Copied from thread: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/37220811
*original author is Anon*
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No.37323819

>wash day in Equestria
>you're hanging out with your pal Rainbro Dash
>drinking a beer, watching the big hoofball game
>suddenly you notice
>her wings are missing
>you ask
>they're in the wash, she says
>every Saturday pegasi wash their wings
>she points out the window
>all over Ponyville you see pairs of pastel colored wings hanging on clotheslines
>you scratch your head
>you thought they were permanently attached, you tell her
>that's silly, she says
>unicorn horns are detachable for cleaning too
>and the Princesses are modular, their limbs and heads snap off and on and stuff
>just last month some kind of big monster attacked Baltimare
>and the Princesses had to assemble all their body parts into one enormous eight-legged, two-headed, four-winged abomination to fight it
>you stare at her
>you would once have been inclined to call shenanigans on such a story
>but since you came to Magic Pastel Tiny Hoers Land you've seen weirder things than that
>you're telling me, says Cranky Doodle
>he's a big hoofball fan too
>two days ago, he says, something came out of the Everfree Forest
>Rainbro and the purple nerd and their friends had to disassemble their bodies and reassemble themselves into a flying six-headed pony centipede thing to fight it
>damn, this place is weird
>you wonder if Gilda and a manticore could exchange heads, as you watch a beer commercial with minotaur dancing girls
>it was just another day

Repoastin always fun, I totally didn't forget to work on a thing
>Walking to the store after work.
>Another unmemorable ten hours wasted away. At least you made some commission pay instead of just hourly today.
>Walking past the happy couples and the hyperactive little fillies and colts running off the day's extra dose of sugar your thoughts are mostly on the mundane.
>What to make for dinner? Do you have enough lime for gin and tonics? Why do they call it Hearts and Hooves Day?
>Your mind casually compares it to Valentines Day and the origins as you walk on autopilot, arriving at the store.
>You continue to veg out, filling the cart with a twelve pack of Hoofweiser, red wine and some unfortunately vegitarian spaghetti fixings plus garlic bread in your arms, you walk home.
>Ahead you see the mailmare finishing up her rounds she gives a friendly wave before flittering over. Popping out of your post work daze you wave back back as she approaches.
>One, if not the only genuine friends you can claim since arriving here. She was the first to help you in acclimatizating to your new life. Also, she has an endless supply of dirty jokes. A rare commodity here indeed.
>"Hiya Anonner! How's yer Hearts n Hoovsies day been big guy?" Her hoof raised for a bump as she lands.
Tapping her hoof with a fist, "Fixin shit, getting paid. You?"
>Hefting the bulging mail sack with a grunt she drops it with thud at your feet. A few pink cards and letters sealed with a kiss pop out and drift to the ground like falling leaves. "About this good."
"Damn, good luck with that."

>With a snort and a smile she scoops up the fallen mail and slings the sack back over her side before jumping up and hovering at your eye level. "At least it's not catalog day bud. Anyways, I gotta get back to work. See ya round big fellah!"
"Kay, have fun."
>With a flap of her wings she resumes her route. Watching her for a moment before resuming the trek home.
>Arriving at the doorstep you set one of the bags down and reach in the mailbox. Pulling out the wad of envelopes and a coupon book or two you shove it in the grocery bag before unlocking the front door.
>Setting the bags down you fish out the mail. Bill, bill, junk mail, Neighgerian prince has an amazing offer, more junk mail and a new issue of Bows and Arrows. Popping the tab on a beer you drink deep, finishing half.
>Tossing the junkmail in the trash you empty the bags and lay out the spaghetti ingredients.
>With a start, you realize what your subconscious has done as you were zoning out in the store buying dinner. You used to make this every Valentines Day for your wife.
>An annual tradition long before the accident took her. Your heart aches as memories of the last time together bubble up.
>You've made your peace and moved on but the occasional unbidden reminders will alway sting. Focusing only on the happier times helps drive off the shock of these.
>With a deep breath and a heavy sigh you relax, easing the tightness welling in your throat. Setting down the tomatoes and mushrooms you wipe the moisture from your eye with a knuckle.

>Another calming breath, a freshly cracked open bear and you set to work making dinner.
>A couple hours later the sauce is bubbling away gently. Light music coming from the record player as you relax with a book and a drink. Occasionally rising to stir the sauce and adjusting the heat as needed.
>With a glance at the clock you set the book down and head to the kitchen. Another stir and you decide it's time.
>Clicking the burner up to max under an already steaming pot of water you go for the noodles when your doorbell rings.
>Placing the box back down you turn the sauce down and cover it before heading to the door as the bell rings again.
"Coming, coming. Jeez, keep your pants..., saddle on will ya?"
>Opening the door you're greeted with misaligned golden eyes and an envelope filled smile. "Spefull deliferyy!", she happily mumbles around the letter before motioning you to take it.
>Plucking it out you flip it over, noticing no address. She smiles as you step back, inviting her inside. She trots in, sniffing the air. "Oh wow hey, that smells good!"
"Makin sketti So, you off work for the day then?"
>Making her way to the sofa she hops up and nods. "Just this one left. You gonna open it?"
>Tearing the envlope you pull out a Hearts and Hooves day card. On the front it says, To Anon, from Derpy. Glancing at her she smiles wide. Opening it, you read aloud
"When I delivered your mail this morning I couldn't help notice you didn't get one card this year. Nopony, nohuman? What is the right right word anyway?" Glancing up to her, "Nobody." you tell her. She nods and you continue.
"Nopony, let alone my bestest friend is gonna be left out if I can help it. I was also worried this might be tough time for you too. Just remember, I'm always here if you need to talk or need cheering up about what got you feeling blue or just want to hang out! So anyway, have a happy hearts and hooves day Anon. Your friend, Derpy.
>She looks away shyly as you finish reading.
>Standing the card up on the end table, you walk over and kneel down in front of the sofa and pull her into a hug. Rubbing your back with a foreleg she squeezes you tightly.
"Thank you Derps.", you whisper.
>Holding on a few moments longer before releasing each other you rise. Walking towards the kitchen you turn back you see her wipe away a happy tear.
"So uh, hey. You want to have some spaghetti with me tonight?"
Her bubbly smile is all the answer you need.

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No.37292553

>be Anon
>be in Earth, strangely enough
>since the portals opened a few years back pones have become an occasional sight in the larger cities
>mainly they come here for trade
>pones love Earth's consumer electronics, humans love magical stuff and rubies the size of a man's head
>there are less obvious things traded
>Equestria never had nuclear power or nuclear weapons, so all the steel they make is low-background steel, which is bought eagerly to manufacture certain specialized equipment
>Earth has antibiotics and anticancer drugs the pones never developed
>pones have medical magic that can cure some disorders instantly, without side-effects
>some on Earth pay handsomely for food produced in a world where pesticides were never invented
>griffons love cheap beef from Brazil, guaranteed non-sentient
>some pones come over for specialized work
>lots of pegasi take very lucrative weather control contracts, for example
>they're making rain over northern Africa to reverse desertification
>other teams work at the poles to increase glacier growth and reduce global warming
>a few really bold ones come to Earth for vacation
>most pones shy away
>Earth's cities have a reputation for violence and disorder, by their standards
>but a few of them come, either brave or oblivious
>and today
>you're an American visiting Amsterdam
>not for what some people might immediately think of
>you're interested in the art museums mainly
>it's a beautiful cloudless late spring day
>you've met the most charming blonde pegasus in the Rembrandt museum
>she's got a grey colt and golden eyes that point in different directions
>but she's quite charming, and her enthusiasm for the city is infectious
>she has an adorable unicorn daughter back home
>relatives are caring for her while she works to send money back home
>she keeps talking about her "Muffin"
>she also laughs at your jokes as you walk together among the lengthening late afternoon shadows
>you wonder if she's just being polite, as you've never been a funny guy

>and she blushes when she shyly asks you to go to a coffee with her
>you are utterly charmed and can't help but agree
>as you walk with her and make small talk, you notice you're walking through one of the red-light districts
>as you approach the coffee shop
>you notice a certain smell
>oh. it's one of THOSE "coffee shops."
"Are you sure about this, Miss?"
>"Call me Derpy. And I've heard it's very popular and lots of fun."
"Well, okay."
>you walk into the bar with her
>and sit at a table with an enormous hookah in the center
>you sit there drinking espresso across the table from her
>you know, the espresso here isn't bad at all
>she goes to work with a will, once a waiter shows her how
>you watch her taking horse-sized toke after horse-sized toke
>she pauses for a moment to eat a hash brownie, then it's back to the hookah
>"Are you sure you don't want some of this? It's great!"
"I'm pretty sure. Thanks, though."
>half an hour passes, and it gets dark outside
>you get a bit hungry and order a "zebra sandwich," cream cheese and green onion on rye bread
>her eyes are really red and she's giggling continuously
>she asks you to dance
>you're not much of a dancer but you do your best
>she sort of hovers impossibly in midair, wings barely moving, like pegasus pones do
>while she wiggles her butt with an enormous sleepy smile on her face
>she asks to see your hotel room, as it's closer, and she's not up to a long flight
>well, okay
>you walk her back to your room
>she asks to come in and lie down
"Are you okay?"
>"It's fine. I think I need you to help me get to bed, though."
>this seems a little odd to you, but okay
>you accompany her into the bedroom, and she sits on the bed, her face a bit flushed, then gestures with a wing for you to sit beside her
"Is everything okay, Derpy?"

>and her forehooves go onto your shoulders wings go around your back, and her lips are on yours
>her mouth tastes of hashish
>but, you know, she's a really good kisser
>you start to get into it a little
>she pushes you gently back onto the bed
>she gets on top of you
>she weighs less than you anticipated
>which makes sense, I guess
>she can fly, after all
>she kisses you again, nibbling gently on your lower lip
>she breaks off the kiss and mumbles something
"Hmm?"
>she rolls off you, her eyes glassy
>folds her legs up underneath herself sort of like a cat
>her eyes close
>and in a moment she's snoring
>well, then
>you suppose this is going to be an awkward conversation in the morning
>after looking out the window and watch the city lights for a while
>checking your emails and watching a bit of TV
>huh, they have the BBC here
>you stretch out on the room's couch and go to sleep, wondering if she'll still be there when you wake up
>the next morning, just after first light
>you quietly shower and get dressed, then down to the hotel kitchen and get a cup of black coffee and a single sugary stroopwafel
>and come back to the room
>she's hovering there in midair just inside the door
>blushing brilliantly
>"I just don't know what went wrong."
"It's okay. Don't worry about it."
>"Maybe next time you should be the one to get stoned instead."
"Oh, Derpy."
>you hand her the stroopwafel
>it was a sweet day