment is to learn as much as you can about ‘computers,’ and ‘The (new) Way Things Work’ says very little about how a ‘computer’ is operated
>It doesn’t explain much more than the principles behind them


>Your incremental reports are something the researchers at Canterlot are clamoring for more of
>You’ve been told that they’re trying to make a ‘computer’ from scratch using acid replicated from the ‘batteries’ you sent as the power source and the ‘circuitry’ kit as a guide
>Progress is slow, but it’s thanks to the text that the Addams gave you
>It had a section on power sources that you marked for later reading on request of the research teams
>It also explained that those odd, small pianos were those ‘synthesizer’ instruments that Jake mentioned
>You’re going to make a practice of spending a minimum of twenty minutes outside of the basement daily for reasons excluding meals and other personal needs
>You’re here to study and document, and dinner last week reminded you of how much you’d been letting slip under your nose
>You haven’t set a specific time of day for that hour, and maybe it’s best if you don’t
>The key to experimentation is control, and the Addams’ behavior might adapt to a known time when you’re going to be upstairs
>You’re finishing up on some notes on how ‘random access memory’ circuitry works
>No time like the present


>Jake and Spike are playing that ‘video game’ again
>There’s also a ‘radio’ in the living room playing some sort of quiz contest between three humans regarding the last week’s news
>You could only gather the general idea of the show through the floorboards
>It gets clear enough to understand as you ascend the stairs
http://www.npr.org/2013/03/16/174447683/lightning-fill-in-the-blank
(Audio link: the lightning round of NPR’s ‘Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me!’ Listen as you read. One of the contestants is named ‘Bobcat.’ I have no idea why, but he is.)
>The first question is about how a country declared a decades-old armistice invalid
>You stop listening after you hear that subject
>Jake and Spike come into view now
>The ‘Mario’ character is jumping across some rotating cubes
>Not much of interest there


>Moving on to the kitchen, Eliza is just finishing washing the dinner dishes and is listening to the same thing on the ‘radio’
>You hadn't realized that there was more than one 'channel' the 'radio' can receive up until a few days ago
>These humans seem to listen almost exclusively to this 'station' and one that transmits classical music
>You don’t see Eliza as often as the other two, so now seems like a good time to do something about that
“Hi, Eliza.”
>“I wasn’t expecting to see you outside of the basement after dinner.”
“I’m trying to “get out of the basement more often,” as Spike put it. What’s going on?”
>“Not much. I’ve been thinking about you, actually.”
“What do you mean?”
>“You remind me of my English Language Learner students.”
“I still don’t understand how that language could be totally identical to Equestrian.”
>“…What I mean to say is that you’re in unfamiliar territory, but you’re so dedicated to what you do. You’re learning about things you didn’t even know existed, and from what I can tell, you’re doing very well. It always seems like the students who realize the opportunity they have put the most work into what they do.”
“I study this hard all the time.”
>“Better than some of my other students, even if you are going to burn yourself out. It’s like they don’t realize that if they have their hands below their desk and are smiling while looking at their lap, they obviously aren’t studying.”
>What?


>“Computers double in power every year and a half. The pocket calculators my students and I use have as much processing power as the room-sized ones that NASA used to make physics calculations for the Apollo missions.”
“I suppose that means it is out of date, but why do these conversations always seem to go back to mythology? And who is ‘Nassa?’”
>“Haven’t you read that encyclopedia front-to-back yet?”
“I’m trying to stay focused on one subject at a time.”
>“You’re missing way too much. There’s a reason that Spike told you to get out of the basement and actually see things for yourself.”
>Almost as if to prove her right, the radio catches your ear
>The host of the contest asks a question on the radio about a transition of leadership in a very large country that you didn’t even know was happening
“Yeah, I guess so.”
>“At least you’re taking his advice. I think he might actually know more about us than you do.”
“That’s an advantage I don’t think I’ll let him keep. It’s not like he’d write reports on all that, anyway. Do you mind if I stay and listen to the radio for a bit?”
>“I don’t mind.”
>You take a seat at the table behind Eliza
>The human they’re quizzing right now isn’t doing so well
>He got most of his questions wrong
>The last question was on a very obscure subject, to be fair
>You wouldn’t put ‘get sent to jail’ on your bucket list, but someone did


>The audience laughed when the host said the law breaker spent their two day stay in prison “avoiding the gangs of neo Nazis, and taking a course called ‘Shiv Making 101’”
“I don’t get the joke.”
>“What part of it?”
“What are those two things they mentioned at the end?”
>“Shivs are small knives that prisoners sometimes make. I’d rather not talk about Nazis.”
>You seem to have hit a nerve, so you’re going to look that up later instead of pressing on it
>The host moves on to the next contestant, who is doing much better than the previous one
>She gets the first question about the new ‘pope’ wrong, but she gets the next one about a cruise ship right
>The third one mentions something called ‘google’ violating people’s privacy
“What’s ‘google?’”
>“It’s an internet search service. You type in a phrase or word and it looks around the internet for relevant results.”
>Finding that ‘server’ full of knowledge might have gotten that much easier, even if the method might be a little shady
>The next question is about a new particle that was discovered last Thursday called a ‘higgs boson’
>If the humans learned something new, you’re going to have to append your previous report
“What is this new particle that was discovered?”
>“It’s supposed to be the reason that matter has mass.”
>Oh wow, that’s rich


>Try not to snicker
>Try
>Dang it, try
>You’re not trying hard enough
>She heard you
>“What’s so funny?”
>Be diplomatic
>They were understanding about you not knowing what ‘atoms’ were
“Do you mean to tell me that humans don't know about the fundamental energies? Really? I mean, really?”
>“What are you talking about?”
“All of this. All of it. Everything that humans have done, and humans never discovered how gravity even happens?”
>Maybe, just maybe if you were an emotionless pony who could never feel anything, you wouldn’t be on a different planet, sitting at a table with your forehead propped against your hoof and laughing at how hilariously ironic it can be that a species understands so much but knows so little
>You’re the only one laughing, though
>This is horrible
>But it's totally worth it
“I’m sorry, I should go. I’ll explain it later.”


>That wasn’t even close to twenty minutes upstairs
>As you head back downstairs, laughing to yourself the whole time, you can’t help but think that it was more than enough
>You lie down and wait for the laughing fit to end
>THIS is worth writing home about

Dear Princess Celestia,
I have made another interesting discovery regarding the state of human science. It appears that only
recently (three days ago, at time of writing) that humans discovered why the fundamental energy of
gravity exists. I will give further updates on this subject with my report on computers, which I expect to
have ready four days from now. I would very much appreciate it if you could send a book on the topic
of fundamental energies to compare with their discoveries.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

P.S. I’m out of ink for my quill. Please send some to me. Do the scientists need more batteries for that circuitry kit?



Part 2

>Year 22 and about two weeks on Earth
>March 21st, 1:04pm
>You are Jake Addams
>You have one less thing to worry about thanks to the two things that you’re worried about
>That book was a free pass to speak about almost everything in the MLP fiction
>And a few other things
>Apparently griffons are near-exclusive carnivores
>That episode with Gilda must have been awkward off screen if all ponies are as squeamish about meat as Twilight is
>But then how would she feed her owl?
>And owls cough up the bones, too, so she’d have to clean that up
>This could mean that she’s actually more scared of something than Fluttershy is, because Fluttershy’s been shown feeding fish to other animals
>Almost everything
>You can’t ask about that without raising some eyebrows
>The book didn’t say much about the Equestrian attitude towards meat eaters
>It did say that certain foods adapted from meat-based ones are popular in Equestria, like soy burgers and vegetarian hot dogs
>You tried those once when mom bought some for herself
>Never again
>Dad’s soy milk is at least palpable, but meat substitutes make you pity anyone who wants to pretend they’re not vegetarian


>You’re with dad right now, getting driven home from an appointment at church
>The minister wants to have someone compile the email newsletter for him while he’s on sabbatical in May
>Eliza volunteered you and Jon, so you have one more thing to do around the time that you ought to be studying for your finals
>It doesn’t look like that much work, but work is work
>Fuck work
>If five million dollars fell into your lap right now, you’d go straight to the bank, deposit it somewhere that it earns interest, and never work a day in your life
>But lightning never strikes the same spot twice in a row
>You’ve probably had one too many unlikely occurrences, if anything
>Twilight Sparkle and Spike living in your basement, and you’ve been ordered by the rulers of Equestria to prevent either of them from discovering that they’re cartoon characters
>Why you?
>And how the hell did they already know?


>It’s interesting and all, but you find yourself distracted by thoughts of how to handle it so often that you’re starting to notice lapses in your attention
>You missed part of what the minister was saying about formatting the announcements while you were sitting right next to him
>That was part of the reason that mom insisted Jon come with you
>The other part was that both of you would only remember half of what you learned
>And that’s why she’s the one who calls the shots around the house
>She’s only deferring to you about the guests because-
>Uh oh, dad’s got a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel at a stop light
>He said he tries not to be like his father was, but this sounds like his story about how his dad told him about the birds and the bees during a Sunday drive while holding the steering wheel like letting go of it would kill him
“Are you okay?”
>“I’m not okay, Jake. We have two living contradictions to everything I knew about physics, biology, chemistry, and even literature in our house.”
“It’s not like I invited them.”
>“They shouldn’t exist.”
“Well, they do and I don’t know what we can do with them except let them stay.”
>“I’m not seeing any alternative to that, either. That’s the problem I have with this; we can’t control it.”
“We just have to wait.”


>Green light, turn onto Riverside Street
>“How long? A year?”
“They said it would be less than that.”
>“They said that they hoped it would be less than that. They didn’t know, and they didn’t prove that it would be less than that. For all we know, we’re going to have to keep them forever.”
“Have a little faith. I think they understand magic better than we do.”
>“Even then, they didn’t know. They weren’t sure, and that worries me.”
“I guess you’re right.”
>“And speaking of people just saying things, you never showed me that letter you said you got.”
“I already said I can’t. It’s gone.”
>“Then how do I know that you didn’t make that up?”
“What reason would I have for doing that? This isn’t a game.”
>“Right. You would have shot something by now if it was.”
“Dammit, dad. You know that I didn’t mean a video game. Please trust me.”
>“Just try to get another letter and let the rest of us see it.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
>You’re back in your neighborhood now
>“She’s going to find out eventually.”
“And we have to make sure that doesn’t happen anytime soon.”
>“I really don’t see the problem with telling her.”
“We have no idea what could happen.”
>“She’s getting used to living here and she seems happy enough. I don’t think it would be anything horrible.”


>DEFCON 3, IMMEDIATE ACTION REQUIRED TO PREVENT HIGH LEVEL OPERATIONAL SECURITY FROM BEING COMPROMISED
“Dad, please, just don’t. I’ll try to get another letter. I’ll do anything.”
>“You could start by actually making some keys for my microtonal synthesizer.”
>He turns onto Summit Avenue
“You named that thing?”
>“It’s not final. I might go with ‘universal’ or ‘sliding 288’ instead.”
“I’ll start putting the keys together after dinner.”
>“I also need you to pose in a couple of pictures for my April Fools’ Day page once I get the costume.”
“Deal.”
>He backs into the dead end street/shared driveway/whatever the hell the city was trying to make when they made the street you live on and then refuse to plow in the winter
>The only good thing you can say about it is that it’s out of the way and not many people come to bother you
>You go over the notes you put on your phone during the meeting with the minister as you walk in through the kitchen door
>Login and password, content blocks should have dividers between them, church events take precedence over other events for space in the announcements section
>Not too difficult
>You can hear Spike playing Mario as you head for your room
>And then you hear the pause noise
>“Hey Jake, I finished it.”


>In what, three weeks?
“How many stars did you get?”
>“All of them!”
>Daaaaayum, this you have to see
>Peeking into the living room, you see a ‘120’ on the corner of the screen
“Good job, but did you-”
>“-Beat the penguin in a rematch and find the green lizard guy on top of the castle?”
>He must have a psychic connection to GameFAQs or something
“I don’t even.”
>“You don’t even what?”
“I don’t even too many things to decide which I want to say. Do you want to get started on the next game now?”
>“I want to know what it is. Is it Super Mario 65?”
“That’s not a thing.”
>“What is it? I want to know before I start!”
“Just a moment, let me go get it.”
>You duck into your room and close the door
>Fishing around through the games drawer you realize that you might have actually sold the one you were going to give to him back when ‘Funcoland’ was still in business
>You’re an idiot
>You could give him your DS and let him play the remake of Super Mario 64, but that would leave the TV open
>Oh, here it is
>Under its sequel, of all places
>That’s what you get for just leaving these things in a pile instead of sorting them
>Spike is calling for you through the door
>It sounds like he’s scratching at it a bit, too


“Hold up a sec, I just needed a moment to find it. Save the game and turn off the Nintendo.”
>You head back out with the game, holding the cartridge with the label towards your palm
>Spike did exactly what you said and is standing expectantly beside the console
>You plug in the game and turn it on for him

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2C3m5Lno_20
(YouTube link: the intro to Banjo Kazooie. Stop it right after the dragonfly goes by the first time.)

>Spike picks up the controller and skips the cutscene
>You furrow your brow at him
>Only a filthy casual would do that on their first time with a game, and you refuse to let Spike become a filthy casual
“What was that about?”
>“I wanted to play the game.”
“Alright, just don’t get in the habit of skipping stuff.”
>“Why not?”
“This game will make you regret it. The last game could at least be figured out without the reading, but this one’s going to make sure that you paid close attention.”
>“Are you sure I’ll like this one? It doesn’t sound like my sort of thing.”
“It only really matters at the end. Just don’t overlook too much.”
>“If you say so.”



Part 3

>You are Twilight Sparkle
>And you are…
>Done
>That went a lot quicker with a quill you can actually use, and the engineers will have a bit less sloppy hoofwriting to decipher
>This report on ‘computers’ and transcription of the final chapter of ‘The (new) Way Things Work’ is complete and accurate, to the best of your knowledge
>You’d have Jon proofread it if he hadn’t effectively read all of what you’d written as you wrote it
>All you have to do now is to send it
>Rather, all Spike has to do is send it while you take a well-deserved break
>You’re thinking you might actually delay sending it to get more free time
>The magic teams have yet to find any promising undocumented sources of magical energy among the stars, so your optimistic delusion is on hold for the moment
>You’re hoping that your delusion about going home soon doesn’t lose the ‘soon’ part, but that’s not up to you
>At least there’s nothing rushing you
>Think positive
>This is an opportunity to finally read through something unrelated to the researchers’ requests instead of making a bunch of ‘read later’ bookmarks
>The main thing holding you back socially is that there’s so many basic facts that you don’t know
>Then again, that would be deceptive and mean
>Being the ignorant one is a curious feeling, and not necessarily one you enjoy
>It’s not unpleasant enough for you to want to make life unpleasant for others, though


>You head upstairs once more and see Jake and Spike playing
>No, that looks like a different one
>Not important
“Spike, I’ve got the report on ‘computers’ ready to send.”
>“Can it wait? I just got started on this.”
>Yes it can, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t be doing something important
“You’ve been doing next to nothing for weeks now.”
>“That’s because you’ve given me nothing to do.”
>There’s no library for him to organize, but that’s not a valid excuse, either 
“I have something for you to do now, so would you please just do it?”
>“I really mean that I just got started on this. It’s been less than five minutes.”
>Sensing tension, Jake excuses himself
“Then it shouldn’t be such a problem to stop.”
>“Can’t you triple check your work or something? I just want to get past the first bit here.”
“I’ve quadruple checked my work already. I think it’s ready to send.”
>Jake comes back with a plastic object in his hand
>It has a lot of buttons on it, most of which are labeled with numbers and symbols for mathematic operations
>It looks like the ‘calculator’ you saw Eliza using
>“Twilight, Spike, I think I have a win-win for you.”
>“If it means I get to keep playing, I’m for it.”
>“I think I might be able to get you some time.”
>“Sweet.”
>Spike goes back to playing the game, then mumbles about how he needs to stop reminding himself of something
“What is it?”


>“I know you’re keen on sending things back to Equestria, so I think you might want a computer to send along with that report.”
>Oh he has no idea how much the research teams would like that
“Jon said they’re expensive. Are you really willing to do that?”
>“Not exactly. This is just a calculator. I might be able to put together a computer for you with some spare parts I have, but I’m missing a few parts.”
“The ‘calculator’ is still a ‘computer,’ though. Does it cost much?”
>“Nah, this is just a TI-30. I could get one of these for fifteen dollars.”
“I’m still not familiar with the local currency.”
>“It’s worth about as much as a meal at a normal restaurant. It’s not a big deal. Come on, let’s stop bothering Spike.”
>He heads for his room
>You follow him and get on the bed next to where he’s seated himself
>“So anyway, it’s not a big deal for me to give one of these away. We have a bunch of calculators in the kitchen’s junk drawer if you need another. They don’t do much more than collect dust since just about every cellphone nowadays has a calculator program.”
>And the researchers can get extras
>This is your lucky day
“I knew that ‘The (new) Way Things Work’ was somewhat outdated, but it seems to be missing a lot of information regarding ‘cellular phones.’ Do ‘calculators’ on ‘cellular phones’ work the same way as other calculators?”
>He looks a little tense
>It might just be the argument he broke up catching up with him
>“They do.”


“May I see the one on your ‘cellular phone?’”
>Now he’s even tenser
>You can’t think of a reason why
“Is something wrong?”
>He takes the ‘cellular phone’ out of a holster on his belt 
>He does something with it while holding it at an angle that makes its screen difficult to see
>This seems to relax him
>“No, I’m fine.”
>He shows you its screen, which seems to take up most of the surface of one of the larger sides
>There are a lot less buttons on the ‘cellular phone’ than you were expecting
>You can only see three along the narrow sides of the device
>It’s showing a picture of something nearly identical to the ‘calculator’
>“All you have to do is enter a number, then an operator, then another number, and press the equals button. There’s an instruction card with that calculator for more complicated things.”
>He taps the screen on the squares that have the same symbols as the ones on the ‘calculator’
>As he does, the screen changes to show the numbers and operations he’s entering them
>The screen must sense pressure somehow and then compute what coordinates the pressure is applied to and whether that corresponds to an action for the ‘cellular phone’ to perform
>That’s probably why there are so few buttons
“That book is really far behind. It didn’t show any machines that responded to getting poked on their screen.”


>“Touchscreens are more of a recent thing. And you can just call it a ‘cellphone.’”
“It computes what to do based on ‘sensors’ in the screen that determine what coordinates you poked it at, I’m guessing.”
>“You’re quick on the uptake.”
“It’s just a ‘mouse’ in a different form. So, what else can these ‘cellphones’ do?”
>“They can run programs, they can send text messages and emails in addition to phone calls, they can-”
“‘Email?’ Does it connect to the ‘internet?’”
>“Yes.”
“Would you please show me that?”
>He tenses up a bit again, then makes the picture on the screen change from the ‘calculator’ to a mostly white screen with “Google” in colorful letters
>Hopefully you didn’t just encourage him to spy on people


>“What do you want to know?”
“Is there any sort of encyclopedic area of the ‘internet?’”
>He slides the screen of the ‘cellphone’ outwards to reveal a small ‘keyboard’ and uses it to type “Wikipedia”
>The screen is showing text in a format that’s similar to the front page of a newspaper
>Where the title of the paper would be, there’s the nonsense word ‘Wikipedia’ and a proud statement that it has over 4 million articles
>“This is the single largest wiki. It’s constantly peer-reviewed and edited by its readers, so it’s mostly current on all the major topics.”
>Jackpot!
“This is exactly what I was looking for. Would you mind showing me some of it?”
>“Do you have any topics in mind?”
>Better question: what don't you have in mind?
>Foremost is your current topic of study
>You'll satisfy your own curiosities later, you have a job to do
“I want to check all my work on computers against this, to start.”
>He puts the phone away
>He is being really weird right now
“What- Why would you do that?!”
>“I’m switching to my laptop. This would take forever if I did it on my phone.”



Part 4

>You are Jake Addams
>You’ve been sitting in the basement with Twilight for four and a half hours
>It’s interesting to watch her use telekinesis, even if it does look clumsier than you expected
>It’s not interesting enough to keep you entertained
>Spike had better appreciate this
>You’ve heard at least two different renditions of “Teddy Bear’s Picnic” playing through the floorboards, so he’s past the first level by now
>You don’t usually subscribe to religious beliefs that can’t be interpreted as “don’t be a dick”
>But god almighty, this is taking forever
>“That’s enough for RAM; now let’s move on to input devices.”
>You move the cursor to the search box and click it
>How many pages did this pony write?
“So, how many pages is that report?”
>“Three hundred ninety eight, not including the table of contents, index, and glossary.”
>That’s not a report, that’s a goddamn textbook
“That sounds more like a textbook.”
>“I suppose that part of me always wanted to be an author.”
>It shows, no wonder she ran out of ink
“Do you ever write creatively?”
>“I only did that once. I enjoyed reading it a lot less than I enjoyed writing it, so I threw it away. Some things just aren’t meant to happen.”
>Like cartoon characters existing
“…Said the alicorn sun princess’s student, who is herself a purple, talking pony.”
>“Ha ha. I'm not even half as absurd to you as you are to me.”
>Okay, sure thing Twilicorn


>“You aren’t enjoying this, are you?”
>Yes, thank you for noticing
>She hasn’t commented on your stress since you came downstairs, but she HAS to see it
“There are things that I’d rather be doing.”
>“Would you let me use the computer?”
>You’d rather not, even though you cleared your history, removed some sites from your favorites, and removed the Gameloft game on your phone while she wasn’t looking
“I suppose the real question is whether you know how to use it.”
>“It’s just entering words by pressing those buttons in the order of the letters you want and moving that arrow around with the black rectangle. I think I could get the hang of it.”
“It’s not exactly designed for hooves.”
>“I think my quill would work as a substitute for hands.”
“I don’t think it would work on the touchpad, but okay.”
>She taps her quill on the edge of the inkpot
>“Let me try.”
>The quill glows and starts to hover towards the computer
“What are you looking up?”
>“I want to verify that alicorns aren’t part of human culture. Thank you for reminding me.”
>This could go bad fast
“If they are, they're so obscure that it doesn't matter.”


>“Well, humans were obscure to me but that didn’t mean they didn’t exist.”
>shitshitshit
>You didn’t check Wikipedia for that yet
>For all you know, she’s going to see a picture of Celestia and realize you’ve been lying to her
>As the quill approaches the keyboard, it suddenly drops and flutters onto the floor
>It’s still glowing
>If she’s messing with you because she already knows, you are going to break something
“Why did you do that?”
>“I didn’t.”
“What happened?”
>“I’ve never seen anything like this. It was like it just stopped responding to my magic.”
>The quill floats back up towards the computer, but it doesn’t even get as close as it did last time before dropping
>This repeats itself two more times
>“This is very strange…”
>She moves the quill back towards her paper without any problem and lays it flat
>“Does Jon keep his cellphone with him often?”
“Usually, why?”
>“I tried to show him telekinesis earlier and it was more difficult than it usually is. Now I think I might know why.”
>She’s pointing towards the laptop
>“I think that computers might interfere with my magic, somehow.”
“I don’t understand.”
>“Neither do I.”
>She lifts the quill again and brushes aside her notes for a fresh sheet of paper
>“I need to send a letter about this. This could be devastating to the project.”


“What project?”
>She dips the quill into the ink and begins writing urgently
>“The scientists in Canterlot are trying to build a computer. From what I can tell, it seems like proximity and size increase interference with magic. If this hypothesis is correct, completing the project could cause absolute pandemonium. I need to stop them.”
“Spike mentioned the computer to me a while ago. How large is it?”
>“They’ve closed off one of the castle ballrooms to the annual gala to make room for it.”
>You may have been helping to build a doomsday device
>Oops
“Oh shit. How long have they been working on it?”
>She turns around in her chair
>“What?”
“‘What’ what?”
>“What you said.”
“How long have they been working on it?”
>“They just started building it.
>Whew
>“I meant the other thing.”
“Oh shit?”
>“The second word of that sentence. What does that mean?”
>Ponies confirmed for never swearing?


>The rating of the show kind of implied that, but really?
>You learned from ‘The Complete Guide to Equestria and its Neigh-bors’ that Pipsqueak had been dressed as an actual historical pirate called “Patch”
>He was more analogous to Blackbeard than to Jack Sparrow or Captain Hook
>“Patch” would never get screen time if they showed what he actually did
>Especially if he spoke the way real human pirates did
>Well, ‘straight and honest’
>Even if it means corrupting her innocence
“It’s a strong swear that means poop. I was using it to-”
>“Whatever. It’s like the human equivalent of ‘horseapples.’ Just don’t teach it to Spike.”
>Ponies confirmed to have dirty mouths for reasons other than using them to hold things


“At least we didn’t cause a disaster. What are you going to do if we can’t have computers around you?”
>“I’m going to avoid using the larger computers unless I can confirm that they don’t affect my magic. I might need to cast spells in order to get home. Besides,”
>She mashes a hoof against the keyboard
>“they’re not exactly designed for hooves.”
>She finishes the letter and rolls it up
>She cleans the quill and uses it to cautiously poke at the calculator
>It doesn’t look like she has to try very hard to do that
>She pulls the page of notes she had been working on back in front of her and dips the quill in the inkpot
>“Back on topic, would you look up input devices?”
“Fine.”
>“I’m not going to keep you if you don’t want to be here. We can do this later.”
“Oh. Okay, I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”
>“You have a printer, right?”
>She catches onto things way too quickly
“I was actually about to suggest that. If you give me a list of things you want to read, I’ll try to find them for you.”
>“Excellent! I need you to print something about each part of the table of contents. I’ve already seen the articles on main memory, secondary memory, operating systems, data compression-”
>That won't be necessary, thank you
“I remember which ones we saw. I’ll print those ones last.”
>You start to close the laptop
>“Wait, just a couple more things before you leave.”
“Yes?”


>“Do you have any spare batteries for this calculator?”
“It’s solar powered. It doesn’t need them.”
>“Ah yes, I put a bookmark on that earlier. I want articles about photovoltaic and heliostatic electricity as well.”
“Right.”
>“There’s one last thing I want to see right now. We got sidetracked earlier.”
>She better not say what you think she’s about to say
>“Would you look up alicorns for me?”
>Fuuuuuck you were hoping she’d forget
>You can’t refuse or she’ll get suspicious
“Sure.”
>You delete the ‘EZuLsgyF’ in the search box and type in ‘alicorn’
>Moment of truth
>She looks over your shoulder to read the page as it appears
>Please don’t be culturally significant enough to spoil everything
>You press enter
>“Huh. I guess they are a part of human culture. I’m not sure whether or not to take comfort from that.”


>It’s just a stub article with a brief mention of a fantasy author referring to winged unicorns as alicorns and the belief that horns were an alchemical ingredient
>You are never going to get those five million dollars
>“Actually, no. I think I won’t. Every p0ny who values their horn can’t stand that rumor about OMCM being a cure-all. The one thing I was hoping wouldn’t be a parallel between human mythology and Equestrian culture, and there it is.”
“OMCM?”
>“Organic magically conductive material. I have a book being sent to me that can explain in detail.”
“Are you getting it from the castle library? I remember that the last one took a while because you had it sent from your house.”
>“Unfortunately, no. The Canterlot research teams have requisitioned the entire castle library and are reluctant to share the few books they aren’t using. Getting them to give up one that they are using is out of the question if I can get it another way.”
“And the princesses are just letting them do that?”
>“It doesn't matter. They might try to negotiate something if I needed it immediately, but I don’t need it anytime soon.”
“Well, alright then. Do you want me to bring that letter upstairs to send?”
>“If you wouldn’t mind.”


“Eliza told me you hadn’t read all the way through these books yet. You’re going to have plenty of time while I print all this.”
>“Do you have any general history books? I’ve been meaning to read up on that.”
“I’ll bring a couple of those down in a minute. Anything else?”
>“Any other books you have on machinery, especially on electronics.”
“I have a few of those, but they’re not very technical.”
>“That’s not a problem. My next subject of study is going to be what the applications of human technology are.”
“Okay, I’ll be back in a sec.”
>You take the letter and laptop, then head for the living room
>Actually, no
>You head for your room
>You scribble out a hasty letter and tuck it inside Twilight’s scroll
>“FOR THE PRINCESSES’ EYES ONLY”

Dear Princesses Celestia and Luna,

My father, Jon, wants another letter to verify that there was a first letter. He is considering revealing the
secret to Twilight, and he might actually do it if he doesn’t receive confirmation. Please hide your reply
in the fifty third page of the next book to be sent to her.

Humbly yours,
Jake Addams

Also, if it's not too much to ask, would you please tell me exactly how you came to be aware of the state of your existences?


“Yo Spike, new letter to send. It’s sort of important.”
>“Did something happen?”
“Twilight thinks computers might make magic stop working. She wants the science guys to stop building theirs.”
>He pauses and stares at you for a moment
>“How the hay would that work?”
“Beats me. Here.”
>*Fwoosh*
>“So, what's up with Sharkfood Island? .”
“There's a cave on it that's buried in the sand, but you have to raise the island to get the big egg hidden in that cave. You don’t need to do anything there, so I’m not going to spell it out for you.”
>“Can’t you at least give me a hint?”
“That was the hint.”
>“…Oh! The sandcastle!”
“If you get the special egg inside the cave, I’m going to buy candy for you every day that I go to school.”
>“You are so on.”
“Just don’t get hung up on it. It’s one of the few things you don’t need to pay attention to in this game. You don't even get anything from it.”
>“Except candy.”





Part 5

>Day…uhh…
>What day is it?
>I lost track, just go with the date
>Tuesday, March 26, 12:00.
>
>12:00.
>
>12:00.
>That can’t be right. We just had lunch and the clock in the kitchen was past 1:00.
>The cable box was unplugged, idiot
>They were trying to fix it and they reset the clock
>All of the boxes have cables coming out of them. How was I supposed to know they meant that one?
>THE cable box, not A cable box
>Whatever. Video games time.
>Indeed

>You press the power button on the Nintendo
>You decide to watch the beginning movie this time just to be sure you’re not missing something
>Jake keeps insisting that you pay attention to every detail
>Including the reading
>Allll of that reading
>Why can't the characters just talk?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2C3m5Lno_20
(YouTube link: Banjo Kazooie’s intro. Watch all the way through this time.)

>Oh come on
>One of the things the game showed said ‘Rare’
>You’re starting to wonder if Twilight was onto something when she told you that this world might be trying to mess with her head
>It might not be messing with your head, but if it starts messing with your heart like this you’re going to pull out your hair
>Not really, because you don’t have any hair
>It’s a figure of speech
>You pick your save and start moving bear-dude through the castle
>Kazooie is a lot faster, so you don’t usually use bear-dude to get around
>It sort of makes you wonder why the game even has the bear guy
>I think I know, actually.
>Why
>Bird-lady had to learn to walk. She didn’t know how to walk and she’s just now learning to fly. I think that’s a good reason not to cut out bear-dude. She would be helpless.
>That’s kind of sad
>That reminds me, did you ever figure out why Eliza seemed so glum during dinner last night?


>Wow, get your hearing checked
>She said why
>There was some sort of sad ‘Past-over’ holiday
>We’re in the same brain, dummy. I just wasn’t paying attention.
>And why is that
>You know I get cravings for sweets and meats if I can’t get my gems. Having a whole cooked chicken and that ka-filtered fish stuff right there was kind of difficult to ignore.
>She was talking about how a bunch of people were slaves and died and stuff and then got enslaved and died again later
>Oh.
>Um…
>Not anyone we know, right?
>I don’t think so
>Okay. That’s sad, but at least it’s not helpless bird-lady sad.
>All three of them were talking for an hour straight
>Seriously, get it together
>But food.
>Stop being so impossible
>Is it even possible to die twice?
>I think we had this conversation a while ago
>No, that was about exploding twice. We never did figure that out.
>Let’s leave Twilight to figure those ones out
>We’ve got more important things to do, like getting metal fish guy’s chain loosened
>But it’s way under the water. Banjo keeps running out of breath as soon as we get him down there. 
>Just do it, you almost had it last time
>Clanky’s a fish. He’ll be fine if we leave him there a while.
>Do it
>The bubbles are hard to get.
>Do it anyway
>The music down there is creepy!
>You’re going to have to do it eventually
>And all of your excuses are horrible
>All of your face is horrible.


>We don’t have faces
>Seriously, go do it
>Just swim around the key three times like Jake said
>It’ll be easy
>Ugh, fine.
>Oh hey, it sounds like Jake is home now
>Don’t distract me while I’m trying not to drown!
>My bad
>Where is bubble fish?
>Never mind, found him.
>Grab a bubble
>Hey, what do you think I’m trying to do?
>You know what
>I’m just gonna let you do this
>Works for me.

>You keep swimming Banjo around the lock and through the key
>It’s tricky to judge where the bubbles are
>You keep missing them and going back to the surface for air instead, which resets the puzzle
>A little frustrating, but that probably means there’s going to be a big payoff or some new place to explore
>Jake comes by to check in
>It’s an average, boring conversation
>He asks how far you’ve gotten in the game, you ask how his day was
>He always says his day was “fine” whenever your ask him
>It makes you wonder whether he has any bad or good days
>He should go on an adventure or something if his life is so boring


>After a few minutes, he leaves to go do some reading for one of his classes and print stuff for Twilight
>Speaking of Twilight, she’s headed upstairs again only a couple of minutes after you finish speaking to Jake
>She wasn’t in the basement when you woke up, so she already had her daily upstairs-time
>Twi’s talking to Jake about something
>She sounds upset for some reason, but Jake sounds like he doesn’t care
>Maybe he printed the wrong thing for her and shes overreacting
>It’s not your problem, so you keep trying to swim around the key three times in one go
>It starts to become your problem as Twilight raises her voice
>You give up on trying to open the lock
>Whatever they’re talking about is a distraction to you

>As if the game itself wasn't frustrating enough
>What’s her problem?
>Beats me
>Let’s listen in and see if we can find out.
>I like this idea


>“I’m telling you, we aren’t all about war.”
>“Then what the hay is this?!”
>“It says right on the page. It’s an A-10 close air support jet.”
>“I can see that! What was it built for? What purpose does it serve?”
>“It’s for fighting wars.”
>“By my estimates, it’s carrying a fifth of its weight in weaponry: It says here that it can carry even more! Why would anyone need that?”
>“Yeah, it’s sort of ridiculous like that.”

>We should ask to see one of those. It sounds like it would look really silly.
>Noted

>“How many of them are there?”
>“I can’t say for sure. A few hundred? I think it’s somewhere around a thousand. Probably less than the Sukhoi 25.”
>“And what is that? How many of those were built?”
>“Another jet built on the same concept. Roughly equivalent, better or worse depending on who you ask about it.”
>“Answer the whole question! How many? How much time, effort and money was spent on making these?”
>“Probably one and a half or two times as many, I’m guessing. Development costs for either were probably in the hundreds of millions of dollars and dev time took about five years for each of them. It costs tens of millions to produce one of them, but the Sukhoi is a bit cheaper.”
>“And these? What about these? An explosion that makes another explosion equivalent to kilotons of dynamite? What possible use could these have in any civilized society?!”

>So it is possible
>What’s a kiloton?
>It’s short for a kajillion tons
>Whoooooah…


>“I think they’re up to megatons by now. No, wait… yeah, they are. It says that on the page there.”
>“What are they for?!”
>“Same as the A-10, but it’s more powerful and less precise. Also a lot more expensive.”
>“And how many of THOSE are there?”
>“Not counting the ones that are decommissioned, approximately enough to make six or seven ‘garden’-type planets so irradiated that only fruit flies and cockroaches would survive.”
>“And what, this Kim Jong person is just going to start strapping these to rockets?”

>So these are fireworks for wars? I don’t get it.
>No, more like really big bombs
>What does ‘irradiated’ mean?
>I’ve never heard it before

>“It’s probably just a threat. Don’t worry, these threats aren’t that common nowadays.”
>“And they used to be?”
>“For a period of about sixty years, yes. It was almost constant. You can ask Jon about it. He was born around the time that started.”
>“I did. He said you’d be the resident expert on this sort of thing.”
>“I’m flattered, I guess.”
>“So, how many space shuttles were built?”
>“A dozen. They’re on the pricey side, though. Hundreds of millions of dollars to build one.”
>“And how far can one of them travel?”
>“Into orbit for a few weeks and back again. Challenger didn’t make it that far and… uhh… I don’t remember the name of the one that disintegrated during reentry. Point is that two of them broke midflight and everyone on board died. They were all retired last year.”


>“So you couldn’t go to another planet if you needed to?”
>“Nope. Besides, there’s nowhere we could get to within a lifetime that would be worth staying at.”
>“Humans could make this planet uninhabitable seven times-“
>“Up to seven times.”
>“-Up to seven times, and they haven’t thought through to where the survivors to go? What kind of crazy world is this?!”
>“One that’s still here.”
>“What’s that supposed to mean?!”
>“We could have offed ourselves, but we didn’t.”
>“And you still could!”
>“There’s a question you’ve been avoiding.”
>“Oh?”
>“Would you please ask it?”
>“Very well. Why are humans doing all this?”
>“¿Quiere que explanarlo en Español?”
>What?
>“What?”
>“¿Puede comprenderme?”
>“I don't know what you're saying.”
>“Lo siento, senorita caballo. Me olvide todo de mi vocabulario inglés.”
>“Speak normally!”
>“One border south of here, that would have been speaking normally. It’s also normal along most of Riverside street, but that’s a different story.”
>“Did you do that for any reason OTHER than to annoy me?”
>“You just helped to illustrate my point.”
>“That point being?”


>“There are seven billion people. We don’t have a single culture or language. You’re lucky you didn’t land in the middle of Siberia or the Amazon jungle where there are people who not only wouldn’t be able to understand you, but they might not even know what year it is because they’ve been cut off from mainstream civilization for so long. Now those are people that might have eaten you.”
>Good luck trying to bite through dragon hide.
>“I’m counting my lucky stars. Get to the point.”
>“A major factor of peace is how well all parties involved understand eachother. We have a lot of potential for misunderstandings.”
>“That’s still no excuse not to try to resolve differences.”
>“How do you recommend we do that?”
>“Talk to eachother. I thought that would have been obvious.”
>“If two wildly different groups meet to talk, how should the meeting be arranged to offend neither group? Which group’s language should they talk in? What should they eat? What should they wear? Where will the meeting take place?”
>“I know a trick question when I hear one.”
>“Precisely. There is no ideal solution.”


>“What about the ‘Warsaw Uprising’ and ‘Exodus from Egypt’ that were discussed last night? Even I can tell that it’s a stretch to say that those were purely misunderstandings.”

>What are those?
>I’d slap you for being so dumb if that was possible
>This is what they were talking about during dinner

>“In the case of the US’s internment camps, it sort of was. But that’s different.”
>“This country did that too? Is this common?”
>“No, no it’s not. How far have you read in the history textbooks?”
>“The researchers in Canterlot aren’t concerned with anything other than paleolithic human behavior.”
>“Why aren’t you reading these books we’re giving you? Those ones aren’t even rentals.”
>“I’m being focused. I don’t want to know; I want to understand.”
>“I hope you’re aware that you aren’t doing a very good job in that regard.”
>“And how would you do if you got dropped in the middle of Equestria and then couldn’t leave the first house you entered?”
>“I think I could get by.”
>“I’d hope you could after getting a primer from that book I gave you.”
>“Okay I’ll give you that. You were at a disadvantage.”
>“And I’m working to get an understanding of this world.”


>“You’re never going to truly understand it if you keep looking only where other people tell you to.”
>How many times have the humans told her this?
>Once or twice
>“I’m trying to get as much information as I can on subjects that may be useful back home. Human history isn’t something I need to know.”
>“I’ll give you that one too, but about those nukes we were talking about. They’re the reason that the major countries of the world don’t war with eachother.”
>“Why is that?”
>“Sic vis pacem, para bellum.”

>He’s speaking mumbo jumbo again.
>It doesn’t sound like ‘eekum-bokum’ to me
>Not that Mumbo Jumbo.

>“Why are you doing this again?”
>“That’s Latin for ‘if you want peace, be ready for war.’ It’s the theory of deterrence.”
>“Which is…?”
>“That being ready for a fight is the best way to prevent fights. If we stop developing missiles, guns, and jets, whoever doesn’t stop will gain enough of an advantage that they’d put serious consideration into changing their foreign policy to ‘conquer and subjugate.’”
>“Okay, but how does that apply to… oh. Oh sweet Celestia...”
>“This is how a nuclear war would go: a country’s radar facilities detect intercontinental ballistic missiles headed their way. They fire their own missiles in retaliation, and the only winners are the ones who didn’t participate and aren’t downwind. We call it Mutually Assured Destruction.”

>What’s radar?
>Maybe he meant ‘radio’


>Neither of them says anything for a minute
>Twilight’s trying and failing to say something
>You almost go back to playing, but Twilight finally gets her words again
>“It’s going to get everyone killed. You can’t live like this!”
>“And yet it hasn’t gotten everyone killed. It’s a beautiful paradox.”
>“It’s horrible!”
>“Perhaps, but it works, and it works well.”
>“It won’t work forever!”
>“Of course not. Nothing does. The person who fires first is going to be forever remembered as the dumbest person to ever rule a country, so it’s extremely unlikely to happen.”
>“If there’s anyone left to record that.”
>“Meh. A few billion people would die, but we’d have to really be trying to kill everyone if we wanted to cause our extinction. ”
>“Why are you so laid back about this? Don’t you care?”
>“I care. I’ve just accepted the status quo.”
>“You shouldn’t!”
>“That’s your opinion.”
>“That’s a fact. It’s going to get billions of people killed!”
>“It won’t.”
>“You just said that it would!”
>“No world leader is so suicidally aggressive that they would try it. Maybe Kim Jong Un, but he only has ten low-yield bombs at most and North Korea’s isolationism doesn’t exactly help them build effective missiles.”
>“There’s a chance it could get billions of people killed. That’s too much. It needs to change.”
>“How can we change it?”


>“Get rid of the bombs.”
>“Who does it first? How do we make sure that everyone actually gets rid of them?”
>“Do it simultaneously and then enforce the ban.”
>“If we did ban them, there would probably be at least one nation that wants to have an ace up their sleeve. Even if nobody does that, now the only thing that would make us think twice about starting a war is whether the other side has an advantage that needs to be one-upped. We’d just keep developing other types of weapons until we had something as destructive as nukes, if not more so.”
>“Then get rid of all the types of weapons.”

>That seems like a good idea.

>“Do you see those belts up there? They go with my old martial arts uniform. I used to train in a martial arts style invented by farmers who weren’t allowed to own weapons. They started using their bodies and farming tools in the place of swords and spears. If all the weapons in the world just, poof, disappeared, we’d find another way to fight.” 

>Okay, maybe it’s not a good idea.

>“Do you humans just want to kill eachother? Is that it?!”


>“Just because we’re really good at it doesn’t mean we’re single-mindedly devoted to it.”
>“You had me fooled. What evidence do you have of that?”
>“We have charities, free clinics, shelters for the homeless, wealthy philanthropists…”
>“Those are just gestures. For all I know, humans are all wearing a mask of peace to hide the fact that they really do want to fight all the time.”
>“A few do that. We don’t like them very much unless they fight for something noble and know when to stop fighting. Seriously, just read the books. You’ll understand.”
>“I’m going to. I just don’t have time to do that right now.”
>“When will you have time?”
>“I don’t know.”
>“When are you going home?”
>“I already told you that I don’t know that.”
>“Do you have any reason to believe that you’ll be going home so soon that you can’t slow down?”
>“No, but that’s not a reason to stop working as hard as I do.”
>“Then slow down for your own sake. You’re more likely to die of exhaustion than of a nuclear explosion.”
>“I need to go write a letter to the Princess. We aren’t done.”
>You hear Twilight’s hooves going down the stairs
>You don’t really understand what they said earlier, but it sounds dangerous


>You go back to the game and dive bear dude back towards the lock

>I think we might die here
>I’ve gotten better at getting these bubbles. We’ll be fine.
>I don’t mean that Banjo is going to drown
>Jake said we’ll be okay. I trust him.
>Are you sure
>We could ask him if it would make you stop worrying.
>I’d like that

>You pause the game and get up
>You knock on his already open door
>“You can come in, Spike.”
“What was that about?”
>“Twilight just found out that humans are really good at making war.”
“What are the bombs she was talking about?”
>“Nuclear bombs. They use an explosion to generate enough force to make atoms split or combine so quickly that they make a huge explosion.”
“How big?”
>“It could be big enough to destroy a city in one blast, depending on the bomb.”
“But they aren’t used, are they?”
>“They were only used once. The United States dropped two bombs and it’s been regretting that ever since. I don’t expect them to be used again.”
“Dropped? From what?”
>“Here, let me get my laptop out.”
>He shows you a bunch of things, including that A ten thing
>It has a lot less swords than you were expecting
>It sounded silly
>Now that you see it, you can’t help but think

>That actually looks sort of cool.
>Yeah, it does
>Let’s drop the game for a moment and stay here



Part 6

>Day 1 +2 weeks, +1 month
>March 26, 2:05pm, basement/study of Addams household
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>You’re not sure what makes you more uncomfortable
>The fact that at any second, you could die an agonizing, burning death
>Or the fact that no one thought to warn you of that
>It was almost like it was hidden from you
>You were checking the index of ‘The (new) Way Things Work’ to make a reference guide of human technologies by type in that book that could be sent home so the researchers could make requests
>You thought it was odd that there was one section about ‘nuclear power’ in the chapter ‘Harnessing the Elements’ instead of ‘Electricity and Automation’
>The latter was closer to the end of the book and just before the chapter on ‘computers,’ so you’d gone by it more often
>You’d only skimmed ‘Harnessing the Elements’ because you thought it wouldn’t relate to your topic of study
>You were pleasantly surprised that you were wrong, but you’d planned to move on to the applications of human technology and how they could be reproduced
>You were going through ‘HOW THINGS WORK,’ which is itself deceptively titled and would be more appropriately titled ‘WHAT THINGS ARE’
>You were trying to find interesting and useful applications of human technology that you would study the principles of
>The chapters in that book about vehicles were insightful


>Humans have extremely complicated machines that enable flight at speeds that require the vehicle’s surface to melt in order to dissipate the heat generated by drag, machines that allow travel in extreme pressure and total vacuum, and, of course, many types of those ‘motorized carriages’ you’d seen on your first day here
>Each chapter also had at least one example of how human militaries had changed the use of these machines from tools to weapons
>You skipped those ones because you’re researching humans for the good of Equestria and any other researchers in attendance
>The end of the book had a few pages about the various facilities used to generate electricity
>When you got to a page about ‘nuclear reactors’ that referred to electricity generated by these reactors as ‘nuclear power,’ you connected the dots and went back to ‘The (new) Way Things Work’
>It had a similar and slightly more detailed overview of ‘nuclear reactors’
>The next page was about fission and fusion of ‘atoms’ and ended by saying that nuclear fusion occurs in stars and ‘thermonuclear weapons’


>You wish your perfectionist impulses hadn’t driven you to turn the page
>But you had to know this
>It’s another appendix for your report on ‘atoms’
>For whatever reason, Jake doesn’t seem to mind that all of the planet’s life teeters on a knife’s edge
>Sure, the radio said that North Korea doesn’t have missiles with the range to hit anywhere near you
>But there are people who are in range
>And if humans can get an object into orbit, they can get a ‘nuclear explosive’ to any part of the world
>Jake even said ‘intercontinental’
>Wasn’t it enough for this world to just make you feel uncomfortable?
>Does it need to make you fear for your life constantly as well?
>You can't study when you're dead, so you need to warn Celestia
>You describe your situation as it was explained to you, word for word
>You tell Celestia that if contact is suddenly lost and does not resume within two days, the worst should be assumed
>You make sure to include a preemptive goodbye to your family and politely request that Shining Armor consider your ongoing repartee to have ended in a draw
>Even if the CCU/CSGU team doesn’t find a way to get you home, it might not matter
>You might never see your friends and family again
>Back to emotional square 1 you go


>You head back upstairs with the letter tucked behind your ear
>You look in the living room, but he’s not there
>You hear him ask what the difference is between a clip and a magazine
>A weird question, but now you can tell he’s in Jake’s room
>They’re sitting on the edge of his bed and looking at his ‘laptop’
>And then you hear Jake say that they’re two types of things that hold bullets
>Not on your watch
“Spike, go play your game. I need to talk to Jake.”
>He looks at Jake, who shrugs
“Out.”
>He hops off of the bed and slips past you through the doorway
>You’re staring daggers at Jake
>He pulls the ‘laptop’ a little closer to himself
>“…Yes?”
“Don’t you ever do that.”
>“What did I do?”
>Feigning ignorance?
>Confirm feint, work from there
“You know what you did.”
>“I really don’t. Are you talking about humans collectively-”
“I’m talking about you.”


>“I’m still not sure what you’re talking about.”
>Provoke, see if this causes him to slip out of the feint
“Then you must have very poor memory. You were doing it just a moment ago.”
>“It’s not the best, but you’re not helping me by making me guess.”
>May not be a feint
>Make him realize what it is
“Turn the ‘laptop’ around.”
>He turns it toward you so you can see the screen
>There’s a picture of something
>You’re not really sure what it is
>It’s made of dark metal and plastic
>There are several paragraphs of text beneath the picture
>They’re about a firearm of some sort
>Suspicion confirmed, as if there was doubt
“Now you look at the screen.”
>He turns the computer back towards himself
“Notice anything?”
>He scans it for a moment, then looks back at you
>“I don’t think anything changed, if that’s what you mean.”
>Out of patience
“That’s because this was exactly what you were showing to Spike.”
>“Oh.”


“Yeah, ‘oh.’ I’m not letting you indoctrinate him into this fanclub humans have for violence.”
>“I wasn’t doing anything of the sort.”
“It sure looked like you were.”
>“He asked.”
“That didn’t mean you had to show him.”
>“But I did show him.”
>Stating obvious, either stupid or off guard
“I am aware of that. I don’t approve.”
>“Okay, but he was the one who wanted to see this.”
“And I’m going to talk to him about that later. Right now, I want you to know that I’m not going to stand for this.”
>“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize this would be such a problem.”
“Right after you tell me about how humans could bring the whole planet to ruin?”
>“Would you have preferred that I try to sugarcoat it?”
>He’s getting his wits back
“I’d prefer that you don’t lie to me.”
>“I wasn’t lying. I didn’t choose what the truth was.”
“Withholding information is still lying.”
>“What?”
>Interesting reaction, see if he breaks and tells you something you don’t know


“You know what I’m talking about.”
>“Please stop being so circumspect.”
>Didn’t break
“Do I have to spell it out for you? You should have told me about ‘nuclear wars’ sooner.”
>“Oh. I thought it wasn’t important enough to be worth mention-”
“Not important? Is my life not important to me? There should be signs posted everywhere that say ‘WARNING: POTENTIAL NUCLEAR WARZONE!’”
>“I’m telling you. It’s not going to happen.”
>Expose flaw in argument
“And you can say this with absolute certainty after you tell me that humans have almost as much capacity for misunderstandings as they have for violence?”
>“The will to live transcends all culture and language. We know what’s in our best interests.”
>Try a different angle
“How is killing twenty six unarmed people, most of them children, and then killing themself in someone’s best interest?”
>“He was insane. He never should have had access to a gun.”
“Should anyone, considering what sort of guns humans make?”
>“Are you really taking it down to that level?”
“I just did. Explain.”
>“Fair warning. You probably don’t know a barrel shroud from a buttstock. Change the subject.”
“I don’t, but I don’t want to change the subject.”
>“Last chance.”
“Don’t change the subject.”


>“In the early 20th century, alcoholic beverages were banned because some crotchety old lady with a hatchet said that alcohol is what’s ruining society-”
“I said don’t change the subject!”
>“I’m coming back to it, and you’d know that if you’d read those books we gave you! A knee-jerk movement joins her and pours all the alcohol they can find down the drain. Meanwhile, organized crime sees a business opportunity. They prosper off of bootleg breweries for a good decade or so before people realize how stupid they were to agree with that old hag. If something is outlawed and desirable, the outlaws will have it for sale. Besides that, banning any and all weaponry from civilian ownership would require fundamental alterations to this country's constitution. We can't just get rid of them like we tried to do with cocaine.”
>Citing historical evidence?
>You’re going to have to confirm that story later
>Nevertheless, he’s shutting you out


“So what is it, then? What is it that drives humans?”
>“We’re ambitious. We want to make something of ourselves, and we compete to be better than everyone else. Besides, doesn’t Equestria have a military and capitalist economy? That’d make you one to talk.”
>So he wants to take it to your home now?
“We have a self defense force and a system that works!”
>“A system that works, huh? Where have I heard that before? Any monopolies I should know about?”
“Shut up while I’m talking! We have a military out of necessity that acts in the interests of the people at all times. They haven’t had to fight a foreign war in 114 years, and even then it was because the griffons were driving dragons out of the northern mountains and into Equestria! Our markets are regulated to prevent monopolization and exploitation of consumers, and it’s designed to ensure that as many ponies prosper as possible!”
>“I can’t comment on Equestrian financial laws, but I’m sure your military wouldn’t mind if a crate of human-made guns appeared on their doorstep. It’d ensure the peace by being so dominant that no one would dare attack your country again.”
“They aren’t the bloodthirsty brutes that humans are.”
>“Bloodthirsty brutes? You’re making an awful lot of assumptions for someone who made a fifteen page index for their report. Have you even met anyone from your military?”
>Oh, that’s a personal attack on two levels


>This is about honor now
“I will have you know that my brother is the Captain of the Royal Guard, and he wouldn’t swat a mosquito unless it bit him first!”
>“Wait, as in the one I told Spike to call an ‘absent-minded nincompoop?’ Yeah. I came up with that one. You’re welcome.”
>The hay with it all, just give in to emotion
“YOU’RE an absent-minded nincompoop, and it’s going to get you killed!”
>“And you’re ignoring my point! Armament is the bugspray that keeps us from having to swat anything!
>“Stop all this fighting!”
>Spike wants to join on your side of the argument, it seems
>Simultaneously with Jake, you reply
“That’s what I’m trying to say!”
>“That’s what I’m trying to say!”
>“No, I mean YOUR fighting. Right now. I want to play videogames and I can’t focus if you two are shouting at eachother.”
>Oh, right, you came upstairs to send a letter
>This argument has gotten nothing accomplished, anyway
“Ugh… I’ll be back in a minute.”
>You go back out to the living room
>You slip the letter out from behind your ear and give it to Spike
“Send this. If Jake wants you to look at his ‘computer’ again, I want you not to let him show you anything I haven’t already seen. Are we clear?”
>“Okay, but I don’t understand what was so bad about what he was showing me.”
“Those machines were built for killing people, Spike.”
>“Oh. I sort of forgot about that.”
“Remember it next time. I don’t want to catch you salivating over those things again.”


>You turn back towards Jake’s room and hear the *FWOOSH* of Spike’s fire behind you as you walk
>Back to Jake’s room, back to business
“As I was saying, this has to change.”
>“And I’m saying that’s a pipe dream. Pacifism is inherently flawed.”
>Finally, something you can agree with
“Did you hear me say pacifism?”
>“…No.”
“I wasn’t advocating pacifism. What I mean to say is that human weapons have gotten too deadly.”
>“I agree that some of them are a bit excessive, but disarming wouldn’t do any good.”
“At least do something about ‘nuclear weapons.’”
>“Hey, we would love to, but the problem is that we can’t do that without causing instability. The Cold War is over, and we still have a decent amount of time on the Doomsday Clock, so it’s not as bad as you think.”
>Well, that’s a bit of a relief
“Two terms I don’t recognize.”
>“Sorry, I guess I am an absent-minded nincompoop. I keep forgetting that everything here is totally foreign to you.”
>Not totally foreign, and that’s the unsettling part about it
>You won’t get anything from complaining about it to him, though
“I’ve just been accumulating a bunch of phrases that I don’t understand. Could we please go over them?”
>*BuuuuuRRp*
“Just a minute.”


>Back out to Spike, who is expectantly holding the letter while still looking at the ‘television’
>As you step into the hallway, you get an idea
>Your magic seems to be recovering well
>If ‘computers’ are as ubiquitous as they seem and you could potentially be here for years, you’re going to have to learn to work through that interference
>Spike is holding something from Equestria, so it shouldn’t be too hard if you have a bit of room between yourself and the ‘computers’ nearby
>You may as well test yourself
>Your horn glows
>Spike glances over to see why you’re not coming to take the letter, then loses interest when he sees what you’re doing
>Your magic wraps around the letter without any problem
>This actually feels pretty easy
>Almost too easy
>You float the letter over towards yourself
>This is actually perceptibly easier
>Is this world is actively defying your expectations?
>Test this later
>You unroll the letter telekinetically

My faithful student,

Twilight, foremost, I need you to remain calm. If you believe you are in imminent danger, you may cease
all research immediately and study any subjects you deem necessary to your continued health. In place
of or in addition to your daily status report, please respond to this letter as soon as possible. I will
forward your letter to your family depending on your response or lack thereof.

Please, stay safe.
Princess Celestia


>Jake says you’ll be fine
>You’d like a second opinion, though
>Eliza isn’t here, so there’s only one other person you could check this with
>You head through the kitchen with the letter floating alongside you
>It’s getting difficult again, so you tuck it under your wing
>This might be worth dedicating some free time to
>The next time you get some
>Jon always leaves the door to his office open for you, figuratively and literally
>“Do you want me to go over the Canterlot Computer’s schematics again?”
“Not now. I have a different question. Do you think North Korea is going to start a ‘nuclear war?’”
>“They’re delusional. They have a new leader who’s young and brash, but the generals of his army are almost as old as I am and have a slightly less delusional view of the situation. I doubt he’d start any kind of war without consulting them first. I think he’s just doing this for attention.”
“What about ‘nuclear weapons’ in general? Do you think a global ‘nuclear war’ could happen anytime soon?”
>“If it didn’t happen before the end of the Reagan administration, I doubt a nuclear war will happen now.”
“Right. Thank you.”
>Whatever the Reagan administration is, he sounds confident
>Hopefully you aren’t the only one who’s been holding on to an optimistic delusion
>You give Jake another “back in a second” as you head past his door and into the basement
>You levitate your quill out of the pot and start to write out a letter
>Again, telekinesis feels easier than it normally does


>You accidentally press too hard against the page and snap the quill, creating a large spot of ink
>The ‘calculator’ is right there
>Your hypothesis about computers interfering with magic might be wrong
>Odd, but you’re in the middle of something
>You retrieve one of your thankfully infinite supply of purple quills from your saddlebags and start over on a fresh sheet of paper

Dear Princess Celestia,

I have been assured that the likelihood of a nuclear war is minimal. However, I would still prefer that
you relay my request to my brother. I’m not in the mood for that anymore. I will send my daily report
as usual.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

>With that, you use your telekinesis to roll up the paper and-
>Wait a minute, this is paper that you were given
>By humans
>Paper from Earth, which is responding to magic almost as well as the paper you brought
>Okay, what is going on here?


>You test out your ability to move the paper around
>Slightly more difficult than it would be with a piece of paper from Equestria, but otherwise normal
>You try with the piece of paper you discarded, and it behaves similarly
>You try the same with a blank piece of paper and paper marked with only lines of ink, and they behave as you would expect paper from Earth to behave
>This is bizarre
>You take all of the pieces of paper upstairs with you
>You head for Jake’s room
“Hold out your ‘laptop’ for a moment. I need to test something.”
>He obliges
>You levitate the papers one by one around the ‘laptop computer’
>“What are you doing?”
>The only consistent trait is that they all seem to become more difficult to control around the ‘keyboard’
>You try the same thing around the ‘desktop’
“My magic getting almost no interference. It might even be stronger than usual. I’m trying to figure out why.”
>This time it becomes harder to control around a single button
>The button is labeled with the symbol humans associate with activation
>You don’t understand
>Do certain ‘computers’ not want you to use them?
>You’ve been told that their sequences of on-off/yes-no switches aren’t yet sophisticated enough to simulate intelligent decisions, but what you’re observing leads you to believe that the computers themselves are trying to stop your magic from working somehow when you try to use them
>If that’s the case, ‘computers’ might not just be intelligent, but they’re also jerks


>This could change everything
“I need to send a letter about this. Just a moment.”
>You rush downstairs and add a postscript to your letter


P.S. This paper seems to be easier to manipulate with magic than other paper from Earth. Noticeable
increase in magical ability at the moment, unsure why. Computers may only interfere with magic near
controlling surfaces. Not confirmed. Recommend that engineers resume construction.


>You hurry back upstairs and give Spike the letter to send before Celestia gets any more anxious
>You head back to Jake’s room, where he’s been waiting patiently
>“Are you going to stay this time?”
“Unless I get a reply to that letter.”
>“Do you want to keep berating me about how humans are going to get themselves killed?”
“I don’t see a point in continuing that argument. Let’s call it off.”
>“I'm fine with that. So, are you going to go straight back to work?”
“No, we were about to go over some phrases I don't know.”
>“Oh right... wait, didn’t we give you a dictionary?”
>One for children 12 and under, yes
“It’s… lacking. Anyway,”
>You quickly do the ‘Pinkie promise’ gesture
>“I’m not going to lie.”


“I’d like to go backwards in terms of when I heard them. What is the ‘Cold War?’”
>“A 40 year period of tension between the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics and the North Atlantic Treaty Organization characterized by clashing political ideals, espionage, and a nuclear stalemate. We call it cold because there was very little open warfare.”
“How does it relate to the ‘Reagan administration?’”
>“Ronald Reagan was the president of this country around the time that the Soviet Union collapsed.” 
“What are ‘intercontinental ballistic missiles?’”
>“Aptly named rockets. They’re the primary method of delivering nuclear bombs, along with dropping them from aircraft or mounting them on shorter-range missiles.”
“What is a ‘holocaust?’”
>“That’s more Latin. It means ‘all is burned.’”
“What is ‘Latin?’”
>“It’s a dead language that became the basis of many modern languages, English included.”
>That only raises more questions
>Their language has almost everything in common with yours, now
>Why?
>He can’t answer that, so you silently regret not studying ancient Equestrian languages and continue with your questions
“What is ‘The Holocaust,’ used as a proper noun?”
>“We were talking about during our Passover dinner. I’m surprised you didn’t pick up on what it was.”
“Nobody said exactly what it was, and I left early because being around meat makes me feel nauseous.”
>“I’m not comfortable with telling you. You'd miss so much context. I'd prefer that you look it up for yourself.”


“Please, tell me.”
>“All I’m going to say is that it’s the most infamous, but definitely not the worst.”
“I’d appreciate it if you would tell me where to research it.”
>“It was one of the events of World War Two.”
“And what exactly was it?”
>He thinks for a moment before speaking
>“It was a genocide.”
>There’s another one
>You may as well ask him now
“What is a ‘genocide?’”
>He looks at you blankly
>He’s at a loss for words
>“I’m sorry. I don’t want to answer any more questions right now.”
>You’ve gone and asked a stupid question again
>You should probably go downstairs and take his advice
“Thank you for that. I might come back and ask about some more phrases later.”
>“Yeah. Okay.”
>As you descend the stairs, you can’t help but try to analyze his reaction
>He’s acting weird again
>Just mentioning this seems to make Eliza and Jake’s moods decline
>What could have been burned that would make them feel so gloomy?
>The roots of the word he said lead you to believe that it has something to do with genetics and death
>Maybe it’s a disease?
>You don't know how a genetic condition could affect combustibility
>Down at your desk, you flip the encyclopedia open to its index
>Holi, page 286
>Holliday, Billie, page 331
>Hollywood, pages 298 and 347
>Holocaust, page 433
>You go to the section about history and find the appropriate page
>As you read, your eyes settle on a statistic that alarms you
>Six million?
>And this isn’t the worst one?
>Stop the ride
>You want to get off



Part 7

>Saturday, March 30th, 12:42pm
>Year 22 and ‘a few weeks, I guess’ days on Earth
>You are Jake Addams
>And now YOU are out of ink
>This isn’t actually a problem
>Twilight hasn’t asked you to print anything since Wednesday, so it’s not getting in the way of her work or anything
>What is a problem is that you don’t know why she hasn’t asked you to print anything after she had you print everything you could find about electrical engineering and computers
>And you don’t know what she’s doing, period
>Even Spike doesn’t know what she’s doing because she forces him out of the basement when he wakes up and stops doing anything until he goes to sleep
>You’re lucky she still allows Spike into the basement, because otherwise the washer and dryer would be totally inaccessible
>Mom hasn’t seen her at breakfast and she’s not coming to any meals
>She seems to be timing her bathroom trips to avoid contact with everyone
>You’d say she’s gone dark, but the internet consistently flips out over depictions of humanized Twilight Sparkle with dark skin
>It’s evident that she’s upset about something


>Eliza said that half of her puffed rice wafers are gone
>She initially blamed Jon for snacking on her diet food, but he claims he’s innocent and you know you didn’t take any
>You noticed a bag of Tasteeos went missing, along with some of the contents of your bottle of multivitamins and a few cans of minestrone soup
>You’re ruling out a hunger protest on the grounds that she probably took them
>Besides, what would she be protesting?
>War?
>There are four people who would know that she’s protesting, and none of them could actually do anything meaningful about that
>You can tell what she's not doing, but what IS she doing?
>Not all the news is bad, even if Purplesmart is behaving worryingly
>Two days ago, you attended a focus group about your college’s online and smartphone prescence
>You were barely aware that they had one, and you didn’t know about the focus group until Berber gave you the flier about it because his classes conflicted with the time the group was meeting
>Despite the poor public presence and general slapdash nature of it, the group itself was pretty decent
>There was free pizza and a raffle
>You got fifty dollars from that raffle
>So did the two people sitting next to you 
>There were only about 15 people at the focus group and they forgot to shake the basket full of raffle tickets before doing the drawing
>Not five million, but it’s something


>You’re sitting in the kitchen putting together keys for dad’s whatchamacallit instrument
>You also posed for his April Fools’ Day pictures (it was only a labcoat, fortunately)
>You’re listening to RadioLab on NPR, which always has the weirdest stories
>You’d prefer some classic rock, but the only classic station that your parents (Jon moreso than Eliza) can stand is the classical music station a little ways up the dial
>Something about a lady with 'AMLR' who orgasms when she hears people whispering and an American guy with ‘yellow fever’ who gets a Chinese woman a visa just so he can marry her, even though she can barely speak a full sentence of English
>You aren’t really listening because it isn’t really news
>What you are listening to are the sounds coming from the basement
>It was weirdly quiet for the last couple of days
>Today it sounds like Twilight found more stuff to break than there could possibly be in the basement
>Seriously, what is she doing?
>She can’t be so upset that she’s doing stress relief on whatever she can find, can she?
>You just told her the truth
>You didn’t choose what the truth was
>Though you are choosing not to tell her a specific truth
>That’s different
>She wouldn’t get anything from learning about that
>And if the sound of something being smashed once every few minutes is any indication, she wouldn’t act rationally if she found out now


>She isn’t acting rationally, regardless of what she’s doing, or why
>In fact, even if Celestia was okay with you letting her in on the great secret that she, specifically, is not supposed to be real, that window of opportunity may have long since closed
>You might have been worrying a little too much about how she would react earlier
>Now all of your fears seem founded
>And it’s not like strapping your laptop to your chest would save you, because she debunked that idea last Tuesday
>Hoo boy, this is not going well
>The bright side of this is that Jon told you he thinks it’s a bad idea to tell her now, so that’s a loose end that’s tied up
>Tied with a granny knot, but tied up for now
>You hear Spike calling for you from the living room
>He usually doesn’t need your help with the game
>He also knows you’re doing something that Jon would prefer that you don’t get distracted from, so it can’t be that he just feels like talking about something
>You push your chair back from the table and stand up
>Something just broke in the basement again
>The noise itself has been driving dad insane all day, not to mention the worry that she might be breaking something valuable
>Spike says that nothing seems out of place whenever he goes downstairs
>You would know if she decided to trash the water heater
>Taking Spike at his word, you’re stumped


“Be right there, Spike.”
>“This is kind of important. I think you need to see this.”
“I’m coming, I’m coming…”
>You amble through the hallway past the why do we even have these boxes here they don’t have anything we couldn’t put in the basement
>Rounding the corner into the living room, you see that Spike has Banjo jumping around in some cave area and
>No way
>SPIKE, HOW THE FUCK
>“So, uh, why did you say this egg isn't useful if the game said it was?”
>You can’t believe your eyes
>He got that cave above the water, all right
>He’s leaning back on the couch, not caring or not knowing what he’s just done
>You walk up beside him, conscious of the fact that your jaw has gone slack
>“Is something wrong?”
“Hold on, I need to check something”
>You pull out your phone and bring up the calendar
>…Two, three, four… multiply by five…
>How many days of finals do you have?
>It doesn’t matter
>He just cost you half of the money you won
>No, not cost
>He earned that money


“Spike, I don’t know how you did it, but you’ve earned about twenty five days worth of candy.”
>He does a tiny fist pump and says “Yes!” under his breath
>He doesn’t even know
>You grab him by the shoulders
>You’ve never touched him for more than a few seconds before, but now that you have, you can say it feels really strange and you’re not sure you want him to give you a hug any time in the future
>He’s feverish by human standards but scaly
>You fight the urge to shiver at the strange sensation
>Don’t get distracted, holy shit he needs to realize the significance of this
“You don’t get it. I made that bet knowing that it was all but impossible to lose. Don’t get me wrong, I would still get you something occasionally, but this was supposed to be something you couldn’t do.”
>“Heh, yeah. I am pretty good at this.”
>Get it through your thick skull, Spike
“I’m not exaggerating at all. This had thousands of people completely perplexed for years. The developers of the game had to go and TELL people how to do this because nobody could do it. You just did some savant shi-”
>*BuuuuuUUUuurp*
>OW
>TOES
>SHOULD HAVE WORN SOMETHING MORE THAN SOCKS
>“Sorry, I can’t always tell when those are coming.”
>SORRY DOESN’T MAKE LARGE TEXTBOOKS NOT LAND ON TOES
“Ow!”
>“You aren’t hurt, are you?”
“Pain yes, hurt no!”


>You realize that you’ve been squeezing Spike’s shoulders a lot harder than you probably should
>You let go and pull the book off of your right foot so you can hold your swollen digits instead
“Tsssssssssssss ow. Ow. Ow ow ow. Ow get me an ice pack ow.”
>He scurries towards the kitchen and you hear him open the fridge
>He’s back as quickly as he came
>Good, because a spot of blood is starting to form on your sock
>He takes a pack of frozen gel and wraps it around your foot
“Ow. Thank you.”
>“You know, I have a sort of rule for when stuff like this happens.”
“What is it?”
>“Well, if stuff gets in the way when I belch it up, I think I’m entitled to see what it is.”
“Does giving someone a limp for the next few days count as being in the way?”
>“I’d go with ‘yes.’”
>Your foot temporarily relieved, you take the time to pick up and look at the object responsible for what feels like a cracked toenail
>It’s a large, maroon-colored hardcover with bold black lettering that says ‘Advanced Fundamental Energies Stud-’
>It isn’t actually about a stud, it just feels like it’s suddenly been magnetized to pull away from you and you couldn’t read the rest


>Sure enough, it’s glowing reddish-purple
>You manage to keep one hand on it and pull it back long enough to read the rest of the title
>‘Studies, first volume, third edition’
>A wild-eyed purple alicorn who looks as if she hasn’t bathed or slept in days peeks out from behind the door to her lair
>She speaks in a raspy, dehydrated voice
>“Give.”
>Fuck, she’s coming totally unhinged
>“Give me the book.”
“Can’t I take a look at it first?”
>“Give it to me.”
>It feels as if she lets you pull it back
>Thinking she means that she wants you to give it to her as soon as you’re done, you flip open to the table of contents
>Can’t go to page fifty three with her watching, but you at least want to know what this is about
>What if she goes to page 53?
>Hopefully Celestia and Luna thought of that
>From the looks of the chapter titles, the My Little Ponyverse’s understanding of the composition of matter hasn’t advanced much beyond ‘earth, wind, and fire’ 
>Not the disco group, either
>Twilight doesn’t look like she wants to party on and go dancing in September
>She looks… frustrated?
>Strained?
>Some combination of the two?
>You don't want to test her patience more than you already have, whatever the case
>You let go of the book, which flies at astounding speeds towards the basement before stopping mere inches from her nose
>It floats aside, Twilight not moving a muscle throughout all of this
>She’s glaring at you like you’re the most despicable thing she’s ever seen
>“I knew it.”


>She darts back into the basement without another word, grabbing the string on the doorknob with her teeth and pulling the door shut as she moves
>Knew what?
>You look at Spike, who has been watching in astonishment and confusion
“What was that about?”
>“I have no idea.”
“Does she usually do things like this?”
>He turns to the basement door
>“She’s done this a few times, but it’s not like her to just… push everyone else away like this, even me. I’m worried for h*uUUUURP*”
>There is a small scroll immediately in front of Spike
>He scoops it up and unrolls it so he can read it
>Fifteen seconds later, it’s glowing purple and sliding under the basement door
>“Weird.”
“I know.”
>“No, I mean the letter.”
“What about it?”
>“It was just a list. It said ‘1: Stop being such a grump, it’s making people worried. 2: Jon and Eliza’s birthdays are coming up, and you could totally do them a favor by helping them file their taxes. 3: Rarity is literally buried in orders for lab coats, so you might not hear from her for a while. 4: I was told to include the word apple somewhere in this letter, so here it is’ and then a bunch of smiley faces and arrows pointing to the word ‘apple.’”
“Who was it from?”
>“Pinkie Pie.”
“That sounds like her.”
>“Wait, you know her?”
>YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT
>Think fast!
“Twilight said that Pinkie was the reason that she asked about my birthday.”
>“That makes a disappointing amount of sense.”
>Nailed it


“So why didn’t they send it with the book?”
>“That makes a disappointing amount of sense too, but that’s because it makes no sense. I don’t get it.”
“Maybe they forgot?”
>“That’s the best explanation I can think of. Oh, what was that word you said earlier? The one that started with an ‘s?’”
>YOU CONTINUE TO BE A FUCKING IDIOT
>As if Twilight needs another reason to be angry at you
>And you’re still not sure what the first one is
>“It was ‘suff aunt’ or something like that.”
>Oh
“A savant is someone who is impossibly good at something. Like a person who could see a single face in a crowd while they’re walking down the street and then draw a perfect portrait from memory.”
>“Ahhh okay. So! About that bet I won. I prefer chocolate bars and hard candy. Nothing too fruity, but feel free to mix it up sometimes.”
“Got it.”



Part 8
>Thursday, April 4, 8:27pm, basement/study of Addams household
>Day 2 + 1 month + 2 weeks on Earth
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>Celestia said that you could stop to study whatever it takes to keep yourself alive
>You’re taking advantage of that
>You got Jake to print a bunch of information pertinent to the construction and operation of the ‘Canterlot Computer,’ as Jon has taken to calling it, got some spare ‘calculators,’ and you’ve been studying and sending it in chunks in order to keep the researchers satisfied
>For the last eight days, you have been doing almost nothing but magic strengthening exercises and practicing a few very specific spells
>The CCU/CSGU rescue team hasn’t found any new sources of magic
>The reason being that as soon as you cast your own magic detection spell, you found out that this entire planet seems to be a magical singularity
>The amount of potential magic here is off the charts, which is assisting your recovery greatly
>Aside from Spike and you, there's no way for it to be channeled, leaving the planet isolated from any other magic in the observable universe
>The rescue team has been looking in all the wrong places
>There is no new source of magic
>You’re going to have to make your magical energy more obvious, even if it means you’re holding a matchstick in front of the sun and saying it’s gotten brighter
>There’s a more immediate practical reason for practicing your magic, but that’s a secret to everyone


>You’re also forming a report on human history based on ‘Traditions and Encounters, Fifth Edition Volume 1’
>Ostensibly, this is to look for more applications of human technology that could be useful
>You already looked through the history section of the encyclopedia
>Summaries, not much more than the bare minimum of details
>The dedicated history textbooks are much more in depth
>You recognize that it would be more expeditious to skip to the most recent 200 years, but you’re satisfying your own curiosity (and survival instinct) in addition to being thorough
>The 'Industrial' Revolution can wait for now
>You want to be sure you’re not missing anything
>Besides, Celestia said she wanted every aspect of this civilization to be studied
>You’ve read the first chapter several times over already, upon request of a rather vocal minority of the researchers in Canterlot
>The Paleolithic Age doesn’t tell you too much about how humans got to where they are now, so you’re starting the chapters on the earliest recorded history


>They call it ‘Mesopotamia,’ the land between the rivers
>Lingua Equum Alatum/‘Latin’ roots, named afterwards by a more recent civilization
>It’s only a description of the geographical location of the city-states that were built there; the inhabitants of those city-states called it something else
>And they fought with each other continually
>And with the ‘Assyrians,’ who fought with the ‘Egyptians,’ who fought with the ‘Hyksos’
>The ‘Hyksos’ people were superior to the ‘Egyptians’ in wars in part due to their domesticated horses
>Judging by the index, this humans and horses in war thing isn’t a one-off
>Fantastic
>The closest thing to what you are that there is on this planet, and they’re essentially slaves that get dragged off to war whenever the humans feel like it
>At least near-prehistoric humans made laws to keep everyday life from becoming chaotic, however brutal those laws may have been
>‘Hammurabi’s Code’ gave you a moment of inspiration
>You haven’t seen anything outside of the house since you got here
>You’ve found a spell that might help with that
>The only problem is what it would do
>Casting it goes against your ethics
>You’d be exploiting their trust
>That assumes you still have it
>It’s been getting more difficult
>You run the risk of losing their trust entirely if you’re caught


>This world is strange, foreign, uncomfortable
>Threatening
>The history of humans is a history of violence
>From what you can tell, their present is as well
>You need to guarantee that you can protect yourself
>Your greatest asset would be your magic
>In any other situation, you would trust your life to it
>Your magic defines you
>You would never let anyone take it from you
>But something isn’t right
>It doesn’t work the way you expect it to
>It’s not the computers
>You think you know what it is
>That could be how it works, or it might be more specific than that
>If you’re right, your magical ability could be getting used against you right now
>It would be without your knowledge, and you have no way to stop it
>You thought it could be proximity
>Maybe some sort of radiated energy
>Just keep as much as you can between yourself and the sources and you’d be fine
>Sort of like ‘Alpha’ and ‘Beta’ rays, but only affecting your ability to use magic
>Doesn’t seem that simple
>The effect may linger
>How quickly it decays is unknown, as they’re always back before the effect fades
>That could be false, it may just be constant exposure because the radius is larger than expected and/or your protection is inadequate
>What if it’s the food?
>No, the effects would have been much stronger and more consistent if it was an ingested source
>There are too many variables you can’t test without raising suspicion
>But you need to know


>Someone’s knocking at the door
>Spike is already in bed, but not asleep yet
>Potential test subject
>“Twilight Sparkle. We need to talk.”
>Eliza, female, matriarch of household, schoolteacher, specializes in high-level mathematics
>She goes outside frequently enough for your purposes
>You just need to do this without her noticing
>It’s not like you can just ask her
>Control the experiment
>You shed your cloak and ascend the stairs, trying not to disturb Spike
>Most of the floors in the house are wooden (save for the unfinished concrete basement), so the last few days have given you some practice in moving quietly
>You open the door to a very impatient looking human
>Again, assuming that’s also common body language
“Yes?”
>“What have you been doing downstairs all this time?”
>Partial truth should satisfy her
“The ponies trying to rescue me have been stargazing through spells that detect magical energy to figure out where I am in relation to them. They haven’t been making any progress, so I’ve been practicing my magic almost nonstop to make myself more obvious. It takes a lot of concentration and effort to do as many spells as I have.”
>“I can understand that you want to go home, but look at yourself.”


>Aside from working slightly harder than usual, you don’t notice anything out of place
>“How late have you been staying up?”
“I’ve been going to bed at 2:30 sharp for nearly a week now.”
>“I’m going to bed in an hour. If you don’t get in the shower and go to bed before ten tonight, I’m writing to your teacher. If she’s anything like the travel guide says she is, she’s going to tell you to do exactly what I just told you.”
>That sounds plausible, with a few arguments to make against her request
>Your situation is exceptional, to say the least
>Having a multinational research team waiting for every scrap of information you can send their way doesn’t permit much downtime
>Working to make sure that you at least understand why this planet could get you killed is something you don’t want to take downtime from
>It feels degrading to submit, but you’re going to have to go along with this to stay on good terms with Eliza
>You might need that
“If that’s what you want.”
>The impatience fades from her stance
>Time to test whether this is related to emotion, or more specific than that
>She had Spike do a load of laundry earlier today, so your towel is in the hamper in the master bedroom
“Would you get my towel, please?”
>“Of course.”
>She turns and leaves, returning shortly with a beach towel they provided for you
>Your magic wraps around the towel
>Barely easier than an item from Equestria, but noticeable
>You creep it onto her hand, then her forearm
>Slightly more effort


>She notices the glow on her arm and pulls away quickly, leaving your magic supporting a pocket of thin air
>You’d need to focus exclusively on her if you wanted to hold her arm in place
>But you don’t
>You may have already scared her
>Your hypotheses are rapidly being proven true, meaning that this may cause an undesirable result in your next experiment
>Smile and play it off like this is normal
“Sorry about that. I’m usually not this clumsy.”
>False yawn for effect
>Scratch that, actual yawn for effect
“I guess the sleep deficit is starting to get to me.”
>She kneels down to eye level with you
>Her right hand is coming towards your head
>Oh no
>Did you get her angry?
>She’s going to slap you
>You shouldn’t have tried to use magic on her
>You try to hold still and let it happen
>You’re going to have to let her do what she wants
>Her hand makes contact with the back of your neck
>Softly
>And she begins to stroke your greasy, unwashed mane while speaking in a tone of genuine concern
>“From a teacher to a student: you need to slow down. You won’t do your rescuers any good if there’s nothing left to rescue. Please, start getting to bed at a reasonable time.”
“R-right. I’m sorry for worrying you so much.”


>You want her to stop touching you
>She does, fortunately
>She turns to head toward the kitchen
>Walking behind her towards the bathroom, you have a good opportunity right now
>Jake’s door is closed, Jon is in his office, Spike is in bed
>No witnesses
>You concentrate
>It’s more difficult than it was during practice
>That just means you need to will it to happen that much more
>This needs to go flawlessly
>Your horn glows and releases one of the more complicated spells you’ve been practicing
>The beam of magical energy flies soundlessly towards the center of her skull
>It fades as it gets within inches of contacting the back of her head
>She doesn’t seem to notice anything
>Hopefully it did what it was supposed to do
>‘The Specialist’s Spellbook’ only said what it was supposed to do, not exactly what it would look like as it happened
>It might have been different because she’s larger
>You go into the bathroom, trying to slow your gait to belie your nervousness
>You’ve done something your ashamed of
>You need to know if it worked
>You shut the door behind you
>You cast the accompanying spell, forming a panel of visible magical energy
>Nothing
>Absolutely nothing
>You cast the first spell exactly as you were supposed to
>It worked on Spike, and it should work on any living creature
>You should be able to see it, but there’s nothing there
>This is worse than you thought
>She couldn’t have known it was coming


>You get your washcloth, formerly a dishrag, off of the rack with your magic
>It’s easy
>It’s stiff with disuse, stuck in the position it was laying in when you left it to dry last week
>You’re stiff with fear
>You're being violated
>Part of your body is no longer yours
>You set the water in the shower to a cold temperature
>You need it that way
>How is any of this possible?
>Are they inside your head?
>What else can they do?
>Could they prevent you from leaving simply because they don't want you to?
>What ARE they?
>Is this why Jake could speak so casually about death?
>Are they even alive?


>Ten minutes and a quick towel-drying later, you have more questions than answers and don’t like the answers you’ve found
>As with every night, you go over what you’ve learned during the day during the moments when your memory is most likely to record them accurately
>The ‘Bantu’ were the most widespread people of Africa and seem to be culturally similar to some of the Zebra tribes
>‘Hebrews’ and ‘Assyrians’ have been in conflict for millennia, making the cross-border strikes in the Syrian Civil War that much more significant
>‘Phoenicians’ may have been responsible for the beginning of human development of the alphabet in its current form: parallels, if any, to Equestrian development of written language not yet known
>‘Egyptians’ had complex mummification and burial rites for their leaders and nobles in order to prepare them for a life after death
>Humans appear to be able to be able to nullify or amplify your magic, both at will and unconsciously, and can resist telekinetic and enchanting spells with alarming effectiveness
>Other spell types not yet tested, but you can only assume the results would be the same
>You’re helpless
>Worse than that, it may be specific to what the humans want
>You can’t let them know they have this power over you
>You’re going to have to work around it
>You have to turn it to your advantage



Part 9
>Tuesday, April 9, 5:03pm
>Day ‘I lost track, but it’s been a couple of months’ on earth
>You are Spike
>You’re in the kitchen getting ‘information’ from Eliza
>Eliza is on her laptop looking up recipes and other things
>This internet thing is really helpful
>You’re getting this information to keep up appearances more than anything else
>And you’re also getting snacks
>The corn chips are a pleasant change of pace from potato chips
>Jon seemed impressed when you were putting Tabasco sauce on them after hearing that they were supposed to be eaten with a spicy sauce
>He was sort of upset that you finished the bottle, but impressed
>That sauce was all drippy, so you’re eating the chips plain right now so you don't have to clean up again
>Eliza insisted you only take a few because dinner is going to be soon
>She’s helping you, so you agreed without a second thought
>Squid prom queen
>No, that’s not right
>Quad pop quote
>Quibble prat-
>Forget it
>She’s doing something for you so you’re doing something for her


“So what’s the one after that?”
>“Please do not tell her about the secret in her cellar.”
>Heh
“That code should be easy to remember. Thanks, Eliza!”

>She’s such a nice lady.

>“I remember when Jake got stuck on the sandcastle. It took him almost a week before he gave up.”
>You turn to go back to your games

>If she’s so nice, why did she do this for us
>Doesn’t matter. Candy.
>I wonder what Jake brought for dessert tonight?
>Let me rephrase that
>Why is she cheating Jake out of money for us
>Dunno. Ask her.

“Uh… Eliza?”
>“Yes?”
“Why are you telling me the codes I need to get those eggs? I mean, it’s Jake’s money. He’d still have it if you didn’t do this.”
>“You’re a good kid in a bad situation. You deserve a bit of love, and he would have told me if he was looking forward to some new game that’s coming out, or something like that. It would have just sat in his bank account.”
“Yeah, but he’s your kid, and this doesn’t feel right.”
>“Forever and always, my baby he’ll be, but he’s not a kid anymore. He was the only child I ever had, but it’s been a long time since I could call him a child.”
>Huh
>The tone in her voice sounded like she was remembering something nice
>Not like Jake remembering something nice about one of the games he gives you
>He sounds more excited
>Eliza sounded like she was missing something

>I caught none of that. What’s this about?
>She likes kids, I guess
>That’s good. We’re a kid.


>Back to the living room
>Jake’s door is closed and you know he’s playing his games, so he can’t hear much
>Back at the Nintendo, you guide Banjo to the ‘Gobi Desert’ sand level with the triangle buildings
>Twilight said that those buildings were built with slave labor
>She is being such a killjoy
>To you, at least
>Twi’s being nice to all the humans
>She’s just doing whatever they tell her to do
>She even offered to do their taxes because they're having birthdays this month
>They said no and said that it would be enough if she just started a reasonable sleep schedule
>Aside from freaking out when anyone comes into the basement without knocking first, she seems normal-ish
>Still no idea what’s up with that
>She’s coming out of the basement a little more regularly than before she totally shut herself in, so good for her
>She also stopped not doing anything until you go to sleep
>She’s actually getting into the bed a little after you do
>And sometimes she stays on her end of the mattress
>About time she started to mellow out after that whole nuclear whatsits argument
>This place isn’t that bad
>Desert named after a camel/camel named after a desert level isn’t as nice
>It might not have as much quicksand as the Mario level with the triangle building, but it’s definitely trying


>You get Banjo to hop onto the flying cloth thing and over to the spot where the door is supposed to be open now
>It takes a minute for the cloth thing to get over there
>You’d go on top of the dog statue guy who had a stuffy nose to use the flight pad there, but you want to take the scenic route
>It’s kind of weird that this game seems to think that the easiest way to cure disease is to shoot eggs at something’s face
>Yup, door’s open
>Banjo goes through, there’s trumpets playing a fanfare, and there’s some sort of box with a sculpture of a guy on the lid
>“Hit the button in front of it.”
>Jake must have come out of his room after he heard you go by
>You do as he says, and the box slides open to show another big question mark egg
>“I still don’t know how you could do this. I’m never making a bet with you again.”
>Jake sits down next to you
“I told you. I’m just that good.”
>“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”

>Uh oh, I hope he didn’t catch on to us

>“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
>“No.”
“Yes!”

>Well, if he has, it’s been a decent run. Over a week of free candy’s a decent accomplishment.
>Let’s make him call us on it, if he has

>“No.”
“Prove it.”
>“Lava isn’t for swimming.”

>Okay, maybe not


“Are you still going on about that?”
>“Are you still an idiot?”
“I’m enough of a not-idiot to get free candy.”
>“Touché.”
“I don’t speak fancy.”
>“I said that you win.”
“And the prize is edible! What did you get for me today?”
>“You know the deal. Not until after dinner.”
“Can I have a piece? I want to know what I’m getting.”
>“Well, since it’s already in pieces I guess you could have some. I’ll be back in a second.”
“Thanks.”
>You get Banjo to retrieve the egg, and he starts making more promises (which Jake claims are empty) that it’s going to be used eventually
>Jake said something about the Nintendo computer being changed so the ‘stop and swap’ thing that was built into it wouldn’t work anymore
>It doesn’t make sense to you that humans would try to make their computers work worse than they used to
>Jon’s computer seems to work worse every day, and he yells at it sometimes
>Twilight wants you to stay in the living room when he does that
>You’re fine with that, because that’s usually where you are anyway
>Jake’s back from getting the candy from its less of a hiding place and more of a 'can’t reach it' place in the sock drawer and sits down beside you again


>It’s a very small brown paper bag labeled ‘M&Ms’
>The picture on the bag shows colorful hard candy and a mascot that looks like the candy
>He tears a corner off of the sealed bag and digs out a single, round candy for you that’s about as large as one of your claws is around
>“Here. I was going to get you some Skittles, but that’s not really hard candy and you don’t like fruit-flavored stuff, so I got you this.”
>He gives it to you
>You pop it in your mouth and start to suck on it
>It’s meh
>Not really that sweet, and there’s a bit of a waxy texture to the outer layer
>“Why aren’t you chewing on it?”
“It’s a hard candy. I want it to last, duh.”
>“Look at the package again.”
>It says ‘milk chocolate’
>Why and how a hard candy would be chocolate flavored is beyond you
>Humans have some interesting stuff, but you’ve never heard of fudge so thick that it could be considered a hard candy
>The flavor isn’t improving and it doesn’t taste anything like chocolate, so you bite down and

>Whoa.
>WHOA.
>HOLD UP.
>HOLD.
>UP.
>Is this what I think it is?!

>“You like it?”

>HECK YES I DO!


“This… is this sugar coated chocolate?”
>“I never really thought of it that way, but I guess it is.”
“THAT IS THE SMARTEST IDEA EVER! I need this to be a thing when I get back to Equestria! Every mouth in the world MUST KNOW THIS TASTE!”
>Spontaneous hug
“Thankyouthankyouthankyou-”
>“You’re welcome. Please let go.”

>Need something to write with.
>Pen sticking out of the couch cushions.
>Opened envelope.
>Good enough.


Best candy ever. Send to Pinkie.

Spike


“Jake, I need that bag.”
>“Not until after dinner.”
“No, you don’t understand! I need that bag!”
>You snatch it from him before he can get it out of reach
>He just sort of sits there and watches as you roll the bag up so the candy doesn’t come out, stuff it in the empty envelope, and inhale
>You almost send it, but you think better

>Gotta get some more of these before they’re gone.
>Don’t be such a pig
>Nyuuuuh. This is worth pigging out on.

>You pull it out of the envelope, unroll it, pop a couple more in your mouth, then roll it up again and stuff it in the envelope to actually send it
>*FWOOSH*
>“Um…”
“You are a hero. The bakeries of Equestria are forever in your debt.”
>“I…”
“You are the best human ever for showing me this.”
>You feel a reply coming up, and turn away from Jake out of courtesy


>They’re going to think it’s awesome, you can tell already
>*Buurp*
>Huh, small letter this time
>They didn’t even roll it up


Spike,

Please do not send items that are unrelated to current research.

Princess Celestia


>This must be how really smart people feel when they get great ideas that never amount to anything except getting laughed at
>“Ouch. She snubbed you pretty hard.”
>“Spike, did you get something?”
>Twilight is out of the basement and levitating a book and something made of glass
“Nothing important.”
>“Let me see it.”
>Now she’s levitating the letter, too
>She seems to be almost back to her normal, makes-stuff-float-around-all-the-time self
>“She shouldn’t have to tell you this. What did you send?”
“Candy.”
>“That isn’t important at all. Back to the reason I came up here in the first place: I’m going to need everyone in the kitchen for a minute.”
>Twilight trots out of sight in the direction of the kitchen
>Jake’s following her
>Well, you may as well see what this is about
>“That’s the book that crippled me last week, isn’t it?”
>“Ten days ago.”
>“I’m not holding enough of a grudge to keep detailed records of when it landed on my toe. It still hurts a bit when I walk…”
>Twilight puts the book and glass thing on the table and heads into Jon’s office

>Ohhhh it’s the jar of jam
>I was wondering what she did with it once we ran out of jam
>Still cracked, I see. Didn’t she say she wanted to fix that?


>Twilight returns with Jon and has everyone stand over by the fridge, facing towards the sink and hallway
>She actually looks kind of happy
>I wonder why
>The only reason she’d look this happy is if she’s about to make herself feel smart. She’s going to teach them something.
>She takes her place at the other side of the room
>“Ahem. The reason I’ve had you all gathered here is to-”
*BuuuuuuRp*
>Twilight’s expression drops
>The scroll is whisked over to her by her magic
>“…dear Spike, blah blah blah… claimed they were… blah blah… Luna assures me they are… oh, unbelievable.”
>Twi tosses the scroll onto the table
>She levitates the book to float beside her, gesturing to it
>She tries to pretend that nothing frustrating just happened
>“As I was saying, I’d like to show you some of the scientific knowledge that I was raised with. The theory of the Fundamental Energies is the basis of most science as I knew it, and I believe it’s more or less compatible with the discoveries I’ve made during my time here. The energies are thermal, photonic, gravitational, constructive, destructive, kinetic, and magical.”
“Do I have to stay for this? I already know all of this.”
>“You should probably stay anyway. There’s a bit of new material for you to learn after I finish with what you already know, and a review wouldn’t hurt. Moving on, the electromagnetic spectrum and atomic theories helped fill in a few blanks that have been vexing us for a while.”


>Jon speaks up
>“That sounds a lot like the fundamental forces of physics, but with magic.”
>“It’s the way everything interacts, so that’s a decent comparison. Magic is thought to be the base of every other type of energy. It can be used to create any other type of energy, but only beings that produce Organic Magically Conductive Material can channel it efficiently enough to cast spells. Like so.”
>She makes a ball of fire appear
>“Thermal.”
>She creates a bright light from her horn
>“Photonic.”
>She floats the jar over to her
>“Gravitational. You should be familiar with those first three.”
>She makes the cracks in the jar disappear
>“Constructive. Also good for accelerating cellular mitosis, influencing others, and just about anything to do with creation or healing.”
>She causes the jar to spontaneously crack
>“Destructive. Self-explanatory.”
>She fixes the jar again and pushes it with her hoof so it floats lazily back to the table
>“And kinetic. You’re probably already familiar with this one as well. Jon, are you convinced that magic exists yet?”
>“In the absence of a better explanation, yes.”
>“Good. Each one of the fundamental energies can be converted into another through changes in environmental conditions, physical force, or magic. That’s the short version. The rest is in this book, if you want to get into the actual calculations of it.”
>“Why didn’t you mention electricity? That occurs naturally. I’d assume you would have discovered that.”


>Jake cuts in
>“Are all unicorns equally capable of magic?”
>“No. It’s like a muscle. It can be trained and strengthened, and several recessive genes figure into it slightly. I got extremely lucky in the genetic department.”
>Jon takes back his place in the conversation
>“And researching the atomic theory and electromagnetic spectrum did what, exactly?”
>“It was speculated that it’s possible to cut something until it’s impossible to cut again by conventional means. That’s basic logic and experimentation. What we didn’t know is what that something would be. One model of this was the Gravitic Dust Model, which theorized that there are miniscule particles that make up matter and have differing levels of gravity. It was sort of right, as you can tell. The main detraction from its credibility is that it couldn't explain why the dust had differing levels of gravity. Learning about how electrons bond atoms together helped to finally solve the mystery of how magnets seem to be able to produce a gravitational field that only affects certain materials, as well. The electromagnetic spectrum helps explain a bit of the interaction between the fundamental energies. Proving that thermal and photonic energy are always related was one of the many small breakthroughs, though the scientists back home are trying to figure out if and how the theory of the electromagnetic spectrum is entirely compatible with the facts they know about magic.”


>“And what do they know about magic?”
>“A lot less than they would like to. Magic is sort of a catch-all for situations where there is no discernible answer. The scientific process for figuring out how smelting worked was ‘what happens if you mix two different melted metals? You get a different metal. How does that happen? It might be magic, because we can’t really see what happens and we know you could do the same thing without heating the ingredients using this transmutation spell.’”
>“And how does magic work?”
>“I’d say that it’s one part willpower and one part skill, but that doesn’t do it justice. Explaining the principles behind spellcasting to someone who can’t cast spells is like explaining how to paint a masterpiece to a person that was born blind.”
>“Please, try anyway.”
>“The best explanation I can give succinctly is that there are particles of magical energy almost everywhere that living creatures absorb and channel. They can travel faster than photons-”
>“Somewhere in the afterlife, Albert Einstein is crying out in rage.”
>“-and make up a nebulous, mostly static form that spans the entire observable universe, save for some pockets of low or no concentration of magical energy. This planet is inside of one of those pockets but is dense with untapped magical energy, which is helping my recovery greatly.”


>“Didn’t you say that you believed this planet had no magic?”
>“I assumed that the planet itself had almost no magical energy, and what energy there was seemed to be limited to living flora and fauna. I was pleasantly surprised when I found I was wrong. Spike’s letters are making a sort of tunnel through the vacuum, but magical energy is somewhat like a liquid in that it has surface tension which is holding it together. At the moment, there's a very thin and fragile strand of energy that’s not nearly stable enough for me to want to try my luck by teleporting through it. Once it is stable, it becomes a matter of where I am relative to my destination, how much of magical energy it would take for a rescue team to make a round trip, and whether that's something that can be done with a feasible number of rescuers.”


>“How can you tell what Spike’s letters are doing? And how did you get here if there’s not a way to Earth through this… this cloud?”
>“I’m still asking that second question. I have no idea how my teleportation spell took me somewhere other than where I wanted to go. I didn’t want to come here, so it simply shouldn’t have happened. If I did want to come here, I don’t know the exact direction or distance I’d need to go. The probability of ending up at ground level on a planet that can support life by pure chance is too small to measure. Additionally, teleportation spells’ efficiency and margin of error are inversely and exponentially related to the distance between the casting point and destination. Under normal conditions, trying to go more than a few kilometers would spit me out at my destination so drained of my magical energy that I’d die without immediate medical attention, but nothing about my circumstances are normal. As for the first question…”
>She casts a spell that puts a bit of a white glow into her eyes
>“With the right spell, I can see the particles as though they were naturally visible.”

>Hey, that doesn’t look right

“Twi, your eyes look a bit darker than they usually do when you cast that spell.”


>She removes the spell’s effect
>“I didn’t notice. Jon, would you mind going through this book and seeing if you could help the researchers back in Canterlot try and match this up with human scientific knowledge? I figure you’d be able to help because you’re more familiar with the human side of the subject.”
>“I’d be happy to.”
>She levitates the book into Jon’s hands
>He bends at the knees and groans with fake strain as she releases it
“Excellent. That concludes our lesson of Fundamental Energies 101. Spike, I’m going to need you to sit at the table with me for a little while longer. Don’t worry, we’re just going over the basics. I know you don’t have the attention span for taking in everything between valence electrons and quarks in one sitting, and I doubt we'd have the time for that anyway.”
>“Twilight, I was thinking about making a gluten-free apple crisp for dinner tonight. Would you like that?”
>Jake slips past Twilight to head for the hallway and quietly says something like “pardon me, purple smart” as he passes her
>Twilight freezes
>You climb up onto one of the chairs
>Eliza is calling for Twilight
>Twilight looks down the hallway at Jake as he’s walking away, then snaps back after the second time Eliza calls her name
>“Oh… right. Yeah. That’s fine. That’s okay.”
>She sounds like something is wrong, but she leaves before you can climb down from the chair to ask her


>But she said she was going to go over some new stuff with us
>What’s up with her
>Eh, probably something we wouldn’t understand.
>I dunno
>She seemed sort of freaked out
>We’ll deal with that in a minute. Let’s check this letter.
>She was acting kind of weird
>More than usual, I mean
>I’m sure she’ll be okay long enough for us to read this.


Dear Spike,

In the time since the reply to your last letter, Discord sampled one of the candies and claimed that they
were of good quality. He then proceeded to offer the candies to Luna, and eventually convinced her to
try one. Luna assures me that they are indeed quite delectable. I will honor your wish to send this item
to Pinkie Pie. I assume that you want her to attempt to duplicate this example of human cuisine, and will
include a letter conveying this desire to her.

Apologetically yours,
Princess Celestia

P.S. I Just tried one. I Almost tried two. I can’t believe nop0ny, griffon, minotaur, cow, mule, donkey,
dragon, diamond dog, buffalo, or otherwise ever thought of this before.

P.P.S. I Tried two. I think something is wrong with me. I need to send them away before they’re all gone.


>I knew she’d come around.



Part 10
>Wednesday, April 10th, 3:12am, Jake Addams’ bedroom
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>You are not ‘purple smart’
>Not to Pinkie, not to him
>You could hear it in his voice
>He didn’t just think up that nickname
>He heard it from somewhere
>You know it’s not Spike
>You asked Spike if he’d ever heard that nickname before, only to confirm that Spike doesn’t remember ‘mundane’ details unless you tell him to
>There's only one other way he could have heard it
>This will not stand
>First it’s your body
>Now it’s your MIND
>The two things that should be yours and yours alone are being invaded, violated, disrespected
>And on top of that, you have to put on a front of contentedness just to keep your magical ability
>If this spell works, you’re going to have a little retribution


>Sure, he might find out
>He probably will, if you’re right
>No, you have to be right
>You are right
>He’s going to find out
>You don’t care
>You want him to know how it feels
>He’s not letting you have privacy, you should return the favor
>If it bothers him, you’ve got a position from which to argue that he shouldn’t be peeking inside your head whenever he feels like it
>He might try to stop you, but that’s something to deal with if and when it happens
>If he doesn’t stop you, he has no shame, and you’ll have someone on the outside
>Both possible outcomes are in your favor


>Your horn glows as you cast the detection spell, bathing the room in a purplish light
>The formerly invisible mist of magical energy rolls in, surrounding you with a dense haze
>On the bed in front of you, the shape of a human creates a void in the miasma
>You move around as quietly as you can, shifting your perspective to see him from different angles
>It’s not blocking your view of the magical energy on the other side of his body
>He appears like a glass sculpture, lensing and distorting your view of the energy around him instead of the hard, dark nothingness of an unwilling or resistant human
>He should be susceptible
>Excellent
>Your horn glows and fires the same beam that failed to connect with Eliza
>It enters the side of his head, the light it produces momentarily outlining some of the capillary vessels in his skin
>He stirs, but doesn’t wake
>No point in staying here
>You won’t know if this worked until morning
“Eye for an eye, you abomination.”




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