>Be Fifth Wheel, an earth mare with mediocre looks and crap talent.
>That would be a recipe to spending rest of your days struggling to get accepted into even least picky herds, however one day you stumbled upon this mail-order husband thing.
>Normally you'd brush it off as an obvious scam, but you were desperate at that point.
>You filled that dumb personality test for best match and sent it.
>When you actually had your 'package' arrive you just plopped down on your tushie in surprise.
>Instead of meek and subby husbando you wished for you got a towering slab of muscle, with several scars and even some strange tattoos.
>There had to be some kind a mistake...
>But... It's not like- 
>It's not like you could send him back, right?
>He spoke in broken equish and often got into angry rants about something called 'Chechens', whatever that might be.
>On the other hoof, he kinda grew on you. Daily pets and snuggling were divine and he was a rather inventive cook.
>The dishes weren't exquisite in the slightest, but by Celestia, he could turn practically anything into a serviceable meal.
>In a week you moved from junk food to healthiest diet you've had in decades!
>However your husband takes special pleasure in spoiling you every now and then.
>Today was one of these days, and he's been hard at work in the kitchen for the last half-an-hour, teasing your olfactory senses something fierce.
>Sudden ruckus rips you from your daydream.
>"HAY!"
>That's a mare's voice! Some clit-for-brains is trying to steal your husbando right from your kitchen!
>"NO! BAD! NO TOUCHING BLINI!"
>*BWANG!*
>You buck the kitchen door open but there are no perpetrators in sight.
>Anon grumpily looks out the window that is swung wide open. There's a slightly dented pan in his hand.
>"So this fast blue dog comrades warned me about."
>There are some cerulean feathers on the floor, which he promptly cleans up and dumps into the trashcan.
>Well that's a problem that took care of itself! You'll have to keep a closer eye on the windows from now on, though...
>But what's more important, you're getting treated to pancakes with honey today!

>Meanwhile, be much more purple and stern.
>Be Tempest the Traumatized Plum.
>You gave that stupid mail-order husband thing a shot and look how it turned out.
>Thin as a rail, easily spooked with barely any spine to him.
>To his credit he was really conscientious, whatever you ordered he carried out, or tried to, to the best of his ability.
"Upsies. Now."
>"Yes, ma'am!"
>You're picked up and held against warm and cozy chest.
>Even though you can hear your husband's heart picking up the tempo, he maintains perfect composure.
>Colt like that definitely needed a strong hoof in his life.
>You're going to forge him into a battlespouse that the most elite guardsmares can only dream of...

>Be Peetzer Pony, Princess of Pink, Pairings and Preoccupation, scrying on your two latest clients.
>Despite letting this mix-up happen - a major blunder on your part - it seems to be working out, somehow.
>Love truly is a powerful force.