Originally uploaded to Pastebin: August 3rd, 2013
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>Swing the hammer down on the post one more time.
>Straighten up and place your hands on your hips, smiling a tired smile.
>The sign you just finished driving into the ground should work just fine.
>'SOVEREIGN TERRITORY OF THE HUMAN RACE. ALL EQUINES FUCK OFF.'
>Glance at the footnote below it.
>'Zebras are cool though.'
>Smile.
"Perfect."
>Turn to walk back to your house, which lies on the outskirts of Ponyville, away from any other houses.
>Just the way you liked it.
>Take a step forward.
>Trip over a rock.

>"FUCKING SHITTY ROCKS CONSPIRING AGAINST ME I BET YOU WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT DON'T YOU, YOU SACK OF SHIT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!"
>The girls all sigh from their view in the undergrowth at the border of the Everfree Forest.
"Isn't he wonderful?"
>Fluttershy squeaks.
>Rarity sighs again.
>Rainbow Dash licks her lips.
>Applejack chuckles.
>Pinkie Pie giggles.
>You stare intently at the alien, currently attempting to drag the rock off his territory.
>With great difficulty.
>Applejack whistles.
>"Hoo-ey! He's a strong'n, ain't he?"
>Rarity purrs.
>"I'd like to feel his strong arms around me... Oh, I can't take it!"
>She turns to you.
>"What do you think we should do, Twilight?"
>That takes you aback.
"What do you mean?"
>"Well we can't just sit here day after day and watch him, Twilight! We have to... 'Encourage' him to find a partner! Somep0ny who will love him!... Possibly me."
>Tap your chin with a hoof.
"So... What are we supposed to do? I don't think he's too into ponies, Rarity."
>Rarity scoffs.
>"Come come! I'm sure with a bit of a push he would gladly take up somep0ny's hoof!"
>She wraps a leg around your shoulders and nods towards the human, now done with slinging the "Imperialist" rock off his territory.
>"Think about it, Twilight. Those muscular arms wrapped around you. Keeping you warm. Keeping you safe. Those chiselled features smiling at you and making you breakfast in bed. That glorious body leaning over you as you go to sleep and whispering in your ear... 'I love you, Rarity...'"
"Wait, what?"
>Rarity's eyes flutter open.
>"Hm? Oh, ahhh. Nothing."
>She coughs into her hoof and returns to spying on Anon.
>Fluttershy is next to speak.
>"W-what if somep0ny just goes over and talks to him?"
>That surprises you.
"Fluttershy! That's a great idea! Why don't you go over?"
>"Umm... N-no... I wasn't talking about me..."
>Of course.
>Rainbow Dash clears her throat.
>Everyone turns to her.
>"I think it's time for the Dash to get a piece of that ass. If you know what I'm saying."
>Pinkie Pie raises her hoof and cocks her head.
>"Umm, yeah, Pinkie?"
>"I don't know what you're saying. Anon isn't a donkey!"
>"...Right. I'm gonna go. Watch and learn, ladies."
>She bolts out of the bush and towards Anon.

>Glare at the rock, now outside your territory.
"I'm fucking watching you, rock."
>The rock plays dumb.
"Don't give me the silent treatment, you son of a bitch. I'm fucking on to you."
>Drop to all four so that you're on eye level with it.
>Peer closer at the jagged edges.
"What's your game, rock? What are you hiding?"
>"I'm hiding my love for you, Anon!"
>HOLY SHIT THE ROCK CAN TALK.
>Hear a laugh behind you.
>AND NOW ITS A VENTRILOQUIST.
>"Anon! You are -so- funny!"
>Oh wait.
>Stand up and turn around.
>That's not a rock. That's a Rainbow Dash.
>"So. Whatcha doin?"
"Protecting the borders. Which you appear to have crossed."
>Rainbow looks at the grass between you both and snickers.
>"You serious, Anon?"
"Yes."
>Rainbow starts laughing on her back in the air.
>"You are -so- funny!"
"You've already said--"
>"Got any plans for today?"
"...No. Seriously. Get the fuck off my land."
>Rainbow gives you a friendly punch to the shoulder.
>"It's not YOUR land, Dingus. It's everyp0ny's."
"Well now it's mine."
>"You can't just take land, you dodo."
"I just did."
>Rainbow groans.
>"Look, you wanna get outta here? I wanna show you something."
>She winks.
>"I just know you'll love it."
"Is it your Daring Do collection?"
>"Nope!"
"Daring Do bedspread?"
>"Nuh uh!"
"Daring Do tattoo between your legs?"
>"OOooh! How do you know about that, big boy?"
>She winks slyly and hovers closer.
>"You been peeking?"
"You sent me pictures like, a week ago."
>"...Didja like 'em?"
"No."
>"Why not?"
"You're a horse. And also I could smell something really weird on the photos."
>Rainbow Dash smiles at you.
>It's really fucking creepy.
>"Soo uuhh. Wanna see it again?"
"No. How many times do I have to say it? AND GET THE FUCK OFF MY PROPERTY!"
>Rainbow backs off.
>"Alright! Alright! But uhh, there's something you should know..."
"What."
>"It's just that-- SURPRISE TACKLE!"
>She dives at your chest and knocks you down, knocking the wind out of you.
>Rainbow lies on top of you and licks her lips.
>"Hey Anon. I'm feeling really hot at the moment... Maybe you can help me with that..."
>She leans forwards and licks the tip of your nose, pulling back and giving you the ol' bedroom eyes.
"Yeah. No."
>Grab the pony and stand back up, despite Rainbow's best efforts to keep you down.
>She squirms in your grip.
>"B-but I knocked you down! You're supposed to be helpless as I have my way with you!"
"Not in this story, asshole."
>Pull back and hurl the pony as hard as you can away from you.
>She sails across the road and into a bush facing your house.
>Dust your hands off and walk back to your deckchair set up outside the house.
>Protecting this land is hard work.

>"aaaaaaaaAAAAAH!"
>Rainbow Dash crashes into Applejack, sending them both barrelling backwards into a tree.
>You wince and trot over.
"Are you okay, girls?"
>Rainbow groans.
>"Okay... He might be harder to get than I imagined..."
>Help her up, Rarity taking care of Applejack.
>AJ mutters a thank you as Rarity wipes the mud off her face with a handkerchief.
"So what now?"
>Rarity puts on her smuggest look.
>"We simply need to persist, darling."
>She turns to Pinkie Pie.
>"Pinkie? What do you say? Think you can handle our handsome object of desire?"
>Pinkie salutes.
>"Yes ma'am!"
>She beams and stares at Rarity.
>Your eyes dart between the two.
"Uhh, Pinkie? Are ya gonna go or what?"
>"Ooooh, THAT'S what I was doing! Okay!"
>She's gone in a flash.
>The girls return to watching the hapless human.
"This oughta be good..."
>Lie back on your deckchair and put your hands behind your head.
>Sigh happily.
>This is the life.
>You were sick of these ponies the day you arrived. And made it your goal to have as little to do with them as possible.
>Sneaking over to the farm to watch Applejack plant her tiny seeds will soon pay off.
>In a few months, you expect that the independent nation of New Earth will have it's own sustainable produce production plant.
>But for now, you rest.
>...Right up until your sun is blocked out.
>When you open your eyes, a pair of huge blue ovals and a smile as wide as a mile are looking down at you.
>Great.
>"Hi Anon!"
"Pinkie Pie."
>"Sooo whatcha doooin?"
"Trying to get some sun. Now please get off my property."
>"Nope!"
>Sit up.
"I said, get off my property!"
>"Nnnnnopey dopey!"
>She grins at you.
>Glare at her.
"Seriously. I'll use deadly force if I have to."
>"Go ahead!"
>This mare.
>Bring back your hand and slap her across the face.
>She falls backwards, the cardboard cutout now smiling up at the sky.
>"Silly! I'm over here!"
>Huff and lie back down.
"Just go away, Pinkie. I want to sleep and dream about the future of my nation..."
>"But wouldn't you rather come with me to sugarcube corner and help me make cookies?"
"No."
>She goes quiet.
>Thankfully.
>Feel a hoof prod your face.
>Pinkie leans in and whispers in your ear.
>"Hey, Anon."
"What."
>"When I said 'make cookies'"
>She pauses.
>"I really meant have sex!"
"That's fuckin' disgusting, Pinkie!"
>"No it's not! It's super fun!"
>Her eyes widen.
>"Just imagining your pulsating rocket thrusting into my glory hole makes me feel soooo hot!"
>Gawk at her.
"What the fuck, horse?!"
>"Pleeeeease? Just once? I promise it'll be fun!"
"I... Fucking... You-- NO! No, that's not happening."
>Get off your deckchair and pick her up.
>She slips through your hands as though she was covered in oil.
"STOP THAT!"
>"You'll have to screw me first!"
"NO!"
>Decide to roll her off your land.
>She giggles while you nudge her belly with your foot.
>"Hey, Anon! How did you know rough play was what turned me on!"
"Oh god these words aren't supposed to come out of your mouth!"
>"Why not?"
"I'd expect this shit from Rainbow, but not you!"
>She ponders while rolling over and over.
>"So is anal your fetish?"
>Try not to hurl.
>"Aaaaaaanon!"
>Pick up the pace, eager to get her away from you as soon as possible.
>"Anon I want you inside me! It'll be like a party! But with more sex and less cake!"
>She "hrrrms".
>"Unless you -want- cake... DO YOU WANT CAKE WHILE WE F--"
"NOOO!"
>Kick her as hard as you can, her body emitting a squeak as she is launched away like a large inflatable beach ball, seemingly oblivious to the pain she should be feeling.
>"Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!"

>Watch as Pinkie sails through the air much slower than she should.
>She stops above the bush and floats down, coming to a stop next to you.
"Uhhh--"
>"He's a grumpy pants, that's for sure! He didn't even want a piece of my birthday cake!"
"But you don't have any--"
>Rarity covers your mouth with a hoof.
>"She was talking about her vagina, darling."
"...Oh."
>Pinkie bounces away, humming.
"So who's next? Applejack! Howabout you?"
>Applejack blushes.
>"Who, me? Oh uhh, n-no thanks, Twilight."
>Everyone stares at her, even Pinkie, who bounces backwards to do so.
>Fluttershy speaks up in a small voice.
>"You... Don't want to try and get Anon, Applejack?"
>AJ starts getting flustered.
>"W-well it's not like ah don't want... Anon... But ah'm just not feelin' up to it."
>She scrunches up her face and her eyes start darting around.
>Narrow your own.
"Applejack--"
>Rarity steps forwards.
>"Now now, Twilight. If Applejack is feeling under the weather, who are we to force her?"
>She strides up to AJ and starts dabbing the sweat on her brow away with a napkin.
>Applejack develops a small smile at the treatment.
>"Thanks... Rarity."
>"Not at all, Applejack!"
>She walks back to you, and you catch Applejack's eyes following her.
>Giggle to yourself.
"So, if not Applejack, then who?"
>A hoof pokes your side.
>"I-If you wouldn't mind... I'd like to umm... Try..."
>Smile at Fluttershy.
"Well alright then! Good luck, Fluttershy!"
>She squeaks and begins her trek towards Anonymous, who is still in his deckchair, looking revolted. No doubt because of what Pinkie Pie said to him.
>Call after her.
"Good luck!"

>"Good luck!"
>Sit up.
"The fuck was that?"
>"Th-the heck was what?"
>Look to the side.
>Fluttershy bears a meek smile behind her mane.
"No."
>"What?"
>Pick her up and begin walking towards the border.
>"Oh Anon! You're so assertive!"
>She shudders and you begin to feel wet on your arm.
>"I-I like assertive stallions..."
>Throw her over the border and stroll back to your deck chair.
>"A-anon! Wait!"
>Turn to see her fly over the border.
>Your blood boils as the sight of her so easily disregarding New Earth law.
>"Just give me a chance! I can cook!"
"So can I."
>"I can clean!"
"So can I."
>"I can give you a great hoofjob!"
"So can... Wait, no I can't."
>"S-so is that confirmation of love?"
>Waggle your fingers and wave your hands.
"I got these, Fluttershy. I don't need you--"
>She's suckling on your fingers.
>Pull them out of your mouth and wipe them on her coat.
"Leave, or I'll ruin you."
>"Oh my~"
"Not like that, you filthy bastard. Just leave. NOW."
>Fluttershy stares at the ground.
>"N-no."
"What was that?"
>"I said. No."
>She locks eyes with you, a grim look of determination on her face
>"I get rejected, you get... Umm..."
>Raise an eyebrow.
>"Umm... What rhymes with rejected?"

>Fluttershy crashes into Applejack.
>"CONSARNET, WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENIN' TO ME?!"
>You help Fluttershy up and Rarity wipes the mud from Applejack's face, who immediately calms down.
>"There you are, Applejack! You look good as new!"
>Rarity uses magic to slightly readjust Applejack's hat.
>Who in turn blushes a deep shade of red.
>Fluttershy sighs and sits down next to Rainbow, who is sulking.
>You assess the situation.
"Okay! So we've tried Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. Who's next?"
>Rarity smiles and turns to you.
>"Why not you, darling?"
"I uhh, well. I would need to research him before I attempt any field tests into courting--"
>"Twilight."
"Yes?"
>"Just get out there and be yourself! It'll be fine!"
"I... Really don't want to, Rarity. I'm too nervous..."
>"Pssh! Fluttershy did it!"
"But--"
>"No buts. If you wish, I shall show you all how it's done. A lady such as myself is a true master of courting males. It's all about grace and stroking their ego."
>She lowers her voice to a near whisper.
>"Among other things..."
>She clears her throat.
>"Would that make you feel any better?"
"I guess, if you feel that you can do it. But I dunno if you--"
>"Ah ah ah! Say no more."
>Rarity strokes her mane and smiles.
>"Watch and learn, girls! Observe the master at work!"
>Pry the top off a bottle of apple juice and gulp it down.
>The midday sun can really sap your energy.
>But you have to remain vigilant against the bloodthirsty war-bands waiting to ransack your fair nation.
>Squint and see something approaching your border from the Everfree Forest.
>My god. It's already begun.
>Stand up and prepare the meet the invader.
>A loud clear voice rings across the road and to your ears, making you tense up.
>"Yoo hoo! Anonymooous!"
>Shit. Not her.
>Rarity, her face bearing a smirk, trots up to you and stops at your feet, gazing up at you.
>"Good morning, handsome!"
"Uhhh. What?"
>She giggles.
>"Can't take a compliment, I see! How are you feeling?"
"Pretty good, I guess. I've fended off three ponies today."
>Narrow your eyes.
"Though it looks like that might change to four."
>Rarity's smile doesn't falter.
>"But why on earth would you want to remove moi? We might be able to... Help each other..."
"...How?"
>She begins circling you, taking in every part of your body while you stand still and follow her movements closely.
>"Well. A tall, handsome, strong male such as yourself no doubt has... Needs. And I'm sure that someone as ah, attractive, as myself might, perhaps, supplement your needs?"
>She ends it with a seductive wink.
"I would do, but I don't have any money, sorry."
>Her eye twitches, and you struggle not to laugh.
>"Ha... Ha... That was very funny! But really now, I'm sure we can help each other out if you just let me into your home. Maybe we can talk business there... Perhaps somewhere more..."
>She leans in.
>"Quiet?"
>Another wink.
>Ponder the idea of boning a horse.
>Nothing doing, captain.
"Sorry, I'm going to have to decline."
>Her other eye twitches.
>"But why, darling? Am I not beautiful enough for you?"
>Look down at the make-up covered equine.
>Mental images of Shetland Ponies wearing mascara flash into your mind.
"Kinda?"
>She huffs.
>"Look. Anonymous. I am offering you a... VERY rare chance to sleep with Ponyville's most beautiful mare. A wise sta-- ah, man would take the chance in a heartbeat!"
"Wasn't it Fluttershy who became a model?"

>You nod slowly as you watch Rarity chase around Anonymous, levitating a large stick and shrieking.
>"FOUL, EVIL, ABHORRENT MONKEY!"
>Scribble down notes on some paper.
"Foul... Evil... Abhorrent..."
>Look back.
>Anonymous spins around, grabs the stick out of Rarity's magic field, and starts chasing her instead.
>He has reach though, so he manages to score a whip across Rarity's shapely bottom
>You hear the "thwhack" from here.
>Rarity howls in pain and retreats back to the bush.
>"ANOTHER VICTORY FOR MANKIND!"
>Rarity stomps back into the bushes and immediately launches in to a rant.
>"How could he not go for me. ME! He didn't even say I was beautiful!"
>At that, she pauses for a moment, then starts sobbing.
>"He said I was ugg-lee-hee-hee!"
>Applejack gingerly stokes her mane with a hoof.
>"Uhh, A-ah think you're pretty, Rarity."
>She hurls herself at Applejack's feet, crying even harder.
>"O-oh Applejack! You're always there for me when I need you! You're the best friend a pony could ever have!"
>Applejack tenses up.
>You see her expression fall slightly.
>"Happy ta' be here..."
>Rarity looks over at you.
>"T-twilight! You must avenge me! Go over there and win that human's heart in the name of Equestria! You must go!"
>Look down at your notes.
"O-okay. I think I got the gist of it. Wish me luck!"
>The girls cheer for you as you stride out of the bushes.
>Anon watches you come out of them, a stern look on his face.
>Gulp and stay the course.
"Just remember his strong arms, Twilight... You want this..."
>Come to a stop look at his sign.
>'SOVEREIGN TERRITORY OF THE HUMAN RACE. ALL EQUINES FUCK OFF.'
"Soo... Nice sign! Heh..."
>"Yup."
>He glares down at you, before looking towards the bush and nodding at it.
>"So that's where you all keep coming from."
"Oh, uhh. Yeah. Sorry about that... We just wanted to know if you--"
>"I know damn well what you want. And it isn't happening."
>This is going badly. Think Twilight, think!
>Remember the notes!
"Well... You should want to! You uhh foul, evil, abhorrent human!"
>He stares at you before snickering.
>Before you know it, he's laughing.
>Your heart starts beating.
>Is that it? Did you do it? Is this what a relationship is like?!
>Laugh with him.
>He calms down and smiles at you.
>"Heh. I'll admit it, that was kinda funny. But seriously. If you stay over there and not on my land, we'll get along just fine."
"Wasn't I the one that got you this house?"
>He strokes his chin.
>"I suppose."
"And since you've made all this land you territory, isn't that an act of invasion against Equestrian soil?"
>"Kinda?"
"Anon, I wouldn't annoy the princesses if I were you. Especially not Luna."
>You look around sheepishly and whisper.
"She still thinks we're still at war with the Seaponies."
>He chuckles at that.
>"Really now? Maybe I should ally with them and bring down the throne."
>Giggle.
"Oh Anon! You're such a joker..."
>"Ha ha. Yeah. Joker."
>Scrap the ground with a hoof.
"Soooo... Want to go grab a drink?"
>"Nope."
"O-oh. Why not?"
>"Because I don't want to date a horse."
>This isn't working.
>Take a deep breath.
>Lecture time.
"Anonymous. I know how hard it must be for you to be stranded here this world with no others like you to accompany you. I know our cultures, way of life and looks are scary to you and make you want to hide. And I know that you must lament the loss of your home each day. Even resorting to establishing your own 'empire' on Equestrian soil to try and keep the memory of your planet alive."
>His jaw slightly opens.
"But you need to move on. What's done is done and I don't know any more than you do if you're going to go home. So I'm offering you my friendship. Embrace us as a people and move past this scared mindset and barriers you've thrown up between us. Try and be happy Anon. Please! That's all I want."
>Put a hoof on his leg.
"And I'm here for you. I'm here to make your life here a little less painful. I want to get to know you, Anon. Not to have sex or use you as some kind of trophy coltfriend. I just want to know you for who you are. I want see you every day and know that you're happy. I want to see you talking to ponies as casually as you would with your own kind."
>He's staring at you unblinking.
"Please, Anonymous. Just be happy."
>Stare into his eyes.
"Do it for me. Do it for yourself."
>The two of you are silent for a few minutes.
>A breeze blows by, and the chirping of birds can be heard in the distance.
>Anon straightens up and gazes at the valley in which Ponyville sits.
>His face is locked in deep concentration, and you can almost hear him thinking.
>Eventually he bows his head and you see tears start streaking down his cheeks.
>He walks over to his sign and rips it out of the earth with a single hand before hurling it in a random direction
>Hear a distant "Consarnet!"
>Anon looks down at you, tears still apparent on his cheeks as he kneels down and wraps his arms around you, cradling you like a foal.
>You return the gesture and wrap your hooves around him in, enjoying the warmth of his body and the feeling of his big strong arms. Just like Rarity said they would be.

>Rainbow Dash sighs.
>"Welp, I guess that's that then. Twilight won. Aww hay... I was sure I had it in the bag..."
>Fluttershy sympathetically pats her on the back.
>"It's okay, Rainbow Dash! We can find you a nice stallion to spy on at the Ponyville construction yard."
>The two pegasi take flight, leaving Pinkie, Applejack and Rarity.
>Pinkie Pie salutes then bounces away towards Ponyville, singing.
>Applejack and Rarity are all that's left.
>Rarity turns to her southern-esque friend.
>"Well, Applejack! That settles that. I suppose I ought to congratulate Twilight on her well deserved victory."
>Applejack lets out a long breath and adjusts her hat.
>"Something wrong, Applejack?"
>AJ pounces on her and they go tumbling into a bush.
>The birds stop and stare the lewd act before them.
>Rarity's screams echo across the Everfree Forest as Applejack lets out years of pent up emotion.
>As for Anon and Twilight.
>They just carry on cuddling.
>He smiles into her fur, and she into his chest.
>Everything is going to be just fine.

The End