>Prompt: Fluttershy overhears Anon saying some nice things about Celestia so she tries to become a princess thinking that’ll solve all her problems.
"Reason number 97 for wanting to stick the holy blessing inside of Celestia: she is the largest pony, with the largest flank."
"Reason number 98 for wanting to stick the master sword inside of Celestia: she wouldn't complain about my poor performance, and would instead congratulate me on trying my best."
"Reason number 99 for wanting to stick the lighthouse of Alexandria inside of Celestia: poor girl probably needs it with all the bullshit your dumbass puts her through."
>"Anon."
"What's up?"
>"What are you doing in my bedroom."
"Well, Twitard, you rude little shit, after finishing my greatest work, my chef-d’œuvre, I'm so sorry for wanting to share it with my only friend. Jesus Christ. I'd call you Brutus if that wasn't an insult to the man, who despite his shortcomings at least had DRIVE and PASSION, you cold-hearted bitch."
>"oh Anon, you have plenty of friends, stop the dramatics. I'll listen to your story in the morning."
"Fine! You dumb cunt. You stupid bitch. I hope a pack of diamond dogs rapes you and beheads your dragon slave in front of you."
>Twilight giggles and turns away from you, attempting to fall asleep again.
>The audacity of this whorse.
>You stomp out of her stupid flammable library house, and run through a mental list of ponies you liked to annoy.
>Lrya?
>No, she always ended up getting her gay girlfriend to kick the shit out of you.
>Rainbow?
>No, she is also liable to kick the shit out of you.
>The princesses?
>Last time you where at the castle Luna broke every one of your ribs, individually.
>The fact that you asked her to is besides the point.
>You really needed to find gentler ponies to annoy.
>That's it!
"Fluttershy. I'll go to her."
>You say, out loud, to yourself, in the middle of the night.
>You hear a sound that vaguely resembles a yellow mare gasping and flying away out of a bush exactly 3.4 meters away from you.
>A single yellow feather with the words 'PROPERTY OF FLUTTERSHY' written on it with magic marker floats down.
>You note that on the back it says "I AM CURRENTLY SPYING ON ANON WHO I WANT TO BUCK AND AM SLIGHTLY BORED. MY NAME IS FLUTTERSHY AND I AM GOING TO RAPE ANON. HE IS IN GRAVE DANGER, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO RAPE HIM. I AM GOING TO RAPE ANONYMOUS, PERHAPS VIOLENTLY."
>You briefly wonder if this feather belong to a pony, or what it means by "My name is Fluttershy and I am going to rape Anon", before deciding the whole thing was probably just the wind or maybe your imagination or something.
>Using your advanced movement technique (which is not skipping, skipping is for faggots (and you are not a faggot)), you begin your entirely heterosexual journey to Fluttershy's cabin.
>Needing something to fix the boredom caused by your laughably short attention span, you brainstorm about best pony.
"Reason number 100 for wanting to get into Celestia's maregina like I'm Jack The Ripper's knife and she's the throat of a poverty-stricken street harlot in the 1880's: I bet I could steal some of her powers just like how Jack the Ripper stole those women's lives"
>Forcing yourself to chuckle loudly despite being entirely alone, like a complete psycho, you find yourself outside Fluttershy's house.
>It smells like animal shit.
"HEY! Fluttard! Yellow Cunt! Stinky!"
>Fluttershy opens her door and trots out.
>"O-oh, hey Anon. What brings you here?"
"What, you don't know? Pfft. You really are as dumb as ponies say. I'm here to grace you with the presence of my list. Nopony has been able to say no to hearing my borderline-divine words. Listen:"
"Reason number 1 for wanting to fuck Celestia into the ground like she's a twin tower and I'm the only based arabian: This time, it will be the opposite of tragedy, and I won't get in trouble for cooming."
>Glancing down, you expect to receive the delicious annoyance you usually get from ponies, but instead Fluttershy is watching you in rapture.
>You stride into her house without asking and sit down on her couch.
"Reason number 2 for wanting to pump the philosopher's juice from his twin stones all over Celestia: I'm pretty sure it would make me de-facto king of Equestria, and I am a power hungry narcissist."
"Reason number 3 for wanting to ravage Celestia's insides as thoroughly as the firebombs and those two nukes ravaged the admittedly evil Japanese people: Princess. Milk."
>Fluttershy is sat on your lap, looking up at you with her huge pony eyes.
>She's breathing heavily and blushing.
>Is she having and asthma attack?
"Look Fluttershy, if you're not going to get annoyed, there is no reason for me to be here. I'm going home." 
>You roughly push the animal off you.
>"Anon! Wait!"
>You open the door.
>"I can be annoyed! I can be really annoyed! I'll get pissed off!"
"No it's- it's too late. The mood is ruined. I don't even want to annoy a pony right now."
>"But, Anon! You love annoying ponies and being a huge dick and you should give me your dick!"
"Yeah Flutterbitch, I do love annoying ponies, but right now, I don't even want to try. You ruined everything. Leave me alone."
>With that, you walk home.

>Be Fluttershy
>Be intelligent pony, no matter what the IQ tests said
>As you watch Anon's plot, a plot forms in your head
>Hate to see him go, etc, etc
>Celestia, is a princess.
>You've also heard Anon talk that way about the afro-equestrian princess before.
>Who is also a princess.
>Anon has no sexual interest in you.
>You are not a princess.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bzk2yI9dwh4
>You snuggle into bed.
>After getting ready to board the first train to Canterlot tomorrow morning, of course

>Be the sun
>Peacefully resting
>White horse rips you from your bed to make you slave away another day
>God you hate ponies

>Yet again be worst pony
>Being an element, you get to cut the day court line and speak with the Princess even though it is a personal matter non-related to the safety of the country
>In Equestria, there is no concept of abusing your position.
>"What brings you here, my little pony?"
"Princess, remember Anonymous?"
The smile on her face suddenly looks a little less genuine
>"I sure wish I didn't!"
"Well, it's just, I am desperately in love with him a-and I think that if you made me into a princess, he would love slash rut me."
>Celestia let's out a single chuckle at your naivety
>"Fluttershy. While your passion is admirable, I can't make you a princess just like that. Being a princess is a lot of hard work. Just the other day, Luna and I had to dig out a pit big enough to fit 300,000 ponies! Do you know how big a pit large enough to fit 300,000 ponies has to be? Pretty fucking big, Fluttershy! And as punishment for killing them in the first place, we weren't even allowed to use our slaves to dig it for us."
"That does sound pretty bad."
>"Yes my little pony, it sucked fat dick. The fattest dick you've ever seen. I'm serious, if it was a dick, you would look at it and say 'Wow! That's a fat fucking dick. I don't even know if I could suck a dick that fat. I don't think a dick that fat could even fit in anypony's mouth, let alone my pretty little princess mouth!' But, I digress. Futtershy, as the spider ponies who secretly run the nation from behind the scenes always say, 'With great power comes grape responsibility." And grapes are /very/ responsible." 
"I-I think I understand. Thank you Celestia."
>"Anytime, Fluttershy. You take care of yourself now."
"Thanks, you too."
>You walk into the courtyard.
>What a cunt!
>You wish you could tell her what you thought of her to her face, but she would probably just instantly vaporize you.
>You were going to need some major brain storming to figure out how to be a princess now.
>But who else besides Celestia could grant her that power?
>Cadence was way too far away to be of any help.
>...
>Hm.
>Wait a second.
>Celestia's black sister just got out of jail!
>Sorry, you mean Celestia's Pony Of Color sister just got out of jail.
>Additionally, she was both extremely powerful and extremely insecure, perfect!
>You gallop all the way to the tiny princess, wondering if you should have brought some watermelon or perhaps purple soda with you as a sacrifice.
>"Halt! The princess does not wish to be disturbed at the moment."
>The guards in front of Luna's chamber have their spears blocking it.
"B-but, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm, she asked me to come?"
>Your smile could only be described in this moment as 'suspicious' and 'creepy'.
>The guards narrow their eyes and look at each other before nodding.
>"Well, that all checks out, head right on in ma'am."
>You enter the chamber.
>Luna is asleep on her gargantuan bed.
"LUNA!"
>Her eyes shoot open.
>"WHICH PONY DARES AWAKEN ME?"
"I BET YOU CAN'T TURN ME INTO A PRINCESS!"
>"NO! I CAN! I CAN! I'M NOT PATHETIC! I'M JUST AS POWERFUL AS MY SISTER! I'M NOT A WEAK LITTLE PONY! I'M A BIG STRONG MARE! SHE ONLY WON BECAUSE OF LUCK! LUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!"
>Luna, crying like a baby bitch, shoots a blast at you and leaps through the window with the painful sound of glass shattering.
>Ooh!
>Now, THAT is the stuff.
>You feel downright amazing.
>Testing your new body, you blast a hole in the wall with your magic.
>Just for fun, you do it a few more times and begin flying towards Ponyville before Celestia eventually comes after you.
>You land in Anon's yard.
>"ANON!"
>Your voice booms, louder than you could have made it in your unascended form.
>Anon walks onto his porch.
>"Did you get a haircut or something? You look different."
"I'm an alicorn Anon! I did it all for you."
>"You're lying. Alicorns are beautiful, you look more like Emmet Till when he was in his casket. You do look a bit like something an alicorn might shit out before they were an alicorn, if that makes you feel any better."
>At this, you begin sobbing, and charging your horn.
>"Anon, if you don't want to rut me until I'm senseless, I'm going to MAKE you ru-
>As anon skips over and flicks your horn, an indescribable pain courses through your entire body.
>You immediately fall to the ground and vomit.
>Anon doubles over in laughter.
>"Bwahahaha, fuckin- hahaha, oldest trick in the fucking ahahahahaha book."
>You are now crying in a puddle of your own vomit.
>10 minutes pass, and anon is finally finished laughing at your expense.
>Your body is starting to recover but your heart still feels broken.
"I can't believe you thought you could get with me, I'm basically the sexiest and best overall being in Equestria."
>He stares at you, waiting for a reaction.
>Eventually he frowns and kneels down.
>"Look, Fluttershy. I really can't have you getting your fluids over my lawn."
>"Do you remember that time I caught you watching me masturbate? And ever since I've covered all my windows at all times?"
>You weakly nod.
>"Well what if, every 5th wednesday, I remove the coverings. In exchange, all you would have to do is never talk to me again and never be within my sight again."
"Y-you would really do that for me."
>"Yeah. Yeah, I would. I'm a pretty generous guy. You're probably retarded if you haven't noticed that already. You should go to little filly school again. Or maybe straight to the electric chair like they used to do back home."
>"I love you anon!"
>The pure joy you feel as Anon makes his deal with you cannot be understated.
>You are so happy you jump up and hug Anon.
>"EW! You got vomit on me you disgusting pig. Y'know what? The deal's off. Go fuck yourself."
>Before you even have time to comprehend what Anon said, Celestia lands behind you and quickly beheads you with a beam of light.
>Be Anonymous
>Your hero just beheaded the villain, all for you, in a display that might your pants tight.
"Oh, Celestia! My knight in shi-"
>You are looking at the air.
>You are looking at your body toppling.
>Briefly, you realize Celestia has beheaded you.
"W-worth it."
>You are immediately sent to pony hell.
>Be Celestia
"Well, all in a day's work!"
>And everyone lived happily ever after.
>The end.