> Anon is a spirit that got misfiled by the grim reaper
> He now wanders Equestria trying to find a way back to life, or maybe to the local heaven
> Only foals and the mentally unstable can see or hear him
> Little Twilight fulfills both conditions
> Anon encourages her to push the boundaries of science
> Learns magic theory along with her, but he doesn't have a good intuitive grasp of what it can actually do
> Part of why Twilight was so obsessed in "Feeling Pinkie Keen" was because Pinkie's metaphysical powers implied that there might be magics that could defy the current understanding, maybe even incarnate Anon
> Meanwhile, Anon stays the fuck away from Pinkie, she looks freaky from the astral plane
> As Twilight learns friendship lessons, Anon becomes fainter and fainter to her
> By the time she is princess, she has so many duties, she rarely dabbles in mad science anymore
> She did have that one imaginary friend that she made up, to comfort her when she was new and unsure in a new school, but she will never admit that she had an imaginary stallion
> Sometimes she guiltily shlicks to fantasies about him, feeling foalish and like she is defiling a pure part of her childhood
> Anon amuses himself by trying to match her pace with ghost dickings
>Starlight becomes a student to Twilight
>Not knowing about friendship and still reeling from her previous actions have left her feeling alone and unstable
>Finds Anonymous walking the halls of the castle and goes to confront him
>She is amazed and slightly terrified to find out her magic has no effect on him
>She is even more surprised that he understands magic at it's most fundamental level
>They begin to bond to help Glimmer simmer down into her new life
>Being careless Glimmer speaks to Anon whenever and wherever
>Hearing Glimmer talking to Anon one day, Twilight begins to follow her and take notes
>Makes the connection that this Anon is her Anon and he was actually real all along but can only be perceived by a select few
>She is heartbroken that she ever doubted his existence and abandoned him similarly to how she did with her friends in Canterlot
>In an attempt to reconcile with one of her oldest friends and trusted advisers she attempts to tear open a path for Anon to come and meet the rest of the ponies of Equestria
>Luna and Celestia welcome their old friend into the world of the living



>After a magical mishap that allows the two to communicate via a notebook, Twilight and Anon enter into a transdimensional long-distance relationship
>After months of purely textual contact, Twilight finally devises a way for Anon to come visit Equestria
>While making her preparations, she begins to worry that the reversed gender roles of Equestria may cause Anon some stress
>He already has to accept the existence of magic, talking ponies, and the infinite vastness of the multiverse, being wolf whistled at would be a bridge too far
>She proceeds to organize the town to fake 'normal' gender roles for the duration of Anon's visit, with predictably bad results




>Anon is a stripper
>Comes out of giant birthday cakes and gives the lucky mare a lapdance
>Sometimes the mares get drunk and ramble to him about how it's not right that he has to strip for a living and how they're going to "save" him
>Anon never hears from them again
Such is life for Anon the stripper.



>"Anonymous, you really ought to be more careful. Why, some mare could catch you alone and take you against your will!"
>You've had enough of this 'poor little stallion' bullshit
>You lean your head back and smirk, resting one hand on your hip and use the other to point a lone finger at the princess of the night
"I can take any pony on the planet, Princess, even you."
>"Is that a challenge, my LITTLE human?"
"Don't think your lithe figure and feminine wiles will make me hold back. U wanna go, m8?"
>Luna sputters for a moment, blushing up a storm and unable to counter verbally
>You take the advantage and pull your shirt off over your head
>Taking care to avoid knocking your sunglasses off
"I don't care how much you've toned that plot of yours, those elegant curves got nothin on dis bulk! IT'S GO TIME!"
>She finally recovers and smirks at you, narrowing her eyes
>That's a bit too wide a smirk though
>Maybe you're biting off more than you can chew
>"Challenge accepted, Anonymous. I think you'll find our techniques quite...tiresome. Could a naked ape like you earn our cries for mercy?"
>Fuck it, it's go time.
"That'll be hard to do when your twinkling mane is pressed against the floor, Princess. We didn't evolve from apes..."
>You twist at the waist and flex both your arms and your back
"...we evolved INTO APES!"
>She shudders and licks her lips for a moment
>Her horn lights up and you jump back, hopping from foot to foot and bringing your fists up in a boxing stance.
>Every door and window in the room suddenly slams shut.
>She stands and lowers her font half into a fighting stance, licking her lips.
>"Show me your moves, Anon, show me all of them..."

>Celestia is awoken in the middle of the night to find the castle shaking amid the sound of broken glass

>She finds a bunch of staff and guards peeking through a doorway trying to watch what's going on inside
>The door had been reduced to splinters

>"Dost thou surrender fair Anonymous?!" Her sister bellowed with a giggle

>Celestia finally gets to see what's going on inside
>A window was broken.
>A few of the floor tiles were cracked
>It looked like a tornado had gone through the room

>And off to the side, Luna is attempting to pin a shirtless Anonymous to the floor
>His pants are threatening to fall off of him if they rip any further
>Somehow his sunglasses remain fixed to his face
>"You haven't won yet Moonbutt!" He responded with a manic grin on his face





>Sometime after Anon has settled in RGREquestria, the ponies finally find a way to create a portal to earth.
>Unsure what to do with the first contact, Celestia and Luna pull Anon from his leisurely life as househusband and make him into the "Minister of Human Affairs"
>He's not too happy about being pulled away from his family and shoved into a position they just made up.
>So naturally, being spiteful and difficult is the route he takes.
>The meetings between him and earth's leaders churns up a shitstorm bigger than Trump being elected for a number of reasons. Like generally being an asshole and getting away with it.
>But the biggest reasons are his adamant refusal to take human refugees or allow immigration into Equestria.
>And since Equestria is already the sole superpower of Equis and not reliant on importing OR exporting, Anon can afford to wait for trade deals and treaties biased in his favor. 
>But once people get a general idea of RGREquestria's wealth, magic, and utopian quality of life, millions are clamoring to get in overnight.
>Men want in for easy love.
>Women want in to finally experience a matriarchy.
>Poor want in for new lives and opportunities.
>Rich want in for business ventures and dreams of living like kings,
>Vermin want in to leech on the wealth and charity.
>Virtuous want in to have a home to be proud of.
>The word "No" has never triggered so many people so fast before.
>As he watches yet another riot (or "peaceful showing to protest the unfair Equestrian Minister" as the news calls it) from his earth office, he wishes he was at home cuddling his wife or playing with his kids.
>Maybe he should let a few hopeless cases in for shits and giggles?



>Anon buys a larger hoodie to keep Lyra in the front
>Bonbon wants in, attaches to his back
>He needs an even bigger hoodie
>This time with straps inside the front and back
>Fillies think it's fun to grab onto his legs and ride his feet as he walks
>Anon gets special pants with little hoofholds
>Pinkie starts hanging onto his side, so he carries her like a football
>Rainbow Dash knows a good napping spot when she sees one
>Takes the spot in the crook of his other arm
>They pitch in to buy him a better coat
>Anon walks around ponyville most of the day covered in ponies
>Gets snuggles
>Gets dem gains.
>Life is good



>How’s a human male to earn an income in a world where all that’s expected of him is to stay home and take care of the foals?
>The answer came to you in the form of a minty-mare.
>Lyra, whom almost always hitched a ride inside the confines of your old worn out hoodie made an off-hand remark one day.
>”Mares would pay for something like this.”
>Not one to let a golden opportunity pass you by you began the “Anonymous Public Transport” company.
>For the low-low price of just five bits, you’d get a comfy ride to wherever in town while seated inside a hoodie.
>Headpats along the way cost an additional two bits.
>Business was good.
>Excpet…
>”My dear Anonymous would you be so kind to take me to Twilights castle?”
>Celestia
>Again
“I thought we went over this, you can’t fit in here.”
>”Oh nonsense, I’ve been on a fantastic diet and I’m sure-“
“Fine, but if you fall out I can’t be held responsible.”

>Celestia buys his services for an entire day
>Even splurges on headpats and nuzzles
>He shows up in the morning and she hops, folding her rear legs up and through the straps
>Almost a year of being covered in ponies just about everywhere he walks has made Anon /fit/
>Her neck rests against his cheek and her head rests on his head
>The payment for headpats and nuzzles was for her
>His hoodie stretches around her, and he has to grab both her enormous cheeks to hold her up
>She has breakfast this way, sitting in his lap and hoodie at the breakfast table
>Luna taunts her, but Celestia just says she's jealous she didn't think of this first
>Gets crumbs on Anon's head
>Headpats and nuzzles him while he walks her to each appointment
>He either faces the wall or she twists her neck at meetings
>Holds Comfy-Court(tm)
>Naps on him in the garden in the afternoon, still in his hoodie




>With Equestria's extremely liberal views on sex, prostitution is actually one of the more accepted jobs for stallions
>It's common to see colts completely covered in clothes, strutting around and flirting with any mare who comes near
>Anonymous arrives in Equestria covered in clothes
>After he settles in with Twilight, he asks about getting a job
>She tells him about the brothel on the edge of town.
>He thinks she's messing with him, so he leaves to go find a job on his own.
>He's turned down at every single one.
>Each time they tell him about the brothel
>When he gets offended at the suggestion, they scoff at him.
>"It's honest work."
>"Ponies 'round here sure would appreciate yer efforts."
>"You seem like the kind of stallion that would excel in that career field."
>"Zis is not a brothel, good sir. Zis is a Spa."
>Eventually, he goes to the brothel and applies
>They just laugh when he offers a resume, and tell him to show his cock
>He's hired on the spot and sent to the 'exotic males' section
>The other stallions, a mix of zebras, dragons, and griffons, see his unique looks as competition and constantly try and sabotage his 'dates'




>Anon likes playing with foals so much that mares think he's baby-crazy
>Some mares feel cautious and uneasy as they think, "If I tapped that, he'd probably want half a dozen foals from me."
>Others feel anticipation at the same thought




>Anon has the largest herd known to Equestria
>Twenty mares, who are all perpetually pregnant
>There are finally enough ponies in the Apple Family to run the farm
>Expand it, even
>Every foal in school has him as a father
>He sires a bunch of colts, even more than regular ponies
>They almost have his stamina and sex drive
>Mayor Mare (also in his herd) increases taxes to make the school better, and higher more teachers
>Everyone is ok with it
>Cheerilee (also in his herd) moves classes to the Crystal Castle and Twilight (his alpha mare) lives her dream to be a teacher 
>She has to expand the town to accommodate their needs, and all the jobs they'll need when they get older
>Five generations and nearly 26,000 foals (each mare in his herd had six) later, you can still tell the descendants of man apart from regular ponies because of their incisors.


>Celestia had a hardcore predator fetish.
>It's no use because she's the most powerful being in the world.
>anon is ignorant of this
>satisfies her need to be 'hunted' and dominated
>is completely unaware she's powerful enough to break every bone in his body or flat out vaporize him
>she has to bend over backwards to prevent him from finding out and ruining her favorite fantasy of being a weak, easily dominated mare
>In bed, Celestia accidentally zaps Anon one day out of pure reaction.
>She feels terrible that she just killed her lover and the only human.
>He gets back up, dazed and a bit singed, but not dead.
>Turns out, while he has no outright immunity, he does have a heavy resistance to magic for some strange reason.
>Celestia can actually fight back in bed now, and doesn't have a overwhelming chance to win.
>He could ACTUALLY eat her even if she gave it her all.
>UNF
>The guards don't even bother to investigate the sounds of struggle anymore.




>Well Anon, you finally did it.
>You're getting married to your wifu.
>There is just one small problem about being the male equivalent to a bride in horse world.
>They have some of the weirdest marriage proposals and ceremonies.





Celestia constantly sexually harasses people around her, and having a direct line to twilight, she gets the brunt of it. Along comes anon, who can give as good as he gets, but celestia has no idea who it is, as he signs all the letters anonymous (Take it as anon fell through in ponyville and twilight wanted to show celestia she is capable of handling matters on her own.) and never told her about him, or that it was even a him. 

Let this escalate
Tell it from celestias pov
Have her take a minor vacation to ponyville to find out who is responding to her in every way she likes
Have it all anon with spike running up to him with scrolls, sealed documents, and what not. 
[In short, Celestia sends sekuhara letters to twilight, but anon answers them.]




>>Ponies think Anon might be getting homesick
>>They start wearing clothes and walking around on their hindlegs whenever he's around
>>Anon is confuse but is starting to like things this way
>>Bonus: Celestia now towers over Anon being a whole head taller when standing on her hind hooves




>Rainbow Dash regularly just walks into Anon's house when she wants to talk to him
>Ponies don't have much of a sense of personal space, so this is common amongst their kind
>Horse houses don't even have locks on their doors
>Rainbow Dash can't find Anon right away and starts wandering room to room looking for him
>Walks into what she later learns is his bedroom
>Finds him sitting on his bed, masturbating
>Awkward silence
>Rainbow runs out, yelling apologizes in her wake
>Rainbow is confused
>"Colts don't do that!"
>As far as she's concerned, stallions don't even go to the bathroom; now she finds her innocent (if willfully ignorant) worldview shattered




> Anon is a professor of Prosaic Studies at Celestia's school of gifted unicorns
> That is, physics, chemistry, and pugilism
> He dabbles in runes and rituals to handle the shenanigans his students try to pull
> He lets them have one telekinetic lick at his shaft before he gives them the magical equivalent of hitting your funny bone
> He has decent pull in faculty meetings, partly because he is head of his department, partly because he's one of two male professors there
> His colleagues flirt with varying amounts of shamelessness
> Friday nights, he drinks with Celestia and they share stories about the stupid things the students do




>Twi births a centaur.
>Its a girl!
>Alls good until teenage rebellion hits.
>She escapes home and visits Tartarus to see Tirek.
>"It's not a phase, mom! Tirek, like, understands me and stuff!"
>Anon patiently waits for Tirek to accidentally impregnate his daughter and then run when he gets the news that he's going to be a father
>If Anon didn't let his daughter experience the consequences of her actions, then how will she learn?
>Twist: Tirek embraces fatherhood and wants to rise child as his heir.

>It could actually be an appropriately feelsy story for RGRE. The homme fatale, so hurt by the betrayal of his brother, finds family that he can love again, family that doesn't use his love of them like a weapon or a chain, until he finds himself willingly "tied down".




>Johnny Bravo in RGRE
>Unlike earth, he's got females almost literally throwing themselves at him.
>Just one flex, and they're fighting over who gets him. 
>But they're ponies, not babes...
>[Internal Conflict]

>Be Johnny Bravo in Equestria.
>You were wooing a sweet sweet momma by showing her how you could lift a stature of a horse.
>She got all freaky and screamed about magic.
>You honestly believed the only magic around there was how smokin' hot she was.
>You were wrong.
>The statue broke while you were holding it.
>You guess they didn't use good materials.
>The thing just fell apart.
>And then you found out that that hot hot women weren't the only magical thing around.
>You were pulled into a weird trippy hole in the world thing and ended up here.
>Some town full of magic pony people.
>"Whoa daddy, look at that sweet guy over there."
>"Excuse me sir, can I have a minute?"
>You turn to whoever's speaking.
>There's a cream furred winged pony with an orange mane.
"What is it, little pony thing?"
>"Are you one of Celestia's angels? Because you are smokin' hot."






>RGRE
>Football is seen as super colty, basically the Equestrian equivalent of women's mma
>Yeah they're tough and strong, but mares like AJ are watching it are in it for the colt on colt
>Rarity got into it by watching all of her dad's games
>Knows stats, plays, every detail about players and coaches
>Anon watches it with her because it is the most human entertainment ponies' have.
>Despite most colts being limp-wristed fairies, football players are just the same as on Earth.
>Plays a quick game with Rarity's dad when meeting the parents
>Still throws the mean spiral that he did in high school
>average for a human but being able to throw that far is unseen with even the best unicorn players

So
>Hondo Flanks trains Anon to be a pro football player helping Anon live up to is Bundy-esque dreams. Basically Rocky, but with football and ponies

>Anon plays with the local stallions garnering attention from a random scout. Amazing him with blitz and shotgun plays. With Rarity torn between worrying that Anon's newfound fame will lead him to meet much more marely mares than herself and being supportive of him reaching his dreams

>Anon plays with the local stallions garnering attention from the local mares who weren't really interested before finding their clits getting hard at sweaty, musky Anon in football tights and half a shirt. All while Rarity beats back the oncoming horde of "fans" from moving in on her man all led by the mareliest mare in Ponyville, Applejack. Who doesn't know a thing about football other than hot males roughhousing, but tries to act like she is a superfan too

or
>Rarity is worried that she has an Electra complex due to how much Anon is like her father when she sees them horsing around. Both Janefillies, both big and strong, both hold her and stroke her mane when she cries, both are perfectly fine with how colty she is. This is made all the worse by the fact that her family loves him and her dad all but demands she marries Anon





>"Anon! A poor colt like you shouldn't have to plow all that snow in the cold!"
>Scrape
Huh? What?
>Oh, it's Spergle. She's in some sort of carriage with a blade on it.
>You load up another plow full of snow, and grip near the end, tossing it onto your almost meter high snowbank
>"Here, I'll do it for you."
>Her horn lights up, which to you by now is a telltale sign of trouble, and your shovel is yanked out of your hands and deep into the snowbank.
>It triggers a mini avalanche, spilling snow all over your previously clean walkway.
T-Twilight! Damnit, I don't need any h-
>You quickly step out of the way as her now glowing carriage surges past you, clearing whatever's infront of it but making a mess of the sides.
Watch where you're going!
>"I can't! It's out of controooool!"
>You get an eyeful of firm booty has the carriage presses up against her plot and the whole contraption spins out, crashes into the snowbank, and fucking explodes.
>Thanks, cartoon physics.
>Pretty much all of your work over the last half hour's undone.
>You saunter over to the debris, and Twilight, who pokes her head out.
>Snow falls down her shaking mane.
>It's actually kind of pretty.
Mare's job, huh?
>"S-sh-sh-sh-shut u-u-up-p-pbbbrbrbrrr..."
>The snow can wait.
>You pick up the half-frozen mare and carry her inside, patting her cute little pony butt and listening to her whispers of "Whimsy" or something like that.

>The hot chocolate's still a bit hot, but it's fine considering how cold you were.
>Nonny has you wrapped up in a blanket around you. Both of you watch as the CMC clear Anon's walkway with their own tiny snow shovels.
>They're slower, but at least they're thorough.
>Meanwhile, your plan worked. Anon's cuddling you! Maybe you'll get some dick tonight too.
>Until then, you nuzzle into his chest and snooze





>Ponies. being as expressive as they are, have advanced vocal cords.
>They can talk, sing, whistle, mewl, purr, yelp, yip, chirp, coo, whine, neigh, whinny, and other sounds.
>The expressive faces, with large eyes, swiveling ears, flicking tails, tilted heads, and even hoof gestures add another layer of complexity to conversation. 
>Talking to a pony is anywhere from perfectly clear to total guesswork because of this.
>Their physiology also reflects their speech.
>The variable make-up of their bodies makes calling them ponies, referring to a direct relation to earth horses, almost totally incorrect.
>The soft hooves, unreal agility, extreme hardiness, high level of flexibility, jaw strength, plush fur, varied (and sometimes extra) senses, gender skew, use of magic and countless other things borrow from a medley of mostly mammal creatures.
>And this is not even counting the odd, sometimes nonsensical social customs and rituals that can vary based on location, hierarchy, race of pony, family, clan, and other things.
>A human in such a place would be an alien in an alien land indeed.
>Though, trying to live in such a place with such creatures is not without reward...





>Despite how the gender skew should have made things easier, Lyra the eccentric lyre player is one of the few ponies who finds you attractive.
>Take up her offer for a date. 
>And later, a full relationship.
>With an indifferent (at first) Bonbon along for the ride, of course.
>And it's everything you ever wanted. A real relationship with not one, but two real wome - er, mares. 
>Little do you know, Lyra and Bonbon are thinking the same thing.
>FreaksInLove.mp4

>Ponies talk about Anon, Lyra, and Bon Bon behind their backs
>Some of the nastier ponies laugh as they pass by
>Then they start witnessing how Anon and his mares are genuinely happy together
>thelaughterstops.png
>Several mares become intimately aware that they are, in fact, single





>Lyra is a humaboo
>Completely obsessed with humans as per usual
>But she hasn't quite made the leap to thinking Humans are for Sexual
>It wouldn't be very difficult to get her to that point, but she ain't a monkeyfucker yet
>Humans are for snuggles, ear scratchies, and belly rubs

>Bon Bon on the other hand, is also a humaboo, though she zealously hides that from everybody but Lyra
>And she *definitely* thinks Humans are for Sexual
>She tries her hardest to keep Lyra from finding out the depths of her perversion

>Then Anon shows up.





ponies are alien anyways, and their basic musculature; huge, expressive eyes; usually nice voices; and incredibly smooth, silky, plush coat means that any Anon willing to fuck a horse in the first place will find them physically satisfactory.
So Moondancer, whose cutie mark shape is unbalanced, whose horn spiral is slightly uneven, who has this slightly too sharp shape to her eyes puts her firmly below average in pony beauty (her smell isn't sweet enough either), but with the gender skew is probably going to be dating her hoof forever. In comes Anon, who loves her personalities and interests, and is genuinely confused when she explains how unattractive she is to other ponies. He tries to explain little things about the shape of his nose and width of his jaw and how those made him below average to humans and she's like, "Uh, what? But you smell like sex on wheels! Why would anyone care about something like that? You say those are acne scars? I like them, they're as cute as freckles, why would they be bad?"

Anon ends up with a herd of ponies that legitimately do have the best personalities around (one or two are even ravishing by pony standards, and love that they've finally found someone who legitimately doesn't care), and he finds every single one irresistible.

My favorite offshoot idea was that Twilight was also unattractive, until she ascended, which polished her to an exemplary beauty (maybe not super model, but clearly pretty). Even her friends are by turns jealous or admiring. Anon's the first one in her life who barely commented aside from how neat it is that she has wings now





>Anon learns to bake
>Gets pretty good
>Always free samples to his good friends
>*insert random Ponyville celebration here*
>Lots of friends and family join up
>SCC specializes in pure sweets; cookies, cakes, etc
>Anon has fresh bread, buttered rolls, scones, bagels, muffins, and pastries
>Everypone surprised a stallion besides Carrot knows how to work an oven
>Even more surprised that breads can taste so good
>Like a woman managing the perfect grilled steak every time without needing any sauce to fix
>Makes him a hit with mares who enjoy their food
>Pinkie is happy that Anon is getting attention, but is concerned with how much Mrs. Cake keeps 'adjusting' her tail




Mares are the men of the horse world. They won't be too critical of excuses to have sex all the time with their husbands.

>You whip out your penis.
"I heard sex during pregnancy can cure cancer."
>Your mare is already on top of you before you even finish your sentence.
>"Well, you can never be too careful."




>Anon and Twilight have seven foals
>Eventually it gets a little too much for Anon, but they've spaced them out enough so that the oldest can help out with the youngest
>Twilight wants more foals though, so they wait until the first four are out the door
>They have more and more foals like this
>Anon still remembers all their names and loves them all
>The two of them are still having babbies when their firstborn has a foal of her own
>Turns out constant exposure to the magical ejaculation of an alicorn's horn has plenty of health benefits for Anon
>Anon's spawn become so numerous in ponyville the family now not only controls it legally, but economically
>Anon's children have to start moving out of ponyville because other ponies are hesitant to join "The Family"
>Fifty years later, Princess Twilight and Anon's family gatherings fill up her entire castle and require tents outside, because the new Inns are all full up with her family




>Seashell injures herself for the millionth time in Ponyville
>This time, something broke, and she has go under physical therapy for a while
>Cripple pone regrets letting Seashell stay at her place during her recovery
>Seashell is happy because Cripple's house is really big, and the tall doctor gives nice massages, too




> Luna is an antisocial weeb
>Humans appear frequently in pony anime
>Luna routinely has her guards abduct Anon to spend time with her
>She doesn't seem to grasp that kidnapping people is wrong
>She's confused
>In all the time they've spent together, he hasn't 'accidently' fallen dick-first into her face
>Or tripped and caught the waistband of his pants on the corner of a table so that his pants are pulled down
>Or accidently buried his face in her genitals
>Or stumbled across her collection of lewd human sexual pornography magazines and offered to teach her first hand
>Has anime lied to her?

one of the guards should point out the fact that she's using tactics in animus that never, ever lead to sex or a relationship, and should therefore follow the tactics, techniques, and procedures outlined in her favorite doujins of hentai series.

>Anon and Luna (through some contrived courting ritual) have sex
>Luna is disappointed that he does not loudly proclaim that he's going to make her pregnant and/or give her his foals
>She's also disappointed that his speech was limited to grunts and mumbled declarations of love, rather than things like "if I cum any more I'll die" or "your vagina is milking my penis of all its sperm"

>Anon's having a nice dream about apples or whatever
>Suddenly, he's standing at the foot of his bed, with a little girl laying on it
>"What are we going to do in the bed, Oni-chan?"
"Goddamn Luna, I'm not acting out your fucked up, and might I add tired and clichéd, fantasies!"
>The girl crosses her arms and sighs
>"You are much less fun than my Japonies Animes promised, Anonymous."

What are we going to do on the bed, Princess?
>Pomf
B-but you poop from there
>"Not this night, Anonymous"






>The innocent pic of Redheart.

>"Hello, sweetie! Admiring my mouth, are you? I bet you didn't know that I can practically suck a bowling ball through a silly straw with these little lips, could you?"
>"Perhaps you'd care to find out~<3?"

>"I'm afraid the diagnosis is Male Hysteria, Mr. Faggot."
"...Male Hysteria?"
>"Yes. Certain bodily functions may create a buildup of fluids that become poisonous to the individual if they are not drained in time."
"If you wanted to give me a blow--"
>"PLEASE, Mr. Faggot, I'm trying to remain professional here. No reason to use such crass language to describe a standard medical procedure."
"And there's nothing wrong with this?"
>"No need to worry your sweet little head over this, Mr. Faggot. These lips of mine could suck the melon out of a cantaloupe, so this won't hurt a bit. Please undo those pants and get on the table."

>"Also, maybe don't tell the other doctors and nurses that I'm doing this for you."
"Why's that?"
>You know why.
>Because this procedure is bullshit and she's using your ignorance of pony culture to give you a blowjob.
>Backwards Equestria is weird, but you don't complain when it gives you free blowjobs.
>"W-Well, the machine we use is all the way across the hospital, and it's a lot quicker if I just do it the old fashioned way.

>"Thank you for answering our call on such short-notice, Anonymous."
"I came as fast as I could, Nurse Redheart. What's the situation?"
>You could swear she twitched when you talked. Must be bad.
>"Please come with me."
>She leads you into a room with a mare on the little doctor's table.
>You think you recognize her eyes. Derpy?
>She blushes and turns away from you.
>"This is indeed a dire situation, Anonymous. Are you willing to help her out?"
"Sure, anything you need."
>The nurse hands you a small collection of papers, full of graphs and numbers and charts.
>You don't understand any of it, because they're all obfuscated terms.
>Levels of "Serum F" and "Percent of Berry-Humor" and such
"What does this all mean, doc?"
>"She will soon succumb to Mare Hysteria if she doesn't get the balance of her Humors in check, and you're the best source of the Essence she needs. One dose should be enough for a few months, but her situation has become dire."
"Okay...and what would mean what?"
>"Your Male Essence. You or I need to administer a dose, orally or anally, for her to return to normal levels. Otherwise it might jeopardize her basic functioning and make her unable to care for her work or her foal."
>...
>You look at Derpy.
"And you're ok with this?"
>She looks up at you from the floor and nods bashfully.
>You look back at Nurse Redheart, who is staring at you with a grim face.
"Seriously? This is the cure?"

>"Yes, Anonymous. I realize you are still learning about a pony's biology and physical needs, but this is the method we use here to resolve issues like this. You're also bound by the doctor-patient confidentiality clause you signed when you volunteered to help at the clinic."
>You sign and raise your eyebrows at the both of them.
"Fine, fine, I'll help...wait, what did you mean 'orally or anally'? And how would you do it?"
>"Your emission will be either directly administered to her with her method of choice, or I will extract it myself and inject it in whichever orifice she chooses."
"Extract? No need to sound so clinical for this."
>She gives you a deadpan look.
>"There is. We're in a clinic right now."
"You're not going to be using a tool or something, are you?"
>"What? No, none of our tools would work on you. They are all designed for pony physiology, so either of us would have to extract it the 'old fashioned way,' to put it in layman's terms."
"Oh-kay. So, how are we going to do this?"
>Nurse Redheart hands you a vial with a glowing liquid in it.
>"Please imbibe this and wait five minutes for it to work. It will increase your body's production to the levels required for a full dose for about an hour, but it will need some time to work. Please drink two of these next."
>She points to several glass measuring cups from the lab, each with about a quart of water.

"Whoa, alright."
>You down the little potion which tastes like strawberries and grass, then down a quart of the water.
>After only a few seconds, you feel a tingling sensation across your body, and your crotch feels...heavier.
>"Ms. Hooves, how would you like your dose administered? Please consider all your available options."
>She blushes and rubs one of her hooves on her foreleg, looking down at the paper for a few seconds.
>"A-anally," she answers and looks up at you both.
>Somehow.
>You raise your eyes at that. Back home people would have taken a dozen needles in the arm before using that "method."
>Nurse Redheart doesn't bat an eye and turns to open a cupboard, pulling out a little squeeze bottle and setting it on the counter. She then turns to review her notes on the counter.
>You look at her for a moment, waiting for her say something.
"Uh, are you going to give the two of us some privacy?"
>She snaps her head at you and gives you a look as if you had just asked if the sun moved on its own.
>You remember this face.
>"By Celestia, no! You're only a volunteer, Anonymous. You'll need a medical professional to be in the room to oversee the procedure and make sure the dose is administered properly."
"O-oh."
>"Not to mention I'll need to put you under another hour of medical supervision afterwards to handle the lingering effects of the potion. Your body may not clear out the medicine as quickly as a pony's does."
>As you sit there manspreading from the potion, feeling your balls swell to about twice their regular size, you step back mentall for a moment wondering just how you got yourself into this situation.





>Twilight's friends make fun of her relentlessly when she admits that she's sexually submissive. 
>Goes on for some time.
>Finally, she gets fed up and angrily tells them to watch what she means.
>Thinking it was some sort of joke, the other five agree and hide out in Twilight's room for this "show"
>It seems like less of a joke when Twi unashamedly rubs herself off a few times, filling the room with her scent.
>Even less of a joke when she calls in Anon, who pops a stiffy the instant he gets one breath of the Twi-filled air.
>It can't be that easy, can it..?
>When Twilight finally bends over and gives her pudgy rump a shake at the painfully aroused human, the other five are treated to a show like no other.
>One or two might even get a new fetish.





>Anon visits Cadence's room just before the wedding
>Knows she's an imposter
>Decides to spin a tale of how he and Cadence used to be together before Shining came into the picture
>Plays the "quiet, shy" young stallion stereotype and says that he wanted to see her before she was wed
>Reminisces about the moments they shared, the love they had for one another, and the empty and fleeting promises they made to each other as they breathlessly exchanged kisses
>Asks for one last kiss before she's officially married

Have chrysalis call him out on his Bulls hit because she senses the insincerity from his emotions.

Now have her rib on him for being such a sad individual who old do such a thing as make these lies. Have her target his insecurities. Now have her have a slight interest in this strange stallion trying to be just as manipulative as her.

Maybe anon doesn't get interest from ponies so this is sort of his joking but deep down real pleasure for affection. 





I want smooth as ice James Bond Bon Bon. She uncovers, fights and captures a changeling trying to capture Anon while keeping Anon oblivious and seducing him at the same time.
A couple times her cover is almost surely blown due to forces out of her control, but Anon just blows it off as silly ponies being silly.





>Preening is extremely important to pegasi and catbirds.
>Twilight unfortunately had a little accident and is stuck with a neck brace which leaves her unable to take care of her wings.
>Can't ask another mare to do it because it might give the wrong idea about which team she bats for.
>Asking a stallion is tantamount to a marriage proposal.
>The only option left is to ask Anon, who doesn't understand the implications of the act, to do it for her.
>All the while keeping their arrangement secret so no pony can accuse her of taking advantage of the naive Anon.







>Fresh off the rock farm teen Pinkie who's somehow even cuter and bouncier and insanely filled with hormones but too traditional and sheltered to know how to react to Anon
>Teen Applejack, after her parents died she's an emotional wreck and falls for Anon harder than a journalist falls for a rape hoax
>Teen Fluttershy, halfway between her adult model looks and the awkward gangly lanky look of her earlier years, still picked on mercilessly by her peers, Anon is her only refuge
>Teen Rarity, still a hopeless romantic but without the confidence her succesful business brings her, she's so desperate to make things work she'd do anything. ANYTHING.
>Teen Rainbow Dash... probably a pretty cunty jock desu. But she ends up running a train on you with the rest of the all mares hoofball team. Worth putting up with her cuntiness to end up swimming in hot fit teen marepuss. Somehow still with you even after you've been passed around the entire hoofball team, and brings you flowers after she forgets your birthday like you thought she would.
>Teen Twilight is a shut in nervous wreck going through exams. Her few friend barely see her anymore and she's practically killing herself studying. it takes a bit of work to convince her to spend time with you instead of studying, and she's a stuttering mess most of the time around you. But years of furiously clopping with a hammer hoof has left her surprisingly receptive to the brutal anger fucking you give her after she blows you off for the third time to study. The time you spend with her is short, far between, but leaves you exhausted and satisfied.





>Lyra & Bon Bon, "best friends" forever
>Lyra is shorter, less curvy, has weirder interests
>Bon Bon is tall, has big tits, child-bearin' hips, and likes all sorts of feminine things like rough football, motorcycles, and falling asleep on the couch after eating too much pizza
>Lyra initially introduced the "we're a package deal" thing for courting because she didn't honestly expect any man to be interested in her, and was counting on the deal to work her way when Bon Bon inevitably lands a hot guy
>Cue Anon, who shows interest in Lyra instead of Bon Bon
>Lyra could cut the "package deal" thing, grab Anon, and never let go
>Instead, she loyally sticks to the deal and offers to turn their relationship into whatever word for "herd" that the human version of horseland uses

>Lyra has a bad judge of character
>Stallions take advantage of her
>The most recent one is why Lyra lives with Bon Bon instead of, you know, her house
>It's because she doesn't have one any more.
>Bon Bon is fiercely protective of her friend and only lets up when she's satisfied that Anon won't screw Lyra over
>After that, she's the sweetest mare in the world







>Opposite of that.
>Being tall and slender with a defined face is seen as the one of the hallmarks of regal beauty.
>Meaning that alicorns are the most desirable pony race by far.
>In comes you, now the tallest being in Equestria.
>Add that to your long limbs, your relatively narrow profile, and your foal-like face (small yet defined facial features.) and ponies look at you like humans look at alicorns.
>Majestic, yet adorable in an otherworldly way.
>You may not fill a few other things that ponies find attractive, but being exotic makes up for much of that.
>Can't take even 10 steps outside before ponies crowd around.
>Even the most macho mares become shy yet are still compelled to vy for your attention.
>Stallions practically mow each other down to get close and enthusiastically try to befriend you, like how girls in highschool form a clique around the pretty girls. 
>You're not real sure how to take it.




>Humans are to ponies in popular fantasy what elves are to humans.
>Haughty perfect mary-sues with more powers and perfect "quirk"s than can be counted that every lonely fa/tg/irl either furiously masturbates to or hates irrationally. Sometimes both. 
>Then, a human. AKA you, pops into Equestria.
>Right in the middle of a Dugouts n Drakes convention filled with nerd mares and the occasional poser stallion.





>Anon has a marefriend
>Luna has taken interest in Anon
>Luna doesn't do anything malicious to him or his marefriend, but she has the power and money that allows her to butt in at inappropriate and inconvenient times
>Sitting at the table next to theirs at a restaurant
>Talking loudly in the movie theatre just a few rows down from Anon and his marefriend
>Writing out the words "buck off he's mine" in the stars while Anon and his marefriend stargaze
>Anon and Marefriend make love
>Lean in to kiss
>Luna's head pokes out from the covers and goes in between them

>Luna is in your fridge drinking all your soda and beer when you open the door to get something cold to drink
>"This ale - be it thine mare's?"
"No, it's mine."
>"Then thou should be thankful We art here, fair Anonymous. It isn't proper for an unwed colt to be drinking of the alcohols."

>Drunk Luna tries to make constellations in the sky for you 
"Alright, Luna, what do you have to show me."
>" 'tis... 'tis a present. We gifted upon thee a... buckin' beauty amongst the stars that nary rivals thine own."
>You look up at the sky and see a bunch of stars connected to make a vagina
"Luna? Is that-"
>Luna begins laughing loudly and falls over





> Anon wears the absolute worst Hawaiian shirts and plaid pants
> Tie die and neon biker shorts
> Rarity has to be held back from destroying his wardrobe
> Twilight theorizes that Anon is wearing mating plummage to attract a female, even though there are no human females on Equestria
> It's just so tragic, putting on a display that will never work
> Rainbow and Fluttershy are confused
> Normally it's female pegasi that put on showy displays to impress the male's
> So why are they a little turned on by Anon in his Grateful Dead t-shirt and blue polka dot overalls?
> Ponks is in love
> Applejack dismisses it as coltish whimsy




>Anon brazenly stares at the backsides of mares and their marely bits
>They welcome the attention and don't bother to hide it
>Stallions throughout town grow resentful of Anon's sluttery
>Anon keeps a list of the size, shape, and desirability of the clit of every mare in town
>Writes it in his stupid writing system from back home
>Twilight sneaks into his home one night and copies it
>Spends a week deciphering stupid human writing system




>anon cant speak horse
>but can read pony body language fairly well
>coupled with humanlike facial expressions and animalistic behaviors
>they wag their tails when happy
>ears fold back when theyre sad/annoyed
>and theyre all so ADORABLE 
>anon picks up and pet any pony that greets him
>pony is flustered but dismisses it as alien colt whimsy 
>other pones try to take advantage of anon's ignorance
>but anon can see it coming
>he just picks them up and pets them too
>flustered pone cant continue or else her maresculity card would be revoked



>Anon, due to the way he arrived in Equestria, shows up naked as the day he was born
>In a perfectly spherical indention in the ground and wall
>Ponies don't understand his want for clothes
>They take away any cloth because it'd be impolite to be so lewd in public, or in front of the princesses
>He still thinks all these little ponies are adorable
>He picks up and pets every single one that comes up to him
>Even the princesses, who are surprisingly light compared to him
>However, nopony can get him hard
>After a while, a prize pot is established for whoever can
>Luna and Celestia both made the pot quite large
>No one can convince Anon that ponies are for sexual





>Get send to RGREquestria.
>Inb4 REEEEE
>Get transformed into a bad OC while you're at it. 
>You are now Kagome in every teen girl's Inuyasha fanfic ever.
>That is to say, you're loaded down with dumb powers and everyone the opposite gender wants to fuck you. 
>Need to find a way back to your real body, and ASAP.





>Anon winds up in a different spot in each of the alternate timelines
>Crystal War: he ends up a pin-up model because nopony will let him fight on the front lines
>Gets put on trading cards included in MREs, along with a bunch of other stallions
>Nightmare Moon's Victory: Nightmare Moon makes him learn to love her
>Twilight nearly goes nuclear when he sees him laying on her throne like a babe in Conan
>Changeling Victory: Teaches the ponies to go Far Cry on Chrysalis' ass
>only has loincloth for clothes
>Tribe shares him between themselves
>Twilight stays a little too long when they invite her to spend some time with him

>Back in the primary timeline
>Twilight documents her encounter in incredible detail
>Creates anatomy drawings and notes
>Passes them around her friends
>Anon wonders why Twilight and co are acting all weird now




>After seeing how much trouble that the mane six get into, Anon decides that he want to settle with a more normal mare.
>While not an unfit slouch, adventure just isn't his thing.
>Hell, being a house husband sounds NICE.
>The six are baffled that this exotic and surprisingly pleasant male keeps rebuffing their attempts to deepen their relationship beyond "Acquaintances"
>it goes against all they know.





Anonymous, having acquired what passes for a computer and an internet connection, is pleasantly surprised to stumble across Equestria's version of 4chan.

After lurking for a while (because only faggots don't know the value of lurking moar,) he decides to do what he's best at - trolling and shitposting, not to mention tripfagging where appropriate to rile up the plebs.

He winds up inadvertently bonding with Princess Luna, who also happens to shitpost, troll, and tripfag - albeit under an assumed name. It's not proper decorum for royalty to be seen doing such things, after all.

That bonding eventually turns to dating, and nobody seems to be smart enough to draw the obvious parallel between the two most notorious shitposting tripfags suddenly being in a relationship and the latest hot gossip about the relationship between Princess Luna and Anonymous the human.

At least, not until Twilight Sparkle starts looking at the situation…


"And judging by the speech patterns of both of them I have concluded that Anon and Princess Luna are the notorious internet trolls Toohueforu and FatCelestia"
>You finish presenting your findings to Celestia
>She doesnt seem happy about the results
>In fact she as just sat there mumbling since you finished
>"FatCelestia? Really Luna thats so petty! Well see how she likes it when the tables are turned!"
>Celestia finally locks eyes with you again
>"Oh Twilight how versed are you on shitposting?"
"I studdied over 200 years worth of historical shitposting when preparing this so I could correctly classify ea-"
>"Perfect!" Celestia announces cutting you off
>"Tomorrow we shall get started!"
>You look at her confused
"Get started with what Princess?"
>She gets a wide and evil looking smile on her face
>"With my plan to drive those trolls off of ponychan Twilight!"




>"Oh look, Anon's DVD collection!"
>"Dirty... Hairy? Ooh, I didn't know he was into this! Let's see what colts schlick to..."
two hours later
>"That was not a porno. That was not a porno at all. B-but why am I so wet?"




>Estrus is the only time that mares act like traditional females. 
>Rainbow crawls into your lap, pushing your book away.
>She looks up at you, her smiling face red and her eyes just a bit glassy.
>Pawing at your chest, she mewls out that she wants a foal.




>Herds are a common thing, but they're almost always a single tribe deal

>Pony standards of beauty for Earth Ponies are vastly different than from Pegasi or Unicorns.
>Most Stallions are only sexually attracted to their own kind of pony

>Occasionally you'll find a stallion that bucks tradition and goes after 'exotic' mares
>A Pegasus who prefers that Thicc Earth Pony booty over the more streamlined pegasus form for instance
>But it's not very common

>Mix-and-match herds are rare, even if the mares would otherwise be fine with it or prefer it, because good luck getting a stallion to go along with that.
>This has been a bit of a problem for ponies like Octavia and Vinyl, or Lyra and Bon Bon, who would love to find a stallion together, but a colt who wants both of them doesn't seem to exist.

>Enter Anon




>Working class mare living paycheck to paycheck
>Mare loses mane in industrial accident
>Due to a variety of factors, like not giving a fuck, not being to afford a proper wig, and losing a bet to her friends while drunk, is wearing wooden liberty spikes
>Looks really silly but she's tough enough that no one would mess with her anyway
>In comes Anon
>Sees pony seems to be wearing a gnarled spiky helmet and thinks its the most metal thing he's seen in Equestria so far
>Walks up and starts talking to the mare, compliments her headwear
>ConfusedAndFlusteredToughGirl.parchment




>Anon is involved in a shipwreck.
>He and his herd take control of the situation to rescue all the passengers.
>Anon's lifeguard skills help him save stallions and little colts and fillies that've gotten separated from their herds.
>Despite his mares' insistence, he refuses to abandon ship until he's the last man (pony) left
>A sudden rupture in the hull causes the slowly sinking ship to quickly capsize
>He's separated from his herd and presumed lost at sea

>A week after his funeral, his mourning herd gets a message
>Anon is alive and well in the seapony kingdom!
>But the seapony mares that rescued him have now claimed him as their stallion
>Shoo shoo be doo RGRE

>If a mare gets together with a seapony stallion, she's lucky
>If a stallion is in a relationship with a seapony, he's obviously been abducted and forced into it

>Anon never even had a herd- he just so happened to be on the same cruise with some asshole mares



>"Hey there good-lookin', how would you like to carry my brood?"
>"Look at them sexy legs, unf. It makes my fins go all a-quiver!"
>"Ugh, I can't see! Is he taking his shorts off yet?"
>Sigh
>It seems like no matter where you go you just can't escape this reversed gender role fuckery
>All you wanted to do was go to the beach alone, without ANY mares, and RELAX
>Maybe even catch a few rays. Maybe get a little tan
>But no, soon after you arrived three weird looking fish-mares jumped up on a nearby rock and started catcalling you.
>You try your best to ignore them and lay back on your beach towel letting the sun soak into your skin and closed your eyes
>After a while the light behind your eyelids go dark, as if you were being covered by a big shadow
>That didn't make any sense, there wasn't a cloud in the sky
>You immediately open your eyes and immediately freeze up at what you see
>A gigantic fishpone snuck up on you while you were sleeping
>"Um, would you like to, um, go for a swim? With me. I'm not evil I promise."
>Fucking seaponies








>Celestia grows lazy, meaning Twilight is regularly selected for diplomatic missions
>Anon has nothing better to do, and she wants some company, so she brings him along
>Various meetings bring up all kinds of uncomfortable topics
>Including constant offers to Twilight to marry far-away lands' princes
>Twilight is excited at first, thinking she'll end up with a beautiful colt who is fair, does housework, and gives good head
>As she journeys further and further however, discovers that the other races are frankly disgusting and her dream prince is nowhere to be found
>Gets sick of it all eventually, but knows she can't give up her job
>Eventually just decides to marry Anon, not out of love, but just for some peace of mind
>Something something RGRE

>Anon can see through her bullshit.
>Mostly because she openly admits why.
>Can't decide between marrying a princess for political reasons or keeping himself pure for his future waifu.


>Twi is honestly uncomfortable with the idea of marrying some male she barely knows.
>It goes against her fairly chivalrous nature. 
>But the pressure she's faces from other nations that want an easily moldable foothold in Equestria quickly becomes overwhelming. 
>Before Twilight breaks under the constant offers, Anon swoops in and pretends to be her lover, one so devoted and perfect that none of the arranged husbands could compete.
>To be sure his friend is out of trouble, Anon even does some demeaning things expected of males to complete his image, though not without teeth-gritting reluctance. 
>The flood of marriage contracts stops cold.
>Twilight is beyond grateful for the peace, and now has Anon at her side whenever possible.
>Somewhere down the line, however, the acting between the two starts to become real.

Well, do you think we'll be able to get along for the rest of our lives?
>"If you'd stop making fun of my plot, sure."
>Twilight stops at the table, and smiles at you
>"I was more worried you would find all of my... hobbies... weird."
Everyone's got their own strange 'hobby', Twi. I'm no different.
>You kneel down in front of her
Besides, we don't have to spend that much time together if you don't want to. We're only pretending to love each other.
>Twilight gives you a hug suddenly, catching you off-balance and you kind of fall into her
>"It's okay Anon, you've become one of my closest friends since our adventures together started. We'll get along just fine."
>She's hugging you a bit too tight.
Don't choke me, Twiggles.
>"I'm just pretending to hug you!" she giggles.
Well, I ain't pretending to like i-
>Soft, warm, wetness presses against your lips
Twi?
>"Just a pretend kiss."
>...
>The fuck is she going on about?
>You stand up, holding the small alicorn in front of you
>She wants to play that game, huh?
>"Oof!" her leg twitches and her hug intensifies while you firmly grasp her booty.
Don't worry, that's a pretend grope.
>"Haha! Pretend..."
>Your head yanks forward into hers again, and this time she slips her tongue into your mouth, then letting go with a pop
Nngh... heh... pretending to make out, right?
>"Haha! Just pretending!"
>The two of you don't stop laughing while you take your pants off
>Twilight grunts as you slam her onto the table, before laughing again
>"Hahaha! I guess we have to pretend to fuck to, right?"
Yep, just pretending!
>You spend the next hour roughly pretending to fuck her on the table, knocking over every plate, utensil, and glass off while she pretended to moan very loudly
>After you pretend to cum inside her, the two of you make your way to her bedroom, where you pretend-cuddle and then pretend to fall asleep together.
>What a legendary prank. You should tell Pinkie.

>You will never be dragged along with a friend while she visits her family for a few weeks in another city
>You will never be convinced to pretend to be in a relationship with her to get friends/family off her back
>You will never put on a big, fake smile and tell an equally false story about how the two of you met
>You will never go to a nice restaurant for dinner
>You will never start to feel a bit more relaxed around her family
>You will never keep the charade up as the days go by
>You will never sit close to her and enjoy the warmth coming off of her body
>You will never hold hands in public to keep up the illusion
>You will never go star-gazing some nights just in case a suspicious relative is watching when you least expect it
>You will never convince one another (without very much effort involved) that you should share a bed because that's what couples do
>You will never cuddle under the covers
>You will never wake up to the sight of your friend's face
>You will never give each other sleepy smiles
>You will never eventually go home together
>You will never realize that her family will continue to ask about your relationship and where it's going
>You will never decide to keep up the facade of courtship so that the "made up" stories are easier to come up with
>You will never be this happy








>Fem Sentry the husbando snatcher.
>Swoops down and snags you in the middle of town before carrying you away.
>The REEEEEE of the handful of mares wanting you is audioable for miles. 
>Life afterward is okay. Despite being a bit of a douche, Fem Sentry's subtle bragging about having the tightest pussy in town is true and she plays guitar.





>Anon desperate for cash starts looking through his stuff to do for money.
>Equestria is at a modern level of tech, so most of Anon's books are useless.
>Except for his monster-girl encyclopedia.
>Gets the idea to instead make a monster-stallion encyclopedia instead.
>Starts making a shitload of cash.
>NEET mares start buying the books in droves.
>Stallions complain about it.
>Then a wizard pone tries to make monster husbando real.
>Shit goes horribly wrong quick has mares are being raped on the streets and stallions are being monsterized.




"I look like a fucking idiot."
>"No, you look great!"
>When you first heard about "underwater breathing device", you thought it was some kind of protection amulet that puts a layer of air around you
>You were entirely wrong
"How is having my entire head submerged in a big soap bubble 'great'?"
>"Well, you can come over to my place now!"
"And what if this thing pops?"
>"Nonsense! It's pointy-proof!"
>To prove her point, sharkwaifu blows a smaller bubble and puts it between her teeth
>She bites down, and the bubble doesn't pop, instead it just reshapes itself like a squeaky toy
>You sigh, knowing that there's no way of talking yourself out of this

>Anon and Bitey visit Ponyville and Twiggles
>Celestia decides that the Princess of Friendship should try to re-establish relations with the sharkponies
>She scares off all the stallions because of her teeth
>Which are all visible almost all the time because she can't contain how happy she is to be exploring the land kingdoms
>Ponies in general get uncomfortable because the both of them have predator teeth and eat meat
>Anon has to stop every half-hour or so to spray her down with a squirt bottle full of water and rub it in all over her slick body
>Twilight stops mid-lecture when he casually pulls it out and starts wetting her down
>Bitey complains about a tooth bothering her
>Anon casually reaches into her maw and yanks it out of her face
>She thanks him
>Twilight nearly faints and makes an excuse to take a break
>Anon and Bitey go to the local restaurant that serves fish and, just for fun, eat it like a couple animals
>Tearing into it with their whole faces, ripping it off the bone and the plate, flinging bits of fish everywhere
>Both stay in the palace pool room
>Fuck in Twi's pool for shits and giggles

>Anon meets a sharkpone at their new embassy in Canterlot while there on a trip with Twilight, who is crushing on him hard
>He wanders into their embassy, thinking it's an aquarium
>Winds up trading stories with one of the shark ponies in the huge pool
>She convinces him to go for a swim with her, thinking he'll make for a good chase for a while
>He strips down to his boxers and makes her fins go stiff
>He asks if sharkpones have the same features as sharks back home, like sandpaper skin, weird sensory organs in their snouts, and easily-replaced teeth
>She lets him rub his wigglers on her skin
>Oh they feel good against her slick skin
>Convinces him to inspect her snout
>She can smell and sense all sorts of things about him
>It's getting better
>Offers to let him pull out a tooth
>It's hard for him to get a good grip, so he wraps one arm around her and holds her close against his chest, then uses the other to yank it out
>It's too much for her, she passes out
>Anon accidentally causes an international incident
>The sharkpones agree to forgive him if he stays to make it up to them
>JustAsPlanned.shark





>Anon arrives in Equestria a good 15-ish years after the show
>Pops into existence in the tundra around the Crystal Empire, and so he just chills in the castle and agrees to questioning in exchange for room and board
>Flurry Heart crushes on him hard
>She's extremely embarrassed about her enormous wing-boners that her well-above-average sized wings give her
>Anon, meanwhile, still hasn't picked up on what the extended wings mean
>He just thinks it means she's happy to see him

>Be Flurryheart
>You were having tea with the alien creature, Anonymous.
>Your titled teacup did little to obscure your peeking as you sipped and locked your eyes on the flesh between his slightly parted shirt buttons.
>The Crystal Empire was no stranger to steamy summers, and Anon had taken it upon himself to loosen his garb, despite you sitting with him.
>Sundammit, he trusted you and here you were, tracing the soft curve of his inner chest with your eyes.
>He deserved a gentlemare and yet...
>It would be so nice... to lay your cheek down and press against him.
>Your stupid, big-ass wings twitched at your sides, rising slowly.
>You coughed, nearly spitting out your tea and clacked it down on it's saucer.
>Anon turned to you with a look of concern and you gave him a pained smile.
>His innocent stare only made your wings harder to restrain, and a shiver ran through you as he leaned over to get a better look at your face.
>Don't look down shirt, don't look down his shir—FUUU, you looked down his shirt!
>A hot blush flooded your face and you opened your mouth to apologize, but he merely titled his head and put the back of his palm against your forehead.
>"Are you okay, Flurry? You seem a little feverish."
>He got even closer, his face inches from yours.
>You could smell the fresh scent of his shampoo, and the faint orange flavor of the tea on his lips.
>You found yourself leaning closer, eyes locked into his slightly parted mouth.
>Would a little peck hurt?
>He suddenly turned to your wings and you felt your skin turn cold.
>Oh Lunas stars above, he was going to call you out this time, you know it!
>No colt could not know what it meant, not after this long.
>"Oh, Flurry, your poor wings looks horribly tense again. I've been thinking about that. I want to try to give you a wing massage. Maybe that'll help?"
>The heat in your face doubled and you suppressed a squeal.
>He just... right to your face... with the cutest most innocent smile you've ever seen.






yes, i'm surprised that anon doesn't see more interaction with other stallions in ponyville or canterlot. it's not like they don't exist, and most stallions would be at least trying to hang out with him, either because he looks good to ponies so they look better for hanging out with him, or he looks like an uggo to ponies, so they look way better by comparison.
they'd either be hot by association or by comparison, either way they win. not to mention there's all sorts of opportunities for stallions to take Anon under their leg or wing to show him the ropes and play matchmaker with him, since that's something that women do here (especially if they think they're good at it, they want to feel good about themselves, try to eliminate a thirsty mare from the dating pool, or they're taking pity on a mare that no other stallion would date)






> Be Prince Anon, of Labyrinthia
> Technically, you were adopted by the Royal Architect, but she is high enough in station that if she had a kid, they would be a prince or a princess
> However, the poor old girl is barren, and turned to interdimensional adoption 
> The ritual grabs an unwanted person younger than the ritualist, and warps them to the plane
> It wasn't fun, finding out that particular aspect of the ritual, but you can't really argue with it
> Stone Hinge isn't so bad, as adoptive mothers go
> The food is good, the labyrinth is fascinating, and she thought it was cute how you tended to stare at her impossibly large tits
> There are drawbacks, though
> She loves to teach you, but she never seems to think you are capable of independent action
> Admittedly, at least two thirds of the tauresses on the street could simply pick you up and carry you away, but it still kind of irked you to be stuck in a tower like some sheltered maiden or whatever
> And then, most of the time that you are outside of the house, you are at court
> While the parents are talking about matters of state, the youngsters like you usually walk in the gardens, or chat in tea rooms
> Despite your many lessons, you don't quite fit in here
> You suck at poetry, dance, and flower arrangement
> The other guys get scared off by your "uncouth" speech and "wild" personality
> The girls, sensing weakness, try to tie you up in word games, so that you'll agree to suck their clit or something
> More than a few have suggested a midnight rendezvous, for more intimate discussion
> You'd gladly take them up on the matter, their boobs are amazing, but Minos have a pretty good sense of smell
> The first tauress you bedded would lay claim to you the next day, and snap you up in a forced marriage
> For the time being, you content yourself with mutual groping and ass grabs





>”It’s just not natural I tell yah!”
“Applejack calm down.”
>”Twilight I ain’t havin’ it.”
>Your wings rose up to your temples and began moving in a circular soothing motion.
“Remember when we had our little misunderstanding about Zecora? Maybe we should just be-“
>”That was different and you know it Twi, first it’s Anon, next thing yah know and all the colts will get stolen by those- those”
>Applejack was a good pony, but sometimes she had this bad habit of being a little…
>”Dang Ziggers!”
>Racist

Meanwhile at Sugarcube Corner
“I told you these cupcakes were great.”
>The zebrican princess only smiled as she engulfed another cupcake.
>Being the newly appointed ambassador to Zebrica was by far the best job you could’ve hoped for.
>Good pay, a great dental plan, and all the zebra princess pussy you could want.





>You are Anonymous
>You have been in the harem of Sultana Rahima for two years.
>You are one of her favourites, an Ikbal, the highest rank that can be attained before becoming one of her husbands.
>To climb higher, one had to give the Sultana a foal. Something very unlikely to happen, in your case.
>Despite many attempts, your seed would not take. Humans and ponies cannot breed.
>Not entirely unsurprising but you are still saddened by it. You love her and would happily give her foals if you could.
>But apparently it is not to be.
>The other harem members were quick to notice and just as quick to mock you for it.
>As long as Rahima wasn't present, of course.
>One of the husbands, Faizan, was especially infuriating.
>He'd walk past you when you were practicing your dancing or reading in the palace gardens, his five children in tow.
>When they passed you, he'd look at you with a smug, gloating expression on his face.
>Look at what I've made. You will never have this.
>Bastard.
>You take some small comfort in the fact that any love between him and the Sultana appears to have cooled.
>She did not give him any truly extravagant gifts on his birthday like she usually does with her husbands, only a modest sum of bits, and her attitude towards him that day was formal and stiff.
>You wonder if Rahima even slept with him that day. Hopefully not.
>Taking a deep breath, you calm yourself. Today is not a day to be angry.
>Rahima is coming home today. 
>Her campaign against the zebra tribes in the south has been long but is now finally over.
>The husbands will be the first to greet her, and after them the Ikbals.
>You want to look your best for her.
>You take another look at yourself in the mirror, making sure you haven't missed anything.
>Your golden necklace and earrings, your bracelets, your robes...
>Yes, everything seems to be in order.
>Smiling, you turn away, leave the room and start making your way to the courtroom to await your beloved Sultana.





>Anon is in an abusive relationship by pony standards
>No goodnight kisses
>Only 15 minutes of good-morning cuddling
>Whenever she makes cookies she gives Anon all the burnt ones
>Anon's mare friend finds out about this and whiteknights him super hard





>Your marefriend Spitfire brings you home with her.
>Her widow mom unashamedly hits on you.
>Sptifire is embarrassed, but doesn't stop it. 
>Remember that you saw one smaller herd in Ponyville where a mare and her mother were both in it.
>Wait...
>Oh shit.

>Your Superior Human Predatory Hearing allows you to hear their whispers
>"Moooom, I called first dibs, ok?"
>"You're right, dear, lemme know how he is in the sack!"
>"Mom! Wait until he's not here to ask that, ok?"




>Cadence adopts Anon because weird horse things.
>Maybe he needed parent's permission to enroll in magic school or something
>He is now invited to all the family events
>Enduring the joked about the situation is a small price to pay for VAST COSMIC POWER
>Zap zap zap motherfucker.




>Take in mature, older mares down on their luck.
>Adventure across Equestria for the fountain of youth, because you know it's there somewhere.
>Give your experienced waifus a new lease on life.
>Get the best of both worlds with youthful, yet wizened mares.




>Move to Canterlot.
>Meet an older mare in the bar one night.
>With a bit of bonding over drinks, learn that she was kicked out of her house and family by her stallion after the nastiest of more than a few arguments.
>Shit man, that doesn't sit right with you.
>Offer your spare room to her free, much to her shock.
>Grow closer to her, as she does to you.
>Finally, you can't take it and admit you love her.
>She sadly turns you down, not wanting you to weighed down by a "sad mare well past her prime."
>Fuck that.
>Find a way to bring her back to her prime so she'll accept you and get a second chance at once. 
>Doesn't matter of that means blowing all your savings on a de-aging potion or punching out some ancient evil guarding the fountain of youth, you MUST have her.
>Return with your prize and give it to her.
>She's beyond stunned. No stallion would ever go so far for a mare. This is something out of a fantasy book.
>Tearfully, she accepts both the second chance and your affection.
>Young once more, you and her plan to elope and marry.
>But before you can do that, she wants to explain to her now adult children.
>That's cool.
>Get a sinking feeling when you and her take a train to Ponyville.
>Feeling gets worse when she heads right for the gaudy crystal castle in town.
>Well, now you know why the name "Twilight Velvet" was ringing so many bells.

>Anon purposefully says shit to Twilight like, "your mother and I think..." and "your mother and I want to talk to you..."
>Manages to keep a straight face when he starts to insist that Twilight call him "dad"
>In reality, Anon doesn't actually care what Twilight calls him
>He just thinks that the way the purple mare glares at him when he brings it up is hilarious

>Anon and TwilightVelvet show up with a daughter.
>The satyr girl already made it into celestia shcool for gifted unicorns.
>She's basically a less autistic version of twi with access to human ingenuity.
>She and flurryHearth get along like a house on fire 
>Candance finds her adorable.
>Twi is ecstatic as she gets to play the big sis role.
>Shining likes anon's bombass tea
>NightLight buttmad, Anon is nearing a smugness singularity




>Valentine's day in RGRE
>Anon expects something cutesy and innocent, like mares shyly handing out pre-made cards and cheap little chocolates like it's elementary school
>What he doesn't expect is an enormous fist fight (hoof fight?) in the middle of town, where the mares compete to see who is most worthy of courting Ponyville's stallions



>Everyone in Ponyville participate in school-like pre-made cards giving, with guessing who send cards to who, everything is serious
>Anon tried that for the first time
>It's chaos, everymare is trying to find who is his valentine and find which card is his
>So serious that Twi in head of analytic team trying to determine it by hoofwriting
>A regular chaotic day in rgre ponyville




>Fleur takes a trip to Ponyville for a photo-op with the mane 6
>Anon volunteers to escort her and give a tour of town
>Fleur thinks he was assigned to her as an "escort" and holds his hand in her hoof in public whenever she can




>Caramel kicks a mare out of his herd for something petty
>Expects her to be back the next day with flowers, gifts, and apologies like usual
>Instead she doesnt come back
>He gets worried after a few days and goes looking for her
>Finds out Anon snatched her up and has been pampering her
>She refuses to go back to Caramel and Anon tells him to hit the bricks
>Now that Anon has her Caramel wants his mare even more than ever

>secretly this is Anon's job
>mare gets kicked out of a herd
>the norm is for them to go back, practically begging to rejoin
>not anymore.stealyourwaifu
>mare's pay Anon to pretend they're a part of his herd now
>he pampers them to no end to get the stallion's to beg the mare's to come back
>this happens so often that Anon constantly has a sizeable herd so it isn't brought into question too often
>when it is Anon simply states how he's happy to let his mare's be happy with another stallion
>the stallion's are none the wiser






"Pinkie, you really need to cut down on the sweets."
>"B-but, ha~h, Anon, you know how much I like cupcakes!"
"Pinkie if you keep this up our foals will be diabetic in a month."
>"I just want my foals to like it, and I hoo~h know you like my diet."
"I'll like your taste no matter the diet, Pinkie. You know that. But I want our foals to be healthy, so something's gonna have to change."
>"Oh Nonny, I love it when the stallion takes charge. But -nnph!- Twilight says you don't have to induce for another three months!"
"I know what she said."





(Celestia)
>Anonymous please, you know I am sensitive about how big my teats are.

>"M-most stallions almost completely avoid them if we're not g-giving them a t-teatjob."
>"You're the first stallion I've met that actually likes to...to do that..."
>"So eager, Anon, I'll have to check with twilight and see if she has any spells to help me keep up with you."


>Celestia keeps her teats at lactating size.
>If you catch her at the right angle, you can see them shaking and jiggling between her legs.
>The truly lucky get to see one or two pure white drops drip off of them.
>Starts a new obsession with various noble stallions.
>Their mares try to mirror the princess with various degrees of success.

>She extends your life and youth with magic.
>And in return, you give her the large family that time has denied her.
>Before 100 years are out, the alicorn population is exploding if you count children growing and having alicorn foals of their own.
>Countless thousands of years later, you and Celestia are remembered as the father and mother of all modern ponies, who are all alicorns with human blood at this point.

>With nopony dying of old age due to magic, and the insatiable lust of alicorns, the population explodes
>Soon there are only two factions left: children of the sun and children of the moon
>Soon there is very little room left on this world
>Especially after your waifus and daughterus and their descendants rid the world of the lesser races
>You will never lead your planet-covering family in a quest for the stars
>You will never rule the galaxy from your seat at the heart of the galactic pony empire




>Celestia is the Princess of Fertility
>She displays all the signs of a good mother
>Wide hips, big teats, a healthy appetite
>However, she's lacking one thing
>Genitals
>While her body is that of the ideal mare, she's cursed by fate to never mother any foals of her own
>She contents herself with being the mother of her nation instead, with every mare and stallion considering her as close as their own parents
>It's her fate, and she accepts it
>Still, she wishes she could have something... More...
>Equestria could use a strong father figure, after all




Absolutely everything. When Anon discovers their vaginas in Discord's chaotic realm, his first instinct is to slip his fingers in and tickle their clits.
After centuries of nothing, the sudden stimulation causes Celestia to start screaming lewdly in the middle of court.
It causes Luna to accidentally fire off a destruction spell at a nearby maid. Thankfully, magic health insurance allows her limbs to be regrown.

im imagining him casually spraying them down with a showerhead or something while the princesses some hundreds of miles away are practically convulsing from the stimulation

>Anon and the Quest for Royal Pony Pussy
>Literally. He carries them both in a silk bag in his pack.

>Mash both pussies together.
>Far away, both Celestia and Luna's faces go nuclear red.
>They both know whats happening.





>She breeds with you and claims it's just a Germoneigh eugenics experiment in public. 
>Also says her affection is just to keep a constant variable for the experiment.
>Often catches shit for saying such callus things about a male.
>Really, Aryanne fell hard for you but didn't want to admit something contrary to her lifelong beliefs.
>She loves you enough to die in your place should something happen. 
>Germoneigh still gets a copy of the notes she idly takes through pregnancy and motherhood, however.

>"Unh, ah, Ahnon, ja, f-fill me wiz your filzy subequine seed! Breed me like ze animal you are! M-make me a race traitor and knock me up wiz your human semen!"

>Anon winds up in RGRE Germaney.
>Ends up becoming a secretary for Aryanne.
>Has to constantly deal with her aggressive flirting and attempts to get in his pants.


>Field Report #788
>Foal #3 has been born without any health issues while being 15% larger than the average foal, just like his sisters before him. Doctors noted high amounts of brain activity in utero which jumped after birth. This is again consistent with my other two foals and most likely caused by their human dual heritage. My human mate is once again thrilled to have another healthy child. Just like the last two times, his mare-like attitude has softened into a more tender and nurturing one in the presence of the newborn. 
>The newborn is much more active than the average foal. Squirming, vocalizations, and short periods of open eyes marking a consistent average with my last two children. My mate has taken to holding the foal and playing with him when ever possible. The newborn responds well to the stimulation. 
>I am, as per usual, feeling large amounts of maternal love and find myself proud of producing such a healthy and lively child, as any normal mother would. This is consistent with my last two pregnancies and births. Lactation and feeding proceeding as normal, though my mate noticed my less than optimal milk production. He remedied this by preparing me oat and nut treats with fatty acid and Omega 3 supplements added. After only a days worth of consumption, my milk production jumped back to ideal levels, letting the foal have his fill. Leftover milk has been stored cold for later use.
>I still find my unfading love for my mate as powerful as day one. I noted in previous reports his distinct hardiness and general agreeably as being rather attractive, and I still stand by that. As he matures as a father, however, he as shown an increase in tender moments with both myself and our children. I personally enjoy it.
>I recommend finding a way to the human world of Earth due to the abundant supply of males my mate has talked about. Many Germane mares would appreciate the superior companionship and (albet not pure) potent breeding stock they provide.


>Sniper Anon in Nazi Equestria
>Elite commando operative sniper soldier fell into a pit of radioactive Jews while on assignment in Germany.
>Was transported to this strange new world.
>Much is different, yet so much remains the same.
>This world seemingly has no or few other humans.
>There are still Nazis.
>They just happen to be cute pony people.
>With magic.
>He still has his raifu.
>He still has a mission:
>To shoot Nazis.
>In the balls.
>This is made slightly more difficult due to many of these Nazi ponies being mares.
>That's not going to stop him though.
>He'll just have to shoot them in the lady-balls.







>Violent sex involves ponies tugging on his shirts and pants
>Trying to tackle him
>Ponies ride his dick twice as long as they would a regular stallion
>It takes about 30 minutes of a train being run on Anonymous in the town square before he's completely done





>Anon had been told that Equestria was RGR
>But he hadn't really internalized it
>It was just cute poners acting funny to him for the most part

>Then Hearts and Hooves Day came around
>It was Valentines Day in disguise, and he saw it as such.
>He knew it could be a very lonely holiday for the romantically unfortunate
>He'd spent far too many of them by himself

>But he hadn't quite realized just how many ponies in town had that problem.
>A few stallions, but mostly mares.
>A lot of mares.

>Sad poners are his kryptonite

>He ends up talking to Pinkie while she takes a breather from baking up a storm
>Mentions he wishes he could help somehow, but there's only one of him, and half a town worth of lonely mares.
>He couldn't give each of them a good long hug before sundown even he tried

>But Ponk has an idea
>A wonderful, awful idea
>About a cave and a pool...





>Mares show off their abilities to their highest extend in order to attract mates
>Once a mate is attracted and estrus begins, they quickly settle down and get a feel for each other with plenty of rutting
>If the stallion submits, the mare immediately begins preparations for marriage and in the meantime more rutting ensues
>Equestrian families typically have many foals. These are often separated into two categories: smaller families and larger ones
>Both still involve plenty of rutting
>Smaller families stay in the same community for most of their lives 
>Larger families either split up (Eldest children leaving, parents staying, sometimes vice versa) or as a whole will move in search of new lands, these first camps are known as "herds" and later develop into villages and then towns as nomads, friends, and sometimes small, separate families move into the communities 
>Ponyville started out this same way and is mostly populated by single mares, preyed-upon colts, and small families





> "Anon, darling, we need to talk."
> Never a good sign
"What about?"
> Rarity chews on her lip
> "The doctor says Twilight is going to have twins, and she already has two foals from you. Something must be done!"
> You sigh
> To be honest, when you heard about the whole herd thing, you had thought it was all about threesomes and moresomes with all the mares you could handle
> The reality is rather different
> Applejack works for most of the day, and still has to take care of her family
> And then there's the weird rivalry going on between Twilight and Rarity
> Twilight has been rather smug about being so fertile, and giving you strong foals
> Meanwhile, Rarity only has had one foal from you, which she spoils relentlessly
> And now she is talking about foals again, even though she is already pregnant
"What do you want me to do? It's not like I can get you doubly pregnant."
> Rarity smiles a little at that
> "Of course not, you silly man. But Twilight needs to be matched, or else she will be utterly insufferable. What I want you to do, is take my assistant to bed. Any foals by her will count on my side."
> You rub your face tiredly
"Your solution to Twilight being smug is not having me talk to her, but to bring yet another mare into the picture, so complicate matters further. Is that right?"
> She rolls her eyes
> "Please, countless mares have done the same thing. Normally I would hesitate to escalate matters this way, but Twilight's only assistant is Spike, and he can't give you foals."


>Bring in Rainbow.
>She has triplets from the get-go.
>If Rarity thought Twilight's smug was bad, then the sheer oversmug Rainbow has for pushing 3 foals out of her petite self is unreal

>Rainbow lies there, breathing slowly but harshly, near comatose from the intense 30 hour labor.
>Thankfully there'd been no health complications, but as a first time mother having triplets, both pregnancy and birth had been beyond grueling.
>She licks her chapped lips.
>"Rarity. Twilight. Come here. Please."
>You know pony hearing is good, but you imagine even they barely heard her whisper.
>They both shuffle closer, also ragged from seeing their dear friend undergo this ordeal. You don't think either had slept more than three hours.
>"How are you doing Rainbow Dash?"
>"Can I get you anything darling?"
>You smile to yourself. You know that even at their worst in this strange inter-herd pecking order rivalry, friendship ran deep and strong beneath it.
>Rainbow is looking past them to a nurse that's just entered, three foals on her back.
>With practiced ease, one foal is deposited at each teat, the extra into her arms.
>Rainbow licks her lips again, and stares at Twilight and Rarity, her magenta eyes seeming to spark back to life.
>A circling hoof takes in the three polychrome babies.
>"I made these."

>An hour later you're sitting in the waiting room, rubbing your face, trying to figure out how to explain in your friendship report to Celestia that your entire herd, including the actual Princess of Friendship, was now banned from Ponyville Horsepital for any non-medical reason, and had a warning from the ponice for raucous behavior and disorderly conduct.

> Be Applejack, coming home from a long day at the orchards
> The Apple family is doing well, you even had a chance to do some baking for your husband
> A nice warm apple pie for your sweetie pie
> You blush a little at the thought
> As you walk into Anon's house, you hear the foals giggling in the backyard, playing with their pa
> You smile fondly, setting the pie down on the table
> Twilight stumbles down the stairs, looking run down and tired
"Books ambush you again?"
> She shakes her head
> "Pulled an all-nighter writing up a report on astral transference for Celestia."
> Twilight sniffs, her ears pricking forward
> "That smells delicious, what's the occasion?"
> You smile at the compliment
"No occasion, just thought Anon might appreciate it."
> Twilight makes a little whining noise in the back of her throat
> "He wouldn't miss a slice, right?"
> You frown
"This is between me and him, Twi. I don't get much time with him, so I gotta make it count."
> Twilight considers this
> She draws a little circle with her forehoof, acting coy
> "I believe tonight is my turn sleeping with him, right?"
> You nod grimly
"Which is why I have to-"
> "I'll trade it for the pie."
> ...
"Done. Pleasure doing business with you, Mrs. Sparklemous."






>Male prostitution runs rampant throughout Equestria
>Especially in Canterlot
>When Anon first came to Equestria, prostitution was basically the only job available to him
>His best customer was a socially inept people unicorn, but she seemed to just quit coming to him for whatever reason
>A few years later, he moves to Ponyville to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city
>After meeting five of the mane six, they take him to meet Twiggles
>He remembers her
>He recounts his and her history, not realizing that most ponies take a hard line against stallion exploitation, and that he's jeopardizing her reputation and friendships




>You are Twilight, and you're here to greet the newest resident of Ponyville.
>You normally wouldn't do this (working as a librarian and having no real legal position of power), but Pinkie insisted that you attend the new pony's "Welcome to Ponyville" party.
>"Twilight?"
>Oh! It seems that he found you before you found him!
>You turn around and give him a big smile.
>...or rather, you give his crotch a big smile.
>Mare oh mare, he's tall.
>You look up... waaaaay up....
>...aaand...
>...and it's the hooker you used to call up all the time.
>Buck.
>He gives you a big smile and crouches down to scratch behind your ears, just the way you like.
>"Long time no see, Twi."
>Oh, fantastic. He remembers you.
>Double buck.
>>"You two know each other?"
>Rarity trots over to you, ears perking up at the prospect of new gossip.
>"Oh yeah," says Anon, cheerfully running his fingers through your mane, "We saw each other all the time in Canterlot."
>>"Do tell, darling."

>"Actually, Rarity, I'm here on retainer from Princess Luna to help all of you out here. She thought you girls could use some 'help' from time to time and get rid of any tensions that might arise from your duties as the Elements of Harmony."
>What.
>Just how old-fashioned does Luna want to go with this?
"Anon, could I speak to you for a moment in private? Behind the building, perhaps?"




>Your mouth is dry and your heart is racing
>They cant find out!
>It could end your friendships!
>You open your mouth to respond but no sound comes out
>"Oh I used to do all sorts of work for her back in Canterlot."
>Wait what?
>"She had many positions that I had to fill over the..."
>He scratches his chin
>that gloriously carved chin
>"Three years was it?"
>It takes you a moment to realize that he was speaking to you
"Uhh yeah three years."
>He nods
>"Yep three years of filling in and hard labor while she was working for Celestia."
>Reaching over he scratches that one spot on your muzzle that just turns your bones to jelly
>"Then one day she was just gone. POOF! I asked around but no one knew what happened to her."
"S-sorry about that."
>He gives you that toothy smile
>"Its alright purplespark you can make it up to me by helping me find a job. Maybe I can even work for you!"
>He picks you up and wraps you in a hug
>Ever so quietly he whispers in your ear
>"That is unless you want these kind ponies to hear about all the things you made me do on Princess Celestia's dime."
>He pulls back and sets you down
>"So what do you say Twilight? Do you know of any holes I can fill?"

>You stare at him in terror
>He had you by the teats and he was ready to twist them and you know he is good at it by experience
>His sinister sexy smirk tells you that he knew you were bucked
"Sure thing Anon. Come by the castle and I will get you set up."
>"Aww that's so nice of you Twily."
>You flinch at your childhood nickname and the embarrassing memories of role played sex involving it
>"So Anon you must tell me ALL that you know about the current trends in Canterlot!"
>Rarity, perhaps sensing your discomfort, grabbed the conversation by the reins
>You take the opportunity to escape for a drink
>Ducking under the punch table you begin to hyperventilate at the damage Anon could do
>Why did you have to be such a lusty teen?
>Why couldnt that part of your past stay in Canterlot where no one cares
>"This might help Twlight."
>Pinkie hands you a paper bag
"Thanks Pinkie."
>You start breathing into it until your mind catches up with what just happened
>You almost inhale the bag as realize Pinkie is under the table with you
"P-pinkie what are you doing under here!?"
>"Just helping silly. You looked like you were panicking out there. When you slipped away I knew you might need cheering up."
>Oh Pinkie if only you knew
"Its OK Pinkie Im fine. You can go back to the party if you want. Thanks for the paper bag by the way."
>She smiles at you
>"MmmmmmmmmmmmNOPE! Why is it that Anon freaks you out Twilight? Is he an assassin sent to kill you? Is he an old magic school rival? OHOHOH MAYBE HE IS YOUR OLD CRUSH!?"
"N-no Pinkie dont be ridiculous. Its just...complicated."
>She stares at you inquisitively for a few seconds before she shrugs
>"Okie Dokie Loki! If you need anything just come tell me! Iamalsogoodathidingbodies!"
"Thanks Pinkie fo-...what was that last part?"
>"Nothinggottagobye!"
>And with that she leaves you under the table
>Somehow feeling better


>Cadence was never Twilight's foalsitter in RGRE.
>This time around, her foalsitter is a teenaged Anon.
>Since she lives away from her parents in the castle, and most of her time with Celestia is dedicated to learning rather than leisure, that leaves Anon as her primary parental influence. 
>Thus, Twilight carried more than a few human mannerisms and a few ways of thinking into adulthood.
>The result is a radically different Twilight. Sometimes for the better, but not always.

>The reason why Twilights special talent is all magic and not just a very specific part of it is because Anon, as a human able to do anything, pushed her to explore and learn new things.
>It's found out that Starswirl the bearded had a human as well.

>Anon isn't technically her dad, but Twilight still sees him as her father
>It makes it really awkward when her friends hit on him all the time
>Even moreso when she's so adamant about none of them scoring with him
>Zecora starts fucking him out in the everfree, where twilight can't see them
>She finds out anyway and confronts her about it
>Zecora does a little song and dance as a rebuttal
>"Hoooow many times must your," *stomp stomp* "Father bang meeee, before you realize, your mother I'll be?"






>Anon is having a hard time meeting mares
>He's too marely for most of their tastes
>Twilight offers to help him seek out a mate

>Twilight is a kissless virgin nerd
>After years of not bothering with all that stallion stuff, she decides it's time to get her cherry popped
>Her friends decide that Anon's laid back, market attitude makes him a good starter dick, since he won't demand commitment

>Anon is a character from one of Twilight's favorite books
>And her husbando
>She brings him into the real world, hijinks ensue
>Three hijinks

>Twilight manages to connect to Earth's internet
>She infiltrates the RGRE thread on /mlp/ and writes prompts about herself

>Rainbow introduces Anon to Daring Do, thinking that they'll make great friends
>Little does Rainbow know, DD is a regular Stallioniser who prides herself on her sexual conquests as much as her literal ones
>Twilight is also there



>A fair elf maiden comes to equestria
>Most mares make fun of her for being a sissy
>it doesn't help that her teats are small
>Fluttershy and rarity feel good about not being the most coltish mares around anymore
>then come around anon, a male fair and pure as the driven snow
>Many of the equestrian residents try and win him over
>by being as marely as they can
>it doesn't work
>Anon meets elf girl
>he falls for her shyness and beauty
>Jelly and salt ensues

>Celestia conjures a mighty warrior to defend equestria from a terrible monster
>A mysterius biped clad in armor come forth
>the mysterious warrior swears loyalty to celestia
>after a gruesome battle they find out he's a male when he take off his armor
>Mares acuse Celestia of forcing a stallion to fight her fights
>The knight however stands by her princess

>Anon becomes a pimp
>Many stallion prostitutes go work for him believing that he will be gentle and caring of his fellow males
>He is not

>Anon comes to equestria without hopes of ever finding love
>Candence doesn't undestand why such kind, gentle and handsome stallion would have a hard time getting a mare
>then another man comes into equestria
>Unlike the cynical manlet anon, he is an adonis of a man with the charm of a prince.

>Equestria is invaded and anon goes full farcry
>The mane six are horrified that he had to lost his inocence in such horrible way
>They treat him as gently as possible to try to make him forget
>He had fun and wonders if he could join the army

>Anon gets fed up with the reverse genders bullshit and takes a hike to the everfree
>When he doesn't come back tomorrow the m6 go look for him
>Turns out the he found the secret deer civilization
>he fits in just right since the deers have the same gender roles
>he doesn't want to leave




>Anon fucks the evil right out of poor Woona
>She just needed some Love and loving dickings
>Elsewhere, Cadence feels a gigantic smile overtake her, and she knows not why

>Later on, Discord gets loose
>But the mane 6 never became element bearers
>Now they must put a stop to all this whimsy without the help of the Rainbow Riot Hose



>Nightmare Moon takes on her own form after being purged from Luna.
>Shacks up with Anon, deciding that cozy life beats a potential 3rd defeat.
>Finds herself with all the benefits of being an alicorn with none of the responsibility.

>You are Nightmare Moon, Queen of the Dark.
>And you sigh contently as you settle on the human sized loveseat lengthwise, letting you stretch out.
>The pillow you rest against has your lover's robust aroma, making the furniture that much more relaxing.
>The book in your azure magical grip wavers, then is set down the coffee table as you decide to simply doze.
>You could watch the "television" invention that had taken Equestria by storm in recent years, but decide against that as well.
>You roll your eyes after looking at the large box of a machine in the living room. A box that plays moving images broadcast from far away. What will they think of next?
>A sudden scent and the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen made your nose twitch and ears perk.
>That must be your beloved preparing dinner.
>Without warning, your stomach grumbles, wanting the delicacies being prepared in the other room.
>It still amazes you that your beloved can turn common fare into mouth-watering cuisine. The sort that puts the royal chiefs of old to shame.
>Or maybe your relationship is coloring your opinion? You find it hard to speak ANY sort of ill about the father of your unborn foal.
>Your stomach growls again, reminding you that you eat for two now. 
>Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you shift on the couch and resign yourself to waiting. 
>Not even 2 months in, and the small lump on your belly is making you ravenous at just the smell of food.
>It would be unseemly for a queen to try and beg food out of her soon-to-be husb-
>Wait, you aren't a queen anymore. You have no need to hold yourself to such stifling standards.
>With a small smile, you rise and walk to the kitchen, intent on trying to sneak away with a treat.
>Idly, you wonder what Celestia and Luna are doing.
>Whatever it is, they can't be enjoying themselves as much as you are.

>meanwhile, in Canterlot
>Celestia is trapped in court listening to the retarded complaints and proposals of useless, spoiled nobles
>all she has to look forward to afterwards is a mountain of paperwork awaiting her approval or dismissal
>Luna is currently passed out in the castle library, buried under several piles of books and scrolls while attempting to bring herself up to speed on the modern world

>Celestia and Luna scry Nightmare often to see if she's up to no good.
>All they gets to see is the genocidal alicorn they reluctantly pardoned living a cozy and carefree life.
>It really hits home just how fucking unfair life can be.

>Anon and Nightmare build a house within the Everfree forest
>It is safe for Anon, since Nightmare never leaves his side
>It is safe for Nightmare, since she still retains the power of an alicorn
>They both love the permanent shade of the canopy, and venture out to their favorite clearings at night to gaze at the stars
>She has triplets, then twins, and several more children with Anon
>Both the parents and their children eat meat, and the eternally-reproducing monsters of the Everfree provide them plenty of sustenance.
>Their children all have a strange allure to them, and regular mares and stallions fall for them all the time
>All of Anon's children want a relationship like their parents, and so stay monogamous
>Several generations later, you have to walk more than ten miles in the Everfree forest to get to the truly dangerous areas
>But the first ten are dangerous for the heart





>Someway, somehow, Little League gets Anon to promise to start a relationship with her once she has a cutiemark or otherwise comes of age.
>And thanks to some old laws, his word as a male in a romantic situation like that is binding. 
>In the meantime, however, he has to deal with her as a hanger-on until she's of age.
>Honestly, he just wanted his life to stay quiet...
>But maybe having an adorable and mold-able wife-to-be won't be so bad(?) 
Who is he kidding? This is going to be a shitshow.
Meanwhile, League can't stop bragging to her insanely jealous friends.





>Be Proncess Celery, Best horse.
>You almost regret telling that alien to keep in touch with you.
>He's been dragoning all these whiney letters to you all month.
>Twilight's doing this, Twilgith's doing that.
>Please help me, Twilight's trying to put things in my butt
>A bloo bloo buh bloo bloo
>Fucking apelien needs to learn to chill
>You contemplate just telling him to fuck off.
>Nah.
>His letters still give you a high like any other, even if he's a little crybaby.
>You drop the latest letter and roll around in the big pile.
>Oh Luna it's so good, this is way better than those weaksauce poppies.






>Plot twist, Chad is actually very average, he's just a bit more into sports than the bookish Anon.
>They become pretty tight bros and act like it, but the mane 6+C&L think they hate each other.

>"They're hoof-wrestling? Clearly competing to attract mates."
>"Anon, apologize to Chad! You can't just call people-CHAD HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT ANON!?"
>They call each other asshole, fucker, and bitch all the time.
>"But Chad is clearly into sports! Why is he listening to Anon's book recommendations? Is-is he looking for Anon's weaknesses?"
>"They CLEARLY hate each other. Look at the way they bare their canines when they meet. I realize it looks like they're smiling, and I'm grateful to both of them for adapting to our ways when around ponies despite how weird it must be to show their teeth in a nice way, but among predator-species the act of showing teeth is an aggressive display, showing they can and will eat you."

>Mane6 plus princesses start taking "sides."
>Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Luna prefer Anon.
>Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity, and Celestia prefer Chad.
>Cadence wants them to fuck.
>Anon and Chad just think they their friends are friends with each other's friends.






>Anon makes some friends in Ponyville
>That drunkard Berry
>Everfree zigger Zecora
>Bucking juggler Trixie 
>He also do a lot of "harmful" things like drinking strong, uncolty alcohol or wandering alone into forest

>M6 try to help him overcome his "problems" and escape bad company
>Anon just like spending time with his friends


>Anon gathers weirdos and outcasts into one herd
>And together, they have the time of their lives as one loving family.
>The sheer shock the M6 feel when they accidentally find the odd herd in a sweaty, deviant, writhing mass of an orgy rather than Anon pairing of with them one at a time like proper.






>Celestia is excited about adopting a protesting Anon
>She's going to play hoofball, give Anon his first drink of alcohol, and turn him into the mareliest marely stallion there ever was
>Luna, his "aunt", disapproves of Celestia treating the poor colt like a mare and tries to teach him how to be a proper stallion so that he can attract a mate
>Tries to teach him proper table manners, how to balance a book on his head, how to cook, and the best ways to tongue-fuck a mare

> At first it was just comfy incest-play with LunaMom
> But you wondered out loud if non-Alicorn pussy was different
> So she decided to involve her staff
> "You have to eat all the maids, Anon"
"Whyyyyyyyyyyyy"

>Luna embraces the hedonistic lifestyle by having all the female castle staff line up, winking pussies out
>Anon gets to choose 5 mares daily to "practice" on all throughout the day while pleasuring his adoptive mother throughout the night
>Some of the kitchen staff are starting to show after Anon got a little to enthusiastic one day
>They consider it an honor to carry Prince Anonymous's children and hope that someday they'll get added to the Royal Herd
>Life is good


>Luna can't find Anon one day
>Not only that, but her sheets haven't been washed yet
>Eventually finds Anon spooning one of the cleaning crew mares, rubbing her plump tummy and humming a lullaby from Earth

>Anon's herd is the entire female population of Canterlot Castle





>As you sit at the bar nursing your beer, Applejack hops into the seat next to you and orders a cider
>"It ain't as good as our cider, but we're out of season right now. I'll take bad cider over good beer any day."
>You shrug
"I never really cared too much about the taste, just that I get a good buzz."
>The two of you sit quietly together, the only noise being your sips, and her tapping hooves
>She seems nervous, she keeps glancing between you and her untouched drink
>Whatever it is, it must be pretty big if it's got Applejack worried
>She's the toughest girl/horse you've ever met, on Earth or in Equestria
"Is something on your mind, AJ?"
>She looks up to you, putting on a brave face to mask her feelings
>"...Would ya like to get hitched?"
>Okay, that wasn't what you were expecting
"Hitched? Like, married?"
>She nods, turning back to her glass and tracing the rim with the tip of her hoof
>"Ah don't really care for datin' and romance stuff. Colts are usually real soft and sensitive, ya gotta figure 'em out."
>"Yer not like the other colts, Anon, Ah get you. Ah'm gettin' a bit on in age, need to start thinking about startin' a family."
"I don't really know if we could start a family together, AJ."
>"Twilight doesn't think our species'll be an issue, says it ain't nothin' a little magic couldn't fix."
>A raised eyebrow from you, and AJ catches that she's probably said too much
>"N-not that I've been going behind your back or anythin', Ah just asked outta curiosity's all."
>She swallows nervously as you take another sip of beer
"This is kind of a big ask, AJ. I like you, but not even five minutes ago I thought we were just friends."
>She deflates
>"So, that's a no then?"
"I didn't say that. Just that it's a big ask."
>She perks up slightly
>"Ah suppose it is...Ah'll give you some time to think on it, okay?"
"Thanks, AJ."
>You pat her back, and she lingers on the contact for a moment before heading out
>You take another sip of beer
"This beer tastes awful."

> You take a sip from your growler of cider
"So, your sister asked me to marry her."
> "Ayup."
> Big Mac takes a sip from a steel can
> It's actually a margarita in there but he's got a "moonshining Jane-colt" reputation to maintain.
> Case in point, he turns away and horks a loogie about three yards off the veranda. 
> There's a long pause. He's a colt of few words. 
> "You considerin' it?"
"Yeah."
> "Eyup."
> He spits through his teeth, down into the flowerbed. 
>"She's all right. She'll do good by you."
> You take another swig
> She was right, this cider ain't that good
> Burns your throat a lot
> Too sweet
> Probably needs to be served cold to dull the taste
> Beats really shitty beer, though
> "She's noisy as fuck rollin' in the hay, though."
> Cider almost comes out your nose
> Jesus you thought it stung when it was just in your mouth
> "... Ah suppose some colts like themselves a noisy mare, though."




>Keep your family smaller than the average Equestrian herd.
>Each one of your children gets much more attention and care as a result.
>In fact, you can practically read their minds since you spend so much time on them 
>They all grow up to be successful and well adjusted adults with the added guidance.
>Meanwhile, if you ask an average stallion what one of his 17 children's favorite color is, he blanks out and frantically tries to remember.

>Small families have negative connotations, a holdover from the days when ponies were prey animals
>Even in safer, modern times, ponies consider small families to be irresponsible
>What if one or two of their foals dies? That's the end of their family line!
>Anon's waifu is freaked out when Anon doesn't want to bring any more mares into the herd
>Does he expect her to bear 10 foals?!
>Does he want her family tree to die out?!





>Catbird still insists on building a nest
>Sits on her offspring to keep them warm
>They get too old to be comfortably sat upon 
>She finds a suitable replacement in the form of her husbands ever willing face

>Catbirds have a strong "I must sit on Thing" instincts
>Once over from the cat part, and twice over from the nesting instincts she gets from the bird part
>Anon is the frequent target of being sat on
It doesn't even have to be sexual every time. Sometimes there's face-sitting, but other times she just feels like reading a book while she sits on Anon's lap.


>Gilda convinces Anon to carry her through Ponyville's market to show him off
>Neither of them have fucks left to give, so he carries her upside down and makes out with her
>Gilda hangs there and gives the ponies there the bird while giving Anon his bird







>Anon finds some wild potatoes near the Everfree
>Plants some but cooks most of them
>Applejack asks what he's eating
>Smacks the plate out of Anon's hand when he tells her "french fried potatoes and tomato ketchup"
>Tearfully asks why he's trying to kill himself





>Take in villain mares who have no hope of romance with their tarnished reputations. 
>Like Glimmer, Trixie, Sunset, Lighting Dust, Suri Polomare, and others doomed to die alone.
>Give them a second chance and help them adjust to normal lives.
>End up with a herd that is undyingly loyal, filled with individual skill, and a collective willingness to fuck shit up if need be.
>Realize later that you have a twisted mirror image of the M6




>Minotaurs: Big muscles, naturally stronk, can lift you above their heads
>Completely fall apart if they sprain their ankle and whimper whenever you leave the room
It's all apart of old prey animal instinct.
>"No, Anon, don't go! I'm so much easier to catch and eat!"

>Anon feeds his minotaur cowfriend soup while she sits on the couch, whimpering anxiously while she cradles her wrapped up ankle
>Is instinctively terrified of predators in her state 
>"I'm going to die on this couch, aren't I?"





>Anon, immune to magic and with strength proportional to ponies and his bodymass, volunteers to help reform villains
>Sells it to twilight and Celestia because he's different than all these other ponies who grew up here and has an alien mindset
>Humans also have inherently individualistic, defiant, and strong mindscapes with high resistance to mental tampering
>Also the ability to disregard, rationalize, or otherwise NOPE out of any kind of sights or experiences these ponies consider horrible
>He winds up talking to these villains as if they were any other pony
>Calls them on their shit
>Brings them down to earth, gives them some perspective in their lives
>All with the body, face, voice, and smell of a big strong stallion
>None of those mares stood a chance.


>Anon's herd's foals are all potential super villains in the making 
>they all have canine teeth, eat meat, and are a fair bit more aggressive than normal ponies due to being half-human
>Trixie, Glimmer, and Sunset's kids are all brilliant magical powerhouses seeking to delve into forbidden arts.
>Lightning Dust's kid isn't as fast as say Rainbow Dash, but can manipulate weather on a level no Pegasi has achieved before
>Suri's kid is ridiculously strong even by Earth pony standards
>They all have their mothers' cutthroat personalities
>the only thing keep them from actually going through with it is that it would disappoint their father


>Individually, they can be big and powerful.
>They were ruthless and powerful, with hatred, wrath, greed and envy feeding their hearts.
>before, they had nothing to lose.
>The cold and loneliness were all that they had.
>But now, there's somepony.
>More like somehuman, that now, helps them to try what they though was impossible.
>Someone to forget the pain of loneliness.
>Someone to be there to catch you when you fall.
>Someone to feed that past hunger.
>Someone to hug and forget the cold world.
>Someone to forget the wrath and give a second chance.
>Someone to heal and mend a broken heard.
>That's what the "villains" see in Anon.
>But what would happend if you take away what the villains cherish and love the most?

>The Princesses offer to PAY Anon's herd not to have anymore foals on the fear that the next really will become the next major threat to Equestria.


>Anon declines, since he loves making love to his waifus too much
>His waifus also make loads of money; at least when their skills are applied correctly
>Anon makes sure of this
>Celestia can't force him to stop
>She also can't do anything to keep him from having foals either, since he's got four ex-villains at his beck and call, and his daughterus would get desperate if they think the princesses themselves are out to get their father
>Discord's help is right out, since Sunset's foal has learned things nopony was meant to know, she could off him with enough effort
>Chrysalis is out too, since Trixie's foal could demolish the entire hive alone if she thinks her father has been kidnapped
>Not that they could make it past Suri's daughter
>She can't let Marchiavelli even hear about this, since she'd bungle the entire political structure and possibly turn them against her for generations
>Twilight's too nerdy to convince or seduce him, and it would only make him more powerfoal as the head of the herd
>What can she do to stop this?





>Big Mac, contrary to most stallions, isn't all that concerned about finding a mare or several and having a bunch of foals
>He's content with life as is, and he'll get around to it eventually.
>Maybe.
>If he feels like it.
>His attitude of course does not pass without comment from his many relatives
>Though the only one whose opinions he actually cares about is Granny Smith
>Granny's sort of grudgingly letting things be, sure that he'll come around later, convinced that all stallions do eventually.
>That and she knows how pointless it is to try to force an Apple about something that they've got their mind set on.
>Better to let him come around on his own time and make him think it was his idea.
>Maybe seeing his sister have some, and finding out he's "Uncle Mac" now would do the trick...

>Applejack has always wanted a large family
>Sure she has a lot of cousins and such, because the rest of the Apple Clan is huge.
>It just doesn't seem right to her that 'her' part of it is so small...
>If only the accident hadn't happened, she might have had a whole herd of siblings running around to help out on the farm
>But now with Anon around, and a little magical assistance, she just might be able to have her own little ones


>The other stallions in the town use him now as their clam-jamming fat friend when they take him out to the bar with them every week
>He's a really good line of defense, even better than the really marely colts they had before
>Until the day he was disarmed by a cutie patootie derpy hooves
>She wasn't aggressive, just forward
>Kinda clumsy, but genuinely interested in Anon
>She was a nice mare
>Anon leaves his friends to the wolves at the bar and takes her home





>Anon and Pinkie Pie start dating
>All the stallions try to convince him to leave her, since he deserves so much better than that chubby weirdo
>He doesn't even notice; The subtext of their backhanded compliments flies right over his head

>"She's got so many friends. How can she spend the time together you deserve?"
"Yeah, her schedule can be a little hectic at times, but that just makes the time we spend together even sweeter."
>"You know, she is a little... Plump. Most stallions wouldn't give her a second glance."
"She could stand to lose a few pounds, but what do you expect? She works at a bakery."
"Besides, that thick earth pony muscles, with a little layer of fat... She's like a big cuddly pillow!"




>Anon brings a musical instrument with him to Equestria
>He ends up becoming a famous musician
>Despite the fact that he's just getting up on stage and playing music normally, he becomes something like the Equestrian equivalent of a J or K pop star
>Including the devoted, fanatical, cancerous fanbase
>When he starts dating a mare, his fans are up in arms
>He's supposed to stay pure for them, dammit!
>Since there's no internet to harass him or his slut over, a few of his most ardent fans decide to head to his hometown and try to preserve his precious virginity
>Hijinks ensue




>Anon assumes Rainbow is gay and asks her how to get mares.
>Rainbow plays along because gay friend perks.


"Anon you don't have to stuff your thong."
>"Excuse me? This is all me, dash"
"No way, it's not even subtle. It's like there's a sausage stuffed in there."
>"Don't believe me? Feel for yourself."

>"C'mere, Anon."
"What is it?"
>"Pants off. Mares get weirded out if your junk smells weird, so I'm gonna get a whiff and see if you need to take a shower or something."

>"Anon, you need to make sure that a mare will stick with you even after the first time having sex. I can teach you how."
"Ok, how would I do that? Buy her flowers and listen to her a lot?"
>"No, you need to be the very best at 'giving her face.' Don't worry, I'll teach you all about that as long as you're willing to practice."





>Anon is hired by Filthy Rich as a nanny
>Anon's duties are house cleaning, meal cooking, and making sure that Diamond Tiara doesn't kill herself or sneak out or whatever
>Diamond Tiara has gone through nearly a dozen nannies, half of which try to steal from her family
>Imagine her surprise when Anon goes above and beyond his duties as nanny and actually cares about her
>Makes sure she does her homework, plays with her when she's bored, makes sure she eats enough during meals, etc
>Diamond Tiara crushes hard on Anon
>DT's her usual bitchy self at school, but her personality does a complete 180 when Anon comes by to pick her up


>"It's not like I'm letting you pet me because I like it, you looked like you needed to calm down, yeah, that's it."

>"As your reward for your barely adequate service that still exceeds all my other live in nannies, you may attend me in the bath."
>her blushing intensifies






>Pinkie is not chubby
>Not even a little bit
>For an Earth Pony, she looks just barely better than an anorexic.

>This is decidedly suboptimal for Party Horse
>What stallion would want a mare with no flanks to speak of?

>No matter how hard she tries, she just can't seem to gain any weight
>Ponk needs badonkadonk!
>And she just can't get it.

>Twilight is convinced that her reality warping magic must consume truly massive amounts of calories to explain how she can eat several times her body mass worth of sweets in a single sitting, and have nothing to show for it.




>Being tall and slender with a defined face is seen as the one of the hallmarks of regal beauty.
>Meaning that alicorns are the most desirable pony race by far.
>In comes you, now the tallest being in Equestria.
>Add that to your long limbs, your relatively narrow profile, and your foal-like face (small yet defined facial features.) and ponies look at you like humans look at alicorns.
>Majestic, yet adorable in an otherworldly way.
>You may not fill a few other things that ponies find attractive, but being exotic makes up for much of that.
>Can't take even 10 steps outside before ponies crowd around.
>Even the most macho mares become shy yet are still compelled to vy for your attention.
>Stallions practically mow each other down to get close and enthusiastically try to befriend you, like how girls in highschool form a clique around the pretty girls. 
>You're not real sure how to take it.



>Get rich easy just off modeling.
>Roll with an entourage of fabulous stallion friends.
>Be the legendary beauty invited to all the most prestigious gatherings in Canterlot.
>Always at least one magazine with you on the front. 
>Find an eager waifu or two.
>Have handful of foals. 
>Live a life of glam.

>Model Anon
>Fleur Dis Lee is grooming him for life as a professional model
>Little does he know she's also grooming him to be a model husband
>She hopes to have him on the cover of HorsepunVogue in six months, and preparing meals, cleaning her home, and pumping her womb full of foals in eight





>There are no mom jokes in RGREquestria
>But there are dad jokes
>but they're not funny or groaners, though
>"Oh yeah, well your dad fucked me last night!"
>"I'd be mad, but I'm still feeling the afterglow of sitting on your dad's face for a couple hours"
>"I can't hear you with all your dad's cum sloshing around in my gut/pussy/stomach."




>Other mares give Lyra shit for having thicc breeding hips.
>She ignores them. She knows what, or rather WHO her strategic weight gain is going to attract.
>And sure enough, the mares who made fun of her have to eat their words when Lyra finds herself the sole recipient of a certain biped's affection.






>ywn get flutters to shamefully admit to all the sex toys she has
>ywn rock her world when you tell her you are gonna use them on her
>ywn push in her buttplug
>Ywn get her to admit she likes to cosplay as characters from her Animoo comics
>Ywn fuck her while she's dressed as one of the characters
>Ywn blow your load inside her while she screams "oni-chaan!" or some other weeb shit






> Be Hull O' Blue 
> You knew the company couldn't afford a proper, professional crew of sailors, but even so
> There's even some Anonkin, judging by the names
> You continues the roll call
"Fucker!"
> "Here!"
"Mother Fucker!"
> "Present!"
"Old Mother Fucker!"
> "You rang?"
> Anonkin are usually pretty serious about their jobs, so you can't complain too much
> And they are always nice pieces of eye candy
> But the whimsy
> Dear Sun and Moon, the whimsy
"Really Old Fucker!"
> "Right behind you, Captain."
> You look over your shoulder with a frown
> You had forgotten the navigator was one of them
> Discord take you, there is no way this voyage is going to go smoothly
> With your luck, he's probably in disguise as the cook or something
"Dead Fucker!"
> Silence
> You look up from the scroll
"Does anypony know where Dead Fucker is?"
> And then you see it
> Some joker brought a skeleton on board
> Fucker is waving its leg in the air
> Tight Pants, the company liaison, has the grace to look embarrassed
> "It was one of their stipulations, I'm afraid. One last voyage for their fallen brother."
> Of course
> You sigh
"Right. Welcome aboard you all to Rick's Limb, and keep your damn whimsy to a minimum. Understood?"
> A score of voices yell back in unison
> "Yes ma'am!"
"Mares and stallions to your stations, I expect to be out of the harbor by the next bell!"
> As motley as your crew is, they seem to know their jobs
> Perhaps you really will find the Fort Anne archives, that legendary library of human lore





>Lyra thinks Anon and his fingers are gross
>Bon Bon is enraptured when she watches Anon unwrap a candy quickly and easily
>"He didn't have to use his mouth or hooves or ANYTHING!"
>Tries to hire him to help with the candy production





Anon sets up a scarecrow. Pegamares think it's a human male and flock to it. The plants around it are just bonus for spending time with the hot silent colt.

>Anon carefully plants poison joke in the field around the scarecrow on a Friday 
>Hangs out with AJ drinking cider all day in the park the next day, watching for any that got caught in his trap




>Ponies only have the most basic of sex toys
>It's shameful to have them for mares /and/ stallions.
>A mare who can't get dick is a failure
>A stallion who would rather rut something fake than the horde of willing mares is unbelievably selfish.
>Because who ever heard of a stallion that couldn't get laid on demand (they exist, but don't bother trying to convince anypony of that)

>Most ponies who want a sex toy have to get by with the improvised kind.
>A filly during her first estrus will look longingly at that cucumber in the vegetable drawer.
>A unicorn mare might repurpose a magic crystal that vibrates.
>For the awkward gangly colt, he'll never be able to look at the couch in the living room the same way again, after that one time.





>there is a dragon literally named "Bad Dragon" who sells these in a variety of sizes
>They can't be produced in Equestria
>They're subject to huge import taxes
>Ponies pay out the nose to have them shipped in anyways, in nondescript cardboard boxes
>Bad Dragon asks Anonymous to come visit for an "earning opportunity"
>He asks Twilight what that's all about
>She knows, but she doesn't want him to know she knows
>What do




>Shock!
>Scandal!
>The nobility is all in a tizzy over it
>Princess Cadence, along with Rarity and her ilk all over the country find it just *so romantic* that Love conquers such meager barriers as social status.

alternatively

>Celestia just tells everyone that he is of noble blood among his kind
>What humans are around to say any different?
>His not behaving like an aristocrat stallion is just cultural differences
>He *is* an alien after all




Anon, after a couple months in equestria is suffering withdrawals from not being called a faggot. Because the stallions are all acting like girls theres no smack talk or banter between them. So Anon convinces the mane 6 to let him join in in their Mares night and talk shit to him. The pony who absolutely fucking roasts him is not who he expects.





>Twilight Velvet finds Night Light sleeping with another mare. probably fluer or whatever her name is. 
>She files for a divorce and Night Light gets 75% of the stuff because 'poor colt needs help'. 
>Night Light gets to the kids first and makes up some bullshit story and they accept it because "Why would their own father lie about something like that."
>Twilight and Shining can't believe their mom would do that to their father and pretty much disown her and refuse to talk to her. 
>Velvet is absolutely ruined. 
>She still kept her job but most of her coworkers shun her. 
>Velvet starts going to bars to drink away the real world.
>One day she is approached by a large bipedal stallion. 
>They talk and hit it off. 
>Months into them dating Velvet realize how much freedom she has around Anon that she didn't with Night Light
>Doesn't complain about how she takes care of herself, yet cares enough to worry about her. 
>Likes sports. 
>Doesn't care if she hangs out with the mares alot. 
>Doesn't bug her about money. 
>Doesn't complain for days about her forgetting something. 
>Starts becoming all around more happy with her life. 
>A year or so later they get married. 
>Twilight can't believe her mother remarried. 
>She tries to give her shit about it. 
>It keeps going to the point Velvet tells her to get bent. 
> Eventually Velvet figures out she married a colt young enough to be her son. 
>She's never been so wet before.



>Twilight Velvet and Night Light get a divorce after Night Light cheats
>Twilight Velvet Loses the house and has to stay with her daughter, where Anon is conveniently staying
>Anon is the only person to believe Velvet without trying to make justifications for Night Light
>They hit it off
>Twilight Sparkle walks in on the strange bipedal inter dimensional being fucking her mother hard on her own princess sized bed

>Twilight is scarred and recounts what happened to her friends when they ask why she looks like she hasn't slept.
>Rainbow Dash asks if it was hot
>OutragedFashionHorse.poni


"Hey Velvet, I'm home."
>"Hi deary, how was work?"
"Fucking horrible. Goddamn ponies."
>You flop onto the couch longways in the living room
>"Aw, I'm sorry. I'll be in in just a minute to have a seat."
>You wriggle lower on the couch to get your head on one of the cushions
>Velvet comes in the living room with a book and some tea
>She takes a seat on the couch too
>You love the way she smells
>"Would you like me to rub your hair?
>You nod between her thighs.
>This was really your favorite part of the day.


>>I would like to keep Velvet all to myself without the whole sharing with her daughter business.

>Not wanting the confusing but still oddly heartwarming situation of a mother coaching her you and her daughter on how to care for the children you produced with both of them



She's old enough to be Mrs. Rogers. She has a grandkid, remember?

"See you later, Velvet, I'm heading off for work!"
>"Goodbye, sweetheart!"
>Velvet rears up on her hind legs and gives you a chaste, closed-mouth kiss on the lips.
>"And remember, dear," she says, playing with the collar of her red sweater, "I like you just the way you are."



>”So, what are we supposed to call them relative to us?” Twilight asks with a tilted head.
>Velvet taps her chin in thought, shifting a bit on the bed so the sleeping foal tucked against her side wasn’t poking his horn into her.
>Thankfully, little Dusk isn’t as clingy as her Shiny was as a youngling, so the tiny unicorn remains asleep.
>”Normally, Dawn here would be considered my grand-daughter,” Velvet starts, tilting her head to the tiny alicorn playing with Twilight’s wing. “But since we’re in one herd, she’ll be considered a step-daughter to me, just as Dusk won’t be your uncle, but a step-son. Since both have the same father, it’ll be a little easier to file.”
>”This sounds like it could be confusing?” Twilight states unsurely as she pulls her rambunctious daughter closer with a wing.
>The elder mare snorts. “Sweetie, you have no idea. Once we have to finalize all the paperwork for this, it’ll be a red tape nightmare.”
>Idly, the unicorn mare wonders if she can beg a stiff drink out of her human, then dashes the thought. There’s no way he’ll let her while Dusk still needs nursed.
>Night Light was the same way, but decidedly more unpleasant about it.
>Velvet loses her train of thought when Dawn wiggles out from under her mother’s wing and dashes to her half-brother as fast as a month old foal can.
>Said half-brother is booped and bapped awake by his hyper sister, who quickly ropes the bleary little colt into playing with her.
>The eldest mother and daughter both smile at the sight.
>Now, what was Velvet thinking of again..?
>Wait... That’s it!
>Velvet smirks. “Twilight? How would like a bit more practice on the art of being a mom?”
>The purple alicorn blinks unsurely. “How?”
>”Well, there’s two foals here, and you’ve got two teats...”
>Twilight’s face falls into a flat expression. “You just want to drink again, don’t you?”
>”Don’t judge me.”

>"Try spelling out my name, Anon."
>"Pay special attention to this little part here when I wink."
>"Stiffen your tongue and use your neck for a bit, dear. Yes, just like that."
>"Ho-kay, Anon, keep your m-mouth open. I've been, hah, on that special diet for a while now, so I know you'll l-love the taste..."
>"Know that I love you Anon, and I still would even if you didn't do this for me every day."


>Anon and Velvet have been together for a while
>However, neither of them have really made love with each other
>Anon feels that it might be awkward to bring it up to a mother like her
>Velvet feels that she might seem perverted to Anon if she's too forward about it






>Prostitution is legal in equestria
>Anon, loving the hoerspussay, signs up immediately
>Turns out married mares are the most undersexed class in the country
>He's had to run from a lot of angry husbands
>So many times he now ties a bell around the front door
>He keeps a rope handy for window escapes
>He's had to learn on the job how to sneak around, sneak in, sneak out, and generally avoid detection
>Anon adopts the prostitute name "Sam Fister"
>He charges double for fucking a mare while her husband is home without detection





>Colts are the bad guys.
>Ponies think that Anon is some kind of evil villain.
>Because every time a weird stallion has set up in the last decade or so they have been evil.
>Joe the drowner zebra, who drowned animals for fun.
>Smootchie the midget unicorn, who tried to poison the town using his evil lipstick.
>Sombrero the hatted earth pony, who used his evil hat powers to crystalize ponies.
>The list goes on.
>For quite a while.
Anon is just too lazy to be dangerously evil




>maybe it's just name-based. Your first daughter God-Empress Ultramagic surpasses both Twilight Sparkle and Starswirl the Bearded despite being an earth pony.

>"Ultraaaa, where are you sweetie?"
>"Over here mom."
>Your wife, Coco, walks out of the house.
>It's probably time for school. You always loose track of time watching her play in the mornings, rocking in your chair on the veranda, digesting breakfast.
>Ultra had stolen some of your sausage again. Coco had conceded that she'd probably inherited an omnivorous diet from her father.
>She picks up to a trot as she approaches your daughter. Unf, dat plot.
>"Admiring the sky? It is a lovely day, maybe we should go for a picnic after school."
>She sits next to God-Empress Ultra, nuzzling her gently.
>You were glad she'd been in Manehatten when labor hit, their horsepital was easy about handing out epidurals. There's no way she would've agreed to that name if she hadn't been high as a kite.
>Ultra ignores her mom. Not out of rudeness. She's always gotten wrapped up in her thoughts.
>You were pretty sure she was gonna get something philosophical for her cutie mark, like a lectern or scroll.
>The wind's picking up, blowing her silvery mane and tail back and forth.
>Coco's also content to sit there with her, admiring the clouds streaming by.
>Some sort of rush delivery if you remembered the weather bulletin correctly.
>"Mom," Ultra breaks the silence, "I don't understand about the sun. Only Celestia and Luna can raise and lower it right?"
>"Well, I think I remember that other unicorns could, but it's very hard."
>"Huh. That's what I don't understand. What's so hard about it?"
>"Oh, well geez Ultra. We're Earth ponies, I've never thought much about it. Maybe it's... really far away?"
>"Hmm. I dunno. It doesn't feel that far away."
>"Uhm, I don't know what you mean honey."
>"I've been thinking about it ever since Applejack let me try bucking at the farm. It doesn't seem that different."
>"Th- the sun? Doesn't feel different from bucking?"
>"No, yeah, well, let me show you."
>What the fuck?
>This was new.
>She's rears back a little, kicks her little hoovesies some-
>Hnnnnnng
>Then falls to her forehooves and does the same with her rear legs.
>This time when her legs come down it's with a cracking sound. You can see shockwaves of silver light flowing through the ground from the point of impact.
>Your head feels like a bell Pinkie Pie is ringing but you catch God-Empress hitting the ground again with a seemingly practiced motion.
>The shockwave changes, quiets down, and you see a colum of pale light rising from the horizon to embrace the sun.
>You're not sure when you stood from your chair but you can only stare, aghast, as the celestial orb drops until its rim suddenly hits the horizon.
>You can't stare too long at that though because now your daughter is hovering above the ground, wrapped in a skein of light.
>You stagger forward, seeing her eyes sparking, streamers of jagged light thrown off from her flank as she drifts to a gentle landing, a glimmering cutie mark solidifying in her coat.
>It's a golden crown with a sun, sphere with a lunar crescent, and scepter with Twilight's six pointed star.
>Oh boy. You feel like some princesses are going to want explanations....



>Princesses see what happened
>Decide immediately that Anon will now be responsible for naming all ponies
>This will completely eliminate the need to spend all that effort on the Pony Insturmentality Project they've been testing on Celestia's students.
>With only a hooffull of successes like Twilight and Cadence.
>So much more free time.
>Luna can finally have a hobby.
>Celestia can actually take a week off.





>Anon is given an honor guard to protect him because "He is as pure as driven snow"
>His honor guard is named White Knight. Who goes out of her way to "protect his honor"
>She is secretly really attracted to Anon but cannot act on it... Even though he is lewd as fuck to pony standards.
>She also wears a sun hat when not in full armor.




>Equestria treats royal weddings like in medieval europe
>Anon marries both Celestia and Luna because this is my green dammit
>All of the nobles show up, along with the mane six and half of ponyville, where he first lived in this world
>After the ceremony, reception, and speeches, the mane six and many of princesses favorite nobles pick them all up and carry them to the royal bedrooms
>The huge room is filled with chairs and pillows surrounding a huge bed
>They all expect to watch Anon have sex with both princesses, as is tradition to ensure an heir
>Cadance and Shining Armor have a front-row seat not two feet from the bed
>It takes so long to get to the main event because of foreplay they start bringing in snack cakes and coffee
>They all watch Anon speed up and start chanting almost in sync with luna's squeaks
>They have to take an intermission before he gets to her sister


>half an hour of foreplay, twenty of which is oral given to the mare, followed by thirty minutes of fucking kissing her and playing with her teats in the missionary position
>all the nobles watch and get jealous, tell their friends about it
>they try to emulate it, and fail
>those shitty magazines full of relationship advice are obsessed for the next decade on how to be able to perform "the royal treatment"




>anon being the only human makes him on the endangered species list 
>his reproduction is the top priority of many ponys jobs
>just like with endangering tortoises in the zoo any time anon gets it on there is a lot of fanfare and excitement
>eventually becomes a tourist attraction 
>tickets are sold to watch anon save the human race



Anon in RGREquestria.
>Mares normally give the "protective older sister" routine to prospective mares courting a stallion they're close to.
>No expectation of the reverse.
>Anon starts courting Fluttershy.
>Discord being Discord, doesn't feel like he has to conform to expectations.
>And Discord cares about Fluttershy, and figures she needs it more than most stallions do.
>Discord gives the un-heard-of "protective older brother" routine to Anon.
>Overdoes it. Gives him the full chaos treatment.
>Fluttershy resents the protectiveness, but she can't bring herself to say anything strong enough to Discord.
>Mild disapproval, but not enough to make him think it's a bad idea.

Version 1:
>Her friends can't bring themselves to argue with Discord's...logic?
>They won't do anything to intervene either.
>Anon cares enough to keep pursuing Fluttershy despite everything.

Version 2:
>Her friends resent what Discord is doing.
>They can't convince him to stop.
>They can't get Fluttershy to convince him to stop.
>So they decide to help Anon court Fluttershy despite the chaos being rained down on him

>Anon calls him a casual
>Asks him where the slimy tentacles, impossible geometry, sexy daemonesses, and madness is
>Discord is a little squicked-out from his suggestions
"Don't touch me, you filthy casual faggot."

>Anon makes Discord his bitch. 
>Princesses get scared. 
>They tell The mane 6 to hit him with a harmony lazer. 
>They do. 
>For a good minute all they see is smoke and dust. 
>Then out comes Anon. 
>No change, no stone, no banishment. 
"0/10 worst lazer ever. Would not recommend."
>They can't believe it. 
>H-How? 
>How was that a 0/10! Was clearly best lazer! Worst taste! Get out now! REEEEEEEEEE








>Fluttershy is like the gangly geek in school who grew up into an Adonis with a 6-pack and a 9 inch dick.
>In pone terms, she has the biggest, softest wings, a huge tuft, and a cunt tight enough to crush an aluminum baseball bat.
>The damage was done, though, so she never lost her demure attitude or geeky interests despite being a jaw dropping 11/10.





>In this version of RGRE, there is an isolated kingdom of humans, led by Prince Scorpan
>Seeing humans is incredibly rare, they keep to themselves and avoid contact with the world outside their kingdom
>Celestia still gets bills from their kingdom, demanding that she pay for their border wall.
>Anon shows up
>Ponies assume it's Prince Scorpan, venturing out of his kingdom ANONYMOUSly to learn about the outside world
>Something Something RGRE™




>Marefriend thinks you're unhappily trying to please her by "faking" being horny 24/7.
>Because what stallion just gives away sex without using it as leverage over a mare?
>You actually are horny 24/7 because you've discovered the magic that is almost always willing mare puss.
>Now you've got to convince her that your affection is genuine.




t would be unisex and would be like hot springs from my japanese animes. Teenage mares would wait inside for hours hoping for a young stallion to share the hot spring with them but they only ever get gross old fat stallions





>Copper and nickle are rare materials in equestria worth a lot of money per ounce while gold is somewhat common
>Anon just so happens to have several change jars full of the stuff lying around
>This makes Anon worth several million bits, and when word gets around, has to beat the hundreds of suitresses trying to get at his money




> Cross dressing

> Equestrian traps are mares that wear button down shirts and slacks, stuffing a ball bra 
> Due to Anon's nipples, ponies assume he is a trap
> Something something flustered mares


>"I-im not a dyke if I watch tomcolts taking dildos in the vagina at HornTube..."
>"I mean ,there is just a minor difference​ between that and watching two gay stallions having sex with each other !"
>"And watching two stallions have sex with each other and masturbating to it is not what dykes doing"





What if the reason for the skewed gender ratios is analogical to what happened in China?
>Equestria is undergoing a baby boom after a warmer period
>the population gets out of control rapidly, and tension around food and land rise up
>then the climate starts going back to colder one again
>nation is going to collapse if nothing is done
>Celestia makes the hard call of implementing the one child policy
>it is not received well, but there is nothing ponies can do
>dura lex sed lex
>mares were more likely to hold a more beneficial position in administration and the like, due to princesses being at the helm, while stallions were mostly working in the field to keep up the with the skyrocketing demands
>colts were downright abandoned in the forest before long, due to the draconian taxes for multiple children
>Luna has to deal with uncountable nightmares of mothers who weep after their children
>she cannot take it anymore and demands the abolishment of the policy
>when denied, she snaps and goes NMM to "bring down the tyrant"
>she actually had some following amongst the common folk
>but it was not enough
>3 generations later Celestia realises that she didn't even notice when the point of no return was passed
>irreversable damage has been done, but the ponies already started to adapt to the new situation
>mares take over the physical labour, stallions are being protected
>the population becomes much slower to grow now, and the policy is abandoned
>before long, nobody even remembers that things used to work differently
>except for Luna, on her moon





>Contrary to what the tabloids would have you believe, Celestia is not secretly Molestia
>In fact, she's such a prude that she's still a virgin

>Luna is the scandalous one.
>She thinks Celly is horribly repressed, and would be a lot happier if she got some good loving dicking.

>Luckily, Anon is Luna's very good friends; he produces the best dreams from Earth and Luna enjoys them immensely.
>Implores him to take a train to Canterlot and steal her sister's virginity
>She had Anon at "train"




>"The night will last fore-'
>There's a hot exotic male here
>SexiNightPrincess.pon
>"Hey Bby, u lookin' for a real mare?"



>Nightmare Moon grumbles in protest as she allows you to gently push her onto her back.
>Her hooves instinctively curl up against her chest, giving her raw sexiness an edge of cuteness.
>A blush peeks through her black fur, and she can barely force herself to look you in the eyes.
>Had you not seen her acts of legitimate cruelty towards the ponies who refused to fall under her rule, you would have pegged her as a stereotypical tsundere from your ching chong animes.
>She mercifully spares you the nightmares that would have normally resulted from witnessing her bloody rise to power.
>"J-Just to be clear," she stutters, "I'm only letting you do this because it's your birthday."
"Hmmm? Do what?"
>You crawl over her until you are face-to-face, and then relax your body.
>The alicorn body is tough and your body practically weighs nothing to her.
>Nightmare moon stifles a gasp and her blush intensifies.
>"Th-This!"
>Oh, right.
>Sex in the "dolphin position".
>While it's a vanilla position back home, rutting belly-to-belly is a very lewd, very intimate act to ponies.
>"You've been a very faithful servant," she rambles, trying to hide how flustered this is making her, "and an equally faithful love, so I wa-"
>You interrupt her by placing a finger tip against her lips.
>You're lucky she didn't bite you.
"Shhh..."
>You rub your cock against the winking length of Nightmare's pussy, making her wriggle impatiently against you.
"Let's make this night last forever..."
>Something something RGRE






>Cowboy shows up
>Is used to very rigid gender roles just to have his life and understanding of them flipped upside down
>All the mares go crazy for him, opening doors for him and catcalling him slowly driving him nuts
>He, being a cowboy, feels he doesn't need mares help, gets angry at them
>They just think its cute to see him mad
>Something something more RGRE
>Cowboy Anon dies of cuddles

>Cowboy Anon seeks refuge at Sweet Apple Acres
>Applejack figures out right quick that he's like a more talkative Big Mac, and likes to do things himself
>Ain't afraid of getting dirty, or putting in a good days work.
>He's a strong independent stallion who don't need no mare
>AJ likes, and would really like to change his mind on that last part.

>She discovers the secret to his heart

>The secret is hard cider, and good 'ol home country cooking.





>Christian Anon and Pagan Anon in Equestria
>They both work hard at their trades, and spend their free time converting as many ponies as possible to their religion
>A holy war may be brewing between them, fought with pool noodles and inflatable hammers
>They eventually put their differences when Muslim Anon shows up, with a horde of newly-converted camels





>Be Anon
>You're hanging out at the street corner, waiting for tricks
>Some nervous-looking pegasus mare trots up to you. Got a trench coat and sunglasses on, as if that'll do much good. 
>"H-how much?" She asks.
>"10 for a handy, 20 for a warmy, 30 for an up-close and personal, 50 for the entire package. Ya get all that plus a nice conversation."
>Shakily, the horrid pervert fishes out a 50 bits.
>"Not out here, ya idiot. People will see. Keep your money out of sight 'til we get somewhere private."
>You lead her off to some abandoned apartment a friend lets you use. "So, whole package?"
>"Y-yes, sir. Um...how long is it, by the way?"
>"One hour."
>"...Th-that's not..."
>"I'll go two hours for 75, but that's it."
>Nodding, she produces a fifty, a twenty, and a five.
>Spend the next two hours brushing her mane with your hand, cuddling, talking, and lightly kissing (but never with tongue and never more than three seconds at a time). 
>"Alright, time's up."
>Send her on her way. 
>She'll be back. She's hooked, just like all your other clients. Damn sicko perverts.

And the follow up

>Be gentleman of negotiable affection in manehattan
>Particularly pathetic-looking Unicorn mare sidles up to you
>She's a blank flank. Considering her apparent age, that's pathetic. She's got bags under her eyes and wisdom lines around her mouth. She's grandma material. 
>"It's ten for hand-brushing, two for-"
>"I have a request actually!"
>You gesture for her to go on
>"H-...how much for you to...pretend to be my husband?"
>"..."
>"Just for a day...maybe two..."
>"...500 per day. 'Day' being a 24-hour period. I got a place rigged up like a nice, cozy home for this kinda thing. I can be whatever husband you like. We spend the whole day together acting like a couple. For an extra 100 per day I got a filly who'll pretend to be our daughter too."
>She nods solemnly and walks away.
>A few minutes later she returns with 1200 bits






>Teleiophilia is a real problem in RGRE
>It's not uncommon to find tween to teen fillies trying to harass full grown stallions.
>Whether it's just horny fillies letting their hormones talk or genuine, flustered attempts to get a jump-start on a relationship varies, but most stallions don't appreciate it.





>Anon is pure as the driven snow!
>Or at least he seems that way to mares, since he ain't a horsefucker
>But he does have a weakness for cute cuddly things (score one for just about everything in Equestria)
>Especially fillies
>Fillies who short circuit all his defenses against pone romance attempts

>Now a filly (or fillies) must play the long game, and attempt to slowly woo Anon, without falling permanently into the dreaded Friendzone.






>Celestia has tried to have romantic relationships in the past
>But she's not the picture of innocence that she projects to her subjects
>Keeping a kingdom at peace for a thousand years doesn't just happen
>She's done things she's not proud of in order to protect her little ponies
>Equestria was once a far more savage place, and behind the veneer, evils both fantastic and mundane still lurk.
>Keeping them at bay required her to make hard choices, and often to do the dirty work with her own hooves, away from prying eyes
>Luna doesn't have to hide it, being the Princess of the Night does have a few benefits
>Celestia however, is a slave to the image she has crafted of herself.

>The very few stallions that have gotten close enough to her to see under the mask did not like what they saw.
>The more successful she was at making her ponies safe, the softer they became
>Soon she stopped trying, devoting herself to her work.
>He dreams of finding one who loved her, the /real/ her, became ever more distant from reality
>Condemned to spend the long years of her Sister's exile alone, doing whatever it took to preserve Equestria.

>But Anon is no normal stallion
>Luna has seen in his dreams that the world he is from bears far more resemblance to the Equus of old, than the near paradise it has become.
>Perhaps her sister's dream could soon become reality...




>Anon introduces cosmic horror to Equestria
>Ponies think that lovecraft's pantheon is that of all of earth
>Luna can't help but be interested in the dreams of a stallion with such a capacity for darkness

"I keep telling you Luna, I can't go for anymore midnight strolls with you."
>"Well why not?" 
"Night is when my dark work is done. Soon the great old ones will descend from their seat of creation and they'll be very curious as to why their fledgling drone has yet to shake the foundation of reality." 
>"That is so hot."






>Anon goes to work at the Rock Farm with Pinkie's family
>Anon is one of the first non-family males the Pie sisters have seen
>None of them know how to act around him
>something something RGRE

>maud is utterly cool and collected as usual
>is actually freaking out on the inside
>pinkie is the only one who picks up on this because Maud blinks one too many times per minute or some such

>Limestone, unexpectedly, does not act tsundere just like my japanese animes
>Reigns in her temper and acts cool & collected
>Corners her sisters when Anon isn't around and threatens to throw them into a quarry if they get in between her and Anon Not that she would ever hurt her family




>After another long day, you're finally about to feel the sweet embrace of sleep.
>As you lay in the dark feeling your eyelids grow heavy, a brilliant flash of light practically blinds you.
>Princess Celestia is standing next to your bed.
>Beautiful. Majestic.
>...Incredibly tired looking.
>You sit up to respond to the Horse Princess, but she forces you back down with her magic.
>She wordlessly crawls under the blanket with you and wraps her limbs around your body.
>Grabbing your face with her hoof, she points your face at hers and stares deeply into your eyes before speaking in a serious tone.
>"Nopony will believe you."
>She nuzzles into your neck and wraps a wing around you as you try to figure out whether or not you're being raped.




I had an idea the other day I'm still trying to sort out, where Humans are something akin to Fae creatures or Youkai. Some are good, some evil. Some are harmless, some dangerous. Many are just /strange/.

They can appear without warning, and vanish just as quickly. They are at once familiar, and alien. With strange customs and ways of thinking.

A potential idea I had along with it was that humans aren't RGR, and that leads to some strange consequences when they interact with ponies.

A human woman might react rather poorly if a stallion were to rebuff her advances, especially if she felt that he 'insulted her beauty' in the process.

Whereas a human man might reward a mare who compliments him with more than just snuggles. She awakens the next morning, his scent on her pillow, and a valuable treasure in his absence.

But "adult" humans are rare encounters, far more likely would be a little girl (The Target Audience). They are usually not very dangerous, but they can be very annoying if they don't get what they want. Which is usually to ride around on a 'pretty' mare or filly (especially one with what they deem interesting colors), brush their manes and tails, and dress them up.




>Stallions are as big a perverts as mares
>Herds couldn't really be a thing if a stallion wasn't willing and able to satisfy them all.
>But they have to pretend otherwise, at least until they get into a committed relationship, or they get stuck with short flings




>It's a known fact that stallions are good with children and that father figures are in short supply
>Anon is friendly and typically spends his time at the park to watch ponies and learn about their behaviour
>Sometimes he'll kick a back back to a group of rough-housing fillies or help a wayward colt find his father
>Isn't prepared when baby ponies start going up to him and hugging him
>His first response is to throw up his arms and make it clear that he ISN'T touching these children who are not his
>Ponies around him "D'aww!"
>Anon has never been so confused in his life




>Anon is going steady with Applejack
>Applejack likes the way Anon isn't a prissy, moody stallion and how he can carry his own weight on the farm
>She likes how she doesn't have to be delicate with him; both with farm work and sexy times
>Anon enjoys how Applejack is one of the few mares in town who don't treat him as either a glass doll or a glorified child
>He likes how he can be himself around her and not have to worry about her jumping in to help him when she thinks he can't do something because of his gender
>Sometimes Apple Bloom slips up and calls him "Daddy"
>Life on Sweet Apple Acres is pretty good for Anon


>Anon has to go on a trip to another city for a few weeks
>Anon is welcomed back at the train station by Applejack and Apple Bloom
>Anon nearly gets his "welcome back" kiss but instead gets a big tackle-hug from Apple Bloom
>She snuggles into his chest
>"I missed you, Daddy..."
>It immediately begins raining in the station; right at the exact moment when some dust flew into Anon's eyes





>Twiggy piggy has been spending a lot of time with Anon
>Unlike other stallions, he doesn't seem to mind her being an awkward spergy bookhorse
>Whenever her friends tease her about him, she's quick to say that they are just friends
>What hurts most is that it's the truth
>And she can't seem to do anything to change it.
>A unicorn who could stare down Nightmare Moon and Discord, terrified of saying a few words to a good friend.

>Then she gets her wings
>Her body changes, she feels better than ever
>But the fundamental problem didn't change
>In fact, it got worse.
>She noticed that he seemed to be spending less and less time with her.

>Pony stallions were more than happy to try to fill the gap, with her new Alicorn form and authority.
>But she didn't want /them/.
>She wanted her friend.
>The one who hadn't cared that she was a bit messy when she ate more hayburgers than was entirely healthy
>Who would tell her stories from another world late into the night
>The only stallion besides her brother (and Spike), that she'd ever been able to truly relax around.

>But they were drifting apart, and she couldn't figure out why or what to do about it.




>Desperately clingy anon just wants love
>Keeps getting used for sex and dumped
>Mares who are interested in staying with him are driven off by his clingyness
>This just makes Anon retreat into his shell avoid ponies
>Cue some poner that is interested in Anon who is now a lonely shut in who is desperate for love but cant bring himself to trust.




>"Uh, hey Twi? Yer horn's been glowing fer a few hours now. What's going on?"
"Oh, yeah. You know how me and Anon are dating?"
>"Yah mention it at every possible opportunity. Yeah, Ah know."
"Well, after a particularly rough session in the bedroom..."
>She leans over to AJ and whispers into her ear
"Seeeeeex"
>"Ah figured."
"I realized that I didn't really know all that much about how to...um...do that sort of stuff..."
>"Ah'd've never guessed."
"Shut up. So, in order to be a better lover for Anon, I've decided to approach the issue with science!"
>"...Meaning?"
"I've magically extracted Anon's consciousness from body, sealed it in my horn, and am now running a litany of sexual simulations on it to learn the best way to please him! So far, he's orgasmed 457 times."
>"W-what the buck, Twilight!? That's sounds-"
"458."
>"-that's absolutely twisted! Yer crazy!"
>Twilight waves her hoof dismissively
"Oh, please. Anon certainly isn't going to be complaining the next time we're in bed together!"
>She leans in close and lowers her voice once more
"I'm going to put his...p-penis in my mouth."
>"...Ah'm calling the pol-"
"459."





>Flower sisters working as a team to snag Anon
>Roseluck cuddles with Anon to get him used to her (and by extension, her sister's) scent
>Daisy gifts him with flowers whenever he walks by their shop as a way of showing off how successful their business is
>Lily invites him to stay at their place - at first for lunches and dinners, and then she times his visits with powerful rainstorms and convinces him to stay the night
Anon will be warming their bed and making them haybacon for breakfast in no time.




>Vinyl has a large following of stallions
>They feel like her songs are totally about them
>Vinyl regularly brings a few back stage and fucks them
>It's one of the perks of the job, you know?
>One of Anon's stallion friends convinces him to come to a show with him
>Vinyl has her groupie wrangler take Anon to her room for some good, old-fashioned sex
>Anon doesn't get the memo
>They're playing board games and shit while Vinyl's clit is screaming for attention
>She's mute, so she can't just ask him to stick his tongue in her
>When he starts setting up the board for Oponeration, she just pounces on him




>A ball of lightning suddenly opens a hole in your floor
>It crackles, sparks, and then dissipates
>Revealing Twilight
>Christ, what happened to her?
>White headband, her mane's fucked up, she's got an eye patch and even a cut on her cheek.
>"Anon! I'm from the future!"
Woah.
>"I have something to tell you! Equestria is in terrible danger!"
Well shit, what do I need to d-
>"You have to impregnate me!"

>You slap a hand to your face.
"For fuck's sake, Twilight. Seriously?"
>You gesture wildly at her weird future-costume.
"Seriously?!"
>Twilight grips your shoulders and shakes you back and forth.
>"Our foals will save the world, Anon! They'll be the new bearers of the Elements of Harmony!"
>It's bullshit, and you don't believe it.
>Twilight's hoof-grip loosens and she backs away a couple of steps.
>"They'll also be incredibly business savvy and will end up owning almost all of Ponyville. Is it so wrong to want a marecave with all the latest updates of Ogres and Oubliettes, and all the miniatures I could ever paint?" 
>You just glare at her.
>You would be just fine with sex if she didn't keep coming up with these dumb schemes.





>It's not immediately obvious that Anon is a male
>Twilight thinks that he's a mare
>Complains to him about how stallions are all whores and how she's such a "nice gal"
>She nearly faints when she realizes how badly she fucked up
>Anon just thinks the entire reverse "nice guy" thing is funny




> Starlight Glimmer sometimes takes things too literally
> Twilight told her to try to think about her actions from an outsider's perspective
> Starlight bungles a spell that would set up a parallel self to observe herself with
> After the inevitable magical explosion, she starts hearing voices
> The voices of stallions around her
> Starlight learns two things very quickly 
> Stallions are incredibly harsh on each other in their thoughts
> They also stare at mares' teats and tufts
> A lot

> And then there's Anon
> Broadcasting lust and violence like a vulgar fog horn
> It's hard for Starlight to keep her composure around him
> It's very arousing, hearing a stallion so hungry for sex, but it's more than that
> Starlight is starting to notice the things he fantasizes about, and has developed a bit of an appreciation for the feminine form

>"Damn, I just can't decide which of these mares I'd want to sit on my face first."
>"All these ponuts...I wonder if the mares here like anal?"
>"Breastfeeding in public like that? Guess things really are different here...I wonder if a mare would let me try that on her..."
>"Damn my balls itch. Hope these mares don't notice me doing it through my pants pocket."
>"Do the princesses ever orgasm? Can they? They probably hit horse-menopause three thousand years ago...eh, I'd still hit it."
>"Damn, look at those applebucking thighs."
>"Communism was a mistake."

>"Look at all this exposed pussy. I can't believe how much I've been masturbating; It feels like my dick's going to fall off. Woah-hoh, look at that one! I'm getting hard just by lo- Oh, god, no, it hurts... Why is everyone sexy and naked?! I need to fuck something or else I'm going to go insane!"
>Meanwhile, Glimmer is doing her best to hold back her blush and not flag up her tail at Anon

>Starlight somehow gets caught in a conversation with the local human.
>He's polite, and the topic is really of no importance.
>Though his face is even, Starlight can hear his countless idle thoughts of sex, casual violence, outright hatefulness, and other unpony things that no other stallion even has the capacity to think of.
>But the one that stands out the most is his forefront thought of grabbing her and viciously fucking her right there in public. 
>She has to bite her lip and tuck her tail, hoping no once sees the clear trail of shameful arousal running down her leg.

Or, instead of taking the obvious lewd route.
>Pony thoughts are very simple
>This doesn't mean that ponies are dumb; it's just that they don't bother with thinking about topics irrelevant to whatever's at hand
>Enter Anon, who is basically an amplified loudspeaker, blasting chunks of music and shower thoughts constantly, even while holding a conversation
>Glimmer is now very cautious of Anon's mental state





>Foal-sitter Anon
>It's one of the only jobs available to a stallion, apart from secretary and waiter
>He doesn't feel like bringing higher-ups their coffee and getting his ass slapped as thanks, nor does he like the revealing outfits that he'd have to wear when waiting tables
>Foal-sitting it is, then
>After his first half-dozen or so evenings taking care of foals, he's pretty sure he's got it down pat
>Enter: Diamond Tiara
>Ignored by her parents as they spend weeks at a time out of town attending important events, she lashes out and makes things difficult for him
>He'd split if the Riches didn't pay him so well for taking care of their daughter
>Anon persists, he doesn't leave her, and she starts to be less of a little fucking shit to him
>She starts to look forward to her evenings with him
>One evening, she greets him with a cheerful "Daddy!"
>She's mortified
>Her face when





>Sir Anonymous in Equestria

>Celestia recognizes his skill and potential threat, and takes him as one of her knights errant.
>Should he serve Her and Equestria faithfully, he will be rewarded with lands to call his own.

>Frequently clashes with the nobles, and many other knights, who find the idea of a male knight who takes himself seriously to be ridiculous
>Celestia's personal guard may be littered with stallions, but they are mostly ceremonial in this age. More for decoration than actual security. Something Anon finds absurd.
>The sovereign's bodyguard should be the most powerful force in the land in his opinion.

>He takes the young Shining Armor as his squire
>The lad has potential. Potential that is ignored by most of the other knights.

>Together they wander Equestria, going where Celestia directs, or where the currents of fate take them.





> Platonic gestures are platonic in Equestria
> Anon decides to mess with Twilight during the standard multidimensional cultural exchange survey
"Oh, holding hands is pretty lewd. Some degenerates even do it in public, but they are the exception. As for hugging..."
> Twilight disseminates the information as quickly as possible, nopony wants the new stallion to be traumatized by handmolesting or rapehugs
> Ponies hold a hoof out for a hoofshake, only to pull it back in mortification 
> Pinkie wants to hug so bad, but she can't, she isn't that kind of mare
> M-maybe when he's asleep...
> Ponies are affected in odd ways
> Mares start wondering why they are winking from just holding hooves
> Stallions are more cagey about hugs, but the ones in herds find hugs to be more satisfying somehow




>>Anon camped out on the roof of the school
>>Fuck these ponies, they aren't the boss of me
>>Steals fat pony's lunch every day
>>Motherfucker has a fork cutie mark, mother must be a chef or something
>>Whole purpose in life is to eat his mom's food, what a bitch
>>Follow him home
>>Plan in motion after he goes to school
>>Back porch, pretend to fall out of tree and smash block of wood for thud
>>Roll around on the ground crying like a bitch
>>Mommy pony comes out. Whoa, fucking MLPILTF
>>Cute act go!
>>She gives you glass of milk. Pretty sure it came from her crotchtits. Score.
>>Chubby pony comes home to you fucking his mom.
>>Mommy pone comes in front of fatty
>>Its ok, he just thinks I'm are hurting her
>>Now you steal his lunch and yell at him and call him a faggot
>>Animal control is called in. Who do these bitches think they are?
>>2 mares.
...
>>Cute act go!
>>Bring them flowers, which the dumb horses eat
>>Sit when they tell you, but like a man on a bench with your legs crossed
>>Fatty comes to see if they caught the bad animal that hurt his mommy
>>It looks like they've got him pinned down, but he's really putting up a fight!
>>One is holding his head down by sitting on it, the other is straddling his waist, but it keeps bouncing her up and down trying to get away! Animal control must be hard work, they are both yelling at it not to stop.
>>Fat pony feels funny. He goes back into the school to eat cookies instead of watching the 2 sexy animal control mare get railed by the human.




>Oh god, can you imagine how hellish it would be to live in an Equestria where poners are that size? You can't fit into any of their buildings, and their tiny vaginas are too small for an average-sized human cock. It's like, you finger-fuck them and they're all "oh yes you're so big"

>Implying that isn't the actual size of ponies.
>Implying it wouldn't be hilarious to have Anon having to crouch everywhere to go into buildings and crawl inside.
>Implying that ponies aren't awed every-time they go into Anon's giant house.
>Implying ponies aren't the perfect super elastic cocksleeves.




>Pones that only come up to your mid thigh in height.
>You stretch them nearly to their limit despite being average.
>Petite mares like Rainbow need warmed up first or there is no way you're getting in.

>Alicorns are tall enough to look at your chest, and only Celestia is as tall as you if you count her horn.
>Little colts and fillies don't even hit knee height.
>Foals are the size of kittens and can fit in your hand.



>Anon doesn't have any native magic in him
>Ponies sense each other by subconsciously/unconsciously picking up on their magical signature
>Anon is magicless, so they can't instinctively know that he's in the room with them
>He can sneak up on poners very easily
>Sometimes they panic when they think that he's gone, like how a baby has zero object permanence and thinks that a ball just stops existing when he can't see it





>the ambient magic in the air leaves him in a state of constant arousal akin to a mare's estrus cycle.

I have an idea

>Anon gets captured by ponies who want to turn him into an exotic sex slave and know about his condition 
>They attempt to overload him on magic and turn him into a cunt-hungry slut
>Anon blacks out and goes full RAPE MONKEY, turning it around on them in a mindless haze of lust
>They intended to be the rapists, now they are the ones getting raped
>Any attempts to stop him with magic just make him more aroused
>He breaks out and unleashes his lust on Ponyville
>By the time he finally comes down off the magic-induced lust craze, a significant amount of mares are pregnant with his spawn




>Day in Equestria.
>Be Pone Catherine.
>You are a pony who once saw a human.
>You were at the city reservoir and they rescued your ball from the pipes after it went over the fence.
>Ever since then you have known you have a special purpose in the world.
>To blow shit up.
>Mom was so proud when you came home with your cutiemark that day.
>"You're gonna make those deer feel the wrath of Celestia one day."
>You don't specialize in deer exploding, but you've helped the royal guard out when they needed an extra hoof assembling their bombs.
>Most of your work ends up being fireworks of all shapes and sizes.
>Dad comes to all the shows you get hired to run.




>It's Hearth's Warming Eve
>Anon and waifu are pretty good friends
>Anon has waifu and a few of their mare friends (colts too prissy, yo) over at his house for horse-Christmas celebrations
>waifu has a bit too much to drink and attaches a sprig of mistletoe to her dock
>This gets a bunch of laughs out of their friends and is probably considered the equivalent of wearing a "kiss the cock" apron
>Anon is just tipsy enough to take her up on her "offer"
>Bends over darling, grabs waifu by the flanks, and gives her candyvag (or ponut, depending on what you're into) a big, sloppy kiss





> Sirens are the Irish of Equestria
>Whenever they aren't singing they have thick Irish accents
>They get into fights and drink a lot
>Adagio's real name is Adagi O'Dazzle

>Beautiful, smooth singing voice with just a hint of an Irish lilt in their voice by the way they trill their R's
>Once they're off-stage, they're Guinness-loving Sirish dogs who can't keep their hands off of Anon's ass
>Aria and Adagio have pleasant-sounding accents, but Sonata's is so thick it's like visiting Newfoundland on drinking night

>After they lost their powers, they generally spend their time drinking, fighting, and being miserable
>They meet Anon because he's the guy who buys their alcohol for them now
>Originally they used to just using their singing to hypnotize people into giving them free booze but that's no longer an option now that they're normal teenage girls
>Anon decides to actually help them make something of themselves





>Chryssi in RGRE
>to find the best, purest form of love she and her perfectly normal not rainbow drones must feed on stallions
>the mares are just polluting the thing with their lust too much
>that kind of dirty love is like drugs for the cheesebugs - gives them a hell of a kick, but not healthy in the long run
>the Hive Queen learns about a large biped in Ponyville
>turns out it's a stallion
>excited about getting a large batch of love, she personally goes for him
>turns out Anon is not as pure as she would've hoped
>turns out humans are for sexual
>and so are changelings as far as Anon is concerned
>she wakes up two days later with the biggest hungover she ever had




>A unicorn mare pregnant with a reincarnated Anon.
>She finds that she can keep doing cavalier mare things while pregnant because "mysterious" things keep happening that pull her out of trouble.
>Meanwhile, the halfgrown foal that is Anon just wishes his mom would stop being a jackass that needs saved by him every week.
>Because god damn doing magic while unborn is exhausting.





>Mmm. Fresh cookies.
>Bet the kids would want some.
>Grab a plateful.
>Head on the down to the basement.
>Down the dank stone stairs lit my torches of unnatural color.
>Hear a roar and pause. 
>Oh wait, that was just the Scorpio Demon chained down somewhere.
>Little... Big? Big bastard knows not to mess with you after you put the fear of the spraybottle in him.
>Pass the army of skellies doing skelly things 
>At the bottom after 500 steps in the main magi workshop. 
>Interrupt your kids in the middle of a satanic summoning complete with mind melting chanting hymns.
>And like magic they drop what they're doing, gladly leaving the confused unknowable horror in the pentagram half-summoned for some hot cookies. 
>Dad ALWAYS knows whats up.




>RGREqG
>Twilight sent Anon to the wrong human dimension by mistake and landed him a sweet job to say "I'm sorry"
>As a high school teacher
>It's cool, though. He had a sack of bits on him at the time and those things are solid gold.
>Enter: Dazzlings
>Not only are they hundreds of years old and otherworldly sea-monsters, they're also a group of trouble-makers who do things like bully other girls and and skip classes
>Anon decides to be a positive influence on somebody's life for once
>something something the gender ratio is still A Thing in EqGland
>something something female teachers won't leave him alone
>something something RGRE

>rape as disciplinary action.
>Dazzlings brag about it afterward
>"Guess who just got laid!"


>A couple of female teachers (and a few of the more attentive female students) are worried for Anon's safety
>It wouldn't be the first time a male teacher (at some other school, mind you) was confronted by a group of horny teenaged girls and raped
>"He doesn't even carry around a rape whistle."


>RGREqG
>The girls in school play a variation of chicken in which they use more and more lewd innuendos on Anon

>"Mr.Mous?"
>Derpy places her well-endowed bottom on the desk
>"Can you teach me about human anatomy?"
>You cover your eyes as you rub the bridge of your nose
"I teach marine biology, Miss Hooves."


>Implying Derpy wouldn't fuck it up somehow

>She places her amazingly round posterior on the desk
>"C-can you teach me about birds?"
>You raise your eyebrow at the gray girl.
"You meant bird and bees, didn't you?"
>Poor Derpy becomes confused for a good while, not understanding what went wrong



> Female students attracted to hot older male teacher, but too chickenshit to do anything about it but gawk
> Male teacher optionally notices, corners one or more of them ("miss X, you'll see me after school.. in my office"), makes their fantasies come true. He's in control the entire time though. 
> Male students get together and giggle embarrassed at how cute female teacher is. Sluttier ones dress provocatively to tempt her, make lewd innuendos, maybe try to trade dick for grades.



>Anon realizes he is basically some sort of sexual totem for the girls
>Uses it to make them improve their grades
>Highest scoring students sit with him at lunch and get to spend time with him outside of school
>Its the girls that try really hard but still fail that get the most attention from him
>Private lessons at his house
>Hands on Tutoring






>Anon in RGREquestria.
>Can't get a decent job, keeps getting pushed to settle down with a mare.
>Not particularly happy with the situation.
>Gets courted by a mare who happens to be a changeling.
>Changeling just adapted to whatever got him to like her, so she was happy to go along with his "backwards" ways.
>Anon happy to have a mare that finally doesn't see him as second-class.
>Gets drunk on love.
>Reverts during sex.
>Freaks out, tries to explain.
"Eh, I'll still hit that."
>Anon likes changelings for treating him decently.
>No reason to hate them.
>Changeling realizes that Anon still loves her despite the change.
>Which never happens.
>She has so much spare love that she has to share some before bringing any back to the hive.
>Other changelings in Ponyville can't believe she has this much to spare.
>"How long have you been gathering this? A year?"
>"A day. Well, less, really; he's been asleep for a while, after we wore each other out."

>First changeling starts bringing others in.
>Makes it look like a herd from the outside.
>Changelings start abandoning other covers and deceptions they have going.
>Anon is fine with this.
"Ponies think that's all I'm good for and look down on me for it. Changelings think it makes me walk on water and look at me like I'm the best thing to ever happen to them."

>First changeling, full to bursting with love, develops into a queen.
>Anon starts his own hive.


>>inter-hive tunnel warfare when Chrysalis comes looking for her missing changelings and finds they defected
>>a war raging right beneath Ponyville with the ponies none the wiser

It'd be a very short "war".

>Changelings give one look at Chrysalis
>Chrysalis, who staged the whole invasion of Canterlot.
>And got them thrown out with a net loss of love.
>They start radiating blinding amounts of love
>Powered by the endless fount of it they receive from Anon
>Chrysalis imitates Team Rocket again
>Can't even bring herself to blame them.
>They've got a good thing going.
>Comes crawling back.
>Begging to share.

>Anon leaves the decision up to his Queen.
>The original changeling who brought so much love into his life.
>And received so much in return

All of my changeling guards would be cute as fuck so the hive's enemies wouldn't want to hurt them.

>Big, bright eyes
>Soft fur, plump bodies
>Slightly smaller than the average pony to make them look cuter
>Smaller fangs
>Constant mild feelings of elation due to all the extra love, making them cheerful, agreeable, and excitable
>Adorable uniform where the helmet is purposefully a size too big so that it can slip down her face a little bit and she has to stop whatever conversation she's having and push it back up onto her head
>Make the horseshoe things hollow in the middle so that they clip-clop extra loud on the hard floors

>Most of the changelings migrating to Anon's hive/herd still have the intimidating warrior bugpone look when they drop their disguises.
>Anon still loves them.
>One smaller changeling, previously imitating a young colt and getting some familial love, gets a chance to see Anon's queen first, before dropping their disguise.
>She looks so much less warlike. Softer.
>Takes a gamble.
>Tweaks appearance a bit, turns into a small changeling with big eyes, soft edges, cute little wings, boopable nose.
>Anon can't help but d'awww aloud.
>Sound does not go unnoticed.
>Changeling gets full to bursting just from a few seconds of Anon-hugging.
>Anon loves all his changelings, but can't help but be a sucker for such cuteness.
>Many more changelings follow this lead.

>Some changelings imitate Anon's children, and get cuddles.
>Others imitate herd-members, and get sexy times.
>None of them ever go hungry.
>Ponies can't believe how caring Anon is to his (very) extended family


>The Ponyville hive is so well-fed that the changelings can't contain it all. 
>More than once a few have almost blown their cover by accidentally drooling love.
>It's a thick, glowing pink liquid that tastes like ambrosia and has countless curative properties. 
>They have to store the excess. 
>And there is a LOT of it.
>When Chrysalis and what's left of her hive bust in and find a WATERFALL of liquid love in the throne-room just for decoration, it hits them how hilariously outgunned they are


>Deep in the hive, however, lies a nasty surprise.
>The real guards.
>Changelings who transformed themselves into spikey, foot-long-stinger laden, Cazador-like monsters for the purpose of keeping the new king safe. 
>Without all the love to fuel their new and lethal forms, it would not have been possible.
>Even the most marely of mares turns white as a sheet when they see one





>nu-changelings convinced old changelings are still a threat
>they pose too great an obstacle to their new purpose
>a couple of them show up in ponyville to expose the single changeling they think is hiding out in this town
>confront the disguised pony walking with anon
>everypony on the street, behind every market stand, and looking out every window stop what they're doing
>waiting for a signal
>Anon tries to reason with them, hoping that he can convince them that she's the only one here
>the guard at the local dungeon is also a changeling, so they'll just make an entrance to the massive underground hive there
>they try to arrest anon as well for aiding and abetting
>He backhands the closest one and shouts RACE WAR
>the rest of the town drops their disguises and pounce
>pull them underground to pump them for intel
>none of the regular mares intervene, since none of them wants to fight a stallion or his...rather large herd


>Changelings can normally only transform while keeping about the same size.
>Shrinking is doable, just have to remember to hold the excess love in reserve or they can't grow back to their normal size.
>Changing size a little is possible with enough love.
>Even becoming Big-Macintosh-sized or Snowflake-sized takes a luxurious amount of excess love.
>Anon freely offers them all the love they could ever want.
>Hardly have to burn any on transformation or magic, except for fun or going about town.

>Changelings start experimenting with size.
>Turn into huge ponies.
>One changeling gets creative, and tries to turn into a dragon.
>Something most changelings try at least once when they learn about dragons.
>Usually ends in a failed transformation and a massive headache.
>Suddenly takes up half the cave.
>Anon is impressed by the warm comfy dragon.
>Knows exactly what they transformed from.
>Not intimidating.
>Changelings are deeply impressed with Anon going up and hugging a dragon's head and neck.

>Anon starts giving Changelings ideas based on monsters from his world.
>Changelings are eager to please.
>Never had such a willing audience.
>Never had so much love to burn, all for the sake of sheer fun.
>Changeling turns into Godzilla
>Mothra
>Stage mock battles that turn into cuddle-sessions.

>Changeling turns into a T-Rex.
>Another group becomes a pack of velociraptors.
>They start following Anon around.
>Fluttershy is deeply impressed with Anon's ability to "tame" such incredible creatures.

>Two changelings try transforming together
>Changeling equivalent of two fillies and a trenchcoat, pretending to be a full-grown mare.
>Anon thinks it's precious




>Months after starting his hive, Anon notices changes to his body
>His skin feels harder
>There's black scales growing on his arms
>His beard starts to feel more like...cartilage? 
>Freaks out and asks bugwife
>She just smiles like this whole thing is normal
>"Oh, Anon. You should be happy that you're morphing into a proper overmind!"
>Anon becomes a zerg

>Changelings normally don't pursue each other much
>Doesn't bring in any new love
>Just spreads it around
>Not good for the hive
>But Anon loves seeing his changelings with each other
>And loves the shows some of them like to put on for him
>Gives them more love than they burn
>Changelings finally free to enjoy relationships with other changelings
>Society that shares love freely isn't inclined to hide it from each other
>Anon invents live-action changeling romances
>Dates with an audience
>Love scenes with an audience
>Changelings can feel exactly how much love Anon is putting out
>(when he doesn't saturate the scale and fling the bell off into the sky)
>They know exactly what he enjoys
>Neilsen's ain't got nothin' on a changeling love-o-meter
>And the massive love feedback means that what he enjoys is what they enjoy
>tfw establishing a new age of cultural works in changeling society





>Anon becomes king of the changelings
>Has no one specific waifu, the entire hive is loved by him
>Celestia finally has another immortal in the world that she can court
>But she hasn't pursued a stallion that didn't immediately fall head over hooves for her the instant she asked


>Celestia gets an idea.
>Uses magic to transform into a changeling.
>Courts Anon, who loves all his changelings.
>Celestia seeks a closer relationship.
>Has to avoid getting found out.
>Oh, how the tables have turned


> Changeling drones can be male or female as they choose
> As the Anonling hive grows, the gender ratio in Ponyville begins to even out
> A lot of mares are glad enough for more prospects that they overlook the interspecies nature of the proposition
> Having a customizable mate certainly helps
> Some mares and a decent amount of stallions are uneasy about the new situation
> Ponies expect the Apple family to be staunchly on the side of pure pony relationships
> But no, the Apples have lived close to the Everfree long enough to be adaptive in the face of weird creatures
> Applejack can't believe she has two drones all to herself
> Big Mac's drone is looking to molt into a queen fairly soon
> Applebloom is friends with the younger changelings
> Granny Smith has a changeling attendant to help her around and smack the kids when they need it
> And for furtive hoof holding


>Anon's strategy for integration is way more successful than he thought it would be
>Ponyville's population explodes
>Male Changeling + Mare still equals a pony foal
>Big Mac's changeling waifu (monogamous, so she gets all of it) morphs into a queen from all the love
>The Apple Family Hive is born
>Bookhoers assembles a team of nerds
>Has a ton of foals with them since it's easy to stay inside while preggers and still work
>Alicorn love is powerful
>The Sparkle Hive is born
>Pinkie gets herself only the best male changeling, since it's hard to keep up with her
>She had enough love to care for everypony in town, and now they bear the brunt of it
>Her sisters move into town to share him, as is family tradition
>The Pie Hive is born
>Anon's own hive is enormous from the early start he got
>He's still friends with the mane six
>Flutters, Rarity, and RD are warming up to changeling stallions
>Soon there will be even more hives
>Anon forms the Changeling Confederacy behind closed doors
>Celestia may rule on paper, but Ponyville is now firmly changeling territory.



>Although any changeling can get a pick-me-up from the liquid love founts around the hive, it's always infinitely more pleasurable getting love from the source. 
>That means a direct lip-to-lip transfusion from the king himself. 
>As Ponyville slowly comes to terms with living on top of a peaceful changeling hive, a few of the more chivalrous mares and the rare concerned stallion get their nerve back when they see changelings always trying to beg kisses out of the local human. 
>It's not right, not proper, they think. 
>What stallion would be okay with being used with no reward like that?
>The bugs have to be controlling him somehow, and it must be strong with how convincing it is. 
>The same ponies completely miss him scoop up a 'Ling who hasn't even asked yet and happily liplock her until she's glowing pink with energy.



>Anon, through the magic of Love, ascends and becomes the human equivalent of an alicorn.
>Turns into immortal Elf
>Has trouble deciding if this is awesome or horrible.
>On the one hand, he's immortal and can do magic (and maybe even fly somehow if his suspicions are right)
>On the other, he's now a knife eared pretty boy.
>All his hair that wasn't on the top of his head is just gone and doesn't seem to be coming back.
>It would probably take a few decades to grow a decent beard now.
>He feels the need to start lifting because now he has skinny noodle arms (that are somehow just as strong as his old ones).



>Be defence cute. 
>What?
>The king gave you that name and you're dam proud of it! 
>Anyway, your ex queen just trotted in starring your king down. 
>You are about to go full defence but Anon placed a hand on your back and gave you a calming look. 
>"Well, well, well, I was wondering were all my changlings went." She says in her normal mean condensing tone. 
>She looks over at the love fountain your king put up. 
>She blows air through her nose. 
>"Hm, quite a collection of love. Impressive." She says still looking at the love. 
>You king smiles his sweet smile emitting his love. 
>"Yes, my children and herd work really hard for it. You can take some if you want."
>The bitch glares over at him. 
>"I will take it, all of it." She says doing >>29579620 # pic. (body horror mouth)
>The entire room is flooded in something. 
>Something you and your brothers and sisters pic up on instantly. 
>Something YOUR king should never have to emit. 
>Fear. 
>Instantly you and the other guards are on her as per code PTS *Protect The Smile* states you should. 
>She puts up barley any fight seeing as she doesn't run on NEARLY as much love as you and the other guards. 
>While you and the others drag the false queen away, the real queen and five 'Snugglebugs' surround the king and run their area of code PTS and snuggle the king in safety until he falls asleep.






>Equestrian Knights

>Princesses are supposed to rescue Colts in Distress, that's just how things are done.

>Not so for the brave squire Shining Armor, who ends up rescuing Princess Cadence.
>After another knight had failed, Celestia herself was preparing to go fetch her Niece personally.
>Yet when the Sovereign of the Sun arrived, she found that the situation had already been resolved by her strangest knight, and his squire.

>Shiny and Cadence already knew each other, hard not to when they are both aristocrats living in Canterlot, but it was this incident which sparked off their relationship.




>Anon and his enormous changeling hive
>Gender ratio is still there, and it's mostly female
>This is seen to other ponies (once he's discovered) as being a beautiful princess surrounded by burly guards to protect her
>Changelings are, of course, protective of Anon
>Move into Ponyville as regular mares to keep an eye on him - their infiltration is slow enough that nopony really notices the slow rise of immigration rates
>Ponies with seemingly no connection to Anon rise up and help him when he's in danger
>Lyra is shocked when Bon Bon - who normally hates Anon - rushes over to his aid
>Lyra then sheepishly joins her to protect the King
>Sometimes inter-changeling communication isn't perfect, and changelings don't always know that a pony they're friends with is also a changeling




>"Holy shit girls, you're not gonna believe this." 
"Fuck you on about, Dyke?" 
>"Holy fucking shit. So Mr. Anon right?" 
"I swear to god if you're about to tell us another scheme for 'Private Tutoring' again I'm gonna shit in your mouth."
>"No listen, Mr. Anon's in a band."
"What like, a backup dancer?" 
>"No, no, listen, my older sister right? She's got a car and a later curfew and shit, and she says Mr. Anon is the lead singer in the band that plays at that bar near the mall." 
"No way are they any good tho, right?"
>"Fuck does it matter? This is our in girls. We just go there, say we're there to help the band with their equipment, and bam, we fuck Mr. Anon." 
"I'm not seeing your logic." 
>"Just trust me, this is gonna work."




>RGRE Bug
>Queen is seen as the tough warrior and strongest magic-user in the entire hive
>A master of tactical decisions and strategy
>The King is to be protected because he represents the Queen's ability to find a willing (and loving) mate
>Also because he's the one who reads to them before bedtime while the Queen is busy doing bug things
The king and queen kinda function and have the same value as their counterparts in chess. Queen is the badass who can move in any direction and fuck up your day, and the king is the one who hides and must be protected.



>Anon and his mares are going for a walk near the woods with ~a dozen of their children
>Suddenly: timberwolves
>They all run
>When they're safe, Anon does a head-count
>All the mares are there, but two of the foals are gone
>Such is the price they pay for survival
>The mares are sad and comfort each other, but do their best to accept it
>Anon runs back into the woods and fucks up timberwolves until he finds his kids



>Anon loses one of his foals to the timberwolves
>Goes mad with grief
>Stone-faced but pouring tears at the funeral
>Buys a bunch of hairspray cans
>And several gallons of lamp oil
>Spends too much time in the basement now
>One night sneaks out into the Everfree
>Ponyville wakes up way too early one morning to see the Everfree in flames
>Smoke chokes half the town
>Light can be seen from canterlot
>None of the pegasi can control weather over the forest well enough to put it out
>They find Anon sitting in a river the next morning
>The first seven miles of the Everfree are now nothing but a charred wasteland
>No charges of arson brought against Anon, mares explain it away as temporary insanity of a grieving stallion





>bug waifu falls down and scrapes her knee
>Tries to be strong for Anon but tears keep leaking out
>Doesn't put up a fight when Anon picks her up and carries her home
>Will later deny any accusations that she cried when he applied disinfectant to the wound





>Anon works a basic office job to lay low
>has multiple picture frames of his bug wife and bug children
>slams them face down whenever a pony comes in his office
>it's the equivalent of shutting your laptop lid when someone comes in
>Anon's co-workers tease him about it
>Anon has to laugh it off and go along with their implications because the reality could mean bad times for the hive

>"Anon, you really should reconsider keeping those naughty pictures on your desk. It must be just terrible to have a boner all day at work."
"...the boner in my heart..."
>"What?"
"Yeah, it's pretty hard."
>"Well you know any mare in this office would be happy to take care of that any time, just ask~"
"I think I can handle this."
>She leaves with a swish of her tail and a wink, but not with her eye
>Anon picks up the picture and stares at it
"I already have someone to take care of it."


>Mares are generally clueless on how a stalion's cock and balls work, like some young men are IRL
>Some mares think that "testicles" refers to the scrotum
>Some mares think that stallions pee out of their butts
>Anon's boss is genuinely concerned for him because she thinks that an erection is painful for a stallion
>Calls it a "boner" and isn't quite sure if that means that there's an actual bone in there somewhere






>Anon is separated from his children via timberwolf attack
>Is panicking and has no honest idea of how to react to this or how to find them
>Cue his herd working together to find the foals
>Pegasi take to the air and act as recon
>Earth ponies clear a path through the woods once the pegasi spot their foals, knocking down trees with their superior strength
>Unicorns roast those timberwolf fuckers alive before they can hurt their children
>Anon just stands there, stunned
>His mares return with the foals and move in to comfort their poor, scared stallion





>Your tiny wives feel emaresculated that they can't show off how tight their pussies are because their entire body is the size of your penis
>Some of your tiny wives don't like going down on colts and try to get you to lick them off instead





>Predators sometimes eat their own young, and ponies know this
>Anon's waifu is nervous and never lets Anon be alone with the foal
>She knows he would never hurt it intentionally, but he's just a stallion. How well can he resist his predator instincts?
>Anon notices this and ascribes it to her being clingy, with maybe a hint of postpartum depression

>Waifu accidentally leaves Anon alone with the foal
>Catches Anon blowing raspberries into the foal's belly
>Thinks that he's trying to eat it




> Medium (wagon-sized torso) dragon moves into the Ponyville area
> He brings his hoard with him, has to subjugate the diamond dogs to keep it from their greedy paws
> Mares interested in a powerful male start visiting his cave
> Spike is worried that Rarity will be attracted too
> It turns out the dragon is a retired secretary, and thus of no interest to Ms. Social Mobility
> Tipped Scales is getting frustrated
> He moved to Ponyville because it was supposed to be a quiet little town
> That's what he gets for taking the advice of a friend who had recently woken up from a decade long nap
> He's starting to consider dating a mare just to keep the other ones away
> She better be quiet, though
> Enter Fluttershy, the dracopedophile




>Artist Anon
>Also a bit of a pyromaniac
>Discovered back on Erf that he can indulge his love of FIRE FIRE FIRE by using clay as his medium
>Needs to source some good materials for his work
>And to make a bitchin' new kiln of burningness.
>Recruits the Pie sisters to help him out.

>The Colt likes rocks?!
>Powdered rocks, but still, rocks. All kinds of wierd rocks.
>Wait why does he need so much salt?
>The buck is a salt glaze?
>And can we lick it?





Just imagine, Anon, Celestia and Luna are both already knocked up and it's Twilight's turn. Celestia would be coaching Twilight while you go at it, whispering words of encouragement to her while Luna is telling you to really pound the hell out her so she's too sore to walk in the morning




>Be Anon in Emerald City
>Or at least that's what you're calling this place for now.
>It's a city and it's made of crystal.
>You don't know how you got here.
>One night you were at a party trying out the new 'bleachtinis', the next morning you were here.
>Just you and these pony things.
>Which are also made of crystal.
>You're pretty sure they're some sort of wizard servant golem thing like in your American roleplaying games.
>So far you have not found the wizard.
>You checked the obvious tower in the middle of the city, but there were just more ponies.
>A few of them were just brightly coloured instead of see-through.
>They just neighed at you like the rest though.
>So for the last week you have been searching the rest of Emerald City.
>Still no success.
>You did find a train station, so that's the next thing to try.
>Maybe the wizard just uses this place as a holiday home?
>Fucken wizards, always being unpredictable bastards.
>At least his little freaky horse dudes know how to make some bomb-ass tea.
>If you were able to speak horse, you'd know that the gender roles are backwards here.
>But you don't so you have no idea about that or any other horse sociology.

>A day later and you are on the train to elseparts unknown.
>You saw more not-seethrough ponies as you got on.
>They were getting off down the other end of the platform but were definitely not wizards so you ignored them.
>Not one of them even had a hat, let alone a wizard hat.
>The train leaves the station and you watch the landscape go by.
>There is a lot of snow.
>No, seriously, A LOT of snow.
>It goes as far as you can see.
>Well that makes looking out the window a bit dull, doesn't it?
>Yes it does.
>You're getting bored.
>So you go look around the train for a bit.
>It's pretty oldey-timey looking.
>Like that one in that harry potter film you saw.
>Except there are a mix of the see through and just brightly furred ponies in the compartments.
>Some of them neigh at you as you pass them.
>After a little while you've explored the train and found the snack trolley.
>You grab some snacks and then return to your compartment for a nap.
>When you wake up the view outside is much less snowy.
>There are actual landmarks scattered around.
>There's a road over there.
>And that's a village on a hill.
>There's a farm.
>And over there is a mountain with a castle on the top.
>That looks like the sort of place a wizard might be.
>Conveniently, it looks like the train is headed that way.
>After a bit longer the train gets there.
>You leave the train and go look around.
>Just more ponies, mainly of the pointy kind.
>Well, you'd better get searching.
>If for nothing else, you need to find somewhere to crash for the night.
>That place with all the towers looks like a good spot to start.




>Anon is a charming hedonist who tempts Shining Armor's wife into the sheets with him
>... and simultaneously wins Shining Armor's attention, doing the very same with the husband
>Both feel guilty until the truth comes out
>Anon brings a new wave of glorious sexual deviancy into the royal houses
>Everybody's fucking EVERYBODY, and everybody KNOWS that everybody's fucking everybody
>Yet again the truth comes out
>Equestria learns the hard way that humans ARE for sexual, and that they'll make YOU for sexual too if you let them have their way, no matter what you used to think about your sexual preferences
>Mares and stallions everywhere feel a strange mix of discomfort and dangerous curiosity whenever in Anon's presence





>Be Anon
>You were lucky enough to bring your computer with you to Equestria
>Only one problem: There's no electricity
>You give Twilight plans to build a small steam-powered generator, but she's so excited that she constructs a whole power plant
>She says something about 'revolutionizing life in Equestria', but you really don't care, as long as your computer can boot up
>But as you glance down in the corner, and see the little red x over the network icon, you realize you have another problem
>Equestria has no internet
>That's no problem. Momma Ymous didn't raise no quitter.
>You hand Twilight an old modem and a few spare cables, and within hours, you're able to connect to 4pone
>It's beautiful
>/k/ is arguing over crossbow stopping power
>/d/ is arguing over whether liking cuntcolts makes you a lesbian
>and /mlh/...
>a single tear slides down your cheek
>You're home




>the boards were mostly as you remembered, but shifted to fit this weird magical horse land
>/pone/ was arguing if earth ponies are even equine
>/fit/ was talking about gains and almost homo levels of interest in fit clothed mares
>/r9k/ was posting ">tfw when no bf" over and over in subtly different ways
>/b/ was exactly the same
>/o/ was discussing best chariot models for cheap
>and /sci/ was gone, having been replaced with /mag/, was full of pricks pretending they knew shit about magic
>it truly was home


>/his/ is discussing whether another crusade against the camels is a good idea
>/tg/ share stories about how they totally rolled 6 20's in a row for their character sheet
>/ck/ are a bunch of fat tuftbeards who won't stop shilling 5 Girls Burgers
>/x/ is half bullshit, half actual black magic that will damn you to sucking Lady Tirek's clit for eternity
>/lgbt/ is locked in a constant battle between marely dykes and colty dykes
>/out/ is discussing the latest cryptid spotted in the Everfree, something called a hue-mann


>The Nightmare possessing Luna didn't get PURGED like everyone thought
>It was still around, alone, severely weakened, unable to find another host to corrupt
>A chance encounter with a creature from another world changes that.

>It is Nightmare Night
>The stage is set for the newest threat to Equestria to make his appearance






>Nightmare Moon posts ancient forbidden magick on /x/ for anypony stupid enough to try
>Starlight 'REEEE's all over /pol/ when ponies call her a marxist shill
>Chrysalis camwhores as various stallions on /hm/ and gorges on the >tfw no bf posts that follow

>Which stallions?
>All of them.
>The board is literally her, and people drooling over her.

>Somepony shitposts something like that on the board and Chrysalis panics

>"Yeah you're really all those 'other ponies', OP."
>"Griffonshit, bitch, I want a picture of all of you, time stamped."


>/mlh/ has its own RGRE thread (Reversed Gender Roles Earth)
>They even have their own cute little pony oc



>You are Anonna
>You're just an average mare from an average city in Equestria
>You have no friends or family, a job you hate and an apartment you can't stand
>Had, rather, as you drank a magic potion and were transported to Earth


>It sure is strange, being the only pony in a world of apes, but you got used to it
>After all the 'aliens are real' hubub died down, you were given citizenship and a government stipend
>You and your husband, the human who first found you, are now living an average life as an average couple

>Fluttershy hits "post" on the last section of her multi-post greentext, sitting back and waiting for sweet, self-esteem-maintaining (you)s
>Can't help but feel a pang of longing as she lives vicariously through "Anonna"
>Makes her stories as sweet and comfy as possible and tries not to cry when she writes romantic kissing scenes between Anonna and her husbando






>Pone mare constantly fusses about stuff like how he need to eat more and worries that he might not be getting enough satisfaction in bed.
>She finally gets fed up and tells her husband he needs to start a herd.
>His face when

>Pone brings up herding early on, before she figured out just how ingrained monogamy was in human culture
>Anon is all for it for obvious reasons
>hfw she figures out she could have had him all to herself






>Anon IS a character from Fluttershy's story
>Though aspects of his life - like his childhood - are only briefly touched in her greentext, magic makes it so that Anon distinctly remembers experiencing them in real time
>Fluttershy made him an anime-esque irresistible human, and so ponies can't help but be attracted to him
>She thanks her lucky stars that, just before Anon appeared, she was able to finish the chapter where he's desperately in love with her own stand-in character: Slutterfy.
>Cue happy ending








>Twilight-L starts rambling about how she couldn't believe she missed it, Lero doesn't have a functioning magic reservoir organ to absorb and dampen magical forces
>Anon, however, does, and Twilight-A confirms that she's observed it
>Anon declares that this is all bullshit, there's no such organ
>Twilight(s) pop up magic x-rays showing their insides as crudely-drawn glowing chalk figures on a screen
>Lero had his appendix removed back in the day
>Anon's looks like a uranium rod from the intro to The Simpsons





Lyra finally reaches Earth. On the Eastern Front, 1944.
She befriends a young German soldier, and completely misinterprets events to fit her marshmallow pony worldview
>Lyra and her husbando: Seven ways the world could change
>She doesn't understand why the Nazis hate Jews so much
>Who could hate a nice glass of juice?
>Convinces Himmler to send all interned Jews to Equestria

>She gets lost on the way to the bathroom and wanders behind Russian lines
>Finds a fortified bunker complex, slips past the guards
>Accidentally sets the whole place on fire while still looking for the bathroom, killing everybody including Stalin, who was meeting with his field commanders
>Turns out it was just a fart




>Pinkie takes Anon to the cloning pool
>Anon uses it a makes a clone
>Its defected in a subtle way
>Anon makes a few more clones
>They. Are. All. Retarded.
>Pinkie and Anon have to decide whether or not they need to put down the retard clones
>Or raise the manchildren on their own




>Looking at the still you haphazardly put together you couldn’t help but smile.
>All the pieces were now in place. Pieced together with sweat, blood, and duct-tape.
>Through the process of trial and error, a fire which burned down your shed, and a drunk bear that got into some of the mash, you finally were on your way to making some grade “A” alcohol.
>Now, no civic ordnance about how much alcohol by volume was permitted, was going to stand in your way to getting completely shit-faced.
>The drinks these pint-sized horses considered strong was a joke, they didn’t even give you a remote buzz.
>So the solution came to you one night, why not make your own?
>Flipping through the beat-up old notebook, you read over your notes. You were a drunk, but a smart drunk, one that did his research on the art of liver-killin’.
>Your grandpa, always made his own moonshine. An art which he passed down to you, and now you were going to do him proud.
>Time to get the batch of mash for your first crop of moonshine.
>Tucking the notebook in your back pocket you walked around the back of your cottage while whistling a tune from when you were young.
>Only to stop dead in your tracks.
>No
>Not again!
>The can of mash lay spilled out on the ground, a large grizzly bear, who had a big smile on his face lay right beside it.
>But that wasn’t the only uninvited guest.
>”What is this stuff?”
“Pinkie get away from that.”
>Ignoring your firm tone on the matter, she stuck out her tongue and lapped up some of the mix.
“Spit that out, you’re going to get sick.”
>The only response you received was a series of hiccups from the bright pink mare.
>This was going to be a bad day.



>(Pic of Sunset Shimmer with Pinkie Pie and Rainbow playing basketball in the background)

>”You lost or somethin’?”
“No- I uh… was just walking home.”
>”You’re on our turf, this court, this hood, all of it is ours.”
“Right. So I’ll just see myself out.”
>”Not happenin’, you gotta pay for coming here. Now drop them pants.”





Anon is a :"unicorn comfort specialist", as he calls it. Sometimes magic gets backed up when a unicorn is under stress and has to occasionally be "relieved" by sucking on it. Anon doesn't even do it for the money, he just enjoys being treated like the fairer sex and slutting it up during his time in equestria



Story idea
CEO anon
Was a old ass businessman, dies, now in horseland but misses his shekels
There's plenty of stories of anon being the secretary, but it'd be funny to see anon building a Google on steroids mega corporation to wreck shit after the population act like shits
Could be funny to see anon slapping Twiggy with a roll of 100s after she acts like a cunt




>It was you against the world.
>Sign in hand you marched in front of the crystal castle which housed the unicorn-turned-alicorn book-horse.
>You were the only one who gave a damn.
“Save the buns, save the flanks, you say small butts, I say no thanks!”
>Should probably work on that, but there was no time for that now.
>Ever since Twilight became a princess her magical powers increased ten-fold, but at a cost which she shouldn’t have had to pay.
>”Hiya nonny what’cha doin’?”
>Looking behind you, Pinkie was hopping right along keeping pace with your march.
“I’m fighting a grave injustice Ponk. A crime has been committed and no one so much made a peep.”
>”Huh?”
“Twilights butt Pinkie, before it was something special. Now it’s nothing more than a joke and I’m not laughing.”
>Her giggling coupled with a few snorts at the travesty made you stop dead in your tracks.
>Dropping the sign you pinched Pinkie’s cheeks[the ones on her face] and looked her in the eyes.
“Laugh all you want, but that’s how it starts. First they came for her butt, but for all we know they’ll come for yours next.”
>The color drained from her face as the realization hit her like a ton of bricks.
>Her forehooves reached back as if to shield her bouncy posterior.
“You know what has to be done.”
>Picking the sign back up you resumed the protest with Pinkie following suit, a sign which she pulled from god knows where raised high.
>The cause was growing.


>Anon isn't as subtle as he thinks he is

"Twilight, could you please pass the plump horse ass?"
>Twilight blinks in surprise at the non-sequitur.
>"I-I-I..." she stutters uncertainly, "Wh-what?"
>Twilight looks over her shoulders, trying to surreptitiously see if there's some kind of disembodied posterior behind her that she isn't aware of.
"Oh, silly me," you say with a laugh, "I meant, 'could you please pass the salt'?"




>Applejack is embarrassed by her large, stallionlike frame
>Mares make fun of her behind her back all the time
>She just wishes she could be smaller, so she could be the little spoon and protect her stallion for once

>Being the little spoon is seen as putting yourself between potential danger and your stallion's soft underbelly while he's asleep and vulnerable




>Anon releases all of Weird Al's material as his own comedy album
>Pinkie acts as his publicist, puts on a getup like Don King with a poofy beehive hairdo instead of looking like one of those troll toys
>the songs become wildly popular
>meanwhile, elsewhere in Equestria, Cheese Sandwich has been unable to stop scrunching all day long and he can't figure out why




Lyra laughed when Bon Bon said that she was going to give the human a plate of cookies and ask him to stay for a tall glass of milk. Said that he'd just think she was weird. And now? Now Anon has Bonnie's scent all over him. Who's laughing now?!






>Be Anon. 
>You're walking through ponyville heading to your job at Aloe and Lotus's massage therapy. 
>You like working there. 
>Pegusus wifu had her dislikes about it at first. 
>”I don’t like the fact you’ll be rubbing mares all day! It’s wrong for a stallion to do!”
>But after you showed her a few wing messages you learned she sang a different tune.
>”Owf, on the AAAHther hoof, mAAAYbe it won’t be sooooh~ bad for you to learn a FEW things.” She said while you dug into her wing joints. 
>Since that day you’ve been working there and as long as you give wifu a massage when she gets home she has no complaints. 
>Your only complaint is how far it is and the occasional mare who thinks you’re supposed to give a “Happy ending”.
>That and Caramel. 
>Every week he comes in and complains. 
>Now you used to listen to the guys back home complain about women occasionally and that’s fine. 
>But this being reverse gender roles, he complains about the stupidest things. 
>”She doesn’t listen to me.” Or “She forgot my hoof lotion! How dare she forget my hoof lotion!” blah blah blah. 
>If it weren’t for the ear plugs Aloe gave you after hearing him, you probably would have strangled him. 
>You begin to think of songs from earth that suit him. 
>After finding one you look around seeing if anyone is around. 
>Still being pretty early in the morning nobody’s there. 
>So you begin to sing to yourself. 
“He keeps Moët et Chandon in his pretty cabinet”
>Okay so the song doesn’t fit him too well but fuck you you’ll sing it anyway! 
“'Let them eat cake,' he says just like Marie Antoinette”
“A built-in remedy for Kruschev and Kennedy”
“At anytime an invitation you can't decline”
>You begin to have a bit of bounce in your step. 
“Caviar and cigarettes well versed in etiquette. “
“Extraordinarily mean!”
“He's a Killer King~”
“Gunpowder, gelatine. 
Dynamite with a laser beam! “
“Guaranteed to blow your mind-“
>”Anytime!”
>You jump hearing a voice behind you. 
>You turn around and met with Pinkie Pie. 
>”Hiya’ Nonny!” she greets waving a hoof. 
>Your eyes narrow. 
“How much did you hear…”
>She grins before putting a hoof to her muzzle seemingly thinking. 
>”Hmm, all of it~” she sing songs. 
“What do you want to stay quite.”
>Again thinking. 
>”Full body massage.”
>You narrow your eyes even more. 
“Back and hoof and I’ll go to one of your parties. “
>Her eyes narrow and a grin grows even more. 
>”Two parties.”
“Deal.”





>Anon and Bon Bon met via secret agent shenanigans
>She retired when they became a couple
>The inevitable happens, and the crown requires her services once more
>Bu there's a catch
>Anon made her promise him, that if it happened, she'd take him with her.

>She almost sneaks out in the morning, to find Anon waiting for her.
>He wasn't in the casual lounging around town clothes he usually wore
>He'd broken out the suit
>The one he was wearing when she first met him.

>He says he could pull the 'traditional colt thing' and just threaten that if she leaves without him, he won't be there when she gets back
>But he's a lot more stubborn than that.
>He's going with her, and that's all there is to it.





> It's Mother's Day
>Chrysalis finds undiluted chaos in the making in the Hive Kitchen
>Once she manages to re-establish order, it turns out her little drones were trying to bake mommy some cookies
>Because they'd heard from ponies that's what you were supposed to do on Mother's Day



> Be Anon in RGRE EQG
> The subway train car is packed with the morning rush
> Then you feel something warm and soft press against your back
> "Sorry, there just isn't any space to move."
> The voice is soft and feminine, and slightly husky
> Is she really apologizing for pressing her breasts against you?
"It's fine, I understand."
> The two of you stand like that for about five minutes, small movements changing how much her boobs squish against your back
> Your shirt is fairly thin, and you can feel two little nubs firming up against you
> To be fair, you are getting rather hard yourself
> Then a slender hand slides just above your beltline
> "I'm sorry, I lied, I can move away. But I think you are enough of a slut that we can have some fun. Am I right?"
> Her fingers slowly unfasten your pants button
> Fuck yes
> You love this world of (more) perverted women
"Yes."
> She practically purrs, her hand diving down and wrapping around your erection
> "Mmmm, you're such an eager gigolo."
> Her soft fingers work their magic on your dick, stroking, squeezing, rubbing
> You brace yourself against the train car door, breathing heavily from her ministrations
> She presses her whole body against you, soft and warm and sweet smelling
> "Come on, let it out. Give me all your sperm, you perverted man."
> She nips at your ear and you groan in pleasure
> Her hand speeds up and she tightens her grip around your length
> You inhale sharply, hips bucking at the stimulation
> Her other hand slides over your hip and down, fondling your testicles
> It's too much
> Your dick throbs and she shifts her grip quickly, the hand that was fondling your balls now cupped over your glans
> You thrust against her hand, hot jizz erupting from your cock into her waiting hand
> "Good boy. Empty those succulent balls of yours."
> You can barely hear her over your heartbeat and the pleasure flooding your system
> You fire into her hand a few more times before tapering off
> You can feel her pull her hips back slightly as she withdraws her cumsoaked hand
> "Guess what, slut? I'm rubbing your precious semen all up inside my sopping cunt. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll get pregnant with your child. Wouldn't that be great? Your first born with some woman you will never meet again."
> You've said it before, and you'll say it again
> You love this world's perverted women





>Be Luna, the moonist moon pone. 
>You exploring the dreamscape when you run into the alien Anon's dream. 
>He isn't having a nightmare but you go in anyway. 
>You were always curious about what he'd dream of. 
>As soon as you enter you are met with load bangs! 
>Some going extremely fast and make less sound, some are slow and make load sounds, occasionally you are met with a massive BOOM of a explosion. 
>You see tons of humans running by in what appears to be heavy cloth. 
>Most are running towards a building. 
>The one's who don't are met with a high speed projectile, blood blowing out of the opposite side of their body. 
>All of the sudden a giant green metal beast on tracks bust through a nearby wall. 
>It turns what appears to be it's head seemingly looking around. 
>A human rushes the beast letting out a high pitch scream firing it's weapon at it. 
>The beast seemingly unaffected by it turns its head before spitting what seems to be a high speed fireball at the human. 
>The human somehow still intact from the explosion falls to the ground dead. 
>You see Anon jump out of the head of the beast rushing towards his fellow human most likely to help him. 
>He runs over and stand over his head before crouching up and down laughing. 
>"Oh my fucking god! You're such a fucking hacker! Stop tea bagging me noob!" The human you previously believed was dead screams with a squeaky voice. 
>Anon just keeps laugh as the man child thing screams at him. 
>...
>You leave Anon's dream and vow to never return.



>Anon dreams of sensual sex with Luna as the real Luna watches, shocked. 
>With some roundabout logic, the moon princesses convinces herself that technically, she had sex with Anon.
>Now she must do the proper thing and court him, taking responsibility for defiling his purity. 
>Meanwhile, Anon doesn't even remember the dream. He just knows he woke up with a boner

>He just knows he woke up with a boner.
>And Luna in his room, holding a bouquet of flowers. 
>She's nervous and out of practice in courting a stallion
>She panics and throws it at his face
>"B-bon appa--enjoy!"
>She uses teleport



So what if when Luna enters the dream, Anon is having sex with Nightmare Moon?

Bonus points if it is the real Nightmare trapped in the dreamscape




>Anon dreams about fucking Nightmare Moon every other night.
>Luna just doesn't get it.
>She confronts him about it in a dream.
>Anon has no idea that she does that and thinks it is just part of his dream.
>rape
>Luna tries to have him arrested.
>It happened in a dream so there is no evidence.
>Luna decided to punish him in his dreams.
>Luna's punishments are anon's various fetishes.
>Anon rapes her every time she tries to leave.
>Luna starts to like it
>Good ending!





“M-mister Anon.”
>Yours heart races as he raises his head up from the bench that he was sleeping on.
>Your eyes meet as he makes a low growling sound.
>He looks pretty groggy, maybe you should just forget it.
>”What do you want marshmallow?”
“I'm not marshmallow, I'm Sweetie Belle.”
>”Whatever. What do you want? I am trying to get some sleep.”
>Your face is flushed, your heart is pounding, and your horn lights up.
>You quickly levitate a small coin purse out from your saddlebags.
“U-uh I heard that you do stuff for money.”
>Upon hearing that, he seems to take interest. You think.
>There is silence for what seems like an eternity, but probably was no more that a few seconds.
>”What did you have in mind and how much are you offering?”
“I-I want you to do stuff to me.”
>He makes a face at you.
>”Details.”
>Your tiny body stiffens as you respond.
“I want you to do stuff to my horn.”
>He just sits there silently.
>”Look kid, when I ask for details, I mean details. You want me to use my hands, mouth, or something else? Do you want your magic burst on my face or inside my mouth? Do you want me to twiddle your shittle?”
“Twittle my shittle?”
>”Just get lost kid. Every second you stand here is a second that you are scaring away real customers.”
“I am a real customer!”
>That came out louder than you intended.
>He just smiles a little.
>”Than tell me what you want.”
>You channel all of your pent up hornyness and all of your wet dreams.
“I want you to suck my horn dry and swallow every last drop. Then I want you to pick me up, hold me upside down against a tree and lick under my tail until that is dry too. . .”
>”Both holes?”
“Y-yeah and I want to suck you off while you do it.”
>He starts to chuckle.
>”Damn kid. I'm actually kind of impressed. A hornjob followed by an upside down nomming session with some dick sucking thrown in for good measure. Not bad at all.”
>You notice a pretty sizable bulge in his pants.
>”Let's see. How's 50 bits sound?”
>You only have 15.
“Uhh, I don't have that much.
>”Aww thats too bad. You are pretty cute though. Maybe I could go down to 30 just for you.”
>You wonder if Applebloom will lend you 15 bits. Probably not.
“I-I still don't have enough.”
>You are kind of embarrassed now.
>”Well how much do you have?”
>He sounds a little annoyed.
“15 bits.”
>He just deadpans.
>”You thought that you could get all that with just 15 bits? I normally charge 20 bits for just a hornjob. 30 bits for all that is a real bargain.”
>Okay now you are really embarrassed.
>He takes a deep breath and sighs.
>”Oh what the hell. I've made plenty this week. I guess a little charity never hurt anyone.”
“R-really!”
>”Really really. Just tell me where you want to do this and we will head out.”
>Sweet Celestia this is happening!
“T-there is a little treehouse in Sweet Apple Acres that we could do it at.”
>He stands up tall and looks down at you with a warm smile.
>”Well what are we waiting for?”






>The Pie sisters (minus Pinkie) decide that it's time to find a stallion and start increasing the number of workers on the rock farm
>They head out to Ponyville, thinking that Pinkie will have all sorts of information on who would be the best mate: best with kids; least whiny; biggest cock; etc
>Pinkie makes a list of single stallions and they meet each one, going through the list alphabetically
>"Stallion" number 1 is Anon
>Limestone immediately loses her composure (you don't learn a lot of social graces living alone with your family on an isolated rock farm, let alone how to properly court a male) and awkwardly demands that Anon go back home with them to the rock farm

If Anon is going to live at the rock farm, I could see Igneous and Cloudy involving themselves in their children's love lives. 

Not like literally in the bedroom, but in the awkward encouragement sense, and the poor sisters learning more about their parents sex life than they ever wanted to know.

Cloudy coaching her daughters, and Igneous giving Anon tips.

Gotta make sure those grandkids come sooner rather than later after all

>"H-Hey! Hey, you!"
>A flustered-looking gray mare marches over to you, glaring at you as though you've done her some great personal wrong.
>"Y-you'd... you'd better..."
>The mare takes a few quick breaths to calm herself.
>"You'd better c-come home with me!"
>You look behind her and see Pinkie struggling not to laugh, standing in the company of two other unfamiliar mares






Anon got thrown in prison for trying to hold hooves with an unwilling mare
And even worse that it was in public
Many said that stallions cannot >rape mares but that started being questioned after this situation
Equestria as a whole is divided, with someponies wanting justice for the mare and others defending anon
Even the four princessess cant decide what to do with him, being divided within themselves as well
All of this just because Anon wanted directions to the train station


>All of this just because Anon wanted directions to the train station
I, too, grab the strangers I talk to.

"Excuse me, miss!"
>A cream coloured mare looks up from her book, looking at you in curiosity.
>"Yes? How can I help you?"
>Without a word you reach out and snatch her out of her seat.
>"Wh-what are you doing!?"
>Cradling her on her back, you start to rub her tummy and nuzzle her mane.
>Her face is bright red and she looks outraged.
>"Stop that! What is wrong with you!?"
"Sorry for taking up your time."
>You lean forward and blow a raspberry into her belly, making her shriek and start batting your head with her forehooves.
"Could you tell me where the train station is, please?"
>You begin to play with the soft underside of her hooves while you patiently wait for her to give you an answer once she's done sputtering angrily.






>Silly poners think Anon is a mare
>Until he starts growing a beard
>Then Fluttershy realizes he's changing gender, like certain species of amphibians
>T-that's kinda hot
>Rainbow Dash is Anon's marefriend and already knew that he was male
>Never brought it up in conversation because she thought it was obvious it helps that she's seen his penis
>When Fluttershy announces that she believes Anon is changing genders due to his beard, Rainbow Dash silently wonders if sticking around with Anon would make her a dyke
>Keeps muttering "no homo" under her breath as they cuddle in front of Anon's fireplace




>Anon has a crippling fear of intimacy
>He would be the lewdest creature on the planet, if only he bring himself to actually /do/ anything
>Mares take this as evidence that he is Pure Horsebando material


>Anon was legitmately abused by his mother
>is extremely suspicious and fearful of any female with any sort of power over him
>Gets pulled into RGRE, where all the females are aggressive, numerous, and considered the more powerful sex by default.
>He has to live with a mare who agreed to host him.
>Said mare is overbearing/flirty and it scares him to no end.
>But he can't leave her without being homeless.
>Everyday in Equestria is living hell to him. 
>His host finds everything out.
>The pure horror on her face.





>Pure as the driven snow
>Hesitates to even hold hands/hooves
>Blushes like a tsundere from my japanese animes

>Princesses wish they could pass some kind of law to get custody over him and protect Anon - who is surely as fragile and innocent as a delicate porcelain doll - from the evils and corruption of the world
>Meanwhile, Anon is trying to look under mare's tails as discretely as possible




The reason Celestia and Luna keep the title of Princess rather than accepting their place as queens is because they're still waiting for their dadd- ESTEEMED FATHER to come back from his extremely important quest of appeasing the space elf prost- DIGNIFIED ROYAL AMBASSADORS in the Galaxy Infrared-9.




>The Princesses have massive Daddy Issues
>Anon is the only one taller, bigger, stronger than them
>Guess who just got more problems to deal with?


>The princessess atart getting closer to Anon
>Liking it or not they keep coming to him with more and more bickering of one to another
>Leave it as sisters being cute sisters
>Soon they both come to him at once
>They want him to prove the other wrong in an argument
>In a discussion where both sides have over 1000 of wiseness and experiences
>Meanwhile Anon cant even understand the basis of what they re talking
>The princessess just keep discussing in front of him, thinking they can win him to their side with a better argument
>Anon just gets more lost in it all as it goes on







>Anon jumped ahead a thousand or so years into the future because reasons
>Still in the location of the previous castle, and Twilight eventually finds him in the Everfree
>Sends a letter to Celestia describing Anon and including a picture
>It takes all of 7 seconds after the princess receives the note for Celestia and Luna to teleport all the way over from Canterlot to Ponyville
>Anon now must deal with grown-up versions of those two fillies he found in a box and took care of for a few years
>And he's never been happier

>Luna was isolated on the moon for a thousand years while trapped in her persona of Nightmare Moon
>Celestia had to deal with her father disappearing and her sister being banished for a thousand years
>A thousand years alone; her entire family gone
>Anon had expected Luna to be the most emotional about his return (she had lived up to her status of "baby sister" back when she was younger), but it's actually Celestia who cries into his chest and absolutely refuses to let go
>Anon lets her take her time.
>When they take him back to Canterlot, neither allows him out of their sight and they all fall asleep curled up in front of the fireplace

>The absolutely unflappable Princess of the Sun
>Who put on a brave face, no matter what threats faced Equestria over the last thousand years
>She couldn't dump all her problems and insecurities on Luna, her poor little sister had her own issues to deal with already, Celestia had to be strong for her, and their little ponies
>But now daddy is finally back, to make everything better

>Anon has no idea how to help Celestia
>He's just one mortal man
>He has no experience running a country nor much in the way of magical knowledge
>Hell, even as a parent he considered himself average at best.
>He's completely out of his depth, but tries anyway


>Anon gets courted by one of the maids
>He doesn't care that she's not royalty or anything
>Feather Duster is a kind, caring, and cute mare.
>Celly gets jelly of the attention but can't bring herself to keep her daddy from finding love
>He never had anyone as a special somepony back then
>Luna just doesn't want to have to call one of the waitstaff "Mom"

>Anon starts courting Twilight
>Celestia is confused and horrified; The filly she always thought of as a daughter is now technically her mom

>Anon starts dating Bombshell.
>Celestia and Luna disapprove.
>Celestia thinks Anon deserves someone better than some dumb, socially retarded klutz.
>Luna is the Element of Sperg, and sees Bombshell as a goddamn amateur.
>something something RGRE






>"All right Spike, send it."
>the small dragon blows green flames over the parchment and it rapidly disappears
>rounding back on Anonymous, she continues with a smile
>"Ok Anon, I've let the Princess know you're here and about how you arrived. She'll probably send a basic reply in the next few minutes, but honestly it might take a few days before she decides the best course to take, you being a cast-away from anoth-"
>suddenly, there's a sloppy mish-mash of magic as two teleports burst into being in roughly the same space
>both Celestia and Luna come barreling out at full speed, rushing Twilight and Anonymous
>Celestia is literally tumbling end over end, trying to get upright but failing at anything other than propelling her somersaulting further
>Luna is flailing her hooves to run so hard they're practically slipping out from underneath her and getting tangled up, while her wings flap as if she were flying
>both are sobbing
>"FATHER!"
>"DADDY!"
>Twilight can do nothing but gape in dumbfoundment as they collide into a giant pile with Anonymous, desperately nuzzling and clinging to him




>Discord was the one who sent Anon into the future via time portal because he was the only one who couldn't be directly affected by his magic and thus stood a chance of actually defeating him without the Elements of Harmony

>LONG AGO IN THE LAND OF EQUESTRIA.
>I, DISCORD, THE HANDSOME MASTER OF CHAOS
>UNLEASHED UN AN UNSPEAKABLE DISHARMONY
>BUT A FOOLISH MONKEY, SOMEHOW IMMUNE TO MY POWER, STEPPED FORTH TO OPPOSE ME
>BEFORE THE FINAL BLOW WAS STRUCK, I TORE OPEN A PORTAL IN TIME, AND SENT HIM INTO THE FUTURE.
>WHERE I THOUGHT, MY CHAOS WOULD BE LAW
>THINGS DID NOT GO AS PLANNED
>NOW THE FOOL SEEKS TO ANNOY ME AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY DESPITE MY REDEMPTION, AND TEMPTING ME BACK TO THE PATH OF PURE CHAOS

>Anon feels bad cause he missed a lot of important good times with his family.
>It's total bitch and a back-stabber with Discord.
>Anon becomes the anti-fun-chaos police.
>Tries to provoke Discord.
>He has a very short leash.
>Just one fuck up and his ass turns into stone.
>BOOM!
>You asked for Chocolate milk, Discord?
>I brough you normal milk, no fat, 
lactose-free and no sugar.
>Anon gives him a stare of- I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE Mother fucker-
>Discord smiles while tears pour from his eyes

"Alright Discord, you can go, but first you have to drink all this milk."
>"W-why are you doing this, Anon?"




>There are no gaming consoles in Equestria, but Luna games with Anon through his dreams
>She can recreate them accurately from his subconscious memories
>It's like playing VR versions of his favourite games
>She does it all so he won't feel homesick




>Cat-pegasi make nests out of socks they steal from the hamper and built them on unmade beds

>Unicorns are a bit more refined
>They just nab boxes and shred paper in them with their magic
>The paper shredding serves no purpose; it's just fun to them

>Earth Ponies get restless if they don't go outside and play for a bit
>Despite being as small as a cat and behaving similarly to one, they tend to act more like a dog when they get excited
>They're easily the biggest nappers of the 3 races, and seem to have a sixth sense for knowing when there's a lap available for them to sleep in





>You are Elyssar'sirath ruler of the 8th circle.
>And you can't believe this shit.
>Some mother bucker thought it would be a good Idea to bring HIM to your reality.
>Though you loathe to admit it, you are... thankful to the Diarchs for bringing this to your attention.
>After much posturing and bargaining you have agreed to some things. Most importantly keeping HIM the buck away from Tartarus.
>Oh Lords below why did you agree to this, wait is she smirking? I swear by the blood temples, Luna will pay for this.
>You are Anon.
>Luna brought a friend named Elly.
>Look at this cute widdle pone. Trying to be all scary, with her horns and wings and shit.
>She's a shy one isn't she? Oh why is she shaking? Is she scared?
>Ah shit! she teleported away.
>"Sorry I scared your friend away Luna."
>"Tis' alright Anonymous, It's been many moons since Elyssar'sirath has seen or felt the touch of a colt."
>"Well if you say so, Luna."
>"Say Anonymous, Can you continue the tale of the Biggest Boss and his belligerent Sons."

In the first age, in the first battle, when the shadows first lengthened, one stood. Burned by the embers of Armageddon, his soul blistered by the fires of Hell and tainted beyond ascension, he chose the path of perpetual torment. In his ravenous hatred he found no peace; and with boiling blood he scoured the Umbral Plains seeking vengeance against the dark lords who had wronged him. He wore the crown of the Night Sentinels, and those that tasted the bite of his sword named him... the Doom Slayer





>Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis slowly gaining a conscience
>It sounds suspiciously like their husbando
>Every time they try to subjugate the masses, they can practically see Anon looking at them, sad and disappointed.
>The resistance groups are confused when both ruthless leaders end most potentially lethal confrontations with a huffy "Oh, just get out of here; before I change my mind."
>They've yet to connect Anon's presence with the villain's improved behaviour, and merely pity the poor colt and hope that they aren't mistreating him too badly
>Any and all rescue attempts inevitably end with Anon sabotaging his own escape and being "recaptured" by his mares





Humans to ponies are as adorable as ponies are to us. Many mares are reluctant to have sexual relations with anon because to them it would be like fucking a foal





>Anon is a huge metalhead
>Poners overhear him singing (insert generic power metal song here)
>Are amazed; Clearly, this colt is a great warrior from a tribe of amazons
>Next time a villain threatens Equestria, they give him control of a battalion of hardened guardsmares
>Hilarity ensues





>RGREqG
>Anon from regular Earth is sent to EqG because idk Twilight saw humans and thought "close enough"
>The biased gender ratio is still there, only now Anon is surrounded by hormone-saturated girls dealing with newfound desires and sexual frustration, and who can't go more than 8 seconds without thinking about cock
>Now having aggressive human instincts and general >muh human superiority, the high school girls work to snatch unsuspecting young men away when they least expect it instead of doing what their horse-selves do, which is to group up and try to tempt/lure single stallions away
>In Equestria, Anon only had to deal with a mare getting a little bit too pushy and trying to make him cuddle with her.
>In EqG-land, Anon has to watch is back and every turn lest he be taken away and "claimed" by a small group of girls
>They're subtle and merciless
>Take for example a three-girl group:
>Anon might turn the corner and have girl A (who had been waiting for him) blindsight him with a shoulder-shove as she walks by, spinning him around and disorienting him
>Girl B (who had been following behind him before he turned the corner) might turn the exact same corner immediately after and brush up against him to make him drop his books, thus distracting him
>Confused, startled, and focusing on getting his books off of the floor, Anon won't be prepared when girl C snakes an arm around his elbow and yanks him into an empty classroom just a few feet away.
>Girls A and B are soon to follow after making sure that nobody saw them
>The entire capture took less than 10 seconds


>The mane six join forces to become the greatest gang of rapists of all of Equestria (High).

>Elements of Harmony strike team
>Can extract any boy or small group of boys in record time due to their unparalleled and flawless ability to work together as a team
>One minute Anon is grabbing his shit from his locker, and the next he's got a faceful of breasts and is being tactfully and unobtrusively moved into an unused classroom


>"Is that Anon standing all alone without anybody to protect him?"
>>"Sunset, come quickly! We need your breasts!"

>Anon is the only guy that isn't a prudish faggot
>despite warnings from others, he deliberately walks around out of the way hallways alone
>he gets insane amounts of ass daily because he is intelligent enough to know the best places to get some
>the girls that nab him trade him favors and gift him shit non-stop to apologize for it, in desperate attempts to keep him from talking about being raped
>he never tells them that he's cool with it because the free shit is dope



>Anon tries to go to Principal Celestia for help
>She's in on it too
>"Oh are those naughty girls harassing you again, Anon? Why don't you step into my office so we can talk all about it.
>She turns around and locks the door

>"Oh, Anon! You must be so distressed! I can't stand to see a boy cry - come here and give me a hug."
>Celestia grabs the back of your head and mashes your face into her cleavage.
>She's not wearing a bra.
>Celestia's hand slips under your shirt.
>"It's going to be okay, sweetheart."


>Principal Celestia genuinely cares about the welfare of her students
>Also can hardly stand being surrounded by so much cock
>Compromises by getting a little bit too handsy with some of her male students


> Be Anon, thoroughly lost
> You're still kinda new to this school, and you have classes all over the place
> It doesn't help that when you ask a girl for directions, she and her friends drag you into the nearest restroom and/or empty classroom, and have their way with you
> And for every guy in school, there is about three girls
> So you get fucked a lot
> It's starting to get ol-
> Haha, no, can't keep a straight face
> This is the best time of your life
> Especially when the girls accidentally dragged you into Principal Celestia's office
> But the point remains that your sense of direction in the building is shot
> You hear a long-suffering sigh behind you, while hands firmly turn you around and give you a push
> Smoooosh
> Forget it, you are never getting to geometry on time
> Hold on
"I know these tits. Perky, yet soft, and just the right size to hold in my hands. Sunset, how are you doing today?"
> She pulls you along, with the help of the elements of sexuality
> "I'm doing alright, recorded a few new songs with the girls. We almost have enough for an album now."
> Your pants have disappeared, and you can feel your boxers being tugged away
> The classroom door closes with a click
"That's great! Say, once you and the girls have had your fun, want to skip out on school and watch a movie at my place? I'll be making caramel corn."
> Sunset practically purrs at the suggestion
> "Homemade caramel corn? And you wonder why you get raped so much. You got it, Anon, it's a date."
> Rarity makes a little "awww" noise as she sucks greedily at your cock





>Anon is monogamous
>Waifu is everything he ever wanted, and he doesn't need other ponies in the mix
> The Mare is expected to share her stallion with at least a small herd and the stallion is expected to agree to that
>When Anon states that he doesn't want a herd, waifu is initially shocked, but soon becomes quite happy, she has him all to herself
>Other ponies aren't that happy though
>It's against all Equestrian ideas that led to society functioning happily with screwed gender ratios
>Waifu's friends expect to be invited to herd soon 
>Some of ponies accept them, some try to act as they don't care even if they don't like it
>And the more traditional of them try to take matter into their own hooves
She has stallion all for herself?
And it's apparently his own decision?
But he is only colt, he doesn't know what he's doing.




>Dad Anon to Celly and Luna was gone so long because he was stuck in Tartarus
>*Somebody* has to RIP AND TEAR around here, and Poners just can't do it properly.
>He had to put the fear of pain back into the demonic denizens after they got the bright idea to try invading the surface after Discord got turned into a lawn ornament.
>Discord thought they were no fun at all, no sense of humor, and had in his own wacky ways kept them in Tartarus
>But with Ol' Dissy out of action, Anon had to go to work.
>He never seemed to have problems with Tirek, being as he wasn't actually a demon, Anon didn't have to try bitchslapping him, and the old centaur seemed to be grateful that there was some entertainment to go with his incarceration.
>Anon still wasn't sure where Tirek kept getting that popcorn.

>Time passes differently in Tartarus
>All that time RIP AND TEAR'ing through the hosts of demons only took a couple years to him
>However, being exposed to and coming in contact with all that demon blood changed Anon
>He's now immortal, so long as he stays within range of Tartarus
>Well, that range increases with exposure, so just about anywhere on the planet
>He's also corrupted a little
>Unfortunately for the powers of evil, humans are born as selfish bastards but learn to control themselves
>Now he just steals cookies and cupcakes from ponies when they aren't looking from time to time
>His greatest evil? He once stole forty cakes.
>Celestia still holds it against him






>Honestly, you wouldn't be so frightened if they'd at least given you some platemail
>But noo, that stuff's too heavy for a colt, just take these chainmail hot pants and this weird leather chest thingy
>Even Conan wore armor when he could get it!
>At least you have a sword now, not that you have any idea how to use it
>And so, here you are, standing atop a hill, ahead of a column of several hundred mares
>Across the valley, you see an army of manticores, timberwolves, and all manner of wild creatures, under the command of a really poorly designed mare
>Like seriously, if your armor is too little, she has the opposite problem
>How can she even move under all that weight? And what's up with all those spikes?
>Well, whatever, it's not like you'll likely get the chance to ask her about it, what with all those clawed, fanged, and otherwise deadly beasts under her command
>Your second in command, a battle-hardened veteran of a mare, covered in scars and obviously a more qualified leader, looks up at you
>"Well, Captain Anon? What are your orders? Do we wait for them to attack?"
>You gulp
>This is it; Here's hoping all those hours spent playing Mount and Blade will pay off

>You are tired, injured, and covered in the gore of several dozen monsters
>Your sword arm aches, but you're surprisingly adept at this
>Guess swinging a sword isn't too different from your usual right arm exercise
>Somehow, despite your lack of armor, the worst wound you've received was a scratch on the shoulder from a timberwolf, who is now somewhere among the piles of dead and dying monsters surrounding you
>The sounds of battle begin to die down as your forces finish off the last few surviving creatures, while the more experienced warriors begin the long task of looting
>Apparently these monsters all carry between 5-10 gold coins on them for some reason
>You, however, have a different objective
>During the battle, the mare in the spiky armor, the villain who started this whole mess, has been tucked away in her camp behind the lines
>It's not hard to find; Her forces just slept wherever on the ground, whereas she has a tent to herself
>It's not much admittedly, just a little yellow Colemare tent designed for two ponies
>Inside, you see a shape desperately moving around
>A big shiny spike suddenly pierces the nylon material, leaving a tear
>"J-just a minute!"
>Fuck that, you're not waiting for her to get her armor on
>Walking over, you unsheathe your blood-encrusted sword and cut a long tear into the side of the tent
>Inside, a short mare is half-dressed in a set of impractically bulky armor
>"W-what?!" She shouts, as you tear open her shitty tent, "I was expecting Celestia herself, not some measly co-"
>She attempts to point her leg at you, but in doing so, one of the giant six inch spikes on her armor slashes into her cheek
>"Yowch!" She screams, grasping the wound, before collapsing into a fetal position and beginning to sob
>"I-I just wanted to be a big mare... G-go ahead and kill me, I deserve it for all I've done."
>What has she done

>As far as Celestia told you, this mare used a spell to enslave all the monsters of the Everfree, then sent an envoy to Canterlot demanded surrender
>Then Celestia sent you, for some reason, and a battalion of her best mares, to put down this weird little attack
>Not much of an attack, to be honest
>Not a single mare on your side actually died, in fact, your scratch is the worst wound you've seen today
>Aw, what the heck
>You scoop the crying wannebe villain up, taking care to remove her spiked armor plates, and carry her like a foal back to camp
>Celestia can decide what to do with her; For now, there was a silly pony who needed some cheering up





I want to see the story about Trixie being a trixie (RGRE version of Chad) and being converted into a nice pony by Anon's TLC and HMD.
>a showmare travelling across Equestria
>wooing all the stallions with her tricks and sweet talk
>self absorbed and overconfident, like a shitty popstar
>other mares and less wooable fuck you that's a word now stallions hate her - either because she gets all the D, or because she is a cunt
>enter Anon, resistant to all her bullshitty charm
>even when they get a bit closer, all he wants is a stable and loving relationship
>The Great and Powerful Trixie is confused





I keep having this idea about Trixie's family being Nobility once upon a time, with Trixie being related to Luna at least as much as Blueblood is related to Celestia (Which might not be much, but is apparently enough to mean something in the aristocracy).

But because Luna fell from grace, Trixie's family, the Lulamoon's, lost all social status with the other nobles because of their connection to her. Now the family, what's left of it, is almost totally broke, and that's part of why Trixie is living in wagon.

But now Luna is back

>Luna wants to reach out to the loyal families of the old
>all she got form Lulamoons is Trixie
>this was not what either them expected
>too proud to back out, commits the poor showmare to the life in the castle

>Luna hears of the Lulamoon's problem and gifted them fuck-tons of bits.
>Trixie reluctantly accepts because she misses the simple life on the road with Anon.
>Anon bought one of NMM's unused flying citadel so they could live in comfort and still travel around Equestria.
>Years later Fortress Lulamoon becomes one of Equestria's most successful Trading/Entertainment Hubs

(Cat pone)
>Live with Trixie
>She wakes you up at 4:30 in the morning because she's hungry and wants you to make her breakfast; she could do it herself, but she wants YOU to do it
>Wakes you up by lightly tapping your face with her hoof
>If that doesn't work, she goes into the bathroom and yells until you get out of bed to investigate




>In a twist, sex with humans is considered to be bestialtiy
>Talking about Anon usually ends with "...I mean, if he weren't human."
>Lusting in secret intensifies




>Anon is Applejack's coltfriend
>He finds the idea of a tiny racist horse adorable and isn't put off by it
>Applejack knows that Anon ain't no queer (judging by how much he enjoys the taste of her candyvag)
>Anon still acts a lot like a mare, which fuels strange rumours about Anon's sexuality and his relationship with Applejack
>Applejack really upset when she hears other ponies whispering to each other their suspicions that Anon is secretly gay
>"Anon ain't no fag! Y'all don't know what you're talkin' about!"

>Anon hears about this
>He finds this hilarious and decides to freak Applejack out by getting 'caught' cuddling Big Mac
>It's not gay if it's ponies

>Convinces Mac to take a nap
>Lays down next to him when he hears Applejack approaching and pretends to fall asleep
>"Wh-what in tarnation?!"





You know there's some mare somewhere that sees Tirek (especially his jacked final form) and thinks
>I'd hit it
>He just really needs a mare to rock his world, then he wouldn't be so evil.
>I wanna reform him through the power of Hot Mare Depths




>RD is still in denial about the dirty thoughts running through her mind that time Gilda's cousin came to visit Cloudsdale

>"What did you just call me you featherbrain? Come over here and I'll show you who is bird fiddler around here! Let me go, I'll hoof that lying mouth to the back of her head!"
>Ever since the gossip surfaced, Rainbow's friends had to break up attempted fights at least thrice a day.
>They also helped her clean the nasty paintings around her house and hid the crudely obscene drawings of her.
>Because they were good friends, even if they could not understand her sick perversion


>The more harassment Dash got, the more she found herself appreciative of the strong griffon embrace there to protect her.
>Nopony would dare attack her with him aound

>In a reversal of the racist hicks routine, it's the pegasi and unicorns that are the racist pones.

>Earth ponies are more understanding of these things.
>A mare has needs after all, and if her stallion happens to technically not *be* a stallion, well that's between him and her.

>Ponyville, founded by earth ponies and still majority earth pony, is a not-so-wretched hive of perversion and forbidden love.

>Being the weirdness magnet that it is, ponyville takes this attitude even beyond the usual level of discrete rendezvous' at midnight in the barn, into interspecies couples engaging in PDA in broad daylight.
>Deviants from all over Equestria gravitate here





>Despite griffons not existing on Earth, Anon just so happens to have a genetic quirk that makes him allergic to them
>Gilda visits town for the first time and has an encounter with Anon, and they agree to meet up later and be friends
>This initial encounter was brief enough and Anon had been far enough away from Gilda that his (at this point unknown) allergies don't kick in
>Ponies silently wonder why Anon would willingly associate with such a rude griffon like Gilda
>There is inevitably grumbling about how all the colts seem to go for "Trixie Lightningclits" instead of nice mares like them
>Anon meets up with Gilda later that evening at around sunset
>Not long after Anon goes to wherever Gilda is staying, both she and he discover Anon's allergies to griffons.
>Gilda is disappointed but understanding, and Anon goes home early
>Ponies see Anon walking around with a red face, swollen eyes, and being unable to breath through his nose and assume the worst
>It's dark out, and this causes ponies to mistake the symptoms of an allergic reaction with bruises
>Word spreads the next day that Gilda is a colt-beater, and Anon only barely intervenes in time to save her from being chased out of town
>Twilight writes Celestia a friendship report about the entire incident




>The real reason for Twilight's enduring rivalry with Trixie is that while Twilight excels at magic, Trixie gets all the stallions

>Ey bby, you wanna see how I can make your penis disappear?
>*Eyebrows waggling*





>Anon gets a job in construction
>The mares who work there (aka everyone other than him) all take the Earth stereotype of loud, rude, and dirty construction workers and run with it
>"Hey, colt! Nice sheath!"
>"Y'wanna buck? We got time, my breaks over in 15 minutes."
>"Ey, let's go to the diner on north side, yeah? The waiter there's a bit of a slut and he don't never tell his boss when I touch his flanks."






>Anon works as a manager at a fast food place
>Most of his kitchen workers are teenaged mares who don't bother showering before they start their shifts and awkwardly try to hit on the stallions who work the registers up front

>Anon is the flirty boss that encourages better highgene in his girls

>Anon is the benevolent boss who understands that life happens and doesn't get upset when one of his workers needs to change his schedule of availability
>Never yells at his workers if they screw up and instead takes them to his office where he asks what they're having trouble with and patiently explaining how to do their job better
>Gives all his employees a free burger or drink after they've survived an unexpectedly busy and stressful day







>Looking at the rest of the group, you guessed that AJ was a barbarian, Fluttershy was a beastmaster, Rarity was a mage, and Pinkie was a bard or something
>Rainbow comes in closer, rubbing her chin and smirking
>"Hey, you're looking pretty good Anon! Maybe you'll be more fun to have around than I thought!"
>What is she talking about?
>Glancing down, you see that you were dressed like a slutty belly dancer
>There was more skin showing than clothes on top of it
"What the fuck!? Where are my clothes?"
>Rarity circles around you, nodding with approval
>"This is the traditional garb worn by stallion healers! I must say, you do wear it quite well, darling."
"I thought I would be wearing a robe or something!"
>She frowns
>"No, no, Anonymous, only the mare healers wear robes."
>Of fucking course
>Twilight hugs your leg reassuringly
>"Don't worry Anon, you look really nice. More importantly though, we're going to have a lot of fun on our adventure! Right girls?"
>They all agree on unison
"Yeah, but-"
>"C'mon, let's hit the tavern and I'll elaborate on the details of our quest."
>You begrudgingly follow as she leads the way
>Twilight leans over and whispers
>"I'll protect you, okay? Just stick by me, and I'll keep you safe from monsters."
>You sigh wearily
>Rainbow covertly nudges Applejack and lowers her voice
>"Anon looks pretty hot in that getup, huh?"
>"I'll say. That colt's always dressed so formally, it's nice to finally see that freaky alien body up close."
>Rainbow grins conspiratorially
>"I bet you twenty bits I can fuck him before we get back home."
>Applejack chuckles
>"Yer on."




Fucking Thunderlane
>"C-can I have equal rights?"
>The mares just laugh and continue to gargle his cock against his will





>Meanwhile, Anon laughs at the stallionists with his herd of mares snuggling against him.
>Anon's previous encounters with the would-be homme fatales (in their eyes, anyway) haven't made him very popular amongst the male population; turns out that calling a group of people "a bunch of whiny cunts" won't make you any friends or sympathisers.
>In several instances that are filled with equal parts irony and a shocking lack of self-awareness, many stallionists have commented that they hope Anon gets raped





>Anon the househusband
>In between making sure the kids don't burn the house down, and cooking dinner, he's the alien inventor trying to recreate Human technological wonders
>whereupon the kids end up trying to keep *dad* from burning the house down


>Equestria has 70/80's technology
>Including computers
>Anon's face when his hobby of tinkering on old C64s makes him one of the foremost programmers in Equestria



>You are Anon and you are currently talking to some orange pony wearing a business-y purple suit top about a job.
>"I'm sorry Mr. Mous. But I just can't see a stallion even performing mediocre, at best, in this position."
>You shift in your seat.
"So you are saying I don't get the job?"
>She looks up from your résumé with a glare.
>"Yes... You don't get the job."
>Clearly she didn't read all of your résumé or she would have read the line about your time as a rapist.
>You stand, dropping your pants.
>Her eyes seem to grow larger in size at your actions while some other part of you grows large as well.
>You proceed to fuck her into a coma.
"That'll teach you."
>You say to no one in particular after leaving her in a puddle of hers and your own warmth.
>The next day you got a call back.
>You got a job and you will be working directly under her...
>Well...
>Her desk.
>...
>Whelp.
>It's a living.





>The first Alicorn Stallion isn't a whiny little bitch
>Gets shit done and behaves more or less like a mare
>Despite being the first male stallion and has the highest position of power that a male can have, stallionists complain that he's a figurehead or doesn't represent their interests
>Stallions will never be satisfied





>Spa Sisters in RGRE
>their business is going pretty slow, since mares are too proud to engage in such colty behaviour and because they think it's a place for fillyfiddlerswhile actual stallions are too few
>there exists a rumour that they have resorted to providing "happy endings" for the customers out of desperation
>enter Anon, quickly getting hired in the spa because of his hoof penises
>suddenly a lot of mares are wishing that their snarky rumours are true
>business is booming
>Anon has to deal with rather... awkward situation and pushy mares at work


>The happy endings rumour started because of Anon
>He just couldn't stop himself from squeezing mare's asses
>"He's touching my-is it really THAT kind of spa treatment?"




>Anon works there long enough that he's no longer phased by giving happy endings
>He can take one look at a pony and know how to get the job done
>Hell, he could be reading the newspaper with one hand and three knuckles deep in a mare with the other and still do it
>His customers give feedback that he's too fast and needs to slow down so they enjoy it
>He learns that wet to orgasm in less than five seconds is much too much, but it really helps with customer turnaround
>By the power of his dexterous hoofspiders, Anon gains the ability give mares surprise-orgasms from fingering alone
>What kind of problems will this cause Anon?
>What kind of problems will this cause Equestria?




> Mares derive most of their sexual pleasure from the sensation of being cummed inside
> A long lasting stallion is a "dry well" that take a lot of pumping to get to the good stuff
> Stallions worry about lasting too long, while mares spend a lot of time on foreplay so that the stallion will come quickly during the main event




>Anon picks the two arguing princesses up, deposits them onto his couch, and then calls up/sends a letter via carrier dragon to the local pizza place
>They spend the evening cuddling, eating pizza, and watching old movies

>Celestia watches her favorite old film
>Suddenly realizes that the first Celestial era was a thousand years ago

>Anon calms her down with some treats he baked earlier that day
>Celestia is comforted by a sweet stallion's homemade cooking
>Luna checks "knows how to stay in the kitchen when required" off of her "whether/not to court attractive ape monster" list

>Luna keeps a long running tally of pros and cons as to whether or not to court anon
>she plans to call it at the 500th item

>Quickly runs out of significant and relevant things to list, but is determined to reach 500 items
>"Pro: he makes sure to keep both sleeves of his shirt at the same length, never having only one sleeve rolled up on his arm."
>"Con: blinks too often when we watch romance movies."
>"Pro: is indifferent to the flavour of hazelnut."
>"Con: prefers calling 'heads' to 'tails'."

>”Pro: Prefers creamy peanut butter to chunky.”
>”Con: Doesn’t share his peanut butter with me.”
>”Pro: He’s useful for getting hard to reach itches scratched.”
>”Con: He doesn’t get sexual innuendo’s about scratching other ‘itches.’”





>Ponies casually draping themselves over Anon
>Nothing necessarily sexual or intimate, just ponies who think that Anon is very comfortable to lay on




>Princess Luna puts on a nightmare night mask and harasses non-ponies
>Whispered tales of the legendary Moon Mare spread like wildfire throughout Equestria




>ywn have cute pegasus twins willing to do anything to please you.
>ywn feel two pairs of wings rubbing against your dick

>Anon asks them to cuddle or play-wrestle with each other
>It isn't even anything sexual, Anon just thinks they're super cute





>"Anawn? Got-dangit, of all the stallions to have to see me like this... Listen here, colt, I don't wanna hear none of yer guff over this, 'hear? Just get me down. And don't you dare go gossiping to the mares about this."
>"....Anawn?"
>"Anawn, what're you staring at?"
>"Is somethin' behind me?"

>Anon finds mares in compromising positions
>Fucks them silly and leaves
>No one believes their stories
>Anon denies them but shoots them a wink when no one is looking

"It's true! I accidentally ran into some trees and Anonymous came up behind me and a-ate me out for like ten minutes! I came like four times!"
>"Suuuure he did. You sound just like Applejack."
"What happened to her?"
>"She said that she got stuck in her cart harness and Anonymous came up and gave her a good butt-pounding. Stallions just don't do that!"
>Damn. Anonymous was right.
>The whole time he was telling you that nopony would believe you

>"W-Well a book shelf fell on me, and Anon said he was going to help, but instead he grabbed my hips and rutted me!"
>"In my vagina!"
"Twilight, I don't think it really matters wh-"
>"Maybe this is how humans mate in their society? No marriage, they just get the mare pregnant and then start the herd later!"







>Not all mares are lucky enough to get a stallion the traditional way.
>Stallions in herds don't date and the single ones are rarely interested for their own reasons.
>It's common for a stallion to not work as giving attention to all your herdmates is a full time job in it self, but when they do it's usually in their mares business.
>For that reason if a mare didn't get lucky in high school or colleague and doesn't have the right connections she struggles to find a stallion the old fashioned, romantic way. 
>It just doesn't happen by itself some day.
>When a mare decides that she's been single long enough the most common way of looking for a herd is sending herd applications.
>Similar to job applications these includes a short summary of oneself, likes, dislikes, hobbies, strong and weak sides, skills and where they are in life at the moment.
>These can vary in professionalism and style.
>Some stick to the strong act, wanting to present themselves as a good addition to the family.
>Others try to stand out instead, try to be funny and open.
>Some just copy others.
>Some clearly don't care anymore.
>And some don't even know how to write a herd application.
>Mares will often take various courses to put in their applications as having a useful skill that no one else in the herd possess is a big plus.
>It's a good idea to send out as many applications as you can to increase your chances.
>Males of Equestria have their post boxes flooded with formal love letters





> Be Anon, in the middle of a pony orgy
> Oh wait, it's just you and your Herd of Harmony
> You were so naive when you first arrived here in smallhorseland
> When six mares volunteered to be your harem, you figured this was the opportunity of a lifetime
> Don't get you wrong, you love them all dearly
> It's just, things get complicated when nighttime rolls around
> You're just one man
> Admittedly larger than your wives, but still
> Right now, Pinkie Pie is humping your leg while also tenderly licking your prostate, somehow
> Rarity, that sentimental mare, is kissing your cheek and whispering endearments into your ear as you knead her ass with one hand
> Applejack has the place of prominence tonight, and is riding your dick like a champ
> One guess as to the position
> Rainbow Dash volunteered to grind on your chest and make out with Applejack
> Honestly, you would think she is only in the herd for hot lesbian action, but she enjoys her turn getting the dicking just as much as any of them
> Twilight is trying to take notes, while you finger her 
> You try to make her mess up, by poking at her back door, or flicking her clit
> She originally wanted to send xenobiological compatibility reports to old Sunbutt, but you insisted that she can only send the rough draft
> Sunbutt, the old pervert, sent a letter of appreciation for the compromise
> And Fluttershy is...
> Hold up, where is Fluttershy?
"Fluttershy, honey, why don't you join in?"
> "Oh, well, I don't want to get in anypony's way."
> You sigh
> Poor Fluttershy has a hard time getting attention in this herd
> You turn your head slightly and kiss Rarity on the lips
"Thank you dear, but this place is about to be taken."
> She smiles
> "But of course! We mustn't leave a dear herd-sister out!"
> You turn to look at yellowquiet
"Now, hop up onto my face so I can eat you out properly."
> She licks her lips nervously
> "Really? Rarity, you can keep kissing him, I don't mind."
> Rarity gives her a hungry look 
> "Darling, right now I want to kiss you long and hard while he makes you squirm. Do be a dear, and ride his face."
> "O-okay."
> It practically comes out as a squeak
> Fluttershy hops up onto the bed as Rarity shifts and straddles your hand
> As bananahush settles gently onto your face, you smile
> Thank Celestia for aggressively bi mares

>Fluttershy prefers to watch because she has a voyeurism fetish
>She still enjoys getting in on the action herself, but watching her husbando and her five best friends go at it is what REALLY gets her off





>Anon wants to teleport.
>Twilight decides to help him.
>She takes him to Celestia and they do various tests to make sure it's safe for him.
>She teleports with Anon.
>Once they're across the room, Twilight smiles and eagerly looks to see Anon's reaction.
>And that's when she registers the screaming.
>Ponies forget what they see, what they do between when they teleport and when they appear somewhere else.
>Anon doesn't

>Anon winds up in a different spot in each of the alternate timelines
>Crystal War: he ends up a pin-up model because nopony will let him fight on the front lines
>Gets put on trading cards included in MREs, along with a bunch of other stallions
>Nightmare Moon's Victory: Nightmare Moon makes him learn to love her
>Twilight nearly goes nuclear when he sees him laying on her throne like a babe in Conan
>Changeling Victory: Teaches the ponies to go Far Cry on Chrysalis' ass
>only has loincloth for clothes
>Tribe shares him between themselves
>Twilight stays a little too long when they invite her to spend some time with him




> RGRE porn
> Mares always complain that the camera focuses too much on the mare's face or on her parts rather than the colt's face & bits
> Typical scenarios involve lonely colt DILF in a variety of contrived situations, e.g. ordering pizza late Friday night from pizzeria delivery-mare, emergency visit from plumber mate while horsewife is at work, teenage pool-mare cleaning pool every day while horsewife is in manehattan for work for the week
> Tech is crap so most porn is VHS & Betamax tapes, sold & rented from scuzzy stores
> scrambled TV porn channel with indecipherable screen but occasionally audible erotic whinnying, still eagerly watched by desperate horny fillies. 
> Some actresses famous for having enormous "boxes", able to take any colt's cock and then some





>Blueblood isn't such a bad guy once you get to know him
>He's just sick of entitled rich mares trying to seduce him for his money
>Him and Anon hit it off from the first time they met
>They get together every friday to play horsevidya



Mares are not allowed near the designated safe houses for stallions who do not wish to participate in estrus. These safe houses are buildings that are grouped together and surrounded by streets on all four sides. Less cultured mares refer to these as "cock blocks"

>Anon has no idea about this
>Wanders outside like normal
>Mares assume he's fair game
>Actual rape happensd


Likewise fillies that come into season during the school year will temporarily be segregated from colts until the heat passes.



>Estrus just makes mares wink and feel a stronger but resistible (at least until they're aroused and stimulated) attraction towards sex
>Some mares who can't control themselves just drip mare juices everywhere
>For some other mares, like Twilight, it means weeks of endless masturbation

What I tend to like is that mares that are rape-y anyways will say anything about estrus to eschew responsibility for, you know, all the rapes.

Most mares hear the news reports on the court cases and think, "Huh, it's never that bad for me, but maybe it is for some mares? That stallion shouldn't have been wandering around in season."
Others think: "Oh, yes, that's why I have these feels."
Others think: "Horseapples. If a mare can't control herself because she's in heat and decides a stallion wearing socks is asking for it, she needs to go live with the ziggers like her."


>Cherilee cannot teach during Estrus
>Anon gets roped into being the substitute teacher that week

>Anon is only allowed to teach the colts because Ponies are aware leaving a stallion in a room with fillies experiencing their first estrus is asking for a lawsuit







Mares drop the innuendo hard during estrus and are generally perverts.

Stallion drops a handkerchief?
>Gone the next second.

Stallion walks by?
>You can hear the inhaling from a block away.

Mares use the toilet more often during estrus.
>Not exactly a secret what they do in there.

Mares become more romantically aggressive.
>Roses everywhere, love letters and the sort fill postboxes, books about courting are all borrowed from the library





>"He's mine!
>"Fuck off skank!"
>Things are starting to get violent now, what with all of the mares in Ponyville wanting your Superior Human Penis™ 
>Maybe you shouldn't of started jacking off in the middle of the street
>You don't know why you're even doing it, you just felt the need to
>Now you're paying the price
>"I'll fucking kill you!"
>There goes another one
>It's like a battlefield out here, ponies are all killing each other
>This battle's been going on for a while, some of the bodies have started to smell
>All you can do is just stand there in the middle of it, jacking off
>Waiting for someone to help




Accidentally smug Fluttershy
>followed by apologizing for being so inconsiderate
>makes it even worse by asking if she'd like to babysit her foals for a day to know what it feels like






> Be Big Mac
> This tree before you is the result of generations of Apple family cultivation
> Forever seeking the impossible dream of an apple that tastes salty
> But you have a good feeling about this one
> You may have included some exotic crossbreeds to get to this cultivar, but that's why the main Apple family is based near the Everfree Forest
> As you wind up for a buck, you can feel your magic strengthening the tree, while weakening the stems of the apples
> You don't even have to buck all that hard anymore
> You kick, intimately aware of the sway of each apple on its stem
> You will the stem to break just as most of the apples are aimed towards the buckets around the tree
> The apples fall, thudding into the buckets you prepared
> You dip your head down and take a bite of one that fell to the ground
> Salty
> You did it
> You really did it!
"EYUUUUUUUUPPPP"
> All at once, you are blinded by a flash of red light
> When you can see again, you are in some weird glowy place under the stars
"Huh."
> Not too far away, is that...
> Princess Celestia?
> She's frozen, forehoof between her hind legs, staring at you with wide eyes
> Mares will be mares, you suppose, even if they are princesses
> "Ah, Big Mac. I believe congratulations are in order."
> She quickly gets to her hooves, some quick magic banishing the marecum on her hoof
"Eyup."
> A little surprising that she would summon you to some starlit nebula thing for growing the perfect apple
> You are a little flattered that she was masturbating to you, though
> Celestia beckons you toward a path with floating images on either side
> You recognize the trees they show, from the sketches of the first zap apple tree all the way to your own personal breeding efforts
> You choke up a little, moved by this visceral sense of fulfilling the family legacy
> "Macintosh, you have pushed the very boundaries of Earth pony magic. It is now time for your magic to expand to its full potential."
> Ribbons of red light swirl around you faster and faster, until you feel a deep blooming within you
> In a flash, you suddenly have the weird sensation of having a horn and wings
"What."
> Princess Celestia smiles
> "Congratulations, Macintosh, Prince of Apples. You're an alicorn."
"Oh."
> You can feel it in your bones
> There will be more mares flirting with you, maybe even coming from outside of Ponyville to vy for your seed
> In fact, Princess Celestia is looking at you with a certain gleam in her eye
> "Luna and I will be by tomorrow to congratulate you in person. But don't worry, it will be a low key affair. No guards or court, just a nice... intimate rendezvous."
> Well, there is only one thing to say to that
"Eyup."




>Anon was not so lucky when he arrived in Equestria.
>For he arrived during the icy age of the wendigos
>He found no refuge with ponies, nor any other creature.
>For fear and hatred ruled the land in those dark days.

>A human is an exceptionally rare treat for creatures which feed upon emotions
>The wellspring of their emotions runs strong and deep.
>A single specimen could sustain an entire hive of changelings until the end of their days.

>Wendigos are not so easily sated
>Their hunger is endless
>It gnaws away at them, the more hatred they consume the more they crave.

>When at last, the reality of Anon's situation became clear
>He gave in to rage and despair
>Like a drop of blood attracting sharks, he drew the wendigos from miles around
>A great blizzard heralded their approach
>For days it raged growing ever larger as they drank deep of his bitterness

>Until he nearly became one of them
>Their magic could not affect him the way it could others
>He was altered unpredictably

>His heart turned to ice, and they could feed no longer
>They left him there, barely alive but unable to truly die, encased in ice in the northern wastes.

>Thousands of year later, he is discovered in his icy tomb
>Can a brave mare melt his frozen heart?

>Derpy is sent to the frozen north to deliver an important missive to the excavation team posted there.
>Due to a series of spoopy coincidences and desperate attempt to keep the Ancient Evil Anon™ contained, Anon is now bound to the qt mare.
>Luna seeing an opportunity, "commissioned" the two to serve Equestria and her people.
>Anon with his Evil Ice based powers (and puns) and Derpy with her weapons grade clumsiness (and booty). 
>Together they do morally ambiguous things to Equestria's enemies. and maybe learn about friendship and shit







>Anon capitalizes on this by becoming an adult education instructor at the local junior college
>he offers classes such as "Deepthroating for Dummies", "Threesomes 101: Intro to Lesbianing", and "Take It All: A Survey of Anal Sex"
>it's noticed that his students have higher than average rates of both dating success and stallion retention
>the princesses and Canterlot nobility unanimously decree that Anon shall henceforth be known as the Duke of Dickings, with all of the responsibilities and privileges pursuant thereunto, including a small stable of cocksocks and the onus to relieve the royal estrus
>Anon was just trying to get laid
>all according to keikaku





Celestia would probably enjoy a break from her responsibilities, though that might change depending on how Anon treats her 

Luna would find it humiliating. Prior to becoming Nightmare Moon, she rescued stallions from monsters and finds being stuck as a damsel in distress annoying. Tries to escape all the time leading to Anon just keeping her completely frozen.

Cadence would be worried about how Shining and Flurry Heart are doing without her. But with her powers she knows Anon just needs the right mare's love to warm his frozen heart, so she tries to befriend him. She's also thinking of potentially seducing him into a threeway with Shining. 

Twilight would pretend to hate it, but maledom is secretly her fetish.

Anon would probably give Flurry Heart back after a few days because of all the chaos she causes with her magic. But if he's willing to put up with that he might decide to raise her as his evil 'Ice Princess'

>flurry heart's facemeltingly adorable baby babbles keeps anon occupied and eventually melts his frozen heart
>cadence is just glad they found a babysitter that wouldn't leave after 1 day

>Anon still pretends to be evil to keep up appearances, but no one is fooled.
>"If you want your daughter back, it will cost twenty bits for every hour she is in my clutches!"

>Cadence bursts into Anon's evil lair to bring back her daughter (Shinging was kept home because he might hurt himself on an adventure like this)
>Finds Anon asleep on a beat up old couch, with Flurry Heart sleeping on his chest
>Brightly-coloured baby toy in one hand and half-full bottle of milk in the other
>One arm wrapped protectively around the filly
>Cadence shakes her head and wonders why she keeps bothering to take these male villains seriously


>The princesses gets a bi-monthly "vacation"
>They already have their stuff packed incase Anon comes.
>[Insert Foreign Country Here] keeps track of the princesses absences and waits to enact [put dastardly plan here]. 
>Anon occasionally sends a deadly hoarfrost to ravage the borders to keep the foreign powers in check





>Meet MILFpone before she was a MILF at a vidya tournament.
>Meet her in the finials and play to a draw, insults flying from both parties. 
>Hatefuck MILFpone (I don't know what her name is) much to the heartbreak of your unwashed white knight brigade of fatmares
>Decide "Yeah, I like this pone" and stick with her.
>11 months later, out pops your son, Button.
>Being half-human, raised by a mare tourneyfag and an ayylien with more testosterone than 20 stallions combined, Button is pretty marely.
>And of course, but like you did years ago, he catches shit for it.




>"W-what do I do now, Mr. Anon?"
>you are anon, and before you sits a sniffling Flurry Heart
>the past few weeks had been a hell of a ride
>when you got to Equestria, you found out things were a little different than you might have imagined
>gender roles were reversed
>and apparently you've turned into piccolo
>I mean, it made sense
>the green skin
>the having multiple people inside you (no homo)
>the power level that shot up after being alone for so long
>so you decided to roll with it
>it's not a bad gig, after all
>being namekian has it's perks
>you don't need to eat, you have all of piccolo's abilities, and his strength too
>this means you don't have to get up to grab the remote anymore (thank you stretchy arms) and you get to troll dresshoers to no end with your clothes beam
>she was so disappointed when she saw you had made your own business suit AND namekian gear
>it was too bad about candyass kicking your ass a few months back at the Tenkaichi Moodukai , but after that it was smooth sailing
>but fun and games ended a few weeks ago with the attack of pony Radditz
>you still don't know how he managed a mane that huge, but he made it work.
>apparently Cadence was a Neighyan who was sent here to enslave Equestria and hit her head
>maybe the brain damage is what made her choose love as her domain
>you and candyass made a truce to take him down, but like you expected it ended up with cadence dying and taking radditz with her
>now Neighyan Vegeta and Nappa are on their way, and you plan on living long enough to actually laugh about seeing a bald pony
>which leads you to now
>Flurry is half Neighyan, half unicorn. She has untapped potential
>and you're gonna drag it out of her whether she likes it or not
>"W-what do I do, anon?"
>you smirk down as you utter your reply
"You survive. Do that, and I'll teach you how to fight."
>"B-but I'm scared, Mr. Anon!"
"You'll laugh at your fears when you see what you're made of"
>and with that, you take off




>tfw can't slay the dragons because they keep coddling and kissing you and calling you adorable

>A Knight and Dragon
>Married
>Bless from a god
>Pregnant with a human boy
>The boy became a Dragonborn





celestia is eternally in heat

she has full control of it

>Like humans, ponies are able to experience estrous synchrony
>When Celestia goes into heat they ALL go into heat






"U-Unca Non? You dare disrespect me by calling me by such an infantile name? You dare?!"
>Flurry Heart squeals happily and claps her hooves together.
>"Unca Non! Unca Non!"
>You narrow your eyes and boop her gently on the nose; she swats at your hand and tries to divert it into her mouth so that she can gnaw on it.
"The nerve. The insolence. If you must insist on such a title, then I will call you..."
>You look around the room to make sure that you're alone.
>When you're absolutely sure that nobody will ever hear what you're about to say, you lean down and nuzzle the tiny baby pony in your lap.
"...my little cutie-patootie, and I'll love you forever."
>CLICK
>You whip your head up (careful to avoid head-butting the foal) and your heart drops at the sight of Princess Cadence smiling and pointing a camera at you.
>God dammit, shit like this is why you became a super-villain to begin with


>Flurry Heart has done it. All those years of fighting and effort has payed off. 
>She's being recognized by her own meritorious deeds and being the greatest badass this side of Equus.
>Anonymous crashes the coronation/ceremony
to proclaim the beginning of his "REIGN OF BLOOD" 
>Flurry and the guards ready themselves to fight of this villain.
>"You're just in time Anon!" Cadence interrupts them while waving a remote control.
>The lights switch off and a massive screen got turned on.
>"Unca Non! Unca Non!"
> The crowd is silent as they watch Anonymous the Scourge of Equus play and nuzzle the baby Flurry Heart in his lap.
>-"...my little cutie-patootie, and I'll love you forever."
>Anonymous blushes up a storm and escapes with a poof after swearing vengeance of course.





>Anon and Rainbow Dash are good friends
>Straight into "bro" territory, just like my Japanese 2013 "Rainbro Dash" fanfictions
>Dash has heard (and seen) tonnes of close friendships turn into romantic relationships and then bomb because best friends don't always make best lovers
>Wants to have her cake and eat it too; is determined to keep Anon firmly in the "bro/sis" category while still doing romantic couple things with him
>Gives herself a pep talk before going down on him for the first time
>"Be cool, Rainbow Dash, be cool. F-Friends can suck the cum out of other friends..."
>Something something RGRE


Nightmare Moon being tended to in every which way by her personal royal guard
>pony rubbing hooves
>pony keeping watch
>pony putting on some show (dancing, stripping?)
>pony massaging her unhelmeted head





How would NMM handle a possessive stallion?

Amusement at first mixed in with arrogant pride that she's managed to reel in someone so utterly devoted to her. After that, annoyance when the stallion sticks by her side and refuses to leave the room when she's meeting with another male in a diplomatic meeting (read: begging for mercy). Next, confusion because she knows objectively that she isn't a very easy pony to get along with (and her spymaster has already done research and has found no ulterior motives for the male to stick around). Finally, affection and feelings of possessiveness that rival her mate's.





>You lay on your silken pillows in the ornate throne room you now call your own.
>Now the only banners that decorate the room are of your moon.
>Your guards surround you, devoted to the protection of their queen.
>You feel the soft hands of your lover leave you and turn to address this outrage.
>Anon lies against your barrel, taking the position of little spoon.
>His hands are NOT currently tending to your royal belly, but why?
>You notice his face is turned towards the entryway to the throne room and follow his gaze.
>Oh.
>It seems your guest of honor has arrived.
>Before you stands Celestia. Her wings tied to her back and her horn adorned with a magic nullifier.
>Despite her current predicament her face is still one of stark defiance.
>The servants currently fanning you, seeing their former ruler captured and incapacitated so easily.
>A stern glare sends them back to their jobs with a doubled fervour.
"Oh, how delightful to see you sister."
>Your voice is haughty and cocky.
>Her face only seems to get more furious.
>Anonymous snuggles back into position and continues to stoke your regal tummy.
>"How dare you NMM."
>"First you take over my sister, then my kingdom. And as if that wasn't enough. "
>Celestia's face falls into a forlorn frown.
>"You steal my love."
>You laugh proudly as Anon snuggles you close.
"Guards, servants, Leave us."
> quick growl sends them fumbling through the door.
>You pull yourself up slowly and stroll over to Celestia. Brushing by her side.
"Oh my dear, sweet sister."
"It was YOU who stole my sovereignty from ME when you took our subjects love of my night for your day."
>Anon smiles and makes his way around Celestias other wither.
"I have always wanted to rule with you, not under you."
>Celestia squeaks as Anon reaches her flank and gives her a light spank.
"So what do you say sister."
>Anon gets down and breaths his hot breath onto your sisters nethers.
>Her face is bright red as she bites her lip.
"Want to share?"

>Laying in between Celestia and Nightmare Moon as they peacefully sleep in their comfortable bed
>Being the little spoon to Celestia and the big spoon for Nightmare Moon, who swears to eviscerate you if you ever tell anypony how much she likes it when you hug her from behind






>Your eyes flicker open gently, wind blowing across your clammy skin.
>The grass feels sharp and prickly on your exposed arms, the air subtly smelling of a freshly mowed lawn, and putrid horse booty butter
"I did it...I fucking did it...!"
>You sit up and look around, with widely opened eyes, noticing only forest around you.
>Those bastards in RGRE with their "She isn't real memes" can gargle your vinegar soaked ballsack! You didn't even need to go through the pain of chugging clorox either. You just watched the 2017 My little pony movie and BAM. Shit works like all pieces of Exodia.
>With a big smile you rise to your feet and scan your surroundings of Moonlit Vegetation. It must be night, but that doesn't matter.
>You're in Equatria.
>Anon in Equestria. 
>You plan to have a horse harem starting off with Pinkie Pie, then include Flutters and Rarity, collecting one of each type until you have an even number of Equine DNA Dumpsters-
>"HALT THERE BEAST!"
>You're broken out of your self-exposition by a contigent of Dark Arnor clad ponies pointing spears at you.
>"Identify yourself!"
>Just like in your greentexts back home! Oh shit!
"My name is Anonymous. A human from a distant world where our technology has leaped by bounds compared to your archaic devices."
>The ponies look at one another confused.
>One pokes you with his spear.
"OW! WATCH IT FUCK KNUCKLE!"
>"Shut your mouth, filthy biped savage! Come with us! We shall present you to her highness! Pray she is merciful."
>Oh? It's gonna be Luna first huh? She was always best princess anyway. You wonder how awkward will she be upon meeting her.
>The spaghetti will be glorious. 
>Heh. This kinda makes you like Noctis OC. His tears of jealousy almost makes you hard.
"Fine. I shall meet your eesteemed leader. Once I am declared an extinct species, you'll beg my forgiveness!"
>They shrug to one another confused, and poke you again.
"OW!"
>"Shut your cupcake catcher creature, and move your hooves!"
"Feet."
>POKE.






I had this stupid thought that Anon's colt friends warn him against dating Celestia, but he does it anyways. The next day the entire court complains about the constant moaning, but couldn't find the source because Anon was too busy being in Celestia's mane being molested nine ways to sunday





> Be Anon, making cookie dough 
> Quite frankly, you need a pick-me-up after what happened at work today
> Some rich mare heard there was a good masseur at the Ponyville spa
> Probably heard about it from one of her stallion acquaintances, because that masseur would be you
> So she comes in, all hot and bothered, and takes one look at you and asks for a refund
> Ranting about fraud and employing sub-pony races, and minimum levels of attractiveness
> Law enforcement was all too happy to kick her out, but the damage was done
> You know you are no looker, at least by pony standards, but it still hurts hearing a female voice say how ugly you are
> The spa girls were very understanding, offering you the rest of the day off
> Of course you refused, you aren't as delicate as some of the guys around here, you can still work
> Not to mention that some of your male friends had appointments today, and you weren't going to leave them to the wandering hooves of the spa sisters
> By the end of the day, though, you were worn out, body and mind
> You grab a spoon, take the bowl of dough, and plop down on your couch
> The house is quiet as you slowly eat your way to emotional equilibrium
> And then you hear a knocking at the door





>Anon has been in Equestria for over a decade now
>Has settled down with a herd and started having kids
>Oldest daughter joins her school'd hoofball team
>Anon is generally okay with this, until her first game
>The dads from the visiting team started talking shit about the home team
>Anon's face when one of them calls his daughter a freak who shouldn't be allowed to play




>Anon is hurled back through time
>Ends up shacking up with teen/young adult Celestia and her parents in their castle
>For some reason, Luna is nowhere to be seen
>Celestia is consumed by bottomless cocklust, and is trying to get into Anon's pants
>Eventually he succumbs
>Oops, she's pregnant
>Her parents are pissed at her instead of him, because RGRE
>Now she's less valuable for diplomatic marriages
>Her mom laughs nervously
>"It's okay, everything will be fine! We'll just...raise the child ourselves, and tell everyone it's your sister!"
>Oh, shit

>Anon was dating Luna before he was hurled back in time.
>Celestia was always awkward around them for some reason

>Anon and Starswirl start hanging out
>we wuz wizards and shit
>they both disappear around the same time
>when NMM returns after her banishment so does Anon
>NMM gets a stern talking to about trying to take over the kingdom and destroy her mother
>oh shit did I say that out loud?
>NMM and papanon shenanigan
>Anon's face when NMM wants to do father, daughter stuff that he never signed up for
>something something RGRE

>Twilight brings Anon back to the future
>The meddling in the timestream required to do it messed up the timeline again, and they show up in the NMM timeline
>They are found by the guards and brought before the Nightmare herself
>"Have you brought me a gift, subject? For some reason, this creature's strange form is quite appealing to me."
>Jackpot
>Anon can keep her distracted while she gets what she needs to make a spell to return home!
>"Oh, yes! He just loves horsepussy, I wouldn't be surprised if you couldn't keep up with him! You won't find a better concubine in all of Equestria!"
>Anon is sweating bullets, desperately gesturing for her to shut her fucking mouth while she espouses the healing properties of human semen

"Twilight? Do you have any idea what you've done?"
>"I've saved Equestria, is what I've done! Don't be such a prude, Anon. You-"
"Luna isn't Celestia's sister, Twilight; she's her daughter."
>"What?! Then who's the father?"
>...
>"That's kinda hot."

>Anon doesn't get to meet the Royal "Sisters" while he's in present-Equestria before he's hurled back through time; his first exposure to Celestia is her horny teenaged self who is probably going through her goth phase
>Remains in Celestia and Luna's lives for 6 or 7 years; long enough for Luna to have firm long-term memories of Anon
>Anon is thrust back into the future; life continues as usual
>Anon doesn't know that alicorns are immortal and believes that his lover and daughter died hundreds and hundreds of years ago
>Eventually gets a summon from Canterlot, politely requesting that he have a meeting with him (aka: a member of a unique species from another universe)
>Shocked silence on Anon and Celestia's parts; both thought that the other was long dead
>Silence is broken by a small, uncertain "Daddy?" coming from Luna

>Starswirl was a mare, Anon's best friend
>Anon called her a tuftbeard constantly
>The name stuck, and Celestia didn't bother correcting the mistranslation
>Anon just thought it was hilarious
>Her ghost is still tied to Anon, because they get stuck near the least magical thing that was important to them
>Having no innate magic, Anon doesn't age in this universe because magical wear and tear causes ageing
>Alicorns have an absurdly high tolerance for this which is why they are immortal
>Starswirl's ghost still constantly pesters Anon to fix her legacy

>Anon and Luna have a tearful reunion, much to the confusion of the guards posted in the room
>Luna sleeps in Anon's bed that night
>Anon cuddles Luna almost constantly, embarrassing and pleasing her in equal measure
>Anon finds out that Celestia never told Luna that she was her mother and Luna has a tender "I got both my parents back" moment with Anon and Celestia









Anon is hired to show Fleur De Lis around town, but Fleur misinterprets "escort" to mean "prostitute". She keeps dropping hints that she wants to take this to somewhere more private, making innuendos about how he could 
"exploring [her] town centre" if he wants to.





Ponies are cat-sized qts and Anon has to watch out about stepping on angry mares when walking around town.
Also, lewd mares rubbing against him and trying to flash them their marebits from the ground

>Anon picks a mare up
>She rubs her face against his cheeks 
>Demands chin scratches
>Gets horse fur everywhere

>RD succeeds in making Anon blush
>Pumps her hoof in celebration and flies over to a group of mares waiting just off to the side
>They all cheer and high-hoof Rainbow
>Rainbow Dash flies off with a "see you later, babe," and a quick slap on the ass


>She tries again. 
>This time, you're ready.
>Snag her out of the air.
>"Wha..? "A-anon?"
"You're not blueballing me again, fastpone. You belong to ME now."
>Run home.
>Her struggles start off real, then just become token efforts as she realizes what's going on.
>Later, the guards get called when someone finds a group of red-faced mares with their ears pressed to the side of the local hyooman's house





>Be Twilight. 
>Be exploring Anon's planets 'internet'. 
>How? Fucking magic. 
>You found a place called /mlp/.
>Supposedly there is a show of one of your world. 
>Although it's not exactly correct leading you to believe it's a different universe. 
>Anyway back to /mlp/.
>This place is FILLED with horny human colts all wanting pony pussy! 
>Big colts, small colts, skinny colts, fat colts!
>You name it they're here! 
>Best part is, they are sooooo hot for each other. 
>How do you know this? 
>Easy, they act just like colts in you neighponies comics. 
>Calling each other faggots, telling them to kill themselves. 
>They are definitely into each other. 
>AND they're into you. 
>You wish you could bring two here. 
>Probably the one called LaP and AnalPlug 
>You'd have Rainbow come over and ride the first one while he moaned about worst pony and you had the other one pound you into oblivion. 
>Or you'd keep them to yourself. 
>Oh~ it turns you on thinking about it.
>Best part is, they'd do it. 
>Why? 
>Because they're already slaves to your tightness before they even had it! 
>You scroll through the thread and see something that catches your eye. 
>"How DARE you! Seppuku NOW!"
>Oh yeah, you tell him you dirty colt! Just like the animes! 
>You begin to touch yourself thinking of the two humans kissing each other while moaning-
>"Y-You're a faggot." to each other







>Anon arrives in Equestria
>Normal non-rgre equestria
>Spends a couple of years there and falls in love with Twilight
>She rejects him
>One day he suddenly appears in the friendship castle in a flash of light
>Twilight starts talking about how she used a spell to see her alternate selves
>Since that twilight was too much of a bitch to hook up with Anon she offers to
>Anon is thrilled at first but realizes that while THIS equestria looks like the one he knows everypony is different
>Ponies he was friends with before are cold to him now
>Others who disliked him now are interested in him
>Even Twilight is different enough to make him have doubts about being with her

>Old Twilight and him would talk for hours about Earth and all the wonders there
>New Twilight is kinda dismissive and unbelieving

>Old Dash was a loyal friend who would hang out with Anon and play sports for fun
>New Dash is super aggressive and is somehow worse about one-upping Anon in anything they do

>Old AJ was his boss and he did heavy lifting for her on the farm
>New AJ says he is a slut and wont let him near SAA

>Old Fluttershy would teach Anon about animals and how to care for them
>New Fluttershy will barely talk to him unless its to tell him its too dangerous

>Old Rarity would talk to Anon about designs and use him as a living dress up doll
>New Rarity is catty with him and has an obvious dislike for him

>Old pinkie and new pinkie are the only constant...though new pinkie tells a lot racier jokes







>some greens use his critically-endangered status to grant him legal protection to be an all-around asshole and get away with pretty much anything

>Celestia has given Anon permission to mate with any pony of his choosing at any time, just in case a pregnancy takes and Anon can propagate his species
>Anon abuses this
>Most mares aren't bothered because what kind of dyke turns down a stallion who desperately wants to fuck her?
"Lyra! Lyra, quick!"
>The mint pony jumps at your shouting and drops her smoothie in surprise.
>She'll mourn it later, though.
>"What is it, Anon?!"
"I need your vagina!"
>"Wh-what?"
"Right now!"
>"Right... right NOW?"
"Yes!"
>While Lyra hops from hoof to hoof in a nervous dance, mares from all around her either laugh or grumble about Lyra's a "lucky bitch"

>Anon gets used to having whatever mare he wants whenever he wants
>accidentally a pregnancy
>she's a super-smug bitch about it
>tells other mares their cunts just couldn't handle his seed
>taunts them to try with anon, since she still needs to build a herd with him like a respectable citizen and because her parents would be disappointed she couldn't get a herd
>mares now argue who should go first and enforce this (dicking) pecking order with force




wouldn't anon cause some serious sexual insecurities with the first mare he fuggs since most stories have him lasting so much longer than normal?
i imagine that, in the morning after, the mare wonders why it took so long for him to finish even after she was totally exhausted. was she not good enough? was he just telling her a white lie when he said that all humans take that long or longer to finish?




>"Sir you've been flagged in our database for extra security measures..."
>Anon just smiles and encourages her during the pat-down
"I think you missed a spot. Better check it again."
>...
"You never know what I might be hiding."
>...
"I think it's time for a full body-cavity search."
>Anon leans down next to her
"Your body cavities."
>"S-sir you've been selected for additional screening. Come with me."
>Anon sleeps like a baby every trip

>Mare security officer waves around a wand to see if Anon has any dangerous magical artifacts on him
>The wand is silent, but the mare keeps turning her head and making "bwee! Bwee! Bwee!" noises with her mouth
>Standard "please remove your belt buckle" requests
>Mare frisks him, giving special attention to his groin
>Asks Anon to follow her to the back room
>Molests and/or has sex with him

>he actually is smuggling stuff
>it's something innocuous like salt which is only illegal because it's addicting in high concentrations, because it tastes really good
>anon is the worlds greatest smuggler and snuggler

>Anon uses the wand as a sex toy
>It gets stuck
>Now till the end of her shift she has to wiggle her ass around creatures and open her mouth so you can here the weeeoooowww sound. 
>Still worth it.





>bureaucratically hobbled immigration was slowly set-up between the two worlds.

“Miss Vanduff, I think my proposals here are fair…”
>You are Flowing Script the unicorn, better known as just Flo to friends, the official Equestrian dignitary to earth.
>And by the goddess’ you have a headache.
>The sharply dressed and rather pretty human mare, er, woman across the desk from you just sighs and rests her chin in her laced fingers.
>She must be annoyed, if the experience you have with your human husband has taught you anything. 
>The princess’ tasked you with making it as easy as possible for quality human males from educated nations to make it into Equestria in an effort to fix the low, almost negative birth rates that are STILL slowly favoring the birth of fillies. 
>The “Also to fix the lonely mare epidemic” went unsaid.
>But the human governments were just having none of that. 
>”Miss Script, I just can’t agree to this. This is so horribly skewed that it’s almost an injustice,” Vanduff says, her unhappy frown growing. “I cannot present this to the the leadership of ANY nation in the UN.”
>Now you frown.
“An injustice? Surely this cannot favor Equestria so heavily that you would discard it all together? We simply want desirable humans to have the freedom to come to us if they so wish. It’s not as if we’re forcing them.”
>Vanduff shook her head, her long mane flowing. “It’s not that Equestria is favored too heavily, it’s the migrants you desire are favored too much. You said that you intend to fast-track immigration of humans that you want and intend to outright deny others. The UN won’t stand for that. They will want equal treatment of everyone.”
>And back to square one with even more embellishment than last time.
>Will it be impossible for humans that Equestria isn’t looking for to get in? No.
>Will it be harder so they can prove they can contribute? Yes.
>The various other races wanting in on the human pie like the griffons and minotaurs? Now THEY will unapologetically deny anyone they don’t want, and dare anyone who doesn't like it to throw down.
>Even Equestria doesn't want EVERYONE. You want humans who are valuable and contribute. Savages and more females are NOT needed and never will be.
>But the various “developed” human nations are just fine with shouting down and sometimes abusing their males. Just the thought sickens you, as all you can see is your husband’s downtrodden visage upon each faceless statistic.
>Earth being largely patriarchal makes it even worse. What sane society willingly tries to hobble itself by cutting down their core contributing members?
>If the few times you’ve been on the “internet” is any indicator, then the decades of abuse is going to backlash into an exodus of young, breeding age men, leaving many human nations sore.
>And you are NOT leaving until you can assure Equestria will have her prize in the form of the exodus.
>Ugh. What you wouldn't give for a stiff drink right now.
>Infact… 
“Miss Vanduff? Why don't we call a recess? Perhaps we can come to an agreement after a rest.”
>Vanduff gives a long-suffering sigh and nods reluctantly after a delay.
>Tch, what a colty dyke… 







>>Nuclear reactors shut down/explode
>>Garbage collection doesn't happen
>>Everything goes straight to hell in less than a month

>Only the SJW, Feminist/nazis, and other human garbage remaining on Earth in danger.
>Surviving humans on Equestria hear about this.
>Common joke among them: "Several trillion dollars worth of improvements."

>Princesses Celestia/Luna/Twilight realize humans are incapable of producing children (or non-pony children) without human females.
>Special black-ops pony task force created to secretly abduct healthy beautiful human females from Earth for breeding stock so Equestria can maintain a stable population of human dick.
>Equestrian laws changed requiring all healthy human males donate sperm on a biannual basis.
>Guys don't care. Mares at sperm donation clinic VERY happy to help in any way they can.
>Sperm used/unused based on rating system of clinic for producing attractive human offspring.
>Equestria maintains massive black-site compound under canterlot castle to house enslaved attractive female humans.
>Human breeding stock given benefits or punishments based on number of offspring produced.
>Children taken at birth.
>Each mother put in milking machine to produce for her children in separate facility as needed (to ensure health of children).
> Children moved from facility at 18 months old to adoption agencies/orphanages.
>One generation later, human population in Equestria ensured stable (and majority are extremely attractive to ponies).

>Aforementioned disasters on Earth became apparent to remaining people on Earth.

>Humans in Equestria foresaw this, told princesses, ponies destroy portal to Earth before hand (hoof?) to prevent influx of human females with shitty genetics (fatties, uggos, feminists/nazis, etc.) who would muddle the human pseudo-eugenics experiment.
>Humans who first came from Earth laughingly draw parallels between this and Noah's Ark.

>Ponies/Humans cohabitate under idyllic Equestrian rule.



>One mare marries a /pol/ack
>He's a race traitor, though, and loves the hoerspussy
>Educates some of the Equestrians on machiavellian thought and the idea of fabricating multiple factions within a single group
>Anon works with several unicorns from Celestia's school
>They develop portable devices that only open gates to the earth-side of the main portal
>made from simple diamonds or crystals, just about any unicorn can learn the spell to activate everything
>the ponies enclose the entire area around the portal into a bunker
>for "protection," of course
>soon earth is flooded with unicorn "tourists"
>word gets out that meeting one of these and being chosen could get you smuggled into equestria
>men are selected by these tourists
>a single mare makes a "herd" full of "stallions" on earth
>no one can deny them this, since it would be oppressing their culture
>each one takes her herd of men behind closed doors and activates the device
>groups of men appear behind the main gate and waltz into equestria
>People start to notice the mass disappearances
>The Crown denies any involvement, blames it on "rogue pony factions' agents"
>they openly recruit with pamphlets, tables, and posters at taverns, sporting events, and anywhere else mares congregate
>they're only allowed to return with no less than three willing and qualified human men
>they call it the "underground get-railed-road"





>Equestria outlaws monogamy.
>Human females legally required to produce at least 2 children and provide a stable family environment (a herd) before the age of 35 to continue to qualify for Equestrian citizenship.
>Next generation of Equestrian humans given special tax breaks and considerations if long-term human male's herds include one human female, and a minimum of two mares.
>Humans of the herd sign contract stating that (barring injury/illness/death preventing it) a human child will be produced before the female turns 30, with two children minimum by the time she turns 35 (to keep up the human population).

>Human males socially expected to take "burden" of mare population off pony stallion's hooves.
Human females considered worthless by society. ("Can you believe the teats on human mares? They all just sit around and are blatantly stupid. At least stallions can give us dick in exchange for being so clueless and childish!)"
>Mares generally consider women like men consider the wife's cat rather than equals. (Can't get rid of it. Just put up with it.)

>A century later, Humans return to Earth via newly constructed portal.
>Plants have reclaimed most of the land.
>Humans who remained all long dead.
>Humans begin rebuilding.
>Once again humans have home of their own (under leadership of Equestrian princess).
>No more rag-heads, religious nuts of any kind, or social extremist shits (feminists/SJW's/etc).
>Human males have proven to be far more productive/industrious than human females.

Standard human household includes 2 pony mares, one human male, one human female, mix of 2-4 pony children and 1-2 human children.
>Family hierarchy is traditionally: Pony females >human male>human female>children.
>Sometimes: Pony females - human male>human female>children.

>Humans re-discover technologies/knowledge when returning to Earth.
>Infinitely better and more fair government now in place.
>Life is good.




>The first wave of men who became runners have settled mostly.
>Half-human foals are born here and there, making headlines for weeks in both worlds as miracles.
>A viable half-human griffin chick is even born, turning the griffin's passing interest into a full clamor demanding more humans.
>Other races on Equis now want human males too, as the gender skew is a worldly constant. 
>The UN is hammered day and night to let their largely fed-up men jump into eager alien hooves, talons, hands, who are promising the chance to breed. 
>And even normal men will jump at that chance. 
>As the pressure mounts from Equis and the number of runners keeps climbing, many world leaders see just how much letting social justice run unattended was a mistake




>Humans with the influx of human ingenuity(i.e. penchant for cheating bullshit with magic shortcuts) makes a whole new age of magiktech development, making it into a early British empire in the sky...in truth the mares just want to see their husbos be barely clothed sky pirates and sweaty "battles" for their respective herds pleasure. Human males become the new age fabios, therefore encouraging healthy lifestyles so males can "show off" while acting, and they make extra cheasy lines with the mares on set, said mares get their position by getting the required "acting" talent required, then by joining a lottery, winners get a chance to get their own harem(if their lucky...kek) of human males that sign up and don't have herds already




>All the races have check booths at the gate, males get to choose where they wish to go. 
>One 'fat' male goes to the minotaurs
>Gets rejected
>You have seen it time and time again, they never want anyone who has any fat on them whatsoever
>You know face matters not to them, as its been proven that the bull side is dominant there
>You sigh, till he asks why
>The minotaur starts dressing him down
>If this was a colt he would be crying
>But this guy just laughs and says he is plenty strong
>The minotaur, who is no slouch herself, stands up, one head taller gets down to a wrestling position, and tells him 'prove it'
>At this he laughs and gets into position himself
>"So how bad do I need to beat you to be accepted" 
>There are many men who are cheering him on by name
>Their world has several billion males, how do they all know him?
>You get down and go up to one that is cheering
"Excuse me, how do you know his name?"
>The male you ask looks down quick and then back
>"You know what tv and the internet is right?"
"Yes"
>"Well, back on earth, he is know as one of the strongest men alive"
>She just looks at him
>"Some of his feats of strength have gone viral, so not to surprising to see so many know his name"
>Someone from the griffon line comes in to ref the match
>"You see her body?"
>You look at the taur
>Well defined muscle, almost no shred of fat on her
"Yes" 
>"Well for humans, bodies like that are useless, only fit for competitions in builds or if there is a weight regulation"
>You nod, and see the griffon put their paw down. 
>The minotaur tries to lift him and end this fast, but she is struggling
>The man calmly lifts her up, effortlessly and slams her down on her back
>The sound silenced everyone, the taur is stunned but ok
>He is circling around the makeshift ring yelling while most of the males cheer him on
"HEY MISTER, WE CAN TAKE YOU IN OVER HERE"
>it broke the silence among the immagration crews


>Soon everyone was trying to get him to go with them
>Most likely thinking if he slammed a taur like that, how would he 'slam' something far lighter
>After a yelling match amongst yourselves, he pipes up
>"Ladies, how about this, I give you each a tryout and see where I would like to be best"
>Everyone is silent
"On top of me?"
>He looks at you
>Everyone does
>"I like you, your first"







>Rainbow Dash is competing in some small ponyville athletic event
>Wins and pops off, flying and running around
>Anon is actually surprised that Rainbow isn't being a total cunt, actually being pretty tame for her
>Anon hears some salty fat stallion bitching about a stallion she's friends with losing to Rainbow
>Anon finds this hilarious, decides to pay attention to the lolcow
>This turns out to be a good idea, because shit goes down quickly
>The stallion in some kind of retarded leap of logic decides that trying to get Rainbow in trouble would help his friend
>He decides that the best way to do this would be to assault Rainbow to make Rainbow retaliate and hit a stallion
>Fatfuck creeps up behind Rainbow as she's popping off again and grabs onto her and starts trying to push her
>Rainbow turns around, a look of pure confusion on her face, before she grabs hold of the fat fuck and says the first thing that comes to her mind
>"Who dick is this?"
>Amazing
>You realise quickly that without video cameras here in Equestria this will actually go quite badly for Rainbow Dash when the false accusations start flying
>Decide to step in
>Grabbing fatfuck under one arm, and some whiteknighting cunt that's getting in Rainbow Dash's face for no reason in the other, you lift with the power of zyzz and start towards the tug of war area
>While it's difficult to walk with the barrel sized tub of lard squirming and squeeling at you about rape, you make it to the mud in the centre of the field
>You then drop both pieces of trash into the mud and walk back
>After fetching the next two whiteknights still harrassing Dash and dropping them in the pit ponies stop giving her shit
>You then recount your version of what happened to the event officials who have finally arrived
>Fatfuck gets banned
>You get temporarily suspended, but Rainbow buys you drinks
>Could have gone much worse






"are you fucking with me?"
>Celestia just blinks
>"No, you are now legally allowed to try to inseminate any mare at any time, just in case they may be the one to get pregnant"
>After a few blinks anon picks up 2 maids, 1 guard, 1 trap, 1 reverse trap
"Celestia, can you kneel down a bit?"
>Everything happened so fast she didn't really question it. 
>Anon gets on her back
>"Wa-what are you doing anon?"
"To your biggest bed"
>She still isn't processing this fast enough, and has 5 wiggling ponies on her back along with a human
"We are going to christen the new law now by putting it to use."
>The mares under anons arms stop wiggling while the trap wiggles harder
>Finally picking up on whats happening, celestia extends the wings, and forgets she can fly, running as fast as she can to her room. 

>Many dickings where had
>Celestia clawed her way to the door begged the guard to bring more mares so the 6 of them could rest before being pulled back inside
>When anon first landed in equestria it was thought magic didnt work on him
>But everyone now knows that to not be true
>Magic gave him a dick that wouldn't quit.
>Because of the situation they were all in, and because celestia got incredibly turned on by anons actions, the law was amended to anyone of anons preferences inside equestria's borders
>Years later, celestia found out that changelings were receptive to anons seed, and were no longer love parasites.
>This also explained the very weird things she heard that went on at anons home






>You have had a dream since you were a kid but wrote it off as impossible
>Then one day a hole in space rips open and you find a damn near utopia on the other side
>Magic exists
>The alien women are desperate to get laid
>Its like 13 year old you had a whack off fantasy that just came true
>After a month in this alien land, you find a harem
>You nerdy ass pessimistic self, got a harem
>And due to magic, you metabolism has been through the roof
>You have a body you thought you would never have
>You along with your harem are making a childhood dream come true.
>You are going to be Captain Anon, Booty warrior of the sky pirates, with your all female harem crew
>Because no one else patented the idea, you have the dole rights to it for quite a while. 

>Over the 10 years you had a solo patent, you expanded your harem so you now have a fleet of airships
>You also are the owner of a luxury cruise ship of the sky
>Literally every single person of importance wants to ride your ships, even if they can fly
>6 years back you hosted luna's birthday party above the storm clouds below, 
>A week later she became a herd member when she found out how much you all appreciated the night sky and how many events take place specifically at night under stars. 

>Life with your steampunk wife as an alpha, was she ever shocked she stayed alpha when luna joined, and harem couldn't get better.





>Anon gets a job at a factory
>Transport belts bring out chocolates that Anon has to sort
>Too many of them come down the belt
>Anon panics and starts stuffing them down his shirt and into his pockets to keep up
>Anon goes home smeared in chocolate and makes a quip about how stallions/men aren't fit for mare's work
>Anon's herd laughs/sighs and says, "Oh, Anon!"
>Laugh track, fade to black

They proceed to lick the chocolate off him



>There are laws regulating herd membership
>For example, it is illegal for both a businessmare and a politician to be in the same herd, as it would be a conflict of interest
>This becomes a problem when both Twilight and Rarity attempt to herd up with Anon





>NMM was just an angry teen goth phase
>"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY TRUE FEELINGS SISTER! NOBODY DOES!"
>The only difference being that instead of getting grounded for a week, Luna got one thousand years.
>Celestia was not the most reasonable mother




>Secret Agent Anon puts his masculine wiles and instinct for whimsy to use in Equestria's Secret Service
>Is frequently paired up with Sweetie Drops on assignments
>She refuses to admit that she's jealous when he goes around seducing other mares.
>Anon obliviously teases her, calling her "Grumpy Drops" and emaresculating her with surprise cuddles when she's angry
>She has to do her best to pretend she doesn't like it.





>Anon is a pushover for ill-treated mares and ex-cons
>Because of this he has the largest herd in Equestria
>At 25 and growing the other mares merely groan when he shows up with some poor mistreated mare to add to his herd
>Secretly they love it because each mare has suffered like they have
>Anon's herd is one big support group for mares that the system has abused





>The Alicorn foal is an omnivore like daddy.
>She likes it when the Gryphon dignitaries visit because they gift her exotic meats.
>The little shit bit a piece off of the Minotaur Ambassador's ear.
>Celestia was shocked, Luna Huzza'd , the other ponies fainted.
>Anon and the Ambassador laughed it off though

>the ambassadors become like uncles and aunties to the little alicorn foal
>they constantly go to visit Equestria to "improve their political standing"
>always sneak out the best goods usually withheld for the nobles and royalty as gifts
>conveniently when the child's birthday and Christmas comes around they and their familiesare always absent from the kingdom on "important political business"
>the ambassadors from usually rival and sometimes waring nations constantly cross paths on their way to visit the foal
>constantly at war in a different way trying to one up each other with what gifts they bring
>they act like friends whenever the foal is around
>fall to arguing and brawls when she isn't around
>one time whilst they're visiting they're asked to come in for show and tell at their school
>another time they go to a sports day
>they catch a little shit kid beating her in the sports and gloating driving her close to tears
>close by they hear the kid's dad encouraging it
>noonefuckswithourniece.jpeg
>this one time they come to a peaceful agreement and create an alliance
>ambassadors and stallion father are carried away by royal guards for brawling in a public school








> During yet another building confidence character arc episode, Fluttershy receives the bad advice that stallions are all secretly submissive
> Rainbow brings her to a bar to get a little liquid courage and to practice flirting with stallions
> Fluttershy ends up drinking a lot of liquid courage before she works herself up to flirting
> She sways across the bar room floor, bumping into Anon, the unapproachable cool beauty of the town
> Countless mares have tried to woo him, but he ignored their subtle advances
> Rainbow despairs when Fluttershy fluffs her tuft at him
> "Hey big guy. Mr. Tall drink. Yeah, you."
> Anon raises a sophisticated eyebrow at her
> "Want some fug? I gotta lotta fug, right here, in my uh,"
> She shakes her flank a little
> "Caboose. How about it?"
> Rainbow can only this train wreck

> Be Anon
> That was adorable
> Is she hitting on you? 
> She's totally hitting on you
> Most of the time, you can't tell if ponies are just being polite, or if they are actually interested in what you have to say
> But not this cutie
"Yeah, sure. Let's fug."
> "Yay!"
> Adorable





I wish someone would do something with that. 

>Luna as the original reformed villain
>Trixie
>Sunset Shimmer
>Lightning Dust
>Suri Polomare 
>Chrysalis
>Starlight Glimmer

Most ponies would see it as a clusterfuck just waiting to violently explode.

>One day ponies hear mares shouting coming from Anon's house
>The argument pours out onto the streets of Ponyville as the mares tumble through the front door
>Ponies fear the worst, wondering what these super villains are capable of doing
>They're all just arguing about who gets to be carried by Anon from the bedroom to the kitchen that morning





>Anon in RGRE.
>Some mares think it's going to be just like the dirty fanfictions they read on /mlh/.
>Or wrote in Lyra's case.
>Others, like Twilight, are sure that he will act just like in her Neighponese comics.
>Because it also had humans in it. For reasons.
>Their collective faces of despair when Anon only considers them to be "cute" in a little puppy way.
>They initially take it that he is pure and not for sexual.
>Then he starts going after the giraffes and zebras.
>Suddenly "deporting immigrants" becomes the leading plea Celestia has to deal with during her audiences




>Starlight Glimmer is actually a stallion pretending to be mare so he'll be taken seriously
>Thinks his disguise is perfect, but it's obvious to everypony else who just humors him
>In comes Anon, who hasn't been around ponies long enough to be able to tell genders from a glance yet.
>They all just look like cute tiny horses to him
>Anon is attracted to Glimmer because 'she' acts more like the females he's used to on Earth
>Glimmer's face when Anon asks 'her' out on a date
>Anon is confused by all the encouragement to go for Glimmer from other mares

>Glimmer is afraid to refuse lest her """perfect""" cover gets blown.
>Decides to go with it and try to discourage him as much as possible.
>Twilight may or may not be spying on them

>All the mares want them to get it on because they think it's hot.
>Anon is happy to find a reasonable individual of opposite sex without knowing Glimmer's little secret. Also without knowing about the whole timeline hijack thing.
>Glimmer does not want, but is scared to admit to the disguise
>Other stallions think that it's either just weird or downright disgusting. None of them is happy to see that strange pair.
>But nobody cares about them since they are just colts and their opinion doesn't matter.
>How can Glimmer fuck up before Anon gets too far?

>He's into me, and nothing I've done tonight has discouraged him.
>If I call it off here, I'll be a mare refusing an eager stallion's dick. No mare would do that. >My disguise will be ruined, years of hard work gone, and I'm back to being just a silly colt.
>...
>Okay, I've got it. I don't have any other option. I can't ruin my disguise now.
>I'll go back with him, get a little frisky, tire him out, and sneak out.
>After that I'll act cold like it was a one-night stand.
>Everypony will still think I'm a marely mare. I'll just have to deal with an angry colt
>...I can't believe I'm going to do this.
>Come on Starlight, mare up.
>It's just one blowjob. Then he'll be spent and exhausted, and you can sneak out. You can handle this

>You are Anon
>And you can't help but notice that Glimglam has some very cock'nball-esque stuff going on around the crotchular region
>But you really don't want to say anything
>What if it turns out to be some kind of weird magical cancer?
>You don't want to have to go through another incident like that again

>Anon thinks Glimmyglam has ass cancer.
>He's nice to her. His dog died of ass cancer, so he knows how difficult it is.
>Is kinda an asshole to other pones though. They're just too fun to mess with.
>Glim thinks he's figured out her secret is is trying to support it





>Anon works as a secretary for a successful business mare
>The pay is amazing, but his boss is just like my 1950's american animes
>Keeps knocking things off her desk and asking him to bend over to pick them up
>Has never once said his actual name before; calls him "babe", "sweetheart", "honey", and other names like that
>Gives him a firm pat on the ass when he does well
>His christmas bonus is in the form of a new mixer
>Gets paid what amounts to $40,000 annually by doing a job that's piss-easy, and Anon thinks this is well worth getting slapped on the ass once in a while



>The pay is amazing, but his boss is just like my 1950's american animes
>Anon wears a tight pair of pants one day and Boss Pone's eyes bulge out with an "awoooooga" noise and proceed draw an Anon-shaped outline
>It's pretty gross
>Later that day, she drags Anon around town trying to convince everyone that her pet frog can sing
>At least once per week, someone in the office gets blown up by a big round bomb

>Bombs are big, round spheres that have a sparking fuse on the top of them
>Don't actually destroy anything when they explode; they only blacken the fur of the pony holding the bomb and moves their muzzle to the back of their head
>The muzzle is still functional and often spouts quips such as "This means war" while the pony looks wryly at the camera


Drown him!
>splashed with a bucket of water
Suffocate him!
>pie to the face
Bludgeon him to death!
>cascade of balloons
Shoot him!
>nerf gun
Poison him!
>type-2 diabeetus

>You pull a quarter out from behind Celestia's ear
>She stands stock still, staring at you with a primal fear, the telltale sign of having wet herself pooling around her hooves

>Basic card tricks elevate you to the status of some kind of demonic god.
>Ponies form a cult about you.
>Conspiracists talk about how you're actually a secret weapon of war made by the gryphons.
>You're able to get free food and goods via intimidating ponies by finding their card.
>One pony had a heart attack after you showed him his card was in his salad

>Trixie actually is Great and Powerful
>The only reason she was ran out of Ponyville was because she lied about taking on an Ursa
>Fibbing is a serious crime

>You wake up in the middle of the night to the sight of Luna's face, mere inches from your face
>"Reveal to me your secrets, human."

>anon is now Equestria's not evil version of Rasputin
>down to easily surviving mutiple, adorably pathetic assassination attempts
>cannot be killed
>cannot be sexually sated
>anon becomes Equestrian Lust Demon of Legend

>sent to dungeons for being a threat
>talks to a nervous guard, showing him his trick saying the antimagic field doesnt work on him
>convinces the guard that he's mind controlling him and the guard gives him the keys to the cell
>anon unlocks the door and walks out

"Got your nose!"
>Luna outright freaked, grabbing the star pillow out of the fucking sky and slamming it into you repeatedly like she was swatting at a roach with her slipper

>>anon is now Equestria's not evil version of Rasputin
>>down to easily surviving mutiple, adorably pathetic assassination attempts

>"I tried putting too much sugar into his tea and a whole extra teaspoon of salt into his pastries, but he didn't so much as scrunch up his nose! After that I snuggled with him in the bath so that he'd fall asleep and get all wrinkly, but he started washing my mane and I fell asleep halfway through instead."






>The Nightmare could not be purged from Luna by the Elements in the past
>They only had the power to banish it to the moon for a thousand years.
>Why then could they suddenly do what could not be done in the past?

>Luna was not trapped alone upon the moon for a thousand years.
>The Dreamweaver was with her.

>Helping her in her time of need
>Giving her the strength to resist the madness that had claimed her mind

>Countering the influence of the Nightmare
>Weakening it at every opportunity
>Feeding it bad ideas

>A thousand years of exile was a small price to pay in order to help one he loved
>Because his daughter needed him


>Anon returns from his time on the moon with no memory of what happened there, thinks he just went into magical hibernation or something
>Eventually the nightmare force returns with another host
>Wreaks havoc across Equestria for real this time
>It keeps making small mistakes screwing up here and there so that it doesn't end up capturing or hurting any ponies, just obliterating settlements, doesn't think much of it
>Blows open the doors to the throne room to confront Luna, Celestia and the mane 6
>It's empty except for Papanon
>"I know you..."
"Sorry...what?"
>"The Elements of Harmony tried everything to make me... reform. To slow me down. Finally, when nothing else worked, they cast an Intelligence Dampening Spell on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas to help preserve their precious princess during our time on the moon.
"No! Not listening! Not listening!"
>"But it wasn't a spell at all. It... was you. It was your voice."
"No! No! You're lying, you're lying!"
>"Yes. You're the tumor. You're not just a regular moron. You were designed to be a moron."
"I am not a moron!"
>"Yes, you are! You're the moron the Elements used to make me an idiot!"







>anon is turned into a stallion from one of moon dancer or twiggle's magical shenanigans
>becomes the paragon of stallion beauty and human manly man masculunity
>so much so he makes blueblood look like a leper
>but no matter what he still loves his girls
>countless supposedly "beautiful" mares try to get in his herd
>worse comes when other herds of mares try to take him away
>his mares are afraid he would just leave them, and why wouldnt he?
>he's probably most handsome stallion in the WHOLE of equestria and BEYOND
>surprises them further whenever a mare tries to show off in front of them anon gives the closest of his herd a big Smooch with tongue
>grabs their flanks
>generally saying
>see this? this is mine
>and i only want this
>herd cant even exclaim how happy they are




>Anon gets transformed into a horse
>He's a horse
>Neighs, tries to eat grass, and cannot communicate verbally or comprehend complex language because he is a horse
>Sometimes he bites ponies who get to close to him or touch certain parts of his body




>Anon arrives in Equestria and chills at Canterlot castle
>The Princesses are interested in learning about human culture (and also in finding a male that actually laughs at their off-colour sexist jokes), and Anon spends his time either interacting with them or learning about pony culture
>Ponies working in the castle aren't too hot on the idea of making friends with Anon since they've noticed how chummy he is with the Princesses.
>Who wants to shoot the shit with somebody who can tattle on you to goddesses who have the power to celestial bodies?
>Furthermore, who wants to offend somebody with such close connections to royalty?
>Celestia notices that Anon isn't making very many friends, so she looks to the tried and true method of sending him to Ponyville.
>Anon doesn't like the idea of relocation, but being the Princess trumps being not a Princess.
>Anon moves into an empty house and spends his time being a grump, which the local mare population finds adorable.
>"Oh, look! He's pouting again~"
>When the mane 6 learn that he was sent to live in Ponyville by orders of Princess Celestia, Twilight herself takes special interest in him.
>Anon refuses to tell them why the Princess sent him there, and makes up a new reason each time they ask.
>These range from "I ate the last slice of cake" to "I slapped Luna right on the vagina".
>To keep things interesting, Celestia herself poofs herself an illusory disguise of a normal pony and occasionally checks in on Anon, inevitably listening in to some of Anon's more risque or absurd reasons for his pseudo-banishment from the castle
something something friendship
something something rgre
something something anon and celestia probably fuck at some point



> "Hey pouty princess."
> Be Nightmare Moon in exile
> "You know what you should do?"
> You thought you could handle a millennium on your own moon
> "Write 'Celestia smells bad' on the moon."
> However, you are not the first to be banished this way
> "Ooh! Write that she molests her guards!"
> Who doesn't?
> Damn
> You were doing well at ignoring the insufferable idiot, but then he says something so dumb, you have to comment on it
> At least in your thoughts
> And he can be oddly persuasive
> "Hey, don't those rocks over there look like a dick?"
> ....
> You wouldn't be a mare if you didn't look
> Double damn, they do
> Well, you know what you are doing once you get your fellow exile to leave you alone
> "You should fuck 'em."
> ...
> Now that he says to do it, you would rather not 
> Not until you are absolutely sure he isn't around to gloat




>>But that could be explained that they don't have any coin worth less than a bit, so one bit is the minimum something could be worth

>"Smaller... Than a bit?" Twilight asks, tilting her head to the side, "What do you mean?"
"See this apple?" You say, holding it up, "This apple costs one bit. You know what else costs one bit?"
>"What?"
"Half a bushel."
>Bookhorse looks confused
"Twilight, an individual apple should cost less than a bushel."
>Bookhorse sighs
>"Anon, I don't have time for this coltish whimsy. If you're trying to ask whether I think you're fat, the answer is no, so go ahead and eat that apple. Now if you'll excuse me, there's mare's work to do

> buy half bushel of apples for 1 bit
> sell each apple for 1 bit
>continue until the economy is fixed or destroyed

>Filthy Rich stares on in awe of this alien force of Capitalism
>Wonders how he can get DT and Anon together


>Anon tries to explain the concept to the M6.
>Fails to get it across.
>Looks to AJ (issue doesn't come up til he visits the market, so they're already there) and confirms with her that she feels both 1 bit per apple and 1 bit per bushel (say, of 25) are both a fair price for her family's hard work.
>Buys all 20 bushels for 20 bits.
>Makes cardboard sign to sell apples "Apples fresh from Sweet Apple Acres = 1 bit per Apple".
>By the end of the day he earns 377 bits (didn't sell all 500, but who cares) off the apples.
>Ponies marvel at genius of it all: "Who'd have thought a colt could make that much money so fast?"
>Ponies see it happen, understand that it worked exactly like the alien colt expected (as he is +350 bits richer with virtually no effort), but still can't figure out how it works or how to replicate it themselves in other markets without step-by-step instructions for each case


>anon only succeeds in getting the ponies to go full cargo cult
>sales that make no sense
>deals that leave the customer poorer
>none of them go broke, somehow
>but none of them get rich, either
>anon goes ahead with his own plans
>becomes an economic powerhouse and rich enough to rival the crown
>marries a businessmare who he thought loved her for who he was and not his money
>she tries to take him for all he's worth, so he divorces her
>marries some model instead of course it's fluttershy
>retires after decades of success, decides to write a book about it
>every line has > in front of it
>he calls it the art of the deal



>anon becomes master of coin for celestia 
>he is in charge of all foreign trade 
>in 10 years time equestria has enough money to buy the world and everyone in it
>it's all spent on cake the next year





>Morning comes
>NMM wakes up first
>Followed by anon and celestia to her screaming
>NMM calms down, but someone is still screaming
>Anon looks at who is screaming, and puts two and two together
"Well, shit, had no idea we would have a kid that fast"
>Anon looks at celestia and nmm
"So, do alicorns come out that big normally?"
>A look of horror on his face, he grabs NMM who is still stunned
"IF SOMETHING THAT BIG CAME OUT OF YOUR VAGINA IS IT RUINED?"
>Still in to much shock to question what anon said, she checks her still tight as all hell hmd out
>Celestia is the first to crack up 
>After some long talks, many hugs, and seeing NMM turn a whole different color, much to your surprise, it was decided that you now have a 3 alicorn herd composed of the big spoon, the little spoon and your new blanket






>Anon constantly uses human phrases that centre around horses and equines just to see what ponies' reactions will be
>When he says "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse", ponies thankfully don't assume that he means that he wants to consume horse meat
>That leaves one thing he can do to a pony with his mouth that could be called "eating"
>Mares, being the chronic perverts that they are, always interpret his phrases to be sexual





> Doing lewd (by pony standards) things to Celestia
>"I c-can't believe we're c-cuddling... belly-to-belly style! I-I don't know if I can t-take much more of this~"

>Anon just wants to chill out and cuddle.
>He can't because ponies keep making crossed-eyes, twitching uncontrollably and dehydrating themselves everywhere every-time he touches them

>The princesses are the only ones with enough cuddle-stamina to be properly cuddled by him
>Anon gets to scratch their ears and rub his face in their tuft






>Anon is warned by his mare friends how bad estrus can be, but he ignores them because eh's a pretty cool guy who doesn't afraid of anything
>Mares roaming town find him and demand that he gives them sum fuk
>Anon is more than okay with this and he spends the next couple of hours fucking some mares
>As soon as heat week is over, Anon is branded a slut and has to deal with his reputation being destroyed
>Some folk don't take too kindly to his type





>Monogamy is illegal in Equestria, like polygamy is here
>Anon's waifu is confused and horrified when he tells her that he only loves her

I'd read a story about an illegal relationship Anon has with his ponewaifu. How they have to employ a friend to pretend like they are in a token herd, and live in the danger every day

>Princess Cadance and Shining Armor had a 'herd' made up of their various maids and guards, but public scrutiny forced them to leave Equestria
>In the Crystal Empire, herding is uncommon, and most ponies consider them backwards savages
>Even Celestia has been threatening economic sanctions if they refuse to outlaw certain barbarous cultural practices, like monogamy, and allowing stallions to hold dangerous jobs




>Monogamists flee en mass to the Crystal Empire to avoid persecution, including Anon and his waifu as well as the Cakes
>Anon gets pissed when he learns Celestia threatening economic sanctions and rallies the Crystal Ponies and former Equestrians against the Diarchy
"Crystal Ponies! For over a thousand years you were made slaves by Sombra, and now someone else seeks to control you again! To erase everything about your culture that makes it beautiful! Monogamists, this is the only place where you're allowed to live in peace! Do not let Equestria steal your FREEDOM!"
>Celestia soon receives a letter of the Crystal Empire's Secession from the rest of Equestria







>Anon is hanging out with poner
>They end up roughhousing
>She forgets for a moment that he's a sweet little colt that needs to be coddled and protected
>Cocks her back legs for a good buck to the gut
>Misses his gut
>Her blood runs ice cold as he screams in pain
>She just committed the greatest sin a mare can do
>She's ostracised by the everypony, and treated like a leper
>She sneaks past the protective mares trying to keep her away from his house to visit him
>While he holds an ice pack against his swollen balls, she tries to convince him to tell everyone that forceful testicular contact is a form of greeting on Earth





>The Equestrian military is mobilized to occupy the Crystal Empire
>Couples are split up, stallions are assigned to herds of royal guardsmares, while their mares are sent to reeducation camps
>Cadance and Shining Armor are turned to stone, and placed on opposite sides of the palace as an example

>Anon is one of said stallions assigned to herds of royal guardsmares
>Although it's less a herd and more to monitor him and keep him from being monogamous
>Anon isn't allowed to just break up with them, because obviously he'd go back to his waifu and be a filthy monogamist
>He mostly ignored his 'herd' and pretends they don't exist most of the time
>While they see him as a poor colt who's been brainwashed and needs to be shown what a real relationship is like 
>He refuses to break, not when he's lived under the doctrine of pic related for his entire life

>Anon organizes a males-only resistance movement
>Takes at least 30 minutes getting ready before going out
>Dinner is always slightly over or under cooked
>Always 'has a headache' when his mares want cuddles

>Anon has one picture collage that he keeps hidden from the mares
>Sitting at the bottom of a desk drawer, covered with random crap that he can easily move aside
>Looking at it keeps him strong

>Eventually, enough time passes that it is determined that Anon won't 'relapse' into monogamist behavior
>He's given the option to keep his forced herd as a real herd, but he declines every single one of them.
>He stays alone for a while, searching for his waifu
>He finds her, but the reeducation camps worked perfectly.
>She's a devout hater of monogamy now
>She refuses to even go near him unless he agrees to form a herd

>The mares of the Crystal Empire have been reeducated and turned into polygamists
>They underestimate stallion's intuition
>The stallionsof the Crystal Empire come together to form the biggest herd in history, made up solely of males, leaving the mares with only one option
>They join the herd, move in with their former monogamous partners, and live happily ever after
>Celestia's face when the entire Crystal Empire demands herding tax breaks






>Defined muscles are seen as coltish since biologically stallions are physically stronger than mares.
>Mares are supposed to have a small layer of fat over their muscles to make them softer for stallions
>Unicorns have it the worst since they have the smallest frames any fitness will quickly tone their muscles
>This is why Twilight and Rarity gorge themselves
>Their sleek defined bodies are marks of shame
>Pinkie on the other hand looks like a Roaman goddess





>"Anon's depression is obviously linked to gender dysphoria."
>"He says he feels emaresculated all the time!"
>"Poor Anon is just a mare trapped in a weird alien colt's body."
>"Are you even listening, Dash?"
>Dash is imagining Anon's colty look with a pussy instead of a dick






>You are Anon
>You are at the beach with royalty.
>You briefly wonder to yourself why the princesses even bother to wear those bikini bottoms since they never actually ever wear clothes under normal circumstances.
>It isn't until Luna peers at you over her sunglasses, winks, and then uses her magic to slowly peel the bottoms away from her puffy lips that you understand why




>Even with an alicorn metabolism, Twilight still has a bit of pudge on her behind. 
>She worries over your opinion constantly, because what male wants to be seen with a fatty? Being royalty can only keep a nice stallion around for so long...
>She has no idea you have to think unsexy thoughts while behind her to keep control of yourself.
>If you didn't, there would be nothing stopping you from tearing your pants off, hooking your arms around those tantalizing thighs, and smashing that ass until someone's pelvis breaks






>Anon arrives in Equestria
>Bon Bon wants to introduce him to Lyra, because she's a filthy, shut-in humaboo, and could really use a good fucking
>Lyra is out buying some oats or whatever, so Bon Bon offers him a seat and goes to make some tea while they wait for her
>He starts snooping immediately
>Finds Lyra's room
>MLH posters on the wall
>A cum-stained Anonymous™ daki sits on her unmade bed
>A collection of human dildos of varying sizes and colors sits on her nightstand alongside an industrial-size bottle of E-Z access anal lube
>Worst of all, she left her WIP fanfiction out in her desk
>"Bon Bon, is all of this yours?"
>...
>Lyra's her sis, and she really needs this...
"Yeah, heh, I'm kinda, you know, obsessed with humans..."
>Anon smiles
>"That's kinda hot."
>Anon's totally into Bon Bon now
>And Lyra's pissed
>"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO SISTERS BEFORE MISTERS, BONNIE?"





>Oral skills in a mare are highly sought after in the male population due to the number of mares who just plain don't like going down on a guy
>Anon had the same expectations back home and is eager to go down on his mares
>Doesn't have to be asked; doesn't only do it on special occasions
>Anon's marefriend brags that sometimes she wakes up to the sensation of cumming




>Rainbow is so sexually sensitive that just a single hand running over her wings can make her squeal like a loli in a pro-voiced hentai.
>Because of that, she's avoided getting a coltfriend for fear of his reaction and just told tall tales of her sexual exploits.
>She would seem like less of a mare if she had nothing to say... But she would also seem like less of a mare if anyone found out how quickly she bursts in bed.
>There's no good way to go about it.
>But someway, somehow, you and her end up together.
>And she can't delay moving further into the relationship anymore...





>AJ is sensitive about her posterior
>Earth Pony genetics, and a life of hard work, have given her childbearing hips and applebucking thighs
>And you can bounce a bit off her bountiful booty
>Only generous helpings of Granny's signature apple pie and country cooking, grant her a thin sheen of cushion over those powerful muscles.

>She gets embarrassed when Anon pays special attention to them, especially when her herdmates can see





>tfw "magic burns calories meme"
>tfw you're stuffing your gullet every day and can't gain a single kilo
>tfw you were your anatomy teacher's favorite pupil because you look like a bucking skeleton
>tfw you have to wear a thick sweater in all seasons because you're cold


>Once you were doing a job enchanting some custom gadgets for a friend.
>You were so engrossed in spellweaving that you forgot to eat for five days and fainted going down the stairs.
>Good luck that your friend decided to show up at the exact same time and tended to you.
>Your bruises were visible through the fur for days.
>Ponies thought that somebody jumped you in a dark alley, or that you got into a fight over etching methods.
>You don't correct them

>Anon insists on staying to keep an eye on her and to make sure she eats
>An intense week-long study session/personal project turns into laying on the couch together, eating pizza and watching horsemovies




>The only stallions that you talk to are shopkeepers. Talked. None of local ones even bother smiling at you anymore. It's not like you react anyway.

>The only ponies that know when your birthday is are government officials. You don't tell anypony. If they don't know - they can't forget it.

>A fellow craftspony, another enchantress like you and your occasional competitor, went to some kind of drunken orgy in another town while in heat. Came back pregnant, and recently gave birth to a filly.
>She is a herdless mother. She doesn't even know who the father is. 
>She even invited you to move in together. What, share her misery?
>She is not supposed to look so bucking happy. This is what losers do. Losers should suffer.
>She is not supposed to.

>Shit shit shit your sweater tore
>It was your last sweater. You were putting off buying a new one for too long.
>You have the money, you are rolling in dosh, you earn a lot and spend bucking nothing!
>But you had just one bucking sweater!
>Saved yourself a lot of trouble here, not going to the seamstress!

>Come on Moonie, you're a magister of magic, you should be able to repair some dumb fabric!
>As you try to mend the torn threads, new tears open up here and there.
>You try harder, and the material disintegrates.

>You can't go outside without it. Everyone will see





>Diamond Dog attacks suddenly increase in severity 
>Instead of mugging or ponynapping lone ponies ,Equestrian guard posts are overrun with highly organized groups of highly armed and weirdly armored dogs
>Villages that were usually raided are now captured and extensively looted
>When confronted militarily, the dogs proved to be a force to be reckoned with
>the goatherd intel indicated that the clans of various breeds are now united under one banner
>they now have ranks and specialized occupations that even included mages which was strange since there was no recorded use of magic by a diamond dog
>But the most interesting thing is that each and every dog was a male
>With no sighting of the top bitches who led the clans, a credence have been given to rumor that the dog are being led by an overgrown dog who calls himself "Big boss"







>be morning in Equestria
>be so early in the morning that most ponies would call it yesterday
>be also Applejack, and be more comfortable then you have been in your entire life
>yesterday you found Anon in his bed, mumbling something incoherently
>being the good kind mare you are you went to check up on the poor colt when all of a sudden he grabbed you, seemingly still asleep.
>like some sort of weird horror story, his grip on you was like iron, you couldn't break it as he pulled you into his bed and under his covers
>so now here you are, trapped by a stallion of all things like a little filly, snuggled up to his chest as his little spoon.
>its sooo emaresculating....but it feels soooooo nice.
>you don't know what hes gonna do when he wakes up, you've prepared yourself for the worst
>until then though...you are just gonna enjoy the comfort.






>You and the adorable flying wizard alien horse sit across from each other. 
>You call her an "alicorn" because "winged unicorn" sounds dumb. As a personal name, you just call her Purple due to the color of her plush coat and the fact that you don’t yet know the words that make up her name.
>...Now that you think about it, technically YOU'RE the alien since this is their planet. 
>It makes sense that Purple, a local leader and scholar, would be so willing to take you in since you're a lost alien.
>Fuck Gemilk Fab and their shitty bargain cruisers. Only they could fuck up a slipdrive so hard that it rockets you to the space-boonies with no way back. 
>Anyway, you and Purple had just gotten done with a grooming ritual involving her tidying your hair with her mouth and giving you a partial tongue bath.
>In return, you had helped her straighten the feathers of her wings and brushed her mane and tail, much to her delight.
>At first, you had wondered what the significance was with the actions, but you were able to observe what looked like family units of females centered around a male and close friends of either sex performing the same actions. It also seemed that these equine creatures are much more touch tolerant than humans, easing your worry.
>Purple's gaggle of friends performed the same actions with each other, and tried to include you when they could.
>It warmed your heart that Purple and her troop trusted you so.
>Now if only you could get their goddamned language down, you would be set.
>The written script was actually simple and logical, but jesus the spoken word...
>They can talk, sing, whistle, mewl, purr, yelp, yip, chirp, coo, whine, neigh, whinny, and make other sounds.
>And it's in ALL their language.
>Meanwhile your host simply can't wrap her pretty little head around English.
>She can't make all the sounds needed to speak it, and the clusterfuck of grammar rules and odd spelling often leave her frustrated.
>Like now.
>You sigh and reach over the table to cup Purple's cheeks, surprising her and pulling her attention from the english primer you and her have been working on.
“Do you want take a rest? You have been focused on that paper for a long time,” you ask in english, trying to keep your speech as proper as you can.
>Her brows furrow. “****, I ***** a ***** ***** will not hurt,” she replies in her trilling and melodic language. 
>You only catch half of that, but understand that she accepted when she hops over the table and gladly settles in your lap. 
>The small equine fits just right as she presses herself to your form and murmurs words too low to hear.
>Purple’s face burns red when she boldly reaches up and places a kiss on the bottom of your chin and retreats just as quick.
>Once again, you get the odd feeling that you’re being groomed to become a mate... 
>Odd little creatures these are.





>You are Twilight, and you are embarrassed
>It turns out the alien who crash-landed near Ponyville is actually intelligent
>And a very nice stallion, too
>He even forgave you for locking him in a pen with a water dish and feeding him raw meat!
>"Anyone else would've done the same," He told you
>All it took was forgetting a pen and paper close to his cage, and he wrote out a message asking for some barbecue sauce to go with his meals
>You're just glad you didn't send any of your research on the 'strange alien animal' to Princess Celestia, or you'd never hear the end of it


>So maybe those 'savage howls' were actually panicked shouts as you dragged a frightened stallion back home
>And the constant 'grunts and growls' he made when you were near his cage was just him trying to communicate
>Thankfully, you realized the designs he drew in your notebook weren't random scribbles, but a system of writing
>Two hours of intense study later, you were back with a bottle of Applejack's homemade honey-and-garlic barbecue sauce
>... And the key to his cage, of course






>Princess Cadence has decided to take on her first student
>Anonymous may not be a pony, and he may be a bit socially awkward (just like a certain purple pony she used to foalsit)
>But deep down he is a veritable well of love just waiting to be set free
>He just needs a guiding hoof to help him adapt to this strange new land he has found himself in
>And in time, he will be able to manage herd dynamics and counsel others on their relationship problems just like his mentor
>And she'll be able to learn his secret recipe for the best peetzer in the world

>Cadence thinks Anon is a well of love
>In actuality his demeanor isn't him being afraid to love he's just legitimately a bitter guy
>or he has nothing but lustful thoughts on his mind about the ponies at all times, but holds them back because the cute innocence of the ponies makes him conflicted

>Anonymous has to send love reports to his new mentor Princess Cadence.
>If he fails to provide them she comes and investigates why he stopped.
>Usually eating all his snacks in the process.
>Most of the time he just pretends the lyrics to one of the songs on his phone are actually a deep insight on the nature of love that he has thought up
>They are not.
>They are just song lyrics that he has copied down.
>Anon is sometimes tasked with solving love problems by Cadence.
>Things that require the delicate touch of a stallion.
>Like showing the new dragon ambassador around town.
>Which he interprets as "Show her where the whorehouse is and tell the stallions there it's on the royal tab." due to it being a love problem.
>Cadence is pleased with his grasp of politics




> Celestia sends out a call for a Speaker for the Dead regarding Sombra
> Anon answers the call and begins his investigations
> Talking to the ponies that knew Sombra
> The princesses, Discord
> Searching for anything Sombra left behind in the crystal empire
> Ponders what drives a pony to hate, and the allure of power
> All the while, crystal mares are propositioning him
> "Hey, wanna see your dick through my body?"





>Bunny suit
>Be Anon in Equestria
>You were at halloween to celebrate zombie jesus.
>Naturally you dressed in a bunny suit.
>Everything was going swell until that last house on the block.
>You know, the creepy looking one on the corner where the principal of the local school lives.
>You rang the doorbell and were greeted by a horse.
"Trick or treat."
>"I think I'll treat myself, come inside."
>The horse tugged you inside by your crotch.
"Where's the candy though?"
>"If you want something sweet to lick I've got something even better."
>As she said that the door locked shut behind you by some unknown force.
>At about this point you understood two things.
>One: This horse was trying to sex you up.
>And two: She had no candy.
>Pappa didn't raise no fool, you're not getting molested by some pervert who doesn't have so much as a jelly bean.
"STRANGER DANGER!"
>You screamed as loud as you could and ran.
>The door was locked, so you ran through the house hoping to find some way to escape.
>Remember your training. Use the back door.
>You made a mad rush for the rear exit.
>And soon got cornered in a bathroom because you were unfamiliar with the layout of the house.
>The white winged horned horse closed the distance between you.
>"Don't be scared, I just want to have a little fun together."
"No, stay back!"
>rape






>It's the end of the season for rock farming, and the Pie sisters decide to have some fun
>They go to a shady little hole in the wall where they can get some cheap thrills
>The waiters are all colts dressed in slutty little bunny outfits, and you're allowed to touch as much as you want
>In fact, if they don't say thank you, you can tell their manager and they'll get in trouble
>Everything is shaping up to be a fun-filled, lecherous--
>Oh, fuck, Anon works here
>Limestone's crush
>And he's waiting their table
>She fails to convince Anon to go home and find another job
>After stewing in anger and alcohol, she decides to devote the rest of the evening to 'protecting' him
>It doesn't last long, as they're all thrown out after she hurled a champagne flute at a mare who fondled his balls





>You are anon and you are dealing with yet more show offs
>These vapid horse creatures, you refuse to call these things ponies, will not just fuck off
>Trying to have a nice meal with you herd
>And that's when you got an idea
>You give the hand signal to huddle up
"So, I never asked this and I'm sorry I'm going to, so which one of you is technically the ugliest one?"
>One of the ponies backs out of the conversation fast so you assume
"Ah, is if flur? she is a bit weird shaped for a pony"
>At this a number of the mares laugh
"NOT saying you are ugly to me, or weird, just differently shaped... wow this topic cannot be broached easily"

>Be flur de lis momentarily
>This is the first time in your life that someone said you were ugly
>Well, assumed you were ugly
>He really is unable to tell is he
>you shake your head
"Honey, I'm a literal super model... Haven't you seen me on magazines?
>He looks stunned
>"How it the fuck did I get a super model?"
>He realizes you asked a question and snaps out of his question
>"You ever do a pinup for O&O monthly, or the weekly hyperspace pamphlets?"
>You smile and shake your head
"No, and for the record, that's how you got me"

>You are anon again
>You feel a tugging at your sleeve
>Its moondancer
>Her adorable turtleneck
>The nerdy glasses
>The blush of embarrassment
>"That would probably be me"
>And the look of 'I just admitted a hard fact, fuck my life' 
>Well... good thing she is right next to you
>You put a hand under the table
>"...And we would be FAR more suitable to be yours then..."
>Everyone is cut off by a rather loud hiiiii from moondance
>Suddenly the pony who is the 'ugliest at the table goes from embarrassed, to sad, to embrace and a different color
"Well, go on, keep telling me why you are better"
>They look to each other and are about to continue and are about to speak
>Moondancer cant hold it in any more, lets out a throaty moan, and splotches on the floor
>The few creatures in your herd that didn't know what was going on, know damn well what just happened
>Moondancer has a look of embarrassment, and satisfaction
"AWE yea, new record, 7 seconds"
>2 and 2 have been added in the mares looking ot herd with you, and they came out with 5
>"You only lasted 7 seconds?"
>You reply excitedly, not noticing moony shrink back a bit
"I know right, you have any idea how fun it is to fuck her stupid?"
>You reach down and start fingering both holes, much to moonies reluctance
>This time all the ponies around you know what's going on
>"How could a mare last shorter then her stallion, that's pathetic"
"Who cares?"
>Everyone around just looks at you, probably a ton of fast cumming mares are hinged on your words
"Its not like you become un fuckable when you cum, unlike a normal stallion who may not get it up again that day"
>About to say something they are interrupted by number 2 from moony. 
>And her head is down on the table, tongue loling out
"Look at that face, that satisfied look..."
>All eyes are on moony, who is riding it out sucking your finger with surprising force with both her her marehood and anus. 
"Welp, it was a wonderful lunch. flur dear, can you stay back and pay, moonies in no real condition to walk so I'm taking her home. when you get back we can start working off all the food we ate the best way we know how."
>She smiles and nods her head
>You pick up a very messy moondancer, and for the first time show the mares what you were doing as your hand is still 3 fingers in one hole with your thumb on the slightly to large button. 
>A little motion of the thumb gets winking and sucking action going, 
>You walk out, enterage ent tail, ready for a very fun afternoon.

>Be show off pony
>This is the moment
>Right here
>That you know celestia died and a changeling took over her place. 
>Yes for this to happen, celestia is dead.







>Anon and Twilight are talking about interdimensional shit
>It occurs to them that most dimensions seem to share common counterparts
>They use the map to find Anon's pony counterpart and track him down to sate their curiosity
>Anonpone turns out to be the softest, most coltish, most fuccboiest stallion that ever lived
>Anon is violently disappointed
>He decides to mold Anonpone into a rough and tumble, pussy-grabbing man's man in hopes of redeeming his ancestral lineage
>Dadanon didn't raise no faggot
>Even if Dadanon is a theoretically a horse in this scenario
>Anonpone agrees
>...Only because he thinks Anon's cute, and he thinks he has a shot with him





>"Please, Anon, could you do this little thing for me?"
"No! I'm sorry, babe, but it's not happening. I'm not doing it."
>"Oh, come on! Why not?"
"Because I don't want to."
>"Why?"
"Because... Because it's fucking gay, alright?"
>"What are you talking about? There's nothing gay about it at all, it's a perfectly normal thing for a stallion to do. And I just know you'd look great!"
"Yeah, well, it'd be gay back where I come from."
>"And where are we now?"
"...In Equestria."
>"Exactly! Look, Anon, I won't ask you to do this everyday. Just today, since it's my birthday? 
"I don't know..."
>"Pleeease?"
"...Fine."
>"Yes!"
"But you'll have to do something for me later, okay?"
>"Sure, that's fair.I'll go get the makeup."






>Anon has an all unicorn herd
>Hornjob during every rut
>Sucking at least 4 horns nightly
>Swallows like a fucking champ
>Magic builds up over time
>Becomes a wizard
>Gets robe and hat
>Making spells left and right
>Makes a spell that lets him hopefully impregnate his mares
>Works, duh
>Named his first daughter after the Equestrian sun, Celestia
>His second after Earth's moon, Luna
>His third after her grandmare, Crystal
>And his only son after his best bro, Tirek
>Gets lost in time experimenting with chronomancy
>Each of his kids react badly
>Celestia pours herself into her work to the point that she ignores her family to the point of abandonment
>Luna allows grief and misery to consume her to the point that it was easy to be possessed 
>Crystal begins to steal the love of others to fill the hole her father's disappearance left
>Tirek sucks magic with abandon in hopes that once he has enough he can find his papa, not realizing that using the shortcut of dark magic makes him forget his motivation and alters his appearance.
>Anon shows up in current day Equestria
>He has a lot of stern talking to's to hand out.
>Right after tearful hugs
>And mourned wives







>Anon and Twilight get frisky
>He ends up trying to suck her horn
>She's surprised, but she's absolutely loving it
>Her horn has a wonderful, sweet flavor, so he's loving it too
>After a while, the flavor fades, and he pulls off her
>She's lost all of her color, and she can't do any magic
>His stomach is glowing with a soft lavender light from swallowing like a gentlecolt
>Twilight heads to her library to find out what's going on and figure out how to undo it
>While he waits, Rarity stops by to see Twilight
>Anon can't help himself
>Soon, Rarity is panting in post-horngasmic bliss as her magic mixes with Twilight's in Anon's gut
>Anon's addicted to the sweet, salty taste of magijaculate
>A depowered Twilight and Rarity have to hunt Anon down before he drains all the unicorns in Ponyville
>Like the thirsty little slut he is
>Also, he'll probably explode or something, but whatever





>Rarity want's Anon to dress up and get his makeup game on

>Anon decides to go full Goth
>Black lipstick, eyeliner, eye shadow, fingernail polish, whatever the fuck it is that makes you look even paler than usual, big fuckoff boots, top hat, fishnet sleeves, leather duster, black 3-piece suit, complete with umbrella to ward off the daystar.

>Rarity starts worrying about whether Anon has suddenly decided to try to court Princess Luna





>Anon is an engineer of some talent from earth
>Makes a scant living creating bits and bobs that use electricity and other 'otherwordly' marvels for pones to enjoy
>Anon frequently talks about feats of engineering from his world, but pones off the street are skeptical of his knowledge because they haven't seen it before and otherworldly and colts and 'muh sexism'
>Innocently but ruefully lets slip one day about arguably humanity's most powerful feat of engineering known to his history, and its most terrible; bombs, devices that have the power to destroy countries and grant the wielders unreasonable amounts of power, especially should others not have the same power at their disposal
>More importantly, he lets slip that science isn't nearly as picky about who has the power as magic is, and that anyone could create them as long as they knew how
>And, when questioned, admits that even HE could do it, given some time and the proper supplies, even if he would never do so willingly
>News travels fast, both to Celestia and less kind ears
>Possible ponewiafus and Celestia are pulled into a subtle conflict in which they must protect 'The Pure Alien Pre-Husbando Who Knew Too Much' from the forces of darkness (and those who simply can't use magic) in their shadowy desire to forcibly change the balance of power in the world in their favor
>They know that if Anon is successfully captured or isolated at any time then those responsible would no doubt be less than squeamish about forcing the information out of him 
>By any means necessary
>But probably >rape 
>That's not even considering the heavy burden it would place on his kind and loving head should he be forced to become the alien progenitor of a super weapon that would threaten untold lives in the wrong hooves
>Operation 'Protect his smile and in doing so also probably save the world' is a go
>Romance!
>RGRE!
>Overly complicated plot!
>Suspense!
>Action!





>Anon and Twilight both grew up as nerds
>Blahblah Anon ends up in RGRE
>Anon and Twilight fall for each other
>Get married
>Fuck (a lot)
>Have two kids
>Now there's a split between them and their parenting style
>Twilight accepts her past and tries to groom her children in her own image, having them stay inside and read books while being picky with their friends
>Anon rejects his past and forces his kids outside in hopes of making his kids into Chad and Stacey
>Twilight is understandably peeved
>They argue
>Fight (a lot)
>Anon employs his new gender role powers by telling her she'll get the couch if she doesn't go his way
>Tried as she might to be a strong parent, Twilight couldn't win against the cock
>Nobody can beat the cock.
>Not the cock.
>Can't beat the cock, man.
>Nope.



>Anon has a colt and a filly.
>He's awfully proud of them.
>When son comes in with a black eye crying while his daughter comes in right after scuffed up looking.
>Anon feels oddly mixed about it but he's more focused on making sure his kids are fine.
>Next time it's his daughter coming in with tears in her eyes, but then not long after his son comes back with the other colts that had been picking fun on his sister's looks who apologize while shooting his son scared looks.
>Anon can't be prouder, why because his kids are looking out for each other and he couldn't be prouder.
>Now if his son winds up sucking dick instead of clit he might get peeved at Twilight.
>Fucking reverse gender role bullshit...








>Anon learns about all the bullshit that happened recently.
>After the talking to's and the punishments handed out. He decided to hold a grand family dinner.
>Anon is happy to have a large family.
>Celestia, Luna ,Chrysalis, Cadence, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, Spike,Blueblood and Tirek in one table.
>They immediately snipe at each other. Anon perseveres and tries to make it work.
>It escalates into a shouting match and NMM is coaxed out because of the magical energy and the negative emotions.She joins the fray with her horn charged with magic.
>Anon gets fed up, gets his slipper and slap NMM so hard she separates from Luna and forms a new body of her own.
>"Y-YOU DAR-"
>"Sit down and eat or Im going to slap you so hard you'll turn in to the 7th element of harmony."
>"Y-Yes Daddy."
>"Well It seems I have a new darling daughter. We'll discuss how you'll fit in and your punishment for turning Luna against your big sister."
>"I-I understand Daddy."
>"Please pass the Salt. Hon"
>Something something RGRE.

>Tirek and Discord were both Anon's sons
>They'd always gotten along
>Discord could understand Celly and Lulu turning on him, he antagonized them, they antagonized back, and so it went
>Brothers and sisters are just natural enemies like that

>But Tirek?
>His one and only Bro?
>That was a betrayal that really stung


>All of Anon's direct offspring and descendants fear the wrath of The Slipper
>It is a weapon surpassing the Elements of Harmony in its power
>Even those who have never been on The Slipper's business end instinctually fear it's sting
>Chrysalis tries to conquer Equestria again?
>Anon uses The Slipper, and she turns into pic related
>Tirek tries to steal everyone's magic again?
>Anon uses The Slipper, and Tirek gets the dark magic literally smacked out of him 
>Even people who aren't related to Anon get The Slipper
>Starlight learns right away why messing with time is a bad idea
>Because Anon will be there, and he will use The Slipper on the offender while giving them a lecture about not fucking with the timeline

>"Starlight don't do this!"
>"Why wouldn't I, Twilight? I will travel back in time and break your friendships apart before they begin!"
>"...If you do that, you'll create another timeline and destroy Equestria!"
"You figured that out yourself? You truly are Celestia's darling student."
>"Starlight, if you make another timelines, you also cause another Slipper to come into existence."
>"... I... ...maybe this can be resolved another way? Preferably without the existence of Probable Slippers?"
*WE WUZ FRIENDS N' SHEIIT*


>The Crystal Empire and Equestria are going to have a final clash with Chrysalis' hordes.
>Before the first lines crash into each other.
>NMM's magic signiture could be seen and felt. A dark rift opens.
>They expected NMM to come through and join the festivities, Seeking to feed from the dark emotions in the battleground.
>Anon steps from the portal wearing his bathrobe with a very sleepy and grumpy look on his face.
>"See Daddy, They're going to war. Oh no since the changelings are Crystal's children, that makes them your GRANDCHILDREN. Looks like you're going to need TWO slippers for this."
>Each armies immediately sends envoys waving a white flag into the middle of the clearing.
>"G-good Morning Grandfather Anonymous. Queen Chrysalis would like to declare the start of the peacetalks and signing of the treaty."
>"Y-Yes the Changeling Envoy is right. Th-this is just a ceremonial showing of..uh. strength. I mean laying down of Arms. Like P-princess Celestia Instructed. 
>"Tell dear Chryssi and Celly this. You have until lunch to settle this. No Cakes for 2 weeks, No servants/drones to do chores for a month and they are to report to Princess Sparkle in Ponyville for friendship Lessons."
>Anonymous shambles towards the dark rift while NMM flashes the armies with a massive finger in the sky











>Anon has not found his groove in Equestria
>months after winding up in a new world with no way home, his attempts to integrate and make his way keep running up against the horsey notions of what a stallion is and isn't capable of
>with no applicable skill set to the level of technology they have, his immediate option would be manual labor, which most mares are reluctant to if not outright refuse to let him do
>scraping by week to week, the ponies keep telling him he should try to get a job in a kitchen
>one problem: his ability to cook begins and ends with a mighty struggle to not become bored when something is on the stove and forget it long enough that it burns
>kicking his can down the road one afternoon, he watches some unicorns assembling a building with magic
>and then the epiphany
>magic is complete bullshit
>therefore, bullshit must be magic
>and he knows just how to apply it to the culinary trade
>calling upon a childhood filled with Dahl, he musters the spirit of Willy Wonka and slaps together some nonsense in a crockpot that was three parts sugar, two parts random rubbish, and six parts puns that made only half-sense
>lo and behold, he concocts the most insane but amazing candies seen in generations

>Bon Bon has been in a rut, romance-wise
>she's fairly picky, wanting to hold out for a stallion that has as much passion for the confectionary arts as she does
>the pickings are pretty slim out in Ponyville though, with them either being married already like Mr. Cake or a bit light in the fetlocks like Caramel
>soon word spreads of the wonderdiffilus candies being produced by the town's resident charity case
>ever the critic of others in the craft, she tries a gummy everlasting ponut
>itsfullofstars.apng
>she was going to get that human to love her, oh yes she was.

>meanwhile, a certain pink pony is going increasingly crazy, unable to determine the composition of these incredible human treats even with the the help of the Sense
>*slugworth intensifies*





>Slutty Anon lays it on thick
>Like thicker than Twilight's flank thick
>He flirts with any mare he sees and does everything he can to rile them up
>When it comes down to it he wont sleep with them though
>He teases them with the idea and then yanks it away
>He doesn't do it because he is cruel
>He does it because he is into that sweet sweet >rape





>Anon is a stuntman
>He is fully prepared to be on fire walk, and fall, remain on fire for a few moments, and be put out. 
>Once lit, He barely sees anything due to a blinding light, but knows the path he has to go and follows it

>Be celestia
>Be the most tedious day of the year
>Bucking grand galloping galla
>You look to your left
>You can see the cake right bucking there, and NO ONE is eating it
>It could ALL be yours, but NO
>Bucking meet and greets 
>to your right a blinding light
>Seconds later, some ponies are rushing in screaming, 
>An orange glow
>Something is on fire and walking in, leaving a trail of fiery hoof steps behind it. 
>Is it ok? 
>You panic a bit and magic up water just as it falls
>You hope its ok

>3
>2
>1
>Ok now the fire crew should be rushing tward you to put you out
>And on cue, you feel something hit you
>Not on cue its heavy and you could swear its a massive amount of water
>The fuck?
>You look up and are able to see, no on fire
>You stand up and check everywhere
>Still no fire
>Sigh of relief, you look around
>Hundreds of mini and 2 normal horses are looking at you
>all pastel

>Be celeistia
>Ok, now you get to do something and not sit here greeting ponies
>"God dammit I fucking died didn't I"
>Well, 'do you speak equestrian' is off the list of questions, 
>Easily the best GGG in years.