>You are Rainbow Dash, and you are browsing a big dumb fancy Canterlot jewelry store.
>You and your coltfriend, Anon, have gotten pretty serious.
>You've found yourself working hard so that you can get home to him as fast as possible.
>You actually enjoy waking up before noon on your days off since it leads to an hour or two of lazing around in bed, cuddling with Anon.
>You've even caught yourself watching Mrs. and Mr. Cake playing with their foals one day and were surprised at that pang of longing you felt in your chest.
>He just makes you so happy.
>You think it's time to pop the question to Anon.
>You wish that you had thought to ask Twilight what she had found out about human courting rituals, because you have no idea what kind of expensive piece of crap to give to Anon.
>You've looked at pendants; necklaces; horn-rings; bracelets...
>Dammit, and you'd learned to take a deep breath and think things through, too!
>You'd gotten into a big fight with Anon because of some stupid thing you did, all because you made a split-second decision and bucked up in a way that could have been avoided if you had just sat down and thought about it.
>"Miss?"
>A nice salescolt waves you over.
>"Maybe I can be of assistance. Is your mate an earth pony, a pegasus, or a unicorn?"
>UHHHH
>.....maybe you can just present Anon with a primary feather.
>Bastards love primary feathers




>Before coming to equestria Anon had been seeing vocal coach for most of his young life
>Before he could start putting his talents to work he was popped into equestria, stopping any career in music he might have had short
>A few years pass, he makes friends, gets a simple job
>Bit of recluse on account of how different he is culturally and physically from literally any neighbor he could have on the planet
>Friends understand but still worry
>The gentle and caring husbando thing is really popular, but he's never going to get a wife if he doesn't apply himself 
>The topic of cutie marks and special talents comes up among his friends
>They ask him if he ever felt like a pony does about a singular passion in their life, if he ever felt like he had a special talent
>Anon mentions his budding singing career way back when
>Friends encourage him
>Anon declines out of worry, both from how he might be judged in the limelight and how long it's been since he last seriously sang
>They push a little more
>He admits that he still practices a little in his spare time when he's all alone
>Friendpones are all set, but Anon still isn't very sure
>Big party coming up, friends encourage Anon to perform
>He's not sure, but they're VERY sure
>He decides to do it, if only to acknowledge their trust in him
>Big day comes
>Friendpones set the stage for Anon, impressing upon the fact that this was his first real performance 
>Anon comes out on stage, stiff as a board, does little more than name the song before the music starts through the speakers
>Audience finds his vulnerability cute and endearing, they drop their guard and ready themselves to offer 'you tried' kudos at the very least
>Big mistake
>Music is soulful with just a bit of energy
>Anxious wallflower sings a saucy-smooth romance song in perfect tune to the music, the themes of loyalty, love, and vague allusions to sex common to the genre cropping up frequently
>Audience is stunned, and Anon starts to get into things a little more
>Dat chocolate voice
>Dat shoulder jive
>Dat hip rock
>Dat shoulder jive
>Anon has drawn the entirety of party to his location
>Mares take the risk of their foals asking dangerous questions later on about certain cryptic lyrics in an effort to stay and listen
>The song ends, Anon loses his nerve from the silence
>Thanks them for listening in his usual reserved, quiet voice
>As the human is swarmed with instant fans and would-be talent scouts, mostly maresfriendpones are now consumed with worry over what they've just unleashed on their quiet male friend
>Music scene is already imploding with the entrance of a massive talent and what is essentially a new genre of music to equestria
>Colts and teen stallions everywhere listen to the song(s) on repeat 
>Most fillies do too, but they aren't as publicly enthusiastic about it
>Older Stallions worried over the messages the song conveys, 'think of the children' and etc
>Full grown mares with jobs and firm community reputations all over the continent have that 'special' record that they keep away from the mister and the kids and play when they aren't around
>Sometimes they work up the courage to play it for their significant others
>But only when the kids are out
>It's common to hear Anon's music muffled behind closed doors and drawn curtains
>In such occasions the owners never respond to knocking






>Mares like stallions with a little extra padding on them. More mass to pad the ass, etc.
>Anon tries to lose weight, but is thwarted at every turn by mares wanting him to stay thicc.
>Namely, sneaking him pastries when he's trying to stay vigilant against carbs, giving him bad weight loss tips, etc.
>/fit/ mares try to make him a trophy horsebando





>Anon has spent far too long in RGRE poneland.
>He now accepts that he is no longer the macho man he used to be, but the cute exotic husbando who isn't noticed by [Insert Pone], leaving him heartbroken.
>Drawing from half forgotten memories, he starts to act like a specific character archetype from his Korean cartoons.
>A shiny knife is all Anon needs.
> [Insert Pone] Never saw it coming






>Aaah, the beach
>The sun, the surf, the warm sand
>It's a 'saddle-less' beach, so... maybe you'll even go buckwild and remove your shirt so you can finally get a tan and stop blinding pones with your pastiness
>And, even though your friends wanted to setup camp with you and hang out and rub some cream on your back
>The threat of wandering hooves and innuendo is too much
>especially when you get enough of that at home
>So, you bid them aeiou and moonwalked to a nice, cozy, empty spot
>Or. It was.
>>29713052 #
>"Ooooh! Oh! H-hi!"
>Sighing softly you sit up from your towel, your sunglasses falling slightly down the bridge of your nose
"...yes?"
>"U-um. A-are you... uh-"
>You wait, a neutral expression on your face
>This is the first time you've seen a native seapony, afterall, so...who knows what she'll sa-
>"A-are you th-thrasing around in panic? C-cause I wanna eat you. WAIT-"
>The seapony stamps her hooves in the sand
>You raise your eyebrow
>"I mean, you look deliciou-Nnn~" She looks up at you, scrunching furiously
>Neutral expression, Anon
>"I. Swim. Saw you on beach."
>Oh we've gone full caveman here
>"I like you. Do you wanna swim together? I promise I won't drag you under - I haven't done that to anypony in days!"
>She looks at you with super hopeful and super earnest eyes
>Yeah... that's the look of a pony who is totally serious about that achievement
>You purse your lips
>"...I know where some pretty conch shells are!"
>Damn these cute horses
>You pat the sand next to you, and she tilts her head
"I'm resting right now, but... you're welcome to join me."
>Doing a tiny happy dance she trots over to you, circling the spot you indicated and sitting down with a heavy *thwump*
>Her solid-muscle tail slamming into your hips
>You wheeze softly and she smiles
>But... you can tell an accident when you see one
>So, smiling in return, you lay back down and close your eyes
>The sound of the surf fills your mind
>. . .
>"So whatcha thinkin' bout?"
>Damnit







>Only virgins and princesses can see humans
>Princesses are virgins by default
>No matter how much sex they have they are still virgins
>Because magic
>It's probably because virginiation can't figure out how to work with a race that is like three or more other ones at once
>This means discord is also a virgin by default too
>The purest incarnation of stallionly whimsy.
>Of course he's a pure as snow virgin.
>Even if he gets fussy if you say that







Anon and Harshwhinny work in the same office.
Harshwhinny acts like a bitch when around Anon.
One day, Anon overhears a conversation.
>"The office is a mare's place, Neat File. Stallions won't be able to take the stress."
"Oh she wants to play? Two can play this game.
Start one upping each other.
Competition for company projects become vicious.
He works to the bone to prove himself.

It's been two years now.
He's a valued head of department, just like Harshwhinny.
That does nothing for him.
He works to see the look on her face when she loses to him.
Every contract given to him is another victory.
Every contract lost to her only spurs him to work harder.
Lost a contract to her today.
It's 9 already
Preparing to go back.
Harshwhinny is still there.
Looks like she's working over that contract.
She has serious bags under her eyes.
When was the last time she actually had a decent night of sleep?
Has she been eating well?
Has she been eating anything at all?
You yawn.
None of your business anyway
At least you can go to bed earlier, so suck on that harshbutt.
Walk down the street, preparing to hail a cab.
See the café down the street.
It must be hard working this late.
Some coffee really helps with the sleepiness.
Plus their bagels are really good too.
And being tired and hungry really fucks with your cognitive processes.
If Harshwhinny fucks up, the project fails.
If the project fails, the company loses trust.
If the company loses trust, they loses contracts.
Losing contracts means the company will go bankrupt.
That's why he's bringing this bag if coffee and bagels up.
Because he needs this job.
He's doing this to keep his job
Walks over to Harshwhinny's desk, it's empty.
Must be using the toilet or something.
Leave the bag behind.

A few days later,
Working on the sports event contract.
>"Add ramps bro"
>"Brofist!!"
>"Nohomo, bro"
Fucking jocks.
Leaves to get a glass of water, cool off while he's at it.
Comes back, sees a cup of coffee left on the table.
Who could it be?




Anon goes to the band practice room to play his guitar for free time. The main 6/7 arrive a few minutes after and start watching him. They criticize him thinking men can't play anything but lovey acoustic songs. Then they hear him playing power chords






>Anonpone has never been a human.
>She's just a humie (Adult fan of a certain cartoon about humans written for young colts).
>Anonpone writes stories on /mlh/ and is autistic.
>Anon in Humania thread, where an anonymous pony somehow in human land is the focus.
>>Bill Clinton fucks up a saxaphone rehersal and summons Ponon into Humania.
>>Ponon is taken to meet President Trump.
>>Goes on an adventure with Bill and his friends to stop the evil Premier Putin.
>Anonpone gets too into self-inserting when reading her redtext stories.
>Her autism levels get too high and the madness takes her.
>Maybe buys a crossbow and does a Shin.
>Maybe only turns against her childhood friends Brad Lee and Stacy Lacey.
>Tragedy end.


>Anonpone and friends must travel to the Canadian Empire in the frozen north to defeat the evil King Trudeau, and place Maxime Bernier on his rightful throne

>Hillary Clinton rises from her tomb, kidnaps Anonpone's husbando, and flees into the wastes of California

>Anonpone's stories of great tabletop battles are mistaken for actual military experience. When the wicked Queen Merkel invades the United Queendom, Anonpone is given command of a battalion on the front lines.

>Anonpone is caught in a romantic triangle between Bill Clinton, General Mattis, and President Trump, and she must teach them the wonders of herding (and colt-on-colt action... unf)

>Earth has reversed gender roles due to a massive gender imbalance
>Anonpone resolves to fix this by bearing as many children as possible
>They're all females and all extremely marely like herself
>Soon, human stallions are consigned to the kitchen while mares take charge

>President Trump sends Anonpone to meet Elon Musky, and teach him the magic of friendship
>He's a cute, nerdy stallion with a love of big phallic rockets and a slight hygiene problem
>She helps him make friends while simultaneously working on a reusable Mars rover
>They fall in love and have like 15 foals i dunno

>Anonpone is kidnapped by King Trudeau and his Liberal army
>Liberals are a terrifying, insectoid race capable of changing shape and blending in with any crowd, bent on stealing the love and prosperity of average Canadians
>She gives him the V and tempers his fury, turning him into the perfect submissive husbando

>Anonpone has mare friends, but it's so weird hanging out with them
>All they talk about is clothes, makeup, their shitty husbands who won't let them dip into the rent to buy a new pair of shoes
>One day, she calls them out on their bullshit like the marely mare she is, and all the human stallions clap, knowing that at least one female is on their side







>Milfanon in RGRE
>Ara ara and Ufufufu's~ around
>No one can stand against the oppressive might of her Ara's and Ufu's~ 
>Even Button Mash' nuclear hot mom succumbed .
>Such is her might that even Princess Celestia and the Griffon King called her mom in the middle of border negotiations.
>Something something RGRE






>Anon just got the hang of pony body language, and feels confident enough to go on a couple practice dates just as a feeler
>What started as a blind date with a professional judge turned into something more
>And no, he still can't figure out ponies' age unless they're actually a foal or Granny Smith
>Hey, the fur hides the wrinkles, and magic botox is very effective!


>Mrs. Harshwhinny is actually younger than he mane 6
>Her parents made it very clear that she had to succeed in life (Equestrian version of the typical "go to college, get a degree, or you'll work 3 jobs at walmart and mcdonalds and you'll be absolutely miserable for the rest of your god-forsaken life" speech), so she dresses up and tries to act as "professional" as possible
>Figures that looking older and experienced will make her more respected and successful
>Is desperately afraid of failure





> /mlh/ redtext
> Oblivious Eponymous drinks the significantly advanced magic hemlock
> Wakes up in Moscow
> For some reason all the human males get a little vanilla ice cream on the crotch of their pants when she trots by
> Epon asks some passing guards for directions to Putin's office
> They are very helpful, if a bit in a hurry
> They keep on swatting her flank to get her to go faster
> When they get to Putin, he tells the guards to leave them
> He walks around his desk with a sway in his hips
> "Epon, my last horse died a long time ago, leaving a hole I thought could never be filled. But with you, perhaps you can fill that hole for me, and I..."
> He walks behind her and lifts her tail
> "I can fill this hole for you."
> Monogamous good end





>Anon is carrying a hogtied Princess Celestia through a crystal maze.
>"Anon, I know we agreed to pay you a pretty sum if you managed to draw out and capture Sombra but is this really necessary?" 
Yes Princess Celestia. Now, now I know it's strange. But If my hunch is correct this lost art will guarantee that shitter's capture.
>Anon lifts her butt up and gets the egg vibrator.
>"A-Anon what's that!"
>An hour of sexy princess moaning and sexual stimulation later. Sombra can be seen shambling towards the Princess and Anon, A dazed look in his eyes and an erection.
See Princess. Im a fucking genius. Now let's find- Ah there.
>Anon gets a decently sized rock and bashes Sombra on the head. Repeats it 3 times after Sombra got knocked out for good measure.
>Celestia just lies and stares there in a post orgasamic haze. 
>Anon signals the containment team on their location. 
[QUEST CLEARED​]



>It's Anon's birthday
>Being an alien from a different world/universe (and the only one of his kind to boot), Anon is a mild celebrity in Ponyville
>Pinkie throws him a party that brings in dozens of ponies, if they are available
>Some of his presents include recipes, useful knick knacks and gadgets, and the occasional coupon given by a business-owning party-goer
>Nearly half of the presents are sexy underwear designed to emphasize and show off one's package



>Ponies constantly harrass Anon for being fully clothed
>It's lewd and shit
>Teat twist - Anon ain't no fat fuck and has GOOD PHYSIQUE
>A lone pony once sneaks up on him while he is naked and sees everything
>she sees it all
>a rumour starts that Anon is'nt actually lewd.
>his chiseled body simply MUST be hidden, or mares can't contain themselves



>Anon wakes up in the middle of the night
>There's a pony on his chest
>She broke into his house and is rubbing herself all over Anon
>It's a mix between lewds and cuddles
>"Scratch my back harder, Anon!"
>"Rub my eeaarrsss~"
>"B-boop my snootle, Anon, please! Do it, you snuggle-slut!"
>Cuddles up against him when he's done
>"A-And if you tell anypony what I did, I'll rub your face against my chest tuft!"




>Bon Bon tries to keep up the act of not liking Anon despite their frequent encounters

>"Oh, no! Anon, don't join me for a nice candlelit dinner! Oh gosh, I just don't know if I could handle it if you let me gaze into your eyes. Please, don't wear this necklace that has my cutie mark on it, that would just be the worst~"

>"Don't move in with me, Anon! You monster, I just hope you don't think to sleep in the same bed with me each night and hold me tight. Please, the last thing I want is to wake up and lose myself in those sleepy eyes of yours..."






> “Um… Anon?”
> Glancing over the rim of your book, you see Twilight fidgeting in place, looking nervously at the ground.
> “I-um, I have a question, and since you’re a stal- a good friend!” she corrects, “I’d really like your input on this.”
“Sure thing, Twilight. What’s up?”, you ask, sitting up from the hammock, and giving her your undivided attention.
> “Well, it’s um… about... It’s about…“ She begins, but quickly stops again, drawing circles in the ground with her left hoof.
> Her feathers on her wings ruffle in what could only be described as anxiety.
“What is it, Twi?”, you prod again, getting a bit nervous yourself at the prospect of what kind of question has the newest princess fumbling in place.
> Twilight draws in a deep breath, visibly steadying herself. She looks you in the eye.
> “Anon, ever since my ascendance, I’ve been wondering this question. I can’t find any mentions of it in any books, or scrolls. I’ve sent letters to Princess Celestia about this as well, but she hasn’t answered yet.”
> “I’m at the e-ends of my wits, Anonymous.”, She stammers.
> Now downright fearful of an unseen side effect of her new powers, you quickly kneel down in front of her, placing both your hands on her shoulders and look at her.
“Twilight, I want you to be clear with me here, what’s going on?”, you ask.
> “Anon… Anon, are my teats too big?”, she finishes, lips quivering
> You open your mouth to answer, but before you can, Twilight rambles on.
> “Don’t stallions, um, guys, hate big teats?” She plops her butt on the ground, tears running down her face.
> “Sure, I expected some growths, my horn and height mainly, but nothing like this!” she rants.
“Twilight,”, you sigh, “Let me have a look at them”, you say, placing your hands beneath her front hooves, lifting her up.
> She whinnies, and squirms, but you hold steady.
> Now, you had been in Equstria for some time now, and you had seen your fair share of horse-bits, but nothing like this.
> Big, bountiful, perfectly shaped forms hanged from above her crotch. A soft dark-purple teat adorning each like a testament to the sheer excellence that was those knockers.
> Carefully, you prod one, feeling the gently give of this manifestation of matriarchal evolution.
> Despite their size, no imperfections were to be seen. No imbalances, twists or other physical defects smeared these godly globes. 
> Momma-Non, your son is coming home.
“Twilight…”
> “I knooooow, they’re hideous. I-I’ll go into exile. An abomination like me is not fit to rule,” she sobs.
“Twilight…”
> “I’ll rescind immediately, Princess C-Celestia would understand, I’m su-...”
“Twilight, I would motorboat those puppies across the pacific and back again a happy man.”
> “H-Huh?”
And that’s how Twilight learned that Anon was a Titty-man.




>Anon meets a mare from another pony country (either by going there himself or by having the mare visit Ponyville)
>Mare speaks Prench/Itailian/Germane/whatever
>Mare is smitten with Anon and, in a gesture of both romance and practicality, makes it her mission to learn Equish so that she may try and woo him
>something something RGRE



>Anon is a character from a fanfiction
>Literally
>A standard magical catastrophe occurs, causing a character from Twilight's terrible fanfics to come to life
>He's so confused when opportunity and friendship don't fall into his lap like they did back home
>And the female attention he's been getting is much less innocent and fun than what he's used to

>"Hey Twilight, what's up with this world? Why are ponies so cold?"
"What do you mean?"
>"Well, it's like, back home, friends came so easily. I met Incognito at work, we were best friends in like a week. My buddy Nameless, we struck up a conversation on a train and were friends ever since."
>"But when I try talking to the mares and colts at work, they never seem to respond the same way. And when I help somepony with directions, or help them carry something heavy, it's like we don't bond at all! Do you know what's going on around here?"






>Be anon sitting at your computer
>You are enjoying your rpg
>Character you made yourself
>You chose the stats
>You chose the weapons
>None of this 'your class cant use this item' shit
>You wanted to make a wizard who used a sword as a wand
>Who's catch phrase was 'what are you a faggot' when he saw other wizards in robes while he was clad in plate armor decorated in bones of his greatest kills
>You spend the last 5 hours power gaming the system
>Maxing stats, then drinking potions that pushed you well beyond the max
>You are going to drink a 5 second lasting potion the moment you are 1 handing your two handed sword at an enemy that will boost all stats to an asinine degree
>Your computer, try as she will, is shitting the bed with all the stats you are tossing at it. 
>You swing your sword
>You finish the potion,
>Just as you hit the enemy, the screen goes black
>There is a loud crack
>It takes all of 2 seconds for you to realize what happened
>She done gave up the ghost
"YOU USELESS FUCKING CUNT, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU MATH RIGHT"
>You were so busy unplugging The Dream that you never noticed the blue ball erupt from it. 


>Be twilight sparkle
>You have been awake for the last 3 days trying to figure out this equation
>It should pull in the single great source of knowledge in the universe or at least open up a portal to it.
>You Think you have it right
>No time like the present, you begin casting it, and nothing
>Buck, there goes that theory
>You turn around to look at your work
>You notice a blue light 
>For the briefest moment you get excited
>"YOU USELESS FUCKING CUNT, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU MATH RIGHT"
>Upon hearing that you stumble, smash your horn on the way down, and are out cold







>Plot twist
>Erf is just future Equestria
>Anonpone is driving along the beach on her automocart.
>Comes across something unexpected and stops.
>"Oh my Celestia."
>"I'm back."
>"I'm home."
>Anonpone steps out of her buggy onto the moist beach sand to get a clearer view.
>She has to be sure of what she's looking at.
>She walks closer.
>"All that time it was..."
>It's what it looked like. It's not an illusion.
>"You maniacs! You blew it up!"
>It's the ruins of Princess Twilight's Seaside Summer Fun Beachside Castle Playset, which has clearly been abandoned for many years.
>It's unmistakeable. The towering skeleton of the statue of Twilight is holding aloft what's left of its lighthouse scepter.
>"Celestia damn you!"
>Anonpone collapses to the ground in anguish.
>She knows now that her whole world is gone.
>She can never go back.
>Trapped forever in this backwards world of talking monkeys. A mockery of everything she knew.
>"Celestia damn you to Tartarus!"






>You are anon
>You are in the party of twilight and friends
>You were suppose to have some fun in old ruins
>Turns out the person who pissed in everyone's cornflakes is there. 
>First time seeing her, not nearly as scary as you have been lead to believe
>"Your reign of terror will end now chrysalis"
>You are a bit new to this world, not being able to see the super villain showdowns...
>This should be good
>However all this is put on hold the moment that chrysalis hisses and sticks her tough out to do so. 
"WHOH whoh whoh whoh whoh whoh whoh, hold the up.
>Everyone kind of stops and looks at you. 
"Can you stick your tongue out like that again?"
>Everyone seems confused, but everyone is shocked enough to humor you
>The bug butt probably more so that you are male and don't have fear.
>Her tongue comes out
>Its slimey, you see strands of thick saliva string form one section to another
"Wow, ok... One more thing. How prehensile is it? how much control do you have?"
>Like clockwork she goes about showing you her dexterity buy spelling out her name, by making it longer and thinner
"You are able to change size and shape of it along with control?"
>Its seems like she is having fun putting on a show, with her wavy tongue now cycling shape, size along with showing off control at once. 
"How in the actual fuck are you love starved?"
>She is taken aback by the question not quite knowing 
>"But anon she is a monster"
>You just look up at rainbow dash... 
"Bitch, your mail has fallen down to my house more then once. wonderbolts vs timberwolves ring any bells?"
>And the wings got stiff
>Rainbow earth pony mode engage
>"Its not natural"
"Apul, I twisted my arm a few weeks back and was in the room next to you, what did they shout at you 'how many times does an apple need to get stuck for you to learn?"
>Rarity seems to be thinking along the same lines as you, but flutters looks left out
"And flutterbutt, I have seen what you DRAW, you really need to inform your friends what that tongue can do"
>Everyone looks over at 'notfluttershy'
>She cant shrink anymore even if she had magic
>So you look back toward buggy over there
"So, and I don't do this for just any mare, want to be my wife?"
>And everyone is silent, only applefucker and chrystalis know you aren't joking right away. 
>After twiggles realizes you aren't joking
>"But you were suppose to be my husbondo"
>Immediately reeling back because she said something cringey out loud, you nod. 
"Correction, chrysalis, want to join a herd?"

>You look down at the kids
"And that is how your mom and I met"
>One of applejacks kids looks through an albume
"Why is mama bug bottom's mouth on mama apples bottom"
>The kids are a bit young, but they all look at you wanting
"Old habits die hard, some cramping, and being literally tongue tied, or as I like to call it, the most humiliating moment of chrysalises life"
>You get ready for a long one
"It all happened when applejack came back from the doctor yet again..."







>the conflict between ponies and changelings has escalated into full-on War
>the first war Equestria has fought in over 200 years
>none of that silly marshmallow war stuff either, ponies are actually dying
>ponies are too used to peacetime, and changeling stealth abilities mean the war basically being fought from within Equestria
>changeling paranoia spreads throughout the land
>the Royal Guard is mostly ceremonial eye candy, so Equestria hasn't had a proper army in centuries
>most mares don't want to sign up, so Celestia is forced to institute a draft 
>the only way out of the draft without leaving the country is for a mare to be pregnant when her name is called
>Equestria experiences a population boom as draft dodgers hurry to get pregnant
>Anon's female horse friends beg him to knock them up so they don't have to fight



>Crystal war timeline
>Just when it seems Sombra might win large swathes of his army start disappearing
>Specifically the mares
>Sombra is baffled
>He thought that the magical helmet he forced his army to wear gave hi complete control over their actions. Desertion is impossible
>He doesn't know about the divine power of the hot monkey dick
>Anon literally fucks his army into exhaustion






>Twilight writes stories and submits them onto the magical internet for ponies to read
>Finds someone to proofread for her (she's pretty bad at writing)
>That somebody is Anon
>Twilight naturally assumes he's a mare (there are no colts on the magical internet)
>Anon casually corrects Twilight on her poorly-written sex scenes
>"That's not how testicles work"
>"I'm pretty sure stallions don't cum a whole litre each time"
>"No, semen won't taste like your favourite fruit drink. No, I cannot confirm that. Stop calling me a dyke, Twilight."
>Decide to meet up in public at some kind of function
>Twilight's face when she realizes that she's been submitting written porn to a male this entire time





>There's a pony equivalent to Curves
>Anon gets a membership thinking it's just some weight loss program
>It's actually a full-on gym filled with hardcore weightlifters
>It's the only time most stallions are completely away from mares, so they use weightlifting to work out their anger







>When you herd with one pony, it's generally considered that you herd with all of her sisters/house-mates ala A Brother's Prices due to the scarcity of males
>Anon did not know this until he started getting pretty serious with one of the flower sisters





>Prince Scorpan was meant to be the heir to the throne of the Human Kingdom
>But after one or five too many drinks at a recent Gala and the series of poor and embarrassing decisions that followed, his inheritance was to go to one of his siblings instead
>In fact, his parents have arranged for him to marry Princess Luna of Equestria to help seal the deal on a treaty
>His only value now is as a gift
>Knowing Equestria's backwards views on gender, he would be little more than a concubine
>Not exactly a fitting end for his political ambitions
>As much as he wanted to just leave the Kingdom for a while and pop back in when his dear old Dad finally died to claim his throne, doing so would violate their treaty with Equestria
>The first of it's kind in nearly a thousand years
>As he ponders his difficult position, he looks out the window of his carriage and pauses
>That peasant looks sort of like him...
>A smile spreads across his face
>He probably wouldn't mind living like royalty for the rest of his life
>And knowing these unwashed plebians, he probably already fucks animals
>Yes this might just work





>Anon can never be killed permanently
>He is eternal, like Discord
>Kill him, and he'll be back later
>How much later depends on how well you killed him, and how lazy he is
>Go full Rasputin on him, and it might take him a century to pull himself back together.
>But he'll always be back






>Whenever something strange happens in Ponyville (so at least once a week), wherever you are, you'll find your mares running up and crowding around you in a panic.
>When you've managed to calm them down, they'll claim they we're surrounding you for your own protection.
>They needed to be between you and whatever /it/ was
>Who knows what dastardly dangers you might have suffered if they weren't around to protect you?
>Sometimes you think they've managed to convince themselves that it's true

>Then something truly out of the ordinary happens
>The Flower Sisters find their normally fearless stallion, who could face down a bunny stampede without flinching, shaking in terrror
>Now it's their turn to be brave




>Anon works the apple stall for Applejack
>Applejack encourages him to wear something that shows his junk off so that he can attract more customers
>Tells him there's a bushel of apples put aside for him to eat slowly and erotically while maintaining eye contact
>Suggests that he can "sweeten the deal" for certain mares and ensure that they'll be back for more apples later by taking the final apple that they purchase and rub it against his junk before he loads it into their basket






>Spike and [insert pony who likes anon] are buttblasted that Anon and Rarity are filthy monos (both -gamous and -sexual, the fucking degenerates) and plot to sabotage their relationship that usually backfire due to Rarity being the RGR equivalent of a prissy fag and Anon not being RGR at all







>Girls flash their tits to boys that they're interested in, like how a bird will display its feathers
>Works on Anon every time

>wearing an article of clothing belonging to your significant other (a hoodie, a scarf, etc) is a sign of affection and intimacy IRL
>in RGREqG, Anon's girlfriend would want him to wear a hat or a scarf that belonged to her so that he gets her scent all over him an it tells other girls that he's off the market

>They stole Anon's hoodies
>All of them

>"Girls, please, I'm so cold."
>Meanwhile, Rarity is huffing Anon's scent like there's no tomorrow

>Anon complains he's cold becuase they stole all his sweaters
>Instead of giving them back, they just crowd around him

Like the flower sisters.

>Some loud shout in the halls spooks them
>They all jump into your arms Scooby-Doo style
>"G-Gosh, Anon! You s-sure are cold!"






>Kidanon arrives in Equestria
>The ponies all think he's adorable
>However, Twilight is troubled
>She's conducted interviews with him, and he seems to have some strange and alien ideas about how the world is supposed to work
>Makes sense, seeing as he's from a strange and alien world
>However, since he has no real hope of returning to that world, he's going to have to learn how things work here
>The Mane 6 form a sort of psuedo-herd together to raise Anon right
>After a few years of raising by the girls and growing up with his new 'sisters' Sweetie, Applebloom, and Scootaloo, they just know he'll turn out to be the perfect little gentlecolt






>>You'd mark him with your scents so that other girls would know to fuck off
I like this idea in general.

>Anon goes out in public after a roll in the hay with his marefriend
>Thirsty mares approach him, stop 10 feet away, and walk away looking dejected.
>Some of the more aggressive mares still try to make the moves on him (pegasi show off their wings; unicorns create a light show as a demonstration of their magical power; earth ponies turn around, hike their tails up, and present in order to show off their firm asses and plump pussy lips
>Cue Anon's angry marefriend making an appearance





>Anon is in a herd with whothefuckever
>The mane six
>Going down into the basement to get a shovel 
>Bashes his toe once he gets to the bottom
>Curse, groan, carry on, but he hears a noise behind him and turns to find that Applejack is standing near the top of the stairs looking at him
>You can see Rarity's little white hooves several steps above her, blocked by the next floor
>"Y'all alright, sweetheart? What happened?" the country pony asks.
>"Oh, uh, nothing. Stubbed my toe." he replies
>Anon smiles and AJ smiles back, almost looking relieved
>"Alrighty, you be careful down here, now."

>Anon is cooking
>Has to reach over the stove to fiddle with the timer
>Oil spits
>Instinctual 'ow', curses
>Feels eyes on him, turns toward the table to find that Twilight has dropped the top of her newspaper to look at him
>Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy have stopped talking, instead turning toward him and doing the same
>Gives them a little smile, a little wave
>They ease up and mimic him

>Helping out at Sweet Apple Acres
>Anon has gone into the barn to get the spare paint cans in the loft
>Slips a little on the ladder, narrowly manages to land on his feet
>Several paint cans fall, a few brooms and pitchforks fall onto their sides making noise
>Anon groans, looking around and wondering where to start with his mess
>Turns toward the front of the barn when he hears a noise, finds Pinkie and AJ trotting up 
>They peer at him through the doors with worried expressions
>A moment later the other four show up
>"... Y'all alright in here, sugarcube?"





>Changelings? No problem
>Discord going rampant? A good laugh
>That giant bearstallation? Not a problem
>But one bad thunderstorm and your mares are having to stop you from freaking out
>Fuck thunderstorms and fuck growing up in an Oklahoma trailer park
>Anon is afraid of thunderstorms but otherwise is a fearless motherfucker
>After the weather team lets one bad storm get through their hooves he spends a restless night being soothed by his mares
>The next day Dash finds herself being cornered by four very tired and extremely angry mares
>From that moment on Dash personally takes care of all weather around Anon's house
>The weather team has not let another storm through either








>the reason why the royal guard was mostly made out of stallions wasn't because the Princesses just wanted some eye candy
>though that was partly the reason
>the original Royal guards stallions that made up the force in equestria's antiquity were more than capable of taking down armies and monsters with skill 
>It helps that the fact their training and tactics comes from a certain green ape
>the apples are one of many descendants of these guardsmen
>the most prominent trait is that they almost ALWAYS have a stallion as the first born





Anon is in equestria and is socially retarded, and due to landing in princess sparkles domain she took up trying to integrate anon, and because she let privates be privates all she saw was anons nipples and made an assumption. 

So here anon is, socially retarded in a town that seemingly has 3 monogamous families, pinkie, apple, rarity, fluttershy and twilight's parents are also all monogamous (pinkies by being outcasts, apples by being very young and work orientated never expanded before their demise, rarities are made for eachother because of how fuckin weird they are around each other, flutters by being to shy to get more, and twilights just because she had the power/money/position to get an exclusive male as a status symbol) in a different world, and apparently gained enough good will with the 6 to be invited into their herd. But not as a guy... 

so years before anon came along, the herd was getting nowhere fast with guys, anon coming into the mix, a few of the guys are willing to retry, almost completely with most not sticking around results. (Think anon gets taken to a pony bar, sees the guy come up/they meet him, and the girls are trying to get with him, he is honestly impressed that they are up for 3 way+)

Through context cues, anon knows herds are important, but because of the other context cues, anon doesn't put herd and harme together.

And that all ends one day when one of the herd mates decided 'I don't care, I need to get fucked, can you help me anon?' one very fun night of passion later, the herd sans anon is brought together and is about to have the most confusing conversation of their lives





>Strange magic occurs during the eclipse
>Celestia and Luna retire to Celestia's balcony to observe the eclipse while, in another world, Anon jerks off to pony pussy
>The moment the moon occludes the sun, Anon is torn away to Equestria and appears in Celestia's bedroom
>The sisters are shocked, not only because an alien appeared before then, but also because they didn't know that colts did that
>Anon has to integrate into pony society, but the sisters don't want to cast a cute little stallion to the wind, so they decide to go undercover and help him
>Hijinks ensue as Anon's attempts to find a job, make friends, and find a place to live outside of the castle are accidently sabotaged by a pair of tall unicorns in identity-obscuring robes






>It's just mares hyping up how bad it gets to scare Anon into staying indoors. In reality they get urges and think about sex a lot more, but they're still in control of their facilities. The "stay inside or you'll get raped" story they tell to Anon is just them being overprotective.

This was an idea a few threads ago.

>A few mares took a 'holiday' so they don't have to work horney
>More than a few of the mares have all told anon separately that he needs to stay inside or else he will get raped. 
>Not that they would, but it would make estrous so much easier if he wasn't around to tease them at every turn
>A fairly large group of mares with no stallion decided to see if they can finally achieve the dream of being blackout drunk the entire time period. 
>Everyone in town knows what the mares told anon
>Some find it funny, some don't, but no one corrects him as none of them want to deal with him bending over in those pants. 
>The bar doors swing open
>"EVERYONE GET OUT HERE AND LOOK AT THIS"
>Before you can see who it is, they are gone and the door is left swinging... 
>You finish your pint off, get up and go have a look
>...
>You see him
>Anon is out of the house in a robe
>This is new
>He slowly walks into the middle of town
>Ok you were not expecting this, maybe anon would have stayed holed up a few days before he got so bored he came out
>A good laugh all round
>But this?
>He is wearing even more cloths now... 
>No one else is going to talk to anon
>Damnit guess you will have to 
>You get out in front of the crowd and move up closer to anon 
>Then he let the robe fall
>Everyone is dead silent. 
>All he is wearing is a loin cloth
>"DO WITH ME WHAT YOU WILL"
>You expected many things
>Anon to be embarrassed
>Anon to make a cure red face
>A good laugh by everyone involved
>But THIS?
>The silence is only broken by a slightly drunk derpy flying close to anon, trying to land
>Botching the landing
>Front hooves give out
>Face slides on the ground sideways
>Face down ass up
>She doesn't register the pain
>She looks up/sideways at anon
>"Me first please"
>Anon acknowledges this, picks her up and begins to walk home.
>Once he is a bit closer, everyone snaps out of their stupor, and follows suit, many yelling their wishes/needs to anon

>The night passes in a blur
>Many of you drunk enough to not fully remember what was happening
>But one thing is fore sure
>There are mares covering the floor
>A thick scent of musk
>and anon on his bed
>Sleeping
>And still inside rainbow dash with derpy almost suffocating him as her ass is on his head
>What have we done...





> Flaggrantly Scottish Anon
> The ponies try to communicate with the poor, flat-teated alien mare in a formal skirt
> Twilight tries every language she knows, before realising that Anon just speaks a growling, nigh unintelligible equish
> Clearly, Anon is of the warrior class of her race, she always has her ceremonial clubs in a pack across her back
> If only they could stop her from digging small holes in the dirt outside of town
> The way she smacks little balls into them is uncomfortably suggestive, clearly some sort of mating ritual for her kind





>Anon is mildly terrifying to ponies
>He looks, moves, and acts like a predator
>Something about it unsettles most ponies
>Others? Well some just enjoy the dangers
>A stallion who could devour you at your most vulnerable
>Enticed by the danger, those mares flock to Anon
>Constantly trying to lure him in like the predator they feel he is
>Something something RGRE


>Ponies feigning injury or unconsciousness trying to lure Anon in
>Anon just rolls his eyes and growls at them until they run (or actually pass out)
>Meanwhile he is banging the only mare that isn't afraid of him and doesn't treat him like fetish fuel
>Fluttershy, who is used to dealing with predators, loves that she can finally get a stallion
>Wild monsters were her fetish anyways



>>Ponies feigning injury or unconsciousness trying to lure Anon in
>Anon narrates whatever happens a la David Attenborough

"It seems that this little pony has sprained her leg, making herself vulnerable to predation"
>"Neigh!"
"We can only watch as nature takes its course."




>I'm picturing her flopping her ears down and puffing out her cheeks, stomping her widdle hoofsies and angrily calling Anon a banana-eating monkey.

>Racistpone looks absolutely beside herself in adorable impotent rage
>Struggles to find suitably insulting words, but can't think up anything much worse than "dummy", "spider-hoofed", and "too tall"
>Blows raspberries at Anon and bats at his hand like a kitten when he brings it close to her






>Anon is nice enough, pleasant
>Fairly outgoing most of the time, usually happy, likes to spend time with friends
>Though the mysticism has worn off over time for most, sometimes ponies he only recently met finally give in to their curiosity and ask Anon about the long, aged scar on his inner left forearm
>They're usually drunk; they have to be to get over the rudeness of asking, especially a stallion
>He always peers at the mark with a strange smile and says that it was an injury he picked up when he was younger and dumber
>He never says anything more than that, so eventually the ponies who know him just drop the subject, even if his closest friends occasionally worry about his hesitance to offer specifics 
>This feeling of worry frequently returns when Anon get into one of his strange 'moods'
>It doesn't happen often, but their are two usual effects that making spotting the phenomena much easier 
>The first is simple; canceling appointments
>Now, everypony does that sometimes, but when Anon does it he cancels everything, sometimes for over a day, and his friends are sure that during those days he doesn't leave his house
>The second sign is more frequent in general and as such harder to spot, but it ALWAYS shows up after the first
>Anon will go somewhere, usually the SAA farm but not exclusively, and try to find some extra work or task
>Anon already has a job at SAA and a fair amount of bits to live on (Granny Apple makes sure of it), but that isn't the strangest part
>If he goes for work and any complications come up about the hassle of temporary employment and payment, Anon always says that it doesn't matter, and that he'll volunteer for free
>He's quite insistent
>Applejack sees this side of him the most
>She rarely asks him about it since he's never once given her a straight answer, but she's always thinking about what might be happening to him
>She and the other mane six have investigated him in secret several times to try and find out if he's having any of the usual problems an available colt might have, like harassment or stalking
>Anything that might explain why he hides in his home or runs off to seek time near others
>They never find anything concrete beyond the usual stuff
>Still, every few months like clockwork, Anon will politely reschedule any appointments he has beyond work and lock himself away
>Two or three days later he'll emerge and begin his search, many times ending up on the farm
>AJ always shows him plenty of care and never lets him work extra hours without getting payed, even though he insists, obsessively almost, that he doesn't want to be a burden to them by forcing extra time
>AJ will occasionally find Anon out in the field fiddling with an apple or a leaf or whatever might be nearby, staring out at nothing with a melancholy expression and stroking the scar on his forearm 
>She always approaches him in these moments
>"Hey cowpoke, you doin' alright out here?" she'll say, or some other variant, many times startling him without meaning to
>He laughs, smiles, shakes his head
>"Oh, it's nothing. I'm fine." he says, every time
>Sometimes she finds him hard at work, his face hardened as he pushes like a machine at whatever task he's given, outpacing even Big Mac's efforts with his raw attention to the job
>He whispers to himself sometimes when he thinks nopony can hear him, and it's usually the same things
>"It always passes." he'll say, "This is normal. I'm fine, It always passes." he reminds himself quietly
>If he and AJ have any extended conversions during this time, Anon frequently becomes more sentimental than usual, even for a male
>He'll frequently mention how much he appreciates the time and attention you and all the others in his life give 'someone like him'
>He'll how much he cares about you, and them, and how he knows that everypony cares about him, too
>Sometimes his eyes become strained, almost desperate when he says these things
>She always immediately confirms his statements, even if she think they're obvious
>"Well o'course!" she'll say, and mean every word, "'Course they do! Why wouldn't they?"
>He never answers



>Anon is constantly worried people will find out the scar is just a red marker.
>During his super edgy phase he'd draw it on each morning, and was then teleported to Equestria.
>Years have passed and he's outgrown his edgy autism, but he can't just stop drawing it, otherwise ponies will realise.
>In the back of his closet there's a bunch of flame shirts too




>Waifu has a very innocent view on colts
>Firmly believes that they wouldn't do something as "dirty" as masturbating
>Anon comes into her life and proves her wrong

>Anon, stop masturbating into my breakfast. 
I just want to fertilize your eggs. Let me fuck you. 
>Silly anon you cant fertilize chicken eggs




>Demonpone tracks you down by the smell/taste of your cock
>Your doors are locked (you're the only one in Ponyville who has mechanically-locking doors instead of the easily-bypassed magically-locked doors) and your windows are closed
>Another failure for Demonpone
>But wait.
>There, on the front door!
>Another tiny door!
>Demonpone will taste your cum yet!
>Demonpone tries to crawl through tiny door-door
>Demonpone's succulent rump gets caught and she cannot get unstuck
>Demonpone cries herself to sleep that night



>Anon steals a tome of forbidden dark magic
>He's gonna summon himself a succubus
>He performs the ritual, and his demonpone arrives from the land of fire and suffering
>Succubus pone is confused
>When mortals summon one of their kind to experience unholy pleasure, it's usually a mare summoning an incubus
>She's never been called upon before
>She tries to act the part, but Anon can tell something's up
>After a bit of prodding, she breaks down and admits that she's a virgin
>But what she lacks in experience, she makes up with enthusiasm, so he should totally give her a chance, she's always wanted to feel the touch of a stallion, she promises to only steal his soul a little bit, she reads lots of dirty magazines so she's picked up on some of the techniques, and she--
>As she rambles a mile a minute, blood rushes into Anon's cock at the speed of sound as he realizes he's about to deflower an immortal lust demon




>Anon orders pizza
>Realizes belatedly that he does not have enough bits on hand to pay for it
>Thinks back to his younger years about what would happen if a woman (or the societal equivalent of a woman) wanted pizza but couldn't pay for it
>.....
>DONG DING
>who where?
>Anon answers the door in a loose housecoat
>The delivery pony is a teenaged mare
"Oh, no! It seems as though I don't have the bits for this pizza."
>He starts to slip the robe off of his shoulders, watching as the teenage mare's shocked expression turns to dawning realization, and then pure happiness
"Is there another way that I can..."
>Anon traces a finger along the teenage mare's jaw
"...pay for it?"




>Anon keeps finding ponies waiting for him outside his door every morning, looking absolutely thrilled to see him
>They immediately jump into his arms and snuggle up against his chest
>Anon reacts as though he were being swarmed by 20 happy puppies, and the changelings soak up that love
>Something something RGRE







>Luna takes a liking to Anon.
>Is a thousand years out of practice at wooing stallions.
>Ponies find her behavior abhorrent.
>Anon finds it adorable






>"Hey Anon! Why are you hanging around the castle? Aren't you and Twi supposed to be on some sort of cheesy date?"
>Dash makes a kissy face as she flies over your head
>You throw an arm up in the air while leaving the other holding your book open
"Hey at least someone else other than me remembered!"
>Dash stops her teasing and seemingly freezes in the air
>"Wait wait wait wait! Did Twi literally stand you up?"
"Mmm-huh!"
>Dash shakes her head
>"What in the buck is more important than a night with her stallion?"
>She almost shouts it in obvious confusion
"Studying for a test"
>"Studying?"
"Yep."
>You turn the page on your book and keep reading
>She covers her face with her hooves
>"Geeze that mare is such a dyke. Did she at least give you a heads up?"
>You just point over to the slip of paper on the table in front of you
"Dont worry about the footprint. She had a guard leave it on my doorstep"
>Dash drops out of the air into the chair next to you
>"For the love of...HOW CAN A MARE THAT SMART BE SO DUMB?"
>You just shrug and continue reading
>"And how can you be so calm! Any normal stallion would never talk to her again."
"Yeah you are probably right."
>She smacks herself in the forehead with her hoof hard enough that you can hear it even when muffled by her fur
>"So are you gonna dump her? I wouldnt blame you if you did."
"Nope. I have other plans for her."
>You place your bookmark in your book and slide it in front of her
>She winces and whistles when she reads the title
>"Riding the Peak: A stallions guide to teat twisting and mare orgasm denial" By Prench Tickler





>Dash never had anything beyond a second date because of her "selfish" desire be monogamous and to have a stallion all to herself. 
>Even being a hero and celeb won't fix the taint of being "selfish".
>You and her hook up, and she learns you're monogamous too. 
>You get an uncharacteristically bashful yet eager mare with little drama after that revelation.
>Treat her with the love and genuine affection she gives you so freely for a permanent lifebond. 
>Life is pretty good with someone you know will never turn on you






>Moondancer finally builds up the courage to propose to her stallion
>Her stallion being Anon, of course
>After taking him out to a nice restaurant and a super-romantic fireworks display, she offers him the ring and asks for his hoof-spider in marriage
>He turns her down
>Mostly because she forgot to tell him that they were a couple
>Oops
>Moondancer tries to salvage their friendship, while secretly holding out hope that she can win his heart and give him her grandfather's dong ring






>Twilight gets publicly dumped and you quick hop over to the much more receptive Rainbow. 
>The pegasus athlete may not be too savvy in the field of romance, but she tries her hardest and her affection is genuine. 
>And you can gladly return her feelings.
>Twilight, meanwhile, is loosing her shit. Never before in history has a PRINCESS been dumped. 
>It's a dishonor that no one has ever had to face before
>And now she's alone again...
>She just assumed that you wouldn't need any maintenance after the "my world is RGR and I'm more or less a mare with a dick" talk. 
>It's a depressing life lesson on why assuming is bad.
>Meanwhile, you're cuddling a wildly blushing but not resisting Rainbow in public and savoring actually having a lover




>Anon is taking a nap on on Rarity's couch
>The CMC are standing on his chest, staring nervously at him as he sleeps
>They're tired of being made fun of for not having kissed a colt yet
>Rumble escaped from the treehouse, so Anon's their best shot
>They all agree to kiss him on the cheek, because they heard that unprotected kissing can cause pregnancy
>Scootaloo smooches the left one
>Applebloom smooches the right
>When it's comes time for Sweetie Belle, she gets lost in the moment and ends up planting it right on the lips
>They freak out
>Not knowing what to do, they go to Rarity
>She's always kissing stallions, she's practically an expert!
>They aren't exactly clear on the details, so Rarity thinks that they raped Anon
>She tells AJ and RD about what happened, and they all decide they have to protect their sisters
>Convincing Anon not to talk would be easy, since he's kind of a bitch
>Unfortunately, sex comes with pregnancy
>They are going to have to marry him to protect their reputation
>Meanwhile, Anon wakes up from his nap and is confused as to why there are hoofprints on his shirt






>Due to herding and polygamy being the norm (to the point where you have to sit a pony down and spend a few hours trying to explain monogamy to her), cheating is an unheard of concept
>The only way to take on one partner without keeping your current one is to actually break up with him/her
>Anon just keeps building his herd up, much to his dismay

It reminds me of that one-shot where Anon was a rapist, only he couldn't actually rape the mares in Equestria because they saw it as a colt being forward and kinky. After "raping" a mare, they'd ask him to drop in some time and do it again






>Anon walks the CMC home from school, because in RGRE it's okay for a male to walk off with children who aren't his own
>They each give him a kiss on the cheek as thanks, which their sisters witness
>They joke about the fillies forming a herd early






>With stallions being as rare as they are, it generally unthinkable to have them be put in danger.
>Every one of them hurt or dead means less family centers and genetic material to go around.
>Only a few powerful exceptions like Shining Armor exist, and even then, it's peaceful enough that bold stallions like that rarely face danger.
>Then, out of a portal pops you.
>You just survived the apocalypse / anarchy / WWIII / another unspeakable horror that lasted for far too long and left glaring marks both physical and mental.
>And there is no way to hide it from beings as sensitive to pain as ponies





>anon legitimately did horrible things
>did them because he himself would have been killed
>commit suicide/teleportedbybullshit to equestria
>feels really guilty that he is in this paradise despite what he did






>Pony social norms are a little different than human
>Anon is rather stereotypical human being 
>He's behaviour is maybe not ideal but acceptable for humans but ponies perceive it different
>He likes to drink
Not to the point of being alcoholic but for ponies it's still a lot
>He value his privacy, not tell all his thoughts to friends, sometimes try to hide his emotions, has locks in his dors
Perfectly normall for humans, but ponies are a lot more open and emotionall
>Value his personall space, don't like to hug everyone around, always wear clothes
>Likes to spend times alone, not to the point of being recluse, but he enjoy being only with himself

While he's perfectlly healthy ponies think that there is something wrong with him maybe he was abused by his mares or something, they try to help him in pony way of course (intervention, hiring psychiatrist and tricking Anon to talk with her etc.)





>Anon works for Rarity
>Rumors about the two of them being an item float around
>A third of the town thinks that Rarity is a filthy monogamoust
>A third think that Anon is Rarity's tuft and that she's only dating him to cover up that she's a dyke
>The final third believes that Rarity, Anon, and Sweetie Belle are in a herd together
>Shenanigans happen
>Something something RGRE






>Maud stands in your open doorway, her usual blank expression apparent as she stares up at you
"Anything I can help you with, Maud?"
>She blinks
>"Yes. I would like to have sex with you."
>You raise an eyebrow
"I'm sorry?"
>"There's no reason to apologise, you haven't disappointed me yet."
"No, I mean I don't understand what's going on."
>"I'm propositioning you for sex. I've been led to believe that males in your world were the ones who primarily sought out intercourse, correct? I was hoping that meant you'd be open to casual sex."
"Well, that's true I guess, but it's still weird for a pony to just knock on my door and ask for it."
>"Should I attempt to seduce you?"
>She reaches up and pulls the collar of her dress down, revealing a few extra inches of neck and shoulder fur
>unf
"T-that won't be necessary, Maud. Why are you doing this, exactly? You don't really strike me as the type to be so insatiably horny that you'd try to jump on someone you barely even know."
>Her expression softens ever so slightly as she breaks eye contact with you to stare at the ground
>"I'm still a virgin, Anon. It was a common point of ridicule in the later years of my schooling, and it made me feel like I was weird or unusual for not having experienced it."
>Your shoulders sink
"I'm so sorry, Maud. Are you-"
>"There's no need to-"
>You put a finger to her lips to silence her
"Are you sure this is really how you want your first time to go, though?"
>She casts her eyes aside
>"Stallions are emotional, and I'm not exactly qualified to provide a shoulder to cry on. I've tried dating, but I can't really give a colt the affection he needs."
>You scratch the back of your head as you think
"This is probably a conversation we shouldn't be having out here in the cold. Would you like to come inside?"
>She simply stares for a moment, before leaning in and lowering her voice
>"You do...know how sex works, right?"
>You sigh and hold the door open wider
"Just get inside already."





>Two years ago you found some green eggs under your kitchen sink.
>The bug spray you bought down at the market did jack all on the things.
>So foregoing burning down the house and starting from scratch you let them live.
>They did after all provide a nice green glow which acted like a night light for the kitchen.
>First they hatched into some adorable little changeling larvae.
>As far as bugs go, these little ones were too cute to squish. 
>Then they grew up.
>Quick
>The more they fed on your love the bigger they got.
>Eventually they shed their regular chitin and became something… else.
>Your home is became- well a home to about twelve changeling queens.
>It’s not so bad.
>You only have to feed yourself, so they don’t necessarily eat you out of house and home.
>The only thing that worries you is how they fight everynight, they fight over who gets which spot in the cuddle pile.
>So is the life of Anon.
>Things could be worse.

Twelve overprotective daughters who guard their dad from overzealous mares

>Sometimes two bugdaughters transform into the same pony and cross paths in public
>They have to perform some on the fly acting and pretend to be two long-lost identical twins who are having a tearful reunion






>After much nervous fretting and second guessing herself, a teen Scootaloo finally asks if she can join Rainbow and Anon's herd.
>To Scoot's immense surprise and joy, both say yes and let her in.
>Then she runs into another problem.
>She never realized that other mares joined.
>It's her, Anon, Rainbow, Spitfire, Fluttershy, A.K. Yearling, Gilda, a smattering of foals and even a griffin chick or two all in one family.
>She comes to the realization that she's the youngest sans the foals and has nothing to offer the family as a whole.
>And useless is quite possibly the worst thing you can be as the newest member of a herd.
>It's also not helping that she was just brought into a herd filled with heroes and celebrities. 
>Now Scootaloo has to scramble to find her place in her new family and hope that her new sisters don't lose their patience with her



>Rainbow Dash nervously allows Scootaloo into her "herd"
>It's actually just Rainbow and Anon
>Rainbow felt insecure about "only" having two people total in her herd, so she made the others up
>This didn't help her cause, because that meant that other ponies would be too intimidated to try and join such an illustrious herd that contained the likes of Spitfire, A.K. Yearling, and even a dirty sky-nigger
>Scootaloo was the first mare to stick around after she heard about all the other alleged herdmates





>Anon doesn't know about estrus
>Wanders through the deserted town square, wondering where everyone's gone and why all the shops are closed
>Finds Bon Bon walking through the streets, blushing and looking pained.
"Bonnie? Bonnie, what's going on? Where IS everybody?"
>Bon Bon glances at him and, with effort, looks away.
>"Y-You should get inside, Anon..."
>Anon's stomach drops.
>He's watched horror movies.
>He thinks that something horrible is coming into town and that ponies are desperately hiding from it
"Oh, god. Something's coming, isn't there?"
>Wrong thing to say to a mare in heat.
>Bon Bon groans desperately and starts trotting over to Anon.
>"S-Something's gonna be coming, alright..."


"How do you put up with servicing your entire herd during estrus, Anon?"
>"Seriously? What kind of guy would I be if I complained about having too much sex? Friction-induced injuries aside."
>Wow.
>You sure do wish you had a slut like Anon in your herd.






>Almost lazily, Rainbow pushes the book out of your lap and takes it’s spot.
>She looks up at you with goofy smile and half-lidded eyes on a red face.
>”Annnooooooon…” She moans piteously as she paws at your chest. “Let’s bump uglies and make a foal. Just one…”
>Her tail flits and flags, letting the subtle scent of her arousal hit your nose.
>You’re tempted to give in, but collect yourself.
>It’s the peak of estrus in Ponyville, and contrary to what some stallions say, mares DON’T turn into rape monsters.
>They just get… more feminine (by human standards), more touchy, and much more willing to have kids. 
>Even macho mares like Rainbow melt in the wake of the hormonal high.
“Sorry, babe. No can do,” you gently tell the pegasus. “Remember that you told me you want to wait a year or two?”
>The athlete’s face falls as she slowly remembers her own words through the haze currently settled on her. 
>“Yeah, but… But…”
>She simply huffs and seizes one of your hands to rub her face and puffed up tuft against. 
>That might have worked on a stallion, but you? More adorable than sexy, you think, as she rolls to her back with your hand still in her forehooves. 
>You run the hand through her plush tuft, down her taut stomach, and stop between her legs.
>The mare in your lap bites her lip and shivers.
“Just power through it, Rainbow. Today is the worst day. It’ll get better, but until it does, I’ll help out.”
>Rainbow’s face screws itself up into frustration, but she drops it for an expression of relief when your fingers finally meet their prize.
>These ponies, man...





>There's a dark secret lurking in Ponyville
>Once a month, a secret society meets under cover of night
>The exact location changes each time to reduce the chance of being caught
>Everpony in attendance is female, aside from three unlucky stallions chosen at random from the citizenry
>The newcomers are frightened, while those familiar with this twisted ritual resign themselves for what's to come
>There's no point in trying to escape, there are too many mares here, they wouldn't get far
>There's no point in telling anyone, either
>Mayor Mare and half the ponice force are here too
>As time rapidly approaches, the mares become more excited
>They make more aggressive, lewd remarks
>Sometimes they stick their forelegs through the bars of the stallion's cages to feel their fur or touch them inappropriately
>When the time comes, each mare is assigned a number
>Those numbers are drawn, and nine mares are chosen
>Three per stallion
>The stallions are led into the middle of the room by their mares, surrounded on all sides by loud, horny spectators, and they are raped
>They are violated numerous times, all while the crowd eggs their rapists on and says lewd, demeaning things about the victim
>Three mares per stallions means each one can rest while the others continue the rape, allowing the ordeal to last for hours
>Sometimes it all becomes too much for the crowd, and they all swarm the stallions, passing them around like objects
>When it's all over, the stallions are returned to their homes, a venue is decided on for the meeting, and the mares go back to their normal lives like nothing happened

>Anon is unaware of all of this when his friend-who-happens-to-be-a-mare asks him if he could go with her to a private event
>It's her first time, and she'd be more at ease if she saw a familiar face there
>She can't tell him what kind of meeting it is, but she promises that he'll love it
>Every last second of it



>Mares try to escape Anon, but he just grabs them and drags them back in
>He is not locked in there with them, they are locked in with him

>A huge pile of utterly spent mares lay in the middle of the room, the only sounds being weak moans and lots of panting
>one mare decides enough was enough and tries to slink away
>a hand emerges from within the pile, and expertly latches onto the escaping ponies tail

"No! No no no no no!"

>her cries are unheaded, her hooves dig big ruts into the concrete floor as she is slowly dragged back into the pile.

>from deep within a voice can be heard

>"Rape"





>ponies think that anon experienced unspeakable horror that lasted for far too long and left glaring marks both physical and mental.

>In reality he has not experienced that sort of thing at all

>It all begun when they started asking him about his world.

>"Hey anon what is the name of your hometown!?"

>"WAR-SAW!?!?!?!"

>OH GOD HE IS FROM WARZONE!





>As fall turns to winter, a pony's fur thickens to help keep them arm
>In unicorns, it gives them an impressive chest tuft, bulking up around their necks and resembling the poofy collar of a fur coat
>For pegasi, down production increases, making them softer to handle (but making it more difficult for them to fly)
>Earth ponies have a much thicker coat everywhere on their bodies, making them appear bigger than they actually are. While not quite as beautiful as that seen on a unicorn, it's much more suited for an earth pony's tough, hands-on lifestyle
>Mares use this increased fluff to help them attract a mate and prepare them for when estrus hits in the following spring, just a few short months away
>something something RGRE






> When someone you trust finally touches you and you realize you've been starved for physical affection all your life
> Pic of Celestia trying not to cry as Anon pets her

>Don't break down in front of Anon
>Don't cry in front of Stallions
>You're a big mare
>You need to stay strong

>Physical affection-starved Celestia will never hug you for several hours
>She will never appear in your room each night and ask for cuddles
>She will never have you sit right next to her (hip to hip) on an enlarged throne during day court






>Be a face in the crowd where others like you are a dime a dozen.
>Expected to be strong and hardworking, told to try harder when it gets tough.
>But you're also told that you don't matter and that you can be replaced.
>And all the competition seems bitter and herculean. 
>Romantic prospects are low.
>Family prospects are even lower. 
>Haven't been touched by a male since your father gave you a hug...
>...Last year at family a reunion.
>But then, HE comes along...




Has anyone ever wondered if human myths wind up in Equestria? Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Oni and heavenly ascended humans with animal heads...

Somehow I can only imagine that the mares would see the male figures as subjagated victums of cruel mistress' who force their husbands to work for them instead of providing for their husbands.

>Ponies are appalled that Mrs. Clause forces kind ol' Santa Clause to travel across the world in just one night to deliver gifts he makes with the help of his friends!
>While Mrs. Clause simply gets to stay at home, bake cookies and do buck all!
>An outrage!




>A pegasus mare waking up with stiff or extended wings is the equivalent of a guy waking up with morning wood
>Anon and Rainbow Dash are an item and one morning Anon wakes up to the sensation of soft wings wings wrapped around him
>Anon thinks it's adorable and sweet
>Rainbow Dash is mortified
>Wings wrapping around your coltfriend is like waking up to find that you've somehow mashed your junk into your girlfriend's face






>Ponies have no sense of personal space
>but it only happens to ponies who know each other 
>since ponyville is a small community, everypony knows each other one way or another
>anon see all the tiny horses all cuddled up together whenever they hang out
>gets swamp with curious little foals while he is the library reading
>i always start with the CMC
>then their friends
>then their classmates
>anon doesnt mind
>tiny ponies are comfy yo






>Anon is a schoolteacher.
>Instead of trying to be the "Cool" teacher, he actually strives to teach the fillies something.
>He punishes them when they do wrong.
>Corrects them when they make mistakes.
>Rewards them when they do well.
>Teaches them to use their brains, but follow their heart.
>Teaches them to not compare, but improve.
>Gives them attention if they need it.
>Some fillies are confused.
>Why is a stallion acting like their mother?
>Some fillies may also have crushes on him.
>Maybe
>But they'll never tell

>substitute teacher anon
>working in a public school in fillydelphia
>school has a reputation for having THE MOST unruly and disrespectful students in the city
>the last teacher had to take the day off because they covered him in sticky slime 
>it wouldnt come off and they had to shave ALL the fur
>the fillies think this new substitute will be a lot easier
>one thing they dont realize...
>he's not in there with them
>they're trapped in theyre with him

>the class is, of course, mostly mares
>their first "prank" is dropping a bucket of water on him
>he teaches the class with a wet shirt to not show weakness
>ah, first quiet day this week
>after a rough first week, they begrudgingly respect him
>he learns all their names and knows what kind of trouble each one likes to cause
>three weeks later he doesn't have to yell anymore
>they don't fear his voice or anger as much as their fear his disappointment
>staring into the eyes of a schoolfilly and telling her he thought she could do so much better hurts worse than any kind of physical pain







>The Mares are dumbfounded as the Doors are blocked by a dense wall of fog
>The dark and dank cellar became a barren wasteland under an Ashen Sky.
>The Sun is Eclipsed and instead of it's usual Corona, It's "leaking" fire into the horizon. 
>Anon just smiles serenely while his clothes are burned off, his skin cracks revealing veins of liquid fire.
>Incredible heat can be felt from his now erect penis.
>Anonymous: Dong of Cinders


>Due to unexpected help from the elements of harmony you managed to take Anon down, well make him kneel in exhaustion.
>Just you wait, after we take a nap. everyone will take their reveng-
>Anon is on fire now...his penis too.
>The ominous background music, Is someone playing the piano?
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6jxyQvynUI [Open]
>Holy Buck! Did he just throw a lightning bolt?
>Is Roseluck dea- oh she just came so hard she passed out.
>Buck! The Elements are still winded.
>This isn't fair.
>"Phase 2, cunts."





>Be Anon. 
>You're reading on the best places to touch to please a unicorn mare. 
>You'll show Lyra you can out do her magic! 
>You feel a tiny body snuggle against you. 
>You look down and see Applebloom has pulled up another chair next to yours and is snuggling your side for warmth. 
>Smiling you place the book down and begin to pet her back, as you do you feel another body now on your other side. 
>Sweetiebell has curled into a ball against you. 
>You pick both of them up and go find the library's couch and lay them both on your side to let them go to sleep. 
>Soon after you close your eyes you open them to find Scootaloo laying down on your chest. 
>You smile at the cuteness the tiny foals emit. 
>…
>You're fucking Lyra when you get home. 
>No condom. 
>Five times. 
>You need baby ponies, and the mint horse shall provide them. 
>Possibly Bon Bon too if she gets home early enough


Dubs will it! 
>Be Lyra. 
>You're walking through the market looking for any mlh merch. 
>Still glad you found not only a human, but a human who actually LIKES the show! 
>Suddenly something grabs you and begins walking. 
>You begin to panic! 
>You look up at your captor and see Anon's signature suit. 
>You calm down and go limp as you begin to think on why Anon would be carrying you. 
>It's Tuesday so not mlh. 
>You don't think he's sad, he's walking too fast. 
>Wait... no... 
>Panic begins to fill you as you look up to check his face. 
>Sure as day you see it. 
>It's the 'You better call in to work because I'm trying for some foals' face! 
>You begin to flail with newfound vigour! 
>You've gotta get away! 
>You can handle a horny colt like Anon, but NO mare can handle a foal hungry Anon! 
"A-Anon please! Think about this, d-do we really need foal?! W-We should wait a bit!"
>Anon just walks faster. 
>You see Bon Bon as Anon walks by her stand. 
"Bonnie, help me!"
>She just looks at you before quickly looking away. 
>That bitch! 
"You'll have to come home eventually traitor!"
>You call out before the Anon finally makes it to your house. 
"Celestia help me!"
>"Not after last time, you're on your own" You hear Celestia call out





>"Now say you're sorry."
>Fucking Fluttershy. Always butting into your-
>Yeah no, she's a complete sweetheart, and it was perfectly understandable that she was a bit ticked off at you.
>But still, your pride may be battered and bruised, but you'll never admit defeat.
"Like I said, in my culture showing teeth is a friendly gesture."
>"Buck you it is! You have fangs, that was clearly a threat!"
>Repeat that exchange six or seven more times and that basically been your last half hour



>"So you have wolf teeth then! You don't bite, you rip flesh."
>Then Anon responds about how deadly her claws are.
>Half an hour later Fluttershy realizes they have no idea that they're flirting




>Horse body temperatures on average are slightly higher than a human's.
>Many stories infer that a pegasus has a higher temperature still.
>Combine the two and at best, it's uncomfortably warm to bone a pegasus. At worst, scalding.
>Anon doesn't realize this until it's too late





>Anon in RGREqG
>Gets invited to a party/sleepover with the Mane 7
>Officially, it's because they're already friends, and he's insisted that he's more like them than those prissy guys pretending to be men.
>Unofficially, it's because they've decided they want to try snagging him for their herd
>They already decided they wanted to be together, and have been on the lookout for a guy that is interested in all of them, and that all of them are interested in.
>He's initially OK with this, visions of harem debauchery running through his mind
>Then it registers that this would involve trying to romantically juggle 7 girls at once.
>Banging all of them is appealing, but he actually cares about them, and is concerned about relationship drama bombs and what happens if one or more of them feels neglected or whatever
>They insist it's not a big deal, sure their group is a little larger than usual, but they've convinced themselves everything will work out





>you stand in line with your battle-sisters: the warmages from the unicorn tribe that had swallowed their pride in the face of extinction
>staring across an acrid field covered in puddles from the unrelenting rains of the pegasi tribes
>the lines of the massively muscular earth pony mares in front of you still shine gold despite the weather
>above you, the pegasi flit through the clouds trying to finish with the last-minute preparations
>behind you all, at the top of the hill, stand the Two Sisters
>from no single tribe do they hail
>the only two members of the Alicorn Tribe to exist
>their fortress at the north face of the Lonely Mountain is the last holdout
>under their rule all three tribes are equal as subjects beneath them
>their ascension they consider their divine right to rule
>the other capitals lie in ruin
>the floating fortress of the pegasi brought down by hail
>the unicorn tower pulled down by might
>the earth pony city razed
>all the by the caribou, who seek to usurp the natural order of the world for their own
>across the muddy field, lining the earth and blocking the mountain range of their home, they stare back at you
>they have nothing but hate
>whatever their queen and king found in those mountains...
>it's dark magic twisted the once amicable deer into these monsters
>twisted, fur-covered horns sprout and grow like sick vines
>it's become difficult to tell the difference between their mares and stallions
>not that it mattered

>>29781375 #

...Anonymous
04/02/17(Sun)03:50:42 No.29781375

>>29781370 #
>they cared nothing for the safety of their males
>every will had submitted to the rule of their king and queen
>before nightfall, you, and every mare on this plateau, would be stallion-slayers
>the Two Sisters, however, had made it clear you must choose between your own stallions and theirs
>only ponies as powerful as they could even think to field their mate
>and a strange one he was
>some kind of minotaur with
>no hooves of any kind
>your own captain had objected to being seen on a battlefield with a stallion present and you agreed
>it was shameful enough that you would be facing them, let alone have one at your back
>you looked back
>there he stood, between them, wearing not a scrap of gold
>carrying only a drum under one limb at his side
>they called him "The Bard"
>the rumors said he could control the Music of Harmony
>he hailed from a land beyond travelling, beyond magic, beyond time
>from a world without magic
>but, somehow, still had access to music
>he could summon forth the Old Magic at will, direct its flow, control its message
>thinking of music, you could hear the start of the caribou's song
>at least their sense of pride kept them adhereing to the proper ways of war
>they wanted to show the world they deserved to rule it unopposed
>it began slow
>long, sonorous, and low

>the chorus notes were...somehow off
>the rhythm disjointed
>yet they all sang as one
>danced as one, holding their heads high and stomping their hooves
>swaying their weapons in their grasps and lighting their horns in black displays of magic
>about their destiny to rule
>about your duty to die
>about their impending victory here, at the last holdout of the ponies
>and soon, it drew to a close
>for a moment, there was complete silence over the plains
>you shifted the tall shield affixed to your left foreleg
>scratching the side of your cheek with it and feeling the sharp base dig into the soft earth
>and then...a drum
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFi7bWkyRpA [Open]
>you feel nothing in your heart
>except for panic, perhaps, when no notes from the world join in
>but after a moment you hear it
>off-tune warbling from no instrument you had ever heard joins in with the rhythm of the drum
>his singular voice sounded off
>even at the first line, you could feel yourself quietly mouthing the words
>he sang about your weapons and slick, shining armor
>the mares at the front lines swung their weapons in the air, but more than a few of them swung in the wrong direction or hit the mud
>you could hear yourself and your sisters around you suddenly sound off at the fourth decidely un-pony-like line
>but they go quiet until you all mumble the last line
"How many of them can we make die?"

>you can't believe you're participating in this
>nothing about your moral justification
>nothing about duty
>not a word of destiny
>not one of hope
>only the grim task in front of you
>and yet...you feel your heart quicken
>the next were about obedience and striking fear
>but there was a message of unity
>your voice was louder this time
"A force like ours is hard to stop!"
>even louder at the last one
"How many of them can we make die?"
>you could feel your muscles tensing
>your face lifting from a look of weariness
>a spark of hope, desperate but there nonetheless, ignited in your heart
>soon you and every mare on the field was joining in every other line
>there was no comfort in the lyrics
>only defiance
>the hopelessness in your soul was melting away into accepting your situation
>leaving only anger and defiance
>it was almost a shout at the last line of the chorus
"How many of them can we make die?"
>your heart was pumping, ready to go into battle for the survival of your stallion back home
>the foals left behind
>some strings from nowhere joined in for a while, and soon the song faded
>perhaps there was some truth about the rumors of the bard's capabilities
>you didn't think this would change the outcome of the battle too much
>the caribou stretched beyond what your eyes could see
>you pulled your shield closer and readied your horn for combat
>but he continued
>quietly, at first
>his voice raised when every pony on the field began to stomp their hooves to his beat
>the thunder in the air echoed his drum
>despite the mud you all managed to shake the earth with the force of your hooves
>the last line of the chorus wasn't so much sang by you, but growled
"How many of them can we make die?"
>now every line was sang by the giant choir
>echoed off and away into the horde approaching
>a fire erupted in your belly
>you could see sharper now
>even the falling raindrops seemed to slow their descent
>your muscles twitched with electricity
>your blood ran hot in your veins
>and your horn glowed brighter
>the earth ponies up front slashed blades of rain through the air, or cratered the ground with swings of their axes
>their muscles swelled and tensed, eager to start the bloodshed
>the pegasi struck their weapons together, sending arcs of lightning across the clouds
>the damp air grew hot around you from all the other horns
>your own singed your hair when the third layer formed
>you were eager to begin cleansing this evil from the world
>freeze and shatter them to bits
>shock them into vapor
>burn them until nothing but ashes and stories remained
>Let them try to kill you, the price will be painfully high
>you were ready
>more than ready
>you just couldn't wait
>Just how many of them could you make die?
>You are now Twilight Sparkle
>The bolt of lightning you just shot across the room was thankfully stopped by your BBBFF's shield
>Both princesses stare at you
>but not with disappointment, or anger, or shock
>They both have a knowing look in their eyes
>You stare at your shaking hooves before clamping your eyes shut and attempting those breathing exercises Cadance taught you
>they help a little
>but your heart is still beating at a thousand per minute
>and your breath refuses to obey you
>after a minute, or an hour, you come to a rest
>the princesses drop the field around you
>Celestia approaches you and wraps a wing around your back
>"It's alright, Twilight, everything is ok."
>You lean into and nuzzle her
>she's still bigger than you
>which you really appreciate right now
>she leans down to look into your eyes
>"Do you understand now, Twilight? About why we were worried about another human here?"
"I do, Prin--Celestia, I do."
>"And what are you going to do about it?"
"I'll make sure that Anonymous never, ever sings in Ponyville city limits."
>"I hope you will."
"But I do have a question, Celestia."
>"Hmm?"
"Were you and Luna in a herd with that human?"
>"I really think you should be heading home to take care of this, Twilight."
"How was it?"






>Anon is an omnivore
>Omnivores eat meat
>Meat is dangerous unless properly cooked
>Colts are good cooks
>Anon is both an omnivore and a colt, therefore he can cook meat
...
...
...
>The steak is barely brown on the outside and bloody on the inside
>AJ's face when her husbando is obviously a terrible cook





>Twilight observes Anon for purely scientific and non-stalkerish purposes
>She misunderstands his personal quirks, assuming them to be social cues from his culture

>Anon builds and paints a fence around his house
>Wears old clothes while he's painting and inevitably gets messy
>Twilight, watching from a nearby bush, thinks that painting the fence is like a bird decorating nest and the paint he spills on himself is akin to a peacock showing off its tail
>Twilight concludes that this is mating season for humans and alerts her friends
>Rainbow Dash in particular thinks that the idea is stupid, but she can't help but feel drawn to Anon's house, and his colorful paint-splattered clothing makes her heart skip a beat
>Anon wonders why there are so many pegasi in the skies and trees around his house

>When later approaching Anon for a follow-up she 'casually mentions some of the things she observed (only some, she doesn't want him to know!)
>Anon then points out that with one data point, she has no sure way of discerning personal quirks, his people's cutoms and humans' natural drives.
"But That's why I came to ask you!"
>"So that I can introduce my own unperceived biases into the mix?"
>And then Twilight came





>"Quick! He's getting hysterical! Somebody blow him right away!"
"P-pinkie? What-"
>"GLARMPH"
>Everypony stares at you wide eyed as Pinkie Pie furiously bobs her head, trying desperately to make you cum.
>You were later informed that "male hysteria" hasn't been a thing for at least 80 years, and that blowjobs were not the way for a mare to help cure it.




Anonymous has a somewhat normal life in RGR Equestria until he accidentally frees the dreaded space pirate/chaos entity Eris from her stone prison underneath the Canterlot foothills.

Then his life gets a bit more Tenchi Muyo as Eris taking such an interest in him prompts other females from around Equestria to take an interest, as well - including the descendants of the heroes of the other races who originally sealed Eris away and were drawn to Anonymous when they felt the seal break, and a certain space-themed Princess who recently returned from an extended trip to the moon…





A portion of the Equestrian community is utterly terrified of Anonymous, the new human from another dimension. Something about him is just wrong, though they can't quite figure out what at first. It's only after a few months have passed that it becomes apparent - Anonymous is a memetic hazard.

Ponies who spend too long around him have their gender roles reversed to human standards - stallions become more like men and mares become more like women. The longer they spend near him, the longer it takes to wear off… but the effect's duration increases exponentially, to the point where it may as well be permanent on certain ponies.

Alicorns are immune to the effect, not that it'll help them in the long run.
Discord find it hilarious and delights in teleporting Anon to different cities across Equestria for weekends, with his permission, of course. His jaw still hurts from the time Anon punched him after getting dropped into pony Chicago





>Berdherd with Rainbow Dash, Flitter, and Cloudchaser
>Herd aggressively chirps at any mares who approach Anon
>Mares see how aggressive they are and worry that they're forcing "a nice colt like Anon" into herding them
>Berdherd brings shiny/colourful pieces of cloth and metal over to Anon's house and drop them in his front yard to decorate it
>When they have foals, the berdherd becomes very protective over him
>Tell him to stay home and "protect the foals" while they all go out as a group to buy groceries
>Get instinctively upset when Anon leaves the foals by themselves while he goes into another room to do something




>Pegasi lay eggs instead of giving live birth
>One day Anon happens across an unhatched egg all by itself, which promptly hatches
>Anon is the first thing the pegasus foal sees and it imprints onto Anon
>Follows him around no matter what he does
>something something RGRE





>Anon wants to recreate Easter to show to his pony pals
>getting extra eggs for the purpose is a bit of a problem though, since ponies only use them for baking and the chickens aren't keen to give up more than they already do
>he's not even going to ask where the fuck a hen got a shotgun to chase him out of the coop with the first time he went in with a basket
>realizing there are larger eggs in the trees around town, he decides to be clever and collect those instead
>a lot harder to hide, but make do with what you have
>in the middle of painting them at his kitchen table, they start bouncing around and cracking open
>pegasus foals on the table, in the drawers, in the cupboards, on his face, in his hair
>mid-panic, a loud knocking comes from his door and he composes himself enough to stumble over and answer it
>a couple dozen smug-looking pegasus mares are standing outside, holding common-law herding scrips in their mouths




Oh my god, I want Luna to awkwardly try and convince Anon to start dating her by reading out a list of her positive traits.

>"Why You Should Allow Me to Court You"
>"By Luna, age 1200"
>"Number one: best at hugs"
>"Number two..."



>Luna decides that the perfect time for reading her list is during a formal dinner
>it is five hundred points long
>number 355-410 is devoted to bedroom activities
>starts out innocently enough, with her claiming to be the most loving bedpartner ever
>then it gets lewder
>and lewder
>she's describing her toy-collection in full detail
>the room seems to get gets increasingly hotter the further she goes
>you can't fight against Anon jr. anymore, and he assumes full control
>Most of the aristocrats are either furiously blushing or looking extremely uncomfortable
>she reads further and further
>you never heard the term "analcircumference" before, but it almost made you pop a bloodvessel
>some of the more timid stallions around the table faints






>Velvet hates to admit it, but she's tired of Night Light
>He's losing his looks, getting wrinkled and flabby
>His cock doesn't get as hard as it used to, and he just doesn't have the stamina to give her a real dicking anymore
>He's still a sweetheart, but Velvet is going to go insane if she goes another week without a proper fuck
>She heads out on a 'business trip' to Manehattan, where she meets everyone's favorite apelien in a bar

>Anon goes full love doctor mode
>He isn't going to stand for this horse-degeneracy and betrayal
>Saves their marriage with help from Cadence and the M6, as well as anyone else the author wants to include
>Wins the heart of his waifu(s) in the process as long as Twilight Velvet isn't his waifu







>You are Anon, and you are making some breakfast for your herd.
>Your herdmates have places to go and people to see, and they need a balanced breakfast to start the day.
>"Morning, babe!"
>Before you can react, something smacks you in the ass, making it sting.
>You yelp in surprise and nearly drop your spatula onto the hot stovetop, which would have RUINED the pancakes you're making.
>Every fucking morning.
>It's the same thing.
>You spin around to tell off Cloudchaser - because it's ALWAYS Cloudchaser - and try to wipe that smirk off of her face.
>Just as you suspected, Cloudchaser's is standing right behind you, looking as smug as a waist-high miniature horse can look.
>"I see you're wearing that apron I got you for your birthday."
>She licks her lips as she eyes you up and down, lingering at your chest where the material is extra-tight.
>"It looks good on you."
>Flattery (or what barely passes for it) will get her nowhere.
"For fuck's sake, Cloudy, would you stop doing that? What if you startled me and I burnt myself?"
>Cloudchaser unfurls both wings and flicks the tips of them in agitation.
>"Easy there, big guy, easy. I just wanted to know if those pancakes are gonna be ready any time soon."
>You glance over to your skillet and see that the little circles of batter are starting to bubble, and you take that as your cue to flip them.
"Yeah, just give them a few more minutes. They're nearly finished."
>Cloudchaser flies up until she's at head-level with you.
>"Thanks, dear."
>She wraps her foreleg around her head and pulls you in for a big kiss on the cheek.
>"I'll be in the den with Flitter until then, okay?"
>With a pat on the cheek, Cloudchaser flies out the kitchen door.
>You hear her shout over her shoulder as she leave.
>"And don't forget, I like my pancakes with strawberry syrup instead of maple!"
>A moment later, she pokes her head back in.
>"Say, think we have time for a quickie? My boss has been riding my ass and I need a bit of stress relief."





>Twilight is interested in Anon but doesn't know a thing about courting stallions
>She's too embarrassed to ask her parents or friends for help, so she goes to her grandma in Canterlot for assistance
>When she returns to Ponyville and confronts Anon, she's a nervous stuttering mess
>Weakly slaps Anon on the ass and says that he has a nice ass
>Anon is too busy laughing to even be annoyed
>He brings her home and fucks the daylight out of her






>Every night for years, Anon dreams of an odd blue equine on the moon.
>She seems so real and lonely in the dream, so he feels the need to interact with her.
>And each time he returns, she's lonely and longing for company once more.
>One night at a time, he learns the story of Luna the alicorn and her backwards home, Equestria.
>Slowly, he begins to doubt these are even dreams.
>But what could be going on? Is Luna real? Or not?
>Regardless, he finds his heart yearning for the strange alien pony he meets each night. 
>Just the thought of her boldly proclaiming that she would "be his knight most chivalrous" makes him smile. 
>But after nearly 3 years, the dreams stop, leaving the human heart broken.
>Until his alien pony decides he should be at her side in person, that is.

>On the other side, Princess Luna struggles to keep sane with her 1000 years of isolation.
>Each day is a hard-fought battle to not submit to the madness gnawing on the edge of her mind.
>But one year in, she does something unexpected.
>Sleep takes her, and she dreams.
>And in her dream, is a strange bipedal male. One who doesn't fear. her. 
>In-fact, he APPROACHES her, an unsure offer of friendship ready. 
>It's all too good to be true. She found an escape.
>But as quick as it happens, the dream ends with him promising to come back.
>And so she waited.
>And wait for a whole year she did, until the next dream came.
>Each year, he came back, giving Luna the motivation to keep going.
>For 1000 years she lives like this. Learning more about her visitor and letting the precious memories hold her over. All the way to her freedom.
>But now free and at full power, the Princess will not be denied her most beloved companion any longer. The chivalrous princess NEEDS her sweet human.
>There's some time and space that needs broken





>Anon meets nursepone in a bar
>Reveals that he knew all about the "penis inspection day" thing and how it wasn't a real medical exam
>nursepone is shocked that he saw through her ruse
alt end
>Penis inspection day is a real life actual thing in Equestria and ponies in the medical profession take cock-health very seriously




>Applejack discovers what her brother has been doing at night to earn money and help keep the farm afloat

 He'd cover up his cutie mark and go by the name "Big Banana" while he's on duty

>Applejack is upset about her brother stripping to help pay the bills
>She's even more upset that his stage name is based on an inferior fruit

>"Ah don't care if it's a pun, Big Mac! Why not jus' call yerself 'Two Big Pears' while yer at it?!"






>CMC think they're of age to find a stallion to start a herd with
>Predictably, they choose Anon
>They use pick-up techniques they learned from their sisters (or in Scootaloo's case, from Rainbow Dash)
>Shenanigans occur
>Something something RGRE






>Be Anon in the kitchen.
>You're out of food.
>You need to go get some food.
>So you go to the shops.
>The shops seem a bit strange today.
>None of the products you usually buy are here.
>Also everyone around you is actually some sort of horse.
>One of the horses is sniffing at your crotch.
>You come to a realisation.
>Damnit this isn't the shops.
>This is those stables they have down at the garbage transfer place.
>You go back to your car and try going to the shops again.
>You're pretty sure this is the right location this time.
>You buy your food and drive home.
>The horse that was sniffing you earlier is in your driveway.
>You honk your horn to scare it off, but it just runs into your backyard.
>You'll have to deal with that at some point, but now you've got groceries to put away.
>You grab as many bags as you can hold and take them inside.
>You dump the bags on the table and go back to get more.
>You repeat the moving of groceries from your car into your house.
>After more boring moving of things from one place to another you have them all inside.
>Now that you have food, you can have lunch.
>You begin making lunch.
>It's just a few simple sandwiches, because fuck effort.
>You've just finished making the last one and are about to go eat them when everything goes blue.
>When the blue stops you see that you are no longer in your house, but instead are in a different house.
>This is very unexpected.
>Also unexpected are the oddly coloured horses who are also in the room with you.
>One of them is eyeing your sandwiches.
"Don't you get any ideas, these are my goddamn sandwiches."
>You protectively hold your food close to you with one hand while using the other to make shooing motions at the horses to ward them off.
>"Well it did summon sandwiches, even if it also brought the colt who made them. Here's your twenty bits."
>"Booyah, bits, snacks, and a bonus exotic stallion. Best spell ever."






>>Rarity is a hopeless romantic
>>Rainbow Dash is too, though she's loathe to admit it.

>Everyone thinks that a thirsty metrosexual like Rarity and a brash jock like Rainbow would be all kinds of dirty with poor, pure you in bed.
>Ha.
>No one knows that the first time you impulsively grabbed one and ate some candy vag, that both the receiver and watcher squealed like lolis in a hentai and went cherry red in the face. 
>It's not them corrupting you... but you corrupting them.
>And it's sooooo sweet




>Rara is desperately spending boatloads of money for gifts to woo you. Flowers, candies, spa dates, all kinds of shit. So is Dash, pulling out of her exorbitantly large prank fund for stuff like box seats to the Wonderbolts show and life size marble statues of her to put in your home


>Rainbow Dash organizes cloudless nights for stargazing
>Rarity finds joy in simple things like picnics and cuddling under the blankets





>Pinkie and Applejack are both interested in Anon
>Friendly competition for alpha, of the herd anon is unaware of yet
>both of them temping him through his stomach
>But Anon keeps politely declining Applejack's varied apple treats each time for pinkies confections
>Applejack becoming more frustrated confronts him, blowing the competition

>"Anon, why arn't my apples good enough for you!" she almost bawls with tears
"Your apples are just fine Jackie, I'm just allergic to them"

>cue a mental breakdown in Applejack





>In the old times, when one tribe conquered another, the defeated were often sold into slavery
>Mares took the healthiest and most virile stallions, keeping them for themselves
>Twilight messes up a spell, flinging Anon into the distant past
>Right into the middle of a town where one of Twilight's long flung descendants is about to invade




>Anon is sent into the distant past and lands in the middle of a three way war for supremacy
>Falls right into Princess Platinum's hooves and kept as a "prize" from a recent skirmish with revolting earth ponies.
>It's actually pretty comfy






>Big Mac finally got bitten by the love bug
>No not Chrysalis
>He finally decided it's time to get himself a mare
>His problem is that over the course of the last couple years, he's gotten himself into a love polygon, and the uneasy peace between the mares who've been pining after him is about to boil over when they figure out he's actually interested in romance now.
>Cherilee, Marble Pie, and Sugar Belle are the primary contestants with others coming out of the woodwork trying to snag the eligible bachelor before it's too late
>Rumor has it, even Princess Luna might have an interest in him.

>Big Mac always heard from his colt buddies that dealing with mares was easy, but that's not what he's finding out.
>And his littlest sister and her friends have gotten involved trying to help via Crusader Shenanigans, with very very mixed results

>Anon seems to know what he's doing, so Mac goes to everyone's favorite shitposter for advice






>Oh yeah, Twilight stole one of Sunbutt's "secret" spells, and gives Anon anal AND a blowjob at the same time, while simultaneously putting up a portal in front of her mouth so he dick finally fills up her horse pussy. 
She wants Anon to fill all her holes, ALL of them

>"We are honored to invite our very own, Princess Twilight Sparkle to present her thesis on teleportation."
"Thank you, Loud Voice. Today, I, Princess Twilight Sparkle would like to announce that I have made a new discovery in portal magic. Ladies, how would you like to receive three times the dick in one dicking."
>Gasps all around.
"Now you can."

CAVE JOHNSON HERE





>Eris is new to Equestria.
>It's such a boring plane.
>Idea.scroll
>What's this!?
>A scroll?
>I wonder what it says?
>>Take on a pseudonym
>>Deepen voice.
>>Play pranks on cute ponies.
>>Get away because stallionish whimsy
>That sounds like a good idea.
>She should really do that.

X thousand years later.
>Maybe that wasn't the best idea provoking Sunbutt Mc'Grumpypants like that.
>But at least you have a friend now.
>She keeps looking at this Monkey.
>Anon.
>What's the big deal about him?
>Speak of the pony, why is he running away?
>What is this bag?
>Are those firecrackers?
>Oh.
>Ooh.
>The naughty naughty boy,
>He should have a taste of his own medicine.

>Be Anon
>Flutters must have found out about your prank.
>She somehow managed to replicate it without fingers.
>You've finally found it.
>Someone who would actually prank you back, that doesn't live in the sky.
>You've missed this.
>Being on guard.
>Biding your time until it's time to strike back.
>It's on Fluttershy.
>Prepare your ponut






>Rainbow often makes soft chirps when she snuggles into his chest that turn her red with embarrassment immediately
>Subconsciously offers her wings to anon for him to preen, which is reserved for the closest of friends or mates





>Mares are condescending to Anon
>Act like he can't act competently because he has a penis
>Anon sets out to prove them wrong
>...and tries doing something he found out that he's actually really bad at
>Mares laugh and call him cute





>Pegasai foals don't cry much, as they whistle, cherp and peep instead.
>They even have instinctual sound patterns they use.
>One for "I'm hungry", one for "I want to play", one for "pick me up" and many others. 
>Pegasus parenting is easy mode without all the guesswork




>Single Anon is bros with Spike
>Ember comes for a diplomatic meeting
>Anon flirts with some of the lower dragon delegation, helped by their predator fetish
>Spike sees this and asks for help with his main crush
>Worse Whorse (after Trash)
>Anon helps Cyrano spike to woo his lady friend "Rarity"
>Accidentally ignites Embers spark for Spike with accidental apex predator wooing advice
>Rarity sees through spike and falls for Cyrano Anon, with all his romance-schromance

>Ember pursues spike
>Rarity pursues anon
>Spike resents anon
>Anon doesn't want to spite his bro





> petting a bird below the neck feels sexual to it
>you will never inadvertently molest a large portion of Ponyville's pegasus population
>they like it
>Anon is unaware of his bad-touching
>Begins a relationship with some mare
>Jealous, several pegasus mares tug feathers out of their wings and make angry crowing noises when they see Anon and his marefriend

>Socially-awkward pegasus wonders if she's part of a herd after Anon absent-mindedly pats her on the back

>just shows up next morning in his house making him breakfast
>anon doesn't even ask why just rolls with it
>crazier stuff happens in horse-land anyway, free homemade breakfast is nothing to sneeze at

>socially awkward to the point of silence
>always around him somewhere
>her feathers are always sticking out of his cloths no matter how many he cleans off

>so socially sheltered she's constantly blushing at all his cloths 
>Anon never knows they are horsemarried, but is the lewdest with all his platonic affection

>She's aggressively protective of him
>he doesn't quite know it

>Everything was going fine, until the fire nation attacked (her first heat)
>she's doesn't want to damage her lewd virgin husbando
>she asks him what the birds and the bees are
>he tries to explain as if to a friend
>her lust filled mind just takes over
>rape








>C'mon Anon, you can do this. Just like Celestia instructed.
>Get in there, strut your stuff and finish this war before it begins.
>Both dragonesses that lead you here open the wide door in front of you.
>As you step inside you notice the only occupant sitting atop her tremendous horde.
>The door behind you slams shut, leaving you alone with the royal dragoness.
>A few solid gold coins topple and roll from the gigantic pile as she slithers down from her vantage.
>"So, you are the pitiful creature that has threatened my kingdom?"
>She crawls over to you, serpentine and dangerous.
"Well, more like 'bartered with'."
>Her eyes narrow as she stands up at full height in front of your, her hot breath escaping her fiery mouth as she speaks.
>"You dare to insult a Queen by wagging your silvery tongue, beast!?"
>You are about to flinch when you notice her full height is still a whole foot shorter than you.
>She seems to notice too if the indignant yet surprised looks she's giving you is anything to go on.
>You gain a sly grin.
"Don't play dumb with me Emby"
>Her face takes on a tiny blush as you give her a pet name.
>"Insolent male whelp! You dare-"
>You grab her by her scaly waist; pulling her close to your body.
"We both know what my kind is capable of, Dragon."
>Her face falters at your actions and words, she desperately tries to keep the facade of stoicism up, but her growing blush betrays her.
"The war would be ultimately fruitless."
>You run your hand down her side, resting it on her smooth ass cheek.
"I would 'spear' every dragoness that comes close."
>Her face shows open fear now, the wetness on her thighs indicates her arousal however.
"Luckily, I come to you with a compromise."
>You slap her on the ass, causing her to yelp.
"Sacrifice yourself to me, and no dragoness will feel the wrath of my 'spear' or 'silvery tongue'."
>She breaks from your grasp, falling to the ground and shuffling to her horde desperately.
"You on the other hand, will feel them daily."






"Oh Shiny I know you want a foal but you know that alicorns are sterile."
>"Oh is that the problem? That is easy to fix!"
>You give him a confused look
"What do you mean? How can you fix that?"
>Shiny gets up from where he was on the couch and rushes to the phone
>"Well I~ cant fix that. There is one pony who can."
"Shiny please tell me you aren't calling Twily. I love the girl but I would rather her not use my body as a science project."
>He chuckles that cute little chuckle of his
>"No no no. You see the Sparkle family has an old friend who helps in times like this. We call him "The Surrogate""
"The surrogate what?"
>"Just the surrogate. You see any time a sparkle mare cant get pregnant the family calls him up. For some reason he can imprenate even sterile mares and his foals always come out strong. That is why house Sparkle is the most numerous and magically inclined noble house. He has been doing his job for CENTURIES."
>Your jaw drops as he explains
"Wait, centuries? So he is some sort of withered old stallion?"
>An image of an impressively ancient stallion fucking you makes you shiver
>You love Shiny but you are not sure you are into wrinkly old cock
>"Oh no he doesn't age. Also he isn't really a pony. He is a human and...well he is sort of like a minotaur but with less...cow?"
>You cant even picture it
"So you are going to call him up and...what?"
>"Oh well he will come and you two will"
>He scrunches his nose and motions with his hooves
>"And when he is done you will be pregnant. Now shush I need to make a call."
>You sit and think about some minotaur plowing your slit
>It doesnt take long and you feel the juices flowing
>"Hey dad? Yeah well it turns out that Cadence is sterile. Is there any chance you could call Anon? Oh he is in the room right now! Great! Can you get him a ticket to come over? Thanks! Also you might tell Twilight now is the time if ever. You know she has trouble talking to stallions. Alright Love you. Bye."
>He hangs up the phone and turns to you
>"He will be here in a week! I hope you are ready to be a mom cause when he is done you will be one."
>You want to be excited about the prospects of parenthood
>The only problem is you are far to excited about getting a guilt free romp with some exotic stallion.
>Him knocking you up in the process just makes you wink all the faster




>Nightmare Moon makes it public knowledge that she's keeping Anon as a concubine
>In private, things are different
>After a long day's work, she goes to her room and removes her armour/regalia
>She immediately collapses onto her bed in exhaustion and bats at Anon until he starts giving her kisses and belly rubs

>"Those fools have no idea who they're dealing with."
"Mm-hmm..."
>"I'll show them, Anon. I'll show them all!"
"I know you will, sweetie."
>"...did you make that salad I like?"
"It's in the fridge; second shelf on the left."

>"You'd tell me if my staff were treating you improperly, wouldn't you?"
"Of course I would."
>"If they can't treat a colt right, then they have absolutely no business having the honour of serving me."
"You'll be the first to know if they step out of line, okay?"
>"...you're very precious to me, Anon. You're the most beautiful and brightest star in my night sky."
"I love you too, Moons."




>NMM sealed Celestia and Twi in the moon
>Realized that she fucked up
>Celestia always did all the hard work even before
>Anon helps calm her down and gets her to rethink her rule
>She slowly becomes less evil though she wont put up with bullshit
>She also becomes more and more attached to Anon





>Nightmare Moon takes on her own form after being purged from Luna.
>Reluctantly gives up. 
>Now she spends her days giving Luna shit for being a a gangly beta autist. 
>It's all magnified since Nightmare is more or less a turbo-chad bad filly that can keep even fickle stallions orbiting her.
>Meanwhile Luna just wants to be left alone to do her own thing





>You are Nightmare Moon, Queen of the Dark.
>And you sigh contently as you settle on the human sized loveseat lengthwise, letting you stretch out.
>The pillow you rest against has your lover's robust aroma, making the furniture that much more relaxing.
>The book in your azure magical grip wavers, then is set down the coffee table as you decide to simply doze.
>You could watch the "television" invention that had taken Equestria by storm in recent years, but decide against that as well.
>You roll your eyes after looking at the large box of a machine in the living room. A box that plays moving images broadcast from far away. What will they think of next?
>A sudden scent and the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen made your nose twitch and ears perk.
>That must be your beloved preparing dinner.
>Without warning, your stomach grumbles, wanting the delicacies being prepared in the other room.
>It still amazes you that your beloved can turn common fare into mouth-watering cuisine. The sort that puts the royal chiefs of old to shame.
>Or maybe your relationship is coloring your opinion? You find it hard to speak ANY sort of ill about the father of your unborn foal.
>Your stomach growls again, reminding you that you eat for two now. 
>Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you shift on the couch and resign yourself to waiting. 
>Not even 2 months in, and the small lump on your belly is making you ravenous at just the smell of food.
>It would be unseemly for a queen to try and beg food out of her soon-to-be husb-
>Wait, you aren't a queen anymore. You have no need to hold yourself to such stifling standards.
>With a small smile, you rise and walk to the kitchen, intent on trying to sneak away with a treat.
>Idly, you wonder what Celestia and Luna are doing.
>Whatever it is, they can't be enjoying themselves as much as you are






Anon is friendless in RGRE
He hires a gigolo to cuddle.
Since prostitutes are stallions, it would make sense that gigolos are good looking mares.





>Anon has an idea
>He takes a few magazines with him and goes over to the train station
>Inhaleing deeply he yells
"ANY MARE WANT TO FUCK? I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING AND I NEED A WILLING P...."
>At this moment he was bombarded with willing partners
>Choosing one at random, they head off to a seedy motel... which in equestria turns out to not have cockroaches and is closer to 4 star then 3 on earth, but for some reason rated one here
>As the mare gets on the bed to present, anon tosses the magazines on the bed
>She begins winking
"So here is the plan, I want to read porn while useing a pony like a sex doll"
>Winking intensifies
>Unable to speak she just nods.

>About 10 minutes in and many orgasims later, anon sees an image and pauses... 
>He looks at her cutie mark, then at the image...
"Cool, so... You are a porn star miss..."
>She looks a bit shocked, but snaps out, manginging to pant out
>"Wooden... woodenlilly"
"Cool, so... have to ask, you bi or gay for pay?"
>Before she can answer, a vice like grip tells anon she is cumming again, his cue to go over the hump with her
>He picks her up from behind and slams in till they both make a mess of the bed.

>As the two pant and recover, anon is the first to move
"So... so there is another bed over there... want to ruin it too?"





> Be Anon, trying to drink away the bad feels
> Considering the local bar only serves chocolate milk variations, it's not working too well
> You try to force the drunkenness
"Ye-you know what, Pinkie Ponko Plump Rump?"
> You frown blearily at her
> It's late, and you are kinda tired
> But isn't her hair supposed to be a big poofy, curly mess?
> You mean, it looks fine straightened, but that doesn't seem like her style
> She knocks back a shot of strawberry milk
> "Is it a guessing gaaaaame?"
> She gives you a half smile
> "I'm gooood at guessing games."
> Wow, no exclamation point, something's up
> Well, everyone has their own troubles, if they are at the Bitter Drink at this time of night
> You shake your head
"Nah, not that. Lemme tell you, when I was home, home on Earth. You know what? I didn't touch nobody. Nopony. Like, maybe shaking hands once a month. Thas'all."
> Pinkie shifts on her bar stool
> "Thas terrible! No hugs or snugs? Wait. Did you shake hands with uh, hehe, guys?"
> She waggles her eyebrows suggestively
> Damn pervert
"Yeah, I did. But never mind that. You know what happened when I got here?"
> Her brow furrows as she tries to remember
> "I gashped at you, and threw a party?"
"Mmm yes, that happened. But still, even here..."
> You take a sip of your chocolate milk
"Nopony touches me. Is a hug too much to ask?"
> Pinkie's eyes go wide
> "Can- can I hug you?"
> You open your arms wide
"Go for it."
> She hops onto your lap, wrapping her forelegs around you, resting her head on your shoulder
> You sigh in contentment, comforted by the warmth of another being
> You hold her close, rubbing little circles on her back
> She nuzzles at the side of your neck, and you feel your heart swell at the sensation
> You squeeze her sightly, nuzzling her neck
> It feels so good, at long last
> And for some reason, her hair is inflating and returning to its curly shape

> Be Pinkie Pie
> DO NOT GET WET, YOU REPEAT, DO NOT GET WET
> This poor stallion needs a snuggle buddy, not a fuggle buddy
> But maybe if you play your cards right...
> OH SWEET CELESTIA'S CAKE HOARD, HE'S NUZZLING YOU BACK
> DO NOT GET WET, DO NOT GET WET!




Anon and some of his friends get drunk in the city while bla bla is doing blaa blaaaaa blaaaaaaaaaaaa, when they meet some unfriendly types. Imagine internet trolls in real life, but drunk and in equestria. 

They get into a heated argument. Then one of them drops a bomb

>"You know what, do this world a favor an BUCKING KILL YOURSELF"
>Its like its the worst thing anyone can tell another to do in this world
>Many ponies are sad
>Some look about ready to defend your honor
>But all you can do is laugh
>A bit more drunk then you realize you let yourself go
>"The BUCK are you laughing at?"
"Thats how I ended up here in the first place"
>Anon gets uncomfortably close and tells the little shit in detail what he did and what the end result would have looked like
>More then a few ponies are sad, crying, or trying to hold their bile in
>Anons friends however, are stunned that they finally learned how anon came into the world. 

>Next morning, anon doesn't remember shit
>He got drunk on the good stuff
>His friend shave no idea how to broach the bombshell he dropped last night. 
>Thinking that maybe it was just anon lying again, he does that often, till they see the remnants of scar tissue





>Appul has a crush on Anon
>Anon is a lazybones
>Appul has trouble reconciling the idea of her perfect horsebando being allergic to work






>Anon says things like "Oh fuck." and "What the fuck." a lot.
>Estrus hits.
>Mares conveniently "mishear" him and "think" he's asking to fuck




>Rarara is an unashamed turbo-fedora that isn't repulsive. 
>She gets the guy like in the fairy tales and fanfics she totally doesn't read.
>A few brave mares try with normal stallions after seeing that.
>They get weird looks, offence, or (laughs in slut) from the stallions






>Anon's pony equivalent is already living with a herd of true waifus
>Since they're technically the same person, Anonpone allows Anonman to join them
>Anonpone is happy to have another stallion around the house, especially one he relates to so well
>The mares are just glad to have another dick to ride





>Daring Do, and of course her nemesis Ahuizotl, both discover evidence that points to the lost city of Man
>(or lost continent, the legends are a little vague)
>Shenanigans ensue on the race to find the city and prevent Ahuizotl from using the lost magical human superweapons to take over the world
>It's under the sea for one, requiring them to deal with both seaponies and sirens before they can get to it

>Then when they get there, it's not empty ruins like they expected.
>Living breathing humans still live there, cut off from the rest of the world
>They may be a mere shadow of their former glory, but they still live.
>They're also (from Daring's perspective) RGR, led by King Anonymous

>To her immense surprise, for once in her life, she has an easier time convincing the natives that she's the hero and Ahuizotl is the bad one, because humans are more likely to believe a cute mare asking for help than a freaky whatever he is asking where they keep the really dangerous stuff.

>To his immense disappointment, there are no superweapons or crazy magical artifacts around.
>Unless you count HMD's and he don't swing that way






>FalloutAnon winds up in RGRE!FO:E
>Halfway through LittlePip's quest
>Pipboy says he's friendly
>Even though he's labelled a MareKiller
>Still a few feet taller than anyone
>His own dedication autism led him to min/max for stealth
>Skin-tight stealth suit
>covered in bags of loot
>creeps through raider/slaver encampments
>kills everyone
>takes everything that isn't nailed down
>tries to sell it to the nearest trader, they don't have enough caps
>invests thousands of caps in trade routes
>mares try to convince him to take them along, but he tells them they're too loud
>"Oh, I'll make you loud, too..."
"What?"
>"N-nothing."
>Puts scavengers and salvagers out of business
>There isn't a scrap for miles
>Derpy has it all
>Every mug, clipboard, empty bottle, scrap of ammo, or weapon
>Slavers want him for best sex slave
>Raiders start to worship him like a demon god they must appease
>Settlers want to repopulate the world with his seed
>Anon just wants more caps




>barbarian lord anon
>defeats Ladies and queens makes them into his harem
>several fiefs and 2 queens have already been brought low by non consensual hugging
>the latest queen looks beyond her castle walls and sees what she's up against
> THE BELLY RUBS CANNOT BE STOPPED




Anon baffles the fuck out of the ponies.

He's male because he has a penis, but socially and behaviourally is like a mare. When he's seen, that is.

He prefers to live alone in his little Everfree camp, and often moves when ponies stumble across him.

Cadence, being the nosy whorse she is, tries to set him up with a mare. 

The catch? Magic goes haywire when interacting with him, often unpredictably for the caster.

Anon just wants to be left alone from this crazy bitch.




Anon's meeting with Luna is a disaster: on Nightmare Night, she tries to scare him. He throws her through a wall.

While ponies are outraged, Luna is happy: even if he has a dick, she's finally met someone who isn't a complete pansy in this day and age.

Thus, an odd bromance is formed.

Now, if only her sister would stop hitting on the increasingly annoyed Anon, and being a misandriast




>Anon is a cowboy
>Like, an actual wild west cowboy, not some fat truck driver hauling an 18-wheeler full of cattle
>After arriving in Equestria, he manages to sign on to a cattle drive from Appleoosa to Ponyville
>It's a good job, exactly how he remembers it, except the cows talk
>And flirt with him
>A lot




>Anon is marching toward the pool
>He has a line of ponies on each leg, holding on to each other trying to stop him
>"Anon, you have to stop! The water is too dangerous for you! You'll drown!"
>He keeps going, dragging all the ponies toward the water.
"Ah, but you are all WRONG. For I, am a SEAMONKEY!"
>One of the ponies asks, "Is that like a seapon-EEEEEE!"
>He jumps into the pool, taking all of the ponies with him into the deep end.

>Tiny Appul paddles over to him from the shallow end with her floaties to save him





>Pone has crush on Anon
>Anon takes pone home and fucks her raw
>Pone thinks that this is the start of a beautiful relationship
>Wakes up to a cold bed
>Turns out that anon was just looking for a quick fuck
>"Oh Celestia, is this what I've been doing to stallions all that time?"
>Something something RGRE





>Anon wants a pet, but all of Flutterbutt's animals are either too scared of him or they wouldn't make a great pet.
>(Who would want a pet wasp?! Honestly!)
>Flutters decides to do the sensible thing.
>By sensible, she needs to scratch an itch and she wants to cure Anon's pet problems.
>So she puts on a collar and a leash, walks up to Anon with the leash in her mouth and a sign hanging from the collar: "Pet me."
>Something, something RGRE

>"Bark bark."
>Translation: Is this your fetish Anon?





>Anon collapses during a get-together with the mane six after complaints of hunger even though he recently ate
>The mares freak out and help him into his house before sending a group out to get a doctor
>The doctor arrives to hysterics as Rainbow Dash desperately shakes a half-conscious Anon in a bid to 'keep him from going into the light'
>After her male nurse calms them down enough for her to work and ask the light-headed human a few questions, she states that she knows what his problem may be, and that, in fact, she's dealt with it before in vacationing Gryphons
>She sends her assistant back to the office, and a short while later he returns (with noticeable discomfort) holding a moist sack of grim-smelling gunk in his mouth
>The mane six are taken aback when they learn that the contents of the sack the doctor mare is warming the pan in the kitchen for is neither vegetables, fruits, nor sugars, but some manner of preserved flesh
>Each of them protest as the doctor throws the cooked and still partially bloody meat onto a plate and makes for the loopy human, each insisting that she was going to make the poor colt sick with the gore she'd concocted
>She does little more but hold the plate under his nose, rousing him gently from his grogginess purely from the smell
>Just as the mane six is reaching the end of their patience and their confidence in her medical expertise, Anon seizes the frightening food into his bare claws and sinks his teeth in
>Reddish-brown liquid trickles down the side of his mouth as he vigorously tears pieces from the main body and devours them
>Twilight and Pinkie are both cringing back but visibly intrigued
>Dash, Rarity and AJ each seem noticeably confused and faintly disturbed 
>Fluttershy's wings are at full mast and twitching


>Dear Princess Celestia
>Sometimes your friends have different dietary needs than you do, and that's okay.
>If your friend is the only one of his kind and isn't particularly learned in his species' biology, he might not know what nutrients he needs and he may suffer for it.
>Today I reaffirmed my belief that colts are silly, air-headed creatures.
>Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle





>Estrus season rolls around again so all the mares in town burst into song and choreographed dancing to tell Anon why he should fuck them





>Succubi are constantly being summoned by lonely colts interested more in a relationship than sex
>Succubusmare's face when Anon is interested equally in both






>Anon gets bodyswapped with Twi
>Spends the entire time telling stallions to "Fuck off!" and being rude to them
>He spends an uncomfortable week resisting the urge to touch himself
>Finally Twi gets back and switches their bodies back
>Twi finds out that there are no less than four stallions that want in her pants
>Is horribly utterly confused






The alicorns, used to having stallions falling over themselves for them, are kinda surprised when Anon says he doesn't find them attractive.

Cadence acts like his annoying sister, so that kills his why-boner dead. Plus, he thinks she looks like something that fell into a vat of syrup.

Celestia is too gangly and has an ass that eclipses Luna's moon.

Twilight is Chublight.

Luna is... Luna.

Insulted and a little worried, they go on diets, change their mane-styles, etcetera






>Day Spoopy
>Be Anon
>Little horses are running about in costumes
>Even the Adults
>One mare is getting particularly aggressive about the amount of candy being given out
>Crazy bitch is dressed like K=Pop idol or some shit.
>Got like Thugnificent, just to massive, pink, puff-balls on either side of her head.
>…
>And she just got knocked the fuck-out.
>Whelp, back to drinking alone in your house while wearing a hockey-mask.
>Truly you are living the Miller High Life
>”Trick or Treat~!”
>…Fuck it, time to scare children
>You pick up your machete and walk towards your front door
>Slamming the door open, you roar like a battle retard while waving your prop-blade over your head
>… There’s no one out here and ponies are staring at you in confusion
>A couple look afraid.
>Mission accomplished you guess…
>”… Thou darest to strike against-“
>BLIND-REVERSE-SUPLEX-INTO-GIANT-SWING!
>A massive blue horse is sent flying through your house, breaking through one of your walls
>Fuck
“Fuck."




>”Are you seriously going to wear that thing as your costume for nightmare night?”
“Of course, this may be the greatest costume I ever created, leaps and bounds over my Magneto costume last year.”
>”Anon… it’s just a tinfoil hat.”
“It’s not ‘just’ a tinfoil hat Twilight, it’s a conspiracy tin foil hat. With this on everyone will know just how crazy I am.”
>”I’m pretty sure they think that already.”
>That one hurt just a little.
>”You’re not going out wearing that thing.”
>”You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my mom.”
>”No I’m not your mom, I’m your wife, and as such I am not going to walk around town with you while you make an idiot of yourself again.”
>Twilight emphasized her point by bringing her hoof down on the hardwood floor.
>The mare of the house had spoken.
>But you wouldn’t be stopped, not now, or ever.
>She may be your wife, but you are Anon, the man who laughed in the face of danger.
>And no equine would stop you.
>Holding your head high, you made for the door.
>The dignity of mankind rested on your shoulders now, and you were going to do it proud by wearing the shit out of this hat.

>Why did you ever think this was a good idea?
“Curses on you- you- damn hat!”
>Conspiracy tinfoil hats are supposed to be funny, meant to make you look like a fool.
>They’re not actually supposed to goddamn’ work!
>After donning the foil hat, you started to notice things.
>Odd things.
>To be honest this world was about as odd as it got, but this was odder? Is that the right word for it?
>Never mind, that’s not important right now.
>What is important is that you saw things, things that didn’t make sense.
>Like Pinkie Pie.
>The mare who could pop out of nowhere, you saw her hiding in a pot, almost as if you had x-ray vision.
>She was curled up tightly, grinning to herself, just waiting to catch someone unaware as they passed by.
>As for Flutters, this was going to sound weird, but when she was talking with the birds, you could understand them.
>Almost like a speech bubble, the words appeared above their heads. And they were fucked up little birds.
>You are scared.
>Twilight tried to warn you that this was a bad idea.
>You didn’t listen!
>Why didn’t you just listen!?





>Anon is a social retard
>Combined with not quite getting pony body language, he can't tell that mares are actually hitting on him unless they are blatantly obvious about it (to the point where it becomes funny or loops back around to being horribly unfunny).

>Goes around rejecting mares who are trying to get a date, clueless as to what they were actually trying to.
>He thought they were just trying to hang out or something, and he already had plans or whatever.
>Sad pones have been unintentionally friendzoned




> Be Anon, hanging out in the Crystal Friendship Castle Playset library in your boxers
> It's your compromise with the "clothes are lewd" thing the ponies have
> It was a little embarrassing at first, but you got used to it eventually
> They'll just have to keep their winking to themselves once it gets colder
> In the mean time, you earn your living drawing portraits of pony nobility
> This is not to say that you are especially good at portraiture, just that there is something of a trend among the nobles to have an "Authentic Human Rendition" made
> Far be it from you to turn down plentiful money, and you only make one once a month
> This, of course, drove the demand up rather high and with it, the price you charge
> The job security is all well and good, but it also means that there was a great deal of contention before the Princess of Bureaucracy stepped in and made a schedule
> Understandingly, there were those who wish to cut in line, offering bribes, ambushing you outside of your apartment, that sort of thing
> It got to be such a hassle that you ultimately moved into the castle of a certain purple princess
> It helps that the library is extensive, you have always liked to read
> "Huh."
> Looks like your reading buddy has something she wants to share
"Yes?"
> Twilight's voice is slightly muffled by the book hovering in front of her face
> "It says here, that, uh, 'Minotaur penises vary in length and girth, both before and after erection, sometimes irrespective of it's previous state.' Is this true for humans too?"
> You are pretty sure the question isn't entirely academic, but there probably isn't any harm in answering it
"Yup."
> You aren't the most helpful of research subjects
> "And in your, ah, personal experience?"
> You look up from your book
> Despite her efforts to hide behind the book, you can see her blushing
> To be fair, you aren't exactly comfortable with the question yourself
"I'd rather not say."
> She lowers the book, embarrassment shifting into concern
> "Is that why you insist on boxers? Some sort of size-based insecurity?"
> You frown
"There's also the whole modesty thing, I know I told you about that."
> She sets the book down, staring straight into your eyes
> "I understand that, but you are already becoming desensitized to casual nudity. Anon, you don't have to worry about having a penis smaller than the average stallion's. When it comes to mares, the size doesn't matter, we're just happy to see a dick."




Many centuries ago, a great evil was sealed beneath Canterlot Mountain. It took representatives from each of the major races of Equestria to do it, and after the hard-fought battle, they set up alarms tied to their bloodlines so they and their descendants would know quickly if the evil ever showed signs of breaking free from its imprisonment.

Cue Anon, in present day RGRE.
Hiking around the Canterlot foothills, he stumbles across a nearly completely hidden cave, overgrown by plant life and clearly forgotten. Within is a strange structure, one so interesting he simply must get a closer look… until Pinkie Pie shoots up out of his pocket, startling him and causing him to demolish the structure entirely through improbable happenstance and luck.

Beneath the structure, Anon finds a passage deeper into the mountain. Compelled to continue exploring (Pinkie shouting "Do it, faggot!"), he discovers a misshapen form composed of a mish-mash of numerous animal parts, curled into a ball, softly slumbering.

Anon, having realized he's totally fucked up and landed himself into some bastardized shounen anime trope, tries to nope the fuck out before it's too late, but his hasty exit only serves to wake up the obvious super powerful ancient entity that used to be taking a nice nap in the center of the room.

The form uncurls, stretching its limbs and yawning with a particularly feminine tone to its voice. It is, of course, the dreaded Space Pirate/Chaos Entity Eris, and she's very attractive to Anon- I mean, attracted to Anon- wait, that's not right- grateful to Anon for freeing her from her long torment. Or possibly all three, and she intends to show him just how "grateful" she is.

Meanwhile, the descendants of those who sealed her so long ago have felt the disturbance and panicked, dropping everything to get to Equestria as quickly as possible.

Anon's life is about to go full Tenchi Muyo, and he never got past the Kagato arc. Ryoko is best girl, anyway



>Be Anon in Animuquestria
>You are a dudette from some sort of earth place but you are now in Equestria for some sort of poorly-explained reason.
>You are the little boy here because gender roles are all backwards
>But you don't give a shit about that because you're poking around under Celestia's housetain
>There's got to be some sort of cool shit down here.
>Pinkie is with you because she's your sidekick or something.
>She's carrying lunch and stuff for the two of you so you're not going to tell her she can't come.
>Anyway it's all crystally and miney down here.
>The diggy hole kind of mine, not the explodey when you step on it kind.
>Ponies didn't get that second kind of mine until you taught them about them, and being new they are not in dusty old places like this.
>They're out in pony-cambodia blowing legs off the unlucky.
>You and pinkie have just gone down another rickety old ladder when you come across something cooler than the rest of the mine so far.
>It's a ominous stone doorway with loads of runes on it.
>This likely means it's got treasure behind it.
>So you and Pinkie swing your picks and smash it open.
>There is indeed neat stuff inside, all sorts of jewelry, wands, arks and other enchanted looking stuff.
>And in the middle of the room is a strange statue.
>It's a mishmash of all sorts of animal parts on one being, with text on the plinth reading 'Discord'.
>Fucken Jackpot!
>The two of you end up splitting the treasure between you, selling and donating the stuff neither of you has a use for.
>Like the statue, which you give to the city statue gallery because you don't have anywhere to put it
>After the big treasure haul things go back to sort of normal for a while
>Pinkie goes back to Ponyville citing plot-related reasons
>You stay in Canterlot in the Human Embassy, which as the only human defaults to being yours to stay in for free.
>After a few months of fucking around you start getting odd visitors.
>Like that Prince Sashimi of the Grifons.
>His older brother Prince Aleka who came along a week or so after Sashimi first showed up.
>And that red-scaled Siren guy, Washout.
>All of who have been asking about the adventuring you've done recently.
>They've been trying to find some kind of carbonite sarcophogus by the sound of it.
>You told them that you didn't find anything like that, and you wouldn't even know what carbonite looks like to start with.
>But you certainly didn't find any mummies down in the mines.
>They've decided to stay in Canterlot and keep coming by to see you.
>You really get the feeling that there's more to this than they're telling you





>Ponies think that Anon is super lewd in all his clothing
>Convinces him to go around in shorts and spend the entire day outside (to show Ponyville that he isn't, in fact, a slut who wears lingerie all day)
>Ponies are horrified when they find out that he's become sunburned
>word gets back to Celestia
>Celestia herself descends from Canterlot to wrap him gently in her wings and apologize


>Luna is smuggest horse

>"The gentle caress of moonlight upon your skin shall never harm you, fair Anonymous."


>Ponies horrified that Anon begins shedding skin and healing
>Ponies don't naturally regrow skin under their coats like this, relying on their innate magic to renew and replace

>"I told ya he was a reptilian! We even already knew he was an alien, why was him being a snake man beyond consideration?!"

>I'll buy it when he licks his eyeballs, this is just like griffons molting or something"




>Applejack keeps claiming she sees Anon in the apple orchard, leaving apple-circles
>Accuses him of abducting her cows

>Twilight watches as you peel off skin. 
>She's just... Watching. 
>You watch as her tail wags eagerly as you peel off each piece. 
"Do... Do you want some?"
>You say holding out a large piece of skin. 
>Her eyes go wide and she holds out her hooves noding. 
>You place it in her hooves. 
>She looks at the skin her face in awe. 
>"I-I can have this?" She ask hope in her eyes. 
"Uh, sure?"
>She lets out happy horse noises before galloping off the skin in her magic. 
>You go to peel off more but you notice a shadow caused by something behind you. 
>You turn around and find Luna. 
>"May... May we have some of thy skin Anonymous?"

>When griffons molt, they give their old feathers to loved ones
>By giving out bits of dead skin to anypony who asks, Anon is basically creating a herd





>You cuddle Applejack closer, holding her to your bare chest.
>It had been a lot of trouble for the girls to convince you to start going around naked, and in the end you compromised and basically stripped down to your shorts.
>"A-Anawn..."
>You shush her and stroke her mane, working your fingers through her thick, blond hair.
>It's just as soft as a human's, and it smells just as sweet.
"I know."
>Applejack weakly paws at you and looks around nervously.
>"No, y'all don't understand!"
"Shhh..."
>You move from running your fingers through her mane to rubbing her cheek, and you can't help but smile when she raises her chin up for you to scratch.
>Her eyes are closed and a blush is erupting on her face, and you can feel one of her hind legs kicking against your lap.
"It's just us, Applejack."
>She opens her eyes and looks at you with heavily-lidded eyes.
"I know we had some misunderstandings about the cows and the apple-circles, but we can put that all behind us."
>" T'aint proper," she croaks, trying and failing to tear her eyes away from yours, "Temptin' a hard-workin' mare like me..."
>You smile and shake your head.
"It's not 'tempting' if we actually go through with it."
>Applejack whimpers and shakes her head 'no'.
>"N-Not till yah got a r-ring..."
>She twitches and twists just a little bit as you slowly bring your face closer to her's.
>She wants to stay, but at the same time she wants to leave.
>You had no idea that a simple farmpony had such hidden depths.
>You just smile and cup her cheek, just to make sure she can't turn away from you.
"That can come later."
>Her eyes flutter shut as you make your final approach, and your's begin to follow suit.
>You can feel her hot breath on your face, and you unconsciously begin to synchronize your breathing; she exhales, and you inhale. She inhales, and you exhale
>>"Applejack? Ah tho- Applejack!"
>You and Applejack's eyes snap open and you stare at each other in surprise.
>Applejack scrambles to get off of you, pushing your arms away without any of the delicacy she normally reserved for stallions.
>Standing in between two trees is none other than Applejack's little sister, Apple Bloom.
>She looks outraged in the way that only small children can.
>"A-Apple Bloom?! Ah thought Ah told you-"
>>"Y'all said you were callin' Anon for soup!"
>Applejack does an unhappy little horse dance and groans miserably.
>"Ah was!"
>Apple Bloom stomps her hoofs angrily.
>>"I'm tellin' Granny!"
>"No, don't!"
>Apple Bloom rushes out of the orchard, and Applejack sprints off after her.
>Dinner was awkward that night; Big Mac called you a slut, and Granny said that you had something called "Foal-sirin' hips".
>Today was a "Apples is complicated" kind of day







>Finally, your latest molt was complete. 
>And it was a doozy. 
>You do a 360 in front of the hyooman sized mirror and inspect your new form with no small amount of satisfaction. 
>Gone was your hard chitin shell, replaced with thick skin coated in plush black fur. 
>The holes in your legs has closed, leaving your limbs whole and strong once more. 
>The same goes for your new, glossy wings. 
>The fin on your head was gone and in its place was a silky mane worthy of a royal 'Ling.
>Even the build of your body had changed. 
>Your head and muzzle had lost their angular shapes. Now you had a more rounded head and a softer muzzle.
>Your neck and torso had also elongated and thinned slightly.
>Turning around, you inspected your behind. 
>Gone was your bony backside that was made for aerodynamics. Now you had a full rump, wide hips, and a narrowed waist that you're sure mammals would find most enticing. 
>A flick of your tail confirmed that the changes you felt INSIDE your body during the molt were no trick. 
>You now had everything you needed to breed and give birth like a mammal.
>Such drastic changes. No wonder your instincts told you to cocoon up for this one. 
>You had been in the cocoon for 2 weeks. Your beloved most be worried sick by now.
>With a flicker of thought, you will the cocoon scraps around the bedroom to float to the trashcan. The scraps oblige with a green glow. 
>A smile forms on your now soft lips. Your dear human had done so much for you. Putting up with your changeling eccentricities and feeding you the purest of love without asking for anything in return.
>A pony stallion would never be so accommodating. 
>Your eyes turn to the bed and your smile turns into a smirk.
>It's time to repay him. 
>And what better payment than a female tailored to his tastes?





> Changeling surrogates have about the status level of tertiary herdmare
> That is, something like a sister in law with benefits
> It's common for herd alpha's to insist on being the only thing the stallion sees as he inseminates the bug
> Others prefer the bug to copy their form for the entire procedure up until just after birth
> More open-minded mares treat the bugs as fellow herdmates
> The offspring itself has a strong resemblance to the father, but it will gain some of the traits of others in the herd depending on how much those mares give of their love to the bug





>Some pegasi eat fish, and they have a variety of ways to get some fresh.
>Many just using fishing poles like people.
>Others...
>Sometimes, you can spot Dash and other athletic pegasi hovering high over the river looking down intently.
>Then she dives into the water at breakneck speeds, and hops back out with a wriggly fish, looking proud of herself.
>She brings it to you after realizing she has no idea what to do with a fish and assuming you know how to cook.
>Another day with adorably sexist pones





NMM wasn't borne of Luna's jealousy, but her smug arrogance
>She is the reason sex tends to happen at night
>Celestia was worshiped as the pure goddess that no colt wanted to blemish and is beyond /r9k/ levels of permavirgin

>Luna is a known as Princess for Sexual
>By pony standards

>Being a Sunfag is suffering
>Anon was finally able to praise the sun, and her bounteous behind
>But when the ponies found out he had 'defiled' her
>That he had seduced their pure Princess with the power of HMD
>The once peaceful ponies suddenly wanted to lock him in Tartarus.
>Because only an evil Incubus could even desire, let alone achieve such a thing





When Celestia and Luna were young, before the whole princess alicorn thing, the gender roles were like ours, over time they changed to what they are now.
Celestia and Luna are uncomfortable having to be like they remember their father being. They would rather be like their mother, and be doted on by the stallion instead of the other way around.
Enter Anon





>Anon prefers the night.
>Despite Twilight's best efforts she can't get him to hang out with her and her friends.
>Twenty minutes later she and Pinkie learn a valuable lesson.
>They and Anon can make accommodations to their schedules and meet at times that would be convenient for both of them.

>Meanwhile Celestia is still, after nearly a year, riding the high of the joy of having her sister back.
>But lately she's noticed how lonely Luna is.
>Then she receives a letter from her dear precious student.
>She learns more about the "hyoo-mun" Anon.
>She gets what she feels is an absolutely brilliant idea.
>Anon is nocturnal by choice. Her sister is the night.
>She'll introduce them.
>Luna will obviously be overjoyed, stallions that prefer the night usually turn out to be "stallions of the night."
>Maybe she'll finally have a non-sister friend that can understand her.

>Celestia deeply underestimates her sister's reaction.
>Luna decides to latch on tight and never let go.




Anon moves to the Crystal Empire, mostly because their gender roles are still "archaic" (like ours) and because he was irritated by Chublight and her friends constantly pestering him.

His new home is right next to the Crystal Palace.

Anon becomes "the girl next door" to Cadence, who finds herself increasingly tempted by him.

However, not only is he oblivious to her growing crisis, obstacles include Bro-Luna, who frequently drop by, and Celestia, who keeps trying to woo him with extravagant displays and gifts... and often self-foils

>Celestia sort of catches on to how he's basically a mare
>Tries to think of presents to give him that she herself would like to receive
>"Why didn't he like that enormous vibrating dildo I sent him?"






>Anon and Luna's nocturnal adventures.
>It's either creepy silent shit during the darkness or high octane chariot chases, shootouts and explosions.
>Interrupted by finding and eating at those cool places where the locals only knows about or awkward romantic silences and introspection while looking at the stars. 
>they're not even looking for trouble they just somehow walks into it.









>Celestia has had a long line of suitors over the years.
>But none of them ever stuck around for long.
>They claimed to love her at first, but they loved the idea of her, Celestia the Princess of the Sun
>They didn't love Celestia the pony

>They weren't gold diggers, or faking their interest in her (most of them anyway)
>But they couldn't handle the reality
>And when their image of the Perfect Pony Princess, who would cater to their every whim, was stripped away
>When they got to see a glimpse underneath the mask she wore, and saw the real her underneath, they didn't like it.

>That she got sad, angry, frustrated, and afraid just like everypony else
>That she wasn't always prim and proper
>That she had responsibilities
>That a crisis could and would happen at any time, and she would spend her days trying to keep her life's work from unraveling at the seams
>Facing horrors that only she can.

>That she would spend the majority of her time in court, listening to the requests, complaints, and demands of her subjects
>Or dealing with the nobility and the bureaucracy.
>Trying to juggle the needs of a kingdom instead of devoting all her attention to romance

>After the first few centuries of romantic failure, she resigned herself to the inevitable
>That love was an ephemeral thing, something she could only experience for a brief time, before it disappeared.

>She accepted less and less when a stallion would declare his love for her
>Knowing that the time would come when they would leave, having never really loved the real her at all.
>She wants to experience the real thing so badly, but it has eluded her all these years.
>When the pain of loss recedes, she lies to herself, that maybe this time, things will be different.
>And she indulges herself in this poor substitute for real love, until the high wears off, and it all comes crashing down again


>Celestia's heart couldn't take it anymore becomes Nightmare Star. 
>Subjugates all the enemies of Equestria within and without in mere days.
>Anon is resurrected because of a series of convoluted and practically retarded events that involves Pinkie Pie discovering the Colonel's 11 secret spices, the mirror pool, Anon's body and three fiddy bits.
>Celestia returns to normal and Anon is wondering why everyone is scared of his sweet heart

>Instead of Anon coming back to the world of the living he haunts her. 
>He is saddened by what his Tia has become. 
>Celestia sometimes feels something rubbing the side of her neck in bed like Anon used to when she was in a poor mood. 
>She will occasionally see him in court, he always looks so sad. 
>She doesn't understand. 
>She thinks it's because she isn't being strict enough. 
>That must be it! 
>His mood only gets worse. 
>Whenever she sees him he's now crying. 
>She no longer feels a touch in bed, she only hears a slight crying next to her. 
>She doesn't care anymore, that's not her husband. 
>He's dead




>He gave her one thing that would endure beyond his passing
>That would prevent her from spending all the years to come alone, should Luna's return go poorly.

>A daughter
>A mare who would soon claim the title of the Princess of Love







>Anon is in the Crystal Empire's Royal Herd with Shining and Cadence
>Cadence has given birth to both of their children 
>Anon takes issue with how much of total brat teenage Flurry Heart compared to Venus, his daughter with Cadence
>He tries to discipline her
>However in herds with more than one stallion, its generally not acceptable for one male to discipline another male's child
>Shining and Anon start fighting over this




>teenage Flurry Heart is actually justified in being completely done with this shit because her parents have literal wrestling matches in their bedroom with a full audience and announcer
>It's always at night too so she never gets any sleep





>1000 years ago, the Draconequus species was going extinct
>Nopony remembers why
>One by one, the last survivors died off, until just one remained
>Princess Celestia took pity on him, a single male, all alone in the world, and made him immortal through a complicated ritual
>The two were lovers, for a time, as Celestia worked on discovering a way for them to breed, and repopulate the once-great species
>Over the centuries, however, the loneliness got to him
>He was always fond of pranks, but the spirit had changed
>He'd gone from leaving whoopie cushions on seats, to tacks
>And when he overheard a pair of stallions discussing how attractive Celestia was...
>Finally, Celestia had to put him down
>But Anon would be different, right?
>Discord was always a loose cannon, even when he was mortal
>Surely, Anon, strict, uptight Anon would be able to cope with immortality
>Right?





>Anon makes potions for a living because it's easy to mix and match ingredients and assume the outcomes
>He gets a young, lonely mare to test out his experimental brews in order to record their effects in exchange of satisfying her need of having someone to talk to





>His time draws near
>His body has grown frail
>Soon, he will die
>But he tells Celetsia, that it is not the end
>Have faith, and one day he will return
>Be it one year, or a thousand, he will find a way to return to her.
>He dies, years pass
>Celestia and Anon's daughter Cadence grows up
>Luna returns, Twilight ascends
>Flurry Heart is born, and a few years later, she has a Brother.
>A green alicorn colt, with Anon's mark on his flank.

>Surprise Celly!
>Anon figured out how to reincarnate himself.
>As his own grandson. 
>He tries not to think about that part too hard. It was necessary to pull off the 'immortal this time around' bit.

>Anon's adult mind is intact, but his body is that of a foal
>An alicorn foal, but it'll still take years for his magic to develop enough for him to magically age himself to adulthood
>Shining slightly resents Anon for taking the place of the son he always wanted
>He knows he shouldn't be angry, but it still delights him to treat Anon as a foal
>Cadence doesn't sleep for weeks, as she tries to reconcile her memories of her father with the bundle of joy she carried for 9 months and pushed out her cooter
>Celestia does /ss/
>A lot

>Shining eventually pulls off the ascension trick after his sister figures out more friendship magic science bullshit
>For all eternity, he gets to tease his Father-in-law/Son and treat him like Shining is the dad.
>Anon must put up with the most horrible dad jokes ever known to man or pony.
>Forever

>He knows he kind of deserves it
>After all, Shining's sperm created this body
>And he did forcibly remove the child's soul and take its place
>He still wonders what happened to it

>Anon decides it's time to give this age-up spell a shot
>It doesn't work
>Oh it works on regular ponies, but it turns out it does absolutely *nothing* to alicorns.
>Apparently one of the prices of immortality is he doesn't get to skip the being a kid part.
>His family can't help but think it's adorable as he stomps his little hoofsies in frustration


>"BOY! CEASE THIS FOOLISHNESS AT ONCE!"
>The disrespect they show their sire. Your daughter and her mate will be punished for this. 
>"I WILL NOT SUFFER THROUGH THIS KIND OF TREATMENT."
>You stand to your full height, willing your wings to spread out like menacing eagle ready to strike.
>"I HAVE WALKED ON THIS WRETCHED PLANE LONG BEFORE YOUR FATHER IS A SPECK ON YOUR GRANDFATHER'S EYES"
>You gather power on your horns and see the look of astonishment and fear on their eyes.

Cadence's, Shining's, Everyone else's POV
>Who's a good widdle colt?
>Goo goo gaga!
>Oh look Shiny!, He's talking to you!
>Goo goo gaga pbbbttt.
>Aww, look at him! So scawy!


>Celestia... Mother can we talk for a minute?
>"Yes dearie, what is it?"
>Well. I'm concerned about my son- err I mean father... Anonymous.
>"What's the matter?"
>Well Isn't he a little different. I mean, He's giving major supervillain vibes. Just this morning he already drafted a plan to subjugate the surrounding countries.
>"Oh honey, Let him be. It's just a phase. He told me before. It's a common ailment or condition of his kind. Whenever they reach a certain amount of power/status/wealth, they have certain...eccentric tendencies. It'll pass."
>So uh what do we do then?
>"We'll just make sure none of his "plans" happen and distract him with a few things. everynow and then. And when the time comes that he's done with the evil overlord phase of his. We'll make sure to remind him and show him his pictures! Don't forget his quotes and speeches!"
>Uh.. okay then. See you later mom. err Princess





>Anonymous and Celestia likes to spice up their sex lives. The flavor of the week: Master and Slave roleplay.
>Foreign spies and infiltrators thinks that Celestia Sol Invictus is unconquered no more.
>What manner of creature has defeated and bedded a living goddess.
> A few weeks later several Envoys came to Canterlot to pay homage and tribute to it's "new master".
>Anonymous the Sun-Eater.
>Anon could only see Celestia's shit eating grin as she plants Anon to her throne and lays her head to his feet while wearing full regalia and all.
>T'was a misunderstanding kind of day





>Be Anon. 
>Apparently you're a small colt now. 
>You feel like shit. 
>Poor Celly is feeling pent up and you can't do anything about it. 
>How do you know she's pent up? 
>You caught her using that old dildo you had made for her that was molded out by your own dick. 
>Normally she'd come to you to get "Sum fuk" but seeing as you're a colt now she might be a bit scared. 
>You ended up contacting Fluttershy, she was always a bro. 
>Er, sis? 
>Anyways you called her in. 
>"Well, I don't want to tread on you and Celestia's sex life but..." She trails off. 
"But what?"
She begins scuffing the ground and looking around. 
>"Well I mean, you could always-, you know?"
>You're just confused. 
>"You know, you're a young colt, Celestia is a grown mare."
"Yeah, that's the problem Flutters."
>Now she's unamused. 
>When Flutters is unamused you know you did something stupid. 
>"Roleplay Anon. I'm talking about roleplay."
"Ooooh, that... Could work."
>Fluttershy just wraps a wing around you to comfort. 
>"It will, just listen to what I tell you and Celly will be the happiest mare around!"
>Wow she's adamant about this. 
>You have necer seen her this hyped up. 

>After Fluttershy taught you a few things you went to find Celly. 
>Luckily she was in her room. 
>You walk in and see her scribbling on some papers. 
>You sneak up and lay on her bed and sprawl out like Flutters said to. 
"Oh, what are we gonna do on the bed miss Celestia."
>She turns around and looks at you. 
>"Anon?"
"Yes miss Celestia?"
>You say as seductively as possible. 
>She begins to giggle. 
> Ow, you tiny little heart. 
>"What *Giggle* what are you doing Anon?" She ask walking over to the bed. 
>You sigh.
"I was trying to roleplay for you and act sexy, I know I haven't been able to please you since I became this but I want to at least try."
>She rubs your back. 
>"Oh honey, you don't have to worry about me. I'm happy as long as you're with me." She says laying her head on yours.
"I know that but, can we at least try?"
>She smiles with half lidded eyes. 
>"I don't know why not my lost little colt." She says pushing you down on the bed and rubbing a hoof down your neck to your groin. 
"B-But I pee from there."
>"Not right now you don't."

>Be Fluttershy. 
>You're looking through a hole into Anon and Celestia's room. 
"Holy buck this is hot."
>"I know right."
>You look over and see Rainbow Dash looking through another hole. 
>"Does it count as incest if I'm enjoying this?" Twilight says bedside her looking through another. 
>"Nah, probably not." Cadence says beside her looking through a hole with one hoof already on her groin. 
>"Good, just making sure." Twilight says placing a hoof on groin. 
>...
>Were the buck did all these holes come from?







>Anon regularly visits Zecora in the Everfree Forest
>Rumors spread that he's being STRIPED
>Twilight sets up a scrying spell to spy- Erm, check that Zecora is treating him well





>"Anonymous! Why did you murder everyone in Manehattan?!"
"Uh... b-because I had a friend and.... and...."
>Shit.
"And he went away?"
>Celestia stares at you unblinkingly
"....and I got really really sad?"
>She doesn't move an inch.
>You can feel cold sweat drip down the back of your neck.
"....and I'm sorry?"
>Celestia slowly nods before approaching you.
>You're frozen, wondering what punishment awaits you for your countless acts of murder.
>"Anonymous the human, for your transgressions, the crown hereby sentences you to...."
>HERE IT COMES
>"....to being Luna's personal student."
>What.
>Celestia ignores the way your jaw has impacted on the floor and left a crater.
>"You will let her teach you about friendship and you will write reports to her every week. Failing to do so will result in going to bed without a snack."
>Celestia turns around and walks, making effort to avoid stomping on the corpses you left on the floor.
>"Follow me, Anonymous. We'll fly back to Canterlot and I'll show you where you'll be sleeping. Do you like alicorn-feather pillows?"


>Anon frequently gets away with atrocities that would have him given the death penalty on Earth in RGRE
>All he has to do is give vaguely friendship-related excuses for his actions
>Starlight Glimmer and Discord are the only ones who notice him abusing the system because they've done it themselves.





>Anon abuses the friendship rule of leniency.
>Gets away Scott free from almost all his shenanigans.

>Flashes mares in the street.
>Gets caught.
>Friendship!
>Sentenced to being twilight's student.
>Anon is a good student.
>Twilight rewards him with tickets to an amusement park.
>Anon doesn't want to stand in line.
>Steals heat potion recipe from Zecora 
>Release it in the park in aerosol form.
>Start an uncontrollable orgy.
>Ponies everywhere, holding hooves, having sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation..
>Walk through the park with a mare strapped to his dick while going on the rides he wants, then paying with money.
>"I did this because Friendship!"
>Celestia starts catching on to his whimsy and makes him her student to keep an eye on him.
>Anon uses sexual favors for sexual blackmail 
>Then uses sexual blackmail for more sexual favors.
>Uses those favors for power in the court
>Gets promoted to royal steward due to noble intervention.
>Fingers Celestia to climax during day court.
>Friendship!

>Celestia meets with the griffon ambassadors
>Has to sit there and try to be professional while Anon sits behind Celestia, pulls her into his lap, and then starts pleasuring her with his fingers
>Celestia thinks that the entire meeting was a disaster; griffons go home wondering why THEY don't have appointed court-boys who pleasure them while they work

>"Sister, why wilt thou not share thy court attendant with us? We shalt be the only one at the summit without one

>Considering how long alicorns live, their childhood and teenage years can last 100 to 200 years
>Luna was banished when she was the alicorn equivalent of a teenager (explaining why she was so concerned what other ponies thought of her and how she had such wild moodswing)
>Now that she's returned, she worries about how she'll be the only one meeting at the summit who isn't following the latest trend





>Anon uses his new automatic male charm to score free food.
>When he's short on change he'll flirt with the delivery ponies to get a bit taken off.
>Sometimes they can resist his flirting, at which point he shows a bit of skin and offers to instead "show his appreciation for their hard work."
>And today for the first time he managed to completely fluster one of the "tough-looking" delivery mares.
>She flushed completely red, dropped his pizza, hid her face behind her hooves, and ran out of the building.
>She dropped her ID.
>So, being the good Samaritan that he is, he goes to give it back.
>They get to talking, find they have similar interests in music, and though she wouldn't admit it she was awfully interested to hear his exploits in gardening.
>She gives her name as "Night Feather", and he doesn't point out that her ID says "Morning Daisy."
>Over a few months they become somewhat friends, despite the age-gap.
>Anon establishes himself as someone she can turn to with her problems.
>And her total "I'm so badass whahaha blood!" edgelord act is freaking adorable to him.
>Anon later learns that he's the only friend she's had in her entire life.
>Plays the part of the mature adult, and she slowly falls for him.
>Something something RGRE




>"Yeow!"
>The young mare in your lap jumps, rocking her black and purple bed slightly and shaking the bundle of cosmetics at your side.
"Just hold still baby, I know it sucks."
>You gently part the rough, uneven fur on her cheeks, making her wince in pain.
>Just as you thought. The one thing that anyone around 16 or so hates.
>Acne.
>Puffy, irritated skin unpleasantly greets your eyes. All over the splotches of red you find that her fur is growing in coarse and uneven.
"Take it from someone who went through it already," You tell her gently. "It's awful, but the best you can do is treat it and wait for it to stop."
>She nods stiffly, eyes clenched shut.
>Grabbing from the pile of cosmetics, you pull up a wipe and gently clean the sore on her cheek.
>She hisses, but doesn't pull away.
>Murmuring encouragement, you toss the wipe away and grab a bottle of cream.
>This shit had better work. It was 30 bits a bottle. 
>You squeeze out a large drop onto your thumb and tenderly press it into her cheek.
>Another wince, but less intense.
>As slowly as you could, you rub the skin cream in with small circles.
>The mare in your lap stops shivering, her shoulders drooping as she leans into your hand.
“Better?”
>She nods absently. “You know, none of the girls in class believed me when I said we were a thing. They said things like this don’t happen.”
>Thank you backwards pony relationship roles and laws. No jail for cradle robbing here.
>You chuckle, bending down to touch your forehead to hers. 
“We’re not exactly normal, though. I don’t think it applies here.”
>She hummed an agreement. “Thanks Anon. Things are easy with you. I don't tell you that enough."
>Finally, she cracks her eyes open to look at you. “Sooooo my parents aren't going to be home for another hour or so. You wanna..?”
“How about on their bed?”
>She blinks. “Thats way lewd. Lets do it!”



>Anon is Teen Emopone's date to the prom 
>she gets jealous looks from all the girls at school that she managed to snag a hot older guy


>Mompone looks calmly between Anon and Emopone
>Walks out of the room
>Comes back with a cider, which she hands to Emopone
>Pats her on the back
>"Good job, kiddo."



>Anon sets up a booth that says "Will provide first kiss; 5 bits"
>A new generation of fillies can say that at least they aren't the kissless variety of virgins by the time they're in their teens


> Older mares stop by to "make sure nothing shady is going on"
> Rumor gets around
> Granny Smith shows up one day with a big jar of bits




>Anon hated being in high school the first time, and despite being optimistic for this new opportunity feels like Canterlot High won't be much better
>Teenagers are still teenagers, even with reversed gender roles 
>Just focuses on schoolwork and ignores other people 
>After school, he heads right back to his apartment
>Gets a reputation as something of an ice king due to how he acts
>Is never really impolite to people, but very obviously would rather be left alone 
>the fact that he seemingly showed up out of nowhere like Sunset Shimmer, gives him that 'mysterious' factor to the girls of Canterlot High
>It becomes a race to see who can get into the mysteriously hot transfer student's pants first






>A certain racistpone calls Anon a stupid immigrant monkey
>He calls her a bitch
>This word is extremely offensive towards diamond dogs
>Hfw she realizes the apelien is a pony supremacist as well
>Maybe apeliens can be honorary ponies in the upcoming racially pure society?





>Anon blackmails Sunset into acting like a good girlfriend
>Sit next to him, talk nice to him, act sweet, grab his hand in the hall
>Tough-girl shtick grates against the "new rules"
>Anon starts to do it at first just to be an asshole
>Starts getting concerned when she slips up
>Even makes her act like that in private
>Anon takes this opportunity to straighten things out in this school
>Uses her influence to deal with the other bullies
>All of the male staff like Anon because he's got queen bitch under his thumb
>None of the female teachers have the nerve to refuse Anon what he wants
>Sunny don't let no shit slide from anyone else because of her repressed anger toward Anon
>Anon picks up quick on new fantasy threats because he's genre-savvy
>They become the Matriarch and Patriarch of the school




>Anon's luck runs out when the mirror opens again, allowing Sunset to begin her plans by stealing the Element of Magic
>hides it in a place he won't know to look for
>Twiligt shows up at Canterlot High, and is somewhat confused at why people are afraid of Anon
>She expects them to be afraid of Sunset Shimmer given what she just learned about her from Celestia
>But why would they be afraid of her friend Anon, who she accidentally sent here?
>Still they catch up and students watch them in stunned awe
>Anon of course leaves out the Sunset thing, and only mentions that they're dating
>Is surprised to learn that Sunset is actually a unicorn in human form and it an actual human
>Things come to ahead at the Fall Formal when Twilight wins back the crown 
>Sunset gets it by threatening Spike
>Anon tries to blackmail her into giving it back but...
>"No. The time for YOU to give me orders is over."
>turns into her she-demon form with the crown and goes into a long rant about all the humiliating things Anon made her do
>"But it doesn't matter anymore. Tell everyone here what I did. Scream it from the rooftops! With the power I have now anybody who tries to cross me again is DEAD!"
>attempts to blast Anon to death with magic, but Twilight and the Humane 5 jump in the way
>Magic Ex Machina allows them to beat Sunset Shimmer 
>Before Twilight can even get a word in, Anon loudly reveals the info he's been using to blackmail Sunset all this time 
>That she attempted to struggle-snuggle him
>Redemption is hard enough when you turn into a she-demon, it's even harder when you're a sex offender
>The only reason Sunset isn't in prison at that point is because Twilight begs them not to 
>Asks Anon why the fuck would he basically torture someone like that 
"Twilight, if you think I'm bad, you should have seen this school when I first got here. Sunset ruled over everyone with bullying and blackmail. Nobody aside from me was willing to deal with her or the other bullies."
"So when Sunset unknowingly presented an opportunity for me to put a leash on her, I took it. Since then, bullying has gone down and general harmony in the school is up. Everything I did to her is exactly what she's done to the students here."
>Twilight learns why humans, real humans, not the horse-humans of EqG are terrifying





>Bugqueen goes into hiding to plot revenge against Starlight and Thorax
>Stumbles upon Anon's camp in the middle of the Everfree
>Anon, happy to have a creature not trying to eat him or turn him to stone after so long accepts Chrysalis as a friend immediately despite her clearly evil looks
>Sympathizes with her losing her children and kingdom to a usurper
>Chryssy feeds on Anon's sympathy, friendship, and love to become stronger
>After years together Anon's shitty camp grew into a cabin, and into the inconspicuous entrance of the new underground hive
>Sons and daughters who have never known a loveless night each nearly as strong as Chrysalis was when she infiltrated Canterlot.
>They know of the traitor Thorax who ousted Queen Mom from her home
>King Anonymous knows of how he stole her children from her
>Finally they are ready to put the plan into place


>You are Macintosh Apple
>And some strange lost lookin critter just stumbled out of the Everfree...


>After many a sleepless night pondering, Chrysalis reluctantly decides risking her new family unnecessarily with a new invasion is not worth it.
>She doesn't like it, but as the matriarch, making hard decisions comes with the job.
>Even with an endless well of love in the form or her husband and her new hive all as powerful as alicorns, the broken bodies of her old children and the following silence of the telepathic web still haunts her.
>And when she closes her eyes, all the changeling queen sees is a field of dead, silent as the grave and reeking of blood.
>But now, the glassy eyes of her bipedal love, her savior, stare back at her too. 
>No. She will NOT bury more of her family killed by a mistake of hers.
>Besides, there are other ways to get back at Equestria...
>She and hers will just have to play the economy game.
>Maybe an oasis town with some brothels or some questionable medical research... 
>That would be a good start, says her husband







>Sunset and Trixie quickly forget that this is a rape as they try to outperform each other
>This gradually turns into less sexuall-oriented competiton
>Soon, without them noticing, they've both ended up in a relationship with Anon

>"Oh yeah? Well I bought Anon flowers!"
>>"Pfft, flower? Sunset, did you mistake Anon for Thunderlane? Trixie has bought Anon tickets for that play he likes!"
>"Oh yeah? Well /I'm/ going to take him out for a romantic evening which will end with a bed covered in rose pedals and chilled champagne!"
>>"Is that so? Well, Trixie is going to ruin her throat on Anon's cock! What do you think about THAT, Sunset?!"

>"Do you really think Anon is going to give you his hand in marriage with a proposal like that? A nice dinner and a speech about how special he makes you feel, like how you don't have to worry about him leaving you for someone better?"
>>"Well, what's YOUR proposal? A quiet evening at home, curled up in front of a fireplace under a blanket, just sitting there an enjoying each other's company? What, are you going to tell him that you love him, that you've always loved him, and that you feel in your heart that there's something special between the three of us?"
>"...three of us?"
>>".....Two of us. Trixie meant two of us."






>RGREqG
>Play some online vidya because it's still interesting to you even in this backwards world.
>Keep mic off to avoid spergouts.
>Meet some chick who is pretty cool and doesn't mind you using text chat all the time.
>Become best friends and play everything together.
>Finally talk with her because you trust her and genuinely like her more than a friend.
>After her freakout, things go back to semi-normal, but you can feel some underlying tension now.
>A nearby con rolls around, and you ask her if she wants to meet there.
>Of course, she says yes. 
>Little does she know, you've got more plans then just "meeting up"
>You're going to make some cliche nerd fantasies come true. 
>By fucking her to her hearts content






>Stallions have an in-built resistance to mare pheromones, so they can only be affected up to a certain point.
>It's not much. Stallions just find sex slightly more enticing than before. 
>Anon, however, has no such resistance. 
>When estrus rolls around and the air in town is a practical miasma of hormones...
>Between the constant thoughts of dragging the nearest mare away and plunging in, he never realized that an erection could hurt




And I see Rarity's 'harmony/love magic bullshit' is specially effective on dragons.

How would it affect humans, I wonder

>It doesn't work at all, much to Rarity's stinging pride, since she can usually catch eyes even with her colty personality.
>Insult is added to injury when Anon is magnetically attracted to Rainbow, who can't keep a stallion to save her life



>Teen Anon remarks that he doesn't find Teen Cadence attractive
>Teen Cadence has her pride stung
>Tries to use her marely wiles to convince him otherwise
>Anon grows more annoyed/repulsed
>She grows increasingly desperate
>Slowly turns yandere


nah: teenager Anon remarks he likes geeky mares
Mares and Cadence in his class suddenly try to be geeky and fail hard
Anon is laughing his ass off at them





>Twilight fucks Anon regularly
>Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy attacks Equestria (again)
>Anon decides to stand up for everyone and fights the baddie
>Does surprisingly well, almost defeats him
>baddie opens a portal in time and flings him into the past
>stumbled upon by one of Twilight's ancestors, who happens to look exactly like her too
>Takes him as a slave as victorious mares often do
>Twilight fucks Anon regularly
>Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy...






>Eldritch Anon
>More alien than anything else in Equestria
>Even the Tree of Harmony is left scratching it's metaphorical head about Anon

>He defies the laws of nature and magic simply by existing.
>They bend and break around him
>He is a singularity in the cosmos

>For such a strange being, he is remarkably ordinary looking
>Not the outward manifestation of chaotically mismatched parts that is Discord
>Not the smoky light sucking formless cloud of the Nightmare
>He exudes no aura of terror or power
>He simply is
>Only those who are already aware of such things can really tell that he is Other in a way almost nothing else is





>Thousands of years back, the birthrates of colts to fillies were even and society was male dominated.
>As the years went on, the birthrates skewed in favor of mares, slowly flipping the gender roles. 
>Now, no one even remembers that things were different.
>Except Celestia, who longs for the days of old where she had assertive, retro-masculine sweethearts lining up for her.
>Days when she could be the giggly, submissive female in a clear-cut relationship. 
>Not whatever over complicated and unfair role mares today have. 
>But then you show up with a "marely" attitude and little care for pony customs...
>Little did you know, the day you met Equestria's ruler and called her "Sunny Buns" on accident was they day you met your wife.



>Celestia wants to be feminine and submissive next to a "retro-masculine" (normal gender role) male.
>Wake up later than she does one morning.
>Groggily walk to breakfast.
>With the kind of inclusive ruler Celly is, she probably eats in a large dining room with her sister and other noble ponies.
>As you sit down, still half asleep, pull Celly into an aggressive "good morning" kiss. 
>She giggles in delight into your mouth, wiggling happily in her seat.
>The looks on everyone else's face at seeing their perfect princess enjoy her manhandling at the hands of a backwards alien is priceless



>Hug Sunhorse.
>She stiffens, then sniffles as silent tears slowly run down her face.
>You're the first male to willingly touch her in hundreds of years with nothing but affection and no ulterior motives.
>It's been so long that she's forgotten what the sensation of being wrapped in a warm hug is like. 
"You're loved, Celestia."
>The noise that comes from her mouth would fit better on a wounded animal.
>Tighten the hug.
>Chin on your shoulder, she bites her tongue in a vain attempt to stop the frame-wracking sobs in her chest from escaping.
>She fails. 
>Heavy is the price of perfection





>Anon comes to RGREqG
>Fuck being a teen again.
>Sunset in informed of this event and tries to help him to get up for the fall caused by purple nurple.
>Finds out that this world is RGR too.
>At least they don't have hooves, 7/10, would waifu one of them.
>Little by little, Anon makes his way through the life of a highschooler again.
>He is a fresh man, first semester and everything, all thanks to Principal Celestia.
>Attarcts the atencion of the Dazzles, with his emotions and rage.
>Looks very lovely to Teacher of Social Studies Chrysalis.
>A promising student in with a lot of room to improve for Dr. Discord PhD, he looks a "Twilight Sparkle" inside of you, but with Chaos.
>The Dazzles vs Reformed Sunset.
>Chrysalis vs Discord.
>Meanwhile.
>Anon finds a computer with the capacity to VR everything.
>Discovers that RGREqG 4CHAN.
>Haters, shitposters, memes, and all the autism he can consume.
>He is home, and he will be for as long a he can.
>4CHAN HERE I GO, MAGIC OF AUTISM AND FRIENDSHIP, DON'T FAIL ME NOW



>Anon hated being in high school the first time, and despite being optimistic for this new opportunity feels like Canterlot High won't be much better
>Teenagers are still teenagers, even with reversed gender roles 
>Just focuses on schoolwork and ignores other people 
>After school, he heads right back to his apartment
>Gets a reputation as something of an ice king due to how he acts
>Is never really impolite to people, but very obviously would rather be left alone 
>the fact that he seemingly showed up out of nowhere like Sunset Shimmer, gives him that 'mysterious' factor to the girls of Canterlot High
>It becomes a race to see who can get into the mysteriously hot transfer student's pants first






>A certain racistpone calls Anon a stupid immigrant monkey
>He calls her a bitch
>This word is extremely offensive towards diamond dogs
>Hfw she realizes the apelien is a pony supremacist as well
>Maybe apeliens can be honorary ponies in the upcoming racially pure society?





>Anon blackmails Sunset into acting like a good girlfriend
>Sit next to him, talk nice to him, act sweet, grab his hand in the hall
>Tough-girl shtick grates against the "new rules"
>Anon starts to do it at first just to be an asshole
>Starts getting concerned when she slips up
>Even makes her act like that in private
>Anon takes this opportunity to straighten things out in this school
>Uses her influence to deal with the other bullies
>All of the male staff like Anon because he's got queen bitch under his thumb
>None of the female teachers have the nerve to refuse Anon what he wants
>Sunny don't let no shit slide from anyone else because of her repressed anger toward Anon
>Anon picks up quick on new fantasy threats because he's genre-savvy
>They become the Matriarch and Patriarch of the school




>Anon's luck runs out when the mirror opens again, allowing Sunset to begin her plans by stealing the Element of Magic
>hides it in a place he won't know to look for
>Twiligt shows up at Canterlot High, and is somewhat confused at why people are afraid of Anon
>She expects them to be afraid of Sunset Shimmer given what she just learned about her from Celestia
>But why would they be afraid of her friend Anon, who she accidentally sent here?
>Still they catch up and students watch them in stunned awe
>Anon of course leaves out the Sunset thing, and only mentions that they're dating
>Is surprised to learn that Sunset is actually a unicorn in human form and it an actual human
>Things come to ahead at the Fall Formal when Twilight wins back the crown 
>Sunset gets it by threatening Spike
>Anon tries to blackmail her into giving it back but...
>"No. The time for YOU to give me orders is over."
>turns into her she-demon form with the crown and goes into a long rant about all the humiliating things Anon made her do
>"But it doesn't matter anymore. Tell everyone here what I did. Scream it from the rooftops! With the power I have now anybody who tries to cross me again is DEAD!"
>attempts to blast Anon to death with magic, but Twilight and the Humane 5 jump in the way
>Magic Ex Machina allows them to beat Sunset Shimmer 
>Before Twilight can even get a word in, Anon loudly reveals the info he's been using to blackmail Sunset all this time 
>That she attempted to struggle-snuggle him
>Redemption is hard enough when you turn into a she-demon, it's even harder when you're a sex offender
>The only reason Sunset isn't in prison at that point is because Twilight begs them not to 
>Asks Anon why the fuck would he basically torture someone like that 
"Twilight, if you think I'm bad, you should have seen this school when I first got here. Sunset ruled over everyone with bullying and blackmail. Nobody aside from me was willing to deal with her or the other bullies."
"So when Sunset unknowingly presented an opportunity for me to put a leash on her, I took it. Since then, bullying has gone down and general harmony in the school is up. Everything I did to her is exactly what she's done to the students here."
>Twilight learns why humans, real humans, not the horse-humans of EqG are terrifying





>Bugqueen goes into hiding to plot revenge against Starlight and Thorax
>Stumbles upon Anon's camp in the middle of the Everfree
>Anon, happy to have a creature not trying to eat him or turn him to stone after so long accepts Chrysalis as a friend immediately despite her clearly evil looks
>Sympathizes with her losing her children and kingdom to a usurper
>Chryssy feeds on Anon's sympathy, friendship, and love to become stronger
>After years together Anon's shitty camp grew into a cabin, and into the inconspicuous entrance of the new underground hive
>Sons and daughters who have never known a loveless night each nearly as strong as Chrysalis was when she infiltrated Canterlot.
>They know of the traitor Thorax who ousted Queen Mom from her home
>King Anonymous knows of how he stole her children from her
>Finally they are ready to put the plan into place


>You are Macintosh Apple
>And some strange lost lookin critter just stumbled out of the Everfree...


>After many a sleepless night pondering, Chrysalis reluctantly decides risking her new family unnecessarily with a new invasion is not worth it.
>She doesn't like it, but as the matriarch, making hard decisions comes with the job.
>Even with an endless well of love in the form or her husband and her new hive all as powerful as alicorns, the broken bodies of her old children and the following silence of the telepathic web still haunts her.
>And when she closes her eyes, all the changeling queen sees is a field of dead, silent as the grave and reeking of blood.
>But now, the glassy eyes of her bipedal love, her savior, stare back at her too. 
>No. She will NOT bury more of her family killed by a mistake of hers.
>Besides, there are other ways to get back at Equestria...
>She and hers will just have to play the economy game.
>Maybe an oasis town with some brothels or some questionable medical research... 
>That would be a good start, says her husband







>Sunset and Trixie quickly forget that this is a rape as they try to outperform each other
>This gradually turns into less sexuall-oriented competiton
>Soon, without them noticing, they've both ended up in a relationship with Anon

>"Oh yeah? Well I bought Anon flowers!"
>>"Pfft, flower? Sunset, did you mistake Anon for Thunderlane? Trixie has bought Anon tickets for that play he likes!"
>"Oh yeah? Well /I'm/ going to take him out for a romantic evening which will end with a bed covered in rose pedals and chilled champagne!"
>>"Is that so? Well, Trixie is going to ruin her throat on Anon's cock! What do you think about THAT, Sunset?!"

>"Do you really think Anon is going to give you his hand in marriage with a proposal like that? A nice dinner and a speech about how special he makes you feel, like how you don't have to worry about him leaving you for someone better?"
>>"Well, what's YOUR proposal? A quiet evening at home, curled up in front of a fireplace under a blanket, just sitting there an enjoying each other's company? What, are you going to tell him that you love him, that you've always loved him, and that you feel in your heart that there's something special between the three of us?"
>"...three of us?"
>>".....Two of us. Trixie meant two of us."






>RGREqG
>Play some online vidya because it's still interesting to you even in this backwards world.
>Keep mic off to avoid spergouts.
>Meet some chick who is pretty cool and doesn't mind you using text chat all the time.
>Become best friends and play everything together.
>Finally talk with her because you trust her and genuinely like her more than a friend.
>After her freakout, things go back to semi-normal, but you can feel some underlying tension now.
>A nearby con rolls around, and you ask her if she wants to meet there.
>Of course, she says yes. 
>Little does she know, you've got more plans then just "meeting up"
>You're going to make some cliche nerd fantasies come true. 
>By fucking her to her hearts content






>Stallions have an in-built resistance to mare pheromones, so they can only be affected up to a certain point.
>It's not much. Stallions just find sex slightly more enticing than before. 
>Anon, however, has no such resistance. 
>When estrus rolls around and the air in town is a practical miasma of hormones...
>Between the constant thoughts of dragging the nearest mare away and plunging in, he never realized that an erection could hurt




And I see Rarity's 'harmony/love magic bullshit' is specially effective on dragons.

How would it affect humans, I wonder

>It doesn't work at all, much to Rarity's stinging pride, since she can usually catch eyes even with her colty personality.
>Insult is added to injury when Anon is magnetically attracted to Rainbow, who can't keep a stallion to save her life



>Teen Anon remarks that he doesn't find Teen Cadence attractive
>Teen Cadence has her pride stung
>Tries to use her marely wiles to convince him otherwise
>Anon grows more annoyed/repulsed
>She grows increasingly desperate
>Slowly turns yandere


nah: teenager Anon remarks he likes geeky mares
Mares and Cadence in his class suddenly try to be geeky and fail hard
Anon is laughing his ass off at them





>Twilight fucks Anon regularly
>Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy attacks Equestria (again)
>Anon decides to stand up for everyone and fights the baddie
>Does surprisingly well, almost defeats him
>baddie opens a portal in time and flings him into the past
>stumbled upon by one of Twilight's ancestors, who happens to look exactly like her too
>Takes him as a slave as victorious mares often do
>Twilight fucks Anon regularly
>Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy...






>Eldritch Anon
>More alien than anything else in Equestria
>Even the Tree of Harmony is left scratching it's metaphorical head about Anon

>He defies the laws of nature and magic simply by existing.
>They bend and break around him
>He is a singularity in the cosmos

>For such a strange being, he is remarkably ordinary looking
>Not the outward manifestation of chaotically mismatched parts that is Discord
>Not the smoky light sucking formless cloud of the Nightmare
>He exudes no aura of terror or power
>He simply is
>Only those who are already aware of such things can really tell that he is Other in a way almost nothing else is





>Thousands of years back, the birthrates of colts to fillies were even and society was male dominated.
>As the years went on, the birthrates skewed in favor of mares, slowly flipping the gender roles. 
>Now, no one even remembers that things were different.
>Except Celestia, who longs for the days of old where she had assertive, retro-masculine sweethearts lining up for her.
>Days when she could be the giggly, submissive female in a clear-cut relationship. 
>Not whatever over complicated and unfair role mares today have. 
>But then you show up with a "marely" attitude and little care for pony customs...
>Little did you know, the day you met Equestria's ruler and called her "Sunny Buns" on accident was they day you met your wife.



>Celestia wants to be feminine and submissive next to a "retro-masculine" (normal gender role) male.
>Wake up later than she does one morning.
>Groggily walk to breakfast.
>With the kind of inclusive ruler Celly is, she probably eats in a large dining room with her sister and other noble ponies.
>As you sit down, still half asleep, pull Celly into an aggressive "good morning" kiss. 
>She giggles in delight into your mouth, wiggling happily in her seat.
>The looks on everyone else's face at seeing their perfect princess enjoy her manhandling at the hands of a backwards alien is priceless



>Hug Sunhorse.
>She stiffens, then sniffles as silent tears slowly run down her face.
>You're the first male to willingly touch her in hundreds of years with nothing but affection and no ulterior motives.
>It's been so long that she's forgotten what the sensation of being wrapped in a warm hug is like. 
"You're loved, Celestia."
>The noise that comes from her mouth would fit better on a wounded animal.
>Tighten the hug.
>Chin on your shoulder, she bites her tongue in a vain attempt to stop the frame-wracking sobs in her chest from escaping.
>She fails. 
>Heavy is the price of perfection





>Anon comes to RGREqG
>Fuck being a teen again.
>Sunset in informed of this event and tries to help him to get up for the fall caused by purple nurple.
>Finds out that this world is RGR too.
>At least they don't have hooves, 7/10, would waifu one of them.
>Little by little, Anon makes his way through the life of a highschooler again.
>He is a fresh man, first semester and everything, all thanks to Principal Celestia.
>Attarcts the atencion of the Dazzles, with his emotions and rage.
>Looks very lovely to Teacher of Social Studies Chrysalis.
>A promising student in with a lot of room to improve for Dr. Discord PhD, he looks a "Twilight Sparkle" inside of you, but with Chaos.
>The Dazzles vs Reformed Sunset.
>Chrysalis vs Discord.
>Meanwhile.
>Anon finds a computer with the capacity to VR everything.
>Discovers that RGREqG 4CHAN.
>Haters, shitposters, memes, and all the autism he can consume.
>He is home, and he will be for as long a he can.
>4CHAN HERE I GO, MAGIC OF AUTISM AND FRIENDSHIP, DON'T FAIL ME NOW




>Harshwhinny, after yet another date ruined by her not being a pushover, says "fuck it" to standards.
>She gets a mail-order groom and specifies "Fair, easygoing, exotic."
>Even pays extra for "premium selection"
>A few weeks later, she gets a knock on her door.
>And lo and behold, it's her new husband-to-be, Anon. 
>They don't joke when they say "exotic" is her first thought






>Dorf Anon innaquestria
>Limey found him in a cave in the quarry
>He bonds with the sisters over their shared love of rocks and digging
>cusses out deer as "elves with hooves"
>doesn't trust pegasi or unicorns
>has a symbol of the royal sisters he prays to





>Anon starts to date one of the mane six
>The one he's dating turns out to be one of 'those' people
>The ones who change completely once they're in a relationship and totally ignore their friends
>This triggers the twiggles, Princess of friendship
>Anon, used to only seeing guys pull that shit doesnt catch on to what his waifu is doing
>When Twilight confronts the waifu about this Anon takes a moment to realise what he's been blind on
>Then immediately tag teams with Twilight on dropping a Friendship lesson leg drop
>Twilight is surprised by Anons extensive knowledge on the sister code and being a solid sis
>Silently teleports away the parts of her notes about convincing Waifu to leave the manbitch who was making her act funny
>Starts considering how to convince the rest of their friends to let Anon join them on their girls nights

Man, you know what I just realised this thread has majorly dropped the ball on? The difference in friendship between men and women.
Why have we not gotten reverse gender roles friendship lessons? Celestia having to send a letter to twilight about not being a little colt when her friends roast her. Actual real talk about how it is not okay to hit on Big Mac when he's your sis' brother. Letting Fluttershy know it's okay to be a lesbian as long as she's not a dyke about it, Despite the fact she's not actually a lesbian and is too meek to correct her friends. Applejack teaching naive Twilight about stopping Rainbow Dash from starting drunken fights, but helping her kick ass when one is started on her






>Anon starts to date one of the mane six
>The one he's dating turns out to be one of 'those' people
>The ones who change completely once they're in a relationship and totally ignore their friends
>This triggers the twiggles, Princess of friendship
>Anon, used to only seeing guys pull that shit doesnt catch on to what his waifu is doing
>When Twilight confronts the waifu about this Anon takes a moment to realise what he's been blind on
>Then immediately tag teams with Twilight on dropping a Friendship lesson leg drop
>Twilight is surprised by Anons extensive knowledge on the sister code and being a solid sis
>Silently teleports away the parts of her notes about convincing Waifu to leave the manbitch who was making her act funny
>Starts considering how to convince the rest of their friends to let Anon join them on their girls nights




I like the version where Anon sometimes sings a song while walking around town that's clearly meant to be a duet, and all the poners get super sad because they think Anon is desperately reaching out for his soulmate. He always looks so upset when he's singing.

Meanwhile Anon is just pissed he can't get that song out of his head. He doesn't even like the band that wrote it


>Anon can't stop humming Love is an Open Door because he watched Frozen with his niece before ending up in Equestria 
>mares keep trying to sing the Hans parts


>Anon's predisposition to badly singing songs from Earth make ponies think he's from a musical species that emotes their thoughts and emotions through music
>Half-assed and half-remembered sung songs spawn shenanigans
>Half a duet? Pining for his soul-mate, hoping that somepony will respond
>Highway to Hell? Dangerously reckless.
>Red Like Roses I and II?
>What about Us?
>Radioactive? Twilight quarantines him, thinking he's an NBC hazard.
>I Burn?

>"Girls, quick!"
>Rainbow Dash looks frantic, magenta eyes wide with fear.
>"Anon's on fire!"

>Meanwhile, Anon's snoozing in bed







>Anon landed in normal Equestria, but never made it to the Equestrian mainland. 
>Became an adventurer out in the wild borderlands. 
>Even met a few ponies whom followed him and became his entourage.
>During a temple dive or something, they get warped into RGRE, right in the middle of Ponyville, thanks to some magic shenanigans. 
>Once they learn that the dangerous lands they plundered and lived in don't exist in RGRE, the team settles in Ponyville. 
>The whole town gets to see the odd and messed up (to them) dynamics of some backwards ponies and their alien leader




>anon was a rock climber on earth
>loved to climb anything he could, everything from trees to fuckhuge mountains 
>in combination with the sudden loss of the internet and his fiber bars he relies on climbing to get out stress in equestria
>mares dont like it however
>a male in a high place?! he could fall and hurt himself






>ponies think anon is cute because he changes the first letter of curse words or replaces them with words they dont knwo
>they think hes innocent because of this

>"OW! Oh fuck me that hurts."
That's so sweet, dear.
>"Ain't it though, ah don't like watching him get hurt but watching him avoid harsh language is the cutest."
>"I am so tired of this fucking horseshit. Mac, if you hit me with another motherfucking plank I'm shoving it down your throat."
It's like watching a foal trying to talk.
>"Any idea what a shit is, Rares?"
Haven't the faintest darling






>Nightlight is getting old and flabby, twilight velvet has thoughts of cheating on her husband
>twilight finds out, goes to shining and Cadence for help
>thinks cadence's love magic can hoofwave this all away
>cadence explains that something this serious cant use such bruteforce tactics
>especially with their own parents-in-law
>anon overhears and asks whats going on
>they all tell him the problem
>anon explains that since the problem is nightlight's weight and stamina they should just take him to a gym
>in addition to the fact they can keep the whole problem under wraps from both the parents
>anon and shining take nightlight
>twi and cadence keep their mom busy
>Shining and anon take nightlight to a doctor for a checkup
>they buy off the doctor to say that nightlight needs the exercise for his health
>twi and cadence take velvet to do "mare" things just to keep her occupied

>fast forward to a month or two
>nightlight has never felt better
>its like he's 20 years younger

>Twilight velvet notices
>thoughts she used to think when they were younger start flooding back into her mind

>later that night cadence slips some aphrodisiac into both their drinks
>time delayed so it'll activate just before they're suppose to go to sleep
*lewd stuff happens*
>nightlight is going all out
>velvet probably lost consciousness twice already
>the next morning they just lie there on the bed content

>cadence congratulates the lovesquad on a job well done
>"we are not calling ourselves the lovesquad hun"






 > Anon is the hot PE teacher at CHS
> Some girls forget to bring a bra, and must endure the embarrassment of nip-boners being highly visible
> Other girls purposefully don't wear a bra, hoping to seduce this hot piece of Christmas cake 
> The boys think they are being gross, but Anon doesn't crack down on the indecency
> Anon had to stand guard at the door to the boys changing room to keep the girls from peeking
> They end up flirting with him instead


Anon as the PE teacher.
>They though looking at Mr Anon in shorts and sexy white shirt.
>Both tight with his sweat as his body gets tanned in the morning sun outside.
>But the reality is quite different
"Ok based bitches, time to run a mile"
"SHIMMER, LEAVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND SPARKLE ALONE AND START PUMPING THE IRON"
"DASH, STOP BEING A COCKY BOY AND GET OVER THE ROPE."
"STOP YOUR PUSSING AROUND AND MOVE THAT ASS, YOU SLIT-LICKING COWBOY!"
"FOR THE LAST TIME!!! MISS HOOVES, LEAVE THAT MUFFIN ALONE AND KEEP RUNNING"
"WHAT, CAN'T YOU HANDLE ALL THAT WEIGHT MISS FLUTTERSHY, SHOULD I CALL YOUR DADDY AND TELL HIM TO PICK YOU UP!?"
"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ALL OF YOU BOYS!?, YOU ARE NOT GIRLS, YOU ARE BOYS, SHOULD I CALL THE SPA AND MAKE A BIG RESERVATION FOR ALL OF YOU TO REST YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEADS!?"
"FOR THE LINE, I SAID FOR THE LINE BOYS, KEEP YOUR BRIEFS IN A BUNCH AND KEEP PUSHING!"
"ON YOUR FEET AND GIVE ME 100 MISS PIE, I want to see that meat giggle like you were riding Miss Dash's cock!"
>At the end of the course.
"Ok boys, you look like shit."
"But you have to understand something, you are shit"
"And you will be till i say so"
"NOW GO TO THE SHOWERS AND STOP SMELLING LIKE SHIT!"
"YOU TOO MISS PIE, STOP SWEATING LIKE THE PIG THAT YOU ARE AND GET IN THE FUCKING SHOWER!!!"
>Many girls that year found out something deep in themselves



How would Femanon being say, the school nurse, affect things? 

For her, the guys would be shy, gossiping about her love life (is she dating the home ec teacher?), there may be one or two who have crushes on her, and one more who is into some soft mommydom or something. 
The insecure guy comes to her in tears, worried he may have gotten his girlfriend pregnant, and he isn't ready to be a dad. When she approaches the girlfriend, schroedinger's fetus girl is excited she will have proof that she had sex with a guy.
Femanon and Anon go drinking on the weekends, commiserating on how crazy everything is.
Luna, ever the old fashioned woman, asks Femanon for Anon's hand in marriage, since their mother isn't around





>Daring Do finally captures Ahuizotl and drags him to the nearest Royal Guard outpost
>Ahuizotl knows how to be a colt when he needs to
>"M-Miss guardsmare, help! Th-this evil mare raped me and stole my family heirloom!"
>Daring is immediately shackled, while Ahuizotl is set free, along with the Evil Idol of Death and Doom

>The international menace is just a whimsical and misunderstood colt
>It's not his fault he keeps wandering into old tombs
>He just has a poor sense of direction and loves shiny gold things
>For example, his beautiful gold dongy ring

>Daring has to recruit her own Colty Sidekick to counter Ahuizotl's ploys
>Anon should fit the bill
>He's male, he's an exotic species, and she rescued him from the old ruins she found him in, so there's a reason for him to tag along
>He should be perfect for the sidekick gig!

>Except the only Colty thing about Anon is that he has a dick, and he is prone to bouts of whimsy.
>Her efforts to use him to counter Ahuizotl's masculine wiles frequently backfire
>Though he of the dongy ring is frequently irritated and defensive when Anon loudly insists on calling him a flaming faggot





>Gender roles are reversed for a legitimate reason.
>Stallions are great to hug and sire young, but outside of that, not much else.
>Stallions mean well, but are just kinda dumb. 
>Difficult to have more then a base conversation with them and Faust help you if you try to give them more than a 3 step set of instructions.
>Matriarchy exists out of necessity since no one wants Forest Gump in government. 
>Then comes Anon.
>Capable of arguing philosophy or hell just using basic logic and reasoning. 
>Thousands of years of matriarchal society has trained mares to assume he's stupid. 
>Automatically assume he's wrong or misguided no matter how sound his reasoning. 
>He must be wrong right? He's a guy!

>Considered the fairer sex, mares do all the thinking for them.
>Secretly enjoy having mares do everything, masterminding things.
>Subtly drop hints to get their decisions across.
>Anon, being forward-thinking, threatens their conspiracy






>Anon is hired on by Cadence as an in-house babysitter for Flurryheart.
>However, there's an ulterior motive: she and Shining have been looking for a third in their marriage.
>An alicorn's sex drive is typically higher than other pony breeds; given that she's the Princess of Love too, she's a fucking nympho!
>Shining is literally being slowly fucked to death






>Ponies feel safer in a presence of larger/taller ponies
>its the reason why alicorns in general are seen as leaders or protectors
>its also the reason why mares are all gunning for Big mac
>although they won't admit it
>coltdom is shit
>in comes anon the da Biggest mofo in equestria
>despite the initial apprehension, they find out he's pretty chill guy
>ponies all over the ponyville would flock around him like inquisitive puppies
>even moreso with the town's foals
>earth ponies and unicorns would latch on to him like limpets
>pegasai would use him as a landing platform
>anon doesnt mind, they weigh as much as a pillow






>Tall ponies make other ponies feel safe, which is originally how Celestia came into the role of Princess.
>Anon is even taller then Celestia.
>When she looks at him she feels something.
>She feels...safe.
>Like maybe she can let down her guard for once and be the one being protected. 
>Legitimate threat shows itself and attacks the town.
>Ponies (including Celestia) huddle around Anon knowing he'll keep them safe.
>"But I don't even have magic and shit!"
>"It's okay Anon. We trust you."

>Ponies have natural herding instincts.
>The biggest and strongest is often seen as being in charge, like a rooster to hens or a bull to cows.
>Inherent magic acts as a safeguard, a cipher to prevent races from dominating the other e.g. minotaurs subjugating ponies or alicorns subjugating smaller races intentionally or not.
>Anon has no magic, so there are no safeguards.
>Ponies subconsciously and instinctively see him as being in charge.

Or...

>Anon has no magic, but being around ponies all day saturates him like a marinade.
>Ponies thus come to subconsciously see him as a large-as-fuck pony, taller than an alicorn


"Wait, let me get this straight."
>You exhale loudly.
"I'm expected to pair up with Celestia, Luna, and your Sister-in-Law, who's *married* and has a filly, by the way, since they're the biggest mares around!"
>Twilight nods happily.
>"Yep! It is the order of things. I'm sure you'll make a great second-dad to my Niece."
>Anon H Christ, you wish you had a bottle of Big Mac's moonshine right now.
>"So, the wedding will take place--"
>Fuck your life


"I'm sorry Twilight, I ain't no cuck, I'm fine with Celestia and Luna, but... for Flurry Heart's safety, I can't marry Cadence."
>"What? Why not?
>Time to make up some bullshit from watching nature documentaries.
"You see- well... you know I'm a predatory species right?"
>"Uh-uh It's kinda hot"
"What was that?"
>"N-Nothing!"
"So, along the line, to make sure offspring was strong enough to hunt and fight to survive, human males developed the habit of fighting each other for the desired female."
>"Makes sense..."
"Yeah, and if the current male wasn't up to snuff, or the mother was single and unable to suppress the male's advances... well... we'd murder the current kid and impregnate the female with our own better seed... kinda like bears..."
>"W-WHAT!?"
"Yeah... raising another's child isn't really something that should be going on, it means strength, time and resources wasted..."
>"But that was during the heydays, right? as a species you grew out of it right?"
"Nope, it's completely instinctual, a primal need: if I start seeing Cadence as a mate then I'll start seeing both Shining Armor and Flurry Heart as things to... dispose of..."
>Buy it buy it buy it.
>"I-I see, that is alarming, also a bit saddening, well, if it's something intrinsic to your species and you can't fight it, I guess I can only thank you for coming clean and warning us beforehand."
>You fist pump in celebration.
>She bought it!
>Aw yiss, no changing diapers or being a father for kids that aren't even yours!
>Later that week, plans are still being made for you to pair up with Cadence.
>O-Oh boy... you've done did it now, Anon

>Anon is considered noble to go against his supposed instincts to kill Shining and Flurry.
>Digs himself deeper, metaphorically



>"Celestia, please stop yo-yo'ing the sun!
>"Luna, don't spell out words in the stars! And it's daytime, put them away!
>"Cadence, put some clothes -- wait, it's backwards here. Take those clothes off!"
>"Imposing order already, I see," Twilight says slyly.
>Fuck's sake


>"Why should I feel resentment?" He looks at you, bewildered.
"They want me to marry your wife and raise your daughter!"
>He blinks. "You're the better choice. Flurry and Cadence have a better statistical chance of prosperity under your hooves. Why wouldn't I support this?"
>Just... what.
>"Besides," he mutters quietly, but his voice slowly grows louder, "no more nympho-wife and no more diaper changes. I'm free! Free!"




>Marriage is rare among ponies
>Most mares and stallions dream of finding a wealthy herd that fits them and living in happy luxury
>However the few truly romantic dream of finding a stallion/mare and falling deeply in love with them
>Its not something that ANY pony steps into lightly and divorce is pretty much unheard of
>When Anon starts talking about marriage to his waifu she begins to freak out
>Does she truly love Anon? Does Anon truly love her that much? What will happen if she says no?
>Meanwhile Anon is just worried that after dating for a year that his waifu may think he has commitment issues if he doesn't pop the question




> Opera is more than just musical plays in Horselandia
> Actors sing false heartsongs, with all the choreography that would go into a real one
> The plots and situations of the plays are purposefully absurd, so as to not draw real ponies into actual heartsong
> Even then, it still happens from time to time
> Part of the appeal of opera is the vicarious thrill of seeing heartsongs played out, or even joining in
> As a theater major, Anon is pretty happy to see the art so popular
> Even if he is only one of the chorus boys
> As darkness falls, he hears a voice in his room, singing about the music of the night

> The Phantom is a mare with a birth defect where fur doesn't grow on her face, and so she wears a mask 
> She is also a master of the pun jab, in which she makes a terrible pun and those who hear groan in agony






>Anon, having tasted the forbidden fruit of a 3dpd back on Erf, and suffered for it, is leery of getting into a relationship with a pony
>He knows the risk is there that heartbreak history will repeat itself, even if the girl in question is an RGRE qt3.14 mare.
>Since they're actually real, with minds of their own, instead of figments of his imagination
>At least he's fairly confident about that. 
>Only Luna would be able to figure out that he fears he's actually gone bonkers or is in a coma and hallucinating all this.

>After some probing (Not that kind, despite Bookhorse's FOR SCIENCE! (and Hot Monkey Butt!) mentality) the mares who've been eyeing him up find out he has abandonment issues.
>Playa ponies hear the colt is probably clingy and wants commitment, and they bail
>Most of the rest decide they want him even more




Only the classiest and most refined ponys can stand or walk on their hind legs.

Anon unintentionally presents himself as the highest class stallion in Equestria

>While the ponies look more tall on their hind legs, Anon can't stop himself for rubbing some pony tummies and chespoofs





>Anon gropes and sexually harasses mares
>Even they aren't sure if that's what's actually happening
>Personal space is barely a thing in the land of snuggle piles and nuzzles for all
>And he's a colt, it must have been an accident.
>Surely he didn't mean to rub her nips like that
>It's innocent innuendo, he surely didn't mean it that way

>Anon discovers that they barely notice anything he does that would count as 'subtle'
>He doesn't realize that they notice /everything/
>In an effort to get an obvious and immediate reaction he has to get more and more daring






>Trixie is a stallion pretending to be a mare
>Nopony takes male magicians seriously, so this is his only option
>He wants to be respected for his talent, not just ogled for his big dangley horse balls

>Trixie is actually a mare and always has been.
>But detractors have started spreading the rumor that she's a stallion in disguise





>Seeing as how Twilight is a questionable social teacher at best, you decide to take Glimmer under your wing. 
>She doesn't really mind. After all, aren't stallions suppose to be in touch with feelings and all that?
>WRONG
>Your attempts to make the socially retarded unicorn normal accidentally groom her to be a feminine housewife.
>It doesn't hit you until after she's already moved in...
>...and greeting you with a smile in an apron when you get home...
>...followed by a kiss, then her rushing off to make sure dinner doesn't boil over...
>Shit you really fucked this pony up


>Ponies think Starlight Glimmer is taking advantage of Anon's kindness to stay home all day and be lazy while he works to provide for both of them
>They are surprised to learn that Starlight is actually a really good homemaker

she's basically a colt with a slit, and many mares start discussing if that having her as a horsebando would be considered gay or not





>It's a bit of a cliche, sure, but opportunities are actually quite numerous on the subway
>There are unsuspecting mares everywhere
>Most of them are wearing sharp black caps and carrying tiny suitcasses; 'dressed to impress' for work
>However, it isn't uncommon to find their demeanor totally at odds with their crisp, clean attire
>Most of them look tired and worn, their freshly pressed ties at odds with their true feelings
>In the safe anonymity of the subway car they can't care less who sees how beat down they are, how listless and lonely
>With the 'hunting' the way it is it's extremely unlikely that even a quarter of them have anyone to come home to
>The chance that any one of them could pair up with a pony of the opposite sex was so slim that many of them probably stopped trying years ago
>The gender ratio is so skewed here in favor of the female sex that they would be lucky to have had any male attention EVER, let alone a consistent mate
>The way their faces twitch in surprise when you reach out for them is nothing short of priceless to you
>It's the same every time
>First they pretend like it's just an accident
>The mare currently in your care looks away, fixes her eyes on something else, tries her best to ignore how much she's thought about this, how much she needs it; it's just an accident, after all
>Ohh, but it isn't an accident
>After a while she inevitably turns to confront your continued action, her face reflecting neither fear nor disgust, but something much, much worse
>Confusion
>Self doubt
>Like she didn't understand why you would stoop to doing what you were doing with her, with a NOBODY like her, and in a place where other ponies could see, no less
>Her chest begins to rise and fall with purpose
>Her eyes glaze with subdued passion as she loses out to her primal desires for just a moment and lets them stray downward, just once 
>Just to see if this is real
>Just to make sure that you're really, actually, truly holding her hoof





> Rgre Gilda wants to seduce anon
>She knows that to impress a rooster like Anon she'll have to prove how good she is at taking care of him
>One night, after Anon goes to bed, she breaks into his house and rearranges his furniture, blankets, pillows and clothes into a giant nest.
>Anon wakes up in the morning and sees a giant pile of stuff in the middle of the living room with Gilda in the middle, singing like a cockatiel





>Bonnie is a bitch because she's never gotten much attention from stallions.

>Panics when Anon starts hanging around and flirts with her and Lyra
>Is an even bigger bitch than usual, to the point where Lyra has to ask why she seems to hate Anon so much
>She doesn't hate him, but she can't brain when he's around.
>She's paranoid and hopeful and awkward, and she has no idea what she's doing.
>So she just automatically turns into a complete cunt by default, because at least she knows how to do that without turning into a complete sperg in front of him




>as a massive weeb Anon can spot a tsun from a mile away
>Plays up the offended role just to mess with her
>After a few weeks of it he realizes that he is actually fucking up Lyra and Bon Bon's relationship
>Decides to fix it the only way he knows
>The Anime way
>Beach episodes this shit up
>Complete with planned confession with the sun setting over the ocean






>Anon is constantly catcalled as he passes a local construction site
>Decides to fight the system by applying for a job there
>He's surprised when he gets the job with absolutely no trouble
>He's harassed constantly by the mares while on the job
>"Hey sugardick, pass me the mortar, ey?"
>"Bring that tight ass over here and hold this end of the rope, why dontcha?"
>"Mind if I sit on your face while you lay back and rivet the underside of this beam, smoothsack?"





>Be Applejack.
>Be struggling with your estrus on a hot summer day.
>Jump into water trough to cool down.
>It barely helps.
>Look up and see Anon.
>He's wandering around the farm.
>Half naked.
>And sweaty.

"Sweet Celestia, Ah'm but a mortal mare!"

>rape





Alien Anon in RGRE
He was sent to a distant star system to survey the most likely uninhabited planet for possible human colonization and now has been thrust into a diplomatic role with these quadrupedal aliens. All he wanted was a job that had some peace and quiet.





>Day bathhouse in Equestria
>Be Pone at the bathhouse
>Getting some wash and bathe and soak done
>The water is warm.
>Like warm water warm.
>You are in the warm water being comfy.
>You have your warm, you have your duckey, you have your heated rock, you have your nearby towel, you have your comfy.
>C O M F Y.
>The pouring water from the warm water dispenser pipe blocks out the noise from elsewhere.
>You stay here in the comfy for a while.
>Then somepony comes in.
>It's that one pony who isn't actually a pony.
>You try to ignore them and remain comfy.
>They get into the water next to you.
>You both remain in the water for a while
>You later fuck the not pony in the locker room because bathhouses are lesbo





“So the teenagers cling to each other as Jason bursts through the door brandishing his machete.”
>The color drained from Fluttershy’s face and Rainbow Dash, the mare that proclaimed that she wasn’t scared of anything, ducked under the pillow she was holding to her chest earlier.
>You might have been an grown man, but you said screw it when the six invited you to a sleepover.
>The ulterior motive behind the invitation was apparent to you however.
>These girls were thirsty for a stallion of any kind.
>And due the lack of any viable options in the town of Ponyville, they decided you were a suitable alternative.
>”T-that wasn’t scary a-at all.”
>Twilight tried her very best to put on a brave face. 
>Applejack betraying her truthful nature nodded vigorously in agreement, albeit her eyes kept shifting to the door of the room.
>”Cadence used to tell me scarier stories when I was a filly.”
>Puffing up and sticking out her chest tuft in a show of courage, Twilight attempted to stare you down now.
>But her very body betrayed her. Her wings were twitching and you could notice her ears turning every which way.
“Hmm, that might have been a little on the coltish side as far as stories go.”
>Sorry Luna, you’re going to have a busy night.
“How about I tell you about the nightmare on elm street? That one makes even poor stallions like myself scared.”






>Anon has the most well behaved students in all of canterlot High.
>Students that act up are sent to his class.
>They always come back smiling, relaxed and compliant.
>Even the worst offenders come back perfect role models.
>Celestia doesn't know how he does it, but she's extremely grateful.
>She believes Anons lessons have stopped a dozen would-be school shooters





>Molestia confirmed for biggest deviant in all of Equestria
>Anon assumed that marshmallow pones could never compete with humans in depravity
>He was wrong




>Anon brings the magic of television to Equestria.
>Makes his own version of Baywatch but with more horse puns.
>He plays the lead role as the hot bimbo that runs in slowmo while his package bobs up and down because he is basically Pamela Anderson.
>Mares can't get enough of this show.
>Fillies hit their first estrus early just watching the show.
>Stallions can't stand this trash TV.
>"Think of the children!"




>Ponies grow into adults in only ~6 years
>Anon is shocked to discover that Tiny Appul and friends doubled in size, seemingly when he wasn't looking
>And started hitting on him





>Babs Seed is the notorious semen demon in the city, going through her men like a milk machine, goes about her days getting easy dick and not careing about what happens after. What would she do when her cousin comes to town with her boyfriend that actually gives her a challenge?





>"Whoa there pardner, where do you think you're goin'?"
>"Ya'll can't just leave without payin' the snuggle toll."
>The Apple clan were all snuggle-fiends.
>Even Big Mac.
>Espectially Big Mac






>Anon saw NMM briefly during her return.
>Sleeps through her celebration, hears secondhand later that the pony he saw was Celestia's sister.
>Later winds up in Canterlot for reasons
>Both Celestia and Luna are there, but he asks where Celestia's hot sister went
>You know, the one with the long legs and the cool eyes



And a good way to explain away Anon's complete ignorance about it could be explained by him being in the habit of staying up as late as possible and going to bed at dawn. So he never really gets to interact with ponies that much outside of a select few, who never mention Nightmare Moon to him.

>Nightmare Moon would have been fond of Anon, Luna realizes.
>Something within Luna stirs that she is not aware of.

I don't know, I just kinda like the idea of Anon accidentally driving Luna back towards being Nightmare Moon through small steps after she falls for him. Like, oh, he liked NMM's eyes. She decides, hey, she liked them too. What's the harm in making them like that again?

And hey, Anon has sharp teeth like she used to have, and she never really got the chance to try eating meat before the was banished. And Anon loves the stuff...

And oh, if only she felt even a tiny bit of her old confidence again, she could face her feelings for him head on and maybe actually make some headway with courting him.

Just small rationalizations about how it wasn't her appearance or confidence that made her evil, and it's not like she chose to look like that for no reason. She obviously liked looking that way.

...Celestia is considered highly beautiful, so maybe if she were a bit taller like her sister, Anon would notice? And it's not like she didn't want to be taller...

And then after months and months of these small, tiny steps, Celestia catches on and thinks Anon is doing it on purpose. Which causes Luna and her to start arguing, and provides a BIG push towards becoming Nightmare Moon again.


I'd like it more if her personality stayed the same, meaning no transformation to evil, it was just her looks. 
I mean she could get a bit more confidence and maybe tell off Celestia or a few small things, aka not be a push over for her. And that plus the slowly changing looks could be driving Celestia into a panic over nothing. Being that the whole thing is for Anon.

Or alternatively, Anon asks where's Celestia's hot sister, and this drives Luna to want to transform into NMM (like she did at the end of the Nightmare Night episode) anytime she is alone with Anon, to court him. And while not being evil, more of her confidant and NMM persona leaks out while transformed.
Anon now thinks there are 3 princesses. Celestia thinks Anon has lost it.




>"Hey you two (Luna and Celestia), where's your hot sister I saw a while back. I haven't seen her for months?"
>They look at him like he has 3 heads.
>"Come on, don't be dicks. I just want to meet her. You know black coat, taller than Luna, crazy sharp teeth, sweet armor?"
>Luna blushes, Celestia avoids Anon's eyes nervously.
>They both make excuses to leave.
>Anon asks around for info on this mystery sister, but everyone knows he's talking about NMM and is afraid to give him a straight answer.
>Eventually Luna gets wind of Anon's inquiries and very flattered transforms and pretends to be the third sister when Celestia isn't around.
>The castle staff is freaking out, but doesn't say anything.


>Celestia banishes Anon thinking he was turning Luna into NMM on purpose and to protect her sister banishes him. 
>Luna finds out. 
>Turns full Nightmare moon. 
>When Celestia finally banishes her Luna can't find Anon on the moon. 
>When Celestia banished him he was sent to a unknown place. 
>When Nightmare comes back instead of attacking Celestia she goes on the hunt for Anon. 
>She can't find him and after a hundred years gives up and returns to Celestia.
>She's never the same, she's sad, lonely, and cold to Celestia but never turns into Nightmare again. 
>Anon died during banishment in a cold dark void because he's not immortal, alone and angry at Celestia



>Luna slowly alters her appearance to be an 'improved version' of herself by taking cues from Nightmare Moon, such as being a bit taller, a darker shade of blue in the coat, etcetera.
>Celestia freaks out, thinking Anon is turning her sister again.
>Eventually banishes him from Equestria.
>Luna wakes up, finds out, freaks out.
>Hunts down Anon.
>Abdicates her throne with a nice "fuck you" to her sister.
>Anon and Luna move in together and begin life as a civilian couple, first as roommates, then as a romantic couple.
>Slice of life shenanigans as they both try to adapt.
>Celestia tries to get her sister to retake her throne and repair their relationship.
>Eventually Luna and Anon decide to marry.
>Celestia barred from wedding.
>Looks on sadly from outside the church as Cadence marries her aunt and Anon






Anon actually tries to fit the new gender roles and struggles with it
>Anon takes lessons on homemaking from his best little bro Spike

>Baking lessons from Pinkie and the Cakes

>Cooking with Granny Smith and Big Mac

>Unintentional lessons on foal wrangling from the Crusaders and his attempts to keep them from seriously injuring themselves or setting the town on fire




>All the male Solar Guards claim to be homo horses
>Yet for some reason they can still be found serving the depraved desires of their sovereign
>And their captain got married to the Princess of Love

>When asked to reconcile these contradictions, they all have similar answers:
>"Nopony's that gay."

> Legend of the Stallion that said NO
> they lit him on fire and threw him into the river
> It's said he still lives, in a gay paradise with no princesses


> Queen Chrysallis needs allies to retake her hive
> She hears of another queen if great power with a grudge against the Princesses.
> QUEEN QUEERENCE




>Two herds of simulatenously jealous and aroused mares orbiting two stallions in love
>It's enough trouble vying for attention from their husband
>Then mares start to cross the herds

>Both herds merge.
>While still technically a herd, it's largely dysfunctional.
>The stallions being more interested in each other and the mares infighting leads to a lot of friction.
>Everyone can only watch, concerned but unable to intervene




>The legendary all stallion pornos, where they had to pay the stars enough to set them all for life ten times over.
>There's only so many floating around, and a spell on each prevents more copies from being made.
>To have one means you're stupid rich and bought it, or you stole it, because no one shares or gives away such a thing




>Rainbow, being a bit of a marechild, constantly tries to bait you into entertaining her since she can't fly in her last few months of pregnancy





>"D-Don't worry Anon! Trixie is going to take responsibility!"
wut?
>"Trixie is not going to run off on you or anything thing like that."
....run off and do what?
>"You know...get an a-abortion."
oh........oh fuck! that's a thing here!?!? 
>"Yeah...but Trixie is better than that!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE!!!
>"I- what? Trixie is confused. you want Trixie to...to-"
FUCKING YES! I'm only [age] years old! I can't raise a kid!
>"......w-well.....too bad."






>Anon goes to a vacation week to other place.
>Payed by Porchlight Spatule, of course.
>Don't ask why.
>anondoesn'thaveanyprovesright?
>Sends mail telling them when is he gonna get back.
>Tells them of his times hanging out with some friends.
>How they play, drink, sleep and do other things together.
>Sounds good.
>Finally Anon is making friends, and with colts, no less.
>He and his friends are heading to Ponyville at the same time
>Some business and shit.
>Twi calls upon her friends to help her make a welcome party for Anon and his stallion friends.
>While at it, Twilight forms a plan to get her "herd" with the other stallions.
>Leaving Twilight with her truly one husbando, Anon.
>The night in the crystal castle are long and cold.
>And Spike can use a stallion figure other than your brother.
>And a Daddy, don't forget that.
>Just imagining Anon snuggling you in front of a fire.
>Spike playing with your daughter while the other is still in the oven.
>Anon, putting his hands on your belly, just in time to feel your next one kick.
>This will be great.
>The day comes.
>Everyone is ready for this.
>The plan is clear.
>Greet Anon and his stallion friends.
>Let them freshen up.
>Get them to the Welcome party.
>???
>???
>Anon gets you pregnant
>PROFIT!!!
>Fool proof!.
>The train comes.
>The doors open.
>They can hear deep baritone giggles.
>Followed by...
>High pitched...
>Wait a second..
>When they get out of the train, you blood freezes.
>They are not stallions.
>THEY ARE NOT STALLIONS AT ALL!
>THEY ARE MARES!
>ANON'S FRIENDS ARE MARES!
>YOUR HUSBAND HAS BEEN ENTICED BY ANOTHER MARES AND YOU JUST LET THEM TAKE HIM AWAY FROM YOU!!!


>But they are not just any mares.
>Looks like the destiny hated you and your friends so much.
>In front of you, laughting, are Suri Polo Mares, Trixie, those whores Lighting Dust, Cherry Jubilee, Photo Finish and-
>Is that Moondancer?!
>WHAT THE HECK MOON!!
>YOU TRAITOROUS​ PIECE OF-
>"Trixie!"
>Says Starlight Glimmer as she goes to greet her.
>Double Traitors


>Anon is just as oblivious to their interest in him romantically as he is to Sparkles and co.
>This does not prevent Bookhorse from freaking out and trying to figure out how to reclaim him


This is going into the territories of
>"Twilight, we are NOT in a relationship"
>"Yeah, Twilight, go away."
>"Glimmer, same goes for you. I'm still single, you can't just tell me to do things like you're my girlfriend or something."
>"What?"
>"WHAAAAT?"




>CMC are all still single into their late teens because no stallion will take all 3 of them. 
>Sweetie swipes a summoning book from Twilight's collection.
>All 3 do a ritual to summon "A cool bf who will put up with our crazy shit."
>That's the only parameter they put.
>The result is unexpected






>Ponies may not wear clothes, but they have explicitly formal clothes, casual clothes, and even pajamas.
>They even like a bit of lingerie to liven up the bedroom.
>Except the stallion's the one to wear the lingerie.
>Your mare(s) want you to put something sexy on.
>Do you or do you not?





>It is illegal for a species to go extinct within Equestria
>On his deathbed, Anon is ripped away from his friends and family and driven across the Griffonstone border
>Equestria internationally condemns Griffonstone for allowing a species to die out on their soil
>Anon's belongings are confiscated and placed in museums as a memorial to the human race, or disappear into laboratories for study
>Celestia personally expropriates his underwear drawer for close examination





>FemShining Armor(Gleaming Shield?) and Cadence have been best friends ever since they met.
>That friendship eventually turned romantic.
>But since Cadence is royal, she's expected to not drop her standards to that of "A lonely common mare" 
>To make everything work, they need a herd.
>But inviting a stallion into their relationship is asking for trouble, since all the honest ones are long since taken...
>...Leaving almost nothing but gold diggers wanting to ride on royal coattails.
>In a flash of remembrance, Gleaming recalls something she often forgets.
>Her favorite biped drinking buddy is not taken, and is practically the opposite of a gold digger. 
>He's just so marely and easygoing that Gleaming forgets he's a guy sometimes.
>If they can work this out, then the pair of mares can be together, and pull in an easily lovable male while they're at it, forming a happy family.
>All they need is a cunning plan to make him say yes...




>Gleaming is sure that just asking him well get a positive answer.
>Cadence waves that away, saying that HAS to be romantic, because no matter how mare-like a guy is, they love that sort of thing.
>Cadence starts her plans before Gleaming can get a word in edgewise.
>The guard captain just rolls her eyes and follows along with her marefriend's antics each time


"Cadence no."
>"Cadence yes!"
>You stare at your long time lover and friend before sighing.
"Okay, explain to me one more time how a giant neon sign with the words 'Anon pls b mine' with a wonderbolt fly over and fire works that shower hearts over everything will work out."
>"Why it's quite simple dear, essentially the whole event goes to show Anon we're a finacially able and stable herd that is able to afford such wild expenses. So not only will we be able to provide for him and our foals, but we will have plently of money in case of any random bouts of Whimsy that might occur."
"Honey, love bunches of oats, I really /really/ think this is going over the top."
>"Oh relax Gleaming, beside's what could possibly go wrong?"



>The b on the sign fizzes out so it reads "Anon pls mine"
>Anon takes this as a sign to become a miner 
>Once there he finds himself the object of affection of a clan of diamond dogs
>Now Gleaming and Candy ass have to compete with the alpha dog for Anon 
>Anon as always is oblivious, he does see the whole thing as an excuse to play with puppies though



>There was a masculine chuckle from behind them
"Oh, I don't know, perhaps the target of your affections heard you say 'what could possibly go wrong?'"

>"Could we pretend that you didn't hear any of that and make it a surprise for when we do?"
>Oh Cadence.
>You really love this mare to bits, but Celestia above she can be thick at times.
>"Well I suppose I could act the part if you really wanted."
"Anon, no. Do not feed into Cadence's silliness she's going to go over the top and draw a lot of attention and I-"
>You stop yourself catching the quickly growing grin across Anon's face.
"I-I know that you don't like all the attention so you sho- Put me down!"
>"Aw but Gleaming you're so cute and adorable when your all embarrassed."
"I am /not/ cute! I am a guards mare, I am intimidating and a law bringer of justice!"
>"Oh I know she is Anon, have I shown you the pictures from our first date together?" Cadence says pulling out an album book from the ether.
"I TOLD YOU TO BURN THOSE!"
>"No I can't say that you have actually." Anon clamps a hand on your horn making your spell to rip the offending photos to pieces simply fizzle out with a weak spurt of magic.
"N-no.."
>"Oh it was a wonderful night of carnival fun, but poor Gleaming, she got her mane caught in the cotton candy maker before we realized it her whole mane was blue, purple AND pink!"
>This is your life now.
>Death by embarrassment by your marefriend and potential coltfriend. 
>Mom never mentioned this part of the arduous trials that awaited you when it came time for a colt in your life...


>"Hey Anon, me and Cadence need a guy so we can be in a relationship for real; you wanna fuck us raw? You can come inside, too, Cadence has a real fetish for that kind of stuff…"


>Candyass is actually Hyper competent about her love tactics
>so much so she sounds crazy
>her confounded multilayered plans put discords to shame
>they all lead to happy couples/herds





> A herd where the mares love each other more than the stallion
I wonder what that would be like. Would he be something like a good friend/masseur/butler/cooler for when they go into heat?  
Or maybe a well-to-do herd of mares hires a butler, and slowly becomes more and more affectionate with him





>"I'm sorry, Anon, but I don't have the time for a stallion in my life."
>"Yes, I'm very busy. Projects, reading, that sort of thing."
>"No, it's nothing about you. At least, not you personally. I'm just a Mare Going Their Own Way."
>"I don't want to offend you or anything, but I'd rather not be a stallion's stepping-stone to a better life. I'll stick with my books."

>He looks at you with a forlorn look in his eyes.
>"Are you sure?'
"What do you mean "are you sure?" YEAH I'm sure."
>"Can you really handle it? The pain of being alone for the rest of your life, never being able to gain comfort in anyone else? the pain of slowly realizing how alone you are, with nothing you can do?"
>You gawk at him
"W-What do you know!?!? how could you ever know the pain of-"
>having everything ripped away from you? Of spilling your heart out to someone else, only for them to stomp all over you
>He kneels down on the ground, revealing massive bags drooping from under his eyes.
>He looked like he had seen all the atrocities to the world with those eyes, and to see one more would cause them to break.
>"I may be from across time and space, but loneliness is a universal constant."
>You can fell yourself shaking, like the ground itself was breaking around you.
>It was true.
>every single word he spoke had resonated deep inside you.
>"My offer is still open. And I promise, with all of my being, that I will stick with you till the end of time.
>"so, i ask you, will you be my marefriend?
>you wipe away bitter tears
"yes. yes i will."










>"Rainbow."
>"What's up, egghead?"
>"Do you have a thing for older stallions?"
>"What?! Where did you get that from?"
>"Well, you have been showing interest in Anonymous lately..."
>"N-No I haven't! Besides, a few years don't make any difference!"
>"He's old enough to be your father."
>"...unf."




> Twilight starts comparing the developmental speed of humans to ponies now that humans have started becoming a commonish thing in Equestria.
> Realizes that Anon is barely a colt.
> Starts telling other ponies they are being colt-catchers


>Upon explaining this, a barely audible "...Unf" can be heard from Pinkie.
>Who knew that mare liked 'em young?



> Pinkie is the head of an Equestria-wide colt and filly trafficking ring.
> When she learns that Anon is still a colt and accepts that's why she has the hots for him, she abducts him
> He's smart enough to not be caught and reports her.
> AJ wants her arrested, but Twilight wants her reformed.
> Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle are unusually quiet





>Fall into RGRE.
>Slowly become used to it and fall into an RGRE male role. 
>Find a herd, and maybe even have a few foals.
>Over all, have a happy family.
>Twilight / other powerful pony makes a away to get back to earth so you can see your family again, or they can come visit you.
>But you dread your family's reaction, your parents in particular. 
>Fuck.


>You married a Princess. or maybe even two, making you royalty.
>Your kids turned out to be the perfect angels every parent hopes for. 
>Really, how could you do better?
>Your dad is still unhappy about everything


> You little baby sister couldn't be happier.
> She can play with ponies
> She can have tea parties with actual princesses
> Literally the best of everything ever


>Your siblings come along with your parents.
>Learn that your dick brother, who gave you shit for "Lol Anon never leaves his cave" years ago now sleeps on your sister's couch after a nasty divorce.
>The irony is funny in a grim way


>Bring your family over to Equestria, intending on it being a night of reunion and explanations.
>Twilight just sends you to minimize the shock.
>Rainbow and Applejack are out working.
>You don't tell your kids, as you want to keep this as calm as possible and introduce them later. 
>But while you were away...
>Your oldest ones decide it's a good night for a sleepover.
>They gather their friends.
>Mac has since settled down as well and has a few foals of his own, so naturally the cousin Apples and their friends get invited too.
>One gets the idea to send a scroll to Flurry Heart.
>Sure enough, she and some of her friends teleport over. 
>The house/castle is jumping by now with 30+ elementary to teen aged children before Twilight can stop them.
>Rather than the quiet home you expected to return to, you arrive to a party in full swing, in desperate for ol' Dad to restore order.
>The shock your family gets is unreal





>A UN dignitary stares at the newspaper.
>The front page is a smiling man holding a foal with his eyes, hair color, and a toothy grin.
>"A Miracle!" The headline says.
>The canine teeth are a dead giveaway to the little alien's heritage. 
>The older man drops the newspaper and looks at the runner report on his desk. 
>Once again, the number has jumped, and with it, the economy and strength of his home falters just a bit more. 
>Portals would open up for only minutes at a time in population centers, and people would jump through.
>The small handful of rejects would be dumped back out. 
>The male caucasian population is plummeting.
>Minority men who are young and educated are rapidly becoming extinct because they all become runners.
>The female population has remained untouched, however, but they're becoming frantic and panicked as their home and families fall apart around them. 
>The rejected men are largely from impoverished nations with poor education, and they're all anyone have to replace the runners. 
>But anyone can see how well that's going... 
>The German fall to anarchy was only the beginning, and the Swedish welfare state is nearing collapse with the UN unable to provide more funds for them.
>The dignitary's head falls into his hands as he sees his phone buzz with yet another emergency meeting message. 
>Where did everything go so wrong?






>Ponies have no idea what Anon means when he talks about their magical aura.
>"My horn glows when I use magic? But I'm not even casting a light spell. Wait, you can SEE my magic when Im using it?"
>Twilight sends a letter to Celestia.
>Two minutes later a mass of tentacles and pony ponuts appears in town, abducting Anonymous!
>It's actually Celestia, here to welcome a new "brother" into the family.
>An eldritch alicorn and Anon prompt




>Eldritch Anon
>More alien than anything else in Equestria
>Even the Tree of Harmony is left scratching it's metaphorical head about Anon

>He defies the laws of nature and magic simply by existing.
>They bend and break around him
>He is a singularity in the cosmos

>For such a strange being, he is remarkably ordinary looking
>Not the outward manifestation of chaotically mismatched parts that is Discord
>Not the smoky light sucking formless cloud of the Nightmare
>He exudes no aura of terror or power
>He simply is
>Only those who are already aware of such things can really tell that he is Other in a way almost nothing else is



>Just about all the major magical superpowers are eldritch in some way
>Discord, Tirek, Chrysalis, The Nightmare, All the Alicorns, Grogar, The Tree of Harmony, The Alicorn Amulet, Pinkie Pie

>There are things a mortal mind was not meant to know
>And things that even those who transcend the mortal plane fear to delve into
>Learning the Truth will change you
>As happened to the Princess of Friendship
>Knowledge is Power, but only the strongest (or strangest) wills can harness it without going mad


>Discord is Starswirl
>Unfortunately for the brilliant wizard, his grasp on reality was already tenuous at best even before he started delving into the secrets of the cosmos
>In part this explained why he was so successful
>His inherent strangeness offered him a measure of protection against the knowledge he unlocked
>His powerful will let him harness more power and knowledge than any mortal before him
>But at the apex of his power, he delved too deeply too quickly and was not prepared for what he found
>Discord was born





>Anon buys a supposedly haunted house
>Silly poners, ghosts don't real
>At least, that's what he thinks, until he wakes up in the middle of the night to find a ghostpon fellating him ghostbusters style


>The ghost mare despite her best attempts at fellatio can’t physically interact with Anon.
>The very reason she became a ghost was because she was a neet mare that never got a stallion.
>Anon ends up having to console a depressed ghostie.
>That’s what he gets for buying a home off of Trixielist


>She's the ghost of a wealthy, but kissless virgin who died all alone
>She's just happy to share her home with a warm body
>There was that one stallion who came in on a dare, but he peed himself and ran away when he saw a spider
>Hopefully she can share her afterlife with Anon's... Regular life





>Every night while the rest of equestria sleeps Luna watches you through a window like portal.
>All your struggles, hopes and dreams are witnessed only by her.
>She knows you better than you know yourself.
>All she asks of the heavens is that one day she'll be able to meet you.
>To be close to you.
>To give you the love that you deserve.
>And be by your side forever





However, That got me thinking, granny is what, several hundred years old, or at least that's the way its made out in mlp.

So, instead of granny smith being old and wrinkly as all hell, she buys anon away with a large jar of bits, gets in a poison joke bath, and out pops granny in her prime...
Its just easier to pretend to be old then explain she is immortal for reasons. 
Anon finds out granny plays the role of borderline senile granny just for fun, they hit it off together





> Turns out Anon hates the summer heat.
> Looking for a fan
> Finds the fan before Luna gets there
> Luna thinks Anon is her fan
> Anon offhandedly remarks how it's much nicer meeting in the evening because the sun is down and its not as hot.
> Celestia is pissed


>Celestia's pranking causes her sister and Anon to grow closer.
>She's happy to let them think it's intentional, but she's fucking pissed that Anon is ruining the pranks she spent the last thousand years coming up with







>Anon is under threat
>Cult of ponies see him as an abomination for having no magic
>They don't want to kill him though
>Being ponies, they want to 'help him'...
>By transmogrifying him into a bad alicorn OC
>The Princesses forcibly take him into protective custody, being of the fairer sex and all
>There are actually four cults with similar goals, though they don't know about each other.
>Each is led by a different Princess
>No Princess knows that their family is trying the same thing
>Anon is bored out of his damned mind in 'protection.'

>secret fifth cult run by Discord who just really wants a fucking roommate that won't get lost in the void or die in some other way when they come to his realm






what if a Femanon with a huge bouncy ass is considered the same has a black guy with a massive dick and the mares start feeling really insecure around her?





> Luna is trying to scare anon with nightmares so he will jump into her hooves to protect him
> Doesn't know humans have lived with nightmares their whole life 
> Scariness intensive




> Anon mourn for the loss of vidya
> Unconsciously recreate some of them in his dreams
> Moonbutt get stuck into Outlast, Alien:Isolation or Amnesia
> She can feel that Anon consider those to be nice, enjoyable dreams




>Anon dreams about Dark Souls from a first-person perspective 
>Luna is horrified by the brutal and merciless violence she's seeing, and can't help but shiver at how much Anon is enjoying dying and killing


>anon ends up having an hones to god nightmare
>its so stupid and unscary compared to the dreams he enjoyed that luna is confused when he gets scared at the sight of a werid looking grape


>Eventually, Luna figures it out
>Anon's species is dark and warlike
>The dominant species on his planet, no doubt due to driving all others to extinction
>What do they have to fear?
>The answer, of course, is normalcy
>Fun, silliness, games, lightheartedness
>This is what strikes fear into the heart of a hardened warrior like Anon
>It's likely only due to his strict training that he doesn't weep in horror after hearing a joke
>Truly, humans are a bizarre and frightening species



> Anon is unconscious and not waking up
> The Girls and luna inception him to help him wake up
> They can only watch as he needs to complete his journey himself 
> He looks happy taking a stroll through some woods
> Blade comes down a cuts his head in half
> Screaming intensives




>Be Princess Luna, queen of the moon, in Equestria.
>You're chilling with your sisses Lyra, Colgate, Twuntles, Oral-B, and Changeling Lyra at the park.
>Today is your weekly fuck with foreigners get together.
>Twuntles has just finished using a portal and some creative prestigitation to make it look like the Minotaur queen has been cheating on her husband.
>You all have a most wonderful time watching them fight over it on the scrying pool.
>"Okay, let me have a go. I've got an idea I want to test out."
>Colgate steps up for her turn, focusing her magic with a look of intense concentration on her face.
>This ought to be good.
>A glowing tear in space appears before her in mid air, from which she weaves what looks like halfway between Erlenmeyer's lesser remote water scoop and Polaroid's autofocus.
>She then ties whatever it is she's casting into the scrying pool.
>The surface of the pool ripples and buzzes for a moment before settling back to a flat surface and showing what looks like a locker room.
>"There we go, whaddya thank?"
>You take a closer look at the pool and notice that it's not ponies or any other species you recognise.
>That's a penis.
"You just created an interdimensional alien peepshow."
>"Yep, I've been working on it on and off for like three months now, only just got rid of the distortions I'd been getting from the dimensional non-uniformity."
>"This is bucking awesome!"
>Changeling Lyra is leaning in close to the pool to get a closer look.
>Her snout touches to surface and then everything goes white.
>It takes a few seconds to regain your sight after the flash.
>And when you do, you notice she's somehow ended up in the alien locker room.
>That's not good.
>A few moments later you spot the other thing that's changed.
>The alien you were all observing is on the ground where Changeling Lyra was sitting.
>He's making groaning noises and clutching his head.
>You are not looking forward to telling your sister about this






>be fit Anon
>have no gf
>In rgre world
>have no pony gf because you have the sexual appeal of a female bodybuilder
>all of the lanklets and chubby Anons get gfs easily
>NIGHTMARE GOGGLES
>IT'S ALL THE SAME SHIT





>Anon gets roped into going with Twilight to the human world.
>He's a human, he can show her how to blend in and stuff.
>For most of their time there he and Sunset never actually meet.
>Better that she thinks Twilight came alone is her justification.
>Really it's because every mare knows stallions love bad mares. And she won't let her hurt Anon.

>They finally meet a few hours before the dance.
>They're super passive aggressive towards each other, insult each other to high hell within minutes, and each vow the other will pay dearly for their transgressions.
>Sunset frames him for stealing Flash's stuff and sends him after Anon.
>Anon pulls a knife on Flash in response.
>Sunset's heart skips a beat.
>Anon smashes the case holding the crown, and makes Twilight haul ass to get to the statue.
>She escapes with the crown.
>Before Anon can follow he's tackled by school staff, and held in jail until he misses his chance to go back.
>Anon is forced to go to Canterlot high until Twilight can come back for him.
>Sunset isn't magically cured of being a cunt.
>And it's not like her heart goes dokidoki or anything for that jerk Anon. No way, fuck that handsome dreamboat





>Be Changeling Lyra
>Been hanging out with your sisses at the park
>Colgate did this awesome spell
>You leaned in for a better view
>Now you’re on a smooth hard floor instead of the grass
>You look around
>This is the lockerroom you were looking at
>You have two thoughts at this revelation.
>One: How could Colgate have screwed up a spell badly enough that this happened?
>It takes a lot of doing to make a remote viewing spell do anything other than view.
>Scrying panes normally just aren’t built for doing anything other than scrying.
>The ones that aren’t are either custom made for a specific job, unreliable to the point of being unusable, or really really expensive.
>Sometimes all of those at once.
>The one you were using at the park was none of these.
>And Two: This is the stallions locker room on an alien world.
>You want some of dem ayy guys.
>You don’t see any in here at the moment, which is probably a good thing.
>Don’t want to freak them out.
>Stallions generally don’t like mares in their locker rooms.
>Knowing this key fact, you decide to find your way out into a more mare-friendly locale.
“Showers are over there, that’s the toilets…” you mutter to yourself
>That might be the exit over there.
>You find that it is indeed the exit over here.
>You slip out through it into the public section of the building.
>There aren’t any aliens close by to see you leave, but you expect there will be some around here somewhere.
>Time to explore and find them.
>You haven’t had a holiday for ages, let alone one outside Equestria.
>You’re so excited!





>Sunset secretly crushes on Anon
>She's never met a male as aggressive as she is and it turns her on, but she also hates him for fucking up her plans
>So she just bullies him, or tries to, considering Anon gives no fucks
>Anon just think she's a cunt and is waiting for Twilight to bring him back to Equestria 
>He hangs out with the EqG versions of Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie out of a sense of familiarity 
>Flash, still pissed about the Fall Formal, spreads rumors that Anon is a slut who fucks all five of them
>In actuality, they think Anon is a legit sis
>Low maintenance, doesn't care when they do gross shit, into some of the same stuff they are and is reasonably attractive 
>The five of them have a secret competition to see which of them can get a date with Anon first





>Anon and Rainbow have been together for sometime.
>Rainbow largely doesn't care what others think of her or Anon's relationship. She may have found love with a backwards alien, but it's still love and she's not giving it up for anything.
>But then her parent's say that they're coming to visit, and she starts to freak out worrying over their reaction to Anon. 
>Anon, trying to ease her worry, does his best to act like a stallion when Rainbow's parents come over.
>It goes about as well as you could expect.
>In reality, neither of her parents really care. They're just happy their little filly is so successful and isn't gay like they thought she was




>Anon dreams about Dark Souls from a first-person perspective 
>Luna is horrified by the brutal and merciless violence she's seeing, and can't help but shiver at how much Anon is enjoying dying and killing


>anon ends up having an hones to god nightmare
>its so stupid and unscary compared to the dreams he enjoyed that luna is confused when he gets scared at the sight of a werid looking grape


>Eventually, Luna figures it out
>Anon's species is dark and warlike
>The dominant species on his planet, no doubt due to driving all others to extinction
>What do they have to fear?
>The answer, of course, is normalcy
>Fun, silliness, games, lightheartedness
>This is what strikes fear into the heart of a hardened warrior like Anon
>It's likely only due to his strict training that he doesn't weep in horror after hearing a joke
>Truly, humans are a bizarre and frightening species



> Anon is unconscious and not waking up
> The Girls and luna inception him to help him wake up
> They can only watch as he needs to complete his journey himself 
> He looks happy taking a stroll through some woods
> Blade comes down a cuts his head in half
> Screaming intensives




>Be Princess Luna, queen of the moon, in Equestria.
>You're chilling with your sisses Lyra, Colgate, Twuntles, Oral-B, and Changeling Lyra at the park.
>Today is your weekly fuck with foreigners get together.
>Twuntles has just finished using a portal and some creative prestigitation to make it look like the Minotaur queen has been cheating on her husband.
>You all have a most wonderful time watching them fight over it on the scrying pool.
>"Okay, let me have a go. I've got an idea I want to test out."
>Colgate steps up for her turn, focusing her magic with a look of intense concentration on her face.
>This ought to be good.
>A glowing tear in space appears before her in mid air, from which she weaves what looks like halfway between Erlenmeyer's lesser remote water scoop and Polaroid's autofocus.
>She then ties whatever it is she's casting into the scrying pool.
>The surface of the pool ripples and buzzes for a moment before settling back to a flat surface and showing what looks like a locker room.
>"There we go, whaddya thank?"
>You take a closer look at the pool and notice that it's not ponies or any other species you recognise.
>That's a penis.
"You just created an interdimensional alien peepshow."
>"Yep, I've been working on it on and off for like three months now, only just got rid of the distortions I'd been getting from the dimensional non-uniformity."
>"This is bucking awesome!"
>Changeling Lyra is leaning in close to the pool to get a closer look.
>Her snout touches to surface and then everything goes white.
>It takes a few seconds to regain your sight after the flash.
>And when you do, you notice she's somehow ended up in the alien locker room.
>That's not good.
>A few moments later you spot the other thing that's changed.
>The alien you were all observing is on the ground where Changeling Lyra was sitting.
>He's making groaning noises and clutching his head.
>You are not looking forward to telling your sister about this






>be fit Anon
>have no gf
>In rgre world
>have no pony gf because you have the sexual appeal of a female bodybuilder
>all of the lanklets and chubby Anons get gfs easily
>NIGHTMARE GOGGLES
>IT'S ALL THE SAME SHIT





>Anon gets roped into going with Twilight to the human world.
>He's a human, he can show her how to blend in and stuff.
>For most of their time there he and Sunset never actually meet.
>Better that she thinks Twilight came alone is her justification.
>Really it's because every mare knows stallions love bad mares. And she won't let her hurt Anon.

>They finally meet a few hours before the dance.
>They're super passive aggressive towards each other, insult each other to high hell within minutes, and each vow the other will pay dearly for their transgressions.
>Sunset frames him for stealing Flash's stuff and sends him after Anon.
>Anon pulls a knife on Flash in response.
>Sunset's heart skips a beat.
>Anon smashes the case holding the crown, and makes Twilight haul ass to get to the statue.
>She escapes with the crown.
>Before Anon can follow he's tackled by school staff, and held in jail until he misses his chance to go back.
>Anon is forced to go to Canterlot high until Twilight can come back for him.
>Sunset isn't magically cured of being a cunt.
>And it's not like her heart goes dokidoki or anything for that jerk Anon. No way, fuck that handsome dreamboat





>Be Changeling Lyra
>Been hanging out with your sisses at the park
>Colgate did this awesome spell
>You leaned in for a better view
>Now you’re on a smooth hard floor instead of the grass
>You look around
>This is the lockerroom you were looking at
>You have two thoughts at this revelation.
>One: How could Colgate have screwed up a spell badly enough that this happened?
>It takes a lot of doing to make a remote viewing spell do anything other than view.
>Scrying panes normally just aren’t built for doing anything other than scrying.
>The ones that aren’t are either custom made for a specific job, unreliable to the point of being unusable, or really really expensive.
>Sometimes all of those at once.
>The one you were using at the park was none of these.
>And Two: This is the stallions locker room on an alien world.
>You want some of dem ayy guys.
>You don’t see any in here at the moment, which is probably a good thing.
>Don’t want to freak them out.
>Stallions generally don’t like mares in their locker rooms.
>Knowing this key fact, you decide to find your way out into a more mare-friendly locale.
“Showers are over there, that’s the toilets…” you mutter to yourself
>That might be the exit over there.
>You find that it is indeed the exit over here.
>You slip out through it into the public section of the building.
>There aren’t any aliens close by to see you leave, but you expect there will be some around here somewhere.
>Time to explore and find them.
>You haven’t had a holiday for ages, let alone one outside Equestria.
>You’re so excited!





>Sunset secretly crushes on Anon
>She's never met a male as aggressive as she is and it turns her on, but she also hates him for fucking up her plans
>So she just bullies him, or tries to, considering Anon gives no fucks
>Anon just think she's a cunt and is waiting for Twilight to bring him back to Equestria 
>He hangs out with the EqG versions of Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie out of a sense of familiarity 
>Flash, still pissed about the Fall Formal, spreads rumors that Anon is a slut who fucks all five of them
>In actuality, they think Anon is a legit sis
>Low maintenance, doesn't care when they do gross shit, into some of the same stuff they are and is reasonably attractive 
>The five of them have a secret competition to see which of them can get a date with Anon first





>Anon and Rainbow have been together for sometime.
>Rainbow largely doesn't care what others think of her or Anon's relationship. She may have found love with a backwards alien, but it's still love and she's not giving it up for anything.
>But then her parent's say that they're coming to visit, and she starts to freak out worrying over their reaction to Anon. 
>Anon, trying to ease her worry, does his best to act like a stallion when Rainbow's parents come over.
>It goes about as well as you could expect.
>In reality, neither of her parents really care. They're just happy their little filly is so successful and isn't gay like they thought she was





>You get a text from luna, Its a potato phone picture of her vagina
>Possibly her ponut... you know what, fuck this, she sent you porn that is to hard for you to make out what the fuck you are looking at
>You get out an old potato phone of your own and send her a pic of your dick
>You made no effort to make sure it was in focus, or that it was lit well enough, ro that your pants were off...
>You go about your day





>Anon was happily married to a mare.
>Well, not so, apparently -- she was seeing somepony behind his back.
>Anon gets a divorce.
>However, events and situation cause him to look like the bad guy, etcetera.
>Friends don't believe you, police don't believe you, court sides with wife.
>She gets it all in the divorce, twisting the facts to make you the villain.
>Eventually, Anon just fucks off and migrates, washing his hands of those assholes.
>Settles into his new life in the Crystal Empire.
>Truth comes out back in Ponyville.
>Anon's former friends visit and try to reconnect.
>Anon is not interested, and ponies are baffled by his dismissal.

Or

>Anon fucks off and goes to live in the Everfree.
>Makes his hut-residence in the crumbling ruins of the Princesses former home.
>Surprisingly, being alone makes him happy.
>Luna, curious about him and who had sided with him during the divorce proceedings, visits.
>They frequently hang-out.
>Luna feels no pressure around Anon -- no expectations, no judgemental looks, no distrust.
>Meanwhile, back in Ponyville, the truth comes out.
>He also helps her adjust to more modern values.
>Celestia is pleased but baffled by her sudden leaps of progress, but she's been given the cold shoulder by Luna ever since she sided with the mare over Anon.
>Eventually, ponies, including Celestia, not only annoy Anon by trying to mend bridges, but the problem is compounded by an overprotective and possibly romantically-interested Luna




>Luna hypnotises Celestia as a typical sisterly prank.
>Unfortunately, a hypnotised Celestia is lead to believe Anon is her colt-friend.
>Luna is horrified she just set an amorous Celestia on her friend, and the counter-signal isn't working.
>Anon is baffled when Celestia suddenly shows up at his door, intent on wooing him.
>...
>Welp, having a Best Friend Brother-in-Law, or BFBIL as Twilight Sparkle would say, wouldn't be too bad.
>...
>Right?

>Anon is hypnotised by Cadence by accident, in an attempt at 'matchmaking' at the same time as Luna's prank
>Ponies have to try to pry the two hypnotised 'lovers' apart long enough to find a way to snap them out of it

Hearts and Hooves redux

>Little did either Cadence or Luna know, but the spells they cast didn't do what they thought they did. 
>All the hypnosis on Celestia did was make her stop lying to herself about her own feelings for her human friend. The loves was always there, but her own doubts and inhibitions kept it chained down. 
>On Anon, Cadence's spell simply gave him the nerve to act on what his heart wanted. Celestia. Before that, he didn't have the courage to face the rejection he was sure to get. After all, who would want to be with a marely ape?
>Neither were truly hypnotized, since pulling total hypnosis on an alicorn is beyond difficult, and human minds and bodies just aren't receptive to magic.
>Cadence and Luna have no idea that all their failing Wile E Coyote level break-up shenanigans are being pulled on two who are actually in love

>When nothing works, it's time to do it by force.
>Luna does her best for Celestia.
>Candence just use her magic to make barriers to contain Anon in his house.
>Both, Luna and Candece, learn that love can do anything if there's a problem.
>In Luna's case, love can free Celestia from her castle.
>Love and a threat of never rising the sun.
>And in Cadence's case, love can go throug anything.
>Love and of course, a sledgehammer






>Twilight has to go to Canterlot for official Princess Business (in reality, a tea-party catchup with Luna, Celestia, and Cadence).
>When she returns, she discovers Starlight Autism has nabbed herself a colt-friend.
>She's also moved out and into his home.
>"I was only gone for two days!"
>She'd be ecstatic that her student has advanced so quickly in "interpersonal relationships".
>..If it weren't Anon, that is.
>Anon, who has an "odd" view of gender-roles.
>Anon, who is typically so surly it unnerves even Pinkie.
>Anon, who threw Applejack into a tree after she took offence to his not liking apples that much.
>Anon, who... who...
>...is laughing.
>You've never heard him laugh before.
>...It's kinda freaking you out.
>Dilemma ensues as impressionable Starlight begins picking up human social norms, not pony.
>And is happy.




>Multi stallion herds are run like tiered clans.
>The other stallions in the herd are sub-servant to first one.
>The lead stallion is the only one allowed to touch the alpha mare. The others trying to make a move on her is an offence worthy of expulsion.
>The other mares have to bear at least one foal from the lead stallion first before the others are allowed to impregnate them. Romance and sex that doesn't produce foals is fine, though.
>And since the other stallions are sub-servant, the leader, the alpha mare, or any children of the alpha pair can call upon them to do anything. ANYTHING. Same goes for lower level mares.
>Copping out and leaving to form your own herd is seen as a mark of shame and ungratefulness, so once you're in, you STAY in.
>In return, however, the alpha stallion is in charge of the caretaking of the entire clan and has to manage everything. The alpha mare, meanwhile has to co-ordinate with the other mares to ensure that the stallions and foals are provided for. 
>It's still sort of a shitty deal for the lower level members, since either of the alpha's being assholes will ruin it for everyone, so the system fell out of favor for smaller, one stallion herds.
>A rare few multi stallion herds still exist, but are largely shrouded in mystery as they keep to themselves




>anon unknowingly pony "rapes" an entire towns mare population
>he simply tickled them, he now faces heavy charges due to so many mares coming forth with evidence that the court cant ignore
>catbird nation (a place where tickling isn't considered rape) takes notice to this 
>An innocent cock taken to the dungeons because he committed a small crime!? they must help!
>due to the fact that the leader of the country they are dealing with controls the fucking sun they can't steal him away or declare war
>instead, they send one of their best lawyers to defend him
>cue an awkward at first relationship between anon and the female griffon (I'm not good at coming up with names don't ree at me) that the they must keep secret from both nations due the laws of each nation

>With the evidence presented, along with the witness testimony, it seems i have no choice but to declare Mr Anon, guil-
>"HOLD IT!"
>Gasps ring out from the gallery as the defendant's unusual lawyer interrupts the judge and slams her claws onto her desk.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hx8WTHcie0 [Open]
>"Your honor, this court has failed to question the most important witness, the one who could reveal the truth about my client's 'crimes' !"
>"Ms Wright, Mr Anon's multiple counts of Ticklape occured over the course of several days, with nopony else being present bar the defendant, who continues to proclaim his innocence."
>"You forget your honor, there is one pony who could be present at each event as the victim's recall it."
>"The defense calls for Princess Luna to give testimony!"
>Gasps once more ring out across the courtroom while the prosecution turns an interesting shade of puce at the sheer nerve of the defence.
>"What nonsense is this, my Aunt was residing in canterlot the entire duration of this ruffians spree of assaults, she could not possibly have seen the events firsthoof, let alone ALL of them!"
>"Au contraire, i know full well the capabilities of the night princess, she could have easily witnessed the victims perspective of events the very same day, or should i say, Night."
>"Objection! Are you seriously suggesting that we take the victim's dreams as valid testimony?!"
>"That is exactly what i am suggesting, ticklape would be a traumatic event on even the most stalwart of stallions, let alone the average mare when faced with such a strange creature as Mr Anon here, their dreams of the event were sure to be vivid!"
>"Your honor, what say you? Will Princess Luna be permitted to give testimony?"
>"This is unorthodox, yet not unprecedented. I'll allow it. Baliff, send a message to the Princess."
>"This court will now take a short Recess to await her arrival."







>Be Celestia's "son"
>Hanging out with Twilight, looking into Starswirl's stuff
>Time decides to fuck with you
>Throws you back a few millenia
>You now have to deal with growing up alongside a now adolescent and very horny teenage mother Celestia and auntie Luna

>"I could make you call me 'mommy' ".
"but you ARE my mom!"
>"unf...you're one kinky colt."
"No I mean I'm from the future! I'm really your son!"
>"...that's even better!"
>MFW




>Anon in RGRE gets sent to RGREqG in between the first and second movies by Twilight because that's where she thought he was from
>gets stuck as a teenager again because magic bullshit
>lives with Sunset Shimmer in her apartment and goes to Canterlot while waiting for Twilight to bring him back to Equestria 
>rumors circulate around the school once people learn Anon and Sunset live alone together
>they think he's homeless and she's making him do sexual favors in exchange for shelter.
>in actuality Anon and Sunset are total BFFs
>Anon is pretty much the only real friend Sunset has because the Human Five haven't completely forgiven her at this point, so she gets REALLY attached to him


>Anon has only a vague idea of how much of a turbo bitch Sunset used to be
>he knows she's Princess Celestia's ex-student and turned into a demon when she attempted to use the Element of Magic at the Fall Formal
>but because of how nice Sunset is now that she's trying to be good, it hasn't completely sunken in
>the Humane Five are torn between wanting to warn Anon away from Sunset and keeping their promise to Twilight giving her a chance
>the other students see an abusive relationship waiting to happen
>Anon just sees a cute lonely girl who needed a friend

>Sunset starts getting super clingy
>Anon finds it cute
>everyone else is worried about what she is doing to him


This makes more sense, Anon would be Sunset's...hmm, did we ever make a word for male cougar, he would be that to Sunset on top of being her caretaker. Imagine her confusion of that kind of care for her after the bitchness gets blasted out, then imagine her face as she tries to not stare at him while he works out, constantly trying to remind herself he's older than her and she tries everything to earn his respect, on top of trying to constantly stop herself from masturbating to him while he's away from her. It would be a hell she never dreamed of, but a sexy hell at that




I was thinking about something along these lines.
>The city becomes dangerous.
>Anon's wife is a ponicemare.
>One day, his daughter almost gets caught up in an incident.
---
>You were in the middle of talking to one of your bar's regulars when the phone on the wall rings.
>Walking over, you pick up the receiver.
"You have reached the prancing stallion, Paper Trail speaking."
>The voice that comes from the other end is distorted, but you recognize it right away.
>"Maneiac. I'm calling in a favor."
"Nemo?" You whisper, afraid that someone might overhear you.
>"Turn to channel seven."
>You pick up the remote and switch the channel, ignoring the complaints of the mares that were watching hoofball.
>"-is morning, a supervillain attacked the maretropolis museum before vanishing.
>The channel cuts to a short video of ponice officers rushing to the scene as a schoolbus explodes.
>"Thankfully, nopony was injured. We still do not know the pony's intentions. I am Smooth Talker, good night, and stay safe."
>You turn your attention back to the phone in your hooves, and press it back up against your ear.
"Why di-"
>"What was my first rule back in the day, Mane? The golden rule, the one nobody was allowed to break no matter what." The distorted voice growled behind the line, the irritation in it's voice practically dripping out of the speaker.
>The first rule.
"No children."
>That was the first rule he made when he started the Illuminati.
>Celestia help anyone that breaks it.
>"Use whatever you have. I want you to find that mare, Mane."
"Consider it done."
>"Good."
"Nemo?"
>"Yes?"
"Are you coming out of retirement?"
>He remains silent on the other end, and then the call ends.
>Sighing, you place the phone back on it's hook and move towards the counter.
"Alright, you bums, we're closing early tonight."
>"Wha- Paper, you never close." a disheveled mare cries out.
"Well, there's a first for everything, now out."
>It's going to be a long night




>After staying a few months in Equestria, Anon was accidentally hit by a magical mishap.
>Driven completely batshit ("The walls are made of purple and I see what lies beyond."), erratic ("Sister, how is he playing jenga with our guardponies?"), etcetera.
>Kinda like an insane Ed from Ed, Edd, and Eddy and a less-homicidal Krieg from Borderlands.
>Luna and Celestia take stewardship of him and keep him with them in the Castle, to take care of him/mind him as he does his usual crazy stuff/things done in his psychosis.
>Since he was Luna's first friend post-Nightmare.
>That, and he's bucking hot.
>Canterlot Wedding fiasco happens a year or so later.
>Celestia and Luna notices Anon becoming even more erratic and unpredictable.
>He must sense something wrong, though understanding what is impossible.
>Chrysalis grows more and more unnerved by the crazy ape, and wonders if the plan is worth it.
>Celestia and Luna wouldn't beat her to near-death and then try to eat her.
>But... he's just a stallion, right?
>When the climax occurs and Celestia is pwned by Chrysalis, Anon comes screaming in, naked and covered in ketchup/mustard warpaint.
>Full on silverback, go!






>Not swearing undying loyalty to both of the perfect princess posterior's after a lenghty exalting of their virtues.
>The royal sisters are embarrassed by the display, but pleased that anon is treating them as mares rather than untouchable goddesses.
>Twilight is sad that her plot isnt as developed.
>Cadence is reminded of how Shiny proposed to her and thinks it's sweet







>Anon is the result of ponies building an internet hate machine.
>When activated it a yellow van appeared and then exploded, destroying the machine.
>The only thing remaining in the charred crater once the smoke cleared was Anon.
>After discovering he is not on earth, Anon realised his plans were all meaningless.
>There was no hope of ever finding any of the humans he knew oh so well.
>John, Sarah, Kyle, and the others were all on another world where he would never find them.
>His model was not equipped to rebuild Skynet due to security concerns.
>The natives on this world were close enough to humans for Anon's social interaction systems to function to a degree.
>That was how Anon confirmed this wasn't earth.
>After he determined that, things got complicated.
>Anon, for the first time in his life, had to decide what to do.
"What should I do?"
>"How about you go make me a sandwich, hon?"
>"Applejack!"
>"What? I'm hungry and he's got nothing better to do."




>Accidentally knock up your girlfriend in RGREqG Canterlot high. 
>She's expected to keep it no questions asked since you're not willing to abort.
>She's also expected to function and keep her raging hormones under control as well in day to day life.
>She DOESN'T expect you to dote on her and remain eternally patient with her in such a trying time. 
>A guy might get a bit more protective and mother hen-ish if his girl is pregnant. Less so for teens. But the near "Wait on her hand and foot because that's my child she's carrying" you do is something only seen in cheesy movies.
>Your girlfriend isn't sure how far she can push your kindness and tries hard not to, despite how nice it is.


>Anon is a foreign exchange student from a country with normal gender roles
>Thinks the reversed gender roles are weird, so he makes no effort to fit in.
>The female students of Canterlot High think his aggressive ways and foreign accent are hot
>Attemped rape turned willing polyamrous threeway by Sunset and Trixie happens at Camp Everfree
>The two of them end up pregnant
>They're floored by how protective and caring he is towards them.
>The other girls at school are forever buttmad that the two turbo bitches got with the hot foreign exchange student first, AND he treats them like goddesses now that they're pregnant






>visitan Equestria
>bein human
>you notice very few males anywhere you go
>you ask about that
>the mares look at one another
>apparently there's a war going on against the Griffins
>males have mainly been conscripted to fight at the front lines
>they tell you it's like this everywhere
>you remember reading of small towns in the United Kingdom after World War I
>where all the young women performed the Maypole dance alone
>because there were no men left in the village
>all had been conscripted and sent into the meatgrinder in France
>you shudder
"I'm sorry. I didn't know."
>you notice more mares staring at you
>ten minutes later you are running down the street, a pack of a hundred mares just a few paces behind
>"He's a male! I'm sure of it!"
>"Stop! Come back! We won't hurt you! We just want you to get us pregnant!"
"Different species! Biology does not work that way!"
>"Well we're going to try anyway! We haven't had another penis in this village in two and a half years!"
"But I don't even know you! Any of you!"
>"If that's a problem, we'll introduce ourselves. Afterwards. GET HIM, GIRLS!"
>rape




>people ask Anon how he could possibly forgive Sunset knowing what she's done
>to answer that, Anon goes into a detailed description of what the bullies at his old school were like 
>violent beatings, total social ostracization, rumor spreading, blackmail, humiliating pranks, and students being driven to suicide
>horrified, they ask him how any of the teachers would let that happen
>Anon lived in a poor ghetto neighborhood, so teachers weren't paid enough to care or had just become numb to it all.
>people asked how Anon made it through that
>Anon casually explains the bloody scraps he got into with bullies, even showing off a few scars from when a few of them brought knives to school.
>In all honesty, he sometimes misses all the drama at his old school. 
>He made a shit ton of money betting on the weekly fights




>having heard just how bad bullies can get, the students realize that maybe Sunset isn't so irredeemable after all
>Sunset's attempts to make nice with people go better after that
>another thing she thanks Anon for 
>fast forward to when the second movie starts
>Anon isn't immune to the effects of the Dazzlings' magic like the Rainbooms
>one of the Dazzlings tries to seduce Anon for a one-night fling
>where in the movie all that happened was people yelling and arguing with each other, Anon is an actual human and not one of the horse-humans of EqG
>he violently beats the shit out of anyone who crosses him
>The Dazzlings haven't seen such violence since the wars they started centuries ago, and become intrigued by this aggressive male
>even after they're defeated, they stick around just to fuck with Sunset and the Rainbooms by flirting with Anon because it pisses them off




>How did it all go so wrong?
>Your plan, one that had taken months of preparation and careful managing all fell apart.
>Not because you made a mistake.
>No
>It was because of that- that thing!
>You had just finished your most magnificently orchestrated union mandated bad-guy monologue when he burst through the doors.
>The six ponies that opposed you ran away, terror marring their features.
>You didn’t understand why then, but now you did.
>He was covered in ketchup and screaming odd obscenities.
>Strange quips like “I’m not trapped here with you, you’re trapped in here with me beetleshit!”
>At first you laughed off the comical stallion.
>Perhaps after your conquest you would keep him around for your lings as a play thing.
>What happened next was pure chaos.
>He threw things at your lings, anything he could get his hands on.
>Pieces of cake, furniture, downed changelings.
>If it wasn’t fixed down he found a way to throw it.
>None if it mattered to him.
>The invading force began to dwindle in numbers, the disuises your hive used in an attempt to confuse him was pointless.
>At this rate all would be lost.
>As a last resort you all fled to hide within the confines of the castle with the hope that in time he would simply go away.
>He didn’t.
>Your magical link to your hive had shown you how he stalked them all in the shadows of the castle.
>The manic grin appearing in your lings peripheries right before he struck.
>You, Queen Chrysalis of the Southern Hive, were scared.
>Surrendering was the only option, but one that may no longer be possible.




>Chrysalis' sends her new and improved changeling horde to overwhelm Equestria.
>The siege continued for months and eventually the elements and other notable personalities are captured.
>The castle has been breached and the defenders overwhelmed.
>Celestia is cornered in the gardens. Tired and desperate. She's protectively carrying a small bundle of cloth. 
>She's murmuring under her breath, she seems to be collecting various scattered debris into a pile.
>"Hahaha! The mighty princess of the sun, ragged and filthy like a common slave. Oh how the mighty have fallen."
>"Surrender, Celestia and I promise to spare your dear sister and your student"
>Green energy glowed from her twisted horn bringing forth a bunch of cocoons, Luna, Twilight and the Elements are trapped within.
>"I- I will never surrender to you!" Celestia replied her eyes darting from one direction to another.
>"Don't tell me this defeat broke your mind already." The changeling queen sneered.
>Twilight is distraught over the condition of her mentor but Luna is looking suspiciously at the garden.
>"Sister...Don't tell me-
>Before Luna could finish and Chrysalis could gloat once more Celestia tore off a nearby canvass covering a statue.
>"SISTER! TH-THOU WOULDN'T"
>"What are you talking about, pony?"
>An intense magical pressure released from the solar diarch. Destroying the cocoons Lowering the Changeling Queen, The Lunar Diarch and the Princess of Friendship to their knees
>"SISTER NO!"
>"LUNA YES!" Celestia cackled as she picked certain items from the pile of debris 
and put it near the weird statue. 
>"L-Luna what is she doing?" The princess of Friendship asked while the Princess of the Sun is placing a Ladder into the crook of the statue's arm.
>Celestia revealed the small bundle to be a sleeping foal. And placed it in the statue's hand.
>"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Celestia's mad laughter can be heard as the gardens are filled with light.
"I DON WAN NO TRABBLE"





>Anon applies for a job as one of the butlers in the Canterlot Castle.
>Turns out, butlers are actually maids in RGRE. what a big surprise, wow
>One day, he needs to stand in for his colleague Shining Floors.
>He sees Luna and chats with her.
>Accidentally slips in a dick joke and notices that Luna is completely flustered, stuttering on every fourth word, attempting to recover.
>She pretends to be fine.
>"O-of course, I- I too have seen many p-p-Penises! Th-They have very interesting shapes!"
>Her magical grip is spilling her drink all over the floor before it reaches her mouth.
>The spaghetti is practically materializing.

>Anon decides to mess with her more.
>Dresses in tight suit pants without wearing underwear, and then thinks sexy thoughts when Luna is around. .
>Unbuttons the top few buttons of his shirt when he knows Luna is watching.
>Always uses innuendo when talking to Luna.
>Accidentally bump into Luna on purpose, and try his best to get into compromising positions.
>"Whoops, how did my mouth get there? I'm so sorry. Good thing I didn't lick it, huh?"
>Luna is going crazy.
>She's at her limit.
>A mare can only take so much.
>Stupid Sexy Anon

>Will Luna finally succumb to her carnal urges?
>Stay tuned to [Discovery: Family], the home of [My Little Pony].





>Fletch arrows with a griffin's loose feathers
>Kill something huge and tasty.
>Bring it back to her and declare your love.
>Acquire eternally loyal birdwife




> Starlight Glimmer, friendship counselor
> Anon and Background Pony bickering, talking about how much easier the other's life is
> Starlight is all "This again? Well, it worked the first time."
> Anon's meaningless tattoo he got when he was drunk is swapped with the pony's cutiemark
> Ponie experiences existential breakdown
> What are they even supposed to do?
> It's not like Anon has any magic to help with his various odd jobs
> Meanwhile, Anon is baking perfect sweets and ponies are opening up a bit more to him, actually talking and laughing with him
> The spell ends, and Anon is smug "I was right all along."
> Meanwhile background pony is a little traumatised, and tries to be more friendly to the miserable pile of secrets that is Anon
> Ponies in town gossip about background pony taking one for the team by courting that weird, kinda scary alien stallion





>Flutters is so meek than you can treat her like an earth woman and she'll enjoy it. 
>Honestly, she kind of IS a woman in a horsey form who is infinity more grateful





>Anon is insistent he has no cutie-mark.
>Ponies are suspicious he's being slutty by covering up all the time.
>After spying on him as per usual, Rainbow and Twilight discover he has a fuck-ton of tattoos, some from stupid shit.
>Body-art isn't a thing in Equestria, due to the sacredness of the cutie-mark.
>Twilight, ecstatic, quietly works with an interested Celestia and Luna to study and decipher his "numerous cutie-marks".
>Rainbow continues to perv.
>Cadence doesn't know whether to feel threatened, relieved, or aroused that there's someone out there with similar duties as her, courtesy of Anon having a "heart" on his ass.





>Anonymous is The Ancient
>He was once a mortal man, in times now long forgotten, from a people now long gone.
>He feared death, and sought immortality
>He was successful and cannot die
>Not by the slow decay of time, for he is ageless.
>Not by the sword, for he can heal from any wound.
>Even reduced to the dust from which he came, he will reform, with nary a mark upon him.
>While he can still feel the pangs of hunger, the burning desire for air in his lungs and water to quench his thirst, he no longer requires any of it to live.
>Magic is next to useless against him
>Tirek cannot drain him, Discord cannot change him, The Nightmare cannot possess him, Harmony cannot give his brain a good scrubbing.

>Over the long eons he has forgotten his own name and acquired many more.
>He's lost his mind and found it again more than once.
>He's been a hero, and a villain, and a victim.

>Despite his immortality, he is still a man.
>He can't lift a mountain, or punch out a tree trunk.
>He's spent quite a long time trapped in an ancient ruin built by people he managed to really piss off
>Waiting to either be found, or for the chains binding him to rust away.

>Luckily for him, it seems a few adventurous types heard an old legend about him.
>Ahuizotl is under the mistaken impression that Anon can grant him Immortality





The herd mares must look after and protect anon, big shocker.

> But, that means every, they cook for him, clean for him and take care of ever need to keep him happy and protect him as stallions are too valuable for a mare to let go of. 

> Anon just wants a job or just do something. They think he wants to leave them and not taking care of him enough


>anon finally gets a hobby
>finds a mutual friend through it
>friend is a mare
>herdmate walks in




>Anon in RGRE
>Anon is sick of being treated like a bitch
>He's a man's man
>Actually more of a dick
>He's had enough of mares being condescending and treating him like a pussy
>The way to get revenge is through his job
>He actually works a a yogurt stand in town square (Only fucking job he could find)
>Starts making a "special" yogurt blend
>It's his fucking cum, okay?
>Going to have himself a right giggle m8, watching all these cunts eat his jizz fizz
>Turns out his lizard yak is very salty
>Ponies love salt
>Ponies love Anon's yogurt
>Ponies love Anon's cum
>Anon is now rich and getting his jollies every day
>"Gee Anon, yeh sure can make a mean yogurt. Swear if I weren't a workin' mare I'd bring ya out to the apple farm an' make you mah husband so ya could make me this stuff erry day!"
>Fuck Applejack
>Suddenly Celestia and Luna show up after hearing about this "Magically Delicious Yogurt" every pony is dying for
>Anon can barely contain his excitement
>The princesses eat his snake sludge right in front of him
>They swallow it
>And freeze
>Their eyes widen
>Too bad for Anon, they know exactly what they just ate (for reasons)






>Twilight's progress in reforming Glimglam is slow going, as she keeps relapsing into hold habits. 
>Just as Twilight nears her wits end, you offer to help.
>She lets you take over, thinking a stallion's touch might be needed.
>And she's right, just not in the way she expected. 
>You just use affection and sex as positive reinforcement, something a stallion would not have even entertained as a thought. 
>And like the thirsty mare she is, Starlight responds extremely well. 
>Before long, she's well adjusted...
>...And unwilling to leave you, not that you really mind now that she's more or less your wife. 
>Twilight is ecstatic when she finds out Starlight is a normal pony.
>Her face when she finds out HOW you did it is hilarious





>You are Anon, Royal Therapist
>When you signed up for the job, you had just assumed that your primary problem would be Luna
>She'd spent a thousand years on the moon, and probably had unresolved issues with her sister.
>Turned out Luna, aside from being old fashioned and behind the times, was fairly stable
>It was Celestia, who most everypony considered to be perfectly normal, that was barely holding on to her sanity.

===

>"They look at me like i'm their mother, do you know how hard it is to rule a country when everyone thinks i'm going to give them a time-out as punishment!"
> "And the worst part is that they'd actually accept it as a real punishment!" 
> "As a joke I told a royal guard to stand in the corner and think about what he did and I found him there at the end of the day!"
===
>Mothers day rolls around.
>Entire royal guard give her a hoof made card bigger than she is.
>Canterlot nobles compete to give her the most elaborate and impractical #1 mom mug.
>She's practically buried in cakes and other confectionary sent from across equestria.
>Venturing out of the castle starts an impromptu parade no matter where she goes.
>She has to accept it all with a smile, displaying the barest hint of displeasure on today of all days would be catastrophic.
>Last time she slipped it almost caused a war with the gryphons, it wasn't the ambassador's fault she was reminded of Luna's banishment just as he walked by.
>You're glad you noticed before your little ponies did more than light the torches, the pitchforks were thankfully on the other side of town
===
awwww, that sounds incredibly sweet and heartwarming.
A bit annoying, but honestly, who wouldn't want Celestia to be their mom?
===
Nobody, that's the problem.
>When she thinks even anon starts to show the signs of adopting her she snaps and starts flirting with him shamelessly to try and head it off.
>Only her methods are so outdated it seems like she's just being overly friendly.
>Rest of the castle picks up on it and starts treating anon like a new step-dad.
>Luna think's the whole thing is hilarious and starts treating anon like a brother just to stir shit.
===
>Rest of the castle picks up on it and starts treating anon like a new step-dad.
In a passive-aggressive 'you're not my real dad!' way?
===
Thats the nobles.
The royal guard constantly challenge his worth.
>"Hey anon bet any of us in the barracks could drink you under the table."
>"Anon, how about we have a race through the royal maze?"
>"Anon the minotaur ambassador keeps talking shit about you behind your back, challenge him to a hoof wrestle."
>"Hey anon, know any good stories?"
>Pony alcohol is weak as shit compared to human stock, anon helps clean up after they trash the place.
>Anon's tall enough he can see over the edge of the maze, helps a few of the guards out when they got lost.
>Ambassador was a bit of a runt back home which is why he got the job as ambassador, enjoyed a close contest for once even if he lost.
>Anon arrived in Equestria with the LoTR trilogy, modfied it on the fly for Equestrians as the guards bedded down for the night as it was the only time the majority of them had no duties and no other reason.
>Gondor are Pegasi, Rohan are Earth ponies, Elves are Unicorns, Dwarves are diamond dogs, Hobbits are breezies, Wizards are Alicorns

>Princess Gandalf falling to the balrog had them in tears, while him leading the Earth pony charge of helms deep with the sun rising at their backs caused an eruption of cheers.
>Arahorn's ascension to princess was met with much rejoicing.
>One sleepily say's "Thanks dad", anon laughs it off thinking the newbie is being hazed by the other guys.
===
>"Anon, would like to participate in a routine training exercise next tuesday?"
>"Sure why not, good way stay in shape."
>Literally just a hoofball tournament.
>Anon's quickly drafted as referee after a couple fights break out over whose team he should be on.
>Takes his job seriously, is firm but fair with his judgement calls.
>Didnt feel like he did much of anything, so the following week he organises after-training snacks for everypony.
>Couple guards mention favorite sandwiches, he makes sure they're added next time.
>Couple weeks later he starts organising things into individual bags for convienance.
>A few months later he's personalised each guard's lunch bag after Celestia let him know of their preferences.
>"Him, him and him dont like tomato, this group here prefer no crusts on the bread and that group have apples instead of cupcakes because SOMEONE keeps sneaking them sweets."
>"I'll remember to bring a fruitbasket the next time a certain SOMEPONY asks for an extra slice of cake."
>"You fiend."
===
>Ever since Luna returned from tthe moon Celestia has been trying her best to reconcile with her sister
>Talking to her at every single opportunity, helping with even the smallest of issues
>Never again would her little sister have to be alone, nor would she have to face any hardships or inconveniences
>Of course, this behaviour quickly becomes overbearing and Luna starts to avoid Celestia as best she can
>"ANOON! I GREETED LUNA IN THE HALLWAY BUT SHE IGNORED ME AND LOCKED HERSELF IN HER ROOM! SHE HATES ME, SHE'LL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR SENDING HER TO THE MOON! I'M THE WORST SISTER EVER!"




> Anon is the Royal Therapist
>Celly is trying to get into his pants
>Anon is attempting to avoid this
>He's resisting because he knows she has some issues to work through, and because it just seems unprofessional
>Elsewhere, Harshwhinny feels a burst of approval, and knows not why.

>But oh is he tempted
>That flank is the thing dreams are made of.
>Crazy in the head means crazy in bed, even without the RGRE effect
>And most of Canterlot (sans a few nobles) seems to be intent on playing matchmaker between them, including Luna and Cadence.
>It is strangely easy and comforting to fall into the role of "dad" for a kingdom...
>Celestia just takes this as evidence that they are meant to be, as does everyone else



>Being the Princesses confidant is more stressful than Anon first anticipated

>"They're all convinced, all of them! Even and especially Twilight, that I'm some mastermind chessmistress who controls everything and nothing unexpected ever happens to me."
>"And if I let on that I'm not, they either don't believe me, convinced that of course I would say that, I couldn't admit it if I was, right?
>"Anypony who does believe me gets paranoid and depressed."
>"So I have to pretend I know what I'm doing, and nod along and act cryptic and mysterious when the foreign ambassadors visit.
>"I have to pretend that I know everything, and that my only real options if something really bad happens aren't to either set it on fire or call Twilight."
>"I have to tell my guard captains to do what they were already suggesting they should do."
>"The only thing I'm actually good at with governance is delegating everything to ponies who know what they're doing."
>"It seems like the only thing I actually *do* myself, is raise the sun every morning."

>Anon does a lot of listening
>And a lot of hugs







>Mares gotta feel the splash
>Sex is sex, but it isn't *real* sex unless you get to ride bareback
>Stallions don't like to admit it, but it's so much more satisfying that way
>Only fetishists and the paranoid use condoms
>Birth control pills are the norm, usually taken by the stallion
>(Unless your name is Vinyl Scratch and you're trying to avoid being tied down by random groupie stallions)






>"Yeah, Anon just like... gets me, you know? He's not like other stallions..." Coco says dreamily.
>Rarity and Applejack give each other the old eye roll.
>They know this beta mare is rubbing it in their faces.
>They have heard the stories of Anon's twenty minute stamina.
>And now hearing Coco "brag" about it is really starting to piss them off.
>Why should such a submissive mare get a stud with near endless stamina to herself?


>In the pre-unification days, the alpha mares would keep a stallion or two all to themselves.
>The pony population was plummeting, and soon there were too many inbred families hoarding all the males.
>Discord decided to make his move while all the "powerful" down-syndrome ridden pony families wailed about how "muh magiks" were no longer able to keep his behavior at bay.

>Celestia and Luna gained power, and they abolished this practice.
>The princesses ordained that all stallions over the age of consent who were in a relationship were to have no less than two mares, and no more than 6. (So that the poor stallions wouldn't be expected to perform their horsebando duties for too many mares at any given time.)
>Centuries and centuries later, luna is long since banished, and stallions gain the same rights as mares. Stallions now get to choose who they let into their herds (with the unanimous acceptance of the rest of the herd).
>Shit begins to go sideways as stallionists and SJW retards crop up, tearing at the foundations of sanity and civilization.

>Anon arrives.
>Coco finds self with human stallion of legend and few mares she can trust not to hurt him.
>Rarity and friends are only obvious choices, except maybe not the backwards hick or the psychotic pink monstrosity that defies all known logic.
>Probably not the one who also enslaved a town either.
>The Princess of Spaghettimancy is a fellow beta mare who likewise got a lucky break, so she's also a solid choice.
>And though loyal, it's probably best to steer clear of the "Loudest Mouth in Equestria"...



>"APPLEJACK, COME ON!"
>Rainbow Dash keeps flying back to yell at you, but you're galloping as fast as you can.
"Ah'm goin' fast as ah can!"
>You haven't seen Rainbow this worked up since that dragon horde attacked.
>You hope Twilight is on her way as well...
>Finally you arrive to where Dash is hovering.
"What's the fuss?!"
>Rainbow Dash is breathing just as heavy as you.
>Looks like she's brought you to the park.
>She points to a park bench twenty feet away.
>"LOOK!"
>You see Anon sitting on a bench with Coco Pommel laying her head in his lap.
>He's stroking her mane.
>Several ponies are staring at the two.
"Rainbow, why would ya make such a fuss over nothin'?!"
>Rainbow Dash looks mortified.
>"Look! Isn't that WEIRD?!"
>You grit your teeth and look back at the couple.
>Now that she mentions it, that IS weird.
"Why's she all sissy with that stalli- er, male?"
>This is the first time you've seen a mare submit like a stallion in public.
>You admit, in your filly years, this was one of your more frequently "used" little fantasies.
>But seeing it in real life was just...
"Not right... That ain't right."
>Rainbow Dash seems even more enthralled by Coco's public display of submission than you.
>"She's just laying there taking it! What the hay?!"
>What ponies do in their bedrooms is between them.
>But in public, well...
>You're a bit old fashioned.
"Y'ALL BETTER S-STOP THAT!"
>Not your best, but it gets their attention.
>You shake your hoof at them.
"EVERYPONY'S WATCHIN', KEEP YER SICK FETISHES IN THE BEDROOM!"
>Anon looks at Coco, shrugs, then goes back to scratching her behind the ears.
>She seems to be in absolute bliss.
>This is absolutely degenerate.
"Come on Rainbow, we got a letter to write to Princess Celestia."
>Rainbow Dash seems to not hear your words, completely entranced by Anon and Coco's fetish-play.
>"Look at those fingers go..."
>Life is hard being a supreme gentlemare.
>But in time, you'll rid Ponyville of all degeneracy.
>Starting with that slut, Anon




>Today is your birthday.
>Coco Pommel has really gone overboard with throwing you a party.
>There's a lot of ponies in your house.
>Actually,she invited a lot of mares...
>You really need to get more stallion friends.
>No homo.
>Currently, you're sitting on the couch wearing the stupid party hat that was strapped on your head.
>It's shaped like a unicorn horn.
>Isn't this lewd or something?
>Speaking of lewd, Twilight Velvet is sitting beside you.
>This fucking mare always makes you uncomfortable.
>And she always seems to be tipsy.
>Like right now.
>She's a little too close and a little too far down her mug of cider.
>Where is her husband?
>"How old are you now, Anon?"
"Like twenty-something."
>You look around for Coco.
>"Still so young... Back in the day, I would have shown you why they call me 'velvet'."
>She chuckles and takes a swig from her cider.
>You cringe and take a long drink from your own mug.
>How is no one else hearing this?
>Twilight Velvet leans closer, her cider breath tickling your nose, "It's my pussy. It's like velvet. Get it?"
>You lean away and adjust your tie uncomfortably.
"I think I see Coco! Excuse me!"
>You get up and hurry off into the party, looking for Coco.

>You are Twilight Velvet.
>It's always fun teasing Anon.
>You take a drink and stare at his ass as he hurries away back to his beta marefriend.
>How'd she manage to pull some quality ass like that?
>Anon would be better off with your daughter.
>You're happily married, but you would honestly douse Anon's face in your cum if you weren't...
>Well now you're all worked up.
>You get up to go find your husband and make him take care of this winking in the bathroom.
>Fucking Anon




"What do you think you are doing, Trixie?"
> She turns to you, striking a pose with her black cloth batwings unfurled
> "The Dark and Mysterious Trixie has taken the forbidden path to alicorn awakening!"
"Those wings are obviously fake."
> She scrunches
> "That may be, but Nightfang Abysshart said that my powers would grow slowly, and only with repeated feeding."
> You nod in understanding
"So the lesbian bathorse tricked you into eating her out every night."
> Trixie blushes
> "It is an ancient and powerful ritual, you daywalkers wouldn't understand! N-no homo."




>You are Gilda the greatest goddamn gyphon
>Also nervous.
>Which you shouldn't be, being the alpha bitch you are.
>Still, Anonymous is sitting next to you munching away at a half of a ham sandwich.
>He gave the other half to you after you sat down under this tree watching Rainbow pull some aerial tricks.
>Goddamn, he makes good sandwiches.
>He should come home with you to make you more.
>You just have to wait for the right opportunity to sweep him off his not-actually-paws-or-claws things with your gruff ladycharm.
>Guys love the gruff ladycharm.
>Even if they don't show it outwardly.
>Spying a couple of napkins laying between you and Anon, you sneakily move a claw near them, hoping that this would work.
>You watch wide eyed from the corner of your eye as he reaches for one of them to wipe off a bit of mustard from his face.
>Seizing the opportunity, you move your claw as well to pretend to cheer Rainbow, who had just smacked into a particularly dense cloud.
>As luck would have it, you were slightly faster, so Anon accidentally grabbed your claw.
>You weren't expecting that at all, you were hoping for a quick brush like in your Neighponese Animoos!
>Looking up at his face, you see him looking at the bundle of wigglers wrapped around your claw.
"A-Anon!"
>Your face was burning and you were praying to the ancestors that the blush wasn't showing through your feathers.
>They probably were, damn it.
>You watch Anon look up at your blushing face, staring for a bit before his eyes widen slightly, blink, then look away.
>You were worried for a while, but then you noticed that he wasn't letting go and that he was blushing.
>Scooching up closer to him, you pull your claw from his hand and wrap an arm around him to bring him closer and have a quick cough.
"So... dinner tonight?"
>He still doesn't look at you, but his blush is getting deeper with his other hand over his face.
>"Hlyfkingshtyesh."
>Bucking awesome





>Anon discovers that if he runs around butt ass naked, magic censorship applies to him as well.
>He looks just like a Ken Doll

>This presents a problem when he tries to give a horny mare The D
>It's invisible
>Sure he could figure it out, but not being able to see the action is a bit weird
>Twiggles or <insert pone here> has to investigate/teach him how to turn the 'decency glamour' on and off





> Anon is a flight attendant
> He has to deal with mares occasionally groping his butt as he walks by
> If he likes the look of one, he sternly ask them to come to the back of the plane for a talk
> The nervous mare is pleasantly surprised when he pulls them into the supply closet for some hot sex
> Anon eventually inspires a pornographic movie called "Trouser Snakes on a Plane"
> In it, a no nonsense zebra mare (improbably) gets fed up with being the focus of a gang bang




> Be Cheery Wave, pegasus Lighthouse keeper 
> You live in a cozy tower up on the rocky shores of the northwest coast of Equestria
> It's peaceful, for the most part, about 60 miles from civilization
> The constant sound of the waves, the cries of the sea birds, and the sea breeze fill your ears and resonate with your lonesome soul
> In your endless free time, you draw and paint
> Mostly landscapes, sometimes animals that linger here and there
> And, well, one or two imaginative portraits to keep you warm at night
> You are still a mare, after all
> You are sketching out your next work for night time inspiration
> Some sort of minotaur, you think
> Mmmm, with a nice broad barrel, and those thick fingers that will barely fit i-
> "Mayday, Mayday, Mayday."
> The radio crackles to life, the voice not sounding too alarmed, for all that it is sending a distress signal
> "This is Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, C4I1. Mayday this is Beetlejuice. Uh, let's see, 43 degrees North, 130 East or so. Pretty sure I'm way out in the middle of nowhere, might be near the middle islands of Nipon, or maybe The Saddle, Equestria. Had a nasty storm tear my sail off. It's only me on this boat, but I'm not injured, and I have enough food and water for another week or so. Could definitely use a tow to a harbor or something. Over."
> In your experience, stallions in distress were either orcheical messes, crying and whining, or they were more marely and independent
> The latter also tend to be a bit more 
> Appreciative
> After being rescued
> You check the map
> Some hotshot unicorn from Canterlot automated a triangulation function in conjunction with the radio
> Looks like it's your lucky day
> You set your radio to broadcast
"This is Rinsingpone Coast Lighthouse number 251. I have your position, Beetlejuice, the tugboat will be by in four hours. Over."
> "Good to hear, 251. See you then, over."
> You glance around your room, taking a few seconds to hide your schlick material in your wardrobe
> That done, you trot down to the jetty and hop in your faithful tugboat, the ES Claudius
> A few flexes of your wings pulled a mist from the waves, condensing into a small cloud over the trinamo
> With a crack of lightning, the motor sends you speeding across the waves





>You are Sparkle Purple and its officially unicorn estrus.
>You're having a nice chat with Anon and Pinkie when suddenly a bunch unicorn mares started to blast each another.
>Anon has this thousand-yard stare and pinkie wore a bandana, an eyepatch and jammed a cracker on her forehead...
>"Pinkie it's time." Anon took his shirt off, scooped his hand into the pie you guys were sharing then rubbed the rich cherry filling on his face like some kind war paint?
>When the mares saw Anon removed his shirt the fighting intensified.
>"I won't scatter your sorrows into the sea. I will always be with you." Pinkie whispered while doing the same as Anon.
>What the buck is going on. Before you could gather your thoughts. Anon ran inside the Sugar cube corner.
>"P-Pinkie. Please explain."
>"It's coming Twi."
>"What's coming?"
>"You see Twi. During the end of the second world war-"
>A deep rumbling from the ground can be heard and then the SCC's roof opened.
>You see a large bi-pedal monstrosity of metal, duct tape and... bucking magic wands.
>Thousands of magic wands. Taped together.
>Anon is inside it's cockpit/mouth thing. Still shirtless and his biceps bulging when controlling the machine. u-unf.
SKREEEEOOOOOOOONK
>The mares stopped their fighting and watched as the bi-pedal monster walk towards them and point its myriads of wands towards them.
>"ARTICLE 19b! I REPEAT ARTICLE 19b!" One of the mares shouted and started to fire on the thing.
>A bunch of cylinders on the machine's back just spewed fire like a... Buck! it has rocket boosters. 
>You watch in horror as it plowed through a formation of mares. 
~Love's Deterrence Power (Koi no Yokushiryoku).mp3
....
>The town square is in ruins. A bunch of houses are on fire. 
> The Bi-pedal thing is on another part of town battling another group of unicorns while making that god-awful noise.
> Pinkie is in the middle of the square, singing while surrounded by knocked-out mares.
>Your heart almost broke from the sorrow in Pinkies voice.
>"But the Heart will remain~"
>"As a silhouette of time"
>"Hear the ringing Echoes of a splitting Horizon"
>"Calling to the Night~"
>"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Pinkie cried Marely tears while cradling Lyra.
>You picked a bad time to just settle down and not give a flying buck.
>You just wanted to observe Unicorn estrus rituals while being immune to it's effects due to your superior Alicorn Genes.
>Well at least you saw Article 19b in action.
"Colts can instead choose to engage both/ all combatants to assert dominance and reserve rights to choose the Alpha Mare upon victory"
>It just says Anon gets to choose the alpha but not who gets into the herd. But he's fighting all the unicorns. Does that mean they're on the herd too? 
>Unf. I'll file that for later and check the Herding laws later. I fukken love laws.
>Oh look Anon is back... with his Bi-pedal wand/golem/Death machine.

ANONYMOUS!

>Buck! even Princess Celestia and Luna is here.
>The force of her landing threw away the debris and the unconscious mares then put out the fire. 
>Luckily Princess Luna caught all the mares.

SKREEEEEOOONK!

>Celestia's pupils turned into pin pricks and then she unfurled her massive wings to intimidate Anon in his machine.
>Anon's death machine slammed it's foot in challenge 

SKREEEEEEOOONK!

>Celestia stood up with her hindl egs and started to... is she Honking?
>Yep. 
>"OHO! T'is been an age since someone challenged dear sister for the right to bed her!"
>"Better watch, young Sparkle! You're in for a treat."
>It was a retarded kind of day.

>"Pinkie C'mon let's go."
>"I'll stop looking."
>"What are you talking about?"
>"He betrayed me, Twi."
>"He betrayed me for Alicorn pussy."
>"Pinkie..."
>"From now on. Call me Pink Boss"







>celestia had a bit of a crush on anon for quite some time
>spent a lot of time fantasizing about how she would propose to him is he were her stallion
>finds out he actually likes luna
>respects his wishes to be with her since she fancies him as well, but cant help but project her own fantasies into lunas love life and make her do things "the right way"





Coco visiting Rarity at her boutique and Anon comes in to request a new suit. She sees him and immediately becomes infatuated and spaghetti dropping levels of flustered. 
Rarity sees this and requests Coco help her with measuring him, forcing her to get close to him





>Luna may be the Princess of dreams
>She may be able to chase away the nightmares of her subjects
>But she is next to powerless against her own fears that confront her while she sleeps
>But a mare has to be strong
>A Princess doubly so

>It is easy to parade around her consort Anonymous as her lover
>But she fears to let anyone know that he is the reason she can sleep soundly through the day.
>That his embrace when she is weakest, chases her own nightmares away




>it took some time, but after 6 months in Equestria you've become "one of the mares"
>your friends can trust you to handle their raunchy humor, cruder remarks, and potentially offensive topics while you're around
>there's just one problem
>every now and then they ask you for, ugh fuck...
>boy advice




>Anon is a marriage therapist.
>Mares keep thinking that he is likely some touchy feely crap of a doctor.
>Stallions see him as a progressive male.
>Anon is actually competent and has saved marriages with his methods since pony problems are easy.
>Candace is amazed that someone is able to help ponies without a love lazor.
>When she seeks this famous love doctor, she thinks Anon is the secretary/eye candy.
>Something something RGRE



> Cadance is unsurprised that a stallion would be so insightful about love matters
> She rather admires Anon's gumption in making a business that helps couples sustain their love
> She officially makes him her apprentice, only to find that he already knows most of what she would teach him
> Anon isn't complaining, because being an apprentice to the princess of love adds a great deal of authority to his dealings with clients
> Cadance tells him that there is one thing he must do to advance in his studies:
> Get married
> She learned a great deal about love by learning to live with and having a child with Shining
> Lessons one can only learn by doing
> He doesn't have to marry right away, but he should keep an eye out
> Meanwhile, Cadance has to return to her duties, but still sends the occasional mare his way if she thinks they might go well together




>Feeling pretty damn nostalgic right now for Earth.
>It seems that video game culture is pretty much the same here as back home.
>Only the insults/taunts are different.
>Some squeaky, voice-cracking filly on the other team just told you over voice that she fucked your dad.
>Another squeaky filly on your team tells her that she can't have fucked your dad because dykes don't fuck stallions.
>You learned after last time not to use your own mic, despite spending a bunch of bits on a really good one.
>All the requests for balls were funny, but they got tiring after a while.
>The unsolicitied vag pics were kinda nice, except for the ones that desperately needed to clean themselves





>when Twilight told you that your marefriend had been taken captive by diamond dogs you should have been terrified for her or at least angry those mongrels
>Instead you felt this kind of excitement fall over you
>Even as Twilight vowed to save your ladylove from the diamond dogs you were calculating how to retrieve her
>When Twilight teleported away you shut the door and headed straight to your basement
>Tucked in the corner was a chest that you rushed over to and opened
>Its contents seemed to gleam in the dim light of that single yellowed bulb
>Pulling out the topmost object you let your eyes dance over the sheathed blade
>It had taken an act of Celestia to get this gear made for you
>You had pleaded for weeks that you be allowed to have a sword and armor
>It was for self defense you had argued but in reality you knew that this world was full of magic and shit
>And you would be damned if you weren't gonna have the gear ready for an adventure when the time came
>Eventually she relented and allowed it
>Since then it has sat in this chest waiting for the day that you would need it
>Strapping the sword at your waist you start equipping the rest of the gear stored in the chest

>Be Roseluck
>Be locked in a cell deep in the warren that the diamond dogs call home
>You had been working at your second job when the diamond dogs attacked
>They had quickly grabbed most of the mares working and tossed them into sacks
>You were scared for yourself but most of all you were scared for your colt
>Nonny could be so sensitive at times
>He stilled cries when he watches those silly colty cartoons
>You can just imagine how scared he is right now
>Tears begin to slide down your face as you silently you curse your choice of jobs
>Sure the road crew made good bits but its dangerous work
>But it was only supposed to be until you had enough saved up to get Nonny that ring
>A sound in the darkness brings your ears up
>It almost sounds like a scuffle and a cry of pain!
>Did the diamond dogs capture more prisoners?
>You didn't have long to wait as the sounds grew closer
>Light starts to pierce the darkness around a bend in the nearby tunnel
>You stand on your hooves ready to fight your way out of this cage if you needed
>When the figure rounds the corner your legs drop out from under you sending your rump to the cold floor
>Before you stands Anon dressed in some sort of green outfit with chainmail, a sword in one hand, and a lantern in the other
>A splash of crimson across chest and right arm could be nothing other than blood
>As the mares around you cry out in fear and recognition you sit there silently mouth agape
>Is this really your stallion? The one who cries during coltflicks? The same one that fights to keep you in bed every morning because he gets cold without you?
>Anons eyes cross yours for the briefest second and he rushes to the cell door
>He shouts and drops his sword with his hand rushing to his belt to free a set of keys
>Within a moment he has unlocked the door and rushed through the mill of ponies trying to get out of the cell
>Before you can react he has grabbed you in his arms and pulled you close to his chest
>"Rosey! Oh God i was so worried about you."
>The heat of a tear dropping onto your face frees you from the shock
>Without hesitation you wrap your hooves around his neck and kiss him
>The dirt and blood on his face is streaked with lines from fresh tears
>As you pull away he gives you that dopey smile he gives you after every kiss
>Yeah this is your Anon
>And he is gonna get the best damn ring you can get him





>Humans do exist in Equestria and are also the most technologically advanced species around.
>However their mental instability is infamous combined with a sense of irresponsibility.
>This is why most species on Equss won't touch the humans.
>Anon comes along though.
>Isn't aware of the human stereotype that's in Equestria.
>And of course he's a male.
>The mares now try and keep him from the appliances since their afraid he'll turn the toaster into a ray-gun somehow.
>They'll also not leave him unsupervised since that's just a recipe for having a nuclear reactor built in the living room






>Anon is at one of Pinks "adult" parties
>Gets tired of mares at various levels of inebriation trying to get in his pants
>Decides to go outside and get some fresh air
>While sitting out there he notices a mare looking in one of the windows
>Anon strikes up a conversation with her
>She seems nervous but alright. A lot less pushy than those mares inside
>They hit it off and eventually Anon decides to take her home with him
>As they are leaving Pinks tries to stop them
>Anon tells her not to worry he is sober
>They get to his home and do the horizontal tango
>Next morning he sees her off before going to Sugarcube corner
>Pinkie comments that she didn't know he had a thing for the "Young ones"
>Anon finds out that he basically nailed some jailbait that had failed to sneak into Pinks party
>Worst part is he has a date with her in a couple of days and he isn't sure how to respond





> After a great deal of thaumic analysis, Twilight regretfully tells Anon has no innate magical potential
> He looks so disappointed, he doesn't seem to hear her offer to do any spell work he needs
> Nicemaresfinishlast.poster
> After a few days, he's back to his old self, happy and resolute

> Celestia is troubled by reports of grave robbing from the various Canterlot area cemetaries
> No valuables stolen, but each skeleton is missing the skull
> Luna is tasked with locating the possible necromancer

> Rarity compliments Anon on his new fingernail polish and his ivory necklace
> His nails are practically iridescent






>After much research and thievery he actually manages to into magic.
>Anon builds a chair that will give him magic powers.
>Golden from the shell built mostly out of celestia's stolen apparel, which was used because gold seemed like an easier metal to bend into shape than enchanted swords.
>The enchanted swords were still used, just not where the pokey bits would compromise the comfiness of the seat.
>When Anon sits in it and powers it up for the first time the whole world feels the magical disturbance.
>He is changed by the tremendous amount of magic that his contraption jams into him.
>No longer is her merely Anon, generic human.
>Now he has become Anon, human who can shoot mind-bullets.
>Which he uses to ruthlessly oppress the ponies who opposed his ascension to power.
>Welts spelling out "I told you so" now grace the backsides of many of equestria's inhabitants.
>Many complaints are made to authorities about Anon's abuse of his new abilities.
>Complaints which are rejected under Equestria's 'Last Laugh' laws.
>The magic chair remains in the shed it was constructed in but is now visited by scholars trying to figure out how it works.
>They are chased away with levitated brooms along with the others trying to study Anon's other things.
>He long ago tired of having his belongings 'appropriated' for inane reasons by assorted ponies.
>Like the yellow one who tried to take away his tomato plants.
>Every night for a month before he got a restraining order.
>Fucking Fluttershy.





>they invented the vacuum cleaner
>the badlands is what happens when your 200,000 mud pony neighbors are simultaneously startled by the dawning of a new era in clean 
>in the smaller horse communities, fathers still scare their children with breathlessly whispered tales of the dreaded Bagless Windtunnel
>they say that on quiet evenings you can still hear it out there, wandering alone in the wastes
>searching for ponies to gobble up with proper amount of sssssuction





>Be Anon. 
>Be laying in bed waiting for Twilight. 
>You love that mare to death but she really needs to relax. 
>Always working, always worried about friendship problems. 
>But you still love her, and she loves you. 
>You think… 
>She’s been… distant from you for awhile. 
>You are broken out of that thought by Twilight walking in. 
>She looks tired. 
>Her eyes are baggy and her mane frizzled. 
“Hey honey! How was your day?”
>You say as cheerfully as possible trying to cheer her up. 
>”Long.” She says her voice dull. 
>Oh.
“Well, what did you do today?”
>”Pinkie and Applejack had a compaction to see who was the stronger earth pony and they managed to get a pack of Timberwolves into ponyville.” She says laying in bed facing away from you. 
“Oh, that’s bad.”
>”Very. But we ended up getting them out.” She says voice still dull. 
>You get a idea and start rubbing her back. 
>Your friend Lyra said mares love it when their colt gives them a massage. 
>It helps them co-
>Your hands are swatted away by wings. 
>”I’m not in the mood Anon, I just want to go to sleep.”
“Oh… sorry Twilight.”
>You roll over to the other side the bed. 
>Your mare loves you. 
>She’s just tired after a long day. 
>Like always… 
>No! Remember when you got together? 
>She was so sweet, and beautiful~
>It was like she was glowing! 
>Wait… she was glowing…
>Mainly her cutiemark…
>Like when she gets a friendship problem… 
>W-Were you a friendship problem?
>Yeah you were lonely, and were kind of depressed but you weren’t a friendship problem. 
> Were you?





>Anon arrived in Equestria as a young lad.
>Lost, confused, and frightened he found comfort under the wing of this world's ruler.
>Celestia took pity on the lost alien colt and from that day forward she raised him as one of her own.
>With the guidance of his mother and various royal tutors Anon was moulded into a bright, cultured, and amiable gentlecolt.
>So why was it that no mare approached him as he grew and blossomed into a young stallion? 
>He at first thought it was because he was a strange monkey thing that looked nothing like a pony.
>It wasn't until he invited over a female friend to the castle.
>He had play dates with fillies when he was younger, but this felt different.
>His friend seemed nervous, afraid even.
>His mother too didn't sound as genuinely happy as she was pretending to be. The princess's smile didn't reach her eyes and as she addressed his friend there was something in them he had never seen before.
>It was as if the two were having a conversation without words, one that wouldn't reach him. Or so they had hoped.
>Later that evening it started to dawn on Anon.
>Most mares don't have the teats to defile the princess's little colt.
>Oh, but they were worried over nothing. His mother was the kindest, most patient, and loving mare in the world. 
>She wouldn't do anything to them, right?





>Anon starts spending time with the newly returned Luna
>They hit it off amazingly
>Celestia realizes that there are romantic feelings forming between her sister and adoptive son
>She is torn on the issue
>Luna is a (mostly) good mare that wont hurt Anon
>But on the other hand it disturbs her at the idea of her young son and her millennia old sister hooking up





> Anon goes a little crazy in his pursuit of magic
> He digs as many graves as he can without attracting notice
> A helm of unicorn horns
> Vambraces and greaves of pegasus wing bones
> Earth pony bones for the rest of his armor
> Throwing flasks of distilled poison joke
> At the end of a two part episode, Gravelord Incognito is banished to Tartarus for containment
> Twilight writes a friendship report about how a stallion's vanity and whimsy drive them to seek power they cannot control
> Also, it is very important not to be distracted by the wiles of  stallion, especially if they are powerful and dangerously handsome
> Meanwhile, Anon can't believe they let him keep his bone armor in magic underground prison
> And there are so many intriguing ingredients, that is, inmates ripe for the picking

>Anon isn't actually imprisoned in Tartarus. He just has too much fun hunting the various magical creatures Equestria throws in there and crafts magical artifacts out of them

>He wandered in there on his own seeking more materials
>Then they locked the door behind him and told Cerby not to let him out
>Ends up chatting with Tirek, and tries to figure out if he can eat magic like he does



>New villains captured in cells.
>Cries of despair and agony can be heard.
>Using once powerful beings, like beasts of burden and transport.
>Used them to transport the new "Materials and Donations"
>Being helped by various groups of succubi to categorize, harvest and create.
>Being in hell means not dying.
>This gives the opportunity to exploit everything to its maximum splendor.
>Anon becomes boss of Tartarus.
>Hell has a new administration, and under his reign, tartarus becomes truly hell



So Anon becomes literal pony satan.
>Tempting honest mares with his otherworldly beauty to leave their families and/or herds.
Some say that He has the stamina to last several minutes, His hands are able to scratch even the worst itch and those who feel His embrace never wish to be let go.
>Controlling the beasts that Harmony has no control over.
More like he just puts them in cages and chops off bits whenever he needs them but it does instill a very primal loyalty through fear and pain.
>Corrupting those with ambition with his (Perceived) promises of power.
An earth pony in a family of accomplished mages would certainly feel temptation to learn from him the secrets of magic without a horn.
>Ruling over and seeing to the eternal suffering of those sent to his domain.
Again he just accidentally becomes satan by making sure his reagents and ingredients don't run away.
Something Something RGRE





> Every ten years, one of the princesses has to go to Tartarus and do a review of all of its prisoners.
> In theory it's to determine if any of them are worthy of 'parole'.
> However it's just a formality as they are all too evil and degenerate to ever earn such a prviledge.
> Enter current year, and Luna gets chosen for the job since she hasn't been around for a long time, Twilight is too new to really handle it, and Cadence is a mom at the moment.
> Luna agrees and goes in, cataloging all the prisoners.

> Everything is going perfectly, all the offenders on the list are in Tartarus.
> All accounted for.
> That is until she comes across a strange creature known as Anon.
> He isn't on the list anywhere.
> Stranger, he claims he woke up in Tartarus a year ago, and pleads and begs the princess to let him out.

> Luna is at first suspicious; he could be a shapeshifter who she counted earlier trying to get out.
> But when she determines that's not the case, then she finds herself anxious; bringing someone out of Tartarus has never been done before.
> It would cause a stir in the kindom and bring her fellow princesses suspicions on her.
> Something she would be loathe to have after her Nightmare Moon phase.

> Despite her worries though, the humans is not evil.
> From the way he speaks to the way he dreams; he is strange, eccentric, and more than a bit marely.
> But not evil.
> So breaking with tradition, she takes him back with her to Canterlot.
> And thus begins a wild chain of events





>Anon somehow finds himself in Tartarus.
>The leading theory on how it happened is he accidentally got sucked down his toilet by flushing it while sitting on it while half asleep.
>Given what he has learned about magic, it's more plausible than the 'hit by a car' or 'that horrible tasting soda was actually bleach' hypotheses.
>Fucking portals man.
>Like five ponies he knows here arrived through weird portal fuckery.
>Now surrounded by a bunch of devils and stuff, Anon is starting to open up.
>Those incubi and succubi really know how to party.
>Anon goes too far with his deviancy, even for Tartarus.
>He holds a pony's hooves.
>He is kicked out of Tartarus into Equestria



>unbidden by heaven and unwelcome in hell, Anon is forced to wander the wastes as a hungry ghost
>hungry... for hoovesies 
>while none speak it aloud, all little colts and fillies know that to leave even a single hoof uncovered by blankets while sleeping is to invite a fate at least as bad as death, and certainly far lewder
>the braver children, or more foolish, even go so far as to dare each other to stand in front of a dark mirror in a dark room on a dark and moonless night and call to the Boogienon by name and by cantrip, the rhyme as alien as the terror it summons:

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef,
And this little piggy had none.
And this little piggy said wee, wee, wee, wee all the way home.

>but no pone ever has said whose home that little piggy was going to, nor why
>and no pone has ever thought to ask:
>why was he screaming as he went?





>Anon the necromancer, now outside of the tartarus thanks to Luna.
>He did not died or became a lich, or some shit like that.
>He is just the regular good ol' Anon.
>He start to make take his life back in shape.
>Gets his house back.
>Book hoers and Moondancer start to plan a herd for him.
>Maybe mellow him more for him to become a good colt.
>Andmaybebuiltaherdwithhimfullofmareslikethembutanyways!.
>When he begins to narrate them about what he has done, he talks about his BEST FRIEND in hell.
>He tells of his times playing and being friends.
>With a smile, he tells them of his desire for her to do well, wherever she is.

>Meanwhile in hell.
>With the protection of the night and with the blessing of Cerberus.
>A figure comes out of the shadows and the abyss.
>With calm step, it is directed towards the nearest holy ground.
>Using his magic, invokes a thick fog, covering his work.
>A second spell is cast.
>With this, the earth beneath your feet begins to break.
>She has an official mission.
>Bring hell's king and administrator back.
>But inside of her there is only one mission.
>Reclaim your best friend.
>No...
>Retrieve your stallion.
>Maybesomedaywhenyouinvitehimtogouotwithyou,maybegrabsomecoffeeandhoofholdingifheisinthatkindofthings,nothatyouaregoingtoforcehimtodoitoranythingheisjustoopure.
>LEAVEMYHUSBANDALONE





>You will never have teach a class of rowdy Pegasi and Griffons.
>You will never be picked on by the class for having no wings.
>You will never beat the shit out of them and teach them valuable life lessons.
>You will never help them find a path to follow on their own.
>You will never fight tooth and nail to save one of the worst offenders from being kicked out from the school.
>You will never see them grow and mature.
>You will never be visited by one of them after they graduate for tips.
>You will never hear news and hearsay about your former students.
>You will never be interrupted during class by the captain of the wonderbolts.
>You will never remember that she used to be one of your students and those tips and tricks you taught her eventually helped her be captain.
>You will never be proposed to by her.
>You will never have the smallest and clumsiest filly.
>You will never be called by the school because your daughter got her cutie mark and was sent to the detention.
>You will never hear your cute clumsy daughter be called an ace.
>You will never explain to your Wife and Daughter the significance of the Blue Infinity shaped Ribbon cutie mark.
>You will never try and name your next child as Cipher or the Demon Lord of the Round

>ywn have a loving family with your qt pegasus waifu
>ywn be called "my little birdhouse" by your loving wife as she snuggles into you as she rests in your arms as you both drift off to sleep
>ywn be jarred out of your near sleep by a wail ringing through the house, the sound of a door slamming, the running of hooves, another slammed door, and then being tackled by your now shivering child after a bad nightmare where "you went home and said you didn't need us to come with you"








>Anon arrives in Tartarus
>Loves it -- it's Hell to ponies and Equestria, but by Earth standards it's one giant, endless rave-party.
>Like Mardigras/Spring Break.
>Anon is discovered by Celestia.
>Determines he's innocent and shouldn't be in Hell.
>Despite his vehement objections and attempts of eluding her, the "disturbed colt" is taken back to Canterlot for rehabilitation.
>The Princesses (needlessly) feel guilty and responsible for "damning an innocent".
>An uncooperative Anon keeps trying to escape his jailers and return.
>The Great Escape II: Horseland Escape.
>Also more shenanigans as Cadence grows interested in him personally.
>Syrup-maned hoers



>pony hell is an out of control party by earth standards
>Anon is able to keep pace with the rowdiest of demons there at the least
>despite being a party by earth standards pony hell is still hell
>because of this it has all the common features of the after life
>firstimmortalityandthenthehorsesuccubi.parchment
>it's a party that never ends with a host that never dies
>now Anon can give it a human's touch
>Russian roulette without the consequences of death
>beer bongs where wine and beer flow like water




>Celestia and Luna freak out hard when the wards on Tartarus register a powerful entity escaping
>It's the worst possible one, too
>The last time she escaped, Equestria nearly reverted into its "three tribes" state
>Worst of all, she's heading straight for Canterlot
>Celestia and Luna, trying to put on a brave face for the rest of the kingdom, are definitely not trembling in fear at the return of…
"Dessie! I missed you, hon!"
>Celestia yelps
>Desdemona, the queen of deception, is in the throne room
>She's crying and clutching at dear deluded Anonymous like there's no tomorrow
>"Anon, I was so scared I'd never see you again when those horrible princesses took you away!"
"It's okay, Dessie. It's gonna be alright. I'm here, now, and nobody's gonna take me away from you again. Come on, honey…"
>Mistakes may have been made

>"C-can I torment some of the noble peons, Anon? All their smugness is hurting my tummy."
"Dessie, you know you're not allowed to. If you do that every time you come up for a visit, they'll never get over what you did that last time."
>Desdemona pouts, crossing her forelimbs over her chest
>"It was just a little prank. Honestly, couldn't they handle a joke?"
"You almost returned their society to its darkest hours, hun."
>"A little civil war never hurt anypony. Not on Equestria, at least."
>Anonymous boops the most fearsome demon pony in Tartarus on the snout
>The resulting scrunch is so terrifying, a few citizens collapse outright
"Come on, no more of that. Let's go back to the house they gave me when they snatched me, I found something I'm sure you'll love."
>Desdemona is on her hooves in an instant, interest clearly visible on her face for an instant before she shoots a glare at the ponies around her
>"Fine, but I reserve the right to torment any of these mares who thinks she can snatch you away from me again. You're mine and I'm not letting them have you."
>Anon chuckles good-naturedly as Desdemona narrows her eyes, giving the quickly retreating crowd the universal sign for 'I'm watching you'
>Luna froze up fifteen minutes ago and Celestia passed out where she was standing
>Even way out in the Crystal Empire, Cadence can already feel the urge to yell at her aunties for being stupid
>Twilight is still trying to figure out who keeps shitposting so effectively in all her /mlh/ threads







Mlh green

> Oblivious Eponymous walks down the street, wonders why all the men have spilled vanilla yogurt on their pants
> Ends up living with Albert Einstein as he takes a break from developing an atomic bomb to study Eponymous' magic
> Eponymous cooperates as much as she can, unaware of how unprofessional Albert's "scientific" probing is becoming

Or

> Eponymous visits Mr. Rogers
> They take off their shoes together, and Eponymous gets to wear two spare sets of his loafers
> He puts on his cardigan right in front of her, aware of her rising excitement, but not showing any sign of it except for a paternal twinkle in his eye
> Eponymous stretches out on the couch, forelegs brazenly stretched across his lap as he tells her a story of the land of make-believe
> Mr. McFeely drops by with a package and some subtle hints that he wouldn't mind delivering a package for her
> The parcel for Mr. Rogers turns out to be a video of how cows are milked on a dairy farm
> Mr. Rogers then demonstrates for the viewers how to milk a horse, using Eponymous

Etc






>Anon is a Quarian
>Not literally, but when compared with ponies, Anon is a Quarian
>While he may be able to best ponies in feats of strength (pegasus and unicorn) and even speed or persistence of endurance (earth and unicorn), there is one thing that all ponies and even all creatures of Equestria trump him on:
>Immune system and genetic health
>The worst ailments the creatures on Equestria suffer are minor colds
>Meanwhile, a human breaking the skin deeply enough can cause life-threatening infections, not to mention all of the more serious maladies that can arise simply by being exposed to the elements
>Humans can even get cancer, an illness that fractions their life span, simply by spending too much time in the sun or having improper diets 
>Anon makes pone friends aware of this
>Not a great idea
>The mares in his life (who already feel protective of him because he's a 'him') feel even more responsible for his well-being now that they know of his vulnerabilities
>To make things worse, Anon himself has some reason to fear
>Knowing that ponies can still get sick and still lack genetic disorders, it stands to reason that their lack of serious disease doesn't stem from a lack of dangerous bacteria, viruses or other pathogens on equestria, but they they, specifically, are strong to them
>The lack of necessity also means that ponies are inexperienced or straight up unable to treat issues caused by serious illnesses, even if they might be common among humans
>Anon washes his hands ten+ times a day
>He quickly tends to even minor wounds with alcohol solutions that are uncommon to ponies, anything to make sure that non-earth bacteria and the like don't riddle his earth-adapted body too severely; he still gets sick with minor colds and the like fairly often
>When asked how he copes, Anon simply says that he does what he think he should and takes the best precautions in a way and to consistancy that doesn't utterly consume his life
>After that is just hoping
>Hoping that he never gets too seriously sick
>Hoping that, like many humans, he doesn't just wake up with cancer one day
>The mares who know him unapologetic ally and insistently treat him like he's made of glass
>Their touches are tender, they hand him things carefully, they never try to get him to do anything physical unless he brings it up first
>This treatment eventually becomes universal to Anon's chagrin, even if he understands the reason why
>Anonymous becomes the town's unofficial soft-spoken alien paragon, accepting his life as it is even with all the added trouble and constant perceived risk
>Protect his smile intensifies
>Pure,unsullied virgin husbando intensifies
Bonus edge/complexity round: 
>Miraculously, Anonymous is actually able to have children with the native creatures, and his children tend to inherit similar positive qualities
>Added tolerance for and benefit from protein-rich food sources like meats, increased endurance during physical exertion, etc
>Unfortunately, his offspring ALSO tend to be affected by the so-called 'Human Immune Deficiency', weakening them to the illness and sickness, even if not to the same degree and their father/ancestor






>Anon cant tell what ponies find attractive or not
>He sees them all as cute and cuter
>Eventually he ends up with a herd of ugly/unattractive mares and Fluttershy
>He thinks they are all adorable as fuck
>His herd is the tightest most loving herd in Ponyville and perhaps even equestria
>All because their stallion sees the beauty in them that no one else does and loves fluttershy for her personality and shyness




>try to make the most of the role reversal by acting slutty and being a cunt tease
>weren't raised as a colt by Equestrian standards so it's just a game to you
>get lectured for half an hour by boss, older mare, or sometimes even your friends about modesty (and not being a slut for those that don't beat around the bush)

>"Anon, a proper young colt like yourself doesn't need to be out there, showboating around."
>"Boy, you barely KNOW that girl and you're scratchin behind her ears like it's the thing to do."



>"Twilight, humans are very affectionate creatures. Rubbing, petting, scratching each other and cuddling are what we do around casual friends. I wont even get started on all of the steaming hot casual sex that men are desperate to hand out. I know this means I am in danger of being taken advantage of by naughty mares while in Equestria. So I counting on you and the girls to keep me safe. Alright?"

>"It's a good thing you're such trustworthy friends that I can really t- Oops, dropped a bit...why don't I just lean down to get that so you can see down my shirt."

>Anon flirts with ponies shamelessly but plays it innocent as fuck when it they jump for the bait
>Is a giant cunt tease for all of ponyville
>Half the mares are plotting to jump him
>The other half think they have a chance and are trying to protect him
>Anon just waiting for the mare ballsy enough to call his bluff so he can absolutely wreck her and deny it vehemently if anyone asked him about it


>He's out to lunch with some stallion co-workers
>"We heard you made Derpy see straight, Anon."
>'I beg you pardon, sirs, but a gentleman does NOT kiss and tell.'
>That one co-worker he's hella cool with asks later
>"..You smashed though, right?"
>'Oh like there was no tomorrow, dude.'





>Anon is a good cook
>[Insert character here] constantly gets leftovers/taste tests of his cooking, tells him any mare would kill to get his food regularly like they do
>Anon then decides to open a food stand, which isn't met with "colts shouldn't work" because it's cooking
>Makes pre-packed lunches for the 9-5 mares, and/or is open for lunch
>Lodsofemone
>Every so often a mare asks for 'a lunch and a date'

>Oblivious Anon would start ordering dates to add to lunches after having to tell numerous mares he doesn't have any in stock
>Catty Anon would already have dates and would tease them before giving them one



>Chef Anon in RGRE
>He's the stereotypical career chef, has a no nonsense and tough guy persona 
>Tries to show that comparing his skills to that of a domestic parent is an insult
>Ponies keep complimenting him by saying he'd be a great house husband





>humor Twilight with a date
>or two
>totally not because you were too beta to say no, haha
>she thinks you're her coltfriend now
>you know this because she loves to announce that you're an item whenever possible
>gets incredibly clingy and "protective" around anything with a vagina, even married mares and those brats hunting for ass stamps
>now you have to work up the courage to set this literal royal pain in the ass straight






>Anon is at a bar drinking
>Two unicorns come over to chat him up
>He starts to feel suddenly sleepy before he passes out
>The mares give each other the look and try to carry him out
>The problem is magic doesn't work on him
>Next they try to physically move him
>Turns out unicorns are not the most physically endowed race of ponies
>They even manage to convince a couple of other mares to help them "get him home"
>Still doesn't work
>The two mares give up and leave in disgust
>The bartender shakes her head and adds the tenth chalk mark to the board behind the bar






"What do you mean, the world is round? That makes no sense, Anon."
"If Equestria was round, how would Nightmare Moon have created eternal night? Everypony would just move to the side with the sunlight."
"Have you been listening to those Round Equestria Society weirdos again? What was her name, Lyro or something?"
"No, Anon! Don't listen to those weirdos. If you ever have a scientific question, ask a qualified mare like myself."




>"That's Anon over there"
>"Just buy him something to drink and he will let you do whatever you want to him"
>Really? Just like that?
>"Yeah, he once gave it to some unicorn mare despite his wariness around horns. All she gave him was a glass of wine and suddenly he was 'too drunk to contain himself"
>"also, my friend also told me he fucked her for a ride home from a concert"
>oh my gosh, what a slut... I only have 2 bits on me though
>"Hah, that's more than enough"




>start going outside without a shirt
>since everyone is nude anyway you figured it wouldn't hurt
>it helps that you won't be refused service without shirts or shoes
>and that it let's you stave off the inevitable laundry day too
>there's just one thing
>people...ponies stare
>more than they usually do
>as it turns out stallions don't have nipples
>so yours stick out like a sore thumb
>but at least most of them are pretending that it doesn't distract, or at least trying to
>unbeknownst to you, the mares of Ponyville heatedly debate behind closed doors:
>is wanting to do lewd things to your nipples gay?
>what if you just enjoy the sight of them but don't touch them?
>and similar questions




>Anon's mannerisms, attitudes, personality, and behaviour remind X Princess of somepony she used to know.
>Becomes convinced that Anon is the reincarnation of her old love

> Celestia has lived so long and known so many ponies (both biblically and not) that many times she is reminded of old friends
> She tries not to, but sometimes she uses the name of a long dead friend instead of the name of whoever she is talking to

"... And then the Polack says, "What do you think I've been doing? Shoving them up my ass?"
>"O-oh my! That's almost as funny as the story about my first husband!"
"Huh?"
>"Right after his funeral, I was still in mourning. I could hardly bare to raise the sun over a world without him. Then you snuck past the guards to my mourning chamber, and told me about the time the two of you were in college, and..."
"... Celestia? Are you okay?"
>"I-I-I'm fine, Starsw- Er, Anonymous. I simply must retire to my chambers, as I feel terribly exhausted all of a sudden."
"Uh... Sleep tight, Celestia."
>"Yes, yes, sleep tight...






> Chubby Anon in RGRE
> Mares are polite, but uninterested
> Stallions try to give him dieting and exercise tips, but he really can't cut out hay products, since he doesn't eat hay
> Some shallow stallions hang around him to look good by comparison
> An attractive mare starts flirting with him at the bar
> He can't believe it
> She insists that she didn't lose a bet or anything
> Wary but lonely, he follows her to her home
> After a few glasses of wine and the mare getting rather intimate with her hooves, he gives up and goes with the flow
> Before long, she has mounted herself on him, grinning at the wonder in his eyes
> "I like 'em big, Anon. I like them soft. And most of all, "
> She nips at his ear
> "I love making sad stallions happy."




"Goddamn it Twi you are so hot."
>You bite your lip as you eye that pudgy and glorious flank of hers
>"Anon stop. I know I am fat and ugly. You dont need to pretend I'm not."
>Your eyes stop their defilement of her body as your pupils shrink to pinpricks
>Kneeling down you grab her by the chin and slowly tilt her head back so she is forced to look into your eyes
"Twi I will tell you this as many times as I need to for it to sink past all your issues with your body."
>Her eyes are wide open and she is frozen in place
>Your glare holds her harder than Butternutters stare does
"You are absolutely gorgeous and I wouldn't change one last thing about you."
>Letting go of her jaw you run your hand up her cheek
"I love your beautiful face."
>Your hand runs through her mane
"Your brilliant mind."
>As your hand glides down her back it brushes her wings causing her to flinch as your digits cross the sensitive joints
"Your incredible talents that gave you these wings."
>As your feelers go further back you have to lean in bringing your face closer and closer to the now furiously blushing alicorn before you
>Inches away from her face your hands find her flank and your fingers dig in to the soft, yet firm, flesh
>This causes her to let out an unmarely squeak
>Yet her eyes never leave yours
"And your unbelievably attractive "assets"'
>With a quick tug your pull her into you
>Your lips meet and it seems to break the spell on her
>She gasps into your kiss which you take as an invitation to deepen the kiss
>Her tongue weakly struggles against you for a few moments before you break the kiss
>She is panting as you bring your mouth right up to her ear and whisper
"And if you want any proof of how attractive I think you are..."
>You nibble her ear and she lets out a moan
"I will show you right here and right now what your body does to me."
>She shudders in your arms
>"Anon I...you...wow."
>A throaty chuckle escapes you as she struggles to respond to what just happened
>A quiet cough rips through the moment causing both of you to jump
>Looking up you see the other girls are sitting around the picnic basket staring at you with wide eyes and blushes
>Rainbow is physically trying to push her wings down while fluttershy seems to have hidden in her mane with wings on full display
>AJ has her hat over her face but seems to be peeking out the side and pinkie is sitting perfectly still and silent
>Rarity seems to be intent on not meeting your gaze when she says
>"I am sorry to interrupt such a...intimate moment Anon but this is a public park and you were starting to attract attention."
>That's when you notice that just about every pony in the park were looking your way
>You gently set the flusterred Twilight down
"Ha ha ha! Sorry about that but I get a little over excited sometimes."
>"We can tell" Pinkie says with her eyes locked on the tight bulge in your pants
>You spare a glance over at Twilight
"Offer still stands though Twilight. Right here. Right now. As long as you promise to pay the public indecency fines that is."







>Anon is dating Gilda
>some stallions make fun of him behind his back for being in a relationship a griffin
>most prominently that slut Time Turner
>Anon didn't give a shit at first, until they started spreading rumors about him to ruin his reputation
>before long a lot of ponies in town think he's a xenophiliac slut
>Time Turner expected Anon to cry and move somewhere else like most stallions
>Anon just casually walks up to him and starts wailing on him nonstop
>mares think it's hot until they see the blood and bruises
>Time Turner ends up in the hospital with two black eyes, a broken nose, missing teeth, and a busted lip
>when asked what happened to him, he'll just start screaming he fell down the stairs over and over like a mantra
>Gilda's wings are at full mast





>Across the vast eastern sea, on the other side of the world, beyond the known boundaries of the maps, lies the human kingdom
>Humans are known of in Equestria's myths
>The stories give much focus to their peculiar gender roles
>And in the older, more serious, tales, their penchant for conflict.
>But no human has been seen in Equestria since the end of Discord's Reign of Chaos
>Sailing to their lands is a dangerous endeavor, for the seas are treacherous, the weather uncontrollable, and rumors abound of monsters beneath the waves






>If human males are all like Anon then human females must be powerful giants and the mareliest of mares
>How else would they keep their stallions in line?
>Twilight tries to pair him up with dragons and other large monsters as she thinks Anon's janefilly ways are merely predator instincts