Originally uploaded to Pastebin: January 11th, 2013 --- Got bored as fuck one day. Asked for requests to satiate my lust for writing. Got these: "fluttershy is a unicorn instead of pegasus?" And "This was posted in AiE but didn't take off. Anon is a superhero. Anon's powerset includes: Accurately tell the weight of any object. Can tell the last time someone had sex by scent. He can read a persons mind by inserting his tongue into their anus. He can talk to crustaceans." WELL SHIT THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. Both were Anonymous posters, so I can't credit any names. But they can live their lives knowing that they caused this travesty to appear ------------------------------------- >Day Justice Toast in Equestria >You are Anon >Or as you are better known as: >Anon >Saviour of Ponyville >You wake up in your house and smell the air >Smells like crime >Run out your bedroom and downstairs, pulling your bright blue cape off the door as you go >Sit at the table and pour a bowl of Criminal Flakes >"The Number One Breakfast for those with intent to break the law" >Gotta eat like a criminal to think like a criminal to beat criminals >Finish eating it and stroll to your front door >Strike a pose as you breathe in the morning air >A nearby pony climaxes at the sight of you >Smile >Stroll down the path into Ponyville, waving to mares who then orgasm violently >One of them was on a ladder when it happened, falling onto a small foal and hospitalising him. >He was probably breaking the law anyway >Reach the town hall and walk up to the Mayor's office >Punch open the door >"DAMMIT, ANON! THAT'S THE Nyeaagh..." >The mayor takes a moment to finish creaming herself >"Thats... THAT'S THE 5TH DOOR THIS WEEK" Justice stops for no door. >"Shut up. I have a job for you." >She throws a folder onto the table >You pick it up and study it >"She calls herself the "Fetishiser". Think you can handle it?" She'll learn soon enough not to mess with the law, Ma'am. >"Whatever. Just sort it out. She's scaring away tourists" >Stroll towards the shattered door >"Oh, and Anon?" >Turn around and strike another pose Yes, Ma'am? >"Marry me." No can do, Ma'am. >Walk out the door. Criminals await. >After you get to the Fetishiser's lair of evil you punch the door off it's hinges >The room is dark, save for a chair >The chair turns around and the lights come on >Fluttershy is sat there stroking a pissed off looking Angel >"Ahh, m-mister Anon. I've been expecting you!" Fluttershy... Where is the Fetishiser? >She chuckles and takes off her hat, releaving a large horn >Then then puts on an eyepatch and draws a moustache over her lip with a black marker >"I AM THE FETISHISER!" FLUTTERSHY! YOU TRAITOR! I TRUSTED YOU! >"Well you need to pick better allies, Anon. Now suffer my wrath!" >She picks up a nearby otter with magic and throws it at you, the otter screeching in fear whilst in flight >You quickly judge that the otter weighs about 9.5 kilograms and catch it with both hands, placing it on the floor and nudging it away with your foot >"Impressive! But see how you can handle THIS!" >She charges up her horn again and in a flash she's in a supervillain outfit >"Are costumes your fetish, Anon?" >You clutch your rapidly growing boner and drop to the floor in agony Y-you bastard... >"HA HA HA!! I've found your weakness, now there's nothing that can stop me!" >She walks over to you and strokes your face, leaning down and licking you >You can't let her win >Lives and public decency laws depend on it! >You let out a roar and push her away >She squeals >"Impossible! I've found your fetish! I won!" >Glare down at her Sorry, Fluttershy. But I'm already taken. >"By who?!" >You draw back a fist and channel all your strength into it JUSTICE. >You let loose and slam your fist into her jaw, unleashing a shockwave that shatters all the windows in the house, cracks the floorboards and sends Fluttershy flying backwards through her wall and into a tree outside >You sigh >Another day, another victory >Walk out of the Fluttershy shaped hole and up to the tree >Fluttershy is slumped against it >You stand over her and strike a pose >The postmare flying above you at the time faints and crashes into a lake >Fluttershy groans >"D-did we have sex?" No. >"Oh..." >She tries to laugh, but ends up coughing What's so funny? >"Y-you may have defeated me... But my master... He will be the end of you..." >Your eyes widen >Of course she wasn't working alone. No single pony could orchestrate such a wave of terror >Pick her up and slam her against the tree, her head hitting the bark hard WHERE IS HE? >"Ouch... Never start with the head, the victim gets all... Fuzzy..." >Slam her again WHERE IS HE?! >Fluttershy laughs >"You... You have... NOTHING. To threaten me with..." >She cackles again >Time to take drastic measures >You spin her upside down so that her face is parallel with your crotch >"O-oh my~" >You pin her against the tree and push aside her tail >You lick you lips >And plunge your tongue deep inside her anus >Fluttershy's thoughts fill your own >Fetish attempts, childhood trauma, flight camp, past colt/mare/bearfriends >But you're searching for something else >Something... >THERE. >Fluttershy has many memories of her talking to a mysterious figure in Town Hall nearly every day >That's where you're going >You pull your tongue out of her anus, much to her displeasure and drop her on the floor >"P-please put it back..." No. >You run down the path and into Ponyville, trying to get the taste out of your mouth >You get to the town hall and kick open the main doors >Twilight Sparkle screams, the doors narrowly missing her >"A-Anon! W-what are you doing here?" Superhero stuff. Can't chat >"W-WAIT! Umm..." >You look at her Yes? Come on Twilight, I have Justice to serve. >"D-do you want to go out on a date?" A date. Really? >"Yes!" Uhh. No thanks, Twilight. >"Why? Come on, Anon! It'll be fun!" No. I have work to do. >"You're missing out! I'm a virgin!" >You stare at her >She looks back with bedroom eyes >"Don't you want to sleep with an innocent little virgin?" >You smell the air >Pick up Twilight >She struggles not to orgasm right there >You take a deep whiff of her mane >Drop her Liar. >Twilight looks at you, shocked >"W-what?!" You last had sex when you were... Uhh. 5. Eww. >She looks down, ashamed >"My big brother and I were close..." >Without stopping to talk about childhood incest adventures, you run up the stairs towards the Mayor's office >You notice that the door is already open >Well that won't do >You smile at the mayor, who's giving you a "what the hell are you doing" face >You politely shut the door >Wait for about 3 seconds >The kick that mother fucker open >"DAMMIT, ANON! THAT'S THE 6TH DOOR THIS WEEK!" Miss Mayor, the real culprit is in this very building! The Fetishiser was working for someone higher up! >The Mayor chuckles darkly >"Why, of course she was, Anon." >She pulls a top hat out from under her desk and puts in on, as well as taking out her now aparently false teeth, replacing them with a new set, made completely out of gold Son of a bitch. It was you all along! >The Mayor laughs But why, Mayor? >"Don't call me the Mayor. Call me-" >She strikes a pose, good enough to rival yours >"THE MAYOR" >You wince >Dat name >2good4you >You crack your knuckles >The Mayor cracks her hooves >What. >She pounces on you before you can react and starts licking your face >Her costume had already given you a boner the likes of which you'd never seen, but you had to prevail, the world is depending on you! >She's too strong though >There's only one thing to do >You close your eyes and begin to hum >The Mayor stops, still weighing you down >"What are you... No- NO!" >She scrambles off you, a panic-stricken look on her face >Your hums get louder until you reach the highest note you can, and then: CREATURES OF SHELL AND CLAW! LEND ME YOUR AID! >The Mayor screams in terror as the walls, ceiling and floor explode >Thousands upon thousands of Crabs, Lobsters and Hermits crawl out of the holes in the room, flooding it with sea water and the smell of rotting carcasses >The sounds of ten thousand clacking claws drown out the Mayor's screams as the horde of deep-sea life descends on her, ripping her limb from limb >The entire time you have been striking a pose and performing the loudest soprano opera you can. >After 30 more seconds the Crustaceans crawl back into the walls, leaving the office a soggy, bloodsoaked and utterly trashed mess >You look down at the tattered remains of the Mayor's Top Hat >You slowly pick it up and look around the office >A thought crosses your mind >You hold the hat up to the light and think for a while >With the Mayor gone, crime and villainy will rule this town >In order for there to be order, someone will have to take charge >Someone must always be in charge >You walk over to the Mayor's desk, slowly sitting down and facing the door >You raise the hat over your body and lower it onto your head >Lightning crackles from your fingers and your eyes glow blue >The office becomes alive with magic, the damage repairing itself and the smell of death disappearing >The plaque on the wall changes >The name goes from Mayor Mare to Anon >A pony with tied back hair walks into the room, and sees you wearing a bloodstained top hat >"What-" Tell them only that the old Mayor is dead. And that Anon the superhero died with her. >She runs back out screaming >You place your hands on the desk and grimace at your new destiny There must always be- A MAYOR OF PONYVILLE The End