>Anon has been living quite comfortably in Equestria nowadays
>He went from living in a tent, to a cushy two story house, in a matter of months
>All thanks to a rather fortuitous discovery
>As it turns out, Equine biology has a... unique reaction to human hands
>Being petted with human hands is to a pony, what cigarettes and alcohol are to a human

>It all started when he was helping around Princess Purple Smart's castle
>Annoying her was too much fun, usually by making her paintings crooked, or by moving things out of their "proper places"
>But today, he decided to cut her some slack
>He'd just finished loading a box of new books to the castle's library
>Twilight had always appreciated Anon's brute strength, allowing her to focus her magic on other key projects
>"Well done, Anonymous. You keep this up, and I might have to start paying you." she gigglesnorted 
"Heh, if only. But I DO like giving that big brain of yours a break"
>He chuckled, as he unconsciously started patting Twilight's head with his right hand
>Twilight's face turned beat red, as she instinctively jumped to the side
>"H-Hey, what was that?!"
"Huh? Oh, I guess I was petting your head. Sorry 'bout that, reflex"
>Wasn't his fault that she was so small and fluffy
>"It's fine, d-don't worry about it. I should probably get back to work, these books won't organize themselves."
"Whatever you say. Later, Purple."
>"My name is- aaand he's gone."
>She went to unboxing her new books, but she couldn't help but feel a little... off
>The top of her head felt... tingly, and a tad itchy
>No matter how hard she tried to bury herself in her work, those feelings didn't go away
>At night, she was tossing and turning in her bed, that moment of Anon patting her head replaying over and over
>"AAAAAAAHHH!!!"
>Twilight woke up in a cold sweat, she couldn't take it any more 
>She immediately warped herself to a small hill, where a little green tent was pitched
>She wasted no time ripping the zipper open and barging in
>"Anon!"
>Anon screamed, flinging the comic book that he was reading by flashlight to the side
>He was about to chew her out, for breaking into his "house," and interrupting his "Me Time"
>But as he took a closer look at the pony princess, he saw that she was acting kind of strange
>Her face was flushed, her legs were shaking, and her breathing was fast and shallow
>"You... what did you do to me?"
"What are you talking about?"
>"Ever since you touched my head with that... hand of yours, my body has been acting strangely."
>Anon just gave her a blank stare
"I literally have no idea what you're talking about."
>"Don't play dumb with me, mister! I don't know what kind of human magic you used, but now I can't stop thinking about you patting my head."
"...That is the dumbest thing that I've ever heard."
>Twilight's eye started twitching
>"Oh yeah, then I'll prove it!"
>Purple Smart then proceeds to walk further inside of Anon's tent, and plop herself onto his lap
>"Do it again."
"W-wuh?"
>"Pat my head again, Princess' orders."
>This had to be some kind of prank, no way would a pony get THIS worked up over getting petted.
>Right?
"Fine, but then you go home right after."
>Anon took his right hand and started rubbing Twilight's head, this time with direct intent
>Twilight's eyes shot open again, her face turned a deeper shade of red
>But this time, it felt different
>Her legs stopped twitching, her body stopped shaking, and her face entered a dreamy-like state
>She felt a wave of calm wash over her body, all of that anxiety and frustration from before, they faded away in an instant
>She let out soft little moans, as her head melted into Anon's touch
>Anon couldn't believe what he was seeing
>The OCD pony princess that he loved to pick on, became as docile as a lamb
>He decided to experiment with this unique predicament
>Using his free left hand, he gently ran it down from her neck to her back 
>Twilight let out a surprised gasp, which immediately turned into more satisfied moans
>It was nuts, the Princess of Friendship was being petted like a dog, and she was just letting it happen
>After a while, Anon stopped petting Twilight, who was laying in his lap like a pile of purple mush
>"That was... wow. I feel so relaxed..."
>She struggled to get back to her hoofs, like a baby giraffe learning how to stand
>"Thank you, Anon. That was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced."
>She still had that dreamy look on her face, which confused Anon
"Uh... don't mention it. Now, would you please get out of my tent?"
>"Okay okay, sure thing. Hehehe..."
>Twilight stumbled out of Anon's tent, giggling like a drunk
>She tried to take off into the sky, but only went about 5 feet before hitting the ground
>So she decided to walk home, still giggling
>Anon just sat there, confused
"I wanna say weirder things have happened, but I don't know if they have..."
>Oh well, he can leave those questions to future Anon
>The next day, Anon was still pondering the events of last night
>Why would Twilight Sparkle get so worked up over some run-of-the-mill headpats?
>It was no different from the way he'd pet a cute dog
>And when he DID start petting her again, her whole demeanor changed
>It was like she'd found the Land of Milk and Honey
>Something wasn't right, so he decided to try and figure it out, at least somewhat
>In the distance, he saw Applejack trotting down the dirt road in front of him
"Target acquired."
>At a steady jog, he gained on the orange earth pony, like a shark darting towards its prey
>"Oh, howdy Anon. Somethin' Ah can help ya with?"
"Hey there, AJ. Actually, there WAS something that I was hoping that you can help me with."
>Applejack giggled
>"Well, Ah certainly ain't one to turn down a friend in need. What can Ah do ya fer?"
>Anon looked over to the side, nonchalantly
"I was wondering, if I could... pet your head."
>The orange horse cocked her head to the side
>"Ya mean like... the way Ah pet Winona?"
"It's fine if you don't wanna, I was curious about something and you seemed like the pony that could help me."
>AJ pondered it for a short while
>"Well, it IS a might strange fer a request. But, Ah suppose it's harmless enough. Alrighty then, go ahead."
>She takes off her cowgirl head, exposing the entirety of her golden mane to the sunlight
"Thanks, Applejack. You're so dependable."
>Well... here goes nothing.
>Like before, Anon put his hand on Applejack's head, and started petting it
>The initial shock was like a small lightning bolt for Applejack
>"Hey, what are- ah... ahh... aaaahh...~"
>Applejack's face of confusion quickly contorted into a dopey smile, her cheeks blushing brightly, and her eyes beginning to roll to the back of her head
"Whoa... just like Twilight."
>AJ wasn't listening, she was in La-La Land right now
"Welp, I've come this far."
>With his free hand, Anon decided to start lightly scratching Applejack's chin
>"Eeeeeeeeeee~"
>Did Applejack just... squee?
>A man of weaker fortitude would've fainted from cuteness overload
>But the results were similar to what happened to the nerd princess
>A simple wave of his fingers, and these ponies were putty in his hands
>It was like discovering the secret to world domination
>But that might be a little TOO ambitious, at least for now...
>Lost in his train of thought, he forgot that he was still petting Applejack
>He abruptly put an end to it, lest her brain start leaking out of her ears
>Applejack was having trouble standing up, like she was intoxicated
>"Whoa nelly... Ah dunno what ya did Anon, but Ah feel lighter than air... Come by the farm sometime, the cider's on me..."
>And with that, Applejack put her hat back, and started staggering away, giggling to herself
>Wow, not only did he prove his theory correct, but he also scored some free apple cider out of it
>Two birds with one bullet
>Feeling pretty darn good about himself, Anon decided to stroll back to Ponyville, and contemplate what to do with his new pony-taming powers
>Upon returning to the Ponyville square, a magical flash of light appeared in front of Anon, causing him to almost fall on his butt
>It was Twilight Sparkle again, looking a little frazzled
>"Anonymous! Boy am I glad to see you again. I'd just finished organizing my new books, and wouldn't you know it, that funny little itch started coming back. Perhaps you could give me another petting session, it would REALLY help settle the old nerves."
>Anon looked down at that needy little smile Twilight had on, and a more devious grin creeped over his own face
"No."
>"..."
>Twilight's left eye started twitching a little
>"No? W-What do you mean no? You can't just say no, those soft gentle hands are the best things I've ever experienced. I need them, Anon. I need them!"
>Anon kneels down to Twilight's eye level
"Oh Twilight, silly silly Twilight. If I'm providing you with such an essential service, don't you think I deserve a little... compensation for it? After all, that's what a good friend would do, is it not?"
>"Ugh, fine!"
>Twilight groans like a teenager, before magicking some coins into Anon's hand
>"Here's 5 bits, happy?"
>In those 5 little coins, Anon saw the future
>He saw the birth of a new industry, one of which he was the sole provider
"Yes. Very."
>"Good, then let's get going."
>Twilight yanked Anon's tie, leading him towards her castle
>She was going to get her money's worth
>Flash forward to a couple months later
>A large purple tent was set up in the Ponyville marketplace
>On it was a sign that said "Magic Fingers"
>Anon had turned his little discovery into a full-fledged business, where he had the monopoly on the services provided
>For 5 bits, ponies would get 5 minutes of one-on-one quality time with Anon
>That included petting, ear scritching, belly rubs, etc
>Of course, there WERE some restrictions
>No married ponies
>No foals
>And absolutely NO sex
>Anon was a human of standards, after all
>A long line of multi-colored ponies were eagerly waiting their turn inside of the tent
>Some were first-timers, who wanted to see what all of the fuss was about
>The twitchier ones were repeat customers, who've had a taste of the good life and wanted more
>Lyra Heartstrings stumbled out of the tent, with a face of pure bliss
>"Whoa... I'm getting back in line..."
"Next!"
>A new pony entered the tent
"Hello, welcome to- Oh... it's you."
>Lo and behold, it was Butter Hush
>"H-Hello, Anon. I'm ready for my first... p-petting session with you..."
>Anon looked her straight in the eyes
"Sorry, I can't serve you. You've been blacklisted."
>Fluttershy was taken aback, staring at Anon in shock and disbelief
>"W-W-What?"
>Anon points to a sign on his left, it was a picture of Fluttershy's head, with a big red X over it
>Flutter's eyes started welling up with tears
>"But... but... why?"
"Because you're a perv."
>Oof! If words were bullets...
>"N-no, this isn't right. I've loved you ever since you first came to Equestria! You can't just pet other ponies while leaving me in the cold!"
>Anon put on the biggest, smuggest smile he'd ever done in his life
"Well, you should've thought of that before you decided to guess my fetish every freakin' morning."
>Rainbow Dash poked her head through the tent, she was wearing shades and a security guard uniform
>"Everything okay in there, boss?"
"Ah, perfect timing. Please show Miss Shy the exit."
>"You heard him, Fluttershy"
>She couldn't believe what she was seeing and hearing
>"Rainbow, what are you doing?"
"I hired her to be my personal bodyguard. She helps keep the riffraff out, that's you."
>"Plus, I get employee discounts here. 50% off."
"Yup, she's my little snuggle buddy."
>Dash's face turned beet red
>"I told you not to call me that in public!"
>Flutters looked at her friend with desperation and pleading
>"Please don't do this, you know how much I love him..."
>Rainbow Dash sighs
>"Fluttershy, you'll always be my best friend. But if you don't leave this tent, I'll have to force you out."
>Her poor little heart shattered into a hundred pieces
>"Okay..."
>She slowly removed herself from Anon's tent, defeated and dejected
"Next!"
>The next pony in line eagerly zipped inside
>The yellow mare gazed longingly at the tent, yearning for that same intimacy with Anon, that everypony else was getting
>"Psst!"
>Fluttershy looked around, confused
>She could've sworn that she'd heard something
>"PSST!"
>There it was again, she looked around harder this time
>She saw a little pink snout peeking out from inside a bush
>Fluttershy trotted over to said bush
>"Pinkie?"
>Suddenly, two pink hooves grab her by the face, and yank her into the bush
>"Ssh, quiet! You're gonna blow my cover."
>Sure enough, there she was, in all her pink glory, wearing her "SRS BSNS" face
>"What's going on, Pinkie? W-Why are you hiding in a bush?"
>The pink one's serious expression didn't stop, as she kept watch over the line of ponies
>Some stallions have just entered the line as well
>"Look at them, Fluttershy. Smiling, twitching, wanting..."
>The yellow one was a little confused
>"But, I thought you liked smiles."
>Pinkie's eyes didn't leave the line
>"Nopony in the world understands smiles like I do. But these aren't regular happy smiles, those are the smiles of dependency. Something isn't right. Think about it, nopony used to fawn over Anon this deeply. Well, except you, of course."
>Flutters turned away to hide her embarrassment
>"But look at them, they just can't stay away from him now. Why would Anon suddenly want to become so popular?"
>Another pony stumbles out of the tent
>She loses her balance and falls over, but she didn't care
"Next!"
>"I'm mean, sure he's supposedly making ponies feel loved and cherished. AND the community has been a lot happier and more productive, as a result. AND now he's making enough money to live in an actual house. But can that REALLY be all that he wants?"
>Butter Hush couldn't help but look confused at the little pink spy
>"I mean... what else could he possibly want?"
>Pinkie Pie stared dumbfounded at Fluttershy, like she'd just asked what color the sky was
>"What else? WHAT ELSE? Do you know what Anon could accomplish with THIS many ponies at his beck and call?!"
>"Look at that line, Fluttershy. He's brainwashed so many of them, and that number continues to grow. What if he goes to another city once he's finished with Ponyville?"
>"Manehatten, Fillydelphia, Las Pegasus, he'll have an entire army of cuddle-hungry slaves!"
>"Next thing you know, he'll march his army to Canterlot Castle...
>Pinkie's fears took shape, as her imagination displayed Anon marching up to the castle, an army of pastel colored ponies followed closely behind
>The guards tried to keep them away, but it was all in vain
>Ponies held the guards down, as the "Hands of Obedience" drafted them into Anon's ranks
>The Princesses of Day and Night stood by their thrones, looking towards the front doors
>It was eerily quiet, which made them uncomfortable
>Their hearts pounding, and what felt like a lump of lead in their throats
>Boom! Boom!
>Impact after impact was thrown against the castle's giant doors
>The walls beside them cracked and splintered with each strike
>BOOM!!!
>The hinges finally gave way, as the two doors hit the castle floor with a thunderous crash
>And there he was, the man of the hour, staring down the two Alicorns with sinister intent
>Princess Luna was furious, stepping towards this alien invader
>"Vile usurper! Your tyranny ends now!"
>She darted towards Anon like a rocket, her horn aiming straight for his heart
>"LUNA WAIT!!!"
>But Celestia's words didn't reach her, she was too consumed by rage and sorrow
>And Anon... he just smiled
>With a snap of his fingers, a pony jumped in front of him
>"Twilight?!"
>Luna tried to slow down, she'd never dare wish to bring harm against one of her subjects, let alone her big sister's favorite student
>That hesitation cost her dearly, as an aura of purple magic grabbed Luna, pinning her to the ground
>"Please, don't do this Twilight! Don't let Anon control you, you have to fight it!"
>Twilight's creepy smile caused Luna's blood to run cold
>"There's nothing to fight, his approval is what I LIVE for."
>Sure Twilight's magic was strong, but Luna was more than capable of breaking out of her magical grip
>Unfortunately, her goal wasn't to keep her pinned down forever
>Just long enough for Anon to start scratching her behind the ear
>"SISTER!!!"
>Celestia fell to her knees, as her beloved sister fell prey to Anon's mesmerizing touch
>Princess Luna laid there on the floor, no longer held down by magic, as it wasn't needed anymore
>"So... happy..."
>Twilight stood over her master's newest slave, tall and proud
"Well done, Commander Sparkle."
>Anon gave Twilight a loving pet, ruffling up the purple pony's mane
>The Commander bit her lip, as a wave of intense pleasure surged through her body, and she slumped over with a blissful sigh
>Anon started walking towards Celestia
"She was my first, y'know. If I'd known that I could do this, I would've done it ages ago."
>The sun princess got back onto her hooves, her face streaming with tears
>"How dare you... You were an outsider with nowhere to go. We took you in, we accepted you as one of us. And this is how you repay us, for all of the love and kindness that we showed you?!"
"Oh don't misunderstand me. I truly AM grateful for everything you all have done, and now I have the opportunity to give everyone in this kingdom an even GREATER love back. This is my gift to all of ponykind."
>Princess Celestia's horn began glowing with an intense golden magic
>"I'll find a way to cure everypony of this spell that you put them under. But first, I'll see to it that you're locked up in the deepest, darkest pit of Tartarus for all of eternity!"
>Anon's eyes lit up, bringing her down was going to be the best feeling the world
"A free belly rub to whoever holds her down"
>Countless pony eyes shot open, as they poured into the castle like a massive flood
>The sheer size of this army overwhelmed Celestia, she loved her subjects too much to try and hurt them in order to get to Anon
>That's what he was counting on, that fiend
>The ponies held her down in a gigantic dogpile, with only her head poking out
>Celestia started tearing up again, she was completely and utterly helpless
>"My little ponies, please stop this..."
>Anon kneeled down in front of her
"Sorry, they're MY little ponies now."
>His hand reached out to her head
"And so. Are. You."
>Pinkie screamed as she snapped out of her fantasy, the horror was too much for her
>Fluttershy stared at her, before rolling her eyes
>"Come on, Pinkie. That's just ridiculous."
>Pinkie pressed her snout against Fluttershy's
>"No it isn't! He's just biding his time. I've been trying to warn everypony for months, but they just won't listen. If he cuddles the Princesses, Equestria will be his, forever!"
"Next!"
>Another pony began making her way into the tent
>She was a gray mare, with purple hair, and a deadpan stare
>Pinkie gasped hard
>"MAUD!!!"
>She dashed towards the tent so fast, that it stripped every leaf off of that bush
>It also messed up Fluttershy's mane with an audible POOF
>Maud was just about to be petted by Anon
>Time slowed to a crawl, Pinkie burst through the tent
>"Nooooooooooooooooo!"
>She pushed her sister out of the way, and Anon's hand made contact with HER head instead
>"Aaaaaaaaaaaahh...!"
"What the?! Pinkie, what're you doing here?!"
>"No... he got me... Fingers... seeping into brain... Legs... turning to jelly... Free... will... leaving me..."
>Her eyes turned into swirls, as the last of her resistance was scratched away
>She was part of the collective now
>"Save yourself... I belong to him now..."
>Maud looked down at her sister, and then towards Anon, her blank face never changing once
>"I'll have what she's having."
>Anon sighed
"Yeah, sure. But first..."
>He then picked Pinkie Pie up, and dropped her outside of the tent
"Get out and wait in line like everybody else!"
>Pinkie laid in the dirt, a mixture of adrenaline and pleasure making her mind foggy
>Fluttershy saw the pink giggling mass that used to be Pinkie Pie, and puffed up her cheeks
>"Pardon my language, but that little hypocrite."
>The sun soon set, and day turned into night
>Time sure flies, when you're petting alien ponies all day
>An alarm clock beside Anon started ringing
>He shut it off, got to his feet, and stepped outside of the tent
"Attention ponies, it's now 8 O'clock. Magic Fingers is officially closed for the day."
>Ponies moaned in disappointment, some even started crying
"I know, I know. As much as I'd like to keep going, tomorrow is my day off. But be sure to come back on Monday, 'cause I love ya."
>The line started to disperse, none of the ponies were happy about it.
>"NO!"
>The scream rang out from her Royal Purpleness
>Twilight was swamped with royal studies and friendship problems around town that she was tasked with solving, and didn't have time to stand in line today
>"Nononono, I can't be too late! I'm never late! I sped through all of my assignments to try and make time. I calculated the time I needed to get them done flawlessly, I have the equations right here!"
>She pulled out several papers filled with math, from her saddlebag
>Anon just shrugged
"Sorry Twi, but I run a respectable business, and 8 O'clock means 8 O'clock. You'll just have to try again on Monday. Goodnight."
>Anon and Rainbow Dash started walking away
>Twilight was shocked, Anon was just gonna deny her that precious quality time that she needed every day?
>"No... No!"
>She swooped towards Anon, like a hawk would a rabbit
>"CUDDLE ME, ANON!!!"
>Suddenly, whoosh!
>Rainbow tackled Twilight midair and pinned her down, like a criminal to a cop car
>"If the man says he's closed, then he's closed!"
>Twilight looked like she was about to cry
>"Please... I need this..."
>"We all do, Twilight. But you gotta learn to control yourself. Now go home."
>She went back to Anon and walked with him, leaving Twilight alone, sobbing on the ground
"I knew hiring you was a good idea."
>Dash puffed her chest out
>"You know it, now it's time for MY end of the deal."
"Of course, "Snuggle Buddy.""
>"Ssh, not so loud...!"
>They were about to round the corner to Anon's house, when a new face appeared before them
>A white face, to be exact
>"Yoohoo, Anon darling~"
>Anon grimaced
"Oh boy..."
>Rainbow was about to step in, but Anon made her stand down
"What's up, Rarity?"
>"Well, I wanted to say that I forgive you for blacklisting me. Most stallions get intimidated by a pony of my beauty. Perhaps I can do something more for you, to show that there's nothing to fear."
>Anon looked at Dash, who just shrugged, then turned back to Rarity
"Like what?"
>Rarity giggled, as she unfurled a big poster with her magic
>"Ta-da~! What do you think? It's advertising for your business."
>It was a well decorated poster, featuring the words "Magic Fingers" on it
"Wow, that's really nice."
>The pony's face beamed with pride
>"Oh I knew you'd love it! With my connections, you can have these on 50ft billboards in every major city."
>She started moving towards Anon, batting her eyelashes
>"Now then, since I so generously offered to help expand your business, perhaps I deserve a turn with those delicious-looking fingers of yours~?"
"No."
>So fast, and so blunt
>Rarity was flabbergasted
>"Are. You. KIDDING ME?! Why won't you pet me?! I'm not married! I'm not a filly! I'm not asking for sex! I meet ALL of your standards! So why?! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!"
>She was stomping her hooves, like a child throwing a tantrum
"Well... you see... the thing is... BYE!"
>Anon and Rainbow ran past Rarity, and into the night
>"ANONYMOUS!!!"
>Once out of her line of sight, they slowed down, panting and laughing
>"Oh man, that was funny. But yeah, how come you don't pet Rarity?"
"I know about Spike's crush on her. I couldn't do that to him, he's my bro."
>Even Rainbow's "Too Cool for School" heart melted slightly upon hearing this
>"Dude..."
"Yup, he's a good kid."
>"Anyway, let's get inside. I NEED my quality time."
>They were just about to make it to Anon's door
>"Well well well..."
"Ugh, what now?"
>Before their eyes were 3 stocky looking pegasus stallions, with hair covering their eyes.
>They were Hoops, Dumb-Bell, and Score, 3 guys from Rainbow's youth who liked to pick on her
>Hoops stepped up to get a better look
>"So this is the thing that's been hoggin' all of the ladies in town? Doesn't look so special to me."
>Rainbow was ready to get violent.
>"Whoa, simmer down Rainbow Crash. What's wrong, got tired of your normal friends, so now you're hovering around this green ape instead?"
>The other two start laughing
>Dash was seeing red
>"Anon, cover your eyes..."
"Hey hey, no. None of that."
>Anon got in front of Rainbow, looking straight at Hoops
>"What're you lookin' at?"
"There's no need for any of this conflict. So how 'bout you leave my friend alone?"
>Hoops let out a snort
>"Oh yeah? And what if I say no?"
>You asked for it
>Anon started petting the stallion's head
>"What the?!"
>Score and Dumb-Bell gasped, they thought Hoops was under attack
>They were about to fight back, until they saw the look on his face
>He looked so happy, he even started kicking up his back leg like a dog, which made Dash giggle
>Anon took his hand back, Hoops was having trouble keeping his balance
>"Dude..."
"That'll be 5 bits."
>Hoops instinctively gave Anon his money
>"Cha, sure bro. Whatever you want."
>The other 2 stallions looked at each other, and then they both offered 5 bits too
>"Me next!"
>"No ME next!"
>Soon enough, all 3 of them left, leaving Anon and Dash alone
>"Wow, thanks for standing up for me like that, dude."
>Anon gave her a winning smile
"No problem, I don't mind doing a little overtime if it means helping my favorite bodyguard."
>Rainbow looked away, with a sweet smile and blushing cheeks
"Now then, let's go home. I still owe you YOUR snuggles."
>Dashie did a backflip of joy
>"Alright!"
>The night passed by as blissfully as the ones before it
>Cuddling Rainbow like a giant blue teddy bear makes sure of that
>Anon has given her so many cuddles, that she can't be more than 10ft away from him at any given time
>Like a symbiotic relationship, she keeps him safe, and he gives her more pets than anypony else
>They left the house, ready to enjoy their day off together
"So Pinkie finally gave in. It was so weird, she's been avoiding me for months."
>All of a sudden, in a flash of confetti, the pink one herself materialized before him
>"Good morning, Supreme Leader!"
"Whoa, speak of the Ponk..."
>Pinkie grabbed a bunch of maps and charts, setting them up in front of Anon
>"I've been going over maps all night, and if we follow this route that I've created, you should be able to grow your ranks in the most timely manner. PLUS, I've been scouting Canterlot Castle for weakpoints. Their defenses will be at their weakest, if we strike just before dawn."
>Anon and Rainbow just stared at her
"What are you talking about?"
>"Your conquest of Equestria, silly. I dunno what I was thinking trying to prevent it, you deserve a mighty empire in service to those beautiful hands. Now please gimme a reward for being such a good soldier."
>She eagerly stuck her head out
"This is my day off, if I pet you, I'll have to pet everybody else too. That wouldn't be fair, right?"
>Her ears flopped down in defeat
>"I... I guess not."
"That's a good Ponk, I'll pet you tomorrow. Later."
>The two went on their merry way
>Pinkie flopped to the ground, petless and sad
"Conquering Equestria, ridiculous."
>Dash looked up at him
>"I dunno, you WOULD look pretty cool with a crown."
>Anon put a hand on his head
"You really think so?"
>Right when Rainbow took her eyes off of Anon, a potato sack was thrown over his head and was dragged backwards into an alley
>"So then I said- Huh?"
>She turned back to Anon, only to find that he wasn't there?
>"Anon? ANON?!"
>Dash started to panic, without him nearby, her petting withdrawal set in immediately
>She took to the sky, frantically searching for her missing bro
>Anon threw the sack off in fear, and before his eyes stood Princess Twilight
>Her hair was a mess, her eyes bloodshot, her breathing ragged
>"How dare you... How dare you..."
"T-Twilight...?"
>"How dare you refuse to give your best friend cuddles, especially when I'm the reason you have this business in the first place! Well I'm not waiting anymore!"
"Oh poopy..."
>Rainbow zipped around Ponyville in a desperate hurry, looking around every possible corner for Anon
>"Where is he?! WHERE IS HE WHERE IS HE WHERE IS HE?!"
>She finally caught a glimpse of his face, and landed in the alley where he was
>He was struggling to keep his hands off of Twilight's head, as she pulled him towards her with her magic
>Dash's blood boiled, as she rushed towards Twilight, with the fury of a thousand suns
>"GET AWAY FROM MY SNUGGLE BUDDY!!!"
>Rainbow Dash tackled Twilight out of the alley, as the two started to fight
>"You can't keep hogging him forever!"
>"Just watch me, nerd princess!"
>Pony onlookers saw the 2 mares making a scene in front of Anon
>"Hey, they're trying to keep all of the pets for themselves!"
>And just like that, the floodgates were opened
>Cuddle starved ponies began to stampede towards Anon
"AAAAAAAHHH!!!"
>Anon thought he was about to get flattened, but quick as a flash, he appeared on a nearby rooftop
"Pinkie?!"
>Indeed, it was Pinkie Pie who rescued him, as she tried to hold back the nearby Pegasi that tried to get near him
>"Supreme Leader, get the troops in order! You'll never conquer Equestria like this!"
>One pony slipped through her guard, as Flitter hovered in front of Anon, a crazed look in her eyes
>"Anon, I can't live without you!"
>Before she could pounce, a white sheet landed on top of her, and dragged her to the ground
>This time, it was Rarity who came to his rescue
>"You owe me SO many cuddles for this, Anonymous!"
>He never thought he'd be so happy to see her
>Rainbow tried to return to Anon's side, but it was taking all of her strength to hold Twilight back
>And then Twilight remembered
>She teleported out of Dash's grip, and towards Anon, pinning him down on the roof
>"Finally..."
>She used her magic to grab his hands again
>"NO!!!"
>A blur of yellow and pink knocked her off of Anon, and onto the ground again
"Fluttershy? But why?"
>She was holding down the Alicorn surprisingly well, smacking her horn before she could teleport again
>"I don't care if you blacklisted me. You're my friend, and I won't let these ponies misuse you."
>She looked away with a faint blush
>"B-But if you'd like to thank me with a pet later, I won't say no..."
"Ugh... every day with this girl..."
>Rainbow Dash finally made it to Anon, throwing him on her back, she leaped to the ground, and "dashed" off from the crowd
>With Pinkie, Rarity, and Fluttershy acting as the rear guard
>They didn't get too far though, because soon they were surrounded by nearly all of Ponyville
>The girls gathered around Anon, protecting him from all sides
>Twilight Sparkle stepped up to the front of the mob
>"No more horsing around. Hand over Anonymous."
>Fluttershy met her stare with one of her own
>"You can't do this, he's not an object. He started this business so that he could start taking care of himself better."
>Twilight's eye twitched
>"By getting us all hooked on his addictive touch? He did this to us, and now he needs to take responsibility..."
>The crowd started to slowly close in on them
>Fluttershy, Rainbow, Pinkie, & Rarity pressed against Anon in fear
>"I-If this is the end, I want you to know... I love you, Anon."
>"You're the best bro I could've ask for."
>"Please forgive me, Supreme Leader..."
>"Maybe one quick pet before it's too late, darling?"
>Right when they thought it was all over, a bright light shone down from the heavens
>"Anonymous T. Human."
>Right when all hope was lost, Princess Celestia herself descended from the sky
>Her horn glowed with golden magic
>And soon, the entire crowd was engulfed in a flash of brilliant white
>As soon as the light vanished, the mob of ponies stopped in their tracks
>They were groaning, and rubbing their heads
>Even Twilight didn't look like a crazed mess anymore, she was back to normal
>"My head... What happened?"
>Pinkie realized what Celestia did, and jumped for joy
>"I'm free! That dark sinister hold that he had over my soul is gone!"
>The ponies all bowed to Celestia in reverence, silently thanking her for freeing them from their addictions
>Even Anon was thankful, without her, who knows what would've become of his fingers
>But now, what was going to become of the business that he'd worked so hard to build up?
"Thank you, Princess. You really saved my bacon."
>The Princess sighed and gently shook her head
>"Honestly, you were always up to some kind of mischief."
>"But to get almost all of Ponyville to chase you? What did you even do?"
"This."
>Quick as a whip, he started scratching Celestia's chin
>The pony crowd gasped in shock and horror
>Pinkie Pie took it the worst, however
>"NOOOOO!!!"
>Celestia's eyes rolled back, as her head melted into Anon's hand
>Her mouth curling into a big dopey smile
>Pinkie took off for the hills, screaming
>"You doomed us! YOU DOOMED US ALL!!!"

THE END