>Be Anon, best babysitter in Equestria >Be done babysitting the living tornado known as Flurry Heart >Seriously how did she get a chainsaw to run rampant with? >Ponies here couldn’t handle anything sharper than a spoon without freaking out >Doesn’t matter because Princess Candy Ass sure does pay good >20 bits an hour for 6 hours a day 4 days a week >You were even able to afford an apartment in the Crystal Kingdom to make your commute shorter >Time to get your pay for the day >Walking with Flurry cradled in your arm you make your way to Cadence’s room >You get a few odd stares as you walk down the halls, you always do >Probably because these ponies know just how much havoc Flurry can wreak >Ah well, doesn’t really matter >Arriving at the door you’re about to knock when you hear the faintest noise inside >Straining to hear you put your ear against the door, but to no avail >The movies made this look much simpler >Giving up you knock on the door > A muffled “Just a minute” can be heard >Cadence must have been shouting her ass off for you to hear that >A couple seconds pass before the door sings open revealing Cadence looking a little disheveled >”Ah Anonymous, is it that time already?” “’Fraid so Princess, hate to part with the little tyke but she needs her mama too.” >”As always Anonymous I am ever grateful you look after Flurry. Your pay as usual.” >Cadence simultaneously levitates Flurry from your arm and deposits a purse of bits into your hand. >You open up the bag to check the bits >Well not really, Cadence was always good on her pay >It just felt nice to see the fruits of your labor “Yup, all there Princess. As always, it’s a pleasure.” >You nod your head goodbye before being stopped by Princess Cadence >”Anonymous, wait a moment if you would. There is something I would like to ask of you.” >Cadence’s tone didn’t sound too happy; shit did she want to fire you? >She didn’t find out about how much danger Flurry’s been in did she? >Shit just deny, deny, deny “Sure Princess what did you want to ask?” >Okay going well, just don’t spill your spaghetti >”It would be best if we talked about this in private.” >SHIT >She is SO gonna fire you >without waiting for confirmation she turns around and walks into her room >taking a deep breath you follow >Looking inside her room Cadence had obviously hastily tried to tidy up >It was in worse shape than she was >Cadence was shuffling some paperwork on her desk and without turning spoke >”Anonymous have you noticed anything out of the ordinary lately?” >Immediately your mind is flooded with incidents from just this week alone >There was when Flurry got abducted by pirates >Rampaging Flurry with a chainsaw >Fluttershy getting kidnaped by a Chimaera at a picnic she, Flurry, and you were having “No” > Keep it simple, that’ll keep you together >”Are you sure, nopony acting suspicious or anything?” “Not that I’ve seen.” >Cadence eyes you and you begin to sweat >Finally after what feels like forever she speaks >”If you say so Anonymous, I’m sorry to have kept you. Please Enjoy your weekend, I’ll see you back on Tuesday.” >What? >That actually worked? >As if on auto-pilot you exit the room and head back to your apartment for the night >Damn you’re good >Be Princess Cadenza Mi Amore >Be rocking Flurry’s crib while thinking about what Anonymous just said >He hasn’t noticed his growing following? >Has he not seen how his follower’s gather around his apartment every night and chant? >Can one stallion be so thick skulled? >You gaze wanders to a picture of your loving hubby Shining Armor >You remember how long it took for him to notice your love for him >but this is different >The Princesses told you to keep an eye on Anonymous >To see if he is ready to join the pantheon >Even your niece Twilight was getting antsy >In terms of shear mental capacity he rivals Celestia herself >Power wise, he’s able to keep up with Flurry and not even you could do that >There are just a couple of problems >For one, he seems to either have no knowledge of his following or actively ignores it >A Princess must treat their followers with the respect and loyalty their followers have for them >Secondly is his following with the other races >For the longest time, the other races of Equis remained silent on additions to the pantheon >But every day you received more and more petitions to have Anonymous sent to his “rightful place” among whatever race the sender was >Some of them were even written in pencil, meaning they came from the highest authorities in their respective nation >If Equestria acknowledged Anonymous as belonging to the pantheon the other races might feel as if Anonymous was stolen from them >You shuddered at the thought >the name calling would be vicious >It might even erupt into another pillow war >You glance back down at the picture of Shinny >You need to rest, it’s been a long day >Be Anon, chilling in Casa de Anon >It’s been a week so you’re treating yourself >Apple Cider, cause it’s the closest shit to alcohol they got in this kiddy place >You take a swig, its tart and has a slight aftertaste >Not as good as the shit from Sweet Apple Acers, but you aren’t paying the inflated import tax on that. >One thing you miss about home is the ways to distract yourself after a long day at work >Maybe you should go for a walk >Nah, Cadence was worrying about suspicious ponies so you should probably play it safe >Then again the meanest thing you’ve encountered, outside your escapades with Flurry, was a mare who tried to cuddle you without asking >Your thoughts are interrupted by a knock on your door >Opening it you see one of your neighbors >A crystal pony named Brilliant Gleam >The naming conventions of this place were hard to get used to “Hey Gleam, your faucet leaking again?’ >About a week after you moved here you became the go to handyman when you showed everyone you knew how to unclog a toilet >She shakes her head >”N-no not this time.” >Is she blushing, it’s hard to tell with how translucent crystal ponies are >There’s an awkward scilence for a couple of seconds “So… what brings you to my doorstep then?’ >”Oh, right.” >Okay now she is definitely blushing >You swear one of these days you’ll die of a heart attack >Brilliant Gleam pulls out what looks to be a letter >”This came for you just now.” >taking the letter away you look for the sender’s address >Huh that’s strange, no sender >you look up to try and ask Brilliant who the sender was, but by then she’s already gone “Whelp little letter, looks like it’s just you and me.” >Sighing, you head back inside to read the letter >Opening it you’re not greeted by pony anthrax and instead a card >A Father’s day card >There aren’t any signatures on it so you can’t figure out who sent the card still >Is it Father’s day today? >You go check the calendar to check and sure enough the day is marked with a pre-highlighted holiday marker >You aren’t actually a father but you might as well be considering how childish these ponies are >seriously you said hell once and half of Ponyville gasped >the other half fainted >you pin the card to your fridge and decide to continue with your nighttime walk idea >Be Brilliant Gleam, high priestess of the cult of Dadnonymous Crystal Empire branch >You are over the moon >The All Father accepted your offering of thanks >You can only hope that it ends up on the sacred alter known only as “The Fridge” >You must let the followers know >The Ceremony will proceed with the All Fathers blessing >The time is right >You exit your apartment >Be Anonymous about 2 hours later sitting in the park >It may be night, but with how clear the sky is, the moon provides enough light to see >With nothing but the crisp night air to distract you, you begin to think >Why is everything here so kid friendly? >No booze, no sharp corners, nothing >Violence is extremely tame here and a scrape larger than your pinky nail is considered a life threatening injury >Was it always like this? >Do you even want to know? >If anyone were to know it’d be one of the Princesses >When you first arrived here and noticed the Kindergarten mindset you asked Celestia that same question >She just looked at you like she was rebooting and then moved on >Didn’t even acknowledge your question >Something’s up here but you’re not quite sure what >You’re interrupted from your inner monologue by the smell of something burning >You panic for a second looking around before seeing some ponies sitting on logs roasting marshmallows >you should probably head over there >They’ll need adult supervision >how’d they even start a fire? >Getting closer you notice some familiar faces >There are some of your neighbors, including Brilliant >There’s the Baker across the street from the castle >Are they singing Kumbayah? Or the pony equivalent at least >this is gonna be interesting >Be High Priestess Brilliant Gleam >The ceremony is in full swing >The sacred chants are reaching their peak >The flames are roasting the sacrifices nicely > When disaster strikes >Brother Knead strayed too close to the sacred pyre and has his hoof engulfed in flame >He wails in pain but none of the other followers intervene, lest they themselves be engulfed >When suddenly, as if by miracle, All Father Anonymous himself descends on brother Knead and extinguishes the fire with one simple kiss >You address the followers >”Truly this day is blessed; the All Father himself has descended from his lair to save brother Knead from his own demise.” >Cheers ring out from the followers as Anonymous gives a nod and sits >He is here to moderate the ceremony obviously >We must offer him a sacrifice >Be Anonymous >The Baker Knead Love had a little singe on his hoof from accidently sticking it in the campfire >You kissed it to ease him and pet his back to calm his crying >” *sniff* th-thank you Anon, it r-really hurt.” >Ugh your one weakness, sad ponies “Hey it’s alright Knead, just trying to help.” >How could crystal even get singed? >Petting Knead let you know the crystal they’re made of is really strong >Before you can continue down this line of thinking Brilliant walks up to you and offers you a smore “Aw thanks Brilliant that’s very kind of you” >You take the smore from her and begin to munch down >It’s loaded with sugar, like everything else here, but it’s good >”You’re welcome Anon, anything for a friend.” >Brilliant beams a smile at you >You pass the rest of the night singing campfire songs with the Ponies before bidding them goodnight >Taking a walk was your best decision yet >Be Cadence waking up the next day >Today you must report to Celestia on whether Anonymous is right to join the pantheon >Celestia herself is arriving in order to hear you reasoning >You’ve prepared as much as you could but it’s not enough >You remember what happened when the last acolyte to ascend wasn’t ready >Poor Sunset >But Anonymous isn’t an acolyte, he’s… >Frankly you aren’t sure what he is >He seems to not follow any of the rules >No matter how much harm comes to him, he never seems to notice >He seems to be able to keep up with Celestia mentally, if not surpass her in some areas >Areas such warfare, logic puzzles and many more >Is he… something more? >Before you can continue down this line of thought a knock shakes you back to reality “C-come in” >The door swings open to reveal >CELESTIA? “P-p-princess, how nice of you to drop by, I-I-I was just preparing…” >”Silence” >you immediately snap your mouth shut >”Follow me” >Without another word she turns and walks away >You know better than to keep the princess waiting so you levitate only the most important documents and follow >Harmony protect you >Be Anon, waking up around midday >Hey it’s your day off; you can wake up when you wanna >Pour yourself a big bowl of frosted Luna-O’s >You’re 99% certain its pure sugar but damn if it doesn’t taste good >As you munch you begin to recall last night >Man that was a fun campfire party >You were surprised that many ponies could stay up that late >Most were clocked out at 9pm exactly >Some of the “late night” establishment such as taverns stayed open until about 10pm and even then pony’s eyes were drooping >That bonfire party lasted until midnight at least >You had more s’mores and cider that night than any other time in your life >Still why didn’t Brilliant tell you about that party last night when she delivered your card? >She didn’t even tell you she was going >From your, admittedly limited, experience parties like that were a whole town kind of deal >Maybe the crystal ponies were just warry of you >After all they lived up here with a tyrant for centuries >At least what this world considered a tyrant >Still living in fear tends to make people distrust outsiders >You finish your cereal and go to put your dishes away >After that you go to check your mail >Down in the lobby there isn’t a soul to be seen >Not even the receptionist is behind her desk >You check your mail to see a copy of the newspaper and some miscellaneous letters >Unfurling the paper you see the front page headline >”PRINCESSES CELESTIA AND LUNA TO VISIT CRYSTAL EMPIRE TODAY” >Huh so the princesses are visiting, maybe you should go say hi >After all, it’s been some time since you saw them in person >Just because it’s your day off doesn’t mean you can’t visit the castle >And with that you head out to the castle >Be Brilliant Gleam, waking up with a splitting headache >The fog of your mind begins to fade as the events of last night’s ritual begins to come back to you >The chants, the sacrifices, brother Knead nearly dying, then… >Then your lord came and saved him >Truly he is the most benevolent of deities >But the past is the past, and you must prepare for more ceremonies >With the new chants passed down from your lord, the next gathering shall be even better >But that can wait too, for you must resume your civilian life until next you meet >For now you are no longer Brilliant Gleam the High Priestess >No, now as you slip back into the hum drum of civility, you are Brilliant Gleam the Royal Guardsmare >And on this shift, you are faced with both a blessing, and a curse >For you and your squad are to look after Flurry Heart >Anonymous give you the strength to look after his chosen disciple >It’s going to be a long day >Be Cadence >Be currently sweating your cutie mark off >Not only is Celestia here to judge your assessment, but her sister Luna is here too >Should they be displeased with your findings you could very well face banishment… or worse >Celestia and Luna were currently pouring over the folder of notes and letters you had compiled on Anonymous >They hadn’t yet asked any questions of you but that made you all the more anxious >Finally after what felt like ages the silence was broken >”Hmm, quite remarkable don’t you think sister.” >”INDEED ANONYMOUS SHOWS MUCH PROMISE” >Oh thank Harmony >”But…” >oh no >”… there is a problem with his… popularity… with the other races” >”AN ASTUTE OBSERVATION SISTER DEAR, BUT HOWEVER SHALL WE REMEDY THIS SITUATION.” >”Well why don’t we pose this conundrum to our gracious host” >Both princesses turned their heads towards you with a look that can only be considered malevolent “O-of course.” >You swallow saliva nervously and continue “P-perhaps we could… discus with the other races about how to handle his ascension?” >you tried to phrase it like a statement but your voice betrayed you >They both stare at you for a minute >”An excellent idea, don’t you think Luna?” >”I DO SISTER, TRULY REMARKABLE.” >Wait what? >”After all most of these races seem extremely serious about making their case, why don’t we hear them out.” >Is… is this actually working? Are you actually not gonna get thrown into Tartarus? >”And who better to put this plan into action than the mare who suggested it.” >Oh sweet Harmony >So that’s their plan “Of course Celestia, I would be honored” >You bow as it’s the only thing you can do >Suddenly a knock at the door draws all of your attentions >”You may enter” >A guardpony pokes their head from behind the door >”Sorry to interrupt your highnesses, but Anonymous is here to see you.” >”Ah wonderful, please send him in.” >Oh merciful Harmony this day just keeps getting better and better >Be Anon >Currently be waiting for the guard to come back >You’re getting a bit impatient but a small explosion across the room draws your attention >The doors are blown off their hinges when a familiar ball of energy comes barreling towards you >Flurry slams into your gut knocking the wind out of your sails “Oof … hey Flurry good to see you” >You strain to regain your breath as Flurry just cutely chuckles in your arms “Say shouldn’t there be someone watching you right now?” >As the words leave your lips a squad of guardponies comes rushing in to the waiting room >”Has anyone seen Flurry Heart?” “Yeah… over here” >You wave over the guards to come collect the little rugrat >”Ah Anon, thanks for the help.” >A guardsmare trots up to you, she seems strangely familiar >as you start to hand of Flurry she grabs on to your sleeve and won’t let go >How does she do that with just hooves? “Now, now flurry it’s been fun but you’ve got to go with the guards” >Flurry shakes her head rapidly >”Un-uh, Non-non” >You give the guardsmare an apologetic smile and turn your attention back to Flurry “Come on Flurry, now is not the time. It really was nice but I’m here to see your momma.” >Flurry just grips even tighter at your words >”He’s right Flurry it’s your lunchtime, and then a nap. Doesn’t that sound nice?” >Oh boy, lunchtime with Flurry was always a chore; it must be hell on these tiny ponies >”NON-NON, NON-NON” >Flurry is really starting to get on your nerves >Time to break out the big guns “Flurry, go eat lunch with the nice mare… now.” >It always makes you feel bad to use your “dad voice” but it’s for the best >As you’re speaking you see some of the ponies around you flinch, and Flurry stops screaming >Flurry looks at you and >Oh good god no… she’s gonna cry >Her eyes well up and… >”W-W-W-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.” >Oh god, oh fuck, this is bad. Like up shitscreek bad. >Think Anon think “Uh… uh…Hey Flurry after I’m done talking with you mom… uh we can go get some pasteries.” >Really faggot that’s the best you can come up with >Shut up brain it was you who came up with it >While you’re having an internal monologue you begin to notice the crying suddenly fades into sniffling >”P-pwoma?” “Yeah Flurry I promise.” >Flurry, still somewhat sad, releases her death grip on your sleeve and gets on the back of the Guardsmare >”Thanks Anon we were having a lot of trouble handling her.” “Sure, no problem.” >As the guard carries Flurry on her back, Flurry turns and waves at you >”Bye, Non-non” >You give her a small wave as they exit the now destroyed doorway >From the opposite door another guard enters >”Anonymous, the princesses will see you now. Please follow me.” >That’s your cue >Time to go say hi >And maybe tell Cadence about the door… >Nah >Be Guardsmare Brilliant Gleam >Be feeding Flurry Heart >You were not expecting to see your lord Dadnonymous today >His chosen disciple Flurry must have sensed his arrival because of the bond they share >You remember vividly his demeanor when he was scolding the chosen disciple >You shudder at the thought as you remember how his voice pierced the veil of reality showing, if only for a moment, his wrath >Even you, versed as you are in peering behind the veil, were shaken deep to your core >The pressure he exerted nearly broke you, luckily your guard training helped you hold firm >Then it disappeared as quickly as it came >It let up so quickly you almost thought it was never there >Flurry burps as she finishes up her meal of mashed carrots and hay >Time to put Cadence’s spawn to bed >As you make your way to Flurry’s room a thought crosses your mind >Is Flurry truly the spawn of Cadence and Shining Armor? >You have no doubt the love goddess is the mother to this child, but could a mortal stallion like Shining Armor really help in conceiving this child? >Flurry has far too much power and energy >Even when factoring in that Shining is one of the most powerful unicorns out there, the raw power and near limitless energy Flurry displays is far too much >As you’re tucking in Flurry you notice some arcane symbols scrawled on parchment strewn about >they’re crude but… familiar >you’ve seen these symbols before… >Anonymous >Of course, it all makes sense >Be Anon >Be currently looking at what apparently is a top secret meeting of the princesses >It’s honestly just a glorified tea party >You notice a small folder with the words “SUPER SECRET DOCUMENTS’ written in crayon with little hearts and flowers drawn around it “Afternoon Princess Celestia it’s a lovely day isn’t it” >Celestia gives you a warm smile >”Ah Anonymous what a pleasure it is to see you, it has been too long.” “I agree princess but working with Flurry keeps me pretty tide up” >Sometimes literally >You let out a small chuckle and look over at Luna who seems to be pouting a little “And Princess Luna, did you honestly think I forgot you?” >”Thou couldst have made it a tad more obvious.” >Luna huffs a little but seems to ease up a little “Do you princesses mind if I sit down?” >”Not at all Anonymous, and do help yourself to the refreshments.” >You grab a seat opposite Celestia >Since you arrived here the only creature that has a similar mindset to you has been Celestia >It makes a bit of sense considering she’s just about the oldest living being on the planet >Even then she still displayed some childlike mentality >”So Anonymous what have you been doing with Flurry that keeps you so occupied >Ah shit, quick think of something non conspicuous “Oh you know, this and that” >”Forgive our ignorance sir Anonymous, but we do not. After all tis why our sister posed the question.” >Crap, Luna’s got you there “Well, I have been teaching Flurry cursive. It’s slow going, but we’re making good progress.” >Great save Anon >At least it would have been, if the Princesses didn’t look at you like deer caught in your headlights >”C-cursive” >”But Anonymous, cursive is so challenging.” >”Indeed, and for you to start her so young… truly it is too much for her.” >You expected some surprise but not in this way “Actually she’s really gotten the hang of it. She can even write her own name. I mean sure her penmanship is a little sloppy but she’s still young, she’ll improve with time.” >The princesses turn to look at each other then back to you >Princess Celestia speaks up >”If you’re certain Anonymous, but please go easy on Flurry.” “I assure you Princess; I’ll take the lessons slow.” >You pass some time talking about various non-topics “Well, it was great talking with you Princesses; we really should do this again sometime.” >”Of course Anonymous it’s always lovely seeing you.” >”Indeed, we shall miss thee.” >You wave goodbye to them and start walking away >You still have one more pony to see today >Flurry Heart is gonna love Knead’s pastries