Thread archive: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/37271656/#q37271656
original author is Anon
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Prompt:
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>Pinkie Pie follows you everywhere, and is always trying to talk to you and tell you jokes.
>The only problem is she carries an overwhelming stench of heavy sweat.
>It's like she's never even heard of a shower before, and gets all damp and sweaty from bouncing and running everywhere.
>You don't want to be rude and call her out on it, but it's strong enough to make your eyes water and throat burn when you're in her presence.
>Literally akin to being in a gym changing room after practice.
What do?

>you are anon
>you are currently around the baker mare.
>well, pretend baker mare.
>yeah uh...
>how do you put this.
>you lived in p0nyville for a year, and started hanging out with the town weirdos.
>rainbow dash, toppest of cunt quickly became your bro. Your compadre, your best friend.
>you still don't forgive twilight.
>but you started hanging out with them, and eventually you met pinkie through applejacks sister applebloom.
>everything seemed alright at first. Pinkie was a pretty cool mare, little weird but had a good heart you thought.
>but you started noticing...she didn't really know how to do her job at sugarcube corner.
>got change mixed up or didn't give it at all.
>occasionally gave the money back
>half the time you were there, you started noticing that well...
>she was eating most of the food.
>and she was normally just standing around or sitting doing something else, often gummy related, which got her a correcting from the cakes.
>which...was weird.
>weirder yet, if she wasn't in there not working, she was outside of there not working.
>missing days or weeks at a time.
>being a bro, you thought you could step in and help her out.
>maybe she had trouble remembering stuff like in that Adam Sandler movie.

>you tried.
>you really did try to help her.
>gave her tips, both word and no at wisex and tried to help set up schedules.
>she forgot all of them.
>you kept on though.
>until topcunt pulled you aside after catching you on your way home from returning a book at golden oaks.
>rainbow was so mad at you.
>said pinkie had a stress melt down and asked what you were doing.
>'not cool anon! You know p0nies like her can't handle a lot of responsibilities. How would you like it if some jerk asked you to do things you can't do?'
>you learned soon after the truth.
>Pinkie is not quirky.
>or forgetful
>she's retarded.
>the cakes take care of her for her family. Her job is actually just to make her feel good, it isn't real.
>you have never felt more like shit after learning that

>After top cunt you also had lectures from Twilight, spike, Applejack, but not Rarity.
>'Darling I personally agree-we must make the special work more!'
>'Though please do consider her feelings a bit more. You know how those types get, what if you made her upset and she broke something with that unique strength?'
>Then she handed you the pamphlets.
>Apparently Luna has some kind of autism, according to the 'Special Alliance Against Defamation' or SAAD.
>Thisseemsfamiliar.wav
>You started avoiding sugar cube after that, you don't mean to be a dick or anything but the retarded make you uncomfortable.
>You just..don't uh..don't really know how to interact with them? You're afraid you'll look weird, like some sort of pedophile of the retarded or something.
>Also you get angrily easily, and you don't really have the patience for shenanigans.
>Unfortunately, something about all of this has culminated in Pinkie Pie following you obsessively.
>She tries to tell you jokes, most of them are bad, some are good. When she's not trying to fil; the silence with jokes she starts rattling off about something.
>"So then I said oatmeal? Are you crazy!"
>"THEN Twilight showed up and oh my goodness I thought her whole head was gonna explode when she saw the funnel connecting to Derpy's bottom and all that warm creamy delicious uber super duper de pooper good oatmeal going directly into.."
>You register none of what she's saying, you never do, and for one reason.
>She stinks.
>She smells like..chili and sweat. Her musk is so intense your nose actually feels like it's burning.
>You don't think she bathes.
>Good lord you wish she would go away. It's making you sick and being sick is making you more grumpy everyday.
>Can't yell at her though, not if you wanna stay bros with Dash.
>Something has got to give here though, because you swear to christ you can see stink lines wafting off her.

>"Derpy was giggling so much when the blueberries started popping through the tiny little...."
>You guess you never noticed the smell before at Sugarcube because the scent of cake is so overwhelming.
>"Then one time my big sister Limestone was all like 'Hey Pinkie, I'm sad-lets practice kissing!' and dad walked in and..."
>Why does she smell like this.
>Every breath is making you die inside a little.
>You just want to go home in peace.
>Maybe if you stop breathing it'll be fine.
>"The paddle gave us so many splinters we couldn't sit for weeks~..."
>Yeah, it'll be fine.
>You take in a deep breath, and cringe from the taste of the air on your tongue, your body shrinking in on the sewer scent of Stinky Pie.
>Holdit.wav
>Yeah.
>Yeah no this is fine.
>Keep walking.
>Just...hold it in.
>"Hey? Hey Anon? Anoooonn?"
Mmmmph.
>"Anon? Nonny wonny?"
>Oh god you feel like a condom with a tire pump blowing into it.
>Everything hurts.
>"Anon! Hey, hey Anon! Anon! Anon non non non non, hey have you ever noticed how a word sounds super fake if you keep saying it over and over and over and over and over again and-oh wait, Hey ANON!"
>DO NOT INHALE THE PUNGENCY.
>Your head feels like all of the blood has rushed to it.
>"ANON!" Yells Pinkie with a smile.
>Try to scream 'WHAT', fail and take a sharp inhale without breathing.
>The action does two things;
>You immediately get erect.
>Then your head feels like it has needles all over it and you fall face forward into blackness.
>Free of stink.

>Hours later.
>You begin to come out of the void of stinkless bliss.
>Pungent odour begins to slip through your nostrils, tasting heavy of foamy sweat and animal fur.
>You can feel something messing with your one eyed pantaloons whale.
>Keeps getting pushed back and forth.
>Did you fall asleep at flutterbutters again? What were you doing?
Flutter...sh...y..get off my dick you...pervert..
>"Fluttershy isn't here silly! Also when the heck did you plan on telling your good friend Pinkie Pie humans could change colours! Y'know secrets aren't good Anon, Granny Pie always said that if you keep secrets demons will take you to tartarus."
>"But that's ok, you didn't know any better! Ohhh this is great Nonny we can have you dress up like a big apple for Applejacks birthday party and..wait what other colours are you good at? Can you do chartreuse? What about vermillion or-oh oh how about brown!"
>You're not doing black face again, not after what happened in detroit.
>You slowly begin to remember what happened, but...wait.. didn't you fall on your face? And..wait..if that's Pinkie then..
>"Also why are you hiding toys in your pants? You know what the Princess says Anon? Sharing is caring!"
>Eyes blow open.
>Look and see Pinkie Pie batting around your dick in your pants, like a large mentally disabled ferret.
PINKIE STOP THAT.

>"Sheesh, if you don't want me to play with your toys I won't you just gotta say so. No need to be a wumpus mc grumpus."
>She pokes your dick again, giggling.
Pinkie!
>"Ok, ok! I-oh, hiya Miss Cheerilee!"
>Oh no.
>"Anon," says the mare name dropped conveniently by Pinkie.
Uh..Hhheyyy Cheers I can explain,
>"Can we have a word? In private?"
>Shit.
>
>"Anon! She's no older than a filly mentally! Did you not know that? You can't just play hanky panky with her it's taking advantage!"
I swear I wasn't-
>"No excuses Anon! I saw plain and clear what happened with my own two eyes. I may not know human anatomy but I know a good game of wiener ball when I see it."
Wiener ball...? There's no way that's real,
>"Anon you know what I mean! You were giving Pinkie a little bit of your..you know what!"
I swear it really isn't like that!
>"Look," she sighs patting your leg "I'm not mad, but from now on be careful who you sling it to, ok slugger?"
>"If I catch you doing anything like that again though I'm going to have to report you, understood?"
>
>At home.
>Bury head in hands.
>"Anoooon?"
>"Anon are you home? Can I come in? Miss Cake said I could hang out with my friends today!"
>"Anoooon!"
>Knock Knock Knock Knock.
>It's 11:27 pm.
>Damn it Pinkie Pie.