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Alicorn Filly Anon as of December 22

By AnonfillyArchived
Created: 2020-12-31 21:54:16
Expiry: Never
slice of lifeanonfillyfillyalicorn

  1. >Day 4562 in Equestria
  2. >The ponies have been fairly kind to me, even though due to some archaic law, I was doomed to be the gangly alien crashing on someone's couch for the rest of the foreseeable future.
  3. >Apparently, legally only ponies were allowed to own land.
  4. >Still, it was nice to have company, and I tried to be helpful wherever I was staying.
  5. >I was in the middle of helping to feed yellowquiet's animals, with her listing off a laundry list of rules about Angel Bunny's food like I hadn't heard it all several times before.
  6. >Not that it would matter either way if anyone followed them or not, the little shit.
  7. >The monologue was interrupted by the door to her cottage slamming open, prompting a terrified squeak from the pegasus and a sudden disappearance.
  8. >The resident eggheaded princess of friendship barged right on in. "Anon! I think I finally found a solution to your residency problem!"
  9. >I paused in looking under the shivering tablecloth with the suspicious length of pink tail peeking from beneath it.
  10. "Twilight, I'm flattered, but like I told Pinkie, I'm not looking to get married at this time."
  11. >She blinked owlishly for a moment before shaking her head. "What? No. I mean, yes, I guess that would technically work (and maybe thought about over a few drinks) but that's not what I came over for! Now, as we know, the whole crux of the problem is that you're not a pony, right? Thanks to your help in researching, I think I might finally have a solution!"
  12. "Now, hold on. Let's not do anything I'll regret--"
  13. >It was no use. Already her horn had flared to life and lanced out with a beam of thaumaturgical power, knocking a birdhouse off the wall via human projectile.
  14. >Passing out seemed like a wise move at the moment.
  15.  
  16. ---
  17.  
  18. >Mumbling in the next room was the first thing that came to my attention, closely tied with a slight headache.
  19. "Uuuuuuugh... my head..."
  20. >That's odd. My voice sounded a little funny.
  21. >The mumbling paused, and I heard the sound of hoofsteps approaching.
  22. >Maybe I could pretend to be asleep still?
  23. >No such luck, as another groan escaped me as the door creaked open.
  24. >"How're you feeling, Anon?" asked an entirely too cheerful voice.
  25. >Forcing myself to sit up, I fixed book horse with as flat a stare as I could.
  26. "You knocked me into a wall."
  27. >Fluttershy peeked in and gave a little gasp, her eyes dilating like only a pony's could.
  28. >I swear, they were twinkling even.
  29. >Before I knew it, I was wrapped up in buttery hooves that were much larger than I remembered.
  30. >Heck, everything was larger than I remembered.
  31. >Since when was I covered in green fuzz?
  32. >Since when did I have hooves?
  33. "WHAT DID YOU DO, PURPLE?"
  34. >My hooves flailed in the grip of the overly affectionate pegasus, along with some limbs I couldn't quite identify yet.
  35. >Again, my voice was much higher than it should be.
  36. >"Aheh... heh heh... Welllll, funny story! Apparently there were a few complications from using myself as a template for the spell, but other than that, everything went exactly as planned!"
  37. >Her wings shuffled sheepishly on her back even as she looked incredibly proud of herself.
  38. >I could feel deep in my gut that my life was about to become hell.
  39. "What. Worked. Twilight. Sparkle?"
  40. >As much venom as I could muster dripped from each word, even as I resigned myself to being cuddled by yellow hush.
  41. >Face full of pride, the princess of friendship dragged a full-size mirror into the room.
  42. >In it, Fluttershy was doting over a little green filly.
  43. >"You're a pony, Anon!"
  44. >My eye twitched. The filly's eye twitched.
  45. "Twilight. Did you turn me into a unicorn filly?"
  46. >More nervous laughter.
  47. >"TECHnically, no. That's part of the complications I mentioned."
  48. "It sure looks like I'm a unicorn, Twilight."
  49. >It was at this time that I felt Fluttershy fiddling with SOMETHING on my back.
  50. >In the mirror, she stretched out a green wing, nibbling and straightening feathers.
  51. "WHAT THE FUCK, TWILIGHT?? HOW DID YOU FUCK UP THIS MUCH?"
  52. >Twi shrank back, and Fluttershy pulled her disappearing act again.
  53. >"It... it was an accident. I thought you would be turned into a stallion! A normal stallion, you know? Not... well... you know."
  54.  
  55.  
  56. >As the pegasus-sized lump in the bedding stopped shivering, Twilight scuffed at the floor.
  57. >"You're not... mad... are you?" she asked, hopeful tone to her voice.
  58. >I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
  59. "... I'm not mad, Twilight."
  60. >I was absolutely livid.
  61. "There was absolutely no way you could have known."
  62. >If she'd thought of things enough, she probably could have guessed.
  63. "Just turn me back, and everything should be just fine."
  64. >The lavender lady of literature winced.
  65. >"Wellll... I'm afraid we already tried when we saw how things turned out."
  66. >More awkward shuffling.
  67. >"The... uh... counterspell I made for it didn't work. At all."
  68. >I must've had an expression of blinding rage cross over my face, as Twilight took a few steps back before returning to her position.
  69. >Deep breaths. In. Out. In.... out. Deep, calming breaths.
  70. "Well... at least it can't get any worse..."
  71. >As if to prove me wrong, trumpets were sounded outside, and insistent knocking began on the door.
  72. >Apparently, this was a surprise to Twilight as well.
  73. >Fumbling and stumbling in my new quadrupedal form, I followed Twilight downstairs just in time for the door to open itself in a golden glow.
  74. >"Dearest Fluttershy! Of all of Twilight's friends I had hoped to join her in alicornhood, I was certain you would be the first-- wait..."
  75. >Princess Celestia, Bringer of the Dawn, She of the Sunny Flanks, Pony Princess Prime, barged in, full of pride and ceremony. It was hastily replaced with confusion, complete with slightly canted head.
  76. >"... Who are you? This is most unexpected."
  77. >Immediate nervous laughter and a terrible job of looking innocent by Twilight.
  78. >She should seriously get some acting lessons or something.
  79. >Obviously, there was only one thing to do.
  80. "Yo, Sunbutt. Blame Twilight."
  81.  
  82. >That did it. With a panicked shuffle of hooves and a pop of displaced air, purple smart vanished.
  83. >There was a few more moments of confusion as Princess Celestia regally strolled in, circling the filly before her.
  84. >I followed her with my gaze for a while before I caught sight of my own flank.
  85. "... What the hell, Twilight? What kind of cutie mark is this?"
  86. >It wasn't quite just a black question mark. The top part of it had a kink in the crook, making it look pretty heart-like.
  87. "Come on... Got turned into a pony, got turned into a GIRL pony, and now this? What kind of girly shit is this for a cutie mark?"
  88. >Realization seemed to dawn on Celestia.
  89. >"... Anonymous?" she asked.
  90. >I raised a hoof as I looked over.
  91. "Speaking. Kinda."
  92. >Confusion hastily gave way to the princess's trademark calm smile, but amusement danced in those magenta eyes.
  93. >"You look... different today."
  94. >A nod as Fluttershy made her appearance at the top of the stairs.
  95. "Yeah... apparently things didn't go as planned. Twi tried to turn me into a pony, but didn't think things through as well as she should. A waggle of her horn later, and BOOM! I'm like this."
  96. >Too much gesticulating, and I flop over with an 'oof'.
  97. >Open amusement spreads on Celestia's face as she sits beside me.
  98. >"Well, it's a nice look for you, I think."
  99. "Speak for yourself. I'm probably gonna be poking holes in shit with this thing and falling over myself for weeks."
  100. >I reached up to prod the horn spiraling out from my head, intensely frowning.
  101. >The whistle of a kettle distracted me from my death stare, and Princess Celestia helped me to my feet... err... hooves... with a glow of her horn.
  102. >"Well, there's no sense in panicking over things right now. Let's have some tea to think things over with."
  103. >She led the way over to the table that Fluttershy was already loading with teacups, a steaming teapot, and a wide assortment of little cakes and cookies.
  104. "... Aren't these the cookies I bought at Sugarcube Corner yesterday?"
  105. >Fluttershy shushed me and gave a smile.
  106. >"Only the best for our guests," the pegasus mumbled before hiding in her mane.
  107. "This shit wouldn't happen if I were allowed to have my own place. ... Hey wait! I should be able to do that shit now! Ha! In yer face, Celestia! Your laws can't stop me now!"
  108. >The princess gave a calm smile. "That is so, Anonymous. Tell me, do you have all of your papers in order?"
  109. >My celebratory dance was cut short.
  110. >"How old do you think she is, Fluttershy?"
  111. "Hey! I'm a dude!"
  112. >Fluttershy looked me over as Celestia poured herself some tea and helped herself to one of my cookies.
  113. >"Um. Maybe... twelve?"
  114. >The princess took a sip and nodded. Setting her teacup down, she turned toward me.
  115. >"Even if you did have your papers, and the required bits, I doubt anypony would sell a home to a filly, even one as absolutely precious as you."
  116. >I could feel my cheeks heat up a bit as I mumbled.
  117. "Y-you too..."
  118. >She took a nibble of the cookie, then waggled it at me in her magic.
  119. >"Now... I know you've been staying with Twilight and her friends for a long time now, but I don't think they would have the time to look after and provide for a growing filly. They're very busy mares."
  120. "H-hey! I'm a grown-ass man! I can take care of myself!"
  121. >She tisked a little and shook her head. "I'm afraid not anymore you're not. You said it yourself. You can barely even walk. Additionally, there are the legal complications of there suddenly being a pony where there once wasn't."
  122. >She swirled her tea in her cup as I grumbled acknowledgement to her logic.
  123. >"I'm sure Twilight will be trying to find a counterspell-"
  124. "Tried. Failed already."
  125. >She cleared her throat at the interruption.
  126. >"Yes. Well. All the more reason for my conclusions. Until you get used to your new form and until we get you documentation that states you exist, you'll be coming to stay with me in Canterlot for a while."
  127. >An ugh of disgust escaped me before I could stop it.
  128. "With all the shitty nobles that have their heads so far up their--"
  129. >"Yes yes. They have their troubles, but I'm sure they'll be much more accommodating to a guest of the crown than to an alien with your particular character."
  130. >I grumbled my assent, and I could tell it was all she could do to keep from clapping her hooves.
  131. >"Oh, this will be so much fun. I haven't had a daughter in centuries!"
  132. "Wait, what?"
  133. >"Nothing! Nothing. Now, come along, Anon! We'll send for your things later. We've got so much to do!"
  134. >With that, I was unceremoniously lifted from my seat and floated alongside the princess of the sun as she practically pranced out the door.
  135. >I was still flailing in her magical field as the royal carriage was pulled into the sky by the guards.
  136.  
  137. >A lengthy flight later, and Celestia's carriage was descending between the spires of Canterlot.
  138. >Just like a bunch of faggoty nobles to want to live in giant penis buildings.
  139. >"Now, Anonymous, make sure you put your best hoof forward. There will be many ponies eager to learn all about you."
  140. "Ugh... Why did I have to get slapped with the princess package with Twilight's spell?"
  141. >Celestia smiled as we descended into the castle grounds.
  142. >"Well, from what I gather, Twilight used herself as a template for the spell. But, even if she used somepony else, alicornhood is a symbol of having attained a level of maturity, wisdom, and skill above that of other ponies."
  143. "... One of the alicorns is still using diapers and can't even talk."
  144. >"Well... she's an exception. The circumstances of her birth are quite unusual."
  145. "As for maturity, you saw me at the gala that one year. I don't think those musicians will ever look at me the same."
  146. >"Part of maturity is knowing when to not be mature, and knowing yourself enough to be able to identify your shortcomings."
  147. >She's wearing that damn smile again.
  148. >"I'm very proud of you, Anon, whichever reason it is that you were granted alicornhood."
  149. >I blew a raspberry in response, then followed sunhorse out of the carriage, slightly taken aback by the lines of guard ponies standing at attention.
  150. "Holy shit."
  151. >"Language, Anonymous. But yes. Perhaps the parade attention was a bit much, but they do so love their ceremony. It's not every day another princess is found. Thank you, everypony!"
  152. >They didn't move.
  153. "Who said anything about being a princess? Ahh, fuck. I need a drink."
  154. >"Well, I'm sure after a few rounds of charm and etiquette classes, you'll do just fine. I'm sure everypony would understand if we waited until you grew up a bit until official coronation."
  155. "Grown-ass man, Celestia."
  156. >"Adorable, little filly, Anon."
  157. >I could feel my teeth grind as she gave a pat atop my head with one of those huge wings of hers.
  158. >She led the way to the dining hall, where there were already maids setting out a meal.
  159. >A few looked surprised for a moment, then looked ever so happy as they looked me over.
  160. >Like a swarm of schoolgirls, they descended on me and proceeded to pamper, prod, cuddle, and fawn over me, resisting my attempts to escape.
  161. "Princess! Halp!"
  162. >Such was not in the plan, though. Celestia had already sat at one of the seats and smiled back over as she poured herself some tea.
  163. >"Best to let them get it out of their systems, my little one," she cheerfully replied, watching the carnage with glee.
  164. >Eventually, they deposited me on a seat and put an overly large slice of cake in front of me before disappearing.
  165. "... I feel so violated..."
  166. >With a shake of my head, I turned my attention to the snack before myself.
  167. >At least castle cake was usually pretty good, as Celestia's south end could attest.
  168. >Not that I had a period of staring at it.
  169. >Not that much.
  170. >NothingAtAll.mp4
  171. >But enough thinking about pony butts. There was cake to be had, before it mysteriously disappeared and the princess in the room would wipe her mouth for 'no reason'.
  172. >Reaching for a fork, I was met with only the clink of hoof on metal, and no mouthful of cake.
  173. >I looked down, confusion washing over me for a moment.
  174. >Oh. Right. Hooves.
  175. >Awkwardly, I tried fiddling with the flatware, to no avail.
  176. >"What's the matter, Anon? Don't you want your cake?"
  177. >A frown in her direction showed she was in mischief mode.
  178. >"Well, if you're not going to eat it..."
  179. >A golden glow surrounded the plate as she began.
  180. >Nope. Nope nope.
  181. >With a reflex that surprised even me, I hastily buried my face into the cake, taking as large a bite as I could.
  182. >Sure, I got icing all over my face, but I showed her I was not to be beaten.
  183. >Cheeks bulging, I glared in her direction and raised my hands... err.. hooves... in victory.
  184. >There was a moment of disappointment across the face of the sun before she returned to amusement.
  185. >"Ohoho... eager, are we? You're supposed to eat it, not wear it, Anon."
  186. >The glow switched over to a napkin.
  187. >"You've gotten it all over. Let me clean you up. Precious as it is, a sticky filly can make a mess of things."
  188. >I tried to fight off the attack of the flying napkin, but apparently a thousand years gives quite a bit of experience with dodging flailing limbs.
  189. >Eventually, I finished my mouthful and sputtered.
  190. "Quit it! I can clean myself off!"
  191. >A titter came from her direction. One last scrub, then she lowered the napkin enough to show my frown.
  192. >With a sigh, I shook my head, then put my chin on the table.
  193. "I can't deal with this shit. What's a guy going to have to do to get a glass of scotch?"
  194. >"Oh, not much. Ask nicely... in about ten years or so."
  195. >Wut.
  196. "Wat."
  197. >"Alcohol isn't good for growing fillies."
  198. "It's not good for adults either, but they drink it just fine! And so did I!"
  199. >Celestia looked lost in thought.
  200. >"Though... you are an alicorn... I guess we'll see if it'll be longer before you're grown up."
  201. >My teeth ached with how hard I was gritting them.
  202. "Sunbutt, so help me, if you try and keep me from my booze, I will brew and distill it myself and not share a drop of it with you, unless it's to literally drop it on you."
  203. >She paused once again.
  204. >"Well, I suppose that's acceptable. After all, there's not any laws about fillies and colts making alcohol. Just selling it or providing it to them."
  205. "...what."
  206. >"How else would somepony earn a brewing cutie mark? It would be a long wait, otherwise."
  207. >I dragged by hooves down my face as I tried to remember old infographics on prison wine and hooch and moonshine.
  208. >Geez, that was ages ago now.
  209.  
  210. "Fine. Fine. I can do this. I'll show you I won't be stopped."
  211. >She giggled a little, and I felt myself floating again as she got it.
  212. >"Yes yes, I'm sure you'll do your best. Now, let's show you to your new room."
  213. "I can walk just fine, you know. ... I wouldn't mind learning how to use this knob on my forehead, though, so I don't have to eat like a fucking animal."
  214. >"All in due time. I'll set you up with some tutors for flying and magic once you get settled, and we can get you enrolled in school after I pull a few strings and get you an identity."
  215. >I crossed my... forehooves. The impact of my displeasure was lessened by being floated upside down and behind her.
  216. "Again, I'm an adult, Celestia. Why the hell would I go through the hell that is school again?"
  217. >She looked back and smiled for a moment before looking ahead once again.
  218. >"Once again, not anymore you're not. Could you imagine the scandal if I allowed a filly to not attend school? The papers would talk about it for weeks. The nobles would come to court just to nag about it."
  219. "Snrrk... nag... because they're ponies... heheh..."
  220. >She rolled her eyes and continued on.
  221. >"You'll just have to bear it. I'm sure if you've been through it once, it will be easy. And if you need any help with assignments, I'll be around to lend a helping hoof. Eee, this is going to be so much fun!"
  222. >She pranced on down the hallway as I floated behind her, slowly tumbling in her magic.
  223. >If she floated you a bit further to the side, maybe I could see behind that billowing, pastel tail and--
  224. >None of that. They are ponies.
  225. >... But so was I at the moment.
  226. >Nope. Nope. Not going there. Ending that line of thought.
  227. >Just in time, too.
  228. >Celestia opens a door and marches on inside.
  229. >"Heeeere we are! Your new room! It used to be Cadance's room when she was younger."
  230. >Wow. That's a lot of pink.
  231. >Pink bedsheets. Pink floor rug. Pink curtains. Pink dresser.
  232. >Pink pink pink.
  233. "... It looks like the little girl toy aisle threw up in here. Did there have to be so many hearts?"
  234. >"Well, it does match her cutie mark. It matches yours too, you know."
  235. "Uuuuuugh. Don't remind me."
  236. >"Well, I'll let you get comfortable. If you need me or anything else, just ask one of the staff and they'll be able to help you. I've got to go get started on things."
  237. >With that, I was unceremoniously dumped on the bed as she pranced out the door.
  238. "THE BED'S TRYING TO EAT ME!"
  239. >I flailed for a moment before managing to get my head back above the level of the rest of the sheets.
  240. >Who needed a bed this soft, anyways?
  241. "All your fault, Twilight."
  242. >Sure, she couldn't hear the accusation, but it made me feel better.
  243.  
  244. >Day 4563 in Equestria
  245. >...I think. I don't know how long I was knocked out when book horse fucked up.
  246. >TL:DR, Now a little filly, and an alicorn. Celestia dragged my green ass back to the castle.
  247. >When Twilight fucks up, she REALLY fucks up.
  248. >At the moment, I was sitting on a balcony, looking down on Canterlot.
  249. >I wondered if hocking a loogie onto a guard was a crime, and if I could even pull it off from this height.
  250. >Before too long, my pondering was interrupted by an audible gurgle from my stomach.
  251. "Holy crap. How the fuck did I get hungry enough for that to happ... oh wait. Seems like it always happens to hungry ponies."
  252. >Getting to my hooves, I stumble my way toward the castle kitchens.
  253. >After a journey in which I only got accosted by overeager staff three times, I found myself right outside the kitchens.
  254. >I considered how to operate the doorknob with hooves, since I had no intention of putting it in my mouth.
  255. >Who knows what the hell could be on it?
  256. >I reached for it, only for it to retreat away from me as the door opened.
  257. >A very large, very blue alicorn paused in exiting the kitchens, a bowl of ice cream floating beside her.
  258. >I stared. As did she.
  259. >"Sisteeeeeer..! Why is there a little filly in the castle, and why is she an alicorn?"
  260. >As Luna called for her sister, I found myself thankful I wasn't at ground zero for all-caps Canter-lock voice.
  261. "Yo. Three pony moon. How ya been?"
  262. >She paused, raising a brow before turning her head toward the ceiling.
  263. >"...and why does she apparently know who I am?"
  264. "I hate to break it to ya, Luna, but you're a princess. I think all of Equestria knows who you are."
  265. >A flat look is turned in my direction.
  266. >"Do not assume, just because you have attained alicornhood that you may address me so informally on our first meeting, young filly."
  267. >I looked around, then beckoned her closer. As she obliged, I put a hoof over her leaned down neck.
  268. "Like I've ever given two shits about that crap. Besides... we've met before, just not like this."
  269. >She frowns, starting to open her mouth to object, only for me to put a hoof over it.
  270. "Shh sh sh shh... Maybe the gala from a couple of years ago will jog your memory. It's a bit foggy, but I think I remember something about the taste of blueberries..."
  271. >She blinks a couple of times before her face starts turning purple.
  272. >"I... I don't... what? H-how..? Who..?"
  273. "Blame Twilight. Got turned into this."
  274. >Her eyes widen even more as I hear the tone of gold-shod hooves approaching.
  275. >"Ahh, there you are. Sister, dear, I've got some wonderful news! Anonymous will be--"
  276. >"YesIfiguredItOutIHAVETOGOBYE!"
  277. >After blurting her response, she took off at a gallop before exploding into a puff of shadows.
  278. >Her ice cream started to fall, only for it too to vanish into shadows.
  279. >The princess of the sun stared in the direction of her sister's hasty departure.
  280. >"Not exactly the way I planned on letting her know, but you can't win them all, I guess."
  281. >She then turned her smile back on me.
  282. >"And what were you two up to?"
  283. "Ehh. Nothin', really. Just crossed paths."
  284. >My stomach chose this moment to let out an even louder rumble.
  285. >"Oho, that was a good one. Let's get you something to eat. Growing fillies need plenty of nutrition."
  286. >Dammit.
  287. "Grown man, Celery!"
  288. >Her hoof poked me right on the nose.
  289. >My entire face felt like it was collapsing in on itself.
  290. >Huh. So that's what it feels like.
  291. >"Not anymore, Anonymous. Since you're not a human anymore, your dietary needs and tastes have likely changed a bit, so what better time than now for an impromptu lesson?"
  292. >Oh fuck.
  293. >I turn to awkwardly run away, only for her to preempt my escape by picking me up with her magic again.
  294. >I cross my arms (...forelegs?) and grump as hard as I can.
  295. "This is fucking bullshit."
  296. >"Language, dearie. And yes, life isn't fair. Now let's get you some food."
  297. >She deposits me on her back and strolls into the kitchen, a head of lettuce already floating toward a bowl as she goes.
  298. >Uuuuugh.
  299. >In an impressive display of magical dexterity, she chops up the lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, and onions all at the same time, while oil and vinegar are shaken into a salad dressing.
  300. >In no time at all, I'm on a stool by a counter, with a bowl of salad in front of me.
  301. "You really don't have to do this, you know."
  302. >"Oh, but it's my pleasure!"
  303. >She speared some of the leaves on a fork, then started floating it toward me.
  304. "I can feed myself, dammit."
  305. >She tisks and shakes her head.
  306. >"Now now, you said it yourself, didn't you? Something about not wanting to eat like an animal? Well, until you learn to use your horn, you'll just have to deal with me feeding you."
  307. "Like hell, I will."
  308. >"Now, don't be like that. It's quite good. Open wide for the pegasus, Anon. It's coming in for a landing. Nyeohttp://www..."
  309. >She makes swooping motions with the fork.
  310. >How degrading.
  311. "That's pretty damn morbid, Celefblblfbfmf."
  312. >She took the opportunity of my open mouth to stuff the forkful of salad in as I was talking.
  313. >"Mmmm, now isn't that good? Yum yum."
  314. >A glare was her reply.
  315. >Though, after a bit of evaluation, it did taste okay.
  316. >With a hmph, I idly chewed, then swallowed.
  317. >She already had another forkful ready and waiting as she smiled expectantly at me.
  318. "You'd better not be getting off on this or something weird."
  319. >With that grumble, I begrudgingly accepted the next bite.
  320. >"Nothing of the sort. Now, good fillies who finish everything get dessert."
  321. >I made a mental note to get her back for this.
  322. >...but I still finished the salad.
  323. >Because hey. Dessert.
  324.  
  325. >Another day in Equestria.
  326. >After fucking up another spell, I found myself to be the latest pony sporting the latest in alicorn fashion.
  327. >Celestia had dragged me off to Canterlot.
  328. >Life in the castle was slowly becoming a bit more tolerable.
  329. >The maids seemed to have gotten over their tendency to assault me with cuddles.
  330. >Mostly.
  331. >Celestia assured me that she was still working to take care of the legal matters that would make me technically exist to the legal system, but she always followed it up with that weird cryptic smile.
  332. >Meh. Probably nothing.
  333. >I was in the middle of trying to figure out a way to use my new hooves to use some flatware when the telltale hum of magic accompanied the door opening.
  334. >A mob of servants and guards descended upon me before I could react.
  335. "Agh! Watch where you put that thing! Ow! Where'd you learn to use a comb? What the fuck is going on??"
  336. >"The princess has ordered us to make you ready and to escort you to the balcony for an announcement to the public."
  337. >Apparently this involved massive levels of brushing.
  338. >Then I saw a makeup kit and dress approaching.
  339. "I'm not havin' any part of that."
  340. >My protests and attempt at escape was thwarted by the many ponies fussing over my mane and tail.
  341. >A flurry of activity later, and I wobbled, head spinning.
  342. "I... I feel so used..."
  343. >"Now now, no fainting. You veel ruin ze dress!"
  344. >Some prissy unicorn held up a mirror.
  345. >My mane glistened.
  346. >My coat shone.
  347. >They somehow made my eyelashes look huge.
  348. >Everything in general had a sparkliness to it.
  349. "I look like a total fag."
  350. >I started trying to remove the dress at least, but a couple of guards grabbed me and started dragging me along before I could get a good start.
  351. >"No time. The announcement will happen shortly."
  352. "What announcement? What the fuck is going on?"
  353. >"Nopony knows. So, just smile and nod, and keep quiet, for Celestia's sake."
  354. >After a winding trip down halls I hadn't been down before, I spotted the royal sisters standing beside a pair of double doors.
  355. >"Ah, and here she is now."
  356. >Celestia smiled a little too wide for my liking.
  357. "What's going on, and why do I look like a total fruit?"
  358. >"Oh, it's wonderful, Anonymous. I've finally finished everything needed. There were a few... complications... but I've managed to find a way to fix your troubles."
  359. "I guess that's good?"
  360. >She continued before I could ask more.
  361. >"All that remains is to make a teensy little announcement. Oh, and if anypony asks, your name is Emerald Dawn."
  362. "Wait, what?"
  363. >Before I could get more detail, she opened the doors and marched out onto a balcony overlooking a crowd of ponies below.
  364. >A veritable wall of cheering hit me as the two stood and waved.
  365. >"Thank you, everypony! I'm so glad you could make it."
  366. >The crowd quieted down, apart from someone that shouted how much they loved the princesses.
  367. >Hah, what a loser.
  368. >"These past few days, our castle has had a most special guest. A remarkable and wonderful filly. She has suffered much hardship in her life and has come through it stronger and wiser."
  369. >Well, that certainly sounded like a load of horse shit.
  370. >"She was drawn to my attention when she accomplished some very impressive deeds, and has only grown on me since she has been here."
  371. >A servant gave me a nudge from behind.
  372. >I gave them a scowl, then started walking out as they made 'shoo shoo' motions.
  373. >"So, without further ado, allow me to introduce you to... Emerald Dawn!"
  374. >I could hear Luna murmur under her breath, "I still think Shaded Clover would've been a better name.."
  375. >They parted a little, revealing a tiny little ramp up to a pedestal.
  376. >Supposing it was for me, I wandered my way on up.
  377. "... Holy crap, that's a lot of ponies..."
  378. >I felt a jab in my back, and reflexively I jerked straighter, wings snapping wide of their own accord.
  379. >Another round of cheering and stomping hooves washed over me.
  380. >Eventually, Celestia rose a hoof to speak again.
  381. >"As I mentioned, this poor, poor filly has suffered such great hardships. Her parents and extended family had a tragic accident at a family reunion, and she had nopony to take care of her."
  382. >Who would believe that?
  383. >"So, in recognition of her accomplishments in becoming an alicorn, and since this poor orphan and I have grown so close..."
  384. >She steps closer and wraps a wing around me, giving me a smile for a moment before continuing.
  385. >"...I hereby announce that I will be adopting Emerald Dawn as my very own daughter!"
  386. >Wat.
  387. "What the f-"
  388. >My objections were drowned out by the cheering.
  389. >I snapped my head in Celestia's direction.
  390. >"Smile, Anon. The crowd is watching," she quietly asided to me.
  391. >A look the other way showed Luna was just as caught off-guard as I was.
  392. >"Sister, you can't be-"
  393. >"OBVIOUSLY," continued sunbutt, "Emerald Dawn is still a bit young to serve as a princess to our great nation, so until the time comes when she is old enough to be coronated and take on her royal mantle and duties, I shall do my best to be a loving mother to her. I may not be a replacement for what she has lost, but I shall strive to do my best!"
  394. >With that, she abruptly pulled me into a rib creaking hug.
  395. >Sounds of the crowd exploded once again.
  396. >With a final wave, our little group was led off the balcony.
  397.  
  398. "What the fuck, Celestia?"
  399. >"Language, dear."
  400. "No, really. What the hell is this?"
  401. >Luna nodded in agreement. "I must admit, sister. I too am puzzled by this."
  402. >"Well, there was quite a bit of red tape around the issue, and the simplest way to cut through it all was to draw up the papers and adopt you myself. If any complications arise, I'll deal with them myself."
  403. "Still pretty messed up, Sunbutt."
  404. >She smiled a little too cheerfully.
  405. >"Now now. Is that any way to speak to your mother? Now, come along, Emerald. There's still much to be done, including presentations, public greetings, newspaper interviews and photographers..."
  406. "Luna! Help!"
  407. >And with that, my entire week was destroyed by being dragged around alongside fusion flanks everywhere she went.
  408.  
  409.  
  410. >Another day in Equestria.
  411. >Tl;dr: Purple fucked up, turned me into a filly alicorn.
  412. >Currently, I am sitting by Celestia's side at a boring ass play.
  413. >How can ponies with a special talent in acting be so fucking dull?
  414. >I tried getting out of it by claiming to need to go to the restroom, but Celestia followed along 'to make sure everything went okay', so I couldn't ditch like I wanted to.
  415. >After a moment of thought, a devilish idea comes to mind.
  416. >Turning toward sunbutt, I cleared my throat.
  417. "Yo. Celestia."
  418. >"Emerald, dear, it's okay to call me Mother. Or Mom. Or maybe even Mommy."
  419. >Yeah, that's another thing. Celestia set up a fake identity for me so I could legally exist, and then promptly adopted me as she did so.
  420. "Yyyeah, not happening. Anyways, this is my last request to ditch this place. From now on, I'm going to start saying penis over and over at gradually louder increments until we get out of here."
  421. >She paused, then sighs.
  422. >"Anonym-- Emerald Dawn, it's not even the second act. I promise you that you'll like it if you just give it a chance."
  423. >Welp. She chose her path.
  424. [i]"Penis."[/i]
  425. >It was just a whisper, but her ears perked slightly. Her eyes dart about briefly.
  426. >"Now now, let's be reasonable. Good fillies don't-"
  427. [b]"Penis."[/b]
  428. >Her eyes darted around again as her smile took on a slightly nervous edge.
  429. >"Emerald, you'll disrupt the play."
  430. >My gaze remained locked on her.
  431. [u][b]"Penis. Penis!"[/b][/u]
  432. >Ponies were starting to steal glances up toward the royal box seats.
  433. >"Young lady, you will not take that tone with-"
  434. [b]"PENIS."[/b]
  435. >A low hiss could be heard as ponies began to whisper.
  436. >Celestia's gaze met mine.
  437. >My eyes narrowed.
  438. >She almost imperceptibly shook her head.
  439. >I answered with a nod.
  440. >More perceptibly she shook her head.
  441. >I drew breath as her eyes widened.
  442.  
  443. >A young couple sat in a booth at Pony Joe's, making goo-goo eyes at each other.
  444. >"No, youuuu order!"
  445. >"But what should I order, sugar-lumpkin?"
  446. >"Ohh, I don't know, hunny bunny."
  447. >"What do you want to eat?"
  448. >"...What do you think I want to eat?"
  449. >At this moment, the windows shook.
  450. >The plates rattled.
  451. >A coffee cup fell off of the wall and crashed to the floor as a wall of sound washed over Canterlot.
  452. [o][u][b]"PENIS!!!"[/b][/u][/o]
  453. >The couple stared at each other for a moment, then promptly became very interested in their own menus, faces beet red.
  454.  
  455. >...and that's how I found myself being floated along as Celestia made a panicked run back to the castle.
  456. >Lights were coming on in windows as we passed.
  457. >Ponies poked their heads out in confusion.
  458. >In moments, we were back in the castle as Celestia slammed the doors closed.
  459. >"Are you happy, Anonymous? You just made a media nightmare in a single night. Do you know what you've done? What do you have to say for yourself?"
  460. >With smug satisfaction, I knew there was but one answer.
  461. >My grin cracked my face in two as I uttered a single word.
  462. "... Penis."
  463. >With a sigh, she shakes her regal head, mane billowing a bit more from the motion.
  464. >"... Go to your room. You're grounded."
  465. >There was a brief pop, and I was surrounded by the pink prison that was my room.
  466. >Totally worth it.
  467.  
  468.  
  469. >Another day in Equestria
  470. >I sit on the balcony of my room, grounded to my opulent, if overly pink and heart covered bedroom.
  471. >If this is supposed to be a punishment, Celestia has a lot to learn about punishment.
  472. >The maids were even still serving, even if they were still a bit cuddly.
  473. >So, I sat on the balcony, sipping chocolate milk and reading newspapers discussing the antics that led to my grounding.
  474. >Apparently Celestia had announced my grounding and at the same time announced taking applications for etiquette tutors.
  475. >Boy, they'll be in for a surprise.
  476. >The fluttering of wings drew my attention upward as the other sister landed.
  477. >"Ah. Anonymous. It is good to see you."
  478. "Luna. Good seeing you as well. Don't let your sister hear you call me that."
  479. >She let out a chuckle, then nodded.
  480. >"She certainly is being enthusiastic about this. Perhaps this would make me 'Auntie Luna'?"
  481. "Ugh. Don't even joke. I'd like to put that off as long as possible."
  482. >She nodded. "Understandable. It does add an awkwardness to things that was not there before."
  483. >I took a long draw from my chocolate milk before nodding in agreement.
  484. >There was a brief moment of silence before Luna fidgeted in place and clearing her throat.
  485. >"On an unrelated note, we have... been thinking on things since our last... major interaction."
  486. >She dragged her hoof in a circle on the balcony as she found great interest in the railing around it.
  487. >"I had been meaning to speak with you for some time. Your circumstances have certainly changed things though."
  488. >Warning bells started going off in my head.
  489. "Uhh..."
  490. >"Though, we have given it much thought these past few days, and we are not [i]completely[/i] unfamiliar with the Sapphic pleasures, so..."
  491. "Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa."
  492. >She paused in the middle of what I could only assume was a confession of some sort to look at me.
  493. "Aren't I like... hundreds of years younger than you? And technically legally underage at the moment?"
  494. >She gave a bashful smile and swayed from side to side.
  495. >"Well... we art somewhat new to this 'underage' concept and this 'age of consent' idea. But we are not averse to waiting, and technically thou art mentally well prepared for such things, if thy actions at the gala are any indication..."
  496. >Oh god.
  497. >Jesus, Buddha, Satan, Tirek, Faust, Celestia, anyone who was listening... please tell me that she wasn't saying what I thought she was.
  498. >She gave a bashful smile and went back to her admiration of the tile work of the balcony, scuffing her hoof as her cheeks gained a bit of red.
  499. "Nope."
  500. >"... what?"
  501. "NOPE. Nope nope nope nope nope."
  502. >I galloped off with a skill I didn't know I had.
  503. >She called out to me, hoof likely outstretched after me.
  504. >"We shall see thee around the castle, Anonymous! Prithee, give it some thought?"
  505. >Fuck.
  506. >At least the guards outside my room didn't keep me from escaping.
  507.  
  508.  
  509. >Another day in Equestria
  510. >I sat in the library, coloring in a coloring book I was provided by a maid.
  511. >Apparently, ponies add just a bit of flavor to the crayons for those that have to use their mouth.
  512. >I anticipate there would be a larger amount of crayon-eaters in kindergarten as a result.
  513. >It's not the most elegant way to learn how to manipulate things with my mouth, but it's what'll be needed.
  514. >Suddenly, the door squeaked open. Well, perhaps not 'suddenly', as the squeak took a couple of seconds due to the incoming pony trying and failing to be quiet.
  515. >A guard looked around for a moment, then made a line directly to my table and cleared his throat.
  516. >"Emerald Dawn, your presence is requested. Please, follow me."
  517. >I looked up at him for a few moments, resisting the urge to correct him.
  518. >Fucking Celestia and her adoption bullshit.
  519. >Though, that didn't mean I couldn't fuck with him a little.
  520. >Calmly, I set down the brown crayon and smiled up at the guard, folding my hooves and fluttering my now undoubtedly freakishly large eyes.
  521. "Hoofjobs are a hundred bits, mouth is five hundred, putting it inside is a thousand."
  522. >Another flutter of my eyelashes as the guard's face turned into a tomato red, even as he kept up the stoic expression.
  523. >"Ahem. Your... your MOTHER requests your presence," he eventually clarified.
  524. >I tilted my head, tapping my chin.
  525. "Gee, that's kinda kinky. I'll probably need to tack on another thousand at least..."
  526. >He balks for a moment. "N-no, she wishes to speak with you."
  527. >With a nod, I stand up.
  528. "Ahh, that's completely different. Lead the way."
  529. >I looked over my shoulder as I paused, giving a shit-eating grin.
  530. "Just messing with ya. Off we go."
  531. >With a grumble, the guard leads the way, looking a bit stiffer in his gait than usual.
  532. >Eventually, I was led into the study of the princess of the sun.
  533. >"Ahh, there you are. Thank you, sir. I trust Emerald wasn't any trouble? I know she can be a hoof full at times."
  534. >I gave the guard another grin.
  535. >"Nothing I couldn't deal with, Princess."
  536. >As Celestia nodded, I bobbed a hoof in front of my open mouth, poking my cheek out with my tongue.
  537. >He made a hasty exit when Celestia dismissed him, and I was back to a stoic expression by the time she turned back to me.
  538. "So what's up, Sunbutt?"
  539. >There was a moment of not-quite-a-sigh before she perked right back up.
  540. >"Well, as you know, I've been looking for tutors to get you back up to speed with your new life."
  541. "I feel sorry for whatever sap gets that job."
  542. >"Oh, I assure you she is a very capable pony. She has experience with teaching young ponies, and has a stellar educational background."
  543. >I let out an uuuugh.
  544. "She sounds like a total nerd."
  545. >Her smile widens a hair for a moment at that.
  546. >"Be that as it may, she is also somepony I can expect to keep secrecy if you were to let slip about your actual predicament. After all, she was in a similar situation not too long ago."
  547. "...wait a minute..."
  548. >Before I could say anything else, she bid the mystery pony to enter, though it wasn't much of a mystery.
  549. >My suspicions were confirmed as they entered.
  550. >They were purple.
  551. >They were cheerful.
  552. >They sported a pair of wings and a horn.
  553. >"Hello again, Anon!"
  554. "You! You're the entire reason I'm in this mess, purplesmart!"
  555. >She stepped back for a moment in shock before continuing over to wrap me in yet another unwanted hug.
  556. >"Yes, and I'm terribly sorry about that. The very least I can do is to do everything I can to help you adjust to your new life."
  557. "Don't you have a fucking school to run?"
  558. >She wags a brief hoof.
  559. >"The others can handle things there for a while, and I can be back there in moments if they needed me personally."
  560. >She stroked a hoof on my mane, no matter how hard I glowered at her.
  561. >"It's more important for me to be here, helping you to get the basics until other tutors can be hired."
  562. >[p]"Gee, that's really swell of you, Twilight!"[/p]
  563. >Everypony froze.
  564. >I became aware of another pair of hooves around me.
  565. >"Pinkie! How'd you get here?" demanded book horse.
  566. >[p]"My Pinkie sense told me I'd meet a friend who'd gone through a BIG change if I followed you, so I hid inside your luggage and WOW it wasn't kidding!"[/p]
  567. >I found myself wrested from Twilight's grasp into a Pinkie Pie cuddle.
  568. >It felt like my bones were creaking.
  569. >[p]"Who would've thought that this was where you went, Anon? Or is it Emerald Dawn? Or is it Anon? Or is it--Emfrlfmfl"[/p]
  570. >Twilight seemed to have picked up Applejack's hoof-in-mouth technique at some point.
  571. >"You CAN'T let anypony know about that, Pinkie. If everypony knew Celestia's new daughter-"
  572. "Not her daughter," I interrupted.
  573. >There was a brief flat look before Twilight continued.
  574. >"If everypony knew Celestia's new daughter was Anonymous, who knows what they would do to her? Remember that incident at the Gala and what happened with BlueBlood?"
  575. >Pinkie bobbled her head in the affirmative before extracting Twilight's hoof.
  576. >[p]"Okie dokie loki! My lips are sealed. Hi, Princess! I didn't know you and Emeraldonymous were so close!"[/p]
  577. >Celestia seemed to be taking it all in stride.
  578. >"Hello, Pinkie. It's good to see you again. And while I like to think Anonymous and I are close, it's partly a legal loophole. I'm sure we will get closer regardless, and I hope to be a fine mother to Emerald Dawn."
  579. "I'm still a grown-ass man, pastry-pillager."
  580. >"Still an adorable little filly, Anon. Isn't she adorable, Pinkie?"
  581. >Half the air in the room must have been taken in at Pinkie's gasp.
  582. >[p]"Isn't she ever??"[/p] she began before descending into a 60 car pileup of words while violently waggling me about in her enthusiastic hug.
  583. >I would have sworn my revenge on Celestia, if I could breathe.
  584. >She just kept on smiling at the scene, Twilight moving to sit by her side to keep from being hit by Pinkie's affection.
  585. >I'll have to get them back another day.
  586. >After I've healed from earth pony cuddles.
  587.  
  588.  
  589.  
  590. >Day Intrigue in Equestria
  591. >Two ponies sit in a dimly lit room.
  592. >"I tell you, it's absolutely horrible! With Auntie having a daughter, I'm even farther from the throne if anything should happen! It's not fair."
  593. >"Yes, sir."
  594. >"Well, I'm not going to just sit by and let it happen. Do you have that thing I told you to get?"]
  595. >The other pony held up a bottle, its contents glowing faintly in the dim light.
  596. >"Excellent. Excellent. With this my plan shall be flawless!"
  597.  
  598. ---
  599.  
  600. "Uuuuuuuuugh. So boooooooored."
  601. >I planted my face against the desk I was seated at.
  602. >"Well, maybe you should've thought of that before embarrassing the princess in front of everypony at that play.
  603. "It was her or me, Twilight, and I refuse to be defeated in a contest of wills."
  604. >Twilight shook her head.
  605. >"Well, I guess you'll just have to live with the consequences.
  606. >She turned back to the chalkboard behind her.
  607. "C'mon, Twiggles. We've been at this for hours. Can't we take a break?"
  608. >"It's been thirty two minutes and fifty two seconds, Anon."
  609. >I grinned and lifted my head.
  610. "Haah. You used my real name."
  611. >She rolls her eyes.
  612. >"Now then, as I was saying, [i]Emerald[/i], the thaumis olfactorium bulb is what allows unicorns and alicorns to perceive the flow of magic around them and manipulate it to their will. Its true purpose was discovered in the Celestial Era 221 by Luminous Litany..."
  613. "UUUUUGH. I don't see how this will help me use this forehead phallus."
  614. >"Would you stop calling it that?"
  615. "Not as long as it keeps upsetting you."
  616. >The door burst open, and in walked a piece of trash.
  617. >"Really, Twilight, the youth of today need a break every so often."
  618. >I could see her suppress a grimace.
  619. >"Hello, Blueblood. To what do we owe the pleasure?"
  620. >If there were any more sarcasm in her voice, I probably could have bottled it.
  621. >"Do I really need a reason to get to know my new cousin? Auntie has been so busy that we haven't had much time to interact."
  622. >A likely reason. Memories of force feeding a jerk pony random snacks off of a table at a fancy party came to mind, but nothing concrete.
  623. "I dunno. I heard you were kinda a douche."
  624. >"...As much as I would like to ask what that is, I come bearing refreshments. I know Twilight can get carried away with projects that Auntie has given her, so have a drink."
  625. >He set down some 'McHayBurger' cup on my desk.
  626. >"I'd have gotten something myself, but I think my lips would burn from such common fare."
  627. >"McHayBurger is a perfectly respectable establishment with affordable prices."
  628. >"Yes, I see that commoner tastes don't vanish when given wings."
  629. "I think some of them know her order when she walks in the door."
  630. >Twilight gives me such a stink-eye as I give an inquisitive sniff at the drink.
  631. "So what's in it?"
  632. >I'm already taking a drink as he talks.
  633. >"Oh, it's just some mixed drink. I'm not familiar with such peasant trash."
  634. >Eyerolls abound.
  635. >I start to say something, but get interrupted by a hiccup before anything meaningful got out.
  636. >A fucking heart seemed to float out.
  637. "I... kinda feel funny..."
  638. >The world felt a bit fuzzy and indistinct.
  639. >What was I doing again?
  640. >There was this... amazing stallion standing right in front of me.
  641. >"An-- Emerald, are you alright?"
  642. >Oh, I guess there was some inconsequential mare there too.
  643. >In a voice sounding like the heavens, the unicorn spoke.
  644. >"Yes, do you like it?"
  645. >Wide eyed, I stared for longer than I should have.
  646. "I... I love you..."
  647. >That was pretty gay.
  648. >His melodious laughter filled the room.
  649. >"Oh, I'm flattered. Perhaps we can spend more time together."
  650. >The purple one looked pretty suspicious.
  651. >She must be jealous.
  652. "... I'll pee in your mouth."
  653. >Hell yeah.
  654. >That'll totally get him going.
  655. >Look at how he's recoiling.
  656. >"Ugh! That's disgusting! Excuse me?"
  657. >I leapt from my seat, sending it flying and spilling all its contents on the floor.
  658. "I can pee in your mouth, and then I can hold you down and stuff a pencil down-"
  659. >I felt my mouth zip closed, but the unicorn was already in my clutches.
  660. >Where my hooves were going, there was no need for words.
  661. >"What was in that drink, Blueblood?!"
  662. >He stammered as he started trying to push me away.
  663. >Aw, Shnookie-boo is playing hard to get.
  664. >"I-it was just a drink from-"
  665. >"Horseapples. McHayburger doesn't serve any bright pink drinks, and certainly not something that'd do this."
  666. >Aw shit. Somepony so jealous.
  667. >"J-just some sort of mixed drink! A bit of cloud, some rainbow glow and such. Get her off of me! Her hooves are getting too close to--OH CELESTIA!"
  668. >Jackpot.
  669. >Wait... why is he running?
  670. >I think I'll catch him.
  671.  
  672. ---
  673.  
  674. >The castle was interesting that day.
  675. >Blueblood ran screaming through the halls and rooms, flinging doors closed behind him as he ran.
  676. >Guards grew on alert at the situation, just in case, moments before the doors exploded off their hinges as a little green filly burst through them, hearts in her eyes.
  677. "Get back here, sweet cheeks! I wanna stuff my hoof so far up your boipussy that you'll cum like a firehose!"
  678. >This only prompted another high pitched scream from Blueblood and more running.
  679. >The guards looked at each other and decided this way a bit over their pay grade.
  680. >Plus, Princess Twilight seemed to already be giving chase and screaming something about bodily harm to Blueblood and love poisons.
  681. >Yep. Just another day guarding the door.
  682. >Calmly, they floated the doors up and propped them mostly back into place and pretended they didn't see anything.
  683. >Princess Twilight would fix the problem.
  684. >...and anything that would traumatize Blueblood a little couldn't be entirely bad, right?
  685. >Just another day in the castle.
  686.  
  687.  
  688.  
  689.  
  690. >Day booze in Equestria
  691. >The interesting thing about brewing something on the sly is finding somewhere to keep it.
  692. >Not just keep it, but keep someone from finding it.
  693. >"So, I understand the maid staff found another bucket of grape juice that had gone bad in your closet."
  694. >Celestia sips at her tea, amusement in her eyes.
  695. "Oh come on! I even clearly labelled this one not to be touched!"
  696. >My hooves crossed as I frowned at the salad in front of me.
  697. >Fucking salad didn't even have any eggs. Or cheese. Or bacon.
  698. >It's like these ponies just don't know what a good salad is like.
  699. >I felt something soft pat atop my head.
  700. >Sliding my gaze over, I saw Celestia giving a tender smile as she patted with her wing, even if there was an undertone of amusement to it.
  701. >"There there, my dearest little pony. I'm sure you'll find a way eventually."
  702. >I gave Celestia a flat look.
  703. "And yet, I doubt you'll do anything to actually prevent the maids from throwing my efforts out."
  704. >"Consider it practice for eventual political talks, Emerald. Getting away with things in treaties without getting caught is a useful skill."
  705. >My eyes narrowed.
  706. "It's Anonymous."
  707. >I felt myself magicked over and wrapped up in the princess's hooves.
  708. >"Not anymore, my Emerald Dawn. The human known as Anonymous disappeared as mysteriously as he arrived. Truly he will be missed."
  709. "That's kinda fucked up, Sunbutt."
  710. >I felt a weight atop my head, accompanied with a melodious giggle.
  711. >The rest of lunch was filled with me being fed and cuddled, much to my frustration and objections.
  712. >And so, my mind settled to planning.
  713.  
  714. >It had been two days.
  715. >The shadows grew longer as Celestia lowered the sun.
  716. >Outside one of the windows of the castle, a small bottle was lowered down on some string, then secured to one of the supports of the railing on the balcony.
  717. >I was somewhat proud of having tied the knots using only my mouth and a pair of hooves.
  718. "They'll never find it out there!"
  719. >With a nod, I turned to make my escape.
  720. >My daring escape of less than 20 feet, back into the pink hell of my room.
  721. >God I wish they'd let me change the decor.
  722. >Mission accomplished, I flopped onto the bed.
  723. >Apparently, just in the nick of time, as the telltale twinkling sound of magic preceded the door opening.
  724. >Celestia just strolled right on in like she owned the place.
  725. >Well, I guess technically she did.
  726. >"Good evening, Emerald! Already getting ready for bed, I see."
  727. "Geez, you solar spastic. Haven't you ever heard of knocking?"
  728. >A melodious laugh was my only reply as she made her way to my bedside.
  729. >"I finished my duties for the day, and decided to see what you were up to. Perhaps a nice bedtime story would help you get to sleep?"
  730. >She looked so happy as she popped two books that, judging by the covers, were well below my reading level.
  731. >I affixed her with a flat stare, yet her cheerful smile persisted.
  732. "If I wanted a bedtime story, I'd read it myself. and I seriously doubt those would keep my interest. Why don't you go pester Twilight about it? She seems like she would enjoy that kind of thing."
  733. >"You would think so, but we stopped such things after she wrote a twenty page report pointing out the flaws in The Pony and the Pauper."
  734. >The happiness dimmed for a moment around the princess, books dipping slightly lower in her magic.
  735. >
  736. >Shit.
  737. >With a long sigh and kicking myself a bit, I sat up a little.
  738. "Look. This is a bit short notice is all."
  739. >I heard some kind of thump in the direction of the balcony, but I was on a roll.
  740. "Maybe, I dunno we could set up some time for something like this later. With better reading material, maybe? They're a bit below my age range."
  741. >Fucking sap.
  742. >The princess smiled a bit, nodding lightly.
  743. >She took a breath, then looked slightly puzzled as the thumping took on a more frantic pace.
  744. >"What in Equestria is going on out there?"
  745. "Fuck if I know."
  746. >Celestia's chiding on my language was drowned out by a high pitched "EEEEEE! EEEEEE!" amidst the struggling.
  747. >Just as puzzled, I climbed out of bed and walked toward the door alongside the princess.
  748. >As she opened the doors, it revealed a dark grey pony with leathery wings and dark blue armor.
  749. >It was currently tangled up in impressively strong string against the railing and smelled heavily of fruit and a bit of yeast.
  750. "GOD DAMN IT!"
  751. >I had been so certain.
  752. >But I hadn't factored in the fucking stupidity of some ponies in my plans.
  753. >The bat pony paused in its struggles before Celestia helped free him so he could rush back to his guard post.
  754. >She gave a sympathetic pat on my head with a wing before turning to leave.
  755. >"Better luck next time. Goodnight, Anonymous. Pleasant dreams."
  756.  
  757.  
  758.  
  759. >Dawn in--No, wait.
  760. >Morning in Equestria.
  761. >Because I won't give plasma posterior the satisfaction.
  762. >At the sound of the birds starting their godawful racket, I executed a flawless retreat beneath the covers of my bed, pillow going over my head.
  763. >"Emerald Dawn~" a cheery voice cooed in a melodious manner. "It's time to get uh-uuup!"
  764. >Ugh... too early for this shit.
  765. "...go 'way... sleepin'..."
  766. >The solar princess tittered to herself.
  767. >"Come now, sleepy bones. Rise and shine! You don't want to be late for your first flight lesson."
  768. >I let out a grumble.
  769. "Yes I do. Too early..."
  770. >I felt something start prodding me through the sheets.
  771. >"Come on, now. It's time to face the morning skies. Wakey wakey, Emerald!"
  772. "There's nobody here by that name."
  773. >I pulled the covers tighter around myself.
  774. >Not that it did any good, considering how its comfy embrace vanished with a pop.
  775. >Fucking hax.
  776. >"Come on now, my little sunshine. It's best to just face it head on."
  777. >I glared out from beneath my pillow as best I could.
  778. >Celestia just sat there, smiling her usual smile.
  779. >"It's time to spread your wings! I hear the kitchens are making blueberry pancakes this morning~"
  780. >Again with the sing-song tone.
  781. "Uuuugh... fine."
  782. >I shove my pillow off of my head and roll for the edge.
  783. "These had better be some awesome panca-aaaaaaAAAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!"
  784. >Wind rushed past as my eyes snapped open.
  785. >The ground, far below, was rushing up past me.
  786. >As I began to flail, I briefly saw Celestia sitting on a cloud up above, my bed floating beside her.
  787. >"I believe in you!" she called down after me.
  788. >So this is it.
  789. >This is how I die.
  790. >In my wild flailing, one of my wings somehow sent me tumbling, making the world spin wildly.
  791. "Oh god, I think I'm gonna be sick..."
  792. >For a moment, I tried flapping, but that just made things worse.
  793. >Welp. The ground was looking pretty big and pretty fast now.
  794. >I curled up and covered my eyes, so I at least wouldn't have to see the end.
  795. >The sudden splat didn't happen, though.
  796. >Whether fortunately or unfortunately, the telltale hum of magic surrounded me.
  797. >I felt myself decelerate, then get pulled back into the air.
  798. >As I opened my eyes, Celestia gently set me back on my bed, still smiling.
  799. >"That was a good first try. Your technique was a bit off, though. I'd suggest trying to at least gain control in the fall first, then turning it into a glide."
  800. "JESUS CHRIST, CELESTIA! Are you trying to kill me??"
  801. >At least I was awake now.
  802. >I scooted away from all the edges of the bed as far as I could as I tried to catch my breath.
  803. >"I did say that your first flight lesson was this morning. I'm just trying to teach you how I was taught."
  804. >I stared at her.
  805. >Her smile didn't budge.
  806. "You're fucking crazy."
  807. >"Language, dear."
  808. "How about letting me at least get some breakfast before dumping something like this on me?"
  809. >She tisked and shook her head.
  810. >"Now now, that would just be extra weight you would have to manage. One step at a time. Are you ready for your next try?"
  811. "No, WAIT!"
  812. >She put her gold-shod hoof on my chest.
  813. >"I BELIEVE IN YOU!"
  814. >With a mighty shove, I cleared the bed and began to plummet once again.
  815. >"Good luck, sweetie!"
  816. "AAAAAAAAUUUUUUGHHH!"
  817. >No pancake is worth this.
  818. >And so, my morning went.
  819.  
  820.  
  821.  
  822. >Day something in blah blah blah.
  823. >Once again, I find myself being bored to death by Twilight babbling on about magic.
  824. >I would have tried looking out a window to distract myself, but all the windows in this particular room were those tacky stained glass windows showing bits of magical horse historia.
  825. >So, instead I was fiddling with the pencil in front of me.
  826. >"Ano--er... Emerald Dawn, this is serious. Could you please pay attention?"
  827. >I affixed her with a frown.
  828. "E tu, Twilight? There's nobody else around. Why don't you use my name? You almost did."
  829. >She sighs and sets down her pointer that she had been prodding formulas with.
  830. >"You know you'll have to be able to keep up your new identity. Also, 'nopony'."
  831. "We already went through that bs over the 'nopony' thing over a decade ago, Twilight."
  832. >"Yes, but you weren't a pony then, and didn't need to pass as one."
  833. >I threw up my hooves.
  834. "Well, fuck! Take my name, take my way of talking, why not just take my dick, too??"
  835. >Flat look engaged.
  836. "Oh wait. You already did that one."
  837. >She shrank back a little, pained expression on her face.
  838. >"I... I said I was sorry about it..."
  839. "If sorry were good enough, the world wouldn't have as many wars."
  840. >Her ears drooped as her gaze drifted toward the floor.
  841. "I get that you're trying to help, but this bullshit is like tossing a kindergartner into a collegiate class and expecting them to keep up. I can't even use a fork, for fuck's sake!"
  842. >"I... I'm trying," she whimpered.
  843. "So does a paraplegic, but they're not going to win the triathlon."
  844. >"I... I..."
  845. >She ran from the room with an audible sob.
  846. "... Ahhh fuck."
  847. >Fucking thin-skinned ponies.
  848. >Always making me feel like shit for perfectly good banter.
  849. >Hauling myself up, I meander after.
  850. >With a heavy sigh, I glance at one of the guards outside the door.
  851. "Which way?"
  852. >The guards, as usual, were stoic.
  853. "Can't you at least glance in the right direction?"
  854. >Still nothing.
  855. "BAH!"
  856. >With a turn, I stomp off in search of the purplest of princesses.
  857.  
  858. >"... You think we should have said she teleported?"
  859. >"Nah. I dunno if I want to risk saying anything. I heard Blueblood is jumping at shadows after that incident."
  860. >"...good point."
  861.  
  862. >Eventually, the telltale sounds of sorrow caught my ear.
  863. >Following them to their source, I found Twilight moping on her bed.
  864. >Unfortunately, hooves don't make for the most stealthy approaches.
  865. >"Go away," she immediately says without taking her face off her pillow.
  866. "Yeah, I'll admit I deserve that."
  867. >I ignore her command and join her on the bed.
  868. "I understand you're trying. I'm just an idiot, you know?"
  869. >She turns away, ignoring me.
  870. "I'm sure your lessons would be very interesting, if I weren't at square zero."
  871. >I pat her on the back, eliciting a 'hmph' from her.
  872. "I'm sure once I learn how to do some basic shit, I'll be bugging you about all kinds of stuff. But for now I don't even know how to do things you probably take for granted. So... if you can help me get past that, then great. I'll learn. If it's outside your skill set, perhaps you have..."
  873. >I shudder and grimace.
  874. "...somepony... that would be more suited or have advice for you."
  875. >I give another pat, then get up.
  876. "Take the day off. Get a snack. Get some sleep. Give it some thought. You're good people, Twi. Don't forget that."
  877. >With that, I leave her to her thoughts.
  878. >I felt eyes on me as I walked away from Twilight's room.
  879. >"I'm so proud of you, my little sunshine. That was a wonderful thing you did."
  880. "Blow it out your ass, fusion flanks."
  881. >"Language, dear. And here I was going to treat you to a sundae."
  882. "Sweets lose what make them special if you treat someone to them every day."
  883. >"Is that so? Can I have yours, then?"
  884. "Never said that. You've got to pay the inevitable dentist bills, though."
  885. >With a melodious giggle, she fell into step beside me as we continued down the hall.
  886.  
  887.  
  888.  
  889.  
  890. >Day-o, we say day-ay-ay-o in Equestria
  891. >Princess Celestia's assistant has been asked to give me a few pointers on polite etiquette for a royal.
  892. >She's been going on for a while now, but I haven't been paying much attention.
  893. >Something about a mare in glasses, you know?
  894. >Certainly fueled a few furious fap sessions back when I had the equipment.
  895. >"Miss Emerald Dawn, are you paying attention?"
  896. "Mmmm... sure. Let's go with that."
  897. >She stamped her hoof in frustration.
  898. >Back when I was a giant in a world of midget horses, it would've been adorable.
  899. >Now, she's taller than me.
  900. >"Your mother asked me to teach you this! This is important for your future."
  901. "Oh, I'm sure you could teach me a few things, all right..."
  902. >"What was that? I couldn't hear you."
  903. "Nothing important."
  904. >"Well, that's another thing. A princess doesn't mumble. You should speak clearly and concisely. If you must consider something, do so in your head, not aloud."
  905. >My eyes roll of their own accord.
  906. "Is this before or after I get a stick surgically inserted in my posterior?"
  907. >She facehooves as she sighs.
  908. "Actually, that doesn't sound half bad. You doin' anything later?"
  909. >I shoot her a grin as I waggle my brows.
  910. >The door opens as she adjusts her little ascot thingie.
  911. >Or was it a cravat?
  912. >Rarity would kill me if she knew I couldn't tell the difference.
  913. >"Hello again. How are things going with my little sunshine?"
  914. >Celestia got a groan in response.
  915. >"Not very well, Princess. No offense, but... Emerald is absolutely incorrigible."
  916. "I never was very fond of porridge anyways."
  917. >The mare briefly turns a flat look in my direction before continuing to speak to Celestia.
  918. >"She doesn't listen. She doesn't try to put anything to use... and... and..."
  919. >Her ears droop and color tints her cheeks.
  920. >"...Sh... I think she's been ogling me for a while now."
  921. "Well, if you didn't have your tail tied up in a bun like that, the view wouldn't be so nice."
  922. >That tail immediately dipped as low as it could as the mare's face turned redder.
  923. >"Yes, she certainly can be quite the hoof full. Why don't I have a talk with her? You should take the rest of the day off. Depending on how the talk goes, I might speak with you again later on the issue."
  924. >"Thank you, Princess. I hope this won't reflect poorly on my service."
  925. >A musical laugh from cake's natural predator.
  926. >"No no, my little pony. I'd say it more reflects on Emerald."
  927. "Ehh. I've always been a proponent of being true to one's nature."
  928. >The mares cast a brief glance in my direction, then share a sigh.
  929. "Not my fault that my nature contains significant amounts of 'f--"
  930. >With a twinkle of gold, my mouth was zipped shut.
  931. >Literally.
  932. >"Have a good evening, Raven."
  933. >"Thank you, Princess."
  934. >With that, she nudged her glasses back into position and strolled out.
  935. >Celestia shook her head, then cantered over to sit beside me and wrap me in a wing as I tried to operate the zipper pull on my mouth with fucking hooves.
  936. >"Oh, my little pony, whatever am I going to do with you?"
  937. >Her wing escalated by drawing me into her hooves, where she stroked my mane.
  938. >"I'm doing my best to provide for your education, but you're simply being such a trouble."
  939. >She swept me around to hold me dangling from her outstretched forehooves, interrupting my efforts to open my mouth.
  940. >"Tell you what. Let's make a little deal. As I'm sure you know, the Grand Galloping Gala isn't that far away. Of course you'll be expected by everypony to attend."
  941. >I could at least still let out a groan expressing most of my disgust.
  942. >"Yes yes, I know. You're not fond of them. However, here is my offer. I expect you to be on your best behavior, and to be a proper lady, as befitting your new station in life."
  943. >My eyes rolled. Like that would happen.
  944. >"In exchange... I can arrange for the staff to be conspicuously absent from the wine cellars for half an hour on the Wednesday following it, during which there certainly wouldn't be anypony entering and making off with something."
  945. >I paused. Okay, perhaps that had some merit.
  946. >"Obviously, you will need to make an apology to my assistant as well. A proper apology. Well? What say you?"
  947. >With another twinkle of her horn, my mouth was freed.
  948. >Rubbing my mouth, I considered the offer.
  949. "... That's just a one-time reward for something that'll take lots of my time."
  950. >She raised a brow.
  951. "I want a room that I don't have to worry about maids or other staff emptying out as well."
  952. >There was a moment of consideration.
  953. >"Hoof locker."
  954. "Small room."
  955. >"Wardrobe."
  956. "Broom closet."
  957. >Another moment of thought from Celestia.
  958. >"You make a fair argument. In return, I too would like to add a small something."
  959. >Her eyes twinkle for a moment.
  960. >"A hug. At the Gala. And a bedtime story session that night."
  961. >It was time for my eyes to narrow a little.
  962. "A proper novel, and not a child's book."
  963. >She nods in acceptance.
  964. "... Then we've got a deal. No funny business. One broom closet sized room entirely for myself, and the time in the cellar."
  965. >"Agreed. A perfect little filly at the gala, a hug at the gala, a bedtime story after the gala, an apology to my aide, and behaving when she is tutoring you."
  966. >My eyes narrow a little.
  967. "... That wasn't part of the arrangement, but I suppose it could be implied by the apology. Fine, I'll let that one slide."
  968. >"I knew we could see eye to eye on this, Anonymous."
  969. "Heh. No pony name?"
  970. >"That will come with time, my little sunshine. Now, come along. The kitchens just took a batch of cookies out of the oven. ... You only get one, since you misbehaved."
  971. "... You know, Celestia, usually not giving any cookies is the punishment."
  972. >"What sort of monster would do a thing like that?"
  973. >With that, she led the way.
  974. >Never change, Sunbutt. Never change.
  975.  
  976.  
  977. >Morning in Equestria
  978. >I shuffle into the dining room and climb into my usual seat.
  979. >"Good morning, my little sunshine! Did you sleep well?"
  980. >A grumble is the response Celestia gets.
  981. >"I see. It seems somepony takes after their aunt a little."
  982. >Luna let out a grumble and hucked a muffin at her sister.
  983. "Yeah yeah... didn't sleep well because of all this racket going on."
  984. >She gave me a puzzled look as I loaded up my plate with fruit.
  985. >"All of... what racket?"
  986. >I finished off the chunk of cantaloupe I'd snatched, then turned toward her.
  987. "You know. The whole music shtick. I mean, it was okay for a while, but it's a bit long for a joke now, isn't it?"
  988. >The room froze.
  989. >"There... isn't any music playing right now."
  990. "Bullshit. Yes there is."
  991. >Luna picked her head up and looked at me, then over toward her sister.
  992. >A slight look of concern sneaks its way onto Celestia's face.
  993. >"Emerald... how long have you been hearing this... music?"
  994. "Iunno. A few days, maybe?"
  995. >One of the maids gasps, her tray of glassware tumbling to crash to the ground.
  996. >Celestia stands up quick enough to knock her chair over.
  997. >"And what was happening when it started? Do you remember?"
  998. "I dunno. Maybe? It was a few days ago."
  999. >"CALL FOR THE ROYAL PHYSICIAN!"
  1000. >Ponies start scrambling at top speed as Celestia snaps her head back toward me.
  1001. >"And you didn't start SINGING??"
  1002. "Pff. What kind of faggot do you take me for? Besides, you know I can't sing for shit."
  1003. >Suddenly, I'm wrapped up in fluff. Some white, some dark blue.
  1004. >"Fret not, dearest An---err... Emerald dawn. We shall see to thy predicament with great haste."
  1005. >Luna was even petting my mane.
  1006. >"You're a pony now! You're a little filly, with everything that comes with that!"
  1007. >Sunbutt's looking unusually frazzled.
  1008. "What's the big deal? It's just some music."
  1009. >She shakes me hard enough it almost feels like the horn's going to fall off my head.
  1010. >"Just some music! Anonymous, you know how we ponies break into song over everything, right? It's not for nothing!"
  1011. >Just then, the doors slam open and a full medical team barrels in on a magically propelled gurney.
  1012. >"How long has the patient been like this?"
  1013. >I'm practically slammed onto the gurney as this is asked.
  1014. "Hey! Watch it! What the hell do you th-mrfmlfmrfrrf!"
  1015. >Some sort of device is crammed in my mouth.
  1016. >"She said it's been DAYS, doctor! DAYS!"
  1017. >I don't think I've ever seen Celestia do the panicky prance in place before.
  1018. >"Days??"
  1019. >The doctor rushes immediately to my side and gives a reassuring pat.
  1020. >"You're being a very brave little filly. Now, I'm going to need you to keep being brave for just a little more, okay?"
  1021. >One of the nurses yanks the device out of my mouth.
  1022. >"Doctor! Her harmonic thaumium levels are higher than Cloudsdale!"
  1023. "What the fuck is going ON??"
  1024. >"Holy Tartarus, that's almost off the scale! Hold on, everypony!"
  1025. >The medical team piled on top of the gurney with me and with the hum of magic, we shot out into the halls as they did various examinations on me.
  1026. >More than one group of ponies had to throw themselves against the walls to avoid being run over.
  1027. >I could hear Celestia galloping along behind, alternating between shouting assurances that everything was going to be okay and asking the doctor if everything was going to be okay.
  1028. "Fucking hell..."
  1029. >Suddenly, my vision was filled with a worried looking nurse trying (and failing) to give a reassuring smile.
  1030. >"Now, everything's going to be just fine, you hear me? You're going to be okay! Don't panic! You're going to feel a slight pinch in a little bit, okay? Stop panicking! Don't panic!"
  1031. >I raised a brow at her.
  1032. "Who's panicking? What're you talking abouuuuuu-whoa..."
  1033. >I felt a sharp jab at the base of a wing.
  1034. >For a few moments, everything felt absolutely awesome before the world tilted and I fell into the inky void of unconsciousness.
  1035.  
  1036. >I woke to the beeping of machines and the unholy stench of too many flowers in one place.
  1037. >Prying my eyes open revealed a glut of gift baskets and balloons.
  1038. "...fucking ponies...
  1039. >A pamphlet with smiling ponies and brightly colored music notes was sitting on my chest.
  1040. >Music and You! How to Not Literally Explode In Song!
  1041. >Also nearby was what looked like a children's book titled "Penny Whistle's Very Bad Day".
  1042. >At least whatever they did stopped that music.
  1043. >Fucking weird ponies and their weird biology.
  1044.  
  1045.  
  1046. >Another day.
  1047. >I'd just finished sitting through another of those etiquette classes by Celestia's hot nerd assistant.
  1048. >No, not Twilight. The one in the glasses.
  1049. >I'd made my apology, as agreed upon, but damn if it wasn't tough to behave.
  1050. >I kicked closed the door to the pink hell of a bedroom I'd been assigned, then flopped on the bed.
  1051. "Ugh. Wouldn't be as bad if I could figure out how to flick the bean. Nowhere near that flexible."
  1052. >[p]"Why would you want to flick the bean? Couldn't you just eat it?"[/p]
  1053. >I bolted from my bed at the unexpected voice.
  1054. >[p]"What kind of bean is it, anyways? *gasp!* Is it garbanzo? I hope it's garbanzo. It's the most fun bean to say. Garrrrrbannnnzzzzzoooooo..."[/p]
  1055. >Pinkie. Truly, the most camouflaged pony for such a room.
  1056. "Hello, Pank. Don't worry about it. Just a euphemism. Didn't you leave?"
  1057. >[p]"Nopey dopey! What sort of friend would I be if I just left while you were still adjusting to such a huuuuuge change?"[/p]
  1058. >I found myself wrapped up in a hug and somehow back on the bed.
  1059. >Fucking physics murdering pony...
  1060. >[p]"So what kind of euphemism? You always had fun ones!"[/p]
  1061. "Er... you know... stroking the kitten?"
  1062. >[p]"You've got a kitten? Did Fluttershy give it to you?"[/p]
  1063. "No and no. Um. Spreading the valley? Probing one's depths? Rubbing the pink pearl?"
  1064. >She fluttered her eyelashes and tilted her head.
  1065. >Was she fucking with me?
  1066. "...shlicking?"
  1067. >Still nothing.
  1068. >I felt my face fall into a flat expression, with my wings shifting slightly in the earth pony's grip.
  1069. "Masturbation. I was referring to touching oneself in a lewd manner."
  1070. >[p]"Oh!"[/p]
  1071. >She giggled and gave another squeeze in the hug, rubbing her cheek into my mane.
  1072. >[p]"Don't be such a silly filly. You're too young to do something like that to yourself."[/p]
  1073. "I'm a grown-ass man, d-"
  1074. >[p]"You should find a GOOD friend to help you out instead!"[/p]
  1075. "-ammit! Why do ponies keep-- Wait, what?"
  1076. >I felt a hoof making small circles on my stomach as the pink party pony looked down at me with eyes that betrayed lewd intentions far too much to belong on Pinkie's face.
  1077. >It certainly felt a bit too hot in the room.
  1078. >Especially on my face.
  1079. >Yep. Just the room temperature and certainly not anything else.
  1080. "Uh... I... uh... need an adult?"
  1081. >She let out a titter.
  1082. >[p]"I am an adult! ...and so are you, as you keep saying..."[/p]
  1083. >She bumped her nose against me.
  1084. >I could feel that she was starting to breathe deeper.
  1085. >[p]"Just two... adult friends... helping each other out."[/p]
  1086. >That pink hoof drifted even lower as she moved in to whisper directly into my ear.
  1087. >[p]"... Wanna have a super-special, one-on-one Pinkie Pie Party?"[/p]
  1088. >She bit that ear, and my wings snapped to full extension.
  1089. >Before I could stammer out a reply I could hear large, metal-shod hooves approaching down the hall.
  1090. >"Emerald Da~awn, may Mommy come in?"
  1091. >The doorknob started turning, accompanied by the hum of magic.
  1092. >I fell to the bed, heart still racing.
  1093. >[p]"Hiya, Princess Celestia!"[/p]
  1094. >"Hello, Pinkie. Good to see you as always, but I wasn't expecting to meet you here. To what do we owe the pleasure?"
  1095. >The pink one was all the way across the room.
  1096. >[p]"Well, it looked like AnEmeraldDawnymous was feeling a little under the weather, so I decided to help cheer her up!"[/p]
  1097. >There was a slight falter in the solar smile as the princess glanced my way.
  1098. >"She... does look a bit flushed. Are you feeling okay, my little sunshine?"
  1099. >[p]"I bet she just needs a bit of rest and some love and care."[/p]
  1100. >Pinkie's brows bobbed while Celestia was turned away.
  1101. >[p]"I was just about to go and get some soup for her, and maybe some pie later if she felt like it. Maybe you could look after her while I go get that?"[/p]
  1102. >"A wonderful idea, my little pony. You do that, and I'll tend to my daughter."
  1103. >Pinkie bobbled her head in the affirmative, then turned to pronk toward the door.
  1104. >As Celestia walked over to feel my forehead with a hoof, Pinkie paused in the doorway.
  1105. >The earth pony looked over her shoulder and stuck her tongue out of her smiling mouth.
  1106. >She gave a wink, then bounced away.
  1107. >...and not with her eyes.
  1108. >"She really is a considerate pony, isn't she? Are you feeling okay?"
  1109. "I... uh... must've overworked myself. Yeah. She's a... good friend."
  1110. >As Princess Celestia fussed over me, I noticed a little card left on the bed.
  1111. >[p](You're Invited!)[/p]
  1112. >[p](Where: Pinkie's Room!)[/p]
  1113. >[p](When: Tonight!)[/p]
  1114. >[p](What:[/p] (You)[p]!)[/p]
  1115. >I shuffled the card under the covers as I 'got more comfortable'.
  1116. >The heat on my face didn't leave for a long time.
  1117.  
  1118.  
  1119. >Another day in Canterlot
  1120. >Celestia decided that she wanted to spend the whole day with me.
  1121. >Unfortunately, she wasn't able to get out of holding court for the day.
  1122. >Even more unfortunately, she didn't see the two things as incompatible.
  1123. >So... here I sit, bored out of my mind on a pillow beside Celestia's throne as some vapid cunt blathers on and on.
  1124. >"...and so, that's why I think it should be mandatory for everypony to get a hooficure two--no, THREE times a week!"
  1125. >There was a moment of silence as the mare settled into looking incredibly proud of her idea.
  1126. >Eventually, the princess cleared her throat and broke the silence.
  1127. >"I'll... take that into consideration, but remember how expensive that would be."
  1128. >"Pff, it'll be fine, your highness! All we need to do-"
  1129. "HOLY FUCK! Do you EVER shut up?"
  1130. >The mare shrank back in shock at the interruption before an incredulous look started creeping onto her face.
  1131. >"Ex... excuse me?"
  1132. >Celestia gave a disapproving look.
  1133. >"Language, dear."
  1134. >Not that I payed any mind to it.
  1135. "You've been blathering on and on for at least thirty minutes and it's all over hooficures? How many orphans could be fed for a day with how much you spend going to the spa? Heck! How long could just ONE foal be cared for? You had NOTHING better you could do than come here and try to bore us all to death?"
  1136. >"Well! I never!"
  1137. "Obviously not."
  1138. >Celestia stomped a hoof down.
  1139. >"EMERALD. DAWN."
  1140. >She then put on an apologetic expression and turned to face the noble.
  1141. >"Please excuse my daughter. It's a topic very close to her, so she feels very strongly about it."
  1142. >The mare let out a 'hmph'.
  1143. >"Princess, no disrespect is intended, but your daughter is the most unruly child that I have ever had the misfortune of meeting."
  1144. "What, are all the others too busy screaming and running away from the witch?"
  1145. >Another stomp of that gold-shod hoof and a stern look.
  1146. >"... I apologize for her behavior. I have a team of teachers working to help with her etiquette, but apparently, we need more work on TACT."
  1147. >The mare pointed her nose at the ceiling.
  1148. >"Whatever you are paying them is most certainly not enough."
  1149. >With another hmph, the mare turned and strutted out of the court.
  1150. "Geez, of all the stuck-up pieces of--"
  1151. >In a flash of a golden glow, my mouth was filled with sweetness.
  1152. >There was a moment of mumbling before I gave a confused chew.
  1153. >Celestia looked down at me with a smile that was just a little wider than usual.
  1154. >"Obviously, I could never condone rewarding such behavior in a setting as formal as day court."
  1155. >With a pop of magic, a pricey-looking box of chocolates was placed before me.
  1156. >"However, I obviously need to do something to distract that opinionated tongue of yours, don't I?"
  1157. >Her smile got a little wider as I gave a slightly bewildered look.
  1158. >She then gestured for the next pony to be admitted for an audience.
  1159. >I started working the lid up and off of the box, only for that golden hoof to gently push the lid back down.
  1160. >I gritted my teeth and snapped my head up toward her.
  1161. >She had the same slightly wider smile.
  1162. >"It wouldn't do to go through them all at once, though. Surely you should enjoy them at a modest pace."
  1163. >Her eyes darted briefly toward the doors and back before she turned her head and smile in that direction.
  1164. >I looked in that direction to see what looked to be Flim and Flam in very poor disguises setting up a series of poster board displays.
  1165. >Celestia turned back toward me and her smile got wider, a twinkle in her eyes for a moment.
  1166. >She turned back to her subjects, her usual princess look slipping over her face.
  1167. >"Welcome to my day court, my little ponies. How may I help you today?"
  1168. >That day, I got at least three boxes of chocolate, a lollipop, a plushie, and a slice of cake from her.
  1169. >I guess the day wasn't all bad.
  1170.  
  1171.  
  1172. >Day after Nightmare Night in Equestria.
  1173. >I had been brought along to the Royal Canterlot Nightmare Night Ball.
  1174. >Something something, expected to attend.
  1175. >I didn't even get to pick my own costume.
  1176. >For a good chunk of the night, I was the grumpiest princess one would ever see, complete with one of those stupid, pink, cone-shaped hats that have the tassel on the point and far too much lace.
  1177. >Who thought that was a practical hat, anyways?
  1178. >There weren't even any other children at the ball, and the idea of a costume in Canterlot was nowhere near as fun as in Ponyville.
  1179. >Things eventually started to look up when a few nobles started bringing over a few 'treats'.
  1180. >Some weren't exactly the standard fare, and were obviously a way of either sucking up to Celestia through me or a way of showing off how rich they were.
  1181. >My ears weren't even pierced! What was I going to do with so many bejeweled earrings?
  1182. >The tiny little cakes looked okay, but they mysteriously disappeared from the loot at the same time that Sunbutt went to 'powder her nose'.
  1183. >Still, there were at least enough sweets in there to be considered a barely passable haul for going door to door.
  1184. >I even got to see Blueblood almost piss himself when he accidentally crossed paths with me.
  1185. >Kinda weird. Didn't know why. It was still funny though.
  1186. >"Emerald Dawn, it's time to get up!"
  1187. >Celestia's voice was far too cheery for the time of day.
  1188. "No such pony. Also, it's the day after Nightmare Night. Candy coma is traditional."
  1189. >She chuckled as I pulled my covers over myself.
  1190. >"Oh? Why, I could swear the collection of sweets you got last night hasn't gone down enough to cause that."
  1191. >I felt the bed shift down as a large object settled onto it.
  1192. >She puts a hoof on my back, stroking.
  1193. >"I know it can be rough to keep going, but you've got to keep at it."
  1194. "C'mon. You're telling me you wouldn't sleep in if you got to go back to being a child with no responsibilities?"
  1195. >"Mmm... a compelling argument, but that could also be taken as a prompt to give responsibilities."
  1196. >Fuck.
  1197. "Fuck."
  1198. >"Language. We'll clean up that tongue of yours eventually, my little sunshine."
  1199. >I extracted a hoof to bat at the hoof that was poking at my side along with her comment.
  1200. >The hoof was snagged, and I was pulled out of my cocoon and into a pair of alabaster hooves.
  1201. >"Now I've caught you. Hmm... maybe I should have you take care of Philomena?"
  1202. "Ugh. You know that fire hazard has it out for me."
  1203. >"Oh, I'm sure she was just being playful. Besides, you're a filly now."
  1204. "That just means I'm easier prey."
  1205. >Another melodious laugh, and I was floated onto her back.
  1206. >"Perhaps. Come along now. Breakfast is waiting."
  1207. >I grumbled into her back.
  1208. "...still can't believe you won't let me have coffee..."
  1209. >"Now now, you'll stunt your growth with that. There's plenty of juice for you to enjoy."
  1210. "I'm sure that's just a myth."
  1211. >And so, the day went.
  1212.  
  1213.  
  1214. >Another Day
  1215. >I woke with my head feeling like the fluff that covered the outside had finally invaded the inside to attack my brain.
  1216. >I shambled out of my room, the sheets trailing after me until the closing door caught them.
  1217. >Not that I cared much.
  1218. "Uuhgh..."
  1219. >Shuffling down the hall, I felt the world tilt.
  1220. "...ahhfuck..."
  1221. >If not for now being a quadruped, I certainly would've fallen on my ass.
  1222. >I widened my gait a bit and made my way over to slide along the wall for a little extra support.
  1223. >The cool stone felt kinda nice.
  1224. >I let my eyes drift closed like they wanted to and drifted through the castle on autopilot.
  1225. >Unfortunately, my journey was interrupted by my face slamming into something with a metallic clunk, doing the job that the world suddenly tilting failed to do.
  1226. >Prying my eyes open again and looking up, eventually a concerned looking door guard came into focus.
  1227. "Ah... shit... sorry, man..."
  1228. >That came out with considerably more rasp than I'd gotten used to.
  1229. >Pushing myself back to my hooves and spreading my wings out for a bit better balance, I moved around the guard and through the doors.
  1230. "Ughhh..."
  1231. >"Good morning, my little sunshine! What would you like for breakfast?"
  1232. "Enough juice to sail a b-
  1233. >My croaking was interrupted by a bout of coughing.
  1234. "... sail a boat in."
  1235. >"... Are you feeling okay? Should I call the doctor?"
  1236. "No, I caught something, I guess. I can at least tell when I'm sick."
  1237. >The solar princess waved a hoof at one of the maids, who nodded with less urgency than last time.
  1238. "I'll be fiiine... I just godda get 'nuff rest and... and..."
  1239. >My face felt a bit warm, and a tickle settled into my nose.
  1240. >The sniffle was accompanied by a scrunch.
  1241. "Ahh... ahhh..."
  1242.  
  1243. ---
  1244. >"Did she just..."
  1245. >"She went through the doors."
  1246. >"But they weren't op-"
  1247. >"She. Went. Through. The. Doors. You sure you want to inquire further?"
  1248. >"But she looked kinda sick. Shouldn't we..?"
  1249. "HUAAATCH-!" [b][u]*THOOM!*[/u][/b]
  1250. >The doors exploded off of their hinges in an explosion of roiling arcane energies.
  1251. >The guards dove for cover behind nearby planters.
  1252. >When they peered out, they spotted a set of small, slightly singed green hooves sticking out of the fresh impact crater on the wall, weakly wiggling.
  1253. "...ugghh... 'zcuse be..."
  1254. >Luna peered out of the door, a blue shield shimmering around her.
  1255. >"...I believe the west tower is unoccupied at present, yes? I believe I shall go try and prepa-"
  1256. "ATCHOO!"
  1257. >An explosion could be heard in the distance.
  1258. "...ghuuuh... zorry 'boud that gate over there..."
  1259. >"... Please call for some of those more talented in protective wards from the university and send them there. I shall proceed before and begin the work of safeguarding it."
  1260. >The guards saluted and galloped away.
  1261. >Eight larger hooves could be heard galloping off in different directions as well.
  1262. >The sounds of frenzied activity steadily came to life from below.
  1263. "Izz 'ere ennybony dere? Gan zumone ged me oud? ...hello?"
  1264. >...
  1265. "...fug..."
  1266. >I was stuck there for two hours.
  1267.  
  1268.  
  1269. >Sick day in Equestria
  1270. >The smell of something smoldering drew me from fitful slumber.
  1271. >When I pried my eyes open, I was laying on the unholy sea of pink that was 'my bed'.
  1272. >However, it wasn't in the room that was rejected from the Pink Dimension for 'maybe being a bit over the top'.
  1273. >Sitting up, a slightly crispy rag fell off of my head.
  1274. >The room was circular, with tall, narrow windows.
  1275. >A few basic amenities were set up. Table, nightstand, chair, desk with some kind of bowl on it.
  1276. >The nightstand had a bell with a 'ring for service' sign next to it.
  1277. >Coughing a few times, I decided it couldn't hurt and grabbed the bell in my teeth to give it a ring.
  1278. >There were a few moments of silence, but soon enough I heard hooves approaching.
  1279. >The door opened with the creak of extended lack of use.
  1280. >"Hello, my little sunshine. Are you feeling any better?"
  1281. >In walked the princess of the sun, dressed in a nurse outfit.
  1282. "...Zelezzdia, whad da heg are you wearing?"
  1283. >I rubbed my nose as she floated a rag out of the bowl I'd noticed and lightly wrung out a bit of water from it.
  1284. >"Now, what sort of parent would I be if I didn't care for my sick child?"
  1285. >With a smile, she gently draped the cloth onto my head.
  1286. >It hissed where it came into contact with my horn.
  1287. >I would've rolled my eyes if my everything didn't ache.
  1288. >Another cloth was held to my nose.
  1289. >"Now, give me a good blow, then I'll go and get your dinner."
  1290. >What I hope was a flat look, but was probably too dazed to work showed her waiting patiently with her usual kind smile.
  1291. >Too tired to fight it, I took a deep breath and complied, a shower of sparks erupting from my horn as rather gross sounds and substances escaped my nose.
  1292. >With a nod, she gave a head pat with a wing before turning and strolling for the door.
  1293. >"I'll be right back with some soup. Will you be okay, dear?"
  1294. "Yeah... I'll be all right. Thanks, Mom--CELESTIA. Err... Celestia. Thanks, sunbutt."
  1295. >The alabaster pony froze in place, then turned around with a far too happy smile on her face.
  1296. >Her eyes were practically shimmering even.
  1297. "...shaddup.."
  1298. >I crossed my forehooves and frowned.
  1299. >With a melodious giggle, she turned and pranced out the door.
  1300. "She'll never let me live that down."
  1301. >I flopped back down on the bed.
  1302. "That outfit had better not give me weird sex dreams."
  1303.  
  1304.  
  1305. >Recovery day.
  1306. >It took far too long for my forehead phallus to stop blowing its hot, sparkly load all over the room every time I sneezed.
  1307. >Hopefully that bowl of soup was enjoying its new and unexpected life.
  1308. >At least the gardens have plenty of birdbaths.
  1309. >Carefully, I climbed down from my bed on shaky legs.
  1310. >I took a moment to regain my balance after such an extended time of being bedridden.
  1311. >It certainly was easier with four legs instead of two.
  1312. >Once satisfied with my balance, I headed out the door.
  1313. >A guard turned toward me as I emerged, snapping a brief salute.
  1314. >"Miss Emerald Dawn. Your mother has governmental duties that need to be attended to. However, I have been ordered to assist you as needed."
  1315. "Huh."
  1316. >I looked around for a moment, then back to the guard.
  1317. "Well... I guess I'm feeling a little peckish. I've got no clue how to get to the kitchen from wherever this is."
  1318. >With a nod, the guard led the way down countless stairs.
  1319. ---
  1320. >After filling my belly, I wandered outside, the guard walking beside me.
  1321. >There didn't seem to be very much happening.
  1322. >Eventually, I came across a section of wall with a team of ponies gathered around it.
  1323. "... That's where that gate was, isn't it?"
  1324. >The guard gave a somber nod, prompting a sigh.
  1325. "Any injuries?"
  1326. >"You needn't concern yourself. All is going well."
  1327. "That's the sort of thing you'd say if the answer was yes, you know."
  1328. >"You were ill. It is not something you could control."
  1329. "Doesn't mean I'm not partly responsible."
  1330. >The guard smiled slightly and gave an approving nod.
  1331. >"You're certainly a filly with quite a bit of wisdom for your age. It is little wonder that you ascended to be an alicorn."
  1332. "Hey! You take that back!"
  1333. >That got a chuckle out of him.
  1334. "I should probably at least visit 'em or make a card or something."
  1335. >The guard nodded.
  1336. >"I'm sure your mother would approve."
  1337. "... You're right. Back to the room, I guess. Probably the safest place to try and figure out how the heck to use this head penis now that I know how it feels when it does something."
  1338. >The guard paused, confusion on his face before looking up at the spire jutting from his helmet.
  1339. >All in all, it was a pretty dull day.
  1340.  
  1341.  
  1342. >Yet another day in the office.
  1343. >I'm sat at my computer, typing away.
  1344. >If I don't get these reports submitted, the boss will have my ass.
  1345. >I pause for a moment, rubbing the bridge of my nose with my fingers.
  1346. >The letters on the screen swim in a jumbled, incomprehensible mess.
  1347. "...I should probably go get some coffee."
  1348. >Locking the computer, I swivelled around in my chair and meandered out of my cubicle.
  1349. >I slowed for a moment as I passed the office printer, watching it spit out page after page of incomprehensible gibberish.
  1350. "Glad I'm not the one that's going to have to fix that."
  1351. >"Hey Anon! Did you catch the hoofball game last night?"
  1352. >Rainbow Dash poked her head out of a cubicle, wearing a dress shirt and tie.
  1353. >How she managed to put on a tie was a mystery to me.
  1354. "Ah... no. Been worn out with how much I've been working lately. You know how it is."
  1355. >"Yeah, they've really been busting our flanks lately."
  1356. "Gettin' some coffee. Want some?"
  1357. >"Nah. Those TPS reports keep coming in. We should head out for a drink sometime, though."
  1358. >I give a nod and a wave, continuing on my way.
  1359. >... When did Rainbow Dash start working in the office again?
  1360. >I weaved my way through a forest of potted plants, each laden with boxes of paper clips.
  1361. >They should be ready for harvest soon.
  1362. >Turning into the door of the break room, I made my way toward the industrial coffee maker.
  1363. >Plucking a disposable cup from the holder, I held it beneath the spigot as I depressed the lever to fill it with the dark brew.
  1364. >Worms and centipedes flowed out, startling me enough to drop the cup.
  1365. "What the fuck?"
  1366. >I heard the sound of hooves on the tile behind me.
  1367. >"Good evening, Anonymous."
  1368. >I turned to see Luna, sipping from a novelty coffee mug shaped like the moon.
  1369. "Oh. Hey, moonbutt. When did you start working here?"
  1370. >She smiled, moving closer.
  1371. >"I'm afraid I don't work here. And neither do you."
  1372. "I've worked here for years. Don't know what you're talking about."
  1373. >She nodded, sitting.
  1374. >"And where is here?"
  1375. >I opened my mouth to reply, but the answer didn't come.
  1376. >"Since when did Rainbow Dash work in an office?"
  1377. >That... was a good question. Why would she work in an office?
  1378. >Something was off.
  1379. "Wait... this isn't right..."
  1380. >She nodded and took another sip from her drink.
  1381. >"I wished to speak with you for a moment. In your dreams seemed to be the most convenient way."
  1382. >She gave a slight smile as she got uncomfortably close.
  1383. >"It is also nice to see you in this form again. How are you adjusting to life in the castle?"
  1384. >That's... that's right. I was in Equestria.
  1385. >I blinked, the world growing larger.
  1386. "Ah... it's okay, I guess. Celestia doesn't seem quite as clingy as she was."
  1387. >I looked at my hooves.
  1388. "Even in my dreams I guess I'm like this, huh? I guess it was nice to be back to normal for a bit."
  1389. >The princess of the night nodded, wrapping a wing around me.
  1390. >"The mind has a way of adapting your mental view of yourself, if you let it. With a bit of effort, you could probably change back. In the dream, at least."
  1391. >She smiled, then took another sip before continuing.
  1392. >"My sister has been quite happy. It has been ages since she has had somepony to care for."
  1393. >I nodded, closing my eyes and concentrating.
  1394. >When I opened my eyes, I was back to my standard height.
  1395. "That's better. At least I can be myself in at least one place."
  1396. >Luna smiled, keeping her wing in place.
  1397. >"We all need somewhere we can be ourselves at times."
  1398. >I affixed her with a flat stare.
  1399. "A bit more literal in my case."
  1400. >She hid her smile behind her mug as she took another brief sip.
  1401. >She paused for a moment before lowering her mug.
  1402. >"Say... Anonymous... I know you are now a filly... and my new niece... but... do you suppose..."
  1403. >She fidgets, fading into a mumble.
  1404. "What brought this on?"
  1405. >Her cheeks gain a bit more color.
  1406. >The red really stands out against her dark blue coat.
  1407. >I still have no clue how the hell ponies can blush through fur.
  1408. >"Well... without putting too much detail, Pinkamina's dreams are quite... forthright... about her recent activities at times."
  1409. >Well, fuck.
  1410. >...quite literally, if Luna's actions are anything to go by.
  1411. "Look... Luna. I was really really drunk at that gala..."
  1412. >"Yes. Though alcohol does have a way of bringing out what is hidden beneath someone's surface. And beneath the surface, I find you to have much charm and wit. I find myself wondering what it would take to see that charm when thou art sober."
  1413. >Her hoof traced a small circle over my chest.
  1414. >My eyes darted about. How exactly could one make an escape when the one to flee controls the very domain one is in?
  1415. "Look... I'm... really flattered, but... I... uh..."
  1416. >The princess of the night starts leaning closer.
  1417. "I don't really know how well... uh..."
  1418. >As her lips puckered, I could feel my pockets swelling with noodles and tomato sauce.
  1419. >Her eyes drifted closed, and she wrapped her hooves around my shoulders to pull me closer.
  1420.  
  1421. >With a gasp, I shot upright in bed, eyes darting around the room.
  1422. >I looked at my green hooves before rubbing my face with them.
  1423. "Fucking ponies, man..."
  1424. >I flopped back down, trying to ignore the gymnastics my unfamiliar nethers were doing.
  1425. >Eventually I managed to get back to sleep.
  1426. >Luna must have had other duties pop up, as I slept peacefully.
  1427.  
  1428.  
  1429.  
  1430. >Fashion Friday in Equestria
  1431. >I was dragged out of the castle in a golden glow.
  1432. >Apparently, even having learned how to use my wings wasn't enough to avoid being toted around like a plaything.
  1433. >In moments, I was led into a gaudy shop packed from wall to wall with clothing.
  1434. >"Welcome to Canterlot Carousel! How may I help y--"
  1435. >The light blue unicorn froze in place as she spotted the princess of the sun standing in the entryway.
  1436. >"Good morning, my little pony. I believe I have an appointment to have a dress designed for my darling daughter. The Gala will be here before we know it, after all."
  1437. >I gagged for a moment before composing myself at a sharp look.
  1438. >The unicorn hastily bowed.
  1439. >"But of course! Were you wanting something completely new, or would you like us to adapt one of our existing designs for her?"
  1440. >"Oh, I'm sure that you can design something suitable. I'm sure Rarity would never forgive me either if I just got something from off the rack."
  1441. >The two shared a laugh.
  1442. "Wait... This is one of HER places?"
  1443. >I couldn't keep the grimace from forming.
  1444. "She... uh... she doesn't know, does she?"
  1445. >Celestia blinked for a moment.
  1446. >"Well, I suppose the possibility is there, but I don't believe so. It'll be fine."
  1447. >She smiles widely and I feel her magic drag me closer to the employee.
  1448. >"Now, tell the nice mare what you'd like to wear."
  1449. >My face scrunched up as my gaze snapped over to the unicorn.
  1450. >She gave a cheerful smile.
  1451. >Silence hung in the air.
  1452. >"How are you today?" she asked, smile still full of hope.
  1453. >More silence. I look away.
  1454. >She moves into my view, stooping down a bit closer to my level.
  1455. >"My name is Sassy Saddles. What's your name?"
  1456. >That earned a flat stare.
  1457. "I'm the adoptive daughter of the princess of the sun. If you really need me to tell you, you should read the papers more."
  1458. >A look of shock graced her features before she breaks into giggles.
  1459. >"Bobbins and bustles! You certainly are as feisty as the papers say, aren't you?"
  1460. >She stood back up.
  1461. >"So, is there anything in particular you'd like? Perhaps you'd like to look more like your mother?"
  1462. "I don't think I can eat enough cake to look like her, if ya know what I'm sayin'."
  1463. >I waggled my flanks for emphasis.
  1464. >The shock on the seamstress's face was marvelous as her mind undoubtedly went through potential disastrous incoming circumstances.
  1465. >Before I could enjoy it too much, the room was covered in shadow just long enough for me to realize it before I found myself swept into a large, feathery prison.
  1466. >Celestia's smile seemed a touch tenser than usual as she leaned closer.
  1467. >"Now, my little Emerald, that's not how we discuss things, is it? Haven't you been paying attention in Miss Raven's lessons? Without practice, you may well fail on your end of that agreement, don't you think?"
  1468. >Her wing was like steel wrapped in a downy pillow.
  1469. "Uh..."
  1470. >She turned her smile toward the unicorn again.
  1471. >"I apologize for my little sunshine's behavior. She's still a bit of a rough gem, but we're working on that. Now, introduce yourself, dear."
  1472. "An--"
  1473. >Her wing tensed a bit tighter as she gave another smile.
  1474. >"Properly, if you please. And give the nice lady an apology."
  1475. >Just as suddenly as I was caught, she released me from her clutches, nudging me toward the seamstress with that same wing.
  1476. >With a hmph and a frown, I clear my throat.
  1477. >Composing myself, I take a few steps, then give a slight bow with my forehooves.
  1478. "Hello. My name is..."
  1479. >My teeth grit for a moment before I compose myself again.
  1480. "...Emerald Dawn. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I apologize for my earlier behavior."
  1481. >I rise again, and give a brief look of 'happy now?' over toward Celestia.
  1482. >"Sequins and satin, she can be adorable when she wants to be, can't she?"
  1483. >I gritted my teeth as the seamstress patted atop my head.
  1484. "'m not cute..."
  1485. >The mares shared a slight titter before Celestia turned toward Sassy Saddles.
  1486. >"I'm sure we can trust whatever is decided for the look of her dress. Perhaps just a few measurements now, and we can return for a proper fitting for whatever is decided on at a later date?"
  1487. >The unicorn nodded, her horn glowing as she retrieved a notepad, pencil, and a measuring tape.
  1488. >"We can certainly work with that. Now, this will only take a few moments."
  1489. >The measuring tape snapped open and darted toward me.
  1490. "Gah!"
  1491. >I found myself backing up, despite myself.
  1492. >Green wings snapped open in surprise as I looked for an escape.
  1493. >"Tut tut. Hold still now."
  1494. >Clenching my eyes shut, I felt the tape darting about, accompanied by the sounds of the pencil.
  1495. "H-hey! Watch where you're putting that thing!"
  1496. >Within a couple of moments, the measuring tape was gone.
  1497. >The sound of the writing lingered for a few moments as I pried open an eye.
  1498. >Sassy rolled the tape back up as she finished jotting down notes.
  1499. >"Aaand that should be good. Should we send some sketch ideas over first, or would you prefer that we just get in touch when we have something to try on?"
  1500. >"The latter is fine. I'm sure whatever dress is made will be lovely."
  1501. >I let out a groan.
  1502. "Can't I at least get like... a suit or something?"
  1503. >Sassy chuckled lightly.
  1504. >"Oh, can you imagine the scandal? A mare turning up at the Grand Galloping Gala wearing a [i]suit[/i]? Let alone the Princess's daughter?"
  1505. >She tuts and shakes her head.
  1506. >"Nay, we shall make sure you look absolutely fabulous for your first public event! Don't you worry!"
  1507. >I let out another groan as the princess and the seamstress exchanged a few final pleasantries.
  1508. >With a brief, golden glow, I was deposited on Celestia's back as she stepped out of the shop and made her way back toward the castle.
  1509. >Just think of the booze, I told myself.
  1510. >Think of the booze.
  1511.  
  1512. >Time in location
  1513. >The one on the side of a mountain.
  1514. >The guards were trundling around as usual.
  1515. >I was sure there was a bunch of clanking and shouting of orders, but they were far enough below me that I couldn't hear a thing as I watched them from atop a cloud.
  1516. >...
  1517. >The temptation to try and hock a loogie onto one of them was pretty high.
  1518. >As I debated on whether to indulge in that delinquency, my peripheral vision started screaming for attention.
  1519. >Turning my head, I saw a trail of colors lancing through the sky.
  1520. >It seemed to have started in Ponyville and was making a direct line toward Canterlot, popping a few clouds en route.
  1521. "Huh. Guess Bluefast has some kind of business here."
  1522. >In mere moments, the vast distance was covered. The trail squiggled about over the city for a moment before pausing.
  1523. >There was another line directly toward the castle. I could see her pause for a moment above the gates, head darting this way and that.
  1524. "Huh. Royal business, maybe?"
  1525. >Her head swiveled upward eventually, and her eyes locked directly on me.
  1526. >Suddenly, she began heading right for me.
  1527. "Oh shit!"
  1528. >I started clambering to get off the cloud, but in an explosion of water vapor, blue, and rainbows, the speedster plowed right through my cloud and into me.
  1529. >We sailed through the air until we came to a halt by digging a trench into another cloud.
  1530. "Urrgh..."
  1531. >Thank goodness for being so durable.
  1532. >As my senses stopped rattling, I realized I was being clutched tightly into Rainbow's chest.
  1533. >I heard a slight sniffle and I looked up.
  1534. "Uh... hi."
  1535. >I got another tight squeeze before she held me out at arm's... er... forehoof's? length.
  1536. >Her eyes were trembling and looked just short of breaking into waterfalls of tears.
  1537. >"I thought you disappeared forever! Without even getting to say anything!"
  1538. >Her rough voice was uncharacteristically emotional.
  1539. >I was yanked back into another hug big enough to make an earth pony think it was 'a bit tight'.
  1540. >"Don't ever disappear like that again, Anon!"
  1541. >With a slight smile, I patted reassuringly with a hoof, since I couldn't exactly hug back all that well at this size.
  1542. >Eventually, she had her fill and let me go.
  1543. >I gave her a smile.
  1544. >She returned it for a moment before it fell into an angry pout.
  1545. >"You didn't even write, you jerk!"
  1546. >She slugged me in the shoulder.
  1547. "Agh! Hey! I was a bit busy! ...and those pencils taste terrible. And I can barely even write again."
  1548. >She kept her pout, giving a horsey little snort.
  1549. "... Yeah, I probably should've gotten word. Sorry. It's just... weird, you know? Really really weird."
  1550. >Her pout finally let up and she ruffled my mane as she gave a shit-eating grin.
  1551. >"Yeah, I guess it is. But hey! At least you make a cute filly!"
  1552. "Hey! Fuck you, I'm not cute!"
  1553. >I flailed my hooves in an attempt to dissuade mane ruffles, only resulting in laughter.
  1554. "How'd you find out, anyways?"
  1555. >"Fluttershy let it slip when reading an article about Celestia's daughter."
  1556. >Of course.
  1557. "Sweet girl, but she can't keep a secret all that well, huh? At least she's quiet."
  1558. >Rainbow nods in agreement.
  1559. >"So... why are you a little filly, anyways?"
  1560. "Twilight tried to be helpful. She used herself as a template, apparently."
  1561. >I poked my horn and ruffled my wings a bit in demonstration.
  1562. >"Ahhh. No luck on her undoing it?"
  1563. "Nope. Apparently tried the counterspell she cooked up beforehand and it failed."
  1564. >Rainbow pauses for a moment.
  1565. >"Huh. Kinda weird hearing somepony use your words. Like before[i]hand[/i] instead of before[i]hoof[/i], y'know? Especially in a little filly voice."
  1566. >I waggled a hoof at her.
  1567. "Yeah, yeah. I get enough shit for that as it is. Ain't easy to just change how you talk at the drop of a hat."
  1568. >She nods.
  1569. "So how about you? Anything happen in your life?"
  1570. >Rainbow pauses, then glances off to the side, rubbing one forehoof with the other.
  1571. >"Uh. Y... yeah. Totally. It's just... there's been... so much awesome that I can't think of it right now."
  1572. >I affix her with a flat look.
  1573. >Her grimace changes into a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.
  1574. >I sigh and shake my head, sympathy patting her shoulder once again, remembering how she gets when Tank's hibernation time rolls around.
  1575. >Every fucking year.
  1576. >One would think she'd learn or get used to it or something.
  1577. "Well... at least you've got the Wonderbolts touring season coming up to look forward to."
  1578. >She nods, cheering up a little.
  1579. >"Hey, you wanna go g--"
  1580. >"There she is! She attacked the Princess's daughter!"
  1581. >A squad of pegasus guardsponies were en route.
  1582. >"...Oh horseapples."
  1583. "CHEESE IT!"
  1584. >The two of us took flight.
  1585. >The better part of the day was spent flying around and avoiding guards.
  1586. >It was a fun day.
  1587.  
  1588.  
  1589.  
  1590. >Garden Appreciation in Equestria
  1591. >I found myself walking about in the gardens, having gotten quite bored of trying to figure out how not to get lost.
  1592. >Since I didn't have any chewing gum to stick on the statues, I was meandering through the various flowers.
  1593. >Guess it's a sort of backup food supply, in a pinch, but I suspect they're mostly because of the traditional reason.
  1594. >Large beds of flowers are scattered about, some completely a single color, a few with a variety, and some even have been arranged to grow in patterns.
  1595. >Eventually, I turn down a path with climbing roses trained overhead across an arched trellis extending down the length of the short passage between the hedges.
  1596. >Some unfamiliar part of me wanted to try and nibble on one for some reason.
  1597. >Best resist that.
  1598. >Eventually, I emerged in a circular clearing in the garden with every kind of rose one could imagine being cultivated.
  1599. >I couldn't stop a low whistle from escaping as I made my way to a gazebo at the center.
  1600. "Seems like it'd be a shame to not sit and appreciate all this work."
  1601. >With a flap of my wings, I made it onto a bench and plopped my forehooves on the railing.
  1602. >My ear twitched idly as I took in the scenery, stifling a snicker as I recalled a few songs from back home.
  1603. >...
  1604. >Home.
  1605. >It had been so long since I'd even thought of it.
  1606. >My head joined my forehooves as I tried thinking back.
  1607. >A dozen years in a different world has a way of making those memories get fuzzy.
  1608. >Idly, I rocked my head back and forth.
  1609. >A heavy sigh escaped me as I hummed quietly.
  1610. >I could kinda remember how a tune went.
  1611. >I could almost hear it, really.
  1612. >Eventually, the words began to flutter about in the garden, escaping my lips in the still unfamiliar voice.
  1613.  
  1614. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XW1YQNn14V0
  1615.  
  1616. >My ears perked a bit as I heard something from elsewhere in the gardens, carrying oddly well.
  1617. >It seemed to have joined in about as I hit the chorus.
  1618. >Certainly a bit different...
  1619.  
  1620. https://youtu.be/vhObgz_7Z4s?t=27
  1621.  
  1622. >Well, no sense in wasting a decent little jam session, I supposed.
  1623. >On with the show.
  1624.  
  1625. >Eventually, the song petered to an end.
  1626. >Was that one of those... music things?
  1627. >I wasn't sure what the etiquette for that sort of thing might be.
  1628. >...maybe another tune?
  1629. >After a bit of thought, that odd sensation of disembodied music began drifting around.
  1630. >Unbidden, my voice flitted into the air once more.
  1631. >I wasn't as familiar with the tune, having only heard it a couple of times, but somehow I didn't seem to be unsure of what phrase came next.
  1632.  
  1633. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxSTzSEiZ2c
  1634.  
  1635. >As a second voice joined in right behind me, my heart felt like it dropped a beat or two, yet the song continued.
  1636. >Somehow.
  1637. >I turned slightly as a mass of pink moved into my periphery.
  1638. >As the music swelled, a gold-shod hoof pulled me beneath a wing.
  1639. >A pink forehoof and my own stretched out to the sky of their own accord before lowering back down on a more sedate verse.
  1640. >As it falls to the end, there's a moment of calm.
  1641. >I look over to the pink princess patron of paramours.
  1642. >Uh oh.
  1643. >I recognized that look.
  1644. >I tried to turn and bolt, but it was already far too late.
  1645. >With a squeal that could make a night guard jealous, I was ensnared in Cadence's constrictor grasp and thrashed about in her enthusiasm.
  1646. >"Ohh, who knew my new cousin was so precious!"
  1647. >I tried to tap out on one of the limbs squeezing the life out of me, but apparently wrestling rules aren't part of a princess's curriculum.
  1648. >Soon enough, I found myself dangling from her hooves, face to face.
  1649. >Flat look engaged.
  1650. >"And so smart for your age! I was a little concerned after reading the papers, but I can see it's little wonder why you ascended!"
  1651. >She clapped me against her in another hug, continuing her stream of words and exposing my disappointment to a poor, hapless flower on a pillar of the gazebo.
  1652. >"I was concerned when I heard somepony singing a song so full of heartache, so I decided I would check it out, but then you started with that other one too and I just had to join in."
  1653. >Back out to arm's... forehoof's length.
  1654. >"Oh, I'm sure we're going to be the best of cousins! Maybe I can watch you sometimes when Celestia's busy, and maybe you can watch Flurry Heart when you're a bit older!"
  1655. >She finally grew silent, beaming cheerfully.
  1656. >After a moment to make sure she got it out of her system, I rose a hoof.
  1657. >"Yo. Good to see you again, Candy-ass."
  1658. >I could almost hear it as her expression cracked, eyes shifting from side to side.
  1659. >Her smile clung on, but a strong breeze could probably have blown it off.
  1660. >I leaned in as much as I could from my position, and whispered those three magical words.
  1661. "Blame Twilight Sparkle."
  1662. >Like a pneumatic lift, she sighed as she lowered me to the bench once more.
  1663. "How's the hubby?"
  1664.  
  1665. >She gave a slight smile, but her disappointment remained.
  1666. >We made small talk for a moment before heading inside.
  1667. >Not too bad a day.
  1668. ---
  1669. >The next morning
  1670. >I shambled my way through the castle, fresh out of bed.
  1671. >The maids seemed to be giving occasional sad-looking smiles as we passed.
  1672. >A few brought me into a hug and made cooing "It's going to be okay" type encouragements.
  1673. >What the hell.
  1674. >I just wanted some fucking breakfast.
  1675. >Shuffling into the dining hall took far longer than I expected.
  1676. >As I plopped into my seat, I could immediately tell something was wrong.
  1677. >Cadence was watching me with cheerful expectancy, and Celestia looked terribly amused.
  1678. >A grunt of acknowledgement in their direction only prompted wider smiles.
  1679. >"Good morning, my little sunshine."
  1680. >"Have you read the news yet?"
  1681. >Before I could reply, a gossip rag was plopped in front of me.
  1682. >A photo of myself from the whirlwind of activity when I was introduced was splashed across the front.
  1683. -[b]Princess Celestia's New Daughter![/b]-
  1684. --Unruly Terror or Tragic Young Love?--
  1685. >I blinked.
  1686. >The princesses watched expectantly as I began to read.
  1687. "Oh god dammit."
  1688. >Apparently, a pony paparazzi had overheard me in the gardens and managed to snap a few pictures of myself and Cadence.
  1689. >They were promptly used to speculate wildly and spin a tragic tale of lost foalhood love, citing it as a potential reason for my prickly nature.
  1690. >Cadence's presence fueled suppositions of her being called in to help deal with suppressed heartbreak.
  1691. "This is total horseshit!"
  1692. >Cadence gave another titter.
  1693. >"Come come. This might work out okay for your public image."
  1694. "Fuck public image."
  1695. >"Now now. This will give a nice excuse to spend plenty of time with your dear, older cousin."
  1696. >I knocked my head against the table.
  1697. >"Uuugh... if we're gonna have to hang out, you'd better be taking me to get pizza or something."
  1698. >A server toted out the meals, placing them before each of us.
  1699. >I couldn't help but notice mine had a few extra pancakes on it when it was placed before me.
  1700. >The server patted atop my made and murmured to 'stay strong' before exiting again.
  1701. >I let out a frustrated scream that was far too girly for my liking, then resumed banging my head on the table.
  1702. >Fucking ponies.
  1703. >Fucking Twilight.
  1704. >Fucking paparazzi.
  1705.  
  1706.  
  1707.  
  1708. >Another day.
  1709. >The royal family sat out on a balcony, sans the nocturnal one.
  1710. >I looked at the cup of tea, wafting its fragrant steam into the air.
  1711. >The pink and the white alicorns sat chatting about political happenings.
  1712. >On one hand, it kept them from bothering me.
  1713. >On the other hand, it was boring me out of my mind.
  1714. >Weighing my options, I eventually let out a sigh and took a sip from my drink before sitting up.
  1715. "Hey. Celestia."
  1716. >The two paused, turning in unison toward me.
  1717. "You've got a lot of stuff, right? Can't quite think up what'd be a decent mother's day gift. You even want one?"
  1718. >Her eyes light up, and for once I see her having to compose herself.
  1719. >"Well, I suppose I could find some space somewhere for a small gift."
  1720. >Cadence beamed cheerfully.
  1721. >"So what brought this on?"
  1722. "Ehh. I guess, legally, she qualifies now. She's not too bad, and I guess it's a way of paying back a bit of the kindness I've had since I came here."
  1723. >The pink pony princess gave a knowing smile.
  1724. >"Mmhm. I see, I see."
  1725. >She knows NOTHING.
  1726. "Well, I guess I can step out and look for something. Unless you're dead set on getting some kind of macaroni art glued onto paper as a gift."
  1727. >The princess of the sun, matriarch of Equestria for the last thousand years before her sister's return, takes more time than she should to seriously consider the joke.
  1728. >"Mmmmmmmmmmmmno, I guess you can head out. Make sure to grab a guard before you do."
  1729. >"...I get enough macaroni art to feed an Istallion family for a month, anyways" she mutters under her breath.
  1730. >Cadence beams far more than should be safe.
  1731. >"Shopping triiiiiip!"
  1732. "Oh god no."
  1733. ---
  1734. >Time has lost all meaning.
  1735. >The number of shops visited is uncountable.
  1736. >Despite my best efforts to obtain some cheap, easily obtained tchotchke, apparently that wasn't good enough for a Mother's Day gift for Glorious Solar Leader.
  1737. >While I had attempted to buy something several times, Lovebutt had blabbed that I was shopping for something for Celestia several times while we were browsing.
  1738. >The ever-so-patriotic proprietors of the shops constantly plied the two of us with things that apparently didn't meet Cadence's standards.
  1739. >Either that or the proprietors didn't deem Cadence's choice to be worthy of being a gift to the beloved Princess of the Sun.
  1740. >It took ages to convince her to fib just a smidgen, and that was only after I could detect that she could tell the situation that we were in.
  1741. >I convinced her to go along with the next shop's suggestion, and a card.
  1742. "...that was more trouble than it was worth," I grumbled.
  1743. >"Oh, don't be that way, A... Emerald. Just imagine the face she'll have when she gets your present!" encouraged the pink princess.
  1744. "I guess."
  1745. >And so, box of chocolate-covered cake bites and overly elaborate card in metaphorical hand, we made our way back to the castle.
  1746. >After bidding her goodnight and a solid night of passion with her hubby, I made my way back up to my room.
  1747. >Since she was in the area, she apparently had dibs on the Pink Hell, so I was thankfully able to sleep in the room I'd been put in while I was ill.
  1748. >Privacy obtained, I set about personalizing the card.
  1749. >Somehow, I managed to wrangle the quill into dragging words onto the interior of the card.
  1750. >Task complete, I went to bed to wait for the appropriate time to deliver the gift.
  1751. ---
  1752. >With a smile on the solar princess's face, she turned the wrapping paper into confetti in what seemed like an instant.
  1753. >She let out an exaggerated gasp at the discovery of her treats, then turned her attention toward the included card after ensuring that a couple of the treats never live to pass on their genes.
  1754. >She gave me a cheery smile as she set about opening the card's envelope.
  1755. >No words where added, as according to my lessons from Raven, speaking with one's mouth full is a faux-pas.
  1756. >Her expression started out pleased as can be as she slid the folded paper free.
  1757. >Flipping it open, her expression took on a slightly concerned tone as she took in its contents.
  1758. >"Well. Um. That's... Thank you very much for the gift, Em--um... Anonymous."
  1759. >She shifts in her seat, an uncharacteristically unsure look about her.
  1760. >"It's... well written?" she diplomatically states.
  1761. >For my part, I just gave her a wide grin, then made a quick exit.
  1762. >Sure, the cake was just cake, but the card had a little poem I'd cobbled together with a pittance of work.
  1763. >All in all, it seemed to have done the trick.
  1764.  
  1765. Roses are red,
  1766. Violets are blue.
  1767. Before I was a filly
  1768. I sometimes fapped to you.
  1769.  
  1770. Best wishes for Mother's Day,
  1771. Anonymous, AKA Emerald Dawn.
  1772.  
  1773. >As I climbed into bed after a long day, I wondered how it would come and bite me in the ass.
  1774. >Oh well. Tomorrow could take care of itself.
  1775. >And so, I snuggled into my covers and drifted off to sleep.
  1776.  
  1777.  
  1778.  
  1779.  
  1780.  
  1781. >I stood beside my adoptive mother, princess of the sun, staring at my doom.
  1782. >There was far too much poof.
  1783. >There was far too much lace.
  1784. >It glittered far too much.
  1785. >And whats worse, there was another ivory pony standing right next to it and looking far too pleased with herself.
  1786. >But then, that was par for the course for this particular pony when dealing with their wares.
  1787. >Not that she knew that I knew that.
  1788. >Keeping it that way seemed like a good idea.
  1789. >What was she saying at the moment?
  1790. >"...and each of the sequins was triple-stitched, so you're certain to look fabulous for the entire evening."
  1791. >Well, the time to put those ettiquete lessons to use.
  1792. "That's... nice. I was never one for fashion, so I'm certain you have a better idea than myself. Thank you for your expertise."
  1793. >I added in a slight bow for good measure.
  1794. >Bitches love a good bow.
  1795. >Rarity tittered and waved a hoof.
  1796. >"Oh, the pleasure is mine, darling!"
  1797. "Running multiple boutiques as you do, I was a little under the impression that Miss Saddles would be making the outfit."
  1798. >The mare in question gave a smile from the counter.
  1799. >"I'm flattered, but this was something special. While I make a few simple designs, most of the designs here are from her. With such a high profile client, for such a prestigious event, I would be quite out of my element on my own. So, I sent word to her and she was here in an instant."
  1800. >I supressed the urge to grimace.
  1801. "Ah. Well... I appreciate the forethought."
  1802. >No I didn't.
  1803. "It looks nice."
  1804. >It looked gaudy as hell, like all of Rarity's gem-encrusted monstrosities.
  1805. >"Well, what are we waiting for, darling? Let's try it on so we can get it fitted properly! Nopony should have to look like they're wearing a pillow case."
  1806. >The grimace started to show as I took a slight step backward.
  1807. >My retreat was blocked by a wall of white feathers.
  1808. >I looked up, betrayal on my features as Celestia turned her trademark smile on me.
  1809. >"Oh, come come, Emerald. No need to be shy."
  1810. >That wing pushed me forward, hooves skidding along the tile.
  1811. >She leaned in as the dress was retrieved from the pony mannequin.
  1812. >"It's not so bad. Just remember what you said a while back."
  1813. >She leaned closer still to whisper right into my ear.
  1814. >[s]"Penis."[/s]
  1815. >She rose back up to her full height and gave a regal nod.
  1816. >"I'm sure you realize the impact such things bring."
  1817. >She tilted her head a little.
  1818. >"Oh, I just remembered. I have a meeting that I have to attend. Would it be okay if I left my daughter here with you? I feel she needs more outfits for the upcoming festivals and holidays. Not to mention something to make a good impression when I enroll her in school."
  1819. >Fuck. This mare knows how to pay back her grudges.
  1820. >My refined facade crumbled into panic as the seamstresses both perked up and gave a cheerful acceptance.
  1821. "Nonononono! You can't do this!"
  1822. >Celestia gave a melodic chuckle as she headed toward the door.
  1823. >"I'm afraid I have to, my little sunshine. She can be a bit of a wild spirit, ladies, so do what you must to take care of my daughter's wardrobe. I'll see you after my meeting is done, Emerald."
  1824. >I flailed my hooves in her direction as I was dragged toward the dress by the two unicorns.
  1825. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! I'll poop in your teapot! I'll feed Philomena laxatives and lock her in your room!"
  1826. >"Bye, sweetie! Mommy loves you!"
  1827. >The princess of the sun gave a condescending wave, mischief in her eyes, before disappearing out the door.
  1828. "AAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHH!"
  1829. >It was a bad day, full of fabric, needles, and stupid hats.
  1830.  
  1831.  
  1832.  
  1833.  
  1834.  
  1835.  
  1836. >Cameras flashed everywhere as paparazzi followed Celestia and I through the streets.
  1837. >I had been made to wear one of Rarity's fabric monstrosities for the occasion, which fortunately didn't have much in the way of gems.
  1838. >It even came with matching saddlebags, though they were likely too small for much more than some books and such.
  1839. >Questions about how I felt about this or that were mostly ignored.
  1840. >Soon, our destination was reached.
  1841. >Turning in to the gate, the press stayed behind, likely due to rules or something.
  1842. >I could see a different set of eyes peering out from the windows.
  1843. >Celestia stopped outside the door and turned to me.
  1844. >"Well, here we are. Do you have everything?"
  1845. "For the fifth time, yes. I double checked before we left. YOU double checked."
  1846. >"Oh, I know. It's just it's your first day! It's so important! Everypony will be watching."
  1847. >I supressed a shudder before being pulled into a hug.
  1848. >"Have a good day at school, my little sunshine! Try to make some friends. I'll see you when you get home, okay?"
  1849. >Another squeeze, then she holds open the door with her magic.
  1850. >Time to get this show on the road.
  1851. >Squaring myself up, I made my way into the prison for children.
  1852. ----
  1853. >"Okay, fillies and colts! Today, we've got a new student joining us. I hope you make sure she feels welcome. Why don't you introduce yourself?"
  1854. >I'm stood at the front of the classroom, eyes locked on me.
  1855. >Judging by how many ponies were standing around, more than just those that attended the class were present.
  1856. >Clearing my throat, I gave a slight bow.
  1857. "Good morning. As I'm sure many of you are aware, my name is Emerald Dawn."
  1858. >No, it isn't.
  1859. >Easier to not cause a fuss though.
  1860. "My adoptive mother enrolled me here. I'm uncertain how well I'll be able to keep up, so I'm sure I'll rely on many of you for help."
  1861. >The teacher gave a smile, then turned toward the crowd.
  1862. >"Before we start the class, do you mind if we let them ask a few questions?"
  1863. >Yes. Yes I did mind.
  1864. "I guess I can answer a few..."
  1865. >A forest of hooves shot up, hoping to be picked to ask their question.
  1866.  
  1867. ------
  1868. Okay! Taking questions for the ponies to ask! These are fillies and colts, but some of them might have been fed questions to ask by parents beforehand. I'll probably give a bit of time to get the questions in, and do a second round for potential follow-ups. Please quote for ease of reference.
  1869.  
  1870. >>240855
  1871. "Was the royal wedding changeling attack an inside job?"
  1872. >>240862
  1873. >"Does Celestia eat fillies to retain her immortality?"
  1874. >>240883
  1875. "Does Celestia really eat five cakes a day?"
  1876.  
  1877. >Eventually, I pointed at a colt at random.
  1878. >The pony points at himself, and I nod in acknowledgement.
  1879. >Fumbling through his stuff, he pulls out a card.
  1880. >>240855
  1881. >"Was the royal wedding changeling attack an inside job?"
  1882. >He then smiles.
  1883. >Nice enough kid.
  1884. >It'd be fun to mess with him.
  1885. >Too bad I've gotta play my part.
  1886. >That being a little filly.
  1887. >Damn it.
  1888. "Well, I'm not from Canterlot, so I wasn't here. But from the pictures I saw, they were all over the place! Inside, outside, in the sky, chasing ponies out of their homes... So I guess some of them were inside?"
  1889. >I tilt my head curiously, then look over toward the teacher with a slightly confused expression.
  1890. >He looks somewhat amused, but nods and guestures to continue.
  1891. >The hooves waggle in the air again.
  1892. >A point at a filly with pigtails in her mane and a gap in her front teeth wide enough to drive a semi through is given.
  1893. >>240862
  1894. >"Doeth Thelethtia eat fillieth to retain her immortality?"
  1895. >Oh the places this could be taken.
  1896. >Gotta behave, though.
  1897. >Think of the booze, Anon.
  1898. "Well... I've been staying in the castle, and I'm still here, right? ...and I haven't seen any fillies come in and mysteriously not leave."
  1899. >I give an encouraging smile.
  1900. >At least, I hope it's encouraging.
  1901. >The filly looks a bit uncertain, but nods.
  1902. >Again with the hooves and the picking.
  1903. >A real butterball of a pony leans over their desk.
  1904. >I'm surprised it doesn't creak from the weight.
  1905. >>240883
  1906. >"Does Celestia really eat FIVE cakes a day?"
  1907. >I can almost see the food-lust pouring off of the pony.
  1908. >...but maybe I can mess with this question a bit.
  1909. "That's kinda tough. How big does something have to be to be counted as a cake? Does a cupcake count as one whole cake? Does something like one of those tiered wedding cakes count as one cake or multiple cakes? If I made a cake the size of a bed, would that count as just one cake?"
  1910. >I give a shrug.
  1911. "I know she does like cake. I've seen her eat some. ...but I'm not around her all day, since she's got stuff to do and she's had tutors and stuff come to try and teach me things."
  1912. >I frown for a moment.
  1913. "It's kinda been hard, and I think I accidentally swallowed a marble one time."
  1914. >No I didn't, but it's a fun little thing they might enjoy.
  1915. >I give a smile and look around to see if any of my other new classmates had questions.
  1916.  
  1917. >>241577
  1918. "My daddy says that Celestia is a tyrant and a fraud and the sun and moon move on their own. That's why the moon continued to rise and set even when Luna was gone for 1000 years. He also says Nightmare Moon did nothing wrong and we'd all be better off under her rule."
  1919. >>241594
  1920. Does Princess Luna really haunt our dreams? I heard she was just a fat video game nerd
  1921. >>241631
  1922. Question is from an earth pony.
  1923. >"C-can I feel your wings?"
  1924. >>241646
  1925. Question from a pegasus right after
  1926. "Ohh, can I feel your horn? Can I?"
  1927. >>241655
  1928. "Does Celestia poop, or does she work so hard that she doesn't produce waste?"
  1929. >>241750
  1930. How come Griffons control the majority of the banks despite only being 2% of the population.
  1931. >>241751
  1932. "What flavor was the marble?"
  1933.  
  1934. >A prissy filly with drill hair mane spoke up without even bothering to wait for being picked.
  1935. >>241577
  1936. >"MY daddy says that Celestia is a tyrant and a fraud and the sun and moon move on their own. That's why the moon continued to rise and set even when Luna was gone for 1000 years. He also says Nightmare Moon did nothing wrong and we'd all be better off under her rule."
  1937. >There's a moment of silence, only broken by a heavy sigh from the teacher's direction.
  1938. "... Right. There's so much about that to talk about, it's hard to tell where to begin."
  1939. >I plopped down into a sitting position.
  1940. "If Celestia WERE a tyrant, she must be the most inept tyrants that's ever existed. Somepony saying that sort of stuff, in the city of her seat of power, and NOT mysteriously disappearing? That's like.. basic level stuff."
  1941. >I let out an exasperated snort that sounded a bit too equine for my taste.
  1942. "Next, regarding all the Nightmare Moon and Luna stuff, was he... asleep or something for ANY of the times recently where some unspeakable power interfered with the sun and moon? Discord? The Storm King? That time that the princesses were missing and both the sun and moon were in the sky with that weird night on one side and day on the other thing?"
  1943. >I waggled a hoof dismissively.
  1944. "... I'd fuss some more, and it sounds like your daddy has some more that could be said on his opinions, but c'mon now."
  1945. >I pointed at a pony that'd had his hoof raised.
  1946. >They blinked for a moment before realizing they'd been picked.
  1947. >>241751
  1948. >"What flaaavor was the marble?"
  1949. >He had a somewhat gormless expression on his face.
  1950. >At least it was an easy question.
  1951. "Glass. Fortunately, marbles aren't pointy."
  1952. >and on to the next one.
  1953. >>241594
  1954. >"Does Princess Luna really haunt our dreams? I heard she was just a fat video game nerd."
  1955. >Heh.
  1956. "Welllll... I dunno if 'haunt' is really the right word. She does have the ability to go into other ponies' dreams. She's talked with me in one of mine."
  1957. >I'll just leave out the troublesome subject of said conversation.
  1958. "I think I heard she helps ponies having nightmares? I haven't really talked about her work. ...and I guess if I were gone a long time and were shown something as interesting as video games, I'd probably get curious about them too. ...but I don't think she's done much with them. Maybe she's done enough stuff that they're just not as interesting? I dunno. Maybe I could try showing her some stuff sometime."
  1959. >The filly nods a little and the filly beside her shoots her hoof up.
  1960. >Might as well.
  1961. >I barely even started pointing at her before hooves are planted firmly on the desk.
  1962. >>241750
  1963. >"How come Griffons control the majority of the banks despite only being 2% of the population."
  1964. >Oy vey, de goyim know!
  1965. >Talon rubbing intensifies.
  1966. "Well... I dunno. Maybe they're more prone to financial cutie m--wait. They don't get cutie marks, right?"
  1967. >Damn right they don't.
  1968. "...maybe they're good with money? I dunno. Do they really control banks?"
  1969. >The teacher clears his throat.
  1970. >"Let's move on to another question."
  1971. >Aw. That's no fun.
  1972. >The teacher then points at an earth pony that was currently fumbling his hooves together.
  1973. >>241631
  1974. >"C-can I feel your wings?"
  1975. >My cheeks felt a bit warmer.
  1976. "Uh..."
  1977. >Before I could answer, an overly excitable pegasus pops right out of her seat and chirps up.
  1978. >>241646
  1979. >"Ohh, can I feel your horn? Can I? Can I?"
  1980. >More and more ponies began just shouting out their questions, drowning each other out as I could swear I could feel spaghetti trying to spill from beneath my wings.
  1981. >The teacher began banging a hoof on his desk to try and restore order.
  1982. >"All right! All right! Settle down, everypony!"
  1983. >The chatter began to die down, but one somewhat clueless pony didn't quite quiet down in time.
  1984. >>241655
  1985. >"Does Celestia poop, or does she work so hard that she doesn't produce waste?"
  1986. >The unfortunate pony becomes the center of attention for the entire class, a few snickers coming from the back.
  1987. >The teacher gives him a frown before commenting.
  1988. >"I'm sure your parents read that book to you when you were little. 'Everypony Poops'. If not, maybe you can check it out from the library."
  1989. >An outright laugh from the class at that.
  1990. >Poor thing, getting dissed by a teacher like that.
  1991. >Said teacher then turned toward me.
  1992. >"Well, I guess if there aren't any questions about our newest student, we should get on with class. If anypony still has questions, please wait until lunch or recess, where if she feels like answering them, she might do so then. Emerald, you may take a seat right over there."
  1993. "Y... you too..."
  1994. >I mumbled it beneath my breath, still feeling a touch out of sorts from the questions.
  1995. >The earth pony and the pegasus were still looking right at me.
  1996. >I shuffled to the indicated seat as I hoped my face wasn't making me look like a bad Christmas ornament.
  1997. >It seemed like things were going to be weird here as well.
  1998. >One of the ponies sitting next to me tried scooting their desk a little closer.
  1999. >Fucking ponies, man.
  2000.  
  2001.  
  2002.  
  2003.  
  2004.  
  2005. >The "Best Night Ever" in Equestria.
  2006. >It wasn't my first tangle with the event.
  2007. >The warpaint may be different, but the preparation was similar.
  2008. >I had spent the entire day getting primped and brushed in new and unfamiliar ways.
  2009. >Well, somewhat. The Makeover Squad had descended upon me a few times for public events, but this was another level entirely.
  2010. >Even Raven was there, giving a crash course ettiquette refresher as I was getting swarmed.
  2011. >Eventually, the makeup sea parted, and I was led off toward a large set of double doors.
  2012. >Some horns blared on the other side as my escort hastily made themself scarce.
  2013. >"Miss Emerald Dawn!" someone... er... somepony on the other side announced as the doors swung open.
  2014. >Showtime.
  2015. >Back straight, head up, all that jazz.
  2016. >Given the gauntlet I'd been put through, I was ready.
  2017. >I even managed to not flinch too much at the lights and camera flashes as I made my way into the ballroom.
  2018. >Given I was wearing an outfit by a pony with a penchant for putting sparkly things everywhere, I'd wouldn't be surprised if somepony got blinded.
  2019. >I reached the stairs that Celestia was already atop.
  2020. >Right. Hoof back. Don't fidget those wings. Careful now.
  2021. >With a well-coached bow, I ascended to stand beside her.
  2022. >Yo, sunbutt. 'sup.
  2023. "Good evening, Mother."
  2024. >The words tasted foul in my mouth and grated against my soul.
  2025. >Nonetheless, Celestia smiled widely, eyes twinkling.
  2026. >"Good evening, my little sunshine. You look lovely."
  2027. >I'd better fucking look awesome, or else someone's gonna get the boot.
  2028. >... Somepony. Need to keep up the illusion.
  2029. >Think of the booze.
  2030. >With a smile that felt like it wanted to run screaming if I didn't keep it pinned in place, I stepped up and gave a hug to the giant sunhorse.
  2031. >She returned in kind, beaming even brighter.
  2032. >It almost broke my heart that I was only doing it to fulfill my end of our little bargain. Almost.
  2033. >I took up a position to her side, and the main doors opened, letting in the horde of prim, prissy, and proper ponies.
  2034. >Far too many had their noses raised far enough to seem a parody.
  2035. >A line quickly began forming for ponies to greet their princess.
  2036. >Courteous smiles. Small greetings.
  2037. >Over and over, I was told how 'precious' I looked.
  2038. >Not. Fucking. Cute.
  2039. >That thought got stuffed down before it got a chance to show.
  2040. >Colts and fillies, some looking more uncomfortable than others, were dragged up and practically forced in front of me.
  2041. >Over and over, proud parents insisted that their little darling and I would 'become the most inseperable of ponies'.
  2042. >Never mind how much it might look like their child got beaten nightly with a stick. ...or needed to be.
  2043. >I at least gave polite smiles and courteous, if curt, greetings to the poor children turned political pieces.
  2044. >I could feel it crawling underneath my skin, begging to be let out to tell the parents how shitty they were.
  2045. >...
  2046. >Cram it down.
  2047. >The next pony in line sent a fidget through a wing that I couldn't stop in time.
  2048. >The snooty spa addict looked down her snout at me.
  2049. >Oh how I wanted to beat that look off her face.
  2050. >...control. Think of the booze.
  2051. >I could feel my teeth creak.
  2052. >"Ahh, Princess. Lovely to see you again."
  2053. >"A pleasure to see you again as well. I hope you enjoy the Gala."
  2054. >The cunt's gaze turned directly toward me.
  2055. >Play it cool. Give her a bow. Bitches love a good bow.
  2056. "I feel I should apologize for my tone at our last meeting."
  2057. >With a disdainful sniff, she turns back to Celestia.
  2058. >"I see that you've managed to tame your little Tartarus spawn. Truly, is there nothing you can't do?"
  2059. >My eye twitched.
  2060. >I could feel my hackles rise.
  2061. >Bold words from someone within biting distance.
  2062. >No... play it proper.
  2063. "... The tone, I apologize for. Not the content, as I see the views still apply."
  2064. >With a hmph, the bitch turns and makes her way into the gala.
  2065. >I felt a light tap on a wing.
  2066. >"Pushing it," whispered Celestia.
  2067. "Am I supposed to just let her disrespect both of us?"
  2068. >She gave a slight smile at that.
  2069. >"I appreciate the thought, my little sunshine, but they're only words. You'll learn in time."
  2070. >Like hell I will.
  2071. >She turns and greets another guest.
  2072. >I trace the line down with my eyes, and spot a mare having a hushed coaching session with a pair of foals.
  2073. >Yeah, not dealing with that.
  2074. >I give a light nudge with a hoof to Celestia's and lightly clear my throat.
  2075. "Sorry to interrupt, mother, but I'm feeling slightly peckish. Might I go get something to eat?"
  2076. >She gave a smile.
  2077. >"I suppose that would be okay."
  2078. "Would you like me to get you anything?"
  2079. >"Thank you for the offer, but I'll get something later."
  2080. >With a curtsey, I figuratively floated across the floor and away from the line of shmoozers.
  2081. ------
  2082. >...
  2083. >I regretted everything about my decision.
  2084. >I hadn't gotten a moment's peace as pony after pony saw my presence as an opportunity to try and butter me up.
  2085. >I'd delicately extricated myself from several less persistant ponies, but currently one just wasn't taking the hint.
  2086. >I floated a tiny cracker with some unidentifiable green paste toward my mouth, only to be jostled by the other pony as they laughed at some inane joke they made.
  2087. >The cracker went right in my eye.
  2088. >The scream that escaped me was totally manly and not at all a shrill, girlish shriek.
  2089. "That's fucking IT!"
  2090. >I rubbed my eye before whipping my hoof around the room.
  2091. "I'VE FUCKING HAD IT!"
  2092. >The room fell silent, apart from some distant memory of a tune stirring.
  2093. "YOU! Don't you EVER know when to shut your trap, you blithering idiot?"
  2094. >The pony had a look of shock on his face.
  2095. >Ah... that's the tune... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nWqVYYvwhg
  2096. "AND YOU! Your fashion sense belongs on a wanted poster! YOU THERE! I've never seen a pony with eyes in different post codes!"
  2097. >The two ponies indicated took a step back.
  2098. "YOU! Who told you your fucking children are pawns to be pimped out?"
  2099. "YOU! BREATH MINTS, DAMMIT! Brush your goddamn teeth!"
  2100. "AND YOU!!!"
  2101. >My hoof pointed at a small, green filly, dark mane with a horn poking out of it.
  2102. >Her wings were flared wide, and her face was twisted into a mask of utter fury.
  2103. >The mask slipped, tears welling up at the corners of her green eyes.
  2104. "You... you're the worst of 'em all.."
  2105. >I could feel my throat seizing up.
  2106. "You... messed everything up... I can't do this anymore."
  2107. >Turning, I galloped away from the reflection, murmurs starting as I ran out the doors.
  2108. >I eventually tripped and faceplanted right in the middle of a clearing in the gardens.
  2109. >I could hear it all so clearly.
  2110. >Only one thing left to do.
  2111. "I know... I know I've let you down..."
  2112. >The girlish voice cracked a bit as it sang, sniffing now and then as it drew breath.
  2113. >Ponies filtered in from different parts of the gala.
  2114. >Some joined in to provide background vocals as they were lead in some synchronized dance in circles around me.
  2115. >I could hear their hooves clacking on the ground as they sang the chorus as well.
  2116. >Eventually, I felt the song release me from its hold even as it continued on.
  2117. >I curled up where I sat, gently sobbing into my hooves as the ponies continued with the final vocals.
  2118. >Eventually, even those faded, reduced to just the sound of their hooves, marching in time all around me.
  2119. >As the song petered out, I could hear the crowd parting, with others murmuring uncomfortably amongst themselves.
  2120. >I felt myself being covered with a now-familiar downy warmth.
  2121. "I... I can't do this anymore... I can't keep fighting."
  2122. >I sniffled and rubbed my nose before looking up into Celestia's pools of magenta.
  2123. "I give up... you win... I can't do it anymore... I can't... I can't..."
  2124. >I buried my head in my hooves, murmuring over and over into them.
  2125. >Slowly the clearing faded into silence.
  2126. >I'm not sure how long I sat there.
  2127. >Eventually, Celestia's wing shifted.
  2128. >"... I'm sorry, Anonymous. I didn't think on how hard this must have been on you."
  2129. >I raised my head a little, noting that we were now completely alone.
  2130. >"I just... I got so wrapped up in the idea of having a daughter of my own that I didn't even think about what it must have been like for you."
  2131. >I got picked up and drawn into those ivory hooves of hers, her head atop my own.
  2132. >"I shouldn't have pushed you into being my daughter like this. I'm so.. so sorry."
  2133. >Another sniffle.
  2134. >"Can... you tell me a bit about your mother, Anon?"
  2135. "...Emerald Dawn."
  2136. >A sad smile came from the princess of the sun as she hugged a bit tighter.
  2137. >Eventually, the silence grew too heavy to bear.
  2138. "My mother... was a good enough woman, I thought. We all seemed happy enough..."
  2139. >I didn't want to continue.
  2140. >I'd buried the topic long ago to rot somewhere deep in my mind.
  2141. "... but then, she divorced my dad. He tried to keep things together, but she did it anyways. It just about killed my dad. For years, he couldn't even do anything. Not even work. He barely even got to see myself or my siblings. Later on, I found out that she couldn't keep her damn legs together when she was off on some trip she had to take. I... guess she couldn't handle the guilt or something."
  2142. >Idly, I rubbed a hoof along one of the legs around my middle.
  2143. >"For the longest time, I just couldn't understand it. I guess I still don't fully understand it, but it's in the past. I can't change it. Before I wound up here, I hadn't even talked to her in years. I think she'd been remarried a couple of times since. Don't even know her new last name."
  2144. >I could feel Celestia hold me a little tighter.
  2145. "I... Maybe it had something to do with some of this. I don't know. I guess I can give this... thing... a try. I just don't have the strength to keep fighting to stay me anymore."
  2146. >"I shouldn't have pushed. I had no right."
  2147. "What's in the past is in the past. We can't change it. Just gotta live with it, deal with it, and grow."
  2148. >"Well... You won't have to keep fighting. I shouldn't have tried changing who you are."
  2149. "Guess we'll just dust things off and start over or something."
  2150. >"That sounds like a good idea, if you're willing."
  2151. "... Sure. Mom."
  2152. >The rest of the gala was spent outside, beneath the stars.
  2153.  
  2154.  
  2155. >Be me.
  2156. >Emerald Dawn.
  2157. >It had been a couple of months since the Gala.
  2158. >Things had improved a little.
  2159. >Twilight had started teaching me magic once again after I smoothed things over with her.
  2160. >I'd gone to visit the guards that had been injured when I had been sick.
  2161. >Currently, I was emerging from a small closet, bottle in hand.
  2162. >Well, metaphorical hand.
  2163. >Celestia had decided that I did indeed need a place to call my own, of sorts.
  2164. >And so, after much work, I held the fruits of my labor in front of me in my magic, along with a marker.
  2165. >After a bit of thought, I scribbled on the bit of tape I'd stuck to the bottle for a label.
  2166. >Green Hornet Brewery, hard cider.
  2167. >Things seemed like they were going to be okay.
  2168. "Hey, Mom! Grab some glasses and get Luna. I want you to try something."
  2169.  
  2170. End.

Who Are you? [Anonfilly][Incomplete]

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