Originally uploaded to Pastebin: June 24th, 2013
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What's that? You want to read a story about your favourite rainbow-maned flyer? 
Tough shit. You get this. The brainchild of 600 seconds of writing time and a cup of luke-warm tea.


I'm so sorry.
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>Day Stupidity in Equestria
>Wake up
>Shit, Shower, Shave
>Plod downstairs
>Fluttershy is already sat in your kitchen, drinking some early morning coffee and yawning
>She blinks slowly, reflecting her tired demeanour
"Already? I've not even had breakfast yet."
>'Shy yawns, a sleepy smile forming on her face
>"Good morning... I decided to get up early for today's attempt."
"Which is?"
>She hops off her seat and beckons for you to follow her
>"Come on, handsome. Let me show you."
>Groan
>Grab an apple from your fruit bowl and follow her, chewing on it whilst trying to wake yourself up faster
>Outside is a massive catapult
>"Could you please get in?"
"Hell no. That thing looks dangerous."
>"Please? I assure you that it's totally safe--"
>The moment she says the word "safe", a rope on the catapult snaps for seemingly no reason
>A piece of wood shatters and flies off due to the sudden release of strain the rope had on it
>It passes straight through your skull and into the open front door
>Your body drops to the floor before you even know what's going on
>Fluttershy is stunned
"DON'T WORRY, ANON! I'LL SAVE YOU!"
>Fluttershy looks up
>Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in all of Equestria, honorary Wonderbolt, President of the Rainbow Dash club and Vice President of the Ponyville chess team (?) was watching the whole time
>Upon seeing Anon's untimely death, you knew what you must do
>Quick as a flash, you take off towards the horizon, your wings carrying you as fast as you can go
>You reach the shores of the Great Western Sea and narrow your eyes, picking up speed over the completely open terrain
>Within moments you reach supersonic speeds, an explosion resonating across the skies of Equestria, temporarily parting the water below you as you surge forwards
>Just then, your father's voice speaks in your head
>"Dashie. Remember what I taught you. You must fulfil your destiny!"
>You sniff and fight back your tears
"I-I will, father!"
>The voice of your old mentor, Sensei Zoom Gofast joins your father's
>"Dasho-san. Yoooou must be strong like turtle--"
Tortoise
>"Whatever. Yoooou must be strong like old sturdy lizard, but fast like arrow. Wax on wax off, Dashie-san"
"I remember, Sensei!"
>Gilda's voice then joins his
>"Yo, Dash. You still like girls, right?"
"No."
>"Oh... Okay..."
>You shake your head and concentrate on going faster
>Channelling your inner duck, you hit Mach 2
>You can no longer hear anything. Sound has ceased to grace your ears as you begin your rapid acceleration to speeds unknown
>The world ahead of your becomes a blur, all the colours moulding together to form a mass of bright smears
>A little Dashie dressed in Aviator glasses pops up next to your shoulder
>She speaks as if she just inhaled a fuckton of helium
>"Dashie! The portal! You don't have much time!"
>Another Dashie in a pirate outfit appears over your other shoulder
>"Arrrr! Tha handsome lass ain't joshin' ye, Dash! Ye must go faster than ye've ever gone before!"
"But... But what if I can't?"
>"YE MUST, LASS! THE FATE OF ANONYMOUS RESTS SOLELY WITH YE!"
>They both disappear and you grit your teeth
>As predicted, your speeds have not only carried you to the stratosphere, but you are also travelling 4x the speed of light. Because you're Rainbow Dash. And these speeds are only possible when you are thrown in to the equation
>A huge rip in the fabric of spacetime opens before you
>You rush into it
>Large metal objects adorned in bright lights zoom past you as you careen forwards through a infinitely long tunnel towards a bright light
>Your eyes widen
"My god. It's full of cars."
>The light engulfs you

>Be Anon
"Hell no. That thing looks dangerous."
>A massive explosion rocks the entire planet as Rainbow Dash, Lord General of the Imaginary Armies of the Dreamscape, hurtles out of an unknown dimension
>She's surrounded by fire, wearing giant orange pointy sunglasses, and is playing a sick guitar riff as she travels
>Though you're not sure how you actually saw all that, because she was travelling at quantum speeds
>She draws back her guitar and slams it into Fluttershy so hard she simply ceases to exist. All memories of the pony formerly known as 'Fluttershy' are erased from reality. All photos that once pictured her are altered so that she isn't there, everything that she ever interacted is bent around her ever being real
>Rainbow Dash does like, 980 backflips before she slides along the floor in front of you
>She flashes you a grin
>"Hey there, Hotstuff. Hows about you and I go back to my place and party like it's the 1600's."
"NO."
>Run back inside
>Slam your front door
>Draw pictures of dicks on your plates in magic marker for the rest of the day
>Fucking Rainbow "Danger" Dash.

The End