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In Soviet Equestria, Pony Snuggles You!, by Zebrafag

By SlavePonyGeneral
Created: 2021-01-12 16:26:20
Expiry: Never
anonnsfw/spg/dramazecora

  1. [Copied from https://pastebin.com/mD27JA6g]
  2.  
  3. In Soviet Equestria pony snuggles you
  4. by Zebrafag (!ZebRTF.ypI)
  5.  
  6. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  7.  
  8. Ch 1
  9.  
  10. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  11.  
  12. > Arrggggh, my head is killing me
  13. > Should I even open my eyes for next half of hour?
  14. > Seems that I cannot even move. OK, let's stay like that for a while, at least it doesnt hurt if I stay still.
  15. > Why the f I always get wasted like this?
  16. > *Nah, that's not your fault this time. Are you surprised too?*
  17. > I did not imagine myself a waifu to get mocked all day, shut up.
  18. > *Like I have something else to do in this stupid head of yours.*
  19. > Then tell me what happened, I cannot recall shit. Where the fuck are we?
  20. > *I cannot know more than you do, silly. Let's just try to roll it back, say, a day back.*
  21. > Fine. I remember dinner...
  22.  
  23. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  24.  
  25. > "You could eat all day there, couldn't you? Wrap it up, you lazy asses, time to check your gear!"
  26. > Disappointed murmur does not last long, sergeant could always invent some new jackassery when he's mad at us.
  27. > Like that time we did not finish cleaning our rifles in time and he made us go to marching practice with shovels, crowbars and rakes. The whole garrison was laughing their asses off as we stomped circles with fucking gardening tools. And then Petrov, this no-hander, managed to drop his one. As always, poor bastard brought the wraith of sergeant on us. Whole platoon had to march to shooting range, take their turns at lying on the position, aiming the shovel at the target and screaming "PEW PEW". When sarge was tired screaming about how we did not make a single hole in targets, we were finally set back to cleaning our rifles.
  28. > Remember kids, that's what you get when you choose army, not education in post-USSR. And then you will be drafted anyway, because it's officially war.
  29. > Anyway, you had not much to finish anyway, you were always up to meal even when it's army rations. If only they were bigger...
  30. > "I SAID WRAP IT UP AND LINE UP!"
  31. > Fine, fine, we're done, calm down, geez.
  32. > After your hastily attempts to form a straight line outside the canteen sarge continues the screaming session
  33. > "Now, ladies, we're going to put you through another bunch of tests. I know, your time is almost up in the forces, but we here are in need of some special personnel for a quick mission and this is fucking war outside, so get ready to finally serve your country. Those who will slack on purpose will get my special treatment" - bastard puts his shittiest grin on - "and don't worry, if you manage to fool our eggheads, you won't fool me."
  34. > Like you yourself can tell the difference between square root and tree root, jackass.
  35. > "What's with the long face, Petrov? Be glad, dummy, destiny calls! Now let's go, we don't want to be late, some high ranks came here to oversee a test."
  36. > Even fucking better, there's some shady plan involved.
  37.  
  38. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  39.  
  40. > *No, no, I mean, after that. When you fucked up.*
  41. > Did I?
  42. > *Yeah, afterwards*
  43.  
  44. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  45.  
  46. > "I've got your results, you no-brainers! Petrov, what is wrong with you, I didn't even start."
  47. > "Soooo... Shit, where was it... Yeah, you, you and you" - he points his finger at our three most stupid ones, but stereotypically, most strong - "go visit Zakharenko afterwards, he's going to check your heart condition again, you look suspicious to him, you goddam bodybuilders. Now you" - another two guys, fresh meat this time - "There's nothing wrong with your results, but if I catch you smoking when I do not allow that, you're fucked up. Next - you"
  48. > You are really surprised, as you considered yourself rather average.
  49. > "You, fella, you got my special attention. Congratulations! Are you ready?"
  50. > For the love of all that's unholy, he could not just stop stretching the rubber and tell already, he had to make MHAT pause
  51. > "Eggheads thought you could help them with something. Turns out, you're not as retarded as could be and you can fit in for something radio yada yada. Their man had been injured and you're taking his place. When we finish evening check, you're coming with me."
  52. > ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff[spoiler]rustration[/spoiler]
  53. > "Next..."
  54.  
  55. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  56.  
  57. > So, having basic repair skills and not sleeping last two years at school is considered as a fuck-up now?
  58. > *That brought you here, didn't it?*
  59. > Brought me where?
  60. > *What are you, jew, answering a question with a question?*
  61. > What are you, Hitler?
  62. > *What was the name of the dude with hitler-mentioned-in-conversation law?*
  63.  
  64. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  65.  
  66. > "Greetings, private. Before we start, I should mention, that nothing in this room was ever told, or, you know, don't they tell them what happens, Yuriy?"
  67. > "I guess they do. Don't scare this boy, we need him to listen closely."
  68. > "Allright. Are you sure you could keep it quiet?"
  69. > You nod. As much as a drag the task would probably be, you were always somewhat curious how the System works.
  70. > "Good. Now, what do you know about enemy so far?"
  71. "Uhhhh, not much, i guess. We are told they are aliens and that they come from regions where those anomalies were found, and there's something strange about their weapons. My brother was injured from the air strike, when new anomaly appeared and some flying quadrupeds dropped bombs on nearby factory, but his burns were not looking like burns at all, more like some..."
  72. > "Yeah, yeah, we got that, no need to be graphical, we know it too. Ugh. And worst of all, it's like Chernobyl all over again, all can we do is treat the burnt skin and offer some basic antibiotics because we do not know much about the nature of these injuries. But here is where you can help us, son."
  73. > You gulp audibly.
  74. > "Oh, sorry, I did not mean no test subjects, believe me, we got enough injured to study them. What we need is at least measurements made somewhere close to their bases."
  75. "You mean, Anomalies, sir?"
  76. > "We got satellite pictures and seems that there's some sort of buildings around each anomaly, and they are not all-time active, just in bursts for couple of hours. After every time there's more of them around, looks like that's some sort of a transporting device. We need to get measurements using already prepared devices, you come, you wait, you evacuate, easy."
  77. "B-but aren't they fortified and guarded, sir? How do we get close?"
  78. > "You noticed something strange in last three weeks? Maybe, something different around the camp?"
  79. "Well, I thought I saw something like northern lights over a forest a week and a half ago, but I thought that was the nearby city shooting May 1st firecrackers. We launched some too."
  80. > "City's too far, and all their rockets were red, not green."
  81. "So you're saying..."
  82. > "Correct. We were ready to launch Topol there before they rolled out their anti-air defenses, but the readings were too weak and air drones did not show anything for hours. We believe that was either a mistake in their calculations, which made it unusable for them, or that is a side-effect of running four portals in almost perfect square with this forest in center. Before they do anything, we want to send a team to collect some readings from up close and that's where you can help us. Didn't you go through a radio operator crash-course that winter? With these fresh portable stations with anti-jamming algorithms Sozvezdiye shipped us?"
  83. "Yes, sir, but isn't there someone more qualified than me?"
  84. > "Sure, there is, but most of our specialists are close to frontier and anomaly grows weaker each day. Time is running out, and the mission is relatively safe. We figured we could take someone from local base who won't fuck up sensors like SOMEONE ELSE ALMOST DID LAST TIME."
  85. > "Didn't we tell you we were in a hurry?"
  86. > "Didn't I tell you not to shove COM into VGA just because it's D-sub too?"
  87. > "You could at least mark them."
  88. > "You could at least... Oh, the hell with you, color-blind buffaloes. See, young man, who I have to work with?"
  89. > The dude in the corner of the room made entirely out of muscles gives you a heavy look. Your weak smile does not help much. Thanks, doc, I really needed an enemy.
  90.  
  91. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  92.  
  93. > Now that's more of a fuck-up
  94. > *Still not close to the point. How's the head?*
  95. > Not that bad, but it feels like I've ran into a wall.
  96. > Don't you dare, that ramming weapon joke is too stupid.
  97. > *You're no fun*
  98. > You're no help. Ohhh shit, looks like my vestubulars are still fucked up.
  99. > *Try not to barf, that's no help either. Deep breaths, iiiiiin, oooooout, nice and easy, iiiiin, oooooout. You'd better focus on other things now.*
  100. > Right. I'll just roll to this wall, it seems cooler than the floor somehow.
  101. > *Where were we?*
  102.  
  103. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  104.  
  105. > "Buckle up, rookie! Just 5 more kilometers!"
  106. > It's not like you were carrying more than anybody else, sergeant even put a shit-eating green on his face and tore your rifle from your shoulder, saying you already have radio on top of a backpack.
  107. > Fuck him then, you thought, that's 4-5 kilograms less and his men know what they're doing if the fight happens, you won't be much of a help anyway. And just two magazines, who would give more to a walkie-talkie unit.
  108. "I'm just ... excited ... sir" - you manage to pant
  109. > The buffalo laughs and starts whistling colonel boogie.
  110. > The forest felt strange. You were no expert, but shouldn't some of these plants grow in swamps and far south?
  111. > After an hour or so your new sergeant stops the group for a quick rest.
  112. >"We're close to the target. Keep your heads down and ears up, they can appear any minute. Rookie, how's the comm?"
  113. "I read the camp tower at 80 percent, sir. Connectivity test... shows... no errors. We're not even jammed."
  114. > "Good. Get your toys ready, this may be the as close as we can get and professor smartass wants us to measure at least something."
  115. > You get "toughbook" and accessories from the backpack. Most of sensors conveniently have a clip so you place them on pistol holster belt.
  116. > Tododooooro tooroo. Toodoodoodoodooorooo. Toodoorot tooroo - Ghoooooostbusteeeeers.
  117.  
  118. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  119.  
  120. > *And you're saying my jokes are stupid.*
  121. > That antenna was too tempting, you cannot judge me.
  122. > *What would you do without my back-response, cracking jokes about somebody's momma?*
  123. > What's the joke if not fun, at least for me?
  124. > *Lazyass. Try to open your eyes at least*
  125. > Nope, burns already. Maybe later, when I'm able to move my hands. What a strange pose I'm in.
  126.  
  127. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  128.  
  129. "Aaaaaand done. Measurements transmitted without errors. Eggheads looked almost too happy."
  130. > "Thanks, heavens, not a minute too soon. Collect your gear and let's get moving."
  131. > You quickly put your boxes in their respective pockets. You wish you could just leave this junk right there, just destroying the vital parts so enemy could not scavenge anything useful from it.
  132. > It's not like you left any useful data inside, and most of the stuff was invented in 80s being just resized to small boxes. Egghead told they just need rough measures and statistics, not CERN accuracy.
  133. > Your group heads away from estimated anomaly position. High command did not want you to get closer than half of kilometer from it, so you don't even know how it looks, though hairs on your hands were up like e there's a static charge nearby.
  134. > You move in the same general direction, just passing around the anomaly, as you planned not to return the same way you came. Sounds stupid, but command demanded this for some reason and these old farts must be using guidelines two times older than you so what can you do.
  135. > The forest seems stranger and stranger, that's s clearly not average european thicket, that's a mix of all you've seen on this continent and it is slowly becomes swampish.
  136. > sergeant does not look as worried as you, but he is visibly confused. When you're far enough from the anomaly he stops the group for another break and asks you to contact command.
  137. > You pull radio from your chest pocket, but the signal is almost at zero. How the f is that, you should be closer to the next radio tower which was 15% at least back when you first checked.
  138. > You share your discovery with sergeant, but he looks like he thinks it is your fault.
  139. >"Can you PLEASE describe me how can you NOT get the signal in the forest, which we covered with nearby towers and planes? Can you PLEASE check the radio again? Jerk the antenna, replace the batteries, I dunno, do something!"
  140. "I just did, sir, the device is functional, the signal is there, but it's just too weak to transmit something. Are we in a right part of forest?"
  141. > "You dare to doubt my orienting skills, you shithead? You know where this will get you, you fucking smartass?"
  142. > So we are really lost, not maybe-I-dont-really-know-shit-about-forests lost. And that gorilla is not too happy with that fact, but his problem is not navigation, now that everyone seem to see the new forest too, but reputation in the squad.
  143. > Luckily a beardface with a machine gun steps in
  144. > "Calm down, what does he know anyway. No point screaming so loud. Hey, rookie, can you maybe climb on a tree? It usually helps with cellphones, maybe radio will get better?"
  145. > You gladly nod; better if this dudes settle it on the ground, while you go fill Bilbo Baggins. You drop the bag with electronics, leaving only small thin backpack on you, and start conquering the height of nearby poplar.
  146. > When you finally climb to the thinnest branch you would risk sitting on, you stop to have another breath. It is unusual quiet up here, no wind to shuffle the leaves, no birds singing, nothing.
  147. > When you get a radio from your pocket the signal level is still small, but you just wave the thoughts off because of being lost anyway
  148. "Command, this is Delta, recon squad, requesting assistance, over."
  149. > Just some static noise in return, but you think something mumbled in response when you repeated that.
  150. > You decide to do that little dirty hack with shorting the line around noise cleaning area. That does not take long, since you soldered everything in place last night (bless Zelenchuck for the advice) and you just had to open the back plate and short two pairs of wires. As you turn radio on it greets you with all kinds of noise, signal is not filtered now and amplifier is doing all kinds of overdriven farts, .
  151. "Command, this is Delta, recon squad, please respond, over."
  152. > "Delta, this is command, pshhh are you? You were supposed to be at point pshhh half an hour ago, over"
  153. "Command, this is Delta, we are having navigating issues, requesting assistance. Can you triangulate us, over."
  154. > "Delta, pffffff bufff foooff only one tower, I repeat, we see you from only pfffoooff boovvf, did you pffffaaf your azimuth after leaving point 3, over."
  155. "Command, this is delta, we moved to 030 for 5 kilometers as planned, I repeat, zero-three-zero for five kilometers as planned, over"
  156. > "Buvvfaf, boof is Command, we had sent pfooov to meet you but we did not pefvooffffff your GLONASS signal, I repeat, we did not pfffffffffffffffffffffff pfover"
  157. > Something in your far right finally came from a low hum to distracting noise. You turn your head and see familiar glow in the sky where you came from.
  158. > Trying not to shit too many bricks on the heads of your squadmates you yell into the radio
  159. "Command, this is Delta, anomaly is active, what are your instructions, over!"
  160. > "Delta poofooof bofoof, can you confirm anomaly bfffffffffffovefffff"
  161. "Command, this is Delta, anomaly is active, I repeat, anomaly is active, what should we do over!"
  162. > "Delta, this is Cobfffffff, we read it too, get to pfffffff, we do not know if this is pfffffffffffffffffffffff"
  163. "Command, this is Delta, repeat that, over"
  164. > "Depppffffffffff covepffffffffffffffff"
  165. > As the low hum gets louder you realize the obvious thing Command said to you and try to at least move lower, where the tree could cover you from anomaly. Radio views zero signal and you scream to your squad to get the cover, but you don't even hear yourself at this point. You crawl to the point which allowed you to at least cover your body, remove your belt from your pants and try to fix yourself on a nearby branch with shaking hands. Then you get a tight grip on the tree barrel and try to shut your eyes as tight as you can, fighting the blinding green light.
  166. > The light turns red for a second and a loud crack of thunder deafens you and you lose yourself in this hum, not knowing where is up and where is down.
  167.  
  168. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  169.  
  170. > Shit, are we on a tree now?
  171. > *There's no noise outside, and the air is still. Besides, you are lying on the floor.*
  172. > Right. Just like that dude on that party at Alexey's, hehehehehehe. Did they pull him through the night?
  173. > *Well, Oleg was leading him somewhere at the morning, and he moved his legs, so I suppose he survived.*
  174. > Will be a lesson to knoooooops, almost fell down. To what the fuck lesson, how did I manage to fall from the floor?
  175. > *Maybe open your eyes for a second?*
  176. > You collect all your strength to open your eyes as far as you can and then clench them down.
  177. > Ooowwwwww. That hurt. And all was in a blur. Some brown thing for the floor on the left, dark black on your right and two lights, one is greenish, second is orange.
  178. > *Looks like we are in a building. That's good news.*
  179. > Yeah, and I seem to remember something beetween the emission and... this
  180.  
  181. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  182.  
  183. > Some indescribable eternity later you wake up. After a few barfs you try to look around you.
  184. > The forest did not glow on the other side of the tree, there was some light wind, which did not made any difference to the ringing silence, and everything looked fine. The day was not over, but the evening was close and you tried to go down.
  185. > Right, the belt. Somehow only now you see how much it is stretched and how many times you could fall during your little hangover if not the belt.
  186. > Turns out you need to sit straight first. Do your legs even move? Would you make it down in one piece?
  187. > You managed to take a firm grip on a barrel with your left hand and started to unbuckle your belt. When you finally do this, you decide to strap it back later and just drop it down in the grass.
  188. > Oh, good, it did not fly that far, you won't get old before you get down.
  189. > Some awkward eternity later you get to the lowest branch, slip on it and fall down like a sack of shit. While you lay on the grass you bless the Great Random that the belt is not too far away, bot not to close to get its needle in your eye. You out it back into your pants and, with the help of the tree, manage to get up.
  190. > That emission was sure strange, I need to check myself with Geiger counter. Oh, here it is, just lying over there.
  191. > You stumble to the next two trees as you support yourself to the little box.
  192. > Nah, you're as clean as average person. Good thing it was lying around so conveniently, otherwise you'd need to get it from...
  193. > ...backpack.
  194. > You do not see it.
  195. > And you cannot even ask anybody.
  196. > What the f, where even is anybody?
  197. > You look around, but only thing you see is torn bag with your gear.
  198. > Riiiiiight, my backpack is on me, and the bag was here. Ain't I a smartass.
  199. > But where are the guys?
  200. > You look around again, but see nothing new.
  201. > You check your suit in case you lost something else.
  202. > Radio antenna seems oddly twisted, probably you just broke it. Need to install a backup one, if connector is undamaged.
  203. > Canteen is bent inside slightly, but keeps solid. You take a swig from it and only then feel how much you needed it. You somehow managed to stop at half just to keep something for later.
  204. > Pistol holster is here. Hell, even Makarov itself and a spare magazine.
  205. > You feel regret you let the sergeant take your rifle, but you notice something shining under the bush.
  206. > Turns out it's someone else's pistol. It looks like it was chewed in a vise, but you manage to pull out the twisted magazine and scavenge ammo from it.
  207. > Then you remember your own backpack and inspect it. Everything seems to be in place: a small repair set for electronics, food ration for a day, batteries and your old cheap chinese tablet that you forgot to put away.
  208. > You decide to try and catch up with guys and go through the wide pass they trampled down in the bushes.
  209. > After 5 minutes or so you end up on a wide patch of grass, circled with thick bushes, where the pass seemingly stopped and you failed to see any tracks in thick grass.
  210. > You remember what praporshik Golozhopenko taught your class that day
  211. > You take a deep breath, swing your head backwards untill your bones stop you from going further, keep like that for a few seconds and then breathe out, rolling your head back.
  212. > Fresh blood fills the back of the oxygen-starving brain and you start to see more and more details, fractally precising every detail your eyes can grab, iterating to such small details you cannot tell them from noise. All process takes two or three seconds, but that is enough to list important things.
  213. > For example, that edgy looking black thing under that bush.
  214. > You take a closer look at it, pick it from the grass and realize that this is sergeant's Nikonov rifle.
  215. > That bitch got Nikonov, and all we get in camp is worn out ak-74s at best.
  216. > But where is the bitch himself?
  217. > Oh shit.
  218. > And that pistol earlier.
  219. > You see the trail in the bushes where you picked up the rifle.
  220. > You check your pistol, see how much ammo was in the rifle magazine (he did not even get to shoot from it, fokin 'ell).
  221. > You grab all that's left from your courage and head forward, trying if not to go quiet, but just to make not so much noise.
  222.  
  223. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  224.  
  225. > I feel hungry.
  226. > *For that we'd have to move*
  227. > I can... not.
  228. > *Why can you not?*
  229. > I dunno. I honestly tried. I stretch my muscles, but my hands just stay there.
  230. > *What about legs?*
  231. > Them too
  232. > *Holy shit, are you paralyzed?*
  233. > Fingers seem to move.
  234. > *What are we, in chains?*
  235. > Feels like ropes actually
  236.  
  237. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  238.  
  239. > As you travel through a sea of blackberry bushes you notice another clear spot up front. You cannot see what's there though.
  240. > And when you see it, you shit bricks.
  241. > There is a fucking orange crocodile.
  242. > But instead of a head it has three giant snakes.
  243. > Its belly seems to be so full it looks almost round.
  244. > The main reason you're still alive is that it's sleeping.
  245. > No wonder after such a meal. Or is it just snakes who sleep heavy after meal, not crocodiles?
  246. > You look around to see countless bones, skulls and random unfinished parts of creatures you have not seen before and, finally, something familiar.
  247. > A hairy hand with a modest silver ring on it. You remember beardface wearing one.
  248. > Shit, did this thing eat all the guys? How long was I knocked out?
  249. > Your watches say it's huge crack o'clock and do not even bother to move the second hand.
  250. > As equal portions of anger, unsureness and crippling fear try to fight for your insides, your brain just does his autistic calculations, as always when you see a creepy company in the hood or a big dog without a leash and imagine what to do in the worst case scenario for no reason.
  251. > Assburger.jpg
  252. > You have a pistol and a rifle. You could shoot two heads simultaneously since it's sleeping hard, but then you'd be left with third which would eat you, because you are shit in combat.
  253. > We have a giant log nearby and there's some rope lying near that torn backpack.
  254. > As much bigger part of you is hysterically trying to come up what to think of it all, your autistic side suppresses the need to shit your pants and makes seven circles around the loop and fixes the end. Maybe 13? No, it would not tighten as easy, 7 is enough
  255. > You somehow manage not to stumble around crocodile's necks as you place a loop on a head nearest to the log. Some scales are longer than others and you hope these will serve as hooks to hold the noose before they cut it. You then tie the other end to the log.
  256. > As you try to quiet down clicks of safety switches you remember you could still run away and only now you are really doubt your idea. Like every healthy person would.
  257. > This thing will probably eat you anyway even if bullets can hit through the skull. Three heads possibly mean other backup mechanisms. Shooting will alert everything in this forest that something is happening here.
  258. > Then again, your self-preservation instinct never worked properly, judjing by your childhood and scars that's left from it.
  259. > Good ol' times. Such a shame self-consciousness brings self-restraints. It was so much better without it.
  260. > And yeah, that thing had at least chewed beardface's hand off. He was a nice guy and I got nothing else to revenge anyway.
  261. > Okay. You only get to visit another dimension and shoot a three-headed crocodile once. One. Two.
  262. BAM-KDOoDOOM
  263. > Two heads explode with red goo, third one lets out a surprised scream, so loud, almost deafening. So crocodiles with snake heads can scream, bloody awesome. You fall on your back, drop the pistol, point the rifle in the general direction of the last head and start screaming too as you pull the trigger.
  264. > The rifle shoots twice and clicks.
  265. > Stumbled with disbelief you release the trigger and pull it again
  266. > What the fuck, did it just shoot twice again?
  267. > Ahhhhh, shit, right, that's Nikonov, not Kalashnikov.
  268. > You pull yourself together and try to aim at the last head. Right now it tries to pull its head from the loop and is relatively steady.
  269. KDOoDOOM
  270. > The crocodile screeching seems to fade and the whole body gives itself to convulsions.
  271. > Zmey fucking Gorynych, dont you dare to grow six heads on top of these.
  272. > Zmey does not seem to grow other heads and you nearly shit yourself again as you slump back.
  273. > You expected it to last longer, but then again, the longer it gets, the less chance you have.
  274. > You get on your fours and crouch to the body, now still and quiet.
  275. > Was this thing even adult? Pale orange is not the disguise you'd want in the forest or a swamp. Do they have them bigger here?
  276. > As you decide what to do with the body (maybe see if this thing does not digest ammo. What, did RPGs lie to you?) you hear muffled"awooooooooo" in the distance, forming almost perfect "re" note.
  277. "Five-six-seven-o-niiiiiine, сукаблять."
  278. > You notice it's getting dark and shit gets serious in the dark.
  279. > The wolves must have heard dying crocodile and probably someone else would try to claim the fresh meat too.
  280. > Time to get the fuck out of here.
  281. > But where? Radio shows no signal at all, portal must be closed now. Enemy fixed it, and they did it in style. Does not make a difference where to run, realy.
  282. > Only reasonable way is to run in opposite direction from wolves. There are almost equal amounts of who-knows-what-shit in every direction, but that direction also has wolves. Duh.
  283. > You grab beardface's hand from the ground and start jogging in the "safe" direction trying to avoid bushes. Hopefully wolves would stop at crocodile and give you some more time.
  284. > Shit, did you forget the pistol there? Nope, still here. Wait, that's chewed one, only way you can use it is to maybe load cartridges right into shutter and hope it will shoot. Perfect for suicide.
  285. > As you run you notice some short figure in a brown hood, running in the same direction as you.
  286. > Maybe the stranger knows way to safety
  287. > You bolt after the hooded figure which is running surprisingly fast for given height. What is it, your ribs high? The cloak waves almost horizontally, is this thing even bipedal?
  288. > Does not matter, it is afraid of wolves too and you hope you'll negotiate the shelter.
  289. > Shit, just how fast does it go? Sarge made us suffer in a training camp and it paid off last 5 minutes of running, but you start to feel your limit nearby.
  290. > Fortunately, the forest gets somehow cleaner and trees grow further from each other. Is it fortunate for wolves too?
  291. > You see the light (or fire?) in the distance, and at that moment hooded figure notices you, quickly glances at you, screams in a high-pitched voice and runs even faster.
  292. > Goddammit, would you even make it to the light with all this stuff on you?
  293. > You two get close to something that looks like a baobab with branches, a hobbit hole and river hydra at the same time. It even has a door and windows!
  294. > Hooded figure rams through the door and, not being able to control inertia, rolls further into the house. You manage to make a sick slide inside on your ass (the door seemed to be made for Little Brown Hood's height) and then you jump back to the door to push it closed. Your hand finds a bolt handle and you shut it just in time when something slams the door from outside.
  295. > You still keep the closed door from opening, just to make sure. The door seemed sturdy, but you did not trust its rusty hinges and locks. Your throat hurts and you notice that you were screaming at the top of your lungs alongside with hooded figure. You funally shut up as wolfes stop ramming the door and you look around to find the owner of this... thing you're in.
  296. > When you find it, you also find a staff with some funky feathers on it flying towards your head.
  297. "May I interje..."
  298. > With a loud crack the wooden staff hits your left temple.
  299. > You cannot remember anything but loud pain in your head afterwards.
  300.  
  301. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  302.  
  303. > *Well, that explains the ropes.*
  304. > Let me guess. Be glad that you're not eaten too yet?
  305. > *'zactly.*
  306. > What a land of opportunity. Fine, I'll try to open my eyes again. Buckle up, that will hurt.
  307. > *Quit whining, we managed through worse.*
  308. > I appreciate your support, but this time I'm not even sure about surviving next hour. Can you hep me with that?
  309. > *Sigh~ Nothing else to do here anyway. Roll em' up, M...*
  310. > NO! Don't call my name!
  311. > *It is because you're edgy today or because you don't like it?*
  312. > It is because they use what the fuck of a technology and can probably read minds. I almost feel someone watching.
  313. > *Wanna play Pazaak in the meanwhile?*
  314. > Ha ha.
  315.  
  316. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  317.  
  318. > This time light does not hurt your eyes o much. Probably because this time you did not open them, just relaxed your eyelids so daylight could pass through.
  319. > Daylight? Is it day already?
  320. > You try to guess how much did you lie there. It was getting dark with the crocodile and just went full dark when you got your head hit, so 8-9 hours at least. Daylight is bright, so maybe 12 hours is more accurate.
  321. > *Why do you even need that info?*
  322. > My watch is broken.
  323. > *How does it matter still?*
  324. > Better than nothing.
  325. > Your eyes seem to accommodate enough to the light and you open a little crack between eyelids.
  326. > You can see wooden floor you're lying on. When you remember that you can also shift focus, you start to notice other parts of the house. You can see some form of cavities in walls that are filled with racks with some stuff on them, you still do not see clear enough. There are some weird faces on walls and one of them is on the closest wall to you.
  327. > Wait, that's not wall with a face, that's the hooded figure looking at you.
  328. > And the staff. Figure is holding the staff. Guess other side is ready for negotiations.
  329. "Mmmhpfgpbt"
  330. > *No, that's not how you use your mouth, honey. You should form words.*
  331. > Right.
  332. "Uhhh... Hello."
  333. > Hooded figure's mouth frowns a little. Did you do something wrong?
  334. > Maybe your blabbermouth part would get some info out.
  335. "Thanks for the sh..."
  336. >you think for a bit
  337. "..elter."
  338. > Hooded figure's mask frown seems to dissipate a little.
  339. "And not eating me."
  340. > Wait, that's not the mask.
  341. "M-my name is... what was it..."
  342. > *Now even I do not remember*
  343. > NOT HELPING
  344. "Oh, right. Anonymous. Nice to meet you."
  345. > *So cliche on purpose?*
  346. > Like they read our literature much
  347. > Hooded figure takes the cape off the head and reveals to be... a horse. With stripes.
  348. > *Aren't they called zebras?*
  349. > I would believe if I saw Przhevalsky horse, they are seen in forest rarely, but zebra?
  350. > *They go in jungle sometimes*
  351. > Shit, you're right, that's what the forest was looking like, a jungle in a cold weaher. And here's a zebra with a staff in a hood.
  352. > *Was that a punnnNnnNnN? Uuuhh, I will attempt to bypass this fault. Zeeeooowhip.*
  353. > Go away, Ordis
  354. "Am ... you... here? Is it not a dream? Maybe I still sit on a tree having a dream."
  355. > 10/10, would be hit in a head again.
  356. > Zebra visibly struggles to find words, but sighs and leaves your field of view.
  357. > Dammit. Now there's no dope zebra to talk to.
  358. > Suddenly zebra returns with a bowl, sits on haunches, gets your head in vertical position and makes you dtink from that bowl.
  359. > Tasty, delicious cold water. And her hoof is so soft with all that fur. Should horses even have so much of it? And it is longer than you thought, almost like your hands.
  360. > Actually, this could be not as bad as you thought, this shit you're in. After you finished the bowl, you slump back to the wall.
  361. > You mumble something that you hope sounded like gratitude before falling into black again.
  362.  
  363. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  364.  
  365. Ch 2
  366.  
  367. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  368.  
  369. > Once again you wake up
  370. > Your head feels like giant marshmallow
  371. > *It does not hurt, be grateful*
  372. > How little does a man need, right?
  373. > Even the light does not hurt your eyes whey you open them
  374. > Was it something in that water?
  375. > You try to sit up you cannot keep balance and fall to your right and hit your head with a conveniently placed wooden box.
  376. > Ooooooooooooow.
  377. > As you try to sit up again and try to find balance this time, you hear quiet clicking sound approaching your position
  378. > You lift your gaze and meet two giant green eyes in the cloud of white and light purple
  379. > After some hard blinking the fog in your eyes is gone and you see that these LSD-widened pupils belong to a small equine, maybe the size of a retriever dog. With a horn.
  380. > What else kind of other mutants does this land have?
  381. > *That one is nicer than yesterday's crocodile. Can we pet her?*
  382. > Nope, wrists still tied to each other. Lol, zebra forgot I have fingers.
  383. > "I have never seen somebody like you before" - says little horse
  384. > *She can speak! And with so cute voice!*
  385. "Never saw such a pretty little horse myself."
  386. > She covers her mouth with a small giggle and answers:
  387. >"I'm a pony. And what are you?"
  388. > Unfortunately your head not only feels like marshmallow, it also acts like one
  389. "I'm a little teapot, shiny and hot! Here is my nose..."
  390. > You reach out and boop pony's nose with an index finger
  391. "... and here is my butt!"
  392. > You drop your hands to her haunch and start tickling it.
  393. > *HOLY SHIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING*
  394. > She does not mind though, just falls on the floor from unexpected tickle atack and starts laughing like a child, loud and without holding back.
  395. > You continue your assault at the little wiggling ball of fur, you hear more clicking sounds and move your eyes up
  396. > There is another two, what was it, ponies, standing nearby. Orange one with purple short hair was hiding behind the corner so only half of her head was seen, and the yellow one with big red puffy mane with a bow-knot the size of her head stood in the open and was ... slightly ... concerned about what she sees.
  397. > "Sweetie Belle, get away from it!" - the yellow pony shouts
  398. > You and white pony pause your ruffle and look at her, surprised
  399. > "Why, what's wrong with him? He seems nice!"
  400. > "Applejack told me about big bald creatures with spiders on their hooves, and they were bad!"
  401. > "Well, he did not hurt her yet" - the orange pony tries to insert a remark
  402. > "Just get back here untill we know what it is!"
  403. "Did I offend you or something? I'm sorry, I'm just not familiar with your tradi..."
  404. > Yellow pony yelps and moves behind the orange one when you address her
  405. > Do I look that bad?
  406. > Instead the white one speaks
  407. > "So really, what are you? What is your name?"
  408. "Uhh... I'm a human, I guess."
  409. > Seeing that does not help the confusion you add
  410. "Imagine smart enough monkeys, that can eat almost everything, wield instruments and speak to each other. Give them couple of billion years of evolution and they will drop most of hair, learn to write, farm, build and stuff."
  411. > "That is kinda lame" - she replies - "Everybody can speak and write here"
  412. "You are taught that by your parents. But to even have such skill it requires somebody to invent it and spread the knowledge. How long was it since your kind learned it?"
  413. > She hums, then gives you a shrug
  414. > "I'll have to ask Rarity about it, she must know"
  415. > *They are kids, dummy, they don't have a PhD degree*
  416. "Anyway, name's Anonymous. Anon, for short."
  417. > "I'm Sweetie belle. Nice to meet you!" - white pony grabs your hands and shakes them. Looks like there's at least something common here.
  418. > "And this is Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom is hiding behind her"
  419. > "I'm not hiding, I just don't trust anything I see in the forest!"
  420. > " Come on, he's not much of a threat" - orange one speaks - "He's all tied anyway."
  421. > She approaches you too and sits near Sweetie Belle.
  422. > "So... how did you end up here?"
  423. > You turn to Scootaloo and reply
  424. "Learned to read early."
  425. > You usually blame this for everything
  426. > "No, like, got here, to Zecora's place. Are you studying something, like Twilight?"
  427. "Well, in a way. What's to study about twilight? That's just when the Earth globe turns around and the Sun is covered by horizon"
  428. > "Teehee. No, silly, Twilight is a pony, and Sun is moved across the sky by Princess Celestia with her magic"
  429. "Seriously? What's next, you shake the leaves from the trees manually when the fall comes, or clean the snow in spring?"
  430. > "What's so funny about it?" - Apple Bloom comes closer too
  431. "Well, for starters..."
  432. > And just before the start of a proper speech about small sects and bullshit their culd leaders say then you notice dope zebra
  433. "Oh, hey there!"
  434. > Zebra frowns at your quad. Now what?
  435. > "You're right, young Apple, keep your guard"
  436. > "I'm too concerned in his regard"
  437. > "As yesterday he ran away"
  438. > "From wolves, saved by my door's sway."
  439. > "What kind of silly town folk"
  440. > "Goes in the forest for a walk?"
  441. > "Does he not know its dangers well?"
  442. > "Or worse, he knows too much? If he's a foe, I cannot tell."
  443. > Too dope for me.
  444. "Err, ahem. Yeah. So, I was about to ask, why am I like this? Is it your other tradition?"
  445. > Zebra gives you a smirk
  446. > "Traditions? That's just lovely. Must"
  447. > "you break into my home, doors blast?"
  448. > "Or is that what your folks do?"
  449. > "Come girls, I've made for you some stew."
  450. > "Let him just sit here for a while,"
  451. > "Don't let him fool you with that smile."
  452. > Now that's just great, of all the wolves and crocodiles outside you are the villain.
  453. > You follow their retreat with growling stomach, which zebra clearly heard, but preferred not to do anything.
  454. > Sweetie Belle looks back at you with an apologizing look, but you smile back and wave your hand at her.
  455. > Whatever. That's just stupid zebra and you, children should eat.
  456. > Now that you are left alone you are able to inspect the ropes on you.
  457. > For someone with only hooves and probably teeth she did a good job, but that just won't do if you want to hold a human.
  458. > You shift the ropes here and there untill most tight loops become as loose as others and find yourself able to pull one hand from the knot.
  459. > You don't though, need to wait untill children leave. Then you try to break out.
  460. > You look around, but everything you can see from that corner is some curvy walls that are made into shelves with lots of strange bottles and plants lying and hanging everywhere.
  461. > *What do these horses do in the forest anyway, they are too clean and groomed to live in such a country hut of a house. Have you seen her hairdo?*
  462. > Maybe guests. If there's more of them, there must be a settlement somewhere near. The forest was not endless when you were on that tree.
  463.  
  464. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  465.  
  466. > Having nothing to do you doze off for a while.
  467. > That dream where Yury Gagarin was playing psybilly on a green hollowbody gibson was cool, but it was interrupted on the most interesting solo when you feel someone carefully kicked your boot.
  468. > That's zebra again.
  469. > The three little horses cannot be heard anymore
  470. > She looks at you uneasy, but then collects herself and puts back the stern expression.
  471. > "So, now that these three girls are gone,"
  472. > "I must know a few things, Anon."
  473. "Sure, go ahead."
  474. > "Did you, by any chance, go near"
  475. > "That whooshing thing, a while up here?"
  476. > "Was that your deed, when sky went red"
  477. > "And thunder loud, as ears bled?"
  478. > "What's going on, why are you here?"
  479. > "Do you mean harm, or just passing near?"
  480. "I was just making some measures. Our enemy could enter our land any day so we thought we could study a portal a bit closer."
  481. > Hearing the word "enemy" made her flinch back.
  482. > "That was so obvious! Of course! That's door"
  483. > "which those invaders used for war!"
  484. > "I've heard so little, but i took heed"
  485. > "You could be one of them indeed"
  486. "Whoa, whoa, are you saying YOUR species are those who were doing all those air strikes and managed to hold a war against humans? Of all the possible aliens to fight - small horses? THAT's what our government spends taxes to, fighting primitive colored equines?"
  487. > "Hey, we're not primitive! And we used your own might against you!"
  488. "Oh, so you CAN talk normal?"
  489. > "Uh... buh... That's not what you've heard,"
  490. > "You've made me angry so I spoke absurd."
  491. "Don't bother, your shaman attitude is pointless now, might as well stop looking like a cheap charlatan."
  492. > "You are the most impudent person I've ever talked to!"
  493. "Gee, thanks. So what's about the war? Are you, I dunno, able to use our guns with those hooves of yours?"
  494. > "Your guns are stupid anyway, we use turncoats to fight back and steal your... devices!"
  495. "Do you even know what they are?"
  496. > "I don't need to, I have my duties here."
  497. "What duties, fooling locals about some princess moving the Sun over the sky with silly rhymes?"
  498. > "That is not it!"
  499. "What then?"
  500. > "I study herbs and potions and help those who are in need!"
  501. > *OK, we must have stumbled on a hermit who lives most of the time without civilization, that explains failure to keep a roof on the top of the house.*
  502. > They seem to be cool with her. Are they that gullible, or just polite?
  503. > *I seriously have doubts. With that princess and stuff.*
  504. "Allright, I got you, I got you. As for the first question, no, that was not my portal, I barely went to get the readings from my sensors to see what the fuck is it. I'd show you, but all my things are taken from me. All I know is my country's civilians are bombarded by flying creatures coming from such anomalies."
  505. > "Serves you right for stealing ponies!"
  506. "What fucking ponies, I've seen you for the first time in my life! All I did was going to the forest, climbing a tree, nearly barfing my guts out when emission happened, only to see my people eaten by some ... fucking ... three-headed crocodile, I dunno! And on top of having to deal with the thing there's also wolves, and when I finally get someplace where I won't get eaten by them someone hits me from behind, some fucking chivalry! What is MY fuckin fault in it?"
  507. > "Blah.blah. You can tell that to the jury when I take you to the court. Wait, did you just said you killed the hydra?"
  508. "Yes, shot it in the fucking face, and my gun attracted wolves. What court?"
  509. > "The court which will decide what to do with you. Oh, no no no, that would bring the imbalance to the forest... EEEEEP!"
  510. > Maybe you made too scary face that moment, but you were actually scared yourself to be imprisoned as a war captive.
  511. > You never could do proper face expressions. You could do good enough just two: "I will tear your liver out and eat it while you're still alive to see it" and "Duude, bring more of that stuff".
  512. > Maybe that's why she's running away from you to the far corner to where the staff stands.
  513. > You get your hand out of the rope just in time to put the nearby wooden mask between your already hurt skull and that goddamn staff.
  514. > Five hysterical blows after she decides that she's late with the staff, grabs the bottle from the shelf and throws in your direction.
  515. > The crude muddy bottle flies by your head as you evade it and breaks behind you after hitting the wall.
  516. > The contents of it smell funny.
  517. > Mint, melissa... rotting hay?
  518. > Is it a fucking phosgene grenade?!
  519. > Palms sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, eyes shut themselves without asking
  520. > Phew, just good ol' chloroform. You remember Zhanna Alexandrovna saying something about not keeping it in warm well-lit places during a chemistry classes. Something about not turning a room in a WWI battlefield if you can.
  521. > You cannot stay in that corner much longer, but untying your legs made you stay in the cloud for too long.
  522. > Almost done with right leg, you feel falling on the floor again.
  523. > Shit. Should at least have put a shirt over your mouth.
  524.  
  525. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  526.  
  527. > You swear, you'll pull her back in the forest, to wolves and other things if she continues to tug the ropes.
  528. > Now almost half of your body is covered by excessive amount of ropes. You even have some clothesline, she must put all she had to immobilize your hands, but how you look like a sausage in those ropes, silly and clinging to branches.
  529. > At least your legs are free.
  530. > Under the knees.
  531. > Yes, you also walk like some chinese rural waiter in a tight dress. Does not suit a forest, but you'd kick her butt if your legs were free, she must be not that stupid.
  532. > You finally walk out of the forest. The small village can be spotted just nearby.
  533. "I've imagined something bigger."
  534. > "That's just Ponyville, it is not large, the region is mostly agricultural."
  535. > The parade of one tied monkey and one smug zebra follows through the suburbs, gathering looks of ponies that were up that early.
  536. > You cannot think of a reason why she made you wake up from last chloroform dose right before the dawn. Does she even sleep?
  537. > Nothing else to do, might just look around while you're in that place.
  538. > Houses look like average township would have, but with very low windows and doors. Even zebra's place has enough of height for you to not hit a ceiling.
  539. > You are dragged to something that looks like a three-storied gazebo made from water towers, decorated with pattern that would make a grandma squeak in delight if she was picking a wallpapers for her room.
  540. > A biscuit-colored pony with white twirly hair and little half-circled pince-nez comes out of the gazebo to speak to repairmen, painting a porch.
  541. "She's cute. Who is she?"
  542. > "That's the Mayor of Ponyville."
  543. "But she looks so young?"
  544. > "Don't tell me everyone looks the same to you."
  545. "But they really do! If you were as pink as that one, jumping over there, I'd have troubles to tell who is who."
  546. > Well, technically some had different eyelids or size but...
  547. > Screw you, technicolor horse town. Vietnamese immigrants from neighbour building were easier to discern.
  548.  
  549. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  550.  
  551. > Finally you are near a police station. It looks like a caricature from Wild West comic book, but the jail looks sturdy enough. There's even some drunkard fiddling with a harmonica inside.
  552. > Sheriff looks at you with poorly hidden horror as you rise above him with your liver-eating look and asks zebra to lead you to a second (of two) cell.
  553. > Drunkard does not seem to be afraid of you.
  554. > "You are the straeeeeiiingest minotaur I've seen. Hiccup. How did that happen to you?"
  555. > Minotaurs also? Awesome.
  556. "Venereal. Now, what if I ask you to pull a really long G, then C, G, D and G again?"
  557. > After 15 minutes of explaining how to play "Freeborn man" you have your share of fun pissing off sheriff with your desynchronized performance.
  558. > When the sheriff starts boiling and hitting our cells with a cane (he almost got the rhythm) two stallions in almost-roman armor come after you and pull you to the office for interrogation.
  559. > Interrogation officer happens to be busy with something so you try to mess with guards, but they just keep silent and don't say literally anything.
  560. > Playing british, I see.
  561. > You put up the most innocent look you are able to and start humming Remove Kebab on a loop.
  562. > After 15 minutes you see one of them wincing slightly and other is visibly keeping himself from bobbing his leg to the rhythm.
  563. > Better than expected, but you still to a 5 minutes more.
  564. > Then you start to make a small mistake once in a while. Something that sounds like sore throat or accident at first, but after a dozen of failed loops you notice the second guard wincing every time, which almost breaks your act.
  565. > You continue this torture for another ten minutes and just when second guard takes a really deep breath to unleash his frustration, an interrogation officer finally arrives.
  566. "See you soon, buddy" - you tell to second guardian, entering the now unlocked room.
  567. > He tries not to look at you, but you see a clenched jaw and tense in his muscles. How cute.
  568.  
  569. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  570.  
  571. > "So, what destiny awaits the poor fool?"
  572. > "Probably coal mines, or if he's important officer, they'll pull any information out of him with hot iron. But mostly it'll be manual labor or some weird circuis pet."
  573. > "Isn't this war coming too far?"
  574. > "Probably, but the law does not even consider them as foreigh citizens, just beasts."
  575. > "..."
  576. > "What are you thinking about?"
  577. > "Beasts, you say?"
  578. > "Oooh no. Don't you give me that distant look.
  579. > "You know, I almost feel guilty for sending him to mines"
  580. > "You are so much smarter than this!"
  581. > "But that's unfair, he did not even..."
  582. > "Are you even listening to me? This is your life at stake!"
  583. > "He did not make a single threat to me yet, I saw him, he could, but he didn't. He is indeed a pain in the ass, but he can be reasoned with, I feel it."
  584. > "Even if you managed to capture him, that's still dangerous and unreasonable. I cannot see what good will come out of it."
  585. > "Now that I remember, you do owe me after that time. You know, when..."
  586. > "HEY! I got it, I got it. You've made up your mind and there is no point talking you out of it. But I still have doubts about it."
  587. > "..."
  588. > "What's with that silly smile?"
  589. > "He also called you cute."
  590. > "Ho.. whe.. bhw.. "
  591. > "And so young of a mayor."
  592. > "I... I... *mumbles*I'll see what I can do."
  593.  
  594. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  595.  
  596. Ch 3
  597.  
  598. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  599.  
  600. > Two bigger guards inside rush in your direction, but stop in surprise.
  601. > Really, how hard was it to ask your buddies how prisoner looks so you won't have to almost bump in hos crotch and back away?
  602. "Don't you want to hug anymore? I'm not that ugly!"
  603. > "Sit down, smartass."
  604. > Right. Because you're so scary with your silly spear, which you cannot even hold properly.
  605. > You oblige, however. Why stand, when you can sit, right?
  606. > *So they cannot do something while you're busy sitting, dummy.*
  607. > They are not that high, they barely hit my eye level, relax.
  608. > "So... errrr... *muffled*(what do we even ask him?)"
  609. > See, they are trained professionals.
  610. > "(I dunno, follow that list)"
  611. > "(But it's stupid!)"
  612. > "(Who cares, Lieutenant already has him planed out. Just follow the list)"
  613. > Now that is interesting, someone must know what humans are. For real, that time.
  614. > "Umm, okay. First, please, state your name, rank and why are you here."
  615. > *Should we insert some more stupid jokes about "because you dragged me" or just get this over with?*
  616. > As much as I like our usual cancerous routine, I'm not sure too.
  617. > *Maybe we should give them a chance*
  618.  
  619. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  620.  
  621. > "Anonymous!"
  622. > You cannot help but pull your head back in your shoulders
  623. > "What's going on? And how can I"
  624. > "Leave for an hour you out of eye?"
  625. > "And you, o mighty "warriors", tell me, please,"
  626. > "How did you let him cause this ruckus with such ease?"
  627. > You release guard's neck from your grip and he quickly crawls to his buddies under the flipped table.
  628. > Someone in the pile under that table claims that "the beast resisted the interrogation process"
  629. "Maybe if you did not treat me like an animal..."
  630. > "Anonymous!"
  631. "I swear, I was literally doing nothing when that smug asshole crawled from behind and..."
  632. > Zebra lets out a heavy sigh.
  633. "What? I am not an animal to wear a fucking collar!"
  634. > "Then could you not act as one?"
  635. "How on Earth am I to blame?"
  636. > "Get up and follow me. And please, behave, we've got to fill your papers."
  637.  
  638. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  639.  
  640. > "Please meet Ivory Scroll. She'll help us with paperwork, so could you please not be stupid for half an hour?"
  641. > *Seems like they've seen some shit together, she's not rhyming*
  642. "Pleased to meet you, mademoiselle. - you bow slightly - I believe I've seen you today near that fancy purple gazebo."
  643. > She stutters and lets out a slight giggle
  644. > "That would be the city hall... So that's YOU Zecora was talking about."
  645. "She did?"
  646. > Zebra looks regretting this
  647. > "Indeed, and I was looking forward to... But where are my manners, please, have a seat! I'll just fetch a form and we'll add you to the list in no time."
  648. > You place yourself on yet another kindergarten-sized bench they use everywhere and see the beige mare looking at you waiting
  649. "So... My name's Anonymous..."
  650. > "That's strange."
  651. "Is something wrong?"
  652. > "Well, you happen to be the fifth Anonymous that was enlisted."
  653. "It's, uhhh... a common name in our land."
  654. > "Sixth is Gzhbsh.. Gvpfzh..."
  655. > You look into the quill she's filling right now
  656. "Gzhegosh Brzhenchishchikevich from Chrzhonshchizhevozhice povyat Lenkolody?"
  657. > "Yes, how did you.. How do you even use such names? Are you all just trained to use some identical fake names if captured?"
  658. "No, it's just poor guy's native language sounds like that entirely."
  659. > "Allright. I need your hometown just to tell one from another."
  660. "Nizhnezapopinsk."
  661. > The tired look on her face. You almost feel bad for your jackassery, but that time you're not even joking, so you try to make a sorry face.
  662. > "..n-s-k. Good. Your ID number would be 2296780, and from now on Zecora is assigned as your legal representative and caretaker. You are still an enemy citizen, but since we are not in the war zone and you did not do something illegal yet..."
  663. > *Hope they won't tell her about your negotiation difficulties too soon*
  664. > "... you are being put in a trusted citizen's care. Zecora will look after you, and after a six months if nothing happens you will be granted with immigrant citizenship status."
  665. > Just how pacifist can a nation be? For how long should they live without war so they trust aliens so easy? You feel envious.
  666. > "Thank you for this, Ivory. We'll make sure not to disappoint you."
  667. > With that words zebra pokes your ribs as if you were going to break the mood of an authority figure
  668. > *Weren't you?*
  669. > Not that stupid
  670. > "Ohhh, it was a nice having you here."
  671. "The pleasure was all ours, Ivory"
  672. > *Too informal, pull up, pull up!*
  673. > Instead she seems to stutter again, now with a little blush
  674. > "I'm afraid we need to leave soon if we want to get groceries in time. We'll need to restock a few things if he's staying at my place."
  675. > Wait, you're staying in her house? Not under her signature, but in her house?
  676. > *Congratulations, you are legally a pet of a swamp dweller.*
  677. > With that said you two get up and leave the room.
  678. > After a while zebra breaks the silence of an empty corridor
  679. > "I'm so glad you did not screw it up further."
  680. "Do not compare these situations, you're missing the context."
  681. > "What's the difference for a goof like you?"
  682. "She is a nice cute pony who treats people right, that's the difference. Why can't you be like her?"
  683. > "Because you are a jackass who cannot be left alone for a minute!"
  684. "C'mon, moooom!"
  685.  
  686. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  687.  
  688. > "He called me nice and cute! Eeeep!"
  689. > "Maybe I shouldn't fix that door spring."
  690.  
  691. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  692.  
  693. > You put the last sack of who-knows-what on your shoulders.
  694. > *Cargobulls are pets too technically*
  695. > At least she bought apples for you. It was forever since you had something to eat.
  696. > Orange pony in a cowboy hat on bazaar gave you suspicious looks, but did not say anything. Do redneck stereotypes about racism work here too?
  697. > Not antonovka, but still tasty. Hunger is a best seasoning.
  698. > And later you'll dig into your still untouched military ration.
  699. > How will you even walk through the forest, you look like a bus in India.
  700. > At least your hands are untied.
  701. > Zebra had to make another drama out of it with giving a lecture how anyone's jumpy right now and you should look obedient.
  702. > Like someone really was, except that pink pony in the morning.
  703. > "How did you even manage to do this? There were four of them, four trained guards!"
  704. "I uhh..."
  705. > You started to kick your legs and pushed two of them under the flipped table. Then the one who clicked a collar tried to tug you, shoving his hoof between still loose collar and your neck to pull you back, but he stomped the remote and collar zapped you both. When the shitty circuit popped one or two capacitors, he was already unconscious, as for you - you shoved too much metal things into wall sockets as a child to be knocked out by a light zapper. It was probably not even designed for humans. The last guardian was just a shitty brawler and was your only achievement in this fight.
  706. "You know, they prepare us for a close combat in army. And monkey master race, of course."
  707. > Zecora rolls her eyes so hard they could fall out of sockets.
  708. "Anyway, this path does not look like the one we took earlier, what's the matter? Some rule about never walking the same route?"
  709. > "No, it's because you killed the harpy and now there's a fight for her territory. And why would I not walk the same route if I could?"
  710. "Well, because, I dunno, everchanging forest, random encounters, not to relax on the same road you always walk?"
  711. > "Everfree is indeed pretty random, if you compare it to ponies' territories, but beasts still stick to their territory."
  712. "Like those things that are following us for the last 15 minutes?"
  713. > "What things?!"
  714. "Don't you hear those snorkings right, uhh, there?"
  715. > "Shit, what are THEY doing here? Hurry up, we must get to the river before they get us!"
  716. > Like you did not have all those sacks on your back.
  717.  
  718. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  719.  
  720. "I wish I .. *pant* .. had my guns .. *pant* .. on me"
  721. > "Less talking ..*pant* .. more running! You wouldn't *pant* do much anyway, there's *pant* too many AAH"
  722. > Zecora stumbles on the root and rolls forward a couple of times, but you pick her up and you continue your hasty hobbling.
  723. > Soon you end up near the wide roaring stream that is, apparently, a river.
  724. > "Oh, come on! That was only bridge that was rigid enough for us and the cargo!"
  725. "You mean, that broken tree down there?"
  726. > "Yes. Dammit, and I did not even take a single sleep grenade."
  727. "Can't we, like, cross it on foot?"
  728. > "How? I would drown in there!"
  729. "I thought all horses could swim"
  730. > "I'm not a horse, I'm a zebra! And... that river is too fast anyway!"
  731. "Oh, I get it, you're afraid of water!
  732. > "I-I am... not!"
  733. "Well, it's either that or we'll get eaten. If we hide one or two bags under that stub, I could carry you over the stream"
  734. > She visibly hesitates, not because of cargo, but because of water, but those fuckers make noises awfully close
  735. > "Aaaaaaaahhhhh, shit, allright, but I'll kill you if I get wet!"
  736. "Deal. Hop on."
  737. > You kneel near the stub, put bags with potaters under its roots, tear a nearby bush from the steep and plant it into the hole with stash. Hopefully they won't bother to dig for common potatoes.
  738. > Zecora climbs on top of your luggage and you enter the stream in the flattest spot nearby.
  739. > Holy shit it's cold. But at least it won't drag you down if you slip.
  740. > But that does not matter, because one of your persecutors lets out a loud roar and it's too close
  741. "I think they'll just jump on us, the stream is not that wide with us in the center"
  742. > "That is not helping! Go faster!"
  743. "We won't make it in time to the flat spot and we won't climb on the clay slope that easily. I have another plan, but I'll need you to trust me on this and dont scream"
  744. > "What are you... DONT!"
  745. "Please calm down, they'll hear us!"
  746. > "Noooo, pleeease, AAAAHMMffftfppptbf"
  747. > You return to the slope on the Ponyville side and hide under it. For this you are required to put struggling and kicking zebra in the water, to hide under hanging roots.
  748. > You hug the shit out hysterical zebra and put a hand on her muzzle
  749. "Please be quiet, it won't take long. I won't let you drown, I promise, trust me, you won't drown while I'm here."
  750. > Her eyes are full of primal fear, but at least she's not splashing around.
  751. "Can I remove the hand from your face?"
  752. > She clenches her eyes, flattens her ears and shakes her head
  753. > You leave your left hand on her muzzle then.
  754. "Okay, I won't, just hold on to me, we should be safe here"
  755. > Or not. You don't even know whose fault is it that water around your crotch gets warmer for a second, but Bilbo Baggins strategy was working for you so far. Maybe it'll save your ass this time too.
  756. "Just take deeep breaths."
  757. > You move her head to your chest and release a hand from her muzzle, as she is under the floor of your jacket.
  758. > She is completely silent now, clinging to your chest down there
  759. > You hesitate, but then put a palm on her scruff.
  760. > To cover her from beasts, of course, nothing else crosses your mind that second. Her coat is too flashy for this forest, and her hood is tangled somewhere in the water.
  761. > *D'awwwwww.*
  762. > NOT HELPING
  763. > *But really, look at her! Has somebody ever valued your presence so much?*
  764. > Well, to think of it...
  765. > Beasts finally stomp the bank of the river over your head and you shut all your inner dialogs down, clenching to the zebra and near root.
  766. > Maybe they are able to read thoughts, you don't want to risk when they have magic for domestic purposes.
  767. > And of course, one of them is right above you and just has to make these fucking noises while sniffing air.
  768. > Then a deer sticks his stupid head from the bushes on the other side.
  769. > Bless you, cow-eyed idiot.
  770. > Shades of green, brown and... glowing green? jump over the stream with ease and start chasing the deer. In five seconds they disappear in the thicket.
  771. > Godspeed, deer, you saved our asses.
  772. "Hey, Zecora, they're gone! We can move now!"
  773. > No response
  774. "Zecora?"
  775. > *Get her out of the water, dummy, she's scared shitless.*
  776. > Finally some good advice.
  777. > *I am useful, see?*
  778.  
  779. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  780.  
  781. > Luckily going up the stream led you to familiar part of the forest, just like Zecora mentioned before.
  782. > Zecora still refused to let you go so you carried her along with the bags.
  783. > Your back would be sooo happy tomorrow. Like you hadn't have enough problems with it, making your broken vertebrae worse with years behind the monitor.
  784. > You enter the tree and put the bags down. Now for the zebra, spasmodically holding you.
  785. > You throw some wood into fireplace coals and sit for a minute near it, stroking Zecora's mane with your hand.
  786. "Hey" - you whisper in her earlier - "We're home."
  787. > She shifts a little and her ears are not pressed into skull anymore
  788. "We're safe now. You cane come out. See, there's no beasts around"
  789. > She opens her eyes just a little, to check if you're not lying. When she does not find any danger, she relaxes her muscles as much as she can.
  790. "Let's get you dry, you'll catch a cold. Do you have towels or another hood somewhere?"
  791. > She points a hoof to the far side of the room, where an old blanket is hanging on a rope, covering another shelf-cavity.
  792. > You walk to the shelf, unwrap Zecora's limbs and drape her into the blanket. You bring her back to fireplace then and start drying her mane and coat as much as possible.
  793. > You flip the blanket to the dry side and put the zebra near the fire to keep her warm. Then you remember that your clothes are soaked as well.
  794. > That rope near the shelf has enough space to fit your jacket, your shirt and your pants. You go around the corner and find your backpack, guns and load-bearing vest. Bingo.
  795. > You change your underwear using a spare pair of boxers and a wife-beater you had in the backpack. You don't know why they forced to take so much stuff for a half of day of recon, but now you were just grateful.
  796. > As you return to the fire (looking like that would do, right?) you hear zebra's stomach growling.
  797. > "I-i-i w-w-ill b-b-b-b-rew som-m-mthing in a m-m-in..."
  798. "No way, you sit here, I'll find something."
  799. > Now that you think of it everything here looks like mad scientist's lab, only stone-age-grade. Some roots hanging here and there, dusty bottles with who knows what. Oh, look, the bookshelf! Maybe it'll tell you more about about this crazy land and how to get home.
  800. > All the food is wet and unusable, maybe putting it near the fireplace would dry some of it at the morning.
  801. > You look outside the window. Just nettles. On the other side...
  802. > A couple of potaters, carrot and some eggs catch your attention. How can someone see the cooking desk from any other position?
  803. > You go outside for a brief moment and return with armful of nettle tops. You pick a relatively clean cauldron, fill it with water and put on fire.
  804. > Zecora is still shaking a bit, but she's getting better. At least she says so when you ask.
  805. > You clean vegetables, slice them with your trusty bayonet knife (you don't even want to dig into the shelves without zebra's guiding, you'll get lost in that maze quickly and spend all day to get out) and put them into boiling water.
  806. > You carefully wash the nettle's leaves and cut them too. You don't want to scald it too soon, the leaves would lose the taste, but you have to use one of clean(ish) rugs lying nearby.
  807. > When you return to the cauldron to drop the leaves and add eggs there, zebra looks at you as if you're a madman
  808. > You wink at her and say nothing
  809. > Maybe you're a little of a mad chemist just like her, never hurts to show off what you're good at. And the look on her face!
  810. > "Whatever potion you want to brew, it's something I have never seen. Is it to heal a cold? Or drive away the fears concealed?"
  811. "In a way. You'll see in a couple of minutes. And by the way, what's the deal with rhyming? You do that only with outside folks? Why?"
  812. > "They ask so many questions, have so much hopes, and I don't always have the answer. If they find hope in vague words, maybe they'd be happy for this little longer. If they do not understand, they try to use their own heads and that's one less problem for me."
  813. "They must have been asking a lot from you. Any big failures your mouth led you into?"
  814. > She nods silently
  815. "Been here, did this. Anyway, the Magic Potion of Great Siberian Shamans must be ready. Where can I find spoons?"
  816. > "Under the cooking table"
  817. > You fetch two big deep wooden spoons, take the cauldron off the fire, put some hot liquid into the spoon, blow on it and sample the brew.
  818. "Just about right. Try some!"
  819. > She looks at you puzzled
  820. > *Maybe clean spoon?*
  821. > Dammit!
  822. > With another spoon you grab some hot broth from the cauldron, blow on it and bring it to Zecora's mouth.
  823. > She carefully sniffs it, then sips it down little by little. You feed her three spoons more, now with boiled vegetables and nettle leaves.
  824. > "I feel much better now, my head is light. What was it there? I must know!"
  825. > That face demands answer and looks like yourself when you were 5 years old
  826. > Right in the feels
  827. > You wish you had appropriate pun
  828. "You have a hypothermia and I just did some hot soup so you won't get cold."
  829. > "B-b-but the nettles! And some weird things with that weird battle blade!"
  830. > She's so adorable in disbelief
  831. "They are just tasty. And l could not find anything in that mess of a kitchen you have."
  832. > "You do realize that I planted the nettles just to keep wolves away?"
  833. "And I cooked them and it was tasty. Now eat some more, you need hot food right now."
  834. > She pouts, but accepts five more portions that you spoon-feed her.
  835. > When you finish the rest of the soup murmurs something.
  836. "What?"
  837. > "I said thank you for not letting me drown. I still gonna kill you for that, but later. And no more of such vagrancies, or I'll get really mad!"
  838. "Okay, okay, sorry for that. I was in a hurry and did not think straight. We'll take the most safe path next time, okay?"
  839. > She nods
  840. > "And don't you think things, you're still my pet officially. You should listen to me."
  841. "Pfhehe. Whatever you say. Ah, by the way..."
  842. > You take your knife from the holster and break the lock on your still attached collar. As you throw it into a fire Zecora objects:
  843. > "Didn't I just tell you you shouldn't do anything that stupid?"
  844. "The thing was busted before you first saw it, and it would get all fucked up and rusty after our little bath, you don't want your *blegh* subordinate to get nasty scratches from the thing that is not even working?"
  845. > She really does not know what to do. You could literally walk out and never come back and what she could do?
  846. "Relax, I'm not running away. Not from the food and shelter you offered."
  847. > She breathes out and turns her face back to the fire.
  848.  
  849. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  850.  
  851. > It's getting dark eventually, so you bring up the obvious
  852. "So, uh, where do I sleep?"
  853. > She looks lost, but then blurts
  854. > "I got this covered."
  855. > She walks to the random-stuff-corner and pulls a mattress out of it. She then drags it to one of cavities in the nearby wall, grabs one pillow from it and puts it on a mattress.
  856. > "This will have to do for now, I'll think of something in the morning."
  857. > She dives into the same cavity she got the pillow from.
  858. "Do I, just, sleep right next to you? Are you not afraid of strangers?"
  859. > "This way I can keep my eye on you. Don't get any funny ideas!"
  860. > Sheesh. At least it's close to the fireplace.
  861. > Half an hour later you still cannot fall into sleep. Zebra is tossing and turning in her crib and only sounds you were ever OK with were distant or repetitive, like trains, or server racks, or loud clocks.
  862. > You miss your dakimakura too.
  863. > *Well, that was technically just a long pillow and a teddy-bear*
  864. > Shut up. You wanted something - this was as much as I could do without being too suspicious.
  865. > *Still that's...*
  866. > Something falls on you, forcing air out of your lungs.
  867. > It lays on you, tickling your ear, snorting softly.
  868. > Damn zebra!
  869. > *You are thinking what I'm thinking?*
  870. > We'd get our asses beat in the morning
  871. > *She's still shivering, look!*
  872. > Zecora is not at all shivering, but she tries to curl in a fetus position. Air is chilly, you're warm enough with it under your jacket, but her fur is still a little damp.
  873. > For the perfectly decent medical reasons you grab her blanket from the crib and place over you two.
  874. > When you hug her from behind, she unfolds and calms down.
  875. > Damn it's comfy.
  876. > *Tolja.*
  877. > This is purely platonic, I'll have you know that.
  878. > *Breathe some warm air in her mane!*
  879. > You hesitate for a minute, but then oblige.
  880. > Zebra's last stiff muscles relax into putty and she kicks her back leg a little.
  881. > We're so fucked in the morning.
  882. > *Worth it*
  883. > And that's what I was missing all the time. Why?
  884. > *Because you are a loser with too high standards to go and meet a girl unless she's shoved into your hands?*
  885. > I'm just polite and I respect personal space.
  886. > *Pull her closer, dummy.*
  887. > Javoh, mein waifu.
  888. > You've never fall asleep so fast.
  889.  
  890. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  891.  
  892. Ch 4
  893.  
  894. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  895.  
  896. > You flied in the dream realm slowly, vague figures and ghosts of other's dreams floating by. Your subject's dreams were calm and peaceful today, much to your happiness.
  897. > Mostly it's because it tires you to death to fix someone's dreams. You care much about your little ponies, but sometimes you need to rest all day after a busy night, with your head as heavy as a boulder.
  898. > You almost finished the routine for this area, but one dream catches your attention.
  899. > It looks out of place, foreign, unfamiliar, but it was still a dream of a sentient being.
  900. > It did not look like a dream of minotaur or griffon you saw before, theirs contained mostly simple emotions and most bright memories. This one had some kind of plot, like your ponies have.
  901. > You carefully enter the twirling cloud, hoping that you could look at the creature before it sees you.
  902. > Your hooves stretch down looking for something to step on, as you already feel the gravity but do not see anything in the mist.
  903. > The ground under you is cold and not so dry. The air smells of late autumn, and the wind is chilly.
  904. > You walk out of the mist to find the stone wall with the metal gate in it. Behind the gates you see old-fashioned mansion, something that was built at northern isles even before you was born.
  905. > The house looked worn-out, noone seems to live here anymore. The feel of abandon is added from grey skies, which threat to give a week of rain and the wind, ruffling the lead in the sky and leaves in the yard.
  906. > Somewhere behind the right corner of the house crows are angrily biting into something red and brown.
  907. > You don't even want to check this thing, you know that this is someone's nightmare and that's just a decoration.
  908. > One of dozens of other oddly detailed decorations, like the well with the torn rope ladder hanging in it, the greenhouse with weeds breaking through glass, the little fountain, filled with dirt and dry leaves, and the mansion itself, with dusty windows, rickety turrets and dried trees.
  909. > You feel like you returned to your own house after that war, that ended the alicorn kingdom. Everything is eaten by time and there is no hope anything will be the same again.
  910. > The main door screeches, as if inviting you into the darkness of the house.
  911. > Remember, this is just a dream. Nothing in here is real and there is someone who needs your help in that house.
  912. > You enter the front door. The front hall is covered in dust too, but there is rather clear hood and hat on the hanger. Someone must've been inside, now you are sure of that.
  913. > Dark brown curtains make the living room dark as a cave. You try to open them with your magic, but it does not obey. You manage to open them just a little with your hooves.
  914. > Pale light on the outside now has some hint of red in it. The sun was setting soon and it made its way through clouds somewhere far at the horizon.
  915. > The room was not that dusty. You noticed a gramophone near the fireplace and a little shelf with records. They were not even vinyl discs, they were cylinders, which were used before. One of them was already sitting in the gramophone, its handle waiting for you to wind up the mechanism.
  916. > You doubt if you should interact with something else in this place, this could change the course of the dream. But the chaos it might cause is easier to manipulate than this horrible place, which did not even let you use your telekinesis on it. Maybe the person, who is trapped inside this house, will come out or wake up.
  917. > The handle moves with all struggle the rust on it allows to, but obliges. The barrel is turning now and you place the needle on the line in the middle.
  918. > Needle holder clicks the lock, keeping it on the cylinder, and the horn above starts to scream in agony. The mix of creepy minor chords and screeching violins starts to loop on the scratched cylinder, making the loud noise from the horn even more unbearable. The house does not mind it at all.
  919. > You head to the kitchen to maybe find a knife to lift the stuck needle. From the window you see the mess crows picked on and instantly turn your head to the shelves, away from it.
  920. > As you ruffle through the boxes, dried food, pots and shelves you hear the breaking glass and scratch of the needle, taken from the track.
  921. > You gulp loudly and slowly go back to the living room.
  922. > This is a dream.
  923. > Just someone's dream.
  924. > Be responsible, you are literally immortal goddess and you are here to help your subject.
  925. > OH SH..
  926. > The room now is bright red from the setting sun.
  927. > The glass is all over the floor and there are these crows everywhere.
  928. > There is no sound whatsoever, even the wind ceased its howling.
  929. > There's just a flock of ravens, staring at you, silent and still.
  930. > Some of them still have that... thing from the yard they were eating on their feathers.
  931. > The raven sitting on the wrecked gramophone starts to ruffle his feathers.
  932. > Understood, you're not touching the gramophone again.
  933. > In fact, you're leaving the room before you mess something else up.
  934. > You back up untill you hit something with your rearward.
  935. > You jump and let out a surprised scream, but that's just a railing on the stairs.
  936. > Ravens dont like it at all so you charge upstairs and smash the door closed.
  937. > Birds start to knock in it instantly, but the bolt already keeps the door from opening.
  938. > You take a look at the place you are now. This looks like the lab of a mad alchemist, with all the stereotypical strange glass bottles, tubes and jars with labels with unknown words of a language you almost forgot.
  939. > The vertical ladder leads to the trapdoor in the ceiling. The dust on it has the cleared spots, so you follow someone who left them.
  940. > The attic is even dustier than everything you've met before. The tracks in that dust are unusually long, and lead to HOLY MOTHER OF F...
  941. > The creature that left the tracks was hanging on a rope under the roof.
  942. > It was dressed in the same old-fashioned style you'd expect from the owner of the mansion: evening dress with long tails, a big puffy scarf on the neck, and plain leather shoes.
  943. > You remembered that that's how the invaders look: tall almost bald monkeys, always wearing clothes. You've never saw their dreams before, their anti-magic fields stopped you from even seeing them, but this one must've been wandering in the forest.
  944. > You fear it's too late for him and get closer on shaking hooves.
  945. > For the name of all that's good, it's too much already.
  946. > And now he opens his eyes and looks at you and his lips come to move.
  947. "You're not Jeremiah Devitt."
  948. > You scream at the top of your lungs when the flock of ravens breaks through the attic window and starts smashing around everything.
  949.  
  950. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  951.  
  952. > You jump into a corner, crawl under the chair and continue shaking there.
  953. > The human was thrashing on his noose too, kicking in all directions and weirdly clicking his fingers.
  954. "I SAID *click* SHOO, YOU MOTHER *click* FUCKERS, GET *click* OUT OF HERE *click* NOW!"
  955. > With every snap a bunch of ravens disappear, as well as a couple of old trinkets nearby.
  956. > The room is silent now and noone is thrashing around, bud you know better that climbing away from your cover.
  957. > With another snap the chair disappears too and you see the human standing above you with some grey semi-transparent ghost by his side
  958. > You throw a vase in ghost's direction but it just flies through it.
  959. > The ghost gasps, covers its chest with front paws and backs away a little
  960. > "*How rude!*"
  961. "Yeah, why did you do that to her?"
  962. > "B-but she was going to... you... "
  963. "Me?"
  964. > "Who are you and what is this unholy place?"
  965. "Oh, that old thing."
  966. > With another snap it changes to a white empty infinity with two big leather chairs and a weird box with a rectangular glass and knobs on it nearby. Human now wears a modern plain black suit and mirror pince-neiz.
  967. "Have a seat, I hope it's of the right size. What's wrong? Ah, I see.
  968. >He snaps his fingers once again and chairs are draped with fabric. That's less barbaric so now you can sit there.
  969. "Now, I would be the one who dreams this, this will be the fruit of my schisophreny I talk to when there's noone nearby, and you..?"
  970. > "I... I am Princess Luna."
  971. "And why are you entering other's dreams without being able to basically protect yourself?"
  972. > "B-because this is my royal duty to ensure my subject's calm and restful sleep. I saw yours and it was... well..."
  973. "Wait, there's literally a dream police in the government?" - he turns to the ghost - "You hear this, you snarky creature? How about Pazaak now?"
  974. > "*How could I know?*"
  975. "But I was right! And you're not even the crazy one from two of us, why did you not see this outcome?"
  976. > The ghost pouts, crosses upper limbs and turns in the opposite direction, mumbling something about Wild Wasteland.
  977. "Soooo... why are you here again? And I heard that part of entering other's dreams, why me? How did you find me?"
  978. > "There is just a place in the dream realm where yours is, I did not do anything to find it. It is somewhat connected to actual places, but yours is in the middle of the big empty space with noone around, how could I not see it?"
  979. "Allright, but what is wrong with my dream?"
  980. > You find yourself unable to answer that question honestly. This sick idiot is only thing you have met personally of that another race, maybe you will be able to make the treaty easier if you do not offend his stupid dreams.
  981. > "It 's just not ... like anything I've seen before."
  982. "Ah. I was just remembered a tale I heard lately. There should be a dude who unveiled the mystery realm, and his friend, who sacrificed himself to help keep the ancient gods from entering the reality, but you came too early."
  983. > "So this was a... play of some sort? This was not your nightmare, just some old tale?"
  984. "Yep. I, uhh, sorry for the crows. They were just too much fitting to the plot."
  985. > You want to punch him.
  986. > "Ah."
  987. > You better pick up before the silence goes awkward
  988. > "So I was wondering, could you tell me about our, umm, political condition from your point of view?"
  989. > Good job, Luna. You should hang around with your sister more, maybe that blabbermouth will teach you to make a conversation.
  990. > The ghost rolls her eyes with muffled "not you too".
  991. "Dont mind her, I was just trying to get rid of euphemism habit lately. And by 'political condition', you mean what?"
  992. > "We are currently in the war with your kind, are we not?"
  993. "Oh, so that's you. Well, it makes sense now, another horses were not so kind to me this morning."
  994. > "You were captured?"
  995. > Human backs out as if he said more than he wanted
  996. "Well, I'm currently a guest in your country. As for 'political condition', I do not know much. Suddenly there are bunch of anomalies all over our land and air strikes of unusual bombs coming from them. Americans are smug about their anomalies, they took hostages and are now interrogating them. Our country just tries to fight back your air strikes, we dont even know what hits us. Well, 'we' as 'we, simple soldiers', higher ranks might know, not me."
  997. > You knew it. You fucking knew it. Even their response was different, they did not try to take hostages, they merely tried to save their buildings. Why did you even send night guards to these new portals?
  998. "So that's your guys, who injured half of my former classmates and killed a small town of civilians in summary?"
  999. > The beast gives you an innocent look, as if he does not know that war is a wreck every time it happens
  1000. > "I'm not that much informed on that matter, and I'm sorry for your tragedy, but I can guarantee we acted in self-defense after our citizens started to disappear. Humans were proved to be the reason and they resisted the police, so we could not do anything else but to fight for our people."
  1001. "Yeah, yeah, I know the drill, 'we are innocent', 'russians did this', 'self-defense', spare me. Just kick your intelligence bureau in the forehead and make them fight the actual enemy, not us. We have enough problems as it is."
  1002. > "I... will share your concerns with qualified people."
  1003. > You take a sip from a teacup on the table. You are not even surprised that is beer. Fits the crazy human though. You barely managed to hide your surprised face in the cup.
  1004. > "Sooooo... You are not having a nightmare, are you sure?"
  1005. "No, I'm sure of it. I appreciate the concern, but why would you care?"
  1006. > "Because you are guest of my country and you are technically my subject now."
  1007. "That's mighty kind of you, princess."
  1008. > "This is part of my duties."
  1009. > Another sip of... punch?
  1010. "Sorry for the brew, I cannot control little details even in lucid dream. They just shift when they want, their state is erased when you are not paying attention and they take a fresh form which you expect them to be in subconscious, so they are never the same. Here, can you read the title on that book on the table?"
  1011. > "He-xen-ham-mer. Am I spelling it right?"
  1012. "Probably. Can you do that again?"
  1013. > "Advanced gardening magic. What in the..."
  1014. "Again!"
  1015. > "Identifying wood. I must say, you are right! Even the book colour changes when I shift my gaze. Hu-humm, this is is almost fun!"
  1016. "I cannot even count my fingers and get the same number sometimes. That's how I usually check if I'm dreaming. When you are, you can do everything you want at the cost of just needing to sleep more."
  1017. > "Are humans that advanced in controlling their own mind? "
  1018. "Just takes some training. Is it that hard?"
  1019. > "Most of my subjects need a help from me to soothe their nightmares, so I guess it is not obvious enough."
  1020. "So you roam in there and help them when their roof slides so far south, that they have nightmares?"
  1021. > "You do not need to have mental problems to have nightmares."
  1022. "I have, hehe, problems, but I never had a nightmare. And don't raise your brow, that thing earlier was scary for you, not for me. We played in such abandoned houses as kids sometimes and it was fun. I'd love to have a proper nightmare sometime, but no luck, I just automatically count fingers at any strange thing and then it all falls apart."
  1023. > This time your cup has some hot cocoa. Finally.
  1024. > You feel the morning coming.
  1025. > "I'm afraid I have to go. There is more for me to do and I'd love to finish it by sunrise."
  1026. "Maybe we'll talk more next time. I would love to have you once in a while for a cup of whatever."
  1027. > Of course you would, barbarian, even you can appreciate the royal visit.
  1028. > "Goodbye, human. I'll visit you again in a while."
  1029. > You turn around and walk away through a familiar fog.
  1030. "Goodbye, princess. And remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets!"
  1031. > Just what?
  1032. > When you look back through thickening mist, you see human and ghost dealing cards.
  1033.  
  1034. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1035.  
  1036. > So, was this real princess or just a silly title for the job?
  1037. > *Pffft. If her job is fanservice.*
  1038. > Don't be grumpy, she seems nice, we should let her drop the act more.
  1039. > *20. I win. I think we should let her not being a liar. *
  1040. > Come ooon, that's not fair, you saw my cards. And she did not put too much bullshit.
  1041. > *Well you should keep them from my view, dummy. Not informed, but can guarantee, with qualified people, who even tries to lie like that? Dont they train royals in rhetorics? Even you was forced through it in university.*
  1042. > I was also forced through the Rules of Demagogue in Internet and they look Victorian English at best. Maybe I can gain something on that actually.
  1043. > *You suck at lying yourself. Deal.*
  1044. > But I can call others on bullshitting me on public. 2 more.
  1045. > *Well, you could at least force someone to shut up. Arrrgh, we won't finish, even this place is unstable now*
  1046. > Shame, I didn't rest much tonight. Let's save our decks for later.
  1047.  
  1048. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1049.  
  1050. > Arrrrrgh, the light.
  1051. > Why always the east windows.
  1052. > And you cannot even turn, something fluffy lies on your hand and is too heavy to move.
  1053. > Oh, right.
  1054. > Maybe if you stick your face in her mane it will block the light.
  1055. > Mmmmmm, yesssss.
  1056. > "Anonymous?"
  1057. > Will anybody let you sleep?
  1058. "Mmmm?"
  1059. > "Before I punch you, why are we like this?"
  1060. "You fell."
  1061. > "So you're telling me I just fell down into your hands?"
  1062. "More like on my face, but yeah."
  1063. > "Why didn't you wake me up?"
  1064. "You fell from there and did not wake up, how could I?"
  1065. > "You could toss me back."
  1066. "You would catch a cold, your fur was still wet."
  1067. > "Weakest excuse ever."
  1068. "But you are not ill now, are you?"
  1069. > "Dont make me angry, Anonymous."
  1070. "What? How?"
  1071. > "Well, yesterday you pulled me into a river when I explicitly asked not to, burned your collar and now you're holding me in the bed."
  1072. "Don't you like it?"
  1073. > She pauses, keeping her breath inside.
  1074. > Really?
  1075. > "Maybe if you wouldn't poke me with..."
  1076. "Oh. Well, that happens. Nothing personal, just hydrodynamics.
  1077. > "Stallions are same everywhere, aren't they."
  1078. "You are local shaman for all I know, didn't you study anatomy?"
  1079. > "I think I've studied just enough today. Let's get up."
  1080. > Noooooooo, warm floof hors, dont go.
  1081. > Ah, well.
  1082. > "I think we should recheck what is left from supplies after water damage. We'll need to restock at least half probably.
  1083. "Don't you, like, live in the forest, where everything grows as it is? And what could happen to vegetables?"
  1084. > Without a single word she unties the closest sack, opens it and the squishy mass of smashed tomatoes mixed with flour comes to your view.
  1085. > Ouch.
  1086. "I could come up with some form of stew with that. Maybe."
  1087. > She opens another bag and luckily there's just greens, onions and potatoes.
  1088. > You inspect other bags. Surely most of spices and flours are beyond salvation, and salt is now one big brick, but you won't die of hunger.
  1089. > "Speaking of bags, you'll probably have to go and fetch the other half under the river bank."
  1090. "With these things around?"
  1091. > "They are asleep at day, we were really late yesterday. You can take this with you, if that calms you down."
  1092. > She presents her staff to you.
  1093. "Ha ha, very funny. Give me my guns and maybe I'll survive."
  1094. > "Sorry, Anonymous, but this has to suffice. That thunder you made tells everybody where you are, and where I am too. Now let's have breakfast and you'll be good to go."
  1095. > Is she serious?
  1096. > *Well, she survived without guns all this time*
  1097. > And I survived BECAUSE of guns, remember? FYI I also suck at stealth and martial arts.
  1098. > *You barely went a kilometer and shot tied crocodile, that does not count*
  1099. > I'm sneaking a pistol, I dont care.
  1100.  
  1101. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1102.  
  1103. "That was nice, wasn't it?"
  1104. > "The stew was nice, but you are still to be punished for before. Now go and fetch the bags, and maybe your fate won't be so cruel."
  1105. > Why do you even obey that zebra, you wonder.
  1106. > Ooooookay. Yesterday you went up the river and the house to the right after the big oak. All you have to do is to follow the damn stream, CJ.
  1107. > You slowly walk by the stream, ready to dart back if anything catches your attention.
  1108. > You are not scared, you are being reasonable. You may be the the king of nature and evolution's peak, but someone has to explain it to forest creatures and that won't be you. You'll leave that to professionals.
  1109. > Bags under the stump are still there. Contents of those bags are even dry, but they are mostly ropes, cloth and carpentry hardware.
  1110. > Maybe you could improve that staff a little?
  1111. > No, this big girth stick here is just perfect.
  1112. > You take a stone, hammer some of the long nails to the stick to make an impromptu mace. You'll pull the nails back when your multitool is back in your pocket.
  1113. > Now that you have the handy mace you really think if you could skip all that river curves through that grove. It is not as thick as the rest of the forest so there's probably nobody in there, right?
  1114. > You flip the little stone because you have no coins on you.
  1115. > Yep, through the grove.
  1116. > As you walk down the forest you feel something familiar about it.
  1117. > Maybe these bushes that look exactly as those where crocodile lived.
  1118. > Shit.
  1119. > You crouch closer while it's quiet.
  1120. > Hey, there's really nobody here.
  1121. > You cannot find a corpse of the crocodile though. Did it regenerate?
  1122. > Nah, here it is. One head is on the other side of the clear spot, tail barely holds, all chewed up.
  1123. > You notice horse skulls. Two skulls with horns in particular take your attention.
  1124. > The skull has this little crest to reinforce the horn socket, otherwise it is similar to another horse skulls lying nearby.
  1125. > Just how much unfortunate travelers did this thing eat?
  1126. > These dudes in city used horns to lift objects, So that's what they used to do it with?
  1127. > You are not fond of idea at all, but these horns aren't really held with anything anymore, and they are not fixed as bulls or rams have. They look like they've been put there after the skull was drilled and you can pull them back easily.
  1128. > You wave this thought away and try to find something else here. That thing ate your comrade, there must be at least something left from them. Dog tags, flasks, anything.
  1129. > Here's that fucking working pistol, starting to cover with dirt. You'll have so much "fun" cleaning it.
  1130. > You also fint torn backpack with machinegun belts and food ration inside. A small photo of Beardface and cute little lady is in there too.
  1131. > Why him, o Great Random? Of all these fuckers, why him?
  1132. > All you manage to find was this backpack, pistol and another rifle magazine, half-empty.
  1133. > These skulls still bother you. This is clearly a desecration of remains, but... All these bones in here...
  1134. > Stupid techniclor horses, you think stomping through the bushes and back home.
  1135. > Why do you even come here, you ignorant idiots.
  1136. > You follow the path you barely remembered from running that night.
  1137. > When you are almost near the hut you stop to think.
  1138. > Maybe you shouldn't put all eggs in one basket.
  1139. > You take some rags from the bag, wrap your findings in it, place it in the torn backpack and hide in the roots of the tree with weirdly shaped branches.
  1140. > And also these.
  1141. "Maybe I'll bury you properly later."
  1142. > With that said you close the backpack and cover it with timber and moss.
  1143.  
  1144. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1145.  
  1146. "No".
  1147. > "I'm sorry, Anonymous, but you have to wear it when we go to town."
  1148. "Absolutely not."
  1149. > But you burned the previous one!"
  1150. "It was a) busted, and b) you did not even have the remote, what's the point?"
  1151. > "You have the legal status of a pet, and they don't allow you to go unrestricted."
  1152. "You remember when I followed your requests willingly? Well that's because I did not expect THAT! You know what that will make me do?"
  1153. > "This is just for the show, and just for a couple of hours, could you please stop being difficult? Your club..."
  1154. "Mace."
  1155. > "Your mace will scare enough of them already, do you realize what problems guards will drop on us?"
  1156. "You can show them papers that I'm not unattended."
  1157. > "But they specifically mentioned that you should wear one of these! Please, just play along for a little while, I'll find you a tracking bracelet that is legally the same, but for now you must put it on!"
  1158. > Fucking ponies.
  1159. > Fucking laws.
  1160. > Fucking lack of delivery services.
  1161. > Fucking collar, it does not even fit!
  1162.  
  1163. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1164.  
  1165. Ch 5
  1166.  
  1167. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1168.  
  1169. "Why did you even have another necklace?"
  1170. > "I figured you might prefer having one without all these... thingy... things in it."
  1171. > That's true, you might. Someone might fix the shocker and you would have to fry it again, even worse, they could boost the charge and you'd have troubles enduring another zap.
  1172. > "Just think of it as one of your clothes, would you?"
  1173. "It chokes and itches, dammit. How do I fckn adjust it?"
  1174. > "You don't. Wait till we get to the pet shop, I think we'll find something else."
  1175. > A little part of you died.
  1176. "This is ridiculous. What about these bracelets you talked about back home?"
  1177. > "With thingies?"
  1178. "Yes, with thingies. Better silly watches than wearing a noose constantly."
  1179. > "Ugh. You're just a big monkey who can survive on its own, why do you have to be so expensive?"
  1180. > Wait, what?
  1181. "I thought you are just taking care of me legally? Did... did you... buy me?"
  1182. > "Taking care of an enemy? No, I didn't buy you, Ponyville just cannot afford such a pain in the ass of a prisoner. If someone donated for city cause, this someone could track how the money are used and even get to decide what to use it for. And oversee the process, if circumstances allow it."
  1183. "And this circumstances would be...?"
  1184. > "Wild beast who is totally uncontrollable if not yelled at."
  1185. "I'm not that bad, they just treat me like shit, it was self-defense. Don't be like my mom."
  1186. > "You are lucky they decided not to put you to sleep and kill silently."
  1187. "But moooom!"
  1188. > "Shut up! I'm not even old!"
  1189. "And how old are you exactly?"
  1190. > "Now that is plain rude!"
  1191. "Twenty?"
  1192. > "Anonymous!"
  1193. "What, thirty?"
  1194. > "ANONYMOUS!"
  1195. > She'll slip eventually, you'll see to that.
  1196. > As you are being yelled at for no reason, the forest thins out and you see the town through the clearances.
  1197. "Okay, okay, sorry. But really, why did they put me in your custody? Don't they have, like, prisons?"
  1198. > "They do. But prisons are for ponies. If you behave well, you'd be placed to labor camp untill further notice."
  1199. > You cannot help but gulp and you hope she did not notice.
  1200. > "So right now you are under local supervision. You are getting looked after here since Ponyville now can afford keeping you around."
  1201. "They couldn't before?"
  1202. > "Funding is what this is all about. You must have a special building to keep the prisoner so the prisoner won't die in improper conditions, you should have paid personnel to feed you, clean after you and buy food. They cannot put you in usual prison; even if we had one here, you'd just die without a proper vet."
  1203. > Another little death.
  1204. "But now they do have all that?"
  1205. > "Now they do."
  1206. > Wait.
  1207. > What.
  1208. > Ooooooohhhhhhh.
  1209. > "Then there's convincing local officers that they should not just tranquilize you and kill silently."
  1210. > You feel like shit.
  1211. > "And, of course, the paperwork so it would at least look legal."
  1212. > A smelly turd on a silver plate.
  1213. > "And if someone donates to the city needs, they can oversee the process."
  1214. "I, umm, I think..."
  1215. > "So here we are, forest hobo on the police duty and a jackass in her custody. Any more questions?"
  1216. "Thanks."
  1217. > "What?"
  1218. "Thanks. For what you did. I know you are not fond of me, but you did it somewhy. And..."
  1219. > *Just don't make it too cheesy*
  1220. "And I don't think you're a hobo."
  1221. > Fuck.
  1222. > "Pfft."
  1223. > Did she just laugh?
  1224. > "Just dont make me regret this."
  1225. "I'll try. As for questions... How do I put it?"
  1226. > You are as subtle as a wooden log, but she turns her head to you
  1227. "How much was it?"
  1228. > She points at a little house nearby which looked like it was made of candy. A family of small silly-colored horses just went out of it with a picnic basket.
  1229. > "I could live there."
  1230. > Holy shit.
  1231. "But I thought you lived in the forest on purpose?"
  1232. > "I did, but that's the hut from old times when town folk was scared of me. I tried to make some friends, but the town was always empty when I walked in, all doors and windoes shut. Applebloom trusted me and introduced to others."
  1233. "That yellow filly?"
  1234. > "Yes, her. Some are still scared, but they dont run away when they see me. I thought, if I lived nearby they could get to know me better and I wouldn't have to, you know."
  1235. > She seems too shy to say it at first, but seeng me looking at her she continued
  1236. > "Wouldn't have to... to stay alone all the time."
  1237. > Fucking A, you tore her apart from socialization and a dream house.
  1238. > And now you were a pain in the ass just for the sake of it.
  1239. "I'll, uh..."
  1240. > You put a hand on her neck awkwardly.
  1241. > *Nnnnnneeeeeeerd.*
  1242. > Shut up!
  1243. > *Relax your claw, idiot*
  1244. "I'll try to make it up to you."
  1245. > Fortunately she does not run away from your hand when you try to show some friendliness.
  1246. > Thank fucking who is up there, you had enough of this experience in middle school.
  1247. > You don't push your luck too far and after two strokes you pull your hand back.
  1248. > *A girl didnt bite you when you touched her, yaay!*
  1249. > She looks at you with puzzled look.
  1250. "I'm no high class, but I'll try to be a better company. By the way, do you have some more money?"
  1251. > She gives you that look as if she just heard what she heard - a burden climbing further on her neck
  1252. "Oh, shit, sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I was wondering if... WE ... could fetch some tools. Your house could have some attention and I have, well, hands."
  1253. > "My house is allright, I believe."
  1254. "Just let me fix the roof and that squeaky hinge, please? I won't screw up, I did it before."
  1255. > More like your granddad did and you were fetching nails.
  1256. > "Allright, we'll see if we have something left after a restock."
  1257. "Thanks you. Really."
  1258. > "I really hope you'd at least be easier."
  1259. "Mooooom!"
  1260. > She kicks you in the knee.
  1261. > OW.
  1262.  
  1263. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1264.  
  1265. > "I'm not sure, but I could fetch another thing if it's ready by now. Could I trust you to behave for 5 minutes?"
  1266. "Oh, come on, I'm walking like with a stick in my ass all day, did I not earn your trust for another shop?"
  1267. > "The owner is, well, she's... Uugh. You'll see. Just don't talk much, okay?"
  1268. "Fine, fine, your high society can be safe."
  1269. > You move a collar on your neck around once more. Gosh, it's hot under it, and it's so tight, you are afraid you'll have callus under it.
  1270. > At least she does not pull that leash around because you just walk by anyway.
  1271. > Yes, you are walking with a leash. It's mostly for a view, but after that policeman she had to put it on.
  1272. > That bastard was scared shitless of you and still walked to you and made her put the leash on the collar.
  1273. > Are you that scary, really? You're just a tad higher and wearing a club, that's what you do in the forest to keep you safe, don't you?
  1274. > Though, other ponies tend to let you two pass even through the thickest crowds.
  1275. > They are just surprised. You are not the scary beast, you are just an interesting foreigner who they try to respect.
  1276. > Right?
  1277. > You almost missed how you approached some ridiculous building.
  1278. > "Cafuckvlabfel boutique"
  1279. > Cursivefags.
  1280. > Zecora knocks the door a couple of times and you hear hoofsteps inside.
  1281. > When the door opens, you see a mare so shiny white, it almost hurts your eyes.
  1282. > Is it even possible for someone who is not a decorative cat to have such flat constant colour over almost silky coat?
  1283. > Indigo mane is combed with some autistic precision to form a round "integral" curve.
  1284. > The pair of big crystal-blue eyes go up from the doorknob to Zecora's face, then to mine.
  1285. > The second our eyes meet she lets out a scream that would make a banshee jealous, jumps back in the house and swings the door.
  1286. > Despite the sudden sound attack you manage to fit your boot between door frame and the door.
  1287. > After three rather painful hits (bless the guy that gave you proper army boots back at the training camp, the smuggled vodka crate was worth not having a leg broken) the door gives a crack in the lower half and the white mare just backs in the house untill she hits a big chair, curls into the tight ball on the floor and commences the hysterical tremble, not daring to take eyes off you.
  1288. "That's how you treat customers here?"
  1289. > "Anonymous!"
  1290. "What?"
  1291. > The white mare stops trembling so hard, but keeps the curl tight.
  1292. > "I'm sorry for this sudden fuss,"
  1293. > "I thought you'd have something for us:"
  1294. > "The hood I've ordered, if I may ask,"
  1295. > "I've just came to check your task."
  1296. > "The wednesday, was it? I know I'm late,"
  1297. > "For that I must apologise, so random is my fate."
  1298. > "If it's not much of trouble, can I see"
  1299. > "What wonders this time did you do for me?"
  1300. > White mare crawls behind the chair. This gives her enough conficence to ask if I'm dangerous
  1301. > "That human? He is quite allright."
  1302. > "At worst, he is just impolite."
  1303. > She seems to trust Zecora on this since the next look she gives me is not scared, just curious.
  1304. > "I must say, I have never seen any human before and this is quite a surprize for me. But if you can assure he's civilized..."
  1305. > You resist the urge to just spit somewhere redneckly. Some proper harrrk-thfoo-diiiinnngggg would be perfect, but you are trying to earn some trust from aborigines.
  1306. "You can trust me, lady. You won't even notice me if you don't need to."
  1307. > Which would give you time to look around maybe.
  1308. > "I think we could work this out. Name is rarity, by the way."
  1309. "Umm, sorry, should I guess it, you know, as a tradition?"
  1310. > She gives it a second and laughs at me.
  1311. > "On, darling, it is a name! My name is Rarity, Rarity Belle."
  1312. > Stupid horse names.
  1313. "Pleased to meet you. I shouldn't probably interrupt you and Zecora though."
  1314. > "Oh, yes, yes, the hood!"
  1315. > She trots to other side of the room with the walk light as air, as if she wasn't scared shitless a minute ago.
  1316. > The burgundy-brown hood she presents to Zecora is simple, but even you can appreciate the fabric quality and the way pieces of it were sewn together. Even if you ran through the thorny bushes it will hold untill the last dark-gold thread is completely pulled out.
  1317. > Probably even your granny couldn't match it. Surely she made miracles when you returned in torn apart clothes to put them back together after day's worth of play, but the materials, the layout, the overall feel of premium quality, it sure took time and effort.
  1318. > Holy cow, did zebra just give her a fistful of emeralds for it? Sure this hood is great, but how in the hell does she have these and call herself a hobo? Are gems of a dirt price here, like aluminium or brass back home?
  1319. > You saw her paying with coins at the bazaar, but this.
  1320. > While Zecora is turning around near a mirror like a schoolgirl, Rarity gives me another strange look. Almost as if she's undressing me, but for pure platonic vivisectory reasons.
  1321. "Can I be of help?"
  1322. > "I wonder if I could just take some measures on this... body of yours."
  1323. "What for?"
  1324. > "Oh, nothing special, daahling, I just hope you'll become a customer someday and I simply want to be ready."
  1325. "Umm, I am not exactly sure how soon will that be, I'm... not even a citizen right now."
  1326. > "This does not really matter. There may be more like you, and I can always wait."
  1327. "Shouldn't I come for measures when I'm copper-bottomed? For more precise measures, that is."
  1328. > "Nonsense! You cannot change that much and this won't hurt you."
  1329. > You should see me in high school, lady.
  1330. > Or, rather, shouldn't, you're not fond of it.
  1331. > One of little good things in the army is that it finally gives you a reason to stop eating junk food and start excercising. Not that you have a choice, but ARB combat course you took was not mandatory. You were not that fat, but hell, you were so fat you could not store files larger than 4 gigabytes.
  1332. > Your happy training camp days memories were interrupted as the white mare lit her horn and stripped you from your jacket and shirt in a second.
  1333. "Hey!"
  1334. > That sounded too loud
  1335. "I mean, I can do it myself, all you have to do is ask."
  1336. > "Sorry, I was in the middle of a thought. Could you remove everything else? Yes, these too" - she points at a wifebeater and boxers
  1337. "No."
  1338. > "What's the matter, daahling?"
  1339. "Just no. That thing stays"
  1340. > A tradition of not walking on all fours and not having a tail to cover everything. Even those evernaked horses should understand.
  1341. > She is not happy, but she'll get over it.
  1342. > After you are stripped to your trousers she takes around forever to measure every centimeter of you.
  1343. > You feel all the types of awkwardnesses you could remember, from regretting not having a shower since the river accident to the sharp self-awareness in soft spots.
  1344. > Oh shit, she's done with torso and goes lower. All aboard, we need to remember boring math!
  1345. > *Stop being so shy, she just measures you.*
  1346. > For any epsilon that's larger than zero there is such delta, that if f(x)-f(y) is less than epsilon, x-y is smaller than delta.
  1347. > *What are you even trying to prevent? You're not into horses anyway.*
  1348. > Shut up. The multiplication of even and uneven function under an integral, which is taken on a segment, symmetrical to zero, yields a sum of zero
  1349. > Measuring tape returns to check your hip just where your leg starts
  1350. > MATTER CAN TRAVEL FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT BUT WE CANNOT DETECT IT BECAUSE INFORMATION TRAVEL IS LIMITED TO SPEED OF LIGHT
  1351. > *She moved ahead, relax*
  1352. > Nope. A particle cannot leave a quantum pit unless it jumps to next energy level and has enough momentum to leave it.
  1353. > *For fuck's sake, she's at your ankles!*
  1354. > Not stopping till she stops. Walsh-Hadamard gate is used to move a qubit to superposition of one and zero, which is used to calculate fourier transform.
  1355. > What did you agreed yourself into.
  1356. > Looks like not all unicorns can lift heavy stuff, you notice, as you watch Rarity handling only lightweight objects in her magic.
  1357. > Finally Rarity is done and she lets you off the podium.
  1358. > Zecora finally puts off the shit-eating grin she had all the time, rubbing her jaw muscles.
  1359. > Serves you right, smug savannahorse. You did not even try to talk the dressmare out of it.
  1360. > Maybe after seeing some cooperation with her friends she'll be more eager to go to the carpentry shop. You did not exactly enjoy being the centre of horse attention in almost naked state.
  1361. > It's nice to have your clothes back. Feels like putting your shell back, protected again and having all the pockets ready.
  1362. > You say your goodbyes at the door. When Rarity closes the door you notice she too has a mark on her rump.
  1363. > Jeez, even her rump is of proper curves. Luckily you not have enough time to get the wrong thoughts. Just enough for your ill symmetry and proportion appreciation.
  1364. > OCD never heals. Even your porn stash back home was sorted by geometric parameters, and here you have another perfect ass in sight.
  1365. > *I did not know you were into that stuff.*
  1366. > That's not like it, that's just fitting her horse shape.
  1367. > Zebra notices where you were looking though and gives you an ayebrow move.
  1368. > Change the subject, quick!
  1369. "Uuuhh... I was wondering, how do you embed these pictures into your fur colour. No stitches, no height difference, just as if you dye it."
  1370. > "This, ahem, is called cutie mark and it represents a pony's talent. It appears itself at young age, and it's more like regular spots on the fur."
  1371. "So the jewels must be for fashion?"
  1372. > "Almost. She is good at locating gems with her horn. I cannot know for sure, but she could just supply the third part of Ponyville gem fund all alone."
  1373. "Neat. And what could a... sun... spiral... that mean?"
  1374. > She looks at her own ass where I pointed. She then looks back with the expression 'every girl knows when you look'.
  1375. > "I am good with potions. My first one back home was of putting sun rays into liquid form, we used it to light our houses untill we found the source of cheap wood."
  1376. "Industrial revolution sucks, yeah. You gotta show me someday, renewable power sources are really interesting."
  1377. > Oh shoot, now she'll walk proud all day. Should make a stupid joke right now before she thinks I tried to say something nice.
  1378.  
  1379. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1380.  
  1381. > You idly limp through the market, looking for carpentry tools.
  1382. > Stupid rocks on the ground, like she didn't hit you hard enough.
  1383. > Why should you be such a gentleman and not kick back?
  1384. > Ponies around really tend to give you two some space, like she was a witch leading a beast somewhere.
  1385. > Zecora tries, but fails to keep a smug expression from her muzzle. Like it's that big deal, to be able to talk with me instead of backing away.
  1386. > And you just cannot help but like it, can you, druid horse?
  1387. > "Hey there, Ananasus!"
  1388. > You turn around and see three little fillies from yesterday.
  1389. "Hi. That's Anonymous, didn't I tell that you can call me Anon?"
  1390. > "Hehe, sorry. Did Zecora take you out shopping?"
  1391. > Just how many of you should die today?
  1392. "Yeah, we were on our way to a blacksmith after the dress shop."
  1393. > "Oh, did you already meet my sister?"
  1394. "That creepy white one?"
  1395. > The trio bursts in laughter
  1396. "No, really, I'd avoid her if I could. I do not trust someone who can do things she did."
  1397. > You shudder visibly. The horror! The execution on this goddamn podium!
  1398. > "I'm sure you got it all wrong" - white filly responds - "She's most harmless person I know, except for Fluttershy maybe."
  1399. "U-huh, to you maybe she's friendly, you're her sister."
  1400. > "Maybe I have to introduce you two properly. But we should go now, we're on our quest. Bye!"
  1401. > With that they bolt somewhere with a speed of a cat who heard his food pack opening.
  1402. > Finally you find a blacksmith.
  1403. > Whew, that unicorn stallion is large. Almost like a boar. Why is he even that big, he does not need to have so much muscles, he can do all the blacksmithery with his telekinesis.
  1404. > But he also is not trying to avoid eye contact with you, which feels nice.
  1405. > "What can ah offer to yah?"
  1406. "Good afternoon. We are looking for proper carpentry tools, can you help us with that?"
  1407. > "Surr thang. Have ah look."
  1408. > With these words he flips the curtain off the shelf with shiny new hammers, hacksaws, axes, jack-planes and other things you even forgot since electric powertools became cheap when Chinese flooded the market.
  1409. > You manage to keep the drool in your mouth, and Zecora frowns at you.
  1410. > "Please do control your childish thirst,"
  1411. > "We'll buy only the things we need the most."
  1412. "Even if I use the magic word?"
  1413. > She nods sternly.
  1414. "Uuuuugh. Okay. We'll have these two bags of nails, that saw I that I can at least hold properly, and that axe... probably... No, this smaller axe and that hammer over there."
  1415. > "Nice choice, ssuuur. The saw's teeth are enchanted, it'll never get blunt and it cuts throught tha wood like a hot knife thru tha butter. It all sums toooooo... 200 bits."
  1416. > You have no idea how much is it, but Zecora's look gives you an idea.
  1417. > As the blacksmith continues to extoll his wares she looks at you angrily.
  1418. > All you can do is shrug innocently. If you want things done, you do not go cheap on instruments.
  1419.  
  1420. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1421.  
  1422. > "I still cannot believe you talked me into these expences."
  1423. "Your leaking roof should have, not me" - you respond, hugging a sack with your new toys.
  1424. > Even bags she gave you to bear through the forest were not so heavy anymore.
  1425. > Not when you have tools.
  1426. > Using tools defines a sapient creature and you have proper ones.
  1427. > As you try to use your new awesome saw as a machete moving through bushes (It actually works, holy shit, they must have kick-ass swords here) you ask, why isn't there any road to her house.
  1428. > "The Everfree forest shifts and moves, there's not a single constant part in it. You can only make your way to places you know or want to find with all your heart. If a forest lets you, you'll find your way."
  1429. > That... doesnt sound like anything you would believe.
  1430. > Though you really seemed to "find" your comrades and remains of their backpacks that times.
  1431. "But how did I met you?"
  1432. > "I was probably wanting someone to help me fight off the wolves. The forest led me to you and then I understood that I better head home, fast."
  1433. "But then I just followed you."
  1434. > "Exactly. Looks like the forest was kind to you for some reason, you could just run in circles before wolves outrun you."
  1435. > Hey, you're not that bad, you know how to navigate in the forest.
  1436. > Wtf, you remembered the creek last time you were through this part of forest, and now it's just a large clearance with glowing blue flowers.
  1437. > Fucking magic.
  1438. > "Dont touch these flowers, if you can, This is Poison Joke, it will take the thing that definces your outer image and make it into something crazy. The cure is not hard to find, but takes a lot of fuss to apply."
  1439. > Great, now you WANT to try it.
  1440. > You notice a lonely flower, which is far from the other gang. Its bud is not open yet, so you make a show of stumbling with your cargo to pick it and shove into your side pocket on the left leg.
  1441. > You freaking like pockets.
  1442. > It cant be that dangerous, it did not even open yet. And you'll put it into proper box when home.
  1443. > Hmm.
  1444. > Home.
  1445. > You'll think about your associations later, when you will catch up with a zebra. You cannot make her wait for too long, she'll get suspicious.
  1446. > Like that time you picked weeds near the bread field for, uhhhh, purely scientific/healing reasons.
  1447. > Maybe they are not that innocent about weeds, but you have to check first.
  1448. > Especially with forest dweller, she's far from society which disapproves it and she probably knows.
  1449. > You get to Zecora's hut just in time before the rain starts.
  1450. > Neat. Now you don't have to point out the flaws in the roof, they look quite obvious.
  1451. > You decide not to be a dick about it right now, she's tired enough.
  1452. > While Zecora puts the food in its proper places you go to another part of room to put your tools at relatively unused shelf.
  1453. > You also put a flower and other collected, err, samples, into a little sack and hide it behind the nearest mask.
  1454. > You generally enjoy what Zecora made out of bought vegetables and some weird dried grass on the walls, but you wonder how long will you have to go vegan untill you find where to restock on meat. Or, at least, fish.
  1455. > The pot roast from your army ration will be OK for a couple of months, but this problem really needs attention.
  1456. > You decide to ask carefully
  1457. "So, uh, is it safe to catch fish in the forest?"
  1458. > She looks at you as if you were going to enter a pool with piranas and eat a rubber boot that floats in the middle
  1459. > "I suppose. The water is clean in the stream we saw, but why would you catch it? We have sewing nails already if you need some."
  1460. "No, I actually wanted to fry some."
  1461. > "What? Why? Don't we have enough food already?"
  1462. "I know, it's very tasty too, but I need to eat something aside from plants once in a while, or I'll get sick."
  1463. > "I-I thought you were eating normal food..."
  1464. "Well, imagine eating nothing but hay for some time."
  1465. > With these words you remove some of that hay from your plate
  1466. "Which I cannot eat by the way."
  1467. > "I saw griffon ritual where they caught a fish and ate it right there, but I did not think you'd follow this disgusting tradition!"
  1468. "Do I look like I cannot operate a frying pan and a fork? I promise, you won't find me biting the guts out of still alive fish."
  1469. > You hope bashing its skull and gutting accurately with a knife somewhere out of her sight is OK with her.
  1470. > "You humans are so wrong creatures."
  1471. "Don't blame me for using effective ways of eating instead of wasting so much energy on digesting grass. I wonder how did your kind even develop enough brain mass with such diet."
  1472. > "We have always been intelligent."
  1473. "By always you mean last couple of hundreds of years?"
  1474. > "Princess Celestia alone rules Equestria for more than a thousand years, and who knows how many rulers were before her. So no, our kind is antient enough."
  1475. "Wait, thousand of years? You had magic for thousand of years and you still live like this?"
  1476. > "What's wrong with our lifestyle?"
  1477. "You mean, you have all the fancy ways to improve and invent, and instead of having electricity in every house, flying aircrafts and having interplanetary communication systems at the price of a loaf of bread per month you use steam locomotives, roads made of dirt and do everything by hand?"
  1478. > "We live happily having all of this, can you say that about your fancy-tech world?"
  1479. > *She got you there!*
  1480. "Still candles suck. You promised me liquid sun rays."
  1481. > "I'll show you in the morning, if you behave."
  1482. > Can you punch her?
  1483. > *Not yet*
  1484.  
  1485. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1486.  
  1487. > You punch and shuffle the grass inside your temporary bed untill its relatively flat before going to sleep.
  1488. > Maybe the second thing after the roof you'll do will be a proper bed.
  1489. > How the fuck did you end up like this and why are you making plans instead of trying to get home?
  1490. > *Because stable portals are warzones and to reopen yours you should investigate more.*
  1491. > Egghead told something about geometry of these portals. Maybe if you take a look at current map...
  1492. > With a muffled thump zebra falls on you.
  1493. > Again.
  1494. > You remember yourself when you were five and smile a little.
  1495. "Heeeey"
  1496. > No reply
  1497. "Heeeey, Zecora"
  1498. > The subscriber is not available now, please call back later
  1499. "He-e-e-e-ey, sleepyhead" - you shake her a little
  1500. > "Muuuuffffuuuu, stobbit."
  1501. "Won't you be angry again later?"
  1502. > "Where the earth nuts are, you can find a winter."
  1503. "Sigh~"
  1504. > Not that you complain.
  1505. > You could actually get used to this.
  1506.  
  1507. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1508.  
  1509. Ch 6
  1510.  
  1511. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1512.  
  1513. > (Em7)Curtains in the morning
  1514. > (Em7)Curtains in the breeze
  1515. > (A)Hours I've been watching them
  1516. > (A)So silent, such a tease
  1517. > (Em7)Shadows in the garden
  1518. > (Em7)Sparrows on the...
  1519. > OOOOFFFffffffffffffffuckkkkkkkk.
  1520. > That hurt.
  1521. > Again in the same bruise from yesterday.
  1522. "Whyyyyy."
  1523. > "Same as yesterday: I didn't ask you to handle me in my sleep!"
  1524. "Same as yesterday: I offered you to go back and you refused!"
  1525. > "I don't remember that!"
  1526. "What a convenient excuse. How can I know you don't fall down on purpose?"
  1527. > "I.. wha.. ME?"
  1528. "You know, you had no trouble all night while you were here. All warm and cozy. Maybe if you'll admit it..."
  1529. > Owwwwwwwsssshieeeet.
  1530. > "Now let me go and we'll have some breakfast."
  1531. > She crawls out of your blanket and leaves to the sink, trying to avoid looking at you.
  1532. > Maybe you should run a fingers through her hair next time, girls back home liked it.
  1533. > Silly grumpy horse, what's your problem.
  1534.  
  1535. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1536.  
  1537. > Turns out it's harder to fix a roof when the whole building is a tree.
  1538. > Wet spots on the ceiling might be big enough, but you won't fill all those cracks in a bark that easily.
  1539. > You cut down a couple of nearby trees and make a dozen of planks just to test the enchanted saw.
  1540. > The thing is absolutely amazing: not only it cuts through wood like a hot knife through a butter, but it also keeps the cut straight. You did not even need a bench or a ruler, it just pointed your hand when it went to the side.
  1541. > Unfortunately, you cannot apply them to the goddam non-euclidean tree that easily.
  1542. > Zecora asks if you could stop goofing around and help her fetch some water from a stream.
  1543. > You make an unhappy face, but you're actually glad to oblige, you need to think how much do you need to hack from that tree to cover it with proper roof.
  1544. > You walk to the little waterfall, forming a small pool with a stone floor.
  1545. > The view is stunning, but as always, you are too autistic to see it because your eyes are locked on a clay riverside down the stream.
  1546. > Bingo!
  1547. > You still have to carry all the water, but you put together a clumsy basket carcass to stuff some clay in it. This will do for starters, and the clay amounts here make you think of a better things to do than just patches.
  1548. > For now you just pick your axe and clean the tree from old bark and rot under it.
  1549. > And on boy, there's a lot of rot under it.
  1550. > Eventually you hack most of the bark that there is and locate nastiest of cracks. You fill them with clay, put some deadwood ond dry grass on top and let it burn for a while so the clay would harden.
  1551. > Luckily you didn't set a whole tree on fire just yet. Zecora would kill you if she saw that, but dortunately she was busy with her chores inside.
  1552. > You smell the dinner just when you were finishing cutting the unneeded pricks while being asked what the fuck did you just do to a tree.
  1553. > The point that this more house than a tree and all you did was patches did not meet much enthusiasm, more curses than willing to hear.
  1554. > She'll get used to it. In fact, she should see it when you will cover it with tiles!
  1555. > You are threatened to be left hungry if you continue your stupid jokes.
  1556. > Why do you even tell her things, she'd just be forced to accept the final result when the roof is done properly, and now she'll whine about it forewer.
  1557.  
  1558. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1559.  
  1560. > It takes you a whole week to fiddle with clay recipe which won't shatter at the first touch and wasn't painfully long to burn.
  1561. > But even Zecora is convinced when your demo stand holds a bucket of water splashed on it. Overlapping tiles - 1, rain - 0, yours truly - gets to go for another bucket of water since it was last.
  1562. > And the tiles look better than naked wood without bark, which starts to dry and give additional cracks. It will be devastated by weather if you don't cover it with something soon.
  1563. > To your defence, the first clay patches hold their cracks with ease, it's just another dozens of small holes that were before, and totally not appeared after de-barking.
  1564. > During a monotone week of crafting tiles in the impromptu furnace you are hit again for asking if she wants another window or something.
  1565. > Jeez, you were just asking this time.
  1566. > As you work on small fixes in house furniture and roasting clay you notice that almost half of this village visits Zecora if not on regular basis, then at least when they see fit. Random clients with troubled, ill or ashamed faces come in the hut and go back home with relieved faves.
  1567. > At least Zecora swears she was actually helping them, not just selling placebo. She even demonstrated some of instant healing liquids when you had troubles with the auto-aim on that enchanted saw so you believed her.
  1568. > All sorts of ponies came by, even Mayor sometimes. She acted strange when she saw you, and only thing you could think of is smiling back, waving and maybe asking about weather. She usually stutters and blabbers something before Zecora pulls her into the hut.
  1569. > Maybe you are weird and she does not know how to talk to you. Shit, this person treated you nice first and you don't even.
  1570. > She probably does not come here for the cure, judjing by her inaccurate walking and coordination problems when she steers home.
  1571. > You are really interested why it's always mad circuis when you go through forest and these loners just walk through as if it's a park of some sort.
  1572. > Turns out if you know where you are headed and mean no harm or fear when you walk through Everfree, it will let you through.
  1573. > How the fuck do you zen-walk through this jackass land after what you've men here? These ponies either dont know what waits there or just too accustomed to safety of their village they don't even care, and your, err, awareness of it and readiness to fight attracts the trouble.
  1574. > Fuck you, forest, the second you relax and you're eaten. You won't ever go anywhere without the pistol you found at the hydra's nest.
  1575. > Then there is the Crusaders trio, which come here almost every other day. Zecora seems to tutor them on potion brewing and simple magic. Seems like you don't need a horn to make a plant grow faster or to lump higher, horn is required only for advanced things.
  1576. > Young fillies seem to be of these few who don't actually fear your presense. While other ponies preferred you leaving the hut when they came in these three were completely okay with you and were actually interested in your knowledge and opinions. Sweetie belle convinced them, you're sure of it. She's the most naive of the three, but she's also kindest and smartest of them. If not that filly, you'd be left without hope for that stupid civilization and stuck in Zecora's company exclusively.
  1577. > They also tried to pull you into their stunts, but after Scootaloo was nearly left without feathers on her wings you restricted their access to the furnace and after you had to fight off a bear (that you swore never to tell Zecora about) with just a saw and a couple of long rods, they agreed to stick to their lessons with Zecora. Just untill you think of something less dangerous than survival tips.
  1578. > Damn bear gave you more bruises than Zecora on her first week of uneasy sleep.
  1579. > Oh yes, she finally gave up and agreed that it's more comfortable to sleep like that untill you fix all the cracks and wind stops blowing through the house.
  1580. > She's still all grumpy when she wakes up, but ear rubs seem to help the case.
  1581. > She also starts to trust you more. For example, she stopped guiding you through simplest chores. Apparently she dislikes being called "mom" even more than letting you do things or arrange objects the way you're comfortable with.
  1582. > Finally you are done with goddamn tiles. Nothing special, just a rectangle with two holes near one side, but doing everything by hand is tiring and bpring beyond your expectations. After another couple of days you're also done with gathering enough dried grass and by the end of the week you finished nailing tiles over a layer of dry hay mixed with some anti-parasite herbs Zecora helped gathering.
  1583. > Now the hut looks like a stereotypical witch hut with all that curves on the roof and tiles poking in random directions, but at least you are convinced it won't leak.
  1584. > You remove last remains of your benches to a small shed you've hacked together nearby.
  1585. > Now you had to sweep the yard and you are done.
  1586. > Speaking of cleaning.
  1587.  
  1588. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1589.  
  1590. "No, no, put your buckets down, we'll get ourselves some water later."
  1591. > "Then why did you bring me to the creek in the middle of the day?"
  1592. "Because we stink and covered in wood flakes."
  1593. > Mostly you. You haven't had the opportunity to wash your clothes that often, but you had at least one shift of it spare. Unlike the zebra whose cleaning is consisted of wet towels.
  1594. > "What do you mean we WooooOAAAAHHH AAAAAALEMMEGOOO AAAAAAAH!"
  1595. "No, we are getting a bath and that's final."
  1596. > "AAAAAAAH! I DONT WANT TO! I'LL DO IT LATER! PLEASE NOT INTO THE CREEK AGAIN!"
  1597. "What's your fucking problem, you are tall enough to walk the whole stream down there"
  1598. > "BECAUSE LET ME GO!"
  1599. "Fine."
  1600. > With a loud splash you drop her down.
  1601. > She starts to trash around and nearly drowns where the water would barely gut her so you grab her and pull up.
  1602. > Instantly she's clinging on you, trying to climb on your head which sends you both back into the water.
  1603. > This tome you grab her by the middle of the torso and hold under your right arm.
  1604. "Now will you tell me what's the problem? Can't you swim?"
  1605. > "NO! WHY WOULD I?"
  1606. "Because all horses can swim"
  1607. > "I'M NOT AHORSE! I'm a zebra! And we don't have to swim back where I'm from!"
  1608. > She's bullshitting you, how is that she cannot swim?
  1609. "So, you really can't?"
  1610. > "Didn't I make myself bucking clear? Just please let's go back to the ground, pleeease?"
  1611. "I have a better idea. I'll put you into the small waters where you can feel the fround and you'll stand there for a while. I won't let you drown, can you trust me on that?"
  1612. > She somehow ceases her panic a little and nods. Whatever keeps her closer to the dry land, you guess.
  1613. > You go back a few steps and start slowly lowering Zecora to the water.
  1614. "Now unroll your hooves, it's not deep here."
  1615. > She waves her head reluctantly
  1616. "Come oon, we'll take it slow, one hoof at a time."
  1617. > She nervously slides her back leg down, trying to reach the riverbed. When she touches it she flinches back as if it would bite. You patiently coo her into holding her hoof in place while she stretches another.
  1618. > Now she stands on her back legs, front ones wrapped tightly around your chest.
  1619. "Very good. You're standing now. Now we should put you on all fours so I could wash you."
  1620. > "I never agreed to this!"
  1621. "I wasn't asking and you'll need to learn to swim someday. Now come on, put your right hoof down, I'll hold you above the water."
  1622. > After some hesitation she does that too. When she has all her hooves in the water you have to hold her for a minute untill she stops shaking.
  1623. > You reach into your pocket and grab a soapbar you brought from the market and start to cover frozen zebra with the soap foam. It's not shampoo, but it'll do.
  1624. > Surprisingly she is able to relax under your hands. She still tries not to move with her eyes shut, but she does not tremble anymore and is focused on what you're doing.
  1625. > Her mane turns out to be soft and somewhat silky, no wonder it takes her so much time in the mornings to fix it into a cherokee harido she usually wears.
  1626. > You run your hands through her fur, ensuring you don't miss a single spot. She winces when you reach for her belly, but relaxes back again when you moe to her chest.
  1627. "Eeerm... We've got only that rear spot left, sooo... Just... Here it goes."
  1628. > You try to put your hand into most general mechanic motions when you clean her mare bits.
  1629. > Holy shit, she actually did not freak out on you!
  1630. > You did not expect her to be so soft there...
  1631. > *TOO LONG ENOUGH SHE'LL NOTICE*
  1632. > Oh, shit, right.
  1633. > You twitch your hand lower and continue to her rear legs and tail.
  1634. > You did not notice untill now how stiff she was last seconds.
  1635. "Okay, Zecora, you did very good. Now I'll need you to sit down in water so I could rinse all the soap. Could you do it for me?"
  1636. > She clearly has troubles convincing herself, that putting herself down in the water is actually safe, but your hand rubbing her neck looses her tension again and she slowly puts her butt down. When she tries to pull back you have to actually hug her from behind and sit there with her for a while untill she is accustomed to being almost fully under water.
  1637. > When she's ready and gives you a nod you rinse her off from a bucket you filled in a waterfall. The stream carries away the soap and all that's left is trembling zebra, her eyes pleading to take her out of water finally.
  1638.  
  1639. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1640.  
  1641. > After you are done with cleaning yourself (happily you can just do most of it under water) you return to the coast to zebra, finished drying herself with towels.
  1642. > You quickly change into dry underwear, put wet clothes in the sack (yes, you stupidly did all the things above in your uniform) and head home.
  1643. > It's almost evening now. Forest looks somewhat nice in the orange light, you think.
  1644. > Being lost in the view, not interrupted by still quiet zebra, you suddenly find yourself near the house.
  1645. > What, really? Noone tried to attack you? What on Earth is going on here?
  1646. > You wrap still wet zebra in another towel and put her to the fireplace and whip a meal from what's left from supper.
  1647. > You sit next to Zecora and offer her a steaming bowl.
  1648. "Here. Hot from the cauldron, you should eat it so you won't catch a cold."
  1649. > She accepts it absentmindedly and starts eating mechanically.
  1650. > Oh-ow.
  1651. "H-hey. Uumm, can I ask you something?"
  1652. > She slowly turns her head to you.
  1653. "I knew some people who could not swim, but they were not afraid of shallow water. Did something.. happen before, that made you afraid?"
  1654. > She turns her eyes back to fire.
  1655. "O-okay, I underst..."
  1656. > "Back when I was little me and my friends used to play near the lake."
  1657. > Her eyes are glass and not moving, and she wraps her in a towel even tighter.
  1658. > "We weren't old enough to learn to swim, but my sister was. She used to swim where we could not reach her and tease us from there."
  1659. > Her lips give out a faint smile untill she continues
  1660. > "We were relaxed and happy near that lake untill one day an alligator grabbed her by her tail and pulled down to the bottom."
  1661. > Just like you fucking did, you moron
  1662. > "Dad jumped down with his spear and managed to fight my sister off, but she was really injured and she nearly drowned. Now every time I go near the water I expect something to crawl from it, even if it's artificial pond with crystal clear water. I-I'm sorry, I should have told you before."
  1663. > You put your bowl aside and hug her from your side.
  1664. "No, I am sorry. I should've noticed back then, with wolves."
  1665. > "You didn't know, you just wanted to help me. And you held me the whole time so I would not fear. T-thank you."
  1666. "I'm still sorry." - you whisper in her neck.
  1667. > You sit like that for a while untill you remember about the food and finish it off.
  1668. > You put empty bowls in the sink and carry Zecora to the bed.
  1669. > You almost forgot: you have a proper bed now. With proper matress and wide enough to fit you both.
  1670. > That fucking saw, you could kiss it for doing such a good job.
  1671. > Zecora is dry now so you remove the towel and put her under the blanket before going in yourself.
  1672. > Though the hut is fixed now and it won't be cold anymore, she doesn't seem to mind.
  1673. > Of course she wouldn't, her wall cavity won't even come close to your awesome proper bed.
  1674. > "You promise you won't let the alligator eat me if something happens?"
  1675. > Hhhnnnnnnnngggggggh
  1676. "I promise. Even if there's no alligators in these forests."
  1677. > Aside from other fucking folklore mutants.
  1678. > "Thmkwh."
  1679. "Mmm?"
  1680. > "T-Thank you."
  1681. > You cannot help but hug her tighter.
  1682. > Holy heavens, she's so fluffy now that she's clean.
  1683. > Especially her chest. It's like you run your hands through a kitten, not through a horse's fur.
  1684. > "What are you going to do tomorrow?"
  1685. > As always, Pinkie.
  1686. "I don't know. Maybe you'll finally show me the sunrays in a bottle now that the weather is fine again. And I have some geographical questions."
  1687. > "I think I can manage that."
  1688. "Goodnight."
  1689. > You breathe warm air in her mane, just as she likes.
  1690. > "mmmMMMmmmmm. G'night."
  1691. > With the fluffiest creature that there is in your hands you slowly drift into sleep.
  1692.  
  1693. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1694.  
  1695. Ch 7
  1696.  
  1697. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1698.  
  1699. > The quill was scratching the parchment so fast you were surprised it does not burn already.
  1700. > Yep, quill.
  1701. > These creatures have mass production based on some weird magic-driven mechanisms, are able to send matter over random distances and levitate shit and they use quills to write down words.
  1702. > Foals in school have typewriters and printers for the newspaper.
  1703. > Pencils are used everybody even if they write with mouth.
  1704. > Probably the smartest unicorn in town uses a goddam quill.
  1705. > Whaddayouknow about irony.
  1706. > "... connects with amooons..."
  1707. "Amines. Connects with amines to their amino groups and turns them into carbamide which do not have a smell."
  1708. > "...carbamiiiide... Should these things be so nameless so you call them by the structure?"
  1709. "I'm too lazy to learn every possible local name for the single thing. There are tens of names for chalk-based building materials just in my country, and we have, like, around 200 of countries and around 7000 natural languages, it's just easier that way, trust me."
  1710. > "... do not have a... HOW MANY?"
  1711. "200. Dont worry, there is just 20 that are interesting and, like, 5 that matter. Just three are big. Same for languages, 5-6 are widespread, one of them is used by half of the world, one is dead and used for medicine. Now, if you could write down that formula..."
  1712. > It all started pretty boring.
  1713. > Zecora took you with her in town so she could visit her nerd friend. Why couldn't you just stay home like a pet she thinks of you you dont know, and you already missed your construction cadavers you fiddled with for last couple of weeks.
  1714. > Nerd was living in a library (ba-dum-tss) and had all cliche brain deviations you had in school yourself: OCD, painfully bored expression when social life mentioned, stuff laying around in a system that only she understands. You bet she screeches autistically when someone tries to tidy up the place, and half an hour later this is confirmed when a purple dragon tries to dust off.
  1715. > You almost spill your drink when she (ready for another drum sequence?) chases the purple dragon (ba-dum-tss) down the hall to get the book back in the place it lied for a month. (You can't actually tell how long, but the dust layer was everywhere but under that book.)
  1716. > She also thinks their kinglet moves the sun too.
  1717. > You try to introduce her into astronomy, but you can't elaborate past Newton's laws and that general astrophysics level those "geek" newsfeeds NASA gives you. She still does not believe you.
  1718. > You wouldn't too, to think of it. You cannot even find a single constellation in the night sky that was earth-like just to prove the stars are moving in orbits.
  1719. > Hell, this world could actually have manual-controlled sun, judging by the winter wrap-up and autumn stampede sessions and weather control on top. Everfree Forest was probably the only place that took care of itself naturally due to some weird magic. Maybe that portal connection was older than you both expected.
  1720. > You set on checking the planet roundness next time some Toe dude fixes the hot air balloon.
  1721. > Turns out they don't know shit about chemistry atomic-wise and you had to elaborate for three long hours. Do you know how much magic does for them? Ignorance is fucking bliss, it spoiled them just as electronics spoiled the humanity.
  1722. "Yeah, R2NH + CO2 --> R2N-C(=O)-OH. Does it feel less strange now?"
  1723. > "So you're saying, that when a match burns, carbon dioxide catches the fart smell molecules and it's gone?"
  1724. "Yep."
  1725. > "Un-bucking-believable. You have such knowledge and THAT's how you are using it? That's not intelligent, it makes no sense!"
  1726. "What fun is there in making sense?" - they both shudder somewhy - "Besides, we also have medicine, transport, construction, all kinds of needs and it's used there too. All your medics are doing is just increasing regeneration speed if I get it right. This is dangerous as hell, but you still do it. Do you ponies even have cancer?"
  1727. > "What, those things in the rivers?"
  1728. > You are too tired to explain further
  1729. "We'll talk about that later. Now, you promised me to try and create a power source..."
  1730. > "B-but there's so much more to ask about chemistry!"
  1731. "That's why I'm asking, I need my books and they all are here" - you reach to the backpack and pull out your tablet - "But I need a power source for my... oracle mirror."
  1732. > You doubt if you should explain electronics as well.
  1733. > Purple nerd widens her eyes untill they almost fall out of sockets when you describe how can you store all her library on one small microsd card without expensive crystals.
  1734. > That sure gave her enough reasons to hurry with the electricity generator.
  1735. > Good news for you too, you were bored as fuck for all these months without your comic stack and books you took with yourself in the army. After looking at your friends who went through it you feared you would degrade as well so you took an entire school course with you along with first years of university.
  1736. > And now you get to brag about wonders your civilization forged. Priceless.
  1737. > Sundown-whatshername picked a shiny blue crystal from a shelf. The thing was pulsating with light and zapped its owner when she stumbled upon a pile of books.
  1738. > You and dragon just crossed your hands and gave her a hard gaze untill she groaned and agreed to clean up the place already.
  1739. > Her horn lit up and suddenly all the stuf that was scattered on the floor was cloaked with purpe-red aura and started to form a crazy hurricane of flying things.
  1740. > It happened purely out of a reflex and you did not mean it, but you continued to watch the show from under a table, searching for a weapon with your hands.
  1741. > When the hurricane spitted all the things back to their places unicorn returned her eyes to you and gave you a worried look.
  1742. "Uhhhhhh"
  1743. > The worried look turned into a scared one.
  1744. "I mean, it is not what it looks like."
  1745. > "Are you allright? What happened? Did I hit you accidentally?"
  1746. "Just, uhhhh, could you maybe levitate just one object at a time? I'm not sure I feel secure when you do it."
  1747. > "Allright, I'll try not to. But what's wrong with it?"
  1748. > How do you put it, when you fear the chtonic force which you cannot understand and control, and not give her a reason to brag too?
  1749. "I, uuuh, I just remembered Rarity and flying needles and it wasn't as safe as she thought. And you lifted much more and I think there was a guandao somewhere in that junk."
  1750. > "Oh, I'm so so so sorry!"
  1751. "Just tell me before another stunt, okay?"
  1752.  
  1753. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1754.  
  1755. > Niiiice.
  1756. > You left the library with a box with a power outlet and a little door so the crystal could gather the sun energy.
  1757. > It took another hour just to repeat Ampère experiment and measure the voltage on the bunch of resistors you had in reserve.
  1758. > Your multimeter was out of battery. Just when you could take Ц43101 you took a chinese crap instead. And your intendant was even trying to convince your stupid ass to take a reliable thing which needed battery only for resistance measurement. Damn.
  1759. > But hey, remembering the school course turned out being good enough. Your tablet not only did not burn instantly when you plugged it into reversed direct current, but had a Mendeeleev's table in the /temp/ folder. God bless these stupid code monkeys, they never clean their crap after themselves.
  1760. > Nerd horse was so happy she almost jumped out of her fur. She had to give a oath not to use this information in military purposes (their oaths are so weird), and for scanning a couple of your books you got yourself a tome with a magic crash-course for kids.
  1761. > The answer "Because of reasons" was not the most convincing, but you had to overcome your fear of unknown and you just nodded eagerly when she guessed you were trying to brew something.
  1762. > Then you had to swear you won't brew anything without telling Zecora, who was worried one this time.
  1763. > Come on, it's not like you have a dynamite recipe in a child's guide.
  1764. > Not that you need magic to do it too, or they need to know it.
  1765. > Anyway, Twilight crafted you an UPS which could eat the sunrays and make crystal resonate 50 times a second and emit 230 volts into an improvised outlet for your charger.
  1766. > Unicorns are creepy, but it sure is cool to have a horn.
  1767. > Now it's time to think how could you use ones you looted back then.
  1768. > But now it's groceries and visit to Mayor for maps.
  1769. > "Are you afraid of unicorns?"
  1770. "What the f..."
  1771. > Your excuses are interrupted by a tree root, pulling your boot and sending your face straight to the ground.
  1772. > "Levitation was new thing for you at Rarity's, but this time you were too nervous. What's wrong with it, why were you afraid?"
  1773. > Well, shit.
  1774. "I, uuuuh..."
  1775. > "I promise I won't tell anyone."
  1776. "..."
  1777. > She does that silly childish thing when they make an oath. Apparently that's something they take very seriously.
  1778. > What the hell, she's not a jerk, you can tell her.
  1779. "Well, you know. Sometimes you world is a medieval piece of... I feel like I'm on vacation on a deserted island just to rest from high-tech bullshit."
  1780. > *WRONG*
  1781. "No offence here, your hut is cool. It's just sometimes one of seemingly primitive aborigenes starts a hurricane of sharp things which they lift at will, sends objects to Tartarus and back or turns an apple into an orange. This is so fucking creepy, it's like we turned away from our gods some day and forgot them, but they are still there, and while we sharpened our tools you just gained more magic power. You don't even need our tools to live happily, just like we survived good enough without magic. Difference is, you reached your goddam utopia centuries ago and we won't ever find one our way. It's never enough, and there's always more to search, this" - you wave your hand at the library - "this is so fucking much, noone would care to dig further, it'll be enough for you for millenias - why search for something new when you already have everything."
  1782. > Zecora just looks at you with a warm smile while you speak as if she heard it from someone many times.
  1783. > "If it was like you said, Equestria would fall long eons ago. We too search into unknown, it's not just the two of us fooling around with herbs and old books."
  1784. "But why even bother? Why study herbs if you can just throw an ill person into a bacta tank? Why build roads, if you can just zap things somewhere? Why saddle rivers, wind and fire if you can cast an energy spell? What's so amazing that keeps you stargazing, if Sun is just a lightbulb, moved on a flat sky by a kinglet?"
  1785. > "Because the Sun moving is a fraud."
  1786. "Wait, what? Really? But all of you..."
  1787. > "Oh, come on, you just told her most full explanation I've heard in years, how don't you believe your own words?"
  1788. "But you all just say the same, and it's another world, and the horses are talking and doing magic, and... You know, why the fuck not."
  1789. > "And if everyone will say that lemons are sweet because kinglet wants so?"
  1790. > That changes a lot of things and at the same time it's nothing new
  1791. > "Our stars are alive because they don't keep the same place. Our magic is not that strong, what you have witnessed is almost the best we can offer. Most of unicorns cannot lift more than a grocery bag and perform more than simple spells, if it's not their talent. They grow flowers, fix clocks, make jewelry or sew dresses, but other than that they cannot do more than me and you."
  1792. > "The healing liquid I've fixed your cuts with is expensive too, the herb is rare and the spell is complex, you have to be very precise and waste a day for a couple of bottles. That's why we study other herbs, and yes, ponies have illness from overdose of that potion."
  1793. "Sooo, I guess, teleportation is a rare thing too?"
  1794. > "I only saw Princess doing it, and she needs a dragon for the task. Twilight might transport herself, but not another things. And from what you tell, we are not close to self-moving carriages and stone roads, we produce everything nearby and don't trade much, for this we have a railroad."
  1795. > Guess these ponies are having same problems you do. It's just they cannot exploit all power of angry capitalism like child labor or frozen totalitarianism, where not only children work themselves into the grave. Welp, you don't put your citizens to suffer and poverty, you don't get your ships to the Moon.
  1796. > "We are happy, but we are not gods."
  1797. > You let out a long sigh.
  1798. "I... I don't know what to say. Thank you, I guess. That meant a lot to me."
  1799. > "I just need you to get in a house of flying needles without a meltdown."
  1800. "Oh, for the love of... Is it today?"
  1801. > "Yes, it is today. Now I want you to be a big brave boy and get this over with."
  1802. "Okay, mom."
  1803. > You temple misses a fist-sized boulder by a hair.
  1804.  
  1805. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1806.  
  1807. > "Hey, Anominous!"
  1808. "You won't just drop this silly thing, would you?"
  1809. > You catch a cloud of white fur mid-air and it tries to strangle you squealing loudly.
  1810. > "D'awwww, you're so cute with kids!"
  1811. "You're grumpy 'cause I can't lift you that easily - OUGH - How are you doing, Sweetie?"
  1812. > "I'm fine, thanks! We've just been to a park with our sisters, it's our picnic day."
  1813. > The other two walk into your field of view and greet you and Zecora as well.
  1814. > "Yeah, you should join us sumtimes, ah bet with you on our side we'll finally win against Rainbow Darsh."
  1815. "Is she cheating again? She knows you can't use your wings in volleyball!"
  1816. > "No, she doesn't since we all ca... ahem. Anyways, she jumps too high, it's just not fair, they are taller than us!"
  1817. "And you are more fast and agile. Want me to show how to trick them into leaving sides unprotected?"
  1818. > "We sure do! It's just we are heading for our next journey and we should really hurry. Maybe Saturday?"
  1819. "Can we? Pleeeeeease?"
  1820. > Zecora rolls her eyes and tries to look as annoyed as she can.
  1821. "I can see you smiling through this, just please, can we go in town at Saturday?"
  1822. > "Do you promise you won't break things, or waste chemicals for refreshing drinks?"
  1823. "Come on, it's not I've used all our quinine. Pleeeeease?"
  1824. > "I thought you'd die right on the spot, you used as much as pepperpot! Now make a promise or that day you're chopping wood, that's what I say."
  1825. "Okay, I promise."
  1826. > "Yaaaaaay!" - cheers the trio before us.
  1827. > "We need to go, Amenidus, Rarity said she's waiting for you."
  1828. "Yeah, thanks, we were heading there anyway. Don't run into trouble, would you?"
  1829. > "We aint gonna, don't worry! Well, this time it must be safe, err, safer, uhh, well, gotta go, bye!"
  1830. > When the dust from the sudden stampede goes down you see Zecora giving you a cheesy look.
  1831. "What?"
  1832. > "I didn't think you would deal with kids so well. They actually listen to you most of the time. It's a pleasure to view, but what's so different about you?"
  1833. "You are an authority figure in their heads, and I'm on their side, simple."
  1834. > "But all I want for them is to be safe and happy!"
  1835. "You might try to explain why you are forbidding something."
  1836. > "Like that time you threw a stone at the poor spoiled melon with conclusion 'that could be your head'?"
  1837. "The point is they understood why you don't hang under the roof I'm fixing currently. Besides, it was fun."
  1838. > "What's so funny in cleaning all the yard afterwards?"
  1839. > You let out a long sigh.
  1840. > Women.
  1841. > Why can't all of them be tomboys with no self-preservation instinct? They are so easier to deal with.
  1842.  
  1843. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  1844.  
  1845. > "Daaaahling, you look marvellous in this!"
  1846. > To think of it, dark-grey tight-fitting sweater with high neck was really cool. It only lacked a badass shoulder-beld for your pistols.
  1847. "Well, there's just one thing that troubles me."
  1848. > "And what can that be?"
  1849. > You reach somewhere in your armpit and pull a loose thread.
  1850. > "Oh no no no no no, don't touch it, don't..."
  1851. > When you slightly pull it, there is a large hole under your shoulder and a line running over the half of your chest.
  1852. "Uh, I'm sorr...ry."
  1853. > "Uuuugh, I should've dealt with it earlier. Don't worry, darling, I'll fix it in no time!"
  1854. "But that's kinda the whole point. Any little damage to it and it all pulls apart."
  1855. > "And could you, like, not damage it, maybe?"
  1856. "I wish I could, this sweater is awesome, but we live in the forest, so... Maybe If it was with that knitting, more resistant to damage?"
  1857. > "I fear that will kill whole mood, these stripes are fitting you so good, how can I not use this?"
  1858. "Could you use that italian-jacket-fabric way of inserting threads in the mix?"
  1859. > You look around to point a finger at something
  1860. "Like thiiiiiiis one over there."
  1861. > As you pick the roll of fabric from the top shelf you notice another one, swamp-green, almost burlap and pick it too.
  1862. > Rarity takes a deeper look into stripes on the black roll with thread-wide stripes as you drool over the hessian fabric.
  1863. > "Darling, you can't be serious with that?"
  1864. > You sure can
  1865. > "B-but it's... It's rude and... and... well... How cah you ever do something pretty out of it?"
  1866. "Like these gardening outfits?"
  1867. > "Oh, my, well, they are just a quick thing for Carrot Top, really, it's just for garden use."
  1868. "I'm sure you can turn this into something pretty. Can I use your sewing machine?"
  1869. > "Y-you can s-sew?"
  1870. "Well, yeah, I'm just used to fixing things instead of buying another, or maybe making something myself."
  1871. > Or it's just your greedy granny who never threw out a single thing untill it was beyond repair, and then fixing other things with remains. Surviving post-WW2 decades does that to a brain, you guess.
  1872. > Rarity look gives you creeps
  1873. > "Finally... somebody..."
  1874. "I, uuuuh, let's just discuss a sketch first. Lemme draw what I have in mind."
  1875. > Maybe if you play along you'll snatch the rest of the gunny fabric. They'd make perfect additional pockets. Or sacks. Or patches. Or another backpack. Or curtains.
  1876. > Don't get it wrong, you are stil going to make proper windows, but shutters and some clay will do untill you find out where do they even get glass. No one seems to sell it, and no one can explain where did they get it themselves when they built their homes.
  1877. > Those who are not scared of you anyway.
  1878.  
  1879. ~Zecora's PoV~
  1880.  
  1881. > Rarity was a nice friend and agreed to watch the human while you had to leave for a while.
  1882. > Ivory Scroll invited you for a tea and it was forever since you had one with just her and you.
  1883. > They seem to enjoy themselves over the stupid dresses, and you will rightfully enjoy your old friend's company.
  1884. > "H-hey, Zecora!"
  1885. "Is that you, Fluttershy, the Kind? I'm sorry, thoughts have took my mind."
  1886. > "It's so nice to see you! I was just going to say sorry for Harry, he just acts weird when he's surprised."
  1887. "Harry? Your bear, that is? What happened to him, tell me, please!"
  1888. > "Oh, he's allright, it's just he met Crusaders and your human the other day. Fillies were scared and screamed so loud he became scared himself, and Anonymous tried to fend him off, and it took him a while to understand and go back into the forest. He just wanted to say sorry for that, he dedn't mean to scare anybody... Will you fougive him?"
  1889. > That stupid human, how could he take them into the forest! All alone, without a guide or protection! You'll so tear his flanks!
  1890. "He wasn't inhured, that I can tell. So don't be sorry, it came out well.
  1891. > "Oh, thank you, Zecora, I was so worried! Well, it was nice to meet you, but I must not be late. I'll see you around!"
  1892. "Goodbye, mu dear fluttershy! (Your brew is ready, please come by!)" - you wink.
  1893. > With the wave of the hoof you continue your way to the "gazebo", as Anon called it.
  1894. > You hope he won't get hurt while you're away...
  1895. > Hey! You are leaving him in good hands for and he is not a child, you should let him be on his own for a while!
  1896. > But what if...
  1897. > Siiiiigh.
  1898. > Ivory. Tea. Now.
  1899.  
  1900. ~Anon's PoV~
  1901.  
  1902. "Well, no, that won't work, it'll be the first thing that will rip off when I enter the forest next time. Have you seen my uniform?"
  1903. > "But daaaahling, couldn't you just walk accurately? These look so good on it!"
  1904. "Rarity, if it was a parade outfit - sure, but me and Zecora sometimes have to outrun wolves or grind through bushes. Can't we at least sew it so it won't dangle?"
  1905. > "Hmmph. Fine, we'll immobilize it if that's what you want."
  1906. "For each time this thing won't cling to a branch and I won't fall on the ground, I'll bring you a flower. Deal?"
  1907. > "Stop this nonsense and continue with the seam before I change my mind."
  1908. > Girls sure like flowers.
  1909.  
  1910. ~~~~~~Z~~~~~~~
  1911.  
  1912. > You break a hug and Ivory invites you in.
  1913. "When was the last time you had a time off? You look so tired, Ivy, do you sleep enough?"
  1914. > "Oh, please Zecora, I'm perfectly fine. It's just we had to prepare for auditor, and now it's finally over."
  1915. "No troubles this time?"
  1916. > Ivory's long sigh echoes through empty corridors
  1917. > "Well, you know how Amethyst Star always misses deadlines, though this time we managed to distract the auditor untill she was ready."
  1918. "Don't be hard on her, her bear is nothing but troubles for her."
  1919. > Much like other someone for you.
  1920. > "You sure sound like you deal with same trouble. Oh, the tea is ready! Let me just..."
  1921. "It's okay, I'll manage the table. It's not that much of a trouble, it's just... well... How do I put it?"
  1922. > "Like dealing with a horde of illiterates who lack the sense of time and self-preservation?"
  1923. "How did you...?"
  1924. > Ivory chuckles and puts her smuggest face on.
  1925. > Instead the saddest comes out.
  1926. > "Lucky guess. Sugar?"
  1927. "No, no. I think I'll savor the tea itself this time."
  1928. > "What's going on, dear, you've always had 4 to 5 spoons with a hill on top?"
  1929. > You're totally not taking these fat jokes close to heart.
  1930. "I honestly don't know. This tea smells wonderful, I don't want to spoil it. Where is it from, by the way?"
  1931. > Maybe she'll bite the bait and change the topic?
  1932. > "Ooooo, don't even get me started. You won't believe who I've met on the bazaar the other day!"
  1933.  
  1934. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~~
  1935.  
  1936. "There. Not too tight, still fitting. Enough pockets and nothing will catch the branches."
  1937. > "Had we really had to remove the ribbons? Will they really see you with them from a mile away?"
  1938. "I don't remember how many kilometers your pony mile is, but yeah, bright yellow is bright enough."
  1939. > "Kilometer?"
  1940. "You know, a thousand meters. A ten-fifteen minutes of walking."
  1941. > "Meter?"
  1942. "Siiiiiigh~"
  1943. > You pick the bobbin, hold the end of thread with one hand near the shoulder and unroll it untill your other hand is stretched all the way. You fix the thread on a coil of bobbin and swing it like pendulum near the floor.
  1944. "You see how it takes exactly two seconds to make a full swing? You have to have the thread at the length of exactly 1 meter so the period would be like this."
  1945. > Mersenn is probably raging in his grave more than Steve Jobbs nowadays when you make such rough calculations, but the white unicorn seems satisfied with the answer."
  1946. > "I just don't know why to use meter when we already have hooves and knees."
  1947. "Aren't they different for every different pony?"
  1948. > "That's Princess Celestia's hoof and knee, darling. She won't change anytime soon."
  1949. > And where would your silly princess be when you are on the deserted island, huh? Or in other universe... wati, is gravity exactly same here? You'll need to check.
  1950. "Allright. Let's just finish with lower pockets and... What's that noise?"
  1951.  
  1952. ~~~~~~Z~~~~~~~
  1953.  
  1954. "That will teach him not to lose the guard with Saddle Arabian traders."
  1955. > "And he still got lucky, I tell you, I saw ponies gullible enough to buy three times more than his pile!"
  1956. > Your belly hurts, but you are still forced to laugh. Stupid bain won't give your sides a break, and neither will you spare Ivory. You just have to bring something as good in return.
  1957. > "Anyway, you mentioned dealing with some form of a manchild. Was your human troubling you?"
  1958. > Shit! She might think you're in trouble and take him away!
  1959. "No, no, trouble is a wrong word. You know why I was never fond of idea of having kids?"
  1960. > "I think I can see where this is going."
  1961. "You don't even see the tip of the iceberg. Not only you lose half the privacy you've ever had, you have to fix the shit after his silly stunts on daily basis."
  1962. > "Now, I don't say new roommate is easy, but..."
  1963. "Like two days ago, when I was out for the herbs just for a couple of hours, leaving ensured that he won't fuck up an easiest kettle I've left him to brew. What can happen to a full-grown male, right?"
  1964.  
  1965. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~~
  1966.  
  1967. "Hey, hey, I'm talking to you, HEY!"
  1968. > Gray filly hesitates, but after a nudge of her pink friend she continues to kick sand in the direction of three fillies, for who you'd rip the Satan's ass to shreds.
  1969. > Hell, they are even lighter than you thought. You to lift them bot by their scruffs like two naughty puppies.
  1970. "What the hell is going on here?"
  1971. > "Aaaaaaaahhhhh let me go you filthy animal!"
  1972. > Wrong answer, pink one is shaken like a pepsi can before a prank.
  1973. "I repeat, what the hell are you doing?"
  1974. > "Please, sir, let us go, we won't do this anymore!" - gray one whines
  1975. "Like hell I will. Why are you hurting these three when they clearly don't figh back?"
  1976. > "Because that's the point, you stupid ape, lemmeaaaaaAaaAAAaAAAaAAaaAAa!!"
  1977. > Some folks just won't learn.
  1978. > "LET MY DAUGHTER GO RIGHT NOW!"
  1979. > You turn around and see a brown stallion, trying to look bigger than he is.
  1980. > Now that's interesting.
  1981. "So that's you responsible for her being a trash?"
  1982. > "How dare you say things like that, you stupid monkey! Do you even know who I am?"
  1983. "You are one of the few tasty creatures in this area."
  1984. > "W-wh... How did they let you in town, with civilized ponies? Go away, you beast!"
  1985. "Not untill these two say their sorries, and stop calling me a beast, I'm not the one walking on all fours like a dog here."
  1986. > "If you don't comply, I'll have not only you, but your crazy forest bitch of an owher, to..."
  1987. > o-dog.jpg
  1988. "What cha saya bout mah zebra? Mmm?"
  1989. > "I said your crazy bitch and you belong to forest!"
  1990. > He said it. He fukken said it.
  1991. > Three troublemakers fly away before something happens.
  1992. > Two brats fly in the nearest pile of hay.
  1993. > One army boot flies straight to motherfucker's jaw.
  1994.  
  1995. ~~~~~~Z~~~~~~~
  1996.  
  1997. "... and here he is, toying with an Alicorn Amulet we snatched from Trixie and two horns he found in the forest! I was scared he'd get hurt, or set the house on fire, or get consumed by it, but he was just letting out sparkles on, what did he called them, lissajjoo figures."
  1998. > Oh no, not that look again.
  1999. "Ivory. Hey, Ivory, look at me. Don't you give me that jealousy look again, please? You know what a load of idiocy and bother that magic is, we've talked about it already, didn't we?"
  2000. > "Sigh... Well, at least he was responsible with it."
  2001. "Responsible? RESPONSIBLE? I'll tell you how responsible this goof is. One time when I left fot the market to get him cough pills and the rain kept me from going back for a couple of days..."
  2002. > "Ahhh, that time when you asked for a mail bird?"
  2003. "Yes, exactly. So here I am, finally walking through all this mud back what do I see? I see blood all over my yard, the trail going to the door! Where I've left my human alone and ill!"
  2004. > "Oh my!"
  2005. "Oh bucking yours, that wasn't all, I also saw the strange light from the windows and singing! That exact stupid singing you ponies do all the time when you feel the situation could be a bit more dramatic!"
  2006. > "I don't think somebody from Ponyville entered the forest during the rain, how could someone use the Music magic? I thought only ponies trigger it."
  2007. "So I walk near the window and I hear the chorus, something "terror's the least I could do", "nightmares are real", yada yada."
  2008. > "Was it a mage?"
  2009. "I wanted to check myself, the figure was cloaked in a furry rags and had different horns."
  2010. > "B-but how? Wasn't Discord reformed?"
  2011. "Then I'm entering the door, sneeking up on him. Gods and dragons, this smell he made in the kitchen, it was awful! And some grubs and beetles were singing along for that bucking chorus."
  2012. > Ivory sipped the tea at the speed of a thirsty donkey"
  2013. "And as he finishes singing to his minions he turns to me, looks righ into my soul with the glowing yellow eyes on a naked faceless skull and screams SHEEEELBEEEEEEMAAAAAAEEEEMMMM at the top of his bucking lungs"
  2014. > Ivory almost drops the teacup when you imitate his scream and spills a little tea on her coat, jerking back
  2015. "Then I've lost my shit, grabbed my staff and just charged at him and lost my shit entirely. Of course he got me pinned to the floor with that exact stuff. So he's hanging on top of me, breathing this horrible smell into my face and bucking tells me to calm the buck down and everything is okay!"
  2016. > "W-was it?"
  2017. "Of course it bucking was, it was Anonymous all that time!"
  2018. > Now Ivory's tea is all over your face. Great.
  2019. > As you grab a towel, she's convulsing with.. laughter?
  2020. "Turns out he was bucking stretching outside, like I forbid him because he was ill and had to be kept warm, he'd met a wolf and somehow lured it into the carpentry goats and strangled him. That furry coat was the wolve's skin, Ivory, he bucking gutted the creature and wore his skin! And the hydra he claims to meet had killed a deer and an antelope, so he put antelope's horn where the deer lacked it, put on wolf's skin and had nothing better to do than walk around like that!"
  2021. > "I... oh, dear, my sides hurt... I admit, that was pretty random, but what's the big deal?"
  2022. > You finally wiped the last drop of tea from your face with a towel.
  2023. "Ivory, the deal is that this smell was from the wolf's liver he was frying. He butchered it and ate his liver, Ivory!"
  2024. > "But Zecora, didn't you know humans were omnivore? I even had a brochure somewhere here, the militaries sent them it wagons, oh here! Take a look at it later."
  2025. "How are you so calm about this?"
  2026. > "I thought you knew. I admit, this is horrible, to wear the skin, but.. try to take it easier. After all, he wasn't hunting, he was just defending himself."
  2027. "He WAS hunting untill I figured out what this rod, string and hooks he kept for. And after I scolded him for catching fish he must've took all precautions, because I still find stashes of wolf jerky all over my shelves."
  2028. > "Maybe you should sit and talk to him about his usual habits, or there will be more of this."
  2029. "Yeah, maybe I should. Now do you understand what kind of shit I have to deal with while he's around? I can't say he's a bad guy, he really tries his best and he's done much to help me around. It's just I know so little I'm scared of him sometimes."
  2030. > "You're a brave mare, Zecora. Most of us would just let him rot in labor camps. I think I know him better after these months, but I stil don't understand how you weren't scared to sleep with him in one building."
  2031. "Uuuhh... he he he..."
  2032. > Shit.
  2033.  
  2034.  
  2035. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~~
  2036.  
  2037. "One by one, you dildoes, I have enough of these two for all of you!" - you scream demonstrating your fists to guards he drew.
  2038. > One of them charges you and tries to lift your entire body, but the weight is just too much for his magic.
  2039. > You manage to grab his horn with one hand, then you pull his head up and punch his throat untill the skin on your hand starts to hurt from the spell he casts.
  2040. > So much for roman helmets.
  2041. > So much for your new gloves too.
  2042. > Both other guards, to your surprize, actually thought they should wait for their turn and they did. What is this, a ubisoft videogame?
  2043. > Second one does not have horn and stampedes into you with his nose down, defending his neck.
  2044. > You jump out of his way a couple of times untill you are close enough to the oak tree. Next run makes this bull of a pony land into its trunk with your minimal assistance.
  2045. > Another piece of wood cracks loudly.
  2046. > You turn around and see the smallest guard without all these flashy symbols they have. Probably rookie.
  2047. > His spear is broken in the middle and splinters show from the crack.
  2048. >The ground makes a sudden betrayal move. It jumps to your face and knocks you out.
  2049.  
  2050. ~~~Luna's PoV~~~
  2051.  
  2052. > You don't usually work that early, but since the night guards woke you up to handle an emergency idiocy you decided to have a quick look at the dreamscape.
  2053. > As expected, you see only happy after-meal naps and such, but then your eyes lock on something familiar just in the middle of it.
  2054. > You hesitantly walk into the veil.
  2055. > You hear someone picking strings of a banjo and... piano and cello?
  2056. > The ground under your hooves is sloppy and wet and turns into a swamp soon.
  2057. > As you get close to the source of sound you notice that the sunlight, coming through a Veil fog, marks tree branches.
  2058. > At some point you are just hopping from one log to another untill you spot a big bright-green frog with a banjo sitting on a log, talking to a figure in a boat.
  2059. > And that figure is... that human from your last fiasco?
  2060. > "Oh, hay, princess, how've ya been?"
  2061. > "Is that a princess?"
  2062. > "You are a talking frog that plays banjo, Kermit, why are you even surprized?"
  2063. > "Oh, right."
  2064. "Greetings, human. I... am fine, I think."
  2065. > "What brings you here in the middle of the supper?"
  2066. > Ah, what the hell.
  2067. "You know, you never know when somebody wakes you early."
  2068. > "Screw those, they are the worst."
  2069. > The frog overreactedly nods in agreement
  2070. "We don't get to choose our company sometimes. Speaking of company, I've heard reports that three humans were captured some time ago, and they were telling the same story as you."
  2071. > Human nearly flops in the water when he hears that, and the frog opens his mouth untill his head is split in half
  2072. > "Say again?"
  2073. "Three humans. One had his limb injured, but they saved him. Now they are assigned to the railroad company as grunt workers. Do you, by any chance, know any of them?"
  2074. > Human hesitates for a minute, but then replies
  2075. > "Might have. Does an injured man have a long hair on his jaw?"
  2076. "The beard? No, the reports were not that detailed. You lost your friends, mayhaps? Because I could ask, if you wish to return the favor."
  2077. > "Iuuuuhhhh, I don't really know. There's war we are having, you see. It could be anyone."
  2078. "If it's not hurting Equestria security, I think I could investigate into it. Now it is time for me to go, my subjects await."
  2079. > "Feel free to come by. Maybe we'll teach you how to play Pazaak next time."
  2080. > You don't bother yourself with logs this time and just fly back untill the Veil carries you way into a dreamscape.
  2081.  
  2082. ~~~~~~~Z~~~~~~
  2083.  
  2084. > "Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wait. Are you telling me that you are sleeping with a feral beast like him in one bed and he is retardedly gentleman about it?
  2085. "Just stop it, please, I already regret mentioning."
  2086. > "But really! He didn't do anything, just covered you with blanket and hugged all these months?"
  2087. "Just shut up! It's cold in the forest and my old bed was broken so I was falling down, what could I do!"
  2088. > "You could hug back the poor shy creature once in a while."
  2089. "IVY!"
  2090. > "What? A guy handles all these sweet curves every night and never even mentioned anything, you could at least pretend you're grateful for being nice."
  2091. "I! VO! RY! STOP IT!"
  2092. > "Awwwww, are we blushing now? Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."
  2093. "I said stop it! He probably doesn't even think of me that way! Equines in his world are just animals."
  2094. > But she won't listen a single word as always.
  2095. > "A male that helps around the house, protects you in the forest, pulls al those mountains of stash you load on him every time without a word, keeps you warm at night and asks nothing in return. How are you not seeing this?"
  2096. "This is a big load of..."
  2097. > "I could see why you bailed him out in the first place. This is basically a dream come true."
  2098. "He breaks things, rules and records of silliness, this is a child in a most dangerous body imaginable and I'm in charge of him not hurting himself or others! And not only I have to worry he'll die from his stupidity, I sometimes worry he'd go after me if he doesn't eat his norm of meat!"
  2099. > "Zecora, you are being silly. He survived the night in Everfree at its crazier moon, fight with ten guards in prison and, from what I've heard from today's reports, he went through another brawl just to defend these three fillies he always plays with. And while he's uncontrollable source of neverending mess, you are the one and only pony he always listens to. Don't you see, he's clearly is in l..."
  2100. "Wait, what?! Hour ago? Why didn't you tell me that?"
  2101. > "They told me that it's all over and..."
  2102. "Ivory, what the hell! I must go! He might be in trouble again! He might be hurt! I gotta run!"
  2103. > "But your tea..."
  2104. > The rest of the phrase is lost in an echo of your hooves, rushing through hallways.
  2105. > What the actual buck!
  2106. > You just hope you're not late.
  2107.  
  2108. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~~
  2109.  
  2110. "I, uuuuh... Blin... I just don't know how to thank you, Rarity."
  2111. > "Think nothing of it, dear. These two were bullying my little sister for Celestia knows long and that nonsence of a father just doesnt care what his daughter is growing into, all he cares is money. Least I could do is to bail you out."
  2112. "You know I would bust my ass if she's hurt. But those gems, even by pony prices that's too much!"
  2113. > "Pfffft, oh, sheesh, GASP, please, daaaahling, I'll just ask Spike and we'll dig that much in an evening. That's my special talent, I'll work my way around."
  2114. "Right. But still, thanks a lot."
  2115. > "Again, you did enough for my sister. I just wonder, what's up with you and that guard."
  2116. "Well, you know... I usually respect someone who can knock me out.
  2117. > "But this was cowardly and uneven!"
  2118. "First two weren't cowards and played fair, where did that get them?"
  2119. >"Allright, this uman logic I don't understand. At least they promised to say that you ran away before their master woke up. And we have to finish your overalls before Zecora is back."
  2120. "Ah, yes, about that. By any chance, can we not tell her?"
  2121. > "But why? You didn't do anything wrong, handling those brutes!"
  2122. "She's worried sick every time I have a splinter in a finger, she'll just go nuts if she hears this and gonna yell for eight hours straight. I just don't want to trouble her, she's too nice for a handful like me."
  2123. > "D'aaaaaw, I hear something more than that."
  2124. "Hear all you want, I will deny everything."
  2125. > "Heeheee, well, suit yourself, darling, I won't tell her. But you got to understand her, she cares about you, she doesnt want to yell at you at all."
  2126. "She does that so much it's like she enjoys it. She never trusts me to do anything, but whenever I simply try to lessen the damage she just continues yelling."
  2127. > "Don't you say such things! She loves you and she truly cares about you! Would she willingly share a bed with you if she didn't trust you?"
  2128. "Say whaaaaat?"
  2129. > "I might be old-fashioned, but I'm not stupid. Who do you think made these extra large pillows and blankets for you?"
  2130. "What you are saying is so wrong in so many ways that I don't know where to start."
  2131. > *Start with how you're living with a girl who lets you cuddle and sleep together, you social retard*
  2132. > Wait, that's not how it is!
  2133. > *For fuck's sake, it's Lilya all over again.*
  2134. > No, it isn't! ... Is it?
  2135. "I'm just big, that's all."
  2136. > "Anonymous, darling, there's nothing to worry about, really. You both just don't fully realize it yet, and as much as I want to interfere, I should leave you two to..."
  2137. > The door slams open loudly.
  2138.  
  2139. ~~~~~~Z~~~~~~~
  2140.  
  2141. > You crash into a Carousel Boutique, panting and darting your eyes around.
  2142. > Rarity gives you a coufused look.
  2143. > The source of your worries sits behind the sewing machine with a black eye and hums cheerfully working on some strange rags.
  2144. "Anon? Are you allright?"
  2145. > "Uuuuh, yeah, why wouldn't I?"
  2146. "I hear strange things from Ivory and see you with a bruise, so what in world just happened? What would be your excuse?"
  2147. > "Nothing. I was just standing on that cracked stool while Rarity did the measures" - he points at the stool that you broke yourself half a year ago - "and it broke, and I kinda fell from it."
  2148. > You turn your head to Rarity, and the second she sees the demand in your eyes she shifts uneasy.
  2149. > "Well, uhh, he indeed fell. He does not seem to be that hurt though, I've applied patches where needed, overall he looks fine. I'm so sorry I've hurt your... Errr..."
  2150. > "Friend." - says the idiot
  2151. > "Yes, friend. I must be a terrible host in your eyes."
  2152. > She winks you with the eye Anon cannot see from his position.
  2153. > Okay, missy, we'll talk about that later.
  2154. "Uuuugh. You just won't stop the carnage nowhere soon, would you?"
  2155. > "Would I what?"
  2156. "Getting in trouble."
  2157. > "You know I never seek it. It just comes."
  2158. > This... Bucking... Human! You swear you'll just finish him someday for that stunts he manages to pull every time.
  2159. "I'm tired from all of this. Rarity, can you help him so we would go home and rest?"
  2160.  
  2161. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~~
  2162.  
  2163. > "Of coooourse, Zecora, we were just finishing"
  2164. > You hate that smiley-whiley tone in folks' voices when they lie and fail at it, but at least she's trying.
  2165. > Damn it, how did they manage to slip the report to mayor that fast?
  2166. > You should be careful and fight somewhere noone can see next time.
  2167. > You actually just finished the last part and was clearing your new overalls from loose threads.
  2168. "Looks like it's done. How much for it?"
  2169. > "Don't mention it, darling, it's on the house. Thanks for keeping me company, that is."
  2170. > You manage to get home just before it gets dark.
  2171. > The lightbulbs you two made in the morning glow warm yellow. You feel glad you made these, it gives the hut such a comforting mood Maybe Zecora won't yell that bad this time.
  2172. "So uuuh, about today..."
  2173. > "Don't sweat it. I know you were engaged in another act of jackassery and you don't want to tell me because I will scold you for that."
  2174. "It's not like that, it's just..."
  2175. > "It's what? Do you even know what I go through every time you get injured? I'm worried sick that you will fall dead if you fall ill, or I won't be able to fix it intime, or, or..."
  2176. "I know exactly what you mean."
  2177. > You pull raging zebra into a hug and start stroking her mane.
  2178. "I just think you have enough troubles of your own and I can handle something on my own so you won't worry every time."
  2179. > "But I DO worry every time, I don't bucking know why, but I do! And every time you get in trouble again, and I, I, I'm just so scared that you won't... How would I..."
  2180. "Shhhhh, I'm okay. I'm the pinnacle of evolution and the result of millenias of nature's trial and error. Nothing will take me away, so don't worry about me. I know you still will, because you are nice person who cares about others, you just have to trust them to get a little bruise here or there."
  2181. > "B-but... But what if you get really-really hurt?"
  2182. "I'll try not to. And even if I will, you'll always fix me, because you're so smart."
  2183. > You breathe some warm air in her forehead and she relaxes visibly.
  2184. > "You promise to try?"
  2185. "I promise."
  2186. > You sit like that for a while near the array of little lightbulbs she helped you made this morning. Turns out it's nothing supernatural, just weird luminophore made out of local plants, but it looked very nice and comforting.
  2187. > And when she taught you how to brew the mix it was another nice bonding moment.
  2188. > That felt comfy to remember. Just like when your school crush and you were doing graphs in library.
  2189. > "By the way"
  2190. "Mmm?"
  2191. > "What happened this time?"
  2192. > You let out a long tired groan.
  2193. > "I promise I won't yell. Unless it's worse then letting Crusaders in the deep forest"
  2194. "Hey, I thought we're over it! How do you even know, you ponies have ears everywhere, that's creepy."
  2195. > "It was Fluttershy's bear, luckily. I can't believe you seriously went against him, what if he was wild?"
  2196. "Kids won't outrun a bear, what was I supposed to do?"
  2197. > "I dunno, not take them in the woods? Allright, allright, just tell me about today already."
  2198. There's a guy, and his daughter, or daughters, were bullying Crusaders, and when I tried to friendly remind them that's not nice he called the guards."
  2199. > "Wait, brown coat, dark mane, money sacks on his ass?"
  2200. "Yeah, you know him?"
  2201. > "You stupid white knight, that was the richest pony in all Ponyville after Applejack and her gardens! Sweet gods of Zebrica, I can't believe you kicked his flank and got away with it!"
  2202. "I doubt he'll even remember what happens. Hehehe."
  2203. > Zecora fixes you with an iron gaze, but this bedhead is too adorable to be intimidating.
  2204. > "This, THIS is the reason I don't want to leave you alone not even for five minutes!"
  2205. "D'awwwwww"
  2206. > You bull Zecora back into a hug.
  2207. > She is being so nice to you.
  2208. > And kind.
  2209. > And she deals with your shit all the time.
  2210. > And she lets out muffled curses, but you can't hear them properly.
  2211. > You have to make it up to her somehow.
  2212. > *Rarity was right, you're...*
  2213. > Not now.
  2214.  
  2215. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  2216.  
  2217. Ch 8
  2218.  
  2219. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  2220.  
  2221. > Foals these days. Back in your days they were scared if a manticore runs out of the forest and eats them, or they'd bury their family after griffon invasion, today it's fears being embarrassed at school.
  2222. > Every time you review education system is never enough, new shit floats up.
  2223. > Unfortunately, you can't just take children apart and put to different groups to match their characters
  2224. > Other than that you don't know how to make them more comfortable in their class. What else do they need to trust their classmates not to mock them over little things, social equality enforcement?
  2225. > No, that failed even before you were banished to the Moon, everybody was abusing that.
  2226. > And Cheerilee looks like doing her best already.
  2227. > Guess kids will fear something forever.
  2228. > You wish they weren't blowing little things to the size of your sister's butt, but serious cases are rare nowadays. Everything is usual routine of similar fears and you fear you repeated the same "it's gonna be okay" speech at least thirteen times today, word to word.
  2229. > Serious cases are rare now and they stand out above all this. Thrashing or immobilized to painfully slow, raw fear with sharp edges or tangled and confusing, they all have that vile aura around them, like, like...
  2230. > That one.
  2231. > Yep.
  2232. > That's what you'll deal with and will be proud afterwards.
  2233. > Childish fear of something that's everywhere, trembling for his dear life, uncertain what to do, what a perfect chance to help somebody!
  2234. > You dive into the mist, ready for anything.
  2235.  
  2236. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  2237.  
  2238. > You weren't ready for that.
  2239. > Forest was lit with a sun. Little birds were flying around the large wooden table with tea set on it, chirping happily.
  2240. > Near the table was a group of ponies and... that bucking human. They looked like they were having fun from afar.
  2241. > Only human's cup was soundly ringing, buzzing over his teeth like he was shaking from cold every time he had a sip.
  2242. > A pale unicorn in a oversized swamp-colored suit and a giant hat with a pink ribbon over his red curly mane offered you a cup, which you accurately sniffed.
  2243. > Just a tea.
  2244. > You hesitantly took a sip as his wide-open yellow eyes stared at you, not blinking for an entire minute.
  2245. > When you returned a smile to his scowl, he gave a satisfied nod and returned to conversations with others, which you couldn't quite catch even sitting that close. That must have been just a decoration so you didn't pay attention to that.
  2246. > What you did pay attention to was a source of your waste of time, grinning and sipping tea with shaking hands.
  2247. > Really, what's to be so excited about? You thought humans receive enough attention even when they are under pony... care, while being... guests.
  2248. > Oooor maybe that's the opposite, you think, looking at his eyes, sometimes darting to ponies for a split second and back.
  2249. > Is he asking for your help?
  2250. > With that thought ponies quickly shut up and look in your direction.
  2251. > It takes much of your willpower to not jerk back and continue sipping the tea untill they return to their mumbling.
  2252. > You notice that human was moving his lips when nobody sees.
  2253. > What does he... mane... make! Make... neem... theem... low? Bane... No, that's definitely "make"... them! Make them... go?
  2254. > Another creepy silence and everybody turns to you. This time you look back, make an intimidating face and ask them, if you could talk with human alone.
  2255. > They leave rather reluctantly, but they don't go far, they just stand nearby, looking at you.
  2256. > Okay, you admit, that's unnerving.
  2257. > The table shakes a little. When you turn your face back to human, his white knuckles, holding the wooden surface, give up the source of the vibration.
  2258. > Really? That big goof who scared the shit of you with crow legions, zombie hordes and space reptiles with acid spit, not giving a flying buck about it, is scared himself, and the reason is a bunch of little unicorns?
  2259. > You cast a masking spell, which rises a circular tree wall around you two and casts a shadow with its branches above you.
  2260. "We have caught a glimpse of tension around this dream. Perhaps, you are in trouble?"
  2261. > With a loud thud human collapses on the table in relief.
  2262. > "You don't know the half of it."
  2263. "We want to help you, tell us, what's your fear? What brought you to a shake when you were facing these mere ponies?"
  2264. > "I'm not really comfortable to talk about it. But thanks for the wall, I'm really glad you showed up."
  2265. > You let out a sigh. The stubborn ones. Even if their dreams they cannot let it go.
  2266. "But these were just usual ponies, even if they're colored brightly. I thought you humans did not fear our kind?"
  2267. > "It's not about your kind."
  2268. "Perhaps, the official tone, a fear of failing the important meeting?"
  2269. > "Could not give a damn about any authority whatsoever."
  2270. "M-maybe you are afraid of a big company?"
  2271. > "I'M NOT!"
  2272. > What's his problem, screaming like that! Like it's your fault he is sitting here and shaking uncontrollably.
  2273. > You need to be calm, Luna. You lost enough of your face before him in previous visits and it's not the time to lose your shit.
  2274. > Patience, Luna, he's just another troubled soul who's scared of mere thought of something. You are doing this for a while and you can handle this.
  2275. > You leave your place, walk around the table and sit on a bench beside him.
  2276. "If it troubles you so much, maybe it'll help if I guarantee you privacy, noone will ever know about your fear of crowds. It is a common fear after all"
  2277. > "Like Hippocratic Oath?"
  2278. "I don't know what that is, but I can promise you I want to help you. All your secrets are safe with me and I won't ever use them against you."
  2279. > "..."
  2280. > You brush his shoulder with your wing as you lean forward to look in his eyes.
  2281. > "These weren't just ponies."
  2282. > Good.
  2283. > "They were u.. u.. *GASP* T-they were unicorns, okay, that's the problem, laugh all you want."
  2284. > What
  2285. "Y-you don't trust unicorns?"
  2286. > "Yeah, I don't trust them! And I don't see how someone would!"
  2287. > Please, it can't be another villager who's afraid of unicorns taking his business brainwashing him!
  2288. "We're sure they mean no harm to you..."
  2289. > "Do you know how they see me when I walk the streets? They shuffle away in big circles just not to touch me in crowds, and pick another side of street elsewhere! And the look on their faces, they're nervous, they could lose it at any moment!"
  2290. > "But that's not the problem, if something I can fend off, but unicorns... I can keep a straight face for a while, but I'm scared shitless because each one of them is a source of horrible threat! They could do everything!"
  2291. "But..."
  2292. > "Third part of population wields magic! Anything goes wrong and I'm done! They'd burn me to a charcoal, they'll fill my lungs with acid! They'll throw me into hell and they're everywhere, and every one of them could MAKE ME DEAD!"
  2293. > Crazy monkey started screaming. You grab a hold hold of his hands so he'd stop bashing them on the table
  2294. "Please, calm down, there's just a tiny group of ponies who is even capable of so advanced spells as casting acid inside a living creature or teleportation!"
  2295. > "They all can lift things and fling around! They'll tear my eyes out! They'll break my throat inside and suffocate me! They'd peel the skin off me! They'll fly a flock of thousand needles and turn me into a colander! They'd... break my bones, th.. *GASp* They'd...."
  2296. > No point continuing this, he's already a weeping mess.
  2297. > You wrap your hooves around his neck, leaning his face on your chest and wrapping your wings around his back.
  2298. > Poor soul is a trainwreck. He must have been raised in a truly cruel place, his expectations of the pony world combined with such inventiveness in tortures scare even you.
  2299. > For a while you just whisper in his ear that everything is going to be okay and nobody will touch him while you're here, stroking the back of his head with a hoof.
  2300. > After some time he stops mumbling and shaking and relaxes in your embrace. You keep the hug for a minute more and ask him, if he's allright.
  2301. > He nods quietly.
  2302. "No point in worrying, my dear. Nobody wishes you harm, ponies cannot even think of such horrors, we never did things like that. If we fight, we fight fair, without these tortures. I bet they just look at how stiff you are and afraid themselves. Just try to be relaxed and they'll relax too."
  2303. > He mumbles something about great war that's never gone, but you silent him with a hug.
  2304. "Besides, I use magic too. Aren't you afraid of me?"
  2305. > "*mumble mumble*
  2306. "What was that?"
  2307. > "You are different. You're bigger than others and you're cute. I trust you."
  2308. > D'aaaaaw. He even hugs you tighter.
  2309. > It seems like he had enough for tonight, you should let him rest.
  2310. > You did not cast that spell in a while, but right now is a good time.
  2311. > Your horn lights with magic as you put a human into a deep dreamless sleep so he could rest.
  2312. > When he's finally asleep the mist comes close. His dream is disappearing.
  2313. "Goodnight, my human. Sleep well."
  2314. > "Thanks"
  2315. > Not so smug right now, are you?
  2316. > Finally for covers you both, and human dissolves in it. You find yourself back in a dream realm with empty hooves.
  2317. > You were right after all.
  2318. > That was a satisfying piece of work.
  2319. > Not that you'd want this too often.
  2320. > Pheeeeew.
  2321. > Walking down a street, everybody's scared, no wonder he's...
  2322. > Walking down a street.
  2323. > Of a town.
  2324. > You saw him in the middle of the Ponyville dreams last time!
  2325. > You definitely check police reports for last week, this can be interesting.
  2326.  
  2327. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  2328.  
  2329. > You wake up in the middle of the night from the sounds Anonymous is making. Instead of hu... grabbing you as always, he is thrashing around and moaning as in pain.
  2330. > Can this really be happening? Can this big goof even have nightmares?
  2331. > You run a hoof over his forehead. He doesn't look like he has a temperature. Well, for all you know, he's not warmer than always., colder actually.
  2332. "Heeeeey, big guy..."
  2333. > You shake him back and forth, but as usual, only thing that can wake him up is either a pot falling to crash on his head (you would never admit that was your fault, but you moved away everything that was dangling above the bed that day), or the smell of food in the morning. You had neither of those so only thing you could do is try to calm him down as it is.
  2334. > Rolling him from side to side doesnt help, though he pauses for a minute when you blow some cold air on his forehead.
  2335. > After that his nightmare seems to be even worse and you instantly regret that.
  2336. > "Muffuf a source of horrible threat! They could muhuffffufffuff..."
  2337. > You lie back beside him and try to whisper something calming in his ear, but he jumps again:
  2338. > "...mmmaaAGIC! Anything goes duhh... ummuuuff... eyd BUUUUuun me, uuuhuuufaaahhh, thhawwweeaaa HELL AND THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! nUUAAAME DEAD!"
  2339. > Oh Gods, what's happening, what should you do?
  2340. > Maybe if you'll fix him somehow and make comfortable he'd stop thrashing?
  2341. > The moment you grab his hands and hold them on his chest he screams even worse
  2342. > "heaeeel TEAR MY EYES OUT! THEY'LL BREAK MY THROATAFFUMMFFELL PEEL THE SKIN OFF ME!!"
  2343. > No doubts, he's fucked up.
  2344. "Shhhhh, it's okay, shhhhhh, I'm here with you."
  2345. > Since he's too big even for you, you settle on sticking his face in your chest fur. Maybe something soft in his sensitive spots will help.
  2346. > It's not like you brag!
  2347. > It looks like it's working, and you pull the blanket back on you two to warm his frozen body.
  2348. "There, there, I'm here. Nothing bad will happen, calm down. Shhhhh."
  2349. > Yep, stroking his head with a hoof is definitely working. You'll know what to do next time.
  2350. > W-well, of course, you hope it won't be next time.
  2351. > But he's so relaxed and he's so cute like that, when you're hugging him, not the other way around.
  2352. > And the way he holds you back, you finally feel like you're finally in charge here, not him!
  2353. "So that's what if feels like, hmm? To comfort someone..."
  2354. > You're talking nonsense you'll probably regret, but he's asleep now and nothing can bash through this thick skull.
  2355. "But why don't you hug other mares you know?"
  2356. > "You are different. You're bigger than others..."
  2357. > Did he just bucking called you fat?!
  2358. >"... and you're cute. I trust you."
  2359. > D'aaaaaw! A good human deserves more stroking.
  2360. > Wait, what?
  2361. > Your body stiffens at the sudden realization
  2362. > Did he just answer you?
  2363. > But he's asleep!
  2364. > ...is he?
  2365. > You try to find any sign of giggling, conscious movements or something, but Anon seems to just dream peacefully, not shivering anymore.
  2366. > It must have been his dream.
  2367. > You are NOT jealous!
  2368. > Probably it was you in his dream anyway.
  2369. > It's time to sleep now. You're going to deal with it tomorrow.
  2370.  
  2371. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  2372.  
  2373. > Luna must have screwed up, because you're not asleep now, instead you hear the familiar sound of the wind blowing in the trees of your forest.
  2374. > *You have problems, man. Real ones.*
  2375. > It's not that bad, she said if I relax a little, they'd stop giving me nervous looks too. Just like in university, where I tried to be positive and people actually started talking to me.
  2376. > *Doesnt take much to make a loser happy, huh?*
  2377. > Shut up. That was a good advice.
  2378. > *Since when does my dear Nietzsche takes ANYBODY's advices?*
  2379. > Well, it's not because SHE gave it, it's just a reasonable thought in general. What's the difference who thought that thought, me or her?
  2380. > *I'm still surprised she's not another one of your hallucinations, but an actual person who can violate access to others' dreams. Are you sure the purple nerd wasn't pulling your leg just to laugh at you, when she confirmed it?*
  2381. > Nah, I think she's not that type of a pony who'll do that, she values the data integrity too much. That's what that blue flying whatshername would do, but not the nerd.
  2382. > *Okay, okay, we'll take the advice of a talking horse who came to your dream, then hugged you stroke your head.*
  2383. > Her chest fluff was really soft...
  2384. > *Oh shit!*
  2385. > What?
  2386. > *Remember when she hugged you and stroke your head?*
  2387. > Yeah, why?
  2388. > *Don't you still feel it?*
  2389. > Oh shit!
  2390. > *I know, right*
  2391. > How much did she heard?
  2392. > *Well, I don't remember somebody mentioning that you talk in your sleep*
  2393. > Who would even tell me that, these idiots at the camp were as tired as me all the time!
  2394. > *Then you have to choose between awkward morning or awkward now if you try and sneak out and she catches you.*
  2395. > You think for a moment
  2396. > On the one hand, she'll gloat uncontrollably for a week at least
  2397. > On the other, she'll gloat anyway, but you can enjoy the hug a little bit longer.
  2398. > Sorry, future-me.
  2399. > *Now I can gloat too!*
  2400. > That's a rare occasion where someone actually cares about us, be glad.
  2401. > Mmmmmmmm, yes, right here...
  2402.  
  2403. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  2404.  
  2405. > You sit under the bank of the stream, enjoying water flowing around you and the sun rays, hitting through the roof of trees.
  2406. > The stream made the trees form a gap in the usual shady cloak of branches and the little waterfall you and Zecora use to visit is lit with sun. This sunny spot was such a change from usual gloomy forest it never ceased to relax you.
  2407. > Even forest here was not all pines, but mostly birches.
  2408. > Tyyyy neeeesiiiii meeenyaaaaaa reeeeekaaaaaa,
  2409. > Da v rodnyyyyyeeee mneeee mestaaaaaa,
  2410. > Znayu zhdet menya moya KRASSAAAAAAA...
  2411. > Gaaaaaluuubyyyy u neeeeyoooo glaaaaaaaZA.
  2412. > Speaking of blue eyes, two of them spot you from the water and start to creep further.
  2413. > What's there?
  2414. > "Dun-dun."
  2415. > Is that a shark?
  2416. > "Dun-dun dun-dun."
  2417. > Is that a crocodile?
  2418. > "Dun-dun dun-dun dun-dun!"
  2419. > Is that a tiger snake?
  2420. > "Dun-dun dun-dun dun-dun DUN DUN!!!"
  2421. > Tiger snake quickly advances in your direction, pounces on you and covers your torso with its soapy body.
  2422. > "Gotcha!"
  2423. > You make silly noises and wiggle around as if to struggle under the beast, but soon fail and give up.
  2424. > Instead you start to rub beast's back with your arms, spreading remaining soap and giving the coat gentle rubs and scratches.
  2425. > "MmmmmMMMRRRRRMMMMMMMMmmmmghffffffmmmm..." - muffles the beast into your neck
  2426. "You like it that much?"
  2427. > Another happy groan confirms it
  2428. "You seem much more relaxed in the water lately, hm?"
  2429. > Not that this array of sticks, that you hammered around your usual bathing spot, would help against actual crocodiles, it was just young trees that you nailed down one palm between each and covered with horizontal ropes. It would eventually rot and fail, and its only actual way of protecting was little fishing bells attached to them if one section is broken, but it was the only way you could lure your "owner" in the stream, she wouldn't even touch the water untill you finished and double-checked for all remaining threat inside impromptu pool.
  2430. > And oh boy, did it work
  2431. > Right now she couldn't see the Godzilla walking over the forest if you continued the massage
  2432. > "Don't get me wrong, I'd still not go here alone, but youuuuurrmmmffff. Daaaamn. You were pulling me down here for almost three months every other day or so, I got used to it. Mmmrrfff, yesssss."
  2433. "Aren't scared of fish anymore?"
  2434. > "M-mm. Not while you're here."
  2435. > D'aaaaaw
  2436. > "It'll bite your ass first and I'll have time to jump out"
  2437. > Women in a nutshell.
  2438. > She shifts to the side to allow you to clean the soap from other places than her back
  2439. > "Mmhmmmm..."
  2440. "You're all relaxed and nice?"
  2441. > She nods into your neck
  2442. "You know what can happen if you let your guard down?"
  2443. > "You're cute, I trust you."
  2444. "Oh, come on, I told you I was sleeping!"
  2445. > "Don't care."
  2446. "Oh, and how about that?"
  2447. > You lightly bite her ear and twitch your head right and left
  2448. "Shtop mocking meef, ye fauffy zebra!"
  2449. > "AAAAAAAH NEVER"
  2450. > You continue to fool around for another ten minutes, then you rinse her off and you both head back from the water.
  2451. > Really, you could just dig a wall in this thin swamp dirt and build a showe, it's not like you need more than 5 minutes to do your stuff. But these sallie-outs is what's keeping you from bringing that part of civilization into your hut.
  2452. > Zecora hides into the bushes because, apparently, she's still embarassed of something while she dries her fur off with a towel.
  2453. > You fucking walk naked, what else would I see?
  2454. > But really, you never viewed an Equestrian pony that close.
  2455. > Back home ponies are as gross as gorillas. Maybe these...
  2456. > Fuck, why are you even thinking this?
  2457. > *I'm not sure if I even need to spell it*
  2458. > Shiiiiiit. Need to distract, quick.
  2459. > You start to shuffle through your bags to find your own towel, when you hear a hiss inside the bag you just kicked and notice the tail that sticks from it.
  2460. > Oh no, buddy, you don't dig in my food stash!
  2461. > Before you even realize what you're doing, you pull the tail out of the bag. Next seconf you notice the black lightnng, darting from the bag.
  2462. > *And the reward for dumbest death goes toooooooooo...*
  2463. > Wait, it didn't bite through!
  2464. > But it clearly has fangs, how did it not...
  2465. > Oh, Rarity. You might just kiss her next time you meet.
  2466. > The gunny fabric of your shirt she and Zecora soaked your things for durability, it must have reinforced it against tearing with its fangs!
  2467. > Now you fucked up, snake!
  2468. > You yank it off your sleve with a free hand, start to spin the adder above you and then swing its head against the rock a couple of times.
  2469. > Shit, it could've bite you! For real! That was so fucking close! But if it's one here, then...
  2470. "Hey, Zecora!"
  2471. > "Whaaat?"
  2472. "You didn't meet any snake there?"
  2473. > "Don't you think you'd know by now if I did? Don't worry, they are rare in this part of the forest. Let me dry in peace, would you?"
  2474. > There's a forest dweller to you.
  2475. > So, you have a snake near your campfire, and the zebra won't be done untill forever and she's apparently somewhat safe.
  2476. > You eye the limp snake in your hand.
  2477. > Well, Artyom showed you, but...
  2478. > Ah, well.
  2479.  
  2480. ~~Zecora's PoV~~
  2481.  
  2482. "Have I mentioned that I can't leave you for five minutes?"
  2483. > "Hundwef timef."
  2484. "And you don't have a clue how it keeps hapening?"
  2485. > "Fumfim im ve water. Your land if tfoo wild for me."
  2486. "Can you stop this please?"
  2487. > With an annoyed groan he chews the piece and gulps it down
  2488. > "How are you concerned with manners in a goddamn forest?"
  2489. "It's not the manners you don't meet, it/s bucking snake you fried and eat!"
  2490. > "You threw away almost all the the wolf, what am I supposed to get iron from?"
  2491. "Ugh, you could at least wait till I'm in the house!"
  2492. > "Don't be grumpy, I'm finished anyway. And that should remind you where we live, we can't feel safe untill we're home"
  2493. > Funny thing, that's what you were telling yourself not half a year ago. You indeed relaxed too much around him.
  2494. "*Sigh~* Let's head home. And throw away this disgusting..."
  2495. > What is this sock of flesh, is that a skin?
  2496. "...thing!"
  2497. > "But my old belt is..."
  2498. "I said drop it!"
  2499.  
  2500. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  2501.  
  2502. > Of course, you find it later in the far corner under his clothes, scooped and with rounded edges.
  2503. > These bucking barbarians, not only eating these creeping reptiles, but making things from them!
  2504. > How are they even attacking equestria and not losing, they should live in caves and swing clubs like these stupid gazelles not even thousand years ago!
  2505. > You heard rumors that the group of human warriors moves towards Ponyville. Not that Berry is a reliable source, but who knows, she drinks with a lot of folks, and, if your somehow got here, they could too.
  2506. > You feel fear for what could happen to everybody that you knew last few years, you almost feel the smoke rising from the burnt houses...
  2507. > Wait, that's not wood smoke, that's...
  2508. "ANONYMOOOOOUUUUUS!!!"
  2509.  
  2510. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  2511.  
  2512. "Good to see you, Fluttershy! Do you mind if we come by?"
  2513. > "Absolutely not, in fact we were waiting for you!"
  2514. > Yellow pegasus finishes whatever she was doing with that flock of birds, grabs her bunny and you follow her to the clearance near the outskirts of Ponyville.
  2515. > "So, uuuh, whad did we come here for, Zecora?"
  2516. > "Didn't you tell him about our pet day?"
  2517. > "Say what?"
  2518. > No no no no no, not this!
  2519. > Fluttershy yanks her head in her shoulders as if she was some sort of startled turtle
  2520. > "W-well we usually come together this time of month to have a picnic, a-and we usually bring p-pets, so we just call i-it a pet day, and Zecora is taking care of you, a-and we thought..."
  2521. > "Zecora, you just didn't?"
  2522. > You look at him with disbelief as he eyes you with the same expression.
  2523. > For oats sake, doesn't he realize they misunderstood? You have to rhyme something, quick!
  2524. > "Umm, guys... ummm. Oh, goodness. I didn't mean to..."
  2525. > Anon sighs and continues walking towards the others.
  2526. > Fluttershy hides entirely in her mane under your sad look.
  2527. > Guess you'll have to talk with him later, just in case.
  2528. > These.. These aren't corn bread sandwitches, are they?
  2529.  
  2530. ~~~Anon's PoV~~~
  2531.  
  2532. > About fucking time someone reminded you of your position in this land.
  2533. > Getting comfy in the forest sitting on Zecora's neck didn't bring you any respect from others, it seems. For them you are a pet.
  2534. > You greeted others, but sit aside, not in the mood to talk.
  2535. > Great, now all the actual pets are running around you just because you picked a weird flying forest tortoise to look at. Someone fixed a propeller on its back, presumably so it won't be a drag to take it along.
  2536. > It's not that old, maybe just a couple of years, if your own childhood pet tortoise is of any ethalon.
  2537. > It looks at you as if it knows something's bothering you.
  2538. "Nu-uh, I'm not telling you."
  2539. > Tank tilts its head
  2540. "It's complicated, you know."
  2541. > Tank's face is hard to read since only moving part is his eyes,, but he looks... reassuring?
  2542. > *Sigh*
  2543. "Well, I'm just not sure what I think of someone and what she thinks of me. Maybe I'm imagining as always, and I'm just a drag to another person."
  2544. > That blink must've mean "elaborate"
  2545. "Allright, allright, that's Zecora. I know she takes care of me and I live in her house, but what if I'm just a grunt worker for her, and all these touchy-feely things I tend to notice is just what girls do to anybody?"
  2546. > Another head tilt
  2547. "I know I'm an idiot, that much is clear, but what if she really thinks something of me? Should I treat her different? Or will she laugh and put me back to where I was?"
  2548. > Tortoises don't even have eyebrows, how does it manage to give 'are you shitting me, that's all?' look?
  2549. "Why am I even telling you this."
  2550. > You did't know tortoises could srug untill now.
  2551. > It is apparently bored by you and flies away.
  2552. > This fucking pony land.
  2553. > It shouldn't fly that far, should it? And Rainbow's showing off far up there and cannot see or hear you at the moment.
  2554. > You probably should fetch Tank before she loses him to some random dog or whatever runs in these parts.
  2555. > When surprizingly fast tortoice is finally caught, a loud "ahem" grabs your attention.
  2556. "No tortoise for you, sir... Why, hello! Long time, no see, how's the jaw?"
  2557. > Shit, it's that douche that had his guards on you. And your bravade didn't help probably, but you may just avoid the trouble if you return to your group fast, so why not.
  2558. > "Bethhher, bethhher, thank you kindly."
  2559. > Hehe. That sure was a fine hit.
  2560. > "And whathh brings you in these parts today?"
  2561. "Oh, just a small walk, nothing for you to be concerned. Now I should return this adorable thing to his owner, do you mind?"
  2562. > "In facth, I dtho."
  2563. "And what's your plan, call your boys again, sissy?"
  2564. > "I AM THHE RITHHETHTH STALLION IN THHE WHOLE THHOWN, I DTHONTH DTHOO THINGTH WITH MY OWN HOOVTH! Now, Red Edthe,would you help me?"
  2565. > Something red (duh) runs in circles around you faster than Sonic the Hedgehog in a blur. For a moment you see adark-gray ass with a red tail swinging hooves into your face and the world dissapears in the waterfall of ringing in your ears and sparkles in your eyes.
  2566. > Last thing you remember is throwing Tank somewhere up with your jelly hands.
  2567.  
  2568. ~~~Zecora's PoV~~~
  2569.  
  2570. > Pinkie sure can bake. You won't ever admit, but you stole so much ideas from her cooking you've lost the count.
  2571. > Good thing they visit rarely or she'll notice how unsure you are of what you're doing in the kitchen.
  2572. > That was the most humiliating part when you left home: you thought you could cook, but only talent you had was instinct of mixing right potion, fixing a bowl of soup was a struggle for you for years.
  2573. > Your diet was mostly dried roots and vegetables from local markets, because no matter how hard you tried, your cooking wasn't doing much better over years.
  2574. > It was driving you nuts: you had experience of brewing transformation potions, chemical lights that lasted for years, all sorts of wound-healing medicine and weird thing like cutie-pox, but the simple stew you had to learn from that stallionchild who couldn't be ever held responsible for himself.
  2575. > The stew was delicious though, and when you finally gulped all the misery and asked him how to do it he thought you were interested in small details and showed you step-by-step process of most things he knew.
  2576. > That were some basic meals like fried cabbage, mushed potatoes, stew or half a dozen of soups, but each held some little thing that changed anything: a cabbage was changed by fried onions, potatoes changed entirely with a glass of milk and the stews and soups were controlled by spice s amount you never saw as obvious, like he did.
  2577. > Your cooking in pair was really nice, to think of it: he did not get in trouble and you could finally try to understand what's wrong with you, while you spent some quality time together. It lightened hos mood about the whole "slave" situation too, he seemed to like to be in control of something.
  2578. > He did a lot of things you were forgetting or lazy to do and your hut stopped looking as it will crush under its weight soon. Instead it became warm and comfortable.
  2579. > Maybe that's just a stallion presense in the house you were missing?
  2580. > Not that you're not doing good on your own, you were just fine! You didn't need anybody!
  2581. > But having Anon around was sure beating living on autopilot.
  2582. > Maybe you should drag him in your company, he shouldn't sit there all alone even if he says so.
  2583. > Wait, where is he?
  2584. > His backpack is here, so he should be around...
  2585. > Well, what can happen to him in Ponyville, right?
  2586. > Right?
  2587. > "Zecora, darling, is something wrong?"
  2588. "N-nothing, just some thoughts, forgive it."
  2589. "But have you seen Anon last minute?"
  2590. > "Hmmm, to think of it, I saw him chasing Rainbow's turtle..."
  2591. > *Muffled 'TOOOORRRTOOOOOOISE!!!' in the distance*
  2592. > "Yes, yes, tortouse, he ran after it over there, but then Fluttershy asked me about that new cloth lining we thought of and... Really, where could he be? It's no good running around like that, they could scare anybody!"
  2593. >Well, somebody was scared indeed. Especially after finding his stupid clup near the patch of mashed grass.
  2594. > Did he run away? Especially of what he musth have thought of you. No, he wouldn't leave this thing.
  2595. > The horrible thoughts flied through your brain in flocks, but you couldn't possibly guess who could do this to him.
  2596. > Sure he is of enemy race, but nobody ever attempted to face him on that matter.
  2597. > Calm down, Zecora, no need to panic. Maybe he accidentally lost it while chasing this... tortoise over here.
  2598. > Okay, now it's time to panic a little.
  2599. > Maybe if you check the nearby streets or shops you'll find him?
  2600. > Nobody will even notice, you'll find him and go back. simple!
  2601. > Where was that track?
  2602.  
  2603. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  2604.  
  2605. Ch 9
  2606.  
  2607. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  2608.  
  2609. > By today your skull is practically used to being kicked. From sneezing your forehead into conveniently placed objects to headbutting door frames, it was pretty common event in your daily life.
  2610. > No, seriously, even in pony land doors are as stupid as at Earth - either just under your height or "decorated" with dangling bells or some shit right at your eye level. And nobody of these midgets gives a fuck because that's not their trouble. At least you could hack a piece of wood from Zecora's door frame.
  2611. > But man, does it hurt every time.
  2612. > That's a miracle you haven't had a brain trauma already.
  2613. > *Ahem.*
  2614. > A brain trauma you could find yourself
  2615. > *Better.*
  2616. > You feel you are being dragged somewhere.
  2617. > Cracking an eye open is difficult, but you do it somehow.
  2618. "That's one garish ceiling plinth"
  2619. > "Sthut up, you have no tasthe! They're imported!"
  2620. "I didn't place marble moldings on the oak walls."
  2621. > "STHUT UP I THAID!"
  2622. "And these sconces, who even paints them white and gold anymore?"
  2623. > "Thath it, gag 'im."
  2624. > The familiar red blur stuffs your cap in your mouth despite your protests and struggle.
  2625. > "You know wha, thereth too muth thtuff on him. Let'th strip 'him firtht. Thith way, to the thtorage."
  2626. > The "throrage" seems to be in another part of the house, which gives your kidnapper an opportunity to meet your eyes with more eclectic furniture and your skull with more staircases.
  2627. > You try to kick back while you're dragged, but every time you get hit in solar plexus soyou get the hint after a while.
  2628. > There is a bunch of other ponies in the house in maid outfits, eying you with mix of fear and condolence, but not wishing to interfere.
  2629. > Finally you're at the warehouse. All the clothes you had quickly travel to the box on the shelf. Your head is still foggy from all the staircases and travel adventures so you don't even remember to protest.
  2630. > Someone else seems to be shuffling around food corner.
  2631. > "...mumble mumble sorry for their females..."
  2632. "Well I'm sorry your husband has to use his hoof to satisfOOOoffhhhshit."
  2633. > Why the fuck did he hit you again, it was perfectly legit response!
  2634. > That's just a neanderthal descendant feature so you won't freeze it off in northern forests, fuck you all, you're not equatorial kromagnon to dangle it around combat-ready!
  2635. > Instead of proper clothing all you get is a rag to cover yourself and massive stone rings around your wrists and ankles.
  2636. > To think that someone actually wasted their time to cut it and mount hinges and locks is ridiculous, but it gets the job done: even if you wasn't dizzy, you are unlikely to run or wave hands at your captors with these.
  2637. > The door on another side of the storage is opened and you are casually tossed inside.
  2638. > Staircase to the basement is painful. You're lucky enough again to roll on it sideways and not break anything.
  2639. > When you finally are able to hear something again, you catch the end of the long curse:
  2640. > "... your mother and all your other relativeth! Maybe that'll teath you a thing or thoo, Anonymouth!"
  2641. > With that the door is slammed and the lock clanks loudly.
  2642. > Dim light from the only window with bars on it allows you to see three skinny figures against the other wall.
  2643. > "Anonymous. You hear, guys? Anonymous! For real, man?"
  2644. > You remember that voice too good.
  2645. > So that's where you were.
  2646. "Says Gzhegosh Brzhencheschikevich."
  2647. > "At least mine's funny"
  2648. "And mine is possible to pronounce."
  2649. > You finally manage to roll on your stomach and at least crawl to the ragged mattresses.
  2650. > "Where've you been, rookie?"
  2651. "You know, chillin'. How's things?"
  2652. > "How are you speaking to higher rank?"
  2653. "Oh, fuck you, sarge, my hands are thicker than your torso, you are not in position to scare a mouse. Besides, you're not even from my platoon, why was I even in your command in a first place?"
  2654. > "That's not for long, you fool, they'll get to you soon enough. I doubt you'll even get food for first week. We survived only because we were following our statute and I advise you to do the same."
  2655. "I advise you to tell me more about this place so we could bust your sorry asses out of here and I don't have to see your face all the time."
  2656. > "Run away? Are you kidding? We're stuck here for half a year, don't you think we tried?"
  2657. "Haven't seen it - didn't happen. Come on, start talking. The sooner we get to it - the sooner we're out of here."
  2658. > Beardface just shakes his head absentmindedly.
  2659. "Oh, and I found your hand" - you say to him.
  2660. > He doesn't give a flying, it seems.
  2661. "And there was a little something on it, which I had on me before the capture."
  2662. > That's it, snap back to reality and look here, stud.
  2663. > "Hwat?"
  2664. "Yes. And I'll give it to you once we get to the box with my jacket."
  2665. > "Did you really find it?"
  2666. > "What the fuck is he talking about?"
  2667. > "I'll tell you everything, just please! It's the only thing I've left of..."
  2668. "Okay, okay, I get it, that's a deal, now come on, I'm listening."
  2669.  
  2670. ~~~Zecora's PoV~~~
  2671.  
  2672. > Shit, shit shit!
  2673. > Where the buck could he go?
  2674. > You even had the reptile questioned, but all he could do is to lead you to main street of Ponyville and start eating something from rich house's flowerbed, so you had to apologize and leave.
  2675. > Not like you'd want it to be actual owner instead of maid to apologize, he seems to be a local xenophobic jerk.
  2676. > All you're left with is a vague trail in the grass which already faded and the whole Ponyville to search.
  2677. > What are you even supposed to do?
  2678. > Rainbow dash kindly offers to look for him from above and Fluttershy could possibly ask her critters to keep an eye for the big goofy target.
  2679. > All you can do before telling the police you've lost your subordinate was to roam market for a while, trying to search for him in his favourite stores.
  2680. > This is going to be a long day.
  2681.  
  2682. ~~~~Anon's PoV~~~~
  2683.  
  2684. "For real?"
  2685. > "For fucking real. Three solid days he kept him there."
  2686. > The thought of staying here each extra minute is even more gloomy now.
  2687. > You have to do something in the morning.
  2688. > They're not even letting other ponies down here, your food is delivered by the same red Sonic that captured you, so you won't take hostages or try to wriggle into maid's favor.
  2689. > Maybe you'll be able to piss him off so he could spill something new.
  2690. > If you cry for help, nobody hears you from over the large garden in the back of the house, except for guards who will kick your ass for this.
  2691. > Every crack in the wall is reinforced with steel armature.
  2692. > Nothing to pick or smash the locks on your fancy bracelets.
  2693. > You don't wear shock collars however, they seem to be confident in Evil Sonic's abilities to keep slaves in check.
  2694. > Time for bed now.
  2695. > Your bed is now a rotten hay matress, shared with three other men.
  2696. > Shit, being Zecora's pet was good to some extent, at least you had a warm fluffy dakimakura which snored cutely and was not a pile of rocks.
  2697. > You won't mind degrading a little right now.
  2698.  
  2699. ~~~~~~~Z~~~~~~~
  2700.  
  2701. > No results yet. And it's getting dark.
  2702. > Police won't even listen anyway if it's not a whole week he's missing.
  2703. > What are they even thinking, passing this rule, what if bunch of humans ran away and started a rebellion squad? They'd screw up so much in a week, even in three days!
  2704. > Ivory mentioned him getting in a conflict, but the report she had didn't have name of other than guards, which are on assignment in nearby village for two days now. They're out of circle.
  2705. > A pony behind the flower stand noticed two ponies dragging something big a couple of hours ago in main street direction, but that's it.
  2706. > And Fluttershy's birds and Rainbow Dash didn't see anything from above.
  2707. > This is not good.
  2708. > You should recheck the market before it's closed, maybe there's some...
  2709. "OOF!"
  2710. > "Oh, Ahm sorry, sugarcube, I was just looking at something. How are you, did you find him yet?"
  2711. "Alas there is no trace or sign, which offered me a help to find."
  2712. > "W-whell, maybe Winona could aid ya?"
  2713. > You are somewhat scared of dogs for a reason, but Applejack and her pet did not mind each other in the slightest.
  2714. > Oh well, what could go worse, let's ask a... gulp... dog... uugh... for help.
  2715.  
  2716. ~~~~~~~A~~~~~~~
  2717.  
  2718. > A kick in the stomach wakes you from feverish sleep.
  2719. > Apparently it was time to wake up, but not to eat. First you'd have to start the water boiling system.
  2720. > Which worked on coal.
  2721. > Fucking medieval horses, it's like they choose to have some manual tasks around.
  2722. > Is it so hard to pay a mage to place some magical charcoal in furnace or whatever? Asshole is loaded!
  2723. > The walking dream of middleschooler does not make it easier, it's enough that your comrades have chains and you have stones on your wrists, that dick is constantly tries to hit you for dropping coals or being so slow, which of course leads to more drops and so on.
  2724. > At some point you just assblast, throw the coal in the general direction of kicks receivced and start waving the shovel at him.
  2725. > This time he does not run his speed spell, just approaches at the regular speed and uses unfair advantage of mobility to stab you with his hoof right under ribs.
  2726.  
  2727. ~~~~~~~Z~~~~~~~
  2728.  
  2729. > Applejack's dog lost the track around the Ponyville border where first busy street crossed the trail.
  2730. > You can't even trace him since he broke all of his collars and never even had any magical trinkets on him since you forbid him to use Alicorn's Amulet.
  2731. > He probably kept using it at home with that stupid book Twilight gave him, but you checked every time - and every time the Amulet was in its place when you left the house.
  2732. > So basically, you had to find a creature with no internal magic who was even forced to use Amulet as its source and some poor soul's horn as a conduit.
  2733. > Wait, horns! He could sneak them! You have to ask Twilight if she could track leftover energy in them.
  2734.  
  2735. ~~~~~~~A~~~~~~~
  2736.  
  2737. > These ponies are still stupid.
  2738. > Firstly, they think if you are engaged in acts of smartassery, you can tutor master's brat because her marks are down.
  2739. > Secondly, you'd have to do this after 10 hours shifts of swinging shovel like a fucking knight from a video game.
  2740. > Thirdly, they are literally letting angry bitchy thing near their only child.
  2741. > You still can't imagine yourself allowing that if you were Filthy Rich, even if the manual labor was meant to tire you.
  2742. > But that's not your problem, that's the problem of you-five-hours-later.
  2743. > Your problem is that your overseer stopped reacting to your attempts to piss him off and just whips your back silently.
  2744. > Sabotaging work - just whips.
  2745. > Yo momma jokes - no reaction. And whips.
  2746. > Offending a social group - futile, former mercenary and runaway prisoner does not give a fuck.
  2747. > Your back starts to hurt when your attempts to fiddle with his stupid name fail too. Apparently pony parents name their children after whatever idiocy comes up in a tired mind.
  2748. > Not that it didn't hurt from a whip so far, but man, now it's tearing meat from bones.
  2749. > But crying like a bitch, however comforting it sounds, will ruin the whole performance, and your last hope is that he'll get tired of your gibberish.
  2750. > Need to keep going. Just don't let him take a rest too.
  2751. > If you cannot just lie peacefully in the dungeon, why should he have fun?
  2752. > Time for Crooked Mirror's best, Petrosyan's "door bolts" monologue!
  2753. > You hope your squadmates won't kill you though.
  2754.  
  2755. ~~~~~~~Z~~~~~~~
  2756.  
  2757. > Twilight seems busy preparing for some diplomatic mission. You're not sure what lies to south of Ponyville except of warzone or desert in between, maybe prisoner exchange?
  2758. > She still finds the time to search the needed book with you.
  2759. > Of course, if something's still left in horns, you have to have a sample.
  2760. > Really.
  2761. > All the way home for the Amulet and back to find a unicorn to cast the actual spell.
  2762. > When every minute counts.
  2763. > And you cannot even explain where your hut is since you always just followed the river sounds at north.
  2764. > Sheeeeeit.
  2765.  
  2766. ~~~~~~~A~~~~~~~
  2767.  
  2768. > Not something you've expected, but when Edge got scolded for constant noise it was fun to watch.
  2769. > Grabbed and dragged upstairs to get it over with sooner.
  2770. > You were almost dead from exhaustion anyway so you didn't bitch much.
  2771. > Ohhhh, here she is.
  2772. > You swear you saw her somewhere.
  2773. > Dang, you already feel stupid not recognizing Diamond Tiara.
  2774. > Does she expect you to do her homework or actually help her?
  2775. > Seems first.
  2776. > That's easier, but your tongue works faster than you and announces that this is not pedagogically.
  2777. > "What did you just say?"
  2778. > Should you just drop the subject and do the homework? Shouldn't be too hard, these horses don't even use electricity that much.
  2779. "Ah sed that's not good for you if others do your job for you"
  2780. > Dang.
  2781. > "Do you even know who I am?"
  2782. "Judging by your marks, someone stupid?"
  2783. > "I AM DIAMOND TIARA, HEIR OF HOUSE RICH!"
  2784. "Err... That makes you any better?"
  2785. > "EVERYBODY DOES WHAT I SAY HERE, INCLUDING YOU!"
  2786. "So, you are lazy or just stupid?"
  2787. > BZZZZZZZT
  2788. > Holy shit, lady, what was that for?
  2789. > And why not that red dude?
  2790. > Oh, right, he's downstairs.
  2791. > And her dad does not have time for her, so they handed her a remote and put a shock collar on you.
  2792. > With new wave of awakeness you are reminded how much things hurt at the same time.
  2793. "Wow. Shit. I forgot that feeling."
  2794. > "Well now you'll have enough of it"
  2795. > BZZZZZZZT
  2796. > That's getting old.
  2797. > Now you even see what's happening around, not just dark void with the table in the middle of it, now there are walls and floor and... the brat.
  2798. "Shit, stop it, stop it! All right, let's see what's there, calm down!"
  2799. > "That's more like it."
  2800. > You toss around books that are on the table. Something you'd expect in 5th grade, but isn't she older?
  2801. "So, what exactly are you having problems with?"
  2802. > Pointing to math book
  2803. > Weird, latin letters are in place, just like back home. Horse letters though, you still have troubles reading it. Good thing they are fond of symbols like arrows or color marks.
  2804. > "Aside from you?"
  2805. > Oh, you can be a pain in the ass, she'll learn that soon.
  2806. "What's wrong with these? They are easy."
  2807. > "That's not the point. The point is that I don't want to do it, it takes too much time."
  2808. "Err, how much exactly is your homework for today?"
  2809. > "Mumble mumble"
  2810. "I'm sorry, what?"
  2811. > "Mumble just today."
  2812. "Not just today? How long have you been slacking?"
  2813. > "Just shit up and fix it! It's not like anybody cares, just do this and go back to your stupid basement!"
  2814. > Wtf is her problem, really.
  2815. > Filly's loaded and all she has to do is her fucking homework.
  2816. > They don't even check the answers and force her to redo this shit like your mom did.
  2817. > The execution could last hours, and all she has to do is to try and look at Cheerilee with sad eyes and she'd explain it all over again.
  2818. > That's not fair.
  2819. "Okay, let's start. But you have to spell the problems, I can't read shit."
  2820. > "And YOU were the smartest of the four?"
  2821. "I've had enough of fucked up alphabets in my own school, don't make it longer that it has to be."
  2822. > "I bet you weren't even good at it, and now you are coming here to tutor somebody for the first time in your pathetic life! You are useless!"
  2823. > BZZZZZZZT BZZZZZZZT BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZKRRBRKPFFFfffffff....
  2824. > You're too awake for this shit.
  2825. > Every scratch reminds of itself.
  2826. > Stomach cries for food for around 24 hours right now.
  2827. > But what's worse, the little brat who can't even solve a fifth grade math problem calls you a profane!
  2828. > These collars burn so conveniently.
  2829. "You're wrong."
  2830. > Getting up after the zap is hard, and stones on your limbs don't help.
  2831. "I had my share of tutoring."
  2832. > Walking around this huge ass table is even harder.
  2833. "You know, I once taught math to a girl just like you."
  2834. > Diamond Tiara doesn't seem to like her chair and struggles to get out, but she seems
  2835. "And she wasn't even trying, just like you. She was lazy, indifferent and spoiled just like you."
  2836. > Shame on you for picking the swaggest chair in the room, young lady. They're meant to sit, not to escape.
  2837. "She didn't look like even trying. You know what she tried to do one day and how it ended for her?"
  2838. > You don't look very intimidating in this shaking tired state, but shagginess and bloodshot eyes seem to do the trick, judging by the loud gulping sound
  2839. "She tried to finally force me to do things her way, just me doing everything for her. She was sitting there at the desk, just like that, put a cute little pink bathrobe, all sure she has me under her heel."
  2840. > Funally you slump to her chair and hang over her, breathing heavily after the tiring trip
  2841. "She asked - Shall we start? Won't you help me out?"
  2842. > Eye contact is very important now. Commencing face-to-face threats in 5.. 4.. 3..
  2843. "She did not expect what I did. Not in the slightest."
  2844. > Sore face and hoarse voice are made easier than ever
  2845. "She passed exams almost better than local nerds. On her own. Do you what to know what I had to do to her?"
  2846. > Scared filly cannot even break the eye contact while shaking her head
  2847. "So why don't we take another path and I'll explain you what you missed in class?"
  2848. > Eager nodding. Good. She is allowed to blink now.
  2849. > Not ready to hobble back, you just sit on the table beside her and pick up the book.
  2850. > You hope you don't have to go through easiest basics this time.
  2851. > That girl in the pink robes was that far behind.
  2852.  
  2853. ~~~~~~~Z~~~~~~~
  2854.  
  2855. > Twilight had the last half an hour of preparations and already had her guards hurrying her.
  2856. > But this is your human and he's in danger, can she not give it a try?
  2857. > If you can't do anything yourself, you'd bite into every soul that could.
  2858. > Twilight seems to understand the situation, but her duties is here and she has to go.
  2859. > With nothing left but instruction and sad look at her face you sit on the side of the road and think.
  2860. > Amulet with magic "smell" - check.
  2861. > Rhinestones for telling the direction - check.
  2862. > Horn to perform the modified search spell - nope.
  2863. > After all Rarity did to find these crystals...
  2864. > Damn, you're stupid.
  2865. > Of course!
  2866. > Onwards, to Carousel Boutique!
  2867.  
  2868. ~~~~~~~A~~~~~~~
  2869.  
  2870. > Holy shit, how can they force innocent children to use Vieta's formulas when there's perfectly good discriminant for these equations?
  2871. > No wonder they are crazy here.
  2872. > And the one you have right now - especially broken.
  2873. > Seems like all she does at school is misbehave from one light scold from Cheerilee to another.
  2874. > Parents don't give a fuck, they just expect her to be the best after they've invested so much in her.
  2875. > Surprise, surprise, children have to ask for help sometimes. What can go wrong if you forbid them to whine?
  2876. > Exactly, they stop giving a fuck too. Why even bother when you can't do something and money can?
  2877. > She's going to be tough, but you'll get to her eventually.
  2878. > At least you hope so. Your "scary" scene was holding purely on assumption she won't ask further, you have to earn her trust somehow else if you want to run away.
  2879. > You are escorted down by red buffoon right before feeding.
  2880. > Yay food!
  2881. > Strange, why couldn't he take the food and then lead you down?
  2882. > He seems to move in same jerking sequences.
  2883. > Must be easier to warp-fucking-jump, you would have troubles accommodating to such speed.
  2884. > While you were thinking others finished their portions and guard tore your dishes from your hands.
  2885. > Guess you're going to bed hungry.
  2886. > Motherfucker, you must get back at him somehow.
  2887. > Tomorrow you'll continue the assault on his brains with new strength.
  2888. > Now you'll try to sleep.
  2889. > Zecora is probably losing her shit completely by now.
  2890. > How is she doing, you wonder. Does she search for you?
  2891. > Do you deserve searching?
  2892. > T o ask you have to bust out first.
  2893.  
  2894. ~~~~~~~Z~~~~~~~
  2895.  
  2896. > You even had the lead for ten minutes.
  2897. > Then you got back to main street near the first house where Rarity's attention is lost upon seeing large jewels at the gate.
  2898. > Nothing too bad, once she's over it you will try again.
  2899. > Maybe it will even happen today.
  2900. > Might as well eat. You haven't have anything since yesterday, you simply forgot with all the fuss.
  2901. > Just how much more trouble for one silly human?
  2902. > Is he even worth it with his constant jackassery?
  2903. > And damage to someone's property
  2904. > And not being alone in that forest all the time...
  2905. > No, it all does not matter. He's your human and you will find him because that's what you do to friends, you help them.
  2906. > Time to tear Rarity from those gates and continue.
  2907.  
  2908. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  2909.  
  2910. Ch 10
  2911.  
  2912. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  2913.  
  2914. > It's been a week in this basement and you still feel like shit every morning.
  2915. > *Maybe you're supposed to when you're a slave*
  2916. > Uuuggh. Fucking head.
  2917. > *No, the head is from your yesterday's experiments*
  2918. > Did we found out anything?
  2919. > *Dunno, you got your kick first.*
  2920. "Uuuuugh."
  2921. > You hear shuffle of cloth against the stone nearby.
  2922. > "Look, guys. Our hero woke up. How does it feel? Where does it hurt, you want me to kiss it?"
  2923. "I heard the rumors about paratroopers, but to confirm the gayest ones?"
  2924. > "Fuck you too. Did you know he then went after just so we didn't get any funny ideas?"
  2925. "I almost miss the training base. Our captain would..."
  2926. > "FUCK YOU! YOU'RE THE CAUSE OF ALL THE TROUBLE! WE WERE AT LEAST NOT BEATEN EVERY DAY WITHOUT YOU!"
  2927. >> "Calm down, sarge, He'll hear you!"
  2928. > "Shit! That's all your fault, rookie! Why can't you just play safe, like I suggested?"
  2929. "Because that so helped you get out of here."
  2930. > "I swear I'll..."
  2931. >>> "SHUT UP, MONKEYS, TIME TO WORK!"
  2932. > Great. Not only your brothers in arms are completely broken, you don't even remember the shit about yesterday.
  2933. > If only you...
  2934. > Yes.
  2935. > Fuck yes.
  2936. > You spot the pile of tools, that your jailer keeps from you, closer than usual.
  2937. > That means he didn't see them yesterday while he whooshed in the basement with his fancy spell and landed into you stepping on his trajectory.
  2938. > Which, in addition to your previous bruises, means he's absolutely blind while moving fast.
  2939. > This evening might just do.
  2940.  
  2941. ~~~~~~Z~~~~~~
  2942.  
  2943. > It's been a week since you started sneaking around town, searching for your human.
  2944. > Usually you'd visit your hut just to check if something tried to go after your food stash or burn it down.
  2945. > This time you didn't even remember untill Rarity asked, finally tired of fruitless search.
  2946. > Main street, almost center of it, every time.
  2947. > Either these jewels are too much of a distraction, or Rarity simply casts the spell wrong and Twilight is not around to fix it.
  2948. > How convenient, every time you need that rare help from somebody they are either gone or tired of you.
  2949. > Might as well start charging for potions.
  2950. > No, no no no no no, that's the losing attitude. They did all they could because they wanted to help, now you just need to think of another way to search.
  2951. > You wonder why guerds even exist.
  2952. > They don't protect you from invasions, they don't keep drunkards out of streets (and you saw plenty, searching at night if his call for help would be heard easier), they cannot even fill a form to search for your human since they cannot decide whose properthy he is, yours or government's, police or military.
  2953. > Back at the start. You might make another circle around market and think for a little bit.
  2954.  
  2955. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  2956.  
  2957. > Rich bitch must have a feast upstairs, you've been shoving coal into kitchen furnaces all day.
  2958. > Maybe that's good and everybody will just stop bothering you for an evening.
  2959. > But first you have to endure all day of either shoveling or rotating a blower handle.
  2960. > At least shovel lets you rest half the time, dammit.
  2961. > Interesting. Intake pipe seems to resonate somewhere around C2 note.
  2962. "HmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"
  2963. > The tube wobbles a little and reverberating wave travels up untill it accends into whatever is up there and you hear a crash.
  2964. > Huehuehue
  2965. > This is gonna be fun
  2966.  
  2967. ~~~House maid~~~
  2968.  
  2969. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!"
  2970. > Red is gonna punish you so bad!
  2971. > B-but these noises from the oven, like a demon possessed it, half of kitchen was scared!
  2972. > But only you had to be one with the stack of plates in your hooves.
  2973. > "What the hell happened here? You!"
  2974. > The hoof, pointed in your direction, makes you shrink uncontrollably
  2975. > "Why is it when I don't watch you for ten minutes ... What in Equestria is that, did you just ruin the whole set?"
  2976. "P-p-p-please, sir, I-I-I didn't mean to..."
  2977. > "None of you mean it, yet here you are, breaking plates, each more expensive than your pointless life!"
  2978. "B-but these n-noises..."
  2979. > "WHAT NOISES?! Is that your excuse, noises?"
  2980. > Meanwhile oven starts to produce these sounds again. You can even make out a chanting in that hum.
  2981. > Maybe if you show him, he won't punish you?
  2982. "Th-these n-noises, sir! Please, listen, they're coming from the oven! Strange and scary, right out of it!"
  2983. > Chanting grows louder and clearer, even if you still have to put your head right in the oven to make out words
  2984. > [... it longs to take your putrid blackened soul away from yooooouuuu...]
  2985. > Sweet Celestia!
  2986. "Please, listen to it, these are the sounds that scared me!"
  2987. > [... filled with sorrow, there is no tomorrow, ticket is your life, ended by a knife...]
  2988. > With an irritated look Red Edge lazily walks closer, gives you another stern look (you carefully keep your distance from him) and lowers his head to the oven
  2989.  
  2990. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  2991.  
  2992. "*COUGH* *COUGH* *COUGH**COUGH* fuck *COUGH*"
  2993. > Oh fuck.
  2994. > Fucking coal.
  2995. > Fucking ashes.
  2996. > Right in the throat.
  2997. "*COUGhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhH*shit."
  2998.  
  2999. ~~~House maid~~~
  3000.  
  3001. > Red's face calms for a bit while he listens to the oven, but after a while it gets back to disappointed again.
  3002. > "So you're telling me these coughing noises are mad chanting and scared you so you ruined Master's plate set?"
  3003. "B-but... But they were here, didn't you hear them?"
  3004. > "Nnnope. Just a wind kicking the roof pipe with tree branches."
  3005. "B-but..."
  3006. > You practically shove your head in the oven's mouth
  3007. > [... there is no escape but death ...]
  3008. "There, here they are again, noises!"
  3009. > "If I won't hear them this time, I..."
  3010. "You will, please, listen!"
  3011. > He puts his head even further than you, and when he pulls out, his eyes are as red as his... well... most of him.
  3012. > "There is literally nothing there, but wind, which I can hear only if I'm in the oven myself!"
  3013. "B-but they were..."
  3014. > "I'm so tired of you! You break stuff, you lie to me and what next, you try to make fool out of me in front of all others!"
  3015. > The wide wave of his hoof makes others shrink too
  3016. > "This is it, filly, you're going down!"
  3017. "T-t-to b-beasts?"
  3018. > "N... Well, to think of it, yes, to beasts! The afternoon in their cage will teach you some honesty and keep the kitchen from more damage!"
  3019. "Nonononono please no, sir, I will try my best, this won't happen again!"
  3020. > "Now shut..."
  3021. > RRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGg goes your head
  3022.  
  3023. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  3024.  
  3025. > Just as you finish your air guitar act in front of most ungrateful auditory in your life, you hear hoofsteps upstairs.
  3026. > "Tolja you'd get us in trouble with your throatsinging, dumbass!"
  3027. "Why me, maybe that's you fucking with coal!"
  3028. >> "Shuddup, you lazy skanks!"
  3029. "Do you have machine oil? This thing screeches like..."
  3030. >> "AH SED SHADDUP!"
  3031. > That boulder had a pretty good chance leaving you limping, should you not hide behind your pipe
  3032. >> "Now, I know how you like us above, proper citizens. Today Master is so kind that he grants you an audience of this fine lady!"
  3033. > The small mare in crumpled maid outfit could be seen at his side.
  3034. > His hoof rises up in the air and smacks her rear so hard, that she loses her balance and almost rolls down the staircase before landing in the pile of hay nearby.
  3035. >> "Have fun! One at a time, I still want this oven fired up!"
  3036. > With that your guard leaves the you and locks the door behind.
  3037. > Shivering little mare crawls in the corner near the furnace and curls into smallest ball of fur she can manage
  3038. > With a sigh, you make a couple more rolls at your air blower and approach her as much as the chain on your leg allows you.
  3039.  
  3040. ~~~House maid~~~
  3041.  
  3042. > One of foreign war beasts walks over to you, eyeing your body with odd hunger
  3043. > You try to back off deeper into your corner, but there's nowhere to go and it blocks your escape
  3044. > Not that you can escape either way, the basement is locked and you're at the mercy of an angry creature that was held here for half of year.
  3045. > Their screams scared half the staff for first weeks, when Red Edge spent time down here with them when they refused to work or were giving Master trouble.
  3046. > Eventually they quieted down, but nobody risked coming near the basement door out of primal fear they caused in maids with their roars.
  3047. > The biggest and strongest beast sits beside you.
  3048. > That's it. You're done for. Your only hope is come back alive.
  3049. > "Umm... Hello, I'm Anonymous"
  3050. > His growl makes you shiver even more as you squeeze your eyes shut.
  3051. > "Please, don't be scared, beautiful, I don't want to hurt you."
  3052. > Oh my gosh, he's gonna rape you! He'll make sure you're alive before this and then he'll break you!
  3053. "P-p-p-lease, don't... I d-don't... Owww!"
  3054. > The furnace burns you pretty hard when you occasionally touch the metal wall
  3055. > "You fell pretty hard from the stairs, are you sure you didn't break anything?"
  3056. > He's mocking you!
  3057. > "We don't have much here, but we can fix the bone with some wooden planks... Are you hurt?"
  3058. > He extends his claw to your foreleg to grab you and drag to his lair
  3059. > At this moment you know you're doomed
  3060. "AAAAAAAH! GEDDAAWAAAAAAHAAAAAA"
  3061. > ...so you just start thrashing and bucking in the air.
  3062. > They won't take you that easy! Even if you die here you will make some bruises before they cripple you and use for their wicked pleasure!
  3063. > "What the hell, missy, ow, ow the fuck, what did I ever do to you?! Fuck!"
  3064. > That's it, get your claws away! You won't let him close without a fight!
  3065. > "What is wrong with you, crazy horse, I just offered some help!"
  3066. >> "Haw haw haw haw. There's a citizen for you, hating our guts and treating us like shit. And now she has it backwards. HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, HUH?"
  3067. > "Shut the fuck up, sarge, they're not all like that"
  3068. >> "Not all my ass! Me and guys had a head concussion before we even spoke a word to them! And now we're in a fucking cage and everybody who went there was treating us like dogs! Not a single one tried to speak, just hit or run away!"
  3069. > "Well, duh, this is rich district. They are afraid of gopniks like you."
  3070. >> "Ah dont care, smartass! Now she's in our position and she's so gonna get it!"
  3071. > "Hey, hey, HEY! Shut up! You're scaring her!"
  3072. > He IS scaring you.
  3073. >> "She should be scared!"
  3074. > "Fucking neanderthals. Do you even have a grasp at what is good intention is?"
  3075. >> "I've had my deal of good intentions, my spine has all the evidence that's needed! Now step out of there and make the fucking chain let me get to her, it's too short!"
  3076. > "Shove the coal, idiot. Like hell you are going to touch her!"
  3077. > What the hell is going on? Are they fighting who is going to have you first?
  3078. >> "What the fuck, rookie? Are you with them now?"
  3079. > "Some soldier you fucking are, didn't you take an oath to protect civilians? No chance you didn't, you gave an USSR standard oath! And what are you trying to pull off here, injuring a civilian?"
  3080. >> "I took oath to protect MY COUNTRY's civilians and allies, and she's none of that! Now let the fucking chain go!"
  3081. > "Allies? Hm. Now shove the fucking coal before we got our own asses kicked and I'll show you how it's done."
  3082. > He turns back to you and puts a toothy grin on his face.
  3083. > *Gulp*
  3084.  
  3085. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  3086.  
  3087. > Well, that explains many things. Sarge probably started bashing his skull in every direction and ponies just tied them down.
  3088. > Then they tried to hurt everything that came down to these humble apartments and got their asses fried for that.
  3089. > Also partly explains why guard is such a jerk, noone really could return from the basement with a good impression.
  3090. > Time to change that. Successful jailbreak starts with friendly maid.
  3091. > You put your most gentle, calming and reassuring smile and turn back to scared mare.
  3092.  
  3093. ~~~~~~Z~~~~~~
  3094.  
  3095. > Almost week passed.
  3096. > You're still roaming broad allays and side streets, trying stupid shit like bird patrol and guessing a place where he could hide.
  3097. > No luck whatsoever. All tracks are lost near this end of main street.
  3098. > Ivory almost convinced you that it was a lost cause and maybe you could already go through a bottle or two and return home in peace.
  3099. > Maybe you won't even get chewed by a wolf on the way home, because you cannot even concentrate on anything now.
  3100. > Maybe you could even go on living like before.
  3101. > In empty house, where everything reminds of your human.
  3102. > It was really a sorry shack before he turned it into off-the-grid residence.
  3103. > Without him you couldn't even clean yourself without watching everything around and shaking like a leaf in that horrible depth.
  3104. > He protected you, he made your life easier, he kept you from going crazy in that lonely forest.
  3105. > Not that you enjoyed living in town, but completely alone, with just a few visitors who come only when they need you?
  3106. > Except Crusaders, (who now could walk the forest uneaten).
  3107. > You turned down every Ivory's reason or plea.
  3108. > You'll search for Anon untill you're injured or something.
  3109. > You won't go back willingly.
  3110.  
  3111. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  3112.  
  3113. > Smile doesn't seem to work.
  3114. > Also handshake might be wrong move too, you're lucky she didn't bite through your skin.
  3115. > Sudden noise from the stairs interrupts your thoughts of what to do with scared maid.
  3116. > The key in the lock rotates as you hear Red Edge's voice
  3117. > "Ah forgot to... "
  3118. > Not wasting a second, maid jumps in your direction, pushes you from the way and bolts to the door with the speed of a rabbit.
  3119. > As soon as lock is opened, the body behind the door gets a hearty smack.
  3120. > Mad mare does not even stop after ramming through the door, running for her dear life.
  3121. > Blin.
  3122. > You're in hell of a trouble when guard walks down.
  3123. > Speaking of which, why does your ass not feel any punishment yet?
  3124. > And what is that thing, that sticks from that new crack in the door?
  3125. > Can it be...
  3126. > No.
  3127. > But it fucking is.
  3128. > So how do you get up there and kick your guard's ass, while his horn is stuck in the sturdy heavy door?
  3129. > "Hey, it seems she dropped something"
  3130. > Well, that's a collar.
  3131. "So what?"
  3132. > "Search it, dumbass."
  3133. > Why the...
  3134. "Sarge, I fucking love you."
  3135. > "What's there?"
  3136. > Instead of an answer you pick a bobby pin, stuck on that collar, and start trying to pick a lock on your foot.
  3137.  
  3138. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  3139.  
  3140. > "I told ya! I freakin told ya!"
  3141. >> "Don't get too happy, we're still here, everything might not work!"
  3142. > "Shuddup, soldier! You two, scrap everything useful in this basement, we're going up!"
  3143. >> "In that sorry state? They'll kick our asses!"
  3144. > "Your ass is kicked either way, Boroda! If not them, I'll do it myself! Now hurry! And you, rookie..."
  3145. "I'm not in your squad, shithead, I'm engineering support, don't boss me around. I'm... Done!"
  3146. > You toss him a bobby pin, grab a shovel and hurry upstairs
  3147. > "Wait for us, you rat!"
  3148. "Don't you see, I'm taking care of something important!"
  3149. > With that said you round the door, and smack your guard on the head a couple of times just to be sure.
  3150. > If he was conscious, he's not now. Not risking that one.
  3151. > You turn your head back to the basement just to see Sarge breaking your hard-earned bobby pin.
  3152. > Motherland defenders, best of the best, trained to take apart and assemble back the rifle in a couple of minutes, cannot break easiest lock you've seen.
  3153. > With an annoyed groan you come down with a keyring, picked from guard's belt.
  3154. > Sarge is not very proud of what he did, and you kindly not press the issue.
  3155. > With two other comrades freed from chains, he's being stuck with all the five-meter chain you all were linked to.
  3156. > Because somebody cannot even fish a broken part out of the lock.
  3157. > "So, are you gonna do something or not?"
  3158. "I'm not, you're stuck untill I find my backpack."
  3159. > "WhAAAAt? You're not leaving me here, are you?"
  3160. "Calm down, army's best, you're coming and you're stealing 10 kilograms of scrap metal from these bastards."
  3161. > If this husk even able to carry the chain roll you're making to the storage room.
  3162. > Now it's time to worry how many noise would maid make and how little time you have
  3163. > Luckily, storage room isn't far from the basement door, the whole part of the house looks as unused.
  3164. > And here's that stupid maid that almost bit your finger off.
  3165. > She just ran here, in the supply closet, to hide in the same fucking place, only the floor above - near the heating tube.
  3166. > This time you don't play gentleman and use her apron to stuff her mouth.
  3167. > Should you even say something?
  3168. > But when else?
  3169. "Listen here. You keep quiet - you're gonna be okay. Understand?"
  3170. > She understands, if furious nodding says something.
  3171. "I just wanted to ask did you hurt something on that ladder, but no, you just had to bite me."
  3172. > Ah, here's your stuff
  3173. "Now what's gonna happen next - it's your fault, and your master won't be happy about it."
  3174. > Holy shit, she actually believes you?
  3175. > Holy shit x2, these stupid army pants are so much comfortable after a week in a loincloth.
  3176. "You know what you should do now?"
  3177. > She doesnt
  3178. "You should run home. Do your parents live in Ponyville?"
  3179. > Vigorous head shaking
  3180. "Very good. Now sit here quietly untill I say, and run home, and hide there for a while. Everything else won't do you any good. Understood?"
  3181. > Aaaaahh, how wonderful it is to be one with your uniform and multitool, forgotten on the belt.
  3182. > Good thing they didn't find the Amulet. This thing in the hands of that rich bitch would be a catastrophe. Not to mention scolding!
  3183. "Good. Not a single sound, remember. Drop this chain already, Sarge, you're free to go."
  3184. > You have to manually tear the chain out of his hands somewhy.
  3185. "No time for souvenirs, grab some curtain or something and get dressed. Schneller, schneller!"
  3186.  
  3187. ~~~~~~Z~~~~~~
  3188.  
  3189. > B-but what if he's really gone?
  3190. > Why would he even stay here? He's not even a citizen, and there's a rumor of human army closing from the south
  3191. > Weren't you a good mistress for him?
  3192. > Guess any freedom is better than any master.
  3193. > But really, did it have it that bad, that he left without even telling, without even saying goodbye?
  3194. > He couldn't do that, he's nice and kind to others!
  3195. > Though you kinda kept him on a short leash lately
  3196. > After you caught him... ahem, busy with himself, he got really jumpy.
  3197. > Not even trusting him to go fetch some water, because 'what if wolves catch you'
  3198. > Could you really scare him away?
  3199.  
  3200. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  3201.  
  3202. > When you're all somewhat covered in makeshift togas, you sign to the maid and she tiptoes out of the room.
  3203. > You quietly follow her untill she stops near the small door and grabs a sack of something in a manner like it's not hers.
  3204. > Guess she'd need payment for last month, that should be okay. Road expenses, too.
  3205. > She quietly unlocks the door and looks back at you. After approving nod she bolts into the night almost as fast, as couple of minutes ago.
  3206. > So, there's your escape route.
  3207. "Okay, guys, seems we're out."
  3208. > "Yeah, but what now?"
  3209. >> "You lived out there for half a year, where did you even find a place?"
  3210. "Uumm"
  3211. > "Did you take hostage? Or was it a bargain?"
  3212. > You need something that sounds not like a dumb capture and being sold to slavery
  3213. > Not like you didn't got lucky as hell, but that's still humiliating after all act you put
  3214. "I'll tell you once we're safe. Now, do you see a creek there?"
  3215. > You point at the small bridge two or three houses away
  3216. "There's someone who will hide you for a couple of days untill I pick you up. Just show her my watches and mention Angel's foot."
  3217. > "When did you became so religious? What the fuck is your conspiracy and why aren't you coming?"
  3218. "Look, you'll see for yourself or I'll tell you anyway, just lay low with a yellow and pink horse in a hut over that bridge."
  3219. >> "You're not just selling us to someone who pays better?"
  3220. "Yobany v rot, Boroda! Who do you think I am? Do I look like someone who would spend a week down there and sell my comrades for lousy shekels?"
  3221. >> "How would I know?"
  3222. "Says someone who left me on that fucking tree! Did you even remember me when you left?"
  3223. >> "We told you we were attacked. Anyway, you're not selling us, right?"
  3224. > rage_comics_frustration.jpg
  3225. "Okay, fuck it. See this?"
  3226. > You fish out the ring that you found in zmey gorynych nest on chewed off hand.
  3227. > Boroda's eyes go wide as he recognizes what's in front of him
  3228. "You go and hide there, and if you won't bother that nice mare too much and won't give out your location, you'll get this when I come for you."
  3229. > Of course he tries to grab it now
  3230. "Nuh-uh. Hideout - now, ring - later. Now go and don't get caught. I'll try to come after you as fast as I can. Come on, go."
  3231. > With uneasy eyes they still crawl down the porch and make their way through the backyard. After they surpassed the mighty barrier of bush fence, you head back to the house.
  3232. > Now what the fuck did you want to do here?
  3233. > *Aside from ditching them so they won't cut you when they're free?*
  3234. > Shuddup, Smallshiver will take good care of them. And if they'll freak out and try to start a rebellion, she has a bear.
  3235. > Andy you still will go after them when you figure where would you hide them yourself.
  3236. > *They hate all ponies, remember?*
  3237. > Who in the right mind will hate Yellowcute? For all they know she's my contact that will patch their wounds. Besides, the bear.
  3238. > *There's so many "if"s in that plan*
  3239. > I doubt we'd even make it to the Ponyville border, we're lucky her house is that close and not over some wide road. Guards know me, maybe they'd think there's my zebra nearby in the crowd, but four of us?
  3240. > *Okay, okay, you got me. So what do we do now?*
  3241. > Maybe Mayor will tell me where I can find Zecora, her house is nearby.
  3242. > *Wanna try the main entrance?*
  3243. > Why not, they all seem to enjoy piano. Maybe if you're quiet...
  3244. > Nu yopta.
  3245. > Someone's coming right near the door you're creeping to.
  3246. > And not just someone.
  3247. "Why, hello, motherfucker."
  3248.  
  3249. ~~~~~~Z~~~~~~
  3250.  
  3251. > Maybe he really had reasons to dislike you
  3252. > Maybe you didn't treat him right after all he did for you
  3253. > Maybe he indeed ran away like everybody said.
  3254. > Guards will certainly search for him, but they are idiots and don't even mind the runaway human, they are being drafted themselves, and less guards in Ponyville is less help from them.
  3255. > Again that stupid main street you ended on for whole week.
  3256. > And it's late in the evening. You didn't even notice it went dark.
  3257. > Tired to the point where you just plop your haunches in the middle of the road and don't even care
  3258. > You'd have to accept it at some point.
  3259. > Accept that your...
  3260. > *SNIFF*
  3261. > Your human is ...
  3262. > *SNIFF*
  3263. > That he is g...
  3264. > *BOOM*
  3265. > With the loud noise the door of nearby house bursts open. A brown-coated body flies from it and rolls to the middle of the street.
  3266. > You can't tell who is it, your vision is somewhy blurry
  3267. > The tall figure walks on its hind legs from the same door, growling curses quietly and walking to the brown pony
  3268. > Lying body receives a couple of kicks in the belly before you blink away tears.
  3269. > Your mind must be playing games with you.
  3270. > Or you simply passed out in the middle of the street from hunger and exhaustion.
  3271. > Tall figure in green uniform sits on his knee and starts to punch pony's face while the stallion fails to block hits with hooves.
  3272. > Yes, that must be a hallucination.
  3273. > You haven't eat anything last two days and haven't had much sleep either.
  3274. > Not worst thing to see, your knight punishing... is that Filthy Rich?
  3275. > Best dream ever.
  3276. > Wait, when did you start to like these things so much you dream of them?
  3277. > Sure that dude is an asshole, but wishing him that? Why are you compensating things in such violent ways?
  3278. > Guess humans do that to you. Now you even dream like a bloodthirsty monkey.
  3279. > And since that's a dream, nothing stops you from fixing it.
  3280. "A-anon?"
  3281. > Tall figure freezes in place
  3282. "Anon, is that you?"
  3283. > Pony receives a final punch, sending him unconscious, and human walks to you
  3284. > You try to move towards him, but you're so tired you cannot even lift yourself from the ground, so he picks you in his hands
  3285. "I thought you left me"
  3286. > It doesnt hurt to dream
  3287. > "Why would I?"
  3288. "You could run away from me"
  3289. > "I moon o'er you, my crazy mistress, where would I go without you?"
  3290. > Idiot. Just as always.
  3291. > You feel you're carried somewhere
  3292. > That is so comfy. Why don't you let him do that usually?
  3293. > Oh, right, because dignity.
  3294. > Well, since that's a dream, noone will know if you'd give him a hug.
  3295. "Won't they chase us?"
  3296. > He turns his head to building's windows
  3297. > "Nah, they're too drunk already. Nobody saw us and he won't risk public attention. When he heals his jaw, huehuehue."
  3298. > Too sleepy to care.
  3299. > That doesn't matter.
  3300. > You doze off (again?) as Anon walks away with you in his arms.
  3301.  
  3302. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  3303.  
  3304. Ch 11
  3305.  
  3306. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  3307.  
  3308. > Another lazy night in the Dream Realm.
  3309. > That scary movie from last week didn't even get you enough work to last three days.
  3310. > You have serious doubts in this generation. Nobody is scared of maniacs with iron claws or monsters, yet public disapproval is their worst fear.
  3311. > The war is on the very border, yet nobody gives a rat's... ahem. Stay professional, Luna.
  3312. > Ministry of Communications sure does their job well, rotten bast...
  3313. > A! HEM!
  3314. > You really hope Twilight manages to talk sense into main human forces leaders. Their goal does not seem to be extinction of pony race, they just want colonies.
  3315. > Rumors are, they don't even execute prisoners, they just make them do some low-ware jobs in their homeland.
  3316. > Maybe trade contracts will save your country from more tortures, like it once happened with griffons.
  3317. > There is so much you wish you could do, even if you'd be a mere pawn on the battlefield, but your duty is here.
  3318. > Ensuring that population is happy enough to be productive and prevent foals from wetting their beds.
  3319. > Not that you complain, but, again, Ministry of Communication robbed you of your work, so...
  3320. > Funny, you didn't see that familiar cloud of light for a long time.
  3321. > It is tired, but seems relieved.
  3322. > Ah, what could happen in ten minutes.
  3323. > He is crazy, but at least that's not another hour of floating, doing nothing.
  3324. > Giving your territory another quick scan, you dive into the mist.
  3325.  
  3326. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  3327.  
  3328. > The closer you are to the dreamer, the more noise you are able to make out.
  3329. > These sounds are distorted, metallic, unnatural, yet you can make out a rhythm and someone's voice
  3330. > Following these howling sounds, you fly over the middle of nowhere, where, surrounded by a large crowd, stands a scene.
  3331. > In the middle of the platform there is a black box with the size of a fort, four giant birds chained to it, though somebody tries to fix the lock on one of them on the roof of that box.
  3332. > The crowd seems to admire these ghastly howls, and the whole noise seems to be created by those three figures.
  3333. > Yes, there is nobody else on the platform, only, err, drummer, somebody with the lute and a singer behind the tribune
  3334. > There is finally some melodic piece in that show, and singer's gestures are more energetic than ever.
  3335. > Maybe that's not too bad...
  3336. > Suddenly there's nothing more than buzzing sound, and crowd seems to quiet down, clearly waiting for something
  3337. > "AAAAAAAH!!!!!!!"
  3338. "AAAAAAAH!!!!"
  3339. > Unexpected explosion of sound, flashing lights and roar from the crowd catches you off-guard
  3340. > Your wings hysterically flap around, trying to take you away from the black box, rising into the air.
  3341. > It reveals that no-good blabbermouth you came to visit, who screwed with you every time
  3342. > Sitting there in a silly golden hat and a mantle, he holds unfamiliar shovel-shaped thing with strings on it, picking the strings furiously with a stone face
  3343. > Must be half of that noise from that magic shovel
  3344. > You almost regained your balance, when fireworks cause you to trip and lose altitude
  3345. > Crowd roars eagerly as they catch you, kicking in all directions, carrying you over their heads to the center of the scene
  3346. > Like you're somebody they waited and a part of the show at the same time
  3347. > Finally you can stand on your hooves. The crowd carried you to the platform and unexpectedly carefully put you on the hard floor.
  3348. > Quickly fixing your disheveled hair, you regain your regal posture and attempt a cold look at the happy idiot in the center of that circuis
  3349. > Soon there's only his shovel to hear, followed by scratch of the vinyl record and everything but you two freezes in place.
  3350. > "So, how's the weather?"
  3351. "T-the weather was great today, thank you. And you don't seem to be sad yourself, on the contrary, you are celebrating something."
  3352. > "Well, things are slightly improving. Not by themselves, but I'm glad that week ended."
  3353. "So, does that mean our land's hospitality finally works for you?"
  3354. > He cringes visibly
  3355. > "Oh yes, some of your subjects are ~SO~ helpful, me and my friends have to run from that help."
  3356. "So, you are not alone?"
  3357. > "Remember I asked about these guys on the railroad?"
  3358. "Oooooooooooooh, I'm so sorry, but we seem to lost their track. They disappeared from their workplace some time ago. Nothing was stolen and door was broken from outside, we fear they were captured!"
  3359. > "Don't worry, found them. An you were right, they didn't go willingly."
  3360. "How did you... Where? Who did this to them?"
  3361. > "Just got a load of pony ~hospitality~. Never mind. It was a simple ~misunderstanding~ and I'm glad we figured it out. They're safe now."
  3362. "W-well, I'm sorry for what happened. Our people try their best to treat folks right, but we are new to your... traditions"
  3363. > Clearly he wants to say something, if that boiling face means something. Another stupid phrase and he will definitely spill something to correct you!
  3364. "Speaking of traditions, there's series of celebrations that time of year. Did you hear of them?"
  3365. > "Oh, yeah, actually, I did. If everything goes as intended, I might even pass you a note or something. I have a long lists of things you can fix easily, but as always, you have to promise you won't use it in warfare."
  3366. > Pass you a note? Could he mean Nightmare Night in Ponyville?
  3367. > Huzzah! Now only to search in their war prisoner records, maybe you'd even find other ones!
  3368. "You must understand, if it's something of medicine or food cooking, we'd just have to..."
  3369. > "Oh, no, no no no no, your food is okay and your unicorns do fine. They're just concerns about public services and supply lines, half of villages around are overstocked with things they don't need, that sort of thing."
  3370. "Well, I doubt these missed our sight, these are pretty old problems."
  3371. > "But I've got tips how to fix them, that worked for humanity for hundred years or so. I bet you'd just be interested."
  3372. "That seems promising. And what you will need in return for that?"
  3373. > "I didn't decide yet. Maybe a nice hat. Or maybe you'd just owe me one if these are even helpful. I'll come up with something silly, don't worry."
  3374. "That settles a few things. So, you can confirm your friends are safe and won't hurt anybody? We are concerned about their well-being, but if they could hurt anypony..."
  3375. > That gets a laugh out of him
  3376. > "Oh, that's for sure. Handed them to best beast wrangler around, they're in proper care now."
  3377. > Fluttershy? How could she?
  3378. > Well, of all ponies, she could.
  3379. "And you?"
  3380. > "Oh, I'm even in better, err, hooves? Can't even think of someone better."
  3381. > Oh, great, now there's an underground human shelters and sympathizers.
  3382. "You seem fond of your host. They treat you well, even after all these rumors? I thought this horrible initiative was only to use prisoners as a cheap labor."
  3383. > Aaaaah, that hit the spot.
  3384. > "Let's say, there's plenty of nice folks around. "
  3385. "Don't tell me you ran away and started a rebellion. There's a ton of paperwork and fees, who, if not a manufacturer, would do that?"
  3386. > "Well, she is weird, that is true."
  3387. > Continue!
  3388. > "I guess that's the main reason it even happened. Even kindest folks are too scared to go and do a nice thing. Herd instinct, plans, public opinion, all that stuff."
  3389. > Come ooon, spill it!
  3390. "She must be a nice mare. What is she like?"
  3391. > "She really is, even if she tries to hide it."
  3392. > You almost failed it with that blunt question, but he still blabbers with dreamy eyes about his mistress. Phew.
  3393. > "But I'm afraid I can't tell you more, your goons already got too much information on me."
  3394. > Oh, for the love of...
  3395. "I assure you, you are smallest of our problems right now. Why are you even scared of me saying thanks to your host for being that nice?"
  3396. > "Because being off the grid is too handy. If I maintain my silence about my secret it is my prisoner. if I let it slip from my tongue, I am ITS prisoner."
  3397. "Are you embarrassed about your life?"
  3398. > "That's a weak bait, Princess. Get back when you master differential irony of the third order with complex variables. Untill then, me and my friends are safe and don't intend to hurt anybody even if we could."
  3399. "*Sigh* Such a shame we can't say that about whole other human army."
  3400. > "What, yankees are actually in war with you? They told there's just a new land with few captives... But yeah, that was long ago."
  3401. "They come to our land in seek of treasures, and don't hesitate to hurt our guards."
  3402. > "Well, what did you expect, that's too profitable to pass by."
  3403. "Are you saying all this war is not because of power, but because of money?"
  3404. > "You'd be surprised how far humans could go if something proves to be feasible. Greedy as your mountain neighbours. Better come up with trading plan, it's around time for combat to become too expensive. They probably want your earth oil or uranium mines, we are kinda short on renewable energy sources, and you don't use anything but solar power and magic anyway."
  3405. "That doesnt sound too promising, giving up our land, even unused"
  3406. > "Lease it or something, let them fuck around in their deserts, whatever. Just don't be too low on price, humans value gold and gems.What did you think, they're here for slaves?"
  3407. "Well..."
  3408. > "Really, I don't think so. It's been a hundred years or more since it went out of fashion. We have machines and outsourcing now, that's much cheaper."
  3409. "Allright. That's a lot to consider. We promise to give a time to this. And now we'd like to apologize. Our duty calls us away."
  3410. > Also these horrible twisted faces of frozen crowd
  3411. > "Oh, of course. Make sure to visit if you have time, it's always fun."
  3412. > Of course it's fun to make fun of you for him.
  3413. > Regal calmness, Luna. Enough being a lightheaded filly.
  3414. > With goodbyes said, you leap back into the night sky, to the edge of the mist between realms.
  3415.  
  3416. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  3417.  
  3418. > "Do you really have to - *YAWN* - wear that thing in the forest?"
  3419. "Absolutely."
  3420. > "But WHY? This costume is stupid! Isn't it hot as Tartarus in it?"
  3421. > You make your best Dale Gribble voice
  3422. "Didn't I tell you about government this morning and every time you ask? They're after every one of us, you gotta stay put!"
  3423. > "This is still weird."
  3424. "You're the one that lives in the forest off the grid."
  3425. > "I... I'm not... UUUUGH!"
  3426. "That's allright, you don't have to make excuses, I perfectly understand."
  3427. > Why is she pouting? She perfectly understands too, she said it herself!
  3428. > Maybe, not in a direct way, but she definitely had let you know.
  3429. > That "princess" spies on you even in your sleep, you have a perfect reason not to trust anything. She might be after your coordinates even!
  3430. > A sudden noise catches your attention
  3431. > Not just a noise, that sounds like somebody's voice!
  3432. "Wait a minute. Do you hear that?"
  3433. > "Hear what? Oh sh... NO! WAIT That's not..."
  3434. > Too late, you're already off the footpath and moving to the near glade
  3435. > There seems to be some creature stuck under the tree trunk, and the ground nearby is swampy
  3436. > Swampy enough to cover that... pony? To cover that pony up to the neck with dirty green water
  3437. > Holy shit, if you won't do anything he'll drown!
  3438. > You knock down two or three nearby spruce sprouts (dammit, watery soil is weird!) and throw them together to form a makeshift path, you really don't want to drown yourself too
  3439. > It seems to be enough to hold you on the surface while you crouch near the blue pegasus in the middle of the green puddle.
  3440. > He eagerly tries to catch your hand while your "mistress" yells at you
  3441. > You cannot quite tell what she's trying to say, that pegasus makes too loud cricket noises to hear anything, but she's definitely angry.
  3442. > Fucking ponies, this noise is ridiculous, are they even mammal?
  3443. > Doesn't she understand, you got to do something, or he'll drown! That's your ultimate failure as a sapient thing, to let other sapient being die while you stand right there and do nothing!
  3444. > And damn spruces are not long enough for you to grab him, you have to break a small branch off the last sprout so pony could at least bite it, if you cannot reach him
  3445. > Pegasus finally gets a hold on your spruce branch and you carefully pull him closer
  3446. > This awkward position lasts forever, but you pull him close enough to grab his hoof and pull him up
  3447. > You'd think he'd take some time to rest on a stable surface, but scared colt jumps up at the first occasion and floats above you, observing carefully
  3448. > Not that you're in a best condition to talk, panting like an idiot and staring up with empty eyes
  3449. > Something about his stare makes you surprised, but you're too shocked to tell what it was. It's almost like he was scanning you.
  3450. > Never mind, he just waved his forehoof and bolted away
  3451. > The way back to the hard surface was as challenging as the way into the middle of the swamp, but you manage to get out
  3452. > Only then you start to recognize some words your "mistress" screams
  3453. "Huh... wha... is he okay?"
  3454. > "Of course he's okay, you've just pulled him out, you idiot!"
  3455. "Good. *PANT* That's a good thing. *PANT* He's not dead."
  3456. > "He's a bucking changeling, of course he's not dead! What were you thinking?"
  3457. "Huh? What was he?"
  3458. > "Chaaaaaangeliiiiiing, dumb butt, he's evil! I've told you about them, remember?"
  3459. "No, I don't. Fucking ponies. That was somebody in the swamp so I pulled him put, okay? I don't care. Fuck him, let's go to Ponyville."
  3460. > With an irritated groan, Zecora forces her way to the footpath, you following close.
  3461. > Fuck that shit, you don't regret pulling a sentient creature out of the swamp even if she has something against him.
  3462. > Maybe you'll ask her later what's this all about, when she's calm.
  3463.  
  3464. ~~~~~~~~~~~~
  3465.  
  3466. "This show is quite impressive, i must say. Some guys from our world were celebrating the same thing in their land, though they're doing it differently"
  3467. > "Here you have it, the Nightmare Night. Young folks come out for candy and fright, elders just come for party and drink. Such a wholesome event, now, don't you think?"
  3468. "If only they were serving proper food there, I'm tired of these vegetarian entertainment... Waaaaaaait a minute"
  3469. > Is that what you think you're sniffing?
  3470. > Oh god, that's proper food!
  3471. > Right there, in a crazy pony town!
  3472. > You must follow that!
  3473. > "W-wait! Where are you going?!"
  3474. > Too tasty to listen.
  3475. > "Wait for me, you fool!"
  3476.  
  3477. ~~Griffon trader~~
  3478. > Sales are slow today.
  3479. > Not that they were good any other year, but at least other races than ponies visited Ponyville in previous years.
  3480. > Must be Princess Of The Night scaring everybody away, turns out she's a real thing
  3481. > That means there's only loyal ponies at this festival, no griffons, diamond dogs or dragons to buy from your humble food stand.
  3482. > True, you have a vegetarian offers, but come on! There has to be a market for omnivores at least!
  3483. > Your dad was right, selling fried meat in pony villages was bad idea.
  3484. > You can't cook anything else properly though, it just never comes out right.
  3485. > And ponies only allow chickens and fish, what kind of stock is that!
  3486. > Oh, great, another weirdo in a costume.
  3487. > Though, he's entertainingly weird. You've never seen anything this eclectic before.
  3488. > Is he going your way?
  3489. > Really?
  3490. > Oh your goodness, he's really coming your way!
  3491. > But he's not a minotaur, his horns are different, what would you even serve him?
  3492. "H-hello and welcome to "Gustave's special treats"! What can I offer you today?"
  3493. > "MEEEAAAAT"
  3494. > Good grief
  3495. "W-we have a selection of chicken and local f-fish, i-if you..."
  3496. > "OH FUCK, THEY HAVE CHICKEN! Can you believe this?"
  3497. > You finally notice bored zebra nearby
  3498. > What a day, huh? These celebrations sure gather all kinds of weird folk together, you might just finish your hipster bingo today if you're lucky.
  3499. > "Can I buy that one?" - tall creature asks the zebra, pointing at your fattest chicken body
  3500. > One annoyed look later you're presented with a couple of gems.
  3501. > These ponies are fucking rich, dude, they use fukken gems to pay for food! How swaggy is that!
  3502. > Not that you really know how many gold that should be equal to, it's surely enough for the whole chicken and a half, so you hand the fried chicken to the weird tall creature.
  3503. > Does it even have a mouth? He seems to...
  3504. > Oooookaaaaay, you didn't need to know these species stuff food right in their throat.
  3505. > Dammit, your father might be right after all, this is too much.
  3506. > Gems though, zebra almost payed for the whole fried bird assortment!
  3507. > These ponies. You'll never understand them.
  3508. > Their pets too.
  3509. > Holy shit, it devoured half of chicken already!
  3510.  
  3511. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~~
  3512.  
  3513. > Aaaaaaaahhhhh.
  3514. > That was so satisfying.
  3515. > Finally, somebody appreciating the meat, and he could cook it too!
  3516. > You've wasted almost all of your allowance in one meal, but it was so worth it!
  3517. > Those spices, this right amount of roasting, this right amount of salt! Even on a simple rooster it was something heavenly.
  3518. > Fuck herbivore diet you were forced to take, there is real food in this world, dammit!
  3519. > Things finally started to get better.
  3520. > It's not like wolf jerky is running out.
  3521. > Aaaanyways.
  3522. > There should be that sneaky princess nearby, at least she promised to show up if Applejack doesnt lie.
  3523. > That farmhorse acts suspicious, you cannot trust her for now.
  3524. > Zecora takes you to back alley to make a shortcut to the main square
  3525. > Yada yada make yourself decent blah blah we're here for the pure civilized fun hurr durr
  3526. > Says one who has spiders in her mane and full bag of smoke bombs.
  3527. > Doesnt matter, you've sneaked Amulet with you. Something tells you it could find its use today.
  3528. > Damn things is demanding though, last time you applied it to reasonable task it drained most of your strength, you were dizzy for the rest of the day after a simple lightning spell to light a bonfire.
  3529. > Magic is fucking hard unless you drill a horn into your skull.
  3530. > Which makes sense.
  3531. > When the shortcut path is almost done, you hear awfully familiar sounds
  3532. "Huehuehue"
  3533. > "What is it?"
  3534. "Vinyl finally used some of my tracks."
  3535. > And you can also see a flock of guards in rich armor.
  3536. > Stars sure aligned for you on that one.
  3537. "Can I go first?"
  3538. > "Uhhhh, sure?"
  3539. > Now to the main part.
  3540.  
  3541. ~~~~~Luna~~~~~
  3542.  
  3543. > You took a weird pleasure in visiting Ponyville.
  3544. > Sure it was celebrating your banishment, reminding not to do these awful things you did back then and generally reminding of that unpleasant misunderstanding, but it was something more than that.
  3545. > Ponies didn't even remember why they celebrate Nightmare Night.
  3546. > They have fun, eat candies and arrange pranks on each other for the pure joy of it, that's just another holiday for them, and its set of traditions is enough to make it special day of the year.
  3547. > It was almost like earning forgiveness.
  3548. > Especially when kids were genuinely happy to play with you.
  3549. > Forgetting the damn thing and relaxing once in a while was a big help in your tight royal schedule.
  3550. > What could be better than participating in this simple celebration, throwing your royal title to the wind and being a equal among equals?
  3551. > How much would you give only to prolong these precious moments.
  3552. > But you cannot ruin it with pessimistic thoughts, you're here to have fun!
  3553. > And to find that human possibly.
  3554. > He was one of dozens of South's registered humans, yet he evaded you successfully all that time.
  3555. > Even when you've found out he's living in the Ponyville with a registered master or mistress, there was five Anonymouses, four of them were too old or crippled, and fifth was registered to Daisy Flowerbed which was dead for more than a decade.
  3556. > These goddamn loopholes, tracing the inheritance and deathbed testaments was impossible since you didn't enforce copying the damn thing in the city council logs.
  3557. > You've mistaken a couple of minotaurs for The Anonymous, which was really embarrassing, so you decided to patiently wait for his appearance and attend to local entertainments.
  3558. > He promised, after all.
  3559.  
  3560. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  3561.  
  3562. > Music from these fancy new street loudspeakers is upbeat and really fits to the mood.
  3563. > You're having fun and that fun feels genuine.
  3564. > That game of throwing apples at the cup pyramid proved to be difficult.
  3565. > You have a horn after all, why can't you just throw it with magic, not with hooves?
  3566. > The complimentary toy tortoise they gave you was nice though. It is so little and cute, it would fit so nicely on your drawer!
  3567. > Current song seems to end, and that's about the last song you know in that modern world.
  3568. > Maybe they'd have something new and intriguing for you? Centuries have passed, after all!
  3569. > And indeed, speakers greet you with bassoons, tubes and bass-fiddle melody, which fits the supposed-to-be scary mood of the celebration.
  3570. > Ohhh, this melody is sure fitting! Even that weird figure in the side valley fits the mood!
  3571. [spoiler]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJLVUUuR620[/spoiler]
  3572. > Flutes and fiddles appear
  3573. > Weird horned figure walks from the side valley right in your direction
  3574. > Is that...
  3575. > No way!
  3576. > As you stay in place, stunned by the music, your guards already try to fend it off
  3577. > Drums and bells start to ring madly, all the other instruments scream in mad rapture, ecstasy even!
  3578. > Horned figure doesnt seem to mind your guards, they try to fight him, but it uses ancient bipedal strategy and just didges them, letting them face walls and each other, while another dark figure follows him
  3579. > You weren't prepared for this
  3580. > Music is raging around, shadows dance in hypnotizing trance, and horned figure with eyes, glowing bright yellow from his skinless skull, depletes your royal defenses one by one, even at a cost of a bruise or two
  3581. > Their strategy is stupid though, who even charges the enemy all at once when you have unicorns? They could throw fireballs or at least stones, for your sister's sake!
  3582. > Maybe that recent changeling invasion at north was something to expect with these guards.
  3583. > You should've really given Rusty Claws some kind of immortality, even if in books
  3584. > That guy sure knew how to fight, he and his small squad managed to hold the entire Canterlot Garrison while you were busy fighting with your sister!
  3585. > Drums make dramatic pauses between impressive beats, flutes yell at the top of their lungs to empathize drum strikes
  3586. > Finally your battlemages remember that they can strike lightnings and HOLY HAY HE JUST REROUTED THESE TO THE GROUND!
  3587. > M-maybe you should prepare for what comes next
  3588. > Final heavy chord stikes, leaving your guts shaking and your battlemages wobbling, drowned
  3589. > Things are suddenly less fun than they seemed two minutes ago
  3590. > The horned figure, that strongly resembles your long defeated foe, closes the distance, limping slightly.
  3591. > "So, Princess, I've made a deal once and I've fullfilled it. Are you up to your promise?"
  3592. > Uhhhhhh
  3593. "Uhhhh"
  3594. > "Oh, right, here it is"
  3595. > The stranger pulls his claws somewhere in the chest fur and produces a thin brick... Wait, that's a notepad
  3596. > You carefully take the thing from him and read the title
  3597. "Soooooo"
  3598. > Way to go, princess
  3599. > Wait
  3600. > It says "Things that suck in Equestria and how I'd improve them, by Anonymous"
  3601. > "I believe it was a nice hat"
  3602. > Oh, right.
  3603. > That jerk!
  3604. > All your guards!
  3605. > And that stupid Discord costume!
  3606. "You're hard to track, Anonymous."
  3607. > "It pays off to stay off the grid. I believe you've stopped at city archives?"
  3608. "Indeed, your host must be rich enough to register you under fake owner."
  3609. > That was a weird pose
  3610. "Still, these amounts of precautions are unnecessary. You even painted your acquaintance, for oats sake!"
  3611. > Another weird pose, now from a mare he came with. She shakes weirdly and human has to hold her so she won't fall
  3612. > You should do your homework on reading folks someday, this is really confusing
  3613. > "I could point out a thing or two, but... Nah, that would be cheating. Now, about a nice hat."
  3614. > Errrrr
  3615. "We believe this would do"
  3616. > You lift your outdoors crown with your magic and place in his claws
  3617. "We hope this hat is nice enough. If you need anything, just present this as a royal token of gratitude to any local authority and they'll fullfill your request!"
  3618. > You hope his notepad is worth your crown trinket, but you just cannot lose this round.
  3619. > "Wow. I mean, I get to do pretty much all I want, but this!"
  3620. "We knew you'd appreciate the royal gesture! We just hope your thoughts will be half as useful as you insure Us."
  3621. > "Oh, you bet they do. Just look at the telecom section. Just remember, no military shenanigans, right?"
  3622. "We try to keep Our word, thank you."
  3623. > "That's what I'm afraid of. Now if you'll tell me that one thing about..."
  3624. > A siren rings shortly and music goes quiet
  3625. > "Your highness?"
  3626. > Ah, yes, some of your guards are still conscious
  3627. "Yes?"
  3628. > "Negotiators have returned from human territories. They've come with some ponies who were marked as dead or captured! I believe you'd want to talk with them."
  3629. > You try to look at human and give him a questioning look, but he's nowhere to be found already.
  3630. > Sneaky little... Okay, not so little, bit still, leaving his Princess alone in such situation!
  3631. > Okay, Luna. You're a legitimate princess. You can do this. This is a simple negotiation mission, there shouldn't be anything scary.
  3632. > Aside from their bruises
  3633. > And scars
  3634. > And... Oh dear, her horn is...
  3635. > You weren't prepared for this.
  3636.  
  3637. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  3638.  
  3639. > As Luna flies somewhere you notice that other ponies tend to trot in same direction
  3640. "Should we... wait, what's up with you?"
  3641. > Zecora's suddenly tensed up, even more than when you've talked with blue horse, and then relaxed tiredly.
  3642. > "I swear, these bucking royals..."
  3643. "I know, she's a smug ass, but I didn't notice anything unusual"
  3644. > "It's about... 'painted your acquaintance' thing."
  3645. "Waaaaaaait. Did she actually thought your stripes were a costume?"
  3646. > ...
  3647. "Don't give me that 'you're a fucking dumbass' look, it doesnt help dumbasses to understand anything."
  3648. > "YES."
  3649. "Really?"
  3650. > Your mistress sighs even more tiredly than before.
  3651. > "I've seen her, like, three times already at this very celebration. For three years we are participating in an activity or two together, and apparently she still thinks that's a costume."
  3652. > Laughing is not polite.
  3653. > Laughing is NOT polite.
  3654. > Laughing is... *OOFFffknshit*
  3655. > "You good now?"
  3656. "That helped."
  3657. > "Good. Now let's go check what's going on, I've heard something about negotiators".
  3658. > How does she manage to hit same fucking spot every time? This shit will gonna give you a gangrene, you should really talk to her about that.
  3659.  
  3660. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  3661.  
  3662. > Looks like Twilight is back.
  3663. > You don't remember her in a company of 20 or so other ponies, didn't her mission try to be civil?
  3664. > They look miserable though.
  3665. > There are some ponies who hug diplomats and cry. Like, a lot.
  3666. > Is it war?
  3667. > Fuck, this mask is annoying, if you'd just uncofver your face for a while...
  3668. > It's not like that asshole is in the crowd.
  3669. > Hell, even outside of the hospital. Or do rich folks get private doctors?
  3670. > Ooooo yeah, it's so easy to breathe now.
  3671. > Right, let's get to the sights again.
  3672. > 20 or so ponies of different ages, some even seem to be kids, all looking like they've just escaped Salaspils
  3673. > Twilight and Rarity are shivering and nuzzling each other in the opposite side of the crowd. At least they look like they're okay.
  3674. > Nurse Readheart tries to avoit getting her tiger mask into her business, which is fixing someone's limb with two wooden planks
  3675. > The whole crowd shares the look like they're gonna lynch somebody for the things done to these twenty, and you think you'd support them
  3676. "Should I ask somebody what's going on?"
  3677. > "I tried, nobody seem / to listen what i scream. / Come on and try, go on, commence, / Maybe you'd make of it some sense"
  3678. > Does she really have to...
  3679. > Oh, right. You're in public.
  3680. > You hate crowds. Nobody should be exposed to so many ears, not to mention lengths you should go to address them all properly.
  3681. > Oh, here's somebody who's not freaking out, and he looks like he's one of arrivals!
  3682. > you nearly trip over two or three ponies on the way to him
  3683. "Uhhh, hello, if you don't mind, can you tell me what's going on?"
  3684. > Oooookaaaaay, maybe your mask is still on your face. Time to remove it, maybe this would gain more of his trust
  3685. > "AAAAAAAH!"
  3686. > What? Why did you all go silent, that's just one pony freaking out!
  3687. > "Y-you! How did you get here?!"
  3688. "I live here for half o' year under supervision of..."
  3689. > "GO AWAY! GET BACK FROM ME, YOU BEAST!"
  3690. > Whaaat
  3691. > "GO AWAAAAY!"
  3692. > Mighty and sure just seconds ago, pale blue stallion shrinks into small pile of fur
  3693. > Great, there goes your data source.
  3694. > Really, what's your problem, ponies? You've just asked him what's going on
  3695. "Come on, I don't mean you no harm, I just..."
  3696. > "NOOOO STOP IT!"
  3697. "Calm down, miss, I just..."
  3698. > Oh fuck
  3699. > "I'll do whatever you want, master, just leave him alone!"
  3700. > Holy shit, she just shoves her rear into you!
  3701. "AAAAAAAH SHIT NO! NO, no, no, WAIT!"
  3702. > "PLEASE DONT PUNISH HIM! I'm here, just please, don't hurt him!"
  3703. > Fuckity fuck fuck!
  3704. > Time to crab walk the hell out of here
  3705. > She doesn't intend to let you go though
  3706. > GET AWAY FROM ME PONY THIS IS WEIRD AF
  3707. > And the mob is angry at ... you?
  3708. > It doesn't help that pony is screeching at you, even when you're moving away from hук
  3709. > "Get away from him! This is my human!"
  3710. > Oh god, finally!
  3711. > It's not like you couldn't handle situation on your own, but
  3712. > Waaaaaaait
  3713. > Is she jealous?
  3714. > No, she's just hissing at ponies that scream at you, also pushing mad mare aside
  3715. > She signals you to get up, which you instantly oblige
  3716. > Seems like whatever their diplomacy was intended to do, it went horribly wrong
  3717. > Still cannot figure how is that your fault
  3718. > You are being pushed away from the angry mob in most uncivilized pose untill you have some space to get up and walk straight
  3719. > Holy crap, these ponies are scared.
  3720. > You and Zecora trot in random direction untill it gets quiet enough
  3721. > Holy shit.
  3722. > Whatever they're hyped at, this won't end well for you.
  3723. > You stop to take a breath near a random booth
  3724. "What... the fuck... was that?"
  3725. > "I didn't get... all of that... but there was something about... running away"
  3726. "Hwa... this was a diplomacy mission, *GASP* they were intended to come, talk and sign some papers and shit."
  3727. >> "Oh, it was not at all like that"
  3728. > Who is... Oh, there's something in that booth.
  3729. > Apparently it's the same booth you bought chicken from.
  3730. > You walk to the front bench and try to get some info from surprised gryphon
  3731. > It seems that you were PARTIALLY wrong about US
  3732. > There seemed to be a loophole in the law, allowing to treat non-human mammals as livestock, even if they're sentient, and the court decided that's okay because prisoners of war yada yada
  3733. > There had to be the same conflict you've heard in the news
  3734. > "A-and now they're all *gulp* s-slaves?"
  3735. > The irony.
  3736. > Two pair of angry eyes stare in your direction
  3737. "Did I just said that?"
  3738. > They nod
  3739. "So I guess it doesn't count, when it's ponies? How aaaaawwful."
  3740. > gryphon seems to understand faster than Zecora
  3741. > "You still shouldn't joke about that."
  3742. > Maybe having the joke of a life allows you to do that, but it's really impolite right now
  3743. "So, they just ran away to be not taken as slaves? How does government even justify that kind of military presence?"
  3744. >> "These do not obey the kings of the people, they are, what was the word, poachers? They just grab whoever they can and sell them later."
  3745. > "And the whole crowd was...?"
  3746. >> "Indeed. They just busted them out of refuge camp and nearly got caught themselves. They say they even took down some of poachers while running away."
  3747. > To think of it, you saw a unicorn with damaged horn and pegasi with bandaged wings
  3748. > Explains how they didn't run away on their own, and Twilight might just rip the fence off the whole camp
  3749. "*Sigh~* Luna will have my ass on a frying pan."
  3750. > "What was that?"
  3751. "She'll totally confuse them with what I've told her about my country, she'll just think I lured them here."
  3752. > "But you were just there, with m... Wait, when did you manage to tell her that? She didn't even open that notepad?"
  3753. "Doesn she visit you in her sleep?"
  3754. > "Ohhhh buuuck. I totally forgot."
  3755. "Please don't tell me you had some herb that blocks it."
  3756. > "You always pick it out of your soup."
  3757. "Because that is bay leaf, it's icky, it's there just for the scent and it's impossible to chew."
  3758. > "That is not bay leaf and I won't hear such excuses from a meat-eater."
  3759. "W-well, doesn't the liquor count?"
  3760. > No, it must have not.
  3761. "Speaking of liquors. How can I celebrate such a fuckup at your place?"
  3762. >> "I'm afraid I was going to close soon."
  3763. "This ruby says that green bottle over there looks nice."
  3764. >> "Y-you can't mean THAT green bottle, c-can you?"
  3765. "Just get it over here."
  3766. > You spent half of day breaking your back for Rarity and you don't intend to just invest it somewhere.
  3767. > That is boring and you both need a drink.
  3768. > And the green alcohol can mean only one thing in these parts
  3769. > You take a sniff from the open bottle and nice, deep plant aroma welcomes you to taste it
  3770. "Aaaaah. That is nice."
  3771. >> "You are one of craziest species I've ever met in my life, sir. We usually just splash that stuff on the wet firewood."
  3772. > You turn to Zecora
  3773. "And he calls ME a barbarian. What do you know."
  3774. >>"Well, it smells good and I found the whole box of it. Why not?"
  3775. > He does accept the ruby though.
  3776. > Fucking jewbird, the cost of production for the bottle is five times less than that.
  3777. > You take off from the gryphon booth and stroll emptied streets lazily.
  3778. > "Sooo... We're just gonna walk and drink from the bottle?"
  3779. "Everybody's near the library, and I'm too tired to care."
  3780. > You take an honest swig from the bottle and pass it to Zecora.
  3781. > Well, that's not bat for a bootleg Jagerm...
  3782. > ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
  3783. > Oh shit, that's not a liquor
  3784. > That's some fucking absinth, you even feel the artemisa somewhere there!
  3785. > Just as expected, it flows right through your mouth and down inside, then hits you right in the face, slowly burning the throat
  3786. > And Zecora just finished gulping the same amount
  3787. > Yeeees, here comes that face
  3788. > Precious.
  3789. "Hey, hey, no need to fall, I'm here!"
  3790. > Yes, she has to scrunch her face untill it burns away, leaving tongue numb and head spinning
  3791. > Good shit.
  3792. > Finally she reacquires control of her body and gives you an angry glare
  3793. > "He was right about barbarians. This is... some kind of... UUGH!"
  3794. > You cannot answer, your try to keep your sides from falling off.
  3795. > "You humans either have a steel liver or have no brains at all to drink this."
  3796. "Poor lightweights."
  3797. > Another swig
  3798. > Ooooooh. Grrrrr.
  3799. "It's actually okay if you take it slow and know what to expect. Also I'd expect half of your mouth to go numb, so that helps too. Wanna try again?"
  3800. > "You're an ass."
  3801. > What matters is that she is up for the challenge.
  3802.  
  3803. ~~~~~~~~~~~~
  3804.  
  3805. > Half of an hour, half of bottle, half of town and half of funny stories later you find yourselves near the ferris wheel
  3806. > And there's nobody around, even its operator.
  3807. > Just you two, the wheel and some weird pool nearby. Must be that catch-an-apple-with-mouth thingie Applejack took to extreme and to an actual wooden pool.
  3808. > You stand near the wheel, exchanging understanding looks
  3809. > Because this would be totally safe when you're drunk.
  3810. > Of course it's gonna be allright, you will be careful.
  3811. > You didn't even trip on that stupid sign, you just fumbled. You didn't fall!
  3812. > And this is not as funny as she thinks.
  3813. > You unhook the wheel from breaks and start to steer it
  3814. > Because no way you're sitting in the pink swan, there's a proper blue couch over there!
  3815. > And because it's really easy to show off while the not so tall wheel is off-gear.
  3816. > Hell yes, big blue couch.
  3817. > Yes, someone literally bolted couch instead of missing swan
  3818. > All the talk about safety.
  3819. > You pull the lever with the broom right from the couch and the machine moans tiredly, setting gears in motion.
  3820. > Good thing you didn't take another chicken back then, just in case.
  3821. > Zecora is having fun though.
  3822. > You take three or four turns, pointing to the different building roofs, guessing ones that you already know or just look nice.
  3823. > The overall look is pleasant, you can also see some outskirts and even the footpath that you use to enter forest.
  3824. > The wind is getting cooler by the day. It seems like even in pony land summer cannot last fore...
  3825. > With a mighty KKKKKKKGGGGRRGGGGGHH the lever jerks up and down untill finally the machine dies down.
  3826. > Uuuuuh
  3827. > Why
  3828. > Oh, that's why
  3829. > Also that's why the thing was abandoned for the night
  3830. > That sign that you tripped over was now flipped up and showed big black letters
  3831. B R O K E N
  3832. do not enter
  3833. > "What happened? Why did we stop?"
  3834. "The gearbox died."
  3835. > "So, what now?"
  3836. "We just sit here untill the commotion is over and somebody gets us from here."
  3837. > "That might be untill morning"
  3838. "Or we could just jump to Applejack's pool"
  3839. > "No way, let's sit here."
  3840. "Still afraid of water? Don't worry, I'll hold you..."
  3841. > "NO! I'it's not that. I am not afraid of water anymore."
  3842. "Then why?"
  3843. > "I-I mean, aren't we okay just here?"
  3844. > You... You sly fox.
  3845. "Well, not quite. The wind is chilly, don't you think?"
  3846. > "O-oh, y-yes, yes, it is. P-perhaps w-we should..."
  3847. > This will take her forever, so you just hug her and slump in the back of the couch.
  3848. "Much better."
  3849. > "Mmmhmm."
  3850. > Oh, that nuzzle feels nice.
  3851. > You just take a moment to appreciate the feeling.
  3852. > Why don't you do this more often?
  3853. > *Because you're a loser who is afraid of girls, and like your gramps, only way for you to socialize is to get wasted*
  3854. > Not true
  3855. > *Then why are you frozen right now?*
  3856. > Oh, right.
  3857. > *Loser.*
  3858. > Watch this.
  3859. "This is much better than an hour ago."
  3860. > *Great line by the way*
  3861. > "Yeah, it was weird. I like it here better."
  3862. "Yeah."
  3863. > "Yeah."
  3864. > *Come on, think of something*
  3865. "Your fur feels nice."
  3866. > "Y-you like it?"
  3867. "I d-do. It's soft, and, uhh, it's everywhere, I just can, like, stroke your whatever and there'll be fur, and..."
  3868. > *Dumbass*
  3869. > Even Zecora laughs at you
  3870. > "I thought you didn't like me."
  3871. "Why?"
  3872. > "You are always scared when I touch you"
  3873. "Because you like to do that out my field of view and we live in the forest!"
  3874. > "And you just never try to be nice..."
  3875. "I honestly do! Yeah, believe me! It's just... just I wasn't scolded for years and it's, it's like returning to grandma's countryhouse for summer again, and it's really weird, but I like it. I like it with you a lot."
  3876. > "So, you like me?"
  3877. "Of course I do! You're nice, and pretty, and defensive sometimes..."
  3878. > "Oh yeah, I showed that hussy!"
  3879. "She's not... ah, later."
  3880. > "So you think I'm pretty?"
  3881. > ...
  3882. > *This pause won't break itself, answer!*
  3883. > But I don't know what to say!
  3884. > *She asks most straightforward question ever!*
  3885. > "I guess you're just being nice, and that's all."
  3886. > *PULL UP PULL UP TERRAIN AHEAD*
  3887. "NO! I, I really think you're pretty."
  3888. > "But I'm not like other ponies, I'm too big, my muscles show too much, and I'm always 'that mare' in the crowd..."
  3889. > *This should be easy, girls always say that and expect the same answer always*
  3890. > Or so you've heard
  3891. "So what, I like how you look."
  3892. > "But..."
  3893. "You know, in my land horses are only black, brown or white, and zebras are really different from them. And in Equestria you're all, i don't know, like candy in the jar, all sorts of colors, that's so weird, and you're shaped exactly like a pony, I'm not even surprized Luna thinks this is just a costume"
  3894. > "That b..."
  3895. "Every village has its legend about a witch in the forest."
  3896. > "A witch in the forest?"
  3897. "Yes, mysterious, weird and obscure witch, who can curse you if you anger her, or grant you a wish if you deserve that."
  3898. > "Is that what it's like on earth?"
  3899. "I don't think most of these tales were true. People were scared just in case, who else would hide in the forest, if not a smart, mysterious and pretty witch?"
  3900. > She giggles
  3901. > She giggles!
  3902. > *High five*
  3903. > BAM
  3904. > "Pretty witch?"
  3905. "Yes. Pretty witch with elegant stripes, taut hooves and and cute round b..."
  3906. > Wait
  3907. > WAIT
  3908. > Oh shit
  3909. > "That is all nice to hear, but I've never saw you, you, know..."
  3910. "I might of might not eye you a little, I won't deny."
  3911. > "But when we cuddle, I've never felt your... your..."
  3912. > And you thought you were weird
  3913. "I got it"
  3914. > "It's been six months, how come, not a single time you didn't... I just don't know, do earth males even have it in the morning?"
  3915. "W-we d-do"
  3916. > "Then why?"
  3917. > "I m-may or may not jack off in the woods when you d-don't need me around"
  3918. > "PppfffffkkkthhhaaaaahahAHAHAHAHA! OH MY, THIS IS.. I CANNOT... Aaaahhhahahhaha!"
  3919. "Stop laughing, I didn't think it's polite in equestria just to poke somebody like that."
  3920. > "Oh my, you're such a gentleman."
  3921. "This is not funny. I thought you'd be offended, not starved for attention."
  3922. > "I am not!"
  3923. "Okay."
  3924. > "I said I'm not!"
  3925. "I said okay?"
  3926. > "I-it's just you're so nice, b-but you're so cold to me, even w-when we're close"
  3927. "I'm sorry."
  3928. > She looks at you, confused
  3929. "I'm sorry that i was avoiding you, it's just I was trying be accurate. I think you're really nice, and..."
  3930. > Maybe stroking her mane would help
  3931. "and yeah, I think you're very nice m-mare, I-I just don't know what would happen if you'd hate it."
  3932. > Oh dear, she's so close all of a sudden
  3933. > "I won't"
  3934. > You can feel her breath on your lips
  3935. > Hands are shaking treacherously, bud you can't pull them off her
  3936. "Zecora... I..."
  3937. > Her lips are so soft.
  3938. > Is it really happening?
  3939. > *It is*
  3940. > What should you do?
  3941. > *You should stop acting like a corpse and give her some attention*
  3942. > So you do
  3943. > Oh got, her lips are even softer inside.
  3944. > This kiss is not sloppy or hurried, it is slow and tender
  3945. > As if you both are afraid the other will run away
  3946. > But all you really want is to be like that forever
  3947. > You slowly caress each other for a while
  3948. > Why didn't you have that talk earlier
  3949. > Why were you such an idiot as always
  3950. > You stay in each other's embrace for a while, you nuzzling her forehead.
  3951. > Head feels funny and completely empty
  3952. > "These fireworks are sure nice."
  3953. "Yeah... wait."
  3954. > There's a weird thing on the southern hill
  3955. > That looks like the launcher for that kind of stuff
  3956. > You follow the dim smoke trail and find yourself under the middle of giant white flower in the sky.
  3957. > What do these ponies even use for powder?
  3958. > It looks so familiar, just like when you were burning homemade termite with your classmates it in the pit of an abandoned construction site
  3959. > Didn't Ivory prohibit that kind of stuff just yesterday because Pinkie didn't secure the launch site enough from fire?
  3960. > And doesnt Sugarcube Corner stand right over there, not outside the town?
  3961. > No, it cannot be.
  3962. > Yet it's this fucking flower.
  3963. "Zecora, I'm so sorry"
  3964. > You grab your precious mistress and start changing your position on the couch
  3965. > "What's happening?"
  3966. "Just grab me and take a deep breath"
  3967. > "Anon, what are you DOING? AAAAAAAH!!!"
  3968. > Just mere seconds after descending in Applejack's pool you feel the heat even through water
  3969. > Perfect timing.
  3970. > Perfect timing, you idiots.
  3971. > You spend good 30 seconds under the water before Archimedes law sends you up, back to the pony town
  3972. > And it's a fucking inferno.
  3973. [spoiler]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NAdySAPEPU[/spoiler]
  3974.  
  3975. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  3976.  
  3977. > Gasping doesn't help much, hot air is filled with smoke
  3978. > At least it's not plastic burning, or your throat would burn already
  3979. > Just good ol' wooden smoke
  3980. > You really hoped it was fireworks, but there is small familiar scent in it
  3981. > No doubt here, that's not an accident
  3982. > Your musings are interrupted by a burning blue couch, falling on the edge of the pool and destroying your comfy little cover
  3983. > Holy shit, all top pink swans are on fire
  3984. > Why can't you kiss a girl without an incendiary cartridge falling on the village?
  3985. > As long as you find the ass responsible fro it, you're kicking it
  3986. > Not now though, now you help Zecora to get back on her legs and pull her to somewhere where there's less fire
  3987. > Good thing streets were empty...
  3988. > Oh, that must be because everybody was at the same place, like sitting ducks
  3989. > Library must be somewhere near that sphere, that's on fire too
  3990. > The sphere is rather big. The size of an old big oak, to be precise.
  3991. > It seems that you and Zecora were staring in that direction, dumbfounded, for quite a while, watching entire block burning like a blowtorch
  3992. > There's considerably more fire when some you hear some weird noise nearby
  3993. > It sounds not like screech of falling wooden construction, but rather like voices of someone small
  3994. > Since you were running somewhere safe, it was quite convenient to go and check the noise, it was right on the way to the outskirts of the town
  3995. > Around five minutes of dodging falling pieces of burning wood you can finally see what was making that noise
  3996. > The bright red cart, styled as a little train, was carrying foals around the town all evening
  3997. > It was stuck between two big stones that were covering the street, and Ditzy was trying with all her might to tear the wheel from its trap
  3998. > Obviously that wasn't enough, and wasting her strength in the heavy smoke seemed to heavy for her, she barely seemed to stand on her hooves
  3999. > Without a single word you and Zecora charge at the red wagon and ram into it right beside Ditzy
  4000. > You didn't even damage the wheel very much, the wagon rolled a couple of meters before some of foals pulled breaks
  4001. > Ditzy seems so light when you grab her and place on the free seat in the wagon, poor thing had almost no chances to move the cart even if it was unstuck
  4002. > Guess it's up to you now
  4003. > You don't feel very good yourself though
  4004. > There was antishock syringe somewhere in the orange medkit, you remember
  4005. > Shame you haven't got a red one, it would fit better, but Golozhopenko refused to give your squad medicine above simple physical damage, it haven't supposed to be more than a recon mission.
  4006. > Fucking asshole
  4007. > Still, antishock is there
  4008. > And... Promedol?
  4009. > Well, even antishock wouldn't dull the pain, so why not
  4010. > It's not like you didn't try a pill or two when you were raiding that abandoned bunker in school
  4011. > Don't look at me like that, Motherland stashed so much military drugs and abandoned so much of them, it was just a matter of time untill they were raided by 16 year old jackasses
  4012. > And what is better to turn you into ignorant zombie, than Promedol?
  4013. > Probably it's not the best idea to down it with last swig of griffon alcohol after antishock
  4014. > But you already feel blood pumping in your ears as you pull the cart down the street
  4015. > Zecora helped you to gain the moomentum, but right now she desperately tries to keep up
  4016. "JUMP IN THE CART ALREADY"
  4017. > "Are you sure?"
  4018. "JUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP!"
  4019. > Before your vision shrinks into small circle, you feel a small bump in your hands
  4020. > You don't remember much after that, everything past that point is a hazy blur of fires in thick smoke, faint screams in the back and rhythmic chugging along
  4021. > Even your legs stopped to bother you with knowledge of their existence, you just look somewhere where there's less smoke and charge there
  4022. > Cannot be sure, but you remember smashing through a dozen of fences, rolling through someone's gardens before crushing opposite fence and flying away
  4023. > At some point you realize you're somewhere in Sweet Apple Acres, Zecora is sitting on your shoulders and pulling your mask back
  4024. > There is a shack in the woods, surrounded with fires
  4025. > Oooooh, you get it
  4026. > You tear from Zecora's grip and cart's handles, jump through the ring of fire because why the fuck not you have the wolf cloak and smash through the door of the shack
  4027. > There's a pile of small colorful bodies in the far corner
  4028. > Three?
  4029. > Five?
  4030. > Math is hard
  4031. > Doesnt matter
  4032. > Grab them
  4033. > Try to get up
  4034. > Try again
  4035. > Walk with them into a goddam curtain
  4036. > Fuck curtain
  4037. > Past the door
  4038. > Don't trip on the ladder
  4039. > Just run through the fire back to the cart
  4040. > Curtain is handy, but your legs remind you that your pants still are able to burn
  4041. > Zecora hits your legs with the curtain to kill the fire, you unload somebody you hand bodies to the cart to somebody
  4042. > You gain the speed again and Zecora boards the cart as you chug into the forest
  4043. > Running is easy
  4044. > It's not that hard to think while you run
  4045. > Breathing is somewhat hard, how can it be without smoke?
  4046. > Doesnt matter, you have to run home
  4047. > You pick the most dangerous path since it's only one that does not require crossing rivers, climbing over fallen trees and doing other inconvenient stuff while you're loaded with a cart
  4048. > You don't have much choice, really
  4049. > Maybe wolves won't mind this time
  4050. > You'll try to run quickly and quietly
  4051. > Hope Zecora tells that to others
  4052. > Nope, too late
  4053. > Faint AWOOOOOOO in the distance scared children already
  4054. "FIVE-SIX-SEVEN-O-NIIINE BITCH!"
  4055. > Zecora screams something too
  4056. > What was it?
  4057. > "Buckle up, hold to your neighbors"
  4058. > Oh yes, that one. Probably more useful than yours
  4059. > Still, you didn't make more than 1/3 of the way.
  4060. > If you won't ditch the wolves right now, they'd follow you to the hut and you don't want that with the party wagon on your hands
  4061. > Wow, thinking became so much easier
  4062. > But your legs start to feel weird
  4063. > Not quite bad, but you see whare that's coming
  4064. > Familiar cricket noise takes your attention
  4065. > It's not quite cricket, no insect can screeck that loud
  4066. > And with three obertones
  4067. > Three or four shadows jump from the thicket
  4068. > You cannot quite make their form, it's almost like they're clouds of green smoke
  4069. > One of them waves its front limb to you
  4070. > What the
  4071. > They're manticores now
  4072. > And they charge in your direction
  4073. > You can only counter it with speeding up and making a sound of drunken moose as you point your horns forward
  4074. > To your disappointment they circle you and your wagon and the cricket noise fades away
  4075. > You hear angry roars and barks in the distance, as much as piercing shrieks
  4076. > That's minus two problems then
  4077. > Crazy forest
  4078. > When you finally make it to the shack and make a stop, you suddenly feel as if you're splashed with ice cold water
  4079. > Everything is crystal clear right now
  4080. > Every body cell gladly tells you it's there and how's things
  4081. > And things are painful
  4082. > You're just glad you just discovered the pain, not had it crushed on you all at once
  4083. > Sore muscles barely help you to bring unconscious into the shack before saying "go to hell" and dropping you near the bed
  4084. > You cannot even lay on the bed, limp bodies occupy it
  4085. > To hell with them, it's not like you care right now
  4086. > It seems you woke somebody up when you dropped them on the mattress
  4087. > That somebody right now makes surprised noises and drops on the floor near you
  4088. > "An-Anomynous?"
  4089. "How many times did I..."
  4090. > Sweetie Belle does not allow you to finish the sentence and hits the air out of your lungs
  4091. > Falcon hug nearly sends you unconscious too, but you somehow manage to pat her back so she'd ease the grip
  4092. > She mumbles something about fire and how they tried to hide in the clubhouse
  4093. > You were right, there were five of them, and Diamond Tiara with Silver Spoon are currently keeping company to Scoots and Apple Bloom on the bed
  4094. "Can you check if they're okay?"
  4095. > "W-what do you mean?"
  4096. "Remember I showed you that place on the neck?"
  4097. > "Oh, the pulse! I'll check them, just don't leave!"
  4098. "With the muzzle..."
  4099. > "...not the hoof, got it!"
  4100. > Finally, some air
  4101. > You feel tired
  4102. > Your own pulse doesn't drum in your ears anymore
  4103. > Finally you can have some rest.
  4104. > Someone's calling somebody right near your ear
  4105. > Probably Sweetie calls Zecora to look at others
  4106. > She's such a smart filly
  4107. > You feel proud.
  4108. > You also feel very tired
  4109. > If only somebody could stop shaking you, you could finally take some rest.
  4110. > But you won't be you if you couldn't sleep through anything, so you still try
  4111.  
  4112. ~~~~~SB~~~~~~
  4113.  
  4114. > Your head hurts
  4115. > Your lungs hurt too
  4116. > But at least your friends are here
  4117. > Did the fire stop?
  4118. > You hear voices around you, did somebody came for you?
  4119. > Eyes hurt too
  4120. > Where are you? This is not your clubhouse!
  4121. > Oh, right, you remember Anon grabbing you and dragging somewhere.
  4122. > He's here! Anon is rithg here!
  4123. > Your limbs make every effort they can to mess with you getting down and hugging Anon, but you grit your teeth and do it anyway
  4124. > He's still grumpy when you mess with his name, but he doesn't mind
  4125. > You're so glad you made it out that awful scary flame, and he saved you all!
  4126. > "Can you check if they're okay?"
  4127. "W-what do you mean?"
  4128. > "Remember I showed you that place on the neck?"
  4129. "Oh, the pulse! I'll check them, just don't leave!"
  4130. > "With the muzzle..."
  4131. "...not the hoof, got it!"
  4132. > You jump back to the bed and stick your muzzle into each other's neck
  4133. > Thank Celestia, all of them were alive, if asleep.
  4134. > Apple Bloom had the weakest heartbeat, but after you pushed her chest for a while, like Anon showed, she even woke up with the same sore look you probably had
  4135. > You two hug for a couple of seconds before Bloom tries to wiggle out of the hug
  4136. "What's wrong?"
  4137. > "Y'all covered in that gross thang!"
  4138. "What thing?"
  4139. > As she points to your chest, you finally notice the large red spot on your fur
  4140. > Is it yours? Are you wounded?
  4141. > With a hysterical scream you wriggle back and fall off the bed.
  4142. > No, that's probably just a stain, not a wound
  4143. > Only when you see Anon's limp figure you notice the same spot on his chest
  4144. "AAAAAAAH!!!"
  4145. > He doesn't wake up even when you and Blook shake him
  4146. > "Go fahnd Zecora, Ah'll try ta wake 'im!"
  4147. > You leave Bloom to continue shaking Anon and try to find Zecora in the room, almost full of ponies
  4148. > She's treating Dinky's burn with a green goo and was finishing applying bandages when you were next to her
  4149. "Zecora, Anon is not okay!"
  4150. > "Do I hear that from you? Please, Sweetie, tell me something new."
  4151. "No, he's wounded! He fell asleep, we cannot wake him!"
  4152. > Now she's worried!
  4153. > You two rush back to Anon, who still seems to be asleep
  4154. > Zecora takes a vial from the shelf and waves it under his nose
  4155. > That stinks so hard even from here, no wonder he groans and looks up with empty gaze
  4156. > He still does not answer anything, if he's awake, he's very bad at it
  4157. "Zecora, there's blood! What should we do?"
  4158. > "Calm down, Sweetie Bell, it's fine..."
  4159. > With that she pulls a broken stick from his armpit and presses it down with cloth
  4160. > "It's real problem we should find"
  4161. "So he's not stabbed into the heart?"
  4162. > "It is too far from heart, I think he's not. "
  4163. > "But all those cuts had drained much blood, "
  4164. > "With running wild through all that hell "
  4165. > "I'm not surprized his heart can fail."
  4166. "Did he really overload himself?"
  4167. > Zecora just waves at the crowd and at the cart in the window
  4168. > You guess that's a lot
  4169. > And you're in Zecora's hut, and he probably ran all the way from Ponyville
  4170. > You're sure Big Mac could do that if he tried really hard, but he's not a thin weak human
  4171. "But what can we do? We can't let him die!"
  4172. > "You sweet, kind filly. Sure we can't! "
  4173. > "Thought we would need a rare plant. "
  4174. > "Perhaps, I may have just enough, "
  4175. > "Prepare your horn, it would be tough."
  4176.  
  4177. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  4178.  
  4179. > The smell of that nasty liquid almost makes you barf
  4180. > Thinking is hard again, and the whole body is weak, so everything you can do is pull your head up
  4181. > Somebody's shaking you and screaming things
  4182. > Have some mercy, assholes, it's not easy to hold your insides down there!
  4183. > You manage to groan your favourite curse and they finally fuck off
  4184. > It's so easy when you sit still
  4185. > Cannot fall asleep though, something feels off
  4186. > That sort of off, when you downed a couple of bottles, smoked that nasty pipe and were regretting eating that nasty thing
  4187. > But also you don't feel half of your body
  4188. > Someone's pulling things out of you and pressing these places with something soft
  4189. > It's either ponies are removing broken ribs, or you had shards of something in all your front half
  4190. > Finally they let you have some peace for a minute
  4191. > You use that minute to collect al your strength and focus your eyes at something
  4192. > You see two blurry figures
  4193. > One is big and dark, holding something in its hands
  4194. > Second is small and white, and has a green bright glow around its forehead
  4195. > They are somewhat sad at their result
  4196. > Did they fail?
  4197. > By any chance, are they trying to help you?
  4198. > That's a simple hangover, go bother somebody else!
  4199. > You feel like shit though so you cannot even oblige
  4200. > You can move your right hand a little though
  4201. > They don't seem to notice, but you squeeze Amulet a little so they could see a red flash
  4202. > Now they see it.
  4203. > They are confused
  4204. > For fucks sake, second flash takes all strength from you
  4205. > Hope they'll make up their mind fas...
  4206.  
  4207. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4208.  
  4209. "HHHHHHHHNNGGGGGGGFFFGGGHHHTTTTTTWHATTHEFUUUUCK!!"
  4210. > A mighty shock curses through your body, sending your wrecked body in waves on convulsions
  4211. > "Anon, please try not to move!"
  4212. "WHYYYYYYYYY"
  4213. > "Zecora says you should lay down or you'll die! You must heal!"
  4214. > You have to admit, when your body is fucked by unknown force, it makes your mind somewhat clearer
  4215. > Sweetie doesn't look good either, she seems unusually pale and thin
  4216. > She wasn't chubby before, but she really had some meat on her bones
  4217. > And now she looks like starving puppy, mane disheveled, eyes have bags bigger than the eyes themselves
  4218. > Just what did she do to herself?
  4219. > Your head jerks to the left, and there's Zecora in the state not better than Sweetie Belle's
  4220. > They both try to hold you in place so you try to oblige
  4221. > It's hard though, you don't have much control over your body, other than parts that are already fixed in place you've pretty much lost to wicked potion they gave you
  4222. > Some parts of your body burn more than others, and when your pulse rolls over them, it provokes them to itch or jerk out of pain
  4223. > Which means 1-2 times per second
  4224. > You're really glad they hold you down, it really helps to keep still
  4225. > If only you could calm down somehow
  4226. > Breathe in
  4227. > Breathe out
  4228. > Breathe in
  4229. > Suppress the desire to cough your left lung out
  4230. > Breathe out
  4231. > Shit, that doesn't help
  4232. > What else, what else...
  4233. > Counting Fibonacci numbers?
  4234. > ...
  4235. > Fuck, you can't get past 987
  4236. > Factorials?
  4237. > Oh shit, that last movement hurt too much.
  4238. > "Whyyy is there so many \ Soongs about rainbows \ And what's on the ooother siiide?"
  4239. "Sweetie?"
  4240. > "Rainbows are visions, \ But only illusions \ And rainbows have nothing to hiiiide"
  4241. > You cannot help but try to hug her
  4242. > Perhaps best song Sesame Street released before becoming cancer, and she remembered it!
  4243. > Zecora nuzzles into your neck and tries to hum along
  4244. > That is stupid
  4245. > That is cringy
  4246. > That can give you a heart attack
  4247. > But it really helps to calm you down
  4248. > It's really dark in the window, and only sources of light are fireplace and eyes of your mask on the wall
  4249. > There's children huddled together near the stove, and Ditzy tries to cover as many as she can with her wings
  4250. > You feel guilty for occupying the only bed in the shack, but you're kept in place right now so nobody listens to you when you object
  4251. > Might as well enjoy the warm hug from two nicest horses you've met so far
  4252. > You can finally fall asleep when Sweetie finishes the song
  4253. > Everything hurts, yet you feel good.
  4254.  
  4255. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4256.  
  4257. Ch 12
  4258.  
  4259. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4260.  
  4261. ~~~~~~L~~~~~~
  4262.  
  4263. > This is really exhausting without the tools from the castle
  4264. > How did you even do that a thousand years ago with just little pick-me-ups from your garden?
  4265. > The kingdom wasn't as big though, but that's not an excuse to become so rusty.
  4266. > Anyway, where's that darn cloud?
  4267. > There's just a couple of pretty large groups on your map, and he was alone most of the time
  4268. > You really hope he's alive and didn't take these leaves, that would be really inconvenient
  4269. > Maybe he's not alone this time. It's not like you have a choice, there's not much less you can see in this limited radius
  4270. > That one from more distant group looks familiar, and it's ragged and bizarre, might as well check it out
  4271. > Why does everything has to be so slow? Uuuuhg.
  4272.  
  4273. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  4274.  
  4275. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcMz3aAZDv4
  4276.  
  4277. > This place is clusterfuck
  4278. > No self-respecting building should be this level of debris
  4279. > After crawling above and beyond you find relatively undamaged room and take a rest on the couch
  4280. > The room's lights flicker sometimes, but you're glad you can make something out at all.
  4281. > You lean back into couch and just lie there, listening to the weird noise around
  4282. > You feel someone approaching behind
  4283. > She asks you something, but you cannot understand her muffled voice
  4284. > She asks again and again untill the muzzle just brushes on your ear
  4285. > That feels nice. Nice zebras get hugs, so you grab her head with your hand and nuzzle her cheek
  4286. "Cmon, I don't bite"
  4287. > And a little peck on the bridge of her nose to send it further.
  4288. > That feels weird
  4289. "When did you get a horn?"
  4290. > "It's been there for d-dozen of centuries"
  4291. > Ooooh, that's why her fur feels different
  4292. > Eh, Luna's fur is fine too.
  4293. "Oh, right. So, what do I owe for a visit?"
  4294. > "I'll tell you when you finish with my ear"
  4295. "Your loss."
  4296. > When you release your grip on Princess' neck, she walks to the front of the couch and falls on the pillow next to yours
  4297. > That tired groan is something familiar
  4298. > Something like "Please ask me how was my day or I'll tell you anyway. I don't want to be impolite and take the responsibility for you listening to my bullshit."
  4299. "So..."
  4300. > She looks at you eagerly
  4301. > Bingo
  4302. "Your ear is free"
  4303. > Unfortunately
  4304. > Now the hardest task would be keeping yourself from yawning, picking your nose or counting tiles on the wall
  4305. > "What is your least favorite thing to do?"
  4306. "I guess owing somebody. I could easily forgive the debt if somebody takes too long, I don't even lend that much because of this, but if you owe somebody, they instantly become an ass about it."
  4307. > "And family does it worst."
  4308. "Don't even get me started. Cost me eating dry noodles through all education, but hell if I'm asking something from Mom EVER again."
  4309. > That makes her giggle
  4310. "Like you'd ask your sister for anything, smartflank."
  4311. > "I have no problems asking for help if I need, there is more than just me at stake."
  4312. "So, I guess, yours is being responsible for somebody?"
  4313. > Groan, princess, groan, it's gonna be a long dream.
  4314. > "You can't even imagine."
  4315. > Oh, really?
  4316. > "Every little thing I should and should not do for them is expected from me. Even without asking if I can even do that."
  4317. "And when they get what you promised, they are angry it wasn't enough"
  4318. > "And then they compare you to somebody who can't even do the things you did for them!"
  4319. > Last one probably wasn't meant to say and that makes her stop
  4320. "Oh, come on, half of Equestria can guess that and another one would pat your back."
  4321. > "We didn't joke about your mother insecurities at least!"
  4322. "Yeah, you just laughed straight away."
  4323. > "Oh, heheh, sorry. *sigh* How does one even live with that? With imperfections and responsibilities."
  4324. "Well, you can spend your life for yourself or for others. First requires to drop ambitions, second will wear you down untill you die, which is not your problem I think, and everything in between fails sooner or later, especially if you don't get paid for it."
  4325. > "Seems like you never took a proper rest yourself. Did you try just having a holiday, or a nice evening with... whatever you humans brew?"
  4326. "Slacking is relaxing, but you get bored quickly. Getting shitfaced though... I dunno, it's neither inspiration nor a proper rest. Though I've found some peculiar mushrooms in your forest... Wait, what's all this all about? You came here to speak about meaning of life or something?"
  4327. > "Uuuum, We kiiinda maaaybe need your help, seeing as you got away unharmed"
  4328. > *"Should I tell her?"*
  4329. "If I won't die by morning, she'll see herself."
  4330. "How did YOU survive and what happened to folks in that unholy booth maze?"
  4331. > "We were able to put a shield over the crowd so everybody could hide in the Library. It really took some time, and now we're low on food."
  4332. "The town shouldn't burn for too long, it'll all end in the morning I think."
  4333. > "Yes, but there are strange figures in that smoke. Not pony figures."
  4334. > Shit.
  4335. "How long can you sit there?"
  4336. > "A day, maybe the night after. Do you think it's..."
  4337. "Maybe. That was too devastating for a random firework."
  4338. > "But why would they..."
  4339. "Runaways. Twilight said they lost dozens of captives, what do you think they'll do, sit on their asses?"
  4340. > "Uuugh."
  4341. "Yeah, I know."
  4342. > You sit silently for a minute, you listening to old building's cracking and rumbling, and her thinking everything over.
  4343. > "Have you seen anybody else?"
  4344. "We ran across somebody, but they were smart and ran away to suburbs. I also have a dozen foals on hands, me and Ditzy had to unstuck the wagon with them, the driver was down."
  4345. > "So that was the mailmare in the zebra witch costume?"
  4346. "What the fuck are you talking about, that's a genuine zebra and she lives in the hut in Everfree Forest"
  4347. > "But isn't that just a local legend?"
  4348. "I live with her, I promise you, she's real."
  4349. > "So THAT's why I couldn't find you."
  4350. "I fucking knew that, you just HAD to try and track me! And who's called me a paranoid? Huh?"
  4351. > "Five same names per town, two are stolen, two are too old, last one has his owner dead for 10 years."
  4352. "Everything pays off in the end. Wait, dead?"
  4353. > "I assume your owner isn't Daisy Flowerbed?"
  4354. "Pppfffffttthahahahahhhhaaaaaa~ Oh my god, that's rich!"
  4355. > "So, there's that. Now please, tell, are foals okay? Are they hurt?"
  4356. "Oh, OK. So there's a dozen of random small children, they are fine, just scared, three more fillies who were unconscious in all that smoke, but they're okay I think, and some other pony, I don't know unconscious or not, I am now trying not to die myself."
  4357. "We can feed them all and treat the burns, and I'd try to keep low for a while, who knows who really walks in the town. You sit tight too. With the shield still on."
  4358. > "I really hoped it won't be like this."
  4359. "Turns out, you are not allowed to hope nowadays. So. Shall we attend to our subjects before the building falls on us?"
  4360. > "What, you can wake up at will too?"
  4361. "Ehehe. Watch this"
  4362. > You grab her around the barrel, stand up and start to fall on your back
  4363.  
  4364. ~~~~~~L~~~~~~
  4365.  
  4366. > You feel the burst of fear and a strong wish to curl into a ball like you're really falling
  4367. > Next thing you know is that you're lying on the floor, screaming in surprize, not knowing where's "up" and where's "down" and kicking your legs at random
  4368. > "Princess Luna!"
  4369. > Brain finally realizes that floor must be "down" and the vision stops spinning
  4370. "That... that was clever."
  4371. > "What was clever? Princess, are you allright?"
  4372. > Oh, yes, somebody was asking you something, but you didn't care at the moment
  4373. "T-Twilight? Y-yes, I'm allright. I'm just... nevermind."
  4374. > "Is he okay? What happened to everybody out there?"
  4375. "Phew. Right. Uhhh... He says he is alive and there's foals with him, so you can go and stop Cheerilee from hurting herself."
  4376. > "Oh my gosh, that's such a good news! We must send someone after..."
  4377. "No!"
  4378. > "N-no?"
  4379. "Let's just wait untill the fire is over. It's, err, dangerous, some things burn forever and the air around the burnt buildings isn't very healthy. Let's just stay in library for tomorrow just in case."
  4380. > "If you say so, Princess. We're kinda short on food, but we'll manage for a day if we transform my flowers."
  4381. "Yes, that would be great. Let me just check the barrier."
  4382.  
  4383. ~~~~~~A~~~~~~
  4384.  
  4385. > This wasn't as clever as it seemed
  4386. > The nervous jolt, going through your whole body, reminds you of all these sore muscles you didn't even know you had
  4387. > It also tells you that you lie in a pile of pony - Zecora under your left arm, Sweetie under the right one, and Apple Bloom on top of you.
  4388. > That didn't really help to breathe, but at least it's not cold
  4389. > It feels really strange, the summer in this town is not really over, it sems like you're in one of these small beach towns, where swimming season lasts till November, so it should be warm outside, but if not for the ponies, you'd be really cold.
  4390. > You also have a Scootaloo hat and Diamond Tiara and... what was her name, Silver Spoon? holding your legs
  4391. > How did they even end up here?
  4392. > None of them notices your thrashy awakening, and you are too weak^W polite to remove sleepy horses
  4393. > Anybody even tried to occupy the bed you freed for them?
  4394. > Nevermind, Ditzy and her foals are there. You're completely okay with it.
  4395. > She looks really cute like that, you notice. Hugging everybody with her wings and all.
  4396. > You're not sure what her special talent was, but she's really good with kids, judging by your previous encounters.
  4397. > Turns out you actually woke up Zecora, and she doesnt feel any better than you. If that groan tells you something.
  4398. > You try to scratch her withers, but all you manage to do is move your hand slightly up her barrel and stop in her chest fluff
  4399. > Good enough
  4400. > Another groan, but not as painful as before
  4401. > You'd nuzzle that cuddlebug, but you wasted all your movement points and you must wait for next round
  4402. > Her whisper is barely audible
  4403. "Hwaa.."
  4404. > "Ah sehd are... you arrigh"
  4405. "Hard to ssspeak too?"
  4406. > "Yeah"
  4407. > A minute passes before you both gain enough strength to breathe
  4408. "Thhh... The hangover shouldn't be this... I feel wasted."
  4409. > In response you receive a poke somewhere in the guts, which would make you roll on the floor and scream if you could
  4410. > "We hadda heal this."
  4411. "You weren't wounded?"
  4412. > "No"
  4413. "I'm so glad. But when did I manage to catch an olive and why do you look even worse?"
  4414. > "What olive?"
  4415. "I... never mind"
  4416. > "You crashed through that yard back in Ponyville, I tried to stop you, but you rammed through everything, we had to pull a couple of glass shards from you"
  4417. "Oh that..."
  4418. > "I won't even listen to your excuses, idiot"
  4419. "It's not like I had a clear..."
  4420. > "Don't even bother!"
  4421. "Okay, okay, don't wake them up."
  4422. > "Sorry"
  4423. "Tell me, again, what did YOU do to yourself and... Sweetie?"
  4424. > "I don't really know how your... dammit, ALICORN's amulet works exactly, you were so bad and it just pulled... life from her to heal you, I barely tore you from each other, and then it just switched to me."
  4425. "Oh shhhhhiiiit. That's all my fault!"
  4426. > "Nevermind, it stopped when I was as bad as you."
  4427. "Zecora, I nearly killed a child and my only..."
  4428. > Ahem
  4429. "Well, you. I think I know what it did, and it's horrible, how would I not mind?"
  4430. > "Better than letting you die."
  4431. "Is it?"
  4432. > Another poke makes you clench your jaws and shut up
  4433. > "Don't you ever dare to say this again, you blockhead."
  4434. > Was it what you thought you've heard?
  4435. > "What will I do without..."
  4436. > Oh. Oooooh. Yesterday. On a wheel. Dammit.
  4437. > And you missed the obvious, what is it, fifth time in a row?
  4438. > She needs a hug at least
  4439. > Untill your wizard ass figures what to do next
  4440.  
  4441. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4442.  
  4443. > The pot of your yesterday's stew is gone in a couple of minutes.
  4444. > Good thing you have your wolf jerky, only Applebloom wanted to try it and said it's too rough for her teeth
  4445. > Because you need a full row of teeth and another jaw, maybe?
  4446. > Anyways, after sweeping the shelves for the rest of the vegetables and making another batch you and Zecora head to the river
  4447. > Your impromptu freezer, which consisted of a good oiled waterproof wooden box with a barn lock, was placed in the cold spring you've found near your bathing place.
  4448. > Some washing would be nice too, but maybe later.
  4449. > Ditzy was instructed to wait for you two, but not too long. If you're gone for more than a couple of hours, she locks the front door, kills the fire, hides foals in a basement untill it's dark and tries to lead them to the train station by the safest route. If she hears you shooting, she does that too.
  4450. > You ARE paranoid, but hey, you are here, still dragging your legs, not smelling like a grilled chicken in that ferris wheel remains.
  4451. > Now that you are dealt with the scared children (how does Ditzy do that - no idea, but she even made them enjoy that "adventure), made Sweetie Belle lie down and rest against her best efforts and found a place to go, your head is back to these thoughts
  4452. > What the hell are you supposed to do when someone clearly says she likes you?
  4453. > You never went further than "He's not that weird to ask what time is it", so you are completely lost
  4454. > Seriously, what do people even do after that? Do you talk about it, or do you just continue to do these things wordlessly?
  4455. > It sucks more than it's nice
  4456. > But making no attempts to learn is worse than incompetence, so maybe you'll play safe and talk
  4457. > *Still hoping you got it all wrong and you're just friends?*
  4458. > That's not funny
  4459. > *That's what you were doing last 10 years, avoiding everything that brings responsibilities*
  4460. > Who even likes responsibilities?
  4461. > *Somebody who also likes hugging somebody at night*
  4462. > I-it's not your idea anyway
  4463. > *The girl falls into your hands and you try to put her back politely, how pathetic is that?*
  4464. > But what if she...
  4465. > *I don't even care anymore, just get it over with.*
  4466. > Right. Now, how do I...
  4467. > *For fuck's sake. ASSUMING CONTROL.wav*
  4468. "So, about yesterday, on the ferris wheel"
  4469. > Zecora almost stumbles, but regains momentum at the last second
  4470. > "S-sorr..."
  4471. "That was nice."
  4472. > What the hell are you doing?
  4473. > "I, uuh, I thought so too. I mean, it was?"
  4474. "Yeah, that was, how do I put it... Cozy. Yeah, cozy. I don't get to kiss pretty ladies much, but that was, you know. Nice."
  4475. > What the hell!
  4476. > *Look at her face, dummy, it's bright red!*
  4477. > You are ruining...
  4478. > "I liked that too. Y-you are nice too, I think."
  4479. "It's just all of a sudden..."
  4480. > That makes her nicker
  4481. > "Well, that wasn't really that sudden. I mean, we literally sleep together"
  4482. "Yeah, that... How did that happen, right?"
  4483. > "It was the spring, and , well, zebras won't go as crazy as ponies, but I got silly nevertheless."
  4484. "What do you mean?"
  4485. > "You're just trying to make it more embarassing now, do you?"
  4486. "No, I honestly don't understand"
  4487. > "Pheeew. So, how do I put that... You know what most of mammals do in the spring?"
  4488. "I dunno, eat all the food that's finally popping out from the snow?"
  4489. > "Yes, but, oh, gods, this is, well, about social things."
  4490. "Social?"
  4491. > "I usually sit in the forest for a couple of weeks, when it's worst, you know, I have a reputation to keep, but then you appeared, and I just don't know, I went for it and never even thought what am I doing."
  4492. "You mean, falling down?"
  4493. > "Y-yes. That. I swear, first time it was an accident, but it felt so nice, I couldn't keep myself from it."
  4494. > Waaaaaaait a minute
  4495. > Spring
  4496. > Animals
  4497. > Spooning
  4498. > And that's not even as bad as with ponies, if that part is true
  4499. "So, you bought me because you felt lonely?"
  4500. > Now she trips
  4501. > You walk back and help her up to her feet, you know firsthandedly how hard it is to walk after yesterday
  4502. > But seriously, four legs should be easier
  4503. > That helping gesture turns into an awkward hug and you don't feel like breaking it
  4504. > "What if I did?"
  4505. "If that's the reason, I'm okay with it. It was nice living here so far, you know. Fresh air, a house to fix, someone nice to talk to. These things."
  4506. > "Thank you for not hating me. I thought you'd try to strangle me in my sleep at some point, since you're a captive here, but you were so nice and helping, I didn't know what to do too."
  4507. "That fire was sure in time to spoil the evening."
  4508. > "Yeah."
  4509. > You sit like that for a while, holding each other in the middle of the forest
  4510. > Finally it's time to continue your walk
  4511. "So"
  4512. > "Yeah?"
  4513. > *Come on, say it*
  4514. "Let's maybe roll with it, see where that goes. Would you like to?"
  4515. > Please please please please please
  4516. > She nods!
  4517. > *And that's how it's done. Now it's your problem.*
  4518. > Gee, thanks
  4519. > *You'll thank me lat... You motherfucker!*
  4520. > This is so weird.
  4521.  
  4522. > After a minute more you hesitantly pull away, get up and proceed to your spot on the river.
  4523. > Children won't feed themselves
  4524. > That's where your stash will...
  4525. > Where the fuck is it?
  4526. > Oh, here it is.
  4527. > Empty, cracked and with molten gunk where the lock was
  4528. > What the fuck, who in their right mind would eat vegetables if they posess this power?
  4529. > The shuffle in the bushes on the opposite bank answers your question
  4530. > Too late, dumbass, you're coming
  4531. > And boy, did you not plan for this
  4532. > Two more dozen of ponies
  4533. > Like you needed that right now
  4534. > Wait, is that him too?
  4535. > He just doesnt want his jaw healed, does he?
  4536. > "Anonymous? I'm so glad to see you!"
  4537. "Hello, Fluttershy. Hi, sarge."
  4538.  
  4539. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4540.  
  4541. > "Anonymous, this is important! Why
  4542. > In this here stream you try to lie?"
  4543. "Because I'm tired. C'mere, rest a minute too."
  4544. > Damn, your old uniform is even more ragged than you remember.
  4545. > Sure, Rarity made you a new one, and it was, if you even hate to admin, pretty, this one was currently less shredded and burnt.
  4546. > Your attempts to restore the damn thing back then were not just to piss Rarity off, this was for future purpose!
  4547. > At least the wind does not blow through holes from that time when you and Crusaders...
  4548. > "It's not that far, I won't. Are you that weak?
  4549. > I have some herbs with me, it's help you seek?"
  4550. "No, I'm just resting before going to town, it's still further than I can march unrested."
  4551. > "To town?"
  4552. "Yes, in town. Because supplies for the foals are destroyed by these three buttmunches and their yellow general."
  4553. > They do get along actually. And Fluttershy does not even use her usual 'I'm too smol and cute to be smart' routine, she just asks them something and the knuckleheads obey.
  4554. > Maybe that's because they don't really ask any questions, and she does not have to play the cringy fluffersmall act like near other mares, having their attention exclusively.
  4555. > One thing your races have in common: females are still bitches to each other when it comes to men, even if they're old friends.
  4556. > You don't even want to know what she and Rarity are up to sometimes
  4557. "And no, you're coming with this herd. Only Fluttershy remembers where the hut is, and you'll need to lead them through the wolf traps."
  4558. > "Are you mad? You aren't going to go alone, you make no sens..."
  4559. "Please, Zecora, just get them in the hut. I'll just look around in the Ponyville, in case that was not an accident, talk to folks in the library and get back in evening with some food."
  4560. > "*Sigh* You're still sure that was not just a fire? Like on many other big commotions?"
  4561. "Nah. The smell. I've burnt maybe a truck of different stuff when we were kids, I know when the hay burns and where that mixture burns, my nose isnt that bad."
  4562. > She might be actually right on this, it's stupid to go alone
  4563. > But what else you're gonna do, starve in the forest? There is only so much grass and moss before you enter some other creature's territory.
  4564. > Therefore you're required to be stupid to do the job.
  4565. "I'll be okay, I promise."
  4566. > You pick her head in your hands
  4567. "I'll take the safest path, through the berries, and then I'll be extra sneaky and careful. And I'll bring some of these useless guards with me to carry the food on the way back, okay?"
  4568. > Still grumpy
  4569. "Come on, Zecora. Don't worry. I have a good reason to come back."
  4570. > Little peck on the nose seems to do the job.
  4571. > Now she's not grumpy, just flustered.
  4572. > The same mare who just yesterday was fighting your tongue with her own like crazy!
  4573. "Well, time to go."
  4574. > Giving her mane a ruffle you stand up from the stream and look around for your backpack
  4575. > It seems you have half of a magazine for both rifle and each pistol. If you meet those manticores, maybe you'll even get away alive.
  4576. > The wet uniform, which you didn't bother to remove when plopping into your makeshift bathroom, will definitely attract all the dust you will meet on the way.
  4577. > Nice fucking job, five-minutes-ago-me.
  4578. > Maybe if you'll really take a detour through the safe path, like you told Zecora, it'll get dry enough. Untill then, the camouflage will enhance itself on its own.
  4579. > You'll still have to change the footcloth, thank god you left the boots on the ground.
  4580. > Finishing your crazy hobo suit you are again taken into a hug
  4581. > "You promise to take the safe path? You really do? Because I know how you like to just skip it through bears..."
  4582. "I do, I promise. *peck* I'm in too weak condition anyway."
  4583. > With that she weakens the grip a little
  4584. "Speaking of which, let sarge carry your bags, you don't look good either."
  4585. > "What am I, gonna let them know how stupid I can be?"
  4586. "Well, you saved Sweetie, that's an enough excuse. Should've run away from me with that thing anyway."
  4587. > Ow owowowow OW OW OOOWWW YOUR NECK
  4588. > "Idiot!"
  4589. "Mercy! Mercy! I can't breathe!"
  4590.  
  4591. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4592.  
  4593. > Foken wolves.
  4594. > You're down to half of a pistol mag total, and the broken ПМ is chewed beyond repair
  4595. > Not sure why you still walked the shortest path
  4596. > Didn't even think of anything at the moment, just followed something blindly
  4597. > And when the wolves are dead, you feel...
  4598. > Content?
  4599. > No.
  4600. > You feel full, like after a good dinner
  4601. > The Amulet shines brighter now and glistens in the occasional sun spots
  4602. > Should've keep that thing at home
  4603.  
  4604. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4605.  
  4606. > Half of hour and still nobody
  4607. > Just ashes and rubble
  4608. > You're lucky to find no corpses yet
  4609. > The light breeze takes away the smell of burnt wood and hay
  4610. > It would be even pretty, like that abandoned Frunze bicycle factory, if you didn't recognize most of the smoking piles of wood and stone
  4611. > This was the house of that cute carrot seller
  4612. > That was the bakery you promised not to visit anymore after that whipped cream explosion
  4613. > Smith's shop is surprisingly intact
  4614. > Well, what did you expect, the whole garage is stone and iron
  4615. > Some of the basements are still okay, entrances are outside and have metal trapdoors. Locks are molten, but you managed to open a couple of them with bricks
  4616. > Noone was locked inside, thankfully.
  4617. > That also answers the question of short-time food supplies (all of the conserves were down there, in cold basements) and shelters
  4618. > Okay, time to head to that purple half-spheric bubbl...
  4619. > Wait a second, there's something under this pile of... roof?
  4620. > You carefully sneak closer to find Davenport under his shop's roof
  4621. "Oh, hey. Are you hurt?"
  4622. > "Rrrrrmmmph"
  4623. "Okay, okay, don't talk, save the strenght, I'll try to lift that thing"
  4624. > "that thing" is heavier than you thought
  4625. > Mainly because you've lost third of your weight last night, but rubble on top of that plank helped too
  4626. > Okay, keeping the spine straight helped to lift the plank, now what?
  4627. > Maybe if you'll pull that broken couch under it.
  4628. > Or was it sofa?
  4629. > Whatever, диван goes under there somewhere, which takes you full five minutes since you're a useless husk now
  4630. > You hope you'll pull the stallion out before it...
  4631. > Breaks
  4632. > And nearly lands the plank on your heads as you both roll to the side
  4633. > Holy shit, THAT's why they use professional teams for rescue missions? To not die stupidly?
  4634. > Makes sense
  4635. "Okay, now I need you to SLOOOOWLY breathe in. Feel any pain - exhale right now"
  4636. > He cannot even go two seconds before cringing, crying in pain and rolling back on the right side
  4637. "Okay, okay, shhhh, take it easy, you got your ribs broken. We'll just take care of that and I'll go fetch a doctor, okay?"
  4638. > He's afraid to nod even, so he just jerks his eyes up and down
  4639. > No blood in his fur, that's a start
  4640. > God, you hope you won't have to deal with pneumothorax
  4641. "Let's get you up... Yeah, try to sit straight, this thing should hold. Do you feel any liquid down there?"
  4642. > "No... no, just hurts to AAAH sssssssssst... breathe deep"
  4643. "Okay, try to breathe with your belly, I'll need to make a bandage"
  4644. > Jacket won't do, too thick, shirt should do if you tear it in half
  4645. > Which leaves you in a camo jacket, wifebeater and a holster
  4646. > *Way to go, Rambo*
  4647. > That's not funny, he could die and he's the only one who'll tell me what happened afterwards
  4648. > Oh, by the way
  4649. "Did somebody walk past you already?"
  4650. > "I've heard... something."
  4651. "Where?"
  4652. > "Over OUCH there, somewhere to the library. Does it have to be so tight?"
  4653. "Yes, or the broken rib will move and scratch lungs, you don't want that. The library, you say?"
  4654. > "Yeah"
  4655. "Good. I'll look for somebody, we'll move you someplace safe."
  4656. > You leave him with your moonshine flask and crouch in the pointed direction
  4657. > This may be the small town, but they sure build like it's center of a big city, the rubble is everywhere and flows from one ash pile to another, it ends only on the big streets
  4658. > Which is only over there, where somebody is pulling somebody somewhere
  4659. > Waaaaaaait a minute
  4660. "Hey, hands off her! Get your own zebra, dumbass!"
  4661.  
  4662. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4663.  
  4664. Ch 14
  4665.  
  4666. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4667.  
  4668. > You are tired
  4669. > You envy unconscious Petrenko who lies in the dust
  4670. > Amulet eased the tiredness a couple of hours ago, but now you feel like a deadbeat again
  4671. > Zecora still tries to catch her breath after the fight
  4672. > Being maybe even more tired than you, she somehow knocked your fellow from the previous life
  4673. > How the hell did your squadmate get here? Were the people who burnt the town from your own platoon?
  4674. > "Seven guards, huh?"
  4675. "Wha?"
  4676. > "Took seven guards to just slow you,*pant* and that one folded just like that?"
  4677. "That's guards for you. This poor man was a... guard too when I come from"
  4678. > "Were you planning to do something with that *wheeze* boomstick of yours?"
  4679. "I can't just kill people, you know"
  4680. > "What about those wolves?"
  4681. "I didn't know these wolves personally and they are not that stupid, we should have some mercy"
  4682. > "So you'd just let me die or something?"
  4683. "I thought I'd just bullshit my way in or something. Tell you I had dibs first..."
  4684. > "DIBS?"
  4685. "Scratch your ear for the complete picture..."
  4686. > "I'm not your property! How could you say that!?"
  4687. "I'm sure he'd believe when you'd hug me!"
  4688. > You notice her kick-in-the-sore-spot stance too late. All you can do is mentally prepare for...
  4689. > Missed hit?
  4690. > Ah, yes, you are both dried.
  4691. > You still nearly fall and drop your rifle when she butts you with her rump.
  4692. "What was that for?"
  4693. > "He was going to take me hostage and bring home and brag to his friends! And you called bucking DIBS?"
  4694. "That's why it's called BULLSHIT my way in."
  4695. > " You... You... I'm..."
  4696. "Look, I'm sorry, I just wanted to make sure nobody's hurt."
  4697. > "That's not very convincing"
  4698. "I was afraid I'd shoot the wrong blurry spot, I can't even see straight after yesterday. Please, I'm sorry."
  4699. > Confused look, slower breathing. Nearly missed it.
  4700. > "I still want to hit you."
  4701. "I'll probably trip over a brick a dozen times in next hour, you'll get your payback."
  4702. > You try to ease your situation and pet her mane, but she wriggles her head out of your palm
  4703. > "You didn't even listen when I told you to take a safe path."
  4704. "I... Wait, how did you know that?"
  4705. > "Because I found those wolves."
  4706. "And apparently it's okay for YOU to take that path?"
  4707. > "Unlike you I can walk the forest wihout half of its creatures running after me."
  4708. "Uh-huh, that's exactly how we've met."
  4709. > "That does not count!"
  4710. "How so?"
  4711. >> "Uuuuurrrhg jsut get a room you two"
  4712. "You want her to hit you again?"
  4713. >> "No, thanks, you can have her."
  4714. > You should keep Zecora from fullfilling the threat, she's starting to boil again
  4715. "Yeah, should've listen to me. What the hell are you doing here?"
  4716. >> "And who are... Wait, is that you?"
  4717. "The one and only. What's the issue with the town, why the hell would you burn it?"
  4718. >> "Sarge got mad that horses ran away and stole all the herd we wanted to take back... I thought you guys died in there! Are you a ghost?"
  4719. > He pokes your chest with his finger and stumbles back
  4720. >> "What the hell? Is that some horse magic?"
  4721. > Shit, he might think you're a spy
  4722. "That is some 'let's leave them to die' magic, thank the captain for that. Don't jump to another topic, I've tried to contact the higher ranks for months, where is Sarge?"
  4723. >> "They're down there, t-trying to crack the dome. I just snack out to catch me some horse, we will come back empty-handed anyway, might as well check the ruins. Are you in some kind of undercover shit?"
  4724. "Sorry, I must ask Sarge how much I can tell first. You have a medkit with you?"
  4725. >> "No, but we have a medic with us. Why?"
  4726. > You point your hand to where Davenport was hidden
  4727. "Look at that pole, yeah, with the ribbon, there's an injured pony who needs help to the right of it. Go get him to the medic, he got his ribs hurt."
  4728. > His eyes are lit and he finally picks himself up from the ground
  4729. >> "Where, there?"
  4730. "Yes, there. Don't hurt him, you hear me? Because I know how you..."
  4731. >> "Yeah, yeah, sure!"
  4732. > The big goof hurries to pick the rifle from the ground and runs away, eager to please the command
  4733. > He also took your broken Nikonov with empty mag and left his AK74 to you.
  4734. > One less problem, the bolt assembly is busted and he can't use his own mags with it.
  4735. > A full mag, sweet!
  4736. > Aaaaand it's in 'auto fire' mode. How is that чучмек still alive, you wonder.
  4737. > You return selector to 'safe' and turn back to Zecora
  4738. > "What side are you with, tell me, please? Were you actually with them all the time?"
  4739. "*sigh* Best if he thinks that way. I hope he won't injure Davenport more than he is."
  4740. > "But who are you actually with? Can I even trust you?"
  4741. > Really now?
  4742. "Zecora, honey. My command sent me into the cross-dimentional anomaly just to see what happens and abandoned me. The guys were told I am dead, and so are the Fluttershy's goons. Which side would YOU choose?"
  4743. > "Everyone treated you as a pet, and I thought you wanted to go home."
  4744. "They didn't treat me like a pet, they treated me like a bear who ran away from circus and might accidentally bite someone. And those I'd prefer to keep at distance anyway. You and the girls treated me like a person and I appreciate that very much."
  4745. > "Still, me and my hut, and you working on it?"
  4746. "I just fixed the roof, jeez. It was leaking right into the bed and now it's not, that's all that happened."
  4747. > "Yeah, I even developed a habit of sleeping on the side where it's dry."
  4748. "Near the edge where you used to fall from?"
  4749. > "Just hit yourself in the head on the next brick, please."
  4750. > Phew, the storm is over.
  4751. > She doesn't mind when you pull her in a sidehug as you walk down to the library covered under a purple magic shield.
  4752. "So, mighty human handler, what else did you hear?"
  4753. > "Not much. I think they want to ship captives somewhere far, some man with the long name seems to be paying them and send to... Rustoff?"
  4754. "Long name?"
  4755. > "Tralala...something"
  4756. "Talalayev?"
  4757. > "Yeah, that sounds like it."
  4758. "Motherfuuuuuucker. He sat down Major General after all."
  4759. > "Is that bad?"
  4760. "That means we're dealing with greed, not with desire for promotion. Hence grunts like Sergeant used for selling ponies abroad, and Rostov is close enough to border to move contraband there."
  4761. > "I wish we could just end this war."
  4762. "I wish we'll survive the meeting with Sarge. We're getting close, and I really need you to play along, okay?"
  4763. > "I'm a free zebra and I won't act like I'm happy about it!"
  4764. "Somebody's insecure"
  4765. > "Double hits on the head and I'll think about it."
  4766. "Just calm down, they'll hear us. Okay, double hits, just help me do something about the library siege.
  4767.  
  4768. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4769.  
  4770. "Hi, Sarge!"
  4771. > The shaved head in the middle of the crowd spots you in the end of the street and the entire squad points rifles at you
  4772. "I've heard you're nearby and decided to pay a visit."
  4773. >>> "State your name and rank RIGHT NOW or I'll order to shoot!"
  4774. "Come on, that's me. From the spring draft, don't you remember?"
  4775. > The purple orb starts to wobble, but everybody looks at you
  4776. > Is Princess trying to do something?
  4777. > You could save her some time but you're out of ideas
  4778. >>> "What the hell, aren't you supposed to be dead?"
  4779. "No."
  4780. >>> "Damn eggheads."
  4781. > More wobbling on the sphere
  4782. >>> "So, what's your deal here, why are you here?"
  4783. "I'm trying to contact my damn platoon, do you have means to contact Gener... Talalayev?"
  4784. >>> "I don't trust you. Why is the horse here?"
  4785. "That's not a horse, that's a zebra. She helped me get to unfamiliar places last six months."
  4786. > The wobble is audible and someone finally notices it
  4787. >>> "Working with locals? And noone told me there is an agent? Arrest him right now, I'll interrogate him later."
  4788. > Luckily, the low-pitch noise finally gets to him and he's turning his head to the sphere.
  4789. > The orb is unstable and it shakes as if something wants to break free from inside
  4790. > Sarge screams to take cover, but the nearest rocks and rumble is a 10 second run
  4791. > All you have time for is falling on top of Zecora as the bubble breaks and the wave of energy washes over everybody and makes your muscles jolt
  4792. > You fail to breathe properly and your vision gets darker
  4793. > The last thing you remember is Zecora trying to make pushes on your chest so you won't suffocate and a blurry blue spot that comes in the corner of your eye.
  4794.  
  4795. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4796.  
  4797. > A mighty smack in the face wakes you up
  4798. > World of ragged images and muffled sounds becomes consistent and you can finally make out where is up and where is down
  4799. > First thing you recognize is Zecora's blue eyes, wide in fear
  4800. > You don't see that often on her face, something must've happened
  4801. "Uh-whuh... W-what's wrong, who's hurt? Where's my..."
  4802. > That earns you another smack and a lack of air
  4803. > No, not a smack, you just hit your head on something behind it and it's just Zecora pressing you down
  4804. > You still try and reach your backpack that lies close enough to give you illusion you can reach it when you hear sobbing somewhere at your collarbone
  4805. "Lemme go, we can still..."
  4806. > You try to see something in the blur that is all your eyes can give you
  4807. > *You're the only one hurt here, dumbass*
  4808. "Aaaaaaaaah, I get it"
  4809. > As you attempt to pet Zecora's head you feel a half-assed kick in your never-to-be-healed-shiner on your leg
  4810. > The wave of pain rolls over your body and reminds you how sore is your everything
  4811. > Groans won't save you though, that mare won't let you go untill she's done
  4812. > Finally you can make out ponies that walk around, your former squadmates tied in the distance, and Princess Luna talking to somebody beige and grey-haired
  4813. > The pink mare with yellow mane notices you two and her face shows a weird palette of emotions as she walks closer and says something
  4814. > Something something alien predators stealing folks and eating them
  4815. > That takes attention of nearby ponies, but yours is taken by the zebra still choking you
  4816. > She doesnt give a single fuck, about your neck too
  4817. > You try to pry her off, as gently as your heavy arms allow you, but no luck
  4818. > Meanwhile the pink grumpy mare screams louder about some traitors and what she thinks they deserve
  4819. > You have no time for this, you're gonna suffocate
  4820. > Zecora won't budge, she only tightens around you
  4821. > Mare yells
  4822. > Zecora curls around you harder
  4823. > Mare yells louder
  4824. > Your lungs scream for air
  4825. > Zecora tries to act as Delta Megazord and clamps around you, noticeably shaking
  4826. > Mare yells something right next to you
  4827. > RrrraaaAAAAAAAAAAAAJUSTFUCKOFFAAAAAAA
  4828. > With annoyed groan you grab a piece of dirt with your left hand and throw at pink mare
  4829. > When that doesnt quite shut her up you throw two more patches of dirt and hay in her
  4830. > That shuts her up and you can finally can adress another mare, that almost melts into your right shoulder
  4831. > She mumbles something incoherently, seemingly repeating "please" and something else
  4832. > You somehow manage to sit up with yours and Zecora's weight
  4833. > There's sure a lot of ponies around
  4834. > With their impromptu leader silent they suddenly look like they forgot why are they even here
  4835. "Could you guys, like, fuck off for a second, we're having a moment here."
  4836. >> "But what about..."
  4837. "Later, okay?"
  4838. >>> "MY CHILD IS LOST OUT THERE!"
  4839. "YOUR CHILD IS SAFE IN THE FOREST, I PULLED THE ENTIRE WAGON OUT OF THE FIRE AND PROPER PONIES TAKING CARE OF THEM, NOW PLEASE FUCK OFF! I'M BUSY!"
  4840. > A worried murmur goes around but you don't pay attention
  4841. > Zecora stopped shaking and mumbling and you start to stroke her mane
  4842. > "Ahbuhbob boo phee me wah bap"
  4843. "Mmm?"
  4844. > You crane your neck to her muzzle to hear better as her head pulls from your shoulder a little
  4845. > "L-lets just go s-somewhere quiet."
  4846. > Oh boy, you have to walk now
  4847.  
  4848. > You can't manage to get up, so you just drag your ass around the pile of bricks you're sitting on
  4849. > When you put something behind you and everyone, Zecora finally relaxes and sinks into your side like she sometimes does in the evening
  4850. > Your voices are as muffled as it's possible so the commotion behind you would muffle the sound
  4851. > "T-thanks for that"
  4852. "For what?"
  4853. > "She was right, you know"
  4854. "Zecora, sweetie, what's going on? You nearly choked me, and then you want to go away, shouldn't we help everybody? And what's with that mare, my head is still dizzy"
  4855. > "She said I'm an outcast and I belong outside, said you were my pet monster who hypnotized me to join the bandits, and..."
  4856. "Whaaaaaaaat"
  4857. > "I'd rather go with you, humans, you know."
  4858. "Zecora, don't talk like that. She is stupid and scared, you know how folks can be"
  4859. > "But she's right! I never participate in anything, it's not comfortable around ponies, and I cannot go back home. I-if your kind is half as kind as you, m-maybe I'd be better..."
  4860. "That's nonsense. You're a great help to town, and you have many friends here."
  4861. > "B-but they wanted me to leave, and you were there for me, you even covered me from the shockwave..."
  4862. "They don't want you to leave. That's just crowd being a crowd. If you want, I'd go scold them and they will remember what is what. And everyone will be friends again. Would you like that?"
  4863. > She tries to avoid your eyes
  4864. "Zecora? Honey?"
  4865. > She leans into your hand stroking her mane and nods
  4866. > That deserves a peck in the forehead
  4867. "That's better. And I'll always try to protect you, you know that."
  4868. > "I don't want you dead."
  4869. "I can take a hit or two."
  4870. > "But what will be left? And I'm not made of glass too, but you always throw yourself in between."
  4871. "I just..."
  4872. >> "ANONYMOUS"
  4873. > Aaaaaaaaah fuck, your ears!
  4874. "SHUDDUP"
  4875. > "Aaaaah, my ears!"
  4876. >> "AHEM, ahem, yeah, that's better. Sorry for that, I still slip sometimes"
  4877. "Oh, that's you. Hello, princess."
  4878.  
  4879. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4880.  
  4881. "So, yeah, they're safe. If someone even finds the hut, they'll hide inside. I mounted these clips near the door, Sarge and guys will just drop the log into them and that should hold a pack of wolves at least."
  4882. >> "I'm still not sure about your 'guys', can they be trusted not to take them hostages?"
  4883. > "The goons obey to Fluttershy, there is no doubt, can't even try."
  4884. "Yeah, she has that 'stare' of hers, it looks so cute you can't hardly say 'no' to her."
  4885. > How do horses walk on three legs and face..hoof..horseshoe..fuck.
  4886. "Can you tell that pink menace that Zecora actually helped her kid to safety, and not kidnapped them in a caravan pulled by demon?"
  4887. >> "Most certainly. But what was your plan in Ponyville?"
  4888. "Search for supplies and survivors. There's a lot of basements that can save from a fire around town, maybe some dried fruits or conserved vegetables could feed the kids. We're kinda short on supplies."
  4889. >> "Survivors, you say? I recall Twilight capturing a human with a stallion in his hands, he looked like he tried to treat his broken ribs and carry to the library, but she charged him and nearly hurt the poor pony."
  4890. "Oh shit. Can you lead me to them?"
  4891.  
  4892. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4893.  
  4894. "Twilight, what the fuck!"
  4895. > Purple unicorn looks like she was rolled over by a tractor and then she had to cross the mountain pass, but still ran around like her usual busy self
  4896. > She looks at you with innocent eyes and even dares to ask
  4897. > "What's wrong with capturing someone who tried to steal a Ponyville citizen?"
  4898. "First, he's with me. You have a mouth and you can speak, did you even ask him where's he going?"
  4899. > "But he dragged Davenport to..."
  4900. "Hey, Oleg, did you drag him?"
  4901. >> "HMMMFMMFFM"
  4902. "See, he says he carried him carefully in his hands. And you nearly broke more ribs that were damaged already."
  4903. > "B-but I thought he was..."
  4904. "Second, see this boomstick?"
  4905. > You pick the sorry pile of rust and plastic from the ground
  4906. "You saw yourself how it pops wolves heads, why did you charge a man with the boomstick?"
  4907. > Quick check
  4908. > Stock at your knee, magazine detaches with crumbles of dirt falling from it
  4909. > Safety is disengaged of course
  4910. > "That thing was plugged at an angle, I thought it was b-broken..."
  4911. "It's supposed to go at an angle, that's the point of a doublefeed-doubleshot. So basically you charged an enemy with a loaded..."
  4912. > You pull the bolt back
  4913. > Chamber is plugged with dust
  4914. > Bolt is somehow covered in ash mud too
  4915. "...gun."
  4916. > You dramatically release the bolt handle
  4917. > Instead of just snapping back, its pushes the small rock to the cartridge that is stuck in the chamber and covered with mud cork
  4918. > At this point you are so tired you don't even shit your pants when it fires
  4919. > All the faces around look in your direction
  4920. > Twilight is standing frozen
  4921. > The dead crow slaps between you and her
  4922. "See?"
  4923. > *Oh shit what do we do now, they must've heard it from the camp*
  4924. "ALLRIGHT, LISTEN UP"
  4925. > Wtf are we doing
  4926. "Move the injured into the Sugarcube Corner basement, take this guy, he'll help."
  4927. > You cut the ropes on Petrenko and nudge him in Redheart's direction
  4928. "It's all right, he's with me. Everybody - 5 minutes to loot basements for food and warm clothes, you're heading into the forest, Zecora will lead the way."
  4929. > "What's the fuss?"
  4930. "They'll come check who was shooting, me and Petrenko will buy you some time."
  4931. > "No way I'm leaving you for a minute, If there's a trouble, you're always in it."
  4932. > "Ivory knows the safe longer pass"
  4933. > She leans closer
  4934. > "No way you're in this on your own, psychopath"
  4935. "Uuuugh. Fine, be it your way, we don't have time. Why are you all still here, scatter! 4 minutes left!"
  4936.  
  4937. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4938.  
  4939. Ch 15
  4940.  
  4941. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4942.  
  4943. "Oleg."
  4944. > "Huh?"
  4945. "Don't tell me we wasted the whole day in that pie cellar..."
  4946. > "It was nice though"
  4947. "...and squatted 5 kilometers through the bushes to find just 2 guys guarding the base?"
  4948. > "Easier for your 'rescue' mission, innit?"
  4949. "You could tell me back then, in the morning!"
  4950. > "You were so into your Kommissar Rex mood, I didn't have the heart. All sneaky, and giving commands, like you actually wanted to..."
  4951. "Okay, fine, shut up, it wasn't that funny."
  4952. > "Yes, it was."
  4953. "I swear, I'll fucking... Go be useful and signal Twilight we're done, would you? I'll unlock the cage."
  4954. > "Eeeehhhehehehe."
  4955. "Wait, where's the kitchen? Did you even feed the ponies you captured?"
  4956. > "You mean, where's that normal human food you must have missed so much?"
  4957. "Since when did you get so cocky? I'm still a guy with a gun."
  4958. > "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Don't shoot yourself in the foot while you're at it."
  4959. "Look who's talking, you barely missed yours that time when..."
  4960. > "Allright, allright, fine, it's in that tent with the pipe, jeez. I'll go signal... stuff."
  4961. "Uh-huh."
  4962. > He better not take off into the night
  4963. > Not that you'll mind the wolves getting easy dinner
  4964. > It's just you have no idea how to open the portal and you're not waking up any of other guys
  4965. > Easier to talk sense into this fool than change other's minds
  4966. > He's cooperative for now, you promised him you'll send humans home and he's more than glad to return to base where they have TV and steady cigarette supply
  4967.  
  4968. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  4969.  
  4970. > The caravan of released ponies hurries back to Ponyville
  4971. > Or what's left of it
  4972. > The field kitchen cart goes back with them, most of supplies went along
  4973. > Pinkie was weirdly curious about it so the promise was made not to cook her usual sugary stuff in it and focus on dry porridges
  4974. > She'll break it in a week, just wait and see
  4975. > By that time they'll either evacuate to where it's safe or the capital will help with supplies
  4976. > Now you think what should you do with immobilized soldiers
  4977. > Twilight swears they'll wake up next day, or she'll wake some of them with a spell if you need
  4978. > Better hurry
  4979. > If you can sent them back through the portal before they wake up, it'll save many stupid questions
  4980. > Gotta ask Twilight or Luna if they can wipe Petrenko's memories of last 20 hours
  4981.  
  4982. > Quick check reveals 4 barely standing tents with sleeping bags, one field kitchen and one ЗиЛ-131 truck which probably carried all the heavy stuff
  4983. > Twilight is jacking off to the portal gear and chewing Petrenko's ear off with questions
  4984. > You are totally not jealous
  4985. > On the contrary, you finally get to sit on a log and get to that pack of smokes you couldn't lit inside
  4986. > There's even a Cricket inside
  4987. > Too bad the brand is such a cheapskate that they damp in open air, and to light them will take...
  4988. > "Hey, Anon!"
  4989. "Aaahhhem bwah *cough* holy crap don't jump on me like that please."
  4990. > Stripey muzzle lays on your shoulder while you look at the cigarette drowning in the mud.
  4991. > You'll just be polite and not stink the air for now
  4992. > The carton has... errr... the whole 2 cigarettes in it for later. You'll be fine.
  4993. > Your hand rises up and strokes Zecora's cheek
  4994. > Man, she's so soft and warm
  4995. > To think of it, you had what, 3, 4 months together?
  4996. > And you only do this now
  4997. > Feels so stupid to waste all that time and not just embrace it
  4998. > This zebra and you, you might...
  4999. > "Luna says she can't wipe his memory."
  5000. > Arrrrgh
  5001. > Not this faggot again
  5002. > "But she can make him think it was a... Hey, I didn't say stop"
  5003. > You cheeky horse
  5004. > "Mmmmmmmm. Yeah, there."
  5005. > So she shuts up when someone scratches your ear?
  5006. > You sit like that for a minute before Zecora breaks the trance and sits near you.
  5007. > "So. What next?"
  5008. > Damn if you planned that far
  5009. "Dunno. Hoped to launch the portal, shove them back, break the metal arch before someone comes through. Maybe ask around to transform this area into a swamp, must slow them down if they try this place again."
  5010. > "Yeah, but... What about you?"
  5011. "Me?"
  5012. > "You. Would you..."
  5013. > You feel her shuffling around nervously
  5014. > "Would you stay, or..."
  5015. > Hol up
  5016. > You could go home at any point in this plan, and you never even thought about it
  5017. "I... I don't really know. I don't think they'll greet me well if I go now, but... Shit, now I really don't know"
  5018. > Her shoulders are sagging
  5019. "Nah, not now. I mean yeah, I miss Mom, I miss my little brother, but m-maybe later."
  5020. > You hug the zebra who seems to be frozen, waiting for an answer
  5021. "Surely they'll open another portal when the whole misunderstanding clears. Diplomacy and shit. I'lll just pretend I was lost in the forest."
  5022. > ...
  5023. > A quiet sob breaks the silence
  5024. > You tighten the hug around her
  5025. > Does she really like you that much?
  5026. > "Please don't go"
  5027. > The hug goes even tighter
  5028. "Ok."
  5029. > You just sit there for a couple of minutes, stroking Zecora's mane while she presses her head in your neck
  5030.  
  5031. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5032.  
  5033. > Captured soldiers are loaded into truck temporarily
  5034. > You can't keep them on the cold ground, and getting limp bodies to separate tents is too much hassle
  5035. > The damn truck won't start, because of course it won't
  5036. > Poor thing just stood there for 2 weeks, if you can trust Petrenko, doing nothing but occasionally light the camp
  5037. > Battery was almost dead and your hand was almost dead from working the crank for half an hour
  5038. > Sparkplugs didn't even had that much gunk on them, but you cleaned them regardless
  5039. > Carburator looked clean and didn't have recent hand prints
  5040. > Some of the wiring on distributor looked funny so you make a dive under the hood to poke it at different angles
  5041. > Petrenko finally shows up and you make him sit in the cabin and try to start the truck while you are halfway in the guts
  5042. > That could go all kinds of assways, but you're all out of blue isolation tape and it's too bothersome to run back to cabin to try a minor tweak
  5043. > So here you are, legs dangling in the air, holding the wiring in place
  5044. > Last fucking attempt before you go and find Twilight to push this whole thing through the portal with her magic
  5045. "TRY NOW"
  5046. > Probably won't hurt to check if transmission is in neutral
  5047. > If he stomps the gas and it actually starts, that means you'll...
  5048. > https://youtu.be/rFJNpgimjNc?t=28
  5049. > FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
  5050. "FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK DONT RELEASE THE CLUTCH DONT..."
  5051. > Too late
  5052. > The beast that played possum all this time takes off like it saw his favourite treat
  5053. > Left hand that supported you had its sleeve caught in radiator fan
  5054. > Oleg screams something in the cabin
  5055. > Please somebody be responsible and stop the truck
  5056. > The familliar gut roar emits from everywhere at once and red glow shines roughly from where portal was
  5057. > Where the truck was rolling
  5058. > FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
  5059.  
  5060. > Weird turning and twisting in your guts with blinding light probably means you crossed the portal
  5061. > Luckily your hand still is caught in the fan so you are not thrown away from the truck
  5062. > Finally machine finds some solid ground under it
  5063. > Snap back to reality, oh there goes gravity
  5064. > Not for long
  5065. > The whole frame starts to wobble side to side, the wheels twist hard to the right
  5066. > Brief moment of flight sideways ends up with you hitting your head on the frame
  5067. > You hear metal screeching on asphalt for a couple of seconds and your vision fades to black.
  5068.  
  5069. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5070.  
  5071. > Your head hurts
  5072. > Breathing too deep hurts as well
  5073. > The surface under your back shakes like a train cart and you can barely hear muffled clanks
  5074. > Once in a while the bright light flies above you and pushes through your eyelids
  5075. > The ground turns and you almost trip on your left side
  5076. > Pain, that follows, makes you groan and open your eyes for a second
  5077. > Some heads in white masks roam above you and walls are covered with tiles
  5078. > Finally you're rolled above the nastiest bump so far and brightest light you've seen makes you squint even with closed eyes
  5079. > Plastic mask touches your face and you feel the faint sweet smell
  5080. > Gravity disappears and the world twists around untill you lose consciousness again.
  5081.  
  5082. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5083.  
  5084. > "It's been three days, shouldn't he wake up and talk already?"
  5085. "Give him a break, he's been lucky enough to survive as it is."
  5086. > "Still, the leutenant has been chewing my ear off - when will he be up to talk, when will he be up to talk, when will he be up to talk..."
  5087. "Did you tell him it's not a tent in the field and we heal patient before interrogating?"
  5088. > "Ten times a day, but he still keeps asking."
  5089. "Well, he can sit in the lobby all he wants, as long as he doesn't enter the clean area."
  5090. > "Good for you, you don't have to walk past him all the time."
  5091. "You work hard enough and you can too sit in your own office in a couple of years."
  5092. > "Uh-huh. Maybe when the Count Durkula will pull a stick out of his ass and give us all some breathing room."
  5093. "He means well and you know it."
  5094. > "Bullshit, he just enjoys humiliating other people."
  5095. "Who knows?"
  5096. > The slurps of coffee are the only sound in the empty hall for a couple of minutes
  5097. > "Anyways, what's that thing we couldn't tear from his arm?"
  5098. "Dunno. Some bronze trinket with a glass inside, nothing special."
  5099. > "So... Ah. Shame."
  5100. "You think you're so smart that nobody will grab it before you?"
  5101. > "I didn't say anything"
  5102. "Neither did I. Anyways, let's check the vitals and move forward."
  5103. > ...
  5104. > "Huh."
  5105. "Huh."
  5106. > "Did the nurse left the window open?"
  5107. "Doesn't look like she could reach the handle, let alone be assed to do anything."
  5108. > "And you didn't?"
  5109. "Nope."
  5110. > Two men in white coats cautiously close to the window and look at the bedsheet rope tied to radiator, the metal cup tied to the other end and thrown back into the building
  5111. > "Fuck."
  5112. "Yep."
  5113.  
  5114. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5115.  
  5116. > Nothing really changed when you returned home. Same broken roads, same trees growing wherever, same grannies sitting on the bench near the porch calling people hoes and drug addicts when they don't say hello
  5117. > You hitchhiked at night and hid in the forest during the day, but when you circled around the block for hours nobody tried to catch you near your house.
  5118. > Later that week you learned that portals opened randomly in many different countries, 4 or 5 of them in Russia
  5119. > The political shitstorm never went anywhere, all you could make out from official sources was that they were kept under military guard like it was another Chernobyl
  5120. > Your military base was in the news for damaging local villages' electric grid and causing fires, so they "investigated thoroughly and punished whoever" before sweeping it under the rug and relocating all that wasn't cemented into the floor.
  5121. > Guess noone will look for you after all.
  5122. > Your 2 years were served and you'd created a couple of disposable mail accounts that would send some nasty details to your friends on the other side of the Siberia if you're gone for a month
  5123. > You were lucky that they took you back to your old office but all your old team was somewhere else, only HR and couple of noobs you coached remembered you.
  5124. > They were obliged to take you back because of mandatory draft law, but you honestly tried to fit in.
  5125. > The habit of walking, not remembering that buses exist, cost you some time, but eventually started to weather out by winter.
  5126. > Pretty much everybody you knew moved on, your mum relocated to grandma's house, your brother married, so you dwelled alone in spare studio flat
  5127. > The winter is coming late this year
  5128. > [spoiler]Pillow is a lousy substitute, but at least it helps to fall asleep[/spoiler]
  5129.  
  5130. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5131.  
  5132. > The door of old "breadloaf" closes with a loud clank
  5133. > You hit the engine cover so it would finally click in place and not suffocate you that much
  5134. > "Hey, no fair!"
  5135. "Fuck your drunk ass, I'm driving."
  5136. > "You drive like my grandfather, it'll take forever to get there, lemme!"
  5137. "I said fuck off into passenger seat! At least we'd get there without busting the transmission again."
  5138. > "This piece of crap will die soon anyway, why do you nurse it so much"
  5139. > *Clank*
  5140. "Because guess who will be responsible for another clutch swap?"
  5141. > "Responsible, reshmonsible. Look where being responsible got you."
  5142. > Honestly, it didn't get you that far
  5143. > Last time you were responsible someone got locked out of warehouse and couldn't steal decommissioned hardware
  5144. > Guess who has two fingers, cannot control his temper and got himself assigned on tower maintenance at the last week of December?
  5145. "He'll live."
  5146. > Chances are, his secretary is sucking his dick out of pity
  5147. > And for what, for simple black eye?
  5148. > "And you'll reset that old sissko crap untill people are done calling their relatives"
  5149. > The engine purrs while you leave the orbital road and head south, to Rostov cell cluster
  5150. > It seems to like it when you don't jerk the gas pedal as if you deliver tofu at midnight
  5151. "Didn't we upgrade all that crap 5 years ago? With remote management and all that fancy crap?"
  5152. > "Are you kidding, all good stuff went to Default City suburbs, it's all the same rusty shit from Tula to Dagestan"
  5153. "Fffffuuuuck."
  5154.  
  5155. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5156.  
  5157. > Another tower covered with bird poop
  5158. > You barely hang on the ladder, trying not to stain the speedsuit
  5159. > Obviously, all cables that aren't tucked in cable-channels are chewed and barely hang in their sockets
  5160. > Maybe you can crimp these three most pitiful ones with new jacks and delay the inevitable for another month
  5161. > First two go relatively smooth, but on third one some smartass thinks that it is his nest gets hit in the beak and retreats
  5162. > And you're all out of crimpers
  5163. > Where was that radio
  5164. "Take cover, I dropped the crimp"
  5165. > Well, too late
  5166. > Plastic shards already cover most of the concrete base and Vasya is shouting something, shaking his hands in the air
  5167. > Guess the third one gets finished with a screwdriver, you're not climbing down for another crimper
  5168.  
  5169. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5170.  
  5171. "Do we have any тосол left?"
  5172. > "What, again?"
  5173. "Yes, again, it seems to be overheating"
  5174. > "Oh, blyat, does this piece of rust even use benzin, or it straight up eats antifreeze?"
  5175. "Fuck if I know. Rubber tubes are older than both of us."
  5176. > "Damn. No, I think we ran out of it yesterday, and its bottle now hangs over that power joint over at..."
  5177. "Oh, yeah, I remember now."
  5178. > You stop the car for a moment to let it cool somewhat
  5179. "I dunno, maybe we could splash some water from thermos and get to the gas station?"
  5180. > "Drank it all this morning"
  5181. "Damn."
  5182. > You look around and you don't even have snow yet
  5183. > December, ladies and gentlemen.
  5184. > They promised something by New Year, but for now it's just hardened dirt wherever you look.
  5185. > "I guess we could turn back, there was a small river in a couple of kilometers"
  5186. "Won't we clog it?"
  5187. > "Eh. We'll filter it, there was this old telogreika somewhere"
  5188. "Fine, I guess."
  5189.  
  5190. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5191.  
  5192. > It's the last one for today
  5193. > Even if your boss protests, no way you're in the field in that dreadful hour where the network shits itself and everyone are running like cockroaches
  5194. > Chances are, you could get to base and drink half of vodka bottle in one swig even before he opens his mouth
  5195. > Nobody would dare to send you anywhere in that condition, and your partner couldn't be happier with that plan
  5196. > Right now he's somewhere in the woods, taking his time because it's an hour before closest gas station and he's too cheap to pay for restroom
  5197. > You sit there quietly, contemplating
  5198. > That's your life now
  5199. > Not that you didn't enjoy tinkering, but like that?
  5200. > You miss your wooden bench and custom crafted instruments
  5201. > You miss the simple food
  5202. > You miss the fireplace and a cozy couch
  5203. > You miss the girls who want something from you every day with their crazy projects
  5204. > You miss... her.
  5205. > You gotta stop headbutting the wheel
  5206. > It won't give her back.
  5207. > All you can do now is go outside as well and after that drive home
  5208. > The door closes after a hearty kick
  5209. > Handle is so loose you wonder how it doesn't open when you drive
  5210. > Maybe you'll just go to another side of the road, or it'll be too awkward
  5211.  
  5212. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5213.  
  5214. > For some reason you cannot stop going deeper into the forest
  5215. > It seems so familiar, like you've been here before
  5216. > To think of it, your former boot camp was near that village you just gave the blessing of unreliable cell connection
  5217. > Something just pulls you further and you can't find any reason to stop just yet
  5218.  
  5219. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5220.  
  5221. > "Now where the fuck is my stuck-up comrade"
  5222. > Not in the back
  5223. > Not in the driver's seat
  5224. > Not around the wagon
  5225. > The line of tracks goes to another side of the road
  5226. > Maybe he needs to have a minute too?
  5227. > "Okay, we'll wait"
  5228. > The sudden thunder roars in the distance
  5229. > It doesn't sound like the gunshot, or the rainstorm
  5230. > Something guttural, something warped, something much deeper
  5231. > Your gut tells you that you got a couple of minutes before you really gotta go
  5232. > While you look in the opposite side of the road, the evening sky looks bloody red
  5233. > The flashes in that direction concur with low roars that make your bowels shake uncomfortably
  5234. > "Oh fuck. COME OOOON, WE GOTTA GOOOOO!!!"
  5235. > Red light, that, you notice, doesn't come from the west, comes closer to the road and you tremble uncontrollably
  5236. > Your legs don't obey you anymore and you don't stop them from climbing behind the driver's wheel
  5237. > Couple of long honks later and no partner in sight, you decide to skidaddle
  5238. > The hairs on your body already up with electricity and you swear to all the saints in your church that you'd pray to all of them for your partner's soul, you just gotta get out of this alive
  5239. > Red mist crawls to the road where you were a minute ago and you barely hit the third gear with your shaking hands
  5240.  
  5241. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5242.  
  5243. > The forest is all red
  5244. > Air is thick with energy
  5245. > It fills your body with sudden wish to run and you oblige
  5246. > You run right into the center of it
  5247. > Legs barely register the ground under them as you fly with surprising speed
  5248. > The heat in your chest pocket becomes noticeable and you take out the Amulet
  5249. > Bright glow from the crystal pulses with strong confident beat and you match your step to it
  5250. > You stop feeling anything as your mind empties and you just run and run into the thunder, barely missing the trees
  5251.  
  5252. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5253.  
  5254. > The forest became usual around five minutes ago, but you still run
  5255. > Your mind slowly comes back to the body and you start to recognize the terrain around you
  5256. > Bright birch grove comes into view and you turn there to check one special place
  5257. > There is this deceptive meadow, where the skeletons of Zmey Gorynych victims are almost covered in dirt
  5258. > One of them is relatively fresh anfas you get to his backpack, you hear a growl behind you
  5259. > Not even realizing you roll to the side and grab dusty ТОЗ-34 from the pile of random junk and point it to the...
  5260. > What the fuck, you shot its heads off!
  5261. > With your own hands!
  5262. > Right and left heads look brighter than middle one, which sports the big dent where it left eye was
  5263. > It also has most... thoughtful look of three
  5264. > Remaining eye locks on your rifle and two other heads look at it in confusion
  5265. "That's right, buddy"
  5266. "You must remember the boomstick"
  5267. "Let's just be smart"
  5268. > Low growl emits from middle head
  5269. "I'll just grab this junk you cannot eat anyway, go over there and we both keep our limbs intact"
  5270. > As you crawl back to the clearance in the bushes two side clearly show how hungry they are, but middle one seems to keep them back
  5271. > You just don't question how it remembers you, or rifle, or how it understands what it does, you'll ask questions later
  5272. > If the rifle is even loaded
  5273. > When you are almost out of it's nest you hear wolf cry in uncomfortably close proximity
  5274. > Fuck, that's just what you needed right now
  5275. > Luckily, it gives the dragon much needed distraction and you run again
  5276. > You regret the cargo pretty soon, but it was probably a good idea to take the shotgun
  5277. > Because wolf cries even closer and you are not sure you'll take it with bare hands
  5278. > Like before, you run the barely visible trail untill you see the small light in the distance
  5279. > Like before, you hear steps behind you
  5280. > Like before, you forget to drop the backpack and just try to run faster, closing to the light
  5281. > It seems like the lightning does strike the same spot twice, because you barely manage to smash through the door and jump back to lock it just before claws start hitting the wood on the other side
  5282.  
  5283. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5284.  
  5285. > You slump to the floor and look around
  5286. > Is it even real
  5287. > It looks like it, but all dusty
  5288. > The fireplace barely burns and the cauldron isn't shining with some weird brew
  5289. > You see some crudely drawn pictures on the walls, must be the foals when they were here
  5290. > Air smells like damp wood and paint thinner
  5291. > In the corner, beneath the table, hiccups the ragged cloth
  5292. > You muster last bit of your strength and stumble there
  5293. > Somewhere in that rag you see the snootle poking out for air
  5294. > Not believeing your eyes you unroll it and see the face that haunted your dreams last few months
  5295. > ...and a bottle of your unfinished moonshine.
  5296. "What in the hell are you drinking, it's up for two distillations before it's ready"
  5297. > "Whaddayou know, you're not ev'n real"
  5298. "R-real?"
  5299. > "I wish you would jus stop 'ppearing, you fucking GHOST! Didn't I cry enough to be over it?"
  5300. > You feel the mighty guilt landing on your shoulders and dangling its legs playfully
  5301. > "'n you jus... come an'... do stuff when'm dreamin', jus to disappear in th'mornin."
  5302. > The rags come off Zecora as she stumbles up and finishes her rant, looking at you, barely focusing her eyes
  5303. > A hug is met with weak protest, but you overpower her quickly and put her head to your chest
  5304. > You sit there for a minute, listening to quiet sobs and stroking her hair
  5305. "You know what?"
  5306. > *Sniff* "what"
  5307. "This time I would stay."
  5308. > "I don't believe you. Never did and you never stayed."
  5309. "What's it gonna take to trust me this time?"
  5310. > "Nothing."
  5311. "Nothing at all?"
  5312. > "I dunno. Do something you would do, but I haven't seen it yet."
  5313. > You think for a moment
  5314. > There was this cassette from previous owner of the wagon
  5315. > He was a geologist or something and had some dank shit in the glovebox
  5316. > And the song you liked the most from that mixtape comes to mind
  5317. > You grab Zecora bride-style and carry her to the bed
  5318. > Once you tuck her in, you start to sing
  5319. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUfQWz8z0gM
  5320.  
  5321. > She doesn't move for a while, but then relaxes and leans into your hand
  5322. > "I don't want to believe, but... Is it really you?"
  5323. "Only one way to find out. Have a sleep and see if I'm still here in the morning."
  5324. > "Promise?"
  5325. > You lay near her and pull her close
  5326. "Promise."
  5327. > Zecora visibly struggles with what to do next, but eventually puts her muzzle against your neck and throws the blanket on top of you
  5328. > Her grip on your torso tightens and only then she allows herself to fall asleep.
  5329. > You give her a peck on the forehead and close your eyes.
  5330. > You're finally home.

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