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Anon's Saucy Adventure Pt. 2

By Greggums
Created: 2021-10-24 10:16:48
Expiry: Never
anonymous/aie/crossover/jojo/lily longsocks

  1. Originally Published November 2nd, 2018
  2.  
  3. >The kitchen hums with activity as you and 「GREENSLEEVES」 bob and weave around each other, doing the prep work for your first breakfast with a guest
  4. >You grease up a pan as your stand measures flour and milk into a bowl, and as the onions in another pan sizzle and brown, your stand adds in the cubed potatoes and peppers while you mix eggs into the pancake batter
  5. >As you toss coffee grounds in the percolator while your stand stirs the hash in the skillet, a thought comes to mind
  6. This would probably look cool as hell to someone who couldn’t see stands.
  7. >”I can see stands, and I don’t even think it looks cool.”
  8. >Lily stands in the doorway, her mane ruffled from sleep but cleaned and free of dirt and twigs
  9. >「GREENSLEEVES」croaks and waves at her with your spatula, flinging hash around the room
  10. Well good morning…uhhhh
  11. >It dawns on you that in between her wrecking your home and you blackmailing her with good intentions, you never bothered to ask her name
  12. >Which is especially odd since Twilight never asked for her name either when she and Glimmer set your house back on the foundation
  13. >”Lily. Longsocks.”
  14. UhLIly, is what I was going to say. My name’s Anonymous, since we’re doing names. The hash is almost done, and I’ll have pancakes up in a minute. Do you want some orange juice?
  15. >Lily shuffles sleepily over to a chair and crawls up to sit on it. “Coffee is fine. Black.”
  16. Sur-wait. Aren’t you a bit young to be drinking coffee?
  17. >”I-AHHHMM twelve”, she yawns
  18. >Your Stand croaks, placing the hash in the oven to stay warm and putting a flat pan on the heat
  19. Eh, alright. My parents let me drink coffee all the time when I was eight, and I turned out fine.
  20. >The cabinet door creaks as you swing it open, and you pull out two least broken mugs inside
  21. >When you turn around, you see Lily and 「BANISHED」 dart their hands and hooves under the table, causing napkins to flutter off to the floor
  22. You okay?
  23. 1/
  24.  
  25. >”I’m fine. I just need to use the bathroom. I’ll take six pancakes though, Endogenous.”
  26. >Lily trots off to the restroom, with her stand following quickly after
  27. “When you gotta go, you gotta go”, you shrug, pouring out two cups of coffee.
  28. ...
  29. >”You’re sure you’re not mad?”
  30. For the dozenth time, Lily. I am one-hundred percent not mad.
  31. >The two of you stroll down the aisle of Ponyville Hardware, your shopping cart clacking and creaking as you push it ahead of you
  32. Am I bit disappointed that you tried shoving silverware into the U-bend of my toilet? Yes, but I’m not mad.
  33. >” I didn’t think it would break!”
  34. >You turn left at Aisle 6, slowing your pace enough to look at the porcelain thrones which line the shelves
  35. It’s fine, Lily. Really. Now, could you grab that one at the bottom for me?
  36. >You point at a toilet marked as being on sale, a good ten bits less than the ones surrounding it
  37. >”Sure,” Lily huffs, still sounding upset
  38. >「BANISHED」 appears at her side, sizing up the kiln fired targets before it
  39. >With blinding speed it lunges towards the discounted potty, missing the handle and burying its hand deep into the box
  40. >You hear a loud *CRACK* as the toilet within shatters, and her stand fades out of sight
  41. >”Ow!”, Lily hisses as she pulls back her hoof, a small rivulet of blood tracing its way down her leg
  42. Uhhhh….
  43. >Grabbing some pocket sketti, you plop a bunch of it on the broken box
  44. >You then scoop up Lily and plop her into the cart, placing another bottom shelf toilet next to her
  45. There! Now, let’s go pay before somebody asks if we need help.
  46. 2/
  47.  
  48. >“FFFT!” Lily hisses as you touch a rag soaked in iodine solution to her foreleg, cleaning away the blood
  49. I’m almost done, just relax.
  50. >You hand the rag to 「GREENSLEEVES」, who passes a bandage roll back to you
  51. >Carefully and firmly, you wrap up the wound on her leg
  52. >”Why did you leave spaghetti on the toilet I broke?”
  53. Eh, I figured it’d make a funny story for whoever found it.
  54. >You take a safety pin from the table, and use it to attach the free end of the bandage to the section you already wrapped up
  55. But more important than that: you haven’t had your stand very long, have you Lily?
  56. >Lily stares at the ceiling in thought, rubbing her bandage with her free hoof
  57. >「GREENSLEEVES」 croaks as it stands by the sink, washing the dishes from this morning
  58. >”We’ve been together since I was six.”
  59. Really?
  60. >"Yes, really. Why?"
  61. “Two reasons:”, you declare, making a V-shape with your left hand, “you knocked me on my ass during dinner yesterday with a whiff, and you punched a hole into a toilet I asked you to pick up.”
  62. >You point at her as you finish your small list
  63. >”And?” Lily stares at you with a mix of confusion and…something else. You were never too good at reading people
  64. You don’t know how to control your strength.
  65. >You bop her on the nose with your finger, and she glares at you
  66. Which means one thing:
  67. 3/
  68.  
  69. “STAND TRAINING!”, you yell at the top of your lungs, your voice echoing off the trees of Ponyville Park
  70. >「GREENSLEEVES」 cups its hands around its mouth and makes trumpet noises, celebrating your announcement as you cough from the strain on your voice
  71. >Lily sits nearby, still glaring at you
  72. >”You waited half an hour to finish that sentence. You know that, right?”
  73. >Wheezing and spitting into the grass is the only reply you can manage
  74. >”Why do I need training anyway? 「BANISHED」 is strong enough to get me through anything.”
  75. “That may be,” you cough out, “crap that hurt my throat, But you still need to help me fix my house, and I don’t want to watch my nightstand get launched into the next county.”
  76. >Your stand comes over to steady you and rub your back
  77. Even Superman needed boxing lessons, Lily.
  78. >”And who is Superman?”
  79. >You and your stand stare at her in disbelief
  80. Superman? Alien from Krypton? Beacon of Hope and Justice for all of Earth?
  81. >”…so is it a stand or what?”
  82. N-no.
  83. >Damn ponies not knowing about Earth comics
  84. >Damn you for forgetting ponies don’t know a lick about where you came from, aside from Twi and the girls
  85. Superman is a hero from where I come from and is strongest person in the world, too. But he got his ass handed to him once by a pro boxer because for as strong as he was, he didn’t know how to use his strength.
  86. >Maybe. You never were a fan of the one-off issues
  87. So, we’re gonna spend some time today getting to know our stands, and how to better control them. Are you ready?
  88. >Lily shrugs, then slowly stands to her feet
  89. >”I mean, I guess”, she sighs as she kicks at a pebble by her foreleg
  90. >It whizzes past your ear and embeds itself in a tree trunk some distance behind you with a *KNOCK, and you can hear the rustling of leaves loosened by the impact
  91. G-great!
  92. 4/
  93.  
  94. >You pull an old print-off of the Jojo wiki out of your pocket, carefully unfolding it so you can read it
  95. So, Stands are generally graded according to six categories: Strength, Speed, Durability, Precision, Range and Developmental Potential.
  96. >From your other back pocket, you withdraw a small notebook and a pencil
  97. And, in order to figure out how to work on our…less good areas, we first need to know what those are.
  98. >Lily watches with some interest as you write the categories in your notebook
  99. >”I have a question.”
  100. Shoot.
  101. >”Well, tw-three questions: how are you supposed to measure ‘Developmental Potential’?
  102. >You and 「GREENSLEEVES」 shrug
  103. Iunno. We can worry about it later.
  104. >”Okay. Second question: why do you keep calling them ‘Stands’? Actually, why do I call them Stands?”
  105. >You and your stand shrug again
  106. Beats me. Why do we call birds ‘birds’? Or bread ‘bread’? It’s just what feels right, I guess. Now what’s your last question?
  107. >Lily points directly at your stand, who smiles at her through her hoodie and waves awkwardly at her
  108. >”Why does you stand act so…weird? 「BANISHED」 does whatever I ask, but your Stand can be a real smart-aleck.”
  109. >You smell a nice ragu as pasta starts to bubble up from your pockets, and your Stand fades back into you with a pained croak
  110. Well, Stands are unique. Some stay close by like guardian angels, others will go to the ends of the earth to blow up a doorknob for you. Some are even bound to physical objects. Its just part and parcel of how bizarre life can be at times.
  111. >Lily seems to digest your words
  112. >”Okay. Makes about as much sense as anything else in my life. So, what are working on first?”
  113. >Thank the horsey Lord she didn’t ask about why Stands look the way they do. Not even you know that one
  114. Well, we can start with Power, and then we can work our way down the list in order. Now, what can I have you lift...
  115. 5/
  116.  
  117. >You scan the park, looking for anything that could give you a decent benchmark for Lily's strength
  118. >"I could just flip your house again, if you want."
  119. >You freeze in place, and you feel your heart sink at the thought
  120. >"I'm kidding."
  121. I knew that.
  122. >You didn't know that
  123. Ah! That’s perfect!
  124. >You run towards a sizable rock resting by some bushes, and Lily slowly trots behind you
  125. >The rock comes up to your knees, and looks to be about two feet across
  126. >You smack it excitedly a few times, as if you were showing off your new car to the neighbors
  127. Lily, I’d like you to pick up this rock and throw it as high as you can, straight up in the air.
  128. >You point up into the sky, where some ducks are flying south for the season
  129. >Lily looks at the rock, then at you, then at the sky
  130. >”You sure you don’t want me to flip your house again? Or maybe we could go to Canterlot and flip the cas-“
  131. NO!
  132. >Thoughts of angry tall horses flash through your mind, and you shudder in fear
  133. >You wouldn’t last ten minutes in horse prison, man
  134. >”I’m kidding, I’m kidding”, Lily chuckles at your discomfort. “One space rock, going up.”
  135. >「BANISHED」 manifests in front of its user, its arms ready to seize the boulder and send it away at escape velocity
  136. >”ORA!”
  137. >Faster than you can blink, her stands arms close with a mighty *CRACK*, and the boulder is gone
  138. >”GAH MY HOOF!”
  139. >Lily stumbles, falling back into the grass, and with a soft thud you see the boulder land a few feet away from her stand
  140. >You can hear a faint buzz, as if the bees in the park were also unsettled by the attempt
  141. >It now sports a dent on each side, and a small print of blood rings one of the dents
  142. >”STUPID ROCK!” Lily hisses from the grass as she clutches her injured limb
  143. > 「BANISHED」 scoops the rock into its good arm, shoulders it as if preparing for the shot put, and snaps the rock over the horizon
  144. 6/
  145.  
  146. >「GREENSLEEVES」 croaks softly as it hands you a fresh roll of bandages
  147. Now this is what I was talking about, Lily.
  148. >Lily stares at cloud the rock punched through as if sailed off into the upper atmosphere
  149. >Putting the soiled bandages to the side, you start to rewrap her wound with the fresh dressing
  150. You need to remember that this is your stand. If you’re not controlling how much strength it uses, then how can you expect to fully uses the strength it gives you?
  151. >”I don’t know.”
  152. >Lily keeps staring out at the horizon, with no sounds but the faint buzzing of bees in their hives
  153. >”Can we go back to your house? I don’t want to practice anymore today.”
  154. >You can feel a deep disappointment in her voice, like she’s had this conversation before
  155. S-sure. We can get ice cream on the way back, if you want.
  156. >”Okay.”
  157. >You help Lily stand up, and the two of you make your way towards the park exit as the buzzing starts to get gradually louder
  158. >You see a bee land on Lily’s shoulder, and you brush it off of her, causing her to jump and stop walking
  159. >”What are you doing?”
  160. >You halt your stride as well
  161. There was a bee.
  162. >”A what?”
  163. Bee? You know, “bzz bzz gimme honey”? They’re probably going after some flowers or something.
  164. >“Anon, Ponyville Park only flowers in the spring.”
  165. And? It’s autumn. Bees love ruining shit this time of year.
  166. >You can hear the buzzing grow steadily louder as the bees get closer
  167. See? Now I don’t know about you, but I’m leaving before I get stung.
  168. >You try to step forward, and you feel a cool breeze on your foot as it lifts out of your shoe
  169. The hell?
  170. >Looking down, you can see the grass you’re standing on is covered in a strange liquid. And within it, you shoe sits defiantly
  171. >And on your shoe rests a small, craggy looking brown bee
  172. 7/
  173.  
  174. >”Anon, you need to move. Now.”
  175. >You stand and turn back to look at Lily, the buzzing growing steadily louder as you do so
  176. But my sh-EEEGH
  177. >Before you can finish talking, Lily hooks her good foreleg around your waist and rips you out of your other shoe as the buzzing reaches a crescendo
  178. >Above where you stood, a vast swarm of bees had gathered
  179. >A buzzing cloud of browns, greens, yellows and reds
  180. >Your shoes begin to vibrate to the humming of the bees, and explode into strips of fabric and rubber
  181. My Jordans!
  182. >The bees drop from the sky, crawling over the fragments of what were your shoes as you and Lily start whisper-shouting at each other
  183. >”What the heck is wrong with those bees!?”
  184. >Lily shakes you, making your head snap back and forth like a cartoon character
  185. >You summon 「GREENSLEEVES」 to stop the shaking, but your stand only makes the shaking worse
  186. >Wait a second…that’s it!
  187. >Lily and 「GREENSLEEVES」 continue to shake you through your epiphany, though you can’t help but smile despite the nausea and whiplash
  188. “IthInkitMIghtbeanENMySnd”
  189. >”What? Why are you smiling?”
  190. >You push Lily’s forelegs off of your shoulders, and you fall backwards onto the grass
  191. I THINK IT MIGHT BE AN ENEMY STAND! MAN, THIS IS SO COOL! IT'S JUST LIKE IN JO-
  192. >The buzzing noise returns as you see a bee float into your field of vision
  193. …oh crap
  194. >TO BEE CONTINUED…
  195. /8
  196.  
  197. Stand Name:「HONEY BEE」 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhAcIuj3o1E
  198. Stand User: ?????

c: April Fool

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