Sweet Biscuit Gets Sick
Short greentext shitpost written by anonymous author. Saving for posterity because I thought it was funny and notable.
Original post: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/40963235/#40963607

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“Heh, sorry Anon. I’d love to play buckball with you another time, but from what Gilda’s told me, Appaloosa ponies would pretty much hang you on sight. They don’t even tolerate griffons down there. I can’t imagine what they’d do if they got hands on a…”
>Dash uses her hoof to draw a circle at you
“…Whatever you are.”
“Rainbow’s right”, says Applejack. “I reckon you can still get a feel for the game by watching. Why don’t you pop a squat over there in the grass?”
>Alright, then.
>You sit down, watching unicorn after unicorn try and fail to catch a rubber ball with a bucket. You’re pretty sure you could handle this, but something about the look in Rainbow’s eyes told you she wasn’t fucking around about the lynching.
>All of a sudden, a cute blond mare trots up to the bucket and levitates it with ease. Something about her confidence tells you she’s somehow come up with a strategy of her own.
>You’re pretty sure she just moved in from Canterlot, but you’ve never talked to her. Other ponies seem to avoid her like the plague. You’re about to find out why.
>Applejack whistles. She bucks the rubber ball right towards her, giving her ann easy catch to make.
>The Canterlot pony grins. She begins to spin the barrel around and around, seemingly trying to show off.
>Her eyes droop as her eyes lock onto the back of the barrel. The ball bounces right past her.
>You catch Rainbow Dash write something in her playbook.
>All of the sudden, the cute Canterlot pony is galloping towards you, green in the face.
>What the-
>You try to move out of the way, but your feet are locked in place by a green aura. What the fuck?
>That same green halo appears around your legs, forcing your knees to buckle and bringing you to the ground. You’re about at eye level with that weird fucking unicorn, who’s coming straight for you.
>Your jaw unhinges against your will as the pony rears up onto her hind legs and places her forehooves onto your shoulders. Before you can scream, she plants her muzzle perpendicularly over your mouth, forming a tight seal. Your eyes widen as she unloads a torrent of hot mare vomit down your throat.
>You try to move your arms, but they’re pinned to your side. You can only flare your nostrils and try not to panic and as she finishes injecting your stomach with the last of her vomit.
>Finally, it stops. Her mouth remains locked onto you for an overlong period of time, gently blowing puffs of air from her nose into your eyes.
>Slowly and shakily, she takes her mouth away from yours and wipes her muzzle with her hoof.
>The feeling is indescribable- your mouth tastes of vomit that’s not your own, and your stomach feels weirdly full. The lack of accompanying nausea that usually follows a vomit session makes for an extremely weird sensation.
>After she’s collected herself, the pony leans forward and gives you a quick kiss on the lips before trotting off.