Four Purple Mares try to Solve the Worlds Problems part 1.3


                                            Night Glider:

                                            9:30


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                                            > Getting to the village from the cave was always difficult.

                                            >The rocky terrain and steep cliffs made returning to town difficult.

                                            > Though they were inconveniences, they made our home well hidden.

                                            > But, it was also made getting anywhere a pain.


                                            > After my long trek I reached downtown.

                                            > It’s amazing how much our little village had grown since Starlight was exiled.

                                            > Towers and buildings of every shape and size had popped up across the valley.

                                            > Over the course of a year the population had also grown greatly.

                                            > But all of our work had been squandered, and the city was in chaos.

                                            > Regardless, I remain confident that when Starlight returns she will bring a welcomed order back to Our Town and we can finally undo all the damage Twilight and her friends have done to the community.

                                            > While I disliked Twilight and the state she represents, she achieved one good thing.

                                            > Unintentionally, of course.


                                            > Because like all the princesses, her status relied on popularity.

                                            > After destroying the ideological fabric of Our Town she couldn't help but brag about Starlights defeat in every newspaper across Equestria.

                                            > She was initially met with praise, but any pony who investigated further could see that the only reason Twilight opposed Our Town was because its existence represented an affront to the systems that kept Celestia in power.


                                            > Thankfully, Ponies were opening their eyes to reality.

                                            > The crystal ponies were the first to wisen up to her trickery.

                                            > It only took the residence receiving the short end of a raw deal guised as Twilight's “Revitalization” Project.

                                            > An initiative that led to many ponies losing their life savings and falling into bankruptcy.


                                            > From what I’ve read, Princess Cadance wasn’t too pleased when Twilight began stealing a good chunk of the Crystal Empire with her false promises.

                                            > But, Cadence is a forgiving pony and from readings, even ponies critical of the monarchy  could never find anything negative to say about her.

                                            > Kind, Generous, loving and incorruptible were all words used to describe the princess of love.

                                            > She even began opening soup kitchens when ponies began starving in the streets of “Sugar Mountains”


                                            > She is the biggest threat to our plans going forward.

                                            > It would be hard to find anypony in Equestria who has a problem with Cadence, especially among the crystal ponies who speak of her more as their god than their princess.

                                            > The princess was smart by never commenting on the mess Twilight had created, even when questioned.

                                            > Her answer was always “Twilight is my best friend and I have full confidence that she knows what she’s doing.

                                            > Her approval of the pudgy purple princess helped soothe the situation and prevented complete anarchy from consuming the streets on more than one occasion.


                                            > This is a problem.

                                            > Cadance holds the power of all the crystal ponies' hearts.

                                            > When fighting for a revolution, the hearts of the population is half the battle.


                                            > Starlight had plenty to say about Cadance, but she had a lot to say about most ponies. So I often shrugged at her criticism since most were unfounded.

                                            > It’s no secret that the princess has an attraction to mind-altering substances.

                                            > But compared to all the good she has done for the Crystal Ponies her addictions were often overlooked as silly quirks in an otherwise perfect pony.

                                            > Despite my inclination not to, I like Cadance.

                                            > she reminds me of Starlight in many ways because unlike the other princesses, I believe that she’s the only one who truly cares about the ponies she oversees.


                                            > As I walked through town I passed by a group of young ponies marching in lockstep wearing equality leg bands.

                                            > It brought a smile to my face seeing ponies adorning the mane style of the movement and removing their cutie marks.

                                            > Seeing ponies practicing unaltered equality warms my heart.


                                            > Though, the other factions were beginning to irk me.

                                            > Ponies with belief systems perverting Starlight's vision by injecting their own brands of ideology.

                                            >Anarcho-equality, capitalist-equality, etc, etc.

                                            > These groups wandered the streets of Our Town brandishing flags displaying tasteless variations of the equals sign.

                                            > They were all math symbols.


                                            > Being the designer of the original flag back in college I'm quite offended by their unoriginality.

                                            > But as much as these offshoot chapters were artistically illiterate and ideologically confused they are far from the worst.

                                            > The ponies I hold the most contempt for are those that are so brash and blind that they advocate the movement work alongside Celestia and form a union.

                                            > These ponies will be the first to go when Starlight returns.

                                            >The revolution clearly wasn't made for them.


                                            > I trotted down the dirt road, bypassing ponies dressed in rags huddled over trash fires, protest marches, and ponies of various factions arguing in the streets.

                                            > These are daily sights in the new dystopia that Twilight had thrust upon us.

                                            > I kept my head high, darting my eyes up and down the streets while my ears twisted as I looked for Twilight.

                                            > I knew she was in town because her visits were never kept secret.

                                            > They were usually a front-page story.

                                            > This time she was investigating the inflation issue.


                                            > Sugar Belle, the dimwitted baker turned mayor had inflated the economy with her third failed currency of the year.

                                            > To add insult to injury, she named the new currency "Sugarbucks."


                                            > An improvement over Bellebucks and a much better name than sugarbits.

                                            > but an ego-driven decision nonetheless.

                                            > It's hard to feel animosity toward Sugar Belle

                                            > She was one of the first ponies to join Starlight and I when the movement was only a budding college club that operated from our dorm.


                                            >But It was obvious to all of us that she was naive as they come.

                                            >She slept with all of the original members at least once and when Our Town began enforcing monogamy, she was the pony who struggled the most trying to keep her legs together.

                                            > Now, she’s rutting Griffons who are using her dull mind and unnatural libido to slowly buy Our Town and turn it into a griffon society within the borders of Equestria.

                                            > At this point I just wish she would stay out of our way.

                                            > The movement waits for no pony and if she continues to stand in its way she's only going to get run over by it.


                                            > As I edged closer to the center of town I spotted the princess.

                                            > She was wearing an Ill-fitting black suit that pursed her thick gut that hung at knees height to the ground.

                                            > Beside her was a peculiar-looking mare that I had never seen before.


                                            > A purple unicorn of average size with a large set of breasts tucked tightly against her stomach.

                                            > She also adorned a suit much like Twilights but in a lighter shade of blue.

                                            > Her other attire was much more alarming

                                            > She wore empty tissue boxes on her all four of her hooves and a number of facemasks wrapped around her ears over her muzzle.


                                            > She looked unbelievably frightened and took each step with care.

                                            > From a distance, I watched a frustrated princess berate the terrified pony into quickening her pace.

                                            >Though, the pony looked more likely to crawl into a ball and begin sobbing than take another step.

                                            > Her legs were shaking violently and even behind her medical masks I could see her cheeks shivering in unison with the rest of her body.


                                            > I adjusted my own fashion.

                                            > A tie around my neck and my high school graduation suit which I had outgrown long ago.

                                            > I'm not a fan of these oppressive uniforms, but I had to look the part if I wanted to engage the princess in a serious manner.

                                            > I inhaled deeply and trotted towards her with a smile to make my acquaintance.


                                            > "Amethyst, for the love of all that is kind and honest hurry up!" Twilight barked

                                            > "M…Maybe I should wait at the train station…..I..I think I forgot my sanitizer at the restaurant." The petrified pony stuttered

                                            > "All you packed was sanitizer!" Twilight snapped


                                            "Princess Twilight!" I cheered with the wave of a hoof  "I have a very important letter from the… Ummm….The PPMP…?"

                                            > I should really be more up-to-date with my government agencies, but honestly, I have no interest.

                                            > Thanks to Twilights Law, you can mash together any series of letters and it will probably stand for some government agency.

                                            >She looked at me with confusion until she sighed and narrowed her gaze in annoyance

                                            "What do you princess stalkers want now?" She grumbled.


                                            “I have this letter for you. The ponies at the agency say it's urgent and you need to read it at your earliest convenience.”

                                            > She swiped the letter out of my hooves, staring at it for a moment before peering back at me

                                            > “I just want to let you know that you ponies aren’t helping my stress. If this has anything to do with my weight I’m gonna flip.”


                                            > “You..You don’t look like a PPMP agent.” The frightened mare peeped

                                            “Wellllll…..That's because I’m new!”

                                            > “I’m very familiar with the PPMP.” The mare began

                                            > “The PPMP (the Princess Popularity Measurement Program) sends letters through the EPS (Equestria Postal Service) after it’s been processed by the EMSS (Equestria Mail Security Service). Do you have your TOC (Temporary Operations Credentials) on hoof?”


                                            “No…I think I dropped it.” I lied

                                            > “No worries, just send a letter to the PPMP’s mailing branch. They’ll process you a new name-tag through the CMLBB (Credentials Mailing Laminating and Billing Beauru). You can pick it up at any EPLLO (Equestria Printing Labeling and Laminating Organization) station.”

                                            “Oh..Okay…I guess I’ll get on that…”


                                            > “But first you’re going to want to pick up the proper paperwork at the ETLCPD. (Equestria Temporary Label and Credential Printing Department) They handle the processing and will send it to the EMSIS (Equestria Mailing of Sensitive Information Sector). While you wait, you can get a temporary badge by visiting any EMWA (Equestria Mailing Waitlist Authority) location. You’ll just need to bring your PPMP employment information including your ECPE (Equestrian Citizen  Proof of Employment), NRPC (Notice of Replacement and Pending Card) or your certificate of approval from the PPMP from the EGSI (Equestria Guards and Security Institute). It should be mailed to you within a week, through the CPSICIELA (Canterlot Processing of Sensitive Information Concerning Investigations into Ethical and Legal Authority.) Or you could get a WAPA card (Waitlisted Agent Pending Approval), they’re quicker to get but…”


                                            > “Oh my gosh can you just be quiet!?”  Twilight snapped shoving the letter into her luggage

                                            “For the love of Celestia what happened to just shooting lasers at things!?”


                                            > “Princess, Twilight’s Law states…”

                                            > I know about Twilight’s Law! They named the stupid thing after me for Celestias sake! Now let's get going before I lose my patience.”

                                            > The mare nodded and followed the Princess down the road.

                                            > Mission Accomplished


                                            > Aside from being scolded by the bureaucrat I think our scheme went off without a hitch.

                                            > Since I was in town and had time to burn I decided to grab some food, alcohol and some lust potions for Starlight.

                                            >She goes through them like crazy and we’re always running out.

                                            > I picked up a couple of lust potions and some wine at the local brewmasters before making my way to the bread lines.


                                            > All the food in town is imported. It's far too cold and dry for anything to grow in these hills.

                                            > Like all charities in town, The bread line is funded and operated by Cadance.

                                            > Her army marched into town every day with wagons of food.

                                            > It was a nice gesture but the lines have gotten pretty long and it was always either bread or canned oats.


                                            > I heard a rumor that the guards stationed here hoard all the good food for themselves. While I have no first-hoof evidence of this happening, I wouldn’t put it past them.

                                            > I drank my wine and waited in the crawling line.

                                            > Royal guards were stationed behind chain link fences arranged in a maze-like fashion

                                            > At the end was a long counter where the food was distributed.

                                            > The entire set up is a bit disorienting


                                            > “Night Glider?”

                                            > I turned around and saw a pony I hadn’t spoken to in a long time.

                                            > My former flame, Ivy Vine

                                            > My heart sank.

                                            > She looked different

                                            > Though she had her cutie mark back and her curls were still as puffy as ever, the colours of her fur and mane were still desaturated

                                            > And she looked gaunt and very hungry.


                                            > “I can’t believe you’re here! I haven’t seen you in forever!” Ivy cheered

                                            > I was surprised how jovial she was considering how poorly things went between us

                                            “You aren’t still mad at me are you?”

                                            > “Oh, Night Glider! I’m furious with you!” She laughed

                                            > “Leaving me alone with a filly to raise all by myself while you went off to chase your crazy friend, never even bothering to check on me for over a year? Pretty pathetic.”

                                            “Yeah, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking how I could’ve gone about that differently.” I replied looking down

                                            > “Thats great to hear.” She replied sarcastically “I’m so glad to hear that you still have something of a soul left.”


                                            “Yeah…How’s Purple Springs doing?”

                                            > “She’s fine. She still asks about you, if you even care.” She huffed

                                            “I’m sorry. I really am…But Starlight and I are doing great things. If you want you can join us, The movement could really use you in a time like this.”


                                            > “You really haven’t changed have you? Sweet Celestia you’re so pitiful. What movement are you talking about? The ponies running around fighting each other? The anarchists? I have a filly to take care of, and all this political nonsense has only torn ponies apart and it’s all our fault.”

                                            “Look, Starlight says…”

                                            > “Starlight says lots of things. But the truth is that Everypony who started that stupid club has either died, disappeared or become more radical. If the authorities find out I was one of the founders of Equality they’ll lock me up in some dungeon for the rest of my life, so shut it.”


                                            “But Ivy!”

                                            > “Not another word. I don’t know you and you don’t know me, understand?”

                                            “I guess.”

                                            > “I was really hoping you had changed, but your mind is just as poisoned as it’s always been. Maybe you should stop riding Starlight’s diluted ego for a minute and look around before you “disappear” like everypony else.”


                                            > I sighed

                                            > When we reached the end of the line I grabbed my food from the counter.

                                            > A couple loaves of bread and a some canned oats

                                            > It’s not much, but it should be enough for the two of us for the time being

                                            > We do live in a rock candy mountain after all…


                                            > As I left I overheard a stallions voice call Ivy’s name

                                            > When I turned I saw a crystal guard leaning over the counter.

                                            > “I’m so glad to see you.”

                                            > “Hi, sir.” She mumbled with her head down

                                            > “I imagine you’re looking for some extra food?”

                                            > “I am.”


                                            > “Well come on to the back with me and we’ll see what we can do.”

                                            > I raised an eyebrow

                                            > Extra food?

                                            > I knew they were hiding food!

                                            > I hopped out of line, but instead of going through the exit I followed them down the aisle, passing the long concession table.

                                            > They exited inside a large tent, I trailed close behind trying to remain out of sight.


                                            > The stallion put his hoof over Ivy’s shoulder as they walked

                                            > “Hanging in there?”

                                            > “Yeah….We need more food….And blankets would be greatly appreciated.”

                                            > “I bet you do, hows that filly of yours doing?”

                                            > “She’s fine.” Ivy grumbled


                                            > “No need to get nasty.” The guard chuckled “It’s not nice for a tiny mare like yourself to be snappy. It’s not very attractive.”

                                            > “Yeah, whatever.” Ivy growled

                                            > “Hey, you want extra food don’t you?” The guard snapped in an unfriendly tone

                                            > “Mmhmm.” Ivy snarled

                                            > “Then be a good little mare and cooperate. I don’t think attitude is very flattering Miss Vine."


                                            > The stallion pushed the flaps of the tent away and entered into a separate room

                                            > I can’t believe that she’s getting this creep to provide for her

                                            > It’s not like her to depend on a stallion.


                                            > I shuffled quietly into the next room and watched from behind the hanging canvas

                                            > “Alright, get on your knees and start.

                                            > Ivy plopped down between the stallion's legs as the guard spread his legs


                                            > I’ve seen enough

                                            “Ivy!” I shouted pushing the tarp away and bolting into the room

                                            > She turned and her eyes were large

                                            > “Nighty! What are you doing!?”

                                            “What am I doing!? Who’s this creep!?” I said asked pointing to the stallion

                                            > “He’s helping me.”


                                            > “Hey! You gotta get out of here.” The stallion ordered

                                            > I approached the stallion and jammed my hooves beneath his throat

                                            > “Don’t touch her.” I growled

                                            > Ivy was covering her eyes “Night Glider stop!”

                                            > “You’re letting this creep touch you like that!?”

                                            > “Well what am I supposed to do!? Write you a letter whenever I’m hungry?” She cried

                                            > I pressed my hooves into his neck tight as I could and turned to him

                                            “You are going to give her all the food you have, understand? And if I ever hear about something like this happening again I won’t let you off so easy.”

                                            > The stallion nodded and I released him from my grip


                                            > They both stared at me with disbelief

                                            > I picked up an empty potato sack and began filling it with everything I could get my hooves on

                                            > “What are you doing?” Ivy yelped


                                            “What do you think I’m doing?” I replied shoving more food into the sack “I’m helping you.”

                                            > She stared at me looked confused rubbing her hooves together anxiously

                                            “For the love of Celestia will you just grab a bag and help me!?”


                                            > She grabbed a potato sack and started grabbing vegetables in a panic

                                            > “You are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met, you know that?” She bleated

                                            > “Just be quiet.”


                                            > When we were done I swung my hoof at the guard who covered his eyes and flinched

                                            > I snatched the bag from Ivy who began to protest

                                            > “Hey! What are you doing!?”


                                            “I’m not letting you carry anything in your condition! You look like you're gonna pass out from hunger. Now where do you live?”

                                            > “I have an apartment near the center of town…But I…”

                                            “Than let's go!” I shouted making my way out the door

                                            “If I knew you were this desperate I would’ve been helping you a long time ago.”


                                            Twilight:

                                            11:30

                                            Weight: 286

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                                            > As Amethyst and I walked through town we found ourselves the gates of the Crystal Empire Embassy

                                            > The Embassy wasn’t a place I visited often during my stays in Sugar Mountains but I really needed another pony in my corner.

                                            > These PPMP letters always put me in a miserable mood and I needed a pony I know and trust to get an honest opinion.

                                            > Cadence is my best, and despite her habits I can always count on her to cheer me up


                                            > I approached the gate and flashed my credentials to the guards standing across from me through the steel bars of the gate.

                                            “Excuse me, is Cadence here today?”

                                            > The guards nodded and opened the gate

                                            > We followed the guards up the stairs and into the mansion

                                            > The red walls were covered in paintings new and old, the entire embassy was dressed up like a castle and was very high class

                                            > The guards led us into the master bedroom

                                            > Once we arrived they exited and the two of us were left alone in the room


                                            “Cadance?” I called

                                            > “Twilight, what are we doing here?” amethyst whispered

                                            “Just relax.”

                                            > “I’ve never met Cadance before, are the rumours of her greatness true?”

                                            “Everything you have read about her is true. But theirs a big difference between the Princess Cadance you read about in the papers and Princess Cadance the pony.

                                            > “I’m sorry Twilight, I don’t follow.”

                                            “Just remember that everything you see regarding me and my friends during this trip is confidential.”


                                            > Cadence stumbled out from the washroom

                                            > Her muzzle was painted white and her eyes were the size of cymbals.

                                            > “Twilight!” She slurred before falling into a table

                                            > Oh, no

                                            > She’s really off the rails today


                                            > She picked herself up and began to hop and sing.

                                            > “Sunshine! Sunshine! Ladybugs…awake….Clap your….hooves and do a…a little shake!”

                                            “Cadance, how much have you drank today?”

                                            > “I’m on my third bottle!” She bragged

                                            “Cadance it’s not even noon yet!”


                                            > “I know, I’m trying to cut down because Shining and I thinking about having a baby but were waiting to get the tests back…”

                                            > Cadence should be the princess of TMI

                                            > I don’t wanted to think the two of them fooling around in the sheets or whatever they’re getting tested for.

                                            > But knowing her she was going to tell me all about it


                                            > “He’s been sleeping with me forever, so I don’t know why he’s so concerned if he caught it or not. Who cares if I gave it to him anyways! I’ve probably had it fo as long as I’ve known him!  You’re brother is a strange one.” Cadence giggled


                                            “Cadance, you’re my best friend in Equestria. But you can be way too much sometimes.”

                                            > “Oh…Sorry Twilight. Who’s your friend by the way?”

                                            “She’s just going to be helping me during my investigation.”

                                            > “Hello, Princess.” She said with a bow

                                            “Pleasant to meet you. Now tell me Twilight, Whats the purpose of your visit?”


                                            > She grabbed my hoof and led us into a small conference room with six chairs and solid oak table and mountain of coke resting on it.

                                            > "I feel like everything I’m being crushed. I can't handle all theses pressures. I never knew being a princess was going to be like this at all…This isn’t what I dream it would be like for all those years.”


                                            > "I know that it can be overwhelming sometimes but the best thing you can do is find something that makes you happy."

                                            > She shoved her face into the pile of coke

                                            “I received a letter from the PPMP and I'm afraid to read it.”

                                            > She pulled her face from the mound “This is a judgement free palace Twilight, lets hear what it has to say. I’ll be the judge if it’s relevant or not.”


                                            > I opened the letter and read it aloud


                                            “Cakes and sweets are in the minds eye and with the flick of the horn they will be yours in the thighs.”

                                            > I was confused

                                            “What in Equestria does this even mean? It’s nonsense!”

                                            > “Can you read that again?” Cadence asked rubbing her hoof under her chin

                                            “Cakes and sweets are in the minds eye and with the flick of the horn they will be yours in the thighs.”


                                            > "Very fascinating.. My PPPM team never sends my letters like that."

                                            "All they ever tell me is how I need to lose weight…Cadence, am I really that fat?”

                                            > Cadence laughed “You know how I stay thin Twilight? Cocaine! I would have a massive beer belly without it."

                                            "That's not helpful." I sighed


                                            > “Twilight, you just need to relax.”

                                            “How can I possibly relax in a time like this? I’ve never been under this much stress in my entire life!”


                                            > My stomach began to rumble

                                            > “Sounds like you’re getting hungry.” Cadence chuckled “Don’t worry, I know just what you need.”


                                            > Cadence took my hoof and led me to her couch in anther other room where she had a collection of sweets sitting on a coffee table

                                            > “Twilight, it’s times like this where it’s okay to lean on your crutches.”

                                            “I don’t know Cadance…”

                                            > “Do you trust me?” She asked in a serious tone


                                            “Yes.”

                                            Cadence grabbed a slice of cake

                                            > “Then open wide.”


                                            > I open my mouth and she began shoving a large slice of cake in my mouth

                                            > “Doesn’t that feel good?” She moaned

                                            > “MmmHmmmph…” I moaned

                                            > “Good. Now chew.”

                                            > I chewed as she pushed the cake until it filled my mouth

                                            > My cheeks were plump as I chewed the cake


                                            > “You’re a good pony, Twilight.”

                                            > She picked up another slice and began shoving it into already full mouth


                                            > “We all cope differently, you cope with food and there’s nothing wrong with that.”


                                            “You don’t think so?”  I asked with a mouthful


                                            > “Of course! Just because you’re a princess doesn’t mean you’re perfect, heck. We're surrounded by excess all the time. The stress and accessibility just make it natural for us to gravitate towards our deepest urges. You’ve always been a tubby pony Twilight. The only ponies who have taken notice recently have done so because they want to hurt you. Food is your friend. Don’t fight your urges….I know you’ve been cursed with some very undesirable ones recently.”


                                            > I tried to speak but my mouth was swollen with the spongy cake

                                            > “I love your brother more than anything. But being monogamous is very tricky for the princess of love. When I was told I couldn’t have sex whenever I wanted with whomever I wanted I got really depressed. But thats when I realized that I’ll always have booze. Alcohol never judges, drugs are my friend just like food is yours.”

                                            > I choked down the cake

                                            > “You know about my…Milk urges?”


                                            > “We talk about you plenty during our monthly princess brunches.”

                                            > Cadence grabbed a chair and sat it across from me

                                            > She grabbed a cup and tossed the contents onto the floor then sat on the chair and lowered the cup beneath her teat and squeezed a cup full of milk into it then passed it to me.

                                            > I took a drink and nearly gagged. It was the worst milk I’ve ever tasted

                                            > “My doctor says my blood is fifty percent alcohol, any other pony would be dead! Perks of being a princess!” She sang


                                            > I nodded politely and drank the harsh tasting milk

                                            > She place her hoof on my shoulder

                                            > “I’ll always have you in my corner. All of Equestria could turn on you but you’ll always be my best friend.”

                                            > Blood began dripping from her nose

                                            “Ummm…Cadence.”


                                            > She placed her hoof under her nose and wiped her nostril, leaving a skid mark of blood over her pink fur.

                                            > “Oh! That happens all the time!”

                                            > “And that doesn’t bother you?”

                                            > “Oh no! It just means I need more!”


                                            > She opened a drawer in the coffee table and pulled out a bag of coke and began to sniff it

                                            > “You want some Twilight?”

                                            > “No…I think I’m good.”

                                            > “I’ve got some opium if thats more your style. I also have lots of grass…Mushrooms, painkillers, cough syrup, Amphetamines….Whatever you like!”

                                            > Are you ever sober?

                                            > “I haven’t had a sober day in years. Because when you feel good, you do good…So go out there, eat as much as your royal heart desires! Be the best princess you can be.”


                                            > It sounded crazy but she might be onto something.

                                            > Why am I making myself miserable!

                                            > I scarfed down a couple more slices of cake and licked my lips

                                            > I'm through fighting my urges and feeling bad about myself. From now on I'm gonna eat what I want, how I want, and as much as I want.

                                            > Before we left I ate the entire cake, a tray of brownies and a pie.

                                            > I’ve never felt so fulfilled