Originally uploaded to Pastebin: January 8th, 2013
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>Day Keep your Friends close in Equestria
>Walking around Ponyville with Applejack
>"So uhh, Anon. Waddya' like to do in ya' spare time?"
Well at home I would see friend and sit at home mostly. Since coming here there's not much to do
>"Well why not come out with me n' the girls? It'll be fun!"
>She smiles hopefully at you
No thanks, AJ. I'll pass.
>She sighs and walks away
>You are Anon
>And it's your 4th day in Equestria.
>You'll be honest, Equestria isn't all that it's cracked up to be
>The way it's shown in the show? Yeah it's not exactly side by side comparison of real life there
>It's boring. Infuriatingly so.
>The Mane 6's idea of 'fun' is going out together on pony pet playdates, reading, taking about dresses and boys, and generally being a bunch of boring mother fuckers.
>Maybe that was too harsh, it's not like you're from around here
>The ponies around town accepted you soon enough, but you find yourself wandering around with nothing to do
>You have a house, a government grant, protection from Celestia herself due to you being the only one of your kind as well as the unofficial ambassador for your species. So life is stable, no pun intended.
>But you wish there was more to do
>Or at least someone to talk to
>"A-anon?"
>Someone who isn't that.
>You look down to see Fluttershy
>She's been pestering you all day. You're not quite sure why.
>"S-so I was wondering... Um, do humans have foals?"
No. We have children.
>"Oh ok then. So how are children born?"
>Pinch the bridge of your nose and let out an exasperated sigh
By procreation, Fluttershy. You know this.
>Fluttershy blushes
>"A-and how do humans procreate?"
I've already told Twilight. Go and ask her.
>"Umm. Twilight's not home."
>You look to your left, at Twilight's treehouse
>As you gaze through the window you see her perched on a cushion reading a book
>You'd think that she was just a shy, adorable introvert, and she kind of is.
>But she, like all her friends, are incredibly boring.
>Even Rainbow Dash is boring, much to your shock.
>It's not even a matter of culture barriers, she really can't hold a conversation.
>Point at the Tree
She's in there. Go get her, tiger.
>"I'd rather have you."
>She blushes even harder.
>You fear that all the blood in her body is now contained solely in her cheeks
>Wouldn't be surprised
Look, just leave me be, Fluttershy. I want to be alone.
>"Are you sure? Do you not need me to give you a back rub?"
Leave, Fluttershy. NOW.
>She sulks and flies away, watching you over her shoulder
>Of course, she flies into a wall
>Stupid horse.
>You walk through Ponyville.
>It's a lot larger than you imagined.
>Ponies aren't. They're as high as your waist. But the town is still over a much larger area.
>You walk down an alleyway, looking for something to do
>See a black door with a grimy looking sign over it
>"The Four Horseshoes Tavern"
>Raise an eyebrow
That's new.
>You decide to poke your head in
>The smell of smoke and alcohol hits you in the face, temporarily removing your sense of smell
>The residents of the tavern groan from the natural light pouring in from the open door
>A bottle hits the wall next to you
>"CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR"
>You scurry inside and shut it behind you
>Surprisingly, the door was not only an adequate height (though you still had to duck your head a tiny bit), but the ceiling can accomidate you quite nicely
>You walk through the tavern, stunned at what you see
>Ponies playing darts, drinking, gambling, complaining about life outside the tavern and laughing
>You're in silent wonder at it all
>You had always thought ponies to be straight edges, abeit a little bit creepy, like Fluttershy
>You reach the bar and stick a hand in your pocket
>A small number of bits fill it
>Take a seat at a stood, once again you're surprised that it's study enough to hold your weight
>The bartender looks at you with a jaded expression
>He looks as though he's seen it all
>Probably has, too. He isn't even surprised to see you
>"Mornin', Human. What can I get'cha?"
Uh hi. What have you got?
>He quickly fires off a large list of liquors and spirits
>This also takes you by surprise. You had no idea ponies drank anything other than cider
>Fucking Show
I'll take a uhh, Cider. I guess
>He looks at you
>"Guy your size? Nah. You'll want somethin' stronger than that."
>He fills up a glass and slides it over to you
>Drink it
>Your body wasn't even close to being ready
>Your tongue, throat and teeth are all now on fire
>Figuratively speaking
>You cough and pound your chest, face quickly going red
>The barkeep chuckles
>"Don't worry about payin' either. First one's free"
>He moves along to serve some other ponies
>You sit and nurse your drink, taking in the thick smoke in the air, the smell of booze, the gentle jazz coming from a nearby record player, and the noise of mellow ponies talking
>And for the first time in 4 days, you genuinely smile
>At that moment though, the door opens again, and you hear a pony mutter "blimey"
>You turn around in your seat, and your eyes widen in shock
>Standing on his hind legs, his head at a slightly lower level than yours, he strolls through the tavern, eyeing the ponies around him
>He settles down in his seat and orders a whiskey
>You can't take your eyes off him. You have only seen one of his kind once
>He looks around again, and his eyes settle on you
>He smiles and raises a paw towards you
>You shake it, carefully
>"Hello. I don't think I've seen one of your kind before"
>His voice is rough, gravelly, and his eyes are filled with a sly cunning that you would expect from one such as he
Hey. No, you won't have done. I'm the only one of my kind.
>He raises an eyebrow
>"Well that's strange. You'll have to tell me all about that."
And I will, Mister...?
>He pauses mid sip of his drink
>"Where are my manners. My name is Rex. Rex the Diamond Dog."
>The Diamond Dog grins and gulps down the rest of his drink, letting out a satisfied "aaah"
Anonymous, Human.
>He grins
>"Well, Human. You'll have to tell me. Where do you come from?"
>And just like that you two become friends
>You talk for hours and hours, laughing at each other's jokes, showing sympathy for each other's stories and problems, and generally understanding each other
>He's the friend you were looking for in this world
>After he finishes a story about how he once ate an entire gemstone as a dare and spent 4 weeks in hospital pooping out geodes you wipe a tear from your eye, laughing
Ohh man... So you never told me, Rex. What's the story? Why are you in Ponyville?
>Rex smiles and stares off into the distance
>"Oh it's a rich tale. But it comes down to one simple fact. I love ponies."
Go on?
>"Well it all started when I was a young adult. Being Diamond Dogs we live underground. The overworld isn't really our thing. So one day my uncle finds me and says he found this pony that can find gems"
>You smile
>You can tell where this is going
>"I go and look at her, locked in a cell and she's the most incredible thing I've ever seen. Not because of her 'beauty' or anything like that. But just her shape. These are the creatures that rule the overworld, and it's been dragged into my home"
>You motion for him to continue
>"So things get crazy, we get invaded by 5 other ponies and a dragon. They take her home and steal a load of gems. Everydog else goes cr-"
>You stop him, snickering
Did you just say every'dog'?
>"Uhh. Sorry. Force of habit. EveryONE else goes crazy and starts complaining about the lack of gems, but I don't even care. I was fixated with ponies."
So what exactly are the gems used for?
>"Trade, mostly. We mine pure gems from the deep earth better than any other race on the planet. We'd hit a dry spot so we got desperate and my uncle kidnapped a pony, but that's beside the point. We need gems for our economy."
Interesting
>"Hm. So I say to my parents and Uncle that I want to go above and mix with ponies, they were always open-minded, though my Uncle was hesitant, but they let me pack my stuff"
>"The next day, I say my goodbyes and crawl out of the earth, head off towards civilisation. And this is where I ended up in my pursuit of ponies. Facsinating creatures, they are."
>You nod in agreement.
>You can't wait to see his reaction when he sees Rarity again
>But you stay silent about it
>"What about you, Anon? How did you get here?"
Oh hell, that's a rough tale.
>You craft a tale of love, loss, and depression. How your girlfriend left you and you couldn't take it anymore. And in a final act of desperation you threw yourself off a bridge
>As you hit the water you blacked out, then ended up here
>Rex ponders this over his 5th glass of whiskey
>"Rough tale indeed. You're fine now though, right? No depression?"
Kinda hard to stay depressed in a world like this. It's a new life, you know? No loose ends. No connections. Fresh start
>"I'll drink to that"
>You tap your glasses together and drink them down, talking long into the night
>A while later you stumble out of the tavern, bidding goodnight to the bartender - Grizzle, and being held up by Rex
>"So where are you at, Human? Where's your place of stay?"
Odd way to say... House...
>You belch
>Rex laughs, causing you to smile
>"Sorry, still getting used to the idea of houses. Amazing concept. You actually have your own place to live. Back home everything's just one big tunnel. Everydog knows everydog."
Sounds... Close
>"That's one way of putting it"
>You both stumble and trip your way back to your house, you fumble with the keys and eventually open the lock
>You fall flat on your face indoors, and Rex chuckles from outside
>"Well, goodnight, Anonymous. It was great meeting you."
>Roll over and face him from your floor
Where are you going now?
>"Gonna find somewhere to sleep, I saw a great looking alley on the way here"
>Frown at him
You know, Rex. You could always stay here. It's better than being out in the cold.
>He cocks his head, reminding you that he is in fact a dog.
>"Stay here? What, do you mean outside?"
No... Rex, you can sleep in my house.
>His tail starts wagging and he grins even wider
>"You really mean that?"
Of course. We're friends now. Can't have my friend freezing to death the first night out of his homeland
>Rex tentatively walks over the threshold and helps you to your feet
>He pats you on the back and smiles
>"Thanks, Anon."
>You motion to your sofa
That ok with you?
>He looks at it and his eyes light up
>"All that?"
>Laugh
Sure, why not. Make yourself comfortable. We can go out and search out a place for you tomorrow
>Stomp upstairs and fall backwards onto your bed, completely exhausted
>With your final ounce of strength you call out into the house
G'night, Rex.
>A gravelly voice answers from below
>"Good night, Anon."

>Day 5 in Equestria
>Wake up with a pounding headache
>Smile goofily
So worth it
>There's a knock at the door
>Hear Rex walk over and open it
>You hear a high pitched scream
>"Anonymous! We have guests! Should I invite her in?"
Don't even think about it, Rex. Wait there.
>Roll off your bed and walk downstairs
>Fluttershy sees you coming and regains some composure
>"A-a-anon! There's a b-big scary monster in your house!"
>You look at her and smirk
Monster? All I see is Rex.
>Rex chuckles
>"Should I eat her, Anon?"
Can Diamond Dogs do that?
>"Sure, we eat meat all the time"
Go for it
>Rex bares his teeth and growls at Fluttershy, who screams and flies away crying
>You and Rex laugh, despite the ringing in your ears
>He turns to you
>"So. What shall we do today then? Search for a house or hit the bar?"
Uhh. House first. Then bar.
>He grins, showing you his sharp looking teeth. They gleam in the sunlight.
>"Perfect"
>As you both walk towards Town Hall to organise accomidation for your Canine friend, you glance at him, taking in every part of his body, now shown in full sunlight and not the murky dim light of the bar
>As before, he stands just below your head height, his arms slightly longer than yours, and his whole body covered in light brown fur
>He wears a simple blue jacket, which looks like it's made of denim. You wouldn't be surprised. 
>Fucking Equestrian similarities
>He's also wearing some red shorts made of a simple looking fabric, held up with a rope belt and covered in grime
>He catches you looking
>"What?"
Man, don't take this the wrong way, but you need a shower something fierce
>He growls
>"I smell just fine"
>He passes some flowers
>They wilt slightly
Woah.
>You both carry on towards the Mayor's office
>Ponies stare at you both
>You imagine that you must look pretty strange
>A Diamond Dog and an Alien just strutting through town
>Fuck the police
>You enter town hall and march straight up to the mare
>She takes one look at you both and freezes
>There's silence between you three for a while
>She finally gathers the courage to speak
>"Is this is? Have I gone mad?"
Close. Could you please give this Diamond Dog a house?
>"What's in it for me?"
I'll vote for you next term
>"Done"
>With that you dust your hands together and lead a very confused Rex out of the Town Hall
>He stammers
>"I-is that normal, for Ponies and Humans? I'm afraid I don't understand"
>Pat on the back
Rex, my friend. We have the advantage of being really weird. We just abused that fact to get you a house for free. Don't complain about that.
>He accepts this answer and his face returns to it's normal, confident grin
>"So, Anon. What are you ponies around here like?"
Do you want me to lie, or tell the truth?
>He thinks for a second
>"Lie first, then truth"
>You laugh
Everyone around here is a deep, thoughtful individual who will challenge your intellect at every turn.
>He grins toothily
>"And the truth?"
You're far and above the most interesting pony I've met since I got here
>"But I'm not a pony"
Exactly
>You both laugh like idiots in town square, everyone around you staring at you in a confused manner
>A cream coloured mare with a blue and pink mane shakes her head and carries on walking
>"This village will be the death of me...
>You turn down the alleyway on the way to the bar, bits in your pocket and spirits high
Hey Rex, how did you pay for drinks last night, anyway?
>"I didn't. I opened a tab."
Oooh, those are risky, man. You'll need to clear it before-
>A dustbin explodes and a yellow pegasus holding a gun emerges from it, a banana peel on her head
>"S-stop! Or I'll shoot!"
>Rex cocks his head
>"What's that?"
Water Pistol, by the looks of it
>"Is it dangerous?"
Do you like water?
>"I'm indifferent"
You'll be fine.
>Fluttershy points the water pistol at the two of you, whilst you both wait for her to do something
>You fold your arms 
>Rex scratches his butt
>Fluttershy starts sweating
>"N-now. I want you both t-to stop hanging out! Anon is umm. Mine."
>Rex looks crestfallen
>"I see... I'm sorry, Anon. I had no idea you belonged to this pony."
>You explode into laughter
>Your sides hurt like hell after a while
>Rex looks at you in bewilderment and Fluttershy stammers
>"S-stop laughing right now, mister!"
>Rex looks between you both
>"I don't understand what's going on. Is this a human thing?"
>You stand up, using the wall as a crutch
Oh god, that's hilarious. No, Rex, Fluttershy doesn't "own" me. She's just crazy.
>He brightens up
>"Oh, ok then."
>He smiles at her
>"Oh, I recognise you. You were at Anon's house this morning! A pleasure to meet you!"
>He extends a paw
>She squirts him in the face
>"GAAH! IT BURNS!"
>He flails around and runs into a wall, falling back and clutching his face
>Fluttershy starts crying
>"I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY!"
>She moves around so much the bin she's in topples over, slamming to the floor and ejecting Fluttershy, who is covered in banana peels and a few mice
>You look towards Rex
>"OOOH UNDERGODS HELP ME. I'VE BEEN ASSUALTED! LEND ME YOUR AID!"
>You sit down and hold your head in your hands, laughing until you can laugh no more
>30 minutes later you look around at the alley
>There's trash everywhere, Rex is unconscious, Fluttershy is playing with the mice from the bin and you are wondering how this is your life
>You sigh and walk over to Fluttershy
>She smiles up at you
>"H-hi, Anon. Look at what Mister Mousey can do!"
>The mouse does a tapdance
>It's amazing
>You shake your head and crouch down so that you're eye level with her
Please stop doing this
>"W-what?"
Harassing me. I just want to live my life in peace. Can't you give me that?
>"I'm not harassing you if I'm showing you my love!"
>You stare at her
>She stares at you
>After a while she moves her hoof blindingly fast and pushes your nose
>"Boop!"
>You can't help but chuckle
>You go over to Rex, leaving Fluttershy and her mouse friends to play in the trash
>Prod him
>"..uhh... What happened? Did the gods come to my aid?"
I never took you for a religious type, Rex.
>"No one's religious until they can find a way to make god work in their favour."
>You stare at him
I think that's the smartest thing you've ever said
>You help him to his feet, still grumbling about gods and unholy water
Come on, Rex. Lets go get you drunk.
>You enter the tavern, telling Fluttershy to go home and take a shower on the way in
>She doesn't listen, too wrapped up with her new mouse friends
>You and Rex spend the rest of the day telling the entire tavern tales of how you and Rex held of a horde of giant rats armed with unholy water, and how the gods themselves came to your aid
>It probably wasn't true. But alcohol makes everything real
>Later that night, you both say good night to the tavern and leave, supporting each other's weight as you make it back to your house
>Rex collapses on your sofa again and you can't even be bothered going upstairs so you collapse on the floor next to him
>You're glad you met Rex
>He's such a bro
>It was to be expected, really.
>The laws of the universe are absolute
>Dogs really are a Man's best friend.

The End.