>The last orange sugar cookie of the batch was still oven warm when Pinkie Pie had squeezed out a white frosting spider web onto its surface.
>With that done, Sugar Cube Corner’s display case now had an entire selection of warm Nightmare Night treats to sell that morning.
>She licked off some stray frosting that was stuck to her hoof before saying, “I’m all done, Mr. Cake.”
>Mr. Cake wore a vest that carried his squirmy baby daughter on his chest, and attached to his back was a leash that yanked him in any direction that his pegasus son happened to fly in.
>He asked Pinkie to repeat herself, as he had been busy untangling his son’s leash from the coat rack it’d been wrapped around when she had spoken to him
>When he did lean down to scan the full rows of treats, he only had a second to do so before he took a headbutt to the chin from his daughter.
>“You alright?” Pinkie asked.
>“I’m fine,” he said, wincing, as one of his eyes teared up. “They look great.”
>“Thanks. I tried to make them extra spooky this year.”
>“Is that why I heard you screaming earlier?”
>“Yeah,” Pinkie said. “I was trying to spook the dough, and I think it made all the difference. Now these cookies are really scary.”
>Pinkie bent down and, with a sinister look in her eye, moaned like a ghost at the cookies.
>“Ooooooo!”
>She was at eye level with Pumpkin Cake, and the strange noise made the baby coo and flail her limbs about.
>Mr. Cake winced from the vest pulling down on him.
>A stabbing pain had formed between his shoulders, and it was only getting worse.
>And Pumpkin was only getting more and more excited with her flailing.
>“Ooooooo!”
>“Pinkie, would you please stop doing that?” Mr. Cake asked.
>“I did stop,” Pinkie said.
>The moaning was coming from back towards the kitchen.
>To Pinkie, the noise was exactly what she had imagined a ghost sounded like--low, mysterious and mournful.
>So when Mr. Cake asked her to see what was causing the strange noise while he opened up the bakery, she felt a hard lump form inside her throat.
>“Me?” she asked, shaken up.
>She poked her head past the kitchen door, looking carefully about the room, inspecting every angle.
>She slowly shuffled her trembling hooves past the threshold.
>Of course she knew that ghosts weren’t real, and she told herself that there was nothing to be scared of.
>Then again, she had just finished baking up an extra scary batch of treats in that very kitchen.
>Maybe she had made them too scary.
>Maybe they had brought the noise with them.
>Was it possible that making scary things could bring actual scary things to you?
>She wished Twilight was there for her to ask--or that any pony was there with her, really.
>Because the noise was very strange, and very scary.
>And it was getting louder the closer she got to the backdoor.
>She got angry at herself when she found that her hoof would only rest on the doorknob, not turn it.
>She’d always been taught to face her fears.
>What would her Granny Pie think of her acting like such a scaredy pony?
>She would tell her to stand up tall, to face her fears.
>Why, they’re just something to be laughed at!
>So when Pinkie opened the backdoor, she was laughing derisively in the face of her silly fears.
>”Ha, ha, ha!”
>Fluttershy had been hiding at the back of the bakery, crying her eyes out.
>Pinkie laughed in her face.
>“HA!!”
>Fluttershy sniffled.
>Pinkie’s uneasy smile froze.
>Both reactions had been borne from the confused pause that followed.
>Fluttershy stared at the cruel smile on Pinkie’s face.
>A few hiccuping sobs began leaping out from her throat.
>Pinkie saw that her friend was about to burst into a wailing mess but she had no time to stop it.
>Fear had paralyzed the smile onto her face, and, before Fluttershy broke down, she wheezed out a whisper of regret:
>“Oh horse apples!”
>“Why are you laughing at me?!”

>Mistakes had been made.
>But between good friends, there is nothing that cannot be mended.
>A few frantic apologies, and an unspoken invitation to let Fluttershy use her shoulder as a tissue, and Pinkie was in her friend’s good graces again.
>Still, she didn’t know why Fluttershy was so upset, but she knew better than to push her friend to talk before she was ready.
>So she waited.
>She let Fluttershy cry and cry, and, in the meantime, wondered what Mayor Mare would name the lake that by now must have existed on her shoulder.
>“I’m just glad that you weren’t a ghost,” Pinkie said.
>Although now that she thought about it, maybe meeting a ghost would not have been so bad.
>She could have been the first pony that had ever thrown a party for a ghost.
>Even if she hadn’t been momentarily distracted, Pinkie still would not have been able to understand Fluttershy’s choked response.
>“What’d you say?” Pinkie asked.
>Fluttershy wiped her eyes clear.
>“I said that I might as well be a ghost. I might as well not even exist to . . .”
>She looked mournfully down at the ground.
>“To him.”
>She was of course talking about the only human that existed in Equestria, the only person living in Ponyville, the local alien, the object of her unreturned affection, the fellow with the unfound fetish.
>That guy.
>You.
>Pinkie understood all of this in an instant.
>She asked what happened and then began to pet Fluttershy’s mane.
>Fluttershy spoke like a scolded child that’d been asked to explain herself.
>”All I was doing was following him as he went to work.”
>She sniffled a little and wiped her nose.
>Pinkie folded her ears.
>“Aw, that’s not so bad. I’m sure he’ll--”
>“He’d gotten halfway to Sweet Apple Acres when he saw me, and then he said that I should stop stalking him, and he told me to leave him alone.”
>Pinkie’s reassuring petting slowed down the more Fluttershy spoke.
>“I said that I loved him, and that I couldn’t stop because I had to spend as much time with him as possible, that I had to find his fetish before Nightmare Night got here.”
>Fluttershy had careened back into hysterics whilst recounting this, and she was now struggling to speak between sobs.
>“And then when he asked me why it had to be before Nightmare Night, I told him that I always stayed in my cottage until Nightmare Night was over, and that I wouldn’t be able to see him or guess his fetish when that happened.”
>She moaned in agony at the thought.
>”And then he said--”
>Fluttershy struggled to say the rest, as she was hyperventilating.
>“He-- He-- He--”
>Pinkie patted her friend on the back.
>“Go on, let it all out.”
>“He said that was . . . Good!”
>Fluttershy screamed into a fresh wave of wailing, her snotty muzzle immediately divebombing into the wet matted fur of Pinkie’s sopped shoulder.
>Time eventually heals all, and Fluttershy was finally finished crying once Pinkie’s shoulder had begun to resemble the inside of a sick toddler’s nasal cavity.
>“Do you feel better now?” Pinkie asked.
>“No,” Fluttershy sniffled, wiping her eyes.
>“Aw, come on, Fluttershy. Cheer up.”
>“I can’t. Not until I find his fetish. Once I find that, then I’ll be happy.”
>“Why?”
>Fluttershy gave Pinkie an odd look.
>“Well, because then he’ll forget about everything that’s holding us back. Then he’ll finally want to love me.”
>Pinkie nodded sagely to herself.
>“Oh, yeah. No, you’re right. I must’ve just forgot. That makes perfect sense.”
>Fluttershy slipped away from her friend’s embrace, stood up and brushed the dirt off her coat.
>“What’s funny is that he’s the only one I really have trouble with when it comes to finding out what his fetish is.”
>“What do you mean?” Pinkie said.
>“Well, I’ve noticed that the more I learn about all the different kinds of fetishes that are out there, the easier it is for me to recognize them in others.”
>Pinkie tilted her head to the side.
>“Huh?”
>“Here, I’ll show you.”
>They went up to the window and saw Mr. Cake, who was looking around in the kitchen.
>“I can tell you Mr. Cake’s fetish, if you want to know.”
>“Really?”
>Fluttershy nodded and directed her gaze towards Mr. Cake’s back.
>She knit her brow down to a disapproving glare and her eyes opened up as wide as they could be.
>Pinkie recognized this right away: The Stare.
>The intensity that radiated from Fluttershy’s hypnotic eyes sent cold shivers tingling up her spine.
>When Fluttershy’s kind eyes and naturally soft features had finally returned, Pinkie Pie sighed, letting go of a breath that she had no idea she’d been holding until then.
>“Oh my!” Fluttershy said whilst covering up her mouth.
>Her wings shot open involuntarily.
>“What?” Pinkie asked. “What is it?”
>But Fluttershy, who was still flustered, ignored her.
>“Goodness, Mr. Cake,” she said, her hoof now fanning her flushed face.
>“What’d you see? What was it?”
>Now Pinkie was trembling all over with excitement.
>She grabbed Fluttershy’s cheeks, smooshing them as she turned her friend’s head to meet her eyes.
>“Tell me, Fluttershy!” she said as she lightly shook her friend. “Tell me, tell me, tell me!”
>Fluttershy smiled.
>“Mr. Cake has a fetish for huge plump pony rumps.”
>Pinkie stilled herself.
>“Oh.”
>She let go of Fluttershy and sat down.
>“That’s it, huh?”
>“Yes, I think so,” Fluttershy said. “He sure is lucky to be married to Mrs. Cake then, isn’t he?”
>“Sure.”
>Some stray hairs had fallen into Pinkie’s eyes from out of her poofy mane.
>She blew air up past her muzzle to fix them back into place.
>Then she began idly drawing a smiley face into the dirt.
>“Huge plump pony rumps,” Fluttershy said, looking in the window.
>“Yeah.”
>“Oh, and he likes scat.”
>“Yeah--no, wait, what?”
>Pinkie shook her head, then turned fully towards her friend.
>Fluttershy was still looking in the window.
>“I wouldn’t have pegged Mr. Cake for that,” she said, “but I’m sure he and Mrs. Cake have an understanding about it.”
>Now Pinkie was the one that was staring intensely.
>“Fluttershy I just realized something.”
>She had barely turned away from the window when Pinkie leaped up and wrapped her friend into a bone-crushing, enthusiastic hug that lifted her up off the ground.
>“I just realized that you’re one of the most amazing ponies ever!” she screamed into Fluttershy’s left ear.
>Fluttershy felt slightly dizzy, so much that her eyes seemed to be spinning when Pinkie finally let her go.
>“Well, actually, I already knew you were amazing,” Pinkie said, “but now you’re even more amazing than I already thought you were, and since I already thought you were amazing, that must mean that you’re some new kind of amazing that hasn’t even been invented yet.
>“What would we call that?”
>Pinkie was again inches away from her friend’s muzzle.
>Fluttershy’s awkward eyes looked back over her own shoulder.
>“Um, I really don’t know, Pinkie. But thank you.”
>“How come you never told any pony you had the eye?”
>“The eye?”
>“That’s what I’m calling your new super power.”
>“Oh,” Fluttershy said. “Well, I don’t know. It just never came up. I only found out I could do it about a month ago.”
>Pinkie gasped suddenly.
>“We have to do more.”
>“Oh, well, sure.”
>Fluttershy turned towards the window again and fixed her eyes on Pound Cake.
>“Just give me a second here.”
>But it was a second too long, as Pinkie Pie was already letting her imagination run away with her while Fluttershy was entirely focused on fetish finding.
>“Wowzers! Good ol’ Mr. Cake has a scat fetish,” Pinkie said.
>”Yes,” Fluttershy said, “and huge plump pony rumps, too.”
>“Well, I already knew that.”
>“No, I mean Pound Cake. He shares the same fetish.”
>“No, wait, I meant that I already knew that Mr. Cake had a scat fetish.”
>“Must’ve got it from his father, maybe.”
>“Even before you told me I knew that he had a scat fetish.”
>“The huge plump pony rumps, I mean. Not the scat fetish. That’d be weird.”
>“Wait, how could I have known that Mr. Cake had a scat fetish before you even told me?”
>“Pound is also into incest and . . . diapers. Goodness!”
>“Did he tell me he liked scat? Why would he tell me that?!”
>“Poor Pound Cake. He sure is going to have a rough time around his mom when puberty hits.”
>“What am I forgetting?”
>“Unless, of course, Mrs. Cake also has an incest fetish.”
>“. . .”
>“. . .”
>“Actually, Pinkie, I think I might’ve been wrong about Pound Cake’s fetish.”
>Pinkie gasped.
>“My party planning files!”
>“He doesn’t have a diaper fetish,” Fluttershy said. “He’s actually just a baby, that’s all.”
>Fluttershy found her cheeks were again smooshed and she was muzzle to muzzle with her friend.
>“Fluttershy, you’re not going to be spending Nightmare Night alone. I know how we can find his fetish.”
>“What?!” Fluttershy’s eyes shot wide open. “Pinkie, that’s wonderful. How are we going to do it?”
>But Pinkie Pie was already heading towards the nearby cellar doors of Sugar Cube Corner.
>“We just need to take a quick trip to my party planning cave.”
>They each lifted up one of the heavy wood cellar doors.
>“I thought your cave was beneath a trap door inside your room,” Fluttershy said.
>“It is,” Pinkie said. “Well, technically, my party planning cave used to be the basement. So we can get in through here.”
>This was welcome news to Fluttershy, since the only way to get to the party cave before involved sliding down a slide.
>She’d had fun going down slides when she was a child, but now that she was an adult they scared her.
>The cellar doors opened and they looked down the stairs leading to the basement.
>Except there weren’t any stairs.
>It was another slide, and it was curved in such a way that one could not see just how far down one would have to slide before it ended.
>Fluttershy’s heart seized with fear.
>She felt her wings glue themselves against her sides.
>There was no way she was going down that slide.
>“Pinkie, there’s no way I’m going--”
>“You get to be the first to try it!”
>Pinkie slapped her friend sonorously on the rump.
>It was enough.
>She teetered forward, fell directly into the chute, and slid down on her belly, disappearing into the darkness as quickly as a bullet is fired
>Her screams echoed for a second before fading away.
>Pinkie never heard her hit the bottom.
>She was ecstatic, and jumped in after her.
>“Whee!”
>Following her descent, the cellar doors closed behind her, doing so entirely on their own.

>The paper bag that Fluttershy held around her mouth inflated and deflated rapidly as she sucked in breaths through her clenched teeth.
>Pinkie Pie, who was searching through her party files, ignored her as nicely as she could.
>“Back when you first got interested in fetishes, I thought I might take a look into them myself, too, just in case I ever had to throw a fetish party.”
>Fluttershy removed the bag and gasped.
>“What’s a fetish party?”
>“I don’t know. I’ve never had to plan one yet.”
>“Oh, I see. How come you never told me that you were interested in fetishes too?”
>“I’m not super interested. This was all a long time ago.”
>“But why did you never tell me?”
>Pinkie stopped flipping through her files.
>“Don’t take this the wrong way, Fluttershy, but you used to have a teeny, tiny bit of a jealousy problem.”
>“Oh. I didn’t know that. I’m sorry,” she said, folding her ears. “Are you sure you aren’t thinking of some other pony?”
>She was not, and as Pinkie relayed the stories back to her, Fluttershy slowly remembered them, in all their horror.
>And they were easy to remember, too, Pinkie said, “Because they happened a lot.”
>Fluttershy suddenly felt very nervous.
>“If it’s okay, maybe we could only remember one of them in detail.”

***

>Even back then, she tried following you wherever she could.
>Like into the library, when you went to return a book to Twilight.
>You could feel the annoying yellow pony hovering next to you, breathing on your neck.
>Smelling your hair.
Look, I know it’s useless to try and get rid of you, but just don’t say anything when I get in there.
>“Can’t I say hello to Twilight?”
No.
>“Well, I can pay your overdue book fine, if you want.”
It’s not overdue. I got Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone only two weeks ago.
>“Oh, no, it was actually three weeks ago.”
You weren’t there.
>“Actually, I sort of was. You just didn’t see me.”
Great. And why can’t you be as far away from me now as you supposedly were then?
>“I can only be as close to you as I feel, and I feel like we’ve grown a lot closer over these past three weeks.”
Just be quiet.
>“Okay.”
And don’t touch me.
>She scrunched her muzzle.
>“This is going to be hard.”
>Twilight looked to you for an answer when Fluttershy simply nodded at her greeting.
She’s not allowed to talk.
>“Okay,” Twilight said unsurely. “You know you are allowed to talk, right, Fluttershy?”
>She nodded again, and Twilight opted to move on.
>“Well did you enjoy the book?”
Actually, I did.
>“That’s great. I figured you might have been getting into it when you didn’t bring the book back before it was due.”
>Fluttershy wore a smile so small that it almost didn’t look smug.
>But it was.
>“It’s okay, I’ll waive your fee this time,” Twilight said. “But you have to read the next one in the series.”
>She levitated a new book into your hands.
>You read the title aloud:
Daring Do and the Griffon’s Goblet.
>“I’m sure you’ll love it.”
>“What?!”
>Fluttershy got up in Twilight’s face.
>“Love it? Love it! What’s that supposed to mean, Twilight? He’ll love it. You mean he’ll love you, is that right? Is that what your little plan is, to steal his love from me with some boring old books? Because it’s not going to happen. You’re going to fail, just like you failed at friendship before ponies like me so graciously allowed you experience it. But you have no experience with love, do you, Twilight? Do you! Did you think I was blind? Did you think that I was just going to stand by and let you use him to get it? Well I’m not. You failed again, you little failure! You scheming little virgin librarian shut-in! He doesn’t love you, he’ll never love you! So just take all of your little books, and your pathetic little schemes, and leave us alone. Do you hear me, Twilight? You stay away from my man!”
>Fluttershy had her stare trained down at her friend, and her nostrils flared with each heavy heated horsey breath.
>Twilight was in shock.
>Her jaw had dropped.
>Only a prolonged creaking sound came out when she tried to speak.
>It was enough to set Fluttershy off again.
>“Why are you moaning? You dirty little whorse--”
>You flicked Fluttershy on the nose.
I told you not to talk.
>She scrunched her muzzle.
>“Sorry.”

***

>Red roses set ablaze had less color to them than the flames that currently burned on Fluttershy’s cheeks.
>She buried her face in her hooves, hiding her shame.
>“It’s okay,” Pinkie said. “We all make mistakes, and you made it all better when you paid the fine after all.”
>“I guess I can see why you kept your own interest in fetishes a secret for so long.”
>“I think there was another reason, too, but I can only remember back that far if there’s cake involved.”
>“So there was no cake then?”
>“Nope.”
>She pulled two files out and closed the cabinet.
>“Anyway, I used the information that’s in my party files to help me find out what the fetishes are of almost every pony in Ponyville.”
>Two files were laid out on the table before Fluttershy.
>“Here, tell me how I did.”
>Fluttershy opened one of the folders and flinched.
>Inside was the picture that’d been taken for one of her many teacher of the month awards, in all its red-eyed glory.
>Her surprised frown and tousled mane perfectly matched the subject pictured in Pinkie’s folder.
>“Oh my!”
>“Go on, Fluttershy. Read it.”
>With the tip of her hoof, she gathered the file closer to her with all the enthusiasm of a filly that was receiving extra homework.
>She read aloud:
>“Fluttershy likes tea parties, quiet music and vanilla ice cream with a sliced strawberry on top--always in a dish, never a cone.”
>Fluttershy smiled.
>“That was nice of you to remember, Pinkie.”
>“Keep going.”
>She did so, still reading aloud:
>“She is scared of lots of stuff--that’s true, too, Pinkie--with just a few examples being unplanned surprises, and being judged by others. Oh dear, I don’t know if I want to keep going.”
>“Keep going!”
>“Okay.”
>Fluttershy cleared her throat.
>“Her fetishes are humans, human butts, and pet play.”
>Her voice squeaked after reading this, and she would not have spoken any more if she had not seen Pinkie’s pleasing smile.
>“Goodness. Pinkie, how did you know?”
>“Well, duh! Every pony knows that you like him.”
>“N-No,” she stuttered. “I meant about the . . . pet play.”
>“Every pony secretly knows that you’re into pet play.”
>Fluttershy gulped.
>“They do?”
>Pinkie didn’t answer her, but she didn’t have to.
>Suddenly, Fluttershy felt very small.
>She folded her ears, brought her foreleg up to her chest, and her eyes began darting around the room, as though she feared some pony was sneaking up on her.
>Only Pinkie Pie snuck up on her.
>She suddenly appeared at Fluttershy’s side sometime while her eyes had been off of her for half a second.
>“Eep!”
>“Every pony saw you getting brushed by Angel when we were in the dream realm fighting the Tantabus. Remember?”
>A tiny, joyful squeak accompanied Pinkie’s grin.
>Fluttershy pursed her lips.
>“But that happened before we fought the Tantabus.”
>Her lips pursed further.
>“And you weren’t even there when I was getting brushed by Angel--”
>“Also, I just remembered that I almost forgot to include this.”
>Pinkie bent down over Fluttershy’s files and wrote ‘Huge plump pony rumps’ next to the fetish list.
>“There,” Pinkie said. “Now it’s complete, huh?”
>Even though her neck felt like it was made of steel, Fluttershy gave her friend a tense nod.
>She was so stressed from the whole ordeal that, when Pinkie finally closed her file, she let go of a breath that she didn’t even know she’d been holding.
>Then she gasped to fill her empty lungs, as she had not breathed in what felt like years, and she promptly fell victim to a coughing fit.
>“You okay?” Pinkie said. “Want me to get you a glass of water? How about a milkshake?”
>“No thank you,” she wheezed out.
>She’d almost forgotten how taxing on her nerves it could be to spend time with her good friend.
>“Okay, my turn,” Pinkie said.
>She opened up her own file, which revealed a picture of her dancing on a tabletop with a lampshade on her head.
>“Oh, no, Pinkie. I couldn’t.”
>“Aw, it’s alright. Besides, it’s nothing you couldn’t find out yourself with just one look from those peepers you got.”
>“I would never do that without your permission first. In fact, I think we should promise that we won’t tell any pony that we know Mr. Cake’s fetish.”
>“Okay,” Pinkie said.
>“I’m glad that’s settled.”
>Fluttershy avoided Pinkie’s eyes for a moment.
>“So, um, I don’t still have to look at your file, do--”
>“You sure do.”
>Fluttershy sighed away some of her building exhaustion.
>“Pinkie Pie . . .”
>“Come on,” she whined playfully. “I bet you’d read it in a heartbeat if I happened to let it slip that this folder belonged to a certain bipedal, way-too-tall, hunky-for-you monkey man.”
>Fluttershy was struck by memory and gasped like she’d just taken a bolt of lightning to the brain.
>“His file,” she said. “His fetish! I can’t believe I didn’t ask for it first thing.”
>Although she did note, with some annoyance, that she’d been seized with mortal terror when she had finally crashed facefirst onto the floor of the party planning cave.
>“Pinkie, you have to get me his file right away. I can’t wait to know his fetish any longer.”
>“But don’t you want to read my file?” Pinkie asked.
>She lowered herself before Fluttershy and looked up at her with dew-soaked eyes and a trembling, pouty lip.
>Fluttershy recognized her friend’s eyes: they were Pinkie’s Puppy Dog Eyes, notorious for being able to guilt even the greediest kids into giving you their candy.
>Fluttershy’s heart seized gently.
>She sighed.
>“Okay, Pinkie Pie, I’ll--”
>Fluttershy felt her spine being crushed at the same time as she had achieved weightlessness.
>It was an unexpected Pinkie hug, but it was over after a quick pink cheek nuzzle to a yellow chest and a small cheer of:
>“Yay!”
>In a moment, Fluttershy had directed her eyes to the file which contained the fetishes of one of her best friends.
>She’d done so happily, never finding it strange or anything, and even read it aloud.
>“Pinkie Pie’s--that’s you, silly--fetishes are huge plump pony rumps, and . . .”
>Fluttershy’s smile wilted and died like a flower that’d been born at the end of its life.
>She read the next words closer, just to make sure she understood.
>Then she felt fine at gasping at the scandal presented before her.
>“Oh my goodness!”
>Her entire body flushed with fire, lighting up her skin and soaking her with sweat in an instant.
>Mimicking her was Pinkie.
>“It’s not that bad, is it?” Pinkie said with a nervous gulp.
>Fluttershy didn’t answer, but she didn’t have to.
>Pinkie’s face turned blank.
>“You cannot tell any pony.”
>“Pinkie, I never would have guessed that you . . . Oh my gosh!”
>“You cannot tell any pony,” Pinkie repeated, a tremble in her voice.
>“I just can’t . . . even I wouldn’t . . .”
>Fluttershy felt lightheaded.
>“Sweet Celestia, Pinkie!”
>“Promise me.”
>“What?”
>Pinkie brought her hoof up under her friend’s chin and held it there in a threatening gesture.
>“Pinkie Promise me right now that you’ll never tell them about the real me!”
>Fluttershy felt the party cave spinning all around her; it was taking her mind with it.
>“You’re scaring me, Pinkie.”
>“I have to. I can’t let this get out.”
>Pinkie started shaking her friend’s shoulders.
>“Ponies can’t know how wrong I am!”
>Fluttershy fainted.

>More mistakes.
>When Fluttershy finally did awake, there was a bowl of half-melted vanilla ice cream waiting for her.
>It’d been placed on the floor, next to the pillow her head had been resting on, and the word ‘Sorry’ had been written on the ice cream with strawberry syrup.
>She happily ate the ice cream, despite not liking strawberry syrup.
>Pinkie had retrieved his file.
>For Fluttershy, time came to a stop the moment her eyes fell on the picture Pinkie had of him in her file.
>“He’s so dreamy,” she sighed.
>“I take a nice picture, if I do say so myself,” Pinkie said. “Hey, look, there you are, too.”
>Fluttershy’s blue eyes could be seen peeking out at him from within a bush in the background.
>“I never noticed that before,” Pinkie said.
>They both sat close to each other and doubled down on the file, with Pinkie Pie reading aloud:
>“He mainly likes human things, like being grouchy, and being left alone.”
>“That sounds just like him,” Fluttershy said, sighing dreamily again.
>“He hates a lot of things, including . . .”
>This list of dislikes made up the bulk of the file, which was the size of an average edition of the Ponyville Gazette.
>The early afternoon had arrived by the time Pinkie had finished reading through all of them.
>“. . . And his least favorite color is yellow.”
>“Are you sure about that last one?” Fluttershy said.
>“Yep.”
>“Oh,” Fluttershy said with a quizzical frown. “I wonder why that is.”
>“Beats me.”
>Pinkie flipped to the next page, the last page.
>Fluttershy’s eyes stilled as they took in the word ‘Fetish.’
>Her breath caught in her throat, and try as she might she was so overcome with excitement that she could not read any further.
>Though she desperately wanted to.
>She was grateful that her good friend Pinkie was there to read it to her, to help her finally bring one of the biggest questions of her life to a close.
>“There’s nothing here!” Pinkie exclaimed. “It’s blank!”
>“Huh?” Fluttershy blinked and was brought back to reality. “What?”
>“It’s not here, I . . .”
>Pinkie began flipping through all her papers, double checking each side, front and back, looking in every corner.
>She even held them up to the light to see if she’d written anything in invisible ink.
>Fluttershy watched intently as her friend slowly began to stop upsetting her papers, until her body came to a complete rest--her shoulders sagging down in defeat.
>“I don’t have his fetish here in my file,” Pinkie said slowly, her ears pinned back. “I guess I never figured out what it was.”
>Pinkie’s head sunk down between her shoulders.
>“I’m so sorry, Fluttershy. I really thought I had it. I guess I didn’t remember, didn’t know . . .”
>Fluttershy patted her gently on the shoulders, and though she could not hide her small disappointed frown, her voice was kind.
>“It’s okay, Pinkie Pie. I’m glad you tried to help. Thank you.”
>Fluttershy left the desk.
>“Where are you going?” Pinkie said, sitting up.
>“Back home. It’s okay, you don’t have to get up. I know my way out. It’s up the slide.”
>But Pinkie Pie couldn’t stand to see her friend so upset, especially because of her.
>“No, wait, I can fix this.”
>She trotted over to Fluttershy and blocked her from leaving.
>“I’ll find his fetish. Just give me a few hours.”
>“You don’t have to.”
>“But I want to help. I want to make it up to you. Please, Fluttershy.”
>Fluttershy sighed.
>“Okay, fine. But how are you going to find it?”
>“I don’t know,” Pinkie said. “I’ll need a little help from some of our friends, but I’ll get it. I’ll definitely be at Rarity’s, though, so let’s meet there in a few hours.”

>There was a line of customers at Sugar Cube Corner that stretched all the way out the front door.
>Mr. Cake worked frantically--his brow laden with sweat and his face almost permanently contorted into a wince of pain--to check out the stallion who was at the counter.
>“That’ll be six bits,” Mr. Cake said.
>“I want a new Nightmare Night cookie first,” said the stallion.
>Mr. Cake was about to complain before the stallion pointed to the cookie in question.
>Sometime when his eyes had been off of it, the cookie had gone straight into Pumpkin Cake’s mouth.
>“I’m terribly sorry,” Mr. Cake said. “Pumpkin, sweetie, we don’t put the customer’s treats in our mouths.”
>Just then Pound Cake flew in front of Mr. Cake before circling around his head and wrapping his leash tightly around his father’s neck.
>As Mr. Cake struggled to breath, he only had one thought on his mind:
>‘Is Pinkie Pie ever coming back?’
>He saw Pinkie trot past the front window at that moment, heading off to somewhere in a hurry.
>‘That’s a no.’

>Pinkie Pie had crashed again.
>Bulk Biceps pressed his hooves against his temples and screamed:
>“My nut cart!”
>Pinkie Pie did not stop trotting, and only shouted over her shoulder:
>“Sorry!”
>Rainbow Dash saw the whole thing from up in the sky.
>Snickering, she flew down alongside her friend, keeping up with Pinkie’s frantic sprint through town without breaking a sweat.
>“Sheesh, Pinkie Pie! You looking for a race, or are you just trying to crash into every pony?”
>“Sorry, Dashie, but I don’t have time to chit chat,” she said, huffing and puffing.
>“Why? What’s your hurry?”
>“I’ve only got two hours to find his fetish.”
>Rainbow Dash understood in an instant.
>She grimaced.
>“Oh geeze. Don’t tell me you like him now, too. Are you trying to make Fluttershy go back to being crazy again?”
>“I’m doing this for her. I’m meeting her at Rarity’s in a few hours, and I told her I’d have his fetish for her by then.”
>“And why did you do that?” Rainbow Dash said, raising an eyebrow.
>“Because I messed up. I gotta go.”
>Pinkie Pie suddenly overtook Dash in an instant before taking a hard left down the next sidestreet.
>“Later, Dashie. And watch out for that tree!”
>Dash watched her for a moment in shock.
>“What tree--”
>She crashed headfirst into the trunk of an oak.
>After falling backwards onto her rump, she got up and began rubbing at a bright red welt that was forming just above her eye.
>“Ow! Darn tree!”
>She turned around and bucked the tree.
>A cascade of crunchy autumn leaves fell down onto her head.
>She brushed them off impatiently, leaving most of them behind in a crumbled mess in her mane.
>“Pinkie Pie!”
>She bucked the air some more, sending clouds of dust up past her shoulders.
>“Why did she have to go and get so interested in finding his fetish? Well, if she and Fluttershy want his fetish so bad, then I’ll give it to them.”
>She took flight, hovering just a few feet above the ground.
>“It’ll be easy. After all, who can resist me?”
>She took off up into the sky like a shot, leaving a fading rainbow trail behind her.
>From around the tree, Trixie peered.
>She looked up where Dash had gone and rolled her eyes.
>“Ponies with egos like that drive Trixie crazy.”
>She had just finished carving a heart into the bark, as well as the message inside the heart:
>‘Trixie Loves Trixie’

>Twilight Sparkle was alone in her study.
>Every pony knew that Twilight’s favorite day was reshelving day.
>Slowly refilling the empty shelves was a joyous task, especially when doing so one book at a time, with some of them coming off of stacks that were tall enough to reach the ceiling.
>No one knew the full extent of just how much she enjoyed it, that she would skip from stack to stack, or give a leap when she came across one of her favorite titles.
>That she sang.
>“Old McTwilight had a book, e-i-e-i-o!”
>She levitated a few books and placed them neatly against the others that were already on the shelves.
>“With a book book here, and a book book there. Here a book, there a book, everywhere a book book!”
>Pinkie Pie opened the study door with such force that it slammed against the wall.
>“Twilight!”
>“I wasn’t singing!”
>“There’s no time for singing,” Pinkie Pie said. “I really need your help with something.”
>Pinkie explained her predicament as Twilight looked over the file that’d been pushed into her hooves.
>“Pinkie Pie, I’m not exactly sure how I would be able to figure out what his fetish is by sorting through such illuminating data as--” 
>She double checked herself, briefly referring back to the file she held in her magic.
>“Whether he prefers streamers or ribbons.”
>“Actually, he hates both. But come on, Twilight, you’re a super smart smarty smart pants. I’m sure you can figure something out, right?”
>Pinkie let slip a short nervous laugh.
>“Seriously, though, you need to come up with something. I got myself in some serious hot chocolate here.”
>Twilight shrugged in sympathy.
>“Maybe if I had more time, and some more relevant data, but other than that . . .”
>Pinkie began cheerleading.
>“You can do it, Twilight.”
>“Are you even listening to me?”
>“I know you can do it. Make my mistake into a miracle.”
>She grabbed her friend’s temples gently and began rubbing them.
>“Make a miracle happen in that big brain of yours.”
>Twilight groaned and, placing a hoof on her friend’s chest, slowly eased her back until she was out of her personal space.
>“It just can’t be done.”
>Twilight flicked her tail and began pacing back and forth.
>“And another thing, I never understood where Fluttershy got this idea that finding his fetish meant that he would suddenly just drop all his inhibitions and automatically fall in love with her.”
>Twilight scoffed, then turned to Pinkie.
>“I mean, doesn’t that just make absolutely no sense?”
>Pinkie Pie shrugged.
>“I mean sure, if you say so.”
>“You think it does?”
>”Well, yeah. It makes perfect sense.”
>“How?”
>“It just does,” she said. “I don’t understand it perfectly either, but it just does.”
>Twilight frowned.
>“Is this another one of your Pinkie Sense things?”
>“Nope,” Pinkie said. “It’s one of those sex things.”
>Twilight folded her ears and found that her lips had glued themselves shut.
>“You still don’t get it, huh?” Pinkie said. “That’s okay. You’d understand it if you had more experience.”
>Twilight fixed her friend in a serious stare.
>“What’s that supposed to mean?”
>”Nothing. I think it’s perfectly fine that you haven’t had a special some pony yet.”
>Twilight flinched.
>Her tail pressed down between her legs and she felt her eyes growing small.
>Pinkie Pie sidled up next to her and gave her an encouraging pat on the back.
>“We all go at our own pace, and I’m sure that your first date will be a blast when you do eventually go on it, but you’ll get there when you’re ready.”
>The file dropped to the floor, the magic surrounding it having vanished.
>Twilight jerked out of her friend’s grasp and skittered backwards, her ears pinned back and her cheeks flushed with a bright red glow.
>“You don’t know that I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”
>“Sure I do,” Pinkie said. “I mean, come on, Twilight, it’s kinda obvious.”
>“No it’s not. I could have went on loads of dates before I came to Ponyville. You don’t know.”
>“I think I know,” Pinkie giggled. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be so upset right now. I wasn’t trying to tease you about it. I’m sorry.”
>Twilight rubbed her forearm with her hoof and her eyes sought out only the blank spaces of the room, lest she grow more flustered.
>“It’s okay, Twilight. You know lots and lots about other stuff. This just isn’t one of them.”
>“I know some stuff . . .” Twilight protested with futility. “I know some stuff about dating.”
>“Was it stuff you just read about?”
>“No,” Twilight said quickly.
>Skepticism was clearly painted on Pinkie’s face, and Twilight suddenly remembered that there was a mountain of books behind her shakey purple tail.
>With a stiff smile, she opened her wings up as wide as fans, as though she really believed that they would be able to cover up the library that’d been stacked behind her.
>“You’re not looking at what’s behind me, are you, Pinkie?”
>“Nope,” she said. “But I can see it from here. It’s real easy.”
>“I know,” Twilight said dourly, her wings falling limp at her sides.
>“Like I said, you’ll get there eventually,” Pinkie said. “Just like me and Fluttershy did.”
>Twilight’s eyes shrank in her head, then she gave an indignant horsey snort.
>“You think Fluttershy has more experience than me?!”
>“Well sure she does. She was real popular with boys back in Flight School.”
>“You didn’t even go to Flight School.”
>“And can you blame those boys?” Pinkie asked rhetorically. “I mean, she’s so pretty, and she’s got that whole cute and quiet thing goin’ on at the same time.”
>Pinkie nodded to herself.
>“It’s a winning combo if I ever saw one, like chocolate and peanut butter, or vanilla cake and chipotle.”
>“Oh come on! She can’t even get the one guy that she wants right now.”
>“Yeah, but he’s an alien monkey from beyond the moon. The fact that she got his attention at all is amazing.”
>“She didn’t get his attention. She bothered him every morning with a fetish guess until he went crazy.”
>“And now he thinks about her all the time.”
>“How could he not!”
>“Yeah, I know! Talk about smooth.”
>Twilight groaned at how impressed Pinkie sounded.
>Pinkie nodded to herself.
>“Now she just needs to know his fetish, then they’ll finally fall in love with each other, and she can submit to his will completely and live under his bed in a box.”
>Twilight growled and levitated the file up off the floor and held it close to her.
>“Fine. I’ll prove that--”
>She scrunched her muzzle.
>“Under his bed in a box?”
>“She’s a weird mare.”
>Twilight stared blankly for a moment before shaking her head.
>She cleared her desk of her reshelving items, which included her checklist and a few stray stacks of books that’d been placed there temporarily.
>“I’m going to find his fetish once and for all, and when he doesn’t automatically fall in love with Fluttershy after I do, then I’ll get to tell you and Fluttershy that I told you so.”
>“And you’ll have helped Fluttershy,” Pinkie said. “That’s part of it too, right?”
>“A little bit,” Twilight said, her hoof raised as though she were holding something. “I want my friend to be happy, but it’s mostly so I can say I told you so.”
>“And if you do find it, then you can say it to the rest of our friends, too.”
>Twilight looked over her shoulder with a dull frown.
>“They all think I’m a virgin, too.”
>“Well, I mean, it’s kinda--”
>“Obvious,” Twilight finished before facing back forward, “yeah, I get it.”
>Not a second passed between Twilight losing sight of Pinkie and her feeling her windpipe being crushed by a happy set of pink, hugging arms.
>“Thank you so much, Twilight.”
>“It’s no problem,” she said with a small smile. “Well, actually, I am going to have to pull out every studying trick that I’ve picked up over the years if I want to figure this out.”
>A long row of books, one which stretched across the length of the room, floated out from the stacks surrounding her before they came to a rest, levitating before her eyes.
>She silently read their titles and contemplated how useful they’d be in her research.
>The Significance of Sexual Theory.
>The Pony Sutra.
>Undateable: The Ten Ways You’ll Win Your Dream Stallion, Blow His Mind and Destroy His Penis.
>She noticed her lavender bookmark was still in the middle of that last one and quickly reshelved it.
>“It’ll definitely take some time, maybe even weeks, but I’ll do it.”
>“Great,” Pinkie said, “but we only have two hours.”
>Twilight’s mind shattered like glass.
>“Two hours?!”
>The books fell from the sky and piled on top of Twilight.
>Pinkie gathered that she must not have explained that part to her friend earlier.

>There was a cool breeze blowing through the orchards of Sweet Apple Acres.
>You’d been picking apples all morning and into the afternoon, and the wind gently rubbed your sweaty skin and tired muscles with a smooth chill that was usually only felt on the surfaces of melting ice cubes.
>You lifted the last wood tub, full to the brim with fresh autumn apples, and set it on the lip of Applejack’s cart.
>“Mighty fine job, partner,” Applejack said upon seeing that her cart was now full.
I’m taking my lunch break.
>“You’ve earned it,” Applejack said. “Before you go, can you come back quick and bring me my lasso? I saw some broken branches that I wanted to pull down.”
Sure.
>“I just figured, since you’re going that way anyway.”
No problem, Applejack.
>You had a habit of taking off your work t-shirt and jeans and changing back into your suit whenever you took your lunch.
>You usually changed in the barn.
Breeze sure feels good today.
>You leaned your head back and felt it again as the branches bobbed and the leaves rustled.
>The wind suddenly pitched into a mighty, bough-breaking gust, with the roar of a hurricane coming and echoing out past the orchard.
>It blew up your nose with a shrill whistle and you had to turn your back against it just to catch your breath.
Maybe I spoke too soon.
>“It ain’t that.”
>Another mighty gust blew, like the prelude to a storm, shaking the apples off the trees all around them.
>Applejack held her hat down and saw a fading rainbow trail had flipped a u-turn just above the trees before going back up into the sky, past the clouds.
>“What is that dang fool Rainbow Dash doing?” she said. “No wonder I’ve been finding so many broken branches out here.”
>It looked to you like she was divebombing the trees.

>Ten minutes later, when Rainbow Dash descended into the orchard, she was surprised when she found only the annoyed, wrinkled snout of Applejack staring up at her.
>It did not register with her that her friend could be upset, and it never would have occurred to her that Applejack would have been upset at her.
>“What’s up, AJ?” she said cordially. “Did he ask about me yet? Where is he?”
>Rainbow Dash’s head turned left and right, again and again, like a spring doorstop that had been held to one side before being let go.
>Applejack folded her ears.
>“What the hay are you talking about?”
>“He was watching me, right? How could he not? I’ll bet he was asking about me, wasn’t he? I was awesome.”
>Rainbow Dash blinked once, then got impatient.
>“No, seriously, where is he?”
>“You mean you went and distrubed my apple bucking just because you wanted some pony to watch you do a few minutes of fancy flying?”
>Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
>“Geeze, Applejack. I didn’t know I ruined your day.”
>“You didn’t. But you did break a bunch of branches when you did all them dives.”
>“My bad,” Rainbow Dash said, nodding. “I’ll help you pick ‘em up later.”
>She flew down and faced Applejack.
>“Now come on, tell me what he said about me.”
>“You mean when you started doing all your fancy flying?”
>“Yeah, what’d he say?”
>“Nothing. He went to lunch.”
>Rainbow Dash’s head tilted slightly before she had her outburst.
>“He what?!”
>Applejack’s smug smile further confused the ego-bruised flier.
>“And just why are you so interested in what he thinks of you all of a sudden?” Applejack said.
>Rainbow Dash’s shoulders dropped down to a lost sag.
>She could hear the implications in Applejack’s teasing tone, and she realized she would have to speak quickly to defend herself.
>But for once in her life she just wasn’t fast enough.
>“Does some pony have a crush on the farm boy? He is a tall drink of water, after all.”
>“No way!” Rainbow Dash said, crossing her arms and turning her back to her.
>“You should see your face,” Applejack said, snickering. “Your cheeks are redder than these here apples. I’ll bet I could pick ‘em if I tried to.”
>“It’s not like that. I’m just trying to find out what his fetish is.”
>Applejack’s brow pinched.
>“What are you doing a fool thing like that for? Fluttershy been rubbing off on you or something?”
>“I’m doing it for Fluttershy.”
>Applejack sighed.
>“Well now you lost me.”
>Rainbow Dash briefly explained the run in she’d had with Pinkie Pie.
>“. . . So I was about to hit the tree, but I got out of the way at just the last minute. Then I came here.”
>“So Fluttershy asked Pinkie Pie for help,” Applejack said.
>“Rarity, too, I guess.”
>“What about Twilight?”
>It took Applejack a moment for her to realize just what it was she had said.
>When the two of them met each other’s eyes again, they broke into peals of laughter.
>Rainbow Dash fell and began rolling around in the grass; her sides were splitting apart and she was desperately holding onto them.
>Applejack wiped away a tear from her eye.
>“She don’t know nothin’ at all, does she?”
>“Are you kidding me? That egghead?”
>They laughed some more, and, when they had regained their composure, Applejack had a question.
>“And just what was your plan anyhow? How was you breaking apart my apple trees going to help Fluttershy out?”
>“Easy. Once he was amazed by my natural awesomeness, I was going to ask him to hang out. I figured he’d tell me himself once we became bros.”
>“He’d just tell you his fetish, huh?”
>“Yeah, we’d be bros,” Rainbow Dash said definitively. “Of course now I won’t have enough time to do it before I have to go to Rarity’s.”
>Applejack rolled her eyes.
>“If you ask me, I think y’all spend too much time on this fetish stuff when all you’d really need to do to change his mind is give him a good ruttin’.”
>“Well, sure, Fluttershy would be on board with that. But he doesn’t like ponies.”
>Applejack brought her hoof up and tapped her temple.
>“Up here, when you get down to it, he ain’t no different from any other stallion, and I ain’t never heard a stallion ever complain about it after he’s gotten some of what a mare can give him.”
>“And you think that’s all he really needs, huh?”
>“Sure I do. It’d clear his head right up, make him see things ain’t as different as he thinks they are.”
>“Wow, AJ, you’ve really thought about this, didn’t ya?” Rainbow Dash said with deliberate implications.
>“Well maybe a little,” Applejack said, fanning her face with her hat.
>“No, I know where you’re coming from, and I totally get it, but you can’t just make him do that with you if he doesn’t want to.”
>“That’s why you gotta make him want it, then he won’t complain if you decide to get a little friendlier than usual.”
>“And you know just how to do that?”
>“I do.”
>“Yeah, well, so do I.”
>“That ain’t what you were saying earlier, bro.”
>“Well that was the old plan.”
>“So?”
>“So, you’re so smart, what’s the new plan?”
>Applejack let slip a goading chuckle.
>“To tell the truth, I don’t know if you’re ready to hear what I’m thinking of.”
>“Oh, I’m ready. You just worry about yourself.”
>“I aint worried.”
>“Well let’s get to it then.”
>“Alright.”
>Applejack checked to make sure she was still alone with Rainbow Dash.
>“Well, I tell ya, if I had my way, this is what I’d do . . .”

>Now dressed in your comfy, familiar, and, frankly, falling apart suit, you retraced your steps through the orchard.
>Rarity had made such a good suit for you on her first try that you had almost never worn anything else the entire time you’d lived in Equestria.
>Of course she would have killed you if she could see it now.
>You had enough loose threads and tiny rips in your outfit that just trying to count them all kept you busy for almost the entire way back.
>At least until you heard Rainbow Dash’s voice travelling to you from over five rows away.
>“So we’ll gang up on him.”
>You suddenly became very aware of how loud you were walking.
>You continued, but at a very methodical tip toe, until you were able to find a tree close enough that you could hide behind it and still hear them both.
>Applejack spoke:
>“You’ll get on one side, and I’ll get the other. Now remember, we’re doing this for Fluttershy, so we can’t get too carried away.”
>A cold bolt of fear shot up your spine at the mention of that pony’s name.
>The chill spread, turning your veins to ice, when you realized they were talking about you as well.
>“We’re just giving him a taste, but it has to be enough so that he’s got the itch afterwards. Then we’ll get Fluttershy to finish him off.”
>Holy shit, were they talking about raping you?
>No, that couldn’t have been it.
>Fluttershy was crazy, sure, but Applejack had always been a great boss, and an even nicer pony.
>It had to be a misunderstanding.
>“Hang on, Applejack, you can’t do this. It’s illegal.”
>“Son of a gun! You’re right. I can’t believe I didn’t even think of that. I can’t do this, not to him.”
>See? You were right, they weren’t going to do anything to you.
>They were just thinking about it.
>Making plans to do it.
>Wait, so they were totally going to rape you earlier, weren’t they?
>Applejack spoke resolutely:
>”I could never do that to an employee of mine, especially one that works as hard as he does. I’ll just have to fire him.”
>Well then. . . .
>“Of course I ain’t never had some pony that worked on the farm for so long that wasn’t family. It was an honest mistake.”
>“Any plans on what to do if he freaks out?”
>“He ain’t gonna freak out. I won’t let him.”
>You had to get the hell out of here.
>Applejack meant what she had said.
>At the rodeo a few months back, you personally saw her wrestle down and tie up a boar that was about five pounds shy of your own weight.
>Time to leave, before they came after you.
>You took an easy step backwards and immediately snapped a broken branch in half with the ball of your foot.
>They turned on you, their ears flicking up and their eyes wide with shock.
>Time froze.
>All three of you understood in an instant.
>You jutted your chin towards Applejack.
You know there’s no way you’re getting your lasso back.
>“That’s alright,” she chuckled. “I forgot I had a spare in the cart.”
Well in that case--
>You spun around and sprinted towards the tree line.
>“Get him!”
>“Yeehaw!”
>You had to get out of here and find one of the few friends you had left that wasn’t fucking crazy.
>Rainbow Dash bit down on the back of your well-worn suit jacket, right at the nape.
>There was a loud rip when you pushed her off.
>Your back suddenly felt a lot colder.
>She’d torn a sheet of your suit’s cloth clean off.
>You could feel the fabric around your shoulders flapping loosely now.
>Hopefully, you’d be able to find an ally while you still had some clothes left.

>In a feat that she hardly believed herself, Twilight had crammed two weeks of studying into only a few hours.
>Her mane stuck out like she’d combed it with a broom, the whites of her eyes had been hardboiled and were red and bleary.
>Not to mention she snored like a congested donkey.
>“Twilight, dear.”
>Rarity gently shook her friend’s shoulder and Twilight shot up like she’d been caught sleeping in class.
>“The equation proves that not all sides are equal!”
>She kept nodding off in her seat at the small tea table that Rarity had set up for her and Pinkie in her boutique’s workroom.
>She looked awful.
>“Twilight, darling, you look wonderful.”
>“Thank you, Rarity,” Twilight said with a yawn, “but I’m a mess.”
>“Nonsense. I’ll have you as right as rubies on an evening gown once I get you some coffee.”
>Twilight groaned and collapsed back in her chair.
>“I wish I was at home reshelving my books.”
>”Still tea for you, Pinkie Pie?” Rarity said.
>Pinkie Pie, whose cheeks were crammed with tea cakes, nodded quick enough to spray crumbs everywhere.
>The slightest hint of a wince pulled at Rarity’s mouth.
>“Uh-huh,” Pinkie said, spraying more. “And lots of sugar.”
>“Don’t talk with your mouth full, dear.”
>Not able to bear looking at a future mess any longer, she started for the kitchen.
>“And it’ll be tea for me as well. So, if you’ll excuse me for just a moment.”
>As soon as she’d left, Pinkie turned to Twilight.
>“I hope she brings more tea cakes.”
>Crumbs sprayed against Twilight’s cheek, which she would have wiped off had she not already been passed out again.
>Instead the crumbs settled there, even after Pinkie had shook Twilight awake.
>Twilight moaned and rubbed some sleep from her eyes.
>“I don’t see why you had me spend all that energy trying to find his fetish when you were just going to ask Rarity what she thinks it is anyway.”
>“I needed you to narrow it down first,” Pinkie said. “And you did great!”
>Twilight nodded with closed eyes and spoke mechanically to herself:
>“Ten fetishes, arranged in order from most likely to least . . .”
>Twilight drifted off, and Pinkie nudged her friend before she could start drooling on herself.
>“--To least most likely,” Twilight finished, her speech drowsy and slurred.
>Pinkie picked up the single piece of paper that Twilight had written the list of fetishes on.
>“This way Rarity won’t just be guessing at any old fetish and hoping for the best.”
>“That sounds familiar,” Twilight said slowly, her chin dipping down to her chest.
>“You really helped out, Twilight. This way it’s not just a guessing game, although those are fun.”
>“With our combined research, we’ve effectively created a sexual profile of him that . . .”
>Twilight’s jaw was askew and drool was brimming over her lower lip.
>Pinkie nodded, agreeing with the incomplete thought.
>“Now we just need Rarity’s expertise to complete the package, and then we’ll have his fetish for sure.”
>She reached for another tea cake, but they had all disappeared.
>“And we’re in luck, cause no pony in town has more experience than Rarity.”
>“Kindly rephrase that, dear,” Rarity threatened from the kitchen.
>“Oh, um, I mean that Rarity . . .”
>Pinkie groped in her mind for the right thing to say.
>“Never mind. Just forget I said anything.”
>After a moment’s pause, where all was quiet, Rarity emerged.
>She held in her magic three dainty pink tea cups with tiny white polka dots.
>She eased them down onto the three places she had set earlier.
>“Coffee for Twilight, and tea for you and I, Pinkie Pie.”
>“Do you have any more tea cakes?”
>“No.”
>“Aw nuts,” Pinkie said, her ears folding.
>Rarity sipped her tea silently, and a tiny smile peeked out at Pinkie from just over the rim of the cup.
>“Now then, down to the business at hoof. May I see the list please?”
>Rarity levitated the paper before her.
>She sipped her tea and fixed her glasses and read the list to herself.
>At times, she treated the paper before her as though it was one of her mystery novels.
>She would occasionally stop to hum or laugh or politely react to the next subject of the list.
>Despite this display, her eyes moved slowly, like a pegasus that was flying across the horizon, and they seemed to weigh each topic, each word, individually.
>Only after each word was judged would she search for the significance that it held within the overall picture of what his fetish was.
>“Yes,” Rarity said to herself. “Yes, I see.”
>Twilight was snoring again by the time Rarity had reached the end.
>“Well, you girls did a wonderful job organizing all this for me,” Rarity said. “Thank you for going to such trouble.”
>“So which fetish on the list is his?” Pinkie said.
>“Oh, I haven’t the slightest idea,” Rarity said, “but I shan’t be needing this any longer.”
>Rarity had meant to ease the list back down onto the tea table, but Twilight jerked awake with her eyes wide open, like she’d been slapped in the face with a wet towel.
>A purple aura surrounded the paper, then it was crumpled and burned to ash in an instant.
>“You what?!”
>Twilight’s eye twitched involuntarily.
>“What do you mean you don’t need the list? Do you know how hard I worked on that? I put everything I had into it. Years of honing my studying skills, and I still had to push myself to the absolute limit just to finish it in time. I didn’t even blink I was so focused.”
>Twilight sucked in heavy breaths through her grit teeth.
>Pinkie Pie scooted her chair slightly away from her.
>Rarity sipped her Earl Grey tea, pausing on its flavor.
>“I apologize, Twilight,” she said, “but you see, I’ve already given the matter a good deal of thought. Why, I want to say that I did so even before our dear Fluttershy ever admitted to us that she had become smitten by him.”
>Rarity gave them a shrewd wink.
>“A lady can tell these things before they happen, you see.”
>“Uh-huh,” Pinkie said enthusiastically.
>Twilight sat in shock.
>Then she crossed her arms and sank down in her chair, her grimace directed off to the side.
>“Fine,” she grumped. “Go ahead, Rarity. Thrill me with your acumen.”
>“Then I shall,” Rarity said.
>She sipped her tea, then began:
>“There’s actually a rather common solution for what every pony has conceived so far as a complex problem. How do we get him to fall in love with Fluttershy when he claims that he doesn’t like ponies?”
>Rarity paused; it was done on purpose and it annoyed Twilight to no end.
>“Rarity--”
>“It’s clothes,” Rarity said. “Clothes are the key.”
>“I’m shocked you would come to that conclusion,” Twilight said stoically.
>“Yeah,” Pinkie said. “How’d you do it?”
>“He always wears clothes. He is attached to them, as they are one of the only holdovers from his previous world that hasn’t changed too drastically, the key word here being change.
>“You see, when he claims to not like ponies, he’s actually admitting that he fears change. You can hardly blame the poor man, being ripped away from his home like he was.
>“This is why he focuses entirely on what makes Fluttershy different, rather than what makes them the same. They both have eyes, they both have hearts, they both have hips.”
>“Ooh la la, Rarity!” Pinkie intoned.
>“They both wish to be loved. Do not be put off by his poor posture and rather brusque demeanor, a wounded heart surely beats underneath all that surly attitude, and he needs only a lady to remind him of this.”
>Rarity slurped her tea this time, then placed it on the saucer so quickly that it made a rather indelicate clinking noise.
>“Of course, in an ideal world, Fluttershy would not have to be the one to which the burden of courtship should fall, but that can hardly be helped. She seems to be unusually attracted to the ungentlemanly type.
>“But what it comes down to, ladies, is this.”
>Rarity leaned forward, across the tea table, her hooves pressed together before her muzzle and her eyes level and serious with Pinkie and Twilight.
>“We need only the right outfit, the one which will draw the eye to these similarities I’ve described. Then, with just a little charm, everything else will fall into place momentarily.”
>She leaned back in her chair and sipped the rest of her tea.
>“Mark my words: it will work.”
>“Wow, Rarity, I’m impressed,” Pinkie Pie said.
>“Thank you, dear,” Rarity said. “At least one of you is.”
>Her dull, half-lidded eyes flashed briefly towards Twilight, whose head was tilted all the way back, her open-mouthed snores gargling with spit.
>“Gosh, she fell fast that time,” Pinkie said.
>“I did get the faintest impression that she wasn’t interested in my ideas,” Rarity said. “But you can hardly blame her. You know she doesn’t have much experience when it comes to these rather delicate matters.”
>“Yeah,” Pinkie said. “So, Rarity, where are these outfits that are going to help Fluttershy?”
>“Oh, I haven’t actually made any of them yet,” Rarity said.
>“What!”
>Rarity jumped in her seat at Pinkie’s outburst, and was further disturbed when her friend plunged her head down into her hooves despairingly.
>“Now I have nothing to show Fluttershy,” Pinkie said. “She’ll be here any second, and I was supposed to have his fetish for her by now.”
>“Pinkie Pie, stop fretting this instant. No pony was expecting you to come up with a solution to all this so quickly.”
>“But I told her I would help.”
>“And you shall. When Fluttershy gets here, we’ll have a long talk about everything that has changed, everything we’ve learned thus far, and then we’ll start making plans on how we are going to turn her romance into a reality.”
>Pinkie folded her ears and sank down in her seat, her tone turning to that of a disappointed child’s.
>“Okay.”
>“Now then, I’ve just remembered that I do have some more tea cakes stashed in the kitchen.”
>She scooted her chair back and got up.
>“I shall return momentarily,” she said as she left the room.
>Pinkie Pie fidgeted in her seat.
>Then she saw that Twilight had left a tea cake on her plate, untouched.
>She leaned close to her friend’s ear, whispering:
>“Twilight, are you gonna eat that?”
>The sleeping mare briefly choked on spit for an answer.
>Pinkie Pie smiled and, after checking to make sure she was alone, reached for the tea cake.

>You ran all the way to town, ran until your lungs tasted like they were bleeding.
>Every gasping breath was like sandpaper going down your raw dry throat.
>The noose pulled tight around your ankle.
>When you jerked your leg forward and freed yourself, your shoe was pulled off as well.
>Now both shoes were lost, the other one having been abandoned somewhere over by Quills and Sofas.
>The rest of your clothes had not fared any better.
>Your suit jacket was gone; your shirt was in tatters, like it had gone through a shredder, and it had had its sleeves ripped off.
>Your pants had been cut down, too; down to a pair of short shorts that reached just above the top of your thighs.
>And there was a rip that ran from the bottom of your zipper to the top of your bunghole.
>Every stride revealed your underwear to the gawking town ponies.
>“Go for the pants, Rainbow Dash,” Applejack yelled. “Or at least what’s left of ‘em.”
>“On it!”
>You heard the wind whistle behind you.
>Rainbow Dash was going in for a dive.
>A quick turn came up ahead, and you dodged her by turning into the next street.
>There was only one thought you had when you saw that your final destination was just straight ahead.
Please don’t let Rarity’s door be locked!
>You pushed open the door with such force that it slammed against the wall.
>Twilight screamed and sat up in her seat.
>“The sum is equal on all sides!”
>Pinkie reared back.
>“What tea cake?” she said, her mouth full of crumbs. “I didn’t see a tea cake, and I didn’t do it!”
>You slammed the door shut and made a barricade by leaning your body against it.
>No idea why Twilight and Pinkie were here and not Rarity.
>You were just glad that her door wasn’t locked.
You girls have to help me. Applejack and Rainbow Dash are fucking crazy.
>The door broke off its hinges and you fell forward onto your hands and knees.
>The two would-be rapists stood proud in the doorway.
>“Nice kick, AJ,” Rainbow Dash said.
>“Get ‘em!”
No!
>You scrambled to get away but socks and sweaty hands on a slick floor kept you weighed down on all fours.
>Soon Rainbow Dash had wrapped her arms around your waist.
>Applejack’s snare wrapped around your ankle.
>They pulled you towards the door on your belly, and you slid so easily that you were starting to wonder if Rarity had ever waxed her floor with butter before.
>You peeled your face off the floor and looked up to Twilight.
>She was asleep.
Are you fucking kidding?
>So you turned to Pinkie.
Help!
>“Hey, just what are you two doing?”
>Pinkie leaped out of her chair and landed on top of Rainbow Dash with a thud, expelling all the air out of the blue pony’s lungs.
>“Pinkie, get off,” she wheezed.
>“Nuh-uh. Not until I find out what’s going on.”
>“We’re just trying to help Fluttershy is all,” Applejack said.
>“Okay, now I’ll get off,” Pinkie said.
>And she did, much to Rainbow’s relief, who groaned once her friend’s heavy plush plot was no longer pressing on her spine.
>You gave her no time to relax though, as she had to lean down to hold you as you struggled to get free.
>Hopefully Pinkie would help out some more.
>“So you’re helping Fluttershy?” Pinkie said. “Then I want to help, too.”
>Pinkie no!
>“You guys coming here is great timing,” Pinkie said. “We’re all here to help Fluttershy.”
>You stopped struggling.
Fluttershy’s coming here!
>“Yeah, any second now,” Pinkie said. “Why?”
Why?!
>Were all these ponies fucking crazy now!
>You kicked Applejack away before pushing yourself up in a jolt of fear.
I’ve got to get out of here!
>You leaped for the door, but all three ponies dogpiled onto your shoulders.
>Like a felled redwood, you crashed facefirst down to the floor.
>They grabbed your legs and began pulling you further into the boutique, further away from the door as your nails clawed at the floor.
No! No, I’ve got to get out of here!
>But your cries fell to deaf ears.
>Applejack and Rainbow were going to rape you.
>Twilight was still fucking sleeping.
>And Pinkie was all but useless.
>She even turned to the rapists just then and asked:
>“So how exactly is us ripping his clothes off and dragging him in here supposed to help Fluttershy?”
Why won’t anyone help me?!
>The kitchen door opened.
>“What is going on in--”
>Rarity’s shrill scream popped hairline cracks in the windows of her boutique.
>Everyone turned with fear to face the banshee.
>Twilight snored.
>“What have you all done?” Rarity said. “Let go this instant!”
>Blue sparkles filled your eyes and you felt yourself being lifted up into the air and towards Rarity.
>The other three all grabbed your legs and pulled you in the opposite direction.
>“Give him here!” Rarity screamed.
>“We can’t,” Rainbow Dash said.
>“Yeah, we can’t,” Pinkie said. “At least, I think we can’t. I’m not completely filled in on the plan yet.”
>“Rarity, we need him so that we can help Fluttershy,” Applejack said. “So stop your fussing and give him here. There’s three of us and only one of you.”
>But the looks of exertion on the faces of the three could not match the sheer rage contained within Rarity’s snarl.
>Rainbow Dash bit down on your shorts for some extra leverage and the last few strings and seams that’d scarcely held them together until then had now ripped as well.
>Only your underwear protected your modesty now.
>Rarity shrieked again.
>“You ruffians! You brutes!”
>You decided to cheer on the only ally you had left.
You tell ‘em, Rarity.
>“How dare you! How dare you all! Hasn’t that poor suit suffered enough?”
>Oh no.
Wait, all you care about is the fucking suit?
>“And you!” she hissed. “Don’t think you’ll be getting off with no punishment. I have a right mind to keep you here and--”
No! No! No! I can’t stay here, Rarity!
>“Silence, ape! I’m going to make you pay for ruining that suit! It was one of a kind! Now, you three, give him here!”
>You felt yourself being pulled apart again.
>Twilight, who had been awake for some time, was in shock; you could easily recognize it.
>You captured her with your desperate eyes.
Please don’t fall asleep again.
>She scanned the scene before her, and then fell into a rage.
>“Alright, that’s enough,” Twilight said, her horn charging up a spell.
>A flash of bright purple energy pulsed through the room like a wave, her purple aura surrounding and immobilizing everyone.
>She floated you over until you were levitating just above her.
>You breathed a sigh of relief.
Thank you, Twilight.
>She stared up at you with stern, serious eyes.
>You noticed she wasn’t blinking.
You, um, look great by the way. Can you put me down now?
>She said nothing.
Twilight? Put me down now? Please?
>A small flame ignited and snuffed itself out next to her head, all in a snap, and what was left was a piece of paper.
>Some words had been written on it, one word at a time, in descending order.
>It looked like a list.
Twilight?
>“This ends now.”
>Her voice was tense, like she was reprimanding you.
>You spoke slowly:
Are you going to put me down?
>”I’m giving you back control of your right arm.”
>The purple aura faded slightly and you waved your right arm a bit, testing its mobility.
>“Now in exchange, I want you to take this list, I want you to look at it, and I want you to tell us which one is your fetish.”
>Your blood froze again.
What?
>“I have a list of fetishes here. One of them is yours. Take it and tell me which one it is.”
Twilight--
>“Read it and tell me which one.”
No, I’m not doing that.
>“Read it!”
No! Have you all gone fucking crazy? I’m not--
>“Be quiet! I missed out on reshelving day because of you!”
>She pushed the paper against your face.
>“I know your fetish is here, I know I found it. Read it and tell us what it is. Now!”
>There was a great strain on your neck, but you managed to struggle against her magic enough to turn your head to the left, away from the paper.
>Twilight pushed it in your face again.
>“Read it!”
No!
>You turned to the right; she followed.
>”Read it now!”
No!
>With no movement from your stiff neck, you felt your head snap forward and face Twilight.
>“So help me, you will read this paper.”
>You glared at her.
Fine.
>But this time, when she pushed the paper in your face, you opened your mouth.
>It slid right in: you bit down.
>Twilight was aghast.
>“What are you doing?!”
I’m eating your paper.
>Until the sharp edges of the crumpled paper had worn down, you chewed in a circle, like a cow munching on grass.
>But soon the list had become nothing but a wad of pulp in your mouth.
>You had never seen Twilight so angry before.
>Her face was ghostly white; she’d completely blanched.
>And she still wasn’t blinking.
>She did not even react when you spit her list out on the floor.
>You heard Rarity groan behind you.
>“How rude.”
>The floor creaked over by the boutique entrance.
>You all turned to meet the noise.
>With her eyes glued down to the ground, Fluttershy tip-hoofed over the toppled door.
>“Um, it was open already, kinda, so I just--”
>She gasped at the scene before her, like she’d just seen a ghost.
>But all she’d seen were her friends arguing and you being floated before them all in your underwear.
>Her eyes ran along the floor, thoughts flew past her mind.
>Then she stamped her hoof and captured all of you in her fierce gaze.
>“Just what is going on here?”
>Everyone froze.
>No one would answer the controlled fury that radiated from her stare.
>They all shivered inside, fearful of whom she would lash out at first.
>Then all eyes turned to Twilight.
>Twilight gulped.
>“Twilight, you put him down. Now.”
>Your ass dropped to the floor like a stone.
Ouch.
>Why had you decided to hide out at Rarity’s anyway?
>You and your dumb ideas.
>It was a good thing Fluttershy had shown up.
>Wait, did you really just think that . . . ?
>Someone finally came to help you, and it ended up being her.
>You weren’t sure what to think of that.
>Twilight had dropped the spell completely.
>With their bodies now free, the rest of her friends fled to the other side of the room, the four of them huddling up with Twilight when they saw Fluttershy galloping to be at your aid.
>She began fawning immediately, her worried eyes checking you out all over.
>“Oh, you’re okay, aren’t you, sweetie? You’re not hurt? How’s your human butt feel?”
>Her hooves travelled up and down your chest.
>She was touching you, but doing so without any obscene grabbing.
>That was new.
>You insisted that you were alright.
I’m fine, I’m fine.
>But there was nothing brusk in your tone, no insistence from you for her to cease her tending to your well being.
>This was not natural for your voice.
>Your tone had always had an edge to it when speaking to Fluttershy; it had developed naturally from constantly being on your guard with her.
>Usually, you had to make an effort to disguise it when you wanted to talk to her normally--however rare that may have been.
>Why had that changed now?
>You felt strange when you pondered it--anxious, and ticklish at the bottom of your stomach.
>“You’re sure that you’re okay? Here, lay down here, and don’t move yet.”
>She placed her hoof in the small of your back.
>She guided you, eased your shoulders down so they could lean against the wall.
>“There. They didn’t do anything to you, did they? Oh, I’m so sorry this happened to you. But don’t worry, mama will make it better.”
>She nuzzled your shoulder with her cheek.
>“I’ll make you feel better, I promise.”
>You were completely happy, and you had no idea why.
>Fluttershy had never made you feel good before.
>Her voice and touch were gentle, and her presence was pleasing and, somehow, all too familiar to your senses, like slipping into a warm blanket that had for years always protected you from the cold when winter came.
>Fluttershy sat on your thigh so she could look down at you with her soft blue loving eyes.
>It felt strange for you to think of her eyes as being loving, but you recognized the feeling that was given to you from within them.
>And that’s what it was, loving.
>“Are you sure you’re okay?”
I’m fine.
>Your throat was dry and it made your voice squeak.
>You swallowed.
I’m fine. You got here just in time, actually.
>“Goodness. I hate to think what would have happened if I had come a minute too late.”
>There was silence from the other side of the room.
>Finally, Applejack cleared her throat.
>“So, should we say something or . . . ?”
>“Yeah, how about we didn’t do anything,” Rainbow Dash said. “Cause we didn’t.”
>All of Dash’s bravado withered away the second Fluttershy had looked over her shoulder.
>All her kind features were gone and had been replaced with an intensity in the eyes that they all immediately recognized.
>Rainbow Dash stiffened up under the harsh scrutiny of Fluttershy’s Stare.
>“Oh really? You didn’t do anything, Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy said. “And I suppose it was his decision to rip up his clothes.”
>“Well he was the one running away,” Rainbow Dash said.
>Applejack jabbed Dash in the ribs with her elbow and whispered harshly through grit teeth:
>“Shut up, dummy.”
>“I was just saying,” Rainbow Dash said. “Look Fluttershy, we’re sorry that--”
>“Don’t apologize to me,” Fluttershy said harshly.
>Rainbow Dash flinched.
>Fluttershy pressed her hoof on top of your heart.
>“You all apologize to him, right now. And it better be good.”
>The five ponies all meekly turned towards you.
>“We’re sorry,” Twilight said.
>“Yeah,” Pinkie said.
>“I acted ghastly towards you,” Rarity said.
>“Can you forgive us?” Applejack said.
>“And maybe do it fast,” Rainbow Dash said, her eyes flicking towards Fluttershy briefly, “before some pony gets a little too upset and--”
>“Goes into a jealous rage?” Fluttershy said. “Is that what you were going to say, Rainbow Dash?”
>Rainbow Dash’s eyes shrank in her head.
>“Maybe,” she said slowly. “You’re not going to do that, are you?”
>“Well I should,” Fluttershy said. “After all, I did just save my man from being taken advantage of by a vicious group of mares, who just also happen to be my friends.”
>“Fluttershy, there’s no denying that this was a big disaster, but we didn’t mean for it to turn out that way,” Twilight said.
>“Yeah, we were just trying to help,” Pinkie said.
>“Surely you understand,” Rarity said.
>“Oh, I believe you,” Fluttershy said.
>The five all felt a simultaneous sigh of relief flow out of them.
>“I believe you, and I’ll forgive you if you’re sorry,” she repeated. “But I’m still furious!”
>Their tension returned to them in an instant.
>Applejack’s voice was so shaky she could barely speak.
>“So you are gonna fly into a jealous rage?”
>“Well, that all depends,” Fluttershy said.
>She looked at you, and it took a moment for you to realize that she was asking whether you wanted her to punish her friends or not.
>Honestly, you hadn’t given any of them a single thought since Fluttershy had come.
Oh, um, no. No, I don’t care.
>You still felt strange.
>A soft wave of emotions, none of which you recognized, was washing over your tender heart again and again, coming and receding like the tide.
>And each time that this wave returned it was stronger, and there came with it even more push and more warmth than had come the first time.
>All of this new, and only after Fluttershy had arrived to save you.
>Why?
>“Um, are you sure you’re okay?” Fluttershy said.
>You grunted and wiped your face for an answer.
>It was all you could manage, you were so distracted.
>She completely dominated your thoughts.
>You tried to understand why.
>Why was this happening to you now?
>Why did you feel so strange, yet so good as well?
>And why, why--
>Also, her huge pony rump felt really plump and squishy, pressed down on you like it was.
>Her soft, pliable flesh sank down onto your thigh.
>Why were you thinking about this!
>“Why!” Fluttershy gasped in shock. “Why is your cock s-so hard right now?”
>The biggest, most throbbing boner you’d ever had in your life was pressing against the supple flesh on the inside of Fluttershy’s leg.
>It felt fucking amazing.
>You wouldn’t have minded feeling more. . . .
>Your heart seized at this realization.
>Oh God, did you really want to fuck Fluttershy for a second there?
>Did you really want to fuck a talking yellow pony who once had a panic attack because she drank milk that was one day past its expiration date?
>Was this just a one time thing, would it happen again?
>Were you going to have intrusive thoughts about Fluttershy now, about grabbing her by her wide yellow hips and sliding her rump up along your leg, inching her closer to your--
>No, really, how did you get this fucked up.
>Fluttershy could never know.
>Her mouth was slightly open as she stared dumbly at you.
>Behind her eyes, you could see the jig-saw puzzle that was being completed.
>You knew you didn’t like it, you just didn’t know why yet.
>Then, she spoke, her tone riding between a moan and a gasp:
>“So that’s what your fetish is.”
>That was why you didn’t like it.
>You had to divert her; she could not know anything you’d been thinking about.
>You scooted your butt back until you were sitting up straight.
Back to your old self already. Well, I guess I couldn’t expect you to actually be helpful to me for too long, you yellow freak.
>Your words might have been more effective if she’d been a brick wall.
>But unfortunately for you she was Fluttershy.
>“Oh no, you’re not getting away from me this time, mister.”
>She scooted close to you until her hips were straddling your waist.
>Push her off, your brain screamed at you.
>It was your body that hesitated, that told you to hold out for as long as you could.
>You wanted to soak up as much of her body’s touch as you could get away with.
>But so did she.
>“I know your fetish now.”
I don’t think you do.
>Then, to strengthen your argument, you said:
Even I don’t know my fetish.
>This was partly true.
>You had certain proclivities back on Earth, but in Equestria those specific details that you were attracted to either didn’t exist or they were so different that they might as well not have.
>“Oh, I know that now,” she said. “You didn’t know what your fetish was. I think that was why I couldn’t see it before with my stare.”
Weird.
>“But I see it now.”
>Her chest rubbed up against you, and you could feel the little hairs of her coat through the rips in your shirt.
>Fluttershy sighed as she felt them brush against your skin.
>Unfortunately you’d been cursed with ticklishness since forever, and it was the kind that dissuaded laughter.
>It was the kind that made your skin crawl.
Okay, let’s not do that.
>Fluttershy only giggled when you held her back by her shoulders.
>“Oh my. I didn’t know you were ticklish.”
Yeah, sure am. Surprised you never found out until now. Don’t ever do it again.
>“No promises. After all, who knows what we might do in the heat of the moment.”
>She began grinding her plot on your thigh, which was now sweaty from her hot ass having been sat on it for so long.
>At least you hoped it was sweat.
>“In the heat of the moment, anything could happen.”
Like what?
>“Let’s find out!”
 >She pounced on you but you held her back.
Take it easy. We’re not having sex.
>“Having sex,” she repeated, “that’s a great idea. We should do it.”
>This fucking horse. . . .
>Fluttershy looked back.
>Her friends, who had been shuffling their hooves and generally standing still in confused limbo, all snapped to attention.
>Except for Twilight.
>She had passed out at the tea table, and her snores were rattling the cups and saucers.
>“I’d like it if the two of us could have some privacy please,” Fluttershy said.
>Rarity’s ear flitted.
>“The two of you? Privacy? But this is my boutique, and--”
>Fluttershy’s squint immediately silenced her.
>“Rarity.”
>“Right. Right, you two deserve privacy,” Rarity said quickly. “We’ll just head upstairs then.”
>She spoke to the others in tense whispers:
>“Now. Go, now, all of you. Hurry up. Applejack, get Twilight’s muzzle out of that tea cup. Let’s go.”
>They all went upstairs, with Rarity at the back, waving and shoving them along.
>”There, isn’t that better?” Fluttershy said to you.
We’re not having sex.
>“Yes we are,” she said. “Your fetish--”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My fetish that I don’t know, but you supposedly know.
>“I can see it. Even if I didn’t have the Stare, it’s all over your face now.”
>She leaned in, her frank upturned eyes clearly displaying her intentions.
>“And it’s here!”
>She pushed her hoof against your dick, gently pinching it in the middle.
>She would have hit you square in the balls if you hadn’t been hard, but she only caused you some mild discomfort this time.
>Still hurt though.
Ah!
>She panicked.
>“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. I was just trying to be sexy for you. I didn’t mean to hurt you down there. I’m just not very good at this, even though I’ve been practicing with a rubber model I made of you a long time ago.”
>You winced in pain, for you and Fluttershy.
Weirdo.
>“I know I can please your friend down there if you’d just let me.”
>She looked up and down unsurely before quickly sliding her hoof down to fondle your package.
>“So please can we keep going? I really need this. I really, really need this. You have no idea how bad I need this.” 
Fluttershy--
>“Is that a yes? Great! Thank you!”
>You were holding her back again in a minute.
>But now that she’d gotten a taste, you could not keep her hoof away from your cock, no matter how many times you smacked it away.
>She was stroking it, whether you liked it or not.
>“Alright, if you’re so sure that I don’t know your fetish, then tell me how you got so hard.”
You keep fondling me, for one.
>“So you like that?”
>Yes.
Ye--No! No, I hate that more than anything.
>“I don’t want to accuse you of anything, but, um, I think you’re lying.”
So you’re accusing me of lying.
>“I’m sorry.”
Look, me being hard earlier, that was nothing. I was just feeling kind of good and I didn’t really control myself until it was too late.
>“And what did you have to feel good about?”
>Your mind stalled.
>But you had to think of something you felt good about.
>Having your favorite suit destroyed?
>Your friends all betraying you on the same afternoon?
>Being rescued, then fondled, by Fluttershy?
>Well, that last one was alright.
>No, wait, no it wasn’t.
>None of these were things you should feel good about!
>Fluttershy had your cock standing tall now.
>She’d found a good groove in her hoof to work you with, and now she was stroking you with vigor.
>Her entire body seemed to move up and down with her hoof, like a horny little piston.
>She was smiling up at you with half-lidded eyes that for once didn’t just make her look sleepy.
>She was really turning you on.
>“Tell me the truth, did you like it when I saved you?”
>You stifled a moan.
No.
>“You didn’t like it when I saved you? Did you want to end up in a big pony pile with all my naughty friends, is that it?”
Yes--I mean, no. I mean . . .
>Your head fell back against the wall.
>This mare had really found a good groove.
I felt relieved. When you showed up, I felt relieved.
>“You felt relieved?”
Yes.
>“Am I doing good so far, you know, at this?”
>Her eyes drifted down to your rigid shaft, which now poked up so hard against your underwear that it looked like someone had laid a sheet over a bedpost.
>“Do you, um, like it so far?”
>This was it, the point of no return.
>Things would never be the same between you and her if you continued down this path of pony-fucking degeneracy.
>Your life would change forever.
>No more fetish guesses from Fluttershy, no more being stalked by Fluttershy, and no more of her creepy obsession with you being the main driving point of your life.
>You’d just have to have sex with her instead.
>Think long and hard about this one.
Yeah, you’re doing great.
>“Oh, good. I had a lot of practice with my model. I’d hate to find out that none of it had paid off.”
That’s creepy, but, here, try the real thing.
>You moved her hoof and pulled your underwear until your cock had sprung out from the hole in the front.
>“Oh wow,” Fluttershy said, her eyes bright with stars.
>She sat between your legs and bent down to inspect your shaft, her head craning and ducking and turning so she could see it from every angle.
>“It’s even better than my model,” she said as she pressed your length against her cheek. “I love it.”
>She’d been caressing the tip with her hoof and, when she brought it back down, noticed that a bead of precum had stuck to the rim.
>A kiss was laid upon the bead, and the smacking of her dainty lips told you just where it had gone down.
>“Pretty good,” she said as she licked her chops, “but I think a bit more tenderizing is needed.”
I had no idea you were such a comedian.
>“I’d say that there’s a lot more you’re going to find out about me,” Fluttershy said as her rump returned to its wet seat on top of your thigh.
>Man, you don’t where this confident Fluttershy had been all this time, but you liked her.
>She licked the bottom of her hoof before she set to stroking you again.
>You could feel her hoof fully without the barrier of your underwear, and even though most of it was keratin, the frog was actually made of soft pink flesh.
>God bless these technicolor ponies for that.
>This way, when she had your cock set in the groove, it felt ten times better.
>Which was good, because the comment about tenderizing proved to be accurate.
>She had immediately picked back up the fast tempo that she’d left off on.
>In a race to see what could jerk back and forth quicker, a jackhammer would have lost to her hoof.
>The term beating your meat had never been more accurate than it was now.
>Your cock had become a throbbing bright red mess in seconds, and her hoof rubbing up and down along your spit-laden shaft made a shlicking noise not unlike the sound that raw meat makes when you slap it.
>She had you moaning and panting so much you swore that you could have heated up a cup of coffee with just your breath.
>She must have liked that.
>She brought her face up so close to yours that the tips of your noses touched whenever one of you exhaled.
>When you exhaled, she breathed in; and when she breathed out, you breathed her in.
>She smiled and moaned with every breath she took from you, as though she was tasting nothing less than the sweetest ambrosia.
>It was hot being that close to each other, and soon your faces were dripping with sweat.
>But the way her eyes locked with yours, you could’ve been doing this in a sauna for all you cared.
>The fact that you were doing it all was crazy; even just a few hours ago, you never would have thought it conceivable.
>You and Fluttershy hooking up? No fucking way!
>But here the two of you were, inches away from each other, as Fluttershy lovingly helped you experience what was, by far, the most exhilarating experience you had ever had in Equestria.
>Perhaps she thought the same as you did.
>For a brief moment, you saw her eyes shine with the same stars of astonishment that you felt.
>You felt it together, and you both smiled and laughed at how crazy it was.
>Your thigh, by the way--that had never been sweat.
>You’d found that out soon enough, once her oven down there had really got going.
>She rubbed herself on your leg nice and easy, her tiny pony bead winking against your flesh, almost like she was on a rocking horse.
>Heh, a pony on a rocking horse.
>That’d be funny.
>“What’s so funny?”
Nothing, it’s just . . .
>When the two of you locked eyes this time, there were no smiles; there was no laughter.
>You watched each other’s eyes and lips.
>With your eyes closed, you felt inexplicably drawn towards her, and you felt the soft pressure of her lips as they pressed against yours.
>A hoof pressed against your chest and she leaned further into the kiss, her ears folding and her gentle frame trembling at even the slightest of your touch.
>Your fingers traced the soft contours of her leg, petting the warm valley and the generous sagging flesh that was beneath her thigh.
>Until, finally, your hand brushed up against her plump rump.
>You began petting her rump, admiring its heft and the soft jiggle that her flesh made at even the slightest poke.
>She gasped against your lips, but a warm squirt of her juice against your thigh emboldened you.
>Your fingers smooshed into the soft pliable flesh near her cutie mark.
>Your hand slipped under the base of her flagging tail and you tugged on it like you were trying to uproot a vegetable.
>She moaned, her pussy squelching and leaking like a juiced lemon.
>You opened your mouth, eager to suck on something of hers, to taste her from inside, but Fluttershy had pulled back.
>She folded her ears but still wore a small smile, like she had teased you but knew that you would find it cute.
>“I have some things I want to say.”
>She brought her hoof up and stuck her tongue deep in the sole, swirling it around in there until the half circle was bubbling with her spit.
>She spit in it one more time, for good measure, before she placed her hoof on the base of your cock.
>That time, she didn’t even have to look to find the groove.
>“First off, I think you’re going to feel very relieved in a second here.”
>She stroked the entire length of your shaft slowly, from the very bottom of the base all the way to the top of your head.
>“You’re going to feel very, very good when I tell you what your fetish is.”
>When her eyes looked up and caught yours, she smiled.
>Then they trailed down the front of your body, all the way down to where her hoof was softly massaging your cock.
>She reached the bottom and started stroking you faster, her hoof pumping at the base in a steady rhythm that you could hear her count out under her breath.
>One, two, three, four: One, two, three, four.
>God, what an adorable mare.
>“You see, I think you actually did like it when I saved you.”
>One, two, three, four.
>“I think you like it when a mare takes charge and steals you from some other horny mares that might want you.”
>Her hoof drug along the length of your shaft and, coming up at the tip, playfully rocked your dick back and forth.
>“I think that’s what turns you on.”
>Your cock was aching with need by the time she gave it a good, long and slow stroke down to the base again.
>She pumped the bottom of your shaft, each stroke punctuating her words.
>“That’s. Your. Fetish. Isn’t. It?”
>Soft, lecherous hums of pleasure came out of her as she playfully shook your cock around.
>“Isn’t it,” she said, her eyes smiling on the prize as she watched it wiggle.
>Sure. Why not?
>Anything could have been your fetish by this point.
>She was drooling and licking her lips before she opened her mouth and let a long string of spit fall onto the head of your dick.
>She slathered your beat red pole with her drool, giving it a slick, shiny coating.
>Now her hoof glided effortlessly up and down and all around the tender flesh of your rod.
>She began swirling the tip of her hoof around your twitchy, sensitive head--to demonstrate this.
>Your breath hitched, and Fluttershy giggled.
>She scooped up another dollop of your leaking precum and stroked the slick juice up and down your shaft, like a painter that was making their masterpiece.
>“Do you still think I can’t see fetishes? Have you got any doubts now?”
>You didn’t answer, but you didn’t have to.
>Fluttershy smiled, and she started a long, achingly slow descent from the tip of your dick all the way down to the bottom of your shaft.
>”Didn’t think so,” she said. “Do you want to cum?”
>That time you didn’t get to answer before Fluttershy had started going all in on your cock again.
>She jerked you off so fast that you couldn’t even blink faster than she could go up and down and back up again.
>Rainbow Dash, eat your heart out.
>Maybe Fluttershy had been a butter churner in a previous life.
>You swore you were going cross eyed by the time Fluttershy spoke.
>“Told you I’d been practicing. You don’t doubt me now, do you?”
>She was as out of breath as you were by then, but her grunts and groans hinted at a different reason for her exertion.
>No one would have blamed you if you had heard her from the other room and assumed that she was trying to carry a couch upstairs.
>“I saw your fetish. The moment you got hard, I could see it in your dick.”
>It was only that incredible Fluttershy drive of hers, the same one that had her guessing your fetish for months, that kept her stroking you.
>“It’s a fine fetish. It’s too bad I never would have found that out if my friends hadn’t gotten involved, but at least it all worked out for you and me, didn’t it?”
>That drive of hers was going to pay off.
>A great, subdued pressure was building up within your groin, and it was only going to come out one way.
>Fluttershy had become harried working at it.
>Sweat was pouring down her face, her cheeks were bright red and strands of hair kept popping out from her mane each time you looked.
>It was when she spoke--that was when you could hear her determination.
>Her voice had some breaks and rough edges to it that it had not had before, as though a tempered frenzy belied her words.
>Her talking, or what she was saying--she was getting off on it.
>No matter how weary she was making herself, she was determined to see you through to the end.
>“You’re going to cum for me, right?” she said. “You’re going to cum for mama?”
>Your balls were contracting.
>You leaned your head back and ached for release.
>“I know you touch yourself, but no pony has ever made you cum before, have they?”
>She nuzzled your neck with her snout.
>A hot, heady exhale from her flared nostrils tickled your sweaty nape.
>“I’m going to be your first,” she said. “I really like that. Oh my, I like that a lot.”
>Your toes curled.
>You could feel that great pressure coming to a head at the base of your cock.
>You squeezed her rump hard, her flesh sinking in between your fingers, and held onto her for dear life as you felt your cock pump up like a balloon with your rising cum.
>She sensed you were close, and she exhaled towards your cheek, beckoning you to look at her.
>If you were going to do that, then you were going to kiss her.
>And if you were going to kiss her . . .
>“Let’s find out what it feels like when a pony makes you cu--Mmph!”
>Your lips silenced hers.
>Her eyes, wide with surprise, gazed into your hungry stare.
>Gentle prodding from your tongue softly parted her lips and she swooned into your mouth’s embrace, her eyes closing and her moans echoing within you.
>You thrusted all the way up into the soft pink flesh of her frog, burying your cock to the hilt.
>Like a quake before an eruption, your cock shuddered as the first heavy shot of your spunk burst up out of your head, landing on Fluttershy’s stomach in a big white dollop.
>A tremor rippled through your shaft, and more thick ropes fired and large white lines stuck to Fluttershy’s arm.
>Even after the last of your cum had all but dribbled out of you in a stream that ran down the length of your twitching, aching shaft, Fluttershy’s hoof still gently massaged the base of your cock.
>She was determined to coax every last drop of your cum out of you.
>Only after she had lowered herself and sucked your tip dry was she satisfied.
>Her lips wrapped firmly around your sensitive, sticky head and she made a sucking sound as she pulled her mouth away from your cock, like the suction she had around your tip was keeping her down.
>Finally her lips stretched as far as they would go and she came off your tip with a pop.
>Not a drop was left behind.
>Her sultry, half-lidded eyes looked up at you.
>“How was that--Eep!”
>You picked her up and held her in your lap, one hand nestled in the soft dip between her wings and the other making sure that her rump was safe and secure.
>“Oh my,” she said, slowly getting over her surprise before nestling against you.
>Her head leaned on your shoulder and you looked at her.
>The only way to describe her eyes was loving.
>Maybe this was the right choice after all.
>“I could just fall asleep right now.”
>A spit-choked snore echoed through the room, and you both jumped.
>The door to the kitchen was open.
>Inside was Twilight, who had her cheek pressed against the table as her face soaked up the small puddle of drool that was leaking out of her open mouth.
>The rest of her friends were there, too, enjoying tea and tea cakes.
>Especially Pinkie Pie, who sprayed crumbs everywhere when she waved and said:
>“Hi, Fluttershy!”
>“Eep!”
>A story from your past must be told here.
>One time, Fluttershy had showed up on your doorstep with her pussy and asshole plugged up with a bunch of baby carrots, and Cheerilee passed by with her entire class in tow.
>All of them saw her, Fluttershy got arrested--it was a whole thing.
>But even then, you’d never Fluttershy’s entire body, from hoof to head, blush to a bright shade of red, like she was doing now.
>She buried her face in your chest and, when her friends came in the room, refused to look at anyone.
>Finally, after realizing that no one could hear her muffled questions whilst buried inside your chest, she pulled away and said:
>“How long have you all been down here?”
>“It ain’t been that long,” Applejack said.
>”Yes, dear, there’s no need to fret,” Rarity said. “Your modesty is still safe and secure.”
>“But how long?” Fluttershy said, still frazzled.
>Rainbow Dash, who could not keep her smirk down and was never one to hide it, said:
>“I think you were saying something about all of us being in a big pony pile at the time.”
>“Which, honestly, sounds super fun,” Pinkie said.
>“That was right when it started!” Fluttershy cried, her ears pressed down.
>“When what started, Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash said with a snicker, which Applejack joined in on as well.
>Rarity bopped them both on the head with that day’s still-rolled-up edition of the Ponyville Gazette.
>“You’re not helping,” Rarity said plainly.
>“Alright, fine,” Rainbow Dash said. “Fluttershy, chill out already. Sheesh.”
>She did not chill out, and Pinkie Pie eventually had to go and get a brown paper sack for her to breathe in.
>You weren’t really interested in any of this, as you’d gotten used to Fluttershy having the occasional freak out.
>You’d seen plenty of them, probably even more so than her friends--the friends with whom she occasionally saved the world.
>So you instead listened to Twilight’s snores echo from the kitchen and, after a while, judged that she would’ve been an adequate death metal singer.
>Fluttershy eventually put the sack down and asked:
>“Why did you all come down here?”
>“Well it started because Pinkie Pie wanted tea cakes,” Applejack said.
>“Sorry, but my tummy knew that this was usually when I take my lunch break,” Pinkie said. “I hope Mr. Cake is doing alright on his own.”
>You had no idea how Mr. Cake was doing, but you did look out the window and notice that there was a really long line of ponies standing out the street for some reason.
>”And then Rarity said she absolutely had to go with her,” Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes.
>“She was worried that Pinkie Pie would make a mess,” Applejack said.
>And Pinkie Pie did make a mess.
>She was smiling nervously and refused to look over at Rarity, who was scowling directly at her.
>Applejack rubbed the back of her head and spoke reluctantly:
>“And then I remembered that I had kind of . . . well I sort of . . .”
>“Kicked my door down,” Rarity said bitterly.
>“Yeah, that,” Applejack said with an embarrassed smile. “And, well, I didn’t want ponies from the street looking in on you both, so I came down here and put the door up all right like.”
>The door, which had been leaning in the frame, fell over and split down the middle into two halves.
>Rarity’s eyes left what had once been her front door so they could stare at Applejack with muted disapproval.
>“Sorry, Rarity,” Applejack said. “I can fix it for you, though. I got plenty of duct tape back home.”
>Applejack forced a nervous laugh, and then cleared her throat.
>“That was just a little joke.”
>“It’s not funny.”
>“I know,” Applejack said, her head hung down.
>”HA!!” Pinkie laughed, her hoof stomping on the floor. “Good one, Applejack.”
>She laughed so hard that she had to wrap her arm around Rarity just to keep herself upright.
>Once, as a joke, you had asked Rarity if she would make you a pair of sweatpants for you to wear for an upcoming visit from Princess Celestia.
>That was the only other time you had ever seen her this angry.
>“Anywho,” Applejack said, “I brought Twilight down with me, since I didn’t want to leave her all by herself. Every pony else was already in the kitchen by then, so I just went too.”
>You caught Rainbow’s eye.
And what’s your excuse?
>“I just wanted to see you two going at it,” she said, shrugging.
Wow, an honest answer.
>You were impressed.
>Fluttershy flinched and whimpered, like Rainbow Dash had taken a swing at her.
>“And boy did you guys go,” Pinkie said. “You’re a natural, Fluttershy. You should’ve heard the sounds you were making. I thought you sounded like a ghost earlier, but you outdid yourself this time.”
>Pinkie waved her hooves in front of her face.
>“Ooooooooooo!”
>From the kitchen, Twilight let out another death metal cry.
>“Yeah, Fluttershy, you were great,” Rainbow Dash said.
>“I’m right proud of ya, too,” Applejack said.
>Whether it was from the praise or just because she was naturally forgiving, Fluttershy wore a small, embarrassed smile and said:
>“Oh, well, um, thank you . . . I guess. But I still wish you hadn’t watched us.”
>“It shan’t happen again,” Rarity said. “Now then, I believe it’s about time a certain--”
>She hesitated to use the word gentleman.
>“A certain man of yours returned the favor?”
>Fluttershy’s soft and kind features seemed to glow when she looked up at you.
>“Well?” she asked with a hint of excitement.
Well . . . I certainly wouldn’t mind playing with that plot again.
>You gave her ass a hard squeeze.
>She jumped but settled quickly back into your arms.
>“Oh, you’re so aggressive,” Fluttershy said. “Come here and give momma--”
>“At your own house this time please!” Rarity yelled.
>“Right,” Fluttershy said.
>Then, turning to you, “Do you want to, um, put your thing away so we can . . . ?”
>You did.
>“Sorry again that we ripped your suit up, partner,” Applejack said.
>“Yeah, me too,” Rainbow Dash said.
That’s fine. I’m sorry I threw your lasso in Cranky Doodle’s backyard.
>“Oh yeah,” Applejack said, her ears folding at the memory. “I’m going to have a heck of a time getting that back from him.”
>Rarity cleared her throat in a deliberate bid for attention.
>“It was my suit, too, you know.”
>“I mean, not really,” Rainbow Dash said.
>“It was, though!” Rarity cried. “It was one of a kind!”
>After some quick cleaning up, you and Fluttershy headed for the door.
Well, I guess we’re going to find out whether ponies were gawking at me earlier because I was being chased or because I was barely dressed.
>Fluttershy said nothing.
>She was watching you from the corner of her eye, an odd little smile on her face.
What?
>“Nothing.”
>She shook her hip your way and playfully whipped the back of your legs with her tail.
>“But it looks like we’re going to spending Nightmare Night together after all.”
>Yeah, you were going to be spending all that time . . .
>Fucking Fluttershy.
>“Aren’t you glad that I found your fetish now?”
I wouldn’t know, actually. You never found my fetish.
>“What?!”
>Fluttershy stopped.
>“But I did find your fetish.”
You mean that whole complicated thing about you cucking your friends?
>You shrugged.
Or whatever it was supposed to be.
>“Exactly,” she said. “That was it. I saw it. I saw it in your dick.”
You can’t see fetishes, Fluttershy.
>“Yeah she can,” Pinkie said. “She’s got the eye for it.”
>The rest of her friends tensed up at the mention of her eye.
>You scoffed.
Got the eye for it, huh?
>Fluttershy fixed you with a serious look before turning towards her friends, which got them all to again stand uneasily at attention.
>Rainbow Dash flinched when she saw her friend’s yellow hoof was pointed right at her.
>“Autosexual.”
>“Hey!” Rainbow exclaimed. “No, wait, what’s that mean?”
>“It means that you and Trixie have something in common.”
>“No way,” Rainbow Dash said. “I can’t stand that pony. All she ever does is talk about herself.”
>Fluttershy was now pointing at Applejack.
>“Nonconsensual.”
>Applejack folded her ears, annoyed.
>”You just had to tell every pony, didn’t you?”
>She pointed at Rarity.
>“Autoerotic asphyxiation.”
>“How dare you!” Rarity screamed dramatically. With a posh wave, she added, “That isn’t right at all, darling. You’re forgetting something.”
>Fluttershy redoubled her efforts and her stare intensified.
>“With cashmere wool tied around your neck.”
>”That’s better,” Rarity huffed as she looked away from everyone, the color rising in her cheeks.
>Fluttershy pointed next at--
>“Don’t you dare!” Pinkie said.
>Fluttershy eyed her warily before bringing her hoof down.
>Maybe you ought to be glad that Pinkie never once tried to rape you all this time.
>“That’s right, you just keep moving right along to the next pony, sister,” Pinkie Pie said.
>“Oh, but I wasn’t going to count Twilight,” Fluttershy said. “She doesn’t have that much experience, and I didn’t want to make her feel bad.”
You know she’s asleep, right?
>“Obviously,” Rainbow Dash said.
>Pinkie giggled to herself before saying:
>“When it comes to Twilight, a lot of things are obvious.”
>Now everyone was laughing at Twilight.
Yeah, what a virgin!
>Fluttershy playfully shoved your chest.
>“You’re being mean,” she said, with her hoof covering her embarrassed grin. “But I know one thing Twilight has in common with us.”
>She captured everyone in the room in a grand, sweeping gesture.
>“Huge plump pony rumps,” she said. “You’re all into huge plump pony rumps.”
>You watched as a slight murmur rose in the room followed by various shrugs and nods of agreement.
>“I like ‘em,” said Applejack. “I can’t lie.”
>“Fluttershy could just call you out if you were,” Rainbow Dash said with a smirk.
>“Indeed,” Rarity said. “This has been a rather revealing afternoon.”
>They all turned to Fluttershy, who had strategically deployed that irresistibly cute smile you had seen before.
>“Now we’re even,” she said. “We know all our fetishes, and you all saw me make tender hoof love to my man.”
>“You didn’t say Pinkie’s fetish,” Rainbow Dash said.
>”You don’t want to know what Pinkie’s fetish is,” Fluttershy said gravely.
It must be really fucked up if it’s enough to disturb you.
>“Don’t think I forgot about yours,” she said. “I want to know why I can’t see your fetish, mister.”
Yeah, I can’t help you there. They’re your freaky fetish powers, not mine.
>”So you really don’t know your own fetish then?” Fluttershy said.
>Well, you were about to become a pony fucker, if that was anything.
>But other than that . . .
Yeah, I actually think I figured out what it is.
>”Really? How?”
Well, you helped me plenty in finding it earlier, I will say that.
>She blushed.
>“Then what is it?”
>You shrugged and simply said:
Huge plump pony rumps.
>Twilight woke with such a shot that the table scooted over an inch away from her once she was up.
>“I knew it!”
>A blinding purple flash filled the room and she appeared before you all, a crazed look in her eyes--with one of them being half shut.
>“I knew it!” she said, before anyone else could speak. “Huge plump pony rumps. That was the first thing that was on my list.”
>Six copies of the list blinked into existence and were levitated before the faces of you all.
>“Read it and weep, fillies, because I was right.”
>At the top of each paper was the words ‘Huge plump pony rumps’ and, the second your eyes had fallen on them, three lines were magically drawn beneath it, underlining it thrice.
>The nine other list items had been scribbled into obscurity, which was a bit of shame.
>Now that you weren’t being forced against your will to read it, you would like to have known just what your nine other fetishes were.
>Was it degenerate to have nine other fetishes?
>Ah, well, you were already going to be fucking a pony for the forseeable future; you’re already degenerate.
>Twilight pranced in place a bit, excited to see everyone reading, before going back to gloating.
>“That’s right, I found your fetish,” Twilight said. “It was me, and I did it before any other so-called experienced pony that’s here did. I did it. Twilight Sparkle. Me. Moi.”
>She started pacing with such energy that her forelegs would have knocked her on the chin, had it not already been raised so high.
>”And you know what, I don’t even care that I’m not as experienced as any of you. Who cares if just the thought of flirting with a stallion makes me queasy queasy? I still found his fetish. I still won.”
>She gave herself a celebratory hoof pump.
>“So mark this one down, girls, because first place goes to brains this time, not beauty.”
>She reared back and flailed her front hooves in a victory dance.
>“Studying wins again!”
>One by one, she ran up to your faces, prodded the tip of her purple hoof into your chests, and repeated it.
>“I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!”
>After a shrill gasp for air, she exclaimed it one more time:
>“I knew it!”
>Then she trotted out of Carousel Boutique, so that ponies from five blocks away could hear her triumphant cheers echo throughout the streets.
>The vacant doorframe drew everyone's eyes in the following silence.
>Then, like she’d just seen a baby take its first steps, Pinkie cooed.
>“Aw, good for her,” she said. “She worked really hard on that list, you know?”
>”Do you think we should tell her that every pony likes huge plump pony rumps?” Fluttershy said.
>”She’ll figure it out eventually,” Pinkie said.
Probably when she remembers that she’s still a virgin.

>Minutes later, a shout echoed from the streets:
>“Oh damn it!”