Little League Thread: League and Anon HQ (Discontinued)


                                            >You are Little League.

                                            >And today is going to be the best day of your life!

                                            >You light up the candles and form a star.

                                            >You read the words from the creepy book you found in the back of a library and wait.

                                            >Now, just gotta be patient-

                                            >SMOKE AND DUST EVERYWHERE!

                                            >Shield your eyes!

                                            >"Oh man, please, PLEASE don't be a rape monster, don't be a rape monster, don't be a rape monssssteeeeerrrrr..."

                                            >Y...you did it!

                                            >You actually did it!!

                                            >Before you was a tall man, wearing a suit and a mask with a question mark on it.

                                            >...Your new guardian.

                                            >He looks around the room.

                                            >Then at you.

                                            >"...Uh... Did... did YOU summon me?"

                                            >You vigorously nod.

                                            >"Well, glad you're no tentacle rape monster. Alright, give me a second, yeah?"

                                            >You nod, barely able to contain your excitement.

                                            >He turns around and brings a watch up to his mouth.

                                            >"This is Anon number Sixty Three to HQ. HQ, do you read?"

                                            >"...Yeah, this is HQ, what's your status, Sixty Three? Another tentacle rape monster?"

                                            >"No, thank Christ."

                                            >He turns to you.

                                            >"I've been summoned in what I believe to be Equestria."

                                            >"Ooh, had an Anon die there recently. Who summoned you?"

                                            >"It's, uh... a small orange filly with light blue hair. Any files on that?"

                                            >You hear some small clacking noises.

                                            >"Yup. Her name is Little League. I'll send you the full report right now."

                                            >"-Details of this universe?"

                                            >Clacking.

                                            >"Hmm... Ah, here it is. In this universe, League here has an abusive mother and problems with bullies at school..."

                                            >"Damn. And I'm guessing I'm here to protect her or some shit?"

                                            >"That'd be correct, Sixty Three."

                                            >"Alrighty, thanks, HQ, Sixty Three out."

                                            >"Roger- oh, and Sixty Three?"

                                            >"Yeah?"

                                            >"Don't eat the goddamned Poison Joke, alright? Don't go into forests, either, or go around feeding birdponi- oh, you don't have them here... Just, don't be fucking stupid, alright?"

                                            >"It's what I don't do best, HQ."

                                            >"Heh, yeah, we'll see. Remember, it's your ass, not mine."

                                            >The voice cuts off.

                                            "What was that about?"


                                            >He turns to you.

                                            >"Oh shit, you heard all of that?"

                                            >You nod.

                                            >"Fuck. Okay, look at me."

                                            >You do so and watch Anon pull out a chrome colored stick.

                                            >He presses a button and a flas-

                                            >You vigorously nod.

                                            >"So, why'd you summon me?"

                                            "I want you to be my guardian, and protect me from the bullies at school!"

                                            >"Ookay, and where are these bullies?"

                                            "Over here!"

                                            >You grab his claw-thingy and bring him out of the forest, now overlooking the school grounds, where other fillies were out playing.

                                            >You spot Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

                                            "Those two! The pink one and the grey one!"

                                            >"Of course. It's always those cunts."

                                            "So you'll help me?"

                                            >"Yeah. Just need to confirm that they are indeed, a bunch of assholes. Policy stuff."

                                            "S-so, what do you want me to do?"

                                            >"Just walk around or sit somewhere. If they come to you, I'll go kill them."

                                            >He pulls a metal thing from his pocket and pulls a part back, making a clicking sound.

                                            >"Sixty Three, you can't kill those fillies, they're main characters. Only if they attack YOU, can you kill them."

                                            >"...Do verbal attacks count?"

                                            >"...Ever heard of 'an eye for an eye'?"

                                            >"Damn it."

                                            >He clicks the thing again and puts it in his pocket.

                                            >"Look over here, League."

                                            >*FLASH*

                                            "S-so, what do you want me to do?"

                                            >"Just go act casually. Don't try to start anything, just let them come to you. If they do, I'll help you out."

                                            >You nod.

                                            >"Just hope HQ perfected this ponification shit..."

                                            >You walk out of the forest and walk out onto the school grounds.

                                            >You don't even get a chance to sit down before they come by.

                                            >"Hmph, look what the LOSER dragged in!"

                                            >"Yeah, what's WITH you, you freak? What were you doing in the forest?"

                                            >Immediately, a green filly with black hair comes by.

                                            >"She was doing your mom."

                                            >Diamond scoffs.

                                            >"And who are YOU, huh? Some weirdo do-"

                                            >"I'm your worst nightmare, cunt."

                                            >She gets taken back.

                                            >"Ex-EXCUSE ME?!"

                                            >"Did I stutter?"

                                            >She huffs.

                                            >"Who do you think you a-"


                                            >"I should be asking YOU that, actually. You see, I'm not some snobby brat mooching off of her abusive rich father and parading a damn tiara around like some fucking drag queen. Just because you think you're powerful and all that, you think you're so tough, when really, I know that you only act this way because of the lack of attention you get from your crazy rich father, all the inadequacies that you believe you have that push him away from ever showing you that he really loves you; and your solution to that? Try to take down other fillies and colts to being just as miserable as you are, just because you want to feel a sense of power somewhere, when inside, your feelings and thoughts are slowly festering in your mind, building up to that one moment in your life when you finally snap like a fucking twig."

                                            >Silence.

                                            >Diamond is silent.

                                            >"Oh, and one more thing-"

                                            >He punches Diamond in the face.

                                            >"NO MERCY, BITCH! Now, look up here-"

                                            >*FLASH*

                                            >Silence.

                                            >"Man, this thing is REALLY useful! Lovin' it."

                                            >Diamond Tiara breaks down crying, then holds a hoof to her mysteriously bruised face.

                                            >"C'mon, let's bounce, League."

                                            >You follow him.

                                            >"Sixty Three, I know she's a cunt, but Jesus Christ that was brutal."

                                            >"Hey, she had it coming for a while. I can think of PLENTY of Anons that bitch has tortured- League look here."

                                            >*FLASH*

                                            >"Wow, you really like using that thing. Maybe you oughta use your watch in more secluded areas?"

                                            >"Really, now? Because it seems to me that YOU'RE the one starting all these conversations- League look."

                                            >*FLASH*

                                            >"Yeah, whatever, Sixty Three."

                                            >"-Seriously?! League look!"

                                            >*FLASH*

                                            >You follow him.

                                            "So, what's your name, exactly?"

                                            >"Name?"

                                            >You nod.

                                            >"Just call me Anon."

                                            >Anon.

                                            >You like that name.

                                            >"So what's next on the list? How's the relationship with mom?"

                                            >You frown.

                                            >You don't like thinking about mom.

                                            "She hates me..."

                                            >"Hates? How bad is it?"

                                            >You reluctantly move the hair from your face.

                                            >"Holy shit, that is DEFINITELY a bruise."


                                            >There's a silence as you both walk.

                                            >"...So, you want me to kick your mom's ass, or what?"

                                            >You quickly shake your head.

                                            >You didn't know WHAT you wanted to do.

                                            >Despite mom being so abusive and mean to you, she was still your mom.

                                            >You wouldn't be able to handle watching her get hurt.

                                            >...

                                            "I just want her to love me..."

                                            >"Then I'll probably be here for a while..."

                                            >You smiled.

                                            >"So where we headed in the meantime? I'm assuming here that your mom wouldn't like another little filly waltzing into her home."

                                            >You thought for a moment.

                                            >He was right.

                                            >And you probably couldn't go back to school for a while after that...

                                            "I guess we could go to Auntie Lyra's..."

                                            >"Auntie? Huh. Lead the way, then."

                                            >You nod and steer to the left.

                                            >You knew the way to her house better than you did your own.

                                            >

                                            >You knock on the door.

                                            >She answers almost immediately.

                                            >"Oh, hey, League- wait, aren't you supposed to be in school?"

                                            "Yea-"

                                            >"-I made one of the girls bullying her cry, so we're laying low for now."

                                            >"Hmm. And you are...?"

                                            >"Ugh... Green Hornet- you know what? No, fuck that name-"

                                            >*FLASH*

                                            >"...My name is... Uh... Lyra Heartstrings."

                                            >You and Auntie look at him.

                                            >He laughs.

                                            >"Worth it-"

                                            >*FLASH*

                                            >"My name is...fucking niggers, this is more difficult than it seems-"

                                            >*FLASH*

                                            >"My name is... Sea Breeze! Nope, that's a fucking Breezie."

                                            >"-Sixty Three, you should probably think of a name soon. Brain damage usually follows frequent mind-wiping."

                                            >"Oh, bite me, HQ."

                                            >*FLASH*

                                            >"Just call me Anon, precious."

                                            >"Anon, huh? Well thank you, Anon. Little League's been telling me about how much trouble those bullies've been giving her. Pretty close to just walking over to that school and beating them up myself, you know?"

                                            >Anon nods.

                                            >"So, wanna come inside?"

                                            >"Dohoho, do I!"

                                            >Anon and you walk into Auntie Lyra's home.

                                            >You get comfortable on the couch and start on the homework you got from school.

                                            >Multiplication, your worst enemy.


                                            >Eighty times eighty?

                                            >...Why is Ms. Cheerilee such a cruel teacher?

                                            >You tap the paper with your hoof.

                                            >Okay, so eighty times ten is eight hundred...-

                                            >"Six thousand four hundred."

                                            "What?"

                                            >You look to your left at Anon, lying over the couch upside down.

                                            >"I can see through your paper down here. Eighty times eighty is six thousand four hundred."

                                            "...How did you figure that out so quickly?"

                                            >"Because I've gone through this crap in college, and I have a calculator."

                                            >Calcu...what?

                                            >You just stare blankly at Anon.

                                            >"You don't know what a calculator is, do you?"

                                            >You shake your head.

                                            >"And let me guess, you don't have TV here, either?"

                                            >You shake your head.

                                            >You've never heard of a... "tee vee" before.

                                            >"No wonder this place is so boring. Any games? Monopoly? Playing cards?"

                                            "Auntie Lyra has some, I think."

                                            >"-I have some what?"

                                            >"Poker cards?"

                                            >You stare at your paper while they talk.

                                            >"Poker cards? You know what poker is?"

                                            >"Well yeah, 'course I do. Pretty bomb at it, too."

                                            >One hundred and twenty times forty...

                                            >"Really now? Wanna play a hoof?"

                                            >"Only if you have cool stuff to lose."

                                            >"Pfft, you're on, kid."

                                            >Anon stands up and walks over to Lyra.

                                            >"Four thousand eight hundred."

                                            >You jot down the final answer with a smile and go to join the two.

                                            >"Hey, Honey Bon, wanna play a hoof?"

                                            >"God, I hate horse puns..."

                                            >"Lyra, I TOLD you not to call me that!"

                                            >"Hey, if the whole town thinks we've got a thing going on, why should we disappoint them?"

                                            >"Hmm, maybe because you use that as an excuse to get free flowers?"

                                            >"Pft, you ain't the boss of me."

                                            >Auntie Bon Bon comes by and looks at you and Anon.

                                            >She sighs.

                                            >"Really, Lyra? Trying to con more fillies out of their own lunch money again? And your own NEICE no less?"

                                            >"Hey hey, this little one here's saying she knows how to play!"

                                            >"Yeah, so did the other fillies at the schoolyard. Are you sure she actually said POKER, and not go-fish this time?"

                                            >"Nah, I'm badass at poker."


                                            >Auntie Lyra and Bon Bon stare at Anon.

                                            >"Uh, I mean, I'm really good at it! I love playing games!"

                                            >...Still staring.

                                            >"Okay, fuck you guys then."

                                            >*FLASH*

                                            >"Yeah, so did the other fillies at the schoolyard. Are you sure she actually said POKER, and not go-fish this time?"

                                            >"Nah, I'm really good at poker."

                                            >"Really now?"

                                            >"No, I'm lying to you."

                                            >"Geez, you sure know how to pick 'em, League."

                                            >"Alright, so we gonna play now, or what?"

                                            >

                                            >"READ 'EM AND WEEP, LOSERS, BAM!"

                                            >"H-HOW?!"

                                            >"LYRA STOP BEING SO BAD AT POKER!"

                                            >"I'M TRYING!"

                                            >"WOOHOO-HOO! SHOOT, I COULD BUY A HOUSE WITH THIS MUCH!"

                                            >"-Please don't-"

                                            >"LYRA I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HELPED LOSE OUR LIFE-SAVINGS TO A FILLY."

                                            >"HEY, YOU LOST, TOO!"

                                            >"THAT'S WHY I SAID 'HELPED'!"

                                            >"Nah, don't sweat it, girls, it's all in good fun, I'll give it back."

                                            >Auntie Lyra levitates Anon over and squeezes him.

                                            >"THANK YOU-THANK YOU- OH CELESTIA-"

                                            >"-Whoa, whoa, save it for the bedroom, sister. At least let me buy you dinner first."

                                            >Auntie Bon Bon laughs.

                                            >Honestly, you still don't understand the game they're playing.

                                            >And they've played for a long time.

                                            >It's already night time.

                                            >...Night...

                                            >Oh no.

                                            >Mom is-

                                            >"WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER?!"

                                            >Everypony goes silent.

                                            >You sink into your chair.

                                            >"Oh great, here's the fun-killer... Lyra, are you-"

                                            >"I got this. Just, uh, go into another room or something. All of you."

                                            >"What? You're just a little filly, you can't-"

                                            >"Would an ordinary filly be able to beat two grown mares out of their life savings in poker?"

                                            >They're silent.

                                            >"Exactly."

                                            >"I just don't want you to get hurt-"

                                            >"Trust me, I know how to take care of myself. Let's just say that I'm a good thing that comes in a small package."

                                            >"...Alright, then..."

                                            >"Hey, if she tries anything, we cuff her! Three witnesses here!"

                                            >Everypony nods in agreement.

                                            >You just wish you could disappear right now.


                                            >Auntie Lyra and Bon Bon take you to a room.

                                            >You just hope that Anon doesn't get hurt.

                                            >...

                                            >Alrighty, let's see what you're dealing with here.

                                            >Abusive mum wants to play?

                                            >Let's play.

                                            >You flip a switch on your watch and instantly grow.

                                            >You struggle finding your balance for a bit.

                                            >You adjust your tie and walk over to the front door.

                                            >Looking through the peephole, you see League's mom.

                                            >She's wobbling like crazy.

                                            >Obviously drunk.

                                            >You can't distinguish her colors with the darkness.

                                            >Alrighty, let's do this.

                                            >You open the door.

                                            "And what brings you to-"

                                            >*CRASH*

                                            >The bitch smashes a bottle to your head.

                                            >"I'VE TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"

                                            >You fall on your ass and hit your head on the damn coffee table behind you.

                                            >You bring the watch up to your hand.

                                            "HQ, I-"

                                            >"WE GOT YOU, SIXTY THREE, HANG ON!"

                                            >In an instant, another Anon shows up, flashes the bitch, then tases her down.

                                            >He turns to you.

                                            >"We got you, man, you're gonna be fine!"

                                            "I- fucking, better be..."

                                            >You knock out.

                                            >...

                                            >You don't know what's going on.

                                            >You heard a crash, then mom yelling then Anon's voice.

                                            >He sounded hurt...

                                            >And scared.

                                            >Then you heard a really fast clicking noise for a second.

                                            >Auntie Lyra and Bon Bon wanted to go out, but was scared, too.

                                            >Things had gotten silent.

                                            >They have been, for a while.

                                            >"Celestia, I'm going out there-"

                                            "Auntie, don't!"

                                            >They both go out.

                                            >You reluctantly follow them.

                                            >"Shit, shit, how's this thing work- okay."

                                            >You peek out and see mom, passed out on the floor.

                                            >Anon is beside her, picking up the pieces of a bottle.

                                            >"She smashed a bottle over my head."

                                            >Auntie Lyra rushes over and picks Anon up.

                                            >"She smashed a damn BOTTLE over your head?!"

                                            >He nods.

                                            >"Guess she thought I was you or something."

                                            >"Wait, then... how are you not hurt?"

                                            >He looks around.

                                            >"Uuh, magic?"


                                            >...

                                            >"How you holding up, Sixty Three?"

                                            >You look at the Anon caring for you.

                                            "It's literally only been a few seconds since I got here. It still fucking hurts."

                                            >You silently watch the monitors, watching everything unfold from your replacement's point of view.

                                            >He's not doing a good job.

                                            >He pretty much just jumped in there blindly.

                                            >Didn't read any reports or anything.

                                            >Fucking retard.

                                            >>"Uuh, magic?"

                                            "Jesus Christ, this guy. Isn't there some way to get back into this shit sooner?"

                                            >The Anon shakes his head.

                                            >"Sorry mate, you know the rules. Head injuries and missions are a big no-no."

                                            "Hah, tell that to Forty Five."

                                            >"Eey, too soon! Besides, he was too far into everything, got too sucked into the world, you know?"

                                            "Yeah, yeah, I get it."

                                            >You stare at the monitor.

                                            >Seeing League's frightened look.

                                            >"You're getting attached to her already, aren't you?"

                                            >You leave your trance.

                                            "What? Hell no!"

                                            >He shakes his head.

                                            >"Don't blame you, honestly. Even guys like you, all about protocol and shit, fall for her after a while. She's too damn cute, making all these Anons go rogue. They're all glad we aren't a mafia force, man. She'd of killed loads of people- one Anon had a heart attack because of her, actually. Remember Seventy Three?"

                                            "What? Seriously?"

                                            >He nods.

                                            >"We were able to save him, luckily though."

                                            >You and the Anon stare at the monitor for a moment.

                                            >"Just wait until she gets that Anon hat."

                                            "What?"

                                            >He continues staring at the live feed.

                                            >"Yup, that's the real killer, there. For some reason, regardless of the universe, she always comes up with this white hat, says 'Anon' on it with a big pink heart in the background. Fucking ADORABLE."

                                            >Your thought wanders as you hold an ice pack to your head.

                                            >"Oh shit, OH SHIT! I NEED EVERY AVAILABLE ANON HERE, NOW!!"

                                            >The Anon beside you turns.

                                            >"WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON?"

                                            >"THERE'S ANOTHER ANON DOWN! GOING THROUGH SHOCK RIGHT NOW- FUCKING TIMBERWOLF ATTACK!"

                                            >"Probably that birdpony guy again."

                                            >"LET'S GO!!"


                                            >You watch as a couple of Anons, including the one that was beside you, run through the room and past you.

                                            >The Anon left his medic bag thing.

                                            >You check the exits to make sure you're alone.

                                            >Digging around a bit, you grab a bottle of aspirin and put it in your pocket.

                                            >After climbing up the steps, you head to the intercom.

                                            >You hold the button down.

                                            "Anon- uhh-"

                                            >Your eyes wander to a clipboard full of time stamps.

                                            >*Anon Eighty Five sent in as replacement.*

                                            "Anon Eighty Five, you're to head back to HQ, Sixty Three's been cleared."

                                            >In the monitors, you see him getting weird looks from the surrounding ponies.

                                            >There's a Royal Guard in the mix.

                                            >"Roger that, HQ. Should I, uh, wipe these ponies?"

                                            >You stay silent for a moment, letting that sink in.

                                            >...What a fucking idiot.

                                            "Yes, Eighty Five, wipe them."

                                            >"Okie dokie."

                                            >Fucking fag.

                                            >You grab a nearby towel to wipe the blood from your head with.

                                            >It's fucking crusty.

                                            "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST OH GOD!"

                                            >"Alrighty, cleared!"

                                            >All while staring at the towel, you flip your watch up and instantly show up back in Lyra's house.

                                            >You make yourself a filly again and flash everyone a second time for good measure.

                                            >There was a Royal Guard, sitting down with a notepad and a pen on the couch.

                                            >Lyra's brushing your mane, and Bon Bon's holding League.

                                            >"So, you say this HAS been a reoccurring thing, correct?"

                                            >Lyra nods.

                                            >"Then how come you haven't reported it before this incident?"

                                            >Lyra glances over at League's mom, lying on the ground.

                                            >"It's, uh, never gotten this... 'heated', so to speak..."

                                            "So League hasn't told you about the beatings at home?"

                                            >Lyra and the guard look at you.

                                            >"E-excuse me?"

                                            "...She never told you? Look at her cheek!"

                                            >You point over to League and feel a sharp pain in your head.

                                            "Nng, fuck!"

                                            >Everyone gasps.

                                            >You sigh.

                                            >*FLASH*

                                            >The flash burns your eyes and deepens the pain.

                                            "Rgh, Christ!"

                                            >The Guard notices it.

                                            >"Everything alright?"

                                            >You shake your head.

                                            "Her mom smashed a bottle over my head!"


                                            >"I thought you weren't hurt?"

                                            "Well, I was always told I had a thick skull."

                                            >You laugh, then wince.

                                            >Cover-up with a joke.

                                            >Perfect.

                                            >"Oh Celestia, your head is bleeding!"

                                            >At the same time Lyra notices this, Bon Bon brushes League's hair away, exposing the huge bruise on her cheek.

                                            >"Oh my!!"

                                            >The guard looks at you, then League.

                                            >His look turns sour, then he closes his notepad.

                                            >"Well, I think I've got enough evidence here to put this mare away for a looong time."

                                            >"No, wait!!"

                                            >League hops up and sits beside her mom.

                                            >"Don't take her away!"

                                            >Everyone, including you, look confused.

                                            >"B-but she HURTS you, League! That's not right!"

                                            >"But she's still my mom! I won't let you take her away!"

                                            >The guard just kind of awkwardly stares between her and Lyra.

                                            >"I think she should be taken away."

                                            >Lyra nods at the guard.

                                            >"THANK you."

                                            >Bon Bon shakes her head.

                                            >"Lyra, this is your SISTER we're talking about, here! You can't just send her off!"

                                            >"Why not? She was obviously expecting me to be at the door when she swung that bottle!"

                                            >"Still! I just, I think if League doesn't want her mom to be taken away, we shouldn't do that. It IS her mother, after all..."

                                            >Everyone in the room looks at you.

                                            >So, League and Bon Bon want her mom to be spared.

                                            >Lyra and the guard want her taken away.

                                            >You don't have enough knowledge in the whole dilemma, but you know enough.

                                            >So, on one hand, she's a drunk bitch that beats Little League and makes her think she hates her.

                                            >But on the other, she's probably gone through something to trigger that, and could probably be fixed.

                                            >Not to mention how horrible having your mom being taken away would feel.

                                            >But living with an abusive one would probably be just as bad, if not worse in the long run.

                                            >The ponies walk over and take their respective sides of the room.

                                            >You're here in the middle.

                                            >Shiiit.

                                            >Whatever you choose here will definitely make a HUGE impact in Little League's life.


                                            >You silently walk to one side of the room.

                                            >Standing beside Lyra and the guard.

                                            >League just stares at you, eyes watering.

                                            >"A-Anon?"

                                            >"Whelp, that's it then, she's going in the slammer."

                                            >The guard walks over and picks League's mom up, then cuffs her.

                                            >League doesn't try fighting it.

                                            >She just stares at you.

                                            >She starts crying, then bolts out of the house.

                                            >"League, wait!!"

                                            >Lyra chases after her.

                                            >Well shit, that went well.

                                            >Bon Bon runs out after Lyra, and the guard leaves the home.

                                            >You're left sitting in the middle of the room.

                                            >"S-Sixty Three? What the fuck are you doing down there, you're supposed to be resting right now!"

                                            "Yeah, well that replacement of mine didn't even know what the fuck was going on, didn't even read the file."

                                            >"Then we would've sent in another one! You're NOT supposed to be down there!"

                                            "Yeah, well if I actually had some lethal injury, I'm sure it'd show, somehow. Besides, Eighty Five wouldn't have been able to deal with the decision I just made very well."

                                            >"That's still not good, Sixty Three. At this rate, we'll HAVE to label you as rogue. You should be glad I'm the only one who knows about this, and that has nothing better to do."

                                            "Nothing better to do than jack off, you mean."

                                            >"What?"

                                            "I saw that fucking towel, man."

                                            >"...Please don't tell anyone."

                                            "Whatever."

                                            >You shut the watch and run after League.

                                            >

                                            >She's in what you can safely assume is her house.

                                            >Or, WAS her house.

                                            >Not sure how the law here works, but you think League's mom is going to be gone for a very long time.

                                            >Maybe even indefinitely.

                                            >Showing up to the front door, you see Lyra and Bon Bon knocking on it.

                                            >"Ugh, she's not answering."

                                            >Lyra's horn flashes.

                                            >She teleports everyone inside.

                                            >They go off looking for her.

                                            >You hear sobbing coming from a nearby room.

                                            >You open it.

                                            >It's a closet.

                                            >League's sitting on the ground, clutching a white hat.

                                            >It doesn't say 'Anon' or have a heart on it, but instead some initials on it.

                                            >'FP'


                                            >You don't recognize them, but you put two and two together.

                                            >She just looks up at you, tears in her eyes.

                                            >"W-why did you do that?"

                                            "Well, I came here to protect you, and I think that was the best choi-"

                                            >"-NO IT WASN'T!!!"

                                            >You jump.

                                            >She sobs even louder.

                                            >"J-just GO AWAY! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! GET OUT!!"

                                            >You back away, and Lyra and Bon Bon fill their place.

                                            >You sit on the couch awkwardly and keep to your own thoughts.

                                            >"Sixty Three, did she say what I think she did?"

                                            >After glancing at the closet for a moment, you sigh.

                                            "Yup. Call it in, HQ..."

                                            >"Sure thing."

                                            >In a flash, you end up back in HQ, human once more.

                                            >You can't wipe the frown from your face.

                                            >"Damn, that's tough, Sixty Three. Haven't had anyone called out like that in a long-ass time."

                                            >You glare.

                                            >"Hey, hey, just saying. It happens to the best of us. But at least now we won't have to keep any secrets."

                                            >The console beside him beeps.

                                            >"Well fuck me, you're already being called somewhere else."

                                            >He looks at a small screen for a moment, jotting things down.

                                            >"Looks like you're being... oh damn."

                                            "What?"

                                            >"You're being summoned by Ms. Cheerilee, for a nice, long companionship."

                                            >Isn't that the school teacher?

                                            >"She apparently wants someone to settle down with, and has been wishing for it enough to warrant an Anon being sent down there. Must be really lonely."

                                            "And how's the universe?"

                                            >"Well, since you're not ACTUALLY being summoned through traditional or satanic methods and shit, I don't have much to go with other than her. You'll have to figure all that out on your own."

                                            >You nod.

                                            >Little League's look keeps popping up in your mind.

                                            >You don't understand why.

                                            "Alright, then, throw me in there."

                                            >He nods.

                                            >"Just make sure you don't go rogue, alright? We won't be able to help you out if you do."

                                            >There's a flash.

                                            >You're lying in the grass.

                                            >You can hear lots of hooves nearby.

                                            >Soon, you're surrounded by fillies and colts.

                                            >One of them is Little League.


                                            >"What is it?"

                                            >"Are you an alien?"

                                            >"It can't speak!"

                                            "Yes, I can."

                                            >The kids scream and run away.

                                            >All the kids except Little League.

                                            >She just stares at you.

                                            >"What are you?"

                                            "...Just call me Anon. Don't worry about what I am."

                                            >"Anon..."

                                            >You nod.

                                            >She smiles.

                                            >"I like that name."

                                            >You watch her for a moment.

                                            >That smile.

                                            >You weren't sure why, but it made you sad.

                                            >Reminded you of the other universe you were just in merely minutes ago.

                                            >So, you failed that one, who cares?

                                            >You've been through plenty of universes, seen plenty of sad shit...

                                            >So why did THIS make you so sad?

                                            >"L-Little League!"

                                            >You look up and see Cheerilee, herding all of the kids into the schoolhouse.

                                            >"Oh, bye, Anon!"

                                            >You wave as she runs into the building.

                                            >Cheerilee closes it and walks up to you.

                                            >She says nothing.

                                            >Well, might as well do your Anon duty and get this over with.

                                            >Not like you can't enjoy it, though.

                                            "Hey, gorgeous."

                                            >She stops and blushes.

                                            >Wow, she IS lonely.

                                            >If ET came to your home and flirted with you, you'd either freak the fuck out, or kill 'em.

                                            >But you're already seeing hearts in her eyes.

                                            >Cartoon physics, man.

                                            >"O-oh, hello..."

                                            >She's twirling her hair like a middle schooler.

                                            >It's extremely cute, you have to admit.

                                            "So, school teacher, huh? How's that working out?"

                                            >You basically just finished teleporting and scaring a bunch of kids- great time for small talk, right?

                                            >"G-good! I-I love fillies and colts!"

                                            >Jesus, you're practically swimming in her spaghetti.

                                            >Your eyes trail over to Little League, standing by a window with the other kids, watching you.


                                            >You pull them away.

                                            >You weren't brought here for her.

                                            >You turn to Cheerilee.

                                            "Alrighty, so let's cut to the chase, here. You're really lonely, right? Looking to settle down?"

                                            >She pauses, then slowly nods.

                                            "Well your prayers have been answered."

                                            >You swoop in and kiss her.

                                            >Huh, not as bad as you thought it'd be.

                                            >She melts into it, and all the kids shield their eyes.

                                            >League's ears fall.

                                            >You break it and snap your fingers.

                                            "Today at seven, pick you up in front of this schoolhouse, restaurant of your choice."

                                            >She quickly nods, grinning.

                                            >Her legs are wobbly.

                                            >And... wet?

                                            >-Wow.

                                            >She's probably as lonely as they come.

                                            >She just stares into your eyes, biting her lip and blushing furiously.

                                            >Yeah, you should probably get another Anon into this.

                                            >Horse stuff isn't exactly your favorite.

                                            >Though, it IS a step up from the countless tentacle rape monsters you've met.

                                            >Fucking horrifying.

                                            "Sooo, shouldn't you, you know, go do some teaching stuff?"

                                            >"After you mount me."

                                            "What?"

                                            >"What? Oh, right, class!"

                                            >She walks away, purposely swishing her tail side to side.

                                            >Goddamn.

                                            >"Wow, that was really forward of you, Sixty Three."

                                            "Sorry, other things on my mind. She doesn't seem to mind, anyways."

                                            >"Seems LIKE it. Says right here that she's already ready to screw you."

                                            "What?"

                                            >"Yup, she is a VERY lonely mare. According to this thing, she's gonna send the kids off earl-"

                                            >All the kids cheer and run out of the building.

                                            >"Yup, that means she's already wanting it."

                                            "Dammit. Any chance you send someone else in? I'm sure lots of Anons've been waiting for this kind of thing."

                                            >"Hmm, let's see... Nope, nobody's available..."

                                            >Shit.

                                            >You obviously didn't think this one through before you took it.

                                            >"Though... maybe... I could fill in for you?"

                                            "Seriously? Isn't that against protocol?"

                                            >Silence.

                                            >"I won't tell if you won't."

                                            >You look in the window and see Cheerilee waving a hoof over.

                                            "Deal, but you gotta do something for ME in return."

                                            >


                                            >You stretch out and sigh.

                                            >You're never gonna get used to this filly body.

                                            >You knock on the door.

                                            >After a short moment, Lyra opens it.

                                            >Her eyes lower and widen at the sight of you.

                                            >"Anon?"

                                            >You simply nod.

                                            >"I-it's been a month, where have you been?"

                                            >A month?

                                            >Damn, it's one of THOSE universes.

                                            >Inconsistent time speeds.

                                            "Around."

                                            >"Around WHERE? You just, disappeared that night with League's mom! She's been worrying about you constantly. She won't even come out of her room..."

                                            "That bad, huh?"

                                            >She nods.

                                            >She worriedly bites her lip and shifts uncomfortably.

                                            >"Now, though I probably shouldn't ask, could... could you talk to League for me? Seeing you would probably cheer her up pretty well."

                                            "Didn't even have to ask."

                                            >You go inside and see Bon Bon making some cinnamon rolls.

                                            "Hey Agent Sweetie Drops."

                                            >She drops the tray and scrunches.

                                            >You wink.

                                            >Lyra, not understanding what just went down, leads you over to a room and nods at it.

                                            >Alrighty, here we go.

                                            >You reach a hoof over and twist the knob.

                                            >It doesn't even move.

                                            >You try both hooves.

                                            >Nope.

                                            >You try biting on it.

                                            >Keep losing your grip every time.

                                            "Fuckin' fing!"

                                            >It opens from the other side.

                                            >"It's not locke-"

                                            >You and League share eye-contact.

                                            >While you're drooling all over her doorknob.

                                            >"A-Anon?"

                                            >Before you can respond, or stop chewing on the doorknob, she tackles you in a hug and knocks you off.

                                            >"I-I'm so sorry, Anon, I'm sorry! I didn't mean anything I said that night! Don't leave me again!"

                                            >She starts crying.

                                            >You weren't expecting this response.

                                            >At all.

                                            >What WERE you expecting?

                                            "Uh, there there, shhh, shhh."

                                            >You awkwardly pat her back.


                                            >"W-why did you leave me, Anon?"

                                            >You stay silent.

                                            >She stops hugging and looks at you.

                                            >"W-why, Anon?"

                                            >The better question is, how are you going to explain that part without mentioning Anon HQ?

                                            >You've never even HEARD of an Anon whistleblower before.

                                            >What would they DO to you?

                                            >Jesus, why did you even come back to this universe?

                                            >Sure, you hate unfinished business, but this might cost you your LIFE, depending on how bad the repercussions for mentioning Anon HQ to a pony could be.

                                            >Then again, it's just a PONY.

                                            >And a filly, for that matter.

                                            >It's not like you're threatening Anon HQ within another tentacle-rape-monster universe.

                                            >League's still crying, getting even worse because of your silence.

                                            >You pull your watch up.

                                            "HQ, this is Sixty Three. HQ, you read?"

                                            >No answer.

                                            "I repeat, HQ, this is Anon Sixty Three, HQ, do you read? Are you jerking off again?"

                                            >Silence.

                                            >Perfect.

                                            >You turn to her.

                                            >Still crying, and now a little confused.

                                            >You were probably just about to make the greatest mistake of your life.

                                            "Alright, do you wanna know why I had to leave?"

                                            >She nods, before crumbling and clutching you again.

                                            >Poor filly.

                                            >You probably ruined her life with your bad choices.

                                            >But you were gonna make it right.

                                            >And you were also going to keep your track record of leaving happy universes behind.

                                            "But let's just keep this between us, alright?"

                                            >She nods.

                                            >Then a thought hit you.

                                            >Since your HQ was in the other universe, and you were in this one, which had an inconsistent universal time to it...

                                            >Well, that meant you were stuck here for a month while HQ screwed Cheerilee.

                                            >Especially since it's horribly against protocol to tamper with other occupied universes...

                                            >Then again, you were just treading ALL over protocol right now.

                                            >Well, regardless, unless another emergency comes up, the room can't be opened up.

                                            >You hope that stupid ass that called the emergency earlier doesn't die or some shit.

                                            >Seriously, what's so deadly about a couple of birdponies?


                                            "Okay. So, I'm..."

                                            >League wipes her face free of tears, watching you in anticipation.

                                            "I'm, I guess what you can call a secret agent."

                                            >"W-what do you mean?"

                                            "Well, I'm-"

                                            >The door bursts open and Bon Bon tackles you.

                                            >"YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD AND I'LL SEND YOU TO CELESTIA MYSELF, YOU TRAITOR!!"

                                            "WHAT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"

                                            "YOU'RE TRYING TO BLOW MY COVER AND DESTROY THE ORGANIZATION! I SEE WHAT YOU REALLY ARE, YOU FILTH!"

                                            >You fumble around and flash her, then League.

                                            >Of course, you sent Bon Bon a little further back.

                                            >League and her blink.

                                            >Bon Bon looks confused.

                                            >"Oh, hi, Anon! Where have you been? We've been worried sick!"

                                            >She puts on a cute smile.

                                            >Jesus Christ, this mare.

                                            >She notices the position she's in and blushes.

                                            >"Uh, um, I d-don't remember being in this position earlier."

                                            >She gets off and awkwardly walks away.

                                            >"I, uh, guess I'll just, be over here. Nice seeing you, Anon..."

                                            >You close the door and lo-

                                            >She broke the lock.

                                            >Of course.

                                            >You peek out into the hallway and watch her walking.

                                            >Hooh, those flanks-

                                            >You snap your mind back and get back to League.

                                            >She looks really confused.

                                            "Okay, just ignore all of that. But anyways..."

                                            >

                                            >Then you finally finished speaking of today.

                                            >Honestly, you had a lot more damn history with HQ than you thought.

                                            >If HQ wasn't such a secretive thing, you could totally go to all the Earth universes and sell loads of autobiographies.

                                            >Though, money was really just used for poker games and vending machines here.

                                            >And to throw at people.

                                            >Very funny during conferences, throwing bits into the crowd and watching who gets hit.

                                            >But even cash in the universes isn't really sought after until Anons go rogue, because they know they aren't going to go back.

                                            >Some Anons even completely wipe their memories of HQ and stay in a universe they see as ideal, should they find one.

                                            >Not really frowned upon, because they can't remember the HQ, and who the hell wouldn't want to be able to CHOOSE their universe?


                                            >"S-so, there are other Little League's out there?"

                                            >You nod.

                                            "The universe I'm in right now-"

                                            >"The one with Ms. Cheerilee?-"

                                            "The one with Ms. Cheerilee, has you there."

                                            >"That's so cool!"

                                            "Well, sometimes."

                                            >She cocks her head a bit.

                                            >"Why?"

                                            >You dwell on the thought a bit.

                                            "Well, there's sometimes where I end up in really bad universes..."

                                            >She stays silent.

                                            "You know, sometimes things are ALREADY horrible, or tense, or downright frustrating..."

                                            "...And other times... they're sad."

                                            >League looks up at you with a knowing look.

                                            "And, I guess it sucks, having to see one pony enjoying their life to the fullest, then moving over and seeing that same pony struggling with their life..."

                                            >You think of Morning Glory.

                                            "You just, you get so used to seeing their smiling face for so long, that the thought of seeing anything else is just..."

                                            >You sigh.

                                            "It's just not a fun feeling, and you, being so small... it hurts the most."

                                            >She pauses, then softly smiles and hugs you, nuzzling your cheek.

                                            >"It's not your fault."

                                            >You slowly nod.

                                            "That's the first thing I was told when I got into Agent duty. Never understood what it meant until I jumped into a sad universe, two hundred and thirty six years into the job."

                                            >"You've lived that long?"

                                            >You nod, then stop.

                                            "Technically, I have. You don't die if you're an agent. In the universes you're needed for life, you'll do your duty and get pulled back out once you're finished, or when the pony who summoned you passes. Should you get hurt before the mission ends, you get pulled back and healed in about a day, and if you die, you are out for about a week."

                                            >She just stares at you.

                                            "The only time someone passes is if they're considered rogue. If an Anon chooses not to go back once a mission is over, or purposely breaks any rules, the one who witnesses it stamps their file and sends it Upstairs. From there, they're no longer part of HQ, and once they die, they die permanently."

                                            >Your own words dawn on you.

                                            >You're a rogue.


                                            >Well, technically, you're good.

                                            >HQ's the only one who knows of you breaking the rules, and HE's breaking them as well.

                                            >You've got a symbiotic thing going on here.

                                            >You don't tell, and neither does he.

                                            >Then right on cue, you hear something through your watch.

                                            >"NUMBER THIRTY NINE IS HAVING A SEIZURE! ALL AVAILABLE ANONS ARE REQUESTED!"

                                            >OH FUCK.

                                            "League, I need you to stay as silent as possible, understood?!"

                                            >She quickly nods.

                                            >You close your eyes and cover your ears.

                                            >If you can't see, they can't.

                                            >"Wow, holy shit, Sixty Three is FUCKING that horse good!"

                                            >"U-unf..."

                                            >"Sweet Jesus, that is one tasty looking horse. Sixty Three, you are one KINKY motherfucker!"

                                            >"How come one of the monitors are out, though?"

                                            >"Hey, and his HQ is out!"

                                            >"Probably jerking off. I fucking would be."

                                            >"EVERY. AVAILABLE. ANON!"

                                            >"Oh shit, right!"

                                            >"Keep fucking that teach, Sixty Three! You doin' great!"

                                            >"Yeah, do some butt stuff!"

                                            >You hear shoes quickly tapping the floor.

                                            >You lie down and continue listening.

                                            >About three minutes later, you hear them returning.

                                            >"Hehey, he's doing butt stuff! Good on ya, Sixty Three!"

                                            >"Is he fucking over her desk?"

                                            >"Heheh, goddamn right he is! Doing a great job at it, too!"

                                            >"Oh man, I gotta record this shit."

                                            >"Grreeat fucking idea! Let's do this!"

                                            >"Hey, what are you guys looking a- that's a horse pussy."

                                            >"Fuck yeah it is! Damn thing looks tight as hell, too!"

                                            >"And he's got us muted?"

                                            >"I think Ms. Cheerilee would be too out of it to understand voices coming from his watch, anyways."

                                            >There's laughing.

                                            >"Guys, what the fuck are you doing standing around in- HOLY SHIT, I'LL GET SOME CHAIRS."

                                            >"Fuck yeah, y'all want some beers, too? Think this'll go on for a while."

                                            >"Duuude, lemme run and get my rag!"

                                            >"'Ey, if you're doing that, do it up in the HQ booth! I think Sixty Three's HQ's jerking in his room already."

                                            >"Glorious."

                                            >You hear some cans being opened.

                                            >Goddamn it, Anons.

                                            >Looks like it's time to play the waiting game.

                                            >-Wait.


                                            >The time difference.

                                            >Although you're hearing everything in regular time, the actual ACTION of all of this is going to take an entire month here.

                                            >And the Anons will see everything normally.

                                            >Won't be until an Anon steps foot in the HQ, will the times syn-

                                            >You start hearing one fapping.

                                            >Oh dear god.

                                            >They're obviously in the booth.

                                            >You can hear it too well.

                                            >You cringe.

                                            >If you mute it, you save yourself of this pain, but you also deprive yourself of knowing when you're in the clear.

                                            >Dear god, why has this happened to YOU?

                                            >"Yo, Eleven! Quit fapping for a bit and find out why one of the monitors are out!"

                                            >"Ugh... Fine!"

                                            >You hear the Anon tapping on things.

                                            >"Says it's open to a universe... How can there be TWO universes up?"

                                            >You hear the Anon picking up the headset.

                                            >You throw your watch under your hind leg and completely cover your ears.

                                            >You can feel the vibrations of the Anon talking to you.

                                            >It's a good thing hooves are sensitive.

                                            >If you can't hear anything, they can't hear anything.

                                            >And luckily HQ's technology isn't good enough to feel what their Agents are.

                                            >That'd be weird.

                                            >You feel a few more strong vibrations, then notice them tone down.

                                            >You move your hooves away.

                                            >"-Some kind of technical thing, probably!"

                                            >"Well shit, that sucks. Cut the first one, then! Extend them on the other two monitors! And put that shit full blast on the speakers!"

                                            >"Yessir, capt'n!"

                                            >You hear a knob clicking, then suddenly you hear the very loud noise of Cheerilee and HQ going at it from your watch.

                                            >"Oh yes, fuck me, Anon! Fuckmefuckmefuckme!!"

                                            >"Ha ha, holy shit, she is LOVING this!"

                                            >You can barely hear the Anon's shouting over how loud HQ and her are.

                                            >It's fucking echoing.

                                            >Any Anon could easily go and report everyone here to Upstairs.

                                            >But it sounds like every available Anon is already in the control room.

                                            >"WHOA WHOA WHY'S THIS SHIT SO FUCKING LOUD- OH MY GOD THIS IS FUCKING GREAT I NEED A CHAIR!"

                                            >"WE GOT YOU COVERED, MATE! COME OVER HERE!"

                                            >"Mmm~"


                                            >"Oh yeeesss~"

                                            >You hear more fapping.

                                            >Fucking Anons.

                                            >If going rogue didn't kill you, you'd of probably done it already.

                                            >Soon, you hear the start of an orgasm.

                                            >You cringe again.

                                            >Then you hear HQ and Cheerilee do the same.

                                            >You cringe into the ninth dimension.

                                            >All you hear is panting, and the cheering of Anons.

                                            >"S-so, ready for another round?"

                                            >"Always."

                                            >"AW SHIT, SIXTY THREE'S A FUCKING ANIMAL!"

                                            >"Actually, he's FUCKING an animal."

                                            >There's laughing.

                                            >You start to hear more moaning.

                                            >YOU FUCKING NIGGER HQ.

                                            >

                                            >Once you started to find yourself falling asleep, you hear HQ finish again.

                                            >Dear god.

                                            >"Aww, damn, I think he's done this time."

                                            >"That, that was great, Cheerilee."

                                            >"That's a yes."

                                            >There's a few groans, and you hear shuffling and cans falling.

                                            >There's the sound of footsteps leaving.

                                            >After waiting for a while, you finally hear all the doors closing and locking.

                                            >You open your eyes.

                                            >League's-

                                            >OH MY GOD.

                                            >She sees you and squirms, instinctively covering herself with her tail.

                                            >"I-I-"

                                            >You flash her of the whole thing, then yourself, to the point of just opening your eyes.

                                            >That was one of the worst experiences ever.

                                            >You're pretty sure it shows.

                                            >"W-what's wrong?"

                                            "I wiped your memory of it. Be glad I did."

                                            >She just slowly nods.

                                            >You hear faint laughing from your watch.

                                            >"HOOH, man, Sixty Three, that was the best few hours of my LIFE."

                                            "I can fucking tell. The entire Agency came by and fucking watched you."

                                            >"W-WHAT?!"

                                            "It's fine, though, they didn't see me here, and they thought I was the one doing that."

                                            >"So you're getting all the credit for me giving them a show? What a bunch of bullshit."

                                            "What's bullshit is having to sit here with my eyes closed, covering my ears for hours while YOU fuck, and some jackass jerks off in your chair!"

                                            >"Some- OH GOD, IT'S ON THE CONSOLE!"

                                            >You just shake your head.

                                            >League is just watching you.

                                            >Your whole month was essentially taken away because an Anon decided to merge the times and jerk off.


                                            >You sigh.

                                            >You were planning on making up for the month you spent away.

                                            >Making League the happiest filly ever before you left her.

                                            >Now it was all for nothing.

                                            >You already had to go.

                                            "I'm... I'm sorry, League. I have to go."

                                            >"Wh-what? Why?"

                                            "Duty calls. I have to go to the other universe..."

                                            >Her eyes trail to the floor.

                                            >She instantly starts tearing up.

                                            >"O-okay, Anon... I, I won't stop you..."

                                            >You both share a hug.


                                            >You don't notice Lyra had opened the door slightly and watched you both.

                                            >She smiles.


                                            >League breaks the hug.

                                            >"A-alright, I'm ready. Goodbye, Anon."

                                            >You wiped the tear from your eye and nodded.

                                            >You flip the switch on your watch.

                                            >League tries for another hug at the exact same moment.

                                            >In a flash, you're back in HQ.

                                            >Then your mind flips on.

                                            >League is hugging you.

                                            >In HQ.

                                            >Anon HQ.


                                            >Meanwhile, Lyra is staring at the spot in the floor you both once were.

                                            >She's speechless.


                                            "L-League?"

                                            >She looks around.

                                            >"Where are we?"

                                            "...HQ."

                                            >Just then, your HQ comes out.

                                            >"So then, you ready to...-"

                                            >He just stares at League.

                                            >"Sixty Three."

                                            "Y-yes?"

                                            >"Little League is in our base."

                                            "Uh..."

                                            >You see him start to slowly move back towards the panic button.

                                            >Oh shit.