Anon Filly CYOA

You go to sleep in your bed tonight. It is nice and cozy, and you cannot wait to shitpost tomorrow when you are not dead tired. You wake up to see long black hair covering your face. You move it out of the way with your hand, only to discover that it is green, and also a hoof instead of a hand. Ye gods must have turned you into a filly. What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You get out of bed to look for your computer only to discover that, after your mind has had time to adjust to not being human, you also are not in your room. Actually, this room looks a little better. Like you're in a fancy hotel or something, but more colorful. Your computer is nowhere to be found. Even if you could find a way to type with hooves (and upon further inspection of these hooves, you could probably find a way to hunt and peck with the very tip of them based on their curvature), you would be unable to shitpost due to the lack of a machine to shitpost.

 

You are standing in a foreign room in the body of a filly. You are now much more awake. What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Being a genre-savvy filly, you figure yourself to be in Equestria and so head out to find Spike. As you exit the room, you find yourself in a large castle, which you can surmise from the architecture is not Twilight's crystal castle. It looks more traditional. As you wander around searching for a doorway out, you eventually find yourself face planting into a large white leg. You look up and see Princess Celestia.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A devilish idea pops into your head as you crawl underneath the princess' legs and look up to see her delicious candy vag. You jump up to try and reach it for a little taste, only to find yourself enveloped in her magic and lifted onto her back. You realize that you are a bit small to try and >rape the princess.

 

She looks back at you and smiles.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Undeterred by minor setbacks, you grab hold of the princess' waist and try to hump her back like a dog humping a leg. "Lemme smash, I wanna smash!" you shout out, only to be met with giggles. She lifts you up to her face and nuzzles you.

 

 

A frown forms upon your face. "I'm actually homeless."

 

The princess appears a bit shocked from this revelation, and you realize from a bit of reflection that orphans were not entirely common in the show. Most ponies, if they did not live with their parents, lived with siblings, or even with lesbian aunts.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Determined to taste delicious mare pussy, you keep your eyes on the prize. "My name's Anon. My family died in a boating accident and I can't remember anything past that. Now lemme smash!" You keep trying to grab at her with your hooves, but her magic keeps you just out of reach.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You grumble as you realize that Celestia's tasty mare vag will be just out of reach for now. "Okay, fine. But it better not be a filthy commie. Better dead than red!"

 

Celestia laughs.

 

 

She places you onto her back again and leads you into a room full of toys.

 

 

She kisses your forehead and leaves. What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few boxes on the other side of the room with bubble wrap overflowing out of them quickly catch your eye. Fuck the princess, you've got more important things to deal with – Mother. Fucking. Bubble wrap.

 

You quickly pull as much of the stuff as possible from the box and lay it out on the floor. There is a ton of the stuff available, with different sizes of bubbles, suggesting it was saved up over time. It would appear as if the princess saves all of the bubble wrap from the castle's packages to put into her filly playroom. She is wise beyond her years.

 

But enough of that, BUBBLE WRAP! You get up on two legs as if you were still a human and attempt to dance upon the floor full of the wrap, making everything pop as loud as you can, and inevitably falling on your ass when you realize your 2 leg coordination is pretty shitty in this body. Despite being in this body for less than an hour, you feel more used to moving about like a pony than like a human. At least you don't have to learn new muscle memory.

 

You try to dance like a proper pony on the bubble wrap. It does not disappoint. You briefly wonder between pops what it would be like to get a ballerina cutie mark before the door opens.

 

 

You stop your silly dancing as soon as you realize you're no longer alone. At the door is Celestia, a filly Twilight Sparkle, and an almost newborn Spike sleeping on her back. She looks at you, embarrassed, and waves.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sight of filly Twilight makes you aware of a few things. The first is that Luna is not around, and will not be around for perhaps a decade. The second is that you are nowhere near the rest of the mane six, who might not even all be in Ponyville at this time. But most importantly, Celestia's back, which means it's time for >rape.

 

You need to act fast, however. By the sounds of your earlier conversation, Celestia was planning on putting you up with Velvet and Night Light for a few days while she tries to find a non-existent great uncle or something of yours. You only have a few moments to taste that sweet candy vag before she's out of your sight and you're stuck with the stinky nerd filly. Being that you're an Earth pony, you figure the best way to try this would be to hoof it.

 

You dash as quickly as you can towards the princess. "Prepare yourself Celestia, whether you like it or not I will have that candy va-"

 

Your words fall flat as the air around you rapidly condenses, only to fling you backwards onto the bubble wrap.

 

 

Celestia giggles, but Twilight looks at you with an eye of caution, as if she senses you had some sort of malintent. She merely shakes her head and looks up to her teacher.

 

 

 

She motions over to you with her hoof to come over.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You pick up a few of the less popped sheets of bubble wrap off the ground and look up to the princess to show her the most adorable set of filly eyes."

 

"Miss Princess Celestia, can I stay and play with my new friend? We can play with the bubble wrap…"

 

 

This causes Twilight to do a double take.

 

 

The princess begins to take her leave from the room, and motions for the two of you to follow, which you do.

 

 

The unicorn filly groans. You get the sense that she's been given this lecture multiple times before, and from your knowledge of the future, you know she's going to receive it again… probably. Turns out you can change that future if you really wanted to. But right now, you just want to hang out with Twilight and try to make her happy. She seems a bit unnerved from what you tried to pull with Celestia. You offer her one of the plastic fun sheets that you're carrying. "Bubble wrap?"

 

She doesn't speak much, but she accepts it from you and begins to slowly pop the bubbles in order with her telekinesis as you make your way through the castle. As you reach the entrance, you find two ponies waiting for you. But rather than it being Twilight's parents as you'd expect, you find two other familiar ponies – a teenage Cadence and Shining Armor.

 

What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight looks like she's about to blow her top at the site of her brother.

 

 

She looks a bit annoyed by him, so you decide to give her some naughty ideas. You whisper into her ear, "Say, don't you think they look like a cute couple?" This gives her a devilish smile.

 

 

This makes the both of them blush heavily, so you and Twilight decide to take the tease up a notch. "Shining and Cadence sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G"

 

They look mad and embarrassed as hell

 

—

 

Will you continue, or do you have other plans?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Shining seems visibly annoyed with you and Twilight's antics, and worse yet, you remember he's a bit of a dweeb at this stage in his life. An evil thought crosses your mind. You immediately run up to Cadence and jump onto her leg, clinging tight. She seems rather unperturbed by the adorable filly hug, as any foal-sitter should, and you are quickly joined by Twilight tackle glomping the other leg. You take advantage of the moment to flash Shining the smuggest smile you can mange.

 

"Hey Shiny…"

"I'm hugging your filly friend!"

 

Shining's muzzle flushes quickly from its normal white to beet red.

 

You stick your tongue out in response. Before Shining can react further Cadence motions her hoof towards the door.

 

 

He shuts up for the entirety of the way home. You and Twilight end up staying attached to Cadence's legs along the way there, making the trip slow, but at least her head's blocking out some of the rain.

 

Several times along the way you find the two of them nuzzling faces together. Not his filly friend your plot.

 

You are now in the manor of Madame Twilight Velvet. Cadence manages to slowly pull both you and Twilight off of her forelegs, and you are now sitting on their couch.

 

What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cadence shivers as she tries to shake out her very wet coat of fur.

 

 

Twilight snickers

 

After Shining and Cadence leave the room, you finally find yourself alone with an innocent Twilight and her very young baby Spike. She's still snickering.

 

"Yeah, I suppose they will…" Your eyes wander and you find them suddenly distracted by the sight of Twilight's flank. "Hey Twilight, do you like to play games at all?"

 

She walks off to find some games and you follow, eyes glued to her tiny filly flank. You can only wonder how her candy vag tastes. Grape, maybe?

 

She opens up a door full of games and starts rifling through them. You take the opportunity to strike, sneaking out from under her to shove your face in her snatch…

 

 

You are kicked very hard and fall flat on your ass. Twilight turns around.

 

 

At this point, both of you notice that your nose is bleeding.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fucking hell, what was that all about?"

 

Your nose hurts… a lot. Twilight can kick rather hard. Or maybe she has magically enhanced limbs. You're not sure.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight was not happy about your little sneak attack. In fact, you probably broke away all of the trust you might had earned since trying to molest the princess. Why did ponies have to be so difficult about this? You just wanted to lick their tasty horse pussies. It's not like you wanted to bend them over and fuck them in the ass with your now non-existent dick. Were you too ugly? Nonsense. Everypony thinks you're adorable. Do they think you unskilled? If so, how dare they. You were quite obviously the most proficient carpet muncher in all of Equestria. Rainbow Dash couldn't hold a candle to you. Of course, it helps that she's still a filly… oh right. You're a filly, Twilight's a filly, and Celestia's not into fillies. Maybe it's hard for ponies to see you in a sexual manner… IDEA!

 

"Hey, that was uncalled for! I was just trying to look at the games on the bottom shelf, and this doorway is way too thin for both of us to fit in. I couldn't exactly see too well in the closet anyways, so I bumped into you on accident."

 

Twilight looks at you dumbfounded.

 

"REEEE-"

 

She covers your mouth before you can continue screeching uncontrollably.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You've lost the mood for traumatizing Twilight anymore. She's a cute filly and not worth losing favor of. You opt for a game you'd likely both enjoy.

 

"How about a riveting game of chess?"

 

She seems surprised.

 

She levitates down a rather beautiful-looking ornate chess set and sets it up on the table. It strikes you as little bit odd that the king and queen pieces are Celestia and Luna respectively, despite the fact that Luna won't be getting out of the moon for another decade or so. You suppose the game (which you just lost), therefore, must be over a thousand years old in Equestria.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well you know what they say, always bet on black!"

 

Twilight laughs.

 

The two of you finally sit down to play, and she sets about with a fairly standard white open, only to be met immediately with an aggressive Sicilian defense. You weren't going to fuck around. "Hey Twi, how about we make this interesting and place a bet?"

 

She gives you a strange look.

 

"Well yeah, for now at least. But we could always make a fun bet, like loser has to shave off their fur."

 

She stops the play she was about to make and stands up.

 

You are led outside, only to find that the rain from earlier has increased in magnitude to a torrential downpour. On top of this, the wind is icy. Twilight shuts the door behind you and has you step into the rain.

 

Without a word, she stomps back inside, leaving you both to continue your game soaking wet. The game goes by fairly slowly, as Twilight isn't quite used to playing the initiative. Halfway through it, Shining comes downstairs looking a little bit worn out. He sees the board set out and stares at it for a few moments before declaring that black would win in 5 moves and trotting off to the bathroom. You can't see what strategy he's thinking of, but you end up beating Twilight in 6 moves anyways.

 

It's around this time that Cadence ends up coming down the stairs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The prospect of snacks seems pretty nice for you thus far. In fact, you haven't really eaten anything since you came to Equestria… that raises slight concern in you. What if they make you eat something like flowers, or bacon made out of hay? You can't go starving, but is now really the best time to be expanding your palette.

 

"Uhh… what kinda snacks do you make best?"

 

 

Perfect. Nothing you're not used to. And being a filly, you have an excuse to be a picky eater. Probably. You shrug. "Sounds good, Cadence!"

 

She heads off for the kitchen, leaving you alone with purple smart once again.

 

 

This may get awkward.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How old are you? Well mentally, you're 27, but you can't tell Twilight that, so you make up an answer.

 

"Seven."

Nailed it.

 

 

Shit, more questions. With any luck, she's gonna beg you for a life's story. You don't want to get caught in a web of lies, so you keep things vague.

 

"I dunno. Maybe I'm a child prodigy? I just played it with my dad on the regular, kind of like how you play it with your brother. Repeat something enough and you'll get good at it."

 

Twilight rubs her chin for a bit, trying to best process your answer. You hope you haven't given her cause to segue into questions about your parents, but then you could just melt down like a 7 year old should when asked about her dead parents and leave things at that. Instead, she responds with a question that you probably should have expected to begin with.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You struggle to think up the name of a book from Equestria, but only one comes to mind. "Uhh… I guess I'm a fan of the Daring Do series…"

 

 

And of course she hasn't. Daring Do won't be around for at least another few years. You play it cool regardless. "Nah. It's an up and coming series of short novels about an adventurous mare who rescues ancient treasure from baddies trying to steal it." You leave out the part about it being an ongoing autobiography… for now.

 

 

Damnit.

 

Around this time, Cadence comes into the room and sits down next to the two of you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You drag Twilight into an awkward hug.

 

"Well we're not as peachy as you and Shiny, but I'd say we're doing okay"

 

Cadence glares at you for a few seconds before jumping back into her usual chipper demeanor. You get the feeling that she may need a drink or two if you keep pushing her buttons.

 

 

You think for a second about what to do next. Things are getting boring and you don't want to just play more games of chess. You ARE in Twilight's house, so that can only mean one thing…

 

"Say Twilight, you have books on magic, don't you? How about you show me some?"

 

 

She runs up to her room, and in a minute, returns bolting down the stairs with a massive textbook titled, "A Beginner's Book of Spells." You pour through the Table of Contents looking for anything involving interdimensional travel, only to find… nothing. Not even anything on teleportation. Well that's a disappointment.

 

What will you do now?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight's book has nothing for you to learn except for perhaps the basics of how magic works. Unfortunately, you're extremely impatient and feel the need to skip the addition and subtraction and jump straight into triple integrals. Surely, Twilight has some more advanced books in her room, but how to get to it…

 

"Hey Twilight, random idea, but how about we play some hide and seek?"

 

She pouts a bit.

 

"How about I let you hide first, and you can read while you hide?"

 

This seems to satiate her, so you cover your eyes with your hooves and wait for her to find someplace to hide. You can't hear her heading upstairs, so you imagine she's in some sort of closet. But buck that, you're going to straight for her room.

 

You rush up the stairs and walk into her room. It is, unsurprisingly, the cleanest room ever. You spot Smarty Pants sitting on top of a desk next to a few quills and a fresh ink bottle. There's a closed journal sitting on top the desk, possibly either a diary or a workbook. You're not sure.

 

Adorning the walls are a few bookshelves filled with textbooks on a number of subjects. History, mathematics, physics… fuck this filly's a nerd. You leaf through the physics book briefly to see if it contains anything on magic, but by the looks of things, it contains nothing more than what you could find in the beginner magic book.

 

There are no more advanced books, however. Much as Twilight would be the type to read ahead, perhaps Celestia is the type to keep her from rushing into harder magic too quickly, lest she accidentally trap herself in a pocket dimension or something. Go figure.

 

You head back downstairs, content that Twilight is not hiding in her bookshelves, and open up the game closet. She's hiding on the top shelf.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fuck the game, peetzer's ready. You run towards the kitchen table to find… ordinary cheeze pizza served on a plate. Good, nothing made out of hay or oats… yet.

 

You sit down at the table and help yourself to as much as you can get away with without looking like a greedy little filly. Not having hands (or magic), you decide to dig in face first, assuming that's how an Earth pony is supposed to eat. No pony complains, so you mentally mark this off as normal filly behavior.

 

"Ayyyy, this is a really good-a peetzer, Mi Amore Cadenza," you say in your most fake Italian accent possible.

 

You try to do that okay sign with your fingers, only to realize you have none. Fuck.

 

Cadence laughs.

 

It now dawns upon you just how much shit hasn't happened yet. You finish your meal, and are now once again bored. Being young once again seems to have given you a shorter attention span and a greater craving for excitement. Will you continue your game of hide and seek (it would be your turn to hide), or will you find something else to entertain you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You decide to continue your game of hide and seek, having not much better to do. Since it's your turn to hide, you decide to get a little bit clever, and hide in Shiny's room, under his bed. The room is a complete mess compared to Twilight's, so she'd probably have a hard time finding you in here.

 

Twilight doesn't seem to find you. Minutes pass – 5, then 10, then 20… you hear her meticulously searching each room, even the bathroom, but she doesn't seem to think to check this room. You finally hear the door open, but instead of Twilight entering, it's Shining and Cadence. They don't see you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There isn't really a way of getting out from under the bed of somepony who's about to have sex without it seeming awkward, so you decide to make the best of the situation. Since becoming a filly, you haven't masturbated once, and you've been dying to know what it feels like. You lie on your back and reach a hoof down to gently rub against your clit as you hear the two teenage lovers both pounce upon the bed. A slight tingle rushes down your spine as the soft fur on the back of your hoof lightly grazes your marehood. It's a little jarring, but still very pleasurable, so you continue.

 

By the sounds of her half-muted moans, you guess that Cadence must be getting eaten out right now. Since you don't have someone to play the role for you, you improvise and lick your hoof, tasting the somewhat bitter juices from your vulva off of it, and rub it back again on you. Fuck, you could get used to this. You start to rub faster as you listen to the pair above you transition from foreplay to straight up fucking, causing the box spring mattress above you to creak a little. Thank goodness the bed frame it's on is sturdy…

 

 

The door opens and you can hear quick shuffling of both of the ponies above you.

 

 

Twilight has just walked in on her brother and foalsitter having sex. You are still hiding under the bed. What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You bolt out the door screaming "REEEEEEEE" at the top of your lungs and almost knocking the wind out of Twilight as you shove past her. There is no way for this to end well, so you're just going to go with the flow. You go find another place to hide quickly until things blow off, this time in the bathroom. After about five more minutes, you hear a knock on the door, followed by Twilight's voice…

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The talk. Oh that's cute. You don't need the talk; you need to finish the job! You reach a hoof down to your marehood once more… only to find that you've lost your mood in your adrenaline-filled rush to get out from the bedroom. You can rub it a little, and you can certainly get a physical reaction, but nothing seems to feel quite the same. You recall hearing once that women are more mental in their arousal, with men being more physical. Is this what that's like? And are you really aroused by watching others have sex without their knowledge? Is this really your fetish?

 

The question makes you jump for just a second before you realize that Fluttershy is too young to rape you, and also likely in a hospital for falling onto a flock of butterflies made of dark matter.

 

Back to reality, you try to think of what to do now. You contemplate playing a prank on Twilight to convince her that Cadence doing something crazy, like mind controlling Shining, but she seems to have left. Since you aren't in the mood for receiving a bunch of shit about the birds and the bees that you already know since you're like… mentally 27, you figure it's about time to give the talk yourself.

 

You march downstairs with a look of determination about your face, and as soon as you see the two guilty lovebirds, you point an accusatory hoof at them.

 

"Cadence, Shining, how old are you two?"

 

 

"You are at least a decade too early to be having Equestria's next alicorn baby. Wrap it before you tap it, idiot!"

 

Cadence looks at you dumbfounded.

 

You ignore her and turn to Twilight.

 

"What they were doing is called sex. It's a thing ponies do that feels insanely good, but also carries a risk of having a foal… or getting a disease if you're dumb and fool around with lots of ponies."

 

You point your hoof back at Shining.

 

"Seriously bruh, use a condom, EVERY TIME!"

 

Cadence places a hoof on your shoulder.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You don't have time for difficult questions. Instead of answering Cadence, you simply flash her a very smug grin, and laugh maniacally. Not sure what to do from here, you prance off into the kitchen. To your surprise, there is one last slice of pizza that Twilight didn't have the appetite to sneak for herself. You devour it instantly when nopony's looking, only to realize that you now have nothing to do again.

 

Eventually, you're going to have to face your foalsitters and the rest of the family. Or do something else entirely.

 

What will you do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A wicked thought crosses your mind. You never really got the chance to finish clopping. Shiny never got the chance to finish fucking Cadence. It's time to play.

 

You walk into the living room again, where Shiny is sitting on the couch, next to Cadence. No time like the present to teach the Princess of Love what it feels like to become a cuckqueen. Before anypony can get a chance to address you for suddenly running away twice in one day, you make your move – jumping onto Shiny's lap and pressing your hooves against his chest. Your eyes gaze into his with a look of fiery seduction. You reach for his cock to bring up to your marehood… only to find it blocked by a magic bubble.

 

Being an earth pony is unfair. Every pony you want to take advantage of has way more magical power than you. Okay, you'll have to give credit to the fact that you've mostly been hanging around the most powerful magic using unicorns and alicorns in all of Equestria for your short period of time here, but still, it would have been nice if you could at least find SOMEONE weaker than you to play with.

 

Cadence glares at you. She looks like she's about to explode, but in an instant, as she gazes into your eyes, something stops her. Her facial expression shifts from anger to worry.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who touched you? Okay, this lie has gone far enough. You don't want to start getting innocent ponies thrown in jail, or worse. Time to come clean… about everything.

 

"No one did. I woke up this morning in a body that was not my own. I'm not actually a pony, or even from Equestria at all. I'm a 27 year old male human who works as a clerk for a second-hand clothing store called Value Village. I am incredibly lost in this world and have no idea what the hell I am doing. I've also been hearing voices in my head and they tell me to do horrible things like molesting ponies. I feel as though I have no control over my life at all. It's as if the gods are playing dice with my fate, and I'm just along for the ride."

 

Cadence stares at you blankly, then turns to Shining, and then back to you. She seems completely befuddled.

 

 

She rubs her forehead with her hoof to try and alleviate her stress.

 

 

She storms out of the room, followed quickly by Shining, likely to console her. This leaves you alone with Twilight once again. She looks confused about how to talk to you, likely from having no friends, and being 10.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You feel like you could break down and cry at any moment. That would probably be pretty pathetic though. No one wants to see a grown man cry. You'd probably have an excuse, being in the body of a filly, but that would only make things worse and further convince ponies that you really are just some sexually abused little filly who's lost her mind. Regardless, you still need some sort of emotional outlet, so you reach out and pull Twilight into a crushing hug, barely managing to hold back your tears.

 

"No one's going to believe me Twilight. Not a single fucking pony. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for anyone to take you seriously when you look like a fucking seven year old?"

 

Twilight slowly returns the hug, much weaker than your grip upon her.

 

 

She holds the hug for a few more seconds before it starts to get awkward, and then breaks free.

 

 

"Umm… yes?"

 

 

Science, that would be the obvious answer. Human civilization knows leaps and bounds more than Equestria about how the universe works, and has used it to build some of the most impressive works of technology. But most of that technology has to be built with other technology that you have no experience with. You know a lot of theory, both from spending too much time on Wikipedia and from a little bit of college experience, but theory could just be interpreted as a filly rambling. You'd need to set up an experiment to prove anything – that you know something that Twilight doesn't.

 

What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Silently, you curse having spent more time watching cartoons in your life than actually studying science. No wonder you were stuck working at fucking Value Village. And now you're stuck living in cartoon. Talk about… irony… a light bulb turns on in your head.

 

"I know how you got your cutie Mark, Twilight."

 

 

"Did it mention that 5 other ponies got their cutie marks at the exact same time, all caused by a sonic rainboom centered in Cloudsdale?"

 

 

Twilight's sarcasm is starting to get pretty annoying. You're half tempted to give her a good hoof to the face, but that wouldn't exactly help you convince her that you're NOT crazy.

 

"Well what the hell do you want me to do, make a gun from scratch? I wasn't exactly a pinnacle of my species' higher intellect."

 

A smile cracks across Twilight's face.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The pledge of allegiance? Oh now that's easy… wait, how does she know?

 

"Twilight, how do you…"

 

 

You place your hoof over your heart, about to say your pledge that you had repeated every day through grade school, only to find yourself blanking. Evil thoughts once again plague the forefront of your mind.

 

"Twi, do you remember what I said about those voices in my head? Well one of them is a Communist, and another is a German National Socialist."

 

 

Twilight shoves a hoof into your face as hard as her filly body will allow.

 

 

This shocks the evil out of your system long enough for you to re-assume your patriotic stance. Twilight joins you by your side as you salute a flag that is tragically not there, though it is in your hearts.

 

"I pledge allegiance"

"Of the United States of America"

"One nation"

"Indivisible"

"And justice"

 

Twilight wraps you in a warm hug.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You never really answered my question, Twi."

 

She meanders her way over the the couch and takes a seat, this time adopting a more human-like posture, slouched with her back across the cushions and her hind legs crossed and perched upon the table.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So…"

 

You try to think up a few questions that might be pertinent to ask your newfound comrade, for better or worse. Not too much comes to mind.

 

"I know you hate communism, but are you strictly against national socialism?"

 

Twilight raises an eyebrow.

 

 

You make a mental note not to try to overthrow Celestia.

 

"Any chance you could get me out of therapy tomorrow?"

 

This earns you a laugh.

 

 

She's… kind of right. But you are still a bit horny.

 

"Well it's not like I could've known you might be DTF…"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Shit in my mouth, huh? I might actually be into that."

 

Twilight rolls her eyes.

 

 

Damn that bitch and her sass. You could hardly tell that she has no friends.

 

"Yeah, well, I've got plans. LOTS of plans for how to deal with this therapist."

 

Your conversation is cut short by the sound of the door opening. Night Light comes into the room, excited to see you, followed shortly by Twilight Velvet, carrying an umbrella.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time to bring your plan into action.

 

"Twi's been fine. She's a real sweetie once you get to know here. Shining though… I mean I guess he's cool, but we kinda walked in on him doing naughty things with Cadence in his bedroom. She overreacted, called me crazy, and said I needed to see a counselor."

 

Night Light seems unsure as to how to react.

 

 

She shrugs.

 

 

Night Light sighs.

 

 

He heads upstairs as mama Velvet trots off into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Sparkle gives you the stink eye.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You decide not to push things too much further with the Cadence situation, since the situation will likely resolve itself with Night Light talking to her. Unfortunately, this may nonetheless mean a talk with a therapist, but you'll live with that for now. In the mean time, more time alone with Twilight means more time to pester her with questions.

 

"So… what happened to all of the human-turned ponies you haven't murdered?"

 

Whatever bite you tried to put into the phrasing of that question doesn't seem to have phased Twilight.

 

 

A chill runs down your spine. Is she really so heartless?

 

 

Your conversation is interrupted by Cadence bolting down the stairs and Night Light screaming at her.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You ignore the pink ball of chaos that just blitzed down the stairs and focus on your conversation. In the background, Night Light is reading Shining the riot act about having sex so early in his life, and outside of marriage.

 

"So Twilight, what about the others?"

 

She pauses to think for a moment.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You take some time to reflect upon the events of your relatively hectic day, and your conversations with Twilight. You are one of four ponies in Equestria, the others being Twilight, a green filly in her class at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and a white pegasus with the same haircut as her, who is most likely in Ponyville. Evaluating this information, you come to two conclusions.

 

The first is that you are likely going to need all of these ponies together if you want to figure out what has happened to all of you and how to get back to Earth. Since two of these ponies are in Canterlot already, and not likely to leave any time soon, this leaves only the task of locating the stray.

 

The second conclusion, however, is that you might not be able to trust Twilight. She murdered another pony in cold blood for having the wrong ideology. It begs the question as to why, but you're not in the mood for finding that out. A pony like her could be dangerous, doubly so when you consider both her magical potential, and the fact that she has the ear of Princess Celestia on a regular basis.

 

The rest of the day seems to go by without a great deal of fanfare. As it turns out, Shining had been caught in the act for a second time today, and so now he is grounded, and Cadence has been fired as a foalsitter. This was probably bound to happen with or without your intervention. On the upside, this meant you wouldn't have to go to a therapist tomorrow. But you were planning on skipping town anyways, so that ends up being pretty irrelevant.

 

Dinner ends up being spaghetti and wheatballs. Despite your initial objections, it ends up being pretty good, even if you do end up eating a lot of carbs. Twilight Velvet must be a pretty good cook. While you contemplate what it might be like to fool around with her for a bit, seeing the way she nuzzles against Night Light after a hard day's work gives you a bit of a realization that those two are pretty inseparable.

 

Night comes soon enough, and you find yourself laying in a sleeping bag on Twilight's floor. You fake being asleep for a few hours until you are confident no one else in the house is awake. Silently, you creep out of your sleeping bag. It is time to head to Ponyville.

 

How will you proceed?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It takes you venturing just to the front door to realize that this is not entirely a good idea. It is still raining, albeit not as heavily as earlier, and you're pretty sure the Friendship Express doesn't run this late at night. Moreover, you don't want to start a manhunt while you are waiting for a train. You head back inside, and fall asleep…

 

Only to be woken up by Twilight, looking down on you with the biggest filly smile you've ever seen. You almost can't tell that there's a potentially sociopathic adult human hiding behind her facade.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

School? School was a possible game changer. You could finally get to be a filly again! Bullies were not a problem, you could always befriend them, and maybe do their math homework in exchange for dealing with ponies you didn't like. This was going to be awesome! Part of you wondered how they managed to enroll you in only a day, but that doesn't really matter too much because SCHOOOOOL! You get to be a kid again!

 

Quickly you look around for what you want to wear… only to realize that most ponies don't wear clothes, and Twilight doesn't have a cute little red scarf for you to wear. You will have to remember to buy one when you have bits. Maybe you'll meet a Rarity-type who will do it for cheap or even free?

 

You race down the stairs to get breakfast, which you devour up as quickly as possible so as not to be late. Velvet makes a remark about how you have quite an appetite. You think up a retort about how much you'd like to eat her out, but it doesn't end up coming out. Must avoid being sent to a therapist.

 

After breakfast, you are finally taken to school. It's only slightly larger than what you can remember of Ms. Cheerilee's schoolhouse from the show, leading you to the realization that ponies don't like particularly large institutions. No wonder you got in so quickly. There's like… 3 teachers.

 

First class is math. What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You quickly look around for a seat in the classroom. A desk second from the front, and not next to the Window catches your eye. This lets you seem neither like a slacker, nor like a teacher's pet, while still being close enough to the front to seem like a smart student. Perfect.

 

The class goes by a bit slowly, mostly covering fractions. After a while, the teacher ends up dividing the class into groups, and you find yourself befriending a young unicorn by the name of Amethyst Star as you help her through the problems. She's fairly nice. Loves animals and has a talent for making jewelry. You're not quite sure what Twilight was talking about with the so called "bullies" at this school. So far, everypony has been very nice to you.

 

After class ends, a short 20 minute recess follows. What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You spend the break chilling with Amethyst, who introduces you to a couple of her unicorn friends, Ember and Aurora, both of whom are blank flanks. You gather a little bit more information about the ponies on the playground and find out that yes, there are a couple of mean ones, but they're mean to everyone, so you shouldn't be facing any bad apples alone, even as an Earth pony.

 

Recess ends sooner than you'd expect, and you find yourself in your next class, with a different teacher and a different subject: history. To your good fortune, most of this is lecture, and the teacher approaches the subject of the Equestrian civil war like a brilliant storyteller. With friends by your side to enjoy it, the class goes by fairly quickly, bringing you to another break, this time for lunch.

 

Twilight Velvet had packed you some traditional pony fare, which you weren't entirely sure you wanted – a dandelion and honey sandwich and some hayfries. Before you can dig in, however, you find yourself face to face with two of the schoolyard bullies – a rather muscular pegasus colt named Monsoon Comet, and a dark and slender unicorn filly named Moonlight Eclipse.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You look to your friends. They are shaking in fear, but among your group, there are four, whereas there are only two bullies. Thus, you feel content to ignore them entirely.

 

You reach into your bag to grab a few hay fries, and eat them. They remind you of leftover Arby's curly fries, but in a strangely good way, so you keep reaching for more and more.

 

 

Instead of complying, you reach a hoof forward and boop each of the aggressors on the nose.

 

 

In the corner of your eye, you see Moonlight reach into her saddlebag with her telekinesis and pull out a knife.

 

What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moonlight's knife, while certainly sharper than a butter knife, is nonetheless fairly small. If well placed, it might be able to kill, but you're pretty sure she doesn't have it in her. At worst, you'd get a few cuts that would certainly hurt, but you'll live. You call her bluff.

 

"You're retarded, aren't you?"

 

Your boldness catches her off guard.

 

 

"Do you realize I'm currently staying with the princess' protege, and that if she finds my bloodied corpse, they're going to do a lot worse to you than you did to me? But I don't think it'll even get to that. Do you know what I am? I'm a Navy fucking Seal. Do you want to see what gorilla warfare looks like? Because I'm going to fuck you up if you continue with that shit."

 

Moonlight blinks and puts her knife away.

 

 

She walks away with Monsoon. You've won this round, and have apparently caught the attention of a few other ponies, who are now cheering your name.

 

What will you do now?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You take a moment to calm yourself. Adrenaline is coursing through your veins, and for a while, you still feel like you can sense every action happening around you at all times. Reaching into your bag once more, you pull out the sandwich. You take an adventure bite, and it is incredibly sweet. Not just the honey, but the dandelion petals too. In a way, you can somewhat understand why people back on Earth made wine out of this stuff… although it could just be that your new pony taste buds are allowing you to enjoy certain foods that would otherwise have been more bitter as a human. You briefly contemplate whether this will mean that foods you used to enjoy as a human, like steak, will taste gross as a pony… as if you'd ever get the chance to enjoy steak again.

 

Your newfound friends pester you about how amazing you are for standing up to the bullies. To the best of your ability, you try to entertain them with simple platitudes about how important it is to stand up for yourself. All the while, you slowly enjoy the sandwich. In a way, it feels a bit more important than the ponies you've been keeping the company of all of your lunch break, because this sandwich was not simply one that was given to you. This was a sandwich that you had to earn, risking life and limb to keep for yourself. Knowing that you had this victory made it taste better than anything you had ever eaten before in your life.

 

Lunch ends soon enough, and you are brought in to your final class of the day: writing. The assignment of the day is to compose a poem. It can be about anything, but it must be from the heart.

 

What will you write about?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Visions of your home back on Earth dance in your head as you try your hardest to compose a poem. You try to focus your inspirations to come from your recent victory, but your creativity leaves off on a tangent of its own. In the end, you find yourself blending the two thoughts together. You stand before the class, and read…

 

"Why do I fight?

 

I have seen cities turned to soot and ash

Thousands killed by a blinding flash

War does nothing but ruin our lives

Leaving dead husbands, and tearful wives

 

Those who survive are plagued by guilt

Over the many homes that must be rebuilt

It's a pain that seeps deep like an adder's bite

Why then, do I fight?

 

I fight to protect my many friends

They alone, make it worth it in the end

Though family too makes life worth living

Their love, a gift that just keeps giving

 

I fight so I'll never have to be alone

I'll fight for the simple pleasures at home

To this I'll fight just one more day

For sandwiches made of honey and fries of hay

 

I hope I never have to fight again

But if I must, it won't be in vain

It will be for love, and friends, and laughter

And a sweet, delicious, happy ever after

 

That is why I fight."

 

You take a bow to the sound of a hoof-stomping applause.

 

Class ends soon after, and when school is over, you are met by Twilight and the rest of the family, minus Shining Armor who is still in class at Canterlot High.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You flash Twilight a warm filly smile.

 

"Honestly, it went pretty great. I even learned a new friendship lesson – always stand up to bullies, because it will make you popular with the whole school."

 

Twilight gives you a playful noogie.

 

 

"Well yeah. It helps to be nice to ponies and help them out with their work and such."

 

Mama Velvet finally chimes into your conversation.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ummm…."

 

More questions you'd rather not answer. How lucky Twilight must be to have come to Equestria in the body of an existing pony.

 

"If I'm really honest, I can't remember that well. All I know is that it's pretty far from here."

 

Mama Velvet sighs.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that you've got one less worry off your back.

 

"Ms. Velvet, I don't think there's anywhere else I'd rather be staying right now."

 

She pulls you up into a very warm embrace.

 

 

Twilight Sparkle gives you a strange look in the eyes that says "I have no idea what the hell is going on here either."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You embrace your new "mom" into an even tighter hug.

 

"Thanks Mama Velvet. You're the best. I loved that sandwich you made earlier today, by the way."

 

She giggles just a bit.

 

 

Twilight Sparkle is looking at you kind of funny. You decide you're going to refer to her mentally as Purple from now on, seeing as "Mama Velvet" is also named Twilight. You're not sure what to call this look. Concern? Intrigue? Confusion? She's certainly studying your behavior.

 

 

Velvet shrugs.

 

 

Purple motions for you to follow.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A conversation you had with Purple the other day comes to mind. The other human in Canterlot was green, and in her class at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Was Lyra this filly? You aren't sure, but you don't have much better to do, so you follow.

 

The walk to Lyra's house is relatively quiet, but you try to keep it from becoming too awkward with a little conversation about your day. Purple seems rather glad that you're getting along well at school, and tells you a little bit about her own day… of attempting to walk on clouds and falling through half the time. Mimicking the functionality of other pony races is apparently rather difficult to learn. It might be a while before she could confidently take other ponies on random trips to Cloudsdale.

 

When you finally arrive at Lyra's place, you are met by her mom, who tells you she's practicing her Lyre, though you can feel free to bug her. A familiar tune greets you as you walk up the stairs…

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You rush into the room.

 

"Ooh, ooh, do Free Bird!"

 

Lyra gives you her best poker face possible.

 

 

Fuck, did you just offend her on your first impression?

 

 

She gets up on two hooves. You can tell she's had practice at this, because holy hell is that awkward in a pony body. What you hear is perhaps the best damn rendition of Free Bird you could get out of a harp and a filly voice. Really, she even managed to get some of the electric guitar distortion effect out of it, which you were not expecting at all in this world.

 

In the end, she takes a bow.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"'Murica"

 

Lyra laughs a little to herself.

 

 

Purple puts a hoof to her chin for a moment to think.

 

 

Lyra rolls her eyes.

 

 

 

"If you must know… Texas."

 

Both ponies nod.

 

 

Lyra reaches an arm around you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Know any Alice in Chains?"

 

This earns you a smile, and your private Lyra concert continues. As it turns out, she knows a lot more songs than you had imagined, though still not perfect enough to play any old song you can request at her. She plays for about an hour, interrupted only slightly by her mother coming into the room, asking her to keep it down a bit.

 

 

 

Of course a Canterlot mother won't understand. Lyra's a proper musician at heart. After a little while more, she finally stops to take a break.

 

 

She drags you into an even tighter hug.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You return the hug and pat Lyra on the back as you do so.

 

"Fuckin' faggot."

 

Lyra just laughs.

 

 

She lays back on her bed and plucks a few random, somber chords.

 

 

Purple nods.

 

 

 

The two share a collective laugh.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Honestly… I was hoping we could work on this together. Three brains is better than one, right?"

 

Purple seems to nod in agreement.

 

 

Lyra breathes a deep, heavy sigh.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Rap? If you say so, Lyra…"

 

You jump onto the bed and proceed to rap:

 

"Now, this story might sound absurdly silly

But it's about how I got turned into a little filly

And I'd like to take a minute

Just sit right there, don't move or chuckle

I'll tell you how I became the sister of a foal called Twilight Sparkle

In Texas born and raised

In front of the screen was where I spent most of my days

Chillin' out is how I roll

And all shitposting on a little board called /pol/

When I went to sleep as life behooves

And I woke up with weird green hooves

I flirted with the princess but she took no heed

She said 'You're movin' with Twilight's mom and her steed'"

 

Your two pony audience bursts into laughter and applause immediately afterwards. Lyra immediately grabs you into another hug.

 

 

She finally lets go and collapses onto her bed.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You know what? We should jam. We can busk outside the castle and make total bank. Tons of rich nobles passing by."

 

Lyra shakes her head.

 

 

She opens up the curtains in front of her window to show a bustling city square down below

 

 

You gaze down upon the city streets and see it is covered in rich and middle class ponies going about their daily business. If Canterlot had any homeless, they certainly didn't show themselves. Ideas about how to profit off of this dance in your head.

 

"Hey, what if we could get Twilight to dress up like a gypsy and dance to our music?"

 

This causes Lyra to smile, and you both turn to see the now embarrassed Twilight.

 

 

So much for that idea.

 

Will you do anything more with Lyra while you're at her house?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's a little close to 4 o'clock. You don't have to be back home until 5, so you try to think of something to do until then. Lyra looks pretty exhausted, and you do recall her mentioning missing pussy…

 

You climb on top of the bed and lay next to her. Before she can react, you quickly set to work dividing her legs and eyeing your prize - a beautiful, mint-colored clit. You quickly reach out to attack it with your tongue.

 

 

You don't stop. Instead, you straddle her in hopes she'll catch on and join in. Fuck her snatch tastes good. It… your tongue is frozen in place. Lyra crawls out from under you, and you see a very displeased Twilight in front of you.

 

 

Lyra laughs and gives you a playful noogie.

 

 

Now what?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Alright Lyra, I'll try not to do that again. Although you know, it's not THAT gay if you think about it. You see, since we're both male minded but with a female body, it's sort of a Schrödinger's…"

 

Purple gives you a light hoof to the head.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You don't need to listen to this shit.

 

"Alright Twilight, give me a fucking break. I've never been a hormonal pre-teen filly before."

 

Purple seems to just roll her eyes, but to your surprise, Lyra comes to your support.

 

 

Purple stares at her blankly.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"A dildo? I can't have a dildo! I don't want to pop my hymen and lose my virginity."

 

Purple stares at you for all of about 5 seconds, waiting for a punchline.

 

 

Lyra can't contain her laughter.

 

 

"Alright, fine. Make me a big, black, dragon dildo. It needs to make all of the white stallions jealous."

 

More laughter, this time from both Lyra and Twilight.

 

 

Soon enough, you find yourself having to leave. Twilight's house isn't too far, but it's still a bit of a walk, and you don't want to be home later than 5, lest you upset your new mother. The walk there is a bit more silent and awkward than before, likely due to your weird antics just a few moments prior. At least Lyra seems to think you're alright, albeit a bit eclectic. Twilight though… she may have to get used to you being just a little on the weird side.

 

After about 10 minutes or so, you arrive home. You are welcomed by Mama Velvet and Night Light, as well as by Cadence, who is for some reason having tea with the family as if nothing happened last night. Purple has the same face of confusion that she had earlier in the day.

 

What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While Purple may seem weirded out, you aren't one to look a gift pony in the mouth. You approach your new family and give out hugs to both Velvet and Cadence, like a good filly should. As you give Cadence her hug, you quietly whisper into her ear, "sorry about yesterday."

 

Cadence seems a little confused.

 

 

She puts a hoof to her chin for a few seconds.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Out of the corner of your eyes, you see a bright flash of green light emanate from Velvet's horn for a split second. Or at least you think you did, you're not quite sure. It could have been a trick of your eyes.

 

"Me? Oh no, I don't misbehave any more than any other filly. I think Shiny might have done something."

 

 

Everyone shares a collective laugh at Shining's expense.

 

"At least that's what I think happened."

 

You no longer remember any of the events from yesterday from the point after when you finished your pizza up until the point when dinner was finished.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You look around for Purple. She appears to have left the room. Strange. You look back to Mama Velvet.

 

"Did you… cast any spells just a few seconds ago? Because I could have sworn I saw your horn flash a little."

 

She nods.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not wanting to be impolite, you accept some tea from Velvet. You try to reflect on what you can of the events of the day, but you can't help but feel as though some of your knowledge may be fake. Just what happened yesterday? Did you even finish your hide and seek game? You very much consider finishing your hide and seek game with Twilight. Before you can get up to go look for her, however, you notice some strange writing on the wall opposite you:

 

 

What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The text on the wall disappears as soon as you finish reading it. You have to admit, it's a little bit creepy, but you nonetheless decide to comply with it. For a little under 5 minutes, you keep up conversation with the family, and finish your tea. Then you excuse yourself from the table and head upstairs.

 

As soon as you enter Twilight's room, you provide the answer she is looking for.

 

"George Washington"

 

 

Twilight closes the door behind you and casts some sort of a spell that causes the walls to glow temporarily with the same fuchsia color as her horn's magic aura.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well…"

 

For a brief moment, you think about the events of the day.

 

"Both Cadence and I have very hazy recollections of everything that happened yesterday. I saw a green flash of magic coming from your mom's horn earlier today, but when I asked her, she said it was from re-heating her tea. I thought that tea was pretty hot though, not sure why she needed to re-heat it."

 

Twilight walks up to you slowly and places her hooves on your shoulders.

 

 

She slams her forehead into yours extraordinarily hard. A flash of fuchsia light envelops the room for only a split second, and the both of you collapse to the ground, writhing in agony from a splitting headache that seems to last for a very slow minute. A vision flashes before your eyes – Twilight's recollection of yesterday's events.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You see a few things you didn't particularly want to see. Bolting out the door of Shining's room while he fucks Cadence. Trying to ride Shining's cock. Shoving your face into Twilight's cooter… okay, you remember that one, but you didn't remember it from her point of view. You're kind of a pervert. Maybe you do need therapy after all.

 

"Twi, what the hell is all of this?"

 

She struggles to get onto her hooves again, only to collapse as soon as it looks like she has some balance in her.

 

 

"I feel like I got kicked in the head by a Kangaroo. Can we nuke Australia please?"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You try to think. Thinking, as it turns out, is very hard when your head feels like it's going to explode. Did you get a concussion out of this? SHOULD you be thinking this hard?

 

"Uh… I don't know, maybe some kind of interdimensional dream demon or something? Nightmare Moon is still a thing at this point in time, right? Maybe she can possess ponies from the moon?"

 

Twilight shrugs.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your blood is practically boiling. Who the fuck does this cunt think she is, wiping out your memories and making you have to go through this painful process of getting them back only somewhat.

 

"I say we rip and tear her a new asshole. Get me a knife. I'll fuck her shit up!"

 

Twilight gives you a simple half smile.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well… if she's a changeling like you think, she's obviously going to be feeding off love. Maybe I can lull her into a false sense of security by cuddling up to her? You could then maybe tell the rest of the family what's going on, or stab her in the back or something."

 

 

Twilight paces back and forth across the room, deep in thought.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Night time seems most reasonable. Only time of day she'd be easiest to distract."

 

 

"Well, I was hoping we could first make sure Velvet's actually a changeling or whatever before we actually go and do this. Maybe wait a few days?"

 

 

"How to prove Velvet's not Velvet, and how to isolate her if this turns out to be the case?"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Test her memory and knowledge of pony customs, maybe?"

 

Twilight takes a brief pause before she retorts.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, I mean… if all of this `is too hard to tackle on our own, there's always the Celestia option."

 

Twilight puts a hoof to her head and slowly drags it along

 

 

"Oh?"

 

 

"But you're like… 10. Shouldn't she wait a bit before she throws that crap at you?"

 

 

"…fuck."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Something to do, something to do… you open up the blinds and look out Twilight's window. Outside, you see the sun, clouds, and the peculiar architecture of many Canterlot buildings outside. It really is rather nice that the city is nestled into a mountain.

 

"You know Twilight, you've got a nice view of the moon and stars outside."

 

She giggles a little.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You know what? Stargazing would be pretty nice. We should do it outside though. Keeps me away from the monster inside, and makes me feel like some sort of NEET who's allergic to fresh air."

 

Twilight walks up to you and gently wraps a hoof around you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You feel the weight of the past day and a half sink deep into you. It hasn't even been two days since you've arrived on this world, and you've already had a pony threaten you with a knife, and another actually take away some of the few precious memories you've earned here.

 

"Twi, I'm… VERY scared. This whole world is dangerous, and I don't know how to interact with it or anyone here. The pony who is supposed to be in charge is useless, and I am perhaps only a few yards away from a literal monster who can violate my mind any time she wants to. I almost got stabbed a few hours ago. And the cherry on top of all of this? I keep hearing voices in my head, and somehow they make me feel so, so alone. Is there something wrong with me?"

 

Twilight slowly meanders onto her bed and taps it with her hoof.

 

 

Not sure where this is going, you join her on the bed. She warps her forelegs around you like a vice upon your chest, and pulls you into her.

 

 

She rests her forehead on your head and you can feel warm, wet tears slowly start to fall on you.

 

 

She holds you even tighter and starts to tremble. Her voice becomes heavier, as if it were becoming more difficult for her to breathe.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You turn around to hug Twilight back. Though you can't give a bear hug quite like the middle aged mother trapped in the body of a filly, you can damn well try. For several minutes, the only sound that can be heard in the room is that of two fillies weeping. You weep for lost loved ones, for a return to safety and sanity, and most importantly, because life in Equestria is too hard not to weep from time to time. At least no one outside the room can hear you.

 

Twilight is the first to stop crying.

 

 

You dry your eyes and nuzzle her.

 

"No, I needed that. It's nice to know that… that I'm not alone here in this hell hole."

 

She cracks a slight smile and holds you closer to her chest. You can hear her heart beating. It isn't particularly fast, but it is loud.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Look, Twi…"

 

You look into her eyes, which are still wet from the tears and growing heavier. She isn't too happy about her predicament even with her forced smile.

 

"We're gonna do the best we can. Sometimes life likes to throw us into bizarre predicaments, and the best we can do is keep up the struggle. And if there are more ponies coming our way, so be it. That just means more minds to figure out what's going on and hopefully get us all out of this mess."

 

This makes her smile look a little more real to you, and she hugs you once more.

 

 

She sighs and collapses back onto her bed.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You curl up next to your emotionally exhausted 'sister' and wrap your hooves around her once more. It was kind of odd that she thought of you like a brother, but in some way, it was rather comforting.

 

"Twi, do we have to head downstairs now? Can we just… stay like this for a while?"

 

She holds your hooves tight to her chest.

 

 

The two of you stay there for almost an hour, sharing each other's warmth and comfort, completely silent save for your breaths and heartbeats, which you become acutely aware of. Throughout all of this, Twilight appears to be staring off into space. Something is clearly on her mind, though you cannot tell whether it's about her family back at home, her mother here, or something else entirely.

 

Your silence is broken soon enough by a knock on the door, followed by the voice of Night Light.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shouting "coming" would be the thing most ponies would do in this situation. You almost do just that, until you remember that the room is still enchanted and no sound you make can be heard from the outside. Instead, you open the door and the room flashes fuchsia once again before dissipating its aura, presumably losing its magic as well. As you walk down the stairs and into the dining room with Twilight, you make a mental note to be prepared for anything.

 

Dinner, as it would seem, is a nice hearty potato-vegetable soup. It tastes surprisingly delicious despite the lack of meat, and you start to wonder whether or not Twilight's real mother, assuming this isn't her real mother, is as good a cook as whomever it is in the room with you right now.

 

Finding out who Velvet really is does seem to be of importance though, so you think up some low key questions to ask her…

 

Wait, what were you just doing? And why does Velvet look tired all of a sudden? There is a message written in magic on the wall behind her that disappears just as soon as you read it, like earlier.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you were going to act, now would have be the time. Velvet's lethargy could likely mean she couldn't throw out another amnesia spell for a while, especially after having to use it on 5 ponies at once. But you don't. There are too many ponies around, and failure could be disastrous. Instead you elect to leave the problem off for another day. You place a hoof on Purple's back and spell out a few letters one by one: "CELESTIA". Her response is a single letter: "K"

 

The rest of the meal goes pretty uneventfully, with Velvet leaning against Night Light displaying an almost uncomfortable level of affection. It's enough that even Cadence decides to excuse herself from the table first, with Shining following soon after. You finish your meal soon enough, around the same time as Purple. She runs up to the window to take a look outside and returns back to you with a little smile beaming across her face.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Stargazing, right. We should go get that telescope."

 

Twilight nods and runs up the stairs to get her equipment. You pass the time watching Spike. He really is a lot younger than you're used to seeing from the show, and from what you've seen thus far, he sleeps a lot. He is, admittedly, adorable when he sleeps however. You reach a hoof over to try to gently pet him, which he immediately grabs and nuzzles like a pillow. Silently, you pray that he remain unharmed by the whole "bug" situation.

 

Soon, Twilight returns with a pretty sizable telescope and a couple of coats to keep warm in the cold streets of Canterlot. The two of you walk outside to set up the telescope, and spend the next few hours taking turns exploring the night's sky. It really is rather pretty, getting more so as the sky turns darker throughout the night. You try to locate some recognizable stars and constellations, but find none.

 

"Hey Twi, do you think we might just be in the distant future, with the stars that we know having gone supernova?"

 

 

She turns the telescope towards the moon as you stare through it. It's almost blinding in its luminosity, but even more striking is the dark alicorn face staring back at you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I suppose you're right. Hell, the fact that we've got Celestia changing out the sun and moon every day should make it obvious that this world is a little… different."

 

 

Your stargazing continues for a little while more, until eventually, Velvet comes outside and tells you that it's getting late and you should get to sleep soon. Not having much of a choice, and given that it was starting to get cold out, you head back inside.

 

As you enter the house, and Velvet is out of earshot, Twilight whispers a few words into your ears.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You follow Twiliht's advice, despite not needing to use the bathroom THAT much. At the very least, the experience hasn't changed much since being back on Earth. The toilets are very much like they were in America, and the toilet paper isn't leaves. In fact, when you think about it, there's a lot of areas in Equestria that you haven't had to experience culture shock in. Kind of weird if you think about it.

 

When you come back to the bedroom, you see that Twilight has laid out a sleeping bag for you. Her bed looks a lot nicer though.

 

"Hey Twi, do you think I could sleep with you tonight? I promise not to do anything lewd…"

 

She rolls her eyes playfully and gestures for you to come up.

 

 

You nod and crawl into bed with her. She turns out the lights and you set about falling asleep. It isn't very easy, with the thought of Velvet attacking in the night keeping you up. These thoughts are soon assuaged as the walls begin to glow with a blue aura. Shining's spell, Twilight's embrace… you feel safe. Now the only thing troubling you is the voices inside your head. In a quiet voice, you pester your half asleep bedmate with one final question.

 

"Twi, do you think we should nuke North Korea?"

 

 

She wraps you tighter in her embrace, and you hear a few last words from her as you drift off to sleep.

 

 

Sleep meets you quickly… only to be disturbed a few hours later by a rustling at the door.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rustling is loud and disturbing, but it only lasts for a few long seconds before stopping suddenly. Somehow, it doesn't manage to wake up Twilight at all. You can still see her breathing, but nonetheless, it is strange how she can sleep like the dead through such a matter.

 

Not knowing when whatever that was would come back, you search around the room for something you can use as a weapon. Unfortunately, any knives that might be in the house would be in the kitchen, and leaving the room to grab one would drop the shield. There aren't even scissors that you could take apart and improvise as into a knife. You begin to give up hope at a means of self protection until you open up the closet door… a baseball bat sitting against the wall greets your eyes. It has a label "Home Run" carved into it – Twilight's handwriting (horn/hoof/mouth writing? You aren't sure what fits here). You grab it and crawl back into bed, clutching it tight in case whatever it is comes back.

 

A half hour more passes, and you hear a rustling again, this time at the window. In the corner of your eyes, you can see a changeling pounding against the shield walls outside.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You bite your hoof just lightly to make sure you aren't dreaming… yep, you can feel it. This is definitely real. Unless that gimmick doesn't actually work and you can feel pain in dreams. But there's no time for that. Quickly, you shake Twilight awake and point to the window, where the changeling is currently pounding – panicked, but still silent.

 

She forces your head low and under the blanket and curls up close to you. As soft as she can, she whispers into your ear.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not wanting to get into a fight with a changeling right away, you comply. The night passes slowly, and you find it difficult to get to sleep, but at the very least, the changeling flies away soon enough, easing some of your troubles. You eventually manage to drift away to sleep once again, but this is interrupted all too soon by Twilight pulling off the blankets at the crack of dawn.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You grab the bat and place it between your teeth. In case you encounter Velvet again, or run into some other changeling, you'll need a weapon. Also, you don't want to bite your tongue when you hit the ground. For good luck, you also boop Twilight's nose with your hoof, earning you a raised eyebrow. She turns towards the window.

 

 

Fuck, that's going to suck.

 

 

She opens the window and you run out blindly. Falling is a very terrifying feeling as you approach faster and faster towards the ground. It's even worse when you consider it's only from the second story. Is she really going to… Before you can finish that thought, you feel a force pulling up on you about an inch before you hit the ground. It hurts to be tugged so suddenly, but you are safe.

 

Twilight's turn is next, and she wastes no time in her jump. You move to try and catch her, but again, her fall is slowed just an inch before falling into your hooves. She drops to the ground and motions for you to be silent.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Each step through the yard feels like an eternity, and despite your best efforts to keep your hoofsteps quiet, you can hear them as loudly as your pounding heartbeat. Nevertheless, you continually scan the area, keeping close to Twilight as you reach closer and closer to the street.

 

To your good fortune, there aren't exactly a lot of ponies outside. There are perhaps one or two early morning joggers that pass by you, but they seem content to stick to themselves. You don't talk to them in case they could be a changeling, but neither do you allow yourself to act too suspicious. After passing a few houses, you start to pick up your pace. Soon enough, you're even passing Lyra's house - a safe point if there ever was one.

 

What feels like the longest half hour ever passes, and you soon make it to the walls of the castle. Fortunately, the guards do not give you too much problem as you make your way in. It probably helps that you were here just two days ago, and that Twilight visits the princess on a regular basis. Regardless, you feel paranoid to talk to anyone other than the princess herself. Could any of the changelings impersonate her? You shiver at the thought.

 

The two of you make it only as far as a lobby before Twilight decides to take a seat on a bench. She casts a spell, though you're not sure what it is. After a few minutes, Celestia emerges from a room and approaches the two of you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sit back on your bench and try to calm your nerves as Twilight explains her problems to the princess. This is her burden to bear, and you don't want to say anything stupid to the princess before you. Surely, you must already look like a degenerate carrying a baseball bat into her castle.

 

 

The princess tilts her head and gives Twilight an look of concern.

 

<"Memory transfer? Twilight, have you been reading ahead? You know I've told you those spells are too rough on a filly your age. You could seriously hurt yourself."

 

 

There is a fiery determination in Twilight's violet eyes, which takes Celestia off guard.

 

 

Celestia raises a hoof and gently strokes the cheek of her frustrated student.

 

<"Oh Twilight… of course I will. I'm sorry if I've been pushing you too hard. At least I know now where your limits are. How about you go into the royal kitchen and fix yourself up some breakfast. I'll have a few of my guards look into changeling situation. Don't worry yourself about it anymore."

 

Twilight gives a tight and somewhat teary hug. As she does this, Celestia turns her focus to you.

 

<"And how are you holding out, Anon? This must be exhausting for you."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You stand up from your spot on the bench, grabbing the baseball bat in your mouth once again. It drops from your grip onto the stone castle floor, causing a ringing sound to echo throughout the otherwise mostly silent room. There are bags under your eyes that reveal just how empty you feel as you stare up at the princess.

 

"Well I'm not fucking okay, that's for sure. I'm actually rather paranoid and don't know who the hell I can trust. I can't even tell if you're not a changeling. Is there anything you could say that only you would know?"

 

The princess pauses for a moment to think. Without a word, her horn glows and before you appears a few sheets of bubble wrap.

 

<"Will that work?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That'll do Princess, that'll do."

 

You place the bubble wrap onto the bench and sit back down to pop the bubbles individually. The sound of the crushing plastic soothes you, and allows you to focus on the main problem at hand.

 

"Tell me, Princess, how are you so calm about this?"

 

Celestia gives you a quick affectionate nuzzle, steadying your nerves even more. She gives you a warm smile in her reply.

 

<"I am over a thousand years old, and in my time, Changelings have tried to attack a total of 16 times. Though they are persistent and cunning, they have never succeeded. I gain nothing in blind paranoia. Instead, I make friends and cultivate knowledge among my faithful citizenry so that we can always stay one step ahead of our enemies. For everything you and Twilight have gone through over the past day, did you not make it through to me in one piece?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You shrug and continue to pop more bubble wrap.

 

"I mean I guess we made it out fine. Still don't feel so well about everything"

 

Celestia flashes you a warm smile. If looks could kill, this mare would make Chairman Mao look like the Dalai Lama.

 

<"Then don't worry yourself. You're safe now, and by the end of the day, I'll make sure you have a warm bed to fall asleep in that is safe from monsters. Running a nation is a chess game I've been playing for far too long for one or two changelings to be able to threaten things. Now how about you scoot yourself over to that kitchen? I bet if you ask nicely, you might be able to convince my chef Gustaf to make you pancakes."

 

The princess shoos you off in the direction of the kitchen and leaves to speak with a guard. What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With the need to keep your guard up all the time removed, your body begins to return to a more normal state. Suddenly, you become very aware of how little sleep you were able to get over the night, and of the fact that you haven't eaten breakfast yet. In your sapped state, you meander over to the kitchen and see Twilight sitting at a table and chatting with a gryphon in a chef's hat. That must be Gustaf.

 

Positioned in front of Twilight appears to be eggs, hash browns and… is that bacon? If that's not hay, you need it in your body right now.

 

"Twilight, is that bacon?"

 

A mischievous smile answers your question as she tears off a piece of a bacon strip and levitates it over to you. You take a bite and… holy shit that's real pork.

 

"Gustaf, please tell me you have more where that came from."

 

He points to a second plate on the kitchen counter.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sit down at the table with your plate of food and place a strip of bacon across your face. This earns you a funny look from the others in your company, especially as you proceed to bite the end of it and slurp it into your mouth like a noodle. Twilight giggles.

 

"What?"

 

 

The rest of your food you eat normally. Two days has been too long to go without good protein. What Gustaf said didn't sit too well for you, however.

 

"Is there anything wrong with fillies eating meat?"

 

True to her characteristic need to be a smartass, Twilight provides your answer before Gustaf can speak.

 

 

 

If only he knew…

 

 

Gustaf rolls his eyes. You hope you aren't going to regret this bacon later. For now, you savor every bite.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As you finish your meal, you look down upon your empty plate and contemplate the wisdom of this decision. You don't feel too terrible yet, but if it gets bad enough, you probably won't do this again. Or at least not as often as Twilight does. Is she mad, or simply exaggerating the effects of meat on a filly's digestion. Doesn't matter. If you're going to be a filly, you're going to stick to a healthy and nutritious diet of sugar, flour, and whatever other carbohydrate-packed food groups ponies tend to eat.

 

Twilight wraps a hoof around you.

 

 

Your mind flashes back to a Halloween night when you were 9 years old. You had the dumb idea to eat half your trick or treat bag and didn't want to eat anything the next morning. Maybe you'd do it once again in a blue moon if you felt stupid. On the other hand, you're a horse now. Sugar is your bitch.

 

 

Your focus is brought back to reality, and you see a very bored Twilight looking you straight in the eyes from an adjacent seat.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You."

 

Twilight tilts her head quizzically.

 

 

"That is uh…"

 

You vomit up the spaghetti and wheatballs from the day before yesterday… or at least that's what you think it is. Gustaf faints. You might have just insulted his cooking. You're not sure.

 

"That's what I want to do. You."

 

Twilight smacks her face with her hoof.

 

 

You shrug and wipe the vomit off from your face.

 

"Yeah well, I was just trying to tell a joke. No idea where the spaghetti came from. Shouldn't that have been completely digested and gone out through the other end by now?"

 

 

"I'm pretty sure everyone would notice. Besides, aren't there cleaning staff in here?"

 

 

"Everyone? Didn't Gustaf just faint? I'm pretty sure we're the only conscious ponies in the room."

 

She points out the kitchen window to reveal the castle garden.

 

 

"Okay, for real though, we should get something done. Do you want to make a bubble wrap fort?"

 

 

And you spend the entire morning constructing a scale model of Canterlot Castle out of cardboard boxes and bubble wrap.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You stand before the front gates of your model castle. It is a fine piece of art and worthy of a hard morning's work. Unfortunately, it is flawed in that it lacks pillows, but you were unable to obtain these without raiding a few bedrooms that you aren't so certain Celestia would appreciate you raiding. Beyond this, it lacks subjects. You report to Twilight the need for subjects, and she agrees.

 

The two of you run into the hallways searching for guards and other servants.

 

"Avast ye knaves, we require underlings for the superior Fort Bubblewrap!"

 

 

Though you are largely ignored by the few guards wandering around the castle, you manage to catch the attention of one elderly stallion - a janitor. He seems tired from his work and offers to play in your fort as your squire.

 

How will you proceed?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sure why not, you can play with us."

 

The old pony, as it turns out, was a pretty fun guy, and you manage to kill a few more hours playing as "princesses and squire" in Fort Bubblewrap with him before you inevitably get bored and betray him. As he stands guard at the Fort's gate, you conspire with your co-princess Twilight to cast him into the moat, where he is eaten alive by alligators. He screams in terror as the nefarious reptiles - made from green pillows that you snagged from another room - sink their teeth into his soft pony flesh.

 

Speaking of reptiles, you realize that you may have left Spike back at home. Your heart almost seizes as you worry about whether or not he might be okay. These fears are soon alleviated, however as you see Princess Cadence walk into the room with Spike slumped across her back.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Eh, not bad. You?"

 

 

You almost forgot that she lived in the castle. She spends so much time around Shining and Twilight it's almost as if she's part of the family.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Uhh Twi, can you…"

 

 

Cadance's eyes widen at the revelation. After a few seconds, however, her shock turns to worry.

 

<"Shiny!"

 

 

<"And you just left him in there with a monster!?"

 

 

Cadance starts to tear up.

 

<"I don't… I don't want him to get hurt…"

 

 

Everyone in the room turns their focus to the door. Shining Armor has just entered the room.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

You pull Twilight to the side of the room, away from Cadance and Shining, who waste no time jumping back into their usual affections.

 

"Hey Twi, what are the chances that this isn't the real Shiny?"

 

 

"Please…"

 

Twilight turns her attention to her brother, who is now having his neck nuzzled up on by a very pleased Cadance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cadance gives Shiny a sudden kiss on his cheeks.

 

<"I knew you could do it sweetie. Although if you needed an in, I could always pull some strings."

 

 

<"Whatever you say, Shiny… Anyways, now that we're all together again… you all wanna do anything?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I wanna try talking to the changeling."

 

Every pony in the room turns to you, showing looks of confusion and disgust.

 

 

Twilight had a point. That thing was legitimately dangerous. Though it was no doubt subdued, you would surely be safer staying the hell away from it.

 

"Call it a little morbid curiosity. You could say I have more balls than brains these days, and I literally do not have any balls."

 

 

"Sure as I'll ever be."

 

Shining steps forward with a look of determination in his eyes.

 

 

"Suit yourself."

 

You leave the room with Shining by your side. The castle is rather large and difficult to navigate, but fortunately your escort just came back from the interrogation chamber and knows exactly where to find it. Eventually, you reach a room guarded by two heavily armored ponies, each armed with sharp hoof blades, and one with wing blades to top it off.

 

What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Shiny, you're good with guards, right? Think you could talk to them?"

 

 

Shining puts on his best unflinching, stoic warrior face and approaches the guards, looking them straight in the eye.

 

 

The pegasus guard shrugs.

 

 

 

They open the door, and you see what appears to be a half bruised Twilight Velvet. She has chains around all four of her hooves, each tied to an opposite corner of the far wall, which keep her from moving any further than the interrogation table that sits in the middle of the room. Around her horn is a black ring that you suppose is some sort of inhibitor. Best not to test it.

 

<"Have you come to rub salt in my wounds you vile little wretch?"

 

"Yes I have you fucking faggot!"

 

You emphasize the last words as strongly as you can. In response, she spits in your face. It's a rather sticky spit that you're rather sure will be difficult to wash out of your hair.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh it is on. You hawk up the thickest loogie from the back of your throat and spit it back at the bug monster. Once again, she spits back. The two of you go for a few more rounds before Shining puts up a shield between the two of you.

 

 

A wide smile graces the fake Velvet's face.

 

<"Oh I'm pretty sure the little filly just loves my body fluids. Did you think that was honey you were eating yesterday?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You lick your lips and flutter your eyes at the fake Velvet in your best attempt to seduce her.

 

"Oh yes, and I'm sure you'd love mine as well"

 

Her smile cracks wider and her eyes turn a bright emerald green. It's hard not to get lost in their beauty, so much that you feel compelled to step forward towards them, but in front of you, Shining's hoof is blocking the way. You can hear him yelling at her, but the words are muffled. In amongst the shouting, you can hear her soothing voice.

 

<"Come closer, little filly, and I'll show you something that tastes really good. You've never been with a mature mare before, have you?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The changeling's every words are like a drug, coursing through your veins. You aren't sure how you're managing to resist her, but you nonetheless enter a sort of meditative trance, focusing on her eyes as you plant your hooves into the ground like a tree.

 

"I bet you'd love that, wouldn't you? A lick… a taste… from such a cute little filly. It's too bad though."

 

Her voice softens even more, almost lulling you to sleep.

 

<"What's so bad? A naughty little filly finally getting to indulge herself in what she wants? I can see it in your eyes, the way you've been looking at almost every pony in the house with lustful eyes. I can almost smell your fantasies. Wouldn't you like your first time to be with a mare who can show you the ropes?"

 

Those words dug deep. While you were technically 27 back on Earth, your luck with women wasn't that great. You were almost hoping things might be different here.

 

"You have no idea how much I want that. But there's a problem. A big problem."

 

<"I don't see any problems."

 

"The problem, Miss Velvet, is that you…"

 

You feel your blood boil, and the effects of the changeling pheromones are purged from your body at once. You can finally make out Shining's words.

 

 

<"Your ignorance is all too cute."

 

"ARE NOT A REAL MARE!"

 

The room falls quiet. Shining puts his hoof down and turns his attention to you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, I'm fine. Pretty sure she just tried to mind control me. Probably wanted to lay eggs in my brain or something."

 

Shining wipes some of the bug spit off of your face.

 

 

You put your hoof to your face. There really is some fur missing, and it kind of stings to touch. Crazy bug bitch.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yeah, I think you're right. Just give me a few more seconds though."

 

Shining groans, but doesn't stop you as you turn to Velvet once more.

 

"Your kind will attempt multiple times in the next decade or so to attack Equestria, and you will fail each time. The end result will be that every last one of you, save for your queen, will be turned into a neon-colored faggot bug pony. You will sit in circles talking about your feelings, and become incapable of defending yourself against even the most basic of external threats. You will become softer than even the ponies you feed off of now. And there's nothing you can do about it, you putrid, disgusting maggot."

 

She aims to spit at you once more, but you slam the door behind you as fast as you can.

 

Shining gives you that look again.

 

 

Wait… did he just say cutie mark?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You crane your head to see if you can look at your flank, and sure enough, Shining was right. On each of your flanks was a black question mark, suggesting you have a special talent of… honestly, you have no idea.

 

"Huh, so I have a cutie mark now… Does that mean I'm legal?"

 

 

"You know, screwing around."

 

Shining applies his hoof to his face.

 

 

Well there goes that theory.

 

The two of you continue on throughout the castle once more, this time looking for the nurse's office. Along the way, you manage to find a mirror along one of the walls, and decide to take a look at your face. It's not too bad, but you definitely are missing some fur, and the skin beneath it looks to be beet red, suggesting a first or maybe second degree burn. That has to be some nasty spit. Did she actually put that in your sandwich, or was she just fucking with you?

 

Soon enough, you arrive in front of a white door with the word "Nurse" embellished on a sign. Definitely the place you're looking for. You open the door to find a very pretty blonde mare greeting you.

 

<"Alright, have a - Oh my! Vat happened to you?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before you can answer her question, you find your eyes wandering to the very fit thighs of the blonde bombshell before you, and more importantly, her cutie mark. Hello Nurse! This mare's cutie mark was a heart with… is that a swastika? Are there actual Nazis here, or is this universe just trying to fuck with you?

 

"Doctor doctor, give me the news, cause I've got a bad case of loving you!"

 

The mare blushes, but only for a little bit.

 

<"I must insist you let me know vat caused zis so I can prepare a proper… erm, treatment."

 

 

Aryanne. Such a pretty name. You'll have to take this mare out somewhere special when you're not being inspected. Wait, Shining just implied you got into a spit fight. Now she's going to think you're some scrappy degenerate, right?

 

<"A changeling? But isn't their venom neurotoxic? Tell me filly, have you experienced any hallucinations?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Umm… I don't know. Are you actually an angel? Cause that's what you look to me right now. Might need some proof that you aren't a hallucination."

 

<"An angel? Tell me filly, describe to me vat I look like."

 

"Well, you've got the most beautiful blonde hair, white fur…"

 

<"Zus far zus good"

 

"A cutie mark with a swastika inscribed inside of a heart…"

 

<"Is zat vat it is called? I always thought it was some sort of windmill… vich makes little sense because vat does a windmill have to do with being a nurse?"

 

And with that, any chances of her being secretly a human have gone out the window. Unless she's just very secretive. But then again, every ex-human you've met thus far has been a filly, and she's a full grown mare…

 

"And the flanks of an alicorn."

 

She nods her head upon hearing this.

 

<"Okay, okay, I know ze problem. You are not having hallucinations. But ze venom has produced an aphrodisiac effect. We may have to monitor you to make sure zat it does not get worse."

 

She places a soft hoof on your face where the burn is. It stings a little, but her well-groomed fur would be worth any pain, even choking on Zyklon-B.

 

<"Tell me, how does zis feel?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I guess it stings a little…"

 

<"Zat is good. Changeling venom has a cocktail of effects, one of vich is an anesthetic. Another of vich is to make you more susceptible to suggestion. Could you please smack yourself in ze face with your hoof?"

 

"Why?"

 

<"Excellent. Zat has worn off too. Looks like all we have to do is treat ze burn."

 

She walks over to a counter and pulls out a jar from one of the drawers. It is filled with a sort of clear jelly. She applies some to her hoof and rubs it over your face.

 

<"Zis is just aloe. It will make ze burn heal faster and reduce ze stinging. You should need need much more, but let me know if you start experiencing more hallucinations, or if zhe stinging gets worse."

 

The aloe was nice and cool, and it had the softness of Nurse Aryanne's hoof to boot. Somehow, you get the feeling you may end up asking for more later.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You throw your hooves around Aryanne, who seems unsure of how to react for a while, but eventually settles on hugging you back.

 

"You could always give me a little more now…"

 

She sighs and finally releases you from the hug.

 

<"You know zat would not help. I could give you a small jar to take home in case you need more later if you want zo."

 

She walks over to the counter again and produces a lollipop from another jar, which she places in your mouth.

 

<"And zis is for being a good filly."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The lollipop was bittersweet. Bitter, because you knew it meant you would have to leave the cute nurse so she could attend to her other work, but sweet, both literally and because it was a gift from her. Nonetheless, you cherished every second it lasted in your mouth as you walked out of the nurse's office. Though your instincts told you that now would be a good time to head home, you found yourself quickly reminded that the "home" situation had a few issues right now. Instead, you returned to the room with Twilight, Cadance, and the fort, having nothing better to do. As you enter the room, you find them together with Celestia, sharing a few cups of tea.

 

 

"Bug mom's a crazy bitch. That's what's happened."

 

Cadance gives you a little glare

 

<"Could you tone down the language, Anon?"

 

"As I have been told, changeling spit contains a hallucinogen, an aphrodisiac, and anesthetic, and whatever corrosive chemical melted off a giant chunk of fur on my face. I think I'm entitled to at least one curse word."

 

You catch Princess Celestia eying your new flank.

 

<<"Seems like you have quite a few stories to tell us. How about you talk about them over some tea?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sure, why not?"

 

You sit down at a makeshift table made of cardboard boxes leftover from creating your castle, alongside the princesses, Twilight, and Shining Armor. Why no one thought to have this in a different room is beyond you, but far be it from Celestia to not think to have a tea party spontaneously in any venue, even if it is a filly playroom full of boxes, bubble wrap, and various toys.

 

The tea you are served is pretty hot, so you let it cool down for a few minutes before taking a sip. As you do, you find it to have a somewhat funky, but nonetheless enjoyable flavor. It's pretty sweet too.

 

"Damn Celestia, this is some bomb ass tea. What'd you put in it?"

 

<<"Oh you like it? Really, it's just Earl Gray. I didn't sweeten it much."

 

"Well it tastes pretty amazing."

 

You hear a clink as Twilight's cup is placed upon its porcelain coaster.

 

 

"Well yeah…"

 

 

"Huh."

 

The rest of the ponies in the room give Twilight blank stares.

 

 

She leans over to you and whispers quietly into your ear.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You lean in to whisper back in Twilight's ear.

 

"Dropped out. Magna cum… whatever the Latin word for shame is."

 

She giggles a little to herself.

 

 

Smug cunt. She had a point though. If you didn't find a way back home, you effectively had a fresh start here, with all the wisdom you had gained from your previous life. Not that you'd want to stay… okay, maybe that cute nurse Aryanne is reason enough to consider it.

 

Your attention is snapped back to reality as you hear Celestia's voice. You had been staring into your cup of tea while you were having your internal monologue.

 

<<"Care to tell us about how you got that cutie mark and erm… the missing fur?"

 

"Oh, right… Went downstairs to talk to the changeling. Ended up getting into a spit fight with the nasty bugger. Had to resist her trying to come onto me because she was all, 'You should come over here, and be with a real mare!' and I was all, 'You ain't no mare!' Then I broke free of her control and told her that her species was going to turn into a bunch of cute gay neon-colored bug ponies that are less powerful than the ponies they're preying off of. Somehow I got my cutie mark after that. Don't know what it's for, but maybe I can see the future or something? That'd be pretty cool. Anon the Oracle."

 

Celestia laughs a little. Damn she's cute when she does that.

 

<<"Sounds like quite the adventure. Alright, tell me Ms. Oracle. What do you think will be the changelings' next move?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Their next action? Hrm… how about crashing this country, with no survivors."

 

Twilight almost bursts out laughing. Is she a fan of Bane jokes?

 

<<"And what is that supposed to mean, exactly?"

 

"It means they're going to show up to an event uninvited and cause a lot of havoc. I'm not so sure beyond that."

 

<<"Hrm… seems to me I might consider some additional security at the next Grand Galloping Gala."

 

Cadance slams her hooves on the table and stands up

 

<"Wait, seriously? I was planning on taking Shiny!"

 

Unflinching, Celestia takes another sip of her tea before providing her response.

 

<<"Actually, I was considering having you and Twilight's family move to Ponyville for a while to lay low. Seeing how you all have a giant target on your backs now."

 

"Uhh… princess, does that include me?"

 

<<"Mmhmm."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ponyville? What's a Ponyville? Is it full of lots of different types of ponies? What kind of house do we get to live in? Will I be rooming with Twilight or Cadance?"

 

You already know where the hell Ponyville is, but you figure it probably isn't best to seem like you know too much when there's a changeling threat going around.

 

<<"Hmm… well, Ponyville is a small town to the Southwest of Canterlot, just a short train ride away. Most of its residents are Earth ponies, but it's nonetheless a bit more diverse compared to our unicorn-dominated Canterlot. As for where you're living… it's a small house built into a large tree. I had been considering turning it into a library and gifting it to the townsponies, but given the situation, I can always just construct a library somewhere else in town."

 

The treebrary, just great. Except it's just a tree house for now. Maybe you'll have a bit more room for living? Oh who are you kidding. Twilight will convert it into her own personal library anyways.

 

Shining finally decides to break his silence.

 

 

Celestia sighs deeply.

 

<<"Not yet, though your dad's still leading the search. He's told me he's willing to spend months in the mountains if he has to. I don't know if he'll be able to follow you all to Ponyville, though if we can find your Mom, that will be a different story."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You reach an arm around Shining to give him a totally not gay bro-hug.

 

"Hey, it'll be fine. They'll find her soon enough."

 

He finally reciprocates the hug and almost crushes you.

 

 

That probably would kind of suck. Then, he'd have to be just like you. Except you also are missing your dad. You try to cry as you think about it.

 

"So Princess, how long do we have left to be here? I've got some friends I don't want to lose touch with, like Lyra."

 

<<"Lyra? Interesting… Well I don't want you all to stay any later than tomorrow, but I can give your friends your address so you can keep in touch. Keep in mind though that I'm trying to keep this information from falling into too many hands, in case we have more changelings hidden in our midst."

 

Fair point. Fuck, you hope none of your school friends were changelings. Some of them were rather nice. But at least you'll have a line of communication back to your ex-human compatriot.

 

"Sounds good enough. By the way, if I wanted to join the military when I grow older, what would it take?"

 

Shining blurts out the answer for you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, I'd say I would go pack, but I literally have nothing. You guys want any help?"

 

Twilight stares at you blankly for a few seconds.

 

 

 

 

<<"Yes you will. I want you to bring all of your assigned magic books, and I will send you assignments every week through the mail. I also want you to make at least 10 friends during your leave, including at least one pony of each tribe. The importance of this may reveal itself to you later."

 

And there she goes again, trying to act mysterious. Can't the princess just tell Twilight that friendship is literally weaponizable magic? And why does she need to use the post? Can't she just use Spike… oh that's right, he's still super young and can barely breathe fire on command. All of your communication with Canterlot will be through snail mail. Just great.

 

 

Everypony but Twilight laughs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Is that a challenge, Twilight?"

 

 

"You say you'll be the most popular pony in Ponyville. What if I make more friends than you?"

 

 

"I guess I am."

 

She spits on her hoof and extends it forth to shake on it.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You spit on your own hoof and accept the hoofshake, thus sealing your bet. If only you had something to wager.

 

The tea party lasts a little longer, but soon enough, you run out of tea, and realize you will have to head home, both to pack, and to eventually fall asleep in. In a way, it seems sad to you, as this will be your third and potentially last night sleeping in that house.

 

The walk home is relatively quiet, despite the size of your group. Everypony seems to have their minds preoccupied with the massive change in their life coming about just tomorrow. Just how entrenched in the city are the changelings? Have they replaced half of Canterlot, or just certain key ponies? Was it just Velvet? What were their plans between now and their attack on a wedding that might not even take place a decade down the line. And why Ponyville of all places? Is it just because it's a dump, and nopony would think to look for a princess there? Is Twilight meant to find the elements of harmony a decade early? Would the elements even accept the rest of the mane six at this stage of their lives? Are the rest of the mane six even in Ponyville to begin with?

 

Before you realize it, you're back at Twilight's house. The door has been removed from its hinges, and as you enter the house, you can see that Velvet clearly gave a bit of a struggle, judging by the broken lamp, the overturned couch, and the table that is lying against the wall, plus a few broken bottles. Fucking changelings, this place looks like a crack addict's house.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Umm… anyone not want to sleep here tonight?"

 

There are a few mumbles among the other ponies.

 

 

<"Well we could always have a slumber party in my room in the castle."

 

 

<"I know what you're thinking Shiny, and the answer is no, not even when the fillies are asleep."

 

 

<"Are you really packing your chess set?"

 

 

 

Fucking nerds.

 

After a few more minutes of general sibling banter, you finally get around to packing. True to her words, Twilight would be packing a biology textbook, along with her magic books, and a physics book. Beyond that, she was pretty sparse. Two sleeping bags (one for you, and one for her), some pillows¸ and a basket for Spike to sleep in. Plus Spike himself, but he's more another passenger than mere luggage.

 

Speaking of which, you decide to check on him a little more. Honestly, the little guy sleeps like a cat. Probably didn't even notice all of the commotion that went on downstairs earlier in the day… or he didn't care, because he was chewing on a marble. It's kind of weird to think that he can eat those like they're just a normal gemstone. His teeth have barely come in, and yet they can already turn stone into a fine powder. Fucking dragons.

 

After finishing up helping Twilight with her packing, which involved some pretty difficult stuffing to get both sleeping bags in the luggage case, you head downstairs with Twilight to find that Night Light has returned home. He is sitting on the overturned couch drinking vodka straight out of the bottle.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sit down next to Night Light and put an arm around him.

 

"You gonna be alright, man?"

 

He's shivering, and looks like he could break out into tears at any moment, but he manages to shake his head. To this, you throw your hooves around him into the tightest possible filly hug.

 

"Look, I know it's tough, but you'll find her."

 

He collapses into you.

 

 

"Then check outside the city. What if she's in any of the mountain caves, or in the sewers?"

 

 

You run off into the kitchen and fetch a tall glass of water.

 

"It's going to be difficult to search tomorrow if you're hung over. Have some water, and try to get some rest tonight."

 

He accepts the glass and takes a few slow sips, finally putting down his bottle of booze.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You turn your focus to Twilight to sneer at her for her lack of help here. That you had to be the one to cheer up Night Light when you're not even his own flesh and blood daughter is insulting. As you look into her eyes, however, you find that something seems off. She's just sort of staring off into space. Not at anything in particular, but she clearly doesn't seem to be paying attention to anything around her.

 

You walk up to her and wave a hoof in front of her face.

 

"Hey, ground control to Major Twi. You there?"

 

She shakes her head and snaps back to reality.

 

 

She looks over to Night Light. He still looks like crap, but at least he's put down the bottle. Without a word more, she runs over to him and throws her hooves around him, crying into his chest.

 

 

He places a hoof around her and gently strokes her mane.

 

 

You throw your hooves around them both.

 

"Don't you worry. You'll find her soon enough. Probably in the sewers or something. Tied up in a cocoon for interrogation, and abandoned. She hasn't eaten in six and a half days."

 

Did those words really just fly out of you mouth like that?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Where did those words come from? You weren't thinking about them, they just came out. Maybe you really are a prophet?

 

 

"I-I-I… I don't know."

 

Night Light is staring at you dumbfounded.

 

 

 

"I guess we're going to the sewer?"

 

Night Light shakes his head.

 

 

Twilight runs upstairs, and a few minutes later, emerges with Shining Armor, who is now carrying a sword at his side, along with Cadance.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You approach Shining Armor and grab his scabbard.

 

"I bless this sword in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ. May it smite evil and all who follow in its path."

 

Shining raises his hooves in a confused shrug.

 

 

 

 

"Don't mention it. Best of luck in your quest."

 

You and Twilight give the two stallions one final hug before they head out of the house in search of the real Twilight Velvet. Finally, you are alone in the house once more with Purple and Cadance.

 

What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, the stallions are gone. Who wants to have a slumber party in the castle?"

 

Cadance shakes her head.

 

<"If we leave now, Night Light will worry about where we went when he comes back."

 

"But it's not safe here! There's no door, and the Changelings already know where we live. We're practically defenseless."

 

<"And it's somehow safer out in the streets of Canterlot now that the sun's come down? Besides, I've got magic of my own."

 

"Rats… think we could still have a slumber party anyways?"

 

<"I think that would be delightful."

 

You've never been a girl before. Somehow, the idea of a slumber party was a lot more glamorous in your head. Though you imagined you would end up sharing sexy secrets and comparing naughty bits, the reality was much more boring. Cadance is a pretty PG foalsitter, and so while there was some secret sharing, it was more to the lines of "who do you have a crush on?" Twilight, naturally, played the asexual nerd card, though you can imagine she still thinks about her husband back home. Aside from that, you painted each other's hooves and played a few games.

 

The night was rather slow, but nonetheless fun. If doing some of the most stereotypically girly activities could be considered fun. After several hours, you finally hear the sound of hoofsteps entering the house.

 

<<"Alright, now who's the clever little filly that somehow knew where I was?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You bolt down the stairs with all of the grace of a cat who was surprised by a cucumber. As you come to the front door, you find a very exhausted Twilight Velvet. Technically, she doesn't know you yet, since she was replaced before you even came to Equestria, but you feel all the more happy to see the real her. You throw your hooves around her in a crushing hug.

 

"It's me! I'm the clever filly!"

 

<<"Oh really now? And just how did you get so clever?"

 

"I'm a psychic!"

 

<<"Well you're an adorable little psychic. I guess Princess Celestia had us adopting you?"

 

Shining Armor puts his hooves around Velvet, glad to see her home.

 

 

Velvet's eyes widen.

 

<<"I… I think I may need to lay down."

 

She moves to turn the couch over and lay down, and as this happens, you see that she has scars across her back, and she's a bit skinnier than she should be. This mare's been through some hell.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You don't look so well. Can I get you anything?"

 

<<"Food would be nice."

 

Oh, right. You said she hadn't eaten in six and a half days. Why did you have to be right about everything?

 

"Anything in specific?"

 

<<"Do you know how to make pancakes?"

 

You do, in fact, know how to make pancakes. In fact, before your crappy Value Village job, you had a crappy job as a cook in a diner. That is until the place went bankrupt. Only problem is you don't know how to cook with hooves. In fact, you barely know how to eat right in this body without looking like a total pig.

 

"I can absolutely make pancakes."

 

Fuck it, you're doing it live. You head into the kitchen and grab out the ingredients. Mixing everything together isn't too difficult with hooves and a mouth, nor is even getting the ingredients into the pan. Flipping the pancake though, that was the tricky part. You don't have the mouth dexterity to use the spatula with your mouth, so you'd need to use your hooves. Only problem is that leaves nothing to hold the pan in place. With a little quick thinking, you come up with an interesting solution which involves wrapping a hoof around the handle and using it to grab one part of the spatula, while you turn with the other half. Success! After a little while more, you decide the pancake is finished and let it slide out of the pan onto the plate.

 

From behind, you can hear Shining Armor giggling to himself.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It worked, didn't it?"

 

 

Little bitch. He can complain about your technique when he has to serve 30 senior citizens who decided to all come in for a pancake breakfast at the same time. You were a pro.

 

 

"…Fine."

 

He puts another pad of butter in the pan and adds more batter in. When the pancake is ready to be flipped, he bites onto the spatula and rotates it with his teeth, never moving his neck.

 

"How did you get so good moving it with your teeth? Aren't you a unicorn?"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Have you forgotten that I'm a child? I only started cooking since the boating accident, and that's because I had to."

 

He puts the batter for a third pancake in the pan. Probably good thinking, since Velvet's gonna need all the nutrition she can get.

 

 

"I guess…"

 

Manipulating things with your teeth is something you're just going to have to get used to. You managed to get some barely passable mouthwriting back in school by writing rather slow and dragging your head along with the pencil, but anything more complex than that just feels weird.

 

After the pancake stack is about 4 high, Shining pulls out a bottle of pure maple syrup.

 

 

"Sure…"

 

You drench the pancakes in enough syrup to help Mama Velvet regain her lost pounds, and add a nice pad of butter on top just for good measure. Afterwards, the two of you bring the plate out in front of Velvet, who is currently receiving a back massage from Purple.

 

<<"Oh thank you both, you're a couple of lifesavers."

 

She wraps you both in a warm, but weak embrace.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You hug Velvet back as tightly as you can. She doesn't know you well, but in a way, you kind of know her. You know a facsimile of her personality from the changeling before you found out what she was. You know of her normally adventurous, bungee-jumps-for-fun persona from the show, and you know from just seeing her right now, that she is a mare that is just hard to break. Plus, she raised a couple of good ponies. And finally, you know that she can…

 

Holy shit she eats fast. You made dinner plate-sized pancakes, and she's eating half a pancake in one bite. By the time the hug is starting to become awkwardly long and you find yourself letting go, she's already eaten all but one of the pancakes, leaving the one you made at the bottom of the stack. She shovels this one in whole, slurping it up like fat spaghetti noodle, and unceremoniously belching as she collapses onto the couch.

 

She tabs on her belly with her hoof.

 

<<"Come here, you."

 

Like a good filly, you comply, and lay down next to her, resting your head on her belly. She responds by wrapping you up in an even tighter embrace.

 

<<"Did you make all those pancakes for me?"

 

"Well, Shining did kinda help."

 

 

<<"And which one did you make?"

 

"The last one you ate…"

 

<<"Well that one was amazing. You're a good little chef. I think I'll keep you."

 

She nuzzles your face. Maybe she is a keeper.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Is that a promise?"

 

Velvet takes a moment to think, and then smiles.

 

<<"If you want it to be."

 

"I think I do."

 

You hug her again, this time tighter and around her waist. In turn, she gently strokes your mane with her hoof. It's almost intoxicating how sweet she can be. You might not have your real mother around, but Velvet is… well she's close enough. As you lay there, the tiring labor of the day takes its toll on you and you drift slowly asleep on your adopted mother's belly.

 

. . .

 

In your dreams, you find yourself in Twilight's treebrary. It's the middle of the night, and you've been sleeping out in its living room with Twilight. A voice beckons you awake and calls you outside

 

 

You aren't sure where it's from, but you find yourself compelled towards the Everfree forest. A familiar path guides you through it to the Castle of the Two Sisters, this time undisturbed by chimeras, shadow bolts, and scary trees. No, this time the trip is rather quiet.

 

When you reach the castle, you ascend the tower quickly as you can, and you see one of the elements of harmony, bearing a bright red version of your cutie mark.

 

 

"Too late? Too late for what?"

 

A force compels you to look out the window. Instead of the forest outside, you see changelings, thousands of them. And leading the charge at the front of the line is none other than… Fizzlepop Berrytwist? Her horn is broken, she has scratches all over her body, and yet in her mouth she carries the standard of the Red Army, adorned with gold trimmings.

 

<"ONWARD COMRADES, TO VICTORY OVER THE IMPERIALIST PRINCESSES!"

 

You quickly turn away from the window, and you see yourself in a throne room. Upon the throne that should rightfully be Celestia's instead sits Chrysalis, and at her side, the communist scum. The vision fades from view soon after, and you find yourself back in the decrepit abandoned castle. The element begins to speak once again.

 

 

. . .

 

You wake up, panicked and sweaty. You're in the living room of Twilight's normal Canterlot house, on the couch, next to a passed out and snoring Twilight Velvet. The door is still knocked over, and a cool breeze is blowing through into the house, though it does not seem to bother Mama Velvet, who sleeps like the dead. A clock on the wall reads about 7:00, which could probably have been guessed from the off-white Canterlot morning fog that you can already begin to recognize as fairly normal for the area.

 

What will you do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Being a smart filly, your first instinct is to record everything you just saw. Dreams must be serious business if your special talent is future sight. Too bad you can't control it.

 

You search around the house for something to write with, but find nothing in the immediate area. The most logical place to look next is Twilight's room. Sure enough, aside from a still asleep Twilight, you can find a few spiral notebooks and pencils. You pull out a few empty sheets and start writing everything you can remember. The scene is still vivid and fresh in your mind, so after a good ten minutes of writing, you can safely say you've well-captured your premonition.

 

As you finish, you can hear some stirring in Twilight's bed. Looks like she's finally awake.

 

 

"Had a dream. Care to read the memo?"

 

 

She levitates the paper over to her to read it.

 

 

"I use my hooves. It's still legible, isn't it?"

 

 

It takes about one or two minutes for her to read through the entire paper, and in that time you can see her tired face slowly shift towards annoyance.

 

 

"'Fraid not."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Twi, can I ask you a question?"

 

 

"Is there something going on with you? Your own biological mother finally comes home and you barely spent any time with her."

 

She rolls her eyes.

 

 

"Why not?"

 

 

"And in the couple of years you've been here, you never really developed any sort of attachment?"

 

 

She wraps a hoof around you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yeah, well not all of us were as fortunate as you. I never even got to meet my mom."

 

 

"Died in childbirth. I grew up with my dad and my brother. Not a lot of affection going around."

 

 

"Yeah. Velvet may not be a substitute for my real mother. But considering I never even got to know her, I'll take what I can get."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I do want to go home. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy this all while it lasts."

 

Twilight shrugs.

 

 

"Well that's you. Me, I'll enjoy the simple things, like having a mom and friends. Speaking of, don't you think she needs you right now?"

 

 

"Might be a good start."

 

The two of you head downstairs to find Velvet still crashed asleep on the couch. It seems you're the only early risers today, which is nice, considering that the house is going to get rather chaotic when you have to leave. You take a seat by the sleeping Velvet and gently run your hooves through her mane as Purple takes to the kitchen. The sounds of a sizzling frying pan echo throughout the room, followed by the welcome aroma of hash browns. As always, Purple loves her greasy savory food. Although based on what you've seen in the kitchen, this meal will likely be sans bacon.

 

You aren't the only one to notice that food is being cooked, however. After about 10 minutes, Shining and Cadence make their way down the stairs.

 

 

"Twilight."

 

<"I didn't know she could cook…"

 

 

Finally, Velvet starts waking up. She looks around the room and then at you, and smiles.

 

<<"Morning."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You return a bright filly smile back at Velvet.

 

"Morning! Feeling any better today?"

 

She taps a hoof to her chin and pauses a bit to think.

 

<<"Well I suppose I am. Thanks for asking. Where's Night Light?"

 

 

She giggles.

 

<<"Yes, well, fillies are bound to do that."

 

By the sounds of things, you probably aren't going to get to sleep on her again for a while. No matter, you've got more important things to do.

 

"Hey, you know, if you want to go bug Night Light about something, or take a quick shower, I could set the table so breakfast will be ready when you get back."

 

A wicked grin forms on Velvet's face.

 

<<"So is that your way of telling me I smell like a sewer?"

 

"Well no, I…"

 

Now that you think about it, she didn't exactly smell like she'd been stewing in pony shit for close to a week.

 

<<"Relax. In case you were wondering, I was dangling from the ceiling. I never actually touched anything but the changeling silk cocoon. Although I suppose I am a bit sweaty and could use a shower…

 

She heads towards the stairs.

 

<<"I'll be back in about 20 minutes."

 

With Velvet out of the picture, you set about being the good filly. You quickly clean up the living room as best you can, putting the broken glass and lamp into a trash can, and setting up the table proper in front of the couch. You toss a tablecloth over it, and set silverware around where each plate will be. Soon enough, Twilight comes out with six plates of food filled to the brim. There are hash browns, fried eggs, fried tomatoes and mushrooms, beans… it's pretty much a vegetarian full English.

 

You don't want to start eating without Velvet and Night Light, but this doesn't have you waiting very long. A minute after the plates have arrived, the two walk down the stairs together and sit down for breakfast with the rest of the family.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You eat your breakfast slowly to savor every bite of the greasy, but oh so delicious meal. Purple is surprisingly a rather good cook. Well, it's not too much of a surprise if you consider the fact that she was a mother back on Earth too. It makes you wonder how Velvet might think of her if she knew the truth… it's probably best keeping that information to yourself though.

 

Cadance is the first to break the silence.

 

<"Dang Twi, where'd you learn to cook like this?"

 

She smiles and hums to herself as she thinks up a reply.

 

 

<"Huh?"

 

 

She giggles.

 

 

Velvet places her hooves together and rests her chin on them.

 

<<"Sounds like a nice place. How do you get there?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Second star to the right, and straight on 'till morning."

 

Purple giggles again.

 

 

You're pretty sure you're not in a dream. You're also pretty sure you weren't dreaming you were human, even if your first moments in Equestria were waking up in bed. Fucking Twilight and her weird philosophical quandaries.

 

<<"Twilight, I hope this isn't some subliminal hint telling me to wake up, and that I'm still in the sewers…"

 

 

She takes a sip of black coffee.

 

 

The rest of the meal seems to carry out normally despite Purple's mind games. As it ends, you thank her for the meal and wash your dishes, trying your best to make Velvet not regret saying she'd keep you. You're a good little filly, and you'll prove it. As everyone else finishes up, Night Light decides to make an announcement.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With the exception of Velvet, everypony seems to have packed their stuff. You didn't have anything of your own to claim, so you look around for something you could take with you to pass the time on the train. One of Shining's copies of Ogres and Oubliettes, along with his dice bag, seems to catch your eye pretty quickly. How did he not remember to pack this?

 

"Hey Shiny, I'm bringing your O&O books, since I don't have anything to carry myself. You cool with that?"

 

 

"Not really. But we'll need something to do on the train, right?"

 

 

With Velvet packing as much as she can over the course of 20 minutes, you pass the time reading the rule books, and grabbing a quick bottle of water to take with you. Can't forget to stay hydrated when passing through the mountains.

 

<<"Alright, I'm ready, time to go!"

 

That was fast. You swear, Velvet must be no ordinary mare. She was rather nonplussed from being thrown into a sewer and starved for nearly a week, decided on a whim to adopt you proper after only seeing you for a few minutes, and is somehow about to pack up nearly everything in under half an hour to be moved into Equestria's equivalent of the witness protection program. Just what allows her to keep going?

 

She belches very loud. Maybe she's just high on life?

 

The trip to the train station is filled with a bit of chatter from Velvet telling the story of her capture, and being tied up in the sewer. Apparently, she was not the most pleasant hostage to be around, hence why the changelings had declined to feed her for a while, and ultimately abandoned her sometime around yesterday morning. You suppose that would be around the time you escaped.

 

As you reach the train station, you see Princess Celestia in some sort of disguise with six tickets for the train, and a few envelopes.

 

<<<"Sorry I have to put you all through this on such short notice. I'm certain you'll be able to come back to Canterlot in a few months, but right now, I'm pretty sure there's a few changelings who would love to try and replace one of you again…"

 

She levitates two thick manilla envelopes over to Purple and Shining respectively.

 

<<<"In the mean time, Shining, I've managed to get a few months of homework assignments from your teacher, and I have your assigned work as well, Twilight. I suggest you not open that one until after you're in Ponyville, you'll find out why soon enough."

 

Finally, she levitates a green letter sized envelope over to you.

 

<<<"And this… is from Miss Lyra for you. It's good to know you've made friends already, Anon."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You teasingly stick your tongue out at Twilight.

 

"So I thought you were going to be the popular one, but it looks like I'm the only one getting letters here."

 

She sighs heavily.

 

 

"Yeah, yeah… she was pretty cool though."

 

You try to think back to your meeting with Lyra. She played a lot of music from Earth and it made you feel a little nostalgic. Then you tried to molest her, and instead of getting all pissed off, she was pretty cool with it and suggested making you a dildo to help relieve the tension. Unless she knows some magic to temporarily change the weight and physical dimensions of an object, you're pretty sure this letter does not contain a dildo, though you still kind of want one.

 

"Hey Celestia, is there a way to quickly send packages between Canterlot and Ponyville?"

 

<<<"Well the Equestrian post can make deliveries within a day or two. Is that fast enough?"

 

"I guess, but is there like, a magical method? You know, to be able to send things instantaneously?"

 

Naturally, Twilight takes the opportunity to give a magic lecture.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, hey… Twi? I'm not a unicorn. I don't know jack about magic."

 

 

"Well you don't have to be rude about it."

 

 

Damn right she better be sorry. Fucking smart ass university graduate thinks she can talk down to you. You weren't really that offended, but you felt nonetheless like you needed to put Purple in her place.

 

You turn your attention to Celestia. She's wearing an opaque prismatic dress with a color gradient that goes from turquoise to seafoam green, which covers her wings and cutie mark entirely. To top it off, she has a straw sun hat that covers her horn. A less than clever pony might mistake her for a relatively tall Earth pony mare. And even still, she looks damn sexy in it.

 

"You know, princess, that outfit of yours looks absolutely stunning. If I had any bits on me, I'd have to take you out someplace nice, maybe have a cup of tea and some conversation."

 

This causes her to giggle just a little.

 

<<<"That's a lovely invitation, but I'm afraid I'm going to be a bit busy these next few months. Maybe when you get back you can tell me about your experiences in Ponyville."

 

You're pretty sure this won't go anywhere sexual, but you technically weren't denied an audience with the princess. Or she could just push the date off forever and say she's busy all the damn time. Whatever works.

 

The train is about to leave soon, so you board it quickly along with Twilight and family, quickly finding a seat in the rather spacious passenger cars. By the looks of things, it will take a few hours to reach Ponyville.

 

What will you do to pass the time?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So Twi… what other magical mumbo jumbo do you know?"

 

 

"It's a long train ride.

 

 

Fuck, is she onto you?

 

"I mean, you're not entirely wrong…"

 

 

She fishes through her overly stuffed pack and finds her intro to magic book, which she promptly hoofs over to you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You open the book to the first page and realize right away that this is some pretty boring stuff. Being a college dropout, you never found reading a bunch of theory to be very fun, even if it's dumbed down to a level for fillies to understand. Well… fillies that are smarter than the average filly, but still fillies, that is. After only a few minutes, you close the book again. It's time to find something better to do.

 

Since you're going to be on this train for several hours, you figure you might as well explore the dang place. You walk up to Purple and whisper into her ear.

 

"Hey Twi, wanna explore the train? Reading's a bit boring. Maybe we could go bug the conductor or something."

 

She sighs and leads you towards the front of the car, bringing you to a door with a window at the top. Before you can move to open the door, she lifts you up so you can see out the window. Outside, you can see that there's a bit of a gap between passenger cars.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wuss."

 

You open up the door. The loud sounds of the train running along the tracks seem to echo throughout the car, and just a foot or two away from you is another door, closed. Quickly, you jump towards it, latching onto the door handle.

 

"Geronimo!"

 

Okay, now this shit's scary. But you're no chicken. You've already jumped this far, might as well go all the way. You sidle over towards the edge of the door as you hold onto the handle and kick the side of the train to force the door open. Before it can swing too far, you jump again, landing safely in the other car.

 

"Where's your sense of adventure, Twi?

 

She simply shakes her head, and begins to head back to her seat. Before she sits down, however, Cadance catches notice of you, and runs over to the edge of the car.

 

<"Anon, what the heck are you doing? Get back here you crazy little filly!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm exploring the train!"

 

<"You're gonna be in big trouble if you don't get back here."

 

"You'll have to catch me first!"

 

Quickly, you shut the car door on Cadance, and proceed to slowly look around at a few rather confused ponies. No one says anything though, so you decide to carry onwards towards the next train car. You open the door, and to your surprise… Cadance is there, hovering between the cars. Oh yeah, you forgot she had wings.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fuck this, you can't catch me. I'm filly Jesus."

 

You take a few steps back to prepare yourself for a charge. Cadance may be blocking your way, but if you aim just right, you can thread the needle between her legs and glomp onto the next door.

 

"See ya candy flank!"

 

You run at full speed through the door, trying to aim low enough to miss Cadance, but high enough to still hit the door handle. Unfortunately, in trying to ensure your safety, you ended up jumping a little too high… right into Cadance's hooves. Though your sudden weight causes her to fall just a bit, she nevertheless manages to secure you.

 

<"Nice try, Anon. But there's no way we're letting you run around like that and almost getting yourself killed."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you think about it in hindsight, that jump could have gone worse. You could have jumped too low, and not only missed Cadance, but also missed the next car entirely, placing you immediately under the tracks to be crushed by the train's wheels. Or you could have hit Cadance and dragged her down with you to be crushed by the train's wheels. In fact, you probably still could try to do just that by violently shaking her to see if you could disrupt her surprisingly good flight skills. Seriously, who the hell can hover perfectly between two fast moving train cars while carrying a filly? Apparently it's Princess "I was a pegasus before I became an alicorn" Cadance.

 

But enough of that nonsense, it's time to be passive aggressive.

 

"So what are you going to do, tie me up for the entire trip?"

 

<"Honestly I was going to just leave your punishment to Velvet and Night Light, but that's an excellent idea. Thanks, Anon!"

 

As Cadance flies you back to your original passenger car, you feel like kicking yourself for giving her that idea. She sits down in one of the seats, keeping you in her arms the entire time.

 

<"Hey Velvet, do you have anything that could be used to tie up Anon? She's going to keep trying to run around unless I do something."

 

<<"I might. Lemme see here for a second."

 

Velvet starts rummaging through her backpack for about a minute, leaving you to wonder just what the hell she packed in those 20 minutes. At long last, she brings out a strange black object with a hook at the end. She fires it at the wall, extending the hook and revealing a rather sizable length of rope that should not logically be able to fit in there.

 

<<"Will a grappling hook do, deary?

 

<"You have a GRAPPLING HOOK?"

 

<<"Do you not?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, at this point, you might as well just shoot me."

 

Velvet frowns.

 

<<"If you can promise to stay in the car, we won't have to tie you up. Can you promise me that?"

 

"I guess… can Cadance keep holding me like this? I'm actually kinda comfortable right here."

 

<"Oh come on, I was hoping to get all cuddled up with Shiny…"

 

Velvet lifts you out of Cadance's hooves and sits you right in her lap.

 

<<"Will this work for you?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You make yourself as comfortable as you can, swishing your tail around to gently tickle Mama Velvet's legs. Now seems like just as perfect a time as ever to pester her with questions.

 

"Hey Velvet, how'd you manage to get captured by changelings if you had a grappling hook?"

 

<<"Well I don't carry it on me all the time, sweetie. Besides, it's really difficult to use when some nice young mare walks up to you and asks you if her handkerchief smells like chloroform."

 

"Oh, right… well dang those changelings and their spy tactics. Why can't they fight a conventional war?"

 

Purple pipes up again, apparently unable to concentrate on her book when ponies are acting silly.

 

 

"It was a rhetorical question, jeez."

 

 

<<"Now Twilight, I'm sure the princess knows what she's doing."

 

 

"Well hey, I did get my cutie mark predicting they'd lose for good."

 

 

"Admittedly, not really."

 

 

"Well fine. Hey Velvet… how'd you and Night Light meet?"

 

<<"Well that's easy, we were classmates as foals!"

 

The next hour or so is filled with Velvet and Night Light reminiscing about their youth. Night Light was apparently a bit of a wuss as a young colt, and it took him ages to muster up the courage just to ask Velvet on a date to the local theater on Hearts and Hooves Day. There was also apparently a time when she had to beat up a couple of stallions that were picking on him for hanging out at the old ponies' home to play bingo with them. So now you know where Purple and Shiny get their geekiness from. Well, at least you know where Shiny gets it from. You're not so sure about what kind of weirdo Purple was back on Earth.

 

You can't remember much beyond this, as you end up falling asleep in Velvet's lap. When you wake up, you can see that outside, it's starting to get dark. But on the bright side, the train's stopped.

 

You're in Ponyville now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You step off the train and take your first step into Ponyville. The town is… not as large as you'd remembered it from the show. Or at least it doesn't look that well populated from the station. On the bright side though, the entire town smells fruity. You can both see and smell the massive apple and pear orchards that partially surround the town and border the nearby Everfree Forest, which doesn't look all that intimidating from afar.

 

A million ideas for how to mess with ponies and make new friends bombard your head, but you immediately push them away. It's too late to bother with that nonsense, and more importantly, you need to use the little fillies' room real badly.

 

After a quick pit stop at the train station bathroom, you follow Twilight and family over to the tree fort, sitting in the middle of the town. To your surprise, it's actually pretty spacious, although there aren't a ton of rooms. For the six of you, there are two rooms on the upper floors, plus the basement. There's also the living room, which would be where all of the books would be stored had this place been turned into a library proper. But seeing how the upper rooms have a direct view of the living room, it doesn't seem like a good place to bunk.

 

This leaves one major question: which pair of ponies will be taking the basement?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It doesn't take a lot of thinking to realize that taking the basement for yourself and Twilight would be the best idea. If you took one of the upstairs rooms, the other would be taken by either Shiny and Cadance, or by Velvet and Night Light, and both of those groups are going to want to have sex. You don't want to have to hear any of that, and you're pretty sure Shiny shouldn't be knocking Cadance up early anyways. If left alone in a basement, he'd be fucking her non-stop. Meanwhile, you've spent plenty of time living in a basement, and today would be no different.

 

And thus, you and Purple end up moving into the basement. It's not that spacious, but then again, neither are the guest rooms. And best of all, you have total privacy. What you lack, however, is natural light. Fortunately, there's an oil lamp to keep the place livable, particularly for Purple who needs her reading time.

 

After a little bit of unpacking, it becomes pretty apparent to everypony that you all haven't eaten since breakfast. It's about 7 PM, and there's no food in the house, though at least the place is furnished. Since it's a bit too late to be buying groceries, everypony's general consensus is to eat out somewhere.

 

Do you have any suggestions?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How about hayburgers?"

 

Everypony nods in agreement.

 

 

And so, the family takes a trip down to the Ponyville equivalent of a McDonalds. Well, technically it's called "Grandpa Pie's Hayburgers and Fries", but close enough. It's probably one of the few eating establishments around here, aside from Sugar Cube Corner (which apparently only opened up in the last year or so), and a nice pasta and salad place. Really, you get the sense that this town is about half empty. But somehow, you get the feeling that this may change over the coming few years.

 

You sit down at a table, and Night Light goes off to get everypony's orders. Scanning the room while you wait, you can already see a few familiar faces, though you can't necessarily place a name to all of them, as you never knew too much about background ponies. You're pretty sure one of them goes by "Carrot Top", and at least one of the ponies around her is probably her mother. The rest though… you're drawing blanks.

 

Eventually the food makes it to your table, and you stuff your face. It doesn't have the same level of substance that you'd expect out of a burger, but at least it's greasy and filling. Purple at least doesn't seem to mind, based on her relatively poor table manners. Wiping your ketchup-stained mouth with a burger? Is she doing that just to imitate what she remembers of Twilight from the show, or was she like this at home in Virginia? You try to be a bit more polite in your table manners, only to find that, without hands, holding a burger is super awkward. You hope you'll get used to it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As you finish up your meal, more important tasks soon come to mind. You're in Ponyville now, not Canterlot. Surely, there should be some of the Mane Six around. Well, aside from Twilight, who's sitting immediately in front of you.

 

You scan the restaurant once again with a more focused eye to find anypony familiar. Unfortunately, this again comes up with no one of importance. You try to think about who might be in town. Guaranteed, Applejack should be in town, you'd just need to visit her farm. Perhaps you might consider doing that tomorrow, assuming Velvet doesn't send you off to the schoolhouse first thing in the morning.

 

Schoolhouse… that reminds you of another pony who should be in town - Rarity. Your memories of the episode where all of the Mane Six got their cutie marks flash through your mind. Yes, she was a native Ponyvilleian too, and should be attending classes here still. Good to know.

 

That would leave Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy, all of whom may or may not still be on a rock farm and in Cloudsdale respectively. With your luck, they're all out of town for another few more years. Although the thought of Cloudsdale brings another memory to mind: Twilight said earlier that a filly who had escaped from the Cloudsdale orphanage was another one of the human-turned ponies walking around in Equestria. Blossomforth, you think her name was? You don't recall what she said she looked like, but you imagine she must be a pegasus, given where she came from.

 

These thoughts dominate the forefront of your mind as you walk home with the family. You are now inside of a tree, and it is getting late, but you're not that tired because you slept throughout the train ride. What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You make your way back to your basement. It's late, but you're not really tired. Well, in a way you are, but it's more like your sleep schedule's completely fucked and so you don't really feel that energized. The weird dream from last night and the changeling scare from the night before have done a little bit of a number on you.

 

As you climb onto the bed, you notice that you left something on the nightstand - a green letter from Lyra. You kind of forgot about that. Quickly, you open the envelope to see a green sheet of paper with some very fancy handwriting. For someone who used to be a guy, Lyra sure writes like a girl.

 

. . .

 

Dear Anon,

 

I hear that you and Twilight are heading to Ponyville, which unfortunately means we won't be able to see each other for a while. Knowing this, I've decided to do some thinking about my own future as well, and I don't think Canterlot is going to work out for me. Whoever this Lyra pony was before I became her, she isn't who I am now, and I don't think our "mom" is ever going to get used to who I am now. As such, I've decided I'm going to be running away.

 

I've saved up enough bits to afford a better musical instrument, a few days worth of food, and a train ticket to Manehatten. I've made a living off of busking before, and I think I can do so again in a city where less "classical" music can be enjoyed. On an unrelated note, I'm also going to be on the lookout for any ponies who might have been humans once. I'm pretty sure there aren't any more left in Canterlot, and I've got a good inkling that we won't make it back to Earth without finding them all.

 

In a few days' time, I'll send you another letter letting you know where I'll be staying so you can send mail back if you want. In the mean time, I'll be wishing you the best of luck in Ponyville. Maybe I'll pay you a visit sometime if I make enough bits.

 

Best,

Lyra Heartstrings

 

P.S. You're still gonna get that dildo.

 

. . .

 

Well that was something. What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You set the letter aside once more. It was good to know what Lyra was up to, though you kind of wonder how she's going to make it on her own. She may have the mind of an adult, but she still has the body of a filly. Surely, there may be some unscrupulous characters running around in Manehatten, right?

 

But that's a problem for another day. For now, you're still not tired. Purple must not be either, seeing as she's not yet come down to bed. Obviously, a remedy will need to be found.

 

You walk upstairs to find most of the family sitting around reading. Seems they must have all thought to bring at least one book. Ascending the stairs to Cadance and Shining's room (or alcove really, seeing as it doesn't have four walls, or a door), you find the two snuggled up in bed, reading some sort of book together. Clearly the perfect time to capture their attention with an adorable filly stare.

 

<"What's up, Anon?"

 

"Cadance, can you tell me a story?"

 

<"Hmm… possibly. Let me see if I can think of a good one."

 

A smile creeps up on Shiny's face.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Alright, Shiny, you can tell the story. It better not be a re-telling of recent events though."

 

 

"Or some O&O campaign."

 

 

"I don't think she has…"

 

 

This gives you a little chuckle. Sure they aren't LARPing. It's not like all of his friends aren't a bunch of O&O nerds.

 

 

Really now, what kind of responsible parent gives their young colt a sword? Answer: Twilight fucking Velvet.

 

 

<"You are absolutely the the least responsible babysitter ever."

 

 

 

 

Shiny begins to whistle in a way that sounds like some archetypal flying saucer.

 

 

You feel a light tingling sensation on your back all of a sudden, which causes you to jump in surprise.

 

 

You turn around immediately, and see Purple. In her hooves is a cape that looks like something Shiny would wear. She twists it around a bit and shines her horn underneath it, casting a monstrous shadow on the wall.

 

 

He turns around, and jumps in shock, causing Purple and Cadance to both laugh.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You giggle at the end of Shining's story. His and Purple's antics were a bit funny. But they also served a vital purpose for you. A great yawn passes through your lips, and along with it, a wave of fatigue. Your sleep schedule really was messed up. Without much ceremony, you meander your way back downstairs and crawl into bed. Sleep takes you so quickly that you don't even notice Purple crashing out next to you an hour or so later.

 

. . .

 

You are on a train. Not as a passenger, however. Rather, as a sort of spectral observer. No matter what you do, no one can react to you. In the corner of your eyes, you spot a semi-familiar face. Is that… Pear Butter?

 

As you float on over, you can indeed see that it is her. Applejack's mother… damn. She's actually rather cute when you look at her up close. She's rather alone though. You sit down next to her to keep her company, even though she can't see or talk to you, or even bump into you. This doesn't stop you from trying to talk to her, however, asking about her day, her family, etc…

 

After a few minutes of your attempted conversation, you feel a bump in the train… then another. Next thing you know, the train is toppling over, and spinning rapidly. The oil lanterns all shatter, and Pear Butter hits her head on the ceiling as she falls. There's blood coming out. Actually, there's a lot of blood coming out. You place your hoof up to hers to check for a pulse. There isn't any. This pony is deceased.

 

Immediately, your surroundings change once again to see a funeral on the Apple farm. Bright Mac, Big Mac, Applejack, and a baby Applebloom are all present to grief. They soon leave, but Bright Mac stays behind for a while longer. With all of the ponies out of sight, he ties a noose around an apple tree and hangs it around his neck.

 

. . .

 

You wake up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. You can't tell what time it is, since you're living in the basement, but you'd wager it's very early in the morning. Twilight is still sleeping peacefully right next to you, with Spike in a basket at the foot of the bed.

 

What will you do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You crawl out of bed, careful not to disturb Purple. She obviously went to sleep later than you, and doesn't need to hear about your nightmare for the second night in a row. Quietly, you head upstairs and into the kitchen. After all of this, you need a drink.

 

Unfortuantely, there's no booze in the fridge. In fact, there's no food in the fridge either. You forgot that you just moved into this place. It's furnished alright, but pretty barren. This doesn't deter you too much, however. Instead, you look start searching through a few ponies packs. They're all fast asleep, and surely nopony would mind if you took just a swig of whatever they have to drink.

 

A quick search of Cadance's pack reveals nothing interesting except for the fact that she is very, VERY feminine. Enjoys lots of trashy romance novels too, but apparently isn't into teenage drinking.

 

Next up is Velvet's pack. Underneath a pile of some clothes and important paperwork, you find her grappling hook. But beyond that is a whip, a chain, a whistle, a dildo, and a book. The book doesn't seem to have any cover, so you open it up out of curiosity. It's one of those hidden compartment books, and inside is a flask. Not being picky, you open it up and take a quick swig. It tastes pretty nasty, but then again, brandy tends to do that. You try not to drink too much, lest it show when you go to school alter.

 

Quickly, you put everything back where you found it and take a step outside. You decide to take a walk to try and get this whole nightmare off of your mind. The sun is rising, and there's a little bit of a breeze out. You don't really see any ponies around, so it's kind of nice and quiet.

 

In the distance, you hear a rooster crowing. Looking around, you see that the sound is coming from Sweet Apple Acres, so you decide to head in that direction. Something's got to settle your curiosity. Are they still alive?

 

After about 15 more minutes of walking, you find yourself on the farm. There's a trail leading up to the main barn, and as you approach it, you see a pony finally coming out. Sure enough, it's Pear Butter. She looks very, VERY pregnant.

 

<"Well howdy little filly. I don't think I've seen you around these parts. What brings you to Sweet Apple Acres this early in the morning?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The "liquid courage" that you consumed not too long ago starts to kick in. You feel a little bit tipsy, but any reservations you had about telling Pear Butter about your premonition this morning are gone.

 

"My name's Anon, and I'm kind of new in town. I had a nightmare last night about a train crash. You were in it, though you weren't pregnant like you are now. The dream showed me your funeral. You had three children there, a big red stallion, an orange filly with blonde hair, and a yellow baby filly with beet red hair. I have a talent for predicting the future, though I can't control it. I felt you needed to know. Maybe I could prevent a tragedy or something."

 

Pear Butter stares at you blankly for a few seconds, completely dumbfounded by everything you just dropped on her.

 

<"Would you… like to come inside for breakfast? You seem like you've been through a lot."

 

You smile. Hopefully some proper food will slow down the brandy's absorption into your blood stream. You definitely shouldn't have drank this early in the morning.

 

"Sure. And what's your name, exactly? I'm kind of new to town."

 

<"You can just call me Ms. Buttercup."

 

Oh right, she had a nickname.

 

You follow her into the barn, which more properly resembles a house on the inside. Unsurprisingly, the whole Apple family is up at this hour. You remember hearing that school starts at about 9 in Ponyville, so presumably, Applejack and Big Mac will have farm chores to do before heading to class.

 

Applejack is the first to meet you.

 

 

<"This is Anon. She claims she can see the future and had some prophecies about our family. Managed to describe you and Big Mac rather perfectly. Don't suppose you've met her before?"

 

 

<"Well, she seemed a bit distressed about what she saw. I've invited her over for breakfast to hopefully calm her down a bit. It wouldn't be rather nice for her first memories of us to be bad ones."

 

 

Applejack looks up at you and tries to give her most welcoming smile.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Never heard of it."

 

Applejack narrows her eyes in suspicion.

 

 

"Uhh… Canterlot?"

 

Technically not a lie. You've spent nearly your entire pony life there. Not mentioned was the fact that this is your fifth day in Equestria altogether. Nonetheless, Applejack promptly applies her hoof to her forehead.

 

 

"Not really, no."

 

 

"Well we just moved here, but hopefully. I was in school when I was at Canterlot. And yeah, I suppose it does sound fun, whatever it entails."

 

 

"Seems simple enough."

 

 

<"Fillies, breakfast is ready!"

 

You hear a thundering of hooves come down the stairs as you walk into the kitchen with Applejack. Just as you're about to enter the kitchen, Big Mac bolts into the kitchen. He might not be giant yet, but he's still pretty big and growing. Finally, you sit down at the table to eat, and are passed a massive apple fritter covered in butter. There's a pile of them in the center of the table, just in case you have room for seconds.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You scan the table around you to get a good idea of what ponies are around. As Bright Mac walks into the room and sits down, it seems as though the Apples have a full house. Sitting next to you is Granny Smith, and across from you are Applejack and Big Mac. Bright Mac and Buttercup in turn, sit across from one another. You're not sure why that is. Maybe Granny Smith can't stand to see them getting all affectionate next to each other. Maybe it's so they can both seem share the appearance of authority, by both sitting at the head of the table…

 

Or maybe both of your assumptions were wrong, because it seems throughout the entire meal, they take every opportunity to gaze into each other's eyes. Knowing how old Applejack and Big Mac must be, it seems rather sweet that their parents still seem to be in an eternal sort of honeymoon stage of their relationship this far into their marriage. No wonder Bright Mac hanged himself in your vision. Anyone who was that head over heels for a mare for that long probably couldn't stand to be without her. Maybe it's for the better that they both work on a farm… together… where they won't have to wonder how the other is doing for 8 hours a day while they're at work. Or maybe that's what's caused them not to end the honeymoon stage. Weird.

 

But enough philosophizing. You've been spending the past 5 minutes chewing on the same apple fritter and staring off into the table, not saying a thing. This meal needs conversation! Action! Immediately, you locate the old green mare next to you and gently boop her nose with your hoof.

 

This earns you a grumble from her. Thinking quick, you put on your sweetest filly voice to placate her.

 

"You are under-appreciated, you know that?"

 

She smiles. You're not sure if you've ever seen her smile, even in the show.

 

<<"Well, maybe ye are a psychic, little filly. Yer certainly at least perceptive."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, you know, I try to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. Not sure how much of that comes from my special talent though."

 

The old mare breathes a deep sigh.

 

<<"Yer gonna grow up well kiddo. Have you got an idea of what you want to be when you get older?"

 

"Not a clue, actually."

 

<<"Well, I suppose yer young anyways."

 

She takes a long sip of a cup of hot apple cider. The table is still pretty quiet. Off in the distance, you can hear what you think might be Twilight's voice, but you're not sure.

 

Will you stay for longer, or run off to see what's up?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You stuff another apple fritter in your mouth and listen closer. Was that Twilight?

 

 

Yes, it absolutely was. In your haste to get out and warn Buttercup, you had completely neglected to tell everypony in the house where you were going, or that you were going in the first place.

 

"So… I think I hear my sister calling for me. I probably should have told her I was heading out before."

 

Applejack smirks.

 

 

Oh damn her and her sarcasm.

 

"Hey, they were all asleep. I didn't want to wake anypony up."

 

 

"Hey, they're from Canterlot. They need their beauty sleep."

 

A few apples chuckle at that remark.

 

<"I think we'll understand if you need to leave the table early. It was nice having you over. And thank you for your umm… prophetic visions. I'll try to avoid trains in the near future. Although I can't say I had any plans to get on one anytime within the coming year."

 

"Well, you're welcome. And thanks for the meal."

 

 

"Right…"

 

With all of your goodbyes taken care of, you head out and run back towards Ponyville. Twilight's voice gets louder as you approach. It seems like she's headed away from the farm though. Probably didn't know you were in the barn and went off to look somewhere else. You find her headed towards Sugarcube Corber.

 

"Twilight, I'm here!"

 

She turns around and runs to hug you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I took a long walk. Had a bad dream, didn't feel like waking you up to talk about it, decided to check out Ponyville for a while. Was gonna come home soon enough."

 

 

"Maybe? It's probably going to be hard to tell from now on whether or not a given dream is some sort of premonition or whether or not I'm just dreaming."

 

 

"Only problem is my premonitions are also dreams, so that check won't work."

 

 

The two of you continue your conversation as you head back to the library, which doesn't take too long, given the small size of Ponyville. You avoid mentioning too much about the details of the dream, since you don't want her to worry too much for now. Instead, you focus more on "where the hell to go from here." You're not sure how often you're going to be getting these visions, and indeed, how often they're going to be coming in dreams, or just right off the top of your head like when you found Velvet. You're also not sure whether or not any of these visions are connected at all. Obviously, both the Velvet vision and your dream with the Element of Harmony were related to changelings in some way, but the train… that could have been caused by anything. It could have been sabotaged by changelings, or it could have just derailed going around a sharp turn. And it's not like you can visit it back again…

 

As you make it home, you find that most of the other ponies in the house are just waking up. Apparently Twilight, like you, just runs out of the house without informing anyone else. Indeed, this gets you a slight look of confusion from Cadance, drinking her morning coffee, seeing you both walk in through the front door.

 

<"I thought you two were in the basement?"

 

 

"What she said. Say, where'd you get the coffee?"

 

<"Oh, Shiny brought it for me. I think he went out a little bit ago for a run. Said something about getting in shape for West Hoof. Apparently they make you run in full plate plus 50 pounds of gear on your back to whip you into shape, even for officers."

 

You shudder. Much as it sounds awesome to join Equestria's armed forces, by the looks of things, they'll be just as brutal as the army is back home.

 

A pony sneaks up on you from behind and lifts you up into a big hug. Looking at her hooves, it's obviously Mama Velvet.

 

<<"I've got plans for you today. How'd you like to get some quick breakfast and go to school?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

School… school sounds pretty good right about now. School means you can see Applejack again. Maybe a few other familiar faces. School is definitely where you need to be. And really, what the hell else are you going to do in Ponyville?

 

"Sounds great, when can I start?"

 

<<"Well… from what I've heard, classes here start around 9. It's 8 right now, and we're going to want to be there a little bit early to introduce you to your new teacher. So how about you go get washed up real quick? Try not to be too long."

 

"Sure thing."

 

You run towards the bathroom and take a quick 5 minute shower. It kind of helps that you don't have clothes to have to take off and put back on, so you clean yourself up pretty quickly. Afterwards, you grab a conveniently placed brush that you're pretty sure is Cadance's, and work out all of the knots in your mane. You realize this is probably the first time you've bothered with any sort of grooming in Equestria, so you could kind of use it. Afterwards, you run quickly outside with Velvet.

 

True to her word, she did get you a quick breakfast at Sugarcube Corner, which you promptly eat on the way to the schoolhouse. It was technically your second breakfast, but you don't mention this to her. You can always skip lunch if you still feel too full. Or not. You're not too concerned about getting fat.

 

When you make it to school, you find a few students trickling in, all of whom are young, and only half of whom have their cutie mark. They're all playing in the playground outside until classes start, though by the looks of things, you'll not have that luxury. There's plenty of familiar faces too. Rarity and Cheerilee stick out like a sore thumb. You'll definitely have to make friends with them. And then you realize that Cheerilee is definitely not the teacher. You silently panic, wondering who the hell is going to be on the other side of that door.

 

You enter the schoolhouse to find… a relatively decent looking teacher. You're not sure what to think of her. She's definitely professional, wearing a tie and all that. She introduces herself as Mrs. Sharpener. You don't want to know why that's her name, but apparently she has pencils for a cutie mark. At least she's pretty kind. And efficient too. She manages to get all of your enrollment paperwork done with in 20 minutes flat, finishing right around the time students start walking into the classroom.

 

<<"Alright sweetie, have fun."

 

Velvet leaves, and you are now surrounded by students. Class is about to start. What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sit down in the nearest open seat you can find, apparently right next to Cheerilee. Perfect. Unfortunately, you end up having to stand up again about 5 seconds later when Mrs. Sharpener calls you to the front of the class to introduce you to everyone.

 

<"Alright class, this is Anon. She's a new student who's come here from Canterlot. Anon, how about you tell us a little bit about yourself?"

 

"Oh, umm… yeah, name's Anon. I live in a giant tree I guess. Just moved here from Canterlot and uhh…"

 

You're not sure what would be the best information to reveal about yourself here. Surely there would be questions about your question mark cutie mark, but given Applejack's reaction to saying you were a psychic, you felt it might be best to keep that information more private for now.

 

"Say, teacher, do you have a pencil and eraser?"

 

<"Well I suppose I do. Did you not bring…"

 

"Because I want to erase your past and write our future."

 

The class bursts into laughter.

 

<"Har har, very funny. Are you supposed to be some sort of comedian?"

 

"Yes. I'm also a poet at times. Tell me teacher, what doth life?"

 

<"What?"

 

"Frittata."

 

<"Just get to your seat."

 

You sit down, feeling perfectly okay with the events that just transpired. You take a look to Cheerilee, who seems to still be giggling just a bit. She smiles at you when you look at her, so you smile back. Good to know she's easy to please.

 

The class begins with math, because as everyone knows, math should be done first thing in the morning when you're not thinking straight. Fortunately, you're good enough at elementary level math to be able to tune out half of the lecture and help a few ponies out when you get split up into groups. This is probably for the best, since you get paired up with Applejack to solve a few problems, and fractions are not her strong suit.

 

After math, a science lesson follows. It's mostly Neightonian physics, watered down for foals to understand. It's difficult, but you manage to resist the urge to question why the planet doesn't get slingshotted off into space every time Celestia moves the sun around. Some things are better left unasked, lest some ponies burn you at the stake for heresy.

 

After science, the class takes a break for lunch. You didn't bring any, having been so quick to get out the door, but you still nonetheless had plenty of time to socialize. The only question was who to socialize with.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since it is lunch time, and you have no lunch (not that you would need it, as you had two breakfasts), you decide to spend the time socializing. Today, it seems there's only one pony you care to hang around with - Cheerilee. To your surprise, she doesn't seem to have her cutie mark just yet, though given how well she seemed to do in assisting a certain Bulk Biceps during math class, you get the feeling that discovering her special talent is going to come just around the corner. At least considering that she hasn't gone through her ridiculous hair phase.

 

You approach her at a lunch table, sitting around with a couple of other fillies, one of which is Rarity. Not that she needs too much attention for now.

 

"Hey… Cheerilee was it?"

 

<<"Oh, hey. Yeah, that's me. Although I don't recall telling you my name yet."

 

"Mrs. Sharpener called on you a couple of times in class. You're actually pretty smart, you know."

 

She fidgets her hooves about.

 

<<"Well I try to pay attention in classes. It's worth giving the teacher at least that much respect."

 

"Well yeah, but there's a difference between listening and understanding. I'd say you're probably top of the class here. And it's kind of making me wonder… how it is that a filly so smart can be so cute too?"

 

As those words leave your lips, the three other fillies at the table all put their hooves over their mouths making a loud "Oooooooo" together. You wouldn't think it possible for a pony with Cheerilee's fur color to show a blush so easily, but she almost instantly proves you wrong. Rarity, being the natural drama queen she is, decides to jump on this.

 

 

"Hey, hey. I'm not saying I like her or don't like her. I'm just saying…"

 

You place a hoof around her and look the rest of the fillies in the eyes, a charming grin across your face.

 

"…that this filly is so cute she could make an alicorn cry tears of joy."

 

Everypony around starts giggling again, even Cheerilee.

 

<<"Okay okay, I think you've made your point. So seeing as you're the new filly here, what kinds of things do you like to do? What brought you to Ponyville?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Oh, you know, I like to read, play games, sometimes tell jokes. What about you girls?"

 

<<"Well I actually like acting, to be honest. It's kind of nice to be up on stage in front of people."

 

Well jeez, one can only wonder why.

 

 

"You'd fit right in in Canterlot"

 

 

"Yep. It's full of artists. Though if you're not the type for more 'traditional' styles, I've got a friend who thinks she can try her hoof in Manehatten instead."

 

 

Perhaps it's better if you leave out the part where she's still a filly, and not accompanied by her mom.

 

You spend the rest of your break bonding with your new friends, trying to keep the conversation on their interests to avoid letting anyone know too much about yourself. Rarity pressures you a little about why you would want to come to Ponyville from Canterlot, so you make up an easy to believe lie - your mom got a cushy government job here, and the rent's cheaper. In retrospect, that might not be a lie. You were relocated by the government, so presumably Celstia's paying a living stipend, and the rent of zero bits per month is pretty damn cheap. But surely the details about changelings in Canterlot can be kept secret. After all, it's probably a state secret. Probably.

 

The bell rings soon enough, and you're back in class again, this time studying history. This lecture focuses on the founding of Ponyville, or rather, its first few decades after starting out as a very small farming town. You're pretty sure it's still a rather small farming town, it's just that it now has a bakery and a schoolhouse.

 

The relatively boring lecture ends soon enough, leaving you free to figure out what to do. On one hand, you promised Applejack you'd play hoofball with her. On the other, you'd really like to spend some more time with Cheerilee. Beyond that, there were some other ponies you wanted to meet at some point or another, although you could probably put that off for now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Walking out on a promise to Applejack would be pretty low. You're not sure if she's still going to be the Element of Honesty, given the amount of changes you've allowed to happen in this world, but she's still a pretty honest pony, and doesn't deserve to be stood up. That said, you still want to hang out with Cheerilee. Fortunately, you realize there's a pretty simple solution to this whole endeavor.

 

"Hey Cheers, Rares, you want to play hoofball with me and Applejack?

 

They shrug.

 

 

<<"I wouldn't mind. If you haven't played with Applejack before though, you should be warned. She's pretty dang good."

 

Then you'll just have to be better. You're not sure how athletic your filly body is, but you know that you're an Earth pony, and Earth ponies are supposed to be naturally strong. Maybe you're stronger than you think?

 

You catch up with Applejack pretty quickly as you head over to Sweet Apple Acres. She was originally planning on having you do a 2 on 2 with her and Big Macintosh facing you and her friend Carrot Top. But since you brought 2 friends with you, it would be a 3 on 3. She notes that with those numbers, it might actually be possible for each of the teams to have a designated goalie.

 

At that point, you knew that this was basically just soccer. When you reach the farm, Applejack heads into the barn and drags out two goal posts and a soccer ball. Yep, you knew exactly what to do. You huddle up with your two new team mates as Applejack and Big Mac set up the field.

 

<<"Alright, so who's our defense, and who's going for the goal shots?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You look to each of your partners in crime to assess who would be a better goal kicker, and who would be a better goalie. Cheerilee, like you, is an Earth pony, and she seems rather fit too. Rarity, on the other hoof, is frail, and looks a bit more nimble.

 

"Rares, I want you to play defense. Somehow I get the sense that you're going to be the best of us at the job."

 

She smiles.

 

 

You give her a quick hoof bump and set out towards center field, silently thanking God for your good intuition. The game starts out soon after. To your surprise, Big Mac is the goalie for Applejack's team.

 

The game doesn't start out very easy. Applejack is perhaps one of the biggest ball hogs you've ever seen, and it takes a couple of minutes just to keep it out of her hooves. Fortunately, of the three shots she tries taking at your goal, Rarity manages to deflect them all. Eventually, one of them manages to make their way back to Carrot Top, who is a much weaker player by comparison. Cheerilee quickly steals the ball and takes a few tries at the goal, all of which are easily stopped by Big Mac's relatively large frame. He might not be as large as his dad yet, but he's still the biggest wall on the field.

 

On Cheerilee's second shot, before it makes contact with Big Mac, you see it flying off in a completely different direction. You run towards where you think it's supposed to be and, to your surprise, Big Mac kicks it towards you. It's in your hooves now, and you start dribbling it towards the goal again. You see Applejack coming from the side to attack it, but the ball is still in your hooves. So you pass it to Cheerilee, and Applejack comes right towards where the ball was to try and steal it. She was too late.

 

At this point, you're starting to see a pattern. Your future sight abilities are working about 5 seconds into the future in this game. You're not sure if this is being done subconsciously or what, but you trust in your special talent and make a few more passes back and forth with Cheerilee to confuse the other team. When you anticipate Big Mac to be distracted, you shoot the ball towards him. True to your expectations, he becomes too busy staring at Cheerilee's flank to notice the ball, and you score.

 

"GOOOOOAAAALLLL!"

 

Too bad there aren't any crowds. And so the game goes on without any fanfare. Your psychic abilities come in handy more and more, both on scoring and on playing defense, but Applejack is able to catch up soon enough with a few trick plays of her own, finally managing to score 1 point after 3 of your own goals. Unfortunately for her, this was pretty late into the game, and so you still end up winning 3-1, completely exhausted.

 

You collapse on the ground, and Applejack offers you a hoof.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You reach out and accept Applejack's hoof.

 

"You know, you're not too shabby yourself. I think if I was running a hoofball team, I'd want you as my forward… or whatever you guys call your offense."

 

 

"I suppose I could."

 

You and the other fillies head into the barn and sure enough, Applejack serves everyone a tall glass of apple cider. Unfortunately, there's no alcohol in it; it's just regular old unfiltered cloudy apple juice. Best damn drink you've ever tasted though. Sweet, tart, and ice cold. A perfect follow up to getting covered in sweat from all of that hoofwork.

 

As you sit back and sip your drink, you reflect upon the game you just won. Your future sight abilities went off somewhere to the tune of fifty times over the course of an hour or so. This is the most you've ever made use of them, and you still don't know how they work. You just know that they work, and that to a certain extent, they can be changed. Later into the game, Applejack had started making some rather strange moves that tripped you up entirely. You would predict she would move one way, and indeed she would for a few seconds, but she would then change course drastically as soon as she saw you reacting to her plans. In other words, when you act upon your vision of the future, it no longer becomes certain.

 

In a way, you find it kind of comforting though. If the future was truly deterministic, could you be said to have free will at all? And if you saw even worse things than your dream about the train, or your dream about the invasion, you're not sure what you would do if it was truly set in stone. To know ponies would die and that you would have nothing you could do about it was a truly horrifying prospect.

 

Of course, it also made you wonder how it was you were truly seeing into the future if nothing could truly be pre-determined. Was this just the path that would happen if you did nothing? Or were you seeing some completely random future, and your actions have nothing to do with whether or not that's actually what happens. This could all just be some completely whacked up drug trip. But then again, being a filly could just be one whacked up drug trip. You try not to think about that too much.

 

 

"Yeah?"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What? Oh, sorry, I guess I was spacing out a little. Sure, you could come see my family."

 

You turn towards Cheerilee and Rarity.

 

"You girls want to come?"

 

 

You and Applejack giggle at her comment. Only Rarity would make such a big deal out of a little sweat. Meanwhile, you showed up to meet Applejack's mom buzzed. Not that she knew it at the time… or at least you hope she didn't.

 

Cheerilee sighs.

 

<"Yeah, I can't come either. I've got a sick sister to take care of. I probably shouldn't be staying away from home for too much longer."

 

"You have a sister?"

 

<"Yeah, I have a twin. Her name's Cherry Blossom. Looks pretty much like me, but she's got her cutie mark already. Me… well look at me, I'm the only one here without one."

 

You place a hoof around her

 

"Don't worry about it, Cheers. It'll come soon enough, and you know what? It'll make you look twice as cute."

 

Your two friends soon part ways, leaving just you and Applejack together, walking towards Golden Oaks. When she finally approaches it, she laughs hard.

 

 

"Even better, I live in the basement of a tree."

 

 

You shrug and step inside the house, to be greeted by Velvet.

 

<<"Oh hey Anon, welcome home. Who's the friend?"

 

"Her name's Applejack. We played some hoofball together and dang is she good. I still ended up winning though."

 

 

<<"Velvet. Twilight Velvet. You can just call me V if you like. It was a nickname back in high school."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your mind drifts towards the games you had back at the house in Canterlot. Almost none of them were here, with the exception of the O&O books you brought back with you, and somehow you doubted Applejack would be into that sort of thing.

 

"We kinda just moved in. I think we might have some books around here, but…"

 

A rather clever idea sparks to your mind.

 

"You know, my house IS a giant tree. We could try climbing it."

 

Applejack smiles.

 

 

"You're on."

 

<<"Now girls, just make sure you don't fall. I'd hate to have to explain to Miss Applejack's mother that she broke her hip falling out of a tree."

 

 

<<"Alright. Let me know if you need help getting down."

 

Mama Velvet heads back inside and you turn to your rival.

 

"You ready?"

 

 

As soon as the word hits your ears, you immediately start climbing. Admittedly, Golden Oaks is very much unlike a normal tree in how it's been transformed into a house. Every window and every door has an overhang that you can climb onto, making it much easier to reach the higher branches. As soon as you get halfway up, however, there are some decisions to make. Which branches and which paths to take. One way looks like it will take longer, but the path up the tree is fairly straightforward. The other looks like it will take a couple of jumps, potentially crossing thinner branches that you're not sure if you can trust, and there's a bee's nest nearby it.

 

Which way will you go?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taking the shortcut could save you a decent amount of time, but it could also mean falling out of the tree, getting stung by bees, or both. None of those option sound fun. Your gut is telling you to take the safe way, but somehow, you find yourself being drawn closer and closer towards the shortcut. You try to use your future sight, hopefully to see if this is a dumb idea, but it doesn't seem to come to you. Maybe you're too stressed out, or maybe those gut feelings you were getting were your future sight. Either way, you've been climbing your way through the shortcut this entire time. So has Applejack, it seems.

 

The two of you make it past some of the thinner branches just fine, but find yourselves jumping to the next level up to avoid going onto any of the less stable part of the tree. Unfortunately in doing so, you end up kicking the bee hive off the branch. It falls to the ground, and both you and Applejack freeze as you make your way on top of a veranda near the highest window in the house. It's still not at the top of the tree, but somehow you don't think you can focus on your race anymore as the hive busts open, and a swarm of angry bees emerges.

 

What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You down at the ground and watch as the bees rapidly ascend the tree. This was not your idea of how the race should turn out.

 

"NO, NO, NOT THE BEES!"

 

Quickly, you open up a window and jump into the house, landing right on Velvet's bed, just inches away from her. Applejack follows soon after, being smart enough to realize that victory isn't worth bees.

 

 

Unfortunately, the window is a bit higher up than you'd like. Fortunately, Mama Velvet has magic, and she quickly slams it shut just before the bees can enter the house, leaving the angry swarm just outside the window to fester. If you could see their faces, you'd imagine they'd be pretty pissed.

 

<<"Well so much for your race. How about I fix you girls up some hot cocoa?"

 

"Sounds good, Mama."

 

Velvet heads downstairs to the kitchen, leaving you alone on her bed with Applejack.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You try to think of something to do. It seems like half the ponies who are normally here have gone off somewhere. No Cadance or Shining Armor, no Night Light… you don't see Twilight either, but there's a chance she's probably just in the room. Or she could be out making more friends. That would be rather disappointing if she got ahead of you on the first day, but you're pretty sure a +3 lead is nothing to snuff at, especially when two of the ponies you've befriended today are ponies that were supposed to be her friends in the show. It's almost as if you're just better at being a filly than her.

 

This gives you an idea. You quickly grab a pillow and throw it onto the floor next to you, and jump onto it.

 

"The floor is lava!"

 

A mischievous smile pops up on Applejack's face. She grabs a blanket from underneath her and throws it forward towards the edge of the stairs, and then slowly rides it down to the level of Shining and Cadance's room.

 

Oh that does it.

 

You reach over to the bed and just manage to grab the other pillow and use it to slowly make your way over to her, repeating a process of tossing a new platform, jumping to it, and picking up your old one. This eventually manages to bring you down the stairs, but it seems you've tossed your platform a bit too far this time, making it impossible to pick up your old one.

 

Applejack has already gone down the second flight of stairs, but you are down one pillow. What will you do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is no way Applejack is going to beat you at a silly filly game with no real objective, only a method of losing. You look around for a way to get down to her, and the railing along the stairs easily catches your eyes. It's not technically part of the floor.

 

Quickly, you inch your way over to it with your pillow and climb on, grabbing your pillow off the ground as you make it on top. This is, admittedly, very dangerous. A fall from the relatively thin railing could surely hurt, perhaps breaking a few bones. Surfing down it sounds like just about the dumbest thing you've considered since arriving in Equestria, and you've called a knife-wielding unicorn's bluff.

 

So it's only fitting that as you slide down the railing, with a pillow under your ass, you shout "YOLO" as loud as you can. It doesn't even occur to you've been launched into the air, however, that the railing has an end. Oh right. You promptly crash into the ground and slide into the wall, creating a loud thud. It hurts a little, but you'll manage. Your flank, it seems, is still on the pillow, meaning that the game is still on.

 

Velvet immediately rushes into the room from the kitchen.

 

<<"Are you alright?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. You worry too much, Mama. My head's harder than it looks."

 

Velvet shakes her head.

 

<<"Earth fillies, I swear. I'm going to have to get used to you being practically indestructible, aren't I?"

 

"Yep."

 

 

<<"Well alright. Just be careful, alright? Now if you wait just a sec, I think the cocoa's almost done."

 

She heads back into the kitchen, and Applejack scoots her blanket over to you by the wall, resting her back against it. For about a minute, the two of you just sit there in contemplation of the day gone by. It's been a bit exhausting. Soon enough, Velvet comes back with your cocoa, which you both end up sip together.

 

 

"Yep."

 

A few more minutes pass without much to say. The cocoa's pretty damn good though. You can even taste a hint of cayenne in it, so you know it's done the right way. After a few more long sips of the delicious cocoa, the silence is finally broken by Twilight bursting out of the basement door, a baby Spike in her hooves, and a piece of parchment in her magical grasp.

 

 

She holds the parchment up in front of Spike, who proceeds to cough up a very weak ember that nonetheless manages to disintegrate it. A few moments later, he coughs up another piece of parchment. You can't see what all it has on it, except for the big letter "A" in red ink.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You clap your hooves at the sight of Twilight's latest accomplishment. Having a lifeline back to Celestia could be very helpful, considering your circumstances.

 

"Not bad Twi. Think you could get him to burn my homework too?"

 

She shakes her head.

 

 

Applejack still looks a bit shocked as she stares on at Spike.

 

 

"Yeah, that's Spike. He's a baby dragon. Sleeps a lot, eats marbles from time to time, but overall a cute little guy."

 

 

Twilight sits down next to you, on the clearly-still-lava floor. Apparently unicorns are immune to lava or something. Either that or she's fucking hacking.

 

 

"Oh you know, chilling. The floor is lava, by the way."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You pose a hoof to your chin, contemplating Twilight's proposition. You're not sure how dangerous being a magical guinea pig is, but she probably wouldn't be offering it to you if she wasn't at least reasonably sure you wouldn't be harmed. This brings things down to just one question: how awesome will it be?

 

"Twi, if you're going to have me cloud walking, I have to ask… can I ride around on the cloud like Goku?

 

 

Applejack is starting to look a little confused.

 

 

"A comic book character, and another unrelated comic."

 

Technically not lies on both accounts. But only technically. Not that you're sure if it matters. You're not even sure if Applejack even counts as the Element of Honesty at this point, or if she'll ever be an Element of Harmony at all given how much you've allowed the universe's plot to change by now. Or maybe there's an infinite number of universes, making there be an infinite number of Equestrias, only one of which contains the show, and one of which being… wherever the hell you are now.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"A favorite comic? Pssh. There's too many good ones to have a favorite. Power Ponies is probably up among my top favorites though. You got a favorite?"

 

 

Of course you don't read that much, Applejack.

 

"Well, if there's a comic book shop in Ponyville, maybe we could introduce you to some later?"

 

 

Applejack takes another long sip of her cocoa, eventually finishing it off. This is followed by another awkward but comforting silence that lasts a few minutes. She stares into her empty mug and sighs.

 

 

You smile and give her a warm hug.

 

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

 

 

Twilight extends a hoof forward to shake Applejack's hoof.

 

 

Applejack accepts the hoofshake.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Huh? Oh I've been trying to teach Twilight how to work with my psychic powers. I guess it's working?"

 

Twilight rolls her eyes.

 

 

"Oh, right. Forgot about that."

 

Applejack gives a weird puzzled look between the two of you and then shrugs.

 

 

"See ya!"

 

You and Twilight both waive goodbye as Applejack leaves. For a few moments, everything is quiet once again until you hear Applejack's voice once more, screaming as she runs away from the tree.

 

 

You both have a giggle and lay back on the blanket that Applejack brought downstairs.

 

 

"Yep! Had a big hoofball game with Rarity, Cheerilee, Applejack, Big Mac, and Carrot Top."

 

 

"Is that… healthy for a dragon his age?"

 

 

"Probably. Maybe a gemstone?"

 

 

More awkward silence passes and you finish up your own cup of cocoa. A look outside reveals it's starting to get closer to evening, so many of the shops are going to be getting close to closing.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Not really. Not unless you count furiously masturbating and wallowing in self-pity."

 

Twilight slowly raises an eyebrow, and a look of almost motherly concern appears on her face.

 

 

You let out an annoyed grunt. This kind of bullshit isn't something you want to deal with today.

 

"Nothing happened today. Same as every other day. Every pony around is either too young to know about sex or too old to want to risk having it with me. I am surrounded by a very 'loving' race and starved for affection. Now unless you know of a brothel in town that will look the other way for a filly, I think I'm going to flick this bean until it loses all sensitivity for the night."

 

Twilight sighs and hangs her head low to the ground dejectedly.

 

 

She walks off and curls up on the couch with her magic book. Maybe you could have been a little bit nicer to her, but honestly… you need this.

 

You head down into the basement and try once more at pleasuring yourself. Though you don't have Cadance and Shining to listen to in secret, you do have some nice peace and quiet to enjoy. You also have a very nice, warm bed that hopefully Twilight won't mind getting a little messed up.

 

As you reach your hoof down to meet with your clit, you try to think of something nice to set the mood. It's been a while since you've had to use your imagination thanks to the mountains of clop material you had back at home, but you finally manage to settle on a rather nice fantasy - Cheerilee. She had the absolute sexiest butt back when you were playing hoofball. Very toned, and almost a little bit athletic despite all the time she's probably spending reading and doing homework. That kind of sets you back a bit when you realize she's still a filly. Fortunately, you remember what she's supposed to look like as an adult. Visions of a sexy adult Cheerilee flood your mind, and you imagine her pinning you to the ground on the hoofball field, taking your little filly virginity.

 

You work yourself into a sweat on this fantasy alone, and you realize you should probably change the sheets at some point. Though you have to stop about halfway through to get dinner when you hear a knock on the door, you quickly return after you finish eating, to go for round 2. A few hours later, you are physically exhausted and, as you had implied to Twilight earlier, have lost most of the sensitivity in your clit. When she finally walks into the room, you have collapsed onto the floor, and your eyes and muscles are twitching. She merely shakes her head and takes the sheets out of the room, noting that you should probably take a shower before bed, because you made the entire room smell like pheromones.

 

You do just that, and stumble upstairs to take the coldest shower you've ever had. Normally you prefer warm water, but when your body is burning up from exhaustion, a little freezing rain on your fur is actually refreshing. When you're done, you barely manage to make it back to the basement before collapsing onto the bed, which had fresh new sheets put into place while you were gone. The last thing you feel before drifting off into a dead sleep is Twilight's hooves wrapped around you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On this night, you sleep like the dead, with no dreams or prophecies to haunt you. When you wake up, you find Twilight isn't there, but instead, had already headed upstairs to get breakfast. In fact, you actually kind of overslept, so you don't exactly have time to sneak away to Applejack's for a second breakfast. Somehow, you think you'll manage. Today, you feel surprisingly at peace with yourself. You can sense everything around you all at once, from the fruity scent and sweet taste of your toast with butter and strawberry jam to the sounds of every clip-clop of five sets of hooves around you on the tree house's hard wooden floor. And in a way, from this simple pause in your ordinarily chaotic life, you feel as if everything is right in the world.

 

The rest of the day, and indeed the next few days pass by rather quickly, but enjoyably. You attend classes every day, and spend the afternoon hanging out with either Cheerilee, Rarity, Applejack, or a combination of the three of them. You also get to meet the rest of your classmates - mostly a handful of background ponies you don't tend to remember much from the show. Well, except for Bon Bon. You definitely remembered her. But otherwise, you couldn't find anyone else from the Mane Six, who unfortunately had yet to move into town. You can only hope this will change soon. You're hoping on having a lot of fun with Pinkie Pie whenever she decides to roll into town. It would certainly make the place a little more interesting, though Twilight's daily purchases of a book or two at least leave you with something to do in the evening other than burning all of your energy in a masturbatory frenzy. Though you're curious about where she's pulling the money from, you welcome the distraction.

 

Eventually, the weekend comes upon you. If you counted the days when you ratted out a changeling, and when you moved to Ponyville, this would technically be your second weekend in Equestria, and you are looking forward to finally being able to spend it relaxing and enjoying the company of friends without worrying about some existential threat to upend your life.

 

So naturally you weren't expecting at all to see a completely new filly in the room when you wake up. Standing at the foot of your bed, right next to Twilight, is a very happy-looking pegasus filly, with white fur, freckles, and a mane of two colors that ought not to go together - fuchsia and neon green. But the most striking thing about her is her accent when she opens her mouth to talk.

 

 

She reaches her hooves out to shake yours.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You push yourself out of bed and accept the new filly's hoof. Obviously, this must be Blossomforth, or whoever it was Twilight said her pony name was. You're pretty damn sure there's no Manitoba, Equestria, so she has to be human.

 

"Nice to meet you too. And yeah, I'm Anon. Twilight said you went by Blossom…"

 

 

Twilight nudges her.

 

 

 

Hannah's accent is starting to bug you. There's something a little off about it.

 

"You're not really from Canada, are you? You don't sound like it… at all."

 

She shrugs.

 

 

"Figures as much. And now you're in Ponyville and it hasn't affected your accent in the slightest?"

 

 

"Ms. Cake? Now just who is Pinkie Pie going to stay with when she comes into town if you've already taken the role of baker's assistant?"

 

Hannah rubs her hooves together like a greedy merchant.

 

 

"Found the brony!"

 

A big frown appears on her face.

 

 

She flutters her wings as she emphasizes that last word. Immediately, you apply your hoof to your face as it dawns upon you that this is surely going to be a very long day. Goddamn 12 year olds.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight clears her throat to bring both you and your new friend to attention.

 

 

You pause for a moment to try to think of a good answer.

 

"Is it because of that one prophecy I had about bringing all of the humans together?"

 

 

Oh, right. You were planning on trying to do some cloud surfing when she did that. Try and be Goku or whatever.

 

"Sounds good, when do we start?"

 

 

"Well I did kind of try climbing up the tree house a couple of days ago."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Twi, I want you to walk on a cloud staircase that leads me so high that I get to be the first filly in space. Please tell me there haven't been any fillies out in space."

 

 

"I want to meet Nightmare Moon early."

 

 

"Fine, just let me go high."

 

 

Hannah finally decides to stop being a wallflower and nudges Twilight.

 

 

 

 

 

You take a hint and quickly crawl out of bed. When you make it upstairs, you find that Velvet has set the table with pancakes covered in apple and pear jam. Though you wouldn't think the two would go together very well, you soon find out how wrong you are.

 

Despite her insistence on going by her human name when talking with you, Hannah ends up defaulting to "Blossom" when she introduces herself to your family. You're pretty sure she used that same name with Ms. Cake, and despite her protests, actually followed Twilight's advice. Just for that, you may have to give her a silly nickname, like Blossomfort.

 

Cadance is the last pony to get up to the breakfast table, with you and Blossom having already eaten half of your pancakes. This is ultimately unfortunate for her, however, as the end result is a hyped up pegasus filly on a sugar rush pestering her drunk ass with a million questions. Serves her right for all that teen drinking.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're quick to excuse yourself from the table. While Blossom may still be interested in pestering the adorable pink princess sitting across from her at the table, you recognize a bad hangover when you see it. Cadance's face is literally buried in her pancakes, with some of the apple-pear jam starting to get into her hair. At this point, you're almost starting to feel sorry for her. Almost. Still not enough to drag your new friend away from her chance to meet a REAL pretty pink pony princess.

 

Twilight, however, has a bit more sympathy, and proceeds to drag Blossom away from the table as soon as she finishes up the last bite of her pancakes. She at least permits her to ask more questions as soon as the day's work is up.

 

The three of you head outside, and Blossom quickly sets about grabbing as many clouds for you as possible. Within half an hour, she manages to disassemble a large rain cloud and converts it into a series of platforms leading up to a single giant cloud. Once the preparations are in place, Twilight begins casting.

 

To your displeasure, she first casts the spell on herself, and takes a step onto the cloud. Once she sees that it's safe, she casts the spell a second time, and you feel as though you're a little bit lighter. She motions for you to join her, and so you step up and place your hooves onto the cloud.

 

You're not sure what would be the best way to describe the sensation. In a way, standing on a cloud is kind of like standing barefoot in sand. Or perhaps it's like snow, but not nearly as cold. It's certainly solid enough that you don't think you're going to sink through it, but you can nonetheless feel the soft wisps of cloud matter pooling over your hooves. Definitely a feeling you'd like to try some more. Unfortunately, it's not so solid that you'd be able to fly it around so easily like a skateboard. Perhaps you will have to find some other way to imitate Goku while in Equestria.

 

Twilight flashes you a wide grin.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hmm… alright, but loser has to make dinner!"

 

 

On a count of three, you each take off. Twilight, as it seems, is a little out of shape. She's been spending way too much time studying and doing magic assignments for Princess Celestia to really get much muscle to her legs. Meanwhile, you've been playing lots of hoofball in the evenings, and this disparity in physical strength becomes blatantly obvious when you find yourself halfway up the cloud stairs, while Twilight is only a third of the way up.

 

As a way of being sporting, you slow down a little bit, and take the time to joyfully skip up the clouds. This puts you at about Twilight's pace, but it's at least pretty fun. In a way, it makes you understand why Pinkie Pie does things the way she does. You also start to wonder when you'll get a chance to meet her. Surely, she'll show up in Ponyville sooner or later.

 

When you have about a fifth of the way left up the clouds, Twilight finds her second wind and starts galloping at top speed, closing in on you. For a brief moment, you see a vision of her reaching the top before you, so you immediately turn about face and bolt as fast as your legs will carry you. You end up winning by just about a neck length. Though you're not sure where the hell Twilight got all of that energy from, you're pretty sure she just pulled the same crap she did in the Running of the Leaves episode, hiding her power level until the end of the race. Either that or she cheated and casted a haste spell while you weren't looking. Either way, doesn't matter, she's making dinner tonight.

 

The two of you make your way onto a very large cloud that looks to be the size of a house. Blossom is napping off in the corner. You probably have about half an hour before you will either need to leave, or Twilight will need to re-cast the spell.

 

What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the first time in over a week, you voices in your head. One of them is rather new. It tells you to rearrange all of the furniture in the house. The other, a familiar voice, suggests to you to take advantage of Twilight, who is now exhausted and alone.

 

You're pretty sure these voices aren't part of your psychic powers. No, you're just crazy. Unfortunately for the voices, what you aren't is stupid. The house is way to far away to mess with, and Twilight is the only reason you're not dropping to your death right now. If ever there were a time to take advantage of her, it would be in the bedroom, not on top of a cloud. Silly voice.

 

But an idea does strike you from all of the lunacy. You sneak over to Blossom and waive a hoof in front of her face to check if she's asleep. To your delight, she's pretty tired and doesn't respond.

 

You promptly give her hair a "rainblow dry" using the surrounding cloud matter, prompting uncontrollable giggles from Twilight. This manages to wake up a very confused Blossom.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Oh, nothing's wrong. Your face looks exactly like it's supposed to. In fact, do you think you could make a silly looking face? You're too cute right now."

 

Blossom takes a moment to think, and turns around for just a second. When she turns back around, you could swear you are face to face with a zombie with a bad hair day. It really doesn't help that she's just the shade of off-white to look like she's had all of the blood drained from her body. Were it not for her freckles it might almost be enough to scare you.

 

 

Twilight giggles.

 

 

Blossom shakes her face about, returning both her expression and her hairstyle to normal.

 

 

There's an awkward pause for half a minute before Twilight decides to speak up.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Shit, you're right. It's too bad Pinkie Pie isn't here. The party could also double as a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party or something."

 

Blossom snorts out a light chuckle.

 

 

You stare at her and start using your serious deadpan voice.

 

"We will need to throw the biggest party ever. There will be cake, ice cream, and a lifesize filly sculpture made out of cotton candy."

 

To her credit, Blossom seems just as serious as you, and stomps her hooves into the ground to show her dedication to the task.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I've made a few friends, but I'm probably going to need more. Not counting you, Twilight, and Lyra - who isn't going to be in Ponyville anytime soon - I've got… Applejack, Rarity, Cheerilee, Carrot Top, Big Mac, and Cherry Blossom."

 

Blossom nods as she listens to you list off your friends.

 

 

Twilight awkwardly shuffles her hooves against the clouds.

 

 

"Wait, let me get this straight, I've made six friends, and you've only made one?"

 

She shoots you a discontented glare.

 

 

"I thought we had a bet going."

 

of your friends and make more of my own."

 

"Oh that is just wicked…"

 

Blossom clears her throat to interrupt your not-sibling rivalry.

 

 

"Yeah…"

 

 

"I suppose… also wait, didn't you say it had to be fillies in specific? Wouldn't Big Mac not count then?"

 

She places a hoof on your shoulder.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Making a few new friends in a day or two would be easy for you. There's still a few fillies in Cheerilee and Rarity's circle of friends you need to get to know better. But when you think about it, you've done more than enough. You're already bringing in half of the guests here, plus it's your party. Blossom seems to have volunteered for some of the planning, and she's also bringing in some rock-solid choices. Flitter and Cloudchaser? You've seen those twins before, and you know they're pretty damn cute.

 

This just leaves Twilight. For someone who apparently had a degree in one of the social sciences back on Earth, she really isn't getting into this social thing enough in Equestria. It makes you wonder whether she's naturally asocial, or if there's something about living here in Equestria that's keeping her from forming too many close relationships. Either way, it's about time she pulled her weight on this matter.

 

You put on your best Celestia impersonation and approach her.

 

"My faithful student, it's time you stop reading those dusty old books and make some friends."

 

She shrugs.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What do I look like, some kind of racist?"

 

 

"Hey, hey. I said I had a national socialist stuck in my head. I never said I was all Heil Hitlers and gas the Jews. And even if I was, context is ponies, not humans."

 

 

"Eh… another colt might be nice. Don't want Big Mac to be the only guy here and for the party to be a… what would be the female equivalent of a sausagefest? An Arby's luncheon?"

 

 

"It's not for me. I want to try and pair up some of my friends. Well, except Cheerilee of course. She's too pure."

 

 

"You're goddamn right I do."

 

 

"Alright, alright, fine…"

 

You head back down the cloud staircase with Twilight, which Blossom picks up to toss back onto the larger cloud as you leave. When you finally reach the bottom, Twilight heads off towards the town square. You are now alone with Blossom. What do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You watch as Blossom cleans up the last of the clouds. Though you're not sure what her real family was like, you can imagine they might be a bit proud of her for how responsible she can be. She picks up after herself without needing to be told to, and if you interpreted her correctly, she's making a living for herself already. A quick glance at her well-toned flanks makes you wonder how mature she is in other areas.

 

You whistle for her as soon as she's finished with her task.

 

"Hey Blossom, you want some fuck?"

 

She looks at you confused and shouts back at you, flying closer to hear you better.

 

 

"Do you want to fuck? Twilight's gone and I've got the basement to myself. You do know what fucking is, right?"

 

Blossom's eyes light up and she begins to sport a mischievous smile. She walks around you in a circle, gently stroking your fur with her wings.

 

 

"Oh really? What'd she say?"

 

Without warning, Blossom sweeps a hoof under your hind legs to trip you, and you fall on your back. Quickly, she climbs on top of you and straddles you. Somehow you feel no reason to resist. You might be outside, but there's not really anyone around looking in your direction.

 

 

She grabs both of your hooves and pins them against the ground.

 

 

She presses her nose against yours and moves in to almost kiss you, but just before you can try to accept it, she pulls away and gets up off of you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just who the hell does this filly think she is, letting you on like that? If she doesn't think you're man enough for her, you'll show her just how much of a man you can be, penis or not. Before she can get another word in, you walk up to her and lift her up with your Earth pony strength. Walking on two hooves is pretty awkward, but you manage to carry her over your shoulders about as far as the treehouse door before she pulls forward and slams into your face with her flank, causing you to fall back on your ass once again.

 

 

Quickly, you get back onto your hooves and lunge forward to try and grab her. You only manage to barely graze her, however, as she flies just a few inches out of reach of you. She sticks out her tongue and pulls her lower eyelid down with a hoof to mock you.

 

 

Fuck this bitch, two can play at that game. You grab hold of the overhang above the treehouse door and climb up onto it, allowing you to get at eye level with her. You put yourself into a catlike position to pounce upon her. She doesn't immediately move, still mocking you, so you use the time to tap into your future sight and see which direction she'll dodge. You fake a jump in one direction, but instead jump to the left, colliding perfectly with where Blossom would be a second later. You wrap your arms around her head as you both fall to the ground. It hurts just a bit, but not too much, since it was still only a few feet.

 

Looking beneath you, you see your prize - a pinned Blossomforth. Before she can slip away, you press down with all of your weight to keep her there. You look into her eyes and flash a warm, inviting smile before gently kissing her lips.

 

"I win."

 

She spits off to the side several times.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You kiss Blossom once more just spite her… and then another time for good measure. This time she doesn't spit it out, but she definitely looks defeated. It's almost hard to look at her like that, so you do what feels most natural to you and you pull her into a hug, and roll over so that she's on top of you. She doesn't move, so you hold her closer so you can whisper into her ear.

 

"Look, I don't want to hurt you or anything. I'm just… really fucking lonely. It probably doesn't help that you led me on like that. You could've just said no."

 

Blossom takes a few moments to give you a response, dejection still in her eyes as she stares off into space.

 

 

You suppress a short laugh.

 

"I guess we both acted like a couple of idiots."

 

 

She finally climbs off of you, and you get back on your hooves once more to stand next to her.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yeah, sure. You want to head down to the park? Maybe we could play frisbee with some of the fillies and colts there? I know there's always a few."

 

 

There's an intractable silence as the two of you walk to the park for several long minutes. You want to apologize more. You want to tell Blossom that she didn't need to apologize to you, because she's still very young and doesn't really know better. You want to say a lot of things, but none of them end up coming out. Instead, you both just brood for a while on what was said and done.

 

When you finally reach the park, there's a few foals playing as you expected. As luck has it, you've managed to find Blossomforth's friends Flitter and Cloudchaser, along with Thunderlane, playing with a hacky sack over by a water fountain. Cloudchaser waves the two of you over.

 

<"Hey Hannah Banana, come over here, girl! And who's the new friend?"

 

You almost forgot that she went by her human name with her friends. The two of you walk over to them, with Blossom still seeming a little displeased, although you suspect that your actions from earlier may not be the only thing getting to her. This hunch is proven correct as soon as Thunderlane opens his mouth.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You burst into laughter at Thunderlane's stupidity.

 

"Oh wow, Thunderlane, seems Hannah's too much for your banana. Maybe another colt would be more your speed."

 

To your surprise, Cloudchaser rushes to his defense, wrapping in her hooves.

 

<"Hey, he may be a completely uncharismatic dweeb, but he's MY uncharismatic dweeb."

 

"Well jeez, put him on a tighter leash then. Hannah doesn't need to be dealing with colts trying to hit on her when she's just trying to have fun."

 

Hearing this, Blossom taps you on the shoulder and looks you in the eye, seemingly expecting you to say something.

 

"What?"

 

 

Without further commotion, the lot of you end up kicking around a hacky sack for a few hours, chatting away on topics that mostly have nothing to do with ponies dating Blossom. As it turns out, Thunderlane has a weird sort of three way relationship with both Flitter and Cloudchaser, and has gotten it into his head that this must mean he's some sort of mega playboy. In reality, it's just that the two of them are sisters and believe in sharing their toys. As Flitter puts it, he's cute, but he couldn't charm a sexually frustrated zebra if his life depended on it. You make a mental note that he must be seriously whipped if he lets his girlfriends talk smack about him in front of his face. Either that, or he doesn't care because he's getting twice the pussy. Of course, it's more likely that he's not getting any, given that he doesn't seem to have his cutie mark yet.

 

When you notice this, you make a casual mention of your cute-ceañara coming up. Both Flitter and Cloudchaser agree to come, but only on the condition that they be allowed to bring Thunderlane along. You and Blossom both reluctantly agree. If nothing else, you've secured the foal requirement in case Twilight comes back empty hooved.

 

Soon enough, evening comes and your new friends have to head home. Blossom doesn't seem to need to leave just quite yet though, so you both decide to head back to the treehouse, where you find Twilight collapsed on a couch, reading a book.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You take a seat next to Twilight, and Blossom follows after you.

 

"Sounds like we both did something productive today. Assuming I don't have any of my other friends bail on me, I've got an 11th party guest. His name's Thunderlane and he is the world's worst flirt."

 

 

"Because he's tagging along with Flitter and Cloudchaser as their date."

 

 

Blossom tenses up and shivers.

 

 

"Yeah, we wouldn't want Blossom to have to kiss Thunderlane, and I don't want anyone else kissing Cheerilee."

 

Twilight shrugs.

 

 

"Wow, you must have been the most liberal mother ever back on Earth."

 

 

"Duly noted if I ever have the pleasure of meeting you back on Earth."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, we could play Twister, or have a dance off… or even just play some card games. I dunno, what do you think, Blossom?"

 

 

Twilight raises an eyebrow.

 

 

Why does she have to be smart? You try to think up a good answer to give her that doesn't give away too much information, but Blossom manages to beat you to the punch.

 

 

Twilight sighs, defeated.

 

 

She walks off into the kitchen, leaving you alone once again with Blossom.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Which part, the time when I kissed you?"

 

Blossom stares at you with the same look she gave you earlier when you were with her friends. You think you might understand what she meant.

 

"I mean yeah, we could pretend it didn't happen. After all, you're a pony not a human, so it's not like it's technically your first kiss since you were never kissed as Hannah, just as Blossom."

 

 

"I mean I'd certainly like my first kiss to be with somebody important…"

 

Before you can finish your sentence, she smacks you across the forehead with her hoof. As you look into her eyes, you can see the frustrated young teenager you've been failing to understand.

 

"…when I finally get it."

 

She narrows her eyes.

 

 

"Umm…"

 

This isn't exactly the kind of conversation you were hoping to have when you arrived in Equestria. Back on Earth, you were a bit of a loser. 27 years old, a college dropout working at Value Village, and worst of all, a kissless virgin. You were hoping to abandon that previous identity now that you have a somewhat new life, but it seems your talents on this world extend only to changing the future, not the past.

 

 

"Uh, 27."

 

 

"You would be the first."

 

 

"None of the above. I just… don't know how to talk to girls."

 

Blossom bursts into laughter for a solid minute, pointing at you with a hoof and trying desperately not to run out of air. It's as if she just saw a George Carlin act for the first time.

 

 

"It's not fucking funny."

 

You feel like you could cry. Your body, however, does not let you. You never could cry on command, or even in situations that normally would call for it. In fact, you could probably count on the number of hooves you have right now the number of times you've actually shed tears. One of those was when your dog died, and the other was when your father yelled at you and spanked you a bunch of times for breaking a window. So you don't cry. But you do make the motions like you're about to, and Blossom notices.

 

 

Before you can do or say anything more, she pulls you into a hug and presses your head against her chest fluff. You know there's no tits there, since she's not a human, but it still manages to make you feel very comfortable, like all of your troubles could melt away in an instant.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A wave of guilt starts to wash over you. You almost tried to have sex with this filly today. She's like… 12. Maybe 13 if you take into account the amount of time she's spent in Equestria, but still, she's less than half your fucking age. You can almost imagine Chris Hansen telling you to take a seat. Except that Chris Hansen is Twilight, and she has a very disapproving tone. A little bit of panic starts to set into you, but the soft feeling of Blossom's fur against yours makes you realize something - you didn't do it. All you did today was kiss her. And she wasn't broken up because of it. Okay, maybe she's a little bit upset, but things turned out alright in the end, right?

 

So you decide to push your luck.

 

"Blossom? What if I said I wanted that to count as our first kiss?"

 

She sighs.

 

 

"You know you beat yourself up too much over that, right? You're a kid still. It's fine."

 

 

"Well there ya go. It's not stolen, you said it yourself."

 

 

"What, you're gonna kiss me now and say something like 'Oh Anon, yes I consent!' and everything's gonna be hunky dory?"

 

 

"Pretty sure she's not a lesbian."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You know what? I'll accept this. It's absolutely bonkers in a way only a teenager could think up, and I'm certain there's absolutely no way it could go wrong, but fuck it. Cheerilee first kiss here I come."

 

 

"Well duh, but I don't exactly see that happening."

 

 

"Well, it's official. I'm boned."

 

The next few minutes devolve into Blossom play-hitting you, followed by throwing couch cushions at you, and eventually leading into a full on impromptu pillow fight. This continues on for quite some time until you both end up collapsed on the floor, completely exhausted. The living room is an utter mess, with couch cushions and pillows strewn everywhere, the couch completely taken apart, and at least a few of Twilight's books having fallen off the shelf when a thrown pillow knocked them off. You can't exactly agree on who could be said to have "won" the fight, but you both have come to the same conclusion - a rematch will be needed at the party, but with more pillows, and more ponies involved. Indeed, you will have a complete and total pillow war.