Bolding's Writefag Guide

—A Bolding Guide

 

Before we even start, let’s get one thing straight: you don’t want to sit here reading my crap because you want to become an awesome writer and expect it to happen over night.

 

That’s bullshit and you know it won’t happen. I’m not here to hold your hand either; you need to get off your ass and figure this out on your own. The only reason I’m writing this is to help make your endeavor a little bit easier, not to write the fucking story for you. This guide is also made under the assumption that you know how to use the English language in its proper form. What I mean by this is that you're able to distinguish the difference between there, their, and they're, how to properly use semi-colons and colons, and how to fucking correctly format dialogue. If you don't, I suggest you use this guide and learn from the ground up.

 

You might give me the usual excuses like, "But English isn't my native language!" or "People don't really care about grammar!" Again: that's bullshit. English isn't my first language and I know it better than most people who have been learning it from the time they were toddlers. Stop making excuses and put some fucking effort into your work. If you can't accept the fact that your grammar is shit and still continue to produce shit-spewed offspring of the Devil himself, please, do us all a favor and stop writing.

 

Another point I’d like to make is that I’m no Shakespeare. Usually, when I write my work, I just bang my head on the keyboard and it somehow results in something people want to read. Quite possibly, it's because of the editing work my proofreader, Navarone, does. You might want to find someone who will do this for you; even if you have great grammar, you're still human and will make mistakes that your eyes won't catch. But enough of that, let’s get to the point of this document.

 

I have broken up this paste so that it is easier to navigate, as opposed to the usual wall o’ text guide you normally see. If you hit the key combination “ctrl + f” (If you’re using a Mac, get a real fucking computer) and copy and paste the little string to the side of the section. It’ll take you to the part you want help on.

 

 

— [P1S1] The Basics and Common Myths

— (TBCM1) The Basics

— (TBCM2) Elements of a Story

— [P1S2] Editing Your Work

— (EYW1) The First Draft

— (EYW2) Editors and Getting Help

— [P1S3] What Makes a Good Story?

— (WMGS1) "What makes a good story?"

— (WMGS2) Action

— (WMGS3) Dialog

— (WMGS4) Internal Monologue

— (WMGS5) Internal Emotion

— (WMGS6) Description

— (WMGS7) Flashback

— (WMGS8) Narrative Summary

— [P1S4] Four Methods to Write Something That Isn't Abysmal

— (FMWS1) The Four Methods of Writing

— (FMWS2) Seat-of-the-Pants

— (FMWS3) Edit-as-you-go

— (FMWS3) Snowflake

— (FMWS4) Outline

— (FMWS5) Choosing a Method

— [P1S5] Getting Ready to Write

— (GRTW1) Finding Comfort

— (GRTW2) Dealing with Distractions and Time

 

 

 

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x~x [P1S1] "The Basics and Common Myths" x~x

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| * (TBCM1)The Basics * |

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So, you're probably asking yourself the one question most newbies ask: "What do I need to do to make my writing better?" If that isn't the case, then what the fuck are doing in this paste? If it is the case, then you'll need a few things:

 

•Research - Like any other topic, you'll need to research your hobby, just like you're doing now. In writing, your best bet on research is reading. I'm not talking about textbooks and websites; I mean a good book or two. Even if you don't read often, I'm sure there's at least one or two books out there that you didn't mind reading as a kid. (Mine were "Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell", "To Kill a Mockingbird", and "Ender's Game") Just take an hour of your time and crack open a book. Go down to the public library, download an ebook; I don't care how you do it, just read a fucking book, you dolt. You'll learn quite a bit, so make sure to take a notebook so you can jot down anything interesting that you might want to use later, like words you could use to describe a scene or ways characters can interact with one another.

 

•Time - You're obviously not going to be writing when you're busy. If you do, you'll get distracted and your work will suffer. So take some time out of your day and sit down to write, even if it's an outline or quick excerpt. Whatever you do, don't take time out of sleep to write. Not only will you wake up tired and aggravated, but you won't have the urge to write throughout the day.

 

•No Distractions - This is a big one. I don't care who you are or where you're from, but if you have your mother/dad/kids/etc. jarring down your throat as you're trying to write, you won't get shit done. This goes for other things, like televisions, music, and the biggest distraction of all: the internet. For God's sake, close the fucking browser and chat programs. These things will keep you constantly looking away from your work. They can wait until you're done! In an effort to stop yourself from turning back to them, try ways of getting away, like unplugging your ethernet cable from the router, setting a parental lock at a certain time of the day, or even taking a netbook/laptop with you outside or in a room with nothing to bother you. You'll notice longer documents more and more.

 

•Practice - Think about it: Did most athletes just wake up one morning and become legends? No. They worked their asses off and kept practicing until they mastered their craft. The same goes for writing, even if you don't want to believe it. As I've said numerous times before: take some time out of a your schedule to sit down and write. When you finish writing something, read it to yourself out loud. Did it sound the way you pictured it in your head? Are your characters interesting and appealing? Does the product you have produced feel right? If you answered "no" to any of those questions, go back and fix what doesn't feel right. There should only be one person proud of their work and that person is you. If you're not happy, your readers sure as hell won't be.

 

"So once I have these down, I can consider myself a good writer, right?"

 

No, you chucklefuck. You'll never be a good writer. That's only an opinion that someone else will 'label' you with, and even then there will be others that disagree. What you did was 'improve'. Remember: there is no such thing as perfection, only improvement. And don't ever let anyone tell you that you "can't write". You can write; maybe not well, but you can easily fix that. There are a few excuses I've seen over my time on the threads of AiE and I find them to be just that: excuses. Here are a few:

 

"I'm not smart enough to write."

 

If you're not smart enough to write, then how the fuck did you make it anywhere in life? Or better yet, how did you come up with that excuse if you aren't smart enough? Writing doesn't require some set IQ or degree to do so. The only thing you need is an idea. If you can produce one, you can write.

 

"I'm not talented enough to write."

 

Talent? To write? Look, if I can produce something that people actually enjoy, then "not having the talent to write" is a horrible excuse. As long as you can type whole words and sentences, you have the 'talent' to write. Unless you're illiterate, which if that's the case, you have no idea what you're looking at right now.

 

"I have nothing to write about."

 

You ever have a heartbreak? Been in a physical/verbal fight? Gone outside? It doesn't have to be long or epic, it just has to be an experience for your reader. As long as you've lived long enough to type or write, you have a story. Even if you've lived a life of seclusion, you have a story.

 

 

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|* (TBCM2) Elements of a Story * |

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What is a story? A miserable pile of Characters, plot, and theme!

 

But in all seriousness, characters, a plot, and a theme are what make up a story. Without any one of these, it's nothing but an induced pile of vomit and shit.

 

"But, Bolding! What are these thr—" How about you hold your fucking horses and let me get to it for fuck's sake?

 

—Characters—

 

These things are intertwined with the plot and usually talk and shit. Characters make up the story and are centered around them. Two things people seem to have trouble with are character building and maintaining their character throughout the story. I've seen so many works where the main character acts like a bad ass throughout the story and then suddenly becomes a pussy without any reason.

 

—Plot—

 

This is what makes a̶ ̶p̶o̶n̶y̶ ̶s̶e̶x̶y̶ story. Without a plot, you have nothing but boring people standing around. It's basically steps put together to reach the end of the story. Remember, we're writing a work of fiction, not your biography. A good plot contains a conflict, a climax, and a resolution. It's just like masturbation. The conflict? You want to get off. The climax? You start jerking it madly. The resolution? You feel satisfaction for committing an unholy act as you splooge all over that picture of worst pone.

 

—Theme—

 

A theme is some kind of idea you're trying to push onto the reader. It varies according to the genre you're writing. In fiction, it's a view on everyday life, whereas in a fable or fairy tale it's about a moral. Let me give you a prime example. Remember the story "The Ugly Duckling"? It was about a baby swan that everyone kept confusing for a duck and he eventually grew up to become a beautiful swan or some gay shit like that. It's kind of stupid, but the theme of the story is to not judge a book by its cover, which is conveyed horribly. Every story has some sort of theme, whether it's good or bad. It could be about some dude that robs everyone blind, only to get caught in the end and have to do serious time in jail. The theme to this is "crime doesn't pay".

 

 

 

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x~x P1S2] "Editing Your Work" x~x

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| * (EYW1) The First Draft * |

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If you decide to write something up and immediately upload it without even so much as rereading it, let alone have someone else look at it, please stop writing. I can't count the amount of times I've seen someone put up a piece of work that has obviously not been looked over. It'll have the standard grammar errors, inconsistencies in the storyline, words that the writer obviously doesn't know the real meaning of; the list goes on and on.

 

Let's take a trip down memory lane (or pretend with me). Imagine your story idea as a blob of Play-doh. It's just that: a blob. You do so much with a blob; fold it, roll it, sculpt it. This is your first draft. Now you mold it into something that pops into your head. In your eyes, it looks good, presentable even. At this point, you show it your mom and dad (people who will support you and agree with whatever you create) and they praise you for it. These are the people you should not be taking your work to to improve. Instead, you should be taking it to your older brother (an editor, or just someone who will read over your story) who will tell you all the flaws and smash the piece you so painstakingly worked to create. You'll cry and feel like he's a jerk, but once you get over your pussyass emotional moment, you'll notice something: he was right. The arm on this alien was much too large compared to the other. His left testicle is too well aligned with his right one. With this in mind, you start your work over and take his suggestions in mind.

 

The point I'm trying to get across is that when someone takes the time to "insult" your work and point out the flaws, they're trying to help you make your work better. This is why an editor, or just someone looking over your work in general, is important.

 

"But Bolding, it's just pony fanfiction. I don't care what other people think."

 

Don't spray that horseshit my way. You took the time to write something up. You took the time to upload it to a place where people would view it. You're looking for some sort of response. Giving me the crockpot crap of, "I write for myself," won't fool me. Yes, you did write it because you enjoy doing so, but you didn't upload it because you love to write, did you? No, you uploaded it to share with others and possibly get some sort of response. Why not make it bearable for others to enjoy your work by taking a few minutes to sit down with someone and go over your work?

 

One method that works rather well is reading the story back to yourself out loud. I'm not saying yell the fucking lines out loud, but whisper it to yourself, making sure to read each word slowly. You'll notice how strange some things sound when you do it.

 

Editing your own work is fulfilling and simple, but sometimes it isn't enough. I can't count the amount of times I've written something really quick, read over it twice, and then look at it later to notice that someone pointed out a simple grammar mistake. This leads us to our next topic: Editors.

 

 

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| * (EYW2) Editors and Getting Help * |

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Editors are extremely underpaid and under-appreciated. If it weren't for people like them, by God, the grammar Nazi in me would go hysterical. Finding a good editor is hard, but well worth the effort. It's always best to give your work to a second person perspective and have them run through it to find the small things the first editor might have overlooked. And remember: not only do editors find grammar/spelling mistakes, they'll most likely tell you when your story is going full retard.

 

"There's no one that will look at my work, though!"

 

Another bullshit excuse. There are PLENTY of people that will look at your work. Groups like the Grammar School and Editor's Group are willing to sit down and take time to help you out. There's even groups on FiMFic that do editing! If you're using the excuse that you can't find a group, then that's all you're doing: making an excuse.

 

In the event that the end of the world has come and you can't find someone to look at your work, there is an alternative. Download a basic Text-to-Speech program and have it read your story back to you. I've personally used them to listen to people's stories while on the bus, and let me tell you, the TtS narrator will make it obvious you fucked up somewhere. If it comes down to event that you have no errors, at the very least you'll get the amusement of Microsoft Sam reading your skeevey clopfics out loud.

 

One thing you should always have in mind when you hand something over to an editor: make his/her job as easy as possible. What do I mean by this? Don't just write something up, not look at it, and leave the editor with all the work. Try to make sure your work is clean, fixed up to the best of your ability, and easy to access. If he/she points out a mistake that you find repeatedly, learn from it. This way they aren't ripping their hair out of their heads when they see your document or end up denying you. If you don't understand why a correction is being made, ask. Your editor would rather explain why you're doing something wrong than have you do it repeatedly. If you did something wrong on purpose, such as add an accent to a character, make sure you alert the editor beforehand so they don't assume you did something wrong and change it.

 

Use a tool like Google Docs to allow your editor to do his job with the least amount of work possible. Not only does gDocs have a word processor that's free, but it also allows your editor to leave comments so they can point something out in the event that you aren't around.

 

Don't ever be afraid to ask people for help. If you hit a wall, sometimes asking for someone's suggestion is the best course of action. You're blocked off because you've hit your end, so getting another perspective will open your eyes to something new.

 

Above all else, if you feel the editor is changing something dramatic and you don't believe it's necessary, remember: it's your story. I'm not saying to tell off your editor for every mistake you make, I'm just saying we don't need any more fucking red/black Alicorn OCs up in this bitch, ya hear?

 

And remember: don't be afraid to throw your editor a bone after helping you out. Look over his/her work when they need it, gift them a game on Steam, give a gift on Paypal; I don't know, just fucking help them out for helping you. How's the old saying go? "You scratch my back, I'll tickle your dick."?

 

 

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x~x [P1S3] "What Makes a Good Story?" x~x

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| * (WMGS1)"What makes a good story?" * |

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A good question to ask. Have you ever read a book and said to yourself, "That was a great book"? If not, then fucking find one, you illiterate piece of shit. As for the people who have, you probably felt the feeling that most have; an emotional tie. You could relate with the characters, you could put yourself in their shoes. That's the thing that makes a good story: emotion.

 

Most people have a favorite genre, there's no doubt about that. But have you ever looked at why? Let me break it down for you, since you're a dense motherfucker.

 

•Romance and Erotica usually deal with love and/or lust. Most people read these to experience something that might never happen to them or won't happen to the normal person. That, and usually because they need something to beat off to.

 

•Suspense, Thrillers, Action-Adventure, and Horror deal with different variations of fear and excitement. They also put a reader through things that he/she wish they could achieve.

 

•Mysteries rowdy up the sense of curiosity, making the reader think more. Most people with a high intelligence level feel right at home with these types of stories, while stupid fucks just get bored.

 

•Historical, Fantasy, and Science Fiction give the reader an experience of being someplace else, whether it be outer-space, medieval Europe, or Hyrule.

 

With these in your arsenal, you'll be able to easily determine what audience you want to appeal to. Remember that the reader is looking for some sort of excitement, whether it be in the pants or in their head. They want to become somebody else for a few hours: to fuck a pony, to take down a dragon, to figure out impossible cases, to acquire that jolt of adrenaline; they expect you to deliver it and the easiest way is with the only seven ways to do it: Action, Dialogue, Internal Monologue, Internal Emotion, Description, Flashback, and Narrative Summary.

 

 

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| * (WMGS2) Action * |

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Action is when you punch through a wall, grab the bad guy by the throat, shove your dick up his rectum, and then use him as a mace, right?

 

Sort of.

 

An action is something that is happening at this very moment. Action is Bolding seductively kissing 8th-Sin. Rainbow Dash kicking Anon in the face. Twilight finding a hair follicle left by the murderer. Action is the key to a story, but you have to get one thing right: The action must be happening 'now'. Something that happened fifteen years ago or six seconds ago is not an action. Something dragging out for an eternity is not an action. Actions happen right then and there. Even if you're writing in past tense, the actions happen instant by instant. Here's an example taken from my story "Cause and Effect":

 

"Following the other stallion’s example, you rush forward with your shield and sword raised. As you approach, you swing your weapon very widely, only to be parried. Holding your grip on the sword, your arm goes gets knocked back as you continue your rush forward, shield still raised. Fatuus freezes up, not knowing what to do as you pummel the hilt into his chest, knocking him over. Bringing your arm forward, you put the point of the weapon to his neck and await Durus’s announcement."

 

This, however, is not an action:

 

You dodge Fatuus's attack and hit him.

 

Who in the fuck would want to read that? That's boring as hell. This brings us to the dreaded phrase, "Show, don't tell." For a while, I didn't understand what that meant. Am I not telling a story? How can I show something? The difference between the two is detailing. If you call up tech support and tell them, "My computer doesn't work," you're not saying shit. The guy is just gonna sit there and tell himself that you're a fucking asshole. Instead, you tell him, "My computer isn't properly booting. I went to turn it on this morning and all it did was play loud, long beeping sounds until I powered it down." This will narrow it down for the tech and have him picture your problem right before him.

 

The best way to "show" is to remember that an action is a sensory. The reader is there to experience the action through smelling, hearing, tasting, or feeling it. Showing everything, however, will slow everything down for the reader and bore the ever living shit out of them. They want to experience the action every once in the while. There's no need to go on about how they walked down to the store just to grab some fucking toothpaste. In a little bit, I'll explain "narrative summary", another part that cover this issue.

 

 

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| * (WMGS3) Dialogue * |

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Unless you're some mute, blind, and deaf fuck, you talk to people. Whether it be through speech, sign language, or text, you're still talking. In a story, this is called dialogue and, somehow, people seem to fuck it up. Some have a tendency to summarize what their characters are saying, rather than actually "quote" them. Example:

 

"I have to take a fat, ogre shit," said Anon.

"Dude, that's nasty!" Rainbow replied, her face showing clear signs of disgust.

"When nature calls, Dash, it ain't supposed to be pretty."

 

That's how dialog should go. Instead, there's summarizations like this:

 

Anon told Dash he had to shit.

 

As Pinkie Pie once said: "Boooring!" No one wants to read a summary. They want to 'hear' the characters speak for themselves, not have the author do it for them. Remember that dialog helps give the reader a tie with the character. The reader can hear each voice and feel it. The only time you should be using a summary of dialog is when we use "narrative summary" which, again, we'll get to later.

 

 

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| * (WMGS4) Internal Monologue * |

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When writing, using internal monologue is useful. It lets the reader know what's on the character's mind without having them say it aloud. I'm not talking about that organ speaking bullshit, I mean the character is making a mental note to him/herself. In a movie, this is cheesy as fuck and most critics will rip on the writers for it, but we're not writing a movie. We're writing a story and it's fine to use internal monologue. You can quote the thoughts exactly, summarize them, or use both. It's entirely up to you. Just remember:

 

•"Maybe if I grab this vine, I can make it to the other side..." ✔

 

•"Hey testicles! You guys alright down there?" X

 

Internal monologue puts the reader in the character's brain. You can't get any closer to the character than that, even if you were face to face with them. But try not to use it so much.

 

(Note: When writing in prose, make sure to italicize internal monologue.)

 

 

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| * (WMGS5) Internal Emotion * |

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Much like its retarded cousin, internal emotion plays just like internal monologue. The character displays his/her emotions much like the monologue and it can be displayed physically or in a summary. Examples of each:

 

•Anon's knuckles turned a blistering white as his hands curled up into fists. Tears began to swell up in his eyes as he bit his lower lip to hold himself back.

 

•"You don't know what it's like to be a beta!" he screamed, a furious tone in his voice.

 

Internal emotion plays a big part in letting the reader understand the situation of a scene and creates a direct link with the character. So, if you want to make the reader feel like the little bitch he is, make your character goes through a tough time and show that it affects him.

 

 

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| * (WMGS6) Description * |

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This is a big one and the reason a lot of stories fall flat. Being descriptive means you have to tap into the readers senses, such as smell, sight, feeling, etc. Descriptions makes a normal pile of shit seem more entertaining. Instead of...

 

A piece of poop lay in the middle of the room.

 

...you could use:

 

A vile stench pressed the inner walls of your nostrils as you entered the room, making you retch. On the floor in front of you lay a revolting pile of shit, covered to the tip in flies and flakes of something you couldn't identify.

 

See the difference? I made a fucking pile of crap sound interesting. Don't be afraid to go crazy with describing something, but use it moderation. You don't need forty thousand words to describe the inside of a room, but don't use a single sentence to describe an ancient tomb. Also, don't be afraid to let your reader use their imagination. Some things don't need to be too in depth, like a living room or how a forest entrance looks.

 

 

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| * (WMGS7) Flashbacks * |

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These sons of bitches right here you have to be careful with. Flashbacks make great tools to look back at a character's past, but be advised: they need to be used carefully. The difference between all the other parts of a story and flashbacks is that it uses all of the other parts. Flashbacks require actions, dialogue, internal monologue, internal emotion, description, and narrative summary.

 

Flashbacks are tricky. You have to some sort of a clue that let's the reader know a flashback is being initiated and when it has ended and returned to present time. Just saying FLASHBACK like a POV (Point of View) change is lazy and ugly, much like the POV signal. Your readers aren't retarded; I'm pretty sure they can figure it out.

 

 

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| * (WMGS8) Narrative Summary * |

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The name should give it away, but since you're too fucking stupid to get it, I'll explain. A narrative summary is exactly that: a summary of some other point that isn't right now. It could be about the future or it could be about the past. It may be happening sort of right now but all dragged out. Narrative summary takes place for the things that you don't need to go into detail about, like a walk down stairs or the usual morning routine. No one wants to read a long description about your character taking a shit unless it has some significant purpose to the plot.

 

Beginners have a tendency of over using the fuck out of narrative summary. (And a few veterans; you know know who the fuck you are.) Make it a rule that instead of using narrative summary, you'll try to focus more on action, dialogue, internal monologue and emotion, and description. Remember this: Don't let anyone tell you that you must always "Show, not tell." It's just plain tedious to go about explaining every fucking second of your character's life.

 

 

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x~x [P1S4] Four Methods to Write Something That Isn't Abysmal x~x

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|* (FMWS1) The Four Methods of Writing * |

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This is a topic most get stuck on and, to be frank, is a fucking stupid thing to get stuck on. Some people don't know 'how' to write, which is dumb. There is no right or wrong way to writing. Your style is just that: yours. When it comes down to, "In what way should I write a story?", I suggest picking one of the four writing methods that's most comfortable to you.

 

•Seat-of-the-Pants

This method is basically just writing down what comes to mind without planning ahead or editing.

 

•Edit-as-you-go

As the name implies, you write down a bit without planning, but stop to edit what you've written down to make it sound/look better.

 

•Snowflake

Since you're so fucking special, you come up with a general plan and write while editing, making sure to apply changes to the plan along the way.

 

•Outline

Remember that shit back in school when the teacher made you make a big bubble chart? No? Your childhood was shit then. For those who did experience it and prefer this method, then your choice is outlining.

 

Some people just need a blank document and can throw up a story in a couple of hours. Some prefer to take the time to plan ahead. Whatever you are, one of the four methods above are probably making you go, "Yeah I'm a [insert your shitty method here]!" But how can you utilize your said method? Well, let me fucking get to it, you impatient fuck.

 

 

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| *(FMWS2) Seat-of-the-Pants * |

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CHOO CHOO MOTHER FUCKER. A runaway train is a perfect metaphor for a SotP writer. You don't give a fuck about how it looks right now; you just want the damn thing on paper. A majority of drunk writers are just SotP writers. For SotP writers, the first draft is exhilarating, but the dread kicks in when it comes to editing. Remember that part where Applejack turning into a hooker seemed like a good idea? Yeah, didn't think so. SotP writers can pound anywhere from two to three thousand words an hour, but again, when it comes to editing, they find their document is puny with a mere nine hundred words. When you use this method, you might want to watch out. You'll often find yourself editing quite a bit. Character might need rethinking, scenes might not seem shiny enough, maybe just the plot in general is complete and utter shit.

 

SotP is a good method for those who think spontaneously: "lelrandum" if you would. Be aware that if you take the chance to write with this method that you will be doing a LOT of rewriting. Most people who write in the SotP method end up rewriting stories constantly. At times, novelists have reported that they ending writing their novels up to fifteen times before getting it right. As a SotP writer, expect to write heavily. It may seem like a little bit of work at first when you drop everything down on paper, but once you finish, you'll resent it almost immediately.

 

Writers that follow this method: Bolding, Vhatug, CYOA

 

 

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| * (FMWS3) Edit-as-you-go * |

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Writers who edit as they go are basically SotP writers, but with a catch. A normal EayG writer's method is to write out a scene without planning it and, before continuing, edit what they have until it seems pretty enough to continue. This is a difficult method to those who aren't accustomed to it. Editing may take five, ten minutes, or can take up to an entire day or week to complete a scene. On the upside, EayG writer's are done once they get to the end of their document; they have no need to go back and edit any scenes because it's already to their specifications. However, you'll often sit there writing a new scene and think back to an older scene, telling yourself you should change it. Stuff like:

 

"Man, I should have had Anon juggle dirty cum rags and feed them to Sweetie Belle back two chapters if I want this scene to work."

 

Luckily, you've probably written a very creative story because you've used this method. By taking the time to nitpick at your story like some OCD induced freak, you've probably found ways to keep yourself from writing into a corner.

 

Writers that follow this method: Wuten, Anonymous Assassin

 

 

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| * (FMWS3) Snowflake * |

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Snowflake writers are like SotP users, but they still want to follow their plans that were set from the very beginning. They like to plan out their characters, main structure, scenes; the list goes on. The catch? They don't work out the details beforehand. When they reach a scene that they have planned out, the SotP inside them kicks in. The bright side to this? Your beginning and ending will be the way you planned it. The bad side? You'll get the idea that your incomplete planning will be enough to get you from beginning to end. Guess what, jackass? It won't.

 

As you go on, your original plan will begin to crack if you're not careful, soon falling apart into a million tiny pieces that you don't want to clean up. I'm not necessarily saying that it'll happen all the time, but there's a high chance of it happening.

 

A tip for Snowflake writers: Check yer shit, yo. Make sure that your plot doesn't drift off from its initial course. Watch your characters: don't introduce a new character and have them take up all the air time from someone who was there since the beginning. Don't let your story get away from its original direction either. Going from a story that tells a lesson about "crime doesn't pay" to "it's only illegal if you get caught" will destroy your story instantaneously.

 

 

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| * (FMWS4) Outline * |

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A majority of Outline writers tend to come off as people who have severe cases of OCD. They have to plan out everything from plot and characters down to details for scenes. These writers tend to be straightforward and hard headed as fuck. Once their path is set, there's no stopping them. A lot of the time, their first draft is also their final draft. All they have to do is plug in the words and the story unfolds before them. This is extremely helpful for people who plan to write out a full length novel. One outline may consist of fifty-some pages and result in a 500-page book right before them.

 

So what's the catch? Outline writing is a double-edged sword. Most writers are either character-oriented or plot-oriented; it's a rare instance when they're both. This results in some major complications that'll end in long nights behind a bottle of hard liquor.

 

Character-oriented writers will find that their plot suffers tremendously, making them seem out of place. Plot-oriented writers end up developing their characters from the ground up, only to realize that they don't really fit in with the story they spent six weeks creating. This usually results in two-dimensional characters, aka a character who makes Applejack seem entertaining.

 

 

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x~x [P1S5] Getting Ready to Write x~x

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I want to ask you some personal questions. Now, we both know I can't hear your answers, but I want you to actually think about this. When you take a shit, do you do so while people are in the room bothering you? Do you have the TV blasting next to you? Do you do it on the bed?

 

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, there's either something seriously wrong with you or you're into some kinky stuff that I want no part of. With that aside, the point I'm trying to get across is that when you're doing something important like taking a massive number two, you don't want to be bothered. The same can be said for writing. And I don't just mean people bothering you: I mean everything.

 

There are three things that factor into writing that most people overlook: comfort, time, and peace. If any of these things are interfered with, chances are you're going to have terrible time writing and most likely won't get any work done.

 

 

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| * (GRTW1) Finding Comfort * |

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Comfort varies from person to person. Some people enjoy sitting at the park while writing. Some might enjoy doing it a dark, secluded basement. Myself? I need a desk and a quiet room. In order to get yourself situated, you have to find an ideal place for writing. An easy way to find this answer is to sit down in different places and see which one gets your creative juices flowing best. It can be in a place you least suspect: your bed, the toilet, underneath that tree down the block where the dogs tend to mate; it could be anywhere.

 

 

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| (GRTW2) Dealing with Distractions |

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Got a little brother who doesn't shut the fuck up? A wife who's cunt always seems to be sideways? Just anyone in general that bothers you while on a computer?

 

Tell them to fuck off.

 

Or find a quiet place. You will not, and I cannot stress this enough, you will NOT be able to write properly with someone down your throat. Do what you have to to get them away as you write: you're going to need it. I don't care if you can sleep even when there's a jackhammer pounding next to your head or if you have the focus of a shaolin monk: you will not be able to focus on a conversation and your work at the same time.

 

This goes for other things as well. Television is a thing people tend to leave on while writing because they need the noise. This is a horrible practice. You'll sit there and start writing, TV blasting. Then something will catch your ear and before you know it, you're watching Dale Gribble bellow, "Pocket sand!" whilst throwing a handful of sand into a man's eyes. Don't try to fool yourself: it happens to everyone.

 

However, the biggest threat to your concentration will be none other than the internet. Yes, I understand that you might need it to look something up, or you need a connection to write in gDocs. That's not what I'm talking about.

 

You don't need messaging applications like Skype on. Whoever needs to message you can wait. If you're their last resort because a bear mauled them to a pile of flesh, then someone should have told the fucker not to touch the god damn bear. My point is, whatever you have open that isn't related to writing, whether it be the AiE thread or Skype, should be closed and out of the way. This goes for vidya and movies as well. Music is okay, but it's borderline for some people. You may or may not be more productive without it. NotOneFuck, one of the writers for AiE, was having difficulty working on his piece "Bump in the Night". Upon telling him to turn everything off and focus only on his chapter, he completed it within an hour.

 

"But Bolding! I don't have the time to write!"

 

Then why are you even considering the option to write open? This sounds more like an excuse rather than a reason. I work a job that has me in 9am to 7pm from Monday to Friday and during the weekend I visit my family and friends. This so called "no time" is crockpot of shit. Even if you take an hour a week to sit down put a hundred words down on a document, you're golden. Do not, however, take an hour out of your sleep schedule to write. Not only will you wake up irritated and exhausted, but any chance that you'll have of writing the next day will be gone.