Originally Published on November 29th, 2012

>Day yesterday night in Equestria
>Exhausted from running away from Banana Hush all day, you are now asleep,
>Dreaming a little Anon dream where…
>You’re fighting against a giant, pink Audrey Jr.
>“FEED ME!”
I’ve already fed your four times today!
>In the real world, a massive tent has been forming in your jammies, and you’re sleepily swatting away the flies that try and land on your junk.
>”FEED MEEEE!”
>Audrey swats at you with her weird, spider-plant hands
> =that tickles.
Shut up brain, I’m fighting Audrey!
>”QUIT YELLING AND FEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEE!”
>You lunge forward, landing your hands on Audrey’s stem….neck?
> =Plant anatomy is weird.
>Yup.
I agree.
>”WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKINGTO?”
>Screw Audrey and her plantiness, it’s time to unleash your final attack…
>CROCODILE ROLL!
> =CROCODILE ROLL!
CROCODILE ROLL!
>*snap*

>Audrey is still alive, but now bent at weird angle and drooping to the floor.
>”Why?”
> =Hey.
>What?
> =Isn’t Anon dreaming?
>Oh yeah, he is. Why?
> = WAKE UP BITCH!
>You wake up with and fly out of bed.
Dammit brain! I was having a trippy dream!
> =Uh-huh, like I care, time for you to go pee dipshit.
> [But I already went to the bathroom!
> =Not you dipshit; HIM dipshit.
> [Oh.
>You shuffle towards the bathroom and line up in front of the toilet.
>BY THE POWER OF WHITEBOWL! I HAVE TH-
> Why is piss hitting my sink?


>Turning to your right, you find your sink is absolutely drenched in urine
> =Hey dumbass, your peeing on your towels
Wha?
>Turn right; Yellow towels
> =Can you turn right again?
>You obey, allowing your brain to control you for once.
Weeeeeee
>You turn too far right, and now you’re facing the shower.
>A mahogany stream shoots from your body into the toilet bowl.



>ohshit.exe
> =lookdown.rar
Well fuck…
>Your dick is purple, and bent to the right at a 30 degree angle.
> Over the sound of your sex life crashing down around you, you hear a flapping noise from outside the bathroom. 
>You turn to look…sure enough, it’s Fluttershy.
>”I-is home invasion your f-fetish An-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
>”WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOUR DICK?!”
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU FREAK!
>Ignoring you, Flutterbutt shoots you in the neck with a dart.
>You throw your arm up as you fall, hoping to hit her into next Tuesday.
>She sidesteps at the last moment, and you hit the floor hard.
> =Fuck.
>45 degrees.


>The very next day…
>INITIATING REBBOOT…WOULD YOU LIKE TO START IN SAFE MODE?
>STARTING…
>Opening your eyes, fuzzy shapes begin to come into view.
>T.V., IV Stand, giant cast coming out of your crotch
WHAT THE FUCK?!
>”Oh look! He’s awake!”
THE FUCK ARE YOU?
>”I’m Doctor Stable.”
>You point towards the plaster tower coming from your genitals.
THE FUCK IS THAT?
>”That is a cast covering your penis. Contrary to what we thought at first, it wasn’t that…hard…to fix.”
>The hospital falls deathly silent from Doc’s bad pun.
>Nurse Redheart started to giggle, but stopped when someone hit her in the head with a bedpan.
>”Well fuck you too.”
> “Anyways, Anon, we’ve done all we can, but we have to transfer you to a facility better equipped to handle your…situation.”

>As if on cue, Fluttershy pops her head into the empty doorway.
>”R-ready to go Anon?”
>Your heart stops, and your bedpan gets heavier.
NONONONONONONONO!
>You leap out of bed and grab the Doctor, ripping out your IV in the process.
>You don’t care, your dicks broken!
ALLRIGHT! NOBODY MOVES OR THE DOCTOR GETS IT!
>Wait Anon! You don’t even have a weapon!
You’re right brain.
>”Anon, who are t-talking to?”
>You leaned forward, rage building in your eyes.
SHUT UP FLUTTERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
>The jimmies of a million birds were rustled by your girly screams.
>As you just found out, broken penises are very sensitive to sudden movement.
>You fall to the floor as the Doctor wiggles out of your arms.
>As the world begins to fade out, you swear you see Silent Canary slipping Doctor Stable a HUGE bag of bits.
Well shit.