Anon

https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/39768210/#39768822

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>The Equestrian Sun has just been lowered
>Celestia is in her chambers, her mind completely exhausted after a whole day of reasoning with the nobles
>The stupid assholes were trying to pass "the poverty tax" again to counteract taxes for the rich
>The Princess is at least one thousand years old, and every 50 years there's a featherbrain with the same dumb idea
>Celestia walks up to the tightly shut doors and makes sure they are locked, then puts a soundproofing spell on them as well
>She takes a deep breath
>"Idiots! Imbeciles!"
>With a wave of her forehoof, a gold-plated royal shoe flies off into the corner of the room
>"How hard is it to get the simplest things through your fat heads?!"
>Another shoe joins the first one with a loud "CLANG"
>"Probably would even look down on me, were I not wearing these garish things!"
>The alicorn pulls the ceremonial yoke over her head, finally getting out of it with a couple of angry shakes of her mane, like a dog who finally found a way out of a sick cone
>With the weight taken off her withers and maddening sentiments out of her system, the princess feels a little calmer
>Now she's just deathly bored
>With a soft, yet heavy thud, Celestia flops down on her bed, casting off the remnants of her attire in the process
>All she can manage now is a deep, drawn-out sigh
>"Time to spend another uneventful evening with a tepid romance novel."
>She levitates a little paperback from the nightstand up to her eyes
>"Hooves Entwined", by Sleeve Heart
>"Bleh."
>Celestia should really just go down to the library herself instead of trusting her secretary's taste
>This is going to be another one where you have to wait 200 pages for the first tentative nuzzle 
>Just because she's the leader of her country, doesn't mean she can't be into...
>*CRASH*
>The princess jerks up at the sudden noise to see something brown and black tumbling through her window, sending shards of glass everywhere
>Not losing much momentum, the offender rolls right across the room, smashing into the dresser and getting pelted with several decorative trinkets littering the top of it
>"Urgh!"
>On closer inspection, the momentarily disoriented intruder appears to be a male griffon
>He's wearing a black sweater with holes on the back for wings and a homemade black ski mask with holes now somewhere on the side of his head
>Celestia tilts her head slightly at the curious display
>It's not often that someone tries to rob the royal palace, in such an upfront manner, no less
>This certainly beats reading about middle-aged ponies pretending to be bashful teenagers
>Her tiredness replaced by mild amusement, the princess waits patiently for how the situation develops
>The perpetrator scrambles to his hooves, whipping his head around madly before finally adjusting the mask
>As soon as the griffon can see again, he raises his eyes, meeting Celestia's curious gaze

>He freezes for a second, like an actor who forgot his lines right as he hit the spotlight
>Still resting comfortably on her side with her back hooves hanging slightly off the bed, the regal white alicorn silently gestures for him to proceed
>He clears his throat nervously before beginning:
>"Princess of p0nykind!"
>The corner of Celestia's mouth twitches ever so slightly at the voice crack, but she still says nothing
>"Th-this a kidnapping! Hand yourself over to me in the name of Griffons to Arms or s-suffer the consequenses!"
>Griffons to Arms?
>Celestia vaguely recalls several protesters at Canterlot Plaza carrying signs with these words on them, shouting something about "invasive Equestrian policies" and "forcing friendship onto insular cultures"
>There were about five of them, seven tops
>Jumping straight to terrorism is definitely a huge upgrade
>The execution could definitely use some work though
>Suddenly remembering something, the griffon reaches down and picks up something he must have dropped on landing
>It's a small blackened combat knife, now pointed right at Celestia
>"Don't even try to call for help, or else!.."
>He's not even close enough to her to get a good stab
>She could disable him in a hundred different ways right here on the spot before the guards get here
>...Where are the guards anyway?
>Oh, right, the soundproofing spell...
>Guess she's free to do whatever she wants then
>Whatever she wants...
>"Step closer."
>"W-what?"
>"You are trying to threaten me, aren't you? You need to get into my personal space for that. Step closer."
>With an audible gulp, the wannabe kidnapper inches ever so slightly towards his victim, glass clinking under his talons
>"Closer."
>Another tentative step
>"Closer..."
>Celestia can see the sweat on the griffon's face now, even through his mask
>Not daring to look away from her expectant eyes, he moves close enough to be able to touch the princess
>"Now perhaps you want to bring that knife just a little higher"
>Breathing heavily, the intruder complies, and the ruler of Equestria senses cold steel press firmly against her swanlike neck
>Probably for the first time in a century, she gets the telltale feeling of butterflies in her stomach
>"Much better... I do feel intimidated now."
>Who needs books when you can make your own story?
>Slowly, so as not to spook her brutish assailant, Celestia rolls over onto her back, her forehooves resting on her chest, a playful expression on her face
>"There is a length of rope in the second topmost drawer of the dresser behind you, enough to restrain my legs and wings. You may want to take some kind of cloth to use as a gag or a blindfold as well. Once you're done, I will show you a secret passage out of here - some of the guards must have seen the broken window by now. I hope you are prepared to carry me."
>It was going to be a fun night.