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SCP-476: Ziph's Law

By SymphonyAnon
Created: 2025-10-22 17:22:13
Expiry: Never
/kinder/scpkinderquestriakinder

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    >SCP-476: Ziph's Law
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    >Class: Euclid
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    >Harm Potential: Zero to Mind-crumbling(1)
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    >Special Containment Procedures:
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    >While not strictly dangerous, awareness of SCP-476 can lead to unforeseeable (both logically and arcane) consequences, so awareness of SCP-476 should be closely monitored.
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    >Due to Amnestics being ineffective(2) at removing awareness of SCP-476, any and all ponies aware of it must be inducted as part of the Foundation's Lexicomancer or Algebromancer team, under direct command of O-5 01 T.S., or the Foundation's Logistics department.
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    >Reports on events related to SCP-476 must be typewritten with Arial Font size 12 on white paper with black ink(3), as to dissuade curious untrained readers from reading further.
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  10. 10.
    >Description:
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    >SCP-476 is a memetic agent (not to be confused with a memetic hazard) that closely relates to speech and the written word.
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    >SCP-476, also known as Zipf's Law, is an "empirical(5)" law that states that a list sorted decreasingly will have its contents follow the rule: The Nth value will be present around 1/N times.
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    >In laypone's words, if you sort a list decreasingly, the second item in said list will be found half as often as the first, the third object one third as often and so on. Most often exemplified in linguistics, inventory management and algebra (6), as the use of words in a book, the number of bought and used/consumed coloured crayons or answers on a test sheet will follow this law. See Incident Report 1.
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    >While this pattern might not seem that important, clever spellcasters have found ways to predict events with it, see reports 2-3.
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    >Due to its utility in logistical prediction, Foundation Logisticians must be inducted in its use, after passing a "Will not use these powers for evil I Pinkie Promise" test.
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    >Report 1 - Discovery:
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    >Awareness of SCP-476 came into being after inquiry as to Chief of Foundation Research and SCP-063 Anonymous pre-equestrification(4)'s personal effects.
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    >On SCP-112, also known as a "computer", an extensive but not exhaustive database on Human knowledge can be found, labeled as "Offline Wikipedia", catalogued as SCP-113.
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    >SCP-476 was first noticed during a cursory read-through of the knowledge stored in SCP-113 by Special Agent Rainbow dash.
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    >Agent Dash was tasked with using her superlative multitasking prowess to gleam through SCP-113, in order to further the Foundation's awareness of Humanity, after some nondescript amount of time, Special Agent RD discovered the Zipf's Law article.
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    >Not soon after, Special Agent RD demonstrated superequine logistical talents heretofore nonexistent, as she claimed "come on guys it's obvious you need more red crayons!", much to the surprise, and envy of O-5 01 T.S. herself.
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    >Further prying by O-5 01 T.S. eventually revealed an undetected logistic surplus of all crayons except red, despite red crayons being stocked at the same rate than all other crayons(7).
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    >Report 2 - Speech Prediction:
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    >Foundation Logkeeper, Purple Smart (unrelated to O-5 01 T.S, I know I know, it sounds like a bad fake name she'd make but I promise you it's an unrelated pony), was tasked with logging all the events related to SCP-476's discovery, becoming aware of it as well.
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    >Due to Ms. Purple Smart's insistence on using speech to scroll spells, she, in her own words, realized she was writing the sentences spoken a good 2 phrases ahead of time. Arcane and Anomalous inquiry confirms that she was Zipfianically predicting the next sentence, and thus was writing it ahead of time, even ahead of her own awareness.(8)
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    >Report 3 - Data Leak:
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    >During a routine data transfer between centers, a rogue lightning hit and destroyed the Data Containers (read: a Pretty Purple Princess brand document Folder).
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    >Not soon after, Lyra Heartstrings, (at that point) Foundation member and (currently) chief of GOI Horny Agents want Nonny's Dick, or HAND (what a fucking name, man, nice -Anon) started being untraceable by any and ALL tracking spells(9).
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    >After much sacrifice, it was eventually gleamed that Agent Heartstrings found out about SCP-476 and it's effects, after reading the reports written by Purple Smart, and researched the anomaly on her own, discovering that [REDACTED: SEE ADDENDUM].
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    >Researcher Anon has confirmed to have entered a romantic relationship with Agent Heartstrings, though he cannot confirm where she might be at any one point. They definitely held hooves, smooched and "wrestled" if you know what I mean though.
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    >Notes
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    >1. Unrelated to SCP-476 itself, but awareness of it can cause some linguistically inclined ponies to figure out the plot of the drawing book they've been reading ahead of time, causing a Class 3 Tantrum incident.
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    >2. On volunteer testing, SCP-476 awareness resisted Cider-class, Beer-class, Brandy-class, Vodka-class and Ethanol-class amnestics, even when all other memories in the test subject were removed by the amnestic. Memories were backed up and restored after testing concluded.
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    >3. Proven both arcane and mathematically (Bless you, O-5 01 T.S.) to be THE most boring and least attention calling font scheme, contrasted to Comic Sans, used often by the Foundation's Disinformation department, proven to be the most attractive font to ponykind.
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    >4. Meaning before Researcher Anonymous arrived in Equestria by Anomalous means.
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    >5. Not "proven" but occurs often enough to be treated as such. You might wonder why I added this hoofnote, my beloved Anon, yes I know you are reading this, I foresaw it, and only YOU can read it anyway, so... anyways, I cannot edit agency reports anymore, but I can totally edit hoofnotes! I LOVE YOU ANON! CALL ME, YOU CAN ASK BONBON FOR MY NUMBER I NEED YOUR HOT MONKEY DI-
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    >6. The science of language, counting stuff (Fun!) and advanced maths.
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    >7. Turns out red crayons are bucking delicious, how didn't we ever notice we were going through them like a starving pony on a hayfield?
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    >8. The speech to scroll spell accidentally mixed with the Zipfian awareness, and it "sorted" each word as it was said, predicting which one would go next, as to keep the pattern.
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    >9. REDACTED: SEE ADDENDUM
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  46. 46.
    Addendum:
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    THIS ADDENDUM HAS BEEN REDACTED WITH ANTIFRIEND MEMETIC AGENTS, PLEASE INSERT CLEARANCE KEYCODE...
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    >...
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    CONFIRMED.
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    PLEASE ANSWER THE CLEARANCE TEST:
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    WHAT IS PRINCESS LUNA'S FAVOURITE SNACK?
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    >Mooncakes
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    WHY DOES PRINCESS CELESTIA FEAR CHICKENS?
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    >Because they remind her of Cockatrices and she fears being petrified.
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    WHY DOES PRINCESS TWILIGHT FEAR QUESADILLAS?
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    >You don't wanna know, it's icky! But it involves Rainbow Dash.
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    ...
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    ...
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    CONFIRMED, YOU MAY CONTINUE:
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    >According to Anon, the Zipfian law was not really a law back on "Earth", but it seems to be a set in stone honest to Faust law here.
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    >I ain't writing this danged thing in a report form, you'll have to humor me, ok? Turns out Lyra, that little shit, discovered that not only does Zipf's Law predict speech if transcribed. She thought, hey what if I start writing what's happening around me and Zipf that? So she did, and she started predicting things that'd happen around her! She can LITERALLY foresee the future! It's the sole reason we can't catch her or any of the HAND members, they're literally all prophetic, Celestia damn-it.
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    >And since she is aware of the future, she can act to correct it, thus breaking any tracking spells, as they tap into the "future" to gleam the "present", thus telling you where somepony is, based on the future's knowledge of where that pony was (or for you, is). (The Missile knows where it is at all times, it knows this because it knows where it isn't! If only anyone could understand this reference... -Anon)
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    >Research on how to foresee the future like the HAND members can has failed, and Twilight is unsure if we should have a prophetic team, last she tried messing with fate, she caused the very "catastrophe" she warned herself about! But that was arcane, this is anomalous.
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    >I kinda wish I could foresee the future, I can see myself writing on a small notepad about the scratch n sniffs at the bit store, then using the future predicting to find the one where all sniffs smell like cake! I could get rich! Imagine going on vacation to the Bahaymas, buck I could use a break I've been cooped up here for months now.
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    >Yeah yeah Twilight don't be a stick in the butt I ain't using this for evil I did pass the "not using these powers for evil" test.
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    >So uhh yeah, that. Don't go telling nopony now, imagine the chaos (oh discord would love that wouldn't he?) if this thing spreads among the common pony.

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