Originally Published March 8th, 2018

Turns out I'm stupid and forgot to put this in the right order with the other entries.
Read this after Interlude in Pink, but before Navel Oranges. Read everything else in the order posted. Thank you.
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>Day...Hell, you've honestly lost count
>You are Anonymous, sole human in Equestria 
>It has been one year to the day since the magical cast and sutures on your dong disappeared
>It's a bit of a long story
>Totally wasn't embarrassing at all walking around with a big cast on your junk for 2 months
>It felt like years while it was on though
>So many loads you could have blown...
>"Anonymous? You've stopped walking. Are you alright?"
Hmm? Oh, sorry. Just lost in thought. You go on ahead.
>You are currently taking Fluttershy, or her clone rather, to Twilight's for a checkup
>Another long story, lots of blood that needed to be cleaned up that day
>Fluttershy continues walking ahead towards Twilight's Castle at your affirmation, and you went slowly after her
>You never could get used to that crystal monstrosity, nor Twilight's coronation as the Princess of Friendship.
>Granted, she really was an excellent friend outside of her morally dubious experiments, but she could never get o-
>"ANONYMOUS WOULD YOU GET INSIDE ALREADY?!", a purple princess hush-screamed at you. "SHE COULD BE WATCHING!"
1/

Twilight, I've told you time and again that Celestia doesn't care about your "projects."
>"But she DOES, Anon, I know it! Why else would she make me a Princess?"
To reward you for finally coming out of your NEET-o-sphere and saving the world a few times?
>"Or maybe it's because she wants the stress of my higher position to make me crack and confess, but that ain't happening!" Twilight beams, confidently
>This confidence is quickly replaced by a nervous glance at a somewhat conspicuous flowerpot in the corner of the room
"N-not that I have anything to confess, no ma'am!"
>She casually turns the plant around as she serves up tea and cookies for the three of you
>It's a nice and fragrant black tea, and the cookies are ginger snaps
>"So, Anon, how has she been doing?"
Mphhmohmma, you mumble through a mouthful of cookies
>If ever you had a weakness, it was ginger snaps
>Twilight smiles and shakes her head
>"Glad to see those baking lessons are paying off. So, Fluttershy, how would you say you are doing?"
2/

>"Mphmpmah."
>Shy's mouth is stuffed to bursting with cookies as well
>You choke a bit as you laugh a crumb into your windpipe
>Twilight just shakes her head
>A purple aura surrounds the tray of cookies and lifts them towards the cieling
>"I'm sorry, Shy, I didn't quite catch that."
>Twilight hands Fluttershy one of the cups of tea, pulling out a small journal as she does so
>Fluttershy takes a sip of tea to soften up the cookies, and swallows
>"Things are going well, Twilight. Anon has been a very gracious houseguest, and the animals have really taken to his being around."
Oh stop, you flatter me.
>It really wasn't too hard
>As long as you took the carnivores fishing every now and then, you avoided most of the major problems
>Everything else was handled by your admittedly shoddy impersonation of their original master
>"I'm serious! For some reason the animals just seem to ignore me lately."
>"Interesting...", Twilight scribbles furiously in her notebook
>Her horn lights up again, and a small necklace appears in Twilight's hooves
>It's the Element of Kindness, its gem dull and washed out
>"Let's see if you're able to synchronize, Fluttershy."
3/

>Twilight lowers the Element, moving Fluttershy's mane out of the way so it can rest on her neck
>Twilight releases her aura, and the Element glows a bright teal
>Fluttershy's eyes go white as she floats into the air
>A magic wind begins swirling around the sitting room as the power of the-
>PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT
>The Element loses its glow, and Fluttershy's return to their mint green as she falls back onto the couch.
>"Ow."
Heh.
>"Anon! This is not funny!", Twilight glares at you
I think it's very funny, Twi. I mean, it's a powerful magical artifact and it farts.
>Twilight scribbles into her journal again, still glaring at you
>Fluttershy quietly hands the Element back to Twilight
>"I thought it was pretty funny" another voice chimes in
>It's coming from a little dragon holding a big scroll of paper
Thank you, Spike!
>Twilight rolls her eyes
>"Anon, please, I've seen Spike laugh because his Alpha-Bits spelled 'Boty'."
>"No, I was laughing because they almost spelled 'Booty'."
4/

Point is, his opinion has more weight than yours here.
>"I....I guess you're right."
>Twilight stops writing for a moment
>The castle goes deathly silent
>Fluttershy quietly takes a sip of tea
>Your breathing feels like the loudest thing in existence
>"HMH", Spike clears his throat, breaching the forced calm
>"Well...I better go give this scroll to Trixie. She said something about Starlight's birthday coming up soon and...yeah..."
>With that, he heads to some other room in the castle
>"Y-yes. Anyway Anon, as I was saying," Twilight continued "I don't think this very funny."
>She flips through her the pages in her journal
>"The Elements of Harmony are very...'finicky', to put it plainly. It probably thinks something is missing from Fluttershy, but I'm not sure what..."
>You look over at Fluttershy
>She seems to have gone pale
>"M-missing something?"
>Her teacup starts to shake a bit in her hooves
>Twilight sees this as well and changes tone
>"Don't worry Shy, it's probably just some magic dissonance from your progenitor. I'm sure that you'll be using your Element in no time!"
>She smiles, probably a bit more than she needs to
>But it takes the edge off Fluttershy, and she gives a small smile in return
5/

So, what are you making there?
>Twilight began the second phase of testing some time ago
>Something about "Shallow Memory Reading" and "MagiMuscle Coordination", and a whole slew of other 20 dollar words
>She was one damned thorough mare when it came to tests
>You thought it was boring as hell, so you wandered off to see what Spike and Trixie were up to
>"Why, it is a drawing of the 'iced cream' Starlight told Trixie so much about!"
>Trixie beams with pride as she passes you the scroll
>"Trixie made it 'swirled' flavor.
>Taking a look, it's a double-scoop of swirled ice cream on some kind of fancy cup
>Literally, the two scoops were resting on top of the glass
>Wasn't even drawn that well
>They kinda looked more like wrinkly peaches than ice cream, really
Hmmm...
>You grab a pencil as inspiration strikes
It's almost perfect Trix, you just need a few condensation lines here and OH! A streak of ice cream coming off the bottom of the glass like this...
>Trixie watches with awe as you make her drawing into the best birthday card it can be
>Spike is holding back giggles as you turn her ice cream into a veiny wang
And a few sprinkles for good measure~!
6/

>Trixie looks stunned by your handiwork
>"Th-thank you, Anonymous! Starlight is sure to love this!"
>Spike composes himself for a moment
>"You sure, Trixie? I thought Starlight was more of a mare's mare-PFFTThehehe", he says, relapsing into giggles
>"Mare's mare?' Trixie ponders the question over her birthday card
>"Heheheh"
Yeah, I don't think she'd be able to handle such a thick and meaty birthday card
>The tips of her ears turn bright red, and soon the rest of her face follows suit
>"T-T-TTRIXIE NEEDS A GREAT AND POWERFUL ERASER!" She screams as she flails around in her art supplies
>You and Spike fall to the floor, rolling as Trixie alternates between erasing your drawing and batting at the two of you
>She hits pretty hard despite her slight frame
ow-OWOW!Shit! I was just kidding, calm down!
>"Trixie, what are you doing?" A voice calls into the room
>Looking over, it's Fluttershy, who looks a little upset
>"ANONYMOUS TURNED TRIXIE'S BIRTHDAY GIFT INTO A VULGAR SIDESHOW PIECE!"
I used pencil, didn't I? It'll get covered up easy with some paint.
>You hoist yourself onto your feet
7/

So all your tests done, then?
>Fluttershy nods, "Yes, Twilight says everything is okay, barring my inability to use the Element of Kindness. She's still unable to find the cause though."
>Ooph, that's got to be a bit of a bummer
Don't worry about it Shy, I'm sure it'll come back to you soon enough.
>You head around the room, saying your goodbyes
>Trixie gives you a small huff
Oh come on, I'm sure Shimmer will enjoy whatever you give her.
>This softens her up a bit, just enough to give you a weak hoofshake
>Spike asks "Are we still on for this Wednesday?"
Sure, I even figured out a way to get AJ involved too, so don't worry.
>He hugs your leg
>He hugs it a bit longer than he should, probably
>You kinda smear him onto Trixie as you leave
Night guys! Night, Twilight!
>You open the door, seeing the sky for the first time in hours
>The sunset gets you right in the eyes, and it hurts like hell
>But with Fluttershy in tow, you head back to her cottage
>Twilight, however, is spazzing out behind you and calling for Spike to bring the notebooks
8/

>The air is refreshing and cool as you make your way back to Fluttershy's cottage
>You pass by your house along the way, tarps on its windows
>Only you knew the tarps were just for show
>"So, your house is still being painted?", Fluttershy pipes up
Oh, uh yeah. Apparently they can't get the right type of primer that covers the woodscrews.
>"O-oh. Okay then."
>Wew, thank god she knows nothing about construction
>The rest of your walk is fairly quiet
>The crickets and cicadas make a chirpy soundtrack to your walk
>Eventually, you reach the cottage
>A comfy little shack that Fluttershy shares with you, Angel, and Discord
>When you enter, it's still and dark
Hey Shy, what day is it today?
>"Monday, Anon. Why?"< Fluttershy responds as she heads upstairs
No reason, just wondering where everyone is.
>You take off your shoes, and set your jacket on the coatrack
>Being Monday night, Angel was probably out in the Red Light district overseeing his business ventures
>Which would mean Discord is...
>"Discord is...what?"
HOJEEZE
9/

>The coatrack, it turns out, was a very big antler
>Connected to a very tiny Discord resting on top
>"Oh my, Anonymous, were you hoping I wasn't here? Expecting a romantic evening alone with Miss Shy?"
>His eyes grow large and flutter-flitter at you
No, you perv. Just making sure my roommates aren't off in a ditch somewhere.
>He snaps off his antler, making you wince a bit
>He then pops back to full size, and inflates a new antler from his head
>"Yeah yeah, I like you too and all. Now, what show are we going to marathon tonight?"
>The couch you two used as a bed is transformed into a row of theater seats and a small t.v.
>It wasn't shared for sex reasons, you just like having someone to cuddle, and Discord is just so plush and curvace-
Hey! Quit changing my internal monologue!
>"Alright fine, buzzkill."
>Discord lounges across most of the seats, and pulls out a remote
>"I hear CSI: Apploosa is good for some laughs."
Perfect. I'll get the popcorn ready.
>As you make the popcorn, you think you hear a faint retching noise
>Fluttershy usually feels sick after her sessions
>You would too, being poked and prodded by that weird purple monstrosity
>I mean, whose bright idea was it to live and work from a big crystal abomina-
Discord!
>"I'm not doing it! Hoonest~!"
>You let out a chuckle as you head back to the living room with popcorn
>This week, you thought, is going to be great
10/

>RING RING
>"I'll get it!"
>Discord lazily stretched his arm out to the phone, followed by his mouth and left ear
Gross, dude.
>He responds with a wink
>"Why hello, Princess Twilight! Why so la-oh yes, he's right here"
>Within an instant of an instant, you were plopped onto the floor of the kitchen.
Ow.
>You take the phone from Discord's talon
Hey Twi, what's up?
>"Anonymous, I need to talk to you. Are you free now? Is anyone bugging the call?"
>Oh great, more paranoia
One sec. DISCORD I SWEAR IF YOU ARE LISTENING IN THAT I WILL DRAG YOU TO TARTURUS MYSELF!, you yell to the draconequus on the couch
>You can see him jam his hands into his ears
>A thumbs-up, covered in earwax, is shot to you in reassurance
Sorry Twi, I'm kinda busy till Fri-
>"Friday? Awesome, come in on Thursday, first thing in the morning. Alone. This is a royal decree."
>Click
>BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>You hang up the phone
Great, you huff as you head back to the couch
>Guess this week won't be so great after all
11