Originally uploaded to Pastebin: September 13th, 2013
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>Across the vast, ever-growing sandbox that is our universe, there are an untold number of super-clusters.
>These clusters are made up of millions upon millions of galaxies, much like our own.
>In those galaxies, trillions of stars.
>Around those stars, are worlds just like ours.
>How many of them support sentient life is a difficult question to answer, but the very knowledge that such life-abundant worlds exist raises a question that has plagued mankind for while.
>What is our purpose? Are we not unique in this seemingly infinite expanse that is our universe?
>Though this question has been asked more times than anyone can imagine, and the very nature of the question has become synonymous with pretentious college students spouting rhetoric they don't fully understand in an effort to sound more intelligent than they really are, the question still stands.
>As a species, what are we here for? Surely there must be some goal, some divine purpose for our existence? 
>If not, then what's the point of living?
>Though a morbid thought, it's comforting to rememb--
"AAAAAAAAARGH FUCKING HELL!"
>The water in your shower goes from a gentle warmth to a temperature not far from the centre of the sun in the space of a second.
>Steam begins to fill your smallish bathroom as you scream and hop around in a desperate attempt to somehow evade the torrent of scalding water.
>Cursing and flailing your arms around, you grip the shower curtain and hurl yourself out of the shower.
>Your shoulder takes the brunt of the force as you collide with the freezing cold tiles, eliciting yet another howl of anguish from you.
>Groan and peel your face off the floor, staggering over to the still running shower and turning it off.
>Wipe your face with a hand and sigh.
>Pulling on a shirt while you walk downstairs, you hear knock on the door.
>Shrug and stride over, opening it with an unamused expression.
>Look down.
>Fluttershy spits out what looks like a wrench.
>"Oh! Good, I thought that m-might work!"
>She giggles to herself and shifts excitedly.
"How did you--"
>"Good morning!"
"...Do that."
>"Ooh, umm. I found your plumbing."
>Her eyes dart to the side and back to you.
>Following her split-second action, you notice that your window is wide open.
>Rather than shouting, you instead fix her with your most menacing glare.
>"Aww! You look sooo cute when you're angry!"
"Fuck."
>"O-oh my. M-maybe later. First I want to show you something!"
>Your hand instinctively moves up to cover your eyes without you even thinking about it.
>"Not that! Please look... It's something I just know you'll like!"
"Nope."
>"Please? I went through all the trouble to steal it from Twilight..."
"Wait, what?"
>You remove your hand in a flash.
>Sure enough, Fluttershy tears the blanket off a largish object next to her.
"What the hell is that?"
>"I-It's a... Umm... Wait..."
>She turns her head to look at it and taps her chin thoughtfully.
>You're amazed by how well made this machine looks.
>Oh, hang on, no. That pinwheel is held in with chewing gum. Never mind.
>"That's right! It's a Fanon Fabricator!"
"Cool!"
>Fluttershy beams at you.
>...
"A what?"
>Fluttershy frowns at you.
>"A F-fanon Fabricator... I'm not too sure what it does either. But neither did Twilight so umm. Yes."
"How does Twilight not even know what it does?"
>"I don't know. The machine was surrounded by empty fruit juice pouches, but I don't think it has anything to do with that."
"Then how do you know that it's a Fanon Fabricator?"
>Fluttershy points to the name in bold letters on the side of the machine.
"Oh."
"So what now?"
>"Oh! That's right."
>She straightens up and clears her throat.
>"Are Fanon Fabricators your fetish?"
"I... No. They aren't. Return this stolen property immediately, or so help me god I'll drag you kicking and screaming back to Twilight myself."
>"N-no thank you..."
"It's not a choice, Fluttershy."
>The pegasus begins mumbling and stuttering behind her mane as she tries to defy you.
>"Don't you... Umm. Don't you at least want to find out what it does? It might be sexy!"
"I fail to see how it could be sexy."
>"M-me neither. But it should be fun, right?"
>After a moments thought you shrug.
"Not like I have anything better to do. But bear in mind that the moment this thing stops doing whatever it's doing, I'm going violently beat you for wasting valuable time that I could have spent wasting."
>"J-jokes on you, rough play is my fetish!"
"Well that solves that mystery."
>Fluttershy opens a compartment on the machine, that you -would- try to describe, but it's damn near impossible given that it literally looks like a metal box covered in random cogs, gears, pinwheels and what seems to be an unexploded bright purple firework.
>She pulls out two pairs of goggles and a large red button with an antenna on it.
>Taking her place next to you, you both strap on the goggles.
>Look down at her.
>She looks up at you.
>You both nod.
"Hit it."
>She draws back her hoof and slams the button.
>And by 'slam' you mean lightly taps it. 
>It's Fluttershy. Come on.
>The cogs on the machine start spinning wildly, and smoke starts churning from somewhere within it.
>A bolt of lightning erupts from the machine and fries a nearby flower.
>Fluttershy ducks behind your legs, but you don't notice because of the scene before you.
>When you take a step back and trip over her.
>Your back hits the grass.
>Fluttershy leaps into your arms, with both of you still staring at the machine.
>Lightning surges into the firework, along with purple energy and smoke that is now flowing freely from the machine.
>Suddenly, it all stops. You hear an egg-timer go 'Ding!', and the firework launches into the sky.
>You and the frightened pony in your arms watch as it soars through the clouds, spurting purple magic and smoke as it rises higher into the sky.
>And then--

>KA-BOOM.

>The noise is unlike anything you've ever heard.
>An explosion so loud your ear drums burst and everything goes muted, a loud ringing assaulting your ears.
>Fluttershy is screaming, but you can barely hear her due to your temporary deafness.
>Looking at the spot where the firework exploded, you see a vortex of the purple energy gathering, growing larger and larger with each passing second.
>You flinch as it explodes yet again, casting a huge shockwave of magic over Ponyville, passing through houses, ponies and everything in between.
>As it hits you, your goggles emit their own field of energy, creating a jarring screech when the two energy waves meet.
>Fluttershy's googles do the same. The pony in question is huddled up against your chest with her hooves over her ears, trembling and wishing for it to end.
>Your hearing gradually returns to you, and you can hear Fluttershy whimpering.
>You glance down at the machine that launched the rocket.
>Just in time to see it flash a few red lights, lift itself off the ground in a field of magic and arcing electricity, then implodes out of existence, as though a vacuum cleaner just sucked it through a rather small hole.
>Blinking several times, you stand up, shrugging the terrified pony off you.
>Fluttershy tugs on your pants leg.
>"S-so was that your fetish?"
>Grab her and stuff her under your arm.
"We're going to Twilight's. Then I'm going to eat you. Alive."
>"J-jokes on you, cannibalism is my fetish!"
"Firstly, that's really messed up. Second, it's only cannibalism when I'm eating the same species as me."
>"Oh... Then what would you call it?"
"A Chinese Take Away."
>You stroll into town, heading straight for the tree-house.
>"P-please, Anon! I can make it up to you!"
"How?"
>"A hoofjob!"
"Gross."
>"I could clean your house every day!"
"You do that anyway, whether I like it or not."
>"W-well somep0ny has to look after you... What about if I cook your dinner?"
"You already do that on weekends."
>"Please don't take me to Twilight! She'll be so mad at me for stealing!"
"I doubt she'll be mad at you, she'll probably just lecture you for five hours on why theft is wrong."
>"..."
>"PLEASE DON'T TAKE ME TO TWILIGHT!"
"Shut up, horse. We're here."
>Fluttershy's fear intensifies, as does her trembling.
>You slam your hand against the door several times.
"Open up, Twi. I have someone here who wants to tell you something."
>No reply.
>"Oh good! She's not in! Probably in Canterlot. Let's go home!"
"Shush."
>You knock again
"Twilight? Spike? It's Anon!"
>Still nothing.
>"We could try again umm... Never?"
"God you're shy."
>You knock one final time.
>Nothing
"Fuck this."
>"Are we giving up?"
"Worse. Property damage."
>"Wha--"
>You pull up your leg and slam the sole of your door against the door as hard as you can.
>Hearing a snap, no doubt indicating the broken lock, the door swings open inwards.
>And now your leg hurts.
>A lot.
>Limping over the threshold, you look around.
"Hm. Well it -is- kinda early. Maybe she's asleep."
>"Umm. But the firework was so loud..."
"Yeah, I was just thinking that. Where could she be?"
>At that moment, you hear the unmistakable sounds... Of moaning.
>You and the pony under your arm share a look.
>"W-was that..."
"I think it was."
>You're both quiet for a moment.
>"SHE MUST BE UNDER ATTACK FROM DRAGONS!"
"OR SATAN!"
>You charge up the stairs.
"WE'RE COMIN', TWILIGHT!"
>"S-SO AM I!"
"Shut up, Fluttershy."
>"That wasn't me!"
"What--"
>You turn to look at Fluttershy, as you slam face first into Twilight's bedroom door, breaking it open and toppling to the ground.
>Fluttershy goes soaring from your grasp and into a bookshelf.
>She picks herself up with a pained groan and looks at Twilight's bed.
>As do you.
>...
"Hoe-lee--"
>"--Feathers!"
>Twilight and Spike are frozen in shock.
>Spike is balls deep inside her, and the stench of juices permeates the air.
>Fluttershy squeaks as loud as she can and hides behind her mane immediately.
>"S-sorry, Twilight! W-we thought--... S-sorry..."
"What the FUCK?! Twilight! He's just a kid! Are you nuts?"
>The unicorn and the dragon glance at each other.
>Then they embrace, Twilight holding Spike to her chest while he's still inside her.
>"Oooh Anon! I knew you wouldn't understand our forbidden love!"
"You what, mate?"
>"For so long we have hidden our secret passions for each other! And even though we knew society would cast us out, he being a dragon and me being a unicorn--"
"I think it's more to do with the fact that he's like, eight. And you're what, twenty or something?"
>"ShutupAnon. We love each other more than you can imagine! Woe unto us that our relationship is out in the open! But even though we are oppressed, we will still fight for our love, so that society may change!"
>She stops her speech and is still for a moment.
>You waggle your fingers a bit, trying to find words to say.
"I uhh. I don't... Fluttershy?"
>Look towards her.
>She shrugs and goes back to inspecting the floorboards.
"Well. This is awkward."
>"LOVE is awkward, Anon."
"Shut the hell up, now, I have a question."
>"I suppose I can answer, since this will be the last you see of me before Celestia carries me off to the dungeons!"
"But Fluttershy and I are the only people who--"
>"Be quick! What is your question? ...By the way, keep thrusting, Spike."
"Oh god what."
>Twilight smiles at you while Spike's little dragon hips pound away.
"This is so wrong. Anyway, what was that machine you built supposed to do?"
>"Which one? I build a lot of machines."
"The firework one."
>"Hmm... Is that the purple firework or the red firework? Because the red firework is full of ants."
"The purple one. We kinda blew it up. Or rather, turned on the machine that blew it up."
>"Oh! That one."
>She nods sagely.
>"I have no idea. I was on a major sugar-rush when I made it. O-oh! Spike..."
>She bites her lip and closes her eyes for a second.
"Well, one minute you and Spike are fine, and now you're fucking each other. Honest to god I didn't see this one coming."
>Twilight moans.
>"You... Ahh!... You probably activated some kind of... Fanon... Fabricator or something. I don't kno-Ooh~!"
>Fluttershy finally decides to speak.
>"Umm, that's exactly what it was, Twilight..."
>The purple pony lies back on her bed, indicating for Spike to redouble his thrusting.
>She grabs a pillow and screams into it as Spike rams it home.
>You check your watch and wait for them to finish.
>They do so, and Spike falls forwards into Twilight, fast asleep.
>She strokes his head with a hoof and smiles, sighing happily.
>"That was amazing..."
"Yeah it was. Kid lasted longer than I do."
>Fluttershy does a double take.
"Now what would a "Fanon Fabricator" do, Twilight?"
>"Dunno. Fanon is typically unofficial ideas created and circulated by a fanbase when they're too unsatisfied with the canon product. Happens a lot with the Daring Do books. Probably has something to do with that. Maybe... Creating the ideas? I dunno."
"So you're saying that we've all been hit by some... Some kind of autism nuke?"
>"I don't know... All I know is that Spike and I are together at last, and no longer have to resort to longer-than-normal glances from across the library and clopping late at night to the thought of each other..."
>She sighs again.
>"Oh Spike..."
"Welp. This is shit. Come on, Fluttershy, let's get out of here. Oh, by the way, your firework machine imploded after we tested it, Twilight."
>The pony giggles to herself and continues stroking Spike's head.
>She looks out of her bedroom window, away from you.
>"Doubtful. I equip all my creations with fail-safe teleports..."
>You glance at Fluttershy.
>She develops a hopeful look.
"Sooo, we could reverse whatever might have happened if we find the machine?"
>"Sure. Safety first, Anonymous."
>Spike snorts and raises his head.
>"Huh? Wha? Where are we? O-oh! Twilight!... Your eyes are as deep as the ocean is blue!"
>"Oh Spike! Your spines are sharp, like your wit! And my loins burn for you as brightly as your fires burn a marshmallow"
>"Twilight you're so romantic! Kiss me!"
>They start sucking face.
>Then the thrusting resumes.
>Grab Fluttershy and skedaddle out of there as fast as you can before they start reciting poetry over their highly illegal sex.
>"...Well I was right about one thing."
"What?"
>"She -was- being attacked by a dragon."
"You son of a bitch."
>You put Fluttershy down, much to her dismay, and start walking down a randomly chosen street.
>"So where are we going?"
"Anywhere, really. We have to find that machine. Can't have gone far, right? I mean, teleports are only short range unless Celestia's using them."
>"Oh, okay then. How do you know that?"
"Because Celestia once teleported all the way to my house from Canterlot when she found out I'd gotten it on with Luna."
>Fluttershy blushes
>"O-oh my... What was it like?"
"Terrifying. She was -this- close from incinerating me on the spot."
>"N-no. I meant having s-se--"
>"FLUTTERSHAH!"
>You both freeze
>"What was that?"
"Sounded like... Big... Mac?"
>You spin around on the spot, trying to place the voice.
>Sure enough, you see the stallion himself, careering through the town square towards you both.
"...Didn't happen to try and guess his fetish as well, did you?"
>"N-no. Anon? I'm scared."
>"FLUTTERSHAH! AHMA COMIN'!"
"Woah there, big guy. Dinner and a movie first, am I right, Fluttershy?"
>She scowls up at you.
>"That's not funny."
"I thought it was a lil' bit funny."
>Big Mac finally reaches you both.
"Hi, Mac."
>He ignores you.
>"Fluttershah... Ah've been lookin' for you everywhere!"
>She gulps.
>"O-oh, really? How... Nice."
>He gulps and crouches down in front of her, as if to propose.
>"Fluttershah. You and ah are both really quiet ponies."
>Fluttershy glances at you.
>Shrug back.
>"A-And?"
>"Don't ya see, Fluttershah? We're made fer each other! Come back to the farm with me! We'll raise a family and have foals that will be a mix-match of our coat colours!"
>You try your hardest not to snicker.
>Fluttershy can't handle this, and is stammering and falling over her own words.
>"B-b-but umm. I... I a-already love A-anon!"
>Big Mac looks crestfallen at this.
>"But... We're perfect fer each other! We're both soft spoken!"
>"A-and what else? Just sharing a single trait isn't enough to fall in love with somep0ny!"
>Lean towards her.
"Then why do you love m--"
>"SHH!"
"Point taken."
>Big Mac starts blubbering.
>"But ah'm strong! A-and we're both quiet! Isn't that enough to have a passionate romance with each other?"
>"Not really. True love is a beautiful thing, but the other pony in a relationship has to reciprocate the feelings of their partner, otherwise it'll be a loveless partnership founded on lies and false smiles!"
>Big Mac starts crying.
>Like, really sobbing.
>"P-PLEASE! FLUTTERSHAH! PLEASE!"
>Fluttershy scowls at him and retorts with the same stern voice she uses on her animals.
>"No means no, Big Macintosh. We're -not- made for each other, no matter what crazy idea you might have gotten in your head! Now please leave or I shall inform the police!"
>The huge red stallion picks himself up and starts to head back towards the farm, looking over his shoulder every three or so seconds, still bawling like a big baby.
>Fluttershy tisks and shakes her head, looking back to you with a small smile.
>"Can you believe that! Some ponies just won't take no for an answer..."
>You glare at her with your arms folded.
>"...What?"
"Let's just go."
>You walk in the opposite direction of Big Mac. His cries can still be heard.
>Strolling down streets with Fluttershy trotting alongside you, you check everywhere you can for the giant hunk of metal.
>The sun makes its way across the sky as you search, but your efforts turn up nothing during the next few hours.
>Slamming a lid back on a dustbin, you turn back to Fluttershy, who is rooting through a dumpster.
"Unbelievable. I bet it's in a lake or some shit."
>Fluttershy pulls her head out of the bin, a banana peel on her head.
>"There there, Anon! I'm sure we'll find it! At least we have each other, right?"
"I wish we didn't."
>"Aww, don't be like that. This was better than anything you had planned, right? ... R-right? If you did have other plans please don't be mad at me..."
>Let out an exasperated sigh and pull her out of the bin, getting rewarded with a pair of hooves hugging you.
>You can't be bothered pulling her off, so you just walk out of the alleyway with her dangling off you like a mustard coloured sloth.
>But less adorable.
>"I love you, Anon!"
"I don't reciprocate your feelings towards me...?"
>"Don't be silly, of course you do!"
>Fuck.
"We've still got half of town to check, and it's just past mid-day. Wanna get something to eat?"
>"Oh, yes please! Umm, c-can I get a fritter?"
"You can get whatever you like, it's your money."
>"W-well actually I don't have my purse--"
"For fucks sake. Well then, you owe me."
>"Hoofjob--"
"NO!"
>She squeaks and goes back to burying her face in your chest.
>The journey to Sugarcube Corner is spent keeping an eye out for the machine, but nothing catches your eye.
>Taking a moment to look around one more time before entering the shop, you sigh.
>At least you know the food here will be good.
>Push open the shop door and open it.

"Pinkie? Mister and Mrs Cake? Anyone around?"
>Fluttershy jumps off you and hovers over the counter, her wings silently flapping away.
>She flutters into the kitchen, then back out with a confused look.
>"Nothing. I don't recall her saying that there was a holiday today... Oh I hope I didn't forget... Pinkie would be so mad at me!"
>"Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?"
>"EEEK!"
>Fluttershy once more hurls herself into your arms.
>You smile at the pink bundle of fluff beaming back at you from where Fluttershy was stood.
"Heya, Pinkie. Just here for some food."
>Pinkie gives you a sad look.
>"Ooh, sorry, Anonnywonny! We just ran out of food!"
>You look down at the counter glass.
"But there's food her- Oh."
>It's all gone.
>Even though it was there literally a second ago.
>What.
>Looking up, you see Pinkie standing closer to you.
>"Oh! You could help me make some though! I feel like making... Cupcakes. Does that sound good to you, Anon?"
"Cupcakes, eh? Yeah, I could go for a few. What do you think, Fluttershy? Can you handle making cupcakes?"
>"That sounds wonderful! Cupcakes sound delicious!"
>You both look at Pinkie, who is grinning, her eyes unblinking.
>"Yep! Cupcakes sure are delicious!"
>She slowly licks her lips.
>...
"You alright, Pinkie? You're acting weird and putting way too much emphasis on the word 'cupcakes'."
>"Oh I'm fine, Anon! Really! Come on, let's go to the basement to get the ingredients!"
"Why can't you go alone?"
>"Uhh, because the ingredients are heavy!"
"No they aren't. You can lift, like five sacks of flour at a time. And we only need one for the cupcakes."
>Fluttershy chirps in.
>"Actually, Anon, I saw all the stuff we need in the kitchen."
"Well there we are then! We don't need to go down there. Good thing too. I hate the dark."
>Pinkie Pie recovers the smile she was gradually losing whilst you rambled on.
>"Scared of the dark, Anon?"
"Kinda, yeah."
>Fluttershy nuzzles your chest.
>"Is fear your fetish?"
"Stop talking."
>"I can make her stop talking, Anon. Just follow me into the basement!"
"Nah, I'll just ignore her. She's been doing this shit for months now. I've learned to tune her out. Come on, butterball, let's go fatten you up even more."
>"I-I'm not fat..."
"You're a little bit fat."
>"Is that your fetish?"
"...I won't say I -don't- like a bit of extra cushion on my ponies."
>"Yaaay!"

>Pinkie's eye twitches involuntarily.
"What do we need now, Pinkie?"
>"Add the eggs..."
>You look up at her.
>She's inspecting a knife.
>Her mane is also inexplicably flat now. You're not sure when that happened.
"What's the knife for?"
>"Uh, n-nothing."
>She quickly puts it away in the drawer and starts whistling.
>Fluttershy brings the eggs over to you.
"Thanks."
>Crack them and empty them into the mixing bowl.
>Start mixing everything together.
"Oh, I think we missed the sugar. Heh. Fetch me some, would you, Shy?"
>"Okay!"
>She happily trots over to a cupboard and drags out a bag
>When she straightens back up, Pinkie is stood right next to her, a knife held in her mouth and a malicious look in her eye.
>"Oh my! Thank you, Pinkie."
>Fluttershy takes the knife from her and uses it to cut open the bag, before bringing it over to you.
>You think you hear a repressed scream, but can't make it out over Fluttershy's singing.
"You have a lovely voice, you know that, Fluttershy?"
>"Why thank you, Anonymous! I practice every day by singing to my birds!"
>Hear a slam.
>You and Shy both jump and look at Pinkie Pie.
>She looks mad as hell, which is strange. You can't imagine what has her so mad.
>"SO. WHICH ONE OF YOU WANTS TO COME WITH MY TO THE BASEMENT, HUH?"
"Oh, no thanks, Pinkie. Me and Fluttershy have everything we need here."
>"NO. NO CUPCAKES!... Well, not yet anyway. YOU TWO NEED TO COME WITH ME NOW!"
"Pinkie Pie! Why are you so mad? It's so unlike you!"
>"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME! EVER SINCE I WAS A FOAL I'VE HAD THIS NEED TO KILL PONIES! ALL DAY EVERY DAY I FANTASISE ABOUT HOW I'M GOING TO SLAUGHTER THEM! SO I SATISFY MY URGE BY BUTCHERING PONIES AND CHOPPING THEM UP THEN PUTTING THEM INTO CUPCAKES! THEN SELLING THEM TO THE UNKNOWING PUBLIC! YOU AND FLUTTERSHY LOOK LIKE YOU'D MAKE A LOVELY BATCH!"
>She pull up a huge butcher's cleaver.
>"SO COME WITH ME, -NOW-!"
>...
"Eww. Meat flavoured cupcakes? That sounds rank."
>"I can imagine that Harry the Bear might like one, but I don't know, Pinkie. That sounds like an awful business decision!"
>The party pony begins frothing at the mouth, her eyes twitching every half a second.
>"JUST. COME. WITH. ME."
>"Do you eat meat, Anon?"
"Sure I do. But I wouldn't eat a meat flavoured cupcake. That's just gross."
>"I agree completely! I know a bit about cooking, and I know that masking the taste of meat is incredibly hard!"
"Wait, how would you know about cooking meat?"
>"I look after a lot of carnivores, and cook fish quite a lot for them. It's a hard taste to mask! Let alone the smell..."
"Damn straight. I think we can both agree that this is a terrible move, Pinkie. You're only going to lose customers who will undoubtedly notice the taste of meat, then you'll probably get arrested the moment the first cupcake was eaten. Seriously, what kind of moron even tries something like that?"
>"You don't think she's acting like this because of the machine, do you, Anon?"
>Both of you look at Pinkie again.
>She's on the floor in a puddle of foam and surrounded by knifes. Every so often her rear leg kicks out.
"Oh yeah, I suppose she was. The real Pinkie would never shout at us."
>"This machine truly does bring out the worst in ponies..."
"Let's finish up and get out of here. I want to try Rarity's place next."
>You both agree and get back to making cupcakes, blissfully unaware of the possibly damaged pony in front of you.
>Once the cupcakes are done, you and Fluttershy stuff your faces until you can't eat any more.
>You decide to leave one on Pinkie's head on your way out.
>It's only right that she gets to try one as well.
>"Anon?"
"Yo."
>"Th-thankyou for saying I have a nice singing voice..."
"You're annoying as hell, but you've got talent. You should become a singer, or something."
>"I was a model once, you know!"
"Fo' real? Tell me how that went."
>Fluttershy starts telling tales of times gone by while you walk towards Carousel Boutique.
>"S-so then she says that I was the one she wanted to make a star!"
"Hooo, shit! Rarity must have been pissed, right?"
>"Well actually she--"
>"OH MY CELESTIA ARE THOSE HANDS?!"
>You both freeze and slowly turn back around.
>Lyra is stood directly behind you, panting like a dog and staring at your hands as if they were covered in salt.
"...Did you notice her...?"
>"Not at all."
"Heeey, Lyra. You alright?"
>"Those are hands, right?! You're a human!"
>Look around the otherwise empty street.
"Uhh. Yeah? You know this shit, Lyra. We've been friends for months."
>"Oh. My. GOSH. I can't believe it! Humans actually exist!"
>You scratch your head and glance at Fluttershy.
>She shakes her head and seems just as bewildered as you are.
"Uhh. Sure, I guess?"
>The unicorn scampers over to you and stops just before your feet.
>There, she shakily starts to rear up on her hind legs.
>You can't really fathom what's going on here.
>Once she is stood on two legs, she grins at you.
>"There! Now I'm just like you! Can I see your hands?"
"This is uhh. New. What's with the sudden fixation with hands?"
>"I love hands so much! They're so fascinating! I want hands so badly!"
"...Why."
>"Because they can do everything! They're so amazing, and way more accurate and precise than hooves or wings!"
"You -do- realise that you've got magic, right? Ya know, that ability to move shit with your mind?"
>"Yeah, but HANDS!"
"What about them?"
>"HAAANDS!"
>She grins at you.
"Are you going to talk or do anything other than this now? Is this your thing? This is what the Fanon Fabricator did to you?"
>"Please let me lick them!"
"Alright, I'm gonna go now."
>"Wait! You can't go! I haven't held your hands yet!"
>You turn your back to her and carry on walking towards the boutique.
>Fluttershy carefully takes one of your swinging arms in her hooves and inspects the hand on the end of it.
>"Umm. They're... Nice?"
"You don't have to do that, Shy. I don't get it either."
>Fluttershy shakes her head
>"But... Umm. Hands? I don't understand. They're not -that- amazing..."
"I know. Talk about a one-trick pony, right?"
>"A what?"
"Nevermind."
>You continue walking, distant screams of "Haaaaaands!" drifting by on the wind.
"So fucking stupid..."
>Fluttershy hovers next to your shoulder, humming to herself.
>She floats around until she's in front of you, facing you with a large smile.
>"Hmm hmm hmmmm!"
"I'm not humming with you, Fluttershy."
>"Please?"
"No. Look, we're here now anyway."
>You prepare to knock on the door.
>...
>Pull your hand back a bit.
"I feel like we've done this before. We're not going to find Rarity and Sweetie Belle going at it in there, are we?"
>Fluttershy shudders.
>"I hope not... You go to pony hell for that!"
"There's no such thing as hell, Fluttershy."
>You knock on the door.
>"Is too."
"Is not."
>"Is too! I've seen it!"
"Prove it."
>"It's called Tartarus! A large three headed dog once broke out of there and came to Ponyville, and it was up to Twilight to take him back!"
"Why do you never talk about this shit?!"
>"I didn't think you'd be interested..."
"IT'S THE MOST INTERESTING THING YOU'VE EVER SA--"
>The door opens.
>"Greetings, fellow pony and larger lifeform!"
"...You've got to be fucking kidding me."
>Sweetie Belle beams up at you.
>"You have found the residence of Sweetie Belle and Rarity!"
>Her voice is different. Like she's trying to sound like a robot.
"You okay, Sweetie?"
>"I am perfectly adequate! Thank you for the concern, fellow citize-ECH!"
>She turns her head and starts coughing madly.
"Ya know, if you can't do the voice, you don't have to."
>"N-nonsense! I am fine! All systems are nominal!"
"You sound so dumb right now. But you know what?"
>Straighten up and look past her into the shop.
"I ain't gonna question it. Today has been bad enough."
>Step over the filly, Fluttershy following suit.
>"HALT! YOU CANNOT ENTER THE PRE-...
>Sweetie breaks into another fit of coughs.
>"PREMISES! YOU MUST LEAVE!"
"Nah."
>"THEN I SHALL DESTROY YOU!"
>She assumes a position and starts making a whining noise
>"ALL MISSILES LOCKED. YOU HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO LEAVE."
"I'm amazed you even know what missiles are. You know where Rarity is?"
>"TWENTY."
>Fold your arms and sigh.
>...
>"TEN."
>Fluttershy hovers closer and wipes some cupcake crumbs off your shirt while you wait.
"Thanks, Shy."
>"No problem."
>"FIRING!"
>...
>"Pew pew pewwwww! You are now dead. Have a nice day!"
>She bounces away, literally, towards a backroom, making little whirring noises to herself as she goes.
"I worry about that kid."
>"Me too."
"Rarity! It's Anon and Fluttershy! You here?"
>Start to head for the stairs.
>Before you put your foot on the first step, something you really didn't expect to happen, happens.
>The ceiling above the centre of the room collapses, and Rarity falls through, holding a sword.
>Followed shortly by a giant crab.
>"COME, MONSTER! TASTE MY BLADE!"
>You resign to this most bizarre of events and sit on the bottom step of the stairs, waiting for it to be over.
>Fluttershy joins you, leaning her head on your arm.
>Shrug her off.
>Rarity ducks back from the huge pincers, deftly avoiding each swipe, any of which could easily remove her head from her body.
>You yawn as the crab punches a hole in the wall Rarity had dived away from only a second before.
>She leaps forwards after the punch, taking advantage of the crab's moment of weakness to slash at it with the sword.
>The blade slams against the crab's thick plating, leaving a small mark but no lasting damage.
>Undeterred, Rarity lunges into the air.
>The fact that she can even jump that high is what surprises you most about this situation.
>The alabaster blur lands on the crab's shell, trying to balance as the crab skitters about, waving it's claws around and smashing aside anything it touches.
>Rarity raises her sword in a magic field, putting all her arcane strength into a single spell.
>Then sends the blade, tip first, straight towards the shell.
>The force of the impact is so strong that it shatters the shell, allowing the blade to sink straight into the crab's head.
>It raises it's claws one more time in defiance.
>Then slumps to the floor with a heavy thump that shakes the entire shop.
>Rarity pants for a moment, then pulls the sword out of the crab's brain.
>She jumps off and checks her mane in a nearby mirror that had survived the melee.
>Then decides to take notice of you.
>"Ah! Anonymous! Fluttershy! What a pleasant surprise. Haven't happened to see any crabs around, have you? Nasty creatures, they are."
"Nope."
>"Pity. I do enjoy fighting them. For that is who I am!"
>She strikes a pose.
>"Rarity! Giant crab hunter!"
"Just out of curiosity, do you do anything else? Other than fight crabs?"
>"Of course not! Crab fighting is my life!"
"I thought so. So the shop, the little sister, the dresses. None of that is you?"
>"Not at all! I am Rarity! Giant crab hunter!"
>You sigh and stand up.
"Alright, well, nice seeing you, Rare."
>"You too, Anonymous. Let me know if you see any crabs!"
"Will do."
>Walk through the front door with Fluttershy and slam it behind you.
"Fucking Fanon."

>"It's okay, Anon! We'll find the machine!"
"We'd better find the fucking machine. If I have to see one more one-dimensional abortion with absolutely nothing of value to add to anything I'm going to kill a--"
>WUB WUB WUUUUB WWUBWUBWB WUUUUUUUB.
>You clasp your hands to your ears as something that sounds similar to a cow farting in a microphone with the sound amplified to maximum assaults your senses.
>Once it's over, you turn your attention to a grinning white pony with an electric blue mane.
"YOU."
>"AWW YEAH! IT'S ME, BABY! VINYL SCRATCH!"
"AND WHAT DO YOU DO, HUH? DO YOU DO ANYTHING? ARE THERE ANY FUCKING REDEEMABLE FEATURES THAT YOU POSSESS? ANY AT ALL?"
>"Maaan, I don't need that junk!"
"Oh god your voice is horrible why are you alive."
>"All I need is my BASS CANNON!"
>She lets loose another orchestra of rectal vuvuzela.
>The vibrations hurt your bones.
>A lot.
>Fuelled by rage, you storm up to the pony and her massive sound system that was just lying around in the middle of town.
>Tear out the wires at the back of it.
>"AAWWW Y-Hey! What gives, dude?"
>You pounce on her.
>Fluttershy covers her eyes and whimpers.
>Tackling the unicorn to the ground, you savagely pummel her into the dirt, slamming your fists into her face as hard as you can, as often as you can, for as long as you can.
>You emphasise each word you speak with a punch.
"STOP. FUCKING. TALKING. I. HATE. YOU. SO. MUCH."
>The unicorn below you sputters and tries to call for help.
>"H-help! My mojo's being flattened by this bonehead!"
>You answer her by punching her teeth down her throat.
>Once you're convinced she won't ever talk again, you stand up, panting heavily.
>Your fists are bloody and covered in cuts, but you don't care.
>The white unicorn looks up at you from the floor, one eye completely shut due to bruising and other assorted damage, and her face is a ruination of blood and gashes.
>"I-I just... Wanted to say..."
"Don't say it."
>"I wub y--"
>Crush her face with your foot, shutting her up.
>Fluttershy places a hoof on your shoulder.
>"C-come on, Anon. L-let's go find the machine, okay?"
"I'm sorry you had to see that, Shy. I just..."
>"I know, Anon, I know..."
>She pats your back while you walk away, the sweet sound of silence reigning once more.
>As you walk though, the sound of gentle, mournful music reaches you.
>Look over your shoulder.
>A grey pony is playing a cello over the body of Vinyl, her face a picture of sadness.
>She catches your eye.
>You nod at her and mumble a few words to Fluttershy.
"She can stay. At least her music is bearable."
>The day drags on, and the effects of the Fanon Fabricator are beginning to take their toll on your psyche.
>Fluttershy does her best to keep you level headed, but she's starting to fail.
>"J-just ignore them, Sweetie!"
"FFFFFFFFFFUCKIN--"
>"Please!"
>You tear your gaze away from the two pegasi sisters, Flitter and Cloudchaser, having public sex on a cloud whilst proclaiming their undying love for each other.
"YOU BOTH HAVE FIANCÉES! YOU BOTH HAVE -FUCKING- FIANCÉES! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"
>"Oooh the fiancées were just place-holders! Desperate attempts to fill the voids in our hearts that could only be filled by the fires of passion created by our love for each other!"
"AAAAARRRGH!"
>Fluttershy drags your arm away from them before you start hurling stones at the cloud they're fornicating on.
"What are we looking at here?"
>Fluttershy scratches her head
>You gesture towards the sight before you
"I mean. How is this even a thing?"
>You watch in amazement as what appears to be a large apple tree and a giant boulder have a picnic in a flowery meadow.
>"C-come on, Anon. We still need to search Sweet Apple Acres..."
"Yeah, yeah, sure."
>You allow yourself to be led away
>...But seriously, what the fuck.

>As you walk towards Sweet Apple Acres, you finally manage to calm down.
>Fluttershy rubs your shoulders
>"Is that better?"
"Kinda... Yes."
>"Good! Just be sure to take deep breaths when you--"
"OOF!"
>You are launched backwards as something collides with your chest.
>Groan and feel your temper rising as you open your eyes to see what the day has dared to throw at you now.
>The moment you see who it is, all your rage is replaced with horror.
"Ditzy... Ditzy no!"
>"Uwah?!"
>The grey pony on your chest cocks her head and sticks out her tongue as her lazy eye seems to be acting up more than it usually does.
>"Who's Dizty? I'm Derpy Hooves!"
"What?! No! Don't call yourself that! Listen, Ditzy, please, where's your little sister? Is she okay? Where's Dinky?"
>"Dinky isn't my sister, dumbo! She's my daughter!"
"The fuck? No she's not! Ditzy please don't do this!"
>"Hey! Do you have any muffins?!"
"Why would I have muffins?"
>You stand up, gently placing Ditzy on the floor.
>It hurts to see her acting like this. She works so hard to support her little sister.
>"I love muffins! I love muffins more than anything in the world!"
"Derpy, you... You're allergic to muffins."
>"No I'm not! I love eating them all day! Why, if I didn't have any muffins I'd go crazy! LALALALA!"
>She does a backflip, then grins at you.
>"Hey! Have you seen my coltfriend anywhere?"
"You have a... Boyfriend?"
>"Yeah! He's a doctor!"
>Huh. Nice.
>"OH! There he is! Doctor! Over here!"
>On cue, a stallion runs up to her, panting.
>"Ah! Derpy! There you are!"
"Please don't call her that, it's degrading."
>"What on earth are you talking about? Derpy, listen. We need to go now, the daleks are coming!"
"What."
>Ditzy nods.
>"Yessiry, Doctor!"
"He's not a doctor, Ditzy. He's called Time Turner. He works at the post office with you. He's..."
>The two of them run off, laughing and screaming about daleks.
"...Gay..."
>You sigh.
>Fluttershy cautiously hovers near you.
>"Are you okay, Anon?"
"I'm... Not, Fluttershy. I'm really not. That was the worst thing I've seen all day.
>"Derpy, where's my screwdriver?!"
>"I was holding it the whole time, Doctor! Derp Derp Derp!"
>Looking away from the pair of ponies running into the distance, you tearfully turn back to Fluttershy.
"Let's just get to Sweet Apple Acres."

>"See anything?"
"Nah, nothing here either."
>You hop over the fence separating orchards.
>Fluttershy joins you from another.
>The entire place had been searched, and nothing was found.
>Looking towards the sun, it's nearly sunset.
>A whole day of anger and searching.
>Not a good combination.
"I know, we'll try the barn."
>Fluttershy nods and follows you, her eyes droopy from running around all day.
>You walk across the farmyard, past barrels and piles of hay towards the great barn doors.
>Nudge it open and poke your head inside.
>...
>...
>...
>Shut the door again and shake your head at Fluttershy
>"Anything?"
"Nope. Just Applejack and Rainbow Dash."
>"Oh? What were they... Oh..."
"Yup."
>You both head for the road leading out of Sweet Apple Acres.
>"...I don't like the Fanon Fabricator, Anon..."
"Me neither."
>"Why does it have to ruin everything?"
"Dunno. Guess it's just what it was made to do. Fucking Twilight."
>"FLUTTERSHAH!"
>"Oh for heaven's sake..."
>You watch, unamused, as Big Mac runs out of the house and towards you both.
>"Ah knew ya'd come fer me! Now we can start that family!"
>"NO!"
>He recoils in shock.
>"Wh-wha--"
>"NO!"
>Fluttershy looks pissed.
>"I've had it, Mac. okay? I've had a really long day, and I just want to go home and forget this ever happened. and I don't want to start a family with some big... POOPY HEAD!"
"Ouch."
>As expected, Big Mac bursts into tears.
>"B-but muh family!"
>"Your family can go to heck! It's never happening!"
>He starts rolling around on the ground, making a sort of snow-angel, but with dirt, and crushed dreams.
>You nudge Fluttershy and nod your head towards the path.
>She "Hmphs" and takes the lead.
>Stuffing your hands in your pockets, you follow the disgruntled mare off the farm and back to Ponyville.
>"Anon?"
"Yeah?"
>"What if we don't ever find it?"
"...I'm not sure."
>"We'd be the only normal ponies in Ponyville..."
"Yeah, I guess."
>"...You didn't correct me and say you're not a pony."
"I'm too tired, Fluttershy. I just want this shit to end. Do you have any idea how many ponies I've seen having sex today for the worst possible reasons?"
>"A lot?"
"A lot. Mayor Mare and Zecora. I can understand if they were both desperate, but the Mayor is married and Zecora is hardly ever in town. Where's the connection? Why the hell would they ever be attracted to each other?"
>"It's the machine, Anon! It makes everything messed up! You need to come to terms with that..."
"I know I do, but I won't. I won't accept this shit, even if it -does- last forever."
>Sigh, a feeling of despair filling you.
"I want things to go back to normal so badly."
>"Even if it means putting up with me in the morning?"
>Look at her.
>Fluttershy gives you a cute little wink.
>Let out a short laugh.
"Yeah, alright, fine. Even that."
>She does a little hoof pump and a barely audible "yaaay".
>Stop in front of a lake, watching the sun head towards the horizon.
>Sit on the edge of the water and watch the orange ball lower in the sky.
>Fluttershy takes her place next to you, leaning on you.
>You don't bother to shrug her off.
>As the sun's light starts to fade, something catches your eye in the water.
>...A glint.
>Lean forwards and squint at it.
>There's definitely something in there.
"Fluttershy, do you see that?"
>"Where?"
"In the lake, right there."
>Point at where you saw the glimmer.
>"Oh! Yes, I see it!"
"You don't think..."
>You both stare at each other.
>Rip off your clothes as fast as you can.
>Fluttershy is hyperventilating at your sudden urge to get naked.
>"Ohmygoodness ohmygoodness!"
>Pull off your pants and throw them to the floor.
>You're now only wearing underwear.
>Sprint into the waters and dive under, desperately searching before the meagre light of the setting sun is gone and you can't see anything.
>You see a glint at the bottom getting more frequent.
>Swimming as fast as you can towards it, you reach out and touch the surface of the object.
>Metal.
>And covered in gears.
>Gripping the object by what you pray is a good place to hold, you drag the machine from the depths of the water.
>Your lungs are burning and your body screaming at you to let go of the heavy object.
>But there's no way in hell you're letting go.
>You're not going through another day of this shit.
>Once your head breaks the surface of the water, you gasp for breath.
>Fluttershy takes flight immediately and flaps her way across the water's surface to help you.
>Together, you manage to get back to shore, machine in tow.
>Dragging the metal hulk onto the shoreline, you turn it over.
>There, on the side, is a huge button labelled "NORMALITY".
>Your vision is blurry from exhaustion, and Fluttershy is trying to warm you up by hugging you.
>Smiling, you stroke the machine, happy that it's finally going to end.
>And with that:
>You slap the button as hard as you can.

>"O-oh Twilight!"
>Spike thrusts one final time and empties what little seed he has left into you.
"Oooooh! YES!"
>Collapse backwards.
>The 80th consecutive lovemaking session today has really taken it out of you, but you love your Spike, and will fuck him as many times as you need to do show him how much you adore him.
>Panting, you look over at your bedroom window and see that the sun has now set.
>A night of passionate love awaits you...
>Just then, a huge beam of purple energy lights up the night somewhere in the distance.
>You sit up, squinting at it.
>The light grows in intensity, gathering energy from seemingly nowhere until it reaches a critical point.
>Upon reaching it, the beam seems to be sucked back down to the earth where it then detonates, a huge spherical explosion enveloping everything around it in a familiar purple energy.
>And the shockwave is heading straight for you.
>Dread fills you as you watch the violet wall of magic swallow every building and tree on the way to you.
>Before you can think of a spell to protect yourself, it slams into the library.
>...
>You open your eyes.
>It's still night time, outside, and you're still in your bed.
>A sudden gasp escapes you as something seems to slide out of your nether regions.
>Your eyes widen as realisation hits you like a thunderbolt.
>Slowly, you turn your head towards the middle of your legs.
>Spike is gawking back at you.
>"T-twilight? W-what were we...?"
>You notice that the entire bed is covered in sticky white stuff, and that Spike looks exhausted.
>And you feel warmer than you've ever been.
>It doesn't take long for you to put two and two together.

>A scream reaches your ears from all the way in Ponyville, indicating that it must have worked.
>You sigh and fall backwards, the sand providing a decent bed.
"I think I'll stay out here tonight. It's warm, and there's no rain planned."
>"C-can I join you?"
"Sure. I think you've earned it."
>Fluttershy giggles and snuggles up against your naked and wet body.
>She's so warm...
>"Thank you, Anon."
"It's alright, Fluttershy. Let's just enjoy this."
>Close your eyes and smile.
>It's all ov--
>...
"Hey wait! You haven't earned shit!"
>Sit bolt upright.
>"W-what?"
"If it wasn't for you we wouldn't have even been in this mess!"
>"Anon? Anon wait NO!"
>You grab her by the tail and pull your arm back, fresh anger flowing through your veins.
>Let out a roar as you hurl her as hard as you can into the lake.
>Gather up your clothes and stomp all the way home.
>Slam your front door shut and lock the door.
>Run upstairs to your bedroom.
>Jump under the covers and promptly fall asleep, all the adrenaline seemingly leaving your system the moment your head touches the pillow.
>Fall asleep almost immediately.

>Your dreams are filled with images of a slightly chubby Fluttershy.

>Wake up the next day with a wet patch on your pants.

>FUCK.

The End